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ALL CONTENTS FROM: http://www.bullyonline.org/

Where are people bullied?

• at work by their manager or co-workers or subordinates, or by their clients (bullying,
workplace bullying, mobbing, work abuse, harassment, discrimination)
• at home by their partner or parents or siblings or children (bullying, assault, domestic
violence, abuse, verbal abuse)
• at school (bullying, harassment, assault)
• in the care of others, such as in hospital, convalescent homes, care homes, residential homes
(bullying, harassment, assault)
• in the armed forces (bullying, harassment, discrimination, assault)
• by those in authority (harassment, abuse of power)
• by neighbours and landlords (bullying, harassment)
• by strangers (harassment, stalking, assault, sexual assault, rape, grievous bodily harm,
murder)
How do you know if you're being bullied? Bullying differs from harassment and assault in that the latter can result
from a single incident or small number of incidents - which everybody recognises as harassment or assault -
whereas bullying tends to be an accumulation of many small incidents over a long period of time. Each incident
tends to be trivial, and on its own and out of context does not constitute an offence or grounds for disciplinary or
grievance action. So, ...
What is bullying?
• constant nit-picking, fault-finding and criticism of a trivial nature - the triviality, regularity
and frequency betray bullying; often there is a grain of truth (but only a grain) in the criticism
to fool you into believing the criticism has validity, which it does not; often, the criticism is
based on distortion, misrepresentation or fabrication
• simultaneous with the criticism, a constant refusal to acknowledge you and your
contributions and achievements or to recognise your existence and value
• constant attempts to undermine you and your position, status, worth, value and potential
• where you are in a group (eg at work), being singled out and treated differently; for instance,
everyone else can get away with murder but the moment you put a foot wrong - however
trivial - action is taken against you
• being isolated and separated from colleagues, excluded from what's going on, marginalized,
overruled, ignored, sidelined, frozen out, sent to Coventry
• being belittled, demeaned and patronised, especially in front of others
• being humiliated, shouted at and threatened, often in front of others
• being overloaded with work, or having all your work taken away and replaced with either
menial tasks (filing, photocopying, minute taking) or with no work at all
• finding that your work - and the credit for it - is stolen and plagiarised
• having your responsibility increased but your authority taken away
• having annual leave, sickness leave, and - especially - compassionate leave refused
• being denied training necessary for you to fulfil your duties
• having unrealistic goals set, which change as you approach them
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• ditto deadlines which are changed at short notice - or no notice - and without you being
informed until it's too late
• finding that everything you say and do is twisted, distorted and misrepresented
• being subjected to disciplinary procedures with verbal or written warnings imposed for trivial
or fabricated reasons and without proper investigation
• being coerced into leaving through no fault of your own, constructive dismissal, early or ill-
health retirement, etc
For further information on what bullying is, click here. For an answer to the question Why me?, click here.
How do I recognise a bully?
Most bullying is traceable to one person, male or female - bullying is not a gender issue. Bullies are often clever
people (especially female bullies) but you can be clever too.
Who does this describe in your life?
• Jekyll & Hyde nature - vicious and vindictive in private, but innocent and charming in front of
witnesses; no-one can (or wants to) believe this individual has a vindictive nature - only the
current target sees both sides
• is a convincing, compulsive liar and when called to account, will make up anything
spontaneously to fit their needs at that moment
• uses lots of charm and is always plausible and convincing when peers, superiors or others
are present; the motive of the charm is deception and its purpose is to compensate for lack
of empathy
• relies on mimicry to convince others that they are a "normal" human being but their words,
writing and deeds are hollow, superficial and glib
• displays a great deal of certitude and self-assuredness to mask their insecurity
• excels at deception
• exhibits unusual inappropriate attitudes to sexual matters or sexual behaviour; underneath
the charming exterior there are often suspicions or intimations of sexual harassment, sex
discrimination or sexual abuse (sometimes racial prejudice as well)
• exhibits much controlling behaviour and is a control freak
• displays a compulsive need to criticise whilst simultaneously refusing to acknowledge, value
and praise others
• when called upon to share or address the needs and concerns of others, responds with
impatience, irritability and aggression
• often has an overwhelming, unhealthy and narcissistic need to portray themselves as a
wonderful, kind, caring and compassionate person, in contrast to their behaviour and
treatment of others; the bully is oblivious to the discrepancy between how they like to be
seen (and believe they are seen), and how they are actually seen
• has an overbearing belief in their qualities of leadership but cannot distinguish between
leadership (maturity, decisiveness, assertiveness, trust and integrity) and bullying
(immaturity, impulsiveness, aggression, distrust and deceitfulness)
• when called to account, immediately and aggressively denies everything, then counter-
attacks with distorted or fabricated criticisms and allegations; if this is insufficient, quickly
feigns victimhood, often by bursting into tears (the purpose is to avoid answering the
question and thus evade accountability by manipulating others through the use of guilt)
• is also ... aggressive, devious, manipulative, spiteful, vengeful, doesn't listen, can't sustain
mature adult conversation, lacks a conscience, shows no remorse, is drawn to power,
emotionally cold and flat, humourless, joyless, ungrateful, dysfunctional, disruptive, divisive,
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rigid and inflexible, selfish, insincere, insecure, immature and deeply inadequate, especially
in interpersonal skills
I estimate one person in thirty has this behaviour profile. I describe them as having a disordered personality: an
aggressive but intelligent individual who expresses their violence psychologically (constant criticism etc) rather
than physically (assault). For the full profile, click here; to see and be able to recognise the four most common
types of serial bully, click here.
What does bullying do to my health?
Bullying causes injury to health and makes you ill. How many of these symptoms do you have?
• constant high levels of stress and anxiety
• frequent illness such as viral infections especially flu and glandular fever, colds, coughs,
chest, ear, nose and throat infections (stress plays havoc with your immune system)
• aches and pains in the joints and muscles with no obvious cause; also back pain with no
obvious cause and which won't go away or respond to treatment
• headaches and migraines
• tiredness, exhaustion, constant fatigue
• sleeplessness, nightmares, waking early, waking up more tired than when you went to bed
• flashbacks and replays, obsessiveness, can't get the bullying out of your mind
• irritable bowel syndrome
• skin problems such as eczema, psoriasis, athlete's foot, ulcers, shingles, urticaria
• poor concentration, can't concentrate on anything for long
• bad or intermittently-functioning memory, forgetfulness, especially with trivial day-to-day
things
• sweating, trembling, shaking, palpitations, panic attacks
• tearfulness, bursting into tears regularly and over trivial things
• uncharacteristic irritability and angry outbursts
• hypervigilance (feels like but is not paranoia), being constantly on edge
• hypersensitivity, fragility, isolation, withdrawal
• reactive depression, a feeling of woebegoneness, lethargy, hopelessness, anger, futility and
more
• shattered self-confidence, low self-worth, low self-esteem, loss of self-love, etc
For the full set of symptoms of injury to health caused by prolonged negative stress (such as that caused by
bullying, harassment, abuse etc) click here. For details of the trauma that results, click here.
More information on identifying and overcoming bullying and its effects on health is in my book Bully in
sight: how to predict, resist, challenge and combat workplace bullying; click here for book details and
click here to order a copy online. Bully OnLine and the UK National Workplace Bullying Advice Line are
funded by sales of Bully in sight and David Kinchin's book Post Traumatic Stress Disorder: the invisible
injury, and Neil Marr and Tim Field's book Bullycide: death at playtime, an expose of child suicide
caused by bullying.
Welcome to Bully OnLine, web site of the UK National Workplace Bullying Advice Line where Tim Field shares
his unique insight into bullying and its effects on health and profits. Explore the site by clicking the coloured text
or mauve buttons at the bottom of each page. If you have question, see the frequently asked questions page.
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Bullying: what is it?

Types of bullying, bullying tactics, how targets are selected, the difference between bullying and harassment
An answer to the question "Why me?"
On this page
What is bullying?
The twelve types of bullying | Forms that bullying takes
Hierarchical bullying, peer bullying, upward bullying
An answer to the question, Why me?
How bullies select their targets | Events that trigger bullying
Personal qualities of targets that bullies find irresistible
The difference between bullying and harassment
On another page
Definitions of bullying
What is mobbing?
What is bullying?
Bullying is persistent unwelcome behaviour, mostly using unwarranted or invalid criticism, nit-picking, fault-
finding, also exclusion, isolation, being singled out and treated differently, being shouted at, humiliated, excessive
monitoring, having verbal and written warnings imposed, and much more. In the workplace, bullying usually
focuses on distorted or fabricated allegations of underperformance. Click here for definitions of workplace
bullying.
Why do people bully?
The purpose of bullying is to hide inadequacy. Bullying has nothing to do with managing etc; good managers
manage, bad managers bully. Management is managing; bullying is not managing. Therefore, anyone who chooses
to bully is admitting their inadequacy, and the extent to which a person bullies is a measure of their inadequacy.
Bullies project their inadequacy on to others:
a) to avoid facing up to their inadequacy and doing something about it;
b) to avoid accepting responsibility for their behaviour and the effect it has on others, and,
c) to reduce their fear of being seen for what they are, namely a weak, inadequate and often incompetent
individuals, and,
d) to divert attention away from their inadequacy - in an insecure or badly-managed workplace, this is how
inadequate, incompetent and aggressive employees keep their jobs.
Bullying is an inefficient way of working, resulting in disenchantment, demoralisation, demotivation, disaffection,
and alienation. Bullies run dysfunctional and inefficient organisations; staff turnover and sickness absence are high
whilst morale, productivity and profitability are low. Prosperity is illusory and such organizations are a bad long-
term investment. Projection and denial are hallmarks of the serial bully.
Bullying is present behind all forms of harassment, discrimination, prejudice, abuse, persecution, conflict and
violence. When the bullying has a focus (eg race or gender) it is expressed as racial prejudice or harassment, or
sexual discrimination and harassment, and so on. When the bullying lacks a focus (or the bully is aware of the Sex
Discrimination Act or the Race Relations Act), it comes out as pure bullying; this is an opportunity to understand
the behaviours which underlie almost all reprehensible behavior. I believe bullying is the single most important
social issue of today.
Bullying...
is a form of abuse, and bullies - and unenlightened employers - often go to great lengths to keep their targets quiet,
using threats of disciplinary action, dismissal, and gagging clauses. What bullies fear most is exposure of their
inadequacy and being called publicly to account for their behavior and its consequences. This makes sense when
you remember that the purpose of bullying is to hide inadequacy, and people who bully to hide their inadequacy
are often incompetent.
A bully is a person who
• has never learnt to accept responsibility for their behaviour
• wants to enjoy the benefits of living in the adult world, but who is unable and unwilling to
accept the responsibilities that are a prerequisite for being part of the adult world.
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• abdicates and denies responsibility for their behaviour and its consequences (abdication and
denial are common features of bullying)
• is unable and unwilling to recognise the effect of their behaviour on others
• does not want to know of any other way of behaving
• is unwilling to recognise that there could be better ways of behaving.
Bullying is obsessive and compulsive; the serial bully has to have someone to bully and appears to be unable to
survive without a current target.
Despite the facade that such people put up, bullies have low self-confidence and low self-esteem, and thus feel
insecure. Low self-esteem is a factor highlighted by all studies of bullying. Because such people are inadequate
and unable to fulfil the duties and obligations of their position (but have no hesitation in accepting salary), they
fear being revealed. This fear of exposure often borders on paranoia.
Bullies are seething with resentment, bitterness, hatred and anger, and often have wide-ranging prejudices as a
vehicle for dumping their anger onto others. Bullies are driven by jealousy and envy. Rejection (which cannot be
assuaged) is another powerful motivator of bullying.
Bullies are people who have not learned the lesson of consequences, ie that if they behave well there are good
consequences (reward), but if they behave badly there are bad consequences (restriction, sanction, punishment,
etc). Since childhood, bullies have learnt that they can avoid the unpleasant consequences of bad behaviour
through the instinctive response of denial, blame, and feigning victimhood.
How to spot a bully in your workplace
If you have a serial bully on the staff they will reveal themselves by their department showing excessive rates of
• staff turnover
• sickness absence
• stress breakdowns
• deaths in service
• ill-health retirements
• early retirements
• uses of disciplinary procedures
• grievances initiated
• suspensions
• dismissals
• uses of private security firms to snoop on employees
• litigation including employment tribunals or legal action against employees
Types of bullying
Pressure bullying or unwitting bullying is where the stress of the moment causes behaviour to deteriorate; the
person becomes short-tempered, irritable and may shout or swear at others. Everybody does this from time to time,
but when the pressure is removed, behaviour returns to normal, the person recognises the inappropriateness of their
behaviour, makes amends, and may apologise, and - crucially - learns from the experience so that next time the
situation arises they are better able to deal with it. This is "normal" behaviour and I do not include pressure
bullying in my definition of workplace bullying.
Organisational bullying is a combination of pressure bullying and corporate bullying, and occurs when an
organisation struggles to adapt to changing markets, reduced income, cuts in budgets, imposed expectations, and
other external pressures.
Corporate bullying is where the employer abuses employees with impunity knowing that the law is weak and
jobs are scarce, eg:
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• coercing employees to work 60/70/80 weeks on a regular basis then making life hell for (or
dismissing) anyone who objects
• dismissing anyone who looks like having a stress breakdown as it's cheaper (in the UK) to
pay the costs of unfair dismissal at Employment Tribunal (eg £50K maximum, but awards are
usually paltry) than risk facing a personal injury claim for stress breakdown (eg £175K as in
the John Walker case)
• introduces "absence management" to deny employees annual or sick leave to which they are
genuinely entitled
• regularly snoops and spies on employees, eg by listening in to telephone conversations,
using the mystery shopper, contacting customers behind employees backs and asking
leading questions, conducting covert video surveillance (perhaps by fellow employees),
sending personnel officers or private investigators to an employee's home to interrogate the
employees whilst on sick leave, threatening employees with interrogation the moment they
return from sick leave, etc.
• deems any employee suffering from stress as weak and inadequate whilst aggressively
ignoring and denying the cause of stress (bad management and bullying)
• "encourages" employees (with promises of promotion and/or threats of disciplinary action) to
fabricate complaints about their colleagues
• employees are "encouraged" to give up full-time permanent positions in favour of short-term
contracts; anyone who resists has their life made hell
Institutional bullying is similar to corporate bullying and arises when bullying becomes entrenched and accepted
as part of the culture. People are moved, long-existing contracts are replaced with new short-term contracts on less
favourable terms with the accompanying threat of "agree to this or else", workloads are increased, work schedules
are changed, roles are changed, career progression paths are blocked or terminated, etc - and all of this is without
consultation.
Client bullying is where employees are bullied by those they serve, eg teachers are bullied (and often assaulted)
by pupils and their parents, nurses are bullied by patients and their relatives, social workers are bullied by their
clients, and shop/bank/building society staff are bullied by customers. Often the client is claiming their perceived
right (eg to better service) in an abusive, derogatory and often physically violent manner. Client bullying can also
be employees bullying their clients.
Serial bullying is where the source of all dysfunction can be traced to one individual, who picks on one employee
after another and destroys them. This is the most common type of bullying I come across; most of this web site is
devoted to describing and defining the serial bully, who exhibits the behavioural characteristics of a socialised
psychopath. Most people know at least one person in their life with the profile of the serial bully; most people do
not recognise this person as a socialised psychopath, or sociopath. I estimate one person in thirty is either a
physically-violent psychopath who commits criminal acts, or an antisocial whose behaviour is antisocial, or a
sociopath who commits mostly non-arrestable offences. For an in-depth insight into serial bullying, click here.
Secondary bullying is mostly unwitting bullying which people start exhibiting when there's a serial bully in the
department. The pressure of trying to deal with a dysfunctional, divisive and aggressive serial bully causes
everyone's behaviour to decline.
Pair bullying is a serial bully with a colleague. Often one does the talking whilst the other watches and listens.
Usually it's the quiet one you need to watch. Usually they are of opposite gender and frequently there's an affair
going on.
Gang bullying is a serial bully with colleagues. Gangs can occur anywhere, but flourish in corporate bullying
climates. If the bully is an extrovert, they are likely to be leading from the front; they may also be a shouter and
screamer, and thus easily identifiable (and recordable on tape and video-able). If the bully is an introvert, that
person will be in the background initiating the mayhem but probably not taking an active part, and may thus be
harder to identify. A common tactic of this type of bully is to tell everybody a different story - usually about what
others are alleged to have said about that person - and encourage each person to think they are the only one with
the correct story. Introvert bullies are the most dangerous bullies.
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Half the people in the gang are happy for the opportunity to behave badly, they gain gratification from the feeling
of power and control, and enjoy the patronage, protection and reward from the serial bully. The other half of the
gang are coerced into joining in, usually through fear of being the next target if they don't. If anything backfires,
one of these coercees will be the scapegoat and sacrificial lamb on whom enraged targets will be encouraged to
vent their anger. The serial bully watches from a safe distance. Serial bullies gain a great deal of gratification from
encouraging and watching others engage in conflict, especially those who might otherwise pool negative
information about them.
Gang bullying or group bullying is often called mobbing and usually involves scapegoating and victimisation.
Vicarious bullying is where two parties are encouraged to engage in adversarial interaction or conflict. Similar to
gang bullying, although the bully may or may not be directly connected with either of the two parties. One party
becomes the bully's instrument of harassment and is deceived and manipulated into bullying the other party. An
example of vicarious bullying is where the serial bully creates conflict between employer and employee,
participating occasionally to stoke the conflict, but rarely taking an active part in the conflict themselves.
Regulation bullying is where a serial bully forces their target to comply with rules, regulations, procedures or
laws regardless of their appropriateness, applicability or necessity. Legal bullying - the bringing of a vexatious
legal action to control and punish a person - is one of the nastiest forms of bullying.
Residual bullying is the bullying of all kinds that continues after the serial bully has left. Like recruits like and
like promotes like, therefore the serial bully bequeaths a dysfunctional environment to those who are left. This can
last for years.
Cyber bullying is the misuse of email systems or Internet forums etc for sending aggressive flame mails. Serial
bullies have few communication skills (and often none), thus the impersonal nature of email makes it an ideal tool
for causing conflict. Sometimes called cyberstalking.
In environments where bullying is the norm, most people will eventually either become bullies or become targets.
There are few bystanders, as most people will eventually be sucked in. It's about survival: you either adopt
bullying tactics yourself and thus survive by not becoming a target, or you stand up against bullying and refuse to
join in, in which case you are bullied, harassed, victimized and scapegoated until your health is so severely
impaired that you have a stress breakdown (this is a psychiatric injury, not a mental illness - see health page for
details on stress, or the PTSD page for details on psychiatric injury), take ill-health retirement, leave, find yourself
unexpectedly selected for redundancy, or are unfairly dismissed.
Hierarchical bullying, peer bullying, upward bullying
The majority of cases of workplace bullying reported to the UK National Workplace Bullying Advice Line and
Bully OnLine involve an individual being bullied by their manager, and these account for around 75% of cases.
Around a quarter of cases involve bullying and harassment by peers (often with the collusion of a manager either
by proactive involvement or by the manager refusing to take action). A small number of cases (around 1-2%)
involve the bullying of a manager by a subordinate. Serial bullies like to tap into hierarchical power, but they also
generate their own power by simply choosing to bully with impunity and justifying or denying their behaviour
with rationalisation, manipulation, deception or lying.
In a case of bullying of a manager by a subordinate, it's my view that as bullying is a form of violence (at the
psychological and emotional lever rather than the physical) it's the responsibility of the employer, not the
individual manager, to deal with violence at work.
What is bullying?
People who are bullied find that they are:
• constantly criticised and subjected to destructive criticism (often euphemistically called
constructive criticism, which is an oxymoron) - explanations and proof of achievement are
ridiculed, overruled, dismissed or ignored
• forever subject to nit-picking and trivial fault-finding (the triviality is the giveaway)
• undermined, especially in front of others; false concerns are raised, or doubts are expressed
over a person's performance or standard of work - however, the doubts lack substantive and
quantifiable evidence, for they are only the bully's unreliable opinion and are for control, not
performance enhancement
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• overruled, ignored, sidelined, marginalised, ostracised

• isolated and excluded from what's happening (this makes people more vulnerable and easier
to control and subjugate)
• singled out and treated differently (for example everyone else can have long lunch breaks
but if they are one minute late it's a disciplinary offence)
• belittled, degraded, demeaned, ridiculed, patronised, subject to disparaging remarks
• regularly the target of offensive language, personal remarks, or inappropriate bad language
• the target of unwanted sexual behaviour
• threatened, shouted at and humiliated, especially in front of others
• taunted and teased where the intention is to embarrass and humiliate
• set unrealistic goals and deadlines which are unachievable or which are changed without
notice or reason or whenever they get near achieving them
• denied information or knowledge necessary for undertaking work and achieving objectives
• starved of resources, sometimes whilst others often receive more than they need
• denied support by their manager and thus find themselves working in a management
vacuum
• either overloaded with work (this keeps people busy [with no time to tackle bullying] and
makes it harder to achieve targets) or have all their work taken away (which is sometimes
replaced with inappropriate menial jobs, eg photocopying, filing, making coffee)
• have their responsibility increased but their authority removed
• have their work plagiarised, stolen and copied - the bully then presents their target's work
(eg to senior management) as their own
• are given the silent treatment: the bully refuses to communicate and avoids eye contact
(always an indicator of an abusive relationship); often instructions are received only via
email, memos, or a succession of yellow stickies or post-it notes
• subject to excessive monitoring, supervision, micro-management, recording, snooping etc
• the subject of written complaints by other members of staff (most of whom have been
coerced into fabricating allegations - the complaints are trivial, often bizarre ["He looked at
me in a funny way"] and often bear striking similarity to each other, suggesting a common
origin)
• forced to work long hours, often without remuneration and under threat of dismissal
• find requests for leave have unacceptable and unnecessary conditions attached, sometimes
overturning previous approval. especially if the person has taken action to address bullying
in the meantime
• denied annual leave, sickness leave, or - especially - compassionate leave
• when on leave, are harassed by calls at home or on holiday, often at unsocial hours
• receive unpleasant or threatening calls or are harassed with intimidating memos, notes or
emails with no verbal communication, immediately prior to weekends and holidays (eg 4pm
Friday or Christmas Eve - often these are hand-delivered)
• do not have a clear job description, or have one that is exceedingly long or vague; the bully
often deliberately makes the person's role unclear
• are invited to "informal" meetings which turn out to be disciplinary hearings
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• are denied representation at meetings, often under threat of further disciplinary action;
sometimes the bully abuses their position of power to exclude any representative who is
competent to deal with bullying
• encouraged to feel guilty, and to believe they're always the one at fault
• subjected to unwarranted and unjustified verbal or written warnings
• facing unjustified disciplinary action on trivial or specious or false charges
• facing dismissal on fabricated charges or flimsy excuses, often using a trivial incident from
months or years previously
• coerced into reluctant resignation, enforced redundancy, early or ill-health retirement
• denial of the right to earn your livelihood including preventing you getting another job,
usually with a bad or misleading reference
A favourite tactic of bullies which helps them evade detection is to undertake a "reorganisation" at regular
intervals. This has several advantages:
• anyone whose face doesn't fit can be organised out through downsizing (redundancy) or
transfer
• ditto anyone who challenges the reorganisation
• ditto, their job can be "regraded" or "redefined" to the person's disadvantage
• each reorganisation is a smokescreen for the bully's dysfunctional behaviour - everyone is so
busy coping with the reorganisation (chaos) that the bully's behaviour goes unnoticed
• the bully can always claim to be reorganising in the name of "efficiency" and therefore be
perceived by those above as a strong manager
However, there is never any cost-benefit justification to the reorganisation - no figures before and no figures after
to prove the reorganisation has brought benefits.
Why me?
There are many reasons how and why bullies target others, and the reasons are consistent between cases. There are
many myths and stereotypes such as "victims are weak" which I deconstruct on my myths page. Bullying often
repeats because the reasons that bullies target their victims don't change, hence this section also answers the
questions "Why do I keep getting bullied" and "Why do bullies continue to bully me?".
1) How do bullies select their targets?
The bully selects their target using the following criteria:
• bullies are predatory and opportunistic - you just happen to be in the wrong place at the
wrong time; this is always the main reason - investigation will reveal a string of predecessors,
and you will have a string of successors
• being good at your job, often excelling
• being popular with people (colleagues, customers, clients, pupils, parents, patients, etc)
• more than anything else, the bully fears exposure of his/her inadequacy and incompetence;
your presence, popularity and competence unknowingly and unwittingly fuel that fear
• being the expert and the person to whom others come for advice, either personal or
professional (ie you get more attention than the bully)
• having a well-defined set of values which you are unwilling to compromise
• having a strong sense of integrity (bullies despise integrity, for they have none, and seem
compelled to destroy anyone who has integrity)
• having at least one vulnerability that can be exploited
• being too old or too expensive (usually both)
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• refusing to join an established clique

• showing independence of thought or deed
• refusing to become a corporate clone and drone
Jealousy (of relationships and perceived exclusion therefrom) and envy (of talents, abilities, circumstances or
possessions) are strong motivators of bullying.
2) Events that trigger bullying
Bullying starts after one of these events:
• the previous target leaves
• there's a reorganisation
• a new manager is appointed
• your performance unwittingly highlights, draws attention to, exposes or invites unfavourable
comparison with the bully's lack of performance (the harder you work to address the bully's
claims of underperformance, the more insecure and unstable the bully becomes)
• you may have unwittingly become the focus of attention whereas before the bully was the
centre of attention (this often occurs with female bullies) - most bullies are emotionally
immature and thus crave attention
• obvious displays of affection, respect or trust from co-workers
• refusing to obey an order which violates rules, regulations, procedures, or is illegal
• standing up for a colleague who is being bullied - this ensures you will be next; sometimes
the bully drops their current target and turns their attention to you immediately
• blowing the whistle on incompetence, malpractice, fraud, illegality, breaches of procedure,
breaches of health & safety regulations etc
• undertaking trade union duties
• suffering illness or injury, whether work related or not
• challenging the status quo, especially unwittingly
• gaining recognition for your achievements, eg winning an award or being publicly recognised
• gaining promotion
3) Personal qualities that bullies find irresistible
Targets of bullying usually have these qualities:
• popularity (this stimulates jealousy in the less-than-popular bully)
• competence (this stimulates envy in the less-than-competent bully)
• intelligence and intellect
• honesty and integrity (which bullies despise)
• you're trustworthy, trusting, conscientious, loyal and dependable
• a well-developed integrity which you're unwilling to compromise
• you're always willing to go that extra mile and expect others to do the same
• successful, tenacious, determined, courageous, having fortitude
• a sense of humour, including displays of quick-wittedness
• imaginative, creative, innovative
• idealistic, optimistic, always working for improvement and betterment of self, family, the
employer, and the world
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• ability to master new skills

• ability to think long term and to see the bigger picture
• sensitivity (this is a constellation of values to be cherished including empathy, concern for
others, respect, tolerance etc)
• slow to anger
• helpful, always willing to share knowledge and experience
• giving and selfless
• difficulty saying no
• diligent, industrious
• tolerant
• strong sense of honour
• irrepressible, wanting to tackle and correct injustice wherever you see it
• an inability to value oneself whilst attributing greater importance and validity to other
people's opinions of oneself (eg through tests, exams, appraisals, manager's feedback, etc)
• low propensity to violence (ie you prefer to resolve conflict through dialogue rather than
through violence or legal action)
• a strong forgiving streak (which the bully exploits and manipulates to dissuade you from
taking grievance and legal action)
• a desire to always think well of others
• being incorruptible, having high moral standards which you are unwilling to compromise
• being unwilling to lower standards
• a strong well-defined set of values which you are unwilling to compromise or abandon
• high expectations of those in authority and a dislike of incompetent people in positions of
power who abuse power
• a tendency to self-deprecation, indecisiveness, deference and approval seeking
• low assertiveness
• a need to feel valued
• quick to apologise when accused, even if not guilty (this is a useful technique for defusing an
aggressive customer or potential road rage incident)
• perfectionism
• higher-than-average levels of dependency, naivety and guilt
• a strong sense of fair play and a desire to always be reasonable
• high coping skills under stress, especially when the injury to health becomes apparent
• a tendency to internalise anger rather than express it
The typical sequence of events is:
• the target is selected using the criteria above, then bullied for months, perhaps years
• eventually, the target asserts their right not to be bullied, perhaps by filing a complaint with
personnel
• personnel interview the bully, who uses their Jekyll and Hyde nature, compulsive lying, and
charm to tell the opposite story (charm has a motive - deception)
12

• it's one word against another with no witnesses and no evidence, so personnel take the word
of the senior employee - serial bullies excel at deception and evasion of accountability
• the personnel department are hoodwinked by the bully into getting rid of the target - serial
bullies are adept at encouraging conflict between people who might otherwise pool negative
information about them
• once the target is gone, there's a period of between 2-14 days, then a new target is selected
and the process starts again (bullying is an obsessive compulsive behaviour and serial bullies
seem unable to survive without a target on to whom they can project their inadequacy and
incompetence whilst blaming them for the bully's own failings)
• even if the employer realises that they might have sided with the wrong person in the past,
they are unlikely to admit that because to do so may incur liability
• if legal action is taken, employers go to increasingly greater lengths to keep targets quiet,
usually by offering a small out-of-court settlement with a comprehensive gagging clause
• employers are often more frightened of the bully than the target and will go to enormous
lengths to avoid having to deal with bully (promotion for the bully is the most common
outcome)
Contact us for strategies to counter the serial bully's tactics of deception or how to deal with a gagging clause.
There are many myths, misperceptions and stereotypes that bullies and their supporters, apologists and deniers
disingenuously use to hide the facts listed above and to further victimise those targeted; click here for insight to
counter these tactics.
What's the difference between bullying and harassment?
Acts of harassment usually centre around unwanted, offensive and intrusive behaviour with a sexual, racial or
physical component. Measures to identify and proscribe acts of harassment derive from the Sex Discrimination
Act, the Race Relations Act and the law of assault. More recently, the Disability Discrimination Act (1996), the
Criminal Justice and Public Order Act (1994) and the Protection from Harassment Act (1996) have also influenced
attitudes towards harassment. Significantly, the Protection from Harassment Act accords emphasis for the first time
on the target's perception of the harassment rather than the perpetrator's alleged intent.
At present, if one is being bullied and is white, British, able-bodied and the same gender as the bully, one is not
currently covered by discrimination law. Ironically, one is thus discriminated against by not qualifying under
existing discrimination law. Whilst the DTI like to quote the Protection from Harassment Act as the way to deal
with bullying at work, the Act is designed to deal with stalkers, not an incompetent manager criticising a
subordinate in a work environment.
Under the previous Conservative government, the DTI similarly quoted the Criminal Justice and Public Order Act
as the way to deal with bullying. To my knowledge not a single case of workplace bullying has been resolved by
either act - or is ever likely to be.
Definitions of harassment and bullying vary and there is much overlap. The essential differences between
harassment and workplace bullying are as follows:

Harassment Workplace bullying

Has a strong physical component, eg contact and
Almost exclusively psychological (eg criticism),
touch in all its forms, intrusion into personal
may become physical later, especially with male
space and possessions, damage to possessions
bullies, but almost never with female bullies
including a person's work, etc
Tends to focus on the individual because of what Anyone will do, especially if they are competent,
they are (eg female, black, disabled, etc) popular and vulnerable
Although bullies are deeply prejudiced, sex, race
Harassment is usually linked to sex, race,
and gender play little part; it's usually
prejudice, discrimination, etc
discrimination on the basis of competence
Harassment may consist of a single incident or a Bullying is rarely a single incident and tends to
13

be an accumulation of many small incidents,

few incidents or many incidents
The person who is being harassed knows almost
straight away they are being harassed
Everyone can recognise harassment, especially if
there's an assault, indecent assault or sexual
assault
Harassment often reveals itself through use of
recognised offensive vocabulary, eg ("bitch",
"coon", etc)
There's often an element of possession, eg as in
stalking
The harassment almost always has a strong clear The focus is on competence (envy) and
focus (eg sex, race, disability)
Often the harassment is for peer approval,
bravado, macho image etc
Harassment takes place both in and out of work The bullying takes place mostly at work
The harasser often perceives their target as easy,
albeit sometimes a challenge
Harassment is often domination for superiority
The harasser often lacks self-discipline
The harasser often has specific inadequacies (eg The bully is inadequate in all areas of
sexual)
each of which, when taken in isolation and out of
context, seems trivial
The person being bullied may not realise they are
being bullied for weeks or months - until there's a
moment of enlightenment
Few people recognise bullying
Workplace bullying tends to fixate on trivial
criticisms and false allegations of
underperformance; offensive words rarely
appear, although swear words may be used when
there are no witnesses
Phase 1 of bullying is control and subjugation;
when this fails, phase 2 is elimination of the
target
popularity (jealousy)
Tends to be secret behind closed doors with no
witnesses
The target is seen as a threat who must first be
controlled and subjugated, and if that doesn't
work, eliminated
Bullying is for control of threat (of exposure of
the bully's own inadequacy)
The bully is driven by envy (of abilities) and
jealousy (of relationships)
interpersonal and behavioural skills

Workplace bullying definitions

Definition of workplace bullying by Amicus-MSF trade union

"Persistent, offensive, abusive, intimidating or insulting behaviour, abuse of power or unfair penal sanctions
which makes the recipient feel upset, threatened, humiliated or vulnerable, which undermines their self-confidence
and which may cause them to suffer stress"
MSF Union, 1994

Definition of workplace bullying by Tim Field

Those who can, do. Those who can't, bully.
"Bullying is a compulsive need to displace aggression and is achieved by the expression of inadequacy (social,
personal, interpersonal, behavioural, professional) by projection of that inadequacy onto others through control
and subjugation (criticism, exclusion, isolation etc). Bullying is sustained by abdication of responsibility (denial,
counter-accusation, pretence of victimhood) and perpetuated by a climate of fear, ignorance, indifference, silence,
denial, disbelief, deception, evasion of accountability, tolerance and reward (eg promotion) for the bully."
Tim Field, 1999
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FAQ: Answers to frequently asked questions about workplace bullying

For answers to frequently asked questions about school bullying and child bullying click here
How can I find information quickly at Bully OnLine?
Use the site search engine or check the site map or site index.
What is bullying?
Click here.
What's the difference between bullying and mobbing?
Click here.
What's the difference between bullying and harassment?
Click here.
What's the difference between bullying and management?
Those who can, do. Those who can't, bully. Good managers manage, bad managers bully. Bad managers reveal
themselves by bullying. Click here for a list of differences between a manager and a bully.
Bullying is just tough management, isn't it?
Bullies prevent employees from fulfilling their duties, bullies are usually inadequate at their own job and survive
only by plagiarising (stealing) other people's work, bullying is a breach of contract (a breach of the implied term of
mutual trust and confidence), bullying causes injury to health and PTSD , bullies incur vicarious liability for the
employer, etc.
Why did he/she pick on me?
Because you were good at your job, popular with people, unwittingly invited unfavourable comparison with the
bully's inadequacy simply by being competent, were in the wrong place at the wrong time, blew the whistle on
something (perhaps unwittingly), were vulnerable in some way (eg need to pay the mortgage), and because
bullying is an obsessive, compulsive and addictive behaviour the serial bully has to have someone to bully.
Why me?
Click here.
How do bullies select their targets?
>Click here.
What are the triggers that cause bullying to start?
Click here.
What is it about me that causes bullies to pick on me?
Because you have a lot of positive qualities of which the bully is envious. Click here.
Why did I let it happen to me?
See previous answers. Because you had little or no knowledge of bullying, no training in how to deal with it, those
around you denied or ignored it, you didn't recognise the bully as a sociopath, the bully disempowered you, you
were vulnerable, you're honest and unwilling to compromise your integrity, the law is weak, jobs are scarce so you
were frightened to report it, personnel and management probably didn't help or took the side of the bully, etc.
What did I do to deserve it?
Nothing. See previous answers. It is NEVER the target's fault - it is always the bully who is responsible for their
behaviour; however, bullies project their behaviour onto their target and claim their target is the one with the
"negative attitude" who is "aggressive" etc. Treat each criticism or allegation as an admission by the bully of his or
her own failings and inadequacy. A target of abuse simply happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time -
and probably has plenty of predecessors and successors.
So what can I do about it?
Lots, although justice through the legal system is difficult at present. Read everything (books, this web site) and
decide whether you want to a) leave, get another job with an employer who values your skills and become
financially stable, b) take legal action, c) fight bullying on a wider scale, d) get a settlement and do something
different (perhaps more useful and rewarding) with your life, e) follow another option, or f) a combination of
these. It's a personal decision that only you can make.
15

My union says I don't have a case.

