1

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Pam! Pamela,
2
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Pamelamela Ding Dong!
Making copies.
3
00:01:00,237 --> 00:01:02,378
- I'm not making any copies.
- Let's go!
4
00:01:02,706 --> 00:01:05,862
Messages, date, lots to do lots to do...
5
00:01:05,997 --> 00:01:07,250
Information superhighway!
6
00:01:07,344 --> 00:01:08,844
- Nothing new...
- Let them unw...
7
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- There's nothing new.
- That's not what you said earlier.
8
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Oh do you want me to repeat
the messages that I gave you before?
9
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For the...
10
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The most sacred thing I do is care,
and provide for my workers, my family.
11
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I give them money.
12
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I give them food.
13
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Not directly, but through the money...
14
00:01:32,253 --> 00:01:34,238

I heal them.
15
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Today I am in charge, of picking
a great new healthcare plan.
16
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Right? That's what this is all about!
17
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Does that make me their doctor?
18
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Yes... In a way...
19
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Yeah, like a specialist.
20
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So which health plan
have you decided on?
21
00:02:00,531 --> 00:02:02,668
I am going to go with best, Jan.
22
00:02:02,844 --> 00:02:04,864
I am going to go with the one with
23
00:02:04,922 --> 00:02:08,034
the acupuncture, therapeutic massage...
24
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- You know, the works...
- Wait acupuncture?
25
00:02:10,406 --> 00:02:11,779
None of the plans have acupuncture.
26
00:02:12,220 --> 00:02:13,968
Have you looked at
them closely Michael?
27
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I think it was you who didn't look
closely enough at the "gold plan".
28

00:02:19,470 --> 00:02:20,845

- The gold plan?
- Yep.
29
00:02:21,149 --> 00:02:22,500
I'm not even on that plan.
30
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Well I recommend it, it's very good.
31
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- You have to crack this things open.
- You know the whole reason we're doing
32
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this, is to save money.
33
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So,
34
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you just need to pick a provider,
and then choose the cheapest plan.
35
00:02:39,152 --> 00:02:40,923
Well that is...
36
00:02:41,377 --> 00:02:43,514
kind of a tough assignment.
37
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- It's not gonna be a popular
decision around the old orifice.
- It's your job... so
38
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It's a suicide mission, you know...
39
00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:53,427
- Michael,
- I, I Know
40
00:02:53,497 --> 00:02:55,282
- Maybe, I, I mean...
- There... there
41
00:02:55,352 --> 00:02:56,888

You know sometimes a manager...

42
00:02:57,577 --> 00:02:58,387
like yourself,
43
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has to deliver the bad news to
the employees, I do it all the time.
44
00:03:02,093 --> 00:03:04,716
- Yeah, when have you ever done that?
- I'm doing it, right now.
45
00:03:05,791 --> 00:03:07,141
To you.
46
00:03:09,072 --> 00:03:10,740
Last night on "Trading spouses"...
47
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- There's... have you seen it?
- No, I have a life.
48
00:03:13,910 --> 00:03:16,587
- Interesting, what's that like?
- You should try it sometime.
49
00:03:16,757 --> 00:03:17,955
Wow
50
00:03:18,436 --> 00:03:20,010
- But then who would watch my TV?
51
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So I like that
52
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Ding Dong!
53
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There's a decision
that needs to be made.
54
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And I'm having a unbelievably busy day.
55

00:03:32,716 --> 00:03:35,381

So, I'm going to let you pick
56
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a healthcare plan for our office,
57
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and then explain it
58
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to your co-workers.
59
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- Gosh!
- Yeah!
60
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That is a great offer. Thank you.
61
00:03:49,900 --> 00:03:52,939
I really think I should be
concentrating on sales.
62
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- Really?
- Yeah.
63
00:03:55,215 --> 00:03:57,781
I just don't thing that this is
the kind of task, that
64
00:03:58,369 --> 00:04:01,152
I am going to do...
65
00:04:01,249 --> 00:04:03,139
You know who would be great for this?
66
00:04:03,274 --> 00:04:07,085
Anytime Michael asks me to do anything
I just tell me that Dwight should do it.
67
00:04:07,789 --> 00:04:10,731
Yes! I can do it! I'm your man.
68
00:04:10,943 --> 00:04:12,885
Right now this is just a job.

