BEVERLY HILLS DIARY

A Journey Through The Mind Of A Boy

BEVERLY HILLS DIARY

A Journey Through The Mind Of A Boy

A.D. Grill

Copyright 2010 by A.D. Grill. Maquif Productions P.O. Box 5186 Beverly Hills, California 90209

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photoc opying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the author. ISBN - 978-1-463770-61-7 ISBN - 1-463770-61-8 LCCN - 2010932216 Printed in the United States of America

CONTEN TS

1. Julian's Dream .............................................................. 1 2. The Gang's All There ................................................... 15 3. The Girl's Bathroom ..................................................... 21 4. The Hospital ................................................................. 27 5. Mom And Dad Visit Me At The Hospital .................... 31 6. Party In My Hospital Room ......................................... 33 7. Alone In My Hospital Room ....................................... 43 8. My Friend's Save Me From Loneliness ....................... 51 9. Hospital Tour ............................................................... 55 10. Going Back Home ..................................................... 73 11. Saving Frenchie ......................................................... 81 12. Starting Fourth Grade ................................................ 89

VI
13. Going To School ........................................................ 93 14. Getting Back At The Principal ................................... 101 15. Learning To Play Basketball ...................................... 117 16. A Fantasy Comes True ............................................... 123 17. Back To Reality ......................................................... 139 18. Destiny With Infamy ................................................. 145 19. Mission Impossible ................................................... 153 20. Scared Of School ....................................................... 159 21. Saving Frenchie ........................................................ 171 22. Julian Doesn't Fit In .................................................. 179 23. Running Away ........................................................... 185 24. Stow Away ................................................................. 189 25. Touring Chicago ........................................................ 211 26. New York City ........................................................... 225 27. Arrested ..................................................................... 231 28. Back In L.A. With The F.B.I. .................................... 235 29. Hitting The Beach ..................................................... 239

VII
30. The Worst Day Of My Life ....................................... 249 31. Survival ..................................................................... 253 32. Obsession .................................................................. 257 33. The Poor Help Us Grow ........................................... 285 34. Orthodox Jewish Day School ................................... 291 35. Beverly Hills High School ........................................ 299 36. Call Girl .................................................................... 313 37. Julian Goes To Hell ................................................... 319 38. Welcome To Devil's Island ....................................... 329 39. Escape ....................................................................... 355 40. From Darkness To Light ........................................... 361 41. Threatening Rape ...................................................... 371 42. Get Me Out Of Here ................................................. 377 43. Back East .................................................................. 381 44. Getting Into Prep School .......................................... 391 45. Hitchhiking Back To Boston .................................... 415 46. Made It Back To Mike's Alive .................................. 419

VIII
47. Getting Shrinked ........................................................ 423 48. Double Date With Mike ............................................ 445 49. Going To Prep School ............................................... 455 50. Brookline High School ............................................. 473 51. Moving Back To Beverly Hills ................................. 485 52. Departure Day ........................................................... 489 53. Back In Los Angeles ................................................. 493 54. Alone In My Apartment ............................................. 495 55. Going To The Beach Stag ......................................... 501 56. Julian's First L.A. Date ............................................. 509 57. Julian Is Back At Beverly Hills High School ............ 515 58. Interview With A Movie Producer ............................ 521 59. Julian's First Real Date ............................................. 531 60. Julian's First Day In The Movie Business ................ 537 61. Julian Gets Wheels .................................................... 541 62. Graduation Day ......................................................... 547

1 JULIA NS DRE A M

Julian wakes up; hes late for school but cannot manage to pull himself
out of bed. He's dreaming about Nicole, his pint-sized princess of a girlfriend. Julian's bed has taken on a mythical aura. It has become his castle. No one can take Julian out of bed without his consent. Julian's bed can fly; its golden headboards become golden wings. The soldiers on the shelves protect Julian from the evil maid and the tyrannical parental overlords. It's a hard decision to dream about Nicole or to see her. Julian is dreaming about Nicole as his queen. She has a crown on her golden locks and is wearing a bright red, long velvet gown. Julian and Nicole are sitting on their thrones dispensing advice to their subjects, the boys and girls of Beverly Hills. Bonnie, a plump, rosy-cheeked girl, approaches Julian's throne. "Julian, my parents are getting divorced. I don't know

