-by patrick doyle-

three stories

knock, knock at that shitty apartment

In a shitty apartment there were four or five people. The last thing they did was drink beer. Doug had teeth that were like he was an automaton. His oral hygiene was so poor his teeth looked like titanium. He was drinking malt beverages. Everyone was drinking malt beverages. "Knock, knock" and the heads in the apartment turned. Everyone became very

quiet. Paul took a sip off his can and started to walk out of the room into the kitchen. The kitchen lead to a bathroom, a bedroom or a small room that lead onto a balcony. Doug's girlfriend answered the door, meaning she didn't open it but asked who it

was. it was Kristi. Kristi was pissed off and looking for Paul. Paul stopped talking to her after they had casual sex which lead into Paul saying a lot of things he didn't mean. He became bored with her and avoided her calls.

"I know Paul is here," she said. "He is in there." "He isn't here," replied Doug's girlfriend. "That's bullshit," she said.

Paul was laughing in the kitchen and then realized he laughed very loudly. His laugh became more exasperated because he wanted to be quiet. "I just heard Paul laugh. Let me in," she said.

"He isn't here now go away," said Doug's girlfriend. Paul went on the balcony and lit a cigarette. He looked out over the parking lot of

the apartment building. He saw someone he worked with at a job he hated. They lived and said she was gone. Paul started to lean over the balcony and waited. Kristi was walking back to her car. Paul yelled down to her. "Au revoir, bitch!" he yelled. "Fuck you, Paul, and fuck you too!" she pointed up at them. Paul finished the can of malt and threw it into a bag for returnables. He came

across the lot at another apartment building. Doug's girlfriend came out on the balcony

back into the main room laughing hysterically. He wondered if Kristi had called his

phone or texted him over the few days he was avoiding her. He was thankful he threw his work.

his cellphone into the river. He thought about what he would do if Kristi showed up at

Friday Night

Calvin was putting on a button-up shirt in the mirror. He stared at himself for a long time, fastening out the arms. The shirt was a bit small. Paula walked in and looked at him. Thats a nice shirt, she said, Thats a good choice.

Calvin stared at himself longer and then started buttoning the shirt. He sighed, forced out the excess air and looked at Paula. He stopped buttoning the shirt after the third notch and swung around, putting his hands in the back pockets of his jeans. He looked at Paula out of the corner of his eye, she was watching him. I hate it, he said. Hate the shirt? she asked. No. The way I look. Try on some different clothes, she said, extending her arms onto his shoulders.

He broke from her subtle embrace and sat on the bed. He adjusted the lampshade on the dresser, causing the light to face away from him and onto a tired corner of the room. Calvin, what is it? I just dont like the way I look, he said.

What about the way you look dont you like? Talk to me. She sat on the bed. something besides him, a window of the room and Paula were in it. This! This is what I dont like, he said. up high on his head. He stood up and walked towards the mirror, extending his arms towards it as if

What is this? she asked. He whipped towards her with his eye wide and brows

sighed softly and put his hands on his hips. He started wrestling the notches of his belt and began to step out of the jeans he had on. When he saw that Paulas gaze hadnt been interrupted, he stopped and pulled them back up, tugging the belt around his hips. look at me and think about how someone like you could be caught dead with me. Thats not true. Youre so handsome, she said. I just dont want to go in public. I feel really ugly. Hideous, awful. People probably

Anything! Look at me and then look at you. I cant go out like this, he said. He

I dont feel very handsome, he said. Shaking her compliment out of his ears, he started clawing at his shirt, trying to pull it off. When his head crowned the buttoned collared shirt, the fabric split apart and his neck was caught. He stopped moving and his neck hung in the air. Paula sighed and walked over to him. She unbuttoned some of the buttons. Why did you do that, she said. You are being ridiculous. She got the shirt off

him and stared at it for a while. She felt very sad about the shirt, a little frustrated as well and went over to the dresser. She started pulling out shirts that she thought looked good on Calvin. She tossed them on the bed. I dont know, he said. One of these should be okay, she said. Try on this one, she said, holding up a gray Polo shirt.

