Out Here in Space By Justin Allen Pierce

Copyright 2013

(812) 350-6584 jpierce@bsu.edu 3751 Premier Drive Columbus, Indiana 47201

Cast of Characters BOY: A boy trying to express. The voice of God. A representation of mankind. A troubled teenager. A pet. A fish. A southern bell. A seductress. A girl with all of the answers. A god of sorts. A mothers voice. A blunt twenty something trying to deal with the death of her father. A ghost. A man who, through his death, has grown wise. An excitable and loyal friend. Sexually adventurous. A fish A twenty something with trust issues, trying to save his relationship. An inconsistent being. A character. A clown. A thinker. A well-meaning father. A failure in his own eyes. A widow. A young romantic who sees the good in everything. Wise in his own way. (MORE)

DANIEL: DARMISH/FEMALE VOICE: GIRL/MOTHERS VOICE:

JANE:

JANES FATHER: JOE/JACK THE CLOWNFISH:

JORDAN:

PAGE:

PETER:

RONALD:

Cast of Characters (contd) SIMON: An inconsistent being. A clown. A gentleman. British.

ACT I: STEPS Scene 1: STARS IN SPACE The stage is completely dark for a few moments before a single spotlight, fixed on JOE, flickers a bit then lights up completely. From this moment on a spotlight lights up on each character who speaks. The only characters who share a spotlight are JORDAN/JANE and BOY/GIRL. The only character not standing is GIRL who sits on the floor hugging her knees. They are all either staggered or in a straight line across the stage. JOE Hello? Can somebody please tell me where the hell I am? SIMON (Holding his hands out in front of him.) It feels so black. DANIEL Im just guessing here, but Im going to say were not in Kansas anymore. PAGE (Holding out her hands a little lower than SIMON.) It feels so lack. PETER (At DANIEL.) For the last time, will you stop with the humor? SIMON/PAGE It feels so unruly. DANIEL (Honestly.) Sorry. PETER Its always the humor with you. Humor is not always the appropriate response. DANIEL (A bit incredulous.) Im sorry! PETER It almost never is, so hold your tongue!

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

2.

JANES FATHER (Taking a small step forward.) The boy said he was sorry. PAGE It feels like inflicting pain. PETER Well, I dont like his humor. SIMON It feels like... Static electricity. On my fingertips. And neck. DARMISH (Suddenly.) Static makes me nervous. Yall arent static, are you? JOE (Annoyed.) Can we please stop with all the freaky talk? Look, I wanna know where were at right now, because I was just in my bathroom and Im pretty sure this isnt my bathroom. I live in an apartment and this is way too roomy. (Long moment as they all look up, thinking.) Well? JANE (Looking up. Simply.) Space. (The group looks over to her. She gives them a glance as well, then points up slightly.) I dont know why, but I think- Were in space. Long beat. SIMON (As if testing the word.) Space? PAGE Space? SIMON Space! PAGE (Yelling.) Well-who-da-thunk-it, Simon! Were in space!

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

3.

DANIEL You might wanna say it again. I dont think we all got it the first three times. Beat. PAGE Well-who-da-thunk-it, Simon! Were in space! Beat. SON scoffs. PETER Wait a minute. What kind of space could this be? JANE Care to elaborate? JORDAN Is this some nameless and lifeless void or... Something else entirely? JANE (Shaking her head slightly.) Theres no tellin. JORDAN takes JANEs hand. PETER This cant be space. JANE (Unimpressed.) Yet here we are. RONALD But there arent any stars... Shouldnt there be stars? JANE Youd think so. JORDAN Hes right, Jane. This cant be(JANE looks to him. He hesitates.) If we were in space there would be stars. JANE Were in space. RONALD Then whered they go?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

4.

PAGE (Again, feeling the air in front of her.) This does feel like a space. SIMON (Stretching his arms out in odd directions.) Kind of tall and wide like a space. PAGE It feels so... SIMON/PAGE Deliberate. They look and gasp at each other. PETER (Not paying any attention to SIMON or PAGE.) But what is space without stars? DARMISH An empty bowl? RONALD An open field? JANES FATHER (Gentle, yet prominent. Looking up.) Space without stars is just a cloudy day. Beat. BOY (Suddenly. Surprising even himself.) Maybe the stars never existed! (GIRL knocks on the floor.) Maybe they just arent visible up close! (GIRL knocks on the floor.) Maybe(GIRL knocks on the floor.) We could be(GIRL knocks on the floor. BOY looks forward, as if in a trance. Beat.) We are the stars. BLACKOUT

5.

SCENE 2: CHICAGO, DONT KILL YOURSELF The lights open up on two sets. On stage left, a bed sits with an end table beside of it. A cellphone sits on the table. There is a noticeable lump under the covers of the bed. On stage right, the door of an apartment, marked B16, sits. There is a potted plant sitting directly stage right of the door. JORDAN stands stage right with a bouquet of flowers in hand. He knocks at the door and waits. Nothing happens. He knocks again. Again, nothing. He pulls a cellphone out of his pocket, dials it and turns around towards to audience as he puts the phone to his ear. On stage left, the cellphone rings and the lump under the covers begins to move slowly at first, then more prominently. Suddenly a hand flies out from under the covers and grabs the phone. JANE sits up and pulls it to her ear. JANE (Sleepily.) Hello? JORDAN (Carefully. Trying to sound relaxed.) Hey, Jane... JANE (Wary. After a moment.) Hi there. JORDAN Did I wake you up? JANE No, Ive- uh- Ive been up for a couple(She yawns.) -reading. JORDAN Good. Good... Because I would have felt really bad if I had woken you up... And so if I didnt, Im glad that I didnt. JANE (Annoyed.) You really didnt. JORDAN You sure?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: JANE

6.

(Incredulous. Warning.) Jordan, dont start this again. Im not going to sit here and lie to you aboutJORDAN No, I know that. Just making sure is all. Honestly. (Beat. He looks around, not sure what to say.) Ok, can I tell you something? But you have to promise you wont freak out. JANE Ok? JORDAN Im outside of your apartment right now. JANE (After a moment.) Jordan, what are youJORDAN I came to Chicago. That may be crazy, but I felt so shitty about last week and I just... I just dont want to fuck this up. Ok? And with the way we left things it felt like I did. Fuck this up. And so... I emptied out my savings, bought a plane ticket, and... I just needed to see you. I do trust you and Im gonna start showing you. I swear. I(There is a long silence. Neither knows what to say.) Hello? JANE Im sorry, too. JORDAN Thank God. Alright, let me in. I want to do this face to face. JANE Jordan. I cant. JORDAN What do you mean? JANE Im not in my apartment right now. Im in California. JORDAN (A bit hurt.) Look, I get it. I messed up. But you dont have to-

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

7.

JANE (Surprisingly angry.) Im not fucking lying lying to you, Jordan! This is exactly the problem! If I dont want to talk to you, Ill say so! Im not going to create some fucking half assed excuse to(Beat. Getting emotional.) Im not a(She stops. Shes begun to get too emotional.) JORDAN (Sensing something is wrong.) Jane...? Whats wrong? Long beat. JANE (Numb.) Two days ago my dad overdosed on a hand full of my moms meds. (Beat.) He put his Beach Boys cd into his stereo, turned it all the way up, wrote a letter and stuck it in his chest pocket... (Beat.) And now were out here making the- Uh- the arrangements. JORDAN Shit. (Beat.) Shit, Jane. Im so sorry... JANE (Quietly.) Sok. JORDAN No, I shouldve- Why didnt you tell me? JANE (Simple. Hard.) Hes not your problem. (Beat. Softer.) Sorry. Its really ok. It just... Sucks... JORDAN Yeah, no. I get that. JANE Im actually doing well... Considering.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

8.

Beat. JORDAN Good? Good... Beat. JANE sniffles. JANE Ok, well, Ill be back in a weekJORDAN (Immediately. Throw away.) A week? JANE (Continuing.) If you want to see me, you can stay at my place. Well talk when I get there. JORDAN A wee- I dont think I have a week, Jane. The plan was to come here and sweep you off your feet then head back home. Three days tops. I have to be at work on Monday andJANE Ok, well figure all of that out and if you decide to stay, theres a key under the potted plant and theres plently of food in the fridge. (Beat.) You can even feed the fish if you want to. JORDAN Darmish? JANE Yeah. And by that I mean please feed her. I dont want anyone else I know dying for at least a little while. JORDAN (Exhale. Hand through hair.) Ok. One week. (Beat.) Yeah, thats fine. Ill make it work. JANE Ok. JORDAN Yeah. Yeah, ok.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

9.

JANE I guess Ill see you then. I have to go deal with death and shit. JORDAN Right. Beat JANE Bye. The two hang up. After a moment, JORDAN grabs the key from under the potted plant and goes inside. JANE puts the phone back on the end table and lays back against the headboard. JANE (Suddenly.) Hey, mom! How you doin in there? MOTHERS VOICE (From off stage. Sad.) Im ok, honey. JANE Alright. (Beat.) Dont kill yourself, too. Beat. MOTHERS VOICE Ok, honey. JANE covers herself with the blanket again. BLACKOUT SCENE 3: THIS IS NOT A FIGHT The lights come on PETER standing downstage right. A moment passes before DANIEL enters upstage right and begins to cross diagonally downstage. PETER is facing the audience with his hands at his side. A moment passes before he speaks. PETER (Not looking.) Daniel, could you come here for a second?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

10.

