LostBrain News: Honored Guests: Please Don't Feed the CaDitalists

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Honored Guests: Please Don't Feed or Pet the Capitalists

Il of North Korea has approved the presence of capitalists in the city of Sinuiju, the question is: will these creatures survive caotivitv?
Any scientist worth her salt will tell you whenever creatures are moved from their home habitat, it's a risky undertaking. Realizing this, Dear Leader has tapped Mr. Yang Bin to oversee the projected 120 acre theme park, tentatively titled, "A Journey West: Decadent Land of the Capitalists."
The Chinese Mr. Yang is thirty-nine years old, wealthy to the gills from Now that Dear Leader Kim lung

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selling orchids to Manhattan grocers, and knows virtually everything about capitalists, right down to their Kiwi shoe polish. Oh yea, he owns his own jet too,.. Mr. Yang fends off accusations he is a running dog capitalist by having his assistants dress in dull green suits and Mao caps.

For the next eighteen months, Mr. Yang will oversee the construction of an exact replica of the corner of Wall St, and Broad, right down to the statue of the bull, which Mr, Kim insisted on after seeing a photo of it in Life Magazine. A ful

size model of the NYSE trading floor, along with a Brooks Brothers outlet and Ruths Chris steak house are still in the design phase.
Mr, Yang suggested a replica of a beach community in the Hamptons but settled on a miniature version after considel

the costs of importing sand.

As any venture, expenses have to be kept in check but 1.4r. Yang vows this doesn't mean the project will be done on t cheap either. "We have no intention of forcing them (the capitalists) from high rises to tree houses," lv1r. Yang told reporters last week. "We want them comfortable, nobody's going to pay to see depressed capitalists sit around all da,

Ticket prices are expected to cost twenty-five cents for adults, five cents for kids under nine, and fifteen cents for senior citizens and those who haven't eaten in two
weeks. The only rough spot in the project is a disagreement over how to structure the park. Mr. Yanq opts for a safari-like experience where guests drive about in jeeps

with open sunroofs and observe capitalists in their dally routine: screaming over stocks trades, having their shoes polished by members of the oppressed masses, kicking homeless people in the groin with their Timberlands while screaming "get job you sludge!"

Dear Leader Kim Jong

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Dear Leader, always keen on safety, opts for a more contained environment.

"you never know what a capitalist might do, especially if they feel threatened," Mr. Kim said in a memo to staff last Thursday. Along those lines, he envisions an area divided into twelve, twenty-acre exhibit spaces, each encircled with three-inch thick plexi-class and rows of seats---like a Ranger's 9ame This will provide a clear view, while also preventing guests from petting the capitalists or tossing them scraps from barbecued squid -on-a -stick snacks.

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2/7/2003