HE Byssey: Prank Fail!

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• Celebrating 90 years!

Jerm and
Indgo Girl
Page 8

THE UBYSSEY U February 3, 2009 | www.ubyssey.ca


Do not grieve. Soon I will be one with the Matrix.
RIP Boltron since 1918 | volume xc, number 35

PRANK FAIL!
UBC’s official student newspaper is published Tuesdays and Fridays

ENGINEERS CAUGHT BY POLICE, FIVE STUDENTS


ARRESTED AT IRONWORKERS MEMORIAL BRIDGE
F PATCHY
ive UBC Civil Engineering
students were arrested
early Monday morning
when their faculty’s an-
nual prank failed.
Vancouver police officers re-
sponded to a call at 4:15am from

RECOGNITION
concerned citizens, who spotted
the students attempting to hang
the shell of a Volkswagen Beetle
off the side of the Ironworkers
Memorial Second Narrows Cross-
ing. The students were caught red The EUS has three patches that it can issue to engineering
handed and arrested. Later that students upon completion of a prank that can be sewn onto the
morning, the cables the engineers engineering red letterman jackets. “The Engineers Handbuk,”
were attempting to use snapped, the student agenda issued to students in Engineering, gives
and the shell fell into the Burrard words of caution regarding pranks. “Remember, good stunts
Inlet. This is the first time engi- don’t hurt anybody or damage anything, and size is not impor-
neering students have been caught This is what a sucessful prank looks like. ubyssey file photo tant. Stunts should ALWAYS emphasize originality and ingenuity
performing their annual prank, over vandalism.”
said Chris McCann, president of worst. Houghton also says that pay for its removal.
the Engineering Undergraduate names will not be released until McCann said that engineering
Society (EUS). Engineering pranks the Crown formally charges the pranks are not decided by the
are annual traditions, performed individuals. EUS, but instead organized by
to commemorate Engineering “On the surface it might seem individual groups of students to The Purple E: This patch is
Week, which runs February 1 to 7 like it’s a fairly funny and benign help raise awareness for the fac- awarded for severe injury dur-
this year. thing,” Houghton said. “This actu- ulty’s “creativity and innovation.” ing an Engineering stunt.
The first prank, or “STUdeNt ally has a potential to be extremely At present time, the EUS is unsure
projecT,” involving a Volkswagen dangerous, not only for the men about the future of the students
beetle was in 1980, when students on the bridge….this is a commuter implicated.
placed it on top of the Ladner Clock bridge with a large portion of traf- “Clearly the [EUS] is not happy
Tower. Past pranks include the fic…there is certainly a lot of poten- that some of our members are
theft of the 9 O’Clock Gun at Stan- tial for damage to the bridge itself. being implicated in this event,”
ley Park in 1969 and of the Rose “I think that these are extreme- McCann said. “At this point we The LAMA Patch: This patch,
Bowl trophy from the University ly bright young men and women, are unsure of the effects on the which stands for “Larceny and
of Washington in 1992. Previous and I think no one is going to students themselves or on the Mayhem,” is awarded for suc-
pranks involving the Volkswagen question their creativity and in- faculty. We certainly hope that cessful execution of a STUdeNt
beetle hung from bridges include genuity,” Houghton continued. “I charges are not placed on these projecT.
the Lion’s Gate Bridge last year, think, however, perhaps that now students and we will approach the
and more famously, from the is the time they could be utilizing next few days carefully.”
Golden Gate Bridge in 2001. their intelligence for something McCann says that he hopes the
Constable Lindsey Houghton of more in society.” arrests will inspire students to be
the Vancouver Police Department Anne McMullin, from the Pub- more cautious when performing
(VPD) said that the investigative lic Relations and Communications future pranks. The Black E: According to the
officers working on the case were department at the Vancouver Port “I hope that it will help people EUS website, “This coveted
scheduled to come on shift last Authority, told The Ubyssey that the think a little more clearly if they award is given only under
night, and that the report will be Port Authority will be conducting choose to do such a thing or a sim- exceptional circumstances,
forwarded to Crown Council on their own investigation to deter- ilar type of thing...that they take a when the stunt enhances our
charges of mischief over $5000. mine whether the shell will cause little more time and consider what already prestigious reputation
After that, if they are convicted, a navigational hazard for passing they’re doing, where they’re doing on a global scale. The Black E
a court could find them guilty boats. If this is the case, the beetle it, and the safety and the legality of is treated with reverence, and
on an indictable offence, and the would have to be removed, which that and all the implications that spoken of in hushed tones.”
students could face jail time at the will raise the problem of who will come along.” U

THE PORN DEBATE


Index
Events 2
News 3
Features 8
Covershoot 10
Famous porn star squares off Culture
Sports
15
18
against former porn addict Edit
Letters
20
21
Perspectives 21
Games 22
PAGE 15 Comics 22
2 | events the ubyssey | www.ubyssey.ca february 3, 2009

Events
of Canadian women at the UN. •
If you have an event, e-mail us at events@ubyssey.ca THE UBYSSEY U
February 3rd, 2009
volume xc, no 35
February 3
Quote of the Day
Feb. 4 @ 12:30-1:30pm, Location:
Changeling • A Los Angeles kid is Room 157, George F. Curtis Build- Editorial Board
kidnapped and eventually returned ing, Free Admission •
by the LAPD. The mother realizes coordinating editor
that this child is not hers and sets Boost your BA & Go Global • The difference between Kellan Higgins : coordinating@ubyssey.ca
to find out what happened to Learn how going abroad will al- news editors
her child. • Feb. 2-8 @ 7-9:20pm, low you to discover, develop, and hardcore porn and Stephanie Findlay & Justin McElroy :
Location: Norm Theatre, Cost: $4 accomplish your career goals. Go
general admission, $2 members • Global provides its participants erotic photography is news@ubyssey.ca
culture editor
with meaningful opportunities in
a foreign country that will boost
the lighting. Trevor Melanson : culture@ubyssey.ca
Former Sudanese Youth Speak —Ron Jeremy sports editor
about Their Experiences • Khamis your career prospects. • Feb. 4
@ 1:30-2:30pm, Location: Scarfe Shun Endo : sports@ubyssey.ca
Abdelkarim, a former Darfuri
refugee, will use children’s draw- 205, Free Admission, Register at features & perspectives editor
www.arts.ubc.ca/students/workyo- storytelling, fashion show, food, youth & senior/$2 UBC student • Joe Rayment : features@ubyssey.ca
ings of their war memories and his and silent auction • Feb. 5 @
own recollections to highlight the urba • photo editor
6-9:30pm, Location: Liu Institute, Men’s Volleyball • UBC Thunder-
reality of the Darfur crisis. • Feb. Cost: $15 general admission, $12 Goh Iromoto : photos@ubyssey.ca
Note taking Workshop • Learn birds vs. Brandon Bobcats • Feb. 7
3 @ 12-1:30pm, Location: Neville for AAI and CAA active members • production manager
@ 3-5pm, Location: War Memorial
Scarfe Building 1003, Free Admis- about the Cornell note taking Paul Bucci : production@ubyssey.ca
Gym, Cost: $10 student/$4 youth
sion • method and SQ3R -- techniques to copy editor
help you take better notes. Also, Badminton Championships • & senior/&2 UBC student •
UBC REC is hosting numerous Celestian Rince : copy@ubyssey.ca
Engaging Effectively with the get some tips to improve your
concentration in lectures. • Feb. 4 tournaments for the various on- Women’s Basketball • UBC Thun- volunteer coordinator
Media • Learn and explore how campus badminton skill levels. Vacant : volunteers@ubyssey.ca
@ 5-6:30pm, Held in the Dodson derbirds vs. Fraser Valley Cascade
to engage with the media to pro- There will be singles and doubles
Room of the Chapman Learning • Feb. 7 @ 6-8pm, Location: webmaster
mote your voice and respond to tournaments. • Feb. 5 @ 6-11pm,
Commons, To register go to: War Memorial Gym, Cost: $10 Adam Leggett : webmaster@ubyssey.ca
issues will controlling the interview Location: SRC gym, Cost: Student
www.students.ubc.ca/workshops • student/$4 youth & senior/&2 UBC multimedia editor
• Feb. 3 @ 12-2pm, Location: Doubles $16 and Singles $10, student • Tara Martellaro : multimedia@ubyssey.ca
1985 West Mall, Free Admission • Staff Singles $20 and Doubles
Meditation • Learn how to train $26 •
your mind to remain calm and Men’s Basketball • UBC Thun- Editorial Office
Native Fisheries • Douglas Harris
keep your mind focus on the derbirds vs. Fraser Valley Cascade
will present on indian reserves and Poetry Reading • Pearl Pirie is an
task at hand. • Feb. 4 @ 5-7pm, • Feb. 7 @ 8-10pm, Location: Room 24, Student Union Building
fishing rights in British Columbia. • Ottawa-based writer of poetry, fic-
Location: Irving K. Barber Learning War Memorial Gym, Cost: $10 6138 Student Union Boulevard
Feb. 3 @ 12:15-1:45pm, Location: tion, and blogs. She will be reading
Centre Rm 157, Free Admission • student/$4 youth & senior/&2 UBC Vancouver, BC V6T 1Z1
AERL Rm 120, Free Admission • selected portions from her works. student • tel: 604-822-2301
• Feb. 5 @ 7pm, Location: 2422
How Reading Comprehension has Interested in Volunteering? • Main Street, Cost: donations • fax: 604-822-9279
Changed • Reading experts will This event if students interested February 8 web: www.ubyssey.ca
congregate at UBC to discuss the in volunteering with any of the e-mail: feedback@ubyssey.ca
Peer Programs in 2009-2010. In Vagina Monologues • A benefit
differences between online and of- performance of Eve Ensler’s fa-
fline reading and how that has af- this presentation numerous Van- Pacific Spirit Concerts: Music for Business Office
couver and world-wide volunteer mous show that will make you
fected reading comprehension and laugh while exploring issues. • Piano and Winds • Music will be
learning. • Feb. 3 @ 12:30-2pm, organizations will be explored. • performed by Sextets by Jacob, Room 23, Student Union Building
Feb. 4 5:30-7pm, Location: Irving Feb. 5-7 @ 7:30pm, Location:
Location: Faculty of Education, Music Recital Hall, 6361 Memorial Thuille and Poulenc.Terence Daw- advertising: 604-822-1654
Free Admission • K Barber Learning Centre, Room son piano, Christie Reside flute, business office: 604-822-6681
182, Free Admission • Road, Cost: $16 •
Beth Orson oboe,Cris Inguanti fax: 604-822-1658
clarinet, Julia Lockhart bassoon, e-mail: advertising@ubyssey.ca
The Invisible • This new Canadian
Sustainability Debates: Climate February 3 Benjamin Kinsman horn • Feb. 8 business manager : Fernie Pereira
play explores appearance and
Change • Has Climate Change dis- @ 4-6pm, Location: Chan Centre,
disappearance. • Feb. 3 @ 7:30 - ad traffic : Sabrina Marchand
tracted our attention from equally Cost: $20 Adults, $10 Seniors &
9:15pm, Location: Frederic Wood ad design : Gerald Deo
pressing issues? Resource deple- Let’s Talk Science • Nobel Laure- Students •
Theater, Cost: $30 Regular, $24
tion, loss of ecosystem functions ate Carl Wieman will present the
Seniors & Students •
and human rights violations are Keynote Address. Workshops and Legal
concerns that are not being dealt presentations will include sustain- February 9
able building concepts, outreach The Ubyssey is the official student newspaper of the Uni-
February 4 will argue three presenters. • Feb. versity of British Columbia. It is published every Tuesday
4 @ 7-9pm, Location: UBC Robson to the aboriginal community, and and Friday by The Ubyssey Publications Society. We are an
Square, Free Admission • scientific communication. • Feb. 6 Travels of a Modern Plant Hunter autonomous, democratically run student organization, and
@ 8pm, Various locations: http:// • Photographer and Plant Hunter all students are encouraged to participate.
Technical Career Fair • Computer
ubclts.com/LTSNatWesConf2009, Ron Long will report on his travels Editorials are chosen and written by the Ubyssey staff.
Science, Engineering Physics, Cog- They are the expressed opinion of the staff, and do not
February 5 Free Admission • through California, Oregon, On-
nitive Systems students this career necessarily reflect the views of The Ubyssey Publications
tario, and Colorado in the pursuit Society or the University of British Columbia. All editorial
fair is for you. • Feb. 4 @ 10am-
of never seen before species. content appearing in The Ubyssey is the property of The
4:30pm, Location: SUB Ballroom, Women’s Basketball • UBC Ubyssey Publications Society. Stories, opinions, photo-
Brown Bag Session • Learn how • Feb. 9 @ 12-1pm, Location:
Free Admission • Thunderbirds vs. Thompson Rivers graphs and artwork contained herein cannot be reproduced
to think critically about the links UBC Botanical Garden Reception without the expressed, written permission of The Ubyssey
between your community experi- Wolfpack • Feb. 6 @ 1pm, Loca- Centre (6804 South West Marine Publications Society.
PowerPoint Level 2 • This work- ences and course work. Also how tion: War Memorial Gym, Cost: Drive), Free Admission • The Ubyssey is a founding member of Canadian Univer-
shop will teach you how to use you can effectively work with com- $10 adult/$4 youth & senior/$2 sity Press (CUP) and adheres to CUP’s guiding principles.
tables, charts, master slides, head- UBC student • Letters to the editor must be under 300 words. Please
munity organizations to benefit Options and Implications of include your phone number, student number and signature
ers/footers, and pointer options. yourself and the community. • (not for publication) as well as your year and faculty with
Pricing Carbon • Econmic Theory
• Feb. 4 @ 12-1pm, Location: Feb. 5 @ 12:15-1:15pm, Location: Men’s Basketball • UBC Thunder- all submissions. ID will be checked when submissions are
will be explored to see whether a dropped off at the editorial office of The Ubyssey; otherwise
Koerner Library Room 216, Free Irving K Barber Learning Centre birds vs. Thompson Rivers Wolf- tax or a limit on carbon resources verification will be done by phone. “Perspectives” are opin-
Admission • TAG Rm 2 27, Free Admission • pack • Feb. 6 @ 3pm, Location: ion pieces over 300 words but under 750 words and are run
is most effective. BC’s Carbon Tax
War Memorial Gym, Cost: $10 and the Liberal’s Green Shift will according to space. “Freestyles” are opinion pieces written
adult/$4 youth & senior/$2 UBC by Ubyssey staff members. Priority will be given to letters
Faculty Writing Group • An op- Find Work You Love! • Learn what be used in the presentation. • Feb. and perspectives over freestyles unless the latter is time
portunity for faculty members to jobs best match your strengths student • 9 @ 2-5pm, Location: Liu Institute’ sensitive. Opinion pieces will not be run until the identity of
congregate in a friendly environ- and personality! Your understand- Multi-Purpose Room, Free Admis- the writer has been verified. The Ubyssey reserves the right
ment and discuss your work and to edit submissions for length and clarity. All letters must be
ing of your work style and work North Koreans: Becoming Human sion • received by 12 noon the day before intended publication.
potential research proposals, grant preferences will increased in this • North Koreans escapee face Letters received after this point will be published in the
applications, and teaching-related interactive workshop. Prior to harsh realities: they are outsid- following issue unless there is an urgent time restriction or
material. This event is offered only February 10 other matter deemed relevant by the Ubyssey staff.
participating in the conference ers and ostracized abroad. This It is agreed by all persons placing display or classified
once a month. • Feb. 4 @ 12-1pm, you must complete the Typefocus presentation will also explore how advertising that if the Ubyssey Publications Society fails to
Location: TAG, Irving K Barber personality inventory. • Feb. 5 @ North Korean refugees learn how publish an advertisement or if an error in the ad occurs the
Learning Center, Free Admission • 1-2pm, Location: LSK 460, Free to integrate themselves into the Polish that Resume Science liability of the UPS will not be greater than the price paid for
Students • Meet with a resume the ad. The UPS shall not be responsible for slight changes
Admission • capislatisic models. • Feb. 6 @ or typographical errors that do not lessen the value or the
3-4:30pm, Location: Choi Building expert and get 10 minutes of
Canadian Women at the UN • impact of the ad.
Rm 120, Free Admission • personalized feedback. • Feb. 10
Shelagh Day is the director of African Cultural Night • The AAI, @ 12-1pm, Location: Earth and
Poverty and human Rights Center. CAA & Liu Institute are holding a Ocean Sciences, Room 135, Free
Contributors
She will discuss role and success evening of fun with drumming, Women’s Volleyball • UBC Admission • One drab afternoon, hunger surged the Ubyssey office. Ger-
Thunderbirds vs. Brandon Bobcats ald Deo, Sam Jung and Ian Turner starting drooling at the
• Feb. 6 @ 6pm, Location: War vision of Goh Iromoto and Paul Bucci covered in black sauce,
Memorial Gym, Cost: $10 adult/$4 Improve Your Presentation Style • an image they referred to as the “Teriyaki Boys.”Regina Cai-
Learn the basic framework of pub- quo, Sarah Eden, Maria Cristea and Katarina Grgic ransacked
youth & senior/$2 UBC student • the tiny beer cooler for crumbs. Maggie Zelaya, Alicia
lic speaking: how to prepare yopur Woodside, Zoe Siegel and Albertina Wong attacked Karen
presentation, manage the anxiety, Cheung, Justin McElroy and Trevor Record with cannabilistic
Women’s Hockey • UBC Thunder- and leanr to pronuciate. • Feb. 10 intentions. Trevor Melanson and Shun Endo escaped calmly
birds vs. Manitoba Bisons • Feb. 6 @ 12-1:30pm, Location: Dodson with a pack of scrumptous cigarettes in hand. The plague
@ 7:30-10pm, Location: Thunder- of hunger caused Kellan Higgins, Stephanie Findlay, Joe
Room of the Chapman Learning Rayment and Celestian Rince to evaporate into the ether.
bird Winter Sports Centre, Cost: Commons, Free Admission • Kathy Yan Li, Kyrstin Bain and Tara Martellaro transformed
$10 student/$4 youth & senior/&2 into the Powerpuff Girls, showering the office with ketchup.
UBC student •
February 13
Men’s Volleyball • UBC Thunder-
birds vs. Brandon Bobcats • Feb. 6
@ 8-10pm, Location: War Memo- Heart Beat: Building Healthy
rial Gym, Cost: $10 student/$4 Relationships • The Canadian
youth & senior/&2 UBC student • Red Cross and AMS Sexual Assault
Support Centre are putting on
an afternoon of film and interac-
February 7 tive displays. They also have a
challenge: to break down the
“wall of relationship violence”
Women’s Volleyball • UBC through personal pledges. • Feb. Canada Post Sales
Thunderbirds vs. Brandon Bobcats 13 @ 1-4pm, Location: SUB Main Agreement
• Feb. 7 @ 1-3pm, Location: War Concourse and Norm Theatre, Free Number 0040878022
Memorial Gym, Cost: $10 adult/$4 Admissions •