69
00:04:13,239 --> 00:04:16,777
If I advance any higher in this company,
then this would be my career.
70
00:04:17,213 --> 00:04:18,641
And a...
71
00:04:18,718 --> 00:04:21,168
Well if this were my career,
72
00:04:21,959 --> 00:04:23,869
I'd have to throw myself
in front of a train.
73
00:04:24,429 --> 00:04:27,467
Ok first, let's go over some parameters,
74
00:04:27,590 --> 00:04:29,625
how many people can I fire?
75
00:04:29,966 --> 00:04:32,580
None, you're picking
a healthcare plan.
76
00:04:33,780 --> 00:04:36,975
Ok we'll table that for the time being.
Two, I'm gonna need an office.
77
00:04:37,083 --> 00:04:38,457
I think the conference
room should be fine.
78
00:04:38,573 --> 00:04:41,413
You can use the conference
room as a temporary workspace.
79
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Yes, I have an office.
80
00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:46,787
- Bigger than his!
- No, you cannot use it.
81
00:04:46,861 --> 00:04:49,919
- Ok I take it back it's a workspace.
- Temporary workspace, you can use it.

82
00:04:51,105 --> 00:04:52,166
Thank you.
83
00:04:54,260 --> 00:04:56,561
If Dwight fails and that is
strike too and good for me,
84
00:04:57,312 --> 00:04:59,214
for giving him a second chance.
85
00:04:59,749 --> 00:05:02,262
And if he succeeds, then, you know,
86
00:05:02,385 --> 00:05:04,794
no one would be prouder than
I am. I've groomed him.
87
00:05:04,978 --> 00:05:06,863
I made him what he is today.
88
00:05:08,829 --> 00:05:11,560
Unless he fails and,
89
00:05:11,899 --> 00:05:14,423
talked about that already.
90
00:05:17,489 --> 00:05:19,832
<i>What did I do? I did my job. </i>
91
00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:23,474
<i>I slashed benefits to the bone.
I saved this company money. </i>
92
00:05:23,872 --> 00:05:27,866
<i>Was I too harsh? Maybe.
I don't believe in coddling people. </i>
93
00:05:28,589 --> 00:05:31,442
In the wild, there is no healthcare.
94
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In the wild healthcare is
"How, I hurt my leg...
95
00:05:35,351 --> 00:05:38,071
I can't run, a lion eats me,

and I'm dead. "

96
00:05:39,219 --> 00:05:41,766
Well, I'm not dead.
97
00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:44,293
I'm the lion.
98
00:05:45,316 --> 00:05:47,033
You're dead!
99
00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:53,187
There's no dental, there's no vision,
100
00:05:53,342 --> 00:05:55,541
there is a 1200 dollars deductible.
101
00:05:58,936 --> 00:06:00,229
Dundler Mifflin this is Pam.
102
00:06:00,383 --> 00:06:02,621
<i>Pam, Michael Scott, how's tricks? </i>
103
00:06:03,345 --> 00:06:05,602
Where are you?
104
00:06:05,891 --> 00:06:08,805
<i>Oh, I'm in my office, I am swamped. </i>
105
00:06:08,978 --> 00:06:11,409
I have work up to my ears
106
00:06:11,457 --> 00:06:15,557
and busy busy busy, can't step away,
I just wanted to check in and
107
00:06:15,697 --> 00:06:18,682
see how everybody's dealing.
Everybody cool out there?
108
00:06:19,184 --> 00:06:21,209
Actually, people are really unhappy
109
00:06:21,827 --> 00:06:23,640
Dwight send around this memo

