Quinn Rodriguez COM 331 Personal Essay Rewrite 6 December 2012

I used to love the soft, cold feel across my hands, and the grittiness from rubbing it between my fingers. I remember the first time I held the soft chain, how it felt so silky, like liquid as I held it in my palm. The light weight of the silver was always just enough to let me know it was always there. Simple enough to be delicate, it was beautiful enough to catch someones eye when they saw it. The small, cold charm against my collarbone used to be one of the most comforting feelings in the world. Running the charm along the chain and feeling the rhythm from it hitting each link used to be the only thing that would calm me down. I used to never go a day without wearing my Tiffany necklace. When I received the necklace, it was from my high-school sweetheart. Christmas Eve morning, I sat in his kitchen watching the rain fall in the calm gloom that always accompanied winter in Southern California. He was snuggled in the huge comfy chair in his living room while I shook the grapefruit-sized box his mother had just handed me from under the tree. I opened it and immediately starting grinning from ear to ear. Any girl would recognize that familiar shade of blue anywhere. As I shook the necklace from the suede pouch, all I can remember thinking is how lucky I was to have someone who cared for me enough to present me with such a momentous and meaningful symbol of our relationship. Fast forward a year, to December of my freshman year. I was getting ready to go out on my first official date with a boy Id met in college. As I threw on my red, most Christmas-y sweater and my warmest boots, I stood back and admired my handiwork in the mirror. Something was missing though. My neck was unfashionably bare. As soon as I tied on my silver necklace, I felt complete, finally ready to go out. As much as I knew I shouldnt have, I couldnt leave my dorm without wearing the one piece of home that I kept. It became my security blanket, and my secret symbol for the feelings I wouldnt admit I still had for my first love. He ended up breaking things off with me, not for wearing the necklace, but for the reasons why I wouldnt take it off. So now Id ruined two relationships because of my own selfishness, and there really wasnt much I could do about it. I still wasnt ready to give up that

necklace, though. I kept it on, but the longer I wore it, the more I was reminded of what it represented- my selfishness and want to have everything. It became more of a noose than a necklace, and the weight it carried became unbearable. I had to find a way to forgive myself and the situation so I could move on. Sitting in my bedroom over the summer, I decided to put both relationships behind me and give myself a fresh start- something Id been unknowingly aching for all year. I carefully pulled the dried flowers off my wall and stripped them of the tape used for holding them up. I went through my scrapbook, slowly ripping each handwritten card and note from the rough, crumbling pages. Shaking off the year-plus-old layer of dirt from teddy bears and old t-shirts, I found an old Macys box, big enough to fit everything I wanted to get rid of. After lining it with pink tissue paper, I carefully placed everything- letters, photo strips from photo booths, ticket stubs, into the box. Finally, I took off my Tiffany necklace. Folding the chain into the Tiffanyblue pouch it came in, I prepared myself to separate from it. When I finally put it into the box, I closed the lid, taped it shut with blue painters tape, and never looked back.