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Where Aren't They Now?: 15 O verlooked Deaths of 2008

Where Aren't They Now?: 15 Overlooked Deaths of 2008

By: Lisa Skye December 28, 2008 994,904 views Add to Favo rites
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6 Ridiculo us Myths Abo ut the Middle Ag es Everyo ne Believes 5 So -Called Sig ns o f Genius That Any Idio t Can Learn 5 Ways Yo u're Accidentally Making Everyo ne Hate Yo u

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291
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How many greats have we lost this year? Heath Ledger. Bernie Mac. George Carlin. Charlton Heston. Arthur C Clarke. Michael Crichton. Jenny, the worlds oldest Gorilla . When these luminaries pass, the media stops and heaps on praise.

But then there are the unsung deaths, the people whose passing went largely unnoticed, but deserved better.

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#15. January 7: The Greatest Competitive Eater of All Time

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Who:
Edward Abraham Boz o Miller, Gastronomical Champion of competitive eating 5 Reaso ns Rats Are Way Scarier Than Yo u Think
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How:
"Natural causes"

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The Legacy:
This is a man who weighed 300 pounds, ate up to 25,000 calories per day, once ate 1000 packets of potato chips (flavor unspecified) and one time drank a lion under the table. Yet he lived until the age of 89 and married a former Princess of the Pasadena Rose Bowl (basically, a beauty queen). He was what all of America aspires to be.

Cracked Shows

#14. January 10: Vampira

Who:
Maila Nurmi, the actress known for her "Vampira" character , the inspiration for both Elvira and the Simpsons' Booberella and immortaliz ed in Tim Burton's Ed Wood biopic.

How:
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Again, natural causes. DAMN YOU, NATURE!

The Legacy:
She was perhaps the first to combine horror and huge boobies, a combination that many believe should never be separated.

#13. January 24: Jahna The Show "Girl"

Most Popular
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By: Carl Hoff 2,855,905 views

Who:
Jahna Steele, a Las Vegas showgirl who was voted "Sexiest Showgirl on the Strip" in 1991, and "Most Beautiful Showgirl" in 1993. She also happened to have a penis.

6 Ridiculo us Myths Abo ut the Middle Ag es Everyo ne Believes

By: Steve Kolenberg 1,842,234 views

How:
Unknown. She was working on her tell- all autobiography at the time, entitled Always a Lady (until you

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Unknown. She was working on her tell- all autobiography at the time, entitled Always a Lady (until you see the bulge, of course).

5 So -Called Sig ns o f Genius That Any Idio t Can Learn

By: J.F. Sargent 1,680,057 views

The Legacy:
Jahna passed himself off as a woman for years, draining the strip- club funds of countless unsuspecting bachelor parties. She- males now flock to the strip to try their luck as a dancer. Thus, Jahna turned getting drunk and trying to take a showgirl back to your room into just another way to gamble in Vegas.

5 Perso nal Thing s Yo u Can Tell Just by Lo o king at So meo ne

By: XJ Selman 1,520,880 views

#12. January 26: Marlon Brando's Son

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Who:
Christian Brando, murderer and wife beater. His parents had a bad divorce, and at 13 his mother gained sole custody. The same year he was pulled out of school to travel in Mexico. Around the same time he was kidnapped by a group of his mom's hippie friends. Marlon Brando got it fixed and was awarded custody. In 1990, he shot his half- sister Cheyennes boyfriend. Cheyenne was pregnant at the time. She committed suicide five years later. Theyre not exactly the happiest showbiz family weve ever heard about.

How:
Pneumonia.

The Legacy:
Cautionary tale for celebrity babies everywhere. Think before you make any bad choices, Maddox Jolie- Pitt.

