Katherine Badriyeh Coach 1208 ITS NEVER TOO LATE: COACHING WOMEN OVER FIFTY A FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH

All that is valuable in human society depends upon the opportunity for development accorded the individual.

Albert Einstein (Endnote 1)

A seasoned woman is spicy, she has marinated in life experience. She is at the peak of her inuence and power. She is committed to living fully and passionately in the second half of her life, despite failures and false starts. ! Gail Sheehy (Endnote 2) This is the greatest time in history for women over fty. A startling fact is that a person who is 70 today has even more years to look forward to than those projected the year he or she was born. That person has already exceeded the longevity projection at their birth. Theyve outlived diseases and accidents and so are stronger and healthier than ever before. (Endnote 3.) I should know I am one of them. This longevity is teaching the world to rethink old-age and what is possible. Societal views are changing regarding possibilities for older women and their careers, relationships, health. Coaching is such a vital component to this historical shift. Actually, I see it as a synergistic relationship. Healthy longevity calls for coaching, coaching and its philosophy spurs on healthy longevity. This is so because coaching assumes the wholeness and magnicence of the client. It assumes that the answers lie within her and that she is responsible for her own life, not the external world, spouses or parents. Most of all it focusses on the present and future, not the past. Thus being coached is a catalyst for change in the older woman client so that she can move forward and have the life she wants instead of settling, resigning or declining. Coaching provides a new

Katherine Badriyeh Coach 1208 paradigm for growing older and can lead society into rethinking what is possible for humanity in their 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s and beyond. As long as one is here on earth, it isnt over. In my research, there are over fty websites for coaching women over fty. Many of them are devoted to career changes as well as transformational changes. Maybe this information is not so astounding for younger people under the age of forty, but for me, at the age of sixty-nine, it is. I grew up at a time when society had very little to offer women over forty. Women having advanced degrees and careers were considered unfeminine at any age,let alone being over forty. I grew up in a society where ageism was blatant, along with sexism. Thus, I consider it nothing less than a miracle that I am way over forty, yet I am just now experiencing my self actualized in a way that I never thought possible. I decided to become a Life Coach at 68. The older women in my family, as a kid, did not give me much to look forward to. Alcoholism and suicidal depression is a part of my family history. For many years I too suffered from depression due to my circumscribed beliefs. Yet my spirits would be lifted and inspired when I heard about women succeeding in their later years whether it be in a new relationship, career or other endeavor. Somehow, even at a very, very young age, six to be exact, I knew ageist limitations were false. I had a feeling I would be a much, much later bloomer. I felt I had a purpose for this, the purpose being Hope. I wanted to give Hope to young people because they can see there is no reason to limit themselves because of age. I wanted to give hope to people my age. I wanted them to see life hasnt stopped for them just because they are a certain age. I wanted to give hope to people older than my self. We

Katherine Badriyeh Coach 1208 are eternal. Our eternality means we can start afresh any time we want. We are on a never ending continuum. It is never too late. Some of the coaches on the internet focus on career, some of them on relationships, some of them on spiritual transformation all spheres are open to the over-fty woman. These coaches are amazing and I was privileged interview some of them. Here is what they had to say: Dr. Sylvia Christian has coached between 60 and 70 clients between the ages of 40 and 60. Her niche is women reentering the job market. She was inspired to coach this age group because she says women this age are so coachable. I saw that the condence level for so many were low, but with just a little support and encouragement, they blossomed. It is so rewarding. Sylvia believes Life Coaching shortens the time needed for change and helps ensure a smooth transition. Her success stories include over-fty women going back to school and becoming, nurses, physical therapists, teachers and accountants. (Dr. Sylvia Christian, Ph.D. Interviewed by me July 15, 2012) Lynn Moore, Life Coach for Women Over Fifty, says Coaching provides a future shorter than the past . . . .Life Coaching brings extreme clarity to women in mid-life about their powerful inuences, the legacy of wisdom they hold for our planet and how they can share it. (Endnote 4) Thea Sheldon, CPCC, Prime of Life Coach for women has coached fty clients in this age bracket says the following:I experienced so many life afrming changes as I moved into my fties. I wanted to share with others what is possible at this age. More than that I wanted to be their guide. I wanted to take the stand that most women are particularly wise, experienced, knowledgeable and energized after fty. Yet lifetimes of

