How Do We Stop Bullying in Schools?

The best and most obvious way to stop bullying in schools is for parents to change the way they parent their children at home. Of course, this is much easier said than done and everyone parents their children differently. Bullies, however, come from homes where physical punishment is used and children have been taught that physical violence is the way to handle problems and get their way. Bullies usually also come from homes where the parents fight a lot, so violence has been modeled for them. Parental involvement often is lacking in bullies lives and there seems to be little warmth. Early intervention and effective discipline and boundaries truly is the best way to stop bullying, but parents of the victims or therapists cannot change the bullys home environment. Some things can be done at the school level, however. 1. 2. Most school programs that address bullying use a multi-faceted approach to the problem. This usually involves counseling of some sort, either by peers, a school counselor, teachers, or the principal. Hand out questionnaires to all students and teachers and discuss if bullying is occurring. Define exactly what constitutes bullying at school. The questionnaire is a wonderful tool that allows the school to see how widespread bullying is and what forms it is taking. It is a good way to start to address the problem. Get the childrens parents involved in a bullying program. If parents of the bullies and the victims are not aware of what is going on at school, then the whole bullying program will not be effective. Stopping bullying in school takes teamwork and concentrated effort on everyones part. Bullying also should be discussed during parent-teacher conferences and PTA meetings. Parental awareness is key. In the classroom setting, all teachers should work with the students on bullying. Oftentimes even the teacher is being bullied in the classroom and a program should be set up that implements teaching about bullying. Children understand modeling behaviors and role-play and acting out bullying situations is a very effective tool. Have students role-play a bullying situation.Rules that involve bullying behaviors should be clearly posted. Schools also could ask local mental health professionals to speak to students about bullying behaviors and how it directly affects the victims. Schools need to make sure there is enough adult supervision at school to lessen and prevent bullying. A child who has to endure bullying usually suffers from low self-esteem and their ability to learn and be successful at school is dramatically lessened. Schools and parents must educate children about bullying behaviors; it will help all children feel safe and secure at school. Children who bully need to be taught empathy for others feelings in order to change their behaviors and the school must adopt a zero-tolerance policy regarding bullying.

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Talk with and listen to your kids - every day. Research shows that approximately half the children who have been bullied never tell their parents about it. Children are often too ashamed of themselves to tell anyone; sometimes they feel that no one can help, not even their parents.1 Spend time at school and recess. Research shows that 67% of bullying happens when adults are not present. Whether you can volunteer once a week or once a month, you can make a real difference just by showing up. Be a good example of kindness and leadership. Your kids learn a lot about power relationships from watching you. Any time you speak to another person in a hurtful or abusive way, youre teaching your child that bullying is ok. Learn the signs. If you suspect that your child might be bullied, talk with your childs teacher or find ways to observe his or her peer interactions to determine whether or not your suspicions might be correct. Create healthy anti-bullying habits early. Help develop anti-bullying and anti-victimization habits early in your children, as early as kindergarten. Coach your children what not to do - hitting, pushing, teasing, being mean to others. Equally if not more importantly, teach your children what to do - kindness, empathy, fair play, and turn-taking are critical skills for good peer relations. Help your childs school address bullying effectively. Whether your children have been bullied or not, you should know what their school is doing to address bullying. Research shows that zero-tolerance policies arent effective. What works better are ongoing educational programs that help create a healthy social climate in the school. Establish household rules about bullying. Your children need to hear from you explicitly that its not normal, okay, or tolerable for them to bully, to be bullied, or to stand by and watch other kids be bullied. If your child is bullying, you can help him or her find other ways to exert their personal power, status, and leadership at school. Work with your child, his or her teachers, and the principal to implement a kindness plan at school. Teach your child how to be a good witness. Children can often effectively diffuse a bullying situation by yelling Stop! Youre bullying! Must bullies stop within 10 seconds when someone tells him or her to stop. Spread the word that bullying should not be a normal part of childhood. Some adults hesitate to act when they observe or hear about bullying because they think of bullying as a typical phase of childhood that must be endured. It is important for everyone to understand that all forms of bullying - physical, verbal, social (gossip, rumors, exclusion from the group), and cyberbullying are NOT a normal part of childhood. Adults (teachers and parent volunteers) in the classroom should be aware of class social structures. Which children typically affiliate together? Which children are leaders and socially influential? Which children are socially marginalized? Purposefully pairing and grouping children so that children who bully and those who are victims can work together helps to prevent bullying outside the classroom.

