The Importance of Keeping a Promise Its a Wednesday night. I am a freshman in high school at the time.

A new movie is set to come out that weekend and I plan on being there. I ask my parents if they will give me a ride to the mall on Saturday. My parents reluctantly agree. When Saturday rolls around, my parents have changed their mind. I am now without a ride to the movies. To me, the world has ended. The feeling of disappointment is one that many do not enjoy, and I felt disappointed when my parents didnt keep their word. Today this is becoming the new standard. People tell each other that they will do something, and end up either not doing it all or doing something different from what they said. Fast forward three years from that day and I am now a high school senior. I was in my 4th year of ROTC, and I was the highest rank in the program at that time. One of the most important aspects of ROTC to me was my drill team involvement. One day the instructor in charge of the drill team came into class with a message I will never forget. The message was this, If you tell someone you are going to do something, you better do it. His focus was on accountability and responsibility. You shouldnt say you are going to do something for somebody just to get them off of your case. You need to follow up on what you say you will do. I too was put in a situation where I had to follow up on what I said. At a drill team competition, I made a mistake as a commander of seven other cadets. I called the wrong command, and as a result my team and I lost in the event I was in charge of. I was highly disappointed in myself, and I vowed to my instructor that I would redeem myself if given the chance. I received my chance at redemption a few months later. We attended another competition, where I commanded another team of eight cadets. We won first place in our event and I kept my promise of redemption. Words are nothing without meaning. If I make a promise and do not keep my word, then what I said meant nothing. Employers want to feel like they can trust their employees with the tasks they assign them. They want their employee to be able to keep their word, and be confident in that employees ability to keep their word. Keeping your word also applies to many other things such as relationships, friendships, and even ones academic career. I am always careful with the promises I make, and I always strive to keep my word. I do not want to be responsible for ending a persons world with an empty promise.

Comment [KA1]: I really like that you are starting out the essay in the present tense to pull the reader into the story. However, if you are writing in the present, then everything should be in the here and now. So that weekend would be this weekend and you wouldnt need the phrase at the time because you have already placed yourself in the time frame. Comment [KA2]: Be careful not to sound too sermonizing here. You dont want to turn off you readers by coming down on them. Comment [KA3]: You are flip-flopping between the past and present tense here. Make sure that you choose one and remain consistent.

Comment [KA4]: Can you provide any more description to your reader about how you felt at that exact moment? Did those feelings add to the way that you feel about keeping your word? Comment [KA5]: I really like this line. Comment [KA6]: Why are you using the employer/employee relationship here? Is it for communal relevance? Comment [KA7]: This seems a bit hyperbolic. If you want to keep this idea, then give a specific example for the reader so it doesnt seem such a life-or-death matter. Comment [KA8]: Michael, I enjoyed reading your essay and I think that you did a good job with your first draft. I really liked the way that you played with tenses in the beginning of the essay to draw the reader into the narrative; however, be sure to remain consistent with your tenses. Also, I like that you use multiple examples of keeping your word from parents to coaches to employees and to yourself. I think that your essay could be even stronger if you focused more on your personal story and added an insight into your thoughts at the time. Remember that this is a personal essay, so I should feel like you are right there telling me your story. Try to focus more on your personal experiences and less on other peoplemaybe go more in depth with your experience at the competition. Overall, I really enjoyed reading your essay and I look forward to reading the next draft. KA (Projected Grade: 83)