Brandon Gail

It began before I knew it had. I was young, I was eleven, and had begun playing club soccer. I was also a member of the school band program, playing trumpet. But the soccer is where it started.
Tell story: how we came together around a new coach.

My team that year was just a rec team, our team name was the Brazillian Hurricanes. We were still playing ten versus ten at that age and we only had maybe twelve players so our small team was very tightly knit. There was a bond we shared, it grew with each season. By the time I was thirteen, we were all brothers. We bled and sweat for each other every day of the week. At the same time, I had formed bonds with my band members.

Emphasize the emotional aspect of music

Theres something to be said about those who stick through band in middle school. Our band began with seventy, but was down to maybe thirty by eighth grade. Those who stay become musicians, and almost every one of us continued playing. We had practiced and performed together for three years, learning a new language, music, alongside one another. Music forms unbreakable bonds among people. Its an emotional experience to perform a piece together. Music is full of emotions and stories. Every song means something different to each performer, but we all seem to understand each other the same. Around this time, my soccer team was becoming more determined, more whole. We had become mesmerized with the idea

Brandon Gail

of competing in a tournament. We had never been to one before, but our excitement stirred from the way our coaches eyes gleamed with stories of fabled trophies and amazing goals.
Refocus the paragraph

With each practice, we pushed a little harder and our skills became a little sharper. Soccer became like music. We all had a different reason for being there. A different reason to play but the same goal in mind. We didnt care what came next, but for now, there was the tournament. So we unified around the goal. The weekend came and we fought for the title. We arrived early Saturday and set up a tent. We all brought

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food and coolers, and there was plenty to drink throughout the day. We had two games each day, and went back home for the night. On the second day, the same routine. The second game however, was the championship game and everything rode on our performance.
Revisit this

We placed second. It seems disappointing, but not a total loss. It wasnt until years later that I would figure out why.

Stronger narration/format

I didnt play high school soccer until my sophomore year. In the meantime, I was becoming more acquainted with the idea of high school marching band. We were only forty-five strong, but it was a bigger ensemble than I had ever performed with. It was a stronger unit than any ensemble I had ever performed with. It was entirely different to me, new. We began camp in the last week of July, and to anyone

Brandon Gail

whos ever been in North Carolina in the fall, its quickly apparent that its the hottest ninety-degrees youll ever feel. And camp takes place in July, when the thermometer says one-hundred-something.
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No-one on Gods green earth, in their right mind, spends six hours a day on a practice field in July in Charlotte, North Carolina willingly unless they have a certain determination in their heart. And they certainly dont do so while marching and playing musical instruments. Yet, we formed lasting bonds so quickly-we didnt mind the heat, the seemingly endless supply of airplanes that drowned our hearing, the mosquitoes, the ants, or screaming of our band director. We were playing, performing, learning for each other. Soon enough, we were playing in front of the whole school at halftime on Friday, performing in front of full stadiums on Saturdays. Yet we didnt

Reshape thoughts around who were performing for

perform for them. We performed for each other. By the time I was in my sophomore year, I was under stadium lights even more often. I was playing only JV soccer, but it was fantastic. At least twice a week I would take the field with ten others, ready to fight for eighty minutes.

Tell stories- revisit story about Coach Sawyer

We practiced hard every afternoon after school under the direction of Coach Sawyer. He scared us shitless. He was an old hockey player with only a knub of a thumb on one hand and eyes that knew hard liquor when they saw it. With the fear of his temper in us, we

Brandon Gail

practiced, played, and fought harder than ever before. This team was different, but we grew close quickly. Away games were our favorites.
Narrate a specific example

We would show up to school half in uniform-wearing team socks, team shorts, a tee-shirt, and flip-flops. We would appear unified all day, and soon we would feel that way too. We rode the team bus to the game, and got ready to play. We spent twenty hours together every week. Every game we fought for every ball, every tackle, every goal. Our coach put the fear of failure behind us, and the hopes of playing varsity put the reward of success in front us. We were the proponents that moved each other forward all the while.

Explain story/narrate how people come together through the tryout process

The following year, I was a junior, and I made varsity. The stakes were higher, and everything was tougher. We played later than JV, and the stadium would nearly fill by 6:30. The lights were on, it was night, and it was gametime.

Tell stories about band, show dont tell.

This year in band, we had grown. We reached seventy members. Our unit was large, and strong. There was a thirst in both of these groups-band and soccer, for success. We all pushed individually, but moved at the same pace. Acknowledging that we all win and lose by the same scores, we held strong. We were only as strong as each soloist, only as strong as our weakest performer. Unrelenting, we challenged ourselves with harder music and complicated drill. When one of us struggled, the others guided him.

Brandon Gail

By my senior year, I was starting goalkeeper and trumpet

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section leader. The bonds I had formed with my teammates and bandmates couldnt be broken. These units what we enjoyed, what we looked forward to. School was just for passing time. But our passions are what we looked forward to. Diverse, yet whole. Everyone had different places they were going. Different colleges, walks of life, jobs, careers ahead of them. But in the moment, when it was zero-zero and there were still ninety minutes on the clock, ready to drip by like the blood and sweat from our limbs, we were one. In that moment, when the crowd was ready, and we were in formation on the field with our horns in our hands, eyes glued on the drum major, and the first notes were ready to sing out into the crisp October air that we were exhaling from our lungs, our thoughts were one. It was through these seven years of my life that I was formed, shaped, and molded into the individual I am today. The values I hold true ring from the experiences I shared with those countless individuals. My ambition, intuition, and most importantly my sense of brotherhood is what I hold to be my most valuable attributes, and without these experiences I would be without these values as well.