PDO - N-Zee

molonlave
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Posted Oct 26, 2006 @ 2:24 pm EDT

I just wanted to introduce myself and tell you about my exciting day
First of all, Glocks are the most proven tactical handguns in the world, I trust my life to
them every day. I carry 2 Glock 37s, in a double shoulder-holster, a Glock 38 in a SOB
holster, and a Glock 39 on my left ankle. I load all of my Glocks with premium Fang-face
.45 GAP anti-terrorist ammunition made by Extreme-Shock. And because having the
right tool for the right job is important, I also carry a 16in. collapsible BlackHawk BTS
Baton, a FoxLabs Magnum 1lb Gun-Handle OC-spray, a Surefire E2D, two pairs of
Smith&Wesson hand-cuffs, a Taser M18L, and a full-size Smith&Wesson SWAT folding
knife. You see, a highly-trained tactically-minded operator such as myself must always
be properly equipped to look after the sheeple, and defend them with my tactical prowess.
Shoot first and ask questions later, that's my motto!
The dog-tags that I bought on the internet from my tactical gear supplier, say “Special
Forces”, so that anyone who sees them will know how highly trained I am. I like how
they clink against my CCW badge and inner trauma-plate (which I have tactically taped
in place for double protection from sniper bullets), under my shirt and level IIIb body-
armor.
All CCWers should follow my example of tactical preparedness.
Every day I try to reach out into the community, so that the entire city can bask in the
safety and security my CCW badge provides. Ever since I received my permit last week,
I have been a criminal’s worst nightmare in my city.
My watchful eyes are always scanning my neighborhood, which I refer to as my N-Zee,

even when I am home in my trailer. With tactical precision I peek out of random
windows of my modular, tactically relocate-able home, parting the mini-blinds
imperceptibly… The motion-sensitive lights and fake cameras all over the exterior will
disorient and overwhelm anyone who tries to sneak into my sector of the N-Zee. My
neighbors in the trailer-park feel a lot safer knowing that there is a person with a CCW
badge nearby who can respond to dangerous situations with lightning speed.
I spend a lot of time at the local Burger King, because that is where most of the criminals
and questionable individuals in this area go to eat. My presence helps keep order, and
makes the Sheeple feel safer because I am there to protect them.
From halfway across the room I spotted him as I was taking the first bite out of my
Triple-Whopper, the most creepiest person that I had ever seen! He was trying to appear
so innocent in that lavender pullover, holding his specially trained attack-Pekingese in the
crook of his arm; the dog was wearing a baby-blue dog-sweater. I knew that I had to save
these sheeple who were oblivious to the danger!
I slipped ninja-like from my chair, spilling my drink as a diversion, and took a tactical
crouching-position behind the trash. With precise timing I held up my CCW badge, drew
my Glock 37 and squealed at the top of my lungs: “FREEZE!”. He shrunk backwards in
fear, knowing that I had spotted the bulge underneath his pullover, a tell-tale sign that he
was carrying a concealed weapon WITHOUT A BADGE!!! In desperation he looked
around wildly, seeking an escape as I tactically weaved towards him, maintaining my
cover behind the clear-plastic display which holds the kiddie toys.
Finally, using the advanced techniques learned watching the 62 minute video: “ASP
TACTICAL BATON TRAINING”, which is one of many that I get specially through my
tactical police gear supplier on the internet, I snapped my 16in. collapsible BlackHawk
BTS Baton extended on the third attempt, just in time to deliver a mildly-irritating blow
to the light fixture behind the perp. That is what I meant to do, now he is just where I
want him! Dis-oriented, he crouches down and pleads: “Don’t hurt Foo-Foo!”, while the
panicking attack-Pekingese barks shrill-ly. I force the suspect face-first to the floor and
hand-cuff him with my shiny Smith&Wesson handcuffs. All of a sudden there is pain in
my right ankle; I swing around, the pain bringing tears to my eyes… The red-sweater-
doper-dog has buried it’s ¼” fangs into my Achilles tendon, paralyzing me! Only my
training saves me as I sweep the safety off of my FoxLabs Magnum 1lb Gun-Handle OC-
spray and hold down the trigger, instantly fogging the entire area with small droplets of
liquid fire. It has the desired effect, blasting the deceptively small attack-dog off of my
leg and dis-infecting my bite-wound with such intensely painful liquid that any normal
person could not have withstood it. The situation was then under control, and the Burger
King fully evacuated (along with my bladder, bowels and stomach)… I proceeded to
search the suspect for evidence, but I cannot see anything through the fog of OC-spray,
so I leave that chore for the responding PD. When finally my backup arrives, the local
boys-in-blue picked me up off of the floor and guide me to the ambulance for a quick
field-dressing on my ankle, everyone was laughing and admiring how deftly I handled the
situation.
Later on, during my daily ‘perimeter surveillance’ mission of the N-Zee, on my mo-ped, I
noticed a drug deal going down at the bus-stop. Most regular folks, or ‘sheeple’ (as
CCWers, Police, and Security Specialists tend to call ‘civilians’ without CCW badges),
would never have noticed the subtle exchange which my trained senses were drawn to
like a magnet.
From 153yd away I could practically smell the drugs in the packets which they were
carrying from door-to-door… It made me realize how hungry I was. I grabbed a Slim-Jim
from my Blackhawk Tactical-vest pocket with one hand as I swung my machine around
and gunned it with the other… It was time for the big take-down!
As I screeched to a halt, inches from them, I held up my CCW badge and challenged
them: “Drop the contraband! I have a Concealed-Weapons-Permit!”. They were stunned,
obviously having thought that their Girl-Scout uniforms would disguise them from
ordinary civilians…
Out of nowhere a purse came flying and nearly took my head off! Luckily I was quick
enough to drop down into the tactical-fetal-defensive position and let my mo-ped fall on
top of me for protection. “Leave my girls alone!” the bitch screamed.
She had to have been an experienced criminal to have snuck up on me without my