Many people who contact me say their union is refusing to handle their case. The reasons vary, but the most
common are that the union rep is colluding with management, or the union rep doesn't have support from higher up
the union. There's more on this, including the political dimension on my Public Sector page. Whilst taking
successful legal action is difficult - there being no law specifically against bullying - there are at least twenty areas
of law that apply (these are listed on the legal page). Read up on case law and settlements, plus specific cases
including the Long case. It's mainly a problem of knowledge, training and experience, so tell your union rep about
Bully OnLine at Bully Online and point him/her to the pages on training and public seminars.
I feel so ill, often I just want to kill myself.
These feelings, which include reactive depression, are a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. You are NOT
mentally ill, but psychiatrically injured - the cause is external, someone is responsible and liable. Being an injury,
it will get better, although it can take a long time. One of the aims of my seminar Recovery and re-empowerment
after bullying abusive life events is to cut recovery time in half. You need resolution and/or closure of your
experience for the healing to get going. Your GP and other medical professionals may not understand your trauma,
so see my PTSD page which includes a table of the differences between mental illness and psychiatric injury.
I thought I was the only one this was happening to.
Almost everyone who is abused thinks this. Abusers encourage it, for it disempowers and silences you. However,
there are many people in your situation - with workplace bullying, perhaps half the workforce. The reason so few
people report their abusers is for fear that "no-one will believe me". See the section on denial. They are usually
correct - but things are changing. You can help the process of change.
I never thought I would be a victim.
You're not a victim, you're a target. The word "victim" allows some people to tap into and stimulate prejudices and
preconceived notions about "victimhood", eg that it's all your fault. Some academic research has unfortunately
perpetuated this and other myths. It is not your fault - bullies are abusive personalities and predatory, and the bully
has deliberately and intentionally targeted you. It is the bully's pattern of behaviour (constant nitpicking criticisms,
specious allegations etc) which reveals intent. Click here to see the reasons why people are targeted.
I was bullied at school and now I've been bullied again at work. Is there something wrong with me?
No. You've been targeted at work for the same reasons you were targeted at school, ie you were in the wrong place
at the wrong time, you are a person of integrity (bullies despise people with integrity for it reminds them of what
they don't have), etc etc. It is the bully's choice to bully. Bullies have a compulsive need to bully and will target
anyone who is available. Click here to see the most common reasons why people are targeted.
I was bullied months / years ago and although I enjoy my current job and my boss is supportive I still have this
nagging feeling that I'm not good enough and that people think I'm a failure. Why is this and what can I do about
it?
This is common to all people who have suffered long-term abuse, particularly verbal abuse (at work or at home)
which focuses on "you're not good enough". As adults, people gain most of the sense of value and self-worth
through their work and their relationships, so when you're repeatedly told how useless and incompetent you are -
and before you've worked out you're not dealing with a decent human being but with a serial bully / nutcase / jerk /
loser - the subconscious steadily soaks up this message until one becomes convinced that somehow it must be true.
Logic alone is not enough to override it.
If you're in an abusive relationship at home or work, get out of it. Find another job, even if it's a short-term
voluntary job, where you can work with good people. If you've been in an abusive relationship, take some time
alone, but keep contact with trustworthy, supportive friends or family. Reduce or eliminate contact with those who
are abusive, dismissive, unsupportive and negative in their attitude to life.
The main reason we suffer self-doubt is because of low self-esteem. Recovery can be effected by the constant daily
repetition of affirmations like "I am worthy" and "I am competent" and "I am a valuable person" and "I like
myself". The best way of measuring your self-esteem is to stand in front of a mirror, take a good look at the person
you see and say out loud ten times to that person, "I like myself". The comfort or discomfort or level of self-belief
you feel when you do this is a good indicator of your true level of self-esteem which, after a bullying experience, is
likely to be low. Repeat this exercise several times a day for three weeks, after which time you'll have made
significant inroads into restoring your self-esteem by replacing in your subconscious mind the bully's false
negative statements with your own true positive beliefs. There's more in my new seminar, Recovery and re-
empowerment after bullying and abusive life events.
16

Why don't you just stand up for yourself?

Because in almost every case when you assert your right not to be bullied, things get worse. The bully senses that
their tactics of control and subjugation are not working and, worse, that you can see through his or her mask of
deceit. The bully's paranoid fear of exposure (of their weakness, inadequacy and incompetence) goes exponential
and the bully moves into phase two - elimination. For a list of reasons why people are prevented from asserting
their right not to be bullied click here. It's similar to why victims of abuse can't and won't report the abuse.
My bully has made unwarranted criticisms/false allegations about me. How do I turn this to my advantage and
reflect it back on the bully?
Record the criticism/allegation in a letter to the bully, eg "On [date] you made the following criticism/allegation
[quote it exactly]. I now ask you to provide me, in writing, with substantive and quantifiable evidence to justify
your criticism/allegation". Contact us for more detail on this defensive strategy.
I love my job ... how can I avoid losing it?
The truth is, you've lost your job the moment the serial bully selects you as their next target. The bully will do
everything humanly possible to oust you from your job, although because of your inner strength, emotional
maturity and integrity, this may take a year of two - by which time you will have sustained a severe psychiatric
injury which may prevent you from working in your chosen field again.
My HR people are insisting I use the grievance procedure, but the bully is my boss - what can I do?
In the majority of cases, the grievance procedure is inappropriate for dealing with bullying. To see why click here.
The UK government has amended employment legislation to force employees to follow the grievance procedure
before they can bring an action at employment tribunal, which, in bullying cases, makes matter worse rather than
better.
People who claim they're being bullied are just trying to hide the fact they're not very good at their job, aren't
they?
In at least 95% of the cases of bullying reported to the UK National Workplace Bullying Advice Line, the person
has been picked on because they are good at their job and popular with people. Bullies are driven by jealousy (of
relationships) and envy (of abilities). The target just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
If you have an employee who is genuinely underperforming, then:
a) there will be substantive and quantifiable evidence that they are underperforming
b) there is already a problem with that person's manager for i) causing and allowing that situation to develop, ii)
not taking positive action before,
c) bullying will always make a problem worse so any manager who thinks that bullying improves performance is
revealing their inadequacy as a manager
How do I tell the difference between someone who is really being bullied and someone who's claiming bullying to
hide their poor performance?
The person who is being bullied will have, or quickly be able to construct, a fat folder of evidence, often covering
several months, maybe years. They will report a stream of bullying behaviours, especially nit-picking, fault-
finding and constant criticism and allegations, all of which lack substantive and quantifiable evidence, for they
are just the bully's opinion. It's the patterns, the regularity and the number of incidents which reveal bullying.
The person who is making a spurious claim might produce half a dozen sheets of paper, if that.
But you've got to bully people to get the job done, haven't you?
Bullies are weak, inadequate people who lack people skills, lack empathy, lack interpersonal skills, lack leadership
skills, lack motivational skills, lack judgement, lack foresight and hindsight, lack forward thinking skills, etc.
Bullies bully to hide the fact they lack these skills. Serial bullies are compulsive liars with a Jekyll and Hyde
nature who use charm and mimicry to deceive peers and superiors. Bullying results in demotivation,
demoralisation, disenchantment, disaffection, disloyalty, ill-health, high sickness absence, high staff turnover, an
us-and-them culture, low productivity, frequent mistakes, low morale, non-existent team spirit, poor customer
service, no continuity of customer care, etc. And that's just for starters.
Isn't there a fine line between admonishing people who are not performing and using strong management to get
the job done?
a) Bullying is a cause of underperformance, not the solution
b) There are recognised ways of dealing with underperformance; bullying is not one of them
c) Bullying makes underperformance worse, not better
17

d) Bullying prevents employees from fulfilling their duties

e) "Underperforming" employees seem to follow the bully wherever s/he goes
f) It is always the bully who is weak, inadequate, and underperforming
g) Bullies are weak managers; bullying is designed to hide that weakness by giving the appearance of strength
whilst diverting attention away from the bully
Surely a manager has a right to deal with the underperformance of a subordinate?
False allegations of underperformance are designed to divert attention away from the bully's own inadequacy and
to create conflict between those who might share incriminating information about him/her.
Isn't it always just a case of the employee and employer fighting each other?
Almost always the employee and employer end up in an adversarial contest in which both are losers regardless of
the outcome. However, the employee and employer should be on the same side fighting the bully. Bullies are adept
at creating conflict between those who would otherwise pool incriminating information about them. Bullies also
gain gratification (a perverse indulgence in that nice warm feeling we call satisfaction) from encouraging and then
watching others engage in destructive conflict. Bullies are also adept at manipulation (especially of people's
emotions), deception, and evasion of accountability.
My Human Resources department refuse to take me seriously. Instead, they are doing everything they can to
support the bully whilst getting rid of me. Why is this?
From dealing with thousands of cases in which this happens - albeit a self-selecting audience which may not scale
up nationally - I've identified the following reasons:
1) Human Resources (HR) people are not trained in dealing with bullying - it's not in their textbooks, not in their
training, and their professional body in the UK (CIPD) has not given the issue the attention it needs.
2) The HR profession seems to attract a number of people who are not people-focused and thus not good at dealing
with people problems.
3) HR is not there for employees. The role of HR is to keep the employer out of court.
4) The majority of HR people are female, and females seem particularly susceptible to charm, which is one of the
bully's main weapons of deception.
5) By the time HR get to hear of the bullying they are faced with an articulate, plausible, convincing, charming
"bully" and a gibbering wreck of a "target" who is traumatised and thus unconvincing, inarticulate, incoherent,
obsessed, apparently paranoid, tearful, distressed and highly emotional. By this time the bully has already
convinced HR that the target has a "mental health problem", is a liability to the organisation, and needs to be got
rid of.
6) When it's one word against another with no witnesses, HR take the word of the senior employee (almost always
the bully).
7) There's no law against bullying so there's no case to answer.
8) The employer doesn't have an anti-bullying policy so it's not a disciplinary issue.
9) The employer does have an anti-bullying policy but it's just words on paper
10) The bully is a tough dynamic manager who gets the job done and the high turnover of staff in the bully's
department is because they're all wimps who can't meet the demanding standards of performance demanded by this
exemplary manager. Yawn.
11) If HR recognise they have a bully, they're not going to admit it because to do so is tantamount to admitting
liability for this - and previous - cases.
12) HR are not going to admit that they've made a mistake recruiting an incompetent individual who bullies to hide
his or her inadequacies.
13) When push comes to shove, HR do what they are told to do by management, regardless of the rights and
wrongs.
14) HR are sometimes an outsourced and contracterised profession with little influence.
15) The constant change, reorganisation, restructuring, downsizing, outsourcing, contracterisation etc mean that
there is no continuity in treatment of staff and thus the bully is able to hide the fact that he or she has a history of
conflict with employees.
16) Over the last few years employers have been burdened with numerous legislative changes (working time, data
privacy, parental leave, etc) and have no desire, resources, time or energy to deal with issues for which there is no
legal requirement.
17) Bullying cases are so long and complex (a situation the bully fosters) that most HR (and most people) don't
have the time, energy or resources to unpick the case.
18

18) There are only a handful of people who are capable of providing HR with the training and insight to undertake
a successful investigation.
19) Where HR want to investigate they are sometimes overruled.
20) HR (and management) are frightened of the serial bully too - and sometimes more frightened than the
employees.
21) HR people get bullied too.
You say that in over 90% of cases you deal with the employer supports the bully and gets rid of the target. Why is
this?
1) In the majority of cases, the bullying you see is the tip of an iceberg of wrongdoing (contact us for details of
what the serial bully is likely to be up to) and the employer is terrified of what's going to come out.
2) Like recruits like, like supports like, like protects like, like colludes with like. If you have a serial bully, it's
likely s/he has friends in senior management.
3) Bullies are adept at exploiting the politics of organisations and playing political games for personal gain.
4) Bullies are adept at deception, especially the manipulation of HR's and management's perceptions of their target.
5) Employers are more scared of the serial bully than the employees are
6) Employers are frightened of the legal action by both sides
7) Employers are frightened of the bad publicity that accompanies bullying cases
8) Because there's no law on bullying, it's easy to get rid of targets (who by this time are facing financial ruin and
loss of job and are too ill to take legal action)
9) Because the case law on psychiatric injury is poor (especially after the Hatton judgment) the employer knows
that a target is very unlikely to succeed in legal action, especially as a personal injury case will take five years of
hell to reach court.
10) The bigger employers, and especially those in the public sector, have a bottomless purse when it comes to
engaging barristers to defend a case against a target
11) The majority of workers are not in a union and therefore have no support.
12) Of those workers that are in a union, many will be let down by their union.
13) Even if a worker is in a union, there's still no law against bullying so the union's solicitors will refuse to take
on the case.
14) By the time HR gets to hear of a bullying case, the target is a gibbering wreck (from severe psychiatric injury)
whilst the bully - usually in a position senior to the target, or with the support of a manager senior to the target -
remains charming and plausible.
15) Shooting the messenger is an instinctive reaction of those who abuse power.
After nearly two years of bullying I've started a grievance procedure against my female manager. Now she's
claiming I'm the one bullying and harassing her! What do I do?
Bullies feign victimhood when outwitted - and very convincingly (this is hardly surprising given the amount of
practice they've had). One way to handle this is for you, or preferably your legal representative, to assertively and
fully state the following:
a) the allegations of bullying and harassment have only appeared in response to being called to account for the way
she has chosen to behave
b) the allegations are therefore malicious
c) the allegations are a projection of her own behaviour and an attempt to divert attention away from herself and
her behaviour
d) the allegations are an example of feigning victimhood in order to evade accountability and sanction; only bullies
and harassers use this tactic, therefore the choice to make such allegations in these circumstances is tantamount to
an admission of guilt and she should be made aware of this
e) in most employers' harassment policies, making malicious allegations of bullying and harassment constitute a
disciplinary offence
f) she must substantiate the allegations in writing within 7 days by providing substantive and quantifiable
evidence; if she fails to do this she must withdraw the allegations immediately and notify you in writing, otherwise
she will be subject to legal action for harassment and defamation and the employer will incur her vicarious liability
g) failure to withdraw the allegations will result in a full investigation of her past behaviour, including the precise
circumstances under which she left her previous job
I thought I had some good friends at work. Now that I've started to take action to deal with a bullying manager,
everyone has deserted me and many have turned against me. Why is this?
19

It's common for workmates to desert you when you take action against a bully. To understand the reasons why, see
my page on bystanders.
Has bullying always been present in the workplace and has it got worse recently?
Bullies have always been with us, and for the time being, always will. I think there are several reasons for the
increase, including...
1) In the old days (eg pre 1970s) there were more opportunities for people to express their dysfunction and
aggression by physical means. Levels of physical violence, eg murder, have been slowly declining for the last
thousand years, probably as a result of the development of state-run legal systems. Over the last century in
particular, society has grown more aware of the unacceptability of personal physical violence. (OK, I'm ignoring
wars here.)
2) Opportunities for the expression of dysfunction and aggression through prejudice, eg harassment and
discrimination on the grounds of race gender disability etc, have steadily been closed off by law. Harassers and
discriminators don't stop harassing and discriminating simply because laws have been enacted, they just carry on
regardless. However, the more clever harassers and discriminators modify their behaviour so they express their
harassing and discriminating intentions in ways which are not yet proscribed by law - eg bullying.
3) Over the last 50 years there has been a great deal of effort to clone children into respectable adults by feeding
them through an education system that is geared to academic exam results. This socialisation programme has
resulted in producing more adults with civilised behaviour, ie people who don't resort to physical violence. Hence,
we see more examples of "civilised aggression" in the workplace, ie the psychological violence of bullying rather
than outright harassment, discrimination and physical violence.
The top four groups of people who contact the Advice Line and Bully OnLine are teachers, nurses, social workers,
and those in the charity / voluntary sector. Why is this?
Bullies are attracted to vulnerability like moths to a light. The objectives of bullies are Power, Control, Domination
and Subjugation. The caring professions present many opportunities for exercising power and control over
vulnerable clients, and many opportunities for exercising power and control (eg using guilt) over vulnerable
employees who are committed to their vulnerable clients and who will go to great lengths to protect their
relationship with their vulnerable clients. When called upon to share or address the needs or concerns of others,
serial bullies respond with impatience, irritability and aggression. Serial bullies in the caring professions can often
be recognised by the fact that after joining, they set about putting as much distance between themselves and their
clients, usually by getting themselves promoted up the management hierarchy.
Another reason is that bullies crave attention and jobs in these sectors provide ample opportunity for showing the
world what a wonderful, kind, caring, compassionate person they are. It's also often possible to walk into a senior
position without having to work your way up the corporate hierarchy first. Bullies like to think of themselves as
leaders (which they are not) and their attempts to seek attention are often combined with spurious claims of
leadership capabilities.
Other reasons include the diverse nature of healthcare and voluntary sectors, and the blurring of boundaries
between healthcare, social services and voluntary organisations.
Calls and enquiries from the charity / voluntary / not-for-profit sector have risen substantially over the last two
years. Why is this?
1) The voluntary /charity / not-for-profit sector is large and diverse in types of organisations, from tiny charitable
groups to nationally-recognised names. The management structures vary considerably, as does the management
experience of those tasked with management responsibility. Some are run by management committees. Many
people in positions of management in the voluntary sector have no experience of disciplinary and legal action or
how to proceed with investigation or disciplinary action.
2) Over the last decade the boundaries between nursing, healthcare, social services and housing have been blurred
with services contracted out to organisations, eg housing associations, who may be run on commercial lines as a
not-for-profit enterprise.
3) Opportunities for bullies in the private and public sector are being closed off through the implementation of
anti-bullying policies, but the voluntary sector lags behind and most organisations in this sector do not have anti-
bullying policies.
4) People working in the voluntary sector are even more reluctant to take their employer to employment tribunal
because who likes to take a charity to court? Bullies know this and ruthlessly exploit people's sense of
reasonableness and decency to evade accountability and sanction.
5) The voluntary sector provides ample opportunities for bullies to leapfrog into a senior position regardless of
20

their management (in)experience.

6) As in the previous question, bullies are attracted to vulnerability like moths to a light. The objectives of bullies
are Power, Control, Domination and Subjugation. The voluntary sector presents many opportunities for exercising
power and control over vulnerable clients, and many opportunities for exercising power and control (via the use of
guilt) over vulnerable employees who are committed to their vulnerable clients and who will go to great lengths to
protect the relationship with their vulnerable clients. Serial bullies in the voluntary sector can often be recognised
by the fact that after joining, they immediately set about putting as much distance between themselves and their
clients, usually by getting themselves promoted up the management hierarchy.
7) Serial bullies are often narcissists and crave attention; jobs in the voluntary sector provide ample opportunity for
showing the world what a wonderful, kind, caring, compassionate person they are. It's also often possible to walk
into a senior position without having to work your way up the corporate hierarchy first. Bullies like to think of
themselves as leaders (which they are not) and their attempts to seek attention are often combined with spurious
claims of leadership capabilities.
8) The voluntary sector, especially high-profile organisations, offer plenty of scope and opportunity for former
high-flying people from the public and private sectors whose careers have, how shall we say, suddenly made a
crash landing.
Do women bully as well as men?
Better (or worse), in fact. Bullying is not a gender issue. From over 6000 cases from my Advice Line and web site,
the reported bullies are split roughly 50/50, with a slight bias towards more female bullies - this is likely because
of the high
percentage of calls from the caring professions (teaching, nursing, social work, charity/voluntary/not-for-profit).
About 75% of callers (targets) are female - not because more women get bullied than men, I think, but because in
our society females are more likely to admit to being bullied, and are more likely to want to take action to do
something about it.
The main difference between male bullies and female bullies is that females are MUCH better at it than males.
Much more devious, manipulative, subtle, and charming, often with a smile. Males are, on average, less subtle and
there's often an undercurrent of physical aggression just below the surface. Females are almost never physically
violent. Females will often manipulate a weak male into doing her bullying for her.
After half a century of education that women are equal to men, we should expect to see as many violent females as
males, just as we should expect to see as many caring males as females. In fact, this is what we see, but
stereotypes, expectation and gender roles hinder our perception. If anyone doubts that females can be as violent as
males I recommend the book "When she was bad: how women get away with murder, a controversial and
explosive look at female aggression", Patricia Pearson, 1998, Virago Press, ISBN 1-86049-488-9. Scary.
You claim that the Guru type of serial bully exhibits characteristics of autism - how dare you bash autistics!
I have always said that people with currently recognised forms of autism are the targets of bullying, not the
perpetrators. I do not believe identifying a small group of people who exhibit behavioural characteristics similar to
autism bashes all autistics any more that identifying a small group of human beings who exhibit behavioural
characteristics of psychopathy bashes all human beings. From more than a decade of research and experience I
suggest that the Guru type of serial bully might be a hitherto unrecognised mild form of autism. Autism is a
condition which has many variations and whilst the Guru type of serial bully is not an autistic according to the
current definitions of autism, the Guru's behaviour has certain similarities which may or may not constitute autism.
Irrespective of how it is classified, the similarities exist. I am just the messenger.
My bully appears confident on the outside but I'm sure it's false.
The bully's apparent self-esteem and self-confidence is actually arrogance, an unsustainable belief of
invulnerability honed from the bully's willingness to act outside the bounds of society to ensure their survival.
Well, it's always worked in the past. Narcissism is also common. Targets are people who can see through the
arrogance to perceive the empty shell behind it - and bullies can sense who can see through them. The bully's
paranoid fear of exposure goes exponential and their compulsive need to control is fuelled by jealousy and envy,
for the bully "knows" they can never have the qualities of their target. Sensing their survival is at stake, the
bullying is designed to control and then eliminate this perceived threat.
Does the bully know what they are doing?
Yes. Stanton E Samenow's book Inside the criminal mind is clear on this point. If the bully knows what they are
doing, they are responsible and liable for their behaviour and the effects it has on other people. If the bully doesn't
21

know what they are doing, the bully shouldn't be in a position of management or responsibility and the provisions
of the Mental Health Act for grounds of diminished responsibility should apply. For more on this, contact us.
Can bullies be helped?
People who are unwitting bullies can be helped by removal of pressure - then their behaviour improves.
Sociopathic serial bullies cannot be helped at the moment. Work on psychopaths shows that the condition does not
respond to treatment - in fact, treatment may make the condition worse. Their behaviour is as ingrained as a
paedophile. Work with paedophiles suggests that it may take at least two years of counselling and therapy before
the paedophile can begin to see their victim as a human being rather than an object for their gratification, although
the recidivism (re-offence) rate is high. I suspect the same applies to serial bullies. As an adult, the serial bully has
to want to change - which they emphatically do not. And who would pay for the counselling and therapy?
Isn't the bully being bullied too?
Maybe. Bullying is often hierarchical. Trace the bullying to its origin and you'll usually find a serial bully.
Concentrate on this person. Remember, "I'm just obeying orders" is not an acceptable defence.
Surely you can't legislate against bullying because it's so hard to define?
The same arguments were raised prior to the introduction of the Sex Discrimination Act. Bully OnLine defines
bullying and the Dignity at Work Bill plugs the loophole in UK law whereby harassment requires a focus (eg race,
gender or disability).
I'm an employer, what can I do about the serial bully?
Learn everything you can about bullying so you know what you're dealing with. Develop an anti-bullying policy
so you have the legitimacy to deal with the bully in your organisation.
What can I do to tackle bullying?
Read Tim Field's book
Bully in sight: how to predict, resist, challenge and combat workplace bullying.
Click here to order a copy online.
Click here for reader feedback.
Who runs Bully OnLine, the UK National Workplace Bullying Advice Line, and Success Unlimited?
Click here.

Myths and misperceptions about workplace bullying

Overcoming stereotypes and false perceptions of adult bullying and workplace bullying
See also myths, misperceptions and stereotypes of child bullying and school bullying.
A myriad of myths, misperceptions, falsehoods and legends surround the subject of bullying. Studies, surveys and
some academic research over the last few years have tended to perpetuate false stereotypes, however, these are
often the result of notoriously unreliable self-reporting tick-sheet surveys and are rarely based on experience of
case work or involvement with cases.
What some people call "bullying" is really tough dynamic management
The purpose of bullying is to hide inadequacy. Good managers manage, bad managers bully. Bullies bully to hide
their weakness and inadequacy, and to divert attention away from their incompetence. Many employers don't want
to calculate the cost of low morale, poor productivity, poor customer service, high sickness absence, high staff
turnover and frequent grievance and legal action that are a consequence of "tough dynamic management".
Bullies don't bully, they're just being assertive
People who bully are unable to distinguish between assertiveness and aggression and when challenged will
speciously claim to be "assertive". Assertiveness, which is backed by integrity, recognises and respects peoples'
boundaries and values, any request is polite and unconditional and there are no negative consequences if the
person being asked says no. Bullies, who have no integrity, are aggressive, demanding, and regularly violate
others' boundaries; aggression does not respect peoples' rights, and requests come with a negative consequence if
the course of action demanded by the bully is declined.
Victim
I prefer the word "target". The word "victim" allows disingenuous people to tap into and stimulate other people's
22

misconceptions and prejudices of victimhood which include the inference that the person was somehow complicit
in the abuse. "Target" identifies the choice of the bully to be a bully rather than the misfortune of the target to
unwittingly become the latest casualty of the violence of a disordered, dysfunctional, aggressive bully. To
understand how and why bullies select their targets, click here.
Victims contribute to the bullying
When held accountable, abusers, molesters, harassers, bullies and violent people abdicate and deny responsibility
for their actions by blaming their victim. The "blame-the-victim" misperception is part of the same mindset that
says that women who are raped were asking for it or giving off the wrong signals, that wives who experience
domestic violence are deserving of it and colluding with it, and children who are sexually abused are partly
responsible for the abuse perpetrated against them. Abusers, harassers, bullies and violent people seem possessed
of an army of supporters, apologists, appeasers, acolytes, protectors and deniers, and appreciate all forms of
support which mitigate their crime.
But surely victims must do something to invite the bullying?
Children who are abused by pedophiles do not invite the abuse, women who are raped do not invite the rape, black
people do not invite harassment and discrimination because of their skin colour, gay people do not invite
harassment and discrimination because of their sexual orientation, and targets of bullying do not invite abuse at
work simply because they are available. The six most common reasons bullies select their targets are because of
availability (wrong place, wrong time), competence (envy), popularity (jealousy), vulnerability (income and the
need to pay the mortgage), emotional maturity and values, and integrity. Targets represent everything that bullies
are not, and never will be.
It takes two to tango
Abusers choose to abuse, molesters choose to molest, rapists choose to rape, harassers choose to harass, bullies
choose to bully. Bullying is behaviour, and behaviour is a choice, therefore bullying is a choice - a bad choice, but
a choice. Abdication of responsibility for personal choice is a hallmark of bullies. Either a person knows what they
are doing and is responsible for their behaviour and its consequences for others, or the person is unaware of what
they are doing and therefore have diminished responsibility and are in need of psychiatric help. Bullying is in the
same league as abuse, molestation, rape, paedophilia and harassment; sadly there are still some people who think
that targets of these vile activities are partly responsible for the abuse perpetrated against them.
Victims are weak and inadequate
It is always the bully who is weak and inadequate. Bullies resort to labelling others as "weak" and "unstable" in
order to appear "normal" in comparison. Normal people don't need to bully; only weak people need to bully to hide
their weakness and inadequacy. Therefore anyone who is exhibiting bullying behaviours is revealing and admitting
to being weak and inadequate.
Victims are weak
Targets of bullying have no interest in power or exercising power. They go to work to work and they are not
interested in office politics or conflict. Targets of bullying have high moral values, a well-developed integrity, a
vulnerability (eg need to pay the mortgage), a strong sense of fair play and reasonableness, a low propensity to
violence, a reluctance to pursue grievance, disciplinary or legal action, a strong forgiving streak and a mature
understanding of the need to resolve conflict with dialogue. Weak people disingenuously confuse these hallmarks
of character with weakness. Targets of bullying will withstand daily abuse for months, often years, but the first
time a bully gets a taste of their own medicine they immediately run whingeing to authority demanding protection.
That's weakness.
Victims are loners
Targets of bullying are independent, self-reliant, self-motivated, have no need to form gangs or join cliques, have
no need to impress, and have no interest in office politics.
Victims are not team players
Targets of bullying are not corporate clones and drones. They are independent, self-reliant, self-motivated,
imaginative, innovative, and full of ideas. Bullies operate a divide and rule regime and work hard to isolate,
exclude and disempower their target who they then falsely accuse of "not being a team player".
Victims are isolated
This is a correct observation; bullies isolate their targets in order to disempower them. It's a tactic of control used
by all abusers.
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Victims are sensitive / oversensitive

Sensitivity comprises a constellation of values to be cherished and nurtured, including empathy, respect, tolerance,
dignity, honour, consideration and gentility. Anyone who is not sensitive is insensitive. Targets have an instinctive
ability to detect malicious intent which is often labelled by those who lack this ability as "being oversensitive".
Bullies are callously insensitive and indifferent to the needs of others and when called upon to share or address the
needs and concerns of others respond with impatience, irritability and aggression.
Victims are too weak to stand up for themselves
Targets of bullying are high-performing employees who go to work to work. They do not go to work with the
intention of indulging in conflict. Bullies select individuals who prefer to use dialogue to resolve conflict, who
have a low propensity to violence, and who will go to great lengths to avoid conflict - in other words, someone
who will constantly try to use negotiation rather than resorting to grievance and legal action. When a bully is held
accountable, these qualities are disingenuously described by weak people as weakness.
Why can't victims deal with bullying? They're grown-ups, aren't they?
From working on and liaising with over 10,000 cases of workplace bullying I am constantly amazed at the
resourcefulness, innovativeness, flexibility, determination and stamina shown by targets of abuse. The turning
point in each case comes when the target finally realises they're not dealing with a normal human being like
themselves, but with a dysfunctional, disordered individual who exploits a system which favours perpetrators who
excel in deceiving HR and management.
Victims are unstable and unhealthy
It is bullies who are unstable and unhealthy. People who observe targets as unstable are recognising the
destabilising effect of psychiatric injury although the observers have not understood psychiatric injury or the
circumstances which result in psychiatric injury. Some researchers have observed destabilisation, hypervigilance
etc and made the incorrect assumption that these are personality traits which existed prior to the bullying. False
assumptions like this are bad science, disrespectful, insensitive and offensive. It's like seeing someone with a
broken leg and making the assumption they must have been born with weak bones.
Victims can't defend themselves
Prolonged negative stress results in trauma which inhibits articulation. People who blame targets of bullying for
not being able to express themselves in an articulate manner are revealing their lack of empathy and their lack of
knowledge of trauma and its effects. Many bullies are serial bullies with disordered personalities (including sub-
clinical psychopaths) who excel at manipulation, deception, compulsive lying and a host of antisocial behaviours.
It is almost impossible to defend yourself against a determined psychopath - who comprise at least 1% of the
population.
Targets aren't really bullied / harassed - they're only in it for the money
Seeking legal recourse is very expensive both financially and emotionally. Sensational "awards" that are published
in the media are rare and when personal injury is involved, are based on (less than) what the person would have
earned had they stayed in their job till retirement. A bullying case which ends up in a personal injury case typically
consumes ten years of a person's life. Targets have a much harder time finding employment afterward (especially if
they're over 40) - and even if they do find employment they end up working at a lower position with lower salary.
In rare cases where the employer sacks a serial bully, the bully feigns victimhood and sues the employer for as
much as they can get.
Targets are only interested in compensation
If a person appears motivated by compensation then it's likely to be not a target of bullying but a serial bully who
is feigning victimhood having been called to account. Serial bullies are notoriously vindictive and when held
accountable by an employer will instinctively launch a legal action to aggressively claim their rights - whilst
denying everyone else their rights.
Victims of bullying are always suing employers
The target is placed in the position by the bully of having no option but to take their employer to tribunal or court.
In the majority of cases, this is the first time the target has ever been involved in legal action, and their
unfamiliarity with the legal system is a vulnerability that bullies and abusive employers exploit.
You shouldn't sue for bullying because it prolongs victimhood
Bullying is in the same league as domestic violence, sexual harassment, rape and paedophilia. Bullies at work are
likely to be committing at least one of these offences outside work. Prosecuting the perpetrators and holding
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accountable those who have failed in their duty of care is very different to "prolonging victimhood". Whilst there
will always be a few people who abuse the law of tort for personal gain, it is disingenuous to confuse this small
minority (who may themselves be bullies feigning victimhood) with the majority of genuine cases. "Victimhood"
should not be used as a smokescreen for evasion of accountability.
Targets are just whiners who can't get along with people
Targets are targeted because they are competent and popular. Bullies are jealous of the easy and stable
relationships that targets have with others. Jealousy and envy seem to be the conduits for the release of the
seething inner anger, hatred and resentment that bullies harbour.
Why do targets go after their employers too?
In the workplace, the employer bears the vicarious liability caused by the bully's behaviour. Employers owe each
employee a duty of care. Employment law is framed around the employee holding the employer responsible. No-
one (unless they're a war correspondent or work for the MoD) signs a contract agreeing to work in a war zone.
[Bullied workers suffer battle stress]
If a target is truly bullied then why don't more employers side with the target?
Employers eliminate the target because they (employers) have failed to fulfil their legal duty and provide their
employees with a safe work environment. Employers will do anything to avoid accountability and having to pay
damages. Many organisations, especially in the public sector, have a bottomless purse when it comes to defending
legal action for negligence. The purpose of bullying is to hide incompetence and most bullying is hierarchical. The
bullying that one sees or experiences is usually the tip of an iceberg of wrongdoing (contact us for details). Also,
employers are more scared of serial bullies than they are of targets, therefore it's easier, cheaper and less risky to
get rid of the target; by the time the employer gets to hear of the bullying case against them, the target is probably
traumatised, suffering a severe psychiatric injury, facing loss of job and income, and may not have union or legal
support; therefore the employer is much more likely to win their case against a target than against a resentful,
determined and vindictive serial bully.
Trade unions exist to protect their members
Whilst trade unions have achieved much for workers over the years, the Number One complaint of people
contacting the UK National Workplace Bullying Advice Line and Bully OnLine (and other support groups) is that
their trade union is refusing to support them in their case of bullying. See bullying in the public sector for the
reasons why.
It's a personality clash
A personality clash is where two people of equal rank or status or value or power don't see eye to eye. Bullying
consists of a pattern of persistent, daily, trivial, nitpicking criticism, isolation, exclusion, undermining, discrediting,
setting up to fail, etc on a target who the bully has disempowered and disenfranchised. HR departments frequently
write off bullying as a "personality clash", much to the delight of the bully who is always trying to heap all the
blame onto their target.
There's a fine line between bullying and tough management
I've never heard anyone say "there's a fine line between a normal relationship and sexual harassment" or "there's a
fine line between marriage and domestic violence" or "there's a fine line between great sex and rape" or "there's a
fine line between sex education and pedophilia". Bullying (by a serial bully) and managing have as much in
common as Adolf Hitler and Mother Theresa. The objectives of the serial bully are power, control domination and
subjugation, achieved largely through manipulation, deception and abuse of power; "management" is a convenient
cover for the serial bully's disordered, dysfunctional and always destructive behaviour.
You'll never be able to prove bullying
The same argument was put forward before the introduction of laws on sexual harassment and race discrimination.
The solution is education; you can only never prove what you don't understand.
We mustn't bully the bully
Targets of bullying withstand a verbal, emotional and psychological battering for months, often years. By contrast,
the first time the bully gets a taste of their own medicine they run whingeing to authority demanding protection.
When called to account for the way they choose to behave, bullies use a variety of strategies to evade
accountability. Denial, counterattack and feigning victimhood are common. One tactic is to claim that "you mustn't
bully the bully", a disingenuous and deceptive attempt to confuse bullying (a pattern of constant daily, trivial,
nitpicking criticism, isolation, exclusion, undermining, etc over months or years) with accountability (holding the
25

bully responsible for their behaviour and its effect on others). Those in positions of authority and with
responsibility for people management are notoriously vulnerable to this deception.
You mustn't demonize the bully
Your behaviour profiles are a character assassination of the bully
The behaviour profiles are the result of long-term observation of the behaviour of serial bullies. I am only the
messenger. As bullies have free choice over their behaviour (if not, they have diminished responsibility and need to
be under the care of a psychiatrist) then serial bullies are choosing to demonize themselves or assassinate their own
character by their choice of behaviour.
Your behaviour profiles serve only to vilify bullies
I observe bullies' behaviour and report it; I am only the messenger. Bullying is behaviour, behaviour is choice,
therefore bullying is a choice. A rapist deserves to be called a rapist because of their choice to commit rape. A
pedophile deserves to be called a pedophile because of their choice to commit acts of pedophilia. A bully deserves
to be called a bully because of their choice to exhibit bullying behaviours. Normal people do not choose to bully.
All a bully needs to do to no longer merit the label "bully" is to change their behaviour and stop bullying. It really
is that simple.
Bullies have high self-esteem
Bullies exhibit arrogance, narcissism, plausibility, certitude, self-assuredness, selfishness, untouchability, a sense
of invulnerability and an unerring belief in their rightness and infallibility. Bullies also excel at deception and
evasion of accountability. Some people mistake these for high self-esteem, which they are not. People with high
self-esteem manifest their high self-esteem in having only positive interactions with others. Bullies have only
negative interactions with others; negative interactions are a hallmark of low self-esteem. Bullies are motivated by
jealousy, envy and prejudice which are indicators of low self-esteem. Bullying is the antithesis of high self-esteem.
People with high self-esteem have no need to bully.
The notion that the workplace is full of psychotic bullies is preposterous
Firstly, the number of bullies in any workplace is always small (sometimes only one) but their influence is
disproportionately large and their negative behaviour can spread through the entire organisation like a cancer.
Bullies excel at deception and manipulation and are adept at co-opting others in their defence. Secondly, bullies are
not psychotic. A psychotic person is unable to differentiate between reality and delusion and is mentally ill. Bullies
have a clear understanding of the difference between right and wrong but consciously choose to not conform to
socially acceptable standards of behaviour. When held accountable, bullies consciously use deception to abdicate
and deny personal responsibility for their actions and the consequences of their behaviour for others. Bullies are
sane in every sense of the medico-legal definition of the word.
Bullies are nice people really, they're just under a lot of pressure
Abusers, violent partners, harassers, rapists, molesters and pedophiles are also nice people really, it's just that
they're under a lot of pressure. Lack of knowledge of, refusal to recognise, and outright denial of the existence of
the serial bully are the most common reasons for an unsatisfactory outcome for employees and employers. When a
serial bully is present, many people join in with the bullying, either wittingly or unwittingly. Some of these minor
bullies may be nice people under pressure, but they are not the source of the bullying. One needs to look further.
There's no such thing as a "difficult person"
Over 90% of Advice line cases involve a serial bully with a disordered personality who has a history of conflict
(including manipulation, lying, deception etc) with everyone. In every case it is the lack of knowledge of, or the
unwillingness to recognise, or the denial of the existence of the serial bully which is the most common reason for
an unsatisfactory outcome for both the employee and employer.
Bullying is more than just a serial bully
The serial bully is present in over 90% of the 10,000+ cases reported to the UK National Workplace Bullying
Advice Line and Bully OnLine. Denial of the existence of the serial bully is the most common reason for an
unsatisfactory outcome for both employees and employers. Serial bullies excel at deception and a surprising
number of people are easily fooled by not having the emotional maturity, the experience and depth of perception to
see through the deception and see behind the mask. If a serial bully is not present, it's probably not bullying you're
dealing with. As the issue of bullying becomes more prominent, some people are jumping on the bandwagon and
using the label "bullying" for any type of behaviour they see; in these cases it may be more appropriate to use
terms such as "change management", "time management", "performance management", "organisational
26