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what to do." Tears roll down her kissable, plump cheeks. "Please don't cry; you're much too pretty for that. It's not your fault your parents cannot live together. They both love you. You will be able to see both of your parents. So go out there and have fun." "How can I have fun when my parents are screaming at each other?" If life were easy it would not be interesting. "I better go. I'll be late for school." Bonnie turns around and walks down the long hall to the door. She waves as the guards escort her out. I wake up to Aida, the housekeeper, standing over me. A petite Inca Indian woman appears before me as though she were Amazonian the giant. "Julian, get out of bed." Of course I do not open my eyes. I am looking up at Aida, feigning over sleepizitous. Aida, as petite as she was, could toss me across the house as effortlessly as tossing a sock into the hamper. "Julian, don't get me mad. I'm not in the mood for games today. You know I hate Mondays. It's shopping day-all those bratty rich women trying to impress each other with their designer labels and diamond rings. One of those women could feed a whole village in my country. One of those women can feed your whole country. "I'm going back to sleep." "There are too many people that I have to help. You're going to have to help them awake." Aida pulls away Julian's covers and starts to tickle him. "Stop it! I'm going to pee in my pajamas." "I'm counting to three and then I'm going to dress you." "Okay, okay, I'm getting dressed." I don't want Aida to dress me and look like a geek. "So you mind getting out you pervert?"

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"I'm standing outside the door." "You're not getting a free show." "If you're not dressed in five minutes, I'll show you." "Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'll get you deported to Peru." Julian opens his walk in closet. I'm glad that I didn't have my go-to-school-naked dream today. I wouldn't have gotten out of bed. Aida would have pulled me out of bed. I would have hit her. She would have hit me back and then who knows? I might have grabbed a baseball bat, or a knife. We would be on the evening news. BOY KILLS HOUSEKEEPER IN BED. It sounds a lot juicier than it is, but you would have all the tabloids surrounding the house waiting for a break in the case. But Beverly Hills cops don't talk. Some of the racier tabloids don't care about the facts of the case. Their headlines would read: BOY BANGS HOUSEKEEPER IN BED. BOY DOES HOUSEKEEPER IN BED. Sex sells everything, from newspapers to cars. Sex is the strongest human instinct. Everybody wants it. If the headline reads sex, people will buy the newspaper because their own lives are boring. Talking about Peruvian villages, a whole village can live in my closet. I feel guilty about having such a large closet while there are entire villages that are homeless. The problem with having too many clothes is deciding what to wear. I sound like a girl, don't I? I better do a few pushups. I'll make it thirty. That's a nice, round number. I do the pushups on my knuckles to toughen up my fists; you know-it's a Marines, Kung Fu thing. I have to train for the ultimate combat with the Inca soldier. I'm wearing black and blue: blue jeans and a black t-shirt, never goes wrong. It's casual, yet stylish. I really do sound like a girl. That's what happens when you grow up in Beverly Hills. It's all those breast implants and estrogen flying around. Androgyny is something that you grow into in Beverly Hills, like a Mercedes and a trust fund. Physical appearance is so revered that it's the official religion. Men are

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just as pretty as women. Even if you're not gay, which I'm not, you look at men. It must be all the exercise and the facials that are part of daily life in Beverly Hills. Men go to hair salons, not barbershops. They get manicures and pedicures. I think that's too feminine even for women. Aida has this bizarre notion that the only thing that I can have for breakfast is oatmeal and Ovaltine, because they make you big and strong. Ovaltine doesn't taste bad; it's basically cocoa with a lot of chemicals that are supposed to be good for you. Aren't synthetic chemicals by definition bad for you? How can humans make chemicals that are good for you? Isn't that the realm of the Divine? Even organic chemicals are bad for you. NaCl (salt) causes heart disease. Oatmeal looks and tastes like cement, but Aida makes me eat it because it's good for me. Cereal, eggs, toast, and juice are good for you, but according to Aida only oatmeal and Ovaltine make you grow. So she makes me eat the oatmeal and Ovaltine every day. Every day is an O and O day whether I like it or not. If I didn't want to eat it, Aida would bend my head back and shove it down my throat, which would be better because I couldn't taste it that way. If I resisted, Aida would beat me, slap me, and punch me until I submitted. Breakfast is not my favorite meal of the day. I wonder why. I do have a secret weapon in my war with Aida. When she's not looking, which is rare since she watches me like a hawk, I take my bowl of oatmeal and pour it down the sink or flush it down the toilet. It's no Houdini trick. Aida will interrogate me like the SS, but I never cave. I don't have time for a shower, because I take ten to fifteen minutes. I shampoo my hair twice, like it says on the bottle, and then add conditioner. And then I soap every inch of my body with scented soap, and I finish up with scrubbing with a loofah. I don't want Aida coming into the shower and pulling me out. A bathroom is sacred ground; its boundaries should not be