DANIEL I was just heading out. PETER Please. Just come here for a moment. DANIEL Yeah, ok. PETER I need to speak to you. DANIEL Ok. PETER Man to man. DANIEL Ok. PETER Father to son. DANIEL Right. PETER This isnt easy for me, you know. Being a single parent. Thats never in the plans, and I understand that our lives have not always been easy. But... The way youve been lately... Beat. DANIEL How do you mean? PETER Your temper. The tone of your voice. The aura around you. DANIEL My aura? PETER Yes, youre becoming hostile and... And I cant have any of that in my household. Its counterproductive. DANIEL Im becoming hostile?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: PETER Yes, youDANIEL Im becoming fucking hostile? PETER You see? (Beat.) Yes. (Long beat. Almost to himself. Looking away.) I dont like you as much as I like your brother. DANIEL Jesus, dad! PETER What? DANIEL Could you not say that? PETER What would you want me to say? DANIEL I dont know! PETER Would you like me to lie to you?

11.

DANIEL At least preface it with an "I love you both" or some shit! PETER Watch the language. DANIEL I think I have an excuse. PETER No excuses. (Beat.) Im sorry that I said that. You make it hard sometimes... But I do love you both. You know that I do. (Beat.) Thats never going to change. Long beat. DANIEL stands a bit more relaxed. He puts his hands in his pockets.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

12.

DANIEL Then why does everything feel so different now? PETER (Honestly.) Thats the nature of things. DANIEL Im not used to it. PETER Youll learn. DANIEL I dont like it. PETER Youll live. DANIEL Im not used to being in second place. PETER I got used to it. DANIEL Yeah, but you dont count. Beat. PETER I dont agree with that, but for the sake of this conversation Im not going to fight you. DANIEL Oh, fuck you, dad. This isnt a fight? PETER No itDANIEL This isnt a fight? Everything here is! Its a fight just treading water here! I have to fight to get up every morning! To swallow down those dragon eggs that you people call pills! To not scream at the top of my lungs! To not ask the girl who sits in front of me in anatomy if I can see her anatomy! (Beat.) Every single thing that I experience every day of my life is a fight. (Beat.) This is a fight.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

13.

PETER Son... Sit down and listen to me for a second. DANIEL There isnt a chair. PETER Where are the chairs? DANIEL Ron took em. Hes building something, I think. Like, a fort or whatever. PETER Ok, then dont sit. Just listen. DANIEL Ok. PETER Ok? DANIEL Ok. PETER Ok? DANIEL Oh my God, ok. PETER Im going out tonight. Im going out tonight with a woman. I like this woman. She is very pretty and very nice. Ive been seeing her for some time now. I just thought you should know. DANIEL (Almost silent.) Ok. PETER Are you angry? DANIEL No. PETER Are you lying? Beat.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

14.

DANIEL Yes. PETER Whats wrong? DANIEL (Suddenly. Spitting venom.) Have you ever heard of a little thing called loyalty? PETER (Almost through clenched teeth.) It was till death do us part. We parted. DANIEL Well, hooray for you. Step off and exit on the left. Thanks for riding thePETER I dont know why I even tell you things anymore. DANIEL Then stop! Im not missing out when you dont speak. PETER DanielDANIEL Its incessant. I feel like I cant even think when youre around. PETER Im supposed to be a father to you boys. DANIEL Then do that. Just do it quietly. (Beat.) I mean, seriously. What is wrong with you? PETER (Honestly.) I think that Im going through a crisis of some sort. DANIEL And is that my fault? PETER Of course it isnt. Beat.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: DANIEL Then leave me out of it. DANIEL begins to exit. PETER Watch your brother for me.

15.

DANIEL I really hate to be the bad guy, dad, but youre fucking crazy if you think Im going to watch him so you can go out with your little whore. Begins to stalk off. Beat. PETER (Yelling.) Watch your mouth! (Beat.) And watch your brother! DANIEL simply flips him off as he walks off of stage left. PETER looks after him for a moment before sighing and exiting stage right. BLACKOUT SCENE 4: A BRIEF HISTORY OF ART The lights open up to BOY and GIRL sitting together at center stage. GIRL sits with her legs crossed while BOY leans back onto his hands. BOY looks at GIRL interestedly. After a few moments, she looks his way. She smiles politely and shifts her position on the floor slightly to face him more. He smiles back. BOY (After another moment of silence.) Can you speak? (She shakes her head.) Why cant you speak? (She shrugs.) Is it because of me? (She shrugs.) Is it because of you? (She thinks for a moment and then shakes her head.) Is it because of some unknown factor? (She nods, thinking. Simply.) Ok. (A long moment passes. He scratches his chest. She lies on her back and lifts her legs straight up into the air.) (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

16.

Ok. (Another moment passes. She brings her legs back down and sits up. They stare at each other for a moment before smiling. Inquisitive.) Did I harm you? (She shakes her head, taking a chance.) Ok, did I hurt you? (She shakes her head.) Ok, do you love me? (She smiles and shakes her head. He stares, unsure whether or not she meant it.) Do I love you? (She nods. He smiles, understanding her game.) Do I have a choice? (She thinks. She nods.) Do you have one? (She shrugs her shoulder and holds her hands up as if to say, "What?".) Do you have a choice to love me? (She thinks for a moment before nodding.) Do you enjoy history? (She shrugs. He lets out a miniscule chuckle.) So you enjoy art. My mother always said that there were two types: Those who love history and those who love art. Never both, though. (He becomes serious.) They arent kind to one another. Do you love art? (She shrugs.) Would you like to hear a brief history of art? (She shrugs.) Its not the only history. But it is a history. (She nods.) Well, in the beginning people wanted to express themselves. Most wrote poems and stories. Some sung songs about their troubles. About steam. And about why flowers smell so good. (She smiles and reaches over and knocks on the floor in front of him.) But there was a girl. And she couldnt speak. (She knocks her hand on the floor. Her brow is ruffled.) But there was a boy. And he couldnt speak. And he was a dashing young lad whom all of the women yearned for. (She knocks.) And he was ugly. (Beat.) He was ugly. (She nods, happily.) (MORE) (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

17.

BOY (contd) And because he was ugly, he was sad. But he could not cry because he could not speak. And because he could not speak he could not express himself. And all he wanted to do was express himself. He wanted to tell the world about how he wanted them to like him. About how he wanted to be a pretty person. (She knocks.) A beautiful person. (She knocks.) A... Person. (She nods, seriously. A moment passes.) But he couldnt tell the world that. And he couldnt write it because he was poor and had no money for education. And so one day after an uncommonly awful encounter with the pretty girl that lived across the street he decided that he wanted to draw. So he went to the fireplace(Knock.) Backyard. (Knock. The top of a volcano. (She nods.) And so he went to the top of a volcano and he found the sleekest, most perfect, form fitting volcano rock. (She knocks.) And so he found the most jagged and haggard volcano rock. (Knock.) And so he found(Knock.) And so he went(Knock. A serious moment passes as he thinks.) And so he jumped into the volcano. (She nods, seriously.) And suddenly the volcano felt sorrow for the young boy and wept openly, its edges spilling out the sadness that it help inside. Ten thousand years later, scientists dug up and discovered the most beautiful art piece in the world. Only they saw it as a bad thing. An ugly thing. But it wasnt. It was very beautiful. (The girl smiles smugly and gives him three slow claps. A second passes.) Why cant you speak? (She shrugs.) is it because Im ugly? (She shakes her head.) Do you like that Im ugly? (She nods, smiling cunningly.) And do you love me? (She thinks for a moment before shrugging. Worriedly.) (MORE) (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

18.

BOY (contd) I think that I need to know. (A moment passes before she shrugs, sadly. He speaks to the floor.) My mother always said that there are only two types: Those who love you and those who cant. (He looks over to her.) Do you love me? (A second passes as she puts her head down to think. He turns away.) Wait, dont tell me. (She knocks a few times, wanting him to look at her. She nods, mouthing "yes" over and over again. She knocks.) No, I cant look. (She knocks again, nodding animatedly.) Im sorry. I cant. (She knocks with both hands furiously. She wants to talk. She wants to tell him. She wants to let him know but she cant. Almost to himself.) Sometimes I wonder if youre the pretty girl or the ugly boy. (She turns towards the audience, sadly. She knocks once, feebly.) What do you think? (She knocks.) Are you the girl? (She shrugs. Knock.) Youre the boy? (Again, she shrugs. Knock. A moment passes.) Youre the volcano... (She nods, seriously. A long moment passes. He turns to her.) Why cant you speak? GIRL turns to him. BOY turns to face downstage, crosses his legs and stares ahead at the audience, thinking. She moves to a position on her knees. GIRL Why cant you listen? A second passes and he reaches slowly towards the ground in front of him. He knocks. BLACKOUT

19.