development", etc. There may be some bullying behaviours present but they are not what is meant by "workplace
bullying".
Female bullies bully because they're under more pressure than men to succeed
A female serial bully, like all serial bullies, bullies because she chooses to bully. Bullying is behaviour, and
behaviour is choice. Whilst women may face more pressures and demands at senior levels, the most successful
females are not bullies - they get there because of their integrity, ability to plan and organise, and achieve. Bullies
are non-achievers. The view that women must become bullies to succeed is insulting and offensive to the majority
of women who succeed on hard work, persistence and skill.
Victims have problems with people in authority
This is one of the tactics that bullies and abusive employers use. They claim that the target who is busy exposing
incompetence, negligence etc has "a problem with authority". Some less-than-competent mental health
professionals claim this too. The truth is that targets have an uncanny knack of spotting fakes, fraudsters and weak,
inadequate and incompetent people abusing their position of power; said incompetents also have an uncanny knack
of being able to spot who can see through them. Targets of bullying are accountability-focused so they must be
ruthlessly controlled, and if this doesn't work, they must be eliminated by all means possible. Labelling
whistleblowers and targets of bullying (who have often unwittingly blown the whistle on a number of antisocial
activities) as mentally ill is a tactic often used by abusive employers to deny responsibility and evade
accountability. [More | More]
Victims are suffering from learned helplessness
Only about 2% of people reporting their case to the UK National Workplace Bullying Advice Line exhibit any
symptoms of learned helplessness. Over 90% of cases involve a target who has exhausted all possible means of
resolution but who has only just realised that they are dealing with an individual exhibiting a disordered
personality with whom it is not possible to negotiate or mediate. The moral courage of targets is demonstrated by
their ability to withstand abuse for months, and sometimes years, but still remain determined to resolve the
conflict; by contrast, bullies run whingeing to authority demanding protection the first time they are faced with
accountability. When people use the term "learned helplessness" they are often seeing the symptoms of trauma
resulting from prolonged negative stress (which includes confusion, bewilderment and incoherency) but wrongly
assuming that these symptoms were character traits present before the abuse, which they were not.
There's no such thing as the serial bully
Denial of the existence of the serial bully is the most common reason for an unsatisfactory outcome for employees
and employers. The world is full of deniers. There are those who deny that the earth is round, those who deny the
Holocaust, and those who deny the existence of the serial bully. Denial of the existence of the serial bully also
serves to discredit the bully's accuser. Serial bullies always try to discredit anyone who can help others see through
the bully's mask of normality. By some strange coincidence, those who most vehemently deny the existence of the
serial bully are those whose own behaviour most closely matches the profile at serial.htm
Victims who are bullied at school are more likely to be bullied at work
The reason people get bullied at school and again work is because they retain the same qualities throughout life -
qualities which bullies despise and respond to with aggression.
Victims were abused in childhood and have unresolved issues from this
From dealing with over 10,000 cases, the number of targets of bullying who were abused as a child is similar to
what you would expect to find in any random sample of the population. People are not bullied because of
unresolved issues, they are bullied because they are in the wrong place at the wrong time, they have many personal
qualities that bullies like to exploit, and an aggressive, dysfunctional, disordered person chose to exhibit sustained
psychological and emotional violence towards them. This myth is mutually exclusive to the belief that "bullies
bully because they were abused in childhood".
Targets of bullying who experienced bullying or abuse in childhood are more likely to suffer from PTSD (Post
Traumatic Stress Disorder), social anxiety disorder, clinical depression, etc.
This may be true in some cases but is not true in every case. A small percentage of cases show predisposition to
retraumatisation because of unresolved trauma in childhood, but this is because there are few diagnostic facilities
and even fewer treatment opportunities. PTSD is a psychiatric injury and predisposition to psychiatric injury is the
same as predisposition to physical injury. If you break your leg it is because the force applied to your leg is greater
than the structural integrity of the bone, not because you fell and banged your knee in the playground thirty years
27

ago. If you suffer a psychiatric injury as an adult it is because the severity and length of abuse is greater than
humans are designed to withstand, not because of bullying at school or abuse in childhood.
An interesting observation to come out of studying PTSD is that the one sector of the population that does not
develop PTSD is psychopaths.
The two problems with bullying are that a) bullies are rarely held to account and are often encouraged by being
protected, supported and promoted, and b) we don't teach people how to stand up to dysfunctional disordered
aggressors whose sole intent is violence (physical, psychological, emotional etc). I believe lessons in physical,
psychological, emotional and verbal self-defence should be on the National Curriculum.
You can't get PTSD from bullying
Those who promote this view are out of touch with both reality and research. This view is also offensive to those
who suffer PTSD as a result of bullying (and harassment, stalking, domestic violence, abuse, etc). See denial
above. The late Professor Heinz Leymann established the link between bullying and psychiatric injury (PTSD) in
the 1980s and his research and experience is available on his web site. The European Journal of Work and
Organizational Psychology (EJWOP), 1996, 5(2), devoted a whole issue to bullying and its effects, including
PTSD. New research is also confirming what targets of abuse have always known: bullying causes PTSD.
Bullies bully because they were abused as children
Bullies do not bully because they were abused in childhood, although bullies are adept at claiming this as a way of
mitigating their crime and diverting attention away from their failure to accept responsibility for their behaviour.
Many adults and professionals are deceived by this specious excuse. A large percentage of the population are
abused as children (perhaps as many as 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys), but only a small number choose to become
bullies in adulthood. Most abused children do not become bullies. Therefore, whilst abuse in childhood may be a
factor in bullying, it is not a cause, otherwise every child who was abused would become a bully. It is the choice of
the bully to bully. A bad choice, but a choice nevertheless. This myth is mutually exclusive to the myth that
"people become victims because they were abused in childhood".
Bullies are being bullied
Some minor bullies may be being bullied because of the enormous pressure they are under, however, all bullying
has to start somewhere and most bullying starts with a serial bully who is the source of bullying. This individual's
bullying behaviour can spread through an organisation like a cancer.
Bullies should be included in support groups because they're victims too
Serial bullies with any of the profiles at serial.htm are not victims as they are adults with a free choice over the
way they behave. The caring and voluntary sectors are rife with serial bullies who find the endless supply of
vulnerable clients and vulnerable workers irresistible. Many people in the caring professions have vulnerabilities
(developed from suffering their own pain) which provide them with the high levels of empathy necessary for
specialist client care; these vulnerabilities also mean that such people are ripe for control, manipulation and
punishment which are favourite pursuits of the serial bully. If a serial bully infiltrates a support group, the group
will divide, polarise, fracture and collapse within three acrimonious months.
Bullies need help too
The definition of an adult is a person who is capable of and willing to accept responsibility for their behaviour and
the consequences of their behaviour for other people. Any adult who is unwilling or unable to accept this
responsibility is exhibiting diminished responsibility and needs to be subject to the provisions of the Mental Health
Act and be under the care of a psychiatrist. Bullying is behaviour, behaviour is a choice, therefore bullying is a
choice. Many bullies are in positions of management or power and therefore do not require help - except in their
specious attempts to deceive others and to evade accountability and sanction. Bullies rely on naivety, inexperience
and people feeling sorry for them and will ruthlessly exploit decent people's urge to "help" and "forgive" them -
such people unwittingly swell the bully's army of supporters, enablers, apologists, appeasers, acolytes, protectors
and deniers.

Why don't you stand up for yourself?

Asserting your right not to be bullied, fighting back, taking action
"Why don't you stand up for yourself?" is an oft-asked question. We're adults, aren't we?
28

In most cases, the bullying follows a two-phase procedure. Phase one is control which is exercised through
constant trivial daily nit-picking criticism etc. Eventually there's a defining moment when the target realises that
the criticisms have no validity and that they constitute bullying; the target asserts their right not to be bullied,
perhaps by initiating a grievance, and the bullying moves into phase two: elimination, which is achieved by
dismissal on false charges, ill-health retirement, forced resignation, redundancy, or death from suicide or heart
attack due to prolonged negative stress.
The reasons people don't assert their right not to be bullied are complex as the following list shows (all the fears
are justified):
• the target of bullying has been disempowered through isolation and exclusion and the
manipulation of co-workers and management's perceptions
• the bully is constantly threatening and intimidating the target and co-workers
• there is a climate of dysfunction and fear in which people are frightened to assert their rights
• the target now has artificially high levels of shame, embarrassment, fear and guilt - all
stimulated by the bully, for this is how all abusers control their victims
• the target feels bewildered and often still cannot believe that what is happening is
happening; the target feels responsible in some way, as evidenced by the nagging thoughts
"Why me?" and "Why did I let it happen to me?" (Click here for some answers)
• the target fears for loss of their job
• the target fears they will be unable to obtain a reference (this is especially true in the
professions) and the bully never misses an opportunity to strike at their target, even after
the target has left; being asked for a reference is an ideal opportunity to bad-mouth their
target - if this is happening to you, contact us for ideas on how to counter this
• if you take your employer to an employment tribunal you're obviously a troublemaker and no
employer will take the risk employing you - despite the fact that you did nothing wrong
• there is no law against bullying and the laws that do exist are difficult to apply to bullying
• real jobs are scarce and if you're over 40 and in a permanent full-time position the chances
of obtaining another permanent full-time position are slim (the government likes to give the
impression that there are under one million people unemployed in the UK but the figure
quoted is the number of people who qualify for jobseekers allowance - the number of people
aged between 18-65 without a job is between 4-6 million)
• by this time the target is suffering a severe psychiatric injury, is traumatised and unable to
articulate their circumstances - whilst the bully remains glib and plausible
• trauma and fear combine to prevent the target from being able to find the right words to
identify, unmask and call to account their tormentor (contact us for a list of phrases and
strategies)
• when the symptoms of psychiatric injury start to appear the bully plays the mental health
trap, claiming this person "has a mental health problem" (psychiatric injury has nothing to do
with mental illness - click here to see the differences)
• the target has no knowledge of serial bullies, sociopaths, etc, and no experience of dealing
with these characters
• the bully relies on compulsive lying, Jekyll & Hyde nature, deception, deviousness,
evasiveness and charm (click here for details) and uses denial, counter-attack, projection and
feigning victimhood to evade accountability (click here for details). Charm has a motive -
deception.
• the serial bully abuses power, exhibits amoral behaviour and lacks conscience and remorse
• there's a lot of ignorance and unenlightenedness about bullying
• the silence is deafening
29

• denial is everywhere
• disbelief is prevalent too - the target fears that no-one will believe them and even the target
eventually questions their belief that this is happening, especially as the bully persistently
and plausibly denies everything
• bullies are encouraged and rewarded, often by promotion
• cases that are settled are subject to gagging clauses
• employers network with each other, sometimes discussing cases and people at fraternal
meetings
• in many cases unions are unhelpful; in some cases the union is part of the problem
• the target doesn't want to have "stress" on their health record
• the target doesn't want to get others into trouble and is reluctant to initiate a grievance
against a fellow human being
• the target naively believes that the system is there to protect them and will work for them (it
isn't and it doesn't)
• the target naively believes that their loyalty and good service record will stand them in good
stead (it won't and the employer is likely to ignore and dismiss it)
• the target naively believes that Human Resources and personnel are there to protect
employees (they're not, click here for the reasons why)
• grievance procedures are notoriously useless for dealing with bullying, as the manager, with
whom the grievance is normally conducted, is often the bully - or is supporting the bully,
either by colluding (active support), or by refusing and failing to deal with the bully (passive
support)
• even if another manager handles the grievance, he or she is usually connected with the bully
in some way
• bullying is a betrayal; the target trusted and depended on the integrity of another (eg
manager) and that person betrayed them; the target fears and anticipates that when they
report the bullying, they will be betrayed again (they often are)
• those in authority did nothing to prevent the bullying while it was happening, nor did they do
anything subsequently; very often it is the person in the position of authority who is the
bully; trust in authority is low, with justification
• bullying is a form of psychological rape because of its intrusive and violational nature
• the target felt and continues to feel guilty about what happened, having been encouraged by
the bully to believe they were responsible
• the target may have been encouraged to withdraw from legal action by the bully feigning
victimhood and playing on their target's forgiving chord and manipulating other people's
sympathies
• bullying causes Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and any thought, memory or
reminder of the bullying immediately results in the sufferer experiencing the following PTSD
DSM-IV diagnostic criteria:
B4. intense psychological distress at exposure to internal or external cues that symbolise or resemble an
aspect of the traumatic event
B5. physiological reactivity on exposure to internal or external cues that symbolise or resemble an aspect of
the traumatic event
as well as
C1. efforts to avoid thoughts, feelings or conversations associated with the trauma
C2. efforts to avoid activities, places or people that arouse recollections of this trauma
30

C3. inability to recall an important aspect of the trauma

D3. difficulty concentrating
PTSD is a normal and natural emotional reaction to a deeply disturbing and shocking experience. It's
possible half the population suffers PTSD to varying extents; mostly it is diagnosed as "stress" and
"anxiety". Recovery from PTSD is described in David Kinchin's book Post Traumatic Stress Disorder: the
invisible injury, 2005 edition.

How people are vulnerable to bullying

How bullies exploit vulnerability to target their victims
Bullies are predators and choose their prey by homing in on vulnerability. Everyone has vulnerabilities:
• the need to pay the mortgage
• the need to support children through school and college
• being the sole breadwinner
• being single and not having anyone to support you on a regular basis
• living alone and having no-one to turn to at the end of each day
• because you care - about your work, about your clients, about your work colleagues, about your company
or organisation, about your family, and about people
• having integrity which you are unwilling to compromise or sacrifice
• being scrupulously honest
• being reasonable and with a strong sense of fair play
• having a well-developed sense of guilt
• having caring responsibilities at home, eg an elderly relative
• having a child with special needs or who needs special care
• caring for a disabled partner or family member
• experiencing separation or divorce
• caring for a dying partner or relative
• undergoing bereavement
• suffering grief during the mourning phase following bereavement
• having a great deal of locked-up anger resulting from bullying, harassment, domestic violence, stalking,
abuse etc
• being unable to change job, eg limited job opportunities, being a specialist
• belonging to an ethnic minority
• belonging to a minority group
• having a different sexual orientation
• having a different cultural background
• having a different religious belief
• suffering an illness, whether related to work or not
• suffering an injury, whether it be at work, as a result of work, or outside work
31

• having a disability or perceived disability

• being female in a male environment
• being male in a female environment
• not having English as your first language, or not having the national language as your first language
• being too old, or too young

Bystanders and bullying

Onlookers, witnesses, eyewitnesses, spectators, turncoats, reprisals
Why junior staff are afraid to speak out against senior colleagues
"He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it"
(Martin Luther King)
In most bullying situations, the target of bullying finds themself isolated and alone. Work colleagues, who may
formerly have been friendly and supportive, melt away and the target is left feeling like a pariah and an outcast.
There are many reasons why colleagues at work fail to come to the aid of a fellow worker being bullied. These
include:
• the bully has gone round the department and warned everybody off, often using implied
threats of reorganisation (redundancy), restructuring (redundancy) or even disciplinary
action against anyone who helps the target
• the bully creates a climate of fear where everybody is afraid to speak out or take action
• fear of reprisal
• very few people, when put to the test, have the integrity and moral courage to stand up
against bullying, harassment, corruption etc; the target is selected often because they do
have this moral courage; most people will pass by on the other side, only targets have the
integrity to be a good Samaritan
• in the presence of an aggressor, particularly a devious, manipulative, charming one, many
people prefer to act more like sheep than humans
• many bystanders are only mediocre at their jobs and their sense of vulnerability through fear
of being targeted is thus greater
• understanding of bullying is low and many people still hold outdated views such as "why
don't you stand up for yourself?" [answer - because the moment you assert your right not to
be bullied the bully moves into phase two of the bullying process which is elimination - click
here for more] and "if you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen"
• work colleagues often have no understanding or experience of bullying, manipulation,
psychological violence, etc
• some bystanders are able to employ the "I didn't know what to do" excuse to abdicate and
deny their responsibility; bystanders who use this excuse make no effort to find out
• you'll be surprised to realise how many work colleagues have brown noses which you hadn't
noticed before or which you'd put down to sunburn
• some of your workmates will turn out to be turncoats
• denial is everywhere
• in environments where the bullying is entrenched, it's regarded as "normal" behaviour
• work mates think that if they keep their heads down, their mouths shut and pretend nothing
is happening then it won't happen to them [wrong - their turn will come eventually]
32

• work colleagues have their own share of problems and they're not going to risk losing their
job for someone else
• your workmates are not people you have chosen to be with and they may not be friends -
they just happen to be there
• work is an institution, not a family or community; your co-workers have no legal obligation
towards you
• bullying goes on over a long period of time, the target eventually becomes obsessive about
the bullying, work colleagues start to experience compassion fatigue and turn off; if the
bullying continues, colleagues may become aggressive and actively join in with the mobbing,
victimising and scapegoating as the pack mentality takes over
• unlike assault and harassment, bullying is subtle and comprises hundreds, perhaps
thousands, of incidents which out of context and in isolation are trivial - thus bystanders
can't see the full picture
• bullies exert power and control by a combination of selectively withholding information and
spreading disinformation, therefore everyone has a distorted picture - of only what the bully
wants them to see
• bullying often goes on behind closed doors so no-one sees it or recognises it
• bullying may be carried out in front of people who are unable to recognise the tactics of
bullying, especially the use of guilt and sarcasm
• the bully goes to great lengths to undermine their target and portray them as a poor
performer - work colleagues are encouraged to regard the target as a threat to the
organisation
• the bully is a smooth, slimy, sycophantic individual who excels at deception using a
combination of compulsive lying, Jekyll and Hyde nature, manipulation, mimicry of normal
behaviour, self-assuredness and charm
• bullies, especially female bullies, are masters of manipulation, and are fond of manipulating
people through their emotions (eg guilt); bullies see any form of vulnerability (eg the need to
pay the mortgage) as an opportunity for manipulation and exploitation
• your colleagues at work have vulnerabilities too
• bullies are adept at manipulating peoples' perceptions with intent to engender a negative
view of the target in the minds of work colleagues, management and personnel - this is
achieved through undermining, including the creation of doubts and suspicions and the
sharing of false concerns
• bullies poison the atmosphere and actively poison people's minds against the target
• when close to being outwitted and exposed, the bully feigns victimhood and turns the focus
on themselves - another example of manipulating people through their emotion of guilt, eg
sympathy, feeling sorry
• most bystanders are hoodwinked by the bully's ruses for abdicating responsibility and
evading accountability, eg "that's all in the past, let's focus on the future", "what's in the
past is no longer relevant", "you need to make a fresh start", and "forgive and forget, you've
got to move on", etc.
• the bully encourages and manipulates bystanders to lie, act dishonourably and dishonestly,
withhold information and spread misinformation
• the bully manipulates bystanders to punish the target for alleged infractions, ie the
bystanders become instruments of harassment
• the bully is often able to bewitch one especially emotionally needy bystander into being their
easily controlled spokesperson / advocate / supporter / denier
33

• the bully often forms an alliance with a colleague who has the same behaviour profile, thus
increasing the levels of threat, fear and dysfunction
• the bully is able to charm and manipulate a number of bystanders to act as supporters,
assistants, reinforcers, appeasers, deniers, apologists and minimisers
• in an environment where aggression is dominant, good people become disempowered and
disenfranchised
• many people do not have the emotional intelligence or behavioural maturity to understand
bullying, let alone deal with it
• when there's conflict in the air, most people want to be on the winning side, or the side they
think will survive
• some people gain gratification (a perverse feeling of satisfaction) from seeing others in
distress and thus become complicit in the bullying
• a few sad people think that bullying is funny
• some observers regard behavioural responses that are reasonable and civilised as a sign of
weakness rather than maturity
• many people lack critical thinking skills and analytical abilities and thus cannot see through
the facade or the bully's mask of deceit
• apathy is rampant
• many employers are interested only in creating a workforce of corporate clones and drones
so this is what employees are programmed to be
• the bully grooms bystanders, and the target, to believe the target deserves the treatment
they are receiving
• when the target of bullying is off sick, the bully labels them as having a "mental health
problem" and forbids staff to contact the person
• the bystanders see only the Dr Jekyll side of the bully, but only the target sees the Mr/Ms
Hyde side; Dr Jekyll is sweet and charming, Mr/Ms Hyde is evil; Mr/Ms Hyde is the real person,
Dr Jekyll is an act
• many workplaces undergo reorganisation every six months (or more) therefore there's never
sufficient time for employees to gain an accurate picture of the bully
It's easy to see the parallels between the actions and inactions of workplace colleagues and how Hitler was able to
co-opt so many of the German people into supporting him - those with the moral integrity to refuse were arrested,
tortured and shot. Hitler was not the first dictator to eliminate anyone who objected. Rome created a great empire,
not by having meetings, but by killing all those who opposed them. In the workplace, those who decline to support
the bully are isolated, victimised, scapegoated, have undue constraints and excessive workloads imposed, and are
then subjected to disciplinary proceedings on trumped-up charges as a prelude to losing their job (as well as their
career, livelihood and health).
Bystanders can make a significant difference in the workplace (and in bullying situations in school); bullies are
cowards and if they sense that someone other than their target is going to expose them, they may slink away with
their tail between their legs. However, bullies are extremely vindictive and will do everything in their power to
destroy anyone who can see through their mask of deceit. In very rare cases you may receive information from a
bystander who wants to help but is afraid to do so publicly for fear of retribution - and fear of becoming the next
target.
Fear of a bullying boss, or fear of someone in higher authority who can wreck your career, is a common reason for
people refusing to speak out. Disaster and death can result. An article by Olivia Barker in USA Today on 8
December 1999 titled "4 studies aim to reduce, resolve medical mistakes" reports the USA Institute of Medicine's
finding that 98,000 people die each year from medical mistakes caused by cultural and systemic problems. In
many cases a junior member of staff saw the error being committed but was too afraid to speak up. Bullying by
consultants is rife in health services, many of whom fit the Guru profile. [Examples: #1 #2 #3 #4 #5]
34

Unwillingness by co-pilots and engineers on the flight deck to speak out against the erroneous and potentially fatal
actions of the pilot were a factor in several major air disasters including the BEA Trident which crashed in Staines,
London on Sunday 18 June 1972 and in the world's worst airplane disaster at Los Rodeos airport in the Canary
Islands on Sunday 27 March 1977. In the former, the abnormal heart condition of Captain Key and his autocratic
overbearing manner (it is thought these two are connected) led to a series of errors during takeoff from London
Heathrow which the flight crew were unable or unwilling to highlight or correct.
In the latter, two jumbo jets (KLM Boeing 747 PH-BUF and Pan American Boeing 747, N736PA) collided on the
runway after KLM's most senior pilot Captain Jacob van Zanten commenced takeoff without proper clearance
from air traffic control. Fog, confusing radio communication, Captain van Zanten's impatience to get airborne (and
get home before he exceeded his duty time) plus the reluctance of the co-pilot and flight engineer to question and
especially overrule the Captain, contributed to 583 deaths. Pilot training was subsequently altered with the
introduction of CLR (Cockpit Leadership Resource) or Cockpit Resource Management (CRM) whereby the flight
deck crew work as a team rather than an autocratic hierarchy.
Today the main issue in the airline industry (and elsewhere) is bullying from non-operational managers whose
priority - and sometimes sole concern - is to achieve profits for their company. The views and needs of pilots -
whose concerns are over safety or legal constraints - are ignored, downplayed or overruled. When profits and
safety collide - especially in the transport industry - it's profits which may gain the upper hand, especially in times
of an economic downturn. The
safety system may, in this way, become eroded. Pilots who raise legitimate issues are therefore likely to find
themselves fighting the company they work for, and being threatened with dismissal for "bringing the company
into disrepute". [Example]

What is mobbing?
The difference between bullying and mobbing
group bullying, group mobbing, pack behaviour, mutually assured destruction, gratification
On another page
What is bullying?
An answer to the question Why me?
How bullies select their targets | Events that trigger bullying
The difference between bullying and harassment
Personal qualities of targets that bullies find irresistible
Answers to frequently asked questions about bullying
Common myths and misperceptions of bullying explained
Definitions of bullying
What is mobbing?
The word bullying is used to describe a repeated pattern of negative intrusive violational behaviour against one or
more targets and comprises constant trivial nit-picking criticism, refusal to value and acknowledge, undermining,
discrediting and a host of other behaviours which are defined on my page What is bullying?
The word mobbing is preferred to bullying in continental Europe and in those situations where a target is selected
and bullied (mobbed) by a group of people rather than by one individual. However, every group has a ringleader. If
this ringleader is an extrovert it will be obvious who is coercing group members into mobbing the selected target.
If the ringleader is an introvert type, he or she is likely to be in the background coercing and manipulating group
members into mobbing the selected target; introvert ringleaders are much more dangerous than extrovert
ringleaders.
In a mobbing situation, the ringleader incites supporters, cohorts, copycats and unenlightened, inexperienced,
immature or emotionally needy individuals with poor values to engage in adversarial interaction with the selected
target. The ringleader, or chief bully, gains gratification from encouraging others to engage in adversarial
interaction with the target. Many people use the word "mobbing" to describe this pack attack by many on one
individual. Once mobbing is underway the chief bully foments the mobbing into mutually assured destruction,
from which the chief bully gains intense gratification - this is a feature of people with psychopathic personality.
One aspect of psychopathic bullies is that they home in on Wannabe types - non-psychopathic lesser bullies - and
then empower these individuals to gain the positions of power and authority they crave. Once installed, the
Wannabe's lack of competence makes them dependent on the chief psychopath, which means they become
35

unwitting but willing compliant puppets. They also make perfect corporate clones and drones. A characteristic of
the Wannabe is that as well as lacking all the competencies necessary for their position, they also lack the intellect
to understand the nature and manner of their compliant subservience.
Throughout the mobbing experience, the target is deceived into fighting, blaming and trying to hold accountable
the minor bullies of the mobbing group rather than the chief bully. The main reason a psychopathic chief bully gets
away with his (or her) behaviour repeatedly is that no-one wants to believe that s/he could be the monster s/he is.
This is also the reason that many pedophiles and wife-batterers evade accountability and sanction for years, often
decades. They appear so charming and plausible to naive, unenlightened and inexperienced people - usually those
who haven't experienced bullying themselves. Psychopathic chief bullies are very likely to have everyone in
human resources and management in their pocket, who are then manipulated into further mobbing, victimising and
persecuting the target.
The golden rule when tackling a mobbing situation is, I believe, to identify and focus exclusively on the chief
bully, and concentrate on holding this ringleader accountable. Expect an immediate increase in mobbing activities,
and a rapidly-expanding web of deceit to be concocted against you. Alternatively, the best solution may be to make
a positive decision to leave and refuse to allow these people to continue to ruin your career, your health and your
life. In the unlikely event that the psychopathic chief leader is exposed and then leaves, the dysfunction, aggression
and negative feelings fostered by him or her are likely to linger for years.

Links
Heinz Leymann's The Mobbing Encyclopedia
Mobbing: Emotional Abuse in the American Workplace, Davenport, Schwartz, and Elliott, Civil Society
Publishing, July 1999, ISBN 0967180309.

Bullying, harassment and discrimination

including sexual harassment, sex discrimination, racial harassment, racial discrimination
What is harassment?
Harassment is any form of unwanted and unwelcome behaviour which may range from mildly unpleasant remarks
to physical violence.
Harassment is termed sexual harassment if the unwanted behaviours are linked to your gender or sexual
orientation. The EU definition of sexual harassment is "unwanted conduct of a sexual nature or other conduct
based on sex affecting the dignity of men and women at work".
Racial harassment is when the behaviours are linked to your skin colour, race, cultural background, etc. In
countries with sectarian tradition (eg as in Ireland) the term sectarian harassment is often used if the behaviours
are linked to your religious beliefs or perceived religious origin or inclination. If the harassment is physical, the
criminal law of assault may be appropriate. If the harassment comprises regular following, watching, repeated
unsolicited contact or gifts, etc, the term stalking may be appropriate.
Discrimination is when you are treated differently (eg less favourably) because of your gender, race or disability.
The differences between harassment and bullying are summarised on the page on bullying. Briefly, harassment
tends to have a strong physical component and is usually linked to gender, race, disability or physical violence;
bullying tends to be a large number of incidents (individually trivial) over a long period comprising constant
unjustified and unsubstantiated criticism. To see quickly if you're being bullied click here.
Areas of UK law that apply to harassment
The principal areas of UK law relating to harassment comprise:
• Sex Discrimination Act 1975: discrimination on the grounds of sex by dismissing an
employee or submitting them to "any other detriment"
• Race Relations Act 1976: ditto on racial grounds
• Disability Discrimination Act 1995: ditto on grounds of disability
36

• Protection from Harassment Act 1996: harassment and stalking

• Criminal Justice & Public Order Act 1994: intentional harassment for causing another
person harassment, alarm or distress by using threatening, abusive or insulting words or
behaviour
• Criminal law of assault
Bullying is the common denominator of harassment, discrimination, abuse, violence etc, so see other relevant laws
on the legal page and case law page. The source of most bullying and harassment can usually be traced to one
individual. Most people know one person in their life with this profile - who is it in your life?
Bullying and harassment (at work, in society, at school and at home) is a major cause of injury to health, both
physical and mental. To see how prolonged negative stress (such as that caused by bullying and harassment) causes
injury to health, click here. Over time, bullying and harassment result in trauma, which is a psychiatric injury, the
collective symptoms of which often constitute Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD. Click here for details; the
page also tell you the difference between mental illness and psychiatric injury - important for re-empowerment and
legal action.

Links
Sexual harassment Internet resources

Grievance procedures and bullying

Why grievance procedures are inappropriate for dealing with bullying
In 2000 there were 130,000 applications to employment tribunal in the UK; in other words, every year in the UK,
1 in 215 jobs ends in a tribunal. This suggests of something fundamentally wrong with workplace Britain.
Instead of finding out why so many employees find themselves placed in the position of having to consider
employment tribunal every year, the UK Labour government's solution (sic) is to make it harder for employees to
get to employment tribunal. This latest spin-doctoring follows a number of attempts by the government to paper
over the cracks by suppressing the effects of a problem rather than identifying and dealing with the cause.
A new employment bill will make it mandatory for employees to follow the grievance procedure, and will
empower tribunals to penalise employees who haven't followed their employer's grievance procedure.
Grievance procedures are inappropriate and ineffective in dealing with bullying a for a variety of reasons:
• bullying is equivalent to rape (it's psychological and emotional rape because of its intrusive
and violational nature) and grievance procedures force the victim of this rape to have to
relive the trauma repeatedly - this could be a breach of Article 3 of the Human Rights Act: no
one shall be subjected to inhuman or degrading treatment
• the person who normally handles the grievance is usually the bully, or a friend of the bully
• if the bully is a co-worker, the manager who would handle the grievance has already failed as
a manager for allowing the bullying to occur and for failing to deal with the bullying before it
got to the grievance stage
• the bullying manager has lots of friends in HR and management and will blacken the target's
reputation before grievance procedures begin
• most bullies will successfully lie, cheat and deceive their way through grievance
• the bully will make sure the grievance lasts as long a possible (eg a year or more)
• the bully will deny the target access to records, sometimes rifling the target's desk and
stealing notes
• the bully will ban the target from having contact with fellow employees
• the bully will threaten fellow workers into withdrawing support for the target
37

• the bully and the employer will limit representation to a union representative (many reps are
untrained, unsupported, and some are part of the problem) or co-worker (all of whom are too
frightened to stand up for a fellow worker)
• plus all the reasons listed at standup.htm
The acid test of any legislation is "would it have worked in previous cases?" When you read through the case
histories at Bully OnLine you'll realise that it didn't work or wouldn't have worked in many of those cases.

The difference between bullying and management

How to recognise a bullying manager in your organisation
Can you recognise a bully in the ranks? Use this table to spot the serial bully in your organisation. How much
damage is this employee doing to your business, your productivity, your profitability?
Manager
Leader
Decisive
Has a good appreciation of short,
medium and long term needs, goals
and strategy
Accepts responsibility
Shares credit
Acknowledges failings
Learns from experience and applies
knowledge gained from experience to
improve business, communication,
language and interpersonal skills
Consistent
Fair, treats all equally
Respectful and considerate
Seeks and retains people more
knowledgeable and experienced than
self
Values others
Includes everyone
Leads by example
Truthful
Confident
Behaviourally mature
Emotionally mature, high EQ
(emotional intelligence)
Good interpersonal skills
Good etiquette
Balanced objectivity
Cares about staff, the business, etc
Respects clients
Bully
Bully, coward
Random, impulsive
Rigidly short term, often no more than
24 hours
Abdicates responsibility
Plagiarises, takes all the credit
Denies failings, always blames others
Has a learning blindness, cannot apply
knowledge gained from experience
except how to be more devious,
manipulative, and how to better evade
accountability
Inconsistent, random, impulsive
Inconsistent, always critical, singles
people out, shows favouritism
Disrespectful and inconsiderate
Favours weaker employees, recruits
henchmen and toadying types
Unable to value, constantly devalues
others
Includes and excludes people
selectively
Dominates, sets a poor example
Economical, uses distortion and
fabrication
Insecure, arrogant
Behaviourally immature
Emotionally immature, very low EQ
(emotional intelligence)
Poor interpersonal skills
Poor etiquette
Exclusive self-interest
Cares only about self
Is contemptuous of clients
38

Gets on well with people at all levels
and from all backgrounds
Assertive
Delegates
Builds team spirit
Uses influencing skills
Motivates
Listens, guides, instructs
Has high expectations (that staff will do
well)
Shares fairly
Shares information freely
Always strives for clarity
Allows and trusts people to get on with Constantly interfering, dictating and
the job
Only addresses genuine performance
issues and then focuses on
performance and behaviour
Focused on the future
Respected
Sets a good example
Has good moral code and moral
integrity
Has honesty and integrity
Rarely uses the disciplinary procedures
Identifies only with clones of himself or
herself
Aggressive
Dumps
Divisive, uses manipulation and threat
Alienates, divides, creates fear and
uncertainty
Demotivates
Tells
Has low expectations of everybody
Controls and subjugates
Withholds information, releases
selectively, uses information as a
weapon
Revels in confusion, divide and rule etc
controlling
Makes false claims about alleged
underperformance and focuses on the
person, not behaviour or performance
Obsessed with the past
Loathed
Sets a bad example
Amoral behaviour, no integrity
Exhibits hypocrisy and duplicity
Frequently imposes verbal warnings
and written warning without
justification

The serial bully

How to spot signs and symptoms of serial bullies, sociopaths and psychopaths
including the sociopathic behaviour of the industrial psychopath and the corporate psychopath
Types of serial bully: The Attention-Seeker, The Wannabe, The Guru and The Sociopath
"All cruelty springs from weakness."
(Seneca, 4BC-AD65)
"Most organisations have a serial bully. It never ceases to amaze me how one person's divisive, disordered,
dysfunctional behaviour can permeate the entire organisation like a cancer."
Tim Field
"The truth is incontrovertible; malice may attack it, ignorance my deride it, but in the end, there it is."
Winston Churchill
"Lack of knowledge of, or unwillingness to recognise, or outright denial of the existence of the serial bully is the
most common reason for an unsatisfactory outcome of a bullying case for both the employee and employer"
Tim Field
I estimate one person in thirty, male or female, is a serial bully. Who does the following profile describe in your
life?
The serial bully:
39

• is a convincing, practised liar and when called to account, will make up anything
spontaneously to fit their needs at that moment
• has a Jekyll and Hyde nature - is vile, vicious and vindictive in private, but innocent and
charming in front of witnesses; no-one can (or wants to) believe this individual has a
vindictive nature - only the current target of the serial bully's aggression sees both sides;
whilst the Jekyll side is described as "charming" and convincing enough to deceive personnel,
management and a tribunal, the Hyde side is frequently described as "evil"; Hyde is the real
person, Jekyll is an act
• excels at deception and should never be underestimated in their capacity to deceive
• uses excessive charm and is always plausible and convincing when peers, superiors or
others are present (charm can be used to deceive as well as to cover for lack of empathy)
• is glib, shallow and superficial with plenty of fine words and lots of form - but there's no
substance
• is possessed of an exceptional verbal facility and will outmanoeuvre most people in
verbal interaction, especially at times of conflict
• is often described as smooth, slippery, slimy, ingratiating, fawning, toadying,
obsequious, sycophantic
• relies on mimicry, repetition and regurgitation to convince others that he or she is both a
"normal" human being and a tough dynamic manager, as in extolling the virtues of the latest
management fads and pouring forth the accompanying jargon
• is unusually skilled in being able to anticipate what people want to hear and then
saying it plausibly
• cannot be trusted or relied upon
• fails to fulfil commitments
• is emotionally retarded with an arrested level of emotional development; whilst
language and intellect may appear to be that of an adult, the bully displays the emotional
age of a five-year-old
• is emotionally immature and emotionally untrustworthy
• exhibits unusual and inappropriate attitudes to sexual matters, sexual behaviour
and bodily functions; underneath the charming exterior there are often suspicions or hints
of sex discrimination and sexual harassment, perhaps also sexual dysfunction, sexual
inadequacy, sexual perversion, sexual violence or sexual abuse
• in a relationship, is incapable of initiating or sustaining intimacy
• holds deep prejudices (eg against the opposite gender, people of a different sexual
orientation, other cultures and religious beliefs, foreigners, etc - prejudiced people are
unvaryingly unimaginative) but goes to great lengths to keep this prejudicial aspect of their
personality secret
• is self-opinionated and displays arrogance, audacity, a superior sense of entitlement
and sense of invulnerability and untouchability
• has a deep-seated contempt of clients in contrast to his or her professed compassion
• is a control freak and has a compulsive need to control everyone and everything you
say, do, think and believe; for example, will launch an immediate personal attack attempting
to restrict what you are permitted to say if you start talking knowledgeably about
psychopathic personality or antisocial personality disorder in their presence - but
aggressively maintains the right to talk (usually unknowledgeably) about anything they
choose; serial bullies despise anyone who enables others to see through their deception and
their mask of sanity
40

• displays a compulsive need to criticise whilst simultaneously refusing to value, praise

and acknowledge others, their achievements, or their existence
• shows a lack of joined-up thinking with conversation that doesn't flow and arguments
that don't hold water
• flits from topic to topic so that you come away feeling you've never had a proper
conversation
• refuses to be specific and never gives a straight answer
• is evasive and has a Houdini-like ability to escape accountability
• undermines and destroys anyone who the bully perceives to be an adversary, a potential
threat, or who can see through the bully's mask
• is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise collate incriminating
information about them
• is quick to discredit and neutralise anyone who can talk knowledgeably about antisocial
or sociopathic behaviors
• may pursue a vindictive vendetta against anyone who dares to held them accountable,
perhaps using others' resources and contemptuous of the damage caused to other people
and organisations in pursuance of the vendetta
• is also quick to belittle, undermine, denigrate and discredit anyone who calls,
attempts to call, or might call the bully to account
• gains gratification from denying people what they are entitled to
• is highly manipulative, especially of people's perceptions and emotions (eg guilt)
• poisons peoples' minds by manipulating their perceptions
• when called upon to share or address the needs and concerns of others, responds with
impatience, irritability and aggression
• is arrogant, haughty, high-handed, and a know-all
• often has an overwhelming, unhealthy and narcissistic attention-seeking need to portray
themselves as a wonderful, kind, caring and compassionate person, in contrast to
their behaviour and treatment of others; the bully sees nothing wrong with their behavior
and chooses to remain oblivious to the discrepancy between how they like to be seen and
how they are seen by others
• is spiritually dead although may loudly profess some religious belief or affiliation
• is mean-spirited, officious, and often unbelievably petty
• is mean, stingy, and financially untrustworthy
• is greedy, selfish, a parasite and an emotional vampire
• is always a taker and never a giver
• is convinced of their superiority and has an overbearing belief in their qualities of
leadership but cannot distinguish between leadership (maturity, decisiveness,
assertiveness, co-operation, trust, integrity) and bullying (immaturity, impulsiveness,
aggression, manipulation, distrust, deceitfulness)
• often fraudulently claims qualifications, experience, titles, entitlements or affiliations
which are ambiguous, misleading, or bogus
• often misses the semantic meaning of language, misinterprets what is said, sometimes
wrongly thinking that comments of a satirical, ironic or general negative nature apply to him
or herself
• knows the words but not the song
41

• is constantly imposing on others a false reality made up of distortion and fabrication

• sometimes displays a seemingly limitless demonic energy especially when engaged in
attention-seeking activities or evasion of accountability and is often a committeeaholic or
apparent workaholic
Responsibility
The serial bully appears to lack insight into his or her behaviour and seems to be oblivious to the crassness and
inappropriateness thereof; however, it is more likely that the bully knows what they are doing but elects to switch
off the moral and ethical considerations by which normal people are bound. If the bully knows what they are
doing, they are responsible for their behaviour and thus liable for its consequences to other people. If the bully
doesn't know what they are doing, they should be suspended from duty on the grounds of diminished responsibility
and the provisions of the Mental Health Act should apply.