noticing! The drug-dealing girls must have been her prostitutes. As such, I had to deal
with the old pimp-hag first, before I could have taken the small fish into custody.
The hours of in-depth discussion with my next-door neighbor, who was a karate-
instructor, have honed my nin-jitsu fighting skills to near-perfection. My senses are razor-
sharp, and the muscles in my warrior-like 98-lb frame tightened, ready to spring into
action on a moment’s notice.
I deftly roll sideways and leap up onto my feet, ignoring the intense pain of the curb
striking my skull due to rolling the wrong direction on purpose, to keep the girl-scout
drug-dealers and their pimp guessing my next move. I Tasered the pimp with my M18L
after skillfully engaging and pointing the tactical laser it is equipped with. I heard the
sound of sirens in the distance, signaling to me that backup was on its way. The sound
gives me strength as I chased down the young drug dealers and cuffed them, and finally
secured the contraband that they were trying to escape with. I decided to keep one box,
disguised as ‘Tag-a-longs’, as evidence for me to digest.
With the situation under control I trusted the cavalry to assess the situation when they
arrived, I could not stick around for the applause and compliments for a job well-done:
my pager was beeping, and that could only mean one thing!
I picked up my mo-ped, though scratched and dented from the last confrontation; I raced
off to the local 7-11 where my room-mate worked. He was paging for my immediate
assistance!
Upon entering the 7-11, my room-mate frantically directed me to the back of the store,
where a commotion was taking place. Everyone was so relieved when I arrived, filling
the stop-n-rob with the powerful aura of my confidence and prowess. Quickly, after
skillfully unclogging the Slurpee machine for the thirsty throng, and dispensing myself
some refreshment, I abandoned my under-cover persona as the on-call handy-man and
dashed for the door to return to my duties at the N-Zee.
Along my way I had to stop at Blockbuster, to drop off the copy of “Judge Dredd” which
I rent regularly every month. As I was waiting to turn left, daydreaming about whether to
get a Steven Seagal or Chuck Norris action movie this time, suddenly a Krispy Kreme
truck swerved wildly in my direction, and skidded to a stop within inches of my mo-ped!
The man in the cab of the truck was waving his arms wildly, threateningly it seemed…
And then I noticed! He was wearing a TURBAN!!! This vehicular assassin must be an
Islamo-facist Terrorist, possibly armed with a truck-bomb!
I had to stop him. A look of shock spread over the goat-F*&%er’s face as I drew both of
my Glock 37s and took up a tactical cover position behind my mo-ped. “I have you
surrounded!” as I pulled my CCW Badge out of my shirt “Step down out of your attack-
vehicle with your hands up, or I will shoot! I have a CCW permit!” His turbaned head
ducked out of sight behind the dashboard, and I began firing… Shooting the tires, the
windshield, and aiming for the gas-tank hoping to explode the Krispy-Kreme truck in a
ball of fire. He must have armor-plated his gas tank?!
When I ran out of ammo in my Glock 37s, the Muslim-terrorist peeked out again. “I am
no terr’rest, do no shoot!” A likely story indeed, but I could not be fooled so easily.
Dropping my empty Glock 37s, I drew my Glock 38 from its SOB holster (I call it my
New-York reload) and advanced towards the cab of the suicide-truck-bomb disguised as
a Krispy-Kreme truck, ordering the cowering rag-head: “lay flat on the ground!!!”
Just then, a dozen squad cars roared up, surrounding us with the sirens screaming. The
Terrorist was now crying, and waving at the cops, apparently trying to lure them closer
“Help Me!” he yelled.
I had to prevent the terrorist from detonating his bomb!
Lunging forward, with my Glock 38 in hand, I dove to tackle the Islamic-militant. He