SCENE 5: IN WHICH PAGE IS PROPOSITIONED... The lights open up to an empty stage. A few moments later, SIMON and PAGE each come running on, each from opposite sides of the stage. They cross downstage center and SIMON immediately begins to do something resembling high steps. PAGE Simon, what in the world are you doing right now? SIMON Im on one of those things. PAGE One of those things at the gym? SIMON Yes. Im fake running. Faux running. PAGE Its a simulationSIMON Its a simulation. PAGE Oh yeah. SIMON Im also jogging, you know. When you run, youre walking, jogging, and running altogether in one. PAGE Thats cant be right! SIMON You cant be right! PAGE Dont speak like that! Everything spoken has at least a thirteen percent chance of coming true! (Beat. SIMON crouches a bit and mimes holding a large gun.) What in the world are you doing now? SIMON Could you please pay attention, Page? PAGE (Unimpressed. She mimes handing him a bill of some sort.) (MORE) (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

20.

PAGE (contd) Alright, Simon. Here is my payment of attention. Now what are you doing? SIMON pockets the fake bill. SIMON Thank you, Page! Youll be happy to know that Im hunting for an elephant. PAGE Ive never pictured you as the hunting type. SIMON Shut up, you mouse! Youll scare her away! PAGE Her? Youre hunting for female elephants? SIMON Sure am! PAGE But, Simon! Why kill the women? Whats up with that? SIMON (Beat. Shrugs.) I have mother problems. PAGE Well, I have father problems. SIMON No, you have insightful emotional problems that make you prone to violence. (Beat.) Want a gun? PAGE No thanks. SIMON Then shut up. At this, SIMON mimes shooting the gun, then throwing it away. Immediately he runs behind PAGE and begins to hug her. PAGE Ummm... What are you doing?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

21.

SIMON (He jumps off of her, as if his feeling have been hurt.) Im crying! Cant you tell? PAGE No. (Beat.) No. (Beat.) I cant. (Beat.) Nope. SIMON/PAGE Nada... (They gasp at each other.) Nuttin! (They gasp at each other.) I aint gettin nothing forSIMON (Simultaneous.) Christmas! PAGE (Simultaneous.) X-Mas! They immediately laugh at each other for messing up, then, having done that at the same time, they gasp at each other again. SIMON/PAGE Pinch poke you owe me seventy dollars and a pre-chewed piece of gum! Suddenly they look around, confused. They walk back to the center stage and look around at the audience. PAGE Simon, where are we? SIMON On a stage, Page. On a stage. PAGE Are we performing?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

22.

SIMON Always, page. PAGE Oh, dear... SIMON Dont be shy, now. Come, come. (SIMON takes PAGEs hand and leads her to downstage center to look at the audience members.) Go ahead. Go on. Say hi. PAGE (Shyly.) Hi. SIMON Again. And louder this time. PAGE (Louder.) Hi. SIMON (Perfectly pleased with himself.) Come on, you can do better than that. Beat. PAGE stares at SIMON for a moment. PAGE What are you doing? SIMON Simon says. Immediately, the two burst out into fits of laughter for at least ten seconds. PAGE Isnt that your name? SIMON It is! (Beat.) Isnt that weird? Weve known each other for so long... but we dont have sex. PAGE Im not into it.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

23.

SIMON Sex? PAGE Yeah, I find better ways to spend my time. SIMON Well, thats completely doubtful. (Beat.) Do you have some twine on you by any chance? PAGE (Pulls invisible sting from her pocket.) No, just this string. SIMON Damn. PAGE (Offering.) I have string. SIMON Damn. PAGE Take my string. SIMON Look, Im not into string. PAGE (To the audience.) I think I see where this is going. SIMON Have you said hi to all the nice people, Page? PAGE Yes. I already did. SIMON But were performing, Page. You must be polite. PAGE Again, Im aware. SIMON Look... I want to have sex with either you or that woman in the first row. (Points.) There. The cute one. The one that screams(Makes some odd gesture.) (MORE) (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

24.

SIMON (contd) I read books, not I like hooks. PAGE You mean that hooker? SIMON (Amused.) Stop it. No, the other one. The cute one. PAGE Oh, that one. Hi, cute one. PAGE waves at the cute one. SIMON (An aside. As if its an endearing trait.) Shes shy. PAGE (Holding her head sideways.) Is she Jewish? SIMON Page, no one is Jewish. PAGE I might be. SIMON No, you just have a prominent nose. PAGE You know, I worry about you. SIMON Who me? PAGE Yes. I worry. A lot. SIMON Worry? About me? PAGE Of course, I do. SIMON So can you help me?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

25.

PAGE No. I cant. I cant help you. SIMON Im just looking for an open mind. PAGE No, youre looking for a quicky in the back behind the shed. SIMON I thought youd never ask... PAGE Nothing you say makes sense. SIMON How dare you! At this, SIMON gives chase to PAGE who narrowly misses capture. Instead, SIMON does a front flip and lands on his back. He stands up, they look at each other, run towards each other, hug, then they melodramatically pretend to die. A few seconds later, they jump up, wave to the audience and run off. BLACKOUT

26. ACT 2: MIDST SCENE 1: QUESTIONS IN SPACE The lights open up to the group. They all stand for a moment before anyone speaks. RONALD hugs himself. GIRL still sits on the floor. JANE leans into JORDANs chest. He has his arms around her and she holds onto his arms. DARMISH stands looking a bit annoyed. JANES FATHER is completely turned around, looking upstage. PAGE and SIMON are quietly playing some kind of slow moving patty-cake-esque game that seems to have completely off the wall rules. PETER and DANIEL are turned away from one another. If they ever lock eyes in this scene, they should immediately turn away again. BOY and GIRL take turns staring at one another. RONALD I dont think that I like it here. JANES FATHER I dont think that were here to be impressed. BOY Arent we, though? GIRL nods. JANES FATHER Explain yourself. GIRL knocks. BOY Sorry, I cant. (GIRL knocks.) I dont want to. (GIRL knocks. He tries to change the subject. Quickly. With a fake smile.) Theres a certain sentience all around us. (The smile fades.) Dont you think? PETER The boy doesnt know what hes talking about. GIRL knocks, unappreciatedly. Awkward beat. DANIEL (Piping up. Pointing to BOY.) Well, then that settles is! Im with Mister Vague and Miss Mute over there! (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

27.

PETER Quiet. DANIEL (Continuing.) And as long as I have the spotlight, I think we should start voting somebody off the island. I vote Miss Mute over there. (Leans over and stares at GIRL who slowly realizes someone has referenced her. DANIEL gives her a fake smile and waves. He speaks as if she is mentally ill.) Yeah, hi there! Did you hear? The votes in and you are the weakest link! (Large, rude waving.) Goodbye! JANE (Angrily.) Shut your mouth, kid. JORDAN (Not quite stern.) Jane. DANIEL Oh yeah? Or what? JANE You better take control of that little shit before I do. Hes being rude and I dont have the time for it. JORDAN (Closer to stern.) Jane. JOE Woah! Woah! Lets take all of this passion and anger and turn it into a big old pile of "Can Do"! Because, Ive got a date in, like, two hours and I do not plan on being late. I take pride in my punctuality. You can ask anyone. JORDAN (Throw away.) Its true. BOY (At JOE.) You have a lot of confidence. (GIRL knocks.) I dont seem to have any. (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

28.

(GIRL knocks.) Can I have yours? SIMON (Suddenly. Loudly.) Look, Pa! Im in space! PAGE (Equally loud.) Look, Ma! No hands! DARMISH So what is space? Where is space? RONALD (Politely.) Maam, I believe were up above the earth. DARMISH And what in the world are we doing here? RONALD Were- um... Being stars. Beat. She stares at him, like he is stupid. DARMISH Its like hes trying to communicate with me. DANIEL Is she being serious? JANE Shut it, kid. PETER (Slaps the back of DANIELs head.) I told you! Stop speaking! JANES FATHER Will you leave that boy alone! JOE Did I not mention a date? Because, if I didnt make it clear before, I have a VERY hot date in two hours. You dont even understand how beautiful this woman is. Shes, like, at least a seven! (Beat.) Thats good for me. Ask anyone. JORDAN Joe, shut up for a minute.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

29.

JOE Im just sayingJORDAN Theres something I dont understand. PETER Theres a lot of things we all dont understand. JORDAN Yeah, but if this is true. This... Star thing. (Beat.) How? BOY (Condescending.) You dont really want to know that. (GIRL knocks.) You people always say you do, but if you knew... (GIRL knocks four times consecutively.) "How" isnt the question you need to be asking. The "how" has nothing to do with us. Long beat. JANE (Suddenly.) Who are you people? I dont know any of you. JOE HeyJANE Shut up, Joe. If Im here, why am I here with you? BOY "Why"... Now youre getting closer. PETER (To BOY.) Do you know something that you arent telling us? RONALD (Piping up.) Dad... Dont be angry, dad, but I think I know... PETER What? RONALD I think I know why were here.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

30.