110
00:06:23,698 --> 00:06:26,467
<i>- And people are freaking out cause...
- Pam, you, I'm sorry I'm sorry</i>
111
00:06:26,524 --> 00:06:28,878
<i>I, I, I got to go I'm getting a call. </i>
112
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,377
No you're not.
113
00:06:32,669 --> 00:06:35,553
I have to make a call
after I finish, my work
114
00:06:35,621 --> 00:06:38,341
You know what?
Don't let anybody in my office
115
00:06:38,524 --> 00:06:42,721
Under any conditions today I'm just
too busy, too swamped, you know?
116
00:06:43,801 --> 00:06:46,994
I'm unreachable.
I'm incommunicado capisce?
117
00:06:47,139 --> 00:06:48,315
<i>- Ok
- Thank you,</i>
118
00:06:48,750 --> 00:06:52,106
God here we go again, got to go,
I have to take this.
119
00:06:52,357 --> 00:06:53,843
<i>Still no one calling. </i>
120
00:06:58,473 --> 00:07:00,576
- Dwight, what is this...
- Uh, knock, please.
121
00:07:01,068 --> 00:07:03,666
- Please knock, this is an office.
- It says workspace.
122
00:07:03,780 --> 00:07:05,302
- Same thing.

- If it's the same thing,

123
00:07:05,348 --> 00:07:07,689
then why'd you write "work space".
124
00:07:08,257 --> 00:07:11,819
Just knock, please, as a sign of
respect for your superior.
125
00:07:11,886 --> 00:07:14,703
- You are not my superior.
- Gee, then why do I have an office?
126
00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:17,413
- Thought it was a workspace, Dwight.
- Ok, Dwight.
127
00:07:18,330 --> 00:07:20,298
Are you really in charge of
picking an healthcare plan?
128
00:07:20,375 --> 00:07:21,899
Yes. And my decision is final.
129
00:07:22,159 --> 00:07:24,243
This is a ridiculously awful plan.
130
00:07:24,465 --> 00:07:26,568
Because you cut everything.
131
00:07:26,751 --> 00:07:29,890
- Times are tough, Pam, deal with it.
- You cut more than you had to, didn't you?
132
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Sure.
133
00:07:30,426 --> 00:07:33,166
Then why did you do that? You work
here, don't you want good insurance?
134
00:07:33,272 --> 00:07:35,750
Don't need it, never been sick,
perfect immune system.
135
00:07:35,886 --> 00:07:39,079
Ok well if you've never been sick,

then you don't have any antibodies.

136
00:07:39,195 --> 00:07:41,645
I don't need them, superior genes.
137
00:07:41,713 --> 00:07:44,529
I'm a Schrute...
And superior brain power.
138
00:07:44,645 --> 00:07:48,118
Through concentration I can raise
139
00:07:49,912 --> 00:07:51,899
Why would you want to
raise your cholesterol?
140
00:07:51,976 --> 00:07:54,002
So I can lower it.
141
00:07:55,478 --> 00:07:58,000
He literally won't
come out of his office.
142
00:07:58,594 --> 00:08:00,793
He's got to come out sometime.
143
00:08:02,799 --> 00:08:06,272
- To go to the bathroom.
- Kevin, that's inappropriate!
144
00:08:10,372 --> 00:08:12,262
Michael can I talk to you?
145
00:08:12,340 --> 00:08:15,349
I would like to, but I'm
really busy, rain check?
146
00:08:16,189 --> 00:08:18,282
Michael, Michael please
147
00:08:18,764 --> 00:08:20,693
Can we talk about this memo?
148
00:08:20,828 --> 00:08:23,491
- What? Which memo?
- Dwight's healthcare memo