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violated. I slide down the banister descending into the bowels of breakfast hell. I'm Oliver Twist in Beverly Hills. I'm not saying that I should have Beluga Caviar and Dom Perignon mimosas for breakfast, but oatmeal and Ovaltine is so pedestrian. It has to be illegal in Beverly Hills-it's so declasse. You know, like cut off pants, or men with scarves on their heads. Thanks for that knowledge. I try and drown out the taste of the oatmeal by pouring in raspberry jelly. I can't pour the oatmeal down the drain. Aida is watching me like a prison guard in a watchtower. I'm going to drink the oatmeal like Gazpacho soup. If I drink it fast, I won't be able to taste the oatmeal. I'll wash it down with the Ovaltine. You'd eat it too if Aida was watching you. Aida has small breasts, but then again so do a lot of men. But what a lot of men don't have are huge biceps. It's from all that heavy lifting up in the Andes. Aida would carry bales of cornflower from the marketplace to her home. That's what gave her the massive calf muscles. She could be a kicker for the 49ers, but she prefers to kick me around instead. I don't have the Dallas Cowboys' linebackers to flatten her like a pancake. I could try to tackle he r, but she'd punch me in the stomach. I'd return to her my breakfast, which she would make me clean up. I'm late for school, which is going to embarrass me enough since my teacher Mr. Longer will send me to the principal, Mr. Haserot, who will call my parents. I'm not worried about my parents; they won't do anything. I'm worried about the sadistic principal. This guy should get a job as a prison guard. He'd probably want the job giving the lethal injection, turning on the electric chair, or turning on the gas. Mr. Longer might keep me after class depending on his mood, which fluctuates from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde. It's a coin toss. Besides, the thought of cleaning up my vomit is a strong deterrent. I live a few blocks from school, so getting there is quick and easy. I don't even have to wait at the traffic signal. There's a

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tunnel connecting the north and south sides of Wilshire Boulevard. There might be a troll living in the tunnel. When I arrive at the entrance to the tunnel I stick my head in to see if there are any trolls waiting to kill me. It doesn't look like there are any trolls today. I run through the tunnel as fast as a slow cheetah. It's harder to kill a moving target. I only have two more blocks to go. I'll walk slowly; I'm late already. A few minutes here and there won't make a difference. I enter the school. It's eerily silent. Maybe the school went on a field trip and didn't tell me. I walk into my class. Mr. Longer is writing something on the chalkboard. "Julian, it's nice of you to join us this morning." "Thank you, Mr. Longer." "Julian, please see Mr. Haserot for a late pass." Today is one of Mr. Longer's bad days. He must have had a fight with his wife last night. I walk into Mr. Haserot's office. His secretary, Mrs. Dorman, is typing on her electric typewriter. She's a nice lady. At least she's always smiling. I feel sorry that the kids call her Mrs. Doormat or Mrs. Dorkman. "Good morning, Mrs. Dorman." "Good morning, Julian. Mr. Haserot will be right out." There are no magazines like at the doctor's and dentist's offices. This must be what a warden's office at a prison looks like. I try not to look at Mrs. Dorman, but there's nothing else to look at. She's not attractive or unattractive. She's average-looking. Mrs. Dorman is middle aged, average height, average weight. She has brown hair and brown eyes. I think if I were middle-aged I would date Mrs. Dorman. Someone who smiles can't be mean. You don't see killers on the news smiling. Mr. Haserot walks out of his office. He's wearing the same suit that he always wears. It's a brown suit. He probably sleeps in his suit. Maybe Mr. Haserot thinks that you're supposed to wear

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