Motivating Others through Coaching with Compassion Melvin Smith, Richard E.

Boyatzis, and Ellen Van Oosten Politicians drool for the economic development results Jim McFarlane was achieving. Through his efforts, significant investment and job creation was taking place in Scotland. . At 57 years old, he was regarded as one of Scotlands foremost economic development practitioners. He was Managing Director of Scottish Enterprise the countrys national economic development agency. His typical day began with a breakfast meeting and often continued through dinner. Stimulating entrepreneurship and investment in a country besieged by economic challenges is not just important for national economic statistics, it changes peoples lives, but Jim felt he was working harder than ever and enjoying it less. Through Scottish Enterprise Jim was offered the opportunity to participate in Weatherheads Leadership Deep Dive Programme but was having difficulty in his early conversations with his coach. His coach asked him to describe his passion, his purpose and his core values, to envision himself 5-7 years in the future and to consider what he really wanted to do in his work and in his life. Although he regularly asked his direct reports to do something like this, he had not done it for himself. He was clearly uncomfortable sharing his feelings and emotions in this way but as he reflected more, a flame that had burned inside him for years became rekindled. His executive coach asked him to put his thoughts in writing. Ideas started to emerge. He compiled them in a personal vision statement that was four pages long. He completed five drafts of his personal vision before he was satisfied with the final version. The vision included concepts he learned from the program, including a new awareness that what he wanted and needed to do was to become more of a leader and less of a manager.

He had demonstrated time and time again that he could lead highly complex economic development projects and as a result, he established a track record of being a high achiever who always delivered. He was rewarded time and again for these accomplishments. But for the first time in his career, he began to see his primary role not as managing projects, but as teaching and coaching others to be that project manager. Instead of doing the work himself, he desired to inspire others to achieve new heights of success for themselves and the organization. This may not sound like rocket science, but for Jim this realization marked a significant change in how he viewed himself, his work and his contributions. The new ideas that came to Jim were not the result of coincidence. The coaching provoked them. It would be more accurate to say that the approach to coaching invited the new ideas and perceptions. The coach was using an approach to coaching called coaching with compassion.1 The coach was trying to bring Jim into a state called the Positive Emotional Attractor. In this state, Jim is more likely to be neurologically and hormonally open to new ideas and perceptions. 2 It has been shown in 25 years of longitudinal research that coaching someone toward the PEA, that is, coaching them with compassion, helps to stimulate dramatic improvements in the emotional, social and cognitive intelligence competencies related to leadership effectiveness. 3 This approach is a marked contrast to typical coaching, which we call coaching for compliance. In this approach, the coach feeds back assessment data or summarizes results from previous performance reviews, and asks the person what he or she could do to change. This is creating a
1

Boyatzis, R.E., Smith, M. and Blaize, N. (2006) Developing sustainable leaders through coaching and compassion, Academy of Management Journal on Learning and Education. 5 (1): 8-24. 2 Smith, M., Van Oosten, E., & Boyatzis, R.E. (2009). Coaching for sustained desired change. In Richard Woodman, William Pasmore & Rami Shani, Research in Organization Development and Change: Vol. 17,145-174. 3 Goleman, D., Boyatzis, R., & McKee, A. (2002). Primal Leadership: Realizing the Power of Emotional Intelligence. Boston: Harvard Business School Press.

Negative Emotional Attractor by invoking what others (i.e., bosses, spouses, coaches) think the person should do and how he/she should change. It worked! Jim became re-engaged in his work in a different way. Not surprisingly, his relationships with people around him became more open, more transparent, more trusting. Nine months after starting the coaching, he received the best performance review he had ever received. The feedback from the CEO, his peers and his direct reports was very positive and consistent. As one of his peers said, ... today, I see a completely different man-- a real corporate leader and colleague who listens more to the views of others I personally admire his vision statement and found it quite humbling. It made me re-visit my own vision for the future. Coaching is a basic component in almost every effort at change that sustains the desired effects. Change is difficult and inherently stressful, on top of all of the other sources of stress. As mentioned in an earlier article in this special issue, such stress leads to disengagement and dissonance in ones relationships. By taking the approach of coaching a person toward their dreams, toward their values, toward their passion, we engage their feeling of being cared for and understood. It arouses an emotion called compassion in the person being coachedand then in the coach. Arousing compassion invokes the renewal processes so important to our sustainability.4 But take heed, this is often counter intuitive. When we are trying to help someone, whether a subordinate, friend or family member, we have a tendency to try to make it simple by telling them what they should do. In the process, we are not paying attention to them but imposing our will and goals onto them. The result is a response that could be acquiescence, coping or passive resistance. In any mode, it engenders a defensiveness or guilt about how a
4

Boyatzis, R.E, Smith, M. & Van Oosten, E. (2011). Building Relationships and Talent: Coaching to the Positive Emotional Attractor for Sustained, Desired Change. In Berger and Berger (eds.), The Talent Management Handbook, NY: McGraw Hill. P. 217-226.

person should act. This, as we said earlier, is coaching for complianceor that is how it is experienced by the person being coached. On the other hand, beginning the coaching process by encouraging the person to dream of the possibilities in their life and work, to reflect on their core values, their passion, their desired legacy, we can arouse the Positive Emotional Attractor. The experience of compassion in the relationship with the coach also invokes the PEA and its benefits. With it come new levels of cognitive, perceptual and emotional performance, as well as openness, and a healthier, more sustainable state with which to face the challenges of the future and adapt to them, and become as sustainable as Jim has.