GO TO TWITTER.COM/UBYSSEY
Correction printed on 100%
recycled paper
FOR UBC’S LATEST NEWS. In the January 27 issue, we misspelled Keegan Bursaw’s name. We regret the error.
february 3, 2009 the ubyssey | www.ubyssey.ca news | 3

The CASA-CFS conundrum


Results of election could influence AMS lobbying for years
by maggie zelaya
News Writer
With UBC’s student society elec-
tions only a day away from ending,
past and present AMS executives
have said that the incoming execu-
tive should avoid joining the Cana-
dian Federation of Students (CFS),
the nation’s largest student lobby
group.
The CFS lobbies the federal and MONEGRO KORCYZK FREDERICK
provincial governments for fund- other universities have had in AMS does not have much influ-
ing on behalf of its 500,000-plus dropping their CFS membership ence compared to the eastern
student members. is a concern of his. universities that make up the ma-
The AMS currently belongs to He also said that he originally jority of CASA’s membership.
the nation’s only other national had concerns that presidential Also, unlike the CFS, CASA
lobby group for university student candidate Blake Frederick might only lobbies federally, though it PRO PRO
societies, the Canadian Alliance of push to join the CFS, but that Fred- is the provincial government that • Larger of the two organizations • UBC is a founding member
Student Associations (CASA), but erick has since told him that join- is largely responsible for post- • Focuses on provincial lobbying • Low fees ($70,000)
discontent over CASA’s effective- ing the CFS is not a viable option secondary education. as well • Exclusive focus on behind-the-
ness prompted the AMS to drop for the AMS. “As it stands, our focus is be- • Active campaigns and services scenes federal lobbying have had
down to associate membership “That was a reassuring state- ing diverted to the federal level, that engage with students success
last October. ment from him,” said Naylor. which isn’t going to have the most
The new AMS President could Yet Frederick, who is run- impact for students at UBC,” said CON CON
determine whether students’ ning for president alongside Alex current vice-president external • Much higher fees (approximate- • Dominated by smaller, eastern
union fees move to the CFS, Monegro and Paul Korczyk, is the Stefanie Ratjen. ly $7 per student each semester) universities, reducing UBC’s influ-
thought of as the more leftist, ac- only candidate not completely op- “There does need to be a shift • SFU and other BC schools have ence
tivist association, or if they remain posed to the CFS. both in terms of the direction of left in recent years • No provincial lobbying
with CASA, seen to be more cen- “I’m open to having the AMS the AMS as well as the resources • Allegations of corruption have • Lack of public campaigns/pro-
trist in their goals and strategies. review it as a possibility,” said allocated to it towards local and weakened its influence in recent tests on behalf of students
Current AMS president Mi- Frederick in a phone interview provincial lobbying,” she added. years
chael Duncan said that joining the with The Ubyssey. “I include it as One direction that many within
CFS is unadvisable. one of the options that the AMS the AMS have argued for is the “I think there’s a national trend
“I would not recommend CFS needs to review when looking at option of paying a private lobby- towards more accountability and
as an option,” he said citing a pref- its lobbying priorities.” ist out of student fees that would in the Internet age, people are able I think there’s a na-
erence for CASA’s more pragmatic On the contrary, both Mon- permanently work out of either to get more information on both
approach to lobbying as opposed egro and Korczyk are adamantly Victoria or Ottawa. sides about CFS,” he said. tional trend towards
to the CFS’s campaign and protest- opposed. The dilemma over which, if Coleman added that the best
based methods. “I don’t really agree with CFS’s any, lobby group to join is not option for the incoming AMS more accountability
Both current vice-president ac-
ademic Alex Lougheed and former
more aggressive and more protest-
driven lobbying, I prefer CASA’s
unique to the AMS.
The University of Calgary is set
executive would be to work with
other BC universities to lobby
and in the Internet
vice-president external Matthew
Naylor echoed this opinion, with
more strategic and planned lobby-
ing to federal government,” said
to hold a CFS membership refer-
endum in April and the Cape Bret-
provincially.
“Frankly, whoever takes the
age, people are able
Naylor adding that the difficulty Korczyk. on University Student’s Union, the lead at UBC, the AMS should be fo- to get more informa-
Monegro said he “would defi- University of Victoria’s Graduate cused on partnership with Simon
nitely not engage with the CFS.” Student Society, and the Simon Fraser University to jointly lobby tion on both sides
One thing all candidates agree Fraser Student Society all left the the provincial government in a
“I would not upon is the need to work with CFS last year. non-partisan way.” about CFS.
—Joey Coleman,
recommend CFS as CASA to improve the AMS’s posi-
tion within the association as well
Joey Coleman, a university
affairs writer and blogger for Ma-
But he noted that as Canada’s
largest student union, whichever University Affairs Writer
an option.” as the need to make changes to
CASA’s operational structure.
clean’s magazine, said that he
does not see a national trend
lobby group the AMS ends up with,
that group would be better for it.
—Michael Duncan,
As one of the few western towards leaving the CFS, but one “There’s no bigger prize than
AMS President schools represented by CASA, the towards accountability. the AMS,” said Coleman. U

Preventing ‘thoughtless deference’


Arts, Science, seek integrated classes for better understanding
by ian turner second-year course is composed by developing a Coordinated Arts
News Staff of 80 students, 40 each from and Science first year program.
Arts and Science. Last year, the A possible timetable would be
The Faculties of Arts and Science course addressed two issues that composed of economics, Eng-
are seeking to have more well- are current hot topics: climate lish, and math courses, where
rounded students by developing change and genetically modified the enrolled students would
additional courses that blend organisms. once a week gather in a tutorial
the two faculties’ disciplines Peacock believes integrated and discuss the links between
together. courses, which he hopes will be the courses on their common
“Many of the grand challeng- in place for this fall, will have timetable.
es that we face as a society are demand. Approximately ten Peacock said that he is consid-
not solely scientific challenges,” per cent of Science undergradu- ering making integrated courses
said Simon Peacock, the dean ates last year completed an Arts mandatory within his faculty,
of Science. “They are complex minor, with psychology and but added there must be a clear
challenges that require how sci- economics the two most popular student demand for these new
ence and technology on the one choices. While the dean enjoys courses and that they “cannot be
hand is connected to ethics and the thought of bringing the two yet another burden on students.”
politics.” He later added, “I am disciplines together, he made Geoff Costeloe, the Science
convinced that we need to bridge clear that the program is “not senator, encourages the devel-
[Arts and Science] both from a trying to turn Arts students into opment as he thinks that cur-
point of view of trying to meet scientists or vice versa.” rently “science is a prep school
those challenges and arguably, Dean of Arts Nancy Gallini for medicine,” and these new,
even more importantly, to better also enthusiastically backs the interactive courses with discus-
prepare the next generation to initiative. “Within Arts, we need sions would force students to
meet those challenges.” Peacock to foster a more informed re- expand beyond their traditional
noted that scientific solutions sponse to science so as to pre- boundaries.
must take into account economic vent thoughtless deference or In a similar vein, Arts sena-
and political impacts, as just two misguided obstruction to it,” she tor Helaine Boyd said “each
examples. wrote in an email. student should take courses
Peacock is further buoyed by Peacock and Gallini are also outside of his or her faculty to
the success of an initiative that seeking to build upon the suc- gain a more holistic approach to
is still thriving: ASIC 200. The cess of Arts One and Science One their learning.” U Arts and Science, together at last? gerald deo photo illustration/the ubyssey
4 | news the ubyssey | www.ubyssey.ca february 3, 2009

