with love, louis - chapter three Its been four months since Harry left , and Louis is finding

coping difficult. A prisoner of his own mind, he agrees to attend therapy sessions once a week at the request of his friends, in which the doctor suggests writing letters to Harry to help him move on. Only the letters bring Louis deeper into his mind, where life with Harry never ended.

How is he? Liam sighed. Somethings wrong, he replied to Danielle, who rolled back over and was asleep before he could answer the question. Louis had called Liam at a prompt 2am informing him that although he was aware of his appointment with Steve in a few short hours, he was going to need him to reschedule it, on account of him actually being tired and feeling like he could sleep more than two hours. This was a very big deal to Louis, and Liam who was happy his friend was getting sleep, was the one paying for these appointments and would have liked a little more heads up if he was being completely honest. He let it slide after he repeated this thought to Louis and heard the deep sigh on the other end. The reality was that Louis was probably making excuses, and just didnt want to go to the appointment, but he had at least gone to one of them, and that was more than any of them were expecting . Liam told him hed reschedule the appointment for some time this week, and hed be by to check on him in a few hours. Louis sounded happy. A sound that Liam hadnt heard from Louis in so long he was quite sure he couldnt even explain the emotion happy to another person if asked. This of course worried Liam more and he insisted on coming by around noon to check up on him. Ill leave the door unlocked, he replied cheerily and hung up on his end. *** Im not really here, you know that right? Louis felt a chill take over his body. He shook his head. He knew he wasnt there, but he wasnt ready to say the words aloud yet. This is what he had been hoping for. The one reason he refused to leave his flat for more than what was requested, as in his visits with Steve, because Harry might come back. Im not really here, Louis. I need you to say it. Louis released the breath he wasnt aware he was holding. He was in an upright position, the perfect for good breathing procedures, but he was finding it difficult to remember how to formulate breathing patterns. He had his back against the wall of his bed, as Harry sat at the foot of his bed playing with the shoelaces on his ratted old converse. You havent changed? I need you to realize Im not really here, Lou. Can you just say it, please, for me? Louis shook his head roughly. He heard his friends whisper around him, youd have to be daft not to, and he was certainly not that. He knew they thought he was mental, and despite the ongoing promise that they wouldnt lock him away, he knew that if they were aware a Harry Styles figment of his imagination was talking to him theyd definitely get the white jacket out. Theyll lock me up. Youre not crazy. Harry had a deep gash across the length of his forehead, which had to have been new. The gashes, along with the minor cuts lining his face, were all crimson red. A tell-tale sign, or so he assumed from the articles on forensics he had read, that they couldnt be more than a day old. His outfit was the exact same that Louis had last seen him in; the outfit he wore at the pub before storming off to find his mother and sister. His cranberry skinny jeans had evidence of