Bullies dominate, blame and use others. But the good thing is, they are not born that way. SHE was dumped in a rubbish bin on a street corner by a group of boys from her class while the girls laughed mercilessly at her. She was mortified, and at the tender age of 14 was left feeling worthless. She was the future Lady Gaga.

The world-famous American pop star isnt the first nor will she be the last celebrity to publicly admit to being a victim of bullies at school. Feeling the pain: Having been a victim herself, Lady Gaga empathises with children who have been bullied. Indeed, school bullying is rampant. Students in the United States are not spared. When he was young, superstar Tom Cruise, too, was bullied because he was dyslexic. Megan Fox was teased and called names because she wanted to be an actress. Olympic swimming champion Michael Phelps, despite his big built, was also victimised. Ironically, he was mocked because of his tall, gangly form and the fact that he was a swimmer instead of a footballer!

Closer to home, there was the recent saga involving four teenage girls of a secondary school in Kepong, Kuala Lumpur, whose humiliating bullying of their classmate created an uproar when it was filmed and uploaded on YouTube. A 14-day suspension imposed on the perpetrators, a cup of tea and a word of apology may have provided some form of closure but many are still asking, How can such a thing happen?

Lets examine the scourge. Bullying is when a persons behaviour is purposely meant to harm or disturb another person. It is not the same as aggression or violence, although elements of these may be present when bullying occurs. It is not simply a desire to hurt. Bullying is actual hurtful behaviour directed by more powerful individuals or groups against those who are less powerful. It is typically repeated, often enjoyed by the bully or bullies, never justified. It is experienced as oppression. Types of bullying include verbal belittling regarding religion, race, looks, or speech; hitting, pushing or slapping; rumours; and sexual comments or gestures. An indirect way of bullying prevalent among teens is forming their own cliques and intentionally isolating the outcast. Psychologists used to believe that bullies have low self-esteem, and thus, tend to put down other people to feel better about themselves. While many bullies are themselves bullied at home or at school, new research shows that most bullies actually have excellent self-esteem. Bullies usually have a sense of entitlement and superiority over others. They lack compassion, impulse control and social skills. They enjoy being cruel to others and sometimes use bullying as an anger management tool, the way a normally angry person would punch a pillow.

All bullies have certain attitudes and behaviours in common. Bullies dominate, blame and use others. They have contempt for the weak and view them as their prey. They lack empathy and foresight, and do not accept responsibility for their actions. They are concerned only about themselves and crave attention. The good thing is, bullies are not born that way, although certain traits such as impulsiveness and aggression may be predisposing factors. But this does not mean that they will automatically become a bully. Bullying is a learned behaviour, not a character trait. Bullies can learn new ways to curb their aggression and handle conflicts. Bullies come from all backgrounds, and girls are just as likely as boys to bully and abuse others verbally, although boys are three times more likely to be physically abusive. Different homes, different bullies Interestingly, author Susan Coloraso suggests that there are different types of bullies produced in different homes: > The hyperactive bully who does not understand social cues and therefore reacts inappropriately and often physically. > The detached bully plans his attacks and is charming to everyone but his victims. > The social bully has a poor sense of self and manipulates others through gossip and meanness. > The bullied bully gets relief from his own sense of helplessness by overpowering others. Family upbringing and parenting have a big part to play. A bullys parents may be permissive and unable to set limits on their childs behaviour. His parents may themselves have been abused as children and view disciplinary measures as a form of child abuse. As a result, the child never internalises rules of conduct or respect for authority. On the other hand, self-centred, neglectful parents can create a cold, calculating bully. Since no one takes an interest in his life, he abuses others to get attention. His bullying can be planned and relentless, as he constantly humiliates his victim, often getting other children to join him. As if the act of bullying is not enough, the bully uploads it onto social media to show off his achievements, thereby getting maximum attention and bringing ultimate shame to his victims.

There are yet others who are from relatively healthy families who participate in the act of bullying due to peer pressure and in the name of fun, without realising the serious implication. Indeed, there are many reasons for bullying. The key is that in understanding it, we hope to prevent it. Lady Gaga has expressed empathy with teenagers who are bullied at school. Bullying really stays with you your whole life, and it really, really never goes away, she has said. When you listen to her songs and watch her performances beyond her fame, popularity and eccentricity one cannot help but wonder if she is still hurting.... Charis Patrick is a trainer and family life educator who is married with four children.