Shoppers on campus lowers inflated prices


UBC community denied sale prices at the drugstore until recently
by albertina wong and
karen cheung
News Writers
For the past month, prices at
Shoppers Drug Mart on campus
have been lowered as a result
of direct instruction from the
head offices in Toronto, follow-
ing a months-long investigation
by The Ubyssey. Since Shoppers
opened its doors in 2005, stu-
dents have been paying the zero-
level price set by upper manage-
ment without access to the flyers
and the discounts offered at oth-
er Lower Mainland locations—a
practice that is slowly changing.
Located at the intersection of
Wesbrook Mall and University
Boulevard, Shoppers on Campus
is in the midst of all the traffic
at the major entry point for UBC;
providing a convenient source
for many necessities.
With 25,000 people arriving
at UBC daily using the Univer-
sity Boulevard route, Shoppers
is stationed at a prime location.
Nevertheless, Nancy Mann,
property manager at UBC Prop-
erties Trust, emphasizes that the
main purpose of having a Shop-
pers on campus is not so much
about making a major profit as
it is with creating a university
community. As outlined in one
of the planning objectives in the
1997 Official Community Plan
(OCP) for UBC, the area is desig- Another issue facing Shop-
nated “as a pedestrian-oriented pers on Campus is its small size.
commercial centre, with the At 4455 sq.ft., the UBC location
commercial uses to be oriented is smaller than many other loca-
toward the day and evening con- tions and does not have the nec-
venience needs of the university essary labour available to offer
population.” discounts to its customers.
Shoppers has the advantage “We just can’t get [the sup-
of not only a strategic location, plies] out fast enough. When
but of a well-respected name, you’re a big store, you have more
being a short walking distance organization, more shelf space,
from many main UBC locations you can support promotions
and a demographic insistent and you can support advertis-
on accessibility during school ing, in that sense,” said a store
hours. representative.
Sandra Chamberlain, pro- “All Shoppers, depending on
fessor at the UBC Faculty of where they are located, have to
Commerce, believes that the ar- adjust their prices to make sure
rangment is a win-win for both they can be a sustainable busi-
Shoppers and students. ness in that area.”
“[A] willingness to pay ex- Shoppers on Campus not only
tends not just to the wealthier has higher prices—it also lacks
individuals who live nearby, but flyers, even though Shoppers is
also to the ‘poorer’ students. The a signatory of the Canadian As-
local community is better off sociation of Chain Drug Stores
having a slightly more expensive (CACDS). The CACDS and other
but local Shoppers, than having retailer associations pushed for-
to travel to the cheaper alterna- ward the Scanner Price Accuracy
tive,” she said. Voluntary Code, which commit- Students were previously denied access to flyers which had sale prices and deals. keegan bursaw photos/the ubyssey
This does not explain why ted retailers to accurate prices
Shoppers persisted in their and protect consumer rights. had no knowledge of the pricing rard to Bute Street. cists’ assistants….we actually go
comparatively high prices at Under this code, Section 4.4 policies of Shoppers, but cited Al Poettcker, CEO of UBC above and beyond that at this
UBC. Shoppers on Campus is a states that all stores must have Policy 120 from the UBC Board Properties Trust, says rent rates location.”
corporate chain store, meaning flyers on hand for customers. In of Governors, which concerns on campus vary from $25-50/ Because of The Ubyssey’s
there is no owner, only a man- addition, they must honour the the posting of notices, posters, sq.ft., which is comparable to investigation, while flyers are
ager. They take direct instruction discounts found in the flyers. and signs. The only mention of the rates found on Broadway still not accepted at Shoppers
on issues such as prices from Shoppers on Campus neither flyers in the policy forbids their from Alma to Macdonald Street. on Campus, they are now offer-
Toronto. has flyers, nor allows other fly- placement on vehicles. The SUB Poettcker said that the exact ing the same deals that can be
Tammy Smitham, director ers from the Vancouver area to does prohibit the distribution of rate depends on the amount of found in the flyers. Visiting the
of communications & corporate be used. flyers on its premises and for frontage—the area facing the location last month, manage-
affairs for Shoppers Drug Mart, However, Shoppers argues residences. street—and the size the location ment confirmed that they were
told The Ubyssey that, “a number they are not infringing any law “Over the years residents boasts. The smaller the size, allowed to have sales on more
of factors are taken into account or agreement. They are simply have been clear with Hous- the higher the rent. Shoppers items now, compared to previ-
when determining a price of an “not a flyer store,” said Smitham, ing and Conferences that they on Campus not only has a great ous years.
item, i.e. landed cost, competi- who also said one reason for the don’t want ‘junk mail’ in their deal of frontage, but a small size However, they could not
tive marketplace, shipping costs decision is that the university residence mailboxes or under as well, making it lean to the confirm whether Shoppers on
etc. In addition, different mar- does not allow flyers to be passed their…doors,” said Janice Rob- higher end of the scale. Campus is now honouring the
kets may have different product around to students. inson from UBC Housing and Shoppers on Campus said prices for all the items carried
and price features based on the Scott Macrae, executive di- Conferences. that while their hands have been in the flyer.
demographics and needs of that rector of Public Affairs for UBC, Lastly, rent on campus was tied concerning prices, they Smitham from Shoppers To-
market.” frequently cited as a reason for have been an active participant ronto insists that nothing has
Smitham insists transporta- high prices by Shoppers offi- in campus life, citing donations changed.
tion costs were a pricing factor. “Shoppers is now cials, though this may not be the of over $5000 to UBC REC. “Sale prices that appear in
The locations of the Shoppers root cause of their higher pric- “We are also helping out with the flyer in the surrounding area
warehouses supplying the Lower offering the same es. Colliers International’s most hiring students here,” said a are honoured and the sale price
Mainland Area are located in recent quarterly report lists rent member of management. “Most for those advertised items are
Richmond and Calgary. Yet pric- deals that can be rates on Granville Street from Shoppers Drug Marts have given automatically at the cash
es at Shoppers on Campus re- Broadway to 15th Avenue from certain financial limitations in register at the UBC Shoppers on
main comparatively higher than found in the flyers.” $55-90/sq. ft, and a $180-220/ how many students they can Campus. This has always been
other locations in Vancouver. sq.ft. rate on Robson from Bur- use as technicians for pharma- our policy.” U
february 3, 2009 the ubyssey | www.ubyssey.ca news | 5

2010 volunteer opportunities limited


The drive for the bilingual Games leaves many volunteers out in the cold
by Yuliya Talmazan satisfied with these numbers,
News Writer it is still continuing to recruit
more volunteers and staff who
A recent report from the fed- have additional linguistic skills,
eral commissioner of official including French.
languages urges VANOC to make “[BC] being an anglophone
a better effort ensuring the 2010 province, it is obvious that we
Olympics are fully bilingual. will need the continued col-
As part of its Olympic bid laboration of our partners and
the Vancouver Organizing Com- sponsors to deliver on our of-
mittee for the Olympic Games ficial languages mandate,” said
(VANOC) pledged to the Interna- Bolduc. “We are satisfied with
tional Olympic Committee (IOC) the progress we have made to
that bilingualism would be rein- date to ensure we plan and stage
forced at the 2010 Games. the 2010 Winter Games in both
To date, VANOC has been official languages.”
issuing its communications in With French speakers in short
both English and French. The supply, BC’s francophone com-
Olympic merchandise is sold munity can be viewed as the No French during 2010 could leave those willing to volunteer gagged. kellan higgins photo illustration/the ubyssey
with labels in both official lan- most likely source of bilingual
guages. Both English and French volunteers for VANOC. Members Many UBC students have ap- whether or not French fluency for the role, including French
will be used on Olympic venue of BC’s French-speaking com- plied to volunteer at the Olym- will determine if a volunteer language skills.”
signs and in medal ceremonies. munity have been in active coop- pics, but few of them are profi- spot is won. Specifically, volunteer posi-
Yet historically British Colum- eration with VANOC in the drive cient in French. VANOC’s drive According to Bolduc, appli- tions involving ticket handling,
bia doesn’t speak French. Accord- to make 2010 Olympics more to recruit more French-speaking cants that know French are at an giving directions and selling
ing to Statistics Canada a report bilingual. volunteers often passes by the advantage. merchandise will require be-
from 2003 places the number of Mylène Letellier, communi- UBC community. “VANOC’s hiring decision is ing able to give service in both
mother-tongue French speaking cations director for the BC Fed- Kevin Chang, treasurer of based on a number of factors— languages.
Vancouverites at 1.5 per cent. eration of Francophones (FFCB), UBC Club de Français, suggests the main one being whether the While promising truly bilin-
The number of Vancouverites says the federation actively en- that the overall knowledge of candidates have the qualifica- gual Games is a huge under-
that can speak both official lan- courages its members to become French of most UBC students is tions for the specific role they taking for VANOC, organizers
guages is 6.9 per cent. volunteers. “mediocre. are applying for,” said Bolduc. maintain that they view the Van-
The commitment to make “When the Winter Games took “A lot of students are learning “In the event that through couver Olympics as an opportu-
2010 Olympics fully bilingual place in Calgary in 1988, there French, but there is little oppor- the selection process, we iden- nity to showcase Canada’s rich
seems to be an uphill battle for were many complaints related to tunity to use French outside of tify two individuals with similar cultural diversity and linguistic
VANOC. the lack of French services dur- class,” says Chang. skills set and qualifications, duality.
According to VANOC’s official ing the Games,” said Letellier. For many UBC students, French will then be the deciding Despite challenges, VANOC
website, currently 15 per cent of “So, greater use [of French] at volunteering at the Vancouver factor.” reassures that the recommenda-
VANOC’s paid staff is bilingual the Vancouver Olympics has re- 2010 Games is an once-in-a-life- For certain public-facing tions of the official languages
and 10,000 volunteer applicants mained a crucial priority for the time opportunity to get involved positions, such as media rela- commissioner are being taken
have a conversational level of community since the beginning with the Olympics. Moreover, tions, communications, or of- seriously. All in an effort to
French. Francine Bolduc, the of the bid process. What better Olympic volunteer experience ficial languages, French may be ensure that as the 2010 Olym-
director of official languages at occasion to showcase to the world can be a powerful resumé build- a requirement of the role. In this pics near, VANOC’s catchphrase
VANOC, claims that although that Canada’s French language er and even a career starter for instance, we will look for some- “venez célébrer avec nous” does
the organizing committee is communities are alive and well.” some students. The question is one who has the qualifications not get lost in translation. U
6 | news the ubyssey | www.ubyssey.ca february 3, 2009