DANIEL Ron, shut up. You dont know anything. RONALD You dont know that! PETER What are you thinking, Ron? RONALD (Looks around nervously.) I think... I think theres something weve done. Something that maybe we cant take back... But I think that we should try. DANIEL Out with it. RONALD I think weve made him mad. PETER Who? RONALD You know... God. BLACKOUT SCENE 2: A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS The lights open up to JORDAN sitting on the bed in the middle of JANEs apartment. The apartment consists of a door far stage right, a dresser that sits stage right, a bed center stage with an end table beside of it, a fish tank, and a door leading off of stage left. JORDAN looks tired. He wears the same clothes he wore the previous night. The bed is still a mess from where he slept and his hair is a bit disheveled. He rubs his eyes before pulling out his cell phone, dialing a number, and putting the phone to his ear. There is silence for a moment before JOE jumps through the stage left door with a cellphone to his ear. JOE wears only boxers and an unbuttoned short sleeved shirt. He holds a frying pan in his other hand. He doesnt look at JORDAN, but looks out towards the audience with a cellphone to his ear. The two do not acknowledge each other.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

31.

JOE You got Joe. JORDAN (Sleepily.) Hey, man. JOE Jordan! Buddy! Hows the search and rescue mission coming? Wait, no! Hows that makeup sex coming? Ive never experienced it myself, but Ive heard its off the chart. Right? (Beat.) Oh, by the way, I got your text when you landed but I went home with some chick I met down at the bar last night so, naturally, I couldnt hit you back up. And totally off topic, but did you know that its completely legal to raise a pig in your apartment as long as you plug up your sockets and your supers cool with it? (JOE chuckles.) JORDAN Joe... JOE I know! I couldnt believe it either! I walk in, right? The place is a mess, and so I start to play the concerned hero. Im like, "Woah, were you robbed" and she acts all cool and just goes... "Nah, Ive just got a pig." Can you believe it? A pig! Weirdest one night stand ever. JORDAN You still had sex with her? JOE Bro. What are you talking about? Pigs are badass! And besides, by the time we got to her place it was already after three oclock. I couldnt just ditch the girl and grab another! Any girl out after three is either nursing a bad break up with a group of ball-busting succubae or... I dont even want to think about it. JORDAN Joe! Do you actually wanna hear why I called you or are you just gonna keep talking? JOE Woah... Someone sounds pissed off. What? (Jokingly.) Did you not get any last night?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

32.

JORDAN (Ignoring the question.) Ive got to ask a favor. JOE Wait... You dont sound like a guy who just woke up after a night of crazy awesome makeup sex. Where are you? Did she say no? JORDAN Joe, youre not listenJOE Did she dump you? JORDAN Well, no, not exactJOE I knew it! I knew she was a cold hearted bitch, Jordan! I wanted to tell you! I did! I just didnt have the heart!I mean- you liked her so much and so, I dont know, I just had to keep my mouth shut. But now! Now I dont feel bad saying that that bitchJORDAN Wait. She didnt dump me. There was no dumping. JOE (After a moment.) Alright, look, Im gonna need you to forget everything I just said in the last ten seconds or so. In my defense, Im still a little drunk from last night and Im an insanely loyal and caring best friend. Beat. JORDAN (Unimpressed.) You done? JOE (Impatient.) Yes, Im done, Jordan! Jesus! Just tell me what she said! Im working with nothin over here! JORDAN She- uh- she said shed be back in a week. JOE Back?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

33.

JORDAN Yeah... Things havent exactly gone according to plan. Her dad just killed himself. Shes in California for the funeral. Beat. JOE Holy shit. JORDAN lies back on the bed. JORDAN I know, right? JOE Dude, you are, like, the worlds worst boyfriend. JORDAN Believe me, I know... JOE Yeah, her dad punches his own ticket and not four days later, youre showing up at her doorstep trying to get back in her pants. JORDAN Hey, I told you! That isnt what this is about! JOE But thats how girls see this kind of thing! (Beat.) Shes gotta hate you right now, man. I cant believe she didnt dump your ass. JOE Joe! Can we reel it in a little, please? JOE Fine. JORDAN I need you to do me a favor. JOE Ok, shoot. JORDAN Im staying here until she gets back. I just need you to talk to Shinsky for me. Beat.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: JOE Oh, fuck no. JORDAN Joe, I need you to do this. If Im going toJOE Fuck! No! Jordan!

34.

JORDAN All youve gotta do is walk in and tell him I wont be back on Monday because of a family emergency or something! The guy loves you! Youll be fine! We both know that if I call in, Im fired. JOE JorJORDAN Come on, Joe. I wouldnt ask if this wasnt extremely important. (Long beat.) Joe? JOE (Sighs, rubbing in between his eyes.) Alright, fine. Ill talk to him. But you owe me something. JORDAN (Sighs.) Alright, fine. What do you want? JOE I want what you want. JORDAN A robot that makes peanut butter and jelly sandwiches upon request? JOE No. Well, yes, but no. (Beat.) I want you to sit back and fucking relax this week. Youve been stressing out so much with this Jane deal and thats only gotten worseJORDAN Thanks for the pep talk, buddy. JOE (Continuing.) - And I really hate saying this, but youre becoming a bit of a bitch. So please, for me and you, sleep in, (MORE) (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

35.

JOE (contd) get high, get laid... Whatever you need to do, do it. Ok? JORDAN (Unimpressed.) Fine. JOE (Feigning happiness. Sarcastic.) Good! Chill the fuck out! JORDAN Bye, Joe. JOE closes his phone, pockets it, and succenly a female voice is heard off of stage left. FEMALE VOICE Joe! What are you doing in there? Come back to bed! JOE Nothing at all! Ill be right there! (Lower. To himself.) My piggy princess. JOE begins to strip off his shirt as he exits, all the while making an "Oink" sound. JORDAN positions himself on the stage left side of the bed. A few seconds later, JANE walking in from the stage right door and walks to the stage right side of the bed and sits. The two dont notice each other. JANE is holding an invisible cigarette in one hand. She takes a drag and then another. She looks around as if shes watching a city street. After a few seconds, she pulls her phone out of her pocket, dials a number and puts the phone to her ear. A second later, JORDANs phone rings. JORDAN Hello? JANE Hey there. JORDAN (Sympathetic.) Hey... How are things? JANE (Takes a drag.) Things... Theyre good. Decent. (Beat. Another drag.) (MORE) (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

36.

JANE (contd) Awful. JORDAN Im sorry. JANE Yeah, I know. Everyones sorry for me right now. I think Im getting used to it. (Beat.) Jesus... You know the weirdest thing? I dont feel like hes gone. JORDAN Thats kind of how I felt with my grandpa. I didnt feel like it was real until I saw him in the casket... He was a lot different than Id ever seen him, too. All white and clammy... Just fucking weird. (Beat.) And... I just severely depressed myself. (Beat.) I miss you. JANE (After a moment.) I miss you too. JORDAN I really mean it. Im not going to mess it up this time. Anything that I can do to prove it, justJANE (Not wanting to ruin the moment.) I know. Just shut up. I know. Long beat. JORDAN Please tell me you have something in this apartment thats gonna knock me unconscious until you get here. JANE (Simply.) Oh, yeah. Under my mattress. Top left corner. JORDAN What? (Crosses to the top left corner of the bed and takes out a bottle of pills.) What are they?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

37.

JANE Remember those pills we took last Halloween? JORDAN Yeah, I took one and thought your sister was trying to kill me all night. JANE (Laughs.) Well, in your defense she was dressed up as the headless horseman. JANES MOTHER (From off stage right.) Honey, where are you? JANE Oh, shit. Ive gotta go. JORDAN Oh, ok. Good luck. JANE Yeah. JORDAN Hey, Jane. JANE Yeah? JORDAN I just want you to know that I know I cant understand... But I doJANE I know, Jordan. JORDAN Alright, then. Ill see you soon. JANE (Quickly. Not realizing shes doing it.) Love you. She closes the phone and relizes what she has just said. She looks at the phone for a moment, then to JORDAN who she is not able to see, but whom she "senses". JORDAN Yeah, you too...

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: JANE (Snaps out of it.) Im coming, Ma! JANE exits. JORDAN (Not knowing that she has hung up.) Hello?

38.

After a moment, JORDAN realizes that JANE is no longer there. He stands up and walks to the side of the be, grabs the cup of water on the end table, and swallows the pills. He then lays down on the bed for a few moments before the drugs begin to kick in and, from off stage we hear a female giggling. FEMALE VOICE (From off stage.) Hahahaha JORDAN Hello? FEMALE VOICE (From off stage.) Hahahahahahaha JORDAN Is there anyone there? FEMALE VOICE (From off stage.) Nope! Beat. JORDAN (Shrugs.) Ok! JORDAN lays his head back and closes his eyes. BLACKOUT SCENE 3: TIRED The lights open up on DANIEL standing center stage. His younger brother, RONALD, is bent down with a hand across both knees. He holds a hand out as if there is something fragile on his pointer finger. He looks at it, smiling. He then stands up and waves his hand a little bit. (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

39.