Okay, he said, grabbing the shirt. He put it on and when he pulled through the neck he met his own image in the mirror. All the commotion with the shirts made his of the three on the shirt. hair a mess. He took his hands and started patting it down, then started buttoning two I guess this is alright, he said. It is a really nice shirt on you, babe, she said. now, he said. Can we just go now, I want to just get going. I have clothes on and am ready Okay, let me just go touch up my face in the mirror. Were meeting Rob and

Claire in about twenty minutes, we have enough time, she said.

Okay, he said and walked out of the room. Paula trailed behind him and grabbed

her makeup off her dresser. She gave one last look in this mirror, fixing a part in her hair.

Her Favorite Sade Album was Stronger Than Pride

house he had to cross through, there was no one there. He walked through, down the decline and stepped over the small creek by using the rocks. He went through the tall field on the picnic tables near the shack, he felt his stomach sink. What if everyone already knew? After slithering his way across the field, the group had already noticed him and grass and was presented by the field. When he saw that everyone was already across the

Samuel walked down a side street on the way. He checked the windows in the

bobbed their heads in recognition. Samuel felt as though life were playing through

'home-movie-vision' and sat down quickly to avoid falling over. David looked at him

first and smiled. David's girlfriend, Claudia, looked at him briefly, said a quick hello and looked at the ground. Doug was finishing a bottle of cough medicine and asked Samuel what was new. Oh, uh, not much. I just woke up like, a half hour ago.

Why'd you sleep in so late? It's beautiful out today. You know, you can miss a lot just staying in as much as you do. said Doug as the last of the purple liquid vacated the world and into his. Samuel shrugged and looked over at Claudia again. Did she tell David? Was he

going to rip out Samuel's throat any second? Maybe let it soak in before an elaborately planned homicide? He considered the options as he saw them and ways he could work within them to guarantee survival. He looked at Claudia again and felt a splintering Samuel felt bewildered. Was this a poison cigarette? Who offers a cigarette pain. He looked at David again. David met his eyes and he offered Samuel a cigarette.

nowadays? How'd he get those? Everyone they knew was under 18. How'd he get them? Nervousness now will get someone nowhere; act natural, breathe easy, tell yourself its okay. He took the cigarette and asked if anyone had any matches. Almost rhythmically looked at the ember of the match become spent he felt all of his morals go flickering; time was standing still and a sense of deep, utter betrayal hit. While staring at the grass, Samuel thought about what he had done. He had done

David produced matches from his pocket. Samuel felt dizzy and lit the cigarette. As he

the worst thing you could do. Claudia had done the worst thing you could do. The

cigarette smoke got into his eyes, disrupting his thoughts. Samuel looked at David again and made a sad facial expression. David was laughing and kissing into Claudia's neck. She looked at Samuel while David kissed her neck. There were footsteps heard. The crunching of branches in the nearby woods.

Everyone turned their heads. Out stepped Adam, Peter and Aaron, all were smiling. David got up and shook Peter's hand firmly. The whole gang was here now. Samuel looked at everyone and felt as though he were looking down at them from a nearby messages, the texts, where he felt like Claudia was initiating 'flirting'.

branch or from the bottom of the dirt, looking up. He saw visualizations of the Facebook Samuel thought of two nights ago in Claudia's room. Her room decorated with

artwork he couldn't understand. The nervousness of the encounter. He couldn't put a

condom on right. Her favorite Sade album was Stronger Than Pride. He could smell the incense burning and also the smell of her skin that reminded him of birthday cake as nothing was bad. The lights turned off, the only thing visible was a glow-in-the-dark poster, the flickering ember of the incense stick and the white of their skin. beach? Samuel! said David. Samuel froze and looked up, horrified. Want to go to the Uh, uh, no. No thanks, replied Samuel, looking up at David. The sun was behind a child; the moment when wishes were true, nothing was trapped in the frames of reality,

David so he appeared as some sort of heavenly figure.

Suit yourself. Were all going. We'll be back later. Everyone left except Samuel, Claudia and Doug. I wish we had something to drink, said Doug, lighting a cigarette.