149
00:08:23,607 --> 00:08:25,150
- I told you about it.
- Is it a good plan?
150
00:08:25,256 --> 00:08:27,436
It's a great plan!
It saves the company a fortune.
151
00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:30,504
- It's like a paid decrease.
- Michael, he made huge cuts.
152
00:08:30,639 --> 00:08:33,668
Cuts? what?
Dwight did you make cuts?
153
00:08:33,764 --> 00:08:36,832
- Yeah you said go in the...
- No no no no no. You know what?
154
00:08:37,324 --> 00:08:39,677
I said nothing specific
because I was so busy.
155
00:08:39,899 --> 00:08:42,137
Why don't you go in there Dwight?
156
00:08:42,243 --> 00:08:45,562
and find these people a
plan that will work for them. Ok?
157
00:08:45,764 --> 00:08:48,523
- I can handle it.
- Ok. All right.
158
00:08:49,420 --> 00:08:52,189
We feel good? All right, good!
159
00:08:55,073 --> 00:08:56,906
Plus,
160
00:08:56,989 --> 00:08:59,353
There's some other good news.
161
00:08:59,784 --> 00:09:01,883
Today at the end of the day,

162
00:09:01,999 --> 00:09:04,613
I will have for all of you
163
00:09:05,799 --> 00:09:08,365
a big surprise. Ok?
164
00:09:08,529 --> 00:09:11,500
So hang in there, and I will
see you at the end of the day.
165
00:09:12,822 --> 00:09:14,288
Right?
166
00:09:22,256 --> 00:09:24,127
- This is not good.
- It's ridiculous.
167
00:09:24,639 --> 00:09:26,799
Did you talk to him?
168
00:09:26,963 --> 00:09:27,967
What was that?
169
00:09:28,063 --> 00:09:30,310
You let him off all over
you it's just pathetic.
170
00:09:30,465 --> 00:09:33,124
- What are you guys talking about?
- Nothing Kevin.
171
00:09:33,606 --> 00:09:36,224
Do I know what the surprise is?
Hell no!
172
00:09:36,369 --> 00:09:39,475
Doesn't matter, the point is,
they're not unhappy anymore.
173
00:09:39,581 --> 00:09:42,629
They're out there thinking "Wow!
My boss really cares about me.
174
00:09:42,976 --> 00:09:45,484
He has a surprise, he's cool.
175

00:09:46,121 --> 00:09:48,706

What a great guy, I love him.
176
00:09:50,452 --> 00:09:52,381
I love him. "
177
00:09:54,407 --> 00:09:57,089
Ok everyone, gather round.
178
00:09:59,944 --> 00:10:01,700
Step forward.
179
00:10:03,610 --> 00:10:06,600
It has been brought to my attention that
some of you are unhappy with my plan,
180
00:10:06,696 --> 00:10:08,066
so what I'd like you to do,
181
00:10:08,182 --> 00:10:10,719
is to fill this out and write
down any diseases that you have,
182
00:10:10,806 --> 00:10:13,391
That you might want covered
and I'll see what I can do.
183
00:10:13,449 --> 00:10:16,252
Okay you know what Dwight? We can't
write our diseases down for you,
184
00:10:16,255 --> 00:10:18,041
- because that's confidential.
- Ok,
185
00:10:18,176 --> 00:10:20,549
well I didn't say to write
your name down, did I?
186
00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:22,516
Fill that out, leave it anonymous.
187
00:10:22,603 --> 00:10:25,092
Or don't write any disease down at
all, and they won't be covered.
188
00:10:25,246 --> 00:10:27,311

Sound fair? Good. All right,

I'll be in my office.
189
00:10:27,832 --> 00:10:29,414
Workspace.
190
00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:32,549
You know what? Come with me.
191
00:10:32,655 --> 00:10:34,623
We are going on a little mission.
192
00:10:34,719 --> 00:10:36,745
"Operation surprise. "
193
00:10:38,375 --> 00:10:40,439
Where are you going?
194
00:10:40,950 --> 00:10:43,188
Headed out. Part of my busy day.
195
00:10:43,256 --> 00:10:45,563
You know, meetings.
196
00:10:48,176 --> 00:10:49,700
Couldn't find the knock.
197
00:10:52,150 --> 00:10:55,507
So basically, I want to do
something nice for my employees.
198
00:10:56,018 --> 00:10:58,179
Atlantic City. Ok?
199
00:10:58,372 --> 00:11:01,015
They have this thing
where they send a bus,
200
00:11:01,179 --> 00:11:02,992
Right for free, picks everybody up,
201
00:11:03,098 --> 00:11:06,012
and head down there, get to
the hotel, the room is count.
202
00:11:06,214 --> 00:11:08,587