On this page
The can of worms behind every case
Introduction to the serial bully | Detailed profile of the serial bully
Types of serial bully: The Attention-Seeker, The Wannabe, The Sociopath and The Guru
Denial - avoiding acceptance of responsibility
Sexual assault and denial in the Paul Hickson case
Projection | Affairs | Validity of testimony | Other web pages
On another page
Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD) | Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
Paranoid Personality Disorder (PPD) | Borderline Personality Disorder
Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy | Attention seeking
How, where and why bullies target their victims
The focus of this page is the serial bully in the workplace, however, the profile is relevant to most types of abusers,
including:
• adult bullies in the workplace
• abusive and violent partners and family members
• abusers of those in care
• bullying neighbours, landlords, authorities, etc
• con artists and swindlers
• cult leaders
• child bullies who are going to grow up (sic) to be adult bullies
• racial and sexual harassers
• sexual abusers and paedophiles
• stalkers
• arsonists
• rapists and those who commit acts of sexual violence
• violent offenders including organized serial killers (ie those not suffering paranoid
schizophrenia etc)
Anecdotal evidence indicates that the serial bully in the workplace is also a serial bully at home and in the
community.
The common objective of these offenders is power, control, domination and subjugation. What varies is the
means by which these are pursued, ie the way in which violence is expressed. Most of the offenders in the list
above commit criminal or arrestable offences; the serial bully commits mostly non-arrestable offences, for
example:
• negligence
42

• incompetence
• maladministration
• neglect of duty
• dereliction of duty
• misappropriation of budgets
• financial irregularities and fiddling the books
• fiddling expenses
• falsifying time sheets
• pilfering
• stealing, diverting, skimming, or "losing" clients' money and investments
• embezzlement
• fraud
• deception
• malpractice
• misrepresentation
• conspiracy (eg to obstruct or pervert the course of justice)
• using the employer's resources to run their own business on the side
• moonlighting for employer's clients or competitors
• leaking information to people who should not be in possession of that information
• awarding contracts to family and friends
• failure to fulfil obligations
• breaches of health and safety regulations
• breaches of rules and regulations
• breaches of codes of conduct
• improper use of fraternal allegiances
• indiscretions
• impropriety
• inappropriate sexual conduct
• being the target of previous grievance and disciplinary action
• being the target of previous legal action (unfair dismissal, harassment, personal injury, etc)
• fraudulent qualifications and misleading or bogus claims of professional affiliation (check the
bully's CV carefully) [More]
• collusion
• corruption
• being sacked or asked to leave their previous job(s)
• recruitment through nepotism or favouritism rather than ability
• extra-marital affairs - see below
• at home: poor credit rating, verbal abuse, domestic abuse, neglect, abandonment
43

Most cases of bullying involve a serial bully - one person to whom all the dysfunction can be traced. The serial
bully has done this before, is doing it now - and will do it again. Investigation will reveal a string of predecessors
who have either left unexpectedly or in suspicious circumstances, have taken early or ill-health retirement, have
been unfairly dismissed, have been involved in disciplinary or legal action, or have had stress breakdowns. Serial
bullies exploit the recent frenzy of downsizing and reorganisation to hinder recognition of the pattern of previous
cases.
The serial bully in the workplace is often found in a job which is a position of power, has a high administrative or
procedural content but little or no creative requirement, and which provides opportunities for demonstrating a
"caring" or "leadership" nature.
Introduction to the serial bully
Embittered by an abusive upbringing, seething with resentment, irritated by others' failure to fulfil his or her
superior sense of entitlement, and fuelled by anger resulting from rejection, the serial bully displays an obsessive,
compulsive and self-gratifying urge to displace their uncontrolled aggression onto others whilst exhibiting an
apparent lack of insight into their behavior and its effect on people around them. Jealousy and envy motivate the
bully to identify a competent and popular individual who is then controlled and subjugated through projection of
the bully's own inadequacy and incompetence. When the target asserts their right not to be bullied, a paranoid fear
of exposure compels the bully to perceive that person as a threat and hence neutralise and dispose of them as
quickly as possible. Once a person has been eliminated there's an interval of between 2 days and 2 weeks before
the bully chooses another target and the cycle starts again.
Detailed profile of the serial bully
The serial bully also:
• is selfish and acts out of self-interest, self-aggrandisement and self-preservation at all times;
everything can be traced back to the self - even the seemingly innocuous "How are you
today?" translates to "Is there any comeback on me as to how you're feeling today?"
• is insensitive, often callously indifferent to the needs of others, and especially when others
are experiencing difficulty (vulnerability is a major stimulant to the serial bully)
• is incapable of reciprocity, ie unable and unwilling to reciprocate any positive gesture
• sees anyone attempting to be conciliatory as a sucker to be exploited
• uses criticism, humiliation, etc in the guise of addressing shortfalls in performance - in
reality, these are for control and subjugation, not for performance enhancement
• appears to be intelligent but often performs poorly in academic or professional roles, despite
appearances; the intelligence is focused exclusively on deviousness, cunning, scheming,
manipulation, evasiveness, deceptiveness, quick-wittedness, craftiness, self-centredness, etc
• may be passive aggressive, blowing hot and cold, superficially cooperative but motivated by
retribution, stubborn, uncoachable, use their intelligence to excuse and justify their
behaviour, and they detest anyone more competent than themselves - which is most people
• is unable to maintain confidentiality, often breaching it with misrepresentation, distortion and
fabrication
• distorts, twists, concocts and fabricates criticisms and allegations, and abuses the
disciplinary procedures - again, for control and subjugation, not for performance
enhancement
• uses gossip, back-stabbing or spreads rumours to undermine, discredit and isolate
• is untrustworthy and unable to trust others - this partly explains the compulsion for excessive
monitoring
• is drawn to positions of power and abuses that power
• alters the employer's procedures to make it difficult or impossible for others to hold the bully
accountable using those procedures
44

• is autocratic and dictatorial, often using phrases like "you shouldn't..." or "you ought to..."
• may appear superficially competent and professional at their job, but behind the facade is
inadequate, inept, poor at their job, often incompetent; survives only by plagiarising other
people's work, and being carried by those they bully
• wraps himself or herself in a flag or tradition and usurps others' objectives, thereby nurturing
compliance, reverence, deference, endorsement and obeisance; however, such veneration
and allegiance is divisive, being a corruption for personal power which exhibits itself through
the establishment of a clique, coterie, cabal, faction, or gang
• is a divisive and disruptive influence, their departments are dysfunctional and inefficient, and
their behavior prevents staff from performing their duties
• is unusually susceptible to minor slights or perceived slights and bears grudges which may
be acted on years later when the transgressor can be denied promotion or downsized in the
bully's "reorganisation"
• gains gratification from provoking people into emotional or irrational responses but is quick
to claim provocation by others when challenged
• has a short-term focus and often cannot think or plan ahead more than 24 hours
• appears to have a short, selective memory and often cannot or will not remember what they
said, did, or committed to more than 24 hours ago - but is always able to remember your
faults, often from years ago
• the serial bully seems to live in a bubble of the present and when challenged will
spontaneously make things up; the bully genuinely seems to believe the fabrication; from a
psychiatric viewpoint this could be called confabulation; from a moral viewpoint, it's called
lying
• is often like a child who has never grown up
• exhibits immature behaviour and poor manners
• has poor communication skills, poor interpersonal skills, poor social skills
• often misses social cues
• has poor language skills, and uses almost exclusively negative language with few or no
positive words; is often limited to parroting fad phrases and regurgitating the latest
management jargon
• has poorly-defined moral and ethical boundaries
• acts out of gratification and self-interest only, often using and hiding behind the employer
• extrovert bullies tend to be shouters and screamers, are highly visible, and bully from the
front
• extrovert bullies can be charismatic and seem to be able to bewitch people into following
and supporting them
• introvert bullies - the most dangerous types - tend to sit in the background and recruit others
to do the bullying for them - when dealing with this type of bullying, identify the arch-bully in
the background and focus single-mindedly on that person - the others will melt away
• is a killjoy, a wet blanket, is unreceptive and finds fault with or pours scorn on other people's
ideas and suggestions, but may regurgitate them later claiming to be the originator
• often has a hatred of a sector of society, eg ethnic minorities, disabled people, etc
• often has a hatred of certain professional groups, eg psychologists, psychiatrists, social
workers, counsellors, therapists
• is unimaginative and lacks the skills of creativity and innovation
45

• rarely has any ideas of his or her own; tends to regurgitate what others (especially superiors)
say rather than use own thinking
• is a plagiarist, steals other people's work - and the credit for it
• has a writing style that is disjointed, lacks flow and consistency, tends to make contradictory
statements, and has the feel of a young teenager trying to write like a grown-up (apologies
to teenagers)
• often uses false praise or praise which is inappropriate to the circumstances; this is partly to
make the bully feel good, partly for the benefit of witnesses, partly poor judgement, partly
immaturity, and partly for control and subjugation to throw their target off guard
• is unable and unwilling to value others and their contributions and achievements; is often
scornful
• shows discrepancy in valuing tasks, deliberately devaluing the work and achievements of
others; when the bully does a certain job, it's onerous, difficult and the bully needs lots of
recognition; when their target does the same job it's trivial, of little or no value, not worth
mentioning
• is ungrateful and rarely (if ever) says "thank you" or "well done" (except, perhaps, if
impressionable witnesses are present)
• is frequently sarcastic, especially in contexts where sarcasm is inappropriate and
unprofessional
• is unable to assess the importance of events and tasks, often making an unnecessary fuss
over trivia whilst ignoring important or urgent things
• exhibits duplicity and hypocrisy, eg says one thing one day and denies it the next
• often has an overwhelming (and unhealthy) need to feel recognised and wanted
• is fastidious, often has an unhealthy obsession with cleanliness or orderliness
• is insincere and false
• has never learnt the skills of and has little concept of empathy; may use charm and mimicry
to compensate
• attempts at empathy are superficial, amateur, often inappropriate or inappropriately high,
and based on mimicry rather than genuine concern - and are for the purpose of making the
bully look and feel good, especially in front of witnesses
• when required to show empathy, eg someone is in distress or needs help, responds either
with impatience and aggression (if no-one else is present), or with a fulsome and effusive
attempt at empathy (if witnesses are present)
• is unwilling to apologise for mistakes, except occasionally when witnesses are present, then
the apology is fulsome, artificial, and inappropriate - but sufficiently convincing for peers and
superiors
• is quick to blame others
• is uncharacteristically fulsome and effusive, especially in front of witnesses - but hollow and
insincere
• is devious and manipulative (especially female bullies)
• is spiteful and vengeful (ditto)
• uses aggression almost exclusively but claims to be assertive (assertiveness is about
recognising and respecting the rights of oneself and others)
• has unpredictable mood swings, blows hot and cold, often suddenly and without warning
46

• is inconsistent in their judgement, often overruling, ignoring or denying what they said
previously
• is inflexible and unable to evaluate options and alternatives
• is unforgiving and often seizes on and exploits others' mistakes or perceived mistakes
• is financially irresponsible and often has a bad credit rating
• has a cavalier attitude to Health and Safety
• is quick to anger and often has an unpredictable temper
• can be unpredictably and disarmingly pleasant, especially when you are unmasking them in
front others - this plays on people's sympathies and is a use of guilt for manipulation and
control
• is often humourless and emotionally flat; attempts at humour are often shallow and
superficial
• is insecure and sees others as a threat; the threat seems to comprise a fear of exposure of
inadequacy, and often borders on paranoia; the individual may have a paranoid personality
• is uncommunicative and uncooperative, and is evasive when asked for information (eg by
subordinates)
• for communication, often relies excessively or exclusively on memos, emails, yellow stickies,
or third parties and other strategies for avoiding face-to-face contact
• has no listening skills, ignores and overrules you; it can be like talking to a brick wall
• displays inappropriate and hostile body language
• makes inappropriate eye contact, either too little (or none at all) or too much (staring)
• often reported as having an evil stare, sometimes with eyes that appear black rather than
coloured
• is unable to sustain a mature adult conversation (you may only realise this in retrospect)
• sees people as objects (in the same way that child sex abusers and rapists see their targets
as objects for their gratification)
• often displays interpersonal behavior that is ill-advised, especially with a sexual overtone, eg
invasion of intimate zone, gestures or comments which include inappropriate sexual
references or innuendo, being inappropriately intimate with clients, being too friendly too
soon, etc
• is incapable of intimacy
• lacks a conscience and shows no remorse
• displays excessive and rigid adherence to procedures, rules, regulations etc, usually as a
cover for lack of creativity; their work is largely bureaucratic in nature and obedience of
orders from above is a priority
• finds ritual important and comforting, and frequently indulges in ritual and ritualistic activity
• often forms or joins lots of committees to look busy and important but never achieves
anything of significance or value
• when called upon to exercise judgement, relies on and insists on rigid adherence to
procedures and rules (this is an abdication of responsibility and an admission of inability to
manage)
• gains gratification from bullying people by imposing rules, regulations, laws etc and insisting
on adherence thereto, regardless of their relevance or efficacy
• often exhibits a psychopathic personality, the main features of which are:
47

• an unwillingness to conform to the rules of society: thinks that rules, regulations, procedures
and the law do not apply to them - but insists that others adhere rigidly
• an inability to tolerate minor frustrations
• a tendency to act impulsively, recklessly and randomly
• an inability to form stable relationships (the bully's private life is usually a mess)
• an inability or unwillingness to learn from past experience, however unpleasant - this
"learning blindness" is a key feature of the serial bully and differentiates the serial bully from
the unwitting bully; this inability to learn seems to be concentrated in the area of
interpersonal, social, communication and behavioural skills; closer inspection suggests that
the bully does learn from experience, but only how be more secretive and how to be more
skilled at evading accountability
Other adjectives to describe the serial bully include cunning, conniving, scheming, calculating, cruel, sadistic,
ruthless, treacherous, premeditated, exploitative, pernicious, malevolent, obnoxious, opportunist, unconcerned, etc.
The lack of interpersonal, social, and empathic skills are reminiscent of autism; the serial bully relies almost
entirely on rules, procedures, aggression, denial and mimicry to hide their lack of people skills. Psychopaths and
sociopaths are often excellent actors and mimics.
Most people with this profile are incompetent at their job and the bullying is intended to hide this incompetence.
However, a few recent cases suggest that some serial bullies (especially the quiet ones):
• are good at carrying out rule-based or procedurally-oriented jobs which require no free
thinking or imagination; these people fall down when required to step outside this role, eg
dealing with people
• (especially males) excel in one area of work (usually scientific in nature) and may be
regarded as the leading authority in their field but are lacking in almost every other respect,
especially in interpersonal skills (this is reminiscent of savant syndrome); they also tend to
be physically aggressive and may have a reputation for sexual harassment
New! Serial bully types
Attention-Seeker | Wannabe | Guru | Sociopath
The profile above covers the most commonly-reported behaviours of serial bullies. From casework I've been able
to identify four primary types of serial bully:
The Attention-Seeker
Motivation: to be the centre of attention
Mindset: control freak, manipulation, narcissism
Malice: medium to high; when held accountable, very high
• emotionally immature
• selectively friendly - is sickly sweet to some people, rude and offhand to others, and ignores
the rest
• is cold and aggressive towards anyone who sees them for what they really are or exposes
their strategies for gaining attention
• overfriendly with their new target, especially in the initial stages of a new working
relationship
• overhelpful, ditto
• overgenerous, ditto
• manipulative of people's perceptions, but in an amateur and childish manner
• manipulative with guilt, ditto
• sycophantic, fawning, toadying
48

• uses flattery to keep a person in authority on side

• everything is a drama, usually a poor-me drama
• prefers not to solve problems in own life so that they can be used and re-used for gaining
sympathy and attention
• capitalises on issues and uses them as a soapbox for gaining attention
• exploits others' suffering and grief as a vehicle for gaining attention
• misappropriates others' statements, eg anything which can be misconstrued as politically
incorrect, for control and attention-seeking
• excusitis, makes excuses for everything
• shows a lot of indignation, especially when challenged
• lots of self-pity
• often as miserable as sin, apart from carefully constructed moments of charm when in the
act of deceiving
• demanding of others
• easily provoked
• feigns victimhood when held accountable, usually by bursting into tears or claiming they're
the one being bullied and harassed
• presents as a false victim when outwitted
• may feign exclusion, isolation or persecution
• malicious
• constantly tries and will do almost anything to be in the spotlight
• includes Munchausen Syndrome
• the focus of their life is to be the centre of attention
The Wannabe
Motivation: craves respect for being competent and professional despite lacking in competence and
professionalism
Mindset: deceptive
Malice: low to medium; when held accountable, medium to high
• similar to the attention-seeker
• is one of life's chronic underperformers and is best described as ineffectual in everything
• craves undeserved respect and attention and will go to considerable lengths to acquire them
• hangs around the fringes of a profession
• not professionally qualified but claims they are a professional because they sit next to a
professional or work alongside or near or in the midst of professionals, or provide services to
professionals
• lacks the ability, competence and professionalism to be a qualified professional
• wants so much to be seen as competent professional person but is unable and unwilling to
put in the work to achieve this
• is unable and unwilling to apply knowledge gained from experience but instead devotes time
and effort to improving skills of deception, manipulation, false claim, denial and projection
• may have been rejected by their chosen profession for lack of competence
49

• is spiteful towards and despises anyone who is qualified in the profession from which the
bully has been excluded by virtue of lack of competence
• is likely to be vilifying the profession they want to belong to or which they're claiming to be
part of or which they are claiming to represent
• displays a deep-seated envy and jealousy of the professionals that he or she works alongside
or claims to serve
• harbours a bitter resentment, grudge, distaste and contempt for the professionals that he or
she works alongside or claims to serve
• is likely to be criticising, condemning, disadvantaging and causing detriment to the
professionals he or she works alongside or claims to serve
• may seek positions of power over the professionals he or she works alongside or claims to
serve, perhaps to facilitate a compulsion to criticise, condemn, disadvantage and cause
detriment
• is irresistibly drawn to organisations, roles and positions which offer the wannabe power and
control over the professionals s/he despises (eg inspection regimes, approval roles,
regulatory bodies, ticksheet compliance schemes, political correctness police, trade union
official, etc) - and is often described as a talentless jobsworth
• when in a position of power associates with and makes alliances with or surrounds him or
herself with clones, drones, minions, fellow wannabes, sycophants and brown-nosers
• instinctively objects to any suggestion of change, reform, improvement, progress or
evolution, but has no viable or positive alternatives of their own
• opposes every idea, suggestion, opinion, contribution or reform on principle but has no
original, positive, constructive ideas or contributions of his or her own
• is likely to plagiarise and steal others' ideas which are then put forward as their own
• may place undue emphasis or reliance on an old, minor or irrelevant qualification to bolster
their claim of belonging to or deserving to belong to a profession
• may claim ambiguous or misleading or bogus or fraudulent qualifications, associations and
experience
• displays a superior sense of entitlement because they associate with or serve higher
performers
• emotionally immature
• controlling
• easily provoked
• when challenged is adept at rewriting history to portray themselves as competent,
professional and successful, regardless of multiple witnesses and overwhelming evidence to
the contrary
• quickly and loudly feigns victimhood when exposed and held accountable, often repeatedly
and loudly accusing the person holding them accountable of being a bully
• when held accountable makes conflicting and contradictory threats and demands (eg
demands apology but orders the other person not to communicate with them)
• when held accountable makes lots of loud but empty threats (eg of legal action such as libel,
slander, defamation etc)
• only carries out threats of legal action when in the presence of a superior serial bully,
especially a sociopath type
50

• may indulge their jealousy and envy of professionals or those they claim to serve by
pursuing vindictive vendettas, sometimes with the help of a superior serial bully, especially a
sociopath type
• is easily manipulated and controlled by a superior serial bully
• female wannabes may be arch bullies (some people might call them puppetmasters or queen
bees)
• may surround herself with drones of the opposite sex
• may exploit some perceived vulnerability in self to ensure drone loyalty
• gives the appearance of loyalty to drones but will discard them when they've served their
purpose
• is likely to have affairs to gain power, status or position
The Guru
Motivation: task focused
Mindset: confusion, inability to understand how others think and feel
Malice: zero to low; when held accountable, low to medium (it's often the absence of malice that identifies a guru
type of serial bully) but could be medium to high if narcissistic or psychopathic traits are present
• often successful in their narrow field of expertise
• regarded as an expert
• valued by the employer because s/he brings in the money, status etc
• ruthlessly pursues objectives regardless of the cost
• ruthless determination to succeed
• can be successful over the medium term in their field
• task focused
• zero people skills
• control freak
• mainly but not exclusively male
• often has a favourite who receives extra attention but who is expected to reciprocate with
sycophancy
• favours, protects and promotes non-threatening sycophants whilst marginalizing and
hindering the advancement of those with higher levels of competence, especially in people
skills
• apt to betray those formerly favoured, especially when the favoured person starts to show
independence of thought or action, or starts to receive more attention or become more
popular than their mentor
• a male Guru in a position of power may exhibit inappropriate sexual conduct
• gauche, aggressive and unpleasant but not evil
• may not be overtly attention-seeking but dislikes those around them getting more attention
than they're getting, or getting attention which doesn't include the bully
• selfish, self-centred, self-opinionated, dogmatic and thoughtless and with a tendency to
pontificate
• apt to throw temper tantrums when things don't go well or can't get their own way
• emotionally immature, perhaps emotionless, sometimes cold and frigid
• convincingly intellectualises feelings to compensate for emotional immaturity
51

• intelligent (often highly) but lacks common sense

• is happy to lie to suit own purposes
• can have a rigid routine
• does not accept responsibility for their own behavior
• blames others for own inadequacies
• refuses to recognise that they could have any shortcomings of their own
• does not live in the present
• usually extremely neat (for example, desk is always clear)
• organized (sometimes overly)
• tempts fate but always gets away with it
• has stereotypical ideas about gender roles (though this may not be expressed consciously)
• makes assumptions about others' thoughts
• does not follow social rules, for example may display bad table manners in public
• appears unable and unwilling to engage in and sustain small talk
• seems unaware of the nature and purpose of rapport
• seems to exhibit some symptoms similar to autism, although autistic people tend to be shy,
introspective and lack manipulative skills and are usually the targets of bullying, not the
perpetrators (it's unknown whether there might be a common cause or whether the
similarities are just a superficial coincidence) [more on autism]
• appears unable to read people and their thoughts and especially feelings
• when held accountable exhibits genuine confusion as to why their behaviour is inappropriate
• in cases where malice is low or absent the person my be regarded as somewhat avuncular or
mildly jovial or charismatic in nature
• likes the appearance of normalcy but rejects responsibilities of relationships
• is unable to comprehend or meet the emotional needs of others
• often puts work and duty above everything, including relationships
• makes power plays, for example leaves the room when someone is speaking, or pretends not
to hear and constantly asking a person to repeat what they just said, etc
• doesn't share information about self (thoughts, insights, etc) and is not open to receiving this
type of information from others (allegedly knows it all already)
• secretive
• possessive of objects and sometimes people
• may view people as objects (this enables controlling behaviour of other people)
• thinks of self as superior and above the law / rules / regulations etc (these only apply to
other people)
• uses denial as a defence mechanism
• there are likely to be problems with succession
The Socialised Psychopath or Sociopath
Also known as the corporate psychopath, workplace psychopath, industrial psychopath and administrative
psychopath.
52

Motivation: power, gratification, personal gain, survival

Mindset: manipulation, deception, evil
Malice: high to very high; when held accountable, off the scale
• Jekyll & Hyde personality
• always charming and beguilingly plausible, especially to those who are capable of protecting
or enhancing the sociopath's position
• excels at deception (this must never be underestimated, but always is)
• excels at evasion of accountability
• is extremely and successfully manipulative of people's perceptions and emotions (eg guilt
and anger)
• silver-tongued, has an extreme verbal facility and can outwit anybody (including a top
barrister) in verbal conflict
• will often engineer himself or herself into a position of authority as gatekeeper of the
organisation and thus the person through whom all information must flow, and the person to
whom all requests for services must be referred - which he or she then takes delight in
denying
• is adept at offering weak and inadequate people the positions of power, control, security,
influence or respect that they crave but who lack the necessary competencies to achieve -
such people are unaware that their consequent dependence on the sociopath makes them
permanent manipulatees, pawns and expendable agents of harassment
• identifies those essential to the sociopath's survival and manipulates their perceptions them
by making them feel special and thus obligated to reciprocate with support and protection
• manipulates others into making fools of themselves in situations where they cannot back
down or from which they cannot withdraw - these people become increasingly susceptible to
further manipulation and are then trapped as pawns in the sociopath's game
• is likely to be surrounded by people who, having been subjected to control, manipulation and
punishment by the sociopath, look wretched and who start to exhibit behaviour best
described as disordered, dysfunctional, sullen, aggressive, defensive, hostile, retaliatory,
counterproductive or cult-like and for whom disbelief, disavowal and denial are instinctive
responses
• creates an environment where levels of denial are so great that those involved are oblivious
of the foolishness and self-evident absurdity of their denials when presented with the facts,
with the result that non-involved observers are led to question whether such levels of denial
merit psychiatric intervention
• is contemptuous of disrepute to their organisation and of collateral damage and of the
destructive consequences for all direct and indirect parties
• is always surrounded by and leaves behind a trail of dysfunctional organisations, destroyed
businesses, ruined careers, stress breakdowns and unexplained suicides
• despite a trail of devastation to individuals, organisations, families and communities, the
actions of a socialised psychopath may go undetected or unrecognised for years
• a history of conducting frivolous, vexatious and malicious legal actions, especially (but not
exclusively) against anyone who can recognise the sociopath for what he is
• only after the sociopath is exposed and relieved of position, or they move on, can the full
depth of their destructive behaviour be fathomed and the consequences calculated
• is skilled at identifying, undermining, discrediting, neutralising and destroying anyone who
can see through the sociopath's mask of sanity
53

• at all times restricts the actions and rights of others (especially those holding the sociopath
accountable) whilst aggressively protecting his or her right to do anything without being
hampered by social norms or legal requirements
• pursues endless vindictive vendettas against anyone perceived as a threat or who attempts,
knowingly or unknowingly, to identify or reveal or expose the sociopath, or who makes
efforts to hold the sociopath accountable
• is adept at appropriating rules, regulations, procedures and law to manipulate, control and
punish accusers regardless of relevance, logic, facts or consequences
• persists in and pursues vindictive vendettas using self-evidently false evidence or
information, even after this is brought to the attention of the sociopath
• will often manipulate minor bullies of the Wannabe type (who on their own might or would
not merit the label 'serial bully') into acting as agents of harassment and as unwitting or
unwilling conductors of vendettas
• is adept at placing people in situations where the sociopath can tap into each person's
instinctive urge to retaliate in order to use them as his or her instruments or agents of
harassment
• gains gratification from provoking others into engaging in adversarial conflict
• once conflict has been initiated, the sociopath gains increased gratification by exploiting
human beings' instinctive need to retaliate - this is achieved by encouraging and escalating
peoples' adversarial conflicts into mutually assured destruction
• revels in the gratification gained from seeing or causing other people's distress
• when faced with accountability or unwelcome attention which might lead to others
discerning the sociopath's true nature, responds with repeated and escalating attempts to
control, manipulate and punish
• is adept at reflecting all accusations and attempts at accountability back onto their accusers
• is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise pool negative information
about the sociopath
• has no limits on his or her vindictiveness
• the need to control, manipulate and punish develops into an obsession with many of the
hallmarks of an addiction
• is skilled at mimicry and can plausibly and spontaneously regurgitate all the latest
management jargon
• exhibits minimal professional skill level and competency
• exploits his or her intelligence to excel at talentless mediocrity
• is always identifying the behaviours and strategies to which other people respond with the
desired effect
• is able to anticipate and credibly say what people want to hear
• is easily able to win people over before betraying them or deceiving them or ripping them off
• easily manipulates and bewitches an immature or naive or vulnerable or emotionally needy
person to be their spokesperson or agent of aggression
• exploits anyone who has a vulnerability
• is pushy and extremely persuasive
• is sexually inadequate and sexually abusive
• is likely to protect anyone accused of or suspected of sexual abuse of pedophile activity, and
will frustrate or obstruct investigations into that person
54

• maybe associating with, or actively involved in, abuse or pedophile activity

• has no emotions, no emotional processing capability and no ability to understand other's
emotions
• is incapable of understanding, initiating or sustaining intimacy
• the male sociopath has often convinced a string of women to feel they are in love with him
and despite being treated abominably they blindly continue to be loyal to him and minister
willingly to his every demand
• may start projects with apparent enthusiasm and energy but quickly loses interest
• frequently takes unnecessary and uncalculated risks but takes no account of consequences
• is reckless and untrustworthy with money
• is likely to be illegally diverting or siphoning off significant sums of money to his or her own
budget, project, account or cause
• is unreliable and untrustworthy in every facet of life
• is likely to be leaking confidential information or secrets to third parties
• is likely to have committed or be committing criminal or near-criminal offences, eg fraud,
embezzlement, deception
• is likely to have committed or be committing breaches of harassment and discrimination law,
employment law, contract law, etc
• disregards rules, regulations, Health and Safety requirements, professional standards, codes
of conduct and legal requirements, etc
• cannot comprehend the deeper semantic meaning of language and is thus unable to
understand or appreciate metaphor, hyperbole, irony, satire etc (these elicit either zero
response or a hostile response)
• likes, seeks, enjoys and relies on procedure, ritual and ritualistic practices
• through arrogant overconfidence takes increasingly risky chances and eventually overplays
their hand or makes a mistake which leads to the sociopath revealing him or herself
• exhibits parasitical behaviour, takes everything and gives nothing
• grabs headline credit for minimal, flukey or other peoples' success whilst surviving off the
backs of manipulatees who are exclusively blamed for all failures
• rarely blinks, may have stary scary eyes that cut right through you, or may avoid eye contact
completely
• is callous, cold and calculating
• is devious, clever and cunning
• is ruthless in the extreme
• regards people as objects and playthings to be discarded when surplus to requirements
• displays zero empathy
• completely without conscience, remorse and guilt
• malicious and evil
Power over people
The serial bully is able to exert a hold over people for a variety of reasons.
Targets are disempowered such that they become dependent on the bully to allow them to get through each day
without their life being made hell.
55

The serial bully is often able to bewitch an emotionally needy colleague into supporting them; this person then
becomes the bully's spokesperson and advocate. How people can be so easily and repeatedly taken in by the bully's
glib charm, Jekyll and Hyde nature, and constant lying is a mystery. Psychopaths are especially adept at conning
people in this manner.
Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD)
The serial bully exhibits behaviours similar to or congruent with the diagnostic criteria for Antisocial Personality
Disorder.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
The serial bully exhibits behaviours similar to or congruent with the diagnostic criteria for Narcissistic Personality
Disorder.
Paranoid Personality Disorder (PPD)
The serial bully exhibits behaviours similar to or congruent with the diagnostic criteria for Paranoid Personality
Disorder.
Borderline Personality Disorder
Some visitors to Bully OnLine have suggested that the bullies in their lives exhibit characteristics of Borderline
Personality Disorder.
Passive Aggressive Personality Disorder
See http://www.toad.net/~arcturus/dd/ddhome.htm
Personality Disorders
There's more on Personality Disorders at http://www.toad.net/~arcturus/dd/ourdesk.htm
Avoiding acceptance of responsibility - denial, counterattack and feigning victimhood
The serial bully is an adult on the outside but a child on the inside; he or she is like a child who has never grown
up. One suspects that the bully is emotionally retarded and has a level of emotional development equivalent to a
five-year-old, or less. The bully wants to enjoy the benefits of living in the adult world, but is unable and unwilling
to accept the responsibilities that go with enjoying the benefits of the adult world. In short, the bully has never
learnt to accept responsibility for their behaviour.
When called to account for the way they have chosen to behave, the bully instinctively exhibits this recognisable
behavioural response:
a) Denial: the bully denies everything. Variations include Trivialization ("This is so trivial it's not worth talking
about...") and the Fresh Start tactic ("I don't know why you're so intent on dwelling on the past" and "Look, what's
past is past, I'll overlook your behaviour and we'll start afresh") - this is an abdication of responsibility by the
bully and an attempt to divert and distract attention by using false conciliation. Imagine if this line of defence were
available to all criminals ("Look I know I've just murdered 12 people but that's all in the past, we can't change the
past, let's put it behind us, concentrate on the future so we can all get on with our lives" - this would do wonders
for prison overcrowding).