Claudia pulled out a Sobe lifewater. Doug shook his head and said he meant something alcoholic. Samuel laid back on the grass, propped up by his shoulders, which worry. Doug mindlessly flipped a cigarette in his hands. I hate raves. said Samuel. were becoming caked in dirt. He glanced at Claudia and she gave back a look of terrible A rave is happening in Vermont on Saturday night, said Doug. I like raves except I don't think I have the money. said Claudia. Do they still have choose your own adventure books? asked Doug. Yes, said Samuel and Claudia accidentally in perfect unison. They looked at each other and Claudia blushed. Samuel didn't smile. He

wondered if Doug was suspicious or knew something. Doug was now looking at the sky, rapping incoherently. Claudia and Samuel were silent. Doug huffed and got up and said he'd be back, he was going to see if there were any older people downtown who would Doug crunching through the woods, taking the scenic route and his noises becoming more and more distant. Claudia stared at Samuel and he stared back. What...are you uh, feeling? asked Samuel. Nothing, said Claudia. No. We should probably tell David. We have to, he'll find out eventually. Claudia, I love you. buy him beer. He asked if they wanted any. They didn't want anything. They could hear

No, he won't. Not if you keep your mouth shut and don't blow it. Shut up. They'll probably be back from the beach soon.

No matter what you say, I love you, Claudia, and I know you love me. Claudia blushed and kicked the ground across from Samuel. Samuel, we can't ever be anything. I'm with David. It was a mistake. I was on something. No, you weren't. You were fine. You probably were on something too, Sam, how would you know. Why did you do that with me then? And to David?

Samuel felt even worse. He felt this strong guilt and betrayal because he loved his friends girlfriend who he shared intimacy with, but she didn't care for him back. At all. Oh, Sam, what's wrong. Fuck you, Why? He looked at Claudia in disbelief. He got up and sat on the picnic table, kicking his feet.

You just use people. You are awful. You use people for what you want and then manipulate them. I'm so awful and you're the one who goes behind your friend's back. Samuel leaped off the picnic table and landed in front of Claudia. He scowled at

her and eventually turned around, looking back at her, returning to the picnic table. Claudia gave a faint smile, amused at Samuel's antics.

I do feel bad. I feel awful. This is the worst I've felt in a long time. As long as I

can remember. At least I'm the one who wants to try and make things better through telling David. You just want to go on like nothing ever happened. Exactly, said Claudia.

I don't get how you can just be like this. How any of you, any of you people at all...can be so...selfish! Will you just tell me? Will you just tell me how you can make a big mistake, and instead of owning up to it at all, you just hide it away?! I don't understand you, Claudia, and the worst of it is that I am in love with you!

Sam, relax. I'm sure David has probably done something behind my back and

never told me. It's kind of what just happens, I guess. Maybe he has been faithful this willing to live in that same way with him, and having him never be quite sure.

whole time, maybe not. How should I know? I'm sure if I asked him, he'd say 'no'. I'm Samuel's mouth dropped. He couldn't understand and part of him didn't want to.

He felt like throwing up. He looked at a bird fly across the sky and he wondered if he could die and maybe come back as a bird. He felt oddly aroused from Claudia's mouth. dissonance and brutal honesty that he had to swallow some saliva that had built up in his Claudia pulled on an elastic around her wrist and let it snap hard against her skin,

causing irritation and a red mark to form. She repeatedly did this as she thought about the beach, death, if Doug would bring back beer and where her mother left her wallet. She looked at Samuel and exhaled slowly. He wasn't looking at her. Doug came back with three 24 ounce cans of Steel Reserve malt liquor. He said

two were for him and that the other could go to someone else. Claudia bit her lip. Doug gave her the can. After about twenty minutes everyone else showed up with towels on their backs to shield from the sun. They all smiled and talked about the beach. David asked what everyone did while they were gone. Claudia said they talked about music Samuel and nodded, smiling. Samuel gave a half-smile and shrugged. sandal lightly.

while Doug got some beer. Doug offered David a few sips off the can. David looked at Samuel got up and walked over to David. He got his attention by kicking at his Hey, David, David turned and looked at him. Yeah? Claudia stared with deep, dark, vacant eyes into Samuel. She gritted her teeth and gave Samuel a look as though he wouldn't live to finish his sentence. Samuel thought about how religions were formed through honest people, through doing moral good, how civilizations were built on teamwork, how the pyramids would have never been real

without some sort of cooperation, how his mother and father would never have had him

if they were not honest and good to one another. He suddenly realized all of what he just thought was complete and utter bullshit. Nevermind.

patrick-doyle.tumblr.com, facebook.com/patrickdoyle

Patrick Doyle is twenty-two and lives in Maine.