RONALD (Watching the butterfly that just flew off.) Do you think that when we die we turn into butterflies? DANIEL Excuse me? RONALD Like what if, when we died, we got tranformed into something immensely beautiful... Like a butterfly. DANIEL What are you trying to ask? RONALD What if mom is a butterfly? DANIEL Ron, mom isnt a butterfly. RONALD Why not? She was beautiful like one. DANIEL You never knew her. Youre too young to remember her. RONALD That doesnt mean anything. I can see pictures. DANIEL Im telling you its different. Seeing somebody in a picture and seeing someone in real life is completely different. Thats why so many girls can be pretty on the internet. Pictures can lie. RONALD Well, I dont think that those pictures lie. DANIEL Like I said: You didnt know her. RONALD What do you mean? DANIEL Cancer doesnt make you a happy person, Ron. It doesnt make anybody happy. She was a bitch in her last years. I got yelled at for being too close to her and then I got yelled at for not wanting to touch her when she wasnt beautiful anymore. Dad didnt say a word, thought. No, he took it quietly. Never said a damn thing. (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

40.

(Beat. Snaps out of it.) Then suddenly she kicks the bucket and he gets a back bone? Fuck that, thats what I say. A long moment passes. RONALD I meant before she got sick. DANIEL Yeah, well be more specific next time. And besides, theres no way shed be a butterfly. They only live for, like, twenty days. Thatd be the most pointless shit ever. (Beat.) No, shes dead and that was just a butterfly. You know, sometimes I wish my life was a shitty comic book. Then itd get canceled and everyone else could get the fuck on with their lives. Beat. DANIEL broods. RONALD Where did dad go? DANIEL Out. RONALD Where, out? DANIEL None of your buisness. Thats where. RONALD You dont always have to be so mean, you know. DANIEL How do you know that? I could be wired this way. RONALD No one is wired to be mean. DANIEL Oh, really? RONALD (Nods.) Really. DANIEL What about Hitler?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

41.

RONALD What about Hitler? DANIEL Dont you think that he was a bad person? Dont you think he was mean? RONALD I dont know. I guess so. But he was older when he did the bad stuff. Maybe thats what happens when you get older. You get mean. DANIEL And you think Im mean? RONALD (Shakes head.) I think you act mean. DANIEL Right. RONALD You dont know it, but there is a difference. I can see it. DANIEL Have you ever heard of naivety? RONALD No. What is it? DANIEL Its you, thats what it is. He begins to walk away. RONALD What is wrong with you? DANIEL (Turning to him.) Im a jerk. I told you. RONALD No. What are the things that dad whispers to you about? Where do you go every Thursday? DANIEL (Suddenly serious.) Look, thats none of your buisness. Dont think about that stuff. Just stay happy and stupid, ok?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

42.

RONALD Ok... DANIEL Oh, and dont play with butterflies. The neighbors are gonna think youre fruity or something. DANIEL exits. RONALD bends down again, with one hand across both knees. He holds his hand out again and watches as the fragile thing returns. He smiles. RONALD I dont think you were ever a bitch. Maybe you were just tired. Maybe thats just what happens when you get older. You get tired. BLACKOUT SCENE 4: IN WHICH PAGE THINKS... The lights open up to PAGE, who stands center stage, and SIMON, who sits on his knees downstage right, pretending to work on a bicycle. PAGE watches interestedly for a few moments. PAGE Simon, do youSIMON (Not looking back.) Yes? PAGE Well, I was just thinking... SIMON Oh, that again... Beat. PAGE What? SIMON Oh, nothing, Page. Nothing at all. PAGE No, you obviously have something to say about my act of thinking and Id like to hear it!

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: SIMON

43.

(Sighs and gets up from his project to face PAGE.) Its just that when you think, Page, things begin to get... I dont know... A bit wonky, I suppose. And I dont really want to fuss with it is all. PAGE (Resenting the phrase.) Fuss with it... SIMON Yes, fuss with it. First you begin to think about the rise of America as a world power and suddenly my tie has rubber duckies on it. PAGE But you arent even wearing a tie! SIMON Exactly. Things get wonky. PAGE Oh. I see. SIMON Yes, you see. And I dont even like ties! Or any type of formal affair for that matter! PAGE But you like affairs? SIMON No, no, I never said that! Its a joke that Id ever say that! Beat. PAGE Simon, why are we performing? SIMON Because were whores. PAGE Im being serious. SIMON Because were sluts. PAGE Simon! Why are we here? Why are we on stage? Im not an actress.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

44.

SIMON By default, Id say that you are. PAGE No, she is. The girl inside of me is the actress. SIMON Girl? If were going that far, whos to say that youre even played by a girl? You could be a guy under there. PAGE Oh, come on! At least give me some credit! SIMON Well, we could always check to see for sure. I bet you arent. Is that an Adams Apple I see? PAGE Stop it, Simon. SIMON "Stop it, Simon"- Im not doing anything. Im just presenting a possibility. PAGE A possibility for you or for me? SIMON That is the exact type of feministPAGE Sexist! SIMON Racist! PAGE Archeologist! SIMON Astronomist! PAGE Hungry Hungry Hippo-ist! SIMON Damnit. PAGE Just tell me why we do this. Long beat. SIMON smiles at her fatherly.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

45.

SIMON Because were on stage. BLACKOUT

46.

ACT 3: INDULGE SCENE 1: ABOVE THE SPACE The lights open up on the group still looking at RONALD. DARMISH stands looking completely perplexed at the discussion at hand. SIMON and PAGE are playing their game again, only now they have to spin in place every minute or so. DANIEL Can we not bring him up, please? I dont particularly feel like barfing today. DARMISH God? Who is God? JANES FATHER Hes a base. PETER A fail-proof plan. PAGE The man above the stars! SIMON The man above us! SIMON/PAGE The STARMAN! They look at each other and gasp. DANIEL God is a distraction. JORDAN (Looking to JANE.) Hes a dad. RONALD Hes my mothers keeper. Beat. JANE (Prominently.) Hes a jerk. Long beat.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

47.

JORDAN (Sympathetic.) Come on, Jane. Dont be like that. JANE (Obviously putting up a wall.) I dont know what youre talking about. JORDAN (To the others.) Im sorry. Shes not herself. Shes just- Shes going through something right now. JORDAN puts an arm around JANEs waist. She leans into him a bit. A long moment passes. JANE God is... And this shouldnt be surprising to anyone... Hes a bully. Hes pushing us down stairwells, locking us in tight places and hes been doing this from day one. JANES FATHER (Sadly.) Oh, honey... This isnt what death should teach you. PETER What do you mean? Did somebody die? (Everyone looks at JANE who simply nods.) Theyre here arent they? I can feel it. (JANE almost looks back at her father, but doesnt. Again, she nods.) Im sorry to hear that. I also know what it feels like to lose someone you love. JANE I cant look at him... Because once I do... This becomes real... And if hes gone, I dont know what else I have here. JORDAN Jane, dont say that... JANE (She breaks away from him.) Why not? Its how I feel! Hes my fucking father! how would you feel? Any of you! JANES FATHER Honey-

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

48.

JANE (Refusing to look at him.) No! Dont speak! Stop speaking! You tear my insides apart every fucking time that you speak! Every single syllable... Just stop... She slumps to the floor sobbing. JORDAN walks over to her and attempts to help her up. She refuses, so he just kneels by her and rubs her back. She continues to sob. JANES FATHER Jane... JORDAN (Pleading with her father.) Please... Just stop. (Long beat. Also to JANES FATHER.) Im sorry. I dont know what to do. JANES FATHER simply nods. There is a long silence. DARMISH Im still confused. (Points to JANE.) I thought she was God. BLACKOUT SCENE 2: HALLUCINATIONS INVOLVING FISH The lights open up to JORDAN in JANEs bed, under the covers. He wakes up, yawns, and throws the covers off of himself. There is a noticeable lump under the other side of the cover, though not noticeable to JORDAN. He gets out of bed and walks into the bathroom. We hear him humming a popular song as the lump under the covers begins to move around andthen suddenly DARMISH pops out. She wears a skin-tight blue top with black leather skinny jeans. She brushes off her shirt and messes with her hair before jumping back under the covers. JORDAN finishes in the bathroom and walks to the bed, sleepily. He, without looking, gets under the covers again and lays down. One of his legs hangs off of the bed. There is silence for a moment before DARMISH slowly pops back out and leans over where JORDAN lays. Suddenly, she rips the blanket off. DARMISH speaks in a very overt "sexy" southern bell voice.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: DARMISH Mornin sugar! JORDAN (Immediately jumping out of the bed, stumbling a little.) Waa- Who the hell are you? DARMISH Dont act like you dont know me, baby. JORDAN Who are you and why are you in my bed? DARMISH Last I heard, this wasnt your bed. JORDAN Yeah, well close enough! how did you get in here? DARMISH Baby, I live here. JORDAN What? DARMISH Dont you recognize me? Its me, your pet fishy. She blows him a kiss. JORDAN (Blinks and rubs his eyes.) What? (Beat. He looks at the fish tank that now has an "Out for Lunch" sign sitting in it. He looks back to her.) Darmish?

49.