b) Retaliation: the bully counterattacks. The bully quickly and seamlessly follows the denial with an aggressive
counter-attack of counter-criticism or counter-allegation, often based on distortion or fabrication. Lying,
deception, duplicity, hypocrisy and blame are the hallmarks of this stage. The purpose is to avoid answering the
question and thus avoid accepting responsibility for their behaviour. Often the target is tempted - or coerced - into
giving another long explanation to prove the bully's allegation false; by the time the explanation is complete,
everybody has forgotten the original question.
Both a) and b) are delivered with aggression in the guise of assertiveness; in fact there is no assertiveness (which is
about recognising and respecting the rights of oneself and others) at all. Note that explanation - of the original
question - is conspicuous by its absence.
c) Feigning victimhood: in the unlikely event of denial and counter-attack being insufficient, the bully feigns
victimhood or feigns persecution by manipulating people through their emotions, especially guilt. This
commonly takes the form of bursting into tears, which most people cannot handle. Variations include indulgent
56

self-pity, feigning indignation, pretending to be "devastated", claiming they're the one being bullied or harassed,
claiming to be "deeply offended", melodrama, martyrdom ("If it wasn't for me...") and a poor-me drama ("You
don't know how hard it is for me ... blah blah blah ..." and "I'm the one who always has to...", "You think you're
having a hard time ...", "I'm the one being bullied..."). Other tactics include manipulating people's perceptions to
portray themselves as the injured party and the target as the villain of the piece. Or presenting as a false victim.
Sometimes the bully will suddenly claim to be suffering "stress" and go off on long-term sick leave, although no-
one can quite establish why. Alleged ill-health can also be a useful vehicle for gaining attention and sympathy. For
suggestions on how to counter this see the advice on the FAQ page.
By using this response, the bully is able to avoid answering the question and thus avoid accepting responsibility
for what they have said or done. It is a pattern of behaviour learnt by about the age of 3; most children learn or are
taught to grow out of this, but some are not and by adulthood, this avoidance technique has been practised to
perfection.
A further advantage of the denial/counter-attack/feigning victimhood strategy is that it acts as a provocation. The
target, who may have taken months to reach this stage, sees their tormentor getting away with it and is provoked
into an angry and emotional outburst after which the bully says simply "There, I told you s/he was like that".
Anger is one of the mechanisms by which bullies (and all abusers) control their targets. By tapping in to and
obtaining an inappropriate release of pent-up anger the bully plays their master stroke and casts their victim as
villain.
When called to account for the way they have chosen to behave, mature adults do not respond by bursting into
tears. If you're dealing with a serial bully who has just exhibited this avoidance tactic, sit passively and draw
attention to the pattern of behaviour they've just exhibited, and then the purpose of the tactic. Then ask for an
answer to the question.
Bullies also rely on the denial of others and the fact that when their target reports the abuse they will be
disbelieved ("are your sure this is really going on?", "I find it hard to believe - are you sure you're not imagining
it?"). Frequently targets are asked why they didn't report the abuse before, and they will usually reply "because I
didn't think anyone would believe me." Sadly they are often right in this assessment. Because of the Jekyll & Hyde
nature, compulsive lying, and plausibility, no-one can - or wants - to believe it. Click here for a detailed
explanation of the target's reluctance to report abuse.
Denial features in most cases of sexual assault, as in the case of Paul Hickson, the UK Olympic swimming coach
who sexually assaulted and raped teenage girls in his care over a period of 20 years or more. When his victims
were asked why they didn't report the abuse, most replied "Because I didn't think anyone would believe me".
Abusers confidently, indeed arrogantly, rely on this belief, often aggressively inculcating (instilling) the belief
("No-one will ever believe you") just after the sexual assault when their victim is in a distressed state. Targets of
bullying in the workplace often come up against the same attitudes by management when they report a bullying
colleague. In a workplace environment, the bully usually recruits one or two colleagues (sometimes one is a
sleeping partner - see Affairs below) who will back up the bully's denial when called to account.
Reflection
Serial bullies harbour a particular hatred of anyone who can articulate their behaviour profile, either verbally or in
writing - as on this page - in a manner which helps other people see through their deception and their mask of
deceit. The usual instinctive response is to launch a bitter personal attack on the person's credentials, lack of
qualifications, and right to talk about personality disorders, psychopathic personality etc, whilst preserving their
right to talk about anything they choose - all the while adding nothing to the debate themselves.
Serial bullies hate to see themselves and their behaviour reflected as if they are looking into a mirror.
Projection
Bullies project their inadequacies, shortcomings, behaviours etc on to other people to avoid facing up to their
inadequacy and doing something about it (learning about oneself can be painful), and to distract and divert
attention away from themselves and their inadequacies. Projection is achieved through blame, criticism and
allegation; once you realise this, every criticism, allegation etc that the bully makes about their target is actually an
admission or revelation about themselves. This knowledge can be used to perceive the bully's own
misdemeanours; for instance, when the allegations are of financial or sexual impropriety, it is likely that the bully
has committed these acts; when the bully makes an allegation of abuse (such allegations tend to be vague and non-
57

specific), it is likely to be the bully who has committed the abuse. When the bully makes allegations of, say,
"cowardice" or "negative attitude" it is the bully who is a coward or has a negative attitude.
In these circumstances, the bully has to understand that if specious and insubstantive allegations are made, the
bully will also be investigated.
When the symptoms of psychiatric injury become apparent to others, most bullies will play the Mental Health
Trap, claiming their target is "mentally ill" or "mentally unstable" or has a "mental health problem". It is more
likely that this allegation is a projection of the bully's own mental health problems. If this trap is being used on
you, assert "projection" as a defence against disciplinary action or as part of your legal proceedings.
It is a key identifying feature of a person with a personality disorder or psychopathic personality that, when
called to account, they will accuse the person who is unmasking them of being the one with the personality
disorder or psychopathic personality from which they (the bully) suffer.
Affairs
Of over 10,000 cases of bullying reported to Bully OnLine and the UK National Workplace Bullying Advice Line,
in at least half the cases, the bully is having an affair with another member of staff. The affair has little to do with
friendship, and a lot to do with strategic alliance in pursuit of power, control, domination and subjugation. In a
further quarter of cases, there's often a suspected affair, and in the remaining quarter, there is often a relationship
with another member of staff based not so much on sexual attraction but on a mutual admiration for the way each
other behaves.
If the bully is a female in a junior position, she finds a weak male in a senior position (this is usually not difficult) -
for example the President, Chief Executive, any Senior Executive, Finance Director, Personnel Director, or
Departmental Director, etc - then gains patronage, protection and reward (eg promotion) by traditional methods.
Once promotion is gained, the female calculates who can give her the next promotion; if the first male cannot, he
is ditched and another adopted. The males are unlikely to admit this is happening or has happened.
If the bully is a male in a senior position, he is often sleeping with a secretary or office administrator, as this is
where he gets his information and where he spreads his disinformation. Sometimes the female junior can be
identified by her reward, eg being the only person allowed to hold the keys of the stock cupboard (everyone has to
grovel to her if they want a new pen), or being put in charge of the office in the bully's absence when there are
others who are senior to her who would make more appropriate deputies.
Most serial bullies have unhappy and unsatisfactory private lives which are characterised by a string of broken
relationships. If you are the current target of a serial bully and taking legal action, a little digging into the bully's
past, including their personal life, will usually unearth some unsavoury facts that the bully would prefer not to be
made public. In some cases, serial bullies have been found to have criminal convictions for fraud, or to have been
compelled to attend therapy or counselling for their habit of compulsive lying, or they might have a record of
domestic violence. Under normal circumstances making these facts part of the proceedings might be considered
unethical; however, if you're the target of a serial bully, the circumstances are not normal.
Validity of testimony
Because of the serial bully's Jekyll and Hyde nature, compulsive lying, charm and plausibility, the validity of this
person's testimony cannot be relied on in disciplinary proceedings, appeal hearings, and under oath at
tribunal and in court. Emphasise this when taking action.
Mediation with this type of individual is inappropriate. Serial bullies regard mediation (and arbitration,
conciliation, negotiation etc) as appeasement, which they ruthlessly exploit; it allows them to give the impression
in public that they are negotiating and being conciliatory, whilst in private they continue the bullying. The lesson
of the twentieth century is that you do not appease aggressors.
The disordered thinking processes of the criminal / antisocial mind are succinctly described in Stanton E
Samenow's book Straight talk about criminals. For example:
"Certain people who I term non-arrestable criminals behave criminally towards others , but they are sufficiently
fearful [and knowledgeable of the law - TF] so that they do not commit major crimes. We all know them:
individuals who shamelessly use others to gain advantage for themselves. Having little empathy, they single-
mindedly pursue their objectives and have little remorse for the injuries they inflict. If others take them to task,
they become indignant and self-righteous and blame circumstances. Such people share much in common with the
58

person who makes crime a way of life. Although they may not have broken the law, they nonetheless victimize
others."
(Chapter 8, The criminal mind exists independent of particular laws, culture or customs)
In Samenow's 1984 book Inside the criminal mind he uses this description:
"Some criminals are smooth rather than contentious, ingratiating rather than surly, devious rather than
intimidating. They pretend to be interested in what others say. Appearing to invite suggestions, they inwardly
dismiss each idea without considering its merits. They seem to take criticism in stride but ignore it and spitefully
make mental note of who the critic was. They misuse authority and betray trust but are not blatant about doing so.
With the criminal at the helm, employee morale deteriorates. His method of operation sooner or later discourages
others from proposing innovative ideas and developing creative solutions."
(Chapter 6, Work and the criminal)
I recommend both Samenow's books.

Other web pages of interest

Robert D Hare is a world-leading authority on psychopathic behaviour and author of The Hare PCL-R
Psychopathy Checklist Revised. See http://www.hare.org/ and his articles: Psychopaths: New Trends in Research
and Psychopathy and Antisocial Personality Disorder: A Case of Diagnostic Confusion
The B-Scan 360 - identifying dysfunctional behaviour in managers and potential managers: http://www.b-
scan.com/
Industrial Psychopaths can thrive in business: not all psychopaths end up in prison. Many are found in
management positions, according to Dr Paul Babiak speaking at the annual meeting of the American
Neuropsychiatric Association.

Treatment for psychopaths is likely to make them worse by Robert Hare, PhD.
Channel 4 Equinox Science of crime examines psychopaths.
Dealing with manipulative people: an excerpt from the book In Sheep's Clothing By George K Simon.
Tribal Elders has links to sites on narcissism and psychopathy.
New! Beware the sociopath: no heart, no conscience, no remorse: how to spot a sociopathic love fraud con artist
www.bullyeq.com explores the relationships between bullying, abuse, mobbing, psychopathy and emotional
intelligence in various contexts.
Case histories of people who are dealing with or have dealt with a serial bully.
Discussion forum on psychopaths
Personality Disorders
PSYCHOPATH is a learning, resource and support group
PSYCHOPATH links

Articles
Are you married to a psychopath? Robert Matthews writes in The Sunday Telegraph, 10 May 1997
Go-getting managers revealed as psychopaths, Robert Matthews writes in The Sunday Telegraph, 10 May 1997
How to spot the socialised psycho, Robert Matthews tells you how to recognise a psychopath, Sunday Telegraph,
10 May 1997
Yes, I live with a psychopath, Robert Matthews writes more about psychopaths following a flood of letters in
response to his previous article. Sunday Telegraph, 12 July 1997.
Psycho bosses on the loose: are you in their line of fire? Hilary Freeman writes about psychopathic bosses in the
Rise section for graduate of The Guardian, 10 March 2001.
59

Chief executives should be screened to weed out psychopaths, says Robert Hare
Snakes in suits and how to spot them, an article on psychopaths in corporations in The Times
Serotonin and dopamine levels may be important in psychopathic behaviour
Daily Mail article Is that a psycho sitting next to you at work?
Kate Hilpern in The Guardian reveals the socialised psychopath as charming and plausible, but they hide a dark
secret.
Michael Steinberger in the New York Times looks at corporate psychopaths thrive on constant downsizing and
relentless merging.
Working with Monsters - dealing with the workplace psychopath: John Clarke discusses his book Working with
Monsters: How to identify and protect yourself from the workplace psychopath on ABC Brisbane.
Is your boss a psychopath? Probably, if we are to believe the results of a new scientific study, says the Guardian's
Oliver James.
Snakes in suits: transcript of Australian Radio National program about corporate psychopaths with Robert Hare
and Paul Babiak: http://www.abc.net.au/rn/talks/bbing/stories/s1265568.htm
Psychopaths or Psychopathic Students in Criminal Justice: A Problem for the Profession of Criminal Justice by
Russell Eisenman.
Of Criminals And CEOs: the difference between bold, creative visionaries and deluded psychopaths is not as big
as it used to be, Tara Pepper writes in Newsweek.
University of Southern California study shows brains of pathological liars differ from normal people.

Books
Without conscience, the disturbing world of psychopaths among us, Robert D Hare, The Guilford Press, 1999,
ISBN 1-57230-451-0.
The mask of sanity, Hervey Cleckley, C V Mosby Publishing, Fifth Edition, 1976. The standard work on
psychopathy which describes at length the damage a psychopath causes to the family unit and to society.
New! Toxic Coworkers: How to Deal with Dysfunctional People on the Job: Working with the narcissists,
borderlines, sociopaths, schizoids, and others, Alan A Cavaiola PhD and Neil J Lavender PhD, New Harbinger
Publications; 1st edition, 2000

Antisocial Personality Disorder

APD and the serial bully
I estimate that around 1 person in 30 (approximately 2 million) in the UK exhibits the profile of the serial bully
whose behaviour is congruent with many of the diagnostic criteria for Antisocial Personality Disorder. Some serial
bullies meet sufficient clinical criteria to merit the label psychopath.
Although mental health professionals are not all in agreement, the emphasis of antisocial personality disorder is, as
the name implies, on the antisocial acts committed by the individual. Psychopaths, on the other hand, are
diagnosed more according to personality traits, eg lack of remorse, lack of guilt, lack of conscience, etc. Whilst
many psychopaths meet the diagnostic criteria for antisocial personality disorder, not all do; similarly, not all
people with antisocial personality disorder meet the criteria for a psychopath.
I use the term psychopath for an individual with many of the characteristics of Antisocial Personality Disorder who
is dysfunctional and violent and who expresses their violence physically (eg assault, damage to property, etc); I use
the term sociopath (socialised psychopath) for an individual with many of the characteristics of Antisocial
Personality Disorder who expresses their violence psychologically (eg constant criticism, sidelining, exclusion,
undermining etc). Psychopathic APD people are usually, but not exclusively, associated with low socio-economic
status and urban settings and tend to be of lower intelligence. Sociopaths are usually highly intelligent, have higher
socio-economic status and often come from "normal", "nice", "middle-class" families.
60

When diagnosing a Personality Disorder, it is usual to find that the characteristics of the disorder are not regarded
as problematic by the person themselves. This fits well with the serial bully's apparent lack of insight into their
behaviour and the effect of their behaviour on others. However, this apparent lack of insight is more selective than
it appears.
The estimate of 3% for males and 1% for females amongst the general population comes from the Prevalence for
Antisocial Personality Disorder in DSM-IV, the American Psychiatric Association Diagnostic and Statistical
Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition. However, most of the research on Antisocial Personality Disorder has
been undertaken with people who are physically violent, as these people have come to the attention of the
authorities (police, welfare agencies, doctors, psychiatrists, etc) through their recognised (physically) antisocial
behaviour. They have committed criminal, arrestable offences. I believe relatively little research has been
undertaken with people who are psychologically violent but rarely physically violent; these people tend to commit
non-criminal, non-arrestable offences.
People who are physically violent tend to have low self-esteem, low intelligence and low self-discipline; people
who are psychologically violent tend to have low self-esteem, high self-discipline and high intelligence. I suspect
that around 2-3% of both males and females are psychologically violent - in addition to the DSM-IV estimate of
3% (males) and 1% (females) for physically violent people.
Until recently, psychologically violent people in the workplace were regarded as tough managers or difficult
characters or (by subordinates) as a pain in the butt. These attitudes are changing as the dysfunction, inefficiency,
cost, and severe psychiatric injury these people's behaviour causes is revealed (click to see effects of bullying on
health, the psychiatric injury PTSD, and the cost of bullying to industry and taxpayers).
Listed below are the diagnostic criteria for antisocial personality disorder which I believe to be relevant to the
serial bully. Links to related personality disorders follow. The information is provided not to diagnose, but to aid
the recognition and understanding of aggressive and dysfunctional behaviour. An individual may exhibit traits of
more than one personality disorder. Bear in mind that psychiatrists themselves are not unanimous on the existence,
content, and diagnosis of personality disorders.
The DSM-IV Diagnostic Criteria for Antisocial Personality Disorder include:
A. A pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others occurring since the age of 15 years as
indicated by at least three of:
1. failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviours as indicated by repeatedly performing acts
that are grounds for arrest;
2. deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure;
3. impulsivity or failure to plan ahead;
4. irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults;
5. reckless disregard for the safety of self or others;
6. consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behaviour or honour
financial obligations;
7. lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalising having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from
another.
B. The individual is at least 18 years of age.
C. There is evidence of Conduct Disorder with onset before age 15 years.
D. The occurrence of antisocial behaviour is not exclusively during the course of Schizophrenia or a Manic
Episode.
Physical violence is currently a prerequisite. However...
A. There's a lot of anecdotal evidence to suggest that people who are bullies as adults were bullies at school; this is
where they learnt to bully, and learnt they could get away with it.
A1. The serial bully is unable and unwilling to act within the bounds of society, whilst insisting everyone else
does. In the UK, there is a legal precedent (since March 1997, the case of a school-age girl in Wakefield) that
bullying - verbal intimidation with no physical contact - constitutes common assault and is therefore now a
criminal offence. Most of the offences committed by the serial bully are non-criminal and therefore non-arrestable;
click here for a list.
61

A2. The serial bully is a practised liar with a Jekyll and Hyde nature who gains gratification from bullying others.
The serial bully will select and bully any person whom he or she believes is a threat to them (the threat is of
exposure of the bully's inadequacy) and whose exposure would threaten the bully's job, promotion prospects and
standing within the hierarchy.
A3. The serial bully acts randomly and impulsively, and chooses to not be able to remember what they said, did or
committed to more than 24 hours ago; the serial bully cannot think or plan ahead more than 24 hours and
consequently lives forever in the present.
A4. The serial bully regularly shows impatience and irritability, especially when questioned or called to account,
and then becomes aggressive; a psychological assault usually follows. See denial.
A5. The serial bully has a cavalier attitude to Health and Safety; when the target's symptoms reach the stage that
other people begin to ask questions, the bully plays the mental health trap to abdicate and deny responsibility for
their behaviour.
A6. The serial bully rarely stays in one position long and there is no loyalty to anyone except him or herself.
Misappropriation of budgets is common to most cases involving a serial bully. The serial bully often has a poor
credit rating.
A7. The serial bully shows no remorse, for he or she gives the appearance of not having a conscience. In truth, the
conscience is selectively switched off. The serial bully always blames others as a means of avoiding accepting
responsibility for their behaviour and the effect it has on others.
B. The serial bully in the workplace is always over 18.
C. Adult serial bullies were invariably bullies at school.
D. The bully is usually in a position of responsibility and therefore not exhibiting schizophrenia or manic
behaviour; if they were, they would be relieved of their responsibility, especially for managing staff.
Diagnosis of such an individual is a challenge; how do you deal with a person who is a compulsive liar with a
Jekyll and Hyde nature, is charming and glib, excels at deception and evasion of accountability, especially when
that person's superiors behave in a similar manner, give him or her glowing reports, and deny everything?
Personality Disorders related to Antisocial Personality Disorder
The serial bully, narcissistic personality disorder, paranoid personality disorder, borderline personality disorder.

Other web pages of interest

Robert D Hare is a world-leading authority on psychopathic behaviour and author of The Hare PCL-R
Psychopathy Checklist Revised. See http://www.hare.org/ and his articles: Psychopaths: New Trends in Research
and Psychopathy and Antisocial Personality Disorder: A Case of Diagnostic Confusion
Industrial Psychopaths can thrive in business: not all psychopaths end up in prison. Many are found in
management positions, according to Dr Paul Babiak speaking at the annual meeting of the American
Neuropsychiatric Association.

Treatment for psychopaths is likely to make them worse by Robert Hare, PhD.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Narcissists, NPD and the serial bully
"One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people." (Unknown)
On this page
Narcissistic Personality Disorder | DSM-IV Diagnostic Criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Related personality disorders | Links to narcissism and narcissistic personality disoder sites
On another page
Attention seeking behaviour
Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy (MSBP)
The serial bully
62

The serial bully displays behaviour congruent with many of the diagnostic criteria for Narcissistic Personality
Disorder. Characterised by a pervasive pattern of grandiosity and self-importance, need for admiration, and lack
of empathy, people with narcissistic personality disorder overestimate their abilities and inflate their
accomplishments, often appearing boastful and pretentious, whilst correspondingly underestimating and devaluing
the achievements and accomplishments of others.
Often the narcissist will fraudulently claim to have qualifications or experience or affiliations or associations
which they don't have or aren't entitled to. Belief in superiority, inflating their self-esteem to match that of senior
or important people with whom they associate or identify, insisting on having the "top" professionals or being
affiliated with the "best" institutions, but criticising the same people who disappoint them are also common
features of narcissistic personality disorder.
Narcissists react angrily to criticism and when rejected, the narcissist will often denounce the profession which has
rejected them (usually for lack of competence or misdeed) but simultaneously and paradoxically represent
themselves as belonging to the profession they are vilifying.
Fragile self-esteem, a need for constant attention and admiration, fishing for compliments (often with great charm),
an expectation of superior entitlement, expecting others to defer to them, and a lack of sensitivity especially when
others do not react in the expected manner, are also hallmarks of the disorder. Greed, expecting to receive before
and above the needs of others, overworking those around them, and forming romantic (sic) or sexual relationships
for the purpose of advancing their purpose or career, abusing special privileges and squandering extra resources
also feature.
People with narcissistic personality disorder also have difficulty recognizing the needs and feelings of others, and
are dismissive, contemptuous and impatient when others share or discuss their concerns or problems. They are also
oblivious to the hurtfulness of their behaviour or remarks, show an emotional coldness and a lack of reciprocal
interest, exhibit envy (especially when others are accorded recognition), have an arrogant, disdainful and
patronizing attitude, and are quick to blame and criticise others when their needs and expectations are not met.
The DSM-IV Diagnostic Criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder are:
A. A pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, lack of empathy, as indicated by at least five of:
1. a grandiose sense of self-importance
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. believes that he or she is "special" and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or
high-status people (or institutions)
4. requires excessive admiration
5. has a sense of entitlement, ie unreasonable expectations of especially favourable treatment or automatic
compliance with his or her expectations
6. is interpersonally exploitative, ie takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
7. lacks empathy and is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
8. is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes

Personality disorders related to Narcissistic Personality Disorder

The serial bully, antisocial personality disorder, paranoid personality disorder, borderline personality disorder,
Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy, attention seeking behaviour.
The page on bullying in the family may be of interest.

Links to sites on narcissism

Sam Vaknin, author of Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited has a comprehensive web site devoted to
narcissism at http://samvak.tripod.com
NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER is a learning, resource and support group
NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER links
63

Anthony M Benis ScD MD has a site devoted to narcissism at http://narcissism.homestead.com

George and Mae McAuley write about Working with the narcissistic personality in the telecomsanalyst.
Of Criminals And CEOs: the difference between bold, creative visionaries and deluded psychopaths is not as big
as it used to be, Tara Pepper writes in Newsweek.
Tribal elders at http://tribalelders.tripod.com has links to narcissism and psychopathy
The Impact of Narcissism on Leadership and Sustainability
See the pages on narcissism at
http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/personality_disorders/narcissism/index.html
Mental Health Net Narcissistic Personality Disorder Symptoms at http://mentalhelp.net/disorders/sx36.htm
Mental Health Net Narcissistic Personality Disorder Treatment at http://mentalhelp.net/disorders/sx36t.htm
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) by Joanna Ashmun at http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Diagnosis at http://www.mentalhealth.com/dx/fdx-pe07.html
A primer on narcissism at http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php/type/doc/id/419
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Webliography:
http://www.suite101.com/files/topics/6514/files/NPDWebliography.zip
Links to Therapist Directories, Psychological Tests, Narcissistic Personality Disorders Resources, Support Groups,
and Tutorials: http://www.suite101.com/links.cfm/npd
Toddlertime narcissism pages at http://www.toddlertime.com/narcissist_personality_disorder_.htm
Mental Health Sanctuary Narcissistic Personality Disorder at http://www.mhsanctuary.com/narcissistic/index.htm
Dual Diagnosis (Substance Abuse) and Narcissism at http://www.toad.net/~arcturus/dd/narc.htm
Mental Health Matters - Narcissistic Personality Disorder at http://www.mental-health-
matters.com/articles/sv001.php?artID=75
Narcissistic Abuse Study List http://samvak.tripod.com/narclist.html and
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Diagnosis http://www.mentalhealth.com/dx/fdx-pe07.html
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Discussion and Support Group
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Narcissistic_Personality_Disorder/
N-Courage Health Network http://www.n-courage.net/
Online Courses - Pathological Narcissism - Beginner, Intermediate and advanced Levels
http://www.learn.com/education/samvak
Open Directory - Narcissistic Personality Disorder
http://dmoz.org/Health/Mental_Health/Disorders/Personality/Narcissistic
PTypes Personality Disorders - Narcissistic http://www.geocities.com/ptypes/narcissisticpd.html
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Suite101 site http://www.suite101.com/welcome.cfm/npd - discussions, journal
entries and links regarding the Narcissistic Personality Disorder and relationships with abusive narcissists.
The full archives of the Narcissistic Abuse Study List http://groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/messages/
Pathological Narcissism FAQs http://samvak.tripod.com/faq1.html - dozens of frequently asked questions
regarding Pathological Narcissism, relationships with abusive narcissists, and the Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited http://samvak.tripod.com/msla.html - a book-length psychodynamic
study of pathological narcissism, relationships with abusive narcissists, and the Narcissistic Personality Disorder,
using a new vocabulary.
The Narcissism Revisited and the Narcissistic Abuse Study Lists http://samvak.tripod.com/narclist.html
The Narcissistic Abuse Discussion and Study List page http://samvak.tripod.com/archive01.html
64

HealthyPlace Narcissistic Personality Disorder Community

http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/personality_disorders/narcissism/index.html
Narcisssistic PD and abuse by narcissists - FAQs, essays,links, and book excerpts:
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com
Ask Sam Vaknin - Narcissistic Personality Disorder http://samvak.tripod.com/indexqa.htm - Q&A regarding the
Narcissistic Personality Disorder and relationships with abusive narcissists

Paranoid Personality Disorder

and the serial bully
The serial bully's fear of exposure is reminiscent of Paranoid Personality Disorder, a pattern of pervasive
distrust and suspiciousness of others such that their motives are interpreted as malevolent. An inability to trust,
doubts about others' loyalty, distortion and fabrication, misinterpretation, and bearing grudges unnecessarily are
hallmarks of the disorder. Pathological jealousy, instinctive aggressive counter-attack, the need to control others,
and the gathering of trivial or circumstantial "evidence" to support their jealous beliefs also feature.
The DSM-IV Diagnostic Criteria for Paranoid Personality Disorder are:
A. A pervasive distrust and suspiciousness of others such that their motives are interpreted as malevolent as
indicated by at least four of:
1. suspects, without sufficient basis, that others are exploiting, harming or deceiving him or her
2. is preoccupied with unjustified doubts about the loyalty or trustworthiness of friends or associates
3. is unwilling to confide in others because of unwarranted fear that the information will be used maliciously
against him or her
4. reads hidden demeaning or threatening meanings into benign remarks or events
5. persistently bears grudges, ie is unforgiving of (perceived) insults, injuries or slights
6. perceives attacks on his or her character or reputation that are not apparent to others and is quick to react angrily
or to counter-attack
7. has recurrent suspicions, without justification, regarding the fidelity of spouse or sexual partner
B. Does not occur exclusively during a course of schizophrenia, mood disorder, etc
In many cases, the serial bully appears to select targets in the order of the serial bully's perception of danger of
exposure of inadequacy.
Personality disorders related to Paranoid Personality Disorder
The serial bully, antisocial personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder

Paranoid Personality Disorder

and the serial bully
The serial bully's fear of exposure is reminiscent of Paranoid Personality Disorder, a pattern of pervasive
distrust and suspiciousness of others such that their motives are interpreted as malevolent. An inability to trust,
doubts about others' loyalty, distortion and fabrication, misinterpretation, and bearing grudges unnecessarily are
hallmarks of the disorder. Pathological jealousy, instinctive aggressive counter-attack, the need to control others,
and the gathering of trivial or circumstantial "evidence" to support their jealous beliefs also feature.
The DSM-IV Diagnostic Criteria for Paranoid Personality Disorder are:
A. A pervasive distrust and suspiciousness of others such that their motives are interpreted as malevolent as
indicated by at least four of:
1. suspects, without sufficient basis, that others are exploiting, harming or deceiving him or her
2. is preoccupied with unjustified doubts about the loyalty or trustworthiness of friends or associates
3. is unwilling to confide in others because of unwarranted fear that the information will be used maliciously
against him or her
4. reads hidden demeaning or threatening meanings into benign remarks or events
65

5. persistently bears grudges, ie is unforgiving of (perceived) insults, injuries or slights

6. perceives attacks on his or her character or reputation that are not apparent to others and is quick to react angrily
or to counter-attack
7. has recurrent suspicions, without justification, regarding the fidelity of spouse or sexual partner
B. Does not occur exclusively during a course of schizophrenia, mood disorder, etc
In many cases, the serial bully appears to select targets in the order of the serial bully's perception of danger of
exposure of inadequacy.
Personality disorders related to Paranoid Personality Disorder
The serial bully, antisocial personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder

and the serial bully
Some visitors to Bully OnLine have suggested that the bullies in their lives exhibit characteristics of Borderline
Personality Disorder.
It seems to me that in some cases Borderline Personality Disorder could be the manifestation in adulthood of a
psychiatric injury caused by childhood abuse which may have been intentional or unintentional. In people whose
behaviour profile is inclined towards that of a target the disorder seems to manifest in varying degrees as a sense of
heightened fragility. In people whose behaviour profile is inclined towards that of a bully the disorder seems to
manifest as aggression towards others as described on this web site.
The main symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder are:

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating
between extremes of idealization and devaluation (called "splitting").
3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (eg spending, sex,
substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).
5. Recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behaviour.
6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria,
irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).
7. Chronic feelings of emptiness.
8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper,
constant anger, recurrent physical fights).
9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.
If you believe Borderline Personality Disorder may be relevant, see http://www.bpdresources.com/
See also First Steps and Borderline UK.
A support group for family and friends of Borderline Personality Disorder sufferers is at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BPDcarers
Personality disorders related to Borderline Personality Disorder
The serial bully, antisocial personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, paranoid personality disorder,
attention-seeking personality disorders, Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy.

Drama queens, saviours, rescuers, feigners and attention-seekers

Attention-seeking personality disorders,
victim syndrome, insecurity and centre of attention behaviour
66

On this page
The need for attention | Attention seeking methods
Attention seeking and narcissism
The need for attention
Human beings are social creatures and need social interaction, feedback, and validation of their worth. The
emotionally mature person doesn't need to go hunting for these; they gain it naturally from their daily life,
especially from their work and from stable relationships. Daniel Goleman calls emotional maturity emotional
intelligence, or EQ; he believes, and I agree, that EQ is a much better indicator of a person's character and value
than intelligence quotient, or IQ.
The emotionally immature person, however, has low levels of self-esteem and self-confidence and consequently
feels insecure; to counter these feelings of insecurity they will spend a large proportion of their lives creating
situations in which they become the centre of attention. It may be that the need for attention is inversely
proportional to emotional maturity, therefore anyone indulging in attention-seeking behaviours is telling you how
emotionally immature they are.
Attention-seeking behaviour is surprisingly common. Being the centre of attention alleviates feelings of insecurity
and inadequacy but the relief is temporary as the underlying problem remains unaddressed: low self-confidence
and low self-esteem, and consequent low levels of self-worth and self-love.
Insecure and emotionally immature people often exhibit bullying behaviours, especially manipulation and
deception. These are necessary in order to obtain attention which would not otherwise be forthcoming. Bullies and
harassers have the emotional age of a young child and will exhibit temper tantrums, deceit, lying and manipulation
to avoid exposure of their true nature and to evade accountability and sanction. This page lists some of the most
common tactics bullies and manipulators employ to gain attention for themselves. An attention-seeker may exhibit
several of the methods listed below.
Attention seeking methods
Attention-seeking is particularly noticeable with females so I've used the pronoun "she". Males also exhibit
attention-seeking behaviour.
Attention seekers commonly exploit the suffering of others to gain attention for themselves. Or they may exploit
their own suffering, or alleged suffering. In extreme forms, such as in Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy, the
attention-seeker will deliberately cause suffering to others as a means of gaining attention.
The sufferer: this might include feigning or exaggerating illness, playing on an injury, or perhaps causing or
inviting injury, in extreme cases going as far as losing a limb. Severe cases may meet the diagnostic criteria for
Munchausen Syndrome (also know as Factitious Disorder). The illness or injury becomes a vehicle for gaining
sympathy and thus attention. The attention-seeker excels in manipulating people through their emotions, especially
that of guilt. It's very difficult not to feel sorry for someone who relates a plausible tale of suffering in a sob story
or "poor me" drama.
The saviour: in attention-seeking personality disorders like Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy (MSBP, also known
as Factitious Disorder By Proxy) the person, usually female, creates opportunities to be centre of attention by
intentionally causing harm to others and then being their saviour, by saving their life, and by being such a caring,
compassionate person. Few people realise the injury was deliberate. The MSBP mother or nurse may kill several
babies before suspicions are aroused. When not in saviour mode, the saviour may be resentful, perhaps even
contemptuous, of the person or persons she is saving.
The rescuer: particularly common in family situations, she's the one who will dash in and "rescue" people
whenever the moment is opportune - to herself, that is. She then gains gratification from basking in the glory of her
humanitarian actions. She will prey on any person suffering misfortune, infirmity, illness, injury, or anyone who
has a vulnerability. The act of rescue and thus the opportunities for gaining attention can be enhanced if others are
excluded from the act of rescue; this helps create a dependency relationship between the rescuer and rescued which
can be exploited for further acts of rescue (and attention) later. When not in rescue mode, the rescuer may be
resentful, perhaps even contemptuous, of the person she is rescuing.
The organiser: she may present herself as the one in charge, the one organising everything, the one who is reliable
and dependable, the one people can always turn to. However, the objective is not to help people (this is only a
means to an end) but to always be the centre of attention.
67

The manipulator: she may exploit family relationships, manipulating others with guilt and distorting perceptions;
although she may not harm people physically, she causes everyone to suffer emotional injury. Vulnerable family
members are favourite targets. A common attention-seeking ploy is to claim she is being persecuted, victimised,
excluded, isolated or ignored by another family member or group, perhaps insisting she is the target of a campaign
of exclusion or harassment.
The mind-poisoner: adept at poisoning peoples' minds by manipulating their perceptions of others, especially
against the current target.
The drama queen: every incident or opportunity, no matter how insignificant, is exploited, exaggerated and if
necessary distorted to become an event of dramatic proportions. Everything is elevated to crisis proportions.
Histrionics may be present where the person feels she is not the centre of attention but should be. Inappropriate
flirtatious behaviour may also be present.
The busy bee: this individual is the busiest person in the world if her constant retelling of her life is to be believed.
Everyday events which are regarded as normal by normal people take on epic proportions as everyone is invited to
simultaneously admire and commiserate with this oh-so-busy person who never has a moment to herself, never has
time to sit down, etc. She's never too busy, though, to tell you how busy she is.
The feigner: when called to account and outwitted, the person instinctively uses the denial - counterattack -
feigning victimhood strategy to manipulate everyone present, especially bystanders and those in authority. The
most effective method of feigning victimhood is to burst into tears, for most people's instinct is to feel sorry for
them, to put their arm round them or offer them a tissue. There's little more plausible than real tears, although as
actresses know, it's possible to turn these on at will. Feigners are adept at using crocodile tears. From years of
practice, attention-seekers often give an Oscar-winning performance in this respect. Feigning victimhood is a
favourite tactic of bullies and harassers to evade accountability and sanction. When accused of bullying and
harassment, the person immediately turns on the water works and claims they are the one being bullied or harassed
- even though there's been no prior mention of being bullied or harassed. It's the fact that this claim appears only
after and in response to having been called to account that is revealing. Mature adults do not burst into tears when
held accountable for their actions.
The false confessor: this person confesses to crimes they haven't committed in order to gain attention from the
police and the media. In some cases people have confessed to being serial killers, even though they cannot provide
any substantive evidence of their crimes. Often they will confess to crimes which have just been reported in the
media. Some individuals are know to the police as serial confessors. The false confessor is different from a person
who make a false confession and admits to a crime of which they are accused because of emotional pressure and
inappropriate interrogation tactics.
The abused: a person claims they are the victim of abuse, sexual abuse, rape etc as a way of gaining attention for
themselves. Crimes like abuse and rape are difficult to prove at the best of times and their incidence is so common
that it is easy to make a plausible claim as a way of gaining attention.
The online victim: this person uses Internet chat rooms and forums to allege that they've been the victim of rape,
violence, harassment, abuse etc. The alleged crime is never reported to the authorities, for obvious reasons. The
facelessness and anonymity of the Internet suits this type of attention seeker. [More]
The victim: she may intentionally create acts of harassment against herself, eg send herself hate mail or damage
her own possessions in an attempt to incriminate a fellow employee, a family member, neighbour, etc. Scheming,
cunning, devious, deceptive and manipulative, she will identify her "harasser" and produce circumstantial evidence
in support of her claim. She will revel in the attention she gains and use her glib charm to plausibly dismiss any
suggestion that she herself may be responsible. However, a background check may reveal that this is not the first
time she has had this happen to her.
In many cases the attention-seeker is a serial bully whose behaviour contains many of the characteristics listed
under the profile of a serial bully, especially the Attention-Seeker. The page on Narcissistic Personality Disorder
may also be enlightening, as may be the page on bullies in the family.
Feigning victimhood is common to serial bullies and this aspect comes to the fore in most cases once the bully has
been held accountable and he or she cannot escape or rely on their support network. The tactic of denial followed
by immediate counterattack followed by feigning victimhood is described on the serial bully page.
Attention seeking and narcissism
68

Like most personality disorders, narcissism occurs to different degrees in different people and reveals itself in
many ways. Many business leaders exhibit narcissism, although when present in excess, the short-term benefits are
outweighed by long-term unsustainability which can, and often does, lead to disaster.
The need for attention is paramount to the person with narcissistic personality disorder, and he or she will do
anything to obtain that attention. Over the last two years, the fastest growing sector for calls to the UK National
Workplace Bullying Advice Line has been from the charity / voluntary / not-for-profit sector. In most (although not
all) cases, the identified serial bully is a female whose objective is to demonstrate to the world what a wonderful,
kind, caring, compassionate person she is. Bold pronouncements, a prominent position, gushing empathy, sitting
on many committees for good causes, etc all feature regularly. However, staff turnover is high and morale low
amongst those doing the work and interacting with clients. In each case, the relief of other people's suffering
changes from an objective and instead becomes a vehicle for gaining attention for oneself. In some situations,
more money is spent on dealing with the consequences of the serial bully's behaviour (investigations, grievance
procedures, legal action, staff turnover, sickness absence etc) than is spent on clients. See case histories #1 and #3
and #10 for typical examples, also a news item on Children in Scotland.

Links
Lynne Forrest's article The Faces of Victim about the drama triangle (persecutor, rescuer, victim) makes excellent
reading.

The Three Faces of Victim

An Overview of the Drama Triangle
By Lynne Forrest

Revised 2008

Whether we know it, or not, most of us react to life as victims. Whenever we refuse to take responsibility
for ourselves, we are unconsciously choosing to react as victim. This inevitably creates feelings of anger,
fear, guilt or inadequacy and leaves us feeling betrayed, or taken advantage of by others.