darted out of my grasp, causing me to trip over the handle-bars of my own mo-ped. As I
fell, I heard a single gun-shot and felt white-hot pain in my left foot. The terrorist must
have tried to kill me! Thankfully, the officers safely took the terrorist into custody by the
time I struggled back up to my feet. A paramedic examined my foot and prepared me for
transport to the hospital while a detective got my story, and finally told me: “We’ll get
you some help, son”. The paramedic told me that I would live, but they needed to check
me out at the hospital.
I have a lot of respect for police officers, but I found out during the investigation that they
can’t count… No matter how many times I told the detectives that I fired 22 shots (10+1
in each Glock 37), they always wrote down “23”. They said that they would inform me of
the charges as soon as I was released from the hospital. I can’t wait! I hope that Islamo-
Terrorist gets the book thrown at him!
What are your thoughts?
I'll let you know what happens later, since I just got released from the hospital. I'd like to
see what the experienced CCWers here have to say about what I've gone through, and
what to expect?
I'd rather be judged by 6 than carried by 12!
Come & Get 'em!

Current score: 2.51352
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damien
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.
So why again do we have open registration here?
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Bruce Bremer
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What I think...
is that you made me laugh so hard that I can't catch my breath! I'm imagining Barney Fife
on speed, in "roid rage".
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Bruce Bremer
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I don't know why the original poster...
got zeroed. That was obviously a tongue-in-cheek parody.
If we get so serious around here that we can't share a joke (long-winded as it was),
heaven help us.
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hkp2000
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WARNING: This post has been moderated as inappropriate content. It is the property of
the poster (all rights reserved) and reflects neither the opinions of packing.org nor the
majority of its readers.
RE: I don't know why the original poster...
Bruce_Bremer wrote:
got zeroed. That was obviously a tongue-in-cheek parody.
If we get so serious around here that we can't share a joke (long-winded as it was),
heaven help us.
Is it a well meaning joke?
Then why is the poster hiding behind a new name first post.
Or is it a slap in the face mocking the people at this forum?

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dixiehacker
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RE: I just wanted to introduce myself and tell you about my exciting day
What a moron. Clearly a moron with a lot of time on his hands. This sounds like a gun
grabbing, rather than a gun totin TROLL!
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molonlabetn
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I don't like it...
...funny or not, it's disgraceful.
Maybe I'm just pissed that he picked a screen-name close to mine, and that rubs me the
wrong way just because of his obvious mockery... Whatever this imbecile's intentions
are, they sure aren't constructive. I hope this doesn't mean that we have a new influx of
trolls.
Dude, go find another site or post something on-topic...
molonlabetn
In pace, ut sapiens, aptarit idonea bello

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Mod 658
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"We do not have a sense of humor that we are aware of"
How dare some scrub try and make us laugh. Aside from that it was well written and
quite humorous. If only I had a sense of humor, perhaps I would have chuckled. But
alas... I am too hard to be chiseled with mere humor.
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MossyDotOak
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Settle Down
The guy is just poking fun at the "mall ninjas" out there. There's no reason to be offended
unless you are one.
I highly doubt some bitter lib troll would be familiar all that gun related information
Move along.
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molonlave
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This is not the reaction I expected!
I take myself very seriously! You people who try to poke fun at the tenacious manner in
which I conduct myself as a CCWer, merely shows how lax you all have become! I did
not take the time to fill out those forms and smile for the picture on my permit, to be
slapped in the face by the demeaning remarks of half-hearted CCWers and posers who
are intimidated by my exploits!
I see now that it is my duty to volunteer my vast knowledge and tactical prowess to the
un-washed masses here on PDO, so keep reading! You will surely learn something if you
dedicate yourself to my tutelage! I will use the time during which I will be laid up due to
my foot-injury to pour forth my intellect into the few open-minds which my ninja-like
senses can detect on this site.
From My Cold, Dead Hands!

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kldimond
132 total posts

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Bwahahahahaha!
I'm DYIN' here.
I'm laughing hardest at the folks who are all bound in the panties over this.
This writer--and that's a compliment to call him or her a writer, rather than just a
"contributor"--has taken all the silly, ridiculous things that once in a while get said
around here--all the pet peeves and outrages and posturing, etc.--and turned it into
theatre.
My hat's off, Molonlave--even the handle is part of the comedy.
Folks, we have genius in our midst.

