S. Jebejian, A Routine Visit 1.

INT: DAY EXAMINATION ROOM We see a male, BLAKE, around 25 years old sitting on an examining table. He is tall, lean, and noticeably muscular with silky blonde hair and bright blue eyes. A DOCTOR, a young woman about the same age as Blake, walks in with a clipboard in hand. She is of average build, her chestnut-colored hair up in a high ponytail. Shes wearing a long, white lab coat, and her pupils almost seem to dilate when she lays her eyes on her patient. She clears her throat to draw his attention. DOCTOR Good afternoon! How are you today? Blake looks a bit surprised, but attempts to remain stoic and responds rather quickly. BLAKE Fine. Im just here for a routine blood test. DOCTOR Wonderful! BLAKE Um, theres another doctor I usually meet with when I come for my visits. DOCTOR Oh, well, he has his hands tied up at the moment, so Ill be taking care of you. Now, Im going to ask you a few questions and go through somewell, lets saystandard procedures. Blakes eyes look momentarily downcast, but he covers it up once more. BLAKE

S. Jebejian, A Routine Visit Oh. Well, sure thing, I guess! DOCTOR Okay. Name and age? BLAKE Oh, that should be on the form I filled out. The Doctor looks down at her clipboard nervously. DOCTOR N-no. It doesnt appear so. BLAKE Huh. Well, Blake, and Im 25. DOCTOR Excellent! Where did you go to school? BLAKE Columbia. The doctor looks excited. DOCTOR Very impressive. Doctor writes on clipboard rapidly. DOCTOR Now, are you currently in a relationship? BLAKE Uh, heh-heh, is that really on there? I dont remember answering that before. DOCTOR

S. Jebejian, A Routine Visit Weve recently started asking more personal questions. Were making more of an attempt to know who our patients are. Blake looks a bit uncertain. BLAKE All right then. No, not currently. Doctor smiles and continues writing. DOCTOR Sexual preference? BLAKE Im sorry? The doctor looks up at Blake with an innocent expression on her face. DOCTOR What? BLAKE I mean, is that necessary? DOCTOR Like I said, were trying to get to know-BLAKE Yes, I heard you. I just dont see how that has anything to do with my medical history The doctor interrupts Blake. DOCTOR Do you mind taking off your shirt? BLAKE

S. Jebejian, A Routine Visit

What!? DOCTOR Well, how else am I going to draw your blood? BLAKE Through my arm? DOCTOR Yes, and Ill have easier access to your arm if your shirt is not in the way. BLAKE I can just roll up my sleeve DOCTOR No, no. Youll wrinkle the sleeve. Then your sleeves will be uneven. If your shirt is off and you put it to the side, it will be less likely to wrinkle and your shirt will be symmetrical. Im just thinking of your belongings and making sure they look kempt. Blake eyes the doctor suspiciously for a moment, but finally gives in. BLAKE I suppose so Blake takes off his shirt. The doctor stares at Blakes chest, noticeably pleased, and walks toward him in an attempt to place her hands on his chest. DOCTOR So, how often do you work out? Blake notices her attempting to touch him. BLAKE

S. Jebejian, A Routine Visit What are you doing? DOCTOR Do you take steroids? Blake practically looks livid at this point. BLAKE Im sorry, but I dont see how you go from having me take off my shirt to asking me if I take steroids. DOCTOR Because Im sure youre aware of how they might affect you The doctor eyes Blakes crotch, and he gets more aggravated. BLAKE No, I dont take steroids, but I do work out. Can we just move onto the blood test? The doctor seems to be thinking hard. Suddenly, she seems to have an idea and once again looks pleased with herself. DOCTOR Sure. But first, take off your pants. BLAKE All right, this is ridiculous! Why do I need to take my pants off? DOCTOR I dont know if I believe you when you say you dont take performance-enhancing drugs. BLAKE So you want me to take my pants off. DOCTOR

S. Jebejian, A Routine Visit

Ever heard of testicular atrophy? BLAKE Yes, but I dontI mean, this really isnt The doctor seems to be ignoring every word that comes out of Blakes mouth at this point. DOCTOR When was the last time you had a colonoscopy? BLAKE You know, its almost as if youre just trying to do anything to get a look in my pants. DOCTOR Hey, Im just trying to help you out. Its important to stay healthy! BLAKE You can make sure Im healthy without having me strip naked for you. Example: blood test. She doesnt seem to hear him and leans in close. DOCTOR Does the carpet match the drapes? Blakes just stares at her, stunned. At that moment, A SECOND DOCTOR, an older male, walks into the examining room and looks at the first doctor angrily. SECOND DOCTOR Taylor! Ive told you countless times: you can only come help me in the office with clerical duties! This is the fifth time Ive found you gallivanting around the office flirting with my patients. Taylor whispers under her breath.

S. Jebejian, A Routine Visit

DOCTOR Dammit. SECOND DOCTOR You cant keep interfering like this! Now, go back to the reception desk and file those folders. DOCTOR (Rolls eyes) Dad, Im twenty-five years old. Cant you at least treat me like I am? SECOND DOCTOR Well, excuse me. Ill do it when you start acting like youre twenty-five instead of like some pathetic teenager in puppy love. Now, vamoose. Taylor exits the examining room. The second doctor walks toward Blake. He leans in closely. SECOND DOCTOR Im so sorry. BLAKE Its fine. I was wondering where you were. SECOND DOCTOR Well, Im here now. Should we pick up from where we left off last time? Blake smiles tenderly at the older man as he leans in for a passionate kiss. Blackout.