Agenda : February 4, 2009 Surviving the recession


Columnist Alicia Woodside brings you
1. Hand out papers
2. Seminar Speakers Interested in coordinating the first of a series of articles on student
3. Status of supplements volunteers? survival in a bear market.
4. Future Fundraisers
We may need to fill an opening in the Ubyssey paid staff.
5. Nash Update
6. Discuss Volunteer Coordinator Vacancy Position papers may be due by February 11th
Any questions email:
7. Greek Week Coverage
8. Other Business coordinating@ubyssey.ca
9. Po Mo SUB 24, Student Union Building

stephanie findlay illustration/the ubyssey

Commerce students
told not to despair
Recession proof jobs still exist in industry
by Alicia Woodside forecast.
News Writer “Accountants are always in
demand, whether we’re faced
Many Commerce students with a recession or a booming
choose their faculty for the lu- economy,” reiterated Shannon
crative career a business educa- Thompson of Certified Manage-
tion may provide. With a slightly ment Accountants BC (CMA BC).
higher tuition payment and spe- Linda Gully, director of the
cialized business coursework, Business Career Centre at the
BCom students hope to break Sauder School of Business gave
into these high-potential careers several insights based on her
more quickly than their peers. frequent interactions with em-
But what are the realities in ployers. In regards to changes in
today’s economy? On January employer activity, she remarked
22, the National Post reported “We’re not seeing as strong of
that “Swiss bank UBS AG will an impact as we’re hearing in
announce more job cuts in its the media...there is still lots of
investment banking division hiring activity happening.”
next month.” The spokesman Gully said she expects to
declined to specify a figure. The see a few less firms coming to
statement is yet another remark campus next fall, but continued
about the spiraling state of jobs long-term investments from big
in the financial services sector. companies like banks, account-
Commerce students cannot nec- ing firms and marketing firms.
essarily rest assured that their A big four accounting firm,
degrees will still pay off with a Ernst and Young, was one of the
great job after graduation. accounting firms that recruited
According to a recent Forbes students feverishly in fall. Nan-
article of the top ten most re- cy Hudson, campus recruiting
cession-proof jobs, Commerce manager for Ernst and Young in
students have envious job pros- Vancouver, commented that the
pects. Ranked top on the Forbes firm hasn’t made any plans to
list was “Sales Representative,” cut back its hiring of students.
while “Accounting Executive” “In fact, our hiring was up
ranked fourth, “Accounting approximately five per cent
Staff” ranked fifth, “Business from last year…we think it’s
Analysis, Research” ranked even more critical to attract and
ninth, and “Finance Staff” retain the very best people dur-
ranked a solid tenth on the list. ing an economic downturn,” she
The majority of Commerce said. She went on to say the firm
students are set for opportuni- isn’t planning on any changes to
ties in these fields, with 29 per hiring plans for 2010 either.
cent of upper-year Commerce Students who were looking
students registered in account- to make it big on Wall Street
ing, 25 per cent in finance and may experience the brunt of the
22 per cent in marketing. recession. Despite this, the best
While investment banking companies will actually be tak-
opportunities are limited, there ing advantage of this time as an
is a stable demand for students opportunity to secure the best
with a business background. and brightest candidates, while
Times of economic hardship financially weaker competitors
create an even greater need need to cut back.
for marketing efforts to stimu- Linda Gully said, “What’s
late sales, as well as financial more important to them (com-
expertise to cut costs and pass panies) is the upcoming labour
the savings on to price-sensitive shortage, so they still have to
consumers. keep their hiring funnel quite
Accounting jobs are known wide.
for security as accounting ser- “The bottom line is, if you’re
vices continue to be in demand good at what you do, you will be
regardless of the economic picked up.” U
february 3, 2009 the ubyssey | www.ubyssey.ca advertisement | 7
FFeatures Editor: Joe Rayment | E-mail: features@ubyssey.ca February 3, 2009 | Page 8

Taking it to the streets


Vancouver’s other art gallery by Trevor Record
Features Staff

I A
ndgo Child is a young street street artists. Although many age, introducing new colours week later at UBC, I couldn’t say to myself, never
artist with a beaming smile people in the scene use the and shapes. She waited for a outside a snow-cov- mind anyone else, and became
who works primarily with same aesthetic indoors as they while for each layer of paint ered Student Union a new man. It sounds corny,
stenciled posters, though she is do on the street, Indgo said that to dry before applying the next Building, I met up but street art saved my life.”
considering getting into wood she plans on trying new things stencil layer. As she worked she with Jerm9ine and Ninja9ine, We headed out to the infor-
boards. She’s been pasting for her gallery work. talked about her craft, and how two other street artists. They mation kiosk and bank machine
her work around Vancouver “A lot of street artists, my- frustrated she gets at the poor introduced themselves energet- outside of 99 Chairs. Upon ar-
since last March and recently self included, make art that is quality stencils she sees out on ically: Jerm has an easy, casual riving there, Jerm pointed out
acquired some shared studio not for the street,” she said. the streets. manner, and Ninja is slender an older sticker from a few
space off Hastings, near China- “That is not street art, even if a “I’m not saying that anyone with a sophisticated gaze. years back and a more recent
town. When I went to see her street artist makes it. It’s only can be a good street artist, but We began to discuss some “thought bubble” that reads
work in mid-December it was street art if you’re putting it up anyone can become a street wheat-pasted “jermalism” mes- “jermalism.”
as cold in the studio as it was outside.” artist,” Indgo said. “It’s not sages and older tags they had in The lifespan of any given
outside. Inside her studio, Indgo something that has entry fees, the area. The pair have been in- street art depends partly on
Many of Indgo’s contempo- turned on an inadequate heater or something that has curators credibly prolific over the years its unconventionality, which
raries are now as well known, and started getting out some like a gallery. You just make and they estimate their works, Jerm said has the added bonus
and in some cases as wealthy, stencils. Around her space, something and stick it up there. spread over the Lower Main- of encouraging creative new
as any mainstream artist. Some among sketch paper and sten- You’ll be judged by your peers land, number in the thousands. angles. The pair have experi-
of the giants on the scene such cils, is a diverse collection of whether or not it is good.” Jerm admits that he does this mented with large cascading
as Banksy and Shepard Fairey artwork, most of which uses A single of her posters uses work for himself almost entire- poetry posters, and have also
have branched out to the world canvas or multiple media, in- anywhere from one to, at her ly, a trait some have perceived been posting thought and word
of commercial art for money. cluding a few wood boards. most extravagant, nine stencil as egotistical earning. But he bubbles so that people can
Indgo Child isn’t exactly rich Indgo Child used rocks layers, with most typically us- describes his work as a sort of pose next to them for photo-
or a superstar in the art world, to hold down the stencils to ing two to four. After a little recreational therapy. graphs. Location also affects
but she is one of a number of lo- some pulp sketch paper and over an hour and a half, Indgo “I anonymously advertise the lifespan of anything that is
cal street artists who are active painted over them, being care- had completed a handful of her myself; that’s the point of my put up, and the neglected kiosk
within local galleries. Later this ful not to get any over-spray multi-layered posters. Later work,” he said. “I was running is a good location to paste up
year, she’ll be curating a show or under-spray. Each stencil that night she took to the street from my past for so long. Then pieces.
featuring several international makes up one layer of the im- and posted them. I said some shit on the street “[At] a place like this,” Jerm

STENCILLING 101
by Gerald Deo include registration marks to ensure that each layer of
colour lines up with the one laid down previously. Af-
Indgo Child (pronounced “Indigo”) walked us ter the first coat is applied, the next stencil is placed,
through the process of creating the stencils she pastes weighed down, and sprayed again, with particular
around Vancouver. Each stencil is hand-cut from care paid to making sure that the registration marks
acrylic, and can be based on anything from contem- are aligned. After drying and trimming, the poster is
porary advertisements to other works of her own. Af- ready to be pasted on the streets of Vancouver or to
ter choosing from a wild array of spray paints, Indgo be used as a mask for a street artist who wishes to
weighs a stencil down with rocks before applying a remain anonymous.
primary coat of paint. Stencils with multiple layers will gerald deo photos/the ubyssey
February 3, 2009 | Page 9

said “one of my pieces will last drift. The lamppost was next to “Often, art galleries post sup- scene itself has been connected the urban landscape. She said
a really long time. No one is go- a ledge, which Jerm crept up to plementary information, which and established for quite some she hopes that her work can
ing to take it down.” along a concrete wall. He sized aids the viewer in interpreting time. I can only imagine that wake people out of their per-
Jerm began pasting a page up the distance and leapt to the the meaning of the piece. This street art will continue to grow sonal bubbles so that they can
from the National Post article ledge, but fell into deep snow is not the case on the street.” and transform itself with time.” see their environment clearly.

T
that he has stenciled with the after misjudging the distance. When their work for the day At the same time, she is pes-
text “capitalisn’t.” As Jerm past- We shared a laugh. finished, I walked with Jerm he night Indgo Child simistic about her or any other
ed it to the wall, a middle-aged We headed over to the First and Ninja to the corner of took me to her studio, street artist’s ability to do this.
woman stopped by, curious to Nations Longhouse next. They University Boulevard. Jerm lit a homeless man ap- Most street art, she says, gets
see what he was doing. Ninja had pasted up a word bubble a cigarette and said he thinks proached us as we noticed by other street artists
said that Vancouverites tend to and thought bubble, both of snow enhances the experience. waited for the bus. Although and fans, but not very many
be a mix of open-mindededness which said “I love you,” at Before leaving, they talked for he didn’t recognize her, Indgo other people.
and apathy, which leads most roughly the height of a human a bit about some of the other knew him and says she’s photo- “When I was younger, I got
to either give good feedback to head. Before leaving, the pair artists they know, the volatile graphed and spoke with him in very, very, very attached to ev-
the art or, for those who disap- posed for a picture next to them. nature of the scene, and how the past. He calls himself Char- erything I made and found it
prove, to ignore it. “I guess I “It makes your artwork so graffiti artists were frequently lie Brown. He got on the same difficult to give anything away,”
prefer apathy over vigilante,” much more powerful if you getting in beefs with each other bus as us and started to fall Indgo Child said. “Street art
Ninja said. choose the right location for it,” and street artists. asleep soon after we departed. for me is a gradual process of
Jerm and Ninja’s prolific Indgo Child had told me. “You “I’d like to think that we The bus driver began to shout learning how to let go.”

W
campaign is run in the man- have to think about the street as bridge the gap between the at him: “I don’t allow sleepers
ner of an advertising blitz, they your canvas, and the composi- graffiti world and the street art on this bus!” Indgo Child stood hen I returned to
say, with the intent of mocking tion of the work is not just your world, which aren’t necessar- up for Charlie; she told the the kiosk where
the methods they are adopting. artwork, it’s the environment ily mutually exclusive,” Ninja bus driver to back off and that Jerm and Ninja
From their point of view, public and how you use it.” said. “Graffiti tends to be more she’ll make sure he doesn’t fall pasted up their
spaces are in some sense being Location and placement af- text based, and street art more asleep. Charlie Brown thanked National Post page, I saw that
used unfairly by advertisers. fects the permanence of a piece imagery. What we work with is her, and she introduced herself it had already been ripped up
“I hawk my flaws and prob- of street art, but it also changes text, but it makes you instantly to him again. partially. The word bubbles by
lems, thoughts and views, in- how it will be interpreted. There get an image.” “I think that everyone in the First Nations Longhouse
stead of McDonald’s and Heinek- was a time when I walked by a Jerm wonders if the term the whole world is affected by are gone entirely now.
en,” Jerm said. “We all respond stencil of a homeless man in “street artist” applies to him the severe amount of images “I am just as excited by a
to advertising in a different way. Yaletown on my way to work. It anymore—he works indoors as and text that we’re bombarded torn, destroyed, tagged, paint-
Some people respond by going seemed to be a comment on the well as in the streets now. The with,” Indgo said. “And it’s not ed, modified or buffed piece
out and buying the product, affluence of the neighborhood, category itself is changing as just advertising, it’s this fucked as I am by the survivors,” Jerm
other people drive by and don’t but placed in another location, well though. up world where people are had said. “Some pieces last a
think about the advertisement at the stencil would be read com- “Unfortunately it seems we shooting up into their legs at day, or not even, with others,
all. And other people get frustrat- pletely differently. And unlike are approaching the time all the side of the street, smoking the piece will last longer than
ed and say something back. Jim a gallery setting, street artists great modern art forms must crack, and there’s a homeless the message we stenciled to it.”
Pattison is the biggest graffiti art- must use placement and sur- reach in a capitalist society,” guy on the bus who’s not even “You can see the VAG’s Em-
ist in Vancouver if you look at it roundings to their best benefit. Jerm said. “The next Shepard allowed to put his head down.... ily Carr collection any day of
[the last] way.” “You could argue that street Fairey might work for Pepsi People see all of that...but it the week—what if it was gone
Once done, we moved over to art has the potential to be inter- or Coke....Street art is about doesn’t register.” tomorrow?” Ninja asked. “The
the library garden, where Jerm preted by a more diverse ‘cli- to be abused and raped by the Indgo had gotten into past- memories and photographs of
decided to paste up another entele’ as compared to indoor corporate machines like rap ing up posters after she started it would be that much more ap-
piece on a lamppost in a snow art,” Ninja explained to me. and graffiti before it. But the photographing street art and preciated.” U
10 | covershoot! the ubyssey | www.ubyssey.ca february 3, 2009

kellan higgins photos/the ubyssey

Covershoot
On Thursday, January 22, UBC’s media joined forces. The
result: Cover Shoot. CiTR 101.9FM and The Ubyssey took over
The Pit, with CiTR DJ’s enticing attendees to the dance floor
and Ubyssey photographers catching all of the finest moments
on camera. Here are some of our best. If you don’t find yourself
on this page, you can ogle the rest of the photos on our flickr
page at: www.flickr.com/photos/theubyssey/
february 3, 2009 the ubyssey | www.ubyssey.ca advertising supplement | 11
12 | advertising supplement the ubyssey | www.ubyssey.ca february 3, 2009
february 3, 2009 the ubyssey | www.ubyssey.ca advertising supplement | 13
14 | advertising supplement the ubyssey | www.ubyssey.ca february 3, 2009
CThe Great Porn Debate
Culture Editor: Trevor Melanson | E-mail: culture@ubyssey.ca February 3, 2009 | Page 15