They give you a big pile

of chips, and your food.
203
00:11:08,741 --> 00:11:13,000
Everything just kind of a all
inclusive free kind of weekend.
204
00:11:13,176 --> 00:11:14,896
I don't know of anything like that.
205
00:11:15,176 --> 00:11:18,754
But, you know what you might want to
do is just call the casino directly,
206
00:11:19,024 --> 00:11:21,127
- Maybe.
- Yep yep, yep.
207
00:11:22,217 --> 00:11:24,282
I did, so.
208
00:11:35,973 --> 00:11:37,671
Wait what are you writing?
209
00:11:37,767 --> 00:11:40,082
Don't write Ebola, or mad cow disease.
210
00:11:40,536 --> 00:11:42,407
All right?
211
00:11:42,561 --> 00:11:44,741
Cause I'm suffering from both of them.
212
00:11:45,648 --> 00:11:47,732
- I'm inventing new diseases.
- Oh great.
213
00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:50,857
So let's say that my
teeth turn to liquid
214
00:11:51,147 --> 00:11:53,462
And then, they drip down
the back of my throat.
215
00:11:53,578 --> 00:11:54,754
What would you call that?

216
00:11:54,870 --> 00:11:56,549
I thought you said you
were inventing diseases?
217
00:11:56,684 --> 00:11:59,134
That's spontaneous
"dentohydroplosion"
218
00:12:00,079 --> 00:12:01,835
- Nice.
- Thank you.
219
00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:04,314
Calling to ask you a little
favor Rooney my friend.
220
00:12:05,481 --> 00:12:09,031
I'm trying to give the troops
around here a little bit of a boost
221
00:12:09,147 --> 00:12:10,844
And I was thinking that
222
00:12:10,941 --> 00:12:14,568
maybe we could take them down
to take a spin on your big ride.
223
00:12:16,034 --> 00:12:18,986
<i>You mean the elevator that
takes you down in the mine shaft? </i>
224
00:12:19,111 --> 00:12:20,732
<i>It's not really a ride. </i>
225
00:12:21,060 --> 00:12:23,491
It says here that it's a...
226
00:12:23,954 --> 00:12:25,873
300 foot drop.
227
00:12:26,163 --> 00:12:29,327
<i>Well that goes 300 feet in the
earth but it moves really slowly. </i>
228
00:12:30,909 --> 00:12:32,857
So it's not a free fall?

229
00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:35,375
<i>It's a industrial coal elevator. </i>
230
00:12:37,439 --> 00:12:39,889
All right. Once you get
down into the mine,
231
00:12:41,057 --> 00:12:43,719
what, you got laser tag or something?
232
00:12:43,825 --> 00:12:47,047
OK ok so I don't know what
the surprise is, am I worried?
233
00:12:47,192 --> 00:12:49,815
Nooo. No way.
You see I thrive on this.
234
00:12:50,172 --> 00:12:53,491
This is my world, this is improv,
this it "whose line is it anyway".
235
00:12:54,611 --> 00:12:59,543
<i>Damn it! damn it! Jim! </i>
236
00:12:59,616 --> 00:13:02,125
All right, who did this?
237
00:13:02,249 --> 00:13:04,487
I'm not mad, I just want to know
who did it, so I can punish them.
238
00:13:04,565 --> 00:13:05,838
What are you talking about?
239
00:13:06,204 --> 00:13:09,754
"Someone", forged medical
information, and that is felony.
240
00:13:10,015 --> 00:13:13,150
Ok "wow", cause that is
a pretty intense accusation.
241
00:13:13,217 --> 00:13:15,687
How do you know that they're fake?

