Seddit - WIKI: Core Materials:Inner Game - Part 6

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Deep, detailed analysis of the core of self-esteem and inner game

Notes on "The Six Pillars of Self-Es teem" by Nathaniel Branden. Gets to the core of inner game is s ues . by thedude108 Here are s ome notes I took (I paraphras ed a lot of it): Notes from The Six Pillars of Self-Es teem by Nathaniel Branden Self-es teem is our experience of being competent to cope with the challenges of life and feeling des erving of happines s . Self-Es teem cons is ts of: Self-efficacy competence, feeling of being able to adequately face challenges of life, s elf trus t and confidence in ones own mind. Sens e of control over ones life as oppos ed to being a pas s ive s pectator or victim of events or circums tances . (efficacy = ability to achieve des ired res ult) Self-Respect feeling worthy or des erving of receiving love from others , entitled to happines s , comfort in as s erting thoughts , wants , and needs . Why we need s elf-es teem: 1. We depend for our s urvival and our s ucces s ful mas tery of the environment on the appropriate us e of our cons cious nes s ; our life and well-being depend on our ability to think. 2. The right us e of our cons cious nes s is not automatic, is not wired in by nature. In the regulating of its activity there is a crucial element of choicetherefore, of pers onal res pons ibility. 3. Is it achievement and s ucces s that lead to s elf-es teem, or is it s elf-es teem that leads to achievement and s ucces s ? Ans wer: Both, there is a s ymbiotic nature. The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem: 1. Living Consciously Being cons cious or aware of reality. Acknowledging reality and being res pons ible to it, and for your actions or inaction. Having your beliefs and values congruent with your actions . To act on your beliefs and values , to admit mis takes and not avoid uncomfortable s ituations or putting thing off that s hould be dealt with. Are you res pons ible towards reality or do you evade it? To live cons cious ly means to s eek to be aware of everything that bears on our actions , purpos es , values , and goals to the bes t of our ability, whatever that ability may be and to behave in accordance with that which we s ee and know. 2. Self-Acceptance Self-es teem is s omething that we experience, while s elf-acceptance is s omething that we do. Self-acceptance is the firs t and mos t important s tep to building s elf-es teem. Self-acceptance is a refus al to be in an advers arial relations hip with ones elf. Affirmation: I choos e to value mys elf, to treat mys elf with res pect, to s tand up for my right to exis t.

It entails accepting every part of ours elves ; our body, our thoughts , our emotions , our actions , and our dreams . Firs t acknowledge accept the mis takes you made, the actions or inaction you regret, then forgive yours elf. You cannot forgive yours elf for s omething that you will not acknowledge. To acknowledge or admit is not to accept. To accept you mus t truly contemplate the reality of the s ituation. Self-acceptance requires compas s ion, to be a friend to yours elf. Whatever my defects or imperfections , I accept mys elf unres ervedly and completely. Accepting does not neces s arily mean liking. Accepting is experiencing without denial or avoidance. When we fight a block it grows s tronger, when we acknowledge, experience, and accept it, it begins to melt. Two fallacies : 1. The belief that if we accept who we are and what we are, we mus t approve of everything about us . 2. The belief that if we accept who and what we are, we are indifferent to change or improvement. 3.Self-Responsibility To take res pons ibility for your choices and actions and attainment of your goals . You are res pons ible for the achievement of your des ires , your choices and actions , the level of cons cious nes s you bring to your work and relations hips , your behaviour with other people, how you prioritize your time, for the quality of your communications , your pers onal happines s , for accepting and choos ing the values by which you live, and for rais ing your s elfes teem. 4.Self-Assertiveness Self-as s ertivenes s means honouring your wants , needs , and values and s eeking appropriate forms of their expres s ion in reality. It is the willingnes s to s tand up for yours elf, be who you are openly, to treat yours elf with res pect in all human encounters . It is als o your refus al to fake or change who you are to be liked. To practice s elf-as s ertivenes s is to live authentically, to s peak and act from your innermos t convictions and feelings . Be aware of the context, s tay reality focus ed. Affirmation: My life does not belong to others and I am not here on earth to live up to s omeone els es expectations . 5.Living Purposefully To live purpos efully is to have goals and to take action towards achieving them. To be productive on a regular bas is . Productivity is the act of s upporting our exis tence by trans lating our thoughts into reality, of s etting our goals and working for their achievement, of bringing knowledge, goods , or s ervices into exis tence. What am I trying to achieve? How am I trying to achieve it? Living purpos efully and productively requires that we cultivate within ours elves the capacity for s elf-dis cipline. Self dis cipline requires the ability to defer immediate gratification in the s ervice of a remote goal. This is the ability to project cons equences into the future to think, plan and live long-range. 6.Personal Integrity Integrity is the integration of ideals , convictions , s tandards , beliefs and behaviour. When our behaviour is congruent with our profes s ed values , when ideals and practice match, we have integrity. When we behave in ways that conflict with our judgment of what is appropriate, we los e face in our own eyes . We res pect ours elves les s . We mus t as k ours elves :