The Amazing

by Celestian Rince
& Gavin Fisher
Randi
Culture Staff Entertainer
or skeptic?
It was a seemingly ordinary Tues-
day night in the Woodward build-
ing, but the word “porn” was on
everyone’s lips. Porn star Ron
Jeremy was in town to debate Mi- by Stephanie Dong
chael Leahy, a former sex addict. Culture Writer
Hosted by UBC club Campus for
Christ, “The Great Porn Debate” The Science Undergraduate
took place on January 27, 2009. Society invited James Randi, a
The event featured Jeremy and renowned skeptic who used to
Leahy debating on issues such as be a regular on the Tonight Show
whether or not pornography is with Johnny Carson, to UBC last
addictive, exploitive or objectify- Monday to kick off Science Week
ing, and if watching porn can be with a keynote address. Students
damaging to relationships.
Last year Campus for Christ
hosted a similar event called “I’ll just huddled inside Woodward, wait-
ing anxiously for Randi to arrive.
Among the bustling and eager

take his
“The God Debate,” in which crowd were keen science stu-
an atheist and a theist argued dents, members of SUS, skeptics
over the existence of God. That from UBC’s Freethinkers club
event was very popular, attract- and people of all stripes.

points and
ing around 1200 spectators. When everyone was seated,
Wanting to continue in this vein, the lights were dimmed, the
Campus for Christ decided to crowd fell to a hush and in

slam-dunk
focus on another hot topic on walked James Randi. The man
campus. was rather chipper and ani-
“Pornography and sexuality is mated for a tiny 80 year old who
something very close to people’s sported a beard that Santa Claus

them one at
hearts and what they’re thinking would be jealous of. Randi was
about…” said John Hau, an orga- charismatic, instantly drawing
nizer of the event. The purpose the crowd in with a few jokes.
of the event was for students to Randi claimed that media is
look at the topic of pornography
objectively and think about it
critically.
“We’re really encouraging
a time.” the main cause of misinforma-
tion. He remarked, “It is aston-
ishing what the media will get
away with.” He shared a couple
a place for people to hear both stories with the audience, show-
sides of the issue and come to ing how irresponsible the media
their [own] conclusions,” said can be. At one point, he fooled
Beth Fisher, another one of the the media into believing that he
organizers. could enter a hotel room with a
An hour before the event playing card, purchased from
started there was already a long goh iromoto and hereward longley illustration/the ubyssey the hotel’s gift shop. Little did
line inside of Woodward. Before the media know, he had glued
the actual debate started, we in- at recreationally and that one that sexual fantasies are normal, a factor in its lacking of serious his room key to the back of the
formally spoke to several mem- “can’t blame an industry for but said that Jeremy is making intellectual discourse. Both card beforehand. The next day,
bers of the crowd, attempting an addiction.” Jeremy said that the assumption that both part- speakers occasionally used logi- many newspapers had printed
to gauge the audience’s general Leahy had a problem but can’t ners in a relationship are having cal fallacies, ignored large holes headlines along the lines of
thoughts on the event and the blame the porn industry for it, this dialogue. Leahy asserted in their respective arguments “The Amazing Randi enters ho-
subject of pornography. Virtu- and made the analogy of a per- that porn can cause unrealistic and did not always argue about tel room with a playing card.”
ally all of the people we spoke son blaming the alcohol industry expectations and create sexual the same issues. As the evening progressed,
to expressed a desire to learn for alcoholism. In response to dissatisfaction, adding that this For example, Jeremy’s argu- I started to become more and
more about the subject and Leahy’s claim that porn objecti- was why his marriage failed. ments were undermined by the more skeptical of Randi. Most
hear a different perspective. fies women, Jeremy referred to Leahy also claimed that the fact that most of them did not of his talk seemed to be a
Ron Jeremy was definitely the other types of media (television, nature of pornography is incred- really apply to internet pornog- magic show, spending much
major attraction, as many of the magazines, billboards) that do ibly addictive, explaining that raphy, which has become the of the evening entertaining the
audience members declared that the same thing. sexual stimuli releases very high mainstream. Jeremy was mainly audience, rather than making
they were there to see him. The After the opening statements levels of dopamine—the neu- defending regulated studio- people think skeptically about
majority of the people we spoke the floor was opened up to rotransmitter associated with produced pornography, and the world around us.
to were pro-pornography with questions from the audience. pleasure. In response, Jeremy defended it on the basis that it Highlights from the evening
certain reservations, while some Questions could either be asked argued that it could be addictive, should not be released to anyone were numerous. He demonstrat-
were ambivalent and a minor- verbally or texted in to accom- but can also be healthy when under 18. Leahy, however, often ed the spoon-bending trick that
ity stated that they were outright modate people in the overflow viewed properly. referred to internet pornogra- had made Uri Geller famous,
against it. rooms. There was a wide variety Much of the discussion had phy and how it is unregulated and also guessed what word
After a brief introduction by of questions, including one prop- focused on how pornography and easily accessible to adults someone was thinking. Little
the emcee, Leahy and Jeremy osition toward the emcee from a affects the viewer, but toward and minors. On the other side, displays of magic aside, his
emerged to great applause. Both smitten female in the audience. the end of the debate someone the strength of some of Leahy’s most entertaining display was
speakers introduced themselves During the debate both speak- finally asked how porn affects claims were weakened by the fact the consumption of 36 sleeping
and gave their opening state- ers had points they repeated the actors in the industry. Jer- that too many of his arguments pills. In front of a packed lecture
ments. Michael Leahy told the often. One of Leahy’s principal emy replied that women in the stemmed from personal experi- hall, Randi popped open a bottle
audience how his obsession with arguments against pornogra- industry tend to get jaded, but ences and emotional appeals. of sleeping pills purchased from
porn began at an early age and phy was that it does not give a did not admit to anything worse Talking to some of the crowd Choices, and crunched his way
described the negative effects it healthy or realistic view of rela- than that. When pressed about after the event, we found that through 36 tablets, washing it
had on his life. He said that the tionships and can affect the inti- the existence of serious negative the audience’s opinion was down with a bottle of water. At
industry has a right to exist, but macy one has with their partner. effects, he admitted that the in- somewhat mixed. People appre- first the audience was horrified,
that the question is not whether Ron Jeremy’s central point was dustry has had its casualties but ciated the opportunity for open thinking he would overdose,
porn should or should not exist; that of moderation and personal said that most of those people communication about a subject fall asleep or die. Instead, be-
instead one should question the choice, claiming that anything had problems prior to getting that is normally difficult to dis- tween crunching, he explained
effect pornography has on rela- can be bad if it is done in excess. involved in pornography. Jeremy cuss. Many said they felt that that he’d done this feat before,
tionships and one’s personal at- “Too much aspirin will kill you,” continued to explain that various they had gained new insights, and that the main ingredient
titudes. Leahy claimed that porn he quipped. organizations exist to filter out though no one we spoke to had of those sleeping pills was caf-
made him view women as the When asked if porn is a vi- people who have been abused, really changed their opinion on feine. Randi was demonstrating
“sum of their parts,” and added able option to act out fantasies are addicted to drugs or have the subject. However, there ap- the importance of skepticism.
that watching porn can make a that are usually not possible in a sexually transmitted diseases. peared to be a consensus that James Randi’s talk left me
person objectify other people. relationship, Jeremy agreed. He Other topics that were touched the debate was not very intel- with more questions than an-
Jeremy began his opening stated that couples could indeed upon included sex trafficking, lectual (especially compared to swers. I certainly left feeling
statement by immediately re- try out a fantasy (such as a new the influence pornography has last year’s God Debate) and may more skeptical, not only of our
futing Leahy’s claims. “I’ll just position), and that porn could had on culture and politics, and have focused too much on trying society, but of him. He seemed
take his points and slam-dunk also help one to vicariously en- sex education. to have popular appeal. to personify more of his Amaz-
them one at a time.” Jeremy gage in fantasies that are unre- The relatively informal struc- On the plus side, we got Ron ing Randi character than any-
argued that porn can be looked alistic in practice. Leahy agreed ture of the debate may have been Jeremy’s autograph. U thing else. U
16 | culture the ubyssey | www.ubyssey.ca february 3, 2009

www.ubyssey.ca
www.ubyssey.ca
www.ubyssey.ca

Maybe there’s a job on the other side...or maybe not. goh iromoto and trevor melanson photo illustration/the ubyssey

Afraid of the unknown


by Emma Myers Hoffman, the film is hard not to the inevitable quarter-life crisis.
Culture Writer love. I am by no means suggesting that
Returning home after gradu- a torrid affair or endless aim-
It is a universal truth that every ating from university, Benjamin lessness is the answer to all my
fourth-year student is faced with Braddock is just as lost and con- problems; merely that drifting is
the dreaded question: “what are fused as the rest of us. Forced to something to be embraced, not
your plans after graduation?” It interact with his parents’ friends feared (easier said than done, I
is a question that everyone seems at a party in his honour, he is hit know).
compelled to ask: peers, profes- with the very same question we Ben realizes that his relation-
sors, relatives, even strangers all have come to dread: “what ship with Mrs Robinson is un-
on the street manage to convey are you going to do now?” Deter- sustainable and empty when he
these foreboding words with mined to avoid talk of his future, falls in love with her daughter,
a passing glance. As someone Ben answers “Well, I was just go- Elaine. Fighting back an angry
who has no plans whatsoever for ing to go upstairs for a moment.” mob of wedding guests with a gi-
post-graduation, this question When the question is further ant crucifix, Ben pries her away
never fails to induce a full-blown specified—“no, with your future, from her wedding to another
panic attack that sends me swirl- your life”—Ben finds himself un- man, flags down a passing bus,
ing into the murky depths of my able to face the enormity of the and the couple makes their get-
own existential conundrum. interrogation and seeks refuge in away into a future they hope will
The fog that has shrouded his room, collapsing in front of be, as Ben puts it, “different.”
the city these past few weeks his fish tank. It is with moments Sitting on the back of the bus
has mirrored my hazy mental such as these that the audience, after their dramatic escape, the
stupor as the excitement that especially us near-graduates, contentment on their faces is

SUB 24
I felt in September for my last recognize that we share a com- gradually eclipsed once again by
scholastic hurrah has given way mon fate. As Ben stares out from expressions of confused contem-
to an all-consuming fear of the the screen directly at us with his plation of the unknown. It has
unknown. The apprehension of big, bewildered eyes, we feel as dawned on them that no ques-
an uncertain future and a lack though we are staring at a reflec- tion has been solved, no direc-
of sleep have combined like the tion of ourselves. tion has been achieved.
warm and cold air masses, leav- Lost and lacking direction, The film’s lack of definitive
ing me completely disoriented; I Ben begins an affair with Mrs resolution is precisely what I
stumble through the school day Robinson, the unhappy, alcohol- find so comforting. The Graduate
dazed and confused, only to find ic wife of his father’s business does not pretend to hold any an-

U
that I am restless and unable to partner. He begins to relax and swers; it does not impose an end
sleep at night. enjoy the fact that he has noth- on Ben’s journey. We watch the
While some might suggest ing to do. While crisping himself bus drive off into the distance,
warm milk or perhaps even in the California sun, his father knowing nothing more concrete
Come volunteer for us. We pharmaceuticals to solve the interrupts his blissful swimming about Ben’s future than we did at
are always looking for bright, problem, nothing soothes the pool floating and demands to the beginning of the film. All that
enthusiastic young-looking stu- symptoms of my graduation know “what he’s doing.” Ben matters is that Ben and Elaine
dents who are interested in: anxiety like the film The Gradu- appropriately answers “I’m just are on the bus. Where it’s going
- photographers ate. The film that captivated a drifting.” When his father prods is secondary.
- layout artists generation in 1967 has proved him as to why, he explains sim- The seemingly endless Van-
- writers it has staying power, achieving ply that “it’s very comfortable couver fog has finally lifted,
- people with big hearts cult status over the years. With just to drift here.” and I’m still waiting for my own
a soundtrack by Simon and Gar- Drifting. It’s something I need personal fog to follow suit. In the
funkel and an iconic debut per- to learn to embrace, a factor that meantime, I am content just to
formance from the young Dustin is essential to working through drift. U
february 3, 2009 the ubyssey | www.ubyssey.ca culture | 17

