SEO: Linda Martin finds identity in transition to gay culture

By Jessica Schram Linda Martins role as a volunteer soccer coach led her to find her best friend and life partner, Laura Nichols. Martins love for another woman began her journey for self-discovery as she unmasked her gay identity and found happiness through acceptance.

A womans quest for self-discovery Linda finds love in unexpected partner

When the sun rises over Potomac, Linda turns to Laura for a kiss good morning. The day beams through the sliding glass doors of the backyard deck and greets the couple as they walk downstairs. Linda feeds the dogs and gets the newspaper while Laura fixes the coffee and brings it to the living room. Returning with the newspaper, Linda plops herself on the beige sofa across from Laura and hands her the metro section in exchange for her dark Columbian java with a kick of peppermint, just how she likes it. Linda sips. Linda smiles. This is home. Although Linda Martin says she is happy living with Laura Nichols in their Potomac residence, she claims she was not always content with her love life. Until 1982, Linda identified as heterosexual. All her life, Linda dated men, and the thought of being with another woman never crossed her mind. Lindas journey for self-discovery took more than three years to complete, and although Linda says her partnership with Laura has brought her happiness and love, coming to terms with her gay identity came with months of confusion, reflection and therapy. (more)

Schram, Self Discovery, p. 2 Linda Meets her match Lindas now ex-husband, Keith Martin, worked 80-hour weeks when they were married. Although Linda also worked full time as a publications specialist for AARP, she said she frequently came home to an empty house and sat lonesome with her golden retriever, Kanga-roo, until nighttime. To keep occupied, Linda joined the Montgomery County recreational womens soccer league and regularly attended games and practices. However, it was not until a teammate injured Linda during a scrimmage that she needed to take an alternate route to soccer involvement. With a confirmed broken ankle, the hurt player contacted Montgomery Soccer Inc. and spoke to president Laura Nichols about becoming a coach. The president assigned a team for Linda and she began coaching a group of first-grade girls. One day while on the field, a woman leaning on a nearby swing set caught Lindas eye. It was the woman from the phone call, Laura Nichols, mother of four and
After practice, Linda Martin huddles with the Bethesda Peppers to congratulate them on a job well done. Photo by Karen Keating

president of MSI, wearing a pink shirt and denim shorts, smoking a cigarette. Linda had seen the president on the fields before, but never formally met her until that day. (more)

Schram, Self Discovery, p. 3 Let the games begin A few months into her coaching for MSI, a woman approached Linda about working with an all-girls travel team that was part of the Bethesda Soccer Club. Excited about the opportunity to coach an older division, Linda agreed to take the job and began working with a team of 10-year-old girls. Shelly Nichols was one player on the Bethesda Peppers who stood out to Linda among the rest. Not only could she sport a front handspring throw-in to intimidate opponents, but she was also the MSI presidents daughter. With Shelly on the Peppers, Linda and Laura began seeing each other more often. Although their relationship began on the field, it quickly progressed off the field as well. Linda and Laura would frequently get coffee after games and travel together to distant tournaments. In addition to traveling, the duo also joined indoor and outdoor recreational teams and began playing soccer together. When Linda was with Laura, she says everything felt open and she was free to be herself. Back at home, however, her marriage with Keith was less successful. Linda had moved out of the master bedroom and began living downstairs.

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Schram, Self Discovery, p. 4 Confessions and confusion Finally, after about a year of getting to know each other, Laura approached Linda at a tournament in New Jersey. The soccer mom confessed her sentiments

I love this woman, but Im not gay.

Laura Nichols

and told Linda she felt an emotional and physical attraction toward her. Baffled and relieved by Lauras words, Linda grabbed hold of the opportunity and reciprocated agreement.

I was really confused about the whole thing, but I knew that I wasnt happy [in my marriage], Linda said. As delighted as the women were to have unearthed their feelings, both said they were equally as shocked. Each of us was dealing with our own internal homophobic biases. Like, I love this woman, but Im not gay, Laura explained. Linda had never been to a therapist before, but began seeing one to talk about her emotions. My whole psyche was shattered, Linda said. I told my therapist I wish I could Lindas Tips for Identity Acceptance
1) Take your time 2) Talk about it 3) Go to therapy 4) Find a support system 5) Write about it

6) Dont be afraid to be yourself

just lie on the sidewalk and have people walk all over me. Linda said therapy was a safe place, but the self-reflection was not easy. It took Linda three years to accept her gay identity.

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Schram, Self Discovery, p. 5 Linda leaves Finally, with encouraging words from her therapist, Linda wrote a letter to Keith, packed her things and left. Laura also left her husband to be with Linda, and the two eventually settled in Potomac, where they now reside in the home that once belonged to Lauras husband. Almost 30 years have passed since their initial meeting, and the couple says they are still hopelessly in love. Linda and Laura bought rings together and have made commitments to be life partners. Although the couple is not legally married, Linda says she does not need a document to prove their love. To me, love is what I have with Laura. We go home, eat dinner, watch some TV and then go into our bedroom and close the door to the rest of the world she explains, And thats our favorite place to be. That is home.

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Linda Martin advocates therapy Martin encourages counseling for all people
By Jessica Schram Linda Martin, executive director of web and new media strategies for the universitys marketing and communications department, is a woman who is proud of her gay identity and in love with her partner, Laura Nichols. However, Martins confidence in her self and her relationship were not always satisfactions she possessed. Therapy played a vital role in Martins self-acceptance and has caused her to be an advocate of counseling for all people struggling with internal conflicts. At first Martin found it difficult to talk about her emotions, and she would regularly go to therapy and sit in silence. After three months of little
Linda Martin (left) and Laura Nichols celebrate another year together on their annual vacation to Antibes, France, where they explore with a rental car. Photo courtesy of Linda Martin

progress, Martins therapist suggested she attend a womens group. Comprised of eight patients with varying motivations, group therapy was helpful for Martin because she said it allowed her to realize she was not alone.

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Schram, Therapy, p.2 Action and advice With the combination of individual and group therapy, Martin learned to embrace her gay identity and finally built the courage to leave her husband. You have to be who you are and not worry aboutand this is really hard for students I thinktelling your parents or coming out to people, she says. Martin adds that she understands the difficulty of finding courage in times of fear, but says that bravery is necessary for self-disclosure. Martins time in therapy was so helpful that she now seeks treatment at the University Counseling Center when having problems at work. Located behind Memorial Chapel in Shoemaker Hall and equipped with a staff of counseling and clinical psychologists, the center is a convenient place for students, faculty and staff to overcome personal, interpersonal or vocational issues. The Counseling Center is open Monday through Friday, and both individual and group therapy are available upon request. Phone: 301-314-7651.

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