Another Cigarette Burn

Well, Baberaham, Grant said to his car, Were not in Atlanta, anymore. He took a broad turn from Guadalupe onto Lamar, too broad for the tight angle, and headed for Jodis shop. Women in hemp skirts and men in suits gawked at the red rumbling tribute to the American auto worker. All steel, fat, lazy tires, and an AC fit for an office building, the Lincoln was perfect for Atlanta. It was a bus, an apartment, and once was a tow truck. In Austin, though, he thought he must have been the last American not driving a hybrid. HMS Baberaham Lincoln, as Grant called her, made sense in every other city in the Union. Traffic around UTs campus was light, but slow going nonetheless. More women in hemp skirts, more suited men shuffled along the sidewalks, in and out of eclectic shops and corporate headquarters alike. That was probably what Grant appreciated most about Austinsmall business making it adjacent to the towering headquarters of multinationals. Austin will always be weird, he thought. Come for the takeover fraud, stay for the local flavor! The Flower Bucket was just as busy as any other business on the stretch of Lamar. Nestled in the valley of buildings between an immense church and a hospital, it flourished in the shade. The lots in front of the Flower Bucket were full, so Grant parked in front of the monolithic, post-modern church. Six Flags over Jesus Christ. Grant got out of his chilly car and had to rest to temper his lungs to the hot air. He sat on a stone under the meager shade of a buzzing acacia. The thorny tree smelled satisfying. While he was taking his last labored breath before deciding to walk, he had a thought that made him feel clever. There was the hospital to get born in, the apartments Nate Marvel 1

over the shops to live in, the academy behind them to learn in, the bodega on the corner to work in, University of Texas to get jaded in, the hospital to get your second job in, get sick in, die in, and the church to have your funeral inand thered be flowers for every occasion! Grant thought about sharing that observation with Jodi, but when he entered the shop, he thought he might not want to. Beyond the glass door covered with a filigree of painted flowers he didnt find the shy, smiling girl he had met so many years ago. Instead, there was a flustered, red-faced woman who looked two seconds away from punching something slinging flowers at people who slung credit cards in return. He stood to the less elbow-filled wall of the growling florist shop and waited patiently. Grant began to regret coming the 900 miles unannounced. Ill just go get some beer, a hotel, and head back tomorrow morning. One fifteen hour drive was fine, but he would need a rest before attempting another fifteen hours. Ill just forget about this whole thing. He grabbed the bottle-green glass doorknob. As he glanced at Jodi for the last time, she glanced back. The widening of her eyes made him let go of the knob. God, Im dumb. Grant turned and took two loping steps toward the dwindling crowd of flower buyers. Grant wasnt sure if she looked surprisehappy or surprise-freaked-out. Soon, the last customer left, trailing froth from her mouth, Its a girl! arrangement squeezed between her bony hands, and Grant was the last person in the shop. With bits of ribbon stuck to his soles and a thorny stem clinging to his shoe laces the lanky, redheaded Grant looked like a fallen stem. He approached the counter where Jodi and two other coworkers regarded him as an odd animal. Hey, you, Grant said, resolving with finality not to share the five block cradleto-grave musing lest she keel over and fulfill it for him. Nate Marvel 2

What are you doing here? She asked. I heard Austin had good microbreweries, Grant swallowed, And I thought Id try them. And I thought Id surprise you. Well, Jodi began to undo her apron strings, Color me surprised. I can leave if youd he trailed off hoping shed say something, Ill go, he gestured a shooing away toward the door, but didnt move. Jodi sighed into her hands. Grant scrunched half of his face and said, I should have brought you flowers. His fake laugh was awful. It took Jodi a few seconds to laugh, Shut up, she continued to laugh, Im going to kick you, the laugh began to die off, dick! Ill just go. No, she took off her apron, Come with me. As Grant followed her behind the counter and into a store room, the guy employee said something indistinct. Grant guessed it didnt matter much since it was almost immediately met with, Ten goddamn minutes, Gary! Fuck! She didnt even turn around to finish shouting, Im going to the yard! Grant didnt know whether to laugh or not. He made a hissing noise through a toothy half-smile. He followed her out the back door into the yard which was just the dank alley shared with the church, and other businesses. Further down the alley, Grant could see the red biohazard bin fenced in behind the hospital. You still smoke? she asked as she pulled a pack and a phone from her cleavage. He had quit six months prior, Yeah, Im just out. Thats cool, she said, and handed him a warm cleavage cigarette, I can finally see why you started. Nate Marvel 3