DARMISH Ding, ding, ding. Now come back to bed. Its cold in here. JORDAN But wh- Wait a minute... How? DARMISH Youre so frustrating! Just get in bed! Why ask so many questions, darlin? JORDAN Because this isnt normal! You arent normal! Youre usually... Much smaller.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

50.

DARMISH Oh, come on, Sugar. If you really think about it, what is normal? JORDAN Getting back in your bowl is normal! (Immediately he fishes out his phone from his pocket, dials it, and puts it to his ear.) Just stand still for a moment; I have to make a call. DARMISH (Sighs.) Yeah, yeah. JORDAN Come on, come on. JOE jumps in through the bathroom door again. This time he wears boxers, a shirt that says "Kiss the Cook", and a black, shiny masquerade mask. He holds a turkey baster in his free hand. He pulls out his phone, pulls the mask off of his face, and puts it to his ear. JOE You got Joe. JORDAN (Fast. Rambling.) JOE! Joe! I dont know whats happened! I took some pills last night and then I just woke up and theres a crazy woman in the bed pretending to be Janes fish and shes calling me baby and sugar and- and- I think she wants to have sex with me! Beat. JOE NICE, BUDDY! JORDAN (Immediately JORDAN closes the phone. JOE looks at his phone, confused and walks out the door.) Damnit, Joe! (He dials and puts the phone to his ear.) Come on... Pick up, pick up, pick up... DARMISH (Walking towards him.) Baby doll, you look stressed. Come here.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

51.

JORDAN No thanks. Could you just stay over there, please? She walks closer as a cellphone rings and JANE walks on stage from stage right. She takes out here phone and answers it. JANE Hello? (DARMISH tries to grab him.) JORDAN (To DARMISH.) I SAID STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! JANE What? DARMISH continues. JORDAN attempts to fight. JORDAN No, Jane! Sorry! I wasnt talking to you! (DARMISH grabs at him. He covers up the phone.) I said leave me alone! JANE Jordan, whats going on? Where are you? DARMISH continues to get closer to him, playing with him. JORDAN (Trying to pay attention.) Your apartment- Im at your apartment. JANE Then stop yelling! The neighbors are gonna call the police! JORDAN Jane! Jane! Youll never believe whats happening! Darmish is trying to have sex with me! JANE (Beat. Unimpressed.) My fish? JORDAN Yeah, but now shes bigger and a woman and tall! And sexy with big- and a big- And she wants my body!

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: JANE

52.

Jesus, Jordan, how many of those pills did you take? JORDAN What? (Beat.) Oh, my god, its the pills! One second. JANE JordanJORDAN covers the phone with his hand. JORDAN Good news! This is all just the pills! Youre not real at all! Youre just a hallucination! (Beat.) A very sexy hallucination... JANE Jordan? JORDAN (Walks right past DARMISH, who looks a bit bored, and sits on the bed.) Jane, everythings ok. Its just the pills. I am just very, very, high. (Beat. He looks around, drowsily.) I think I have to go now. JANE Ok? Ummm... Just go to sleep. And dont take anything else. JORDAN (A bit dreamy.) Ok, then. JORDAN hangs up. He sits there looking a bit tired. JANE Jordan? Jordan? (Beat. She closes her phone.) Holy shit... She laughs for a second. JANE exits. DARMISH Oh, baby, look at you. You look so tired. Let mamma take care of you... (She walks over to the bed and jumps on. She moves in behind him and begins to give him a back massage.) (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: There ya go... That feeling better? JORDAN (Eyes closed.) Mmhmmm... DARMISH Youre so tense, sugar. So, so tense... JORDAN (Even sleepier.) You are the best hallucination ever...

53.

With that, JORDAN lays over on the bed and turns until hes on his back. DARMISH Oh, ok then. DARMISH straddles him and then begins to kiss him. After a moment, he gets into it. They continue for about ten seconds before he suddenly sits up. JORDAN Wait. Wait. Darmish, I cant do this. We cant do this. DARMISH Well, why the hell not? You heard the lady! None of this shit is real! We can do(Speaking sexily into his ear.) Whatever. You. Want. JORDAN (He considers it.) Does it all... You know... Work down there? DARMISH Baby, I think you will find that I am life-size, fully functional with bonus(Grabs his crotch.) Kung Fu Grip. JORDAN Holy fish! Again, they begin to make out for about ten seconds. DARMISH Tap on the glass, baby! Tap that glass! JORDAN immediately stops and crawls out from under her.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

54.

JORDAN Wait, damnit! Stop it! This is wrong! DARMISH What the hell, Jordan? Im here! Youre here! Whats the problem? JORDAN Youre- Youre a fucking fish! DARMISH WAS a fish! And what would that even matter? Are you racist or something? Beat. JORDAN To fish? DARMISH Oh, what? Were not a race now? Ill let you know that I have needs too! Im stuck in that damn bowl all day, every day! You have no idea how it feels to watch you and her galivanting around everywhere and Im just sitting in there all alone! Beat. JORDAN You watched? DARMISH How can I not? You people are like rabbits, I swear! JORDAN Look, Im sorry! I just cant do what you want me to do! DARMISH (She stares, annoyed, for a long moment, until simply.) Why? JORDAN Its not in me! I mean, I could! I really could! But... Im trying to fix things with Jane. I cant start that out by cheating on her with you. DARMISH But this isnt-

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

55.

JORDAN It is real. Just because things arent happening where everyone can see them, doesnt mean they cease to be. Long beat. DARMISH Is that why you worry about her? JORDAN Ive been with some shitty people who kind of messed me up. Thats why I worry. DARMISH Thats no excuse. JORDAN What? DARMISH She wouldnt fool around. Shes good. She loves you. (Beat.) And youre kind of messing her up with all the stuff you pull. JORDAN I dont know what you mean. DARMISH She trusts you, Jordan. Do you know how awesome that is? To have one person in the world who, even though you totally pissed her off a few days ago, lets you stay at her place for a week just so you can apologize to her? JORDAN Im also feeding her fish. DARMISH Yeah, well Im still hungry. (Long beat.) You dont get it, do you? JORDAN (To the floor.) No, I do. DARMISH (Traveling towards JORDAN.) No you dont! Look at you! You wouldnt know happiness if it was standing right in front of you! (She points towards her bowl.) Look, youre coming down now, so Im gonna go. But you have to promise me a few things. (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

56.

JORDAN What? DARMISH Trust her. Trust her like she trusts you. Dont think about it. I dont know if you people are gonna last, but whats this time gonna be worth if you know it ended because you kept believing you were too messed up to be truly with her. Ive never seen you fully here. Not really. (Beat.) So be here. Ok? Long beat. JORDAN (Honestly.) Yeah. Yeah, ok. DARMISH Alright, then... DARMISH begins to walk away. JORDAN Wait, you said there was a second promise. What was it? She turns to him, stares for a moment, and suddenly rushes to him and gives him a long pop kiss. DARMISH Buy me a fucking boyfriend. One of those Clown Fish boys. They make me laugh. (Beat.) Later. DARMISH walks over to the bowl, takes the sign out, drops it on the floor, and takes the bowl into the bathroom. JORDAN stands watching, unsure what to say. BLACKOUT SCENE 3: COMING TO TERMS The lights open up on DANIEL and RONALD. DANIEL sits somewhere downstage left and RONALD stands downstage center. They both stare off. They are silent for a moment.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

57.

DANIEL Hey, Ron? Beat. RONALD Yeah? DANIEL You know how dad always talks about how he couldve been this big track star in college? Beat. RONALD Yeah. DANIEL And how he says he didnt become a big track star because he met mom and fell in love and didnt have time for it? Beat. RONALD Yeah. DANIEL And how, when he talks about it, we just have to shut up and nod because we really know hes just making excuses for not following his passion and screwing his whole life up and beging angry at us for it and countless other things? Beat. RONALD I guess. DANIEL And how he just seems really sad all the time and constantly thinks that he needs to fix the situation even if, in said situation, there isnt a single thing that needs fixing? Beat. RONALD I think so. Why? Long beat.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

58.

DANIEL I never want to be like him. Suddenly PETER walks on. DANIEL immediately scoffs and begins to get up and walk away. PETER Can you two stay in here for a minute? DANIEL Why? Im going to bed. PETER Youll go to bed after were done. DANIEL Im tired. (Beat. PETER looks at him.) Fine. What? PETER We need to talk about where I went tonight. DANIEL Can we not? PETER We need to talk about this stuff. We need to have a dialogue. DANIEL Its not a dialogue if youre the only one talking. PETER Would you stop speaking to me like that? Im your father! RONALD Hes just tired. PETER Stop saying that, Ron! Dont speak for me! RONALD I just want to help! DANIEL What is it with you people? Always wanting to fix things! To make sure everything is fine! Well, things arent fine and you arent going to change that! Beat. P jETER stares at DANIEL.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

59.