Victim-hood can be defined by the three positions beautifully outlined in a diagram developed by a well
respected psychiatrist, and teacher of Transactional Analysis, named Stephen Karpman. He calls it the
“drama triangle”, I will refer to it as the victim triangle. Having discovered this resource some thirty
years ago, it has become one of the more important tools in my personal and professional life. The more
I teach and apply the victim triangle to relationship the deeper my appreciation grows for this simple,
powerfully accurate instrument.

I’ve sometimes referred to the victim triangle as a "shame generator" because through it we
unconsciously re-enact painful life themes that create shame. This has the effect of reinforcing old,
painful beliefs that keep us stuck in a limited version of reality.

I believe that every dysfunctional interaction, in relationship with other or self, takes place on the victim
triangle. But until we become conscious of these dynamics, we cannot transform them. And unless we
transform them, we cannot move forward on our journey towards re-claiming emotional, mental and
spiritual well-being.

The three roles on the victim triangle are Persecutor, Rescuer and Victim. Karpman placed these three
roles on an inverted triangle and described them as being the three aspects, or faces of victim. No matter
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where we may start out on the triangle, victim is where we end up, therefore no matter what role we’re in
on the triangle, we’re in victimhood. If we’re on the triangle we’re living as victims, plain and simple!

Each person has a primary or most familiar role - what I call their “starting gate” position. This is the
place from which we generally enter, or “get hooked” onto, the triangle. We first learn our starting gate
position in our family of origin. Although we each have a role with which we most identify, once we’re on
the triangle, we automatically rotate through all the positions, going completely around the triangle,
sometimes in a matter of minutes, or even seconds, many times every day.

Starting gate Rescuers (SGR) see themselves as “helpers” and “caretakers”. They need someone to rescue
(victim) in order to feel vital and important. It's difficult for SGR’s to recognize themselves as ever being
in a victim position - they’re the ones with the answers after all.

Starting Gate Persecutors (SGP), on the other hand, identify themselves primarily as victims. They are
usually in complete denial about their blaming tactics. When it is pointed out to them, they argue that
attack is warranted and necessary for self protection. These two - the Rescuer and the Persecutor - are
the two opposite extremes of Victim. But again, regardless of where we start out on the triangle, all roles
eventually end up in victim. It's inevitable.

You may notice that both the Persecutor and Rescuer are on the upper end of the triangle. These roles
assume a “one-up” position over others, meaning they relate as though they are better, stronger,
smarter, or more-together than the victim. Sooner or later the victim, who is in the one-down position at
the bottom of the triangle, develops a metaphorical "crick in the neck" from always looking up. Feeling
“looked down upon” or “worth- less than” the others, the Victim builds resentment and sooner or later,
retaliation follows. A natural progression from victim to persecutor follows. This generally moves the
persecutor or rescuer into victim. Reminiscent of a not-so-musical game of musical chairs, all players
sooner or later rotate positions.

Here's an example: Dad comes home from work to find mom and Junior engaged in battle. "Clean up
your room or else," mom threatens. Dad immediately comes to the rescue. "Mom," he might say, "give
the boy a break. He’s been at school all day".

Any one of several possibilities might follow. Perhaps Mom, feeling victimized by Dad, will turn her
wrath on him. In that case, dad is moved from Rescuer to Victim. They, then might do a few quick trips
around the triangle with Junior on the sidelines.

Or maybe Junior joins Dad in a persecutory "Let's gang up on mom" approach, or then again, maybe
Junior will turn on Dad, rescuing Mom, with, "Mind your own business, Dad. I don't need your help!" So
it goes, with endless variation, but nonetheless, pinging from corner to corner on the triangle. For many
families, it's the only way they know to interact.

Our starting-gate position on the victim triangle is not only where we most often enter the triangle, it is
also the role through which we actually define ourselves. It becomes a strong part of our identity. Each
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starting-gate position has its own particular way of seeing and reacting to the world. We all have
unconscious core beliefs acquired in childhood, derived from our interpretation of early family
encounters. These become “life themes” that predispose us towards the unconscious selection of a
particular starting gate position on the triangle.

Sally’s mother was an invalid who was addicted to prescription drugs. From Sally’s earliest memory she
reported feeling ultimately responsible for her mother. Instead of getting appropriate care from a parent
who was concerned for her well being, she became the “little parent” of a mother who played the part of
a helpless child. This childhood scenario set Sally up with a “life script” that predisposed her towards
becoming a Starting Gate Rescuer (SGR). Care-taking others became her primary way of relating to
others.

SGR’s, like Sally have an unconscious core belief that might go something like this; “My needs are not
important ... I am only valued for what I can do for others”. Of course, believing these ideas requires that
she have someone in her life she can rescue (a victim). How else will someone like Sally get to feel
valuable and worthwhile?
Sally would never admit to being a victim because in her mind she is the one who must have the
answers. Nonetheless, she does, in fact, rotate through victim on the triangle on a regular basis. A SGR
in the victim role becomes a martyr, complaining loudly, "After all I've done for you ... this is the thanks
I get!"

Starting Gate Persecutors (SGP's), on the other hand, do see themselves as victims in need of protection.
This is how they can so easily justify their vengeful behavior ... “They asked for it and they got what they
deserved", That’s the way they see it. Their core belief might go something like this; “The world is
dangerous, people can’t be trusted so I need to get them before they hurt me.” This attitude sets them up
to think that they must strike out in order to defend against inevitable attack.

Whereas a SGR may move into the role of persecutor by withdrawing their care-taking, (“That’s it - I’m
not doing anything else for you!”) a SGP rescues in a way that is almost as painful as when they
persecute.

Bob is a doctor who often justified hurting others. Attack is his primary way of dealing with
inconvenience, frustration or pain. Once, for instance, he mentioned running into a patient of his on the
golf course. Our dialogue went something like this;

“Lynne, can you believe that patient had the nerve to ask me to treat his bad knee, right then and there,
on my only day off?"

“Yeah”, I replied, “some people just don’t have appropriate boundaries. How did you handle it?”

"Oh, I took him to my office for a treatment, all right,” he chuckled, “and I gave him a steroid shot he’ll
never forget!

In other words Bob rescued his inconsiderate patient but in a way that “punished” him for daring to be
so bold. To Bob, his action seemed rational, even justified. His patient had infringed on his free time,
therefore, he believed, his patient deserved the rough treatment he got. This is a prime example of SGP
thinking. Bob didn’t realize that he could have just said no to his patients request for treatment. He did
not have to feel victimized by, nor did he need to rescue his patient. Setting boundaries never occurred
to Bob as an option. In his mind he had been treated unjustly and therefore he had the right, even the
obligation, to get even.
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Victims also have core beliefs that set them up for their starting gate position on the triangle. Starting
Gate Victim’s (SGV's) believe they cannot take care of themselves. They see themselves as consistently
unable to handle life. They even rescue from a one-down position, saying things to their potential
rescuer like "You're the only one who can help me.” These are words that any SGR longs to hear!

Starting gate positions are generally set-up in childhood. For instance, if a parent does not ask their
children to take age-appropriate responsibility for themselves, they may grow up either to become adults
who feel inadequate at taking care of themselves (starting gate victim) or become resentful adults who
blame others when they don’t get care-taken. (a persecutor role). Either way, they are set up for a
lifetime on the victim triangle.

There are many variations, and each case needs to be individually considered. We not only act out these
triangular distortions in our everyday relations with others, but we also play out the victim triangle
internally. We move around the triangle as rapidly inside our own minds as we do out in the world. We
ensnare ourselves on the triangle with dishonest and dysfunctional internal dialogue. For example, we
may come down hard on ourselves for not completing a project. Perhaps we lambast ourselves as being
lazy, inadequate or defective (P), causing us to spiral into feelings of anger and self-worthlessness.
Inwardly, we cower to this persecutory voice, fearing it may be right (V). Finally when we can’t bear it
anymore, we take ourselves off the hook by justifying, minimizing or indulging in some form of escape.
This is how we rescue ourselves. This could go on for minutes, hours or days.

Sometimes we rescue ourselves and others by denying what we know - sort of like; "If I look the other
way and pretend not to notice, it will go away". Denial or inner drama of any kind perpetuates a vicious
cycle of shame and self loathing. Moving around the triangle keeps the self-disparaging messages
running.The victim triangle becomes our very own shame-making machine. It’s up to us to learn how to
turn this noisy mental machine off.

We can’t get off the triangle until we recognize we’re on it. Once we make it conscious, we observe our
interactions with others as a way to identify our own starting gate position. What hooks us? From where
do I enter the triangle once I’ve been hooked? We begin to train our Internal Observer to notice, without
judgment, our conversations with loved ones, especially those more “sticky” moments (where we walk
on eggshells).

It’s helpful to learn what the costs and trade-offs are for each of the three roles. Each role has its own
language, beliefs and behavior - it’s beneficial to know them. This helps us to identify when we’re on the
triangle. Studying the roles also promotes a quicker recognition of when we’re being baited to play. With
all that in mind, let's examine each role more carefully.

Rescuer

The Rescuer might be described as a shadow aspect of the mother principle. Instead of an appropriate
expression of support and nurturing, the Rescuer tends to “smother”, control and manipulate others -
“for their own good”, of course. Theirs is a misguided understanding of what it is to encourage, empower
and protect.

A Starting Gate Rescuer is the classic, co-dependent. The SGR tends be enabling, overly protective - the
one who wants to "fix it". Rescuing is an addiction that comes from an unconscious need to feel valued.
There’s no better way to feel important than to be a savior! Taking care of others may be the Rescuers
best game plan for getting to feel worthwhile.
SGR’s usually grow up in families where their dependency needs are not acknowledged. It’s a
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psychological fact that we treat ourselves the way we were treated as children. The budding Rescuer
grows up in an environment where their needs are negated and so tend to treat themselves with the
same degree of negligence that they experienced as children. Without permission to take care of
themselves, their needs go underground and they turn instead to taking care of others.

A SGR often gains great satisfaction by identifying with their care-taking role. They are generally proud
of what “helpers” and “fixers” they are. Often they are socially acclaimed, even rewarded, for what can be
seen as “selfless acts" of caring. They believe in their goodness as chief caretakers and see themselves as
heroes.

Behind it all is a magical belief that, said out loud, might sound like, “If I take care of them long enough,
then, sooner or later, they will take care of me too.” But, as we’ve already learned, this rarely happens.
When we rescue the needy, we can’t expect anything back. They can’t even take care of themselves -
much less be there for us!

Often the resulting disappointment sends the SGR spiraling into depression. They fail to see that they,
themselves are heading straight for victim through their enabling and disabling responses. Having
denied the ill-begotten consequences of rescuing, these “do-gooders” find it very hard to hear themselves
referred to as a victim even while they complain about how mistreated they are! Martyr is what a SGR
turns into once they’ve moved into the victim position on the triangle.

Betrayal, feeling used and hopeless are trademark feelings of the victim phase of a Rescuer's dance
around the triangle. Common phrases for the martyred SGR are; "After all I've done for you, this is the
thanks I get?" or "No matter how much I do, it's never enough"; or, "If you loved me, you wouldn’t treat
me like this!"

A SGR’s greatest fear is that they will end up alone. They believe that their total value comes from how
much they do for others. It’s difficult for them to see their worth beyond what they have to offer in the
way of “stuff” or “service”. SGR’s unconsciously encourage dependency because they believe, “If you
need me, you won’t leave me”. They scramble to make themselves indispensable in order to avoid
abandonment.

SGR’s are oblivious to the crippling dependency they foster. They are unaware of the disabling messages
they send through their enabling interaction with others. The more they rescue, the less self
responsibility is taken by the ones they care-take ... The less responsibility their charges takes, the more
they rescue ... it’s a downward spiral that often ends in disaster.

A SGR mother of two out-of-control, teenage sons described it well. She said, “I thought my role as a
good mother was to make sure my sons toed the line - I thought I was supposed to make sure they did
the right thing. Because I believed that I was responsible for the choices they made, I told them what to
do and constantly attempted to control their behavior.”
Should she be surprised then that her sons blame everyone around them for the painful consequences
they experience as a result of their own poor choices? Like her, they have learned to think that their
behavior is her responsibility, not their own. Her incessant and futile attempts to control them causes
constant battle between them, making it easy for the boys to blame their mother for the problems
created by their own irresponsibility. Out of her own need to be seen as a “good mom”, this co-
dependent mother unwittingly taught her sons to see themselves as hapless victims whose unhappiness
was always somebody else’s fault. There’s a good possibility that at least one of these boys will become a
Starting Gate Persecutor. Certainly the set up is in place for that to happen.
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This mother, as is often the case, was convinced that her sons were incapable of making good choices.
She had a long list of evidence to back up her concerns. This accumulated evidence justified her
“obligation” to control her sons choices. But because they were teenagers, she could no longer force their
compliance like she could when they were younger. Inevitably she would end up feeling helpless,
inadequate and like a failure as a mother (victim position). She would either give in to their demands or
“persecute” them for not obeying. Either way, she (and they) felt bad. Then would come the guilt or
remorse which would motivate her to try to “fix it” once again. And she finds herself back in her original
Starting Gate Rescuer position for the cycle to start anew.

We met Sally earlier, who grew up seeing her mother as helpless and ineffectual. From an early age, she
felt a huge responsibility to take care of her frail, drug dependent parent. Her own well-being depended
on it! As the years went by, however, she could scarcely contain the inner rage she felt towards her
mother for being so needy and weak. As a SGR, she would do all she could to bolster her mother, only to
come away again and again, feeling defeated (victim) because nothing she tried worked. Inevitably the
resentment would take over, leading her to resort to treating her mother with scorn (persecutor). This
became her primary interactive pattern, not only with her mother, but in her other relationships as well.
By the time we met, she was emotionally, physically and spiritually exhausted from having spent her life
taking care of one sick and dependent person after another.

It becomes the job of the Rescuer to keep the other propped up - "for their own good", of course. Having
a Victim is essential in order for the SGR to maintain the illusion of being one-up and needless. This
means then, that there will always be at least one person in every SGR’s life who is troubled, sick, fragile,
inept and therefore dependent upon them. If the SGR’s primary victim starts taking responsibility for
themselves, the Rescuer will either have to find a new victim or address their own shadow needs.

Regardless of the circumstances of the one a SGR feels compelled to rescue - no matter how “badly” the
victim may need help, rescuing can lead only one place - victim. If you are a primary Rescuer, this does
not mean you cannot be loving, generous and kind. It is certainly possible to be helpful and supportive
without being a Rescuer. There is a distinct difference between being truly helpful and rescuing.

Authentic helpers act without expectations for reciprocation. They empower rather than disable those
they serve. What they do will be done to encourage self-responsibility, rather than promote dependency.
True Supporters believe that the other can handle their own business. They believe that everyone has the
right to make mistakes and learn through sometimes hard consequences. They trust the other has what
it takes to see themselves through times of difficulty without they, as Rescuers, needing to “save” them.
Starting Gate Rescuers, on the other hand, don’t take responsibility for themselves. Instead, they do for
others in an attempt to get validation or feel important or as a way to foster dependency. Victim is just
round the bend.

Persecutor
Like the other roles, the Starting Gate Persecutor is shame based. This role is most often taken on by
someone who received overt mental and/or physical abuse during their childhood. As a result they are
often secretly seething inside from a shame based wrath that ends up running their lives. SGPs, for
survival sake, repress deep-seated feelings of worthlessness; they hide their pain behind a facade of
indignant wrath and uncaring detachment. They may choose to emulate their primary childhood
abuser(s), preferring to identify with those they see as having power and strength - rather than become
the “picked on loser” at the bottom of life’s pile. SGP’s tend to adopt an attitude that says; “The world is
hard and mean ... only the ruthless survive. I’ll be one of those”. In other words, they become
perpetrators. They “protect” themselves using authoritarian, controlling and downright punishing
methods.
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In the same way that the SGR is the shadow mother principle, the SGP is the “shadow father principle”.
A healthy father's job is to protect and provide for his family. Rather than providing nurturing direction,
the SGP attempts to "reform" and discipline those around him using manipulation and brute force.

The SGP overcomes feelings of helplessness and shame by over-powering others. Domination becomes
their most prevalent style of interaction. This means they must always be right! Their methods include
bullying, preaching, threatening, blaming, lecturing, interrogating and outright attack. They believe in
getting even, very often through aggressive acts. Just like the Rescuer needs someone to fix, the
Persecutor needs someone to blame. SGP’s deny their vulnerability in the same way Rescuers deny their
needs. Their greatest fear is powerlessness. Because they judge and deny their own inadequacy, fear and
vulnerability, they will need some place else to project these disowned feelings. In other words, they
need a victim. They need someone they perceive as weak to prove to themselves that their own
destructively painful story about the world is true. Both Rescuers and Persecutors unconsciously “need”
a Victim in order to sustain their idea of who they are and what the world is like.

SGP’s also tend to compensate for inner feelings of worthlessness by putting on grandiose airs.
Grandiosity inevitably comes from shame. It is a compensation and cover-up for deep inferiority.
Superiority is the attempt to swing hard to the other side of "less than" in order to come across as "better
than".

It is most difficult for someone in Persecutor to take responsibility for the way they hurt others. In their
mind, others deserve what they get. These warring individuals tend to see themselves as having to
constantly fight for survival. Theirs is a constant struggle to protect themselves in what they perceive as
a hostile world.

Joseph was from a prominent, wealthy family. His parents divorced and his father was angry, remote
and used his money to control others. His mother was an alcoholic who brought home men who abused
her and Joseph throughout his pre-adolescent and adolescent years. He, early on, learned that his only
chance for survival was to fight. Joseph plowed through life with his head down the way a bull rages
across a bullfighters pen. He constructed his life so that there was always an enemy that had to be
fought.

On the outside, Joseph exhibited a swash-buckling, “I don’t give a damn” persona - he was ever ready to
gamble or take careless risks with his health. But on the inside, he was bitter and unhappy. He shared
with me how exhausted he felt from a belief that he needed to maintain constant vigilance; he felt a
desperate need to keep a watchful eye out for those who wanted to hurt him or his loved ones.

Joseph was constantly involved in court battles and even out and out, physical brawls. He was always
having to get himself out of one “scrape” after another. To his way of thinking these occurrences were
always somebody else’s fault. He could not resist what he felt was justifiable retaliation. “I can’t let them
get away with it!” was his most common response.
Joseph saw himself as someone who did not get the protection he deserved. This belief justified taking
matters into his own hands. At least that’s how he saw it. He trusted no-one. Not even his parents had
been reliable, so who could he depend on? This attitude prompted him to be in constant defense mode.
He had to be ready for the next attack!

Joseph is an example of a classic Starting Gate Persecutor. It is easy to think that Persecutors are “bad”
people. They are not. They are simply wounded individuals who see the world as dangerous. This
requires that they be ever ready to strike back. They live in constant defensive reaction.
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It is always difficult for SGP’s to perceive themselves as persecutors. It is much easier to justify the
necessity for persecution (thereby identifying with victim) than to own the oppressor role. The SGP cycle
looks something like: "I was just trying to help (rescuer), and they turned on me (victim), so I had to
defend myself by striking back (persecutor).”
It can feel very threatening for someone stuck in Persecutor consciousness to get really honest with
themselves. To do so feels like blaming themselves, which only intensifies their internal condemnation.
SGP’s need to have a situation or person they can blame so they can stay angry. Anger, for a SGP, can act
as a fuel within the psyche to energize them. It may be the only way they have of dealing with chronic
depression. SGPs often need a jolt of rage the same way other people depend on a shot of caffeine. It
jump-starts their day and provides them with the energy needed to keep them on their feet.

Just as with the other roles, self-accountability is the only way off the victim grid for the SGP. There has
to be some kind of breakthrough for them to own their part. Unfortunately, because of their great
reluctance to do so, it may have to come in the form of crisis.
Ironically, a main exit way off the triangle is through the persecutor position. This does not mean we
become persecutors. It does mean however, that once we decide to get off the triangle, there most likely
will be those who see us as persecutors. (”How can you do this to me?”) Once we decide to take self-
responsibility and tell our truth, those still on the triangle are likely to accuse us of victimizing them.
"How dare you refuse to take care of me," a Victim might cry. Or "What do you mean you don't need my
help?" a primary enabler storms when their victim decides to become accountable. In other words, to
escape the victim grid, we must be willing to be perceived as the "bad guy." This doesn't make it so, but
we must be willing to sit with the discomfort of being perceived as such.
Victim

The role of Starting Gate Victim is also a shadow aspect. It is the wounded shadow of our inner child;
that part of us that is innocent, vulnerable AND needy. This child-self does need support on occasion -
that’s natural. It’s only when we become convinced that we can’t take care of ourselves, that we move
into Victim. Believing that we are frail, powerless or defective keeps us needing rescue. This relegates us
to a lifetime of crippling dependency on our primary relationships.

A SGV has accepted a definition of themselves that says they are intrinsically damaged and incapable.
SGV’s project an attitude of being weak, fragile or not smart enough; basically, “I can’t do it by myself."
Their greatest fear is that they won’t make it. That anxiety forces them to be always on the lookout for
someone stronger or more capable to take care of them.
SGV’s deny both their problem solving abilities and their potential for self-generated power. Instead
they tend to see themselves as inept at handling life. Feeling done in by, at the mercy of, mistreated,
intrinsically defective or “wrong”, they see themselves as broken and unfixable. This doesn't prevent
them from feeling highly resentful towards those on who they depend. As much as they insist on being
taken care of by their primary rescuers ... they nonetheless do not appreciate being reminded of their
inadequacy.

The very thing a Rescuer seeks (validation and appreciation) is the thing Victims most resent giving
because it is a reminder to them of their own deficiencies. Instead they resent the help that is given.
SGV’s eventually get tired of being in the one-down position and begin to find ways to feel equal.
Unfortunately this usually involves some form of “getting even”.
For a SGV, a move to persecutor on the triangle usually means sabotaging the efforts made to rescue
them, often through passive-aggressive behavior. For example, they are skilled at playing a game
called,"Yes, but ...."

It works like this…

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The SGV’s rescuer offers a helpful suggestion to some complaint or problem voiced by the Victim. The
SGV immediately turns the suggestion on its ear with a response like; "Yes, but that won't work because
...”. The SGV then proceeds to “yes, but” any and all suggestions, as the Rescuer tries, in vain, to come up
with a solution. The SGV is determined to prove that their problem is unsolvable, thus stumping the
Rescuer, leaving them to feel as impotent as the SGV innately feels. They may also resort to the
persecutor role as a way to blame or manipulate others into taking care of them.

Convinced of their intrinsic incompetence, SGV’s live in a perpetual shame spiral, often leading to self
abuse. Abuse of drugs, alcohol and food, as well as gambling and out of control spending are just a few of
the self defeating behaviors practiced by SGV’s. SGV’s walk around much like the Charlie Brown
character, Pig-Pen in his whirlwind of dust, except Victims live in a vortex of shame of their own making.
This cloud of defectiveness becomes their total identity.

Linda was the second-born in her family. Almost from birth, she had problems. Linda was a child who
was forever in trouble of one sort or another. She struggled academically, was perpetually disruptive and
often sick. It came as no surprise to anyone when she got into drugs as a teenager. Her mother, Stella,
was a die-hard Rescuer. Convinced of Linda’s ineptitude and thinking she was being helpful, Stella
bailed Linda out every time she got into trouble. By constantly alleviating the natural consequences of
Linda’s choices, Stella's earnest enabling deprived Linda of the opportunity to learn from her mistakes.
As a result, Linda came to see herself as increasingly incompetent and grew more dependent on others.
Her mother's well-intentioned rescuing sent a crippling message that promoted a life long Victim stance
for Linda.

Since SGV’s are often the identified problem in their family, it's natural for them to seek outside
professional help first. Often they are dragged to their first counseling session by distressed family
members. SGV’s tend to be ever on the look out for yet another Rescuer, and SGR’s abound among
helping professionals. In this case, the professional may find themselves inadvertently hooked on the
triangle with a practiced, and very convincing, victim. This means the real issue never gets addressed.

Those in primary Victim roles must learn to assume responsibility for themselves and initiate self-care,
rather than look outside themselves for a savior. They must challenge the ingrained belief that they can't
take care of themselves if they are to escape the triangle. Instead of seeing themselves as powerless, they
must acknowledge their problem solving as well as their leadership capabilities.

For it is true that no matter who may try to “save us”, as a SGV’s - no matter how much money they give
or how sincere our intentions to “do better” may be, playing the part of victim always leads to only one
place - straight back to Victim. It’s an endless cycle of feeling defeated and worthless. There is no escape
except to take total responsibility for our own feelings, thoughts and reactions.
Starting Gate Beliefs

Each starting gate position has a “script” made to order for their particular dance around the triangle.
These “scripts” consist of a particular set of beliefs through which the world and ourselves are seen.

The Rescuer Story

Rescuers believe that their needs are unimportant and irrelevant. This means that the only way they can
legitimately connect with others, feel valued and have their needs met is through the back door of care-
taking. Rescuers chastise themselves when they aren't care-taking others. Their starting gate story is; "If
I take care of others well enough and long enough, then I will be fulfilled. It’s the only way to be loved."
Unfortunately, Rescuers are involved with life-time Victims who have no idea of how to be there for
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them. This reinforces the SG Rescuer’s story that says they shouldn’t be needy, which then produces
more shame and deeper denial surrounding their own needs.
The Victim Story

Guilt and shame are the driving forces for the perpetuation of the Triangle. Guilt is often used by Victims
in an effort to manipulate their Rescuers into taking care of them: "If you don't do it, who will?” The
Victims’ story says they can’t make it on their own and they prove it to themselves over and over on the
triangle. They believe that they are innately defective and incapable and so spend their lives on the look-
out for someone to “save” them. Though this is what they feel they must have, i.e., a savior, they are
simultaneously angry at their rescuers because they feel put down by and looked down on by their
caretakers.
The Persecutor Story

Persecutors who believe the world is dangerous, use fear and intimidation as tools for keeping others in
their place. What they don’t see is how their methods for providing “safety” end up proving to them that
life is indeed as dangerous as they believe it to be. Their story says that they are innocent bystanders in a
dangerous world where others are always out to hurt them. It’s survival of the fittest and their only
chance is to strike first. This story keeps them in perpetual defense/offense modus operandi.

Shadows of Victim-hood

Placing the three positions on a straight line with Victim in the middle, is a way of demonstrating that
Persecutor and Rescuer are simply the two extremes, or shadow aspects, of victim-hood.

Persecutor ------ VICTIM ------ Rescuer

All three roles are distorted expressions of positive powers that we, as humans possess, but deny or
repress when living on the triangle. Identifying what our starting gate position is on the triangle can help
us recognize the aspects of ourselves we deny.
For instance, when we see ourselves primarily as mediators and caretakers, we deny our own power by
setting inappropriate boundaries. We occupy the Rescuer position.
SGR’s have a natural capacity for organizing, as well as a wonderful nurturing ability. But when a SGR
denies herself the benefit of these abilities - when she refuses to nurture or set priorities for herself ...
then she will find herself obsessing about and intervening (or interfering) in the lives of others - most
often in unhealthy ways. She becomes someone who takes responsibility for everyone but herself.

These characteristics are commonly thought of as being primarily feminine characteristics - so the SGR
can be seen as a distorted expression of the feminine aspect.
The Persecutor, on the other hand, has a deep-seated sense of justice. He believes in the use of power
and assertiveness. There is nothing innately wrong with these abilities; they are in fact, important in self
care. Yet a SGP will exercise these gifts in twisted ways. When these essentially male qualities of
protection, guidance and boundary setting are not fully acknowledged and claimed - when they are
denied, they end up being expressed in unconscious and irresponsible ways - thus a SGP can be seen as a
distorted expression of the masculine aspect.

Attack, for the SGP, becomes the accepted way to express these powers and is then justified as a
necessary defense. Simultaneously, a SGP will see themselves only as the innocent victim ... “They hurt
me - I had to protect myself by retaliating”. It’s hard for any of us to admit we mistreat people.
Persecutors justify their hurtful behavior with “good reasons” (“... because they did something to me” or
“took something from me”) and this makes it okay, in their minds, to hurt “back”. This is typical
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Persecutor mentality. SGP’s have suppressed their caring, nurturing qualities, and instead, tend to
problem solve through anger, abuse and control.

Here’s a typical example, that might easily show up in relationship…

Don came home late for dinner. Ann, his wife, was angry. She had prepared a good meal and it was still
sitting, uneaten and cold, an hour later. Like many SGP’s, Ann’s tendency is to assume the worse (“He
did this to me”) and attack. So instead of checking in with her husband, she immediately launches into;
“You told me you would be here on time. You lied! I can never trust you to tell me the truth.” When Don
tries to explain that he got stuck in traffic, Ann is not listening. Instead she justifies her reaction… “You
always have excuses! You expect me to believe you. You’re a liar ... “. She continues to hurl insults, even
resorting to name calling. Later, she explained that he had hurt her and therefore deserved the way she
treated him. This is classic Persecutor reasoning.

Because Ann sees herself as a victim who doesn’t have the right to take care of herself or set boundaries,
(by saying, something like, “Hi Sweetheart, I had dinner ready on time; when you didn’t get here, I went
ahead and ate mine and left yours warming on the stove.”) she resorts to trying to feel powerful through
attack. Her belief that she is at the mercy of someone who is trying to hurt her keeps her striking out in a
distorted effort to protect.

When we have suppressed both sides ... denying both our innate ability to take care of ourselves through
healthy nurturing and the right to take protective, assertive action, we are left in Victim. As a matter of
fact, a good definition for a SGV might be; someone who does not know how to set priorities or
boundaries, nor nurtures and protects themselves.
As individuals grow in awareness and begin to alter their behavior, they often change their starting-gate
positions. Becoming aware of a primary position, they may commit to getting off the triangle but often
merely switch roles instead. Although they may be operating from a different starting gate, they are
nonetheless still on the triangle. This happens frequently and may even be an essential part of learning
the full impact of living on the triangle.

Consequences of Triangular Living

Living on the victim triangle creates misery and suffering no matter what your primary starting gate
position may be. The cost is tremendous for all three roles and leads to emotional, mental and even
physical pain. Efforts to avoid pain, by blaming or looking for someone to take care of us, only ends up
generating greater pain in the end. When we try to shield others from the truth, (rescue) we discount
their abilities and this creates more pain. Everyone involved in triangular dynamics ends up hurt and
angry at some point; no-one wins. There are characteristics of and consequences to being on the triangle
that all three roles bear in common. Let’s talk about a few of them.
Lack of Personal Responsibility

Whenever we fail to take responsibility for ourselves, we end up on the triangle. Not even Rescuers, who
pride themselves on being responsible, take responsibility for themselves. They take care of everyone
else, but have no idea of how to do it for themselves. Not taking responsibility is a key identifying factor
in recognizing when we are on the triangle. Persecutors shift responsibility by blaming others for their
misery. Victims look for someone else to take responsibility for them. Not one of the three roles take
responsibility for themselves.

As long as we chase ourselves and others around the triangle, we relegate ourselves to living in reaction.
Rather than living spontaneously and free through self-responsibility and personal choice, we settle into
dull and painful lives ruled by the agendas of others and our own unconscious beliefs. To experience a
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fulfilling life requires a conscious willingness to get off the triangle and extend grace to those still
encumbered by their drama.

Painful Beliefs Rule

Unhealthy beliefs about ourselves and the world, instilled in childhood, become rigid rules that may
need to be violated. Family dictums such as: “don't talk about it”, “don't share feelings”, or, “it's selfish to
take care of yourself”, are some of the old beliefs that have ruled us and must be challenged if we are to
evolve. We can expect, and even celebrate uncomfortable feelings when they come up for us, learning to
see them as opportunities for freeing ourselves of the painful beliefs that keep us trapped on the triangle.

Sometimes we simply need to sit with an uncomfortable feeling - such as guilt, without acting on it. Guilt
does not necessarily imply that we have behaved wrong or unethically. Guilt is often a learned response.
Sometimes guilt just means that we've broken a dysfunctional family

I’m reminded of a story that has circulated among therapeutic circles for years about the way to cook a
ham. Perhaps you remember it too. It goes like this:

A little girl noticed her mother cutting the butt end off the ham to cook it for the family holiday dinner
and asked, “Why do you cut off the end to cook it?” The mother without giving it a moment’s thought,
replied, “Why, this is the way my mother always cooked a ham, so I know it’s the right way to do it!”
Well, the little girls grandmother happened to live close by, so she visited her and asked her the same
question, “Grandma, why do you cut the butt end off the ham before you cook it?” Her grandmother
replied that her mother had taught her to cook a ham like that. Great granny happened to be visiting for
the holiday so the little girl went to her and asked the same question... This time the answer came...
“Child, when I was cooking hams back then, I only owned one baking pan and it was too small to hold a
whole ham so I would cut the butt end off the ham to make it fit…”

This is how it works. We follow, without question, family dictums and internalized beliefs that generate
nothing but misery.

Painful Feelings

Frequently we get on the triangle through the port of painful feelings. It seems that many of us tend to
let painful feelings rule us. We think a thought and it triggers guilt or fear, which prompts us to react in a
way that puts us back on the triangle. Our reaction is usually a misguided attempt to control or get rid of
the painful feeling so that we can “feel better”.

For instance, we may rescue others as a way of both keeping ourselves and them from feeling bad. We
tell ourselves things like, "She can’t handle it” or, “It will hurt his feelings”, so we “handle it” for them.
We may notice that we feel better when we are fixing someone else - it gives us a false sense of being in
control which feels temporarily empowering. We may fail to recognize that our increased sense of power
is often at the expense of the other, leaving them feeling disempowered and “less than”.

An Example

Sam believed his son, Paul to be inept. The words he actually used to describe him were, “He’s stupid ...
he will never be able to make it in the world.” As a result, Sam’s primary relating pattern with his son
was as his primary Rescuer. Believing Paul was stupid brought feelings of guilt, apprehension and duty
towards his son. “He’s my son and I must provide for him ... I must guide and advise him and bail him
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out of all the scrapes he gets himself into because he’s too stupid to run his own life. I will just have to do
it for him.” These were some of Sam’s thoughts.

And so he did.

Meanwhile, Paul had bought into the story too. He shared his father’s perception that said he couldn’t
make it on his own. Believing that he was basically lacking in fundamental life skills created feelings of
inadequacy and failure for Paul. The whole relationship between this father and son was based on the
severely limited definition that they shared about Paul’s lack of ability to do well in life.

So, how do you think someone like Paul, who believes he’s truly inept, would live his life? What sorts of
choices would you expect someone to make who sees himself as incapable and lacking? With such
painful beliefs about himself, how could Paul make anything but “foolish” choices! And every time he
does, he ends up verifying his father’s story about Paul.

As long as these two share such a painfully limiting story about Paul, their relationship will remain on
the triangle - Paul “screwing up” and Sam fixing it for him.

I can hear some of you asking, “But Lynne, what if it’s true? What if Paul is totally incompetent?”

I only know this... it is our beliefs that make it so. We treat others according to what we believe about
them. When we challenge these assumptions, our interaction with that person changes.

For instance, the whole dynamic between Sam and Paul changed as Sam began to examine his beliefs
about his son. He began to treat his son with new respect once he was able to get honest with himself
about his previously denied need to keep Paul dependent. He began to let his son experience the natural
consequences of his own choices instead of rescuing and then berating him for making “dumb
decisions”. As a result Paul began to learn from his mistakes. Sam’s relationship with Paul completely
transformed simply because Sam chose to take responsibility for his own feelings and beliefs. By giving
up playing Rescuer Sam was able to move off the triangle into a more satisfying and authentic daily
exchange with his son.

We may attempt to manage the emotional affairs of others by keeping our opinions, feelings and
thoughts hidden, even from ourselves at times. This can end up costing us our own well-being and
inevitably creates distance between ourselves and the other. It is just one more way we continue the
dance around the triangle.

What made Sam’s move off the triangle possible was his recognition that his feelings were created by his
own beliefs. He came to understand that his behavior was always determined by whatever thoughts he
was believing at the time.

This is key to moving off the triangle. When we believe painful stories about who we are... like,“I’m only
loved for what I do for others” or, “I don’t matter” -- or we hold distorted beliefs about those around us...
like, “They’re trying to hurt me” or “They’re incapable of doing well” - these personal convictions will
lead us to behave as if they’re true. I’m saying that our painful feelings originate out of our limited ideas
about ourselves and others. They cause us to react in ways that end up proving that what we believe is
true. This is the vicious cycle of life on the triangle.

Denial
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Anytime we deny our feelings we set ourselves up for a victim perspective. Feelings are real. They are
“energy-in-motion”. When we discount or undermine our emotions we end up overtaken by them,
becoming impulsive reactors. We can’t take responsibility for ourselves when we refuse to acknowledge
our feelings, which means that these disavowed “inner tyrants” will go on driving our behavior from
behind the scenes.

Although it is true that our feelings are generated by what we believe ... it does not work to discount or
deny what we feel. Instead we come to see that when we are feeling “bad”, it simply means that there’s a
distorted belief close by. Instead of denying the feeling, we learn to follow the feeling in to the belief
behind it. This is where true intervention is possible. The feeling dissipates once the belief behind it is
made conscious and addressed. We learn to recognize that our feelings are what point us to the limiting
beliefs that are keeping us stuck on the triangle.

Parents who never learned that feelings follow thought and who grew up without permission to
acknowledge or express feelings often deny their children the same right. They may have decided early
in life that certain feelings are wrong or bad, so they deny and repress them without examining the
ruling thoughts behind the feelings.

Telling ourselves that our feelings are unacceptable does not make them go away. As long as we continue
to attach belief to painful stories about ourselves and others we will go on generating these same
negative feelings. When suppressed, these denied emotions become secret pockets of shame within the
psyche. They only serve to alienate us from others and sentence us to a life on the triangle.