Grant started smoking cigarettes when he was a senior in high school and working at a gas station chain off of Cobb Parkway. Drinking coffee wasnt something he had to step away to do. Drinking coffee wasnt something Grant could do in a furious manner. And when he was done, he couldnt throw a coffee cup to the ground and crush it without cleaning it up immediately After one of those furious smoke breaks he met Jodi. She was just one of a dozen girls who got off a bus at the back of his lot. He didnt typically ogle women at workit tended to get the scrawny Grant in troublebut he was a leg man, and those were cross-country legs. He didnt finish his cigarette; he had girls to attempt to impress. It didnt work, but he did learn a few things about the leggy girls. They were from Texas, had just missed out on placing in the preliminary national meet, and werent looking forward to a long bus ride back in a fog of defeat. He relented and retreated to the back room to clock out. He waited for the girls to get back on the bus before he headed to his car. Just as he was opening the door to get in he heard a Hey! from behind him. Grant turned to see the tall, curly headed brunette standing in front of her grinning teammates. She held out her hand with a folded piece of paper in it. Its my email. Grant walked over to the girl. Surely this is a trap. As he grabbed the paper, he leaned in and snuck a kiss, surprising everyone, even himself. They kept in touch, but he never did make it out to Texas. Things were generally genial between them, but they confided in each other. Grant thought that when he graduated from Southern Tech hed move out to Austin. He graduated and didnt leave. Five years into their relationship, Jodi met someone: Brandon the wildlife researcher guy. Grant got to hear about how wonderful he was; how tall, how sweet, how full of crap that if you squeezed him, hed fart out of his mouthaccording to Grant Nate Marvel 4

at least. Its because Im so far away. Things got serious between the two of them, and Grant got a front row seat thanks to Facebook. There were talks of moving in together, getting a dog, going on vacations to Costa Rica, and then nothing. Grant couldnt get a hold of Jodi for almost a year, until she called him at some ungodly hour sobbing about how much of a jerk Brandon was. Youre the only one who would understand. Of course I am. Grant finally took some of the vacation time he had accrued. He had it all worked out in his head. He was going to stay with Jodi, comfort her, tell her he was moving out there, finally tell her how he felt, and she would reciprocate and Brandon would run crying off into the woods never to be seen again. Yet, as the seconds rolled by in that rank alley, his plan withered up, crawled to red bin and shoved itself inside. There wasnt even a good to see you. She was just going on and on about asshole customers and Gary the motor moron. He stopped listening as intently and concentrated on how much he missed cigarettes. Jodi said something that pulled him back to reality. It was a word, engaged. Excuwhat? he twitched and burned his chin with the cigarette. Jodi didnt see it. He tried not to tear up from the pain or from the minor burn on his chin. Yeah, things got a little crazy after we talked. I guess I didnt tell you. she bounced on her heels, her curly hair and her breasts bounced along. She took another drag, It happened this morning! I answered the door thinking its the UPS guy with my boots, but its Brandon, and hes down on one knee, and hes playing dont you love me baby, she sang that part, on his ukulele, then he gives me a box! And theres a ring in it! Of course Brandon plays the goddamn ukulele! Grant didnt know what to say, but adopted a fake smile. Nate Marvel 5