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tjbert47
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RE: Bwahahahahaha!
kldimond wrote:
I'm DYIN' here.
I'm laughing hardest at the folks who are all bound in the panties over this.
This writer--and that's a compliment to call him or her a writer, rather than just a
"contributor"--has taken all the silly, ridiculous things that once in a while get said
around here--all the pet peeves and outrages and posturing, etc.--and turned it into
theatre.
My hat's off, Molonlave--even the handle is part of the comedy.
Folks, we have genius in our midst.
I'm with you kldimond. I thought it was funny.
Tom in TN
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ilbob
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RE: .
damien wrote:
So why again do we have open registration here?
I thought it was funny. A little levity is good for the soul.

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shootthesheet
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THIS SAME SORT OF THING
Was going on a lot when we had many of the problems that made some long time posters
leave. I think it is little more than a parody of some of the conversations that we have.
And except for the seeming fact it targets one poster would laugh it off. I don't know the
reason for the post. I just know it doesn't really seem constructive to target one poster that
way.
DON'T FEED THE TROLLS!

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charmincarmens
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Well
I surely enjoyed that story.I took it as just having a little fun with us packers.So I hope
you have more time to post again your wit and knowledge.I would think you would have
a lot of time,if you look at the sign to the hospital your in you will see it is a Nut
House.By By.
RA All THE WAY
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SC
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Good one
I'd take credit for it but my other screen name has more posts and I'm rated like a PDO
guru.
Cause and effect, action - reaction, guru - troll.
It's all about balance.
Sometimes I argue both sides of the same post

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Blackbird
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Actually the OP is not even very original
Sounds like some old postings of Gecko45, Gunkid, and other Mall Ninjas from Glock
Talk.
http://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/
Blatant plagiarism.
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SC
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RE: Actually the OP is not even very original
Blackbird wrote:
Talk.
Blatant plagiarism.
Looks like your right, at least my trollin's original.
I do not think I would have ever told anyone I visited that mall ninja web site
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jlefty
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Funny
I think it was extremely funny and enjoyed it!!
Shoot Safe
Jlefty
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jlefty
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Another part...
Another part that I didn't catch was that he is posting supposedly from Washington D.C.,
now that is funny
Shoot Safe
Jlefty
alpaha
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Blackbird
THAT is about the funniest link I have seen. The names change, but the story is the same.
thanks for the post
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Blackbird
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There are even more if you do a google search on Gecko45
http://www.geocities.com/suketh.geo/gun/mall_ninja_1.html
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Lair/6482/gun/geckohk1.html
http://www.hk91.com/cgi-bin/ubb/ubbmisc.cgi?action=getbio&UserName=Gecko45
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patriot1
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Posted Oct 27, 2006 @ 9:19 am EDT

RE: I just wanted to introduce myself and tell you about my exciting day
molonlave wrote:
What are your thoughts?
I'll let you know what happens later, since I just got released from the hospital. I'd like to
see what the experienced CCWers here have to say about what I've gone through, and
what to expect?
I'd rather be judged by 6 than carried by 12!
Come & Get 'em!
MAYBE YOU SHOULD CHANGE YOUR PDO REGISTRATION USER NAME TO

"MORONRAVE"......
I especially like you mention you were just released from a hospital - mental, I presume.
get real,get a grip and get a life - loser....
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molonlave
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Posted Oct 27, 2006 @ 10:59 am EDT

RE: There are even more if you do a google search on Gecko45
Blackbird wrote:
http://www.geocities.com/suketh.geo/gun/mall_ninja_1.html
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Lair/6482/gun/geckohk1.html
[url=http://www.hk91.com/cgi-bin/ubb/ubbmisc.cgi?action=getbio&UserName=Gecko45
]http://www.hk91.com/cgi-bin/ubb/ubbmisc.cgi?action=getbio&UserName=Gecko45
WOW! Thank you for the links! Finally I have found someone to look up to. He sounds
like a true operator with experiences that even I could learn from!
No ripping off? How about jerking.

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Howlin Mad
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All too familiar
For everyone who got upset at this we have to take a step back and remember that this
posts sounds eerily similar to posts made right here by individuals who were being
absolutely serious.
Every one knows that the majority of packers and rationale intelligent individuals who
take the responsibility of carrying very seriously.
On the same token though we all know that segal/stallone wanna be out there who thinks
that a CCP and a $2 badge makes them John Wayne.
Never forget that the eyes are always upon us and one idiot out there with a hero complex
can make life very difficult for the rest of us.
Life's hard, but it's even harder if you're stupid

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Amnesia Wes
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Duh...