Katherine Badriyeh Coach 1208 this accumulated wealth has been marginalized. This age is womens time to make perhaps her most valuable contribution. The primary wins with my clients have been coming home to their truth i.e. their True Voice. (Thea Sheldon in her email to me July 18, 2012) Theas clients concur. Marcia Dorfman MSOD, says Among other things she taught me it is fun to embrace the fearless unknown and that the second half of life is an ongoing adventure. It is partly due to her that I am ourishing over fty. (Endnote 5) Nicole Aloni, author, says Thea got me crystal clear about the income I desired. We did a lot of hard work to clear away limiting beliefs and shift my perspective on who I am. The result was that I earned ve times my previous average income. (Endnote 6) Tilla Brook in England, who has about 100 clients, 80 of which were over 50, says that the niche chose me, not the other way around. (Tilla Brook, Women Over Fifty Life Coach, interviewed by me August 28, 2012) Lynn Moore in Canada concurrs. (Lynn Moore interview cited above). Karen Batchelor, an Alumna of ICA and who has a practice in the Midwest, thinks that coaches choose clients that they most identify with. Karen has had between 70 to 100 clients, 75% of whom are over fty. She says, I myself am over fty. Repeatedly, women who were of the Boomer Generation came to me. They were taught to climb the ladder to success and follow the rules. Thats what they did and achieved success in the worlds terms. Yet, these women were coming to me because they were disappointed. We are not living our mothers mid-life. It is a whole new way of being for the Boomer Generation. There is no formula. Not only are they wiser now that they are older, but they are healthier. They want to know what they are going to be when they

Katherine Badriyeh Coach 1208 grow-up again. When we are young it is all about doing. When we are over fty, it is about being. We get to be what it is we want to be. So Karen, besides career goals, has success stories in the area of what she calls personal goals. These are goals that have to do with the ideal day, relaxation and downtime, health goals and learning goals. Here are some of her stories in personal goals. (Karen Batchelor, CPCP interviewed by me August 28, 2012.) Julie (Endnote 7) was a librarian for 17 years and was let go due to downsizing. At rst Julie thought shed better start looking right away for another librarian job. She got an offer, yet through coaching, realized she didnt want to take the offer. Instead, she took the summer off and her real passion began to emerge - education. A fresh new turn showed up: she began blogging about education. Karen has a metaphor for Julies story. When you go down a freeway, there are many opportunities to exit, but you don take just any exit because there is the opportunity to do so, you take the exit that takes you to your destination. Dont just take an opportunity because its there. You take the one you want. This is your time to be authentic. This is your time to be true to yourself. In this vein Tilla had a client who was an Operating Matron in a large hospital, Diane. This is a very prestigious position in England, yet Diane felt trapped and wasnt happy. She came to Tilla for coaching. Through her sessions, she discovered a way to move to New Zealand, a place where shed always wanted to live. Diane gave up her lucrative, prestigious position and moved to New Zealand, where she is simply a nurse and is happy.

Katherine Badriyeh Coach 1208 A recent client of Tillas, Meridith, sixty years, old whose husband, though able to provide a comfortable life nancially, was not only difcult to say the least, but also unfaithful. Meridiths husband asked her to leave and she did. Now he wants her back. Though Meridith would have nancial security, she has said no and has found the strength and satisfaction of living on her own, even if she lives in reduced circumstances. (Tilla Brook interview cited above) Another success in nding the strength to stand up for oneself, comes from Coach Lynn Moore. Her client, Linda, lives on a farm with her husband and son. She did have her own sheep farming business, but her husband and son got rid of it. This indicates her position in the family. There was no respect. Linda was a doormat essentially. Lynn gave Linda some tough feedback. Linda moved out. Her husband came begging and harassing her. Linda stood her ground, dened her boundaries and conditions. As a result she and her husband are now in couples therapy. The two have rediscovered themselves and are giddy like teenagers in their newfound love. Her husband said, I didnt get it, but now I do. It wasnt until you move out that I got it. Lindas new found strength and ability to set boundaries, wasnt just good for her, but also for her husband and son. (Lynn Moore interview cited above) In a similar romantic vein, Tilla has a client, Danielle, in a relationship with a man whom she felt didnt care enough about her to live with her and marry her. Danielle was xated on this idea. Yet, through coaching was able to let go of this xation and see possibility. Danielle now has an engagement ring on her nger and is reaching out to the mans children as well so that they all can create a harmonious family together.