Jodi stopped bouncing. Im not wearing it because I didnt want to mess it up at work. Im glad he didnt do something huge. The ukulele thing was nice. I know how you like the little gestures, Grant threw the dog end of the cigarette into a rancid puddle. It sizzled into lifelessness, Never did like those big displays. He knew with a certainty what she was going to say next. Its why I didnt like being up on the award podium. It was too much, she said at almost the same time Grant was thinking it. Her cigarette landed in a different toxic puddle. She looked up and shook her head, I gotta get back to it she opened the door for him, but Ill be done in about two, they turned the corner just in time to see Gary fumble and drop a vase to the floor where it shattered, or three hours. Alright, he said, ducking a low hanging display, Ill just go to my hotel, yeah. Grant smiled another fake smile. He walked to the bottle-green door knob and stepped outside as Jodi began snarling at poor, incompetent Gary. The door closed and Grant just stood there for a second. Grant struggled to remember if he saw any affordable looking hotels on his drive in. He couldnt remember any, but then, he didnt think he would have needed one. As he walked towards his car, he saw the face that made him cringe. He hoped the owner of the face didnt recognize him. Grant was content to just walk by Brandon, get in his car, and leave. His hand ached where he gripped his keys too hard. Grant turned his gaze across the street like he was looking to cross the street, or maybe check out thatthats not a lady. But that onethat one might be. It was hard for him to tell in the full body cast. While Grant tried to find something other than transvestites and traction candidates to distract him, Brandon closed in. In the reflection of the Kia that Grant was pretending was his, he saw Brandon do the slowest double take Grant had ever seen. Nate Marvel 6

Grant never dropped his first fake smile, so when Brandon said Grant? he turned and added another layer of disingenuous emotion to his face. It was enough to make his cheeks cramp. When he saw his own contorted reflection, he couldnt help but spurt out a severed laugh. Brandon! I just heard the good news! he fumbled over his words, his keys, and the twisting of his face, I was just going to my hotel. Grant motioned to somewhere east or maybe north of them. He relaxed his cramping face. What are you doing in Austin? I heard the microbreweries around here were the best, Grant ran out of steam, but congratulations. Dont congratulate me yet, Brandon replied, She still doesnt think Im serious. An awful flash came into Grants mind that he didnt have to look for a hotel after all. He didnt dwell on itdidnt want to get ahead of himselfagain. What? She doesnt think I meant it. Brandon dropped his winning smile, She sees it as appeasement. I wouldnt say that, I mean, she seemed pretty damn happy. She was practically buzzing when she told me. Grant wanted to tell him she wasnt wearing the ring. She thinks I proposed because you and her started talking again. She thinks Im threatened by you, he looked away from Grant, who hadnt decided just yet that Brandon was kidding, making some kind of threat, or just trying to out-awkward the most awkward man, listen, man Grant inhaled. Oh shit, here it comes! But what? Tell me to leave, tell me youre leaving Jodi for another woman, that youre going to kill me in my sleep, just tell me! You guys have known each other for years longer than me. Maybe I am threatened by you. Nate Marvel 7

What? Grant tried to stifle it back, but it came out anyway. The two stood there baking on the side walk. The setting sun gleamed off of buildings and started to blind Grant and Brandon with its pinkness. Neither knew had a clue what to do next. Brandon had admitted a flaw. Aw geez, man. I can wait on the hotel Grant rolled his eyes at himself, I dont even have one. Spencer opened his mouth, but didnt say anything. I did come all the way to Austin for beer. Wanna join? Im sure after two minutes of me talking youll feel less threatened. Brandon laughed, Right. Have you heard of the Ghost room? I just got here, Grant put his keys in his pocket, am I good to leave Baberaham here? He pointed to the red Town Car. Baberaham? he pointed to the Kia and then to the Lincoln. HMS Baberaham Lincoln, Grant added. No way, thats too cool, Brandon chuckled, yeah, they wont boot you or anything on the weekends. The two walked towards The Strip where all of the bars were. Grant talked of Terrapin, and Brandon of Live Oak.

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