PETER What is wrong with me wanting a little peace around here? A little quiet. DANIEL (To the floor.) Nothing. PETER Tell me what is wrong with wanting that and I wont ever bring it up again. DANIEL Can we just not, Dad? PETER Look, Daniel, I get it. DANIEL You dont. PETER Youre hurt. DANIEL The hell I am! A moment passes. PETER (Incredulous.) I cant do this alone, guys! And this woman that Im seeing... Shes my chance to not have to. (Beat.) I loved your mother(DANIEL scoffs.) I did. And I always will. But there are just a few things that need changing around here. This is for the better. You boys need a womans love. I wouldnt even consider this is I thought this would be bad for you... This is gonna help you. DANIEL (Staring PETER down.) With what? PETER You know what I mean. DANIEL No. Not really. Whats it gonna help me with, dad?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

60.

PETER I dont want to do this right here. Well talk about this later. DANIEL (To RONALD.) He thinks I need fixing. PETER Thats not what Im saying. DANIEL No, I know that. Youd never actually say it. Youre too scared to. Youre scared of what Id do. Long beat. PETER Ok, yeah, I am. Youre not healthy, and your temper doesnt help matters. DANIEL Im fine. RONALD Im hungry. PETER Why didnt you eat? Did he feed you? (Turning to DANIEL.) Did you feed him? DANIEL He didnt want to eat! PETER Jesus... DANIEL Dont fucking put that on me! Youre just angry because we arent happy for you! Well, get the hell over it! Not everything is gonna go your way! PETER What are you talking about? A long moment passes. DANIEL You want to fix me, but you dont care enough to even understand me.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

61.

PETER What? RONALD Hes just acting mean, dad. DANIEL I am not! PETER Then tell me. What is it that Im not understanding? DANIEL I dont give a shit that youre trying to move on! I dont care about that! Any of it! I just dont want to be a part of it. I will not be a part of this new family youre trying to start. Im just not interested. RONALD (Approaching DANIEL.) Stop being stubborn. This is how its supposed to be. Its a part of the plan. DANIEL The plan? RONALD Gods plan. DANIEL Dont even start with that, Ron. PETER Ronald, come here. RONALD I dont like seeing you like this. You just have to believe! DANIEL Believe? What do you expect me to believe in, Ron? God? RONALD Yes. DANIEL Do you know how stupid you sound right now? PETER Stop speaking to him like that.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

62.

DANIEL Oh, and guess whos flying in to save the day! PETER Stop this! DANIEL I dont know what youre talking about! PETER I just want to fix this! DANIEL What is there to fix?! PETER Whatever is hurting you so much! DANIEL (Huge confession.) There is no fixing that, dad! That possibility is gone! It died with her! Long beat. PETER Now calm down. Youre right. Your mother is gone and I cant change that. RONALD But you can see her again! PETER Ronald, stop. RONALD No! I dont want you to hurt anymore! Why cant you just believe that youll see her again? DANIEL Because as much as I want that to be true... Its not. Its just not, Ron. (Beat.) If I was the kind of person who could believe in it, I would. I so would. But its all just bull shit. Its a way to explain things that we already know the answer to, simply because we dont want to accept the truth. RONALD I know the truth...

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

63.

DANIEL (Exasperated. Losing it.) Ok! So you know your truth! You know your fucking explainations for all of lifes little... (DANIEL begins to look ill.) All of lifes little... (He looks confused and heavy.) Something is... HelpDANIEL falls to the floor, unconscious. PETER runs to DANIEL and kneels beside him, propping him up on his lap. PETER Call 911, Ron! Go! (RONALD runs off.) Please, dont die... Please dont... BLACKOUT SCENE 4: IN WHICH PAGE CRINGES... The lights open up to an empty stage. After a moment, SIMON and PAGE enter from opposite sides and cross until they stand downstage center. PAGE looks to SIMON and scoffs. PAGE I hate this. SIMON No you dont. PAGE I hate this. SIMON No you dont. PAGE I hate you. SIMON No you dont. Beat. PAGE No. No I dont. (Beat.) Look at me... Im... Im cringing...

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

64.

SIMON Its very American to cringe. Have you ever noticed that? Cringing... It even makes you cringe as you say it... Cringe, cringe, cringe. PAGE Im an American cringing at what I see in you and in us and in they and in who. Ive always been cringing but now its for a new reason. Of all the American times that Ive ever cringed before, this one is completely different. CompletelySIMON Different? PAGE (Nods.) I hate this. SIMON No you dont. PAGE Everything, Simon... Everything is going crazy. SIMON I dont think youre allowed to decide that. PAGE Oh, but it is, Simon! At all points in time, people are drunk and dying and living and masturbating and eating french fries that didnt come from France... SIMON But thats the way its supposed to be. PAGE Oh, I know that. It just makes me cringe. SIMON But it cant all make you cringe, can it? PAGE Im cringing, arent I? SIMON Youre only cringing until youre not. PAGE Look at you making some kind of loopholey sense.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: SIMON

65.

Oh, its nothing. I may act crazy most of the timePAGE Theres that word againSIMON But if you really pay attention, youll begin to see that I really gumball fresh prince of bell hair jumping jacks with a hockey stick. PAGE You know, Simon... SIMON Lets see... Happy meals, cranberry juice containers, shoes, mints that I dropped under the sofa ten years ago... PAGE Simon, pay attention! (Beat.) Ive been thinking! Beat. He turns to her. SIMON Havent we had this conversation before? PAGE No. This is new. Even if it were similar itd be new. Its always new. SIMON (Suddenly smiling.) I know a secret. PAGE What? SIMON Ill tell you once youve finished. PAGE No, I want to know. SIMON Go on, continue what you were saying. PAGE But I forgot it all! Just say it! Beat. He smiles again.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

66.

SIMON Everything isnt crazy, Page. And do you want to know why? PAGE (Bored.) Because the world is inherently good and all that jazz... Yeah, yeah... SIMON No, no. This isnt about the world. This is about the individual. Everything isnt crazy because everything is, indeed, crazy. Its because of the moments when even us crazy people develop a genuine- A genuine familiarity of the fact that everyone is just so bat shit insane. Its because of that one moment when you feel at home in your own messed up and insane existence. Were Performing, Page. But not because we have to. If we wanted to stop, we couldve stopped ages ago. PAGE How do I know any of what youre saying is true? Beat. SIMON (Smiles again. Fatherly.) Because youre not cringing. BLACKOUT

67.

ACT 4: TRUTH SCENE 1: SOMEWHERE IN THE SPACE The lights open up to the group who is now standing in a line across the stage. SIMON Has anyone noticed that Im British yet? DANIEL Not at all, Sherlocke. PAGE (Giggles.) That means Im Watson. Beat. JOE (To the ceiling. ) Ok, God! We get it! Were messed up and stupid! Can we go now? JORDAN Could we be stuck here? BOY Its entirely possible. (GIRL knocks.) But we cant be for sure. (GIRL knocks.) Is there a draft in here? PETER Can you ask her not to do that? Im beginning to get a headache. BOY She cant speak. (GIRL knocks.) So she cant hear. (GIRL knocks.) Im lying to you. BOY is surprised at what he just said. JANES FATHER Leave her alone. Its not her fault. Its all this yelling . I think were all aching somehow.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: DARMISH (Suddenly.) All of you! Quiet! (Beat. Everyone looks at her.) Do you hear that? (Another beat.) Somethings coming. SIMON OOOOOH! Its coming! PAGE Its coming! SIMON Did you hear it, too? PAGE No, but you heard the lady! SIMON/PAGE Its coming! They gasp at each other. PETER

68.

Now, I think I just spoke about the ache in my head! Will you two stop with the yelling? SIMON/PAGE Sorry, sir! (They both look at each other and gasp.) Jinx! Poke! You owe me a soda! (They gasp again.) This isPETER STOP IT, STOP IT, WILL YOU JUST STOP IT?! (Beat.) This is becoming too much for me to handle... DANIEL Beginning to understand? JANE Were going to go insane if we dont do something. If were stars, what exactly are we supposed to be doing? What is the role of a star? RONALD (Speaking up. Becoming less sure with every word.) Stars shine. And- and our sad loved ones who have left us ride them into heaven. (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: DANIEL Shut up, Ron. RONALD Its true!

69.

JANES FATHER There are no dead here. Not truly. Just a bunch of sad folk who dont have any other kind of home. JORDAN What are you talking about? JANES FATHER Its wonderful to have finally met you. Ive heard so much about you. Wish we could have met under better circumstances... (Beat. Changing the subject.) As to the question of why, Id say this is all rather obvious. PETER Well I dont think its as obvious to the rest of us so if you wouldnt mindJANES FATHER You ever notice that when most people talk, they really arent saying anything? Id say the reason were here is because we arent worth the world we were born into. Maybe. But maybe our world wasnt worth us. Its possible that this is all just a practical joke. A lesson. JORDAN A lesson? JANES FATHER Stranger things have happened in search for TRUTH. JANE And so were all out here? Stars in space? What is this, a bad sitcom? BOY Are you laughing? (GIRL knocks.) You should be. (GIRL knocks.) Its good for the soul. JOE Soul? Do you think that stars even have souls? Do we not have souls?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

70.