Am I hones t, reliable, and trus tworthy? Do I keep my promis es ? There is congruence between what you s ay and what you do. To think only I will know means that your judgment about yours elf is unimportant and only the judgement of others matters . Mos t of the is s ues of integrity we face are not big is s ues but s mall ones , yet the accumulated weight of our choices has an impact on our s ens e of s elf. Affirmations and Mindsets: I have a right to exis t. I am of high value to mys elf. I have a right to honour my needs and wants , to treat them as important. I am not here on earth to live up to s omeone els es expectations ; my life belongs to me. (Als o, no one is here to live up to my expectations .) I do not regard mys elf as anyone els es property and I do not regard anyone els e as my property. I am lovable. I am admirable. I des erve to be treated courteous ly and with res pect by everyone. If people treat me dis courteous ly or dis res pectfully, it is a reflection on them, not on me. It is only a reflection on me if I accept their treatment of me as right. If s omeone I like does not return my feeling, it may be dis appointing or even painful, but it is not a reflection of my pers onal worth. No other individual or group has the power to determine how I will think and feel about mys elf. I trus t my mind. I am competent to cope with the bas ic challenges of life. I am worthy of happines s . I am enough. I am able to ris e again from defeat. I have a right to make mis takes ; that is one of the ways I learn. Mis takes are not grounds for s elf-damnation. I do not s acrifice my judgement, do not pretend my convictions are different than they are, to win popularity or approval. It is not what they think, it is what I know. What I know is more important to me than a mis taken belief in s omeones mind.

Small tips to improve your self-esteem & confidence

10 Res olutions That Will Dras tically Improve Your Life by Mays onNSS Source http://www.ns s coaching.com/blog/10-res olutions -that-will-dras tically-improve-your-life/ Join a gym and actually workout Its that time of year again where we make res olutions to get in s hape and gym members hips s kyrocket. Actually improving your body and working out is one of the key ways to dras tically improve your life. Numerous s tudies have s hown the link between exercis e and s erotonin levels in the body not to mention the pleas ure you will get from taking control of your body and looking the bes t you can. Maybe you have put off taking care of your body for years and as a res ult you are depres s ed by even the thought of the gym. Start SMALL! Go one time a week and do things that you love. Take a s pinning clas s , lift weights , take a boxing clas s or go on the treadmill. If you commit to actually working out your life will dras tically change but jus t remember to do this for YOU, not for anyone els e or your motivation will s oon fade and you will be back to s quare one. For tips and information on exercis e check out the forums at bodybuilding.com they have an amazing amount of information and it will s urely help you in your workouts . http://forum.bodybuilding.com/ Learn to improve your social skills There is no doubt that if you improve your s ocial s kills you open yours elf up to s o many experiences that others might not