Matt and Kim rule over Biltmore


by Trevor Record
Culture Staff
In support of their new album
Grand, the dynamic Brooklyn
duo Matt and Kim took the stage
at the Biltmore Cabaret on Janu-
ary 28. Playing to a fairly crowd-
ed venue, they didn’t disappoint,
with a relentless assault of synth
and drum-based dance rock.
They started the show after
10:30pm without an opening
act, and got off to a slow start
with a few mistakes. Audience
reactions were mixed. After their
second song, they got out of their
rut entirely. “Cinders,” a bleepy
instrumental from Grand, target-
ed directly to Nintendo genera-
tion males, set everyone off like
firecrackers. From then on, the
band and the crowd’s momen-
tum continued to rise in a glori-
ous crescendo of unrestrained
fun-having and sweating. By
the end of the set, the audience
members went wild—crowd
surfing, screaming and dancing
as hard as their scrawny asses
would allow.
The energy was undoubtedly
fuelled by Matt and Kim’s own ir-
repressible enthusiasm. The two
grinned widely and contagiously
for the entirety of their perfor-
mance, and between songs they Matt and Kim grin widely as they entertain a crowd-surfing, screaming, dancing audience at the Biltmore Cabaret, Jan. 28. goh iromoto photo/the ubyssey
exchanged comments and talked
to the audience. Matt said that it key-tar on stage so he can dance act, the pair declared that there pumped from the show, which same size as mine. And outside,
was a night of firsts, explaining “like an idiot,” which the audi- was to be a dance party follow- they said was about as exciting dozens of sweaty concertgoers
that it was their first time in Van- ence should dissuade him from ing the show and demanded that as any they played in Brooklyn gathered outside to smoke like
couver, finding graffiti written in doing (to her dismay they began no one leave. To cap off the set, (in a complimentary way), and they’d just had the fuck of their
their honour and finally, that he chanting “key-tar”). during the last song Matt leapt seemed pretty happy to be inter- lives.
was turning 27 at midnight. Kim Although some of the more off the stage and joined in the acting with their fans. Kim gave The writing was on the wall
mocked Matt when he rapped interesting drumming and crowd surfing, still clutching his a friend and I some drinks that before the show even started;
(although she didn’t seem to handclapping used in Grand microphone. she couldn’t finish. At one point “Matt and Kim rule.” Actually,
have a problem when they cov- were missing from the perfor- The pair mingled with the I compared big toe sizes with it was scrawled on the door of
ered Europe’s “The Final Count- mance, the show definitely put crowd following their set. Matt Matt. He was apparently wor- a stall in the men’s room in
down”), and later announced the album they were promoting was excited for his approaching ried his were too big, although sharpie, but that just added to
that Matt wants to begin using a to shame. Toward the end of the birthday. They were still fairly they weren’t—they were the the spirit of the show. U

Matt talks to The Ubyssey


And Kim sings for us too—over the phone
by Celestian Rince “Hey it’s Matt and Kim!” and we maintain control but have a
Culture Staff don’t know whether we know more specific setting where we
them or not. can get good help.
THE UBYSSEY So, some friends U You and Kim met at the Pratt U You guys didn’t have an
and I were at your Vancouver Institute in Brooklyn. Do you encore at your Vancouver show.
show and I just wanted to say it ever regret leaving what you What’s the reason for that?
was fucking awesome. were pursuing there in favour M We have a no-encore policy.
MATT Yeah, it was crazy. I of your music? We spend lots of time coming
kicked part of the ceiling down M I may have spent $120,000 up with an appropriate setlist
while crowdsurfing. I thought on a film education but I would that brings your emotions up
they were going to charge me honestly be happy making mu- and down, hits a peak, ends on
for it but they were totally cool sic for the rest of my life. No, we a good note. We don’t like hav-
about it. don’t regret it. Kim was doing ing a forced encore, or holding
U I heard that you have a really art at the Pratt Institute, and she songs in reserve. We play the
large big toe. And that my friend makes all our artwork, album show then have a dance-off.
was comparing his to yours? art and stuff. And this is kinda That’s our encore.
M Yeah, it’s true. But it kinda weird, but I think learning how U You guys didn’t play “Les-
helps with running. to make a photograph balanced sons Learned”; I was really
U I read that you guys started and complete translates over to looking forward to hearing Kim
off playing house parties and writing a good song. Like my fa- sing. I asked her to do the cho-
places like that. How do you vourite filmmakers Tim Burton, rus after the show, but she said
find that compared to playing at Terry Gilliam­—they were illus- she would do it for me over the
venues? trators. They “got” illustrating phone. Could you…
M Well, we did enjoy playing and it helped them “get” film- KIM “Dah, dah, dah, dah, dah
at unsanctioned places. But as making. It’s all connected. dah…..dah dah…dah dah”
it got more and more crowded U Your first album was pro- MATT That was the first time
and unsafe, we had to stop. But duced in nine days in a stu- anyone’s heard it live. We’ve
we try to keep the old vibe, and dio, your second over several never played it before. That was
not have a clear divide where months in your parents’ house. the first time.
we are the band, you are the Where and how do you plan to U Are you planning to come
audience. produce your next album? back to Vancouver any time
U So you enjoy personal inter- M We were able to make the soon?
action with the audience? second album the way we want- M Yeah, we hope so! We finally
M Yeah. You go into a town, ed, we had full control, but it made it here. We wanted to be-
you don’t know what to expect. was so fucking hard. When you fore, but it never worked out.
We like hanging out with the au- spend every second that you’re And we got stuck at the border
dience, it’s fun. And sometimes not on tour trying to finish your and thought: okay, it’s over. But
it’s kinda confusing, someone album, it takes a toll. So we plan it all worked out….We’ll be back
will call out to us and be like to have a balance. We want to as soon as we can! U The writing’s on the wall—of the men’s room. goh iromoto photo/the ubyssey
SSports
No country for big men: UBC beats Calgary
Editor: Shun Endo | E-mail: sports@ubyssey.ca February 3, 2009 | Page 18

Solid defence allows squad to pass by Lethbridge and Calgary


by Ian Turner son knew the two team’s styles the game with 27 points and
Sports Staff would differ noticeably. The Di- stacked up well against the
nos’ two brothers—Henry and Dinos’ point guard, Jamie
The University of Calgary Dinos Ross Bekkering—would give McLeod. Whyte managed to
got trashed again by the UBC Calgary a clear height advan- steal four times and coast-to-
men’s basketball team Satur- tage and promote them playing coast a few times while also
day night. through the post. UBC’s height managing to break into the
The game started off with disadvantage would require paint for several lay-ups and
Chris Dyck reasserting himself playing predominantly beyond passing frequently. He walked
after a scoreless match against the arc and frequently driving away from Saturday’s game
Lethbridge on Friday night. He to the hoop to score; Saturday with seven assists.
scored a three-pointer early on, night UBC played small ball: UBC’s budding young centre
and was the second to score for a high-tempo structure where Balraj Bains was also limited
UBC. In the third quarter he the centre is insignificant to to the bench. Last year in the
started to redeem himself and the flow of the offence. UBC’s qualifying round for the Otta-
gain confidence; the first four big men fouled profusely in wa-based CIS championships
shots of the third quarter that the first quarter, which only he played the majority of the
he rattled off found the bucket. further highlighted the differ- game as UBC beat the Dinos
He raked in a total of 14 points ences of the two team’s playing in Calgary to advance on to Ot-
that period. He walked off the styles as UBC frequently only tawa. While he gave the crowd
court Saturday night with 24 had one big man at the court the only dunk of the game, he
points on the score sheet. at any given time. Bryson Kool had to spend most of the night
Was head coach Kevin Han- was the first of three UBC big on the bench as he too found
son worried prior to the game men in the first quarter to get himself in foul trouble. He
that Dyck would not have the two fouls. Matt Racher and Gra- eventually fouled out of the
maturity to bounce back? Nope. ham Bath followed suit. game; however, at that point
“Him going 0-for-11 could have UBC’s foul trouble is what the game’s outcome was not in
had a lot of negative impact,” kept the Dinos from falling be- doubt.
said Hanson. “But he came by hind in the first frame. UBC’s Hanson plans to have Bains
my office about a half hour af- nine fouls allowed the Dinos in the weight room this sum-
ter the game last night and he to garner seven points at the mer. He certainly could add
said ‘Everything good coach?’ line. The Dinos only fouled four some “meat”—weight and
I asked him if he needed to times. The period ended 16 to muscle—to his six-foot-nine
talk and he said ‘Nope.’” Han- 13 for UBC. frame. With two of UBC’s big
son said that then and there The second quarter saw men—Bryson Kool and Matt
he knew that Dyck had the Calgary and UBC tussle back Racher—graduating this year
“maturity” required to bounce and forth on the court. Neither Bains will have an opportunity
back and that he only needed team was able to break away to find himself a starting posi-
a bucket to regain his previous until the final minute when tion on the court.
stature. Josh Whyte stole the ball from The fourth quarter was
After Saturday’s game, Dyck Calgary. Whyte passed the ball rather uneventful as early on
said “It was the first scoreless to a streaking Nathan Yu who UBC secured the required lead
game of my life. But we won drove the layup in to get UBC to dabble its way to the finish
that game so I was happy. And ahead by three points. Whyte line. Whyte and Dyck were both TOP LEFT Bryson Kool gets surrounded by Proghorn defence. 
everyone just told me to be ag- finished the first half with an- pulled in the final minute. shawn li photo/the ubyssey
gressive and I know what I can other quick layup, pushing the Entering the game, the Dinos TOP RIGHT Matt Rachar fights for the ball against the Dinos.
do, and I just had to be confi- T-Birds to a five point lead. were ranked eighth in Canada. keegan bursaw photo/the ubyssey
dent and go out and play.” Whyte excelled in the small After last night, odds are they BOTTOM Josh Whyte jumps for a layup over the Calgary defenceman.
Going into the game Han- ball structure. He finished will slip down the ladder. U keegan bursaw photo/the ubyssey
february 3, 2009 the ubyssey | www.ubyssey.ca sports | 19

UBC wins two to stay in playoff hunt


by Drake Fenton ond when Lethrbridge was on a Following the game UBC coach
Sports Writer 5–3 advantage that seemed to last Milan Dragicevic commented on
an eternity. UBC’s keys to success. “Thuot was
Saturday night the UBC Men’s Midway through the second stellar in net, and our specialty
Hockey team defeated the Leth- UBC’s Ryan DeVries added anoth- teams really helped us get a vic-
bridge Pronghorns 4–1 extending er strike for the Birds. Following a tory. Going perfect on the PK while
their current winning streak to mad scramble in front of the net adding three power play goals of
three games. The victory was the DeVries picked up a garbage goal our own are statistics that go a
second of the weekend for the by smashing a juicy rebound past long way in winning games.” The
Birds and it gave them some the Pronghorns goaltender. Fac- victory marked UBC’s third in a
breathing room on their tentative ing a 2–0 deficit the Pronghorns row and it has given them a highly
hold on the final playoff spot in answered with a tally of their own plausible opportunity of securing
the Canada West. making it a 2–1 game going into a play-off birth. The importance of
UBC’s match up against the the third. the victory did not go unnoticed
Pronghorns started rather un- The third period was all UBC. by Dragicevic. “We need to build
eventfully, with neither side re- In it the Birds showed that they upon our success here and keep
ceiving too many scoring oppor- have a playoff calibre team, and playing with confidence and swag-
tunities. Both teams’ net minders played at a much higher level ger. As it stands right now whether
held their own between the pipes, than their 8–12–2 record would we get in [the playoffs] or not rests
and neither team’s defence was indicate. Francois Thuot was im- entirely on our own shoulders.
giving away much ground. Yet maculate between the pipes, en Our destiny has been placed in
this changed with less than five route to a 36 save performance. our hands and that’s exactly how
minutes left in the period. The The Birds’ offence also show- we want it to be.”
Birds’ Dalton Pajak broke the ice cased its ability adding an even On a side note, this game
by burying a power play goal. At strength and a power play goal to marked fourth-year player Darrel
intermission UBC was the owner give them a decisive 4-1 advan- May’s 100th CIS game for UBC.
of a 1–0 lead. tage. Jeff Lynch’s even strength On top of achieving this mile-
The second period saw UBC goal, in particular, was highlight stone May nabbed three assists
playing some tough gritty hockey. reel material. Flying down the to take home player of the game
The Pronghorns consistently wing on a two-on-one scenario accolades.
were on the man advantage but Lynch saw his pass option taken Next week UBC keeps their
the Birds’ PK unit hung in tough. away by the Pronghorn defender play-off destiny in hand when TOP Nick Duff dekes out the Proghorn defence.
On the night they were eight for and without hesitation let a how- they head to the University of keegan bursaw photo/the ubyssey
eight when killing off penalties, itzer fly, finding top cheese on the Saskatchewan for back to back BOTTOM UBC goaltender Gerry Festa blocks out the puck.
including one stretch in the sec- goalie’s near glove side. games. U keegan bursaw photo/the ubyssey

The ball is in Toope’s court, but is the clock really ticking?