242
00:13:15,938 --> 00:13:17,944
Uh, Leprosy?
243
00:13:18,725 --> 00:13:20,925
Flesh eating bacteria.
244
00:13:21,938 --> 00:13:23,944
Hot dog fingers.
245
00:13:24,889 --> 00:13:28,188
Government created
killer nano robot infection
246
00:13:30,175 --> 00:13:31,468
- You did this didn't you?
- Absolutely not.
247
00:13:31,545 --> 00:13:32,529
- Yes you did.
- No I didn't.
248
00:13:32,587 --> 00:13:34,401
I know it was you.
Ok fine, you know what?
249
00:13:34,449 --> 00:13:36,436
I'm gonna have to interview
each and everyone of you
250
00:13:36,667 --> 00:13:39,330
Until the perpetrator
makes him or herself known.
251
00:13:39,475 --> 00:13:43,188
And until that time, there will be
no healthcare coverage for anyone.
252
00:13:46,931 --> 00:13:51,330
- Killer Nano Robots?
- It's an epidemic.
253
00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:57,677
The problem Jim, is that people
who are really suffering
254
00:13:57,846 --> 00:14:00,981
from a medical condition,

won't receive the care they need,

255
00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:05,575
because someone in this office has
coming up with all those ridiculous stuff
256
00:14:07,396 --> 00:14:10,121
- "Count Choculitis. ".
- Sounds tough.
257
00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:12,641
Why did you write that down Jim?
258
00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:15,041
- Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?
- Do you?
259
00:14:16,638 --> 00:14:19,320
I think you need to confess the fact.
260
00:14:19,588 --> 00:14:20,925
- Yeah.
- What are you doing?
261
00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:22,661
- What?
- Those are my keys.
262
00:14:22,794 --> 00:14:25,061
- Good luck.
- Jim! Damn it!
263
00:14:25,272 --> 00:14:29,028
No! Jim let me out. Jim, let...
264
00:14:29,390 --> 00:14:32,227
The light green is a green.
265
00:14:38,517 --> 00:14:39,945
<i>- Jim Halpert.
- Let me out. </i>
266
00:14:40,061 --> 00:14:41,932
<i>- Who is this?
- Let me out or you're fired. </i>
267
00:14:42,067 --> 00:14:45,028

<i>- No, you can't fire me.

- Yes I can, I'm manager for the day. </i>
268
00:14:45,163 --> 00:14:46,437
<i>Clean out your desk. </i>
269
00:14:46,475 --> 00:14:49,003
Ok, can you hold on one
second, I'm getting a bip.
270
00:14:52,003 --> 00:14:53,932
<i>- Jim Halpert.
- Hey Jim, it's Pam. </i>
271
00:14:53,999 --> 00:14:56,411
Hey Pam!
How are you?
272
00:14:56,479 --> 00:14:57,829
- Jim open the door!
- Good. How are you?
273
00:14:57,887 --> 00:14:59,160
- I'm doing ok,
- Busy?
274
00:14:59,218 --> 00:15:01,099
- Getting excited for the week end now.
- Yeah.
275
00:15:01,157 --> 00:15:03,665
- Yeah, what are you up to?
- I'm not bothering you am I?
276
00:15:03,810 --> 00:15:05,679
- No not all.
- You don't have anything you're doing.
277
00:15:05,756 --> 00:15:07,222
- I have nothing to do.
- Oh great.
278
00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:10,097
Yeah no, this week end nothing
I'm not really doing anything.
279
00:15:10,222 --> 00:15:12,422
- Might go to the mall.

- The mall?
280
00:15:12,586 --> 00:15:15,674
- I need new shoes.
- How interesting, what kind of shoes?
281
00:15:16,606 --> 00:15:18,311
<i>- Hello?
- Hello.</i>
282
00:15:18,470 --> 00:15:21,576
This is Dwight Schrute
calling for Jan Levinson-Gould.
283
00:15:22,029 --> 00:15:23,727
<i>This is Jan. </i>
284
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:27,132
Hi, Dwight Schrute calling,
acting manager Scranton branch,
285
00:15:27,431 --> 00:15:30,267
Listen I need your permission
to fire Jim Halpert.
286
00:15:30,759 --> 00:15:33,036
<i>- Who is this?
- Dwight Schrute.</i>
287
00:15:33,962 --> 00:15:35,795
<i>- From sales?
- Well.</i>
288
00:15:35,881 --> 00:15:39,431
<i>- Where is Michael Scott?
- He is not here right now.</i>
289
00:15:39,508 --> 00:15:42,190
He put me in charge of the office.
290
00:15:42,556 --> 00:15:46,048
<i>Dwight, listen to me very carefully,
you are not a manager of anything. </i>
291
00:15:46,203 --> 00:15:49,502
<i>- Understand?
- That's not entirely true,</i>