Katherine Badriyeh Coach 1208 Yet another client of Tillas is illustrative of healing relationships. Sandy, was ftyfour years old at the time of coaching. Sandy was not only trying to learn to live alone in the aftermath of a broken relationship but also to live without her children who were away at university. Sandy, through Tillas coaching found the strength to consider and look for a new relationship. An unexpected gift came to her as well, her two children became fully adult and independent, a source of great pride for Sandy. (Tilla Brook interview cited above.) Lynn Moore says that many clients come with a clear goal in mind, yet in working on it a hole opens up in a dam. A whole hidden world comes ooding out. Lynn had a client who came to her with eating and weight issues. Through the coaching process the client got in touch with her intense hatred for her ex-husband. Carol, the client, got much more than she bargained for. Not only did she drop the weight, but she took up transcendental meditation and was able to forgive her husband. Coaching is essentially a spiritual endeavor. Lynn says that there is no job, no career or relationship or healthy lifestyle thats going to do it until there is a spiritual foundation. There is only fear or love. These are the two basic emotions. Which are you going to choose? She tells the story of Nicole, mother of a middle-aged man. The son was engaged to be married, yet would not respond to Nicoles emails and request to visit him and his ancee. Nicole felt hurt and came for coaching. During coaching, she discovered that her son was very much under the sway and inuence of the ancee and he was afraid of loosing the ancee, because she felt threatened by the mother. Nicole had virtually no communication with her son, except for a wedding invitation. Nicole did not want to

Katherine Badriyeh Coach 1208 go. Lynn and Nicole discussed fear and love: the two basic human emotions. Lynn asked Nicole What would love do? Nicole replied, Love would go to the wedding. That is what Nicole did. Lynn has a metaphor for lack of forgiveness: a game of tug-o-war. She says in a tug-o-war what would happen if you just let go of the rope. You would fall down is the rst response. Yet Lynn says think about it. You wouldnt fall down, you would simply let go. You would be free. The other person will do whatever it is they do, but youre free. Forgiveness isnt about letting anyone get away with anything, it isnt about the other person. It is about you. It is a gift you give to yourself. (Lynn Moore in interview cited above.) Coaching is a very important branch of the helping profession, yet is has mushroomed globally. True there are still areas of the world that have not embraced coaching and parts that still have to hear of it. Nevertheless, it is an idea whose time has come. There is no power like an idea whose time has come. Coaching is part of the opportunity for development accorded an individual upon which all that is valuable in society depends. Each individual needs to be accorded this, no matter what their age. It seems that, despite set backs and ageist blind spots that still exist, the world is going forward in this direction. In Setting the Stage for Theory S: II. The Social and Cultural Characteristics of Generational Age Groups, Drs. Gary Quehl and William Berquist, Executive Coach and Professor of Philosophy respectively, say This is the rst time in American History that four generations occupy the same life space. (Endnote 8) The thesis of the article is that each generation has its own contribution to make including the oldest, what they

Katherine Badriyeh Coach 1208 call traditionalists, who are 65 and older. They call the new way of being 65 or older as saging not aging. Quehl and Berquist have turned being a sage into a verb calling it saging. The wisdom and contribution of the traditionalists continue through volunteering. Remember the great civil rights leaders and leaders of the womens movement came from this generation, this generation has done more than any other to humanize the world. The Baby Boomers who are 48 - 66 are starting have second careers. Moreover they are major contributors to the volunteer sector. (Endnote 9.) In other words they arent retiring. It seems retiring is an outmoded word and idea. Transitioning and reinventing seems to be the new words for life after 50. As the Center for Productive Longevity puts it Most people 55+ are better educated and healthier than their counterparts 20 or 30 years ago, and are proven to be better suited to entrepreneurship than younger people. From the standpoint of opportunity, there are more possibilities open now than at any time in our countrys past. They are in the best position to start their own businesses and become entrepreneurs (Endnote 10) The article goes on to say their is enormous potential here in this age group to reduce unemployment, increase GDP, and contribute to Americas economic growth. (Endnote 11) Coaching is about much more than career goals, transitioning and reinvention. Its about any goal an individual wants to achieve be it tangible or intangible. When one is older the intangibles come to the fore such as letting go of the past, forgiveness, peace, understanding ones assignment here on earth, enlightenment. What Ive tried to convey in this paper is that this planet has become a brave new world where multiple

Katherine Badriyeh Coach 1208 generations have equal opportunity to make a difference through their own bravery. This bravery needs the brave new coaching industry.

Katherine Badriyeh Coach 1208

ENDNOTES

1. Brainy Quote website, Albert Einstein. 2. Moore, Lynn, Inspirational Goaling website. 3. Stibich, Mark, Ph.D., Understanding Life Expectancy, February 2007. About.com Longevity website. 4. Moore, Lynn, op.cit. 5. Sheldon, Thea, CPCC, Prime of LIfe Coach website. 6. Ibid. 7. Clients names are ctitious. 8. Berquist, William, Ph.D. and Quehl, Gary, Ph.D., Setting the Stage for Theory S:II The Social and Cultural Characteristics of Generational Age Groups, P. 1, 2012, Library of Professional Coaching Website

9.

Op.cit. Pp. 1-5.

10. Center for Productive Longevity website. 11. Ibid.