Sometimes we deny feelings in an ill-fated attempt to avoid feeling bad. Perhaps we tell ourselves that
we can’t handle our feelings, that they are too much for us... We may think we are at the mercy of our
own misery because we don’t know from where these feelings come or what to do with or about them.
Maybe it is better to stay away from these messy inner states under such circumstances.

But when we know that it’s our thoughts that produce painful feelings; that indeed our unhappy feelings
act as gateways into greater understanding of ourselves - then we no longer have the need to suppress
uncomfortable feelings. Until we are able recognize and grasp the implications of these simple truths
however, we may go on trying to escape pain using various suppression tactics. These attempts at
avoidance only keep us on the triangle where the guaranteed outcome is suffering and misery.

Dishonesty

Getting honest with ourselves is the most basic requirement for getting off the triangle. Getting off the
triangle is impossible without self-honesty. Telling our truth is a key way of taking responsibility. We
then must be willing to take necessary action for whatever that truth reveals.

Of course, when feelings are denied, honesty is impossible. Remember that denial comes out of negative
self judgment. If we have decided on some level that we cannot accept our thoughts, behavior or feelings
than, chances are, we will not be able to admit we have them. It’s too painful to admit something about
ourselves that we have judged as unacceptable. We must practice self acceptance if we are truly going to
be able to be honest with ourselves and others.

In order for a SG Rescuer to get honest, for instance, they have to be willing to confess their previously
unconscious need to keep others dependent on them. This means acknowledging that being a rescuer is
what they do to get their own need for self-worth met. As long as the Rescuer continues to see the other
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as a weak, ineffectual and inept victim, they will continue to deceive themselves into believing that they
must be the fixer and caretaker. Their own needs will not be recognized or met.

In the same way, a SG Persecutor is being dishonest when they insist on blaming others for their misery
and suffering. There is no way off the triangle for a Persecutor as long as they insist on seeing themselves
as blameless, innocent bystanders who have been unjustly treated.

In order for a SG Victim to get off the triangle, they must confess their investment in staying “little” -
dependent and needy. This means getting honest about how they have manipulated others, using a self-
deprecating story of ineptness, in order to get taken care of. Otherwise they will fall deeper and deeper
into a downward spiral of despair and unworthiness.

Living in reality requires truth. To tell the truth, we first must first know what it is. When we react out of
denied feelings and unconscious programming, we cannot possibly know our personal truth. This means
we will not be in touch with reality. There will be hidden agendas and dishonesty. This is another
primary trait of all players on the triangle. Only by knowing our truth, can we begin to speak from a
place of personal integrity. Then exiting the triangle becomes possible.

Projection

We tend to deny feelings and beliefs that we have judged as negative or unacceptable. As previously
mentioned, we rescue ourselves by pushing these unacceptable parts into the dark unconscious. They
don’t necessarily stay there, however. Whatever thoughts and feelings we don’t own, i.e., take
responsibility for, will end up being projected out into our world, usually on someone we “love”. As soon
as we judge some thought or feeling within us as unacceptable, we will unconsciously look around and
find someone who has these same traits and hate them for it. This is called projection and it is a
propelling force on the triangle. Projection ensures that the victim dance continues.

Lisa and Ted came in for couples counseling. In gathering their history, I learned that Lisa had a father
who raged often throughout her childhood. She was afraid of anger as a result and did not allow herself
to feel or express her own ill-humor. She judged anger as “bad” and denied that she had any. It’s
probably no surprise then that Lisa’s biggest complaint about her husband was his “short fuse”. “He’s so
angry all the time”, she said. “He just wants to argue about everything!”

Her husband, Ted came across as upfront; open and communicative. He reported that he had not felt
heard in his family growing up and expressed frustration with Lisa because, “Any time I disagree with
her, no matter how calmly I express it, she accuses me of being angry and refuses to discuss it. It ends up
that the only way I can get heard is to blow up!”
Can you place these two on the triangle? Let’s take a look:

Let’s start with Lisa, who was on the triangle before a single word was spoken out loud between her and
her husband. She started out by judging her own anger (persecuting herself) and then denying it
(rescuing herself). Lisa is on the triangle with herself. She rescues herself through denial. Denial is
always an attempt to rescue ourselves. Lisa has learned to shut her anger down so quickly that she does
not even register it consciously. But that angry energy has got to go somewhere.

That’s where Ted enters the picture. Lisa needs someplace to project her disowned anger. Ted is the
perfect fit. Lisa sees in Ted the angry self that she has denied. This is why she is so quick to label the
slightest dissent from him as “bad” anger. She then castigates Ted for the “bad” feelings that she has
projected and proceeds to criticize him harshly (persecutor) in the same way she has unconsciously
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judged herself. Ted, just as when he was a child, feels misunderstood and unheard at first. He is in
victim. But before long his anger arises and he moves into persecutor by “blowing up” at Lisa. This
moves Lisa into victim, prompting her to remember the “angry dad” of her childhood. Both Ted and Lisa
are unconsciously validating their own childhood dramas by projecting their painful beliefs and
judgments about themselves onto one another. These sorts of interactions are why I call the victim
triangle the “playing field” for all dysfunction.

You may wonder where the rescuer is in all this melee. Sometimes a role is played “beneath the surface”.
It may not be externally evident as in the case described above. Because Lisa cannot take responsibility
for her own anger (because to see herself as being “bad like dad” would be too painful) she rescues
herself through denial. She takes herself off the hook by projecting her unwanted feelings onto her
husband. This allows her to pretend she’s not angry (he’s the angry one, not her). On one level it feels
better to believe that she’s not mean and angry like her dad was. The shadow consequences, however are
that it sets her up to blame and persecute Ted and allows her to stay unconscious about her own
personal anger. This is the nature of projection on the triangle.

Ego and The Story of Who We Are

We interact with others through old, unconsciously held and limiting beliefs that generate shame. Each
starting gate position has a distinct type of core belief that drives their particular dance around the
triangle. These core beliefs combine into unconscious stories. We believe these descriptions of ourselves
and others without ever questioning them. Left to run unabated in the mind, they generate all sorts of
painful feelings, including worthlessness, inadequacy and defectiveness. We reinforce and perpetuate
these beliefs by moving around the triangle.

The ego is that part of us that manufactures and believes these limiting stories. The ego is totally
identified with the stories it tells and wants to keep us identified with them as well. The ego uses the
triangle to strengthen these painfully, limited identities of who we are. When I think of our relationship
with ego I often think of the nursery rhyme that goes:

“Peter, Peter Pumpkin Eater, had a wife and couldn’t keep her. So he put her in a pumpkin shell and
there he kept her very well.”

This is a great metaphor for our relationship with the ego. Peter Pumpkin Eater is the ego and the wife
he couldn’t keep is our own Inner Feminine. She is that part of us who remembers who we really are.
The only way Ego can control this Authentic Essence is to keep it confined in the “pumpkin shell” of a
limiting story. We are each held within the confines of such a story. The victim triangle is the playing
field that ego uses for the purpose of reinforcing this dysfunctional story.

We certainly can see this with Ted and Lisa. They each were entrapped within a very painful story; Ted
believing that he will not be heard and therefore expecting to have his feelings judged and discounted.
He is in the role of a SG Victim who inadvertently acts in ways that guarantee he will come away feeling
ashamed and worthless. Lisa is the SG Persecutor who sees herself as a victim. She believes Ted is trying
to hurt her with his anger which justifies her attempts to control him. Lisa punishes Ted by ignoring him
until he finally strikes out, thus verifying her story about him as being “angry and cruel, just like dad”.
Both have egos that are much more interested in verifying a limiting story than in feeling harmony
between them.

Failed Intimacy

Although most of us long for a sense of connection with others, many people are secretly terrified of
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intimacy. Allowing someone to really know us can be frightening. Intimacy requires vulnerability and
honesty. Believing at heart that we are unlovable, defective or “less than,” makes it difficult to reveal
ourselves. We want unconditional acceptance, but when we haven't accepted ourselves, it's impossible to
believe that anyone else could love us. Needing to hide our unworthiness makes distance imperative. As
long as we maintain hidden agendas and deny our truth, intimacy is impossible. Victim-hood is designed
to insure alienation, not only from others, but also from ourselves. Intimacy is not possible on the
triangle.

In Summary
When we are ready to be accountable, we begin to sort through our genuine motives and feelings
regarding our present situation. We become willing to experience our own uncomfortable feelings and
we allow others their uncomfortable feelings too, without rescuing them.

If our loved ones or associates are also willing to participate in this process of self-realization we can
cultivate a healthier relationship together. As a result there is less and less interaction based on guilt,
fear or shame.

The good news is that whether or not our loved ones choose to get off the triangle, we can make that
choice for ourselves! And that will change the whole dynamic between you and them. We are never
victims, except by choice.

Getting off means knowing where you stand right now and being willing to negotiate boundaries when
necessary. Setting boundaries is not about being in control or manipulating outcomes. We sometimes
confuse the two. We learn to look closely at our motives with an attitude of curiosity and the desire for
deeper self-understanding. And then whatever we do, when done from a connected space, even if it is to
walk away, will have a better chance of being based in truth rather than drama.

Remember there will be times when we may be seen as the persecutor. Our challenge is to stay in touch
with our truth and allow others the right (and they do have the right) to have their story. The two
versions; your story and their story, do not have to match for you to be happy. That’s a common, but
mistaken, idea.

In reality, how others see us is not our concern. How we see ourselves is what can bring us
transformation. We learn to focus on what we are believing. We notice the impact in own lives of
believing those particular, and often painful, thoughts - beliefs like, “I’m only as important as what I can
do for others” ... or, “They’re trying to hurt me” or “I’m a total failure” - these are just a few of the stories
with which we torture ourselves.

Remember that just because we believe these stories does not make them true. But when we do believe
them, we will act in ways that make them true! This is a profound and simple dawning of consciousness
that holds a key to the door off the triangle. Used with sincere desire and rigorous, self-loving truth,
these steps are the process that takes us all the way, straight through to the “Off” exit. As we liberate
ourselves through self-responsibility and truth telling, we transform our lives. We actualize our Higher
Selves, thus realizing the possibility that lies within each of us to live, not out of an ego limited story, but
to expand into a much bigger and wonderful experience of life.
“Getting off the triangle is not something we do once and for all. We get on and off all the time.
Understanding tools like Stephen Karpman’s victim triangle brings us a map. It shows us where we are
in our relational life and where we’re headed. Studying this map helps us find the best route for getting
off the triangle. Again, it’s a process, not a final destination. I invite you to relax into the role of curious,
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creative explorer and willing student . . . may your thoughts and feelings be teachers for you as you travel
the route to freedom from the triangle.”

Munchausen Syndrome and

Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy (MSBP)
Factitious disorder, factitious disorder by proxy
Munchausen Syndrome is an attention-seeking personality disorder which is more common than statistics suggest.
Munchausen Syndrome, named after a German soldier renowned for exaggerated tales, is a predominantly female
disorder in which an emotionally immature person with narcissistic tendencies, low self-esteem and a fragile ego
has an overwhelming need to draw attention to herself and to be the centre of attention.
In Munchausen Syndrome, this is achieved by capitalising on, exploiting, exaggerating or feigning illness or injury
or personal misfortune. The opportunities for being centre of attention can be increased if feigning victimhood
through alleged victimisation, isolation, exclusion or persecution is added to the equation; the Munchausen person
can then depict another person (often a family member) as a victimiser or persecutor and herself as the victim.
Presenting herself as a false victim is also a Munchausen trait.
In Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy (MSBP), occasions for being centre of attention are created by deliberately
causing illness, injury or harm to others to provide opportunities for rescue and care. Often the MSBP sufferer will
work as a nurse, perhaps in a hospital ward for sick children (especially very young babies) or in a home for
elderly persons, or with severely handicapped people, or as a care giver. The common thread is a victim whose is
vulnerable, whose verbal skills or emotional state or mental condition prevents them from explaining what the
MSBP person is doing to them and whose hold on life may already be precarious. Even if the victim survives, they
cannot or will not be a witness. Because death amongst these groups occurs normally and is therefore not unusual
or unexpected, her activities in causing death may escape notice for years.
Few people ask questions, for how many people would dare to think that this wonderful, kind, caring,
compassionate person who has devoted her life to helping others is, in reality, a murderer? Or, given the repeat
nature of the crime, a serial killer? How many people suspected that Beverley Allitt, that kind, comparing,
compassionate nurse who cared for sick babies at Grantham Hospital was, in reality, killing them, one by one? Her
behaviour merited the label of Angel of Death. How many people suspected that the kind, avuncular doctor who
eased his elderly female patients' suffering with morphine was, in reality, Britain's most prolific serial killer?
Manchester GP Harold Shipman was sentenced to life in prison for his killings. Shipman committed suicide in
January 2004. Shipman is not a Munchausen case but the circumstances of his murderous actions are similar to
MSBP.
Harm can be inflicted by any means which leaves little or no forensic evidence, such as restricting breathing by
holding a hand over the mouth, fingers over the nostrils, lying on top of the baby, smothering, placing plastic or
cling film over the person's face, withholding food, withholding medicine or over-medicating or medicating when
unnecessary, or by delaying calling for medical assistance when an emergency arises. When the victim reacts with
a fit, breathing difficulties, collapse etc, the MSBP sufferer can - after ensuring the condition is sufficiently life-
threatening - rush to the rescue and later be hailed as a hero for being such a wonderful, kind, caring,
compassionate person for having saved this person's life.
The MSBP sufferer is often a mother who deliberately harms her child with the intention of gaining the attention
of the medical services. She gains gratification from being in the presence of doctors, nurses and medical
personnel and revels in the attention that a concerned mother inevitably attracts in these surroundings. It appears
that the intent is to induce illness and injury, rather than commit murder, for the death of the child would take away
the object which she repeatedly manipulates for her gratification. Death may also arouse suspicions to the point of
investigation. However, the injury or illness must be severe enough to warrant the need for medical intervention;
if, as often happens, she miscalculates and the child dies, then the sympathy for a grieving mother becomes another
opportune vehicle for gaining attention. The MSBP nurse can wallow in the attention and the gratitude of bereaved
parents for the kindness she showed during their baby's short life. However, the MSBP nurse cares nothing (except
for herself) for she has an endless supply of potential victims.
The MSBP mother or nurse also knows that if family members or colleagues have suspicions, they are unlikely to
voice them for fear of being wrong. No-one wants to make an accusation or report their suspicions to the
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authorities; if they are wrong, it could mean a libel action or ostracism from the family or workplace. If the MSBP
person finds out that an allegation has been made, and she can guess who has made the allegation, this is deemed
persecution and victimisation and becomes another, even bigger, opportunity for being the centre of attention.
When this happens within the family, it's an opportunity to turn the whole family against the person making the
accusation - or against anyone the MSBP sufferer can label as likely to have made the suggestion. Munchausen
sufferers, as with most attention seekers, are always plausible and convincing.
It's been estimated that as many as one in five cot deaths is really a murder resulting from a mother with
Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy. The MSBP mother (who becomes a serial killer) knows that fear [by the police
or investigating authorities] of accusing the wrong person is usually enough to evade accountability and
prosecution. No-one is going to challenge a grieving mother, and the father may be in ignorance of what has really
happened and thus steadfastly supporting his partner. Evidence is minimal and the cause of death is put down as
cot death (also known as Sudden Infant Death Syndrome or SIDS), choking, breathing difficulties or some other
plausible reason. However, MSBP is an ongoing condition and it is the repeated deaths from ambiguous or
unidentified causes which arouse suspicion. There's a saying in social services: one [death] is cot death, two is
suspicious, three is Munchausen. But who is going to take the risk of wrongly accusing a bereaved mother or a
caring nurse?
If questioning does take place, the Munchausen mother is likely to give the most convincing performance of
innocence whilst the innocent mother is likely to be less convincing due to a combination of grief, sadness, loss,
disbelief, bewilderment, anger and guilt, all of which are heightened by trauma.
Recent court cases have demonstrated that the number of infant deaths alone is not grounds for conviction, and that
when genetic factors are taken into account, the odds are statistically higher that a family who has suffered genuine
cot death is more likely to suffer further cot deaths. Paediatrician Professor Sir Roy Meadow, who made a career
acting as expert witness in cases of mothers accused of murdering their children, has recently been shown to have
used flawed data (which he has inexplicably shredded) and been backed up by bad science to obtain convictions.
In July 2005 Professor Sir Roy Meadow was struck off by the General Medical Council (GMC) for serious
professional misconduct after his misleading evidence in the case of Sally Clark. Recent research suggests that up
to 80% of repeat cot deaths in the same family are not suspicious. It's likely that the best indicator of guilt is
behaviour profile and history of attention-seeking behaviour including manipulation and deception, at which
Munchausen cases excel.
Further reading
In many cases the Munchausen Syndrome sufferer's behaviour contains many of the characteristics listed under the
profile of a serial bully. The pages on attention-seeking tactics and Narcissistic Personality Disorder may also be
enlightening, as may be the page on bullies in the family.
Links
Munchausen Syndrome Hub
Salt poisoning mother is jailed

Bullying, stress and the effects of stress on health

The injury to health caused by prolonged negative stress including fatigue, anxiety, depression, immune
system suppression, IBS, aches, pains, numbness and panic attacks
On this page
Stress
Ill-health symptoms caused by stress and bullying
Fight or flight: the stress response
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS or ME)
New! Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS)
Psychiatric injury | Reactive depression | The mental health trap
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) | Suicide
Further reading | Links
Stress
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"There's only one way of dealing with stress - that's to identify the cause and then work to reduce or eliminate that
cause. I believe bullying is the main, but least recognised, cause of stress in the workplace today."
Tim Field
"Poor management is a major cause of stress."
Dr Peter Graham, Head of Health Directorate, UK Health & Safety Executive, 24 September 1998
Stress is not the employee's inability to cope with excessive workloads and the unreasonable demands of
incompetent and bullying managers; stress is a consequence of the employer's failure to provide a safe
system of work as required by the UK Health & Safety at Work Act 1974. Blaming the sufferer of stress for
suffering stress is an admission of failure to fulfil this obligation of duty of care.
The HSE publication Working on Stress describes the view that "All you need to do is go for counselling to stop
work-related stress" as "wrong" and as being "unlikely to tackle the source of the problem".
HSE Stress Management Standards
Stress comes in two forms: positive and negative:
Positive stress (or eustress) is the result of competent management and mature leadership where everyone works
together and everyone is valued and supported. Positive stress enhances well-being and can be harnessed to
enhance performance and fuel achievement.
Negative stress (or distress) is the result of a bullying climate where threat, coercion and fear substitute for non-
existent management skills. Employees have to work twice as hard to achieve half as much to compensate for the
dysfunctional and inefficient management. Negative stress diminishes quality of life and causes injury to health
resulting in the symptoms of ill-health described on this page. When people use the word "stress" on its own, they
usually mean "negative stress". The CBI estimates stress and stress-related illness cost UK industry and taxpayers
£12 BILLION each year. The UK Department of Health state that 3.6% of national average salary budget is paid to
employees off sick with stress. Stress is now officially the Number One cause of sickness absence although 20% of
employers still do not regard stress as a health and safety issue.
Stress plays havoc with the body's immune system.
Symptoms
The symptoms of stress seem to cover more pages of every book published on the subject.
Stress caused by bullying results in these symptoms (and more):
• main symptoms - stress, anxiety, sleeplessness, fatigue (including Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
- see below), trauma
• physical symptoms - reduced immunity to infection leading to frequent colds, coughs, flu,
glandular fever, etc (especially on days off, eg weekends and holidays), aches & pains (with
no clear cause - this lack of attributability suggests stress as the cause - sometimes
diagnosed as fibromyalgia), back pain, chest pains and angina, high blood pressure,
headaches and migraines, sweating, palpitations, trembling, hormonal problems (disturbed
menstrual cycle, dysmenorrhoea, loss of libido, impotence), physical numbness (especially in
toes, fingers, and lips), emotional numbness (including anhedonia, an inability to feel joy and
love), irritable bowel syndrome or IBS, paruresis (shy bladder syndrome), thyroid problems,
petit mal seizures, skin irritations and skin disorders (eg athlete's foot, eczema, psoriasis,
shingles, internal and external ulcers, urticaria), loss of appetite (although a few people react
by overeating), excessive or abnormal thirst, waking up more tired than when you went to
bed, etc
• psychological symptoms - panic attacks, reactive depression (which some people describe as
Adjustment Disorder with depressed mood), thoughts of suicide, stress breakdown (this is a
psychiatric injury, not a mental illness), forgetfulness, impoverished or intermittently
functioning memory, poor concentration, flashbacks and replays, excessive guilt, disbelief
and confusion and bewilderment ("why me?" - click here for the answer), an unusual degree
of fear, sense of isolation, insecurity, desperation, etc; one experiences acute anxiety at the
prospect of meeting the bully or visiting the location where the bullying took place, or at the
thought of touching the paperwork associated with the case; one is unable to attend
disciplinary meetings and may vomit before, during or after the meeting, sometimes at the
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thought of the meeting or on receiving a threatening letter insisting one attends (these are
PTSD diagnostic criteria B4 and B5)
• behavioural symptoms - tearfulness, irritability, angry outbursts, obsessiveness (the
experience takes over your life), hypervigilance (feels like but is not paranoia),
hypersensitivity (almost every remark or action is perceived as critical even when it is not),
sullenness (a sign the inner psyche has been damaged), mood swings, withdrawal,
indecision, loss of humour, hyperawareness (acute awareness of time, seasons, distance
travelled), excessive biting, teeth grinding, picking, scratching or tics, increased reliance on
drugs (tannin, caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, sleeping tablets, tranquillisers, antidepressants,
other substances), comfort spending (and consequent financial problems), phobias
(especially agoraphobia), etc
• effects on personality - shattered self-confidence and self-esteem, low self-image, loss of self-
worth and self-love
Other symptoms and disorders reported include sleep disorder, bipolar disorder, mood disorder, eating disorder,
anxiety disorder, panic disorder, skin disorder.
Increasingly researchers are suggesting that diabetes, asthma, allergies, fibromyalgia, multiple sclerosis (MS),
chronic fatigue syndrome (ME) and even some forms of cancer are caused or aggravated by stress. An article in
Biologist (T cells divide and rule in Gulf War syndrome (and asthma, TB, cancer, ME), Jenny Bryan, Immunology
section in The Biologist, (1997) 44 (5)) suggests that a shared immunological defect may link many disorders.
Others suggest that the inappropriateness of the stress response in dealing with modern threats - which are largely
psychological rather than physical - is to blame.
The traumatising effect of bullying results in the target being unable to state clearly what is happening to them and
who is responsible; the target may be so traumatised that they are unable to articulate their experience for a year or
more after the event. This often frustrates or prevents legal action: see 12-week tribunal application limit and
psychological reactivity of PTSD.
Another frustration is incorrect diagnosis by a medical or mental health professional who doesn't understand
Complex PTSD or who is antagonistic towards the concept of psychiatric injury. If you're under one of these
characters, ditch them immediately as they will sabotage both your legal case and your efforts to recover. False
diagnoses commonly given include schizophrenia, paranoia, work phobia, school phobia, borderline personality
disorder (as a cause rather than a symptom), etc.
Bullying results in strong feelings of fear, shame, embarrassment, and guilt, which are encouraged by the bully to
keep their target quiet. This is how all abusers (including child sex abusers) silence their targets. For detailed
reasons why targets of abuse don't or can't report their abuse, click here.
Work colleagues often withdraw their support and then join in with the bullying, which increases the stress and
consequent psychiatric injury; to see why mobbing breaks out, click here.
Poor concentration, impaired memory, and fatigue are common and early signs of excessive stress. These have
significant Health & Safety implications if the employee drives a vehicle, operates machinery, or is responsible for
the care or welfare of others as part of their duties. RoSPA estimate that in the UK at least 1000 road deaths each
year involve people for whom driving is part of their job. Fatigue is a major factor.
Fight or flight: the stress response
The fight or flight mechanism, or stress response, is designed for responding to physical danger (eg being about to
be attacked by a sabre-toothed tiger) but today is more likely to be activated by a psychological danger (eg
bullying at work, harassment, stalking, abuse) for which it was not designed. The stress response can also be
activated by anticipation of low-probability or long-term or non-life-threatening events such as financial problems
(clinching the next big deal, how to pay the mortgage next month, wondering when the next benefit cheque will
arrive), motorway traffic jams, job security, picking up a parking ticket for a car park overstay, etc.
Different people respond with different degrees of stress to different stressors, a fact which has dogged research.
However, there are at least four factors which determine the degree to which one will feel stressed:
• control: a person feels stressed to the extent to which they perceive they are not in control of
the stressor; at work, employees have no control over their management
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• predictability: a person feels stressed to the extent to which they are unable to predict the
behaviour or occurrence of the stressor (bullies are notoriously unpredictable in their
behaviour)
• expectation: a person feels stressed to the extent to which they perceive their circumstances
are not improving and will not improve (a bullying situation almost always gets worse,
especially as one gains insight into the cause)
• support: a person feels stressed to the extent to which they lack support systems, including
work colleagues, management, personnel, union, partner, family, friends, colleagues,
persons in authority, official bodies, professionals, and the law
Once the stress response is activated, the body's energy is diverted to where it is needed, thus heart rate, blood
pressure and breathing rate increase. All non-essential body functions are temporarily shut down or operate at
reduced level; these include digestion, growth, sexual systems (menstrual cycle, libido, testosterone production),
immune system, storage of energy as fat, etc. In response to threat, glucose, proteins and fats are rapidly released
from storage (in muscles, fat cells and liver) and energy becomes abundantly available to those muscles which will
help you fight the danger or run away from it. In extreme cases bowels and bladder will spontaneously evacuate to
lighten the load; the smell may also help to deter the attacker. There is no point in digestion, reproduction and
immune system etc continuing to operate if you're likely to be the sabre-toothed tiger's dinner in the next ten
minutes - better divert that energy into avoiding being on the menu.
Therefore, the prospect of going to work, or the thought or sound of the bully approaching immediately activates
the stress response, but fighting or flight are both inappropriate. In repeated bullying, the stress response prepares
the body to respond physically when what is required is an employer-wide anti-bullying policy, knowledge of
bullying motivations and tactics, assertive responses to defend ourselves against unwarranted verbal and physical
harassment, and effective laws against bullying as an ultimate deterrent or arbiter when all else fails.
Fatigue
The fatigue caused by bullying is understandable when you realise that the body's fight or flight mechanism
ultimately becomes activated for long periods, sometimes semi-permanently. For a person with a regular daytime
job, the activation can last from Sunday evening - at the prospect of having to go to work the following day -
through to the following Saturday morning - at the prospect of two days relief.
The fight or flight mechanism is designed to operate briefly and intermittently, but when activated for abnormally
long periods, causes the body's physical, mental and emotional batteries to drain dry. Energy stored in the body as
protein, glycogen and triglycerides is rapidly converted back to amino acids, glucose and fatty acids etc to help the
body deal with the perceived threat. The process of conversion, achieved via the release of stress hormones such as
glucocorticoids, glucagon, epinephrine (adrenaline) and norepinephrine (noradrenaline), itself consumes energy.
The stress hormones also trigger the conversion of protein in those muscles not required for flight or fright into
amino acids.
Whilst the human body is capable of withstanding considerable levels and periods of stress, when the stress
response is turned on for long periods, the body inevitably sustains damage through prolonged raised levels of
glucocorticoids (which are toxic to brain cells), excessive depletion of energy reserves, resulting in fatigue, loss of
strength and stamina, muscle wastage (as in steroid myopathy when patients receive large doses of glucocorticoids
to treat various illnesses), and adult-onset diabetes.
At the weekend and days off, the weakened immune system cannot fight off viruses (eg colds, flu, glandular fever
etc) and the person suffers constant illnesses during which the batteries do not recharge. Even without viral
infection, the obsessiveness and disturbed sleeping patterns prevent the body from replenishing stored energy.
Reactivation of the fight or flight mechanism prior to returning to work produces a flow of stress hormones which
appear to temporarily suppress the effects of illness.
For suggested reading click here.
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
Many people who are bullied experience and report symptoms similar to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (formerly
ME, myalgic encephalomyelitis, also called Chronic Fatigue Immune Deficiency Syndrome [CFIDS] and Post
Viral Fatigue Syndrome). The main symptoms are:
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• overwhelming fatigue
• pains in the joints and muscles with no obvious cause
• occasional bursts of energy, followed by exhaustion and joint/muscle pain
• inability to concentrate
• poor recall, eg words, sentence construction, etc
• mood swings, including anger and depression
• difficulty in learning new information
• sense imbalances, eg in smell, taste and appetite
• dislike of loud noises and bright lights
• inability to control body temperature
• sleep disturbance (eg sleeping by day and waking at night)
• disturbance of balance
• clumsiness, eg unable to grasp small objects, inability to separate sheets of paper
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome achieved official recognition from the UK's Chief Medical Officer Sir Kenneth Calman
on 15 July 1998. This view was endorsed by a report published in January 2002 which was compiled for Chief
Medical Officer for England. Professor Sir Liam Donaldson called for the recognition of Chronic Fatigue
Syndrome (CFS or CFIDS, also known as myalgic encephalomyelitis or ME) as a chronic condition with long
term effects on health on a par with illnesses such as multiple sclerosis and motor neurone disease. The report also
recommends early diagnosis, better access to treatment, and that CFS/ME should be included in the education and
training of doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals. The only omission from the report seems to be that
one of the causes of CFS can be long-term bullying, harassment and abuse, which compromise the body's immune
system and drain the body's energy reserves.
The syndrome is not well understood, but a virus in the same family of enteroviruses as multiple sclerosis (MS)
and polio is thought to be implicated. The only cure is complete rest. Exercise, which in people without CFS
strengthens the body and aids good health, makes the condition worse. CFS is often linked to stress and trauma,
although the stressors may not always be obvious.
Action for ME: What is ME? What is CFS? Information for clinicians and lawyers
News item, May 2003: chronic fatigue costs UK £3.5 billion a year says charity Action for ME.
Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS)
Irritable Bowel Syndrome, or IBS, is a classic symptom of stress. It's not a disease but a functional disorder (ie a
malfunction) of the digestive system, hence it's other name of spastic colon. Certain foods, especially wholewheat
and fat, cause a violent spasm of the intestine resulting in abdominal pain (often excruciating), stomach cramps,
bloating, endless tummy rumbling, gas, belching, nausea and sometimes vomiting, constipation or diarrhoea (or
both alternating) and a general debilitating feeling of great unwellness. Attacks are triggered by certain foods and
can last a day. The cause is unknown and IBS can start at any age with no apparent reason, although long-term
stress is often, if unscientifically, implicated. Up to 20% of the population may experience IBS to some degree, but
sufferers may find diagnosis can be difficult to obtain. There's no "cure" but strict attention to diet can reduce or
even eliminate the symptoms. Many people suffer for years before obtaining diagnosis, after which their life is
transformed with a new diet. More at Help For IBS.com.
Psychiatric injury
Over time, the symptoms described above result in psychiatric injury, which is not a mental illness. Despite
superficial similarity, and comments (both direct and implied) from those around you, there are many distinct
differences between psychiatric injury and mental illness including
a) mental illness is assumed to be inherent (internal) whereas psychiatric injury is caused by something or someone
else (external) - who is liable;
b) an injury is likely to get better;
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c) the person suffering mental illness exhibits a range of symptoms associated with mental illness (paranoia,
schizophrenia, delusions, etc) but not with psychiatric injury, whereas the person suffering psychiatric injury will
typically exhibit a range of symptoms (eg hypervigilance, hypersensitivity, obsessiveness, irritability, fatigue,
sleeplessness) associated with psychiatric injury but not with mental illness.
A table showing the differences between psychiatric injury and mental illness is on the PTSD page - click here.
Reactive depression
One of the symptoms of psychiatric injury is reactive depression - it is a reaction to an external event. My
understanding is that the chemistry of reactive depression is different to clinical or endogenous depression (which
is associated with mental illness).
If you are diagnosed as suffering depression as a result of bullying at work, make sure it is diagnosed (eg on your
sick note) as reactive depression. The word "depression" on its own is usually (mis)interpreted (especially by the
bully) as "endogenous depression".
In April 2005 researchers from King's College Hospital identified depression as the main reason of sickness
absence, although they made no mention of a primary cause of depression, ie cumulative negative stress caused by
bullying. [More]
The mental health trap
In every workplace bullying relationship the symptoms suffered by the target eventually become sufficiently
noticeable that people start to ask questions. At this moment, the bully will try and portray their target as mentally
ill as a way of abdicating and denying their responsibility for the injury which they have caused. I call this the
mental health trap.

To handle the mental health trap, on every occasion that the bully implies you are "mentally ill" or "mentally
unstable" or are a person with a "mental health problem", look the bully in the eye and (preferably with a witness
present) say:
The state of my physical and mental wellbeing today is a direct consequence of your behaviour towards me over
the last xx months/years.
Put this in writing, with support from your union or other representative. You may need to repeat it. If you are
coerced into reporting to occupational health, use this phrase to identify the cause of your injury. Do not have any
qualms about naming the individual whose behaviour is the cause of your psychiatric injury. Bullies are skilled at
finding and exploiting your forgiving streak in order to get you to retract allegations. This is a deliberate tactic - so
don't be fooled.
If the bully or your employer insist on labelling you as mentally ill, consider including libel (written), slander
(spoken) and defamation of character in your legal proceedings. If you are being bullied by the medical profession,
or the employer's doctor insists on labelling you as mentally ill, question the competence of a medical practitioner
who is unable to tell the difference between mental illness and psychiatric injury. If you're fighting this battle, see
the page on PTSD for further insight.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Whilst there is no official diagnosis yet, the symptoms of being bullied are congruent with those of Post Traumatic
Stress Disorder (PTSD). I estimate half the UK workforce are exhibiting many of the symptoms of PTSD, albeit
diagnosed as "stress" or "anxiety" or "fatigue"..
The diagnostic criteria for PTSD are defined in DSM-IV, the fourth edition of the American Psychiatric
Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. This is covered in detail on a separate page; click here to display.
With bullying, the injury is caused by an accumulation of small events rather than one major event. The related
diagnosis of Prolonged Duress Stress Disorder (PDSD, which is PTSD over time) may be more appropriate.
However, whereas PTSD is in DSM-IV, PDSD is not - yet. PDSD, or Complex PTSD as it is now becoming
known, is a more appropriate diagnosis for people who experience distressing events every day, such as the
emergency services (eg fire, ambulance and police officers etc), as well as those in abuse situations.
As well as PTSD caused by accident, disaster, violence and rape, David Kinchin's book Post Traumatic Stress
Disorder: the invisible injury includes chapters on PTSD resulting from terrorism, physical and sexual abuse, and
bullying. The official estimate of 850,000 cases of PTSD in the UK may swell dramatically as a result of this new
92

research (it's estimated for instance that as many as 14 million people are bullied at work in the UK). This book
contains insight that only someone who has experienced PTSD can impart; as David Kinchin says in the
introduction, "This is the book I so badly wanted to read when I was traumatised". For an overview, click here; to
order a copy click here.
Suicide
We know that at least sixteen children in the UK kill themselves each year because of bullying at school. Each of
these deaths is foreseeable, preventable and unnecessary. The true total could be as high as 80 or more. These
estimates, which are published in the book Bullycide: death at playtime by Neil Marr and Tim Field, are endorsed
by leading childcare charities.
People who are bullied have many common characteristics including an unwillingness to resort to violence (or
legal action) to resolve conflict, and a tendency to internalise anger rather than express it outwardly. Focusing
anger inward is a recognised cause of depression. Bullying is perpetrated over a long period of time, perhaps
measured in years, and the internalised anger builds to the point where one of these three occur:
• the target starts to exhibit all the symptoms of stress as the internal pressure causes the
body to go out of stasis (this happens in every case)
• the target focuses the anger onto themselves and self-harms, either by using drugs (usually
alcohol), or by attempting or committing suicide (the UK has the highest suicide rate in
Europe)
• in rare cases, and the target "flips" and starts to exhibit the same behaviours as the bully; in
extremely rare but well-publicised cases, the target returns to the workplace to carry out a
spree killing
How many adult suicides are caused by bullying? Consider the following:
bullying (an abdication and denial for the effect of one's behaviour on others)
...causes...
prolonged negative stress (psychiatric injury)
...which includes...
reactive depression (the cause is external - someone is responsible and liable)
...which results in...
fluctuating baseline of one's objectivity (balance of the mind disturbed)
...which leads to...
contemplated suicide (being viewed as suffering mental illness)
...culminating in...
attempted suicide (cry for help)
...which may end in...
suicide (manslaughter - causation)
It's likely that many suicides are the result of bullying, but the target's lack of awareness of what is going on, their
unwillingness to confide what is happening, the traumatization, and the inability to articulate, everyone else's
denial, the bully's accomplished lying and Jekyll and Hyde nature, plus the general lack of knowledge and
awareness of society, prevent the real cause from being identified.

Further reading
For insight into the stress response and the effects of prolonged stress on the body I recommend the book Why
zebras don't get ulcers: an updated guide to stress, stress-related diseases, and coping by Robert M Sapolsky
(Freeman, 1998, ISBN 0-7167-3210-6). Click here for suggested reading.
Job stress can result in reactive depression: see Donald J Franklin's page on reactive depression.
For information on depression see the page by Irish charity Aware
Depression - a common symptom of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder resulting from long-term bullying
and abuse - takes a huge toll on productivity: http://www.psychologytoday.com/htdocs/prod/PTOArticle/PTO-
20030722-000001.asp
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West Dorset Hospitals NHS Trust becomes first employer to be given official stress warning: the UK Health and
Safety Executive (HSE) becomes proactive in the fight against stress and bullying:
http://news.independent.co.uk/uk/health/story.jsp?story=430762 and
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3124783.stm
The UK Health and Safety Executive (HSE) Stress Management Standards
Action strategies for combating depression by building self-esteem:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/htdocs/prod/PTOArticle/PTO-20031001-000001.asp and
http://www.psychologytoday.com/htdocs/prod/PTOArticle/PTO-20031224-000003.asp
Beyond Blue is an Australian resource on depression.
Depression Anxiety disorders- Panic, Phobic and other social anxiety disorder: this easy-to-understand,
sympathetic guide deals with the entire range of mental health disorder and shows that anxiety disorder has many
different forms as well as degree of severity with treatment options.

Symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD symptoms, survivor guilt and trauma caused by bullying,
harassment, abuse and abusive life experiences
What is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?
How do I recognise the symptoms of PTSD? How do I recover from PTSD?
Updated 4 November 2005
Please link to this page: stress/ptsd.htm
On this page
Definition of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - what is PTSD?
DSM-IV diagnostic criteria for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Causes of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Complex PTSD, PDSD and bullying
Mapping the health effects of bullying onto the diagnostic criteria for PTSD
Common symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Associated symptoms of PTSD - survivor guilt etc
New! Transformation
The difference between mental breakdown and stress breakdown
Differences between mental illness and psychiatric injury
Features of Complex PTSD specific to bullying, especially feelings of guilt
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and fatigue
Incidence of PTSD and Complex PTSD in the general population
Legal aspects of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Bullying causes PTSD: the legal case
Complex PTSD and stress, especially stress at work
David Kinchin's book Post Traumatic Stress Disorder: the invisible injury
Tim Field's book Bully in sight validates the experience of psychological violence
Recommended reading on PTSD | Bookshops | Articles on PTSD
Seminars on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and recovery
Links to PTSD, Complex PTSD and trauma sites
"When the trauma is inflicted by another person, is especially intense, or the traumatized person is extremely close
to the trauma, the severity of traumatization may be especially profound"
Robert C Scaer, MD, Author, The Body bears the Burden: Trauma, Dissociation and Disease
Definition
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a natural emotional reaction to a deeply shocking and disturbing
experience. It is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is defined in DSM-IV, the fourth edition of the American Psychiatric
Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. For a doctor or mental health professional to be able to make a
diagnosis, the condition must be defined in DSM-IV or its international equivalent, the World Health
Organization's ICD-10.
94

In the previous version of DSM (DSM-III) a criterion of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder was for the sufferer to
have faced a single major life-threatening event; this criterion was present because a) it was thought that PTSD
could not be a result of "normal" events such as bereavement, business failure, interpersonal conflict, bullying,
harassment, stalking, marital disharmony, working for the emergency services, etc, and b) most of the research on
PTSD had been undertaken with people who had suffered a threat to life (eg combat veterans, especially from
Vietnam, victims of accident, disaster, and acts of violence).
In DSM-IV the requirement was eased although most mental health practitioners continue to interpret diagnostic
criterion A1 as applying only to a single major life-threatening event. There is growing recognition that Post
Traumatic Stress Disorder can result from many types of emotionally shocking experience including an
accumulation of small, individually non-life-threatening events in which case the resultant PTSD is referred to as
Complex PTSD.
DSM-IV diagnostic criteria for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
The diagnostic criteria for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) are defined in DSM-IV as follows:
A. The person experiences a traumatic event in which both of the following were present:
1. the person experienced or witnessed or was confronted with an event or events that involved actual or threatened
death or serious injury, or a threat to the physical integrity of self or others;
2. the person's response involved intense fear, helplessness, or horror.
B. The traumatic event is persistently re-experienced in any of the following ways:
1. recurrent and intrusive distressing recollections of the event, including images, thoughts or perceptions;
2. recurrent distressing dreams of the event;
3. acting or feeling as if the traumatic event were recurring (eg reliving the experience, illusions, hallucinations,
and dissociative flashback episodes, including those on wakening or when intoxicated);
4. intense psychological distress at exposure to internal or external cues that symbolise or resemble an aspect of the
traumatic event;
5. physiological reactivity on exposure to internal or external cues that symbolise or resemble an aspect of the
traumatic event.
C. Persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma and numbing of general responsiveness (not present
before the trauma) as indicated by at least three of:
1. efforts to avoid thoughts, feelings or conversations associated with the trauma;
2. efforts to avoid activities, places or people that arouse recollections of this trauma;
3. inability to recall an important aspect of the trauma;
4. markedly diminished interest or participation in significant activities;
5. feeling of detachment or estrangement from others;
6. restricted range of affect (eg unable to have loving feelings);
7. sense of a foreshortened future (eg does not expect to have a career, marriage, children or a normal life span).
D. Persistent symptoms of increased arousal (not present before the trauma) as indicated by at least two of the
following:
1. difficulty falling or staying asleep;
2. irritability or outbursts of anger;
3. difficulty concentrating;
4. hypervigilance;
5. exaggerated startle response.
E. The symptoms on Criteria B, C and D last for more than one month.
F. The disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important
areas of functioning.
The focus of the DSM-IV definition of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a single life-threatening event or threat to
integrity. However, the symptoms of traumatic stress also arise from an accumulation of small incidents rather than
one major incident. Examples include:
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• repeated exposure to horrific scenes at accidents or fires, such as those endured by

members of the emergency services (eg bodies mutilated in car crashes, or horribly burnt or
disfigured by fire, or dismembered or disembowelled in aeroplane disasters, etc)
• repeated involvement in dealing with serious crime, eg where violence has been used and
especially where children are hurt
• breaking news of bereavement caused by accident or violence, especially if children are
involved
• repeated violations such as in verbal abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse and sexual
abuse
• regular intrusion and violation, both physical and psychological, as in bullying, stalking,
harassment, domestic violence, etc
Where the symptoms are the result of a series of events, the term Complex PTSD (formerly referred to unofficially
as Prolonged Duress Stress Disorder or PDSD) may be more appropriate. Whilst Complex PTSD is not yet an
official diagnosis in DSM-IV or ICD-10, it is often used in preference to other terms such as "rolling PTSD",
"PDSD", and "cumulative stress". See the National Center for PTSD fact page on Complex PTSD.
Causes of PTSD
PTSD resulting from accident, disaster, war, terrorism, torture, kidnap, etc has been extensively studied and
literature is available elsewhere. The first written reference to PTSD symptoms comes from the sixth century BC;
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is nothing new - and neither is the willingness of some people to discredit and deny
the existence of the disorder.
This section of Bully OnLine focuses on PTSD and Complex PTSD resulting from bullying, primarily in the
workplace, however anyone suffering PTSD (however caused) will find this page enlightening.
Most of the information on this page and web site is relevant to other types of bullying, eg at school, in
relationships (including domestic violence), by families, by neighbours or landlords, in the care of the elderly, in
the armed services, etc. Bullying is behind harassment, discrimination, prejudice and persecution, therefore targets
of repeated sexual harassment or racial discrimination or religious or ethnic persecution will also identify with the
symptoms. The insight about bullying on this web site is therefore also relevant to more serious issues including
physical abuse, repeated verbal abuse, sexual abuse, violent crime, kidnap, abduction, rape, war, terrorism, torture,
and denial and abuse of human rights. Those exploring Contact Experience may also find this page helpful.
PTSD, Complex PTSD and bullying
It's widely accepted that PTSD can result from a single, major, life-threatening event, as defined in DSM-IV. Now
there is growing awareness that PTSD can also result from an accumulation of many small, individually non-life-
threatening incidents. To differentiate the cause, the term "Complex PTSD" is used. The reason that Complex
PTSD is not in DSM-IV is that the definition of PTSD in DSM-IV was derived using only people who had suffered
a single major life-threatening incident such as Vietnam veterans and survivors of disasters.
Note: there has recently been a trend amongst some psychiatric professionals to label people suffering Complex
PTSD as a exhibiting a personality disorder, especially Borderline Personality Disorder. This is not the case -
PTSD, Complex or otherwise, is a psychiatric injury and nothing to do with personality disorders. If there is
an overlap, then Borderline Personality Disorder should be regarded as a psychiatric injury, not a personality
disorder. If you encounter a psychiatrist, psychologist or other mental health professional who wants to label your
Complex PTSD as a personality disorder, change to another, more competent professional.
It seems that Complex PTSD can potentially arise from any prolonged period of negative stress in which certain
factors are present, which may include any of captivity, lack of means of escape, entrapment, repeated violation of
boundaries, betrayal, rejection, bewilderment, confusion, and - crucially - lack of control, loss of control and
disempowerment. It is the overwhelming nature of the events and the inability (helplessness, lack of knowledge,
lack of support etc) of the person trying to deal with those events that leads to the development of Complex PTSD.
Situations which might give rise to Complex PTSD include bullying, harassment, abuse, domestic violence,
stalking, long-term caring for a disabled relative, unresolved grief, exam stress over a period of years, mounting
debt, contact experience, etc. Those working in regular traumatic situations, eg the emergency services, are also
prone to developing Complex PTSD.
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A key feature of Complex PTSD is the aspect of captivity. The individual experiencing trauma by degree is unable
to escape the situation. Despite some people's assertions to the contrary, situations of domestic abuse and
workplace abuse can be extremely difficult to get out of. In the latter case there are several reasons, including
financial vulnerability (especially if you're a single parent or main breadwinner - the rate of marital breakdown is
approaching 50% in the UK), unavailability of jobs, ageism (many people who are bullied are over 40), partner
unable to move, and kids settled in school and you are unable or unwilling to move them. The real killer, though, is
being unable to get a job reference - the bully will go to great lengths to blacken the person's name, often for years,
and it is this lack of reference more than anything else which prevents people escaping.
Until recently, little (or no) attention was paid to the psychological harm caused by bullying and harassment.
Misperceptions (usually as a result of the observer's lack of knowledge or lack of empathy) still abound: "It's
something you have to put up with" (like rape or repeated sexual abuse?) and "Bullying toughens you up" (ditto).
Armed forces personnel faced threats of being labelled with "cowardice" and "lack of moral fibre" (LMF) if they
gave in to the symptoms of PTSD. In World War I, 306 British and Commonwealth soldiers were shot as
"cowards" and "deserters" on the orders of General Haig in an act which today would be treated as a war crime -
see separate page on this injustice.
In the UK at least 16 children kill themselves each year because they are being bullied at school. This figure is
established in the book Bullycide: death at playtime. Each of these deaths is unnecessary, foreseeable, and
preventable. The UK has one of the highest adult suicide rates in Europe: around 5000 a year. The number of
adults in the UK committing suicide because of bullying is unknown. Each year 19,000 children attempt suicide in
the UK - one every half hour. in the UK, suicide is the number one cause of death for 18-24-year-old males.
Females also attempt suicide in large numbers but tend to use less successful means.
Since Andrea Adams first identified workplace bullying and gave it its name in 1988, recognition of adult bullying
has grown steadily. Tim Field's UK National Workplace Bullying Advice Line has logged over 8000 cases in seven
years; in the majority of cases (over 80%), the caller is a white-collar worker who has become the prey of a serial
bully whose behaviour profile suggests a disordered personality. Callers refer to predecessors who have had stress
breakdowns, taken early or ill-health retirement, or been dismissed on grounds of ill-health - all caused by the
same individual. Sometimes callers refer to suicides of fellow employees.
Mapping the health effects of bullying onto PTSD and Complex PTSD
Repeated bullying, often over a period of years, results in symptoms of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
How do the PTSD symptoms resulting from bullying meet the criteria in DSM-IV?
A. The prolonged (chronic) negative stress resulting from bullying has lead to threat of loss of job, career, health,
livelihood, often also resulting in threat to marriage and family life. The family are the unseen victims of bullying.
A.1.One of the key symptoms of prolonged negative stress is reactive depression; this causes the balance of the
mind to be disturbed, leading first to thoughts of, then attempts at, and ultimately, suicide.
A.2.The target of bullying may be unaware that they are being bullied, and even when they do realise (there's
usually a moment of enlightenment as the person realises that the criticisms and tactics of control etc are invalid),
they often cannot bring themselves to believe they are dealing with a disordered personality who lacks a
conscience and does not share the same moral values as themselves. Naivety is the great enemy. The target of
bullying is bewildered, confused, frightened, angry - and after enlightenment, very angry. For an answer to the
question Why me? click here.
B.1. The target of bullying experiences regular intrusive violent visualisations and replays of events and
conversations; often, the endings of these replays are altered in favour of the target.
B.2. Sleeplessness, nightmares and replays are a common feature of being bullied.
B.3. The events are constantly relived; night-time and sleep do not bring relief as it becomes impossible to switch
the brain off. Such sleep as is achieved is non-restorative and people wake up as tired, and often more tired, than
when they went to bed.
B.4. Fear, horror, chronic anxiety, and panic attacks are triggered by any reminder of the experience, eg receiving
threatening letters from the bully, the employer, or personnel about disciplinary hearings etc.
B.5. Panic attacks, palpitations, sweating, trembling, ditto.
Criteria B4 and B5 manifest themselves as immediate physical and mental paralysis in response to any reminder of
the bullying or prospect of having to take action against the bully.
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C. Physical numbness (toes, fingertips, lips) is common, as is emotional numbness (especially inability to feel joy).
Sufferers report that their spark has gone out and, even years later, find they just cannot get motivated about
anything.
C.1. The target of bullying tries harder and harder to avoid saying or doing anything which reminds them of the
horror of the bullying.
C.2. Work, especially in the person's chosen field becomes difficult, often impossible, to undertake; the place of
work holds such horrific memories that it becomes impossible to set foot on the premises; many targets of bullying
avoid the street where the workplace is located.
C.3. Almost all callers to the UK National Workplace Bullying Advice Line report impaired memory; this may be
partly due to suppressing horrific memories, and partly due to damage to the hippocampus, an area of the brain
linked to learning and memory (see John O'Brien's paper below)
C.4. the person becomes obsessed with resolving the bullying experience which takes over their life, eclipsing and
excluding almost every other interest.
C.5. Feelings of withdrawal and isolation are common; the person just wants to be on their own and solitude is
sought.
C.6. Emotional numbness, including inability to feel joy (anhedonia) and deadening of loving feelings towards
others are commonly reported. One fears never being able to feel love again.
C.7. The target of bullying becomes very gloomy and senses a foreshortened career - usually with justification.
Many targets of bullying ultimately give up their career; in the professions, severe psychiatric injury, severely
impaired health, refusal by the bully and the employer to give a satisfactory reference, and many other reasons,
conspire to bar the person from continuance in their chosen career.
D.1. Sleep becomes almost impossible, despite the constant fatigue; such sleep as is obtained tends to be
unsatisfying, unrefreshing and non-restorative. On waking, the person often feels more tired than when they went
to bed. Depressive feelings are worst early in the morning. Feelings of vulnerability may be heightened overnight.
D.2. The person has an extremely short fuse and is often permanently irritated, especially by small insignificant
events. The person frequently visualises a violent solution, eg arranging an accident for, or murdering the bully;
the resultant feelings of guilt tend to hinder progress in recovery.
D.3. Concentration is impaired to the point of precluding preparation for legal action, study, work, or search for
work.
D.4. The person is on constant alert because their fight or flight mechanism has become permanently activated.
D.5. The person has become hypersensitized and now unwittingly and inappropriately perceives almost any
remark as critical.
E. Recovery from a bullying experience is measured in years. Some people never fully recover.
F. For many, social life ceases and work becomes impossible; the overwhelming need to earn a living combined
with the inability to work deepens the trauma.
Common symptoms of PTSD and Complex PTSD that sufferers report experiencing
• hypervigilance (feels like but is not paranoia)
• exaggerated startle response
• irritability
• sudden angry or violent outbursts
• flashbacks, nightmares, intrusive recollections, replays, violent visualisations
• triggers
• sleep disturbance
• exhaustion and chronic fatigue
• reactive depression
• guilt
• feelings of detachment
• avoidance behaviours
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• nervousness, anxiety
• phobias about specific daily routines, events or objects
• irrational or impulsive behaviour
• loss of interest
• loss of ambition
• anhedonia (inability to feel joy and pleasure)
• poor concentration
• impaired memory
• joint pains, muscle pains
• emotional numbness
• physical numbness
• low self-esteem
• an overwhelming sense of injustice and a strong desire to do something about it
Associated symptoms of Complex PTSD
Survivor guilt: survivors of disasters often experience abnormally high levels of guilt for having survived,
especially when others - including family, friends or fellow passengers - have died. Survivor guilt manifests itself
in a feeling of "I should have died too". In bullying, levels of guilt are also abnormally raised. The survivor of
workplace bullying may have develop an intense albeit unrealistic desire to work with their employer (or, by now,
their former employer) to eliminate bullying from their workplace. Many survivors of bullying cannot gain further
employment and are thus forced into self-employment; excessive guilt may then preclude the individual from
negotiating fair rates of remuneration, or asking for money for services rendered. The person may also find
themselves being abnormally and inappropriately generous and giving in business and other situations.
Shame, embarrassment, guilt, and fear are encouraged by the bully, for this is how all abusers - including child sex
abusers - control and silence their victims.
Marital disharmony: the target of bullying becomes obsessed with understanding and resolving what is happening
and the experience takes over their life; partners become confused, irritated, bewildered, frightened and angry;
separation and divorce are common outcomes.
Breakdown
The word "breakdown" is often used to describe the mental collapse of someone who has been under intolerable
strain. There is usually an (inappropriate) inference of "mental illness". All these are lay terms and mean different
things to different people. I define two types of breakdown:
Nervous breakdown or mental breakdown is a consequence of mental illness
Stress breakdown is a psychiatric injury, which is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation
The two types of breakdown are distinct and should not be confused. A stress breakdown is a natural and normal
conclusion to a period of prolonged negative stress; the body is saying "I'm not designed to operate under these
conditions of prolonged negative stress so I am going to do something dramatic to ensure that you reduce or
eliminate the stress otherwise your body may suffer irreparable damage; you must take action now". A stress
breakdown is often predictable days - sometimes weeks - in advance as the person's fear, fragility, obsessiveness,
hypervigilance and hypersensitivity combine to evolve into paranoia (as evidenced by increasingly bizarre talk of
conspiracy or MI6). If this happens, a stress breakdown is only days or even hours away and the person needs
urgent medical help. The risk of suicide at this point is heightened.
Often the cause of negative stress in an organisation can be traced to the behaviour of one individual. The profile
of this individual is on the serial bully page. I believe bullying is the main - but least recognised - cause of negative
stress in the workplace today. To see the effects of prolonged negative stress on the body click here.
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The person who suffers a stress breakdown is often treated as if they have had a mental breakdown; they are sent
to a psychiatrist, prescribed drugs used to treat mental illness, and may be encouraged - sometimes coerced or
sectioned - into becoming a patient in a psychiatric hospital. The sudden transition from professional working
environment to a ward containing schizophrenics, drug addicts and other people with genuine long-term mental
health problems adds to rather than alleviates the trauma. Words like "psychiatrist", "psychiatric unit" etc are often
translated by work colleagues, friends, and sometimes family into "nutcase", "shrink", "funny farm", "loony" and
other inappropriate epithets. The bully encourages this, often ensuring that the employee's personnel record
contains a reference to the person's "mental health problems". Sometimes, the bully produces their own amateur
diagnosis of mental illness - but this is more likely to be a projection of the bully's own state of mind and should be
regarded as such.
During the First World War, British soldiers suffering PTSD and stress breakdown were labelled as "cowards" and
"deserters". During the Second World War, soldiers suffering PTSD and stress breakdowns were again vilified with
these labels; Royal Air Force personnel were labelled as "lacking moral fibre" and their papers stamped "LMF".
For further commentary on this issue, click here. It's noticeable that those administrators and top brass enforcing
this labelling were themselves always situated a safe distance from the fighting; see the section on projection.
The person who is being bullied often thinks they are going mad, and may be encouraged in this belief by those
who do not have that person's best interests at heart. They are not going mad; PTSD is an injury, not an illness.
Sometimes, the term "psychosis" is applied to mental illness, and the term "neurosis" to psychiatric injury. The
main difference is that a psychotic person is unaware they have a mental problem, whereas the neurotic person is
aware - often acutely. The serial bully's lack of insight into their behaviour and its effect on others has the
hallmarks of a psychosis, although this obliviousness would appear to be a choice rather than a condition. With
targets of bullying, I prefer to avoid the words "neurosis" and "neurotic", which for non-medical people have
derogatory connotations. Hypersensitivity and hypervigilance are likely to cause the person suffering PTSD to
react unfavourably to the use of these words, possibly perceiving that they, the target, are being blamed for their
circumstances.
A frequent diagnosis of stress breakdown is "brief reactive psychosis", especially if paranoia and suicidal thoughts
predominate. However, a key difference between mental breakdown and stress breakdown is that a person
undergoing a stress breakdown will be intermittently lucid, often alternating seamlessly between paranoia and
seeking information about their paranoia and other symptoms. The person is also likely to be talking about
resolving their work situation (which is the cause of their problems), planning legal action against the bully and the
employer, wanting to talk to their union rep and solicitor, etc.
Transformation
A stress breakdown is a transformational experience which, with the right support, can ultimately enrich the
experiencer's life. However, completing the transformation can be a long and sometimes painful process. The
Western response - to hospitalise and medicalize the experience, thus hindering the process - may be well-
intentioned, but may lessen the value and effectiveness of the transformation. How would you feel if, rather than a
breakdown, you viewed it as a breakthrough? How would you feel if it was suggested to you that the reason for a
stress breakdown is to awaken you to your mission in life and to enable you to discover the reason why you have
incarnated on this planet? How would it change your view of things if it was also suggested to you that a stress
breakdown reconfigures your brain to enable you to embark on the path that will culminate in the achievement of
your mission? [More | More]
Differences between mental illness and psychiatric injury
The person who is being bullied will eventually say something like "I think I'm being paranoid..."; however they
are correctly identifying hypervigilance, a symptom of PTSD, but using the popular but misunderstood word
paranoia. The differences between hypervigilance and paranoia make a good starting point for identifying the
differences between mental illness and psychiatric injury.

Paranoia Hypervigilance
• paranoia is a form of mental illness; the • is a response to an external event
cause is thought to be internal, eg a minor (violence, accident, disaster, violation,
variation in the balance of brain chemistry intrusion, bullying, etc) and therefore an
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• paranoia tends to endure and to not get
better of its own accord
• the paranoiac will not admit to feeling
paranoid, as they cannot see their
paranoia
• sometimes responds to drug treatment
• the paranoiac often has delusions of
grandeur; the delusional aspects of
paranoia feature in other forms of mental
illness, such as schizophrenia
• the paranoiac is convinced of their self-
importance
• paranoia is often seen in conjunction with
other symptoms of mental illness, but not
in conjunction with symptoms of PTSD
• the paranoiac is convinced of their
plausibility
• the paranoiac feels persecuted by a
person or persons unknown (eg "they're
out to get me")
• sense of persecution
• the sense of persecution felt by the
paranoiac is a delusion, for usually no-one
is out to get them
• the paranoiac is on constant alert because
they know someone is out to get them
• the paranoiac is certain of their belief and
their behaviour and expects others to
share that certainty
injury
• wears off (gets better), albeit slowly, when
the person is out of and away from the
situation which was the cause
• the hypervigilant person is acutely aware
of their hypervigilance, and will easily
articulate their fear, albeit using the
incorrect but popularised word "paranoia"
• drugs are not viewed favourably by
hypervigilant people, except in extreme
circumstances, and then only briefly; often
drugs have no effect, or can make things
worse, sometimes interfering with the
body's own healing process
• the hypervigilant person often has a
diminished sense of self-worth, sometimes
dramatically so
• the hypervigilant person is often convinced
of their worthlessness and will often deny
their value to others
• hypervigilance is seen in conjunction with
other symptoms of PTSD, but not in
conjunction with symptoms of mental
illness
• the hypervigilant person is aware of how
implausible their experience sounds and
often doesn't want to believe it themselves
(disbelief and denial)
• the hypervigilant person is hypersensitized
but is often aware of the inappropriateness
of their heightened sensitivity, and can
identify the person responsible for their
psychiatric injury
• heightened sense of vulnerability to
victimisation
• the hypervigilant person's sense of threat
is well-founded, for the serial bully is out to
get rid of them and has often coerced
others into assisting, eg through mobbing;
the hypervigilant person often cannot (and
refuses to) see that the serial bully is doing
everything possible to get rid of them
• the hypervigilant person is on alert in case
there is danger
• the hypervigilant person cannot bring
themselves to believe that the bully
cannot and will not see the effect their
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Other differences between mental illness and psychiatric injury include:
Mental illness
• the cause often cannot be identified
• the person may be incoherent or what
they say doesn't make sense
• the person may appear to be obsessed
• the person is oblivious to their behaviour
and the effect it has on others
• the depression is a clinical or endogenous
depression
• there may be a history of depression in the
family
• the person has usually exhibited mental
health problems before
• may respond inappropriately to the needs
and concerns of others
• displays a certitude about themselves,
their circumstances and their actions
• may suffer a persecution complex
• suicidal thoughts are the result of despair,
dejection and hopelessness
• exhibits despair
• often doesn't look forward to each new day
• is often ready to give in or admit defeat
Common features of Complex PTSD from bullying
behaviour is having; they cling naively to
the mistaken belief that the bully will
recognise their wrongdoing and apologise
Psychiatric injury
• the cause is easily identifiable and
verifiable, but denied by those who are
accountable
• the person is often articulate but
prevented from articulation by being
traumatised
• the person is obsessive, especially in
relation to identifying the cause of their
injury and both dealing with the cause and
effecting their recovery
• the person is in a state of acute self-
awareness and aware of their state, but
often unable to explain it
• the depression is reactive; the chemistry is
different to endogenous depression
• there is very often no history of depression
in the individual or their family
• often there is no history of mental health
problems
• responds empathically to the needs and
concerns of others, despite their own
injury
• is often highly sceptical about their
condition and circumstances and is in a
state of disbelief and bewilderment which
they will easily and often articulate ("I
can't believe this is happening to me" and
"Why me?" - click here for the answer)
• may experience an unusually heightened
sense of vulnerability to possible
victimisation (ie hypervigilance)
• suicidal thoughts are often a logical and
carefully thought-out solution or
conclusion
• is driven by the anger of injustice
• looks forward to each new day as an
opportunity to fight for justice
• refuses to be beaten, refuses to give up
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People suffering Complex PTSD as a result of bullying report consistent symptoms which further help to
characterise psychiatric injury and differentiate it from mental illness. These include:
Fatigue with symptoms of or similar to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (formerly ME)
An anger of injustice stimulated to an excessive degree (sometimes but improperly attracting the words "manic"
instead of motivated, "obsessive" instead of focused, and "angry" instead of "passionate", especially from those
with something to fear)
An overwhelming desire for acknowledgement, understanding, recognition and validation of their experience
A simultaneous and paradoxical unwillingness to talk about the bullying (click here to see why) or abuse (click
here to see why)
A lack of desire for revenge, but a strong motivation for justice
A tendency to oscillate between conciliation (forgiveness) and anger (revenge) with objectivity being the main
casualty
Extreme fragility, where formerly the person was of a strong, stable character
Numbness, both physical (toes, fingertips, and lips) and emotional (inability to feel love and joy)
Clumsiness
Forgetfulness
Hyperawareness and an acute sense of time passing, seasons changing, and distances travelled
An enhanced environmental awareness, often on a planetary scale
An appreciation of the need to adopt a healthier diet, possibly reducing or eliminating meat - especially red meat
Willingness to try complementary medicine and alternative, holistic therapies, etc
A constant feeling that one has to justify everything one says and does
A constant need to prove oneself, even when surrounded by good, positive people
An unusually strong sense of vulnerability, victimisation or possible victimisation, often wrongly diagnosed as
"persecution"
Occasional violent intrusive visualisations
Feelings of worthlessness, rejection, a sense of being unwanted, unlikeable and unlovable
A feeling of being small, insignificant, and invisible
An overwhelming sense of betrayal, and a consequent inability and unwillingness to trust anyone, even those close
to you
In contrast to the chronic fatigue, depression etc, occasional false dawns with sudden bursts of energy
accompanied by a feeling of "I'm better!", only to be followed by a full resurgence of symptoms a day or two later
Excessive guilt - when the cause of PTSD is bullying, the guilt expresses itself in forms distinct from "survivor
guilt"; it comes out as:
• an initial reluctance to take action against the bully and report him/her knowing that he/she
could lose his/her job
• later, this reluctance gives way to a strong urge to take action against the bully so that
others, especially successors, don't have to suffer a similar fate
• reluctance to feel happiness and joy because one's sense of other people's suffering
throughout the world is heightened
• a proneness to identifying with other people's suffering
• a heightened sense of unworthiness, undeservingness and non-entitlement (some might call
this shame)
• a heightened sense of indebtedness, beholdenness and undue obligation
• a reluctance to earn or accept money because one's sense of poverty and injustice
throughout the world is heightened
• an unwillingness to take ill-health retirement because the person doesn't want to believe
they are sufficiently unwell to merit it
• an unwillingness to draw sickness, incapacity or unemployment benefit to which the person
is entitled
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• an unusually strong desire to educate the employer and help the employer introduce an anti-
bullying ethos, usually proportional to the employer's lack of interest in anti-bullying
measures
• a desire to help others, often overwhelming and bordering on obsession, and to be available
for others at any time regardless of the cost to oneself
• an unusually high inclination to feel sorry for other people who are under stress, including
those in a position of authority, even those who are not fulfilling the duties and obligations of
their position (which may include the bully) but who are continuing to enjoy salary for
remaining in post [hint: to overcome this tendency, every time you start to feel sorry for
someone, say to yourself "sometimes, when you jump in and rescue someone, you deny
them the opportunity to learn and grow"]
Fatigue
The fatigue is understandable when you realise that in bullying, the target's fight or flight mechanism eventually
becomes activated from Sunday evening (at the thought of facing the bully at work on Monday morning) through
to the following Saturday morning (phew - weekend at last!). The fight or flight mechanism is designed to be
operational only briefly and intermittently; in the heightened state of alert, the body consumes abnormally high
levels of energy. If this state becomes semi-permanent, the body's physical, mental and emotional batteries are
drained dry. Whilst the weekend theoretically is a time for the batteries to recharge, this doesn't happen, because:
• the person is by now obsessed with the situation (or rather, resolving the situation), cannot
switch off, may be unable to sleep, and probably has nightmares, flashbacks and replays;
• sleep is non-restorative and unrefreshing - one goes to sleep tired and wakes up tired
• this type of experience plays havoc with the immune system; when the fight or flight system
is eventually switched off, the immune system is impaired such that the person is open to
viruses which they would under normal circumstances fight off; the person then spends each
weekend with a cold, cough, flu, glandular fever, laryngitis, ear infection etc so the body's
batteries never have an opportunity to recharge.
When activated, the body's fight or flight response results in the digestive, immune and reproductive systems being
placed on standby. It's no coincidence that people experiencing constant abuse, harassment and bullying report
malfunctions related to these systems (loss of appetite, constant infections, flatulence, irritable bowel syndrome,
loss of libido, impotence, etc). The body becomes awash with cortisol which in high prolonged doses is toxic to
brain cells. Cortisol kills off neuroreceptors in the hippocampus, an area of the brain linked with learning and
memory. The hippocampus is also the control centre for the fight or flight response, thus the ability to control the
fight or flight mechanism itself becomes impaired.
Most survivors of bullying experience symptoms of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome - see health page for details.
Legal
In law, gaining compensation for psychiatric injury is a long arduous process which can take five years of more.
The areas most commonly quoted are breach of duty of care under the Health and Safety at Work Act (1974), and
personal injury. There is little case law for personal injury caused by bullying (although there have been
settlements which are subject to gagging clauses).
The most frequently quoted case is Walker v. Northumberland County Council [1995] IRLR35 (High Court). John
Walker was a social worker dealing with child abuse cases. He suffered a stress breakdown caused by work
overload, recovered and went back to work; his employer, having been informed of the cause of his stress
breakdown, took no steps to reduce his workload and Mr Walker subsequently suffered a second stress breakdown.
The award was made by the courts on the basis of the second stress breakdown.
In May 2001 the case of Long v. Mercury Mobile Communications Services resulted in Mr Long (the target of
bullying, in this case in the form of a vendetta) winning his case on the basis of a first stress breakdown. This has
become the new precedent. The House of Lords judgment in Barber v. Somerset County Council has also set a new
precedent.
In July 1999 Beverley Lancaster won her case for stress against Birmingham City Council, and in September 2000
in the case of Waters v. London Metropolitan Police the UK House of Lords judged that an employee (or in this
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case an office holder) has the right in law to sue for negligence if bullying and harassment which the employer
knew about but failed to deal with resulted in psychiatric injury.
However, the law at present is clearly inadequate:
the better a person qualifies to pursue a claim for personal injury by satisfying PTSD DSM-IV diagnostic
criteria B4, B5, C1, C2, C3, D3, E and F, the more they are, ipso facto, frustrated from pursuing the claim
B4. intense psychological distress at exposure to internal or external cues that symbolise or resemble an aspect of
the traumatic event;
B5. physiological reactivity on exposure to internal or external cues that symbolise or resemble an aspect of the
traumatic event.
C. Persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma and numbing of general responsiveness:
C1. efforts to avoid thoughts, feelings or conversations associated with the trauma;
C2. efforts to avoid activities, places or people that arouse recollections of this trauma;
C3. inability to recall an important aspect of the trauma;
D3. difficulty concentrating;
E. The symptoms on Criteria B, C and D last for more than one month.
F. The disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important
areas of functioning.
The Diagnostic Criteria are exacerbated by the abusive and aggressive behaviour of the bully, the employer, and
the employer's legal representatives in their defence and rejection of the claim.
In its Consultation Paper on Liability for Psychiatric Illness (No 137) the Law Commission recommended, among
other things, that
6.2 There should continue to be liability for negligently inflicted psychiatric illness that does not arise from a
physical injury to the plaintiff;
6.15 Damages for psychiatric illness should continue to be recoverable irrespective of whether the psychiatric
illness is of a particular severity;
6.20 Subject to standard defences, there should be liability where an employer has negligently overburdened its
employee with work thereby foreseeably causing him or her to suffer a psychiatric illness.
There are a growing number of personal injury cases (for psychiatric injury caused by bullying) in the pipeline,
with the first settled out of court in February 1998. See the case law page for recent cases and settlements.
New! Bullying causes PTSD: the legal case
Many people, especially guilty parties and their accomplices and lawyers, reject the notion that PTSD can arise
from bullying. However, this research proves otherwise:
• European Journal of Work and Organizational Psychology (EJWOP), 1996, 5(2), whole issue
devoted to bullying and its effects, including PTSD. Published by Psychology Press, 27 Church
Road, Hove, East Sussex BN3 2FA, UK.
• The late Professor Heinz Leymann was one of the first people to identify the symptoms of
injury to health caused by bullying as PTSD.
• Research from Warwick University, England, identifies bullying as a cause of PTSD
• Bullied workers suffer 'battle stress' and show the same symptoms of armed forces personnel
who have been engaged in war
It is common practice for employers to order targets of bullying to see a psychiatrist of the employers' choosing
and to have the employee diagnosed as being "mentally ill" in order to provide grounds for dismissal whilst
thwarting a personal injury claim. See BMA: ethics advice and the articles Abuse of Medical Assessments to
Dismiss Whistleblowers and Battered Plaintiffs - injuries from hired guns and compliant courts and Giving
Workers the Treatment: if you raise a stink, you go to a shrink!
Incidence of PTSD and Complex PTSD
The number of people suffering PTSD is unknown but David Kinchin estimates in his book Post Traumatic Stress
Disorder: the invisible injury that at any time around 1% of the population are experiencing PTSD. This figure is
only for PTSD resulting from traditional causes such as accident, violence or disaster.
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The incidence of Complex PTSD is unknown; with estimates of the number of people being bullied at work in the
UK ranging from 1 in 8 (IPD, November 1996) to 1 in 2 (Staffordshire University Business School, 1994), the
figure could be as high as 14 million - or more. The silent suffering is considerable; symptoms prevent sufferers
from realising their potential and contributing fully to society. Many sufferers are claiming benefit, often
reluctantly, as people who suffer Complex PTSD are often hard working and industrious prior to their injury.
Anyone who is on benefit and unable to work is also not paying tax and national insurance.
Within some groups of society, the incidence of PTSD must be expected to be much higher than one per cent.
Within the emergency services (fire, police and ambulance) and the armed forces (army, navy and air force) the
incidence of PTSD can be as high as 15 per cent. It is a disturbing probability that out of every hundred police
officers currently engaged in uniformed patrol duties in our towns and cities, fifteen will be suffering from
symptoms in accord with PTSD.
David Kinchin, Author, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Stress
Stress is on everybody's minds these days. However, whilst almost everyone seems to feel "stressed", most people
are unaware that stress comes in two forms: positive and negative.
Positive stress (what Abraham Maslow calls eustress) is the result of good management and excellent leadership
where everyone works hard, is kept informed and involved, and - importantly - is valued and supported. People
feel in control.
Negative stress (what Maslow calls distress) is the result of a bullying climate where threat and coercion substitute
for non-existent management skills. When people use the word "stress" on its own, they usually mean "negative
stress".
I define stress as "the degree to which one feels, perceives or believes one is not in control of one's circumstances".
Control - or people's perception of being in control - seems to be key to susceptibility to experiencing PTSD.
The UK, and much of the Western world, adopts a blame-the-victim mentality as a way of avoiding having to deal
with difficult issues. When dealing with stress it is essential to identify the cause of stress and work to reduce or
eliminate the cause. Sending employees on stress management courses may sound good on paper but coercing
people to endure more stress without addressing the cause is going to result in further psychiatric injury.
Stress is not the employee's inability to cope with excessive workload and excessive demands but a
consequence of the employer's failure to provide a safe system of work as required by the Health and Safety
at Work Act 1974.
Stress is known to cause brain damage. Dr John T O'Brien, consultant in old-age psychiatry at Newcastle General
Hospital, published a paper in March 1997 entitled "The glucocorticoid cascade hypothesis in man" (and
presumably woman), helpfully subtitled "Prolonged stress may cause permanent brain damage".
If Dr O'Brien's research proves correct, then employers who encourage stressful regimes comprising long hours,
threat and coercion might soon find themselves on the wrong end of a string of expensive personal injury lawsuits.
Further discussion of stress is on the health page.