292
00:15:49,984 --> 00:15:52,627
Because he put me in charge
of picking a healthcare plan.
293
00:15:53,322 --> 00:15:54,672
<i>- Really?
- Yeah.</i>
294
00:15:54,769 --> 00:15:55,502
<i>Ok. </i>
295
00:15:55,569 --> 00:15:57,865
<i>when Michael gets back, you tell
him to call me immediately. </i>
296
00:15:57,923 --> 00:15:59,216
<i>- Call you immediately, good.
- Yes. </i>
297
00:15:59,621 --> 00:16:02,032
Listen, since I have you on the phone,
298
00:16:03,518 --> 00:16:05,737
<i>- Can I fire Jim?
- No. </i>
299
00:16:05,929 --> 00:16:08,013
<i>Please don't use my
cell phone ever again. </i>
300
00:16:08,090 --> 00:16:09,749
This is your cell, I thought
this was your off...
301
00:16:17,485 --> 00:16:20,428
Everybody ice cream sandwiches.
302
00:16:21,161 --> 00:16:24,016
There you go take one
take one it's all good.
303
00:16:24,112 --> 00:16:26,080
Phyllis, safe pass.
304
00:16:26,833 --> 00:16:29,186
I see Angela right, Angela!

305
00:16:30,961 --> 00:16:33,315
Hey, temp, why don't you take two.
306
00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:37,106
Because you don't get healthcare,
and faster metabolism.
307
00:16:37,328 --> 00:16:40,029
Did you get the kind with
the cookies, instead of the?
308
00:16:40,145 --> 00:16:42,479
Why don't you just eat it?
Ok.
309
00:16:42,566 --> 00:16:45,431
Here you go Stanley the "manly"!
310
00:16:45,836 --> 00:16:46,974
- Thanks.
- There you go.
311
00:16:47,013 --> 00:16:48,691
This isn't the big surprise is it?
312
00:16:48,846 --> 00:16:51,199
Because we've been having
a pretty horrible day.
313
00:16:51,334 --> 00:16:53,592
Nope, nope.
314
00:16:53,678 --> 00:16:55,145
This isn't the surprise.
315
00:16:55,222 --> 00:16:58,309
It's surprising, because
you didn't expect it.
316
00:16:58,858 --> 00:17:01,665
But you'll, you'll know
it when you see it.
317
00:17:03,305 --> 00:17:05,601
Michael, Michael!
318

00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:21,316

I tried being rational.
Ok, and what happened?
319
00:17:21,451 --> 00:17:24,194
The employees went crazy,
I got no hope from corporate,
320
00:17:24,390 --> 00:17:26,168
so that leaves me with no options.
321
00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:28,670
I'm now gonna read aloud your
submitted medical conditions.
322
00:17:28,986 --> 00:17:32,182
When you hear yours read, please raise
your hand, indicate that it is real
323
00:17:32,393 --> 00:17:35,317
If you do not raise your hand,
it will not be covered.
324
00:17:35,437 --> 00:17:37,970
- What about confidentiality?
- You know what?
325
00:17:38,149 --> 00:17:42,309
You have forfeited that privilege.
I have tried to treat you all as adults.
326
00:17:42,551 --> 00:17:45,354
But obviously, I'm the only adult here.
327
00:17:45,534 --> 00:17:49,272
Number one, inverted penis.
328
00:17:53,552 --> 00:17:58,315
Could you mean vagina?
Because if you do I want that covered.
329
00:17:58,541 --> 00:18:01,268
I thought your vagina was removed
during you hysterectomy.
330
00:18:01,419 --> 00:18:06,031
A uterus is different from a
vagina. I still have a vagina.