JANE Why wouldnt we? DARMISH Of course we have souls. So do animals. And fire hydrants. And lollipops. JOE But stars have no decisions to make. They just float around all day, chillin out. They dont have any choices in their- Uh- their directiories. Whatd be the point of a star having a soul? RONALD They do have choices! It just... It just looks like floating to us, but really they... Really, we are going through the same stuff that everyone else is... The sameDANIEL Shit. RONALD The same... (Looks to DANIEL.) Stuff as everyone else. SIMON (Like a stoner.) Floating is free thought. PAGE (Like a hippie.) Chillin is human emotion. DARMISH You know, I always wondered what it would be like to be one of you people. Its not so hot. A faint rumbling sound is suddenly heard, slowly growing louder. JANE Wait... (Finger to mouth.) Shhhhh... Do you hear that? DARMISH Its getting closer. JANE I really think I hear it now!

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

71.

JOE What the hell is it? DARMISH Its getting closer. PETER Its getting louder. JANES MOTHER Honey, where are we? RONALD I dont like this! DANIEL What? PETER Quiet! DARMISH Its so close! SIMON/PAGE Its sooooo close! JOE Holy hell! JORDAN Oh my God! DANIEL Aaaaaagh! DARMISH Its here! At this point the rumbling has become almost deafening but it suddenly stops and the cast begins to speak right after another, very fast. They look, for the most part, directly above the heads of the audience almost as if they were in a trance. Almost no emotion unless the line says so. SIMON Somewhere in space. PETER Somewhere in the space.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

72.

PAGE Someone is being loved. JORDAN Someone is making someone proud. DARMISH (Looking at JORDAN.) Someone is feeding their carnal desires. BOY Someone is making their own decisions. GIRL knocks. JOE Someone is lying. RONALD Someone is performing a miracle. DANIEL Petty street magic. SIMON (Yelling.) Someone isnt enough. DARMISH Someone is being labeled as perfect. JANES MOTHER Someone is being forgotten. GIRL knocks. JANE Destroyed. GIRL knocks. PETER Born again. GIRL knocks. DANIEL Fucked. GIRL knocks.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

73.

PAGE Spit on. GIRL knocks. JANES FATHER Sacrificed. GIRL knocks. RONALD Praised. There is a long pause. Everyone is standing, staring ahead except for RONALD. He slowly walks forward until he is downstage center. He is staring up at the ceiling. He drops to both knees and holds his heart with one hand and grabs his leg with another. RONALD God? (Beat.) Where are we? BLACKOUT SCENE 2: HOME EARLY The lights open up on JANEs apartment. JORDAN stands beside her bed messing with his bag thaat now sits on the bed. Hes obviously showered and dressed up. He pulls out a clear plastic bag with water and a clown fish in it. He walks it over to the bowl. JORDAN Dont worry, buddy. Shes a freak, but shell be good to you. Just be good to her. (He pours the contents of the bag into the bowl and goes into the bathroom to throw the bag away. Suddenly, JANE walks in with a bag over her shoulder. She walks over to the bed that is finally made and drops her bag on it. She sits down at the foot of the bed, looking at the door. JORDAN comes back out.) Oh- hey. She turns to face him.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

74.

JANE Hey... JORDAN Youre home early. JANE Yeah, things were just weird and... Now Im back. JORDAN (Moving towards her. Sits down beside of her on the bed.) Howd it go? JANE It was... (Beat.) I have no idea. I bailed. JORDAN What? JANE I didnt want to go. And dont tell me that I should have. I could have and I didnt. Its my decision and Im ok with it. Long beat. JORDAN Ok... Ok, well, did you at least end things on a good note? You know. Say goodbye? JANE No, I dont like goodbyes. JORDAN Well, noone likes goodbyes, Jane. JANE Youre right. And I dont like goodbyes so I didnt say goodbye and I wont. Im choosing not to let go. (Beat.) I just dont want to someday hear his voice on an old video or see his picture out of the corner of my eye and suddenly have some old wound opened back up. So, Im just gonna keep it open and get used to the pain because its all I have left of him. And I dont want to talk about it anymore, ok? JORDAN Are you sure?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

75.

JANE JordanJORDAN Fuck- sorry. Youre sure. Were not going to talk about it. Were just going to sir here... And were just going to sit here... (Awkward beat.) So, can I tell you Im sorry? JANE (Smiling.) You can. JORDAN And how Im going to trust you from now on? JANE Music to my ears. JORDAN And how I love you and all of that "sweep you off your feet", romantice type stuff? JANE Thatd be nice. JORDAN Ok... And with that, he kisses her. After about ten seconds, she pulls away from him. JANE (Sly smile.) I almost forgot. Did you fuck my fish? JORDAN (Playfully.) Shut up. He kisses her again and pushes her back on the bed. Suddenly DARMISH and JACK THE CLOWNFISH walk out of the stage left door. They watch the JANE and JORDAN for a moment, holding hands. DARMISH I was totally bluffing earlier. Can we even do that stuff? JACK THE CLOWNFISH (Shrugs his shoulders. Simply.) Couldnt hurt to try. (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

76.

(Holds out an arm.) Shall we? DARMISH (With a big smile.) After you, sugar. (JACK THE CLOWNFISH exits through the stage left door. DARMISH slaps his ass as he leaves. She looks back to JORDAN.) You did good, kid. You did good. DARMISH exits, leaving JANE and JORDAN alone. BLACKOUT SCENE 3: ...TERMS The lights open up to an empty stage. After a moment, PETER enters stage left carrying a rose. He wears a large black pea coat. He walks center stage and places the rose on the floor in front of him. He looks at the ground sadly. PETER Im not good at this. I was never good at this or anything like it. And that isnt my fault. (Beat.) Not that is was yours, either... No one could have planned what happened... I just want you to know that I dont think... (Changing the subject.) Ronald wanted me to say "hi". He couldnt make it today. Hes on a mission in Africa. But he told me he was keeping you in his prayers. God, he just grew up so fast. I wish you could see him. I wish you could talk to him just one last time. I know hed like that. He was always fond of you. (Beat.) Mary is doing great, as well. Our anniversary was last night. She would have come, but she was on call this morning. I tell her about you all of the time. (Beat.) I still have that picture of us... From when we went to Disney Land and you walked by the log ride and ended up getting soaked and wet and... (Begins to get emotional.) And you ran up and hugged me so hard... I think you would have liked Mary if youd gotten the chance to meet her... I really think you would have been friends... (Beat. PETER bends on one knee and turns the rose until he likes the way it sits. He stands up again.) (MORE) (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

77.

PETER (contd) Alright, Ill see you next year. I will always love you... Suddenly DANIEL enters with another rose. Once he sees PETER, he stops. DANIEL looks older and healthier. Under his coat, he wears a dress shirt and nice pants. DANIEL Dad? PETER (Turning to him, wiping a tear.) Oh, hey. (Beat.) Youre late. Thought you werent going to make it. DANIEL Yeah, we just got in... Cindy thought she should stay in the car, so... PETER Its good to see you. DANIEL walks over to stand beside his father. He looks down and PETER looks at him. DANIEL sets the rose down beside of PETERs and stands back up. There is a beat. DANIEL Does it ever get easier? PETER (Slightly nods. Subconciously. Beat.) No. Long beat. DANIEL Good. PETER puts his arm around DANIEL and nods. BLACKOUT SCENE 4: OUT HERE IN SPACE The lights open up to GIRL standing downstage center. There is silence for a moment as she slowly looks from her feet to the audience. She is worked up. Shes waited this whole time and now it has to come out. Has to. It is a bit fast paced, (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

78. but not substantially. At certain points in her speech, the rest of the characters walk onto the stage and begin to form a line across the stage behind her. Each of them takes the hands of the characters on either side of them.

GIRL In the end... There are things... Some things. A lot of things. (Beat. DANIEL enters.) All things that you wont understand. That we dont understand. But, to take STEPS... To take STEPS into the battlefield. (JANES MOTHER and JANES FATHER enter.) Into the dark night. (JANE enters.) The ocean. (DARMISH enters.) The jungle... For it is a jungle out there... (Beat.) To step into the MIDST of it all... All the shit, the bumps, the bruises, all of it! Its enough to simply INDULGE in it. In the spirit. (SIMON and PAGE enter.) In the hope of things to come. In the knowledge that they didnt come. In the breeze that takes us to places that nobody knows to care about. (BOY enters.) To the places that are so beautiful... So fucking beautiful... If youd just tip your head to the side and look at it as it was meant to be looked at. Not as an onslaught of pain and mortality, but as a chance, an oppurtunity to experience every. Part. Of this. Of this... Life. This existence. As human, star, fish, starfish- It doesnt matter! Just to experience the space. The answer... (Beat.) And even if you dont know the answer. The big one. You know the TRUTH... of Family. (PETER enters.) Ownership. Loyalty. Trust. (JORDAN enters.) Love. Lust. (JOE enters.) Dealing. Honesty. Brilliance. (Beat.) Of God. (RONALD enters.) Whatever and whoever that may be to you... (Beat.) And whatever else it is that you think you need to know... (Long beat as the group walks up and she melts into the line, taking hold of (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

79.

their hands, still looking out at the audience.) Fuck it. The group bows and they all simply exit. END OF PLAY