Non compos mentis

CADS REPORT

NOV

ISSUE 2012

Dutch and UK news oddities from both sides of our cod-less pond

I feel like a bat down here in OZ I think something entered ones brain

Theres a sort of royal blue liquid rushing around

CADS Report publishes private, secret, and classified nonsense about the state of the UK and the Netherlands from anonymous news sources.

Oddly Enough Anglo Dutch News

Bigfoot-like creature spotted in Tunbridge Wells
Veteran Bletchley Park codebreakers try to decipher mystery D-Day pigeon message
Tunbridge Wells -- Residents of the upmarket Royal Tunbridge Wells claim they have a giant ape-like beast running around the nearby countryside. The 8ft creature, said to have "demonic" red eyes and long arms, was spotted by a walker in the woods beside the town's common. The man told the Sun he ran off after the beast roared at him.

Poo wanted for Dutch scientific study

Rotterdam -- Three top Dutch medical schools are asking for travellers to tropical countries to donate stool samples on their return home for a medical study. The study will look into the rise in antibiotic-resistant bacterial infections in the Netherlands and will focus mainly on travellers to Asia and Africa. The Netherlands is known for its strict control of the use of antibiotics for fear of building up resistance to them.
Bletchingley, Surrey The coded message had been carefully filed in a small red capsule and attached to a carrier pigeon to be delivered 70 years ago. But instead of arriving safely at its destination, the unfortunate bird got stuck in a chimney enroute and lost. The message was found earlier this month by homeowner David Martin, who ripped out a fireplace to find the skeleton while renovating his house in Bletchingley, Surrey. Historians believe the bird was almost certainly dispatched from Nazi-occupied France on June 6, 1944, during the D-Day invasions. The mysterious message, which was written in unfamiliar code, was passed to Government Communications Headquarter (GCHQ) in Cheltenham, Glos, in the hope a contemporary professional codebreaker could decipher the words. 1

Dutch towns to heat cycle lanes?

Amsterdam Towns in the Netherlands are considering whether to heat their cycle lanes. The scheme plans to use geo-thermal energy to prevent ice forming on the paths, which would encourage them to be used more in the winter. The scheme is reported to cost between 26,000 and 52,000 per mile. (Er?...where have we heard that before?)

Oddly Enough Global News

$4.2 million for Christmas tree? Well, it is made of gold...
TOKYO -- For those seeking a glow to their Christmas this year, a jewelry store in downtown Tokyo has just the answer: a pure gold revolving "tree" covered in Disney characters such as Mickey Mouse, Tinker Bell and Cinderella. The tree-like ornament is made of 88 pounds of pure gold, standing nearly 8 feet high and 3 feet in diameter. It is decorated with pure gold-plate silhouette cutouts of 50 popular Disney characters and draped with ribbons made of gold leaf.

As Thanksgiving nears,

'Frankenturkey'
attacks in Connecticut
Connecticut Wild turkeys seem to know that Thanksgiving is right around the corner and they are fighting back in Connecticut. Marcos Carreras, of Farmington, Conn., was on his way to work at Kingswood Oxford School on Wednesday morning when one menacing turkey he refers to as "Frankenturkey" went after one car, then came right up to his driver's side window and actually pecked the door. The fowl encounter happened between Old Mountain Road and Talcott Notch and Frankenturkey attacked on Halloween as well, Carreras said.

Pelicans blown north by Sandy get ride home to Floridain a private jet
Rhode Island -- Two brown pelicans blown to Rhode Island by the winds of Hurricane Sandy were flying back Saturday to their natural habitat in Florida -- via a private plane. "They were a little bit thin, they were a little beat up from the storm," Brooks said of the birds.
Swedish woman charged for sexual activities with skeleton
Sweden (Reuters) - A woman in Sweden has been charged with

God this womb is boring

LONDON (Reuters) -Growing into a fully formed human being is a long process, and scientists have found that unborn babies not only hiccup, swallow and stretch in the womb, they yawn too.
2

engaging in sexual activities with a human skeleton and could face jail time for disturbing the peace of the dead, a Swedish prosecutor said.

Corner Nov Issue 2012 Chairmans

At the October lunch we had a riveting and shocking address by Mark Cook, founder of the charity Hope and Homes for Children, who showed a short film about the treatment of war children in orphanages in Central Europe. There was nary a dry eye in the house by the end, and we were fortunate to be able to support his work by presenting him with a cheque for 1,000 Euros, in addition to the usual small gift. During the lunch, members were asked to discuss ideas for our charitable giving, and whether we should have luncheon speakers. The summary of the feedback was: Charities members prefer to leave this to the committee. Speakers prefer good speakers, or none. Some lunches without speakers are fine.

The next financial scandal has broken cover.

HSBC is identified as the crooks favourite bank, after an internal whistleblower sent details of 4,388 suspicious Jersey account holders to the Inland Revenue The list includes drug runners and arms dealers on the run from police, several former bankers on remand for fraud, and various computer spammers and fraudsters. Additionally, there are whole teams of investment bankers on the list, although it is not yet clear whether any of them have failed to disclose their holdings. HMRC is investigating

by WATERS
MIKE

HMS Elfin
Last Saturday, 8 of the more hardy CADS joined HMS Elfin on her trip to Wormerveer, after dropping off Sinter Klaas and 100 Zwarte Piets at Zaandam. A great time was had by all, as well as large quantities of mulled wine and pepernoten.

Nadine Dorries is outrageous.

She made her money charging Liverpool council for providing residential care to penniless pensioners and to working Mums to look after their kids. This little deal was very profitable, so whilst husband Paul built newer and bigger houses to fill, she worked on selling housefuls of pensioners to BUPA for a ridiculous amount of money. . Next she set up shop in Prestbury and destroyed a perfectly good retail business, employing a team of Polish workmen to knock it about, flooding the chemist next door with sewage, driving her husband to alcoholism, and finally abandoning her 15 year old daughter in a rented house in the village whilst she partied from her Cotswolds house (neighbours Rebekah Wade and Dave Cameron) to get herself selected as a Tory MP. 3

Jarige Job
At the 30th November lunch we will be addressed by Jarige Job, the charity which supports birthday parties for kids whose parents use the Voedselbank. We gave them half of the proceeds of our Jubilee Ball raffle earlier in the year, and it will be interesting to hear how they spent it. In other news the EU budget is under discussion. They want a 10% increase from member nations. What will Mr Rutte do? Our Voorschoten library and swimming pool are facing funding cuts of 25% and 30% respectively. My view is to stop all further contributions until the previous EU accounts are approved. What do you think? As for David Cameron, can someone tell him to shut up until the bidding starts? He wants a zero increase, he says. What a wimp!

Whilst her daughter trashed the Cheshire house, holding numerous boozy parties to which police had to be called, and her half-baked Gorgeous beauty business went belly up leaving staff and suppliers unpaid, Nadine got herself selected to a safe seat, using her charms to ensure she was recommended to the constituency by her new top Tory pals. Ms Dorries is 56.