have. This year work on your s ocial s kills and watch your life trans form its elf. With our clients we have helped them improve their s ocial s kills and you can read the res ults on our reviews s ection. This one res olution alone can trans form you if you work at it. For more tips on how to trans form your s ocial s kills read this s ection of s eddit. People are cons tantly trying to add value and there are s ome GREAT pos ts s o props to the seddit community! Update your wardrobe Lets face it, if you havent updated your wardrobe in years this is the year for you to make a change. Recently I wrote about how to develop a confident s tyle. Some information can be found at - http://www.ns s coaching.com/blog/men-build-confidencewith-fas hion-and-s tyle/ Start with reading that pos t and unders tanding how s tyle works . If you change your look and update your wardrobe you will feel an ins tance s ens e of confidence and that s hould help you in every as pect of your life. Make healthier food choices We live in a world of ins tant gratification. When we want s omething we want it now. This philos ophy has taken over every as pect of our lives including our choices of food. I dont blame the fas t food indus try one bit but I do think we as people s hould make our decis ions of what we eat bas ed on healthy cons cious decis ions . If you make healthier food choices your life will dramatically change. Be cons cious of what you are putting into your body becaus e it is the only one you have. When you eat healthier you feel better, look better and your mind is clearer. This res olution has the power to help s top depres s ion, increas e your s exual performance and really change your appearance. If you think of food as the fuel you put in a car you can s ee why it is s o important to make healthy choices . If you put terrible fuel in your car, overtime you will hurt the performance of the vehicle and caus e it to have major problems down the road. You may s ay that this bad food is s o cheap though. You pay more for healthy food. This is jus t an illus ion though. You will pay one way or another for your choices , you will either pay a bit more now for healthy food or you will pay later on in life, its your choice. Get a new hair style Jimmy has a s aying that he us es in s eminars that I really think is applicable. He s ays that you can always s ee the bes t decade of a pers ons life becaus e they s till have the hair s tyle from it. Updating your hairs tyle is a quick and effective way to change your look and give you a boos t of s elf confidence. If it has been awhile s ince you changed your look, s tart off with a new hair s tyle. Learn to smile more In a pos t awhile back called 7 ways to ins tantly boos t your s elf-confidence I wrote about the power of s miling. Your s mile s ays a lot about who you are. Smiling helps you look and feel confident without s aying a word. This is becaus e your phys iology (s miling) is directly linked to your emotions . When you s mile your brain releas es feel-good chemicals like dopamine and s erotonin which gives you an ins tant s ens ation of joy. Try walking around for a whole day with a s mile on your face. Youll definitely notice the difference in how you feel. If you learn to jus t s mile more your attitude will change and you will feel happier in everyday life. Its funny that s uch a s mall change can lead to bigger changes but it is very true. Get out of your comfort zone Mos t people live in this bubble they have created for thems elves . They get up, go to work or s chool and s ee the s ame people and do the s ame things . When opportunity pres ents its elf for s omething different mos t of us run in the oppos ite direction becaus e getting out of our routine and comfort zone is s cary. In life we are either growing or decaying and growth cannot happen when one is in a s tagnant s wamp of complacency. This year challenge yours elf to expand your comfort zone and get out of the routines you have placed on yours elf and watch how your life changes . Volunteer your time Time is a gift that we cannot take back. This year volunteer your time and give a gift that has the power to change your life

forever. There are s o many caus es that you can get involved with and its important to find s omething you feel s trongly about. Even if it is jus t a couple hours of your time, volunteer it at a s helter, nurs ing home or anywhere you can think of. When we are preoccupied with our own wants and needs we forget that people in this world are connected and the way to acquire happines s is by giving it to others . We work s o hard to buy the next big thing that will make us happy for a couple months until we want s omething more. When you give your time to others without looking for anything in return you will find a las ting happines s that has the power to change your life! Pick up a new hobby We talked about how routines can caus e your life to become predictable and s tale. This year try s omething new and pick up a new hobby. Being multidimens ional in your life is a very attractive quality. In fact, I can s till remember a girl who I dated s aying that s ame thing to me. To this day I s till look back on that as one of the greates t compliments I have ever received. If you s tart a new hobby you are allowing yours elf to grow and expand your pers onality. Maybe you have wanted to try and MMA clas s for years but you never got around to it. Maybe you wanted to learn how to s ki but pus hed it off for years . This year decide to try new things and watch how your life will s tart to trans form as you open yours elf up to new opportunities . Live for the moment We s pend mos t of our time in the future or the pas t. We think about how great things will be later on in life and how we will be happy when we get a new car or hous e or girlfriend. We are rarely living for the moment that is in front of us and becaus e of this we mis s out on s ome amazing experiences . Eckhart Tolle wrote in his bes ts elling book, The Power of Now; Realize deeply that the pres ent moment is all you have. The pres ent moment is really the only moment that matters . When we s ee a beautiful girl we s tart living in the future with as s umptions of how the interaction is going to turn out. We s tart making excus es bas ed on fears and it leads us to s elf des truction. This year, live for the moment and not for a future that does nt exis t. If you live for what is in front of you now you life will trans form from as s umptions to truth. Thes e res olutions are powerful and trans forming if you apply them in your life. You are the only one who controls your life and this year; make it the bes t year ever by applying thes e life changing res olutions . Choos e one, two or all ten and journal your res ults . Take time and read the writings of the s eddit community. There are a lot of great people offering advice here, try it! As k ques tion, try new things and change your life forever. Your Merry Chris tmas may depend on what others do for you but your Happy New Year depends on what you do for others . Check out the sub reddit forum http://www.reddit.com/r/fitness for GREAT fitness advice

Inner Game - Part 7 >>>