#11. March 10: Inventor of SpaghettiO's

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Who:
Kurt Eberling, Sr . After fighting with Germany in the Korean War, he got a job at the Campbell Soup Company. One day he was just chillin at his house, staring at his kitchen, when he saw a piece of spaghetti curled up in the sink. This gave him a thought: he approached his supervisor with the concept of tinned spaghetti and meatballs, and SpaghettiOs were born. Being that this was the forties, we assume this was after he beat his wife for keeping a dirty kitchen, but before his six post- work martinis.

How:
Cancer.

The Legacy:
This is the kind of story that desperate middle aged salesmen, a la Gil from The Simpsons, dream about until their dying day. They wind up scouring their house for that one idea that will make them rich ... then finally go to their boss with, "um, what if ... we sold dust, spider webs and broken dreams in a
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bottle?"

#10. March 25: The Daddy of the Egg McMuffin

Who:
Herb Peterson, Food Scientist. March was a bad year for guys who invented convenient meals. Two days before Peterson, Al Copeland, founder of Popeyes Chicken also died. Peterson invented the Egg McMuffin in 1972, a process that surely involved eating every combination of bread, eggs, cheese and bacon. It's every fat kid's dream (up there with "finding witch dead in her gingerbread house, with no living relatives").

How:
Peacefully at home, with his family. Presumably surrounded by warm muffins, perfectly circular eggs, melted cheese and crispy, crispy bacon. The breakfasty scent being the last thing he was conscious of as he drifted off.

The Legacy:
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We cant think of one. Were too hungry.

#9. April 9: The Fucker Who Created the Chicken Dance

Who:
Bob Kames. Polka musician, member of the Wisconsin Area Music Industry's Hall of Fame, guy who recorded over seventy albums. So we mock him for the Chicken Dance, but what the fuck have we done today? We should tell you that the Chicken Dance single was released in Poland in 1983, and sold 300,000 copies. Not just a little bit of this, and a little bit of that. Poland during the 80s was utterly retarded for polka.

How:
Prostate cancer, a symptom of which is painful ejaculation or difficulty achieving an erection. Though one of his albums was entitled Happy Organ, so at least he had some good times before it.

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The Legacy:
Many ruined wedding receptions, and now you having the chicken dance stuck in your head until Easter.

#8. May 4: Pringles Can Inventor

Who:
Fred Baur, chemist and food storage technician.

How:
Alz heimers. At Baurs request, he was cremated and a portion of his ashes were buried in a Pringles can.

The Legacy:
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A delicious new flavor, "Siz z lin Smokin Charred Old Man." Sorry, that was wrong. Actually he did inspire us to be cremated with our greatest achievement, and we will thus be buried with several gigabytes of dick jokes.

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160 Comments
teratomaV.3

Recent

Vo tes

Yo u

Sho w Pro fanity

12/28/12 04:37 PM

Actually, in the Star Trek pilot, and first season Spock was not "Vulcan" he was "Vulcanian." Reply

teratomaV.3

12/28/12 03:59 PM

+1

There is no bacon, and especially no crispy bacon on a egg mcmuffin, that of course couldn't really be invented in 1972 because people had been eating eggs with cheese and ham on all sorts of bread including english muffins for decades prior to that..he started selling them at Micky D's...that is not inventing it is retailing... Reply

Blackjack13

12/27/12 10:30 PM

+1

Yeah so this article is really old but it could have used Maddie Blaustein. Everyone under the age of 25 knows her voice...or one of them anyway.
PDFmyURL.com

Reply

flightrisk

12/26/12 02:36 PM

+2

My college roommate knew Majel Barrett and worked for the production company that developed Star Trek TNG. He said Majel was a very nice woman that would have been happy to just do the voice of the computer. It was Roddenberry that pushed out out in front of the camera. Reply

eltitere
Jahna was a f*****g lady and you know it.

09/28/12 08:59 PM

+1

Reply

VladYvhv
I only know of one of the people on this list...

01/13/12 02:00 AM

+2

Reply

Addama

12/28/11 04:10 PM

+4

well, March WAS a bad year, and "after the Korean War" ... "this was the Forties" OOOOOOkay. Reply

Daviticus

12/27/12 03:54 AM

I'm pretty sure nobody fought with Germany in the Korean War.

