Promise

SANJEEV PRAJA

SANJEEV PRAJA

Promise
I was in my graduate nal year, when my mom got breast cancer. Certainly it was unexpected and more than unexpected it was unwanted. We, my father, elder brother "Ryan"" and younger sister "Reinei" were suddenly run into disaster. As part of my father and brother they were busy with doctor visit , chemo therapy. For Reinei who had just nished her 12 was suddenly run into almost all chores of house.

Every evening father and Ryan talked this and that about the cancer while Reinei prepared dinner. As for mother, she just listen cautiously but nd enough spare attention for Reinei if she is doing well with dinner.For my part I try to scribble on my notebook trying to solve the statistics but not conconciously every bit of my attention spreads over the talk.

I haven't talked as usual with mother since the cancer. I hadn't had clue how should I react, I didn't knew the intensity disease. One thing I was certain I hate cancer, the very zodiac sign of mine. One way the other I hate myself and everything. Among three of sibling I was mother's son.Now and then she had great attention over my likes and dislikes. And the love for my mother was evenly parallel, I can just say i was my mother's son.

Since the cancer I was almost trying to avoid face to face encounter with her. Every talk between us have change into a type questionnaires with my short an1

swer YES, NO, OK. She try with great effort to be back normal. But nothing was normal and everybody knew it. I nd hard to cope with the situation or to ght against the cancer, more than mother cancer was killing me. The fear ran deeper and my agitation grew wilder. The fear was so intense it clouded over my love. I try to run away, I try to deny everything. I couldn't nd courage to look into my mother eye or touch the baldness of scalp, the very side effect of chemo.

Day turned week and then to month, she turned different not only in physiology but also in spirit and behavior. Her faith in god had grown signicantly, she craved sweet , she craved looking long into old albums in one corner of my room on sofa.

The hospital visit became usual, and chemo period more often. Father and Ryan take in turn to take her to hospital, they never asked me neither did i offer any service. May be they never had condence in me or they do not want to bother me as my exam was approaching soon. Soon hospital visits turned into stay. They wouldn't return for days.

Before i knew it, these stays in hospital had already turn to weeks, then to months. But I rarely made any visit except occasional launch delivery, One thing I hated about hospital was everything about hospital . Long queues, pale faces, white cloths, waiting bench, smell of phenyl, stained old gas cylinder, iron bed almost everything.

One day Ryan came early evening and asks me to get dressed and shouted at me with aggression "Your Ma want to see you, dress up! Be quick!"

I was wearing grey T shirt that was bought my her. It wasn't coincidence, everything I wear or use was her choice. When I reached hospital, she was having nap
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almost like a child. I barely recognized her with new baby hairs grown almost fair white. She was more fairer than earlier. I sat on the seat beside her watching her curiously and murmured my self "This is my very idol strong, bold, loving, will she be back normal? what if ? No it won't happen? what can i do?". When she woke up, her eyes where sparking with joy to see me.

I don't' know, what got with everyone's mind. They left two of us in the room. She took my right hand, gasped it tightly and She spoke very gently , "I had have all my life with joy. A loving husband, a charming daughter, two sons , a great family. You mustn't be sorry for me or you needed need to worry. What you have to know is I love you and everyone else does. Ryan and Reine will be OK, I just know they will do good. But for you, you have to promise me to be great. As we know life isn't such mystery as you probably think and there lies only two question worth answering. One! how many years do you wish to live? or, Second! how may lives do you wish to live ? You know what Im asking with your life as I feel some of my spirit reects in you".

I don't know why but I cried insanely like a new born baby. The great dam that hold all my tears just collapse, the tear ran wild. She hugged me tight with warm arms, kissed my forehead and murmured something sweet but couldn't understand clear. I didn't put any effort on stopping me, I just hug her tight. I cried long, longer than ever. I didn't knew when I slept, a deep sleep, sleep that I denied to myself, sleep that I believe do not exist, sleep that I have almost forgotten.

When I woke up early I was still beside her. I knew instinctually she was no more. I knew i have to call someone but still i lied beside her, for me I didn't feel crying as there was no room for sorrow. There is just a promise to be kept that one have to live great.