same position that has been in one side or the other. So, Toope our conference a very real issue. UBC have to choose this year?
place for quite some time: The will have a decision to make. He But that’s what a negotiation is Is waiting for the situation to
UBC community is deeply split, can say yes. He can say no. Or, he for, and that’s what UBC is work- become more clear an option?
Athletics is doing everything could say...nothing. ing on. Here’s what he said:
they can to ignore that and push Now, I’m not suggesting that Second, there are still a num- “Do we have to make the deci-
forward the issue, and nobody is Toope will take the report, put ber of major issues with joining sion this year? No. There’s a win-
quite sure when a decision going it in his desk, and twiddle his the stateside-association that dow of opportunity. I guess from
to be made. thumbs as though no real deci- the university is very concerned some people’s perspective, a lot
Ultimately, that decision sion will ever have to be made. about. One is that UBC would of energy has gone into this and
isn’t going to come down to Bob But the decision to join the NCAA need to receive accreditation there’s a lot of momentum here—
Philip, the new AMS president, may not be as imminent as some from an American institution. you know sports people and how
students, athletes, alumni, or would think. It was in 2007 that Another is the fact that students they love momentum—but I’m
faculty. It’s going to come down NCAA Division 2 approved a ten- were heavily against the move in not going to be rushed into this. If
to UBC president Stephen Toope. year pilot project to allow interna- the consultation forms filled out we’re not ready, if we don’t think
By Justin McElroy This month, he’s scheduled to tional schools to join their league. last semester. Bob Philip has said we have all the information we
Columnist get a final report from the NCAA Math may not be my strong suit, that this a decision that needs to need, if it’s not settled, we may
Review Committee. It’s been indi- but I’m fairly certain that we’re be made now, otherwise it will have to delay a decision.”
Remember way back in October, cated by Marie Earl, a co-chair of not even close to the end of that send a message to the NCAA that What does this mean? Well, we
when the economy was only in a the committee, that there won’t window yet. UBC has plenty of we’re not actually interested. won’t know for sure until Toope
recession instead of a depression, be a recommendation on wheth- time to make that decision. But that’s more a negotiating makes his decision—but it means
and we were all told about the im- er to join the NCAA or not, due to The problems that UBC has ploy than anything else, to force that there’s a distinct chance that
portant NCAA consultation, and a the immense divides in opinion. with the CIS (Canadian Interuni- the issue while Athletics has those who have waited for years
decision was imminent? What the They’ll raise issues that need to versity Sport) are very real, with momentum. for UBC to make the leap to the
heck happened to that, anyway? be considered in the final deci- a lack of scholarships and a num- In December, I broached this NCAA might have to wait just a bit
Well, we’re still stuck in the sion, but won’t come down on ber of much weaker schools in very subject with Toope: Does longer. U
EEditorial
One horse town still a problem
On January 25, the provincial government took possession of a
paper mill in the northern town of Mackenzie, BC, and with it, 45
employees and associated costs that could equal $50 million by
If you’d like to submit a letter, please contact feedback@ubyssey.ca February 3, 2009 | Page 20

the time the dust settles.


The mill is an environmental powder keg, home to millions
of litres of chemicals that could seep into the surrounding area if
equipment freezes in the northern BC weather. None of this would
be an issue except the company that owns the mill abandoned it
and stopped paying employees. They were about to walk off the
job before Environment Minister Barry Penner declared the facil-
ity an environmental emergency and took over.
After all this, the BC government may be on the hook for the
bizarrely counter-productive task of dismantling a working indus-
trial facility. Pat Bell, the Liberal forest minister, declared that
he’d hold the offending company for the $1-million/month cost
of maintaining the facility, but the cost will remain on the books
in the meantime.
It’s hard to say what realistic options the government could
have pursued to prevent this situation. The mill was owned by
Pope & Talbot before the company went bankrupt. It was then
taken over by Worthington Mackenzie Inc. and, after a series of
transactions, the mill ended up registered to Drago N. Puskaric,
a Slovenian. For a time it looked like owners had abandoned the
mill entirely.
The regular route, regulations and fines, lose a lot of their pow-
er when they’re dealing with foreign companies that are willing
to walk away from their investments outright. The only obvious
solution is for the government to bite the bullet and watch the
industry more carefully to make sure that the companies who buy
these facilities up have the means and will operate healthily.
It wouldn’t be easy, however, and it would be a commitment
that’s only going to get bigger, even in the small town of Mackenzie. by Kathy Yan Li
There’s nothing healthy about the Mackenzie economy, which

Blast from the past


was based almost entirely around the forestry industry. Earlier
this year, the town’s two biggest employers, AbitibiBowater and
Pope & Talbot, both shut down pulp mills in the town, totalling
roughly 800 jobs lost in a community of 4500. After the second
closure, The Globe and Mail ran a story called “’There’s nothing ON FEBRUARY 3RD, 1966 WE REPORTED:

Mate pays on big day


more. The town is dying.’”
The town was founded in 1966 under the Instant Towns Act
to house service the forestry industry. At the time it was still
largely a forestry-dominated frontier town. Like any place people
call home, it matured, sprouted stores, more comfortable homes,
schools, community buildings and service facilities. In spite of all
Prexy hopeful in hoosegow
this it’s still a single-industry town, and now that forestry is facing Alma Mater Society presiden- the three days.”
a perfect storm of global competition, the recession and the col- tial candidate Gabor Mate al- Mate was joined by Ubyssey
lapse of the American housing industry—the town and the people most spent election day in jail reporter Stuart Gray in his cell
who don’t leave it are facing a free fall. Wednesday. while he was waiting to reappear
Like in many areas of the economy, the tax base is collapsing Mate said he was summonsed in court.
at precisely the same time when government costs—to fight emer- to the Vancouver Traffis Court to Gray also had’ a traffic fine.
gencies of all scales—are going up. Only Mackenzie feels the ebb pay a parking ticket , and plead- “We compared notes on bu-
and flow of the economy so closely that the situation there is even ed’ guilty. reacratic idiocy with two drunk
more pressing than in most Canadian cities. Mackenzie could His fine was set at $15 with cellmates,” said Gray.
quickly become a northern ghetto if the jobs don’t come back. the alternative of three days in Mate was given a week to pay
The town and the issues orbiting it create a difficult situation. jail. his fine.
The government is right to step in now and it should step in in the “Since I didn’t have too many GABOR MATE. . . changed mind
future or it risks watching things get much, much worse.U dollars, I took the three days,” [Editors’ note, 2009]: The text
said Mate. of this article is reproduced ex- Gabor Mate is currently the
Why the AMS is like a MMORPG But he found out the jail pe-
riod was to start as soon as he
actly as printed in 1966.
In the 1960s, people either
staff physician at the Portland
Hotel on Vancouver’s Downtown
Every play World of Warcraft (WoW)? Everquest? These are games got out of court, thus jailing him spoke very strangely or our edi- Eastside.
have defined a generation of intense, nerdy computer gamers. on election day, he said. tors deliberately attempted to con- Dr. Maté has had regular med-
One can only imagine where those who created these deliciously “So I changed my mind. fuse our readers. ical columns in The Vancouver
addicting monstrosities got their inspiration. However, we at The “If it wasn’t election day, I Prexy = president. Sun and The Globe and Mail. U
Ubyssey think that Blizzard (the creator of WoW) got their ideas wouldn’t have minded serving Hoosegow = a jail.
from the Alma Mater Society of the University of British Columbia.
To see this association, there are a few terms you have to be
familiar with to see the similarities. Grinding, for one: an act in
which you do horribly repetitive tasks in order to become more
powerful—sort of like the AMS elections each year. They are filled
Streeters
with hazards that could instantly end anything—spoiled ballots, What do you think about the engineers being arrested for their prank this morning?
cheating candidates, wrath of god. The elections sometimes work
out, sometimes don’t, but in the end, you’re just happy when
they’re done.
Due to grinding, the AMS has been slowly improving over
the years. In the beginning, it had no building of its own. Then it
moved to Brock Hall, then later it would build the SUB we know
today. Soon it is going to hit level 80 (the highest level in WoW)
with the new fancy SUB.
What we here are The Ubyssey are trying to say is that the AMS,
like WoW, can be extremely amusing for some people. It can give
people talents and generally provide a positive, if brief, departure
from the real world. The campus U-Pass, an example of levelling
up, which most students are extremely pleased about, was brought Jonathan Simms Dixon Chong Omar Bahgat Emily Kaplum Nathan Tippe
about after very extensive talks with TransLink. And in its latest MBA 1 Engineering 1 Engineering 1 Commerce 1 Commerce 1
endeavour, AMS president Michael Duncan negotiated almost
“I think the “They do it “It would have “I think it’s quite “I think the
limitless hours for AMS students to use the Aquatic Centre.
stunt’s pretty every year...it’s been nice if unfortunate prank was a
The AMS no doubt has problems. Like WoW, it occasionally
cool...it’s cool to just a harmless [they] didn’t that they got ar- really good idea
involve fires. They aren’t always the most open about public policy
see [students] thing...they took [get caught] rested this time. and a really
or consultation. Sometimes they make mistakes that have conse-
do something a risk for noth- like all the other It’s kind of cool good concept. I
quences years down the road—like a ten-year Coca-Cola exclusivity
deal signed back in the 90s. interesting, and ing.” years.” that they have think they need
But what we have to remember is the AMS is not run by hard- I think it’s too the tradition of to be careful
ened politicians who have been doing this for years. The AMS at bad they got doing that.” with the way
its top is made up of students who often have their first taste of caught, but it’s they’re repre-
political life. Level 1 scholars who are thrust into the limelight at better that it’s il- senting UBC.”
an early age. Sure you may mock those who are involved, and they legal, it gives it a
may deserved to be mocked, but don’t focus on the misguided pas- little more posi-
sion—focus on the results. tive stigma.”
And that is how the AMS is like WoW. U —Coordinated by Tara Martellaro & Kathy Yan Li, with photos by Shun Endo
OOpinion
Stimulating
If you’d like to submit a letter, please contact feedback@ubyssey.ca

Letters
IN RESPONSE TO “BORDERLINE graduate in May with nothing but
February 3, 2009 | Page 21

care at UBC and features it in his


EXPERIENCE” JAN 27, 2009 a BA (*twirls finger*) and a split- platform. Other candidates who