ElaineS

12/28/11 04:38 AM

-5

Happy New Year!

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Have you ever felt life is lonely and sometimes even boring? You may need a fresh thing to excite your mind. My best friend ,she met a sexy man and they love each other! they date via online dating - casualloving dot c'0M- it's the most effective place in the world to connect with, to find intimate encounters.There you may easily have free scamming with charming and sexy girls or handsome men....Hope you like it!Good luck! Reply

doesntmakeyoujesus

09/09/11 09:12 AM

-3

11

14

I found the comments about Jahna to be offensive as well. She was a woman if that is how she identified and it's rude to use male pronouns. The term "she- male" is insensitive and cruel. See All 7 Replies Hide All
+19 23

Reply
4

butterfly98901

09/10/11 08:09 PM

Getting bitchy and offended over every little thing is the reason so many people don't take us LGBT people seriously.

MikeK

10/12/11 06:19 AM

+13

17

Good heavens! Cracked has offended someone!

whatever-itis

09/02/11 03:37 PM

-7

13

The part about Jahna the showgirl was particularly offensive on the author's end Reply

river37

09/01/11 12:37 AM

You should ask that you and your dick jokes be buried in a "choc full o' nuts" can. Reply

PDFmyURL.com

MatthewSquires
Ahh! The song is in my head!!

08/31/11 05:24 PM

Reply

JesseSchierloh

01/18/11 08:56 PM

+28

29

How did the writer not make a dick joke about the guy directing "Deep Throat" dying of a 'Stroke'??? Reply

Butterfinger211
My God, I was just about to mention that.

08/16/11 10:51 AM

+5

el_boricua00

12/26/11 09:11 PM

+2

By far the funniest comment i have read in a long time!

StupidGirl

01/13/11 06:45 AM

+3

I have not felt it necessary to submit a comment yet, but I thought I'd say... You guys have come so far in two years. Your 2010 version is eloquent, funny, and respectful. This 2008 version is... amusing at best. Kudos, you guys are amaz ing. You guys, and girls, are amaz ing. Thank you for providing this website for me to read in my pathetic unemployment.

Reply

dragonflyer223

12/28/10 11:40 AM

+1

Poland is STILL retarded for Polka. I hear Polka every single time I go to a party/ wedding. Then I get a headache and stay in the back room for the next 3 hours.
PDFmyURL.com

Reply

zwickerly

12/28/10 05:37 AM

+2

Goatsed kill nana. And Lemon Partyd just give grandpa... ideas). lol Reply

Daviticus
Um, "March was a bad year"?

12/28/10 04:24 AM

+1

Reply

GothGonetoHell
"Ceaser! Beware the Ides of March!"

12/28/10 11:48 PM

+4

Krelboyne

12/27/10 04:08 AM

+2

>> This guy was so f**king badass it actually makes our balls implode in a cloud of pink glitter. That's just brilliant. Reply

ustink0815

12/26/10 12:08 PM

+1

It says that Gerard Damiano, the porn director who made Deep Throat, died of a stroke. That's not entirely true. He actually died from "strokes". You see, he overdosed on viagra while watching his movies and eventually beat himself to death. Reply

YoungBrave

1
PDFmyURL.com

YoungBrave
Holy f**k! Are you serious?

12/26/10 06:12 PM

ustink0815
um...yes?

12/27/10 12:32 AM

+2

anaceofkidneys

12/26/10 10:28 AM

+2

11

Wow, guys, it's really in poor taste to refer to a transgender woman as "him". I know you know better. See All 5 Replies Hide All
+9 10

Reply
1

ustink0815
Cracked is not always know for its sensitivity.

12/26/10 12:11 PM

YoungBrave
If it was born with a dick, it's a dude. deal with it.

12/26/10 06:13 PM

-10

16

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