331
00:18:20,414 --> 00:18:24,521
Ok great. "Germatitus".
Thank you Angela,
332
00:18:24,671 --> 00:18:30,511
I'll make sure that's covered. Ok now,
who wrote this, this hysterical one?
333
00:18:30,926 --> 00:18:33,564
- Anal fissures.
- That's a real thing.
334
00:18:33,770 --> 00:18:36,936
Yeah but no one here has it.
335
00:18:38,254 --> 00:18:41,208
Someone has it.
336
00:18:52,117 --> 00:18:54,952
- Do you think we should go.
- I don't know, Kevin this is important.
337
00:18:54,962 --> 00:18:56,245
I don't want futileness.
338
00:18:56,670 --> 00:18:59,744
- What is he doing?
- I don't know.
339
00:19:09,089 --> 00:19:10,613
Well?
340
00:19:10,768 --> 00:19:12,292
Well, what?
341
00:19:12,417 --> 00:19:15,157
- You could be referring to anything.
- Ok,
342
00:19:15,446 --> 00:19:16,642
The healthcare plan.
343
00:19:16,690 --> 00:19:19,256
Why did you put Dwight in charge
of that, he did an horrible job.

344
00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:21,465
Dwight?
345
00:19:21,639 --> 00:19:24,022
- Did you raise benefits?
- I most certainly did not.
346
00:19:24,774 --> 00:19:26,877
come on! That's horrible!
347
00:19:28,353 --> 00:19:30,707
Thanks Dwight for a crappy plan.
348
00:19:31,893 --> 00:19:33,205
Damn.
349
00:19:34,797 --> 00:19:37,266
I wish I had time to change it, but...
350
00:19:37,584 --> 00:19:40,874
Jan needs it by five and...
What time is it? What time is it?
351
00:19:41,366 --> 00:19:43,874
It's after five.
352
00:19:44,250 --> 00:19:46,642
It's awful.
353
00:19:46,739 --> 00:19:49,141
So well, ok.
354
00:19:49,353 --> 00:19:51,977
See you guys on Monday.
355
00:19:52,739 --> 00:19:54,832
What about the surprise?
356
00:19:55,198 --> 00:19:57,330
Yes exactly.
357
00:19:57,446 --> 00:20:00,398
Thank you Angela
for reminding me.
358

00:20:01,314 --> 00:20:02,887

Terrific.
359
00:20:03,060 --> 00:20:05,144
Before I tell everybody
what the big surprise is,
360
00:20:05,616 --> 00:20:08,954
would you like to tell me,
what you think the big surprise is?
361
00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:12,282
We all think you don't have a surprise.
362
00:20:12,359 --> 00:20:15,967
All right, I have some news for you.
There is a big surprise.
363
00:20:17,356 --> 00:20:20,182
And... here it is, here we go...
364
00:20:20,424 --> 00:20:22,044
And
365
00:20:22,198 --> 00:20:25,034
the big surprise is...
366
00:20:27,552 --> 00:20:28,941
Drum roll.
367
00:20:49,092 --> 00:20:52,777
<i>When I am backed into a corner,
that is when I come alive. </i>
368
00:20:53,549 --> 00:20:56,404
See I learned improv
from the greats, like...
369
00:20:57,388 --> 00:20:59,317
Drew Carey and Ryan Styles.
370
00:21:12,089 --> 00:21:15,118
Robin Williams, oh man, would
I love to go head to head with him.
371
00:21:16,584 --> 00:21:19,189
That would be exciting!

"Hi, I'm Mork from Ork. "

372
00:21:19,488 --> 00:21:21,996
"Well I'm Bork for Smork".
373
00:21:22,119 --> 00:21:24,915
"anounanouzoubliblublu"
374
00:21:52,726 --> 00:21:54,869
Jan wants you to call her.