education
ting headache. And it’s your fault! include child care in their official
Sounds like someone at The Yeah, you. Well not the BA part— platforms are VP Academic can-
Ubyssey had a bad cross border that’s my bad—but the headache didates Sonia Purewal, Johannes
shopping experience....Poor baby. part is all you. Rebane and Jeremy Wood, and VP
What happened? Had to pay You people who call Stephen External candidate Timothy Chu.
taxes on shit you didn’t hide well Harper a fascist without your Other candidates who are sup-
by Rob Fleming enough? Did a scary person in tongues planted firmly in your portive of child care include VP
BC NDP’s Critic for uniform ask you a question? Did cheek. Administrative candidates Tristan
you miss Gossip Girl because of a You RCMP baiting pseudo Markle and Crystal Hon, and VP
Advanced Education long wait in line? martyrs. Finance candidate Ale Coates. I
Last week’s federal budget I don’t think you’re going to You jargon shouters and ped- will be voting for child care at UBC
missed an opportunity to ad- like this but someone needs to tell lars of isms. in this AMS election and I encour-
equately boost post-secondary you: if you are not a citizen of the You’re the I-Can’t-Believe-It’s- age you to do so as well. For more
funding and research activity to country you are trying to enter, Not-Butter of leftist thought. information on each candidate’s
strategically help our economy’s you have NO right to go there. You You’re all ego, and have left stance on child care at UBC check
short-term rescue and long-term have no right to shop there; you me nothing but disillusioned. You out our report at www.antigo-
prosperity. have no right to vacation there; were supposed to be the brightest nemagazine.wordpress.com.
BC’s budget, due on February you have no right to meet your our country had to offer and yet —Amanda Reaume
17, cannot afford to similarly internet girlfriend there, etc. here you are, spouting the Coles Editor, Antigone Magazine
ignore the positive, immediate I would suggest that since you Notes of political theory. You’re MA English 2
economic benefits of directing have no right to enter their coun- sound bite ready, your politics
new public spending on higher try, you should show them a little worn like that keffiyeh you got at IN RESPONSE TO THE NORMAN
education in this downturn and respect in order to get in. Don’t Urban Behaviour. And what’s sad FINKELSTEIN LECTURE AT UBC
for the future. So far, premier give attitude to the custom inspec- is that your causes have meaning.
Gordon Campbell hasn’t given ROB FLEMING tors. Don’t expect to be allowed They are worth the effort and de- Jon Elmer, who visited our cam-
us any confidence that he under- into the country to study without serve more than your Teleprompt- pus last semester, had an excuse
stands this. rules remain unclear how read- a visa. Don’t lie to them. Don’t er rhetoric. for misrepresenting facts; he is a
Recall last spring: the BC ily institutions are able to match withhold information. Don’t hide Your indignation does not ex- photojournalist lecturing about
Liberals actually cut 2.6 per and access these dollars. And drugs in your colon. Follow these cuse your ignorance. history. That is to say, Elmer is
cent from university and college in BC, the federal addition will simple suggestions and I think Your mouth is no substitute for simply ignorant of the complex
operating budgets and reduced barely replace the province’s you’ll find crossing the border to your ears. history of the Middle East conflict.
student aid by seven per cent. $100-million reduction to this be less of “a crapshoot.” So the next time you rip into Norman Finkelstein, a knowl-
Then after the global crisis year’s post-secondary capital As for profiling at the border, it the far right, stop and look down. edgeable scholar, can plead no
emerged, the premier hastily allocation. is very true that not everyone who You’re not too close to the centre, such ignorance. This makes his
crafted his November ten-point Like the BC Liberals’ current looks like a “criminal” is one. It either. misrepresentation of facts when
economic plan, which failed to budget, the Harper budget failed is also true that woman with the —Matthew Landry he spoke on campus last week
include a single dime for educa- to provide significant new invest- nervous twitch wearing the tinfoil Political Science 4 that much more disgraceful.
tion. It maintained the $60-mil- ment in the human capital that hat or the man wearing a shirt Among Finkelstein’s many erro-
lion cut from BC universities and is the engine of our institutions— covered in blood may not be the [Editors’ note]: The Ubyssey has neous assertions, he posited on
colleges earlier in the year and faculty, graduate and undergrad- best people to allow to enter the never called Stephen Harper a more than one occasion that an
added nothing to stimulate the uate students and the agencies country. The best way to find out? fascist. No one from The Ubyssey Israeli withdrawal to pre-1967
economy’s knowledge and inno- that enable research activity. Questioning! So don’t hesitate, lie, owns a keffiyeh. The Ubyssey also borders and granting a right of
vation capacity in our university- Additional public spending or refuse to answer. strives to be as politically neutral return to Palestinian refugees was
based research community. on skills training and research I would also LOVE to hear the as possible. The weekly columns of a viable and legitimate solution
While economists urge gov- and development activities at actual number and source for this the SDS and the RBF represent their to the conflict. He made it sound
ernment to address consumer our major universities is critical mysterious “undesirably high” own political views and do not nec- like Israel could have and should
confidence and personal debt to help communities and indus- percentage of innocent, God-fear- essarily represent the views of The have accepted this resolution long
levels, the BC Liberals have tries adapt, change and remain ing, sweater vest wearing people Ubyssey. ago. When I asked him during the
stayed the course on ignoring competitive and innovative. that get “harassed and detained” question-answer period whether
the financial plight of BC stu- Right now, BC’s jobless num- at the border. UBC CHILD CARE AN he truly believed Israel could
dents—now among the most bers are rising quickly. And so is This “opinion piece” was IMPORTANT ISSUE ever accept such a resolution that
heavily indebted in Canada and demand for advanced education ridiculous. It was completely un- would eliminate Israel’s Jewish
the Organisation for Economic and retraining. Keeping and cre- constructive whining from people In the six years that I have spent majority, he admitted that the
Co-operation and Development. ating new jobs in every sector of who think they are above the rules at UBC completing two degrees, resolution was not in fact viable.
And they did nothing even the economy—natural resourc- and the people whose job it is to attempts to increase child care He changed his argument, some-
when campus-based student es, manufacturing, health and enforce them. Fuck you. I hope spaces and access at UBC have thing lost on most of the audience,
assistance from bursary endow- human services, tourism and someone with very large and very been largely in vain. Over the to argue that Israel should have
ments took a significant hit. retail—is simply not possible cold hands performs your cavity years, there has been a lot of talk negotiated around the refugee is-
In contrast to Campbell, BC without our advanced education search next time you try to cross and posturing about how child sue. He knew the whole time that
NDP leader Carole James’s eco- institutions meeting this new the border. care spaces will be increased, new his preferred resolution was not
nomic package would deliver for demand and filling our prov- —Katy Mellon buildings will be built and more viable, yet he chose to present it
post-secondary education. Her ince’s labour market needs. Linguistics 3 student parents will be able to differently in order to further in-
plan calls for additional operat- We need to think about how have access to the UBC Child Care fluence his devoted audience.
ing dollars to stem declining we help the next group of BC UBYSSEY KILLING UBC system. Well, I’m still waiting to This is just one example of Fin-
per-student funding and support entrepreneurs, scholars, trades- actually see all of those things kelstein’s misrepresentation of
enrollment growth, expanded people, administrators and com- The Ubyssey is killing the heart come to fruition. the conflict. Worst is Finkelstein’s
research activity, raising gradu- munity leaders contribute to this and soul of UBC... The wait lists for daycare at absurd claim that Hamas wants
ate scholarships, and actions to province. That’s why smart new Good opening line, no? You UBC are still two to three years peace. Article 13 of Hamas’s
lower student debt—including public spending aimed at stimu- burgeoning socialists seem to like (sometimes longer) and there charter states, “There is no solu-
cutting student loan interest lating our economy and the skills hyperbole, so I thought that’d start are still over 1300 children on tion for the Palestinian question
rates and creating a four-year and creativity of our citizens has us off right. those wait lists. Something has except through Jihad.” Absolutely
student grant program. to invest in our colleges, univer- Well, perhaps not. Perhaps The to be done. Student parents, and no evidence exists to suggest that
While infrastructure funds sities and technical institutes. Ubyssey isn’t killing campus spir- especially female single parents, Hamas wants peaceful coexis-
for campus bricks and mortar Rob Fleming is the BC NDP’s it; that would give too much credit are being unduly inconvenienced tence with the Jewish state. This
projects did feature in this fed- critic for Advanced Education and to something I find under my bus and are having their studies inter- utter fabrication is not a minor
eral Conservative budget, the the MLA for Victoria-Hillside.U seat. But what it is doing—and do- rupted or even terminated due to detail, but rather the fundamental
ing quite well—is perpetuating the the inability to find licensed care. block upon which his entire argu-
great circle jerk of modern pundit- As the editor of Antigone Maga- ment is built.
Internet Commentary ry. Sycophantic politico-types and
anarchic-vegans need only apply.
zine, the campus’s feminist semi-
annual publication, I’ve decided it
His calling Israel “Spartan” and
“satanic” convinces me that Fin-
I suppose the “Concerned has to start with our organization. kelstein’s conspiracy theory that
The AMS (and its exec) has not paid. They gain nothing except Types” try, though. I mean, if they Next academic year, we will be Professor Alan Dershowitz had
remained out of the fire because the occasional free meal and didn’t suggest we have an open spearheading a campaign to put something to do with Finkelstein
of voters. It has done so through something to talk about in a job and honest discourse, who would? pressure on all decision makers being denied tenure at DePaul
the dedicated work and effort of interview. I respect that—the courage to talk to make child care access at UBC University is deluded paranoia.
a myriad of private individuals Props to them, time and about talking more. And especial- a priority and hopefully (finally!) a Having seen his intellect in action,
who have sacrificed countless again. Lets hope that such true ly about such controversial topics. reality. That is why we decided to I am convinced Finkelstein was
hours sitting in committee meet- student leaders continue to rise Capitalism IS bad. look at the candidates for the AMS placed on academic leave by the
ings and around the AMS table from the ranks of our faculties See, I came to UBC four years elections and to find out their po- university because of his shoddy
to make sure that those with the and continue to fight the good ago, and in looking for other sitions on child care at UBC. academia and misleading, deceit-
keys to the kingdom did right by fight, every hour and every day. young socialists to learn from, to We were very relieved to dis- ful relationship with the truth.
their electorate. — Alumn, challenge my assumptions and to cover that many of the candidates —Yoni Dayan
These unsung heroes, of January 27 at ubyssey.ca help me grow, I instead found an were very supportive of child care. Psychology 3
which there are more than you activist culture—presented here in Particularly, presidential candi- Yoni Dayan is a member of
can count, deserve all the credit. The Ubyssey, at least—lacking in date Blake Frederick is a strong UBC’s Israel Awareness Club.
They are not execs, they are not perspective and humility. So I will and passionate supporter of child
22 | games and comics the ubyssey | www.ubyssey.ca february 3, 2009

Crossword by Kyrstin Bain

ACROSS 49. Cob of corn 13. Someone who has grown up in


1. Ineffectual 50. Wealthy the city
6. A lot, with ‘of’ 53. Old horse 18. Water flea
11. One of five in Shakespeare plays 54. Dried-up 22. Start the waterworks
14. Tooth 55. The smallest of the Great Lakes 23. Oh no!
15. Pale purple 57. Homely 24. Enter the number
16. Ev’n 59. A type of submachine gun 26. Fish often used as bait
17. Flying reptile, first vertebrates 60. Something which alleviates fever 29. Aug’s follower
known to evolve powered flight 64. Catch 30. Omnipotent being
19. Argument 65. Skip out, with ‘off’ usually 33. Greek goddess of the hearth
20. “Do you see what I’m trying to 66. Oats genus 35. Unjustly
___?” 67. Take to court 36. “Whoa!”
21. Speech 68. Painter’s ‘desk’ 38. Morningwood’s “__ Degree”
23. Twelfth month on the Hebrew 69. “Why’re you such a __!” 39. Staple drink brewed from leaves
calendar 40. Listen
25. Pirate’s limb DOWN 41. One of four on a car
27. Relaxed, e.g. soldiers 1. Mischief-maker 44. Add up
28. Sculptor known for the Vietnam 2. Frost’s “The Road __ Taken” 45. “Wonderful!”, down-under
Veteran’s Memorial in Washington 3. Characteristic of good-breeding 46. One capable of bearing legal rights
29. Show indifference 4. One who slices fruit or obligations
31. Toward the leeward side 5. Progression of walk, __, gallop 48. Descend down a mountain
32. One of three fictional planets in 6. Actor Christian of Heathers 51. Wipe out
Irvines’ The Three Worlds Cycle 7. Vid. 52. Group of tribes in southern Sudan
34. Bride’s gift to her husband 8. The highest adult male singing voice 54. Strainer
37. Witches’ potion, perhaps 9. Central American creature similar to 56. Soul singer Redding
42. Maine or Georgia a weasel 58. Ancient Syria
43. Hawk that feeds mainly on fish 10. Conspicuous success 61. “__ no idea!”
44. Aid a criminal 11. “Dealing with him can be such 62. Overnight stop
47. Characteristic of a goat or a frat __.” 63. Sandy island on the surface of a
boy 12. Pick coral reef

SUScomic.com by Michael Bround

1 7 6 9
5 4 7
4 7 8
5 3
9 8 2 3 Corpus Christi by Isaac King & Dan Hawkins

8 6
5 3 2
2 7 1
3 5 6 4

I-Don’t-Care Comic by Maria Cirstea


MEDIUM #50 #4

Horoscope by Trevor Record


ARIES March 21–April 19: When you LIBRA September 23-October 22:
started collecting Harry Potter memo- You’ll finally solve the mystery of Old
rabilia it was bad enough, but getting Man Kritter’s haunted swamp shack
hair samples from the lead actors of this weekend. Old Man Kritter has
the films really underlined your lack of been brewing moonshine in his shack,
foresight. Everyone knows that blood and he has been killing everyone who
samples hold DNA better, as the cells finds out about it. As the week ends,
are still alive when you freeze them for you will make a career change into the
future cloning use. field of shack haunting.
TAURUS April 20-May 20: As Mars SCORPIO October 23–November 21:
ascends to the house of Taurus, a Be wary of strangers with offers that
meaningless assignment of stars to seem too good to be true. Or, I dunno,
a constellation will become visually take a chance on some strangers with
aligned with a planetary body in this some unbelievably good offers. Listen,
solar system from the point of view of I got a stereo system for sale and you
the filthy bipeds slowly destroying the wouldn’t believe the deal I’m willing to
earth. give you on it.
GEMINI May 21-June 21: As you SAGITTARIUS November 22-Decem-
reach your solar high this week the ber 21: This Friday and Saturday night
world will be your oyster. That is, until are filled with potential for multiple GO TO CLASS! by Kathy Yan Li
you crash, your drug-influenced lov- romantic trysts. If you count franti-
ers leave you, and your dealer won’t cally masturbating into a tube sock to
let you have any more solar—even videos of people farting on cakes a
though he knows you’re good for the romantic tryst, you sick puppy.
money.
CAPRICORN December 22-Janu-
CANCER June 22-July 22: A friend will ary 19: Tonight is your night to use
come calling this week, asking you to your charms to knock the socks off
go on an adventure that will lead to of everyone you interact with. But be
romantic and social fulfillment should warned that your scheme to collect
you accept. Unless you don’t have any and resell socks will go horribly awry
friends. I’m talking to you, Jeremy. when you find out that the second-
hand clothing store does not deal in
LEO July 23-August 22: Let’s cut to used, stolen socks.
the chase. If any of the romance,
fun, career mobility, and intellectual AQUARIUS January 20-February 18:
satisfaction that this column promises There are strong opportunities for you
you on a weekly basis was actually to woo handsome horoscope writers
fulfilled, you wouldn’t really care about this week if you send in some pictures
reading this crap. Your week is going and brief description of yourself to
to be pretty similar to those that came this paper. And none of those over-
before it unless you go out looking for exposed high-angled photos. We all
that stuff, rather than wait for a horo- know those are used by chubby girls
scope article to bring it to you. Really. with bad skin, you are not fooling
anyone.
VIRGO August 23-September 22: The
coming weekend is filled with poten-
tial for creative energies. It’s too bad
that you were planning on putting off
PISCES February 19-March 20:
Overall, it won’t matter that you won’t
strike it rich on your trip to Las Vegas.
Want the news in 140 characters or less?
Follow us at www.twitter.com/ubyssey
writing that novel so you could go out The good times, new friends, and
for coffee with your catty friends and passionate lovemaking will more than
whine about your writer’s block. make up for it all. Too bad about the
syphilis, though. U
february 3, 2009 the ubyssey | www.ubyssey.ca advertising | 23
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