theAGGIE

College Stations Finest News Source

Johnnys Schedule
Mon.
Throw Football

Johnnys on Campus!
For the first time in months Johnny Football steps foot on the campus of Texas A&M

Tue.

Run Football

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Wed.

Sleep Football

Thur.

Defecate Football

Fri.

Touchdown

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Aggie Weather
Its a cool 97 degrees Fahrenheit. Also, its another 31 days until Johnny comes back to campus. The iPhone weather app

The Ascent
Little over a year ago not many people had heard of the name Johnny Manziel. But a few months and a few football games later, the Johnny Football craze was sweeping the nation. This high flying, pocket scrambling, outspoken quarterback of the Aggies was beating down the southeastern conference (well except for Florida and LSU but we wont talk about that). Soon enough he was all over twitter and social media; posting pictures of crazy Halloween costumes and parties to the delight of everyone watching. He balanced all of this with being a student at a highly ranked public university- Texas A&M University. He must be great at time management- go Johnny more on

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April 19, 2013

I love my girlfriends -Johnny Football

Johnnys Problems: There are so many girls that love me I dont know what to do problem
It can be a tough life living in the shoes of Texas A&M football phenom Johnny Manziel. I wake up in the morning and I have so many texts, snapchats, tweets, and Facebook pokes from sorority girls I cant get to them all, says Manziel. When asked about how he handles the pressures of all the attractive coeds he says, taking all online classes and not actually going to campus helps, other times I wear sunglasses and try to convince people that Im not Johnny Football, but usually my big head (literally and figuratively) give it away. If you havent seen it (see: head) then you havent lived, Johnny added. Just this Tuesday his package from fakeidman.com suddenly disappeared. I think some girl took it - I dont even know how that package got to my door. First my mail, what is going to disappear next? Already forced off campus, and now he cant even receive mysterious packages. These co-eds are causing more trouble than theyre

Johnny Recalls Prison Experience

What is it like to get in a fist-fight with a 47 year-old man? All I know is that I kicked his ass, said Johnny. Further probing about his night, we asked how

jail went. Well it wasnt that bad, the food sure was better than the food at A&M., he replied. He was released the next day; unfortunately his 8 fake IDs were not released with him. Its ok, he probably learned his lesson right?

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April 19, 2013

Johnny Goes to Class

Johnny goes to class?
A: Well they are easier of course- I get to use Google. Q: Do you feel that you are getting the full Texas A&M student experience? A: I am getting to play football right? And they are paying me to go here (tuition). Q: Do you feel that you are undermining the university system by bypassing the traditional A&M education?

Since a Johnny sighting is a rare occasion, I took the opportunity to sit down with the legend and ask him a few pressing questions. Q: So how are you enjoying the campus of Texas A&M on this beautiful April day? A: Its nice to finally see the place I usually only see in pictures. Q: So how do your online classes compare to actual classes at the university?

(continued)
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A: Im going to go to the NFL and

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We then headed over to the Jack K. Williams administration building to talk to a representative of the university about this unique situation regarding Manziel. Q: How in the universitys mind is this system improving the education of their student athletes? A: We are simply using the technology of this new day and age. Q: Does the administration see this as a problem? A: I think Texas A&M is on the forefront of education techniques. Q: How exactly is this attitude addressing the fact that student athletes graduate at 32.4 percentage points lower than regular students across the country?2 A: This is an easy one... his classes are easier which gives him a better chance at graduating. Q: But at what point does a university become less of a place for an education and more of a football factory? A: We are obviously a university; if this were a football factory we

April 19, 2013

Tragedy Strikes
Just the other day Johnny Manziel announced it- he was going to stop tweeting. According to Manziel he needed to just shut it all off. But why Johnny? WHY? So many loyal twitter followers. You are just going to abandon us - just leave us out to dry. To help cope with our loss we should reflect on Johnnys most enlightening tweets: "Started from the bottom now the whole team here...yuhhh" Nothing illegal about being 18+ in a casino and winning money...KEEP HATING! Bought myself a little birthday present tonight stop hating! #HEATvsMAVS

Obviously Johnny has started from the bottom of the depth chart and now hes starting. He also likes to gamble his money? And apparently he gets really annoyed when people are hating on him. Some of these tweets have changed my life forever. There will forever be a hole in my heart where Johnnys twitter account belongs. Now that Johnny has stopped tweeting who else is going to stop? Justin Beiber? Edit: Sources confirm that after two weeks of fasting Manziel is back on twitter. Young dude just tyryn win here again, if I like her I just fly her to the city Im in. I gotta drinking with ya boy I gotta

Breaking News! Johnny Football is a sophomore!

I honestly had no Idea. People kept telling me that I was a freshman. Are they going to take away my Heisman? (We later informed Johnny what being red-shirted meant.) Johnny Football

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April 19, 2013

I like burnt orange

Johnny Longhorn?
The picture to your right shows our lovely Johnny Football sporting a Texas Longhorn tattoo. Controversy? Yes. Drama? Check. The perpetrator was recently overheard saying, I like how the horns connect to both sides of the head. Whats this supposed to mean Johnny? I thought we were friends. College Station is the place to be right? Austin is so lame. Its only the live music capital of the world; Austin can stay weird for all I care. All I want is my Johnny back. Johnny please get a tattoo of a thumbs up (our Aggie hand sign) and put it right over that longhorn. Then we can welcome you back with open arms.3 -Johnny Football

Dr. Dietel-McLaughlin
205 Coleman Morse [Notre Dame], [IN][46556]

[Sources]
1. http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/college/call-johnny-heisman-article-1.1215234 2. http://www.athleticbusiness.com/articles/article.aspx?articleid=3830&zoneid=8 3. http://gamedayr.com/gamedayr/johnny-manziel-spring-break-beer-pong-shorts/ 4. http://bleacherreport.com/articles/1411249-who-is-johnny-manziel-mugshot-arrest-over-the-summer-falling-by-wayside 5. http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/johnny-manziel-lights-dallas-nightclub-buxom-blonde-article-1.1234798 6. http://collegefootball.ap.org/columbian/content/manziel-first-freshman-win-heisman-trophy 7. http://bleacherreport.com/articles/1582592-johnny-manziel-leaves-twitter-nation-mourns-loss-of-social-media-giant 8. http://www.forbes.com/sites/mikeozanian/2012/12/09/winning-heisman-trophy-winner-manziel-punished-by-ncaa-and-nfl/ 9. http://throwtheflagblog.com/2013/02/johnny-manziel-is-partying-for-mardi-gras/ 10. http://bm52.com/2013/01/texas-am-university-logo.html 11. http://blog.al.com/national/2012/12/heisman_trophy_debate_making_a.html

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