shattered glass all over them, the shards and white powder sticking to the prominent color, highlighting its whereabouts. His button up sprinkled with blood stains, and his black skinny tie scorched at the end. Louis could smell the smoke. Wh-What happened? He finally let out. Im not ready to discuss that yet, but I need you to acknowledge that Im not really here. Why? Because Im dead, Lou, and you need to say it out loud. No. He said it sharply. Lou, please. Harry pleaded. He began to move towards Louis, reaching for his face, but Louis just pulled away and shook his head. Harrys eyes were flooded with tears and rolling down his cheeks. Please. I love you so much. I just I need you to say it. You left me. Louis had never once yelled at Harry. Never. They had their share of fights, sure, every great couple needs once or two, but it always ended briefly. Usually with one of them saying a hateful word they knew was just said out of anger, and throwing their bodies against each other kissing away the pain the words had left. But now, now Louis was yelling. He smashed his hands into the bed sheet repeatedly. He slammed his hands into the mattress with so much force that his iPhone, which had been between the two boys, flew up into the air and crashed onto the tile floor. Louis heard his screen shatter, but continued to slam his hands, arms, and entire body into the mattress. He looked up at Harry, who had eyes flooded with tears, and scowled at him. He had certainly never scowled at Harry before. Louis let the emotion take over and began to scream into the covers, burying his entire body into the silk material and continuing the smash his arms down next to him. He could feel Harry quivering only inches away from him, and he wanted to reach for him, to grab him and kiss every inch of his body. He wanted to tell him he was sorry for his tantrum, but the emotion was all Louis could focus on and he continued to let his muffled screams fill the small room. You. Left. Me. He finally let out, not lifting from his current position, the words blending in with the fabrics of his bed, yet still distinct enough that Harry heard every drawn out word. Youve been mistaken by what you want to believe, Lou, he said running his long fingers through Louis matted hair. He felt Louis shiver underneath him. How Louis had longed for those fingers to run their course over his body. No, he said, feeling immediate calm at Harrys soothing touch, and rising up to finally look him in the eyes. The green saucers, blood shot from the tears, still able to burn a hole into Louis soul. They died, Harry, Anne and Gemma. You didnt get to them in time, and you blamed me, and you left. Harry shook his head slowly reaching out and placing his hand under Louis chin, raising it so the green met the blue. I was in the car, Lou. I died with them. I got to them in time, and I swerved into oncoming traffic. The car flipped. We rolled into a ditch. Dead on impact. Louis balled up his fists, digging his untrimmed nails into his palms, and with what miniscule amount of force he had left in his weak body, slammed them into Harrys chest and watched as he rolled off the king sized bed, and crashed onto the tile floor. Harry groaned in agony underneath him and Louis jumped from his spot, now at the end of the bed, and onto the floor hovering over his former fiance. That shouldnt hurt if youre a fucking ghost, Louis said, about to burst with rage. I suppose Im not a fucking ghost then, Harry shot back as he pushed himself into a sitting position and rubbed his lower back, returning the glare that he was receiving. Would you like to hit me again? Do you think that will make you feel better? Harrys temperature now rising, he raised himself to a full upright position, towering slightly over Louis, who still had his fist clenched, exposing the white of his knuckles.

Yes, he replied simply. Be my guest. Louis bit down on his lower lip, raised his fist eye level, and threw jab after jab into Harrys chest, each one knocking Harry a step back until they came crashing into the wall. Louis, out of breath, and full of self-hatred for ever laying anything but a warm touch to Harry, collapsed at his feet and was taken over by another bout of screams and flailing his body parts into the surfaces around him. Harry dropped to the ground and draped his body over Louis, feeling his entire body shake under his own. Its okay Im here he whispered gently into Louis ear while rubbing circles in his back, bringing Louis back to a peaceful state. How? Harry snorted. Im here, arent I? But, Louis started, lifting his head up to look at Harry, who swiped his thumb across Louis cheek removing the tears he was unaware were rolling down his face. Your dead he choked over the words, letting his emotions take over him. Well, I suppose not fully. Louis furrowed his eyebrows. Ive been here since I died, which was a few months ago, and youve just now seen me, so Im going to gather Im supposed to be here. Harry grabbed Louis hand, smiled innocently, and pressed his lips to each of his fingertips and kissed them lightly. See, he pulled his lips away from his fingertips and brought them to his lips. Some things will always remain the same, and he lightly kissed his lips. *** Liam entered the flat and called for Louis with no reply. Lou, he tried again, a bit louder. Still no reply. He made his way through the flat until he reached the back bedroom, pushed the door slightly open, and found Louis fast asleep on the floor at the foot of his bed. Liam noticed the room was in shambles. The covers and sheets tangled together in a big lump on the bed, his phone on the side of the bed encircled by the glass of the screen, and Louis sprawled on the floor with purple bruises outlining his hands, and what looked like drops of blood sprinkled neatly around where his body lay. He flew to Louis shaking him abruptly, only to find when his eyes opened he had a smile plastered to his face. Hello, he said sweetly, rubbing his eyes, and wincing at the pain. Ooh, that stings a bit. Liams jaw dropped and he shook his head slowly. Did someone break in? He pulled Louis up by the wrist, so not to inflict anymore pain on his swollen palms. No, he said simply. An innocent smile on his face. Are you going to tell me what happened? This is important, Louis. If someone hurt you I need you to tell me. If it was one of the neighbors please just tell me. You must be safer Wheres Harry? Louis cut Liam off. Liam exhaled deeply, wrapping his arms around Louis neck and pulling him in close. He, uh He died. Louis said softly. Liam pulled away gripping Louis tightly by the shoulders and let out a sigh of relief. He remembered. He finally remembered. How? Harry told me, he still had the innocent smile on his face, the ends of his lips tugging in into an even wider position. Liam raised his eyebrows as a signal for him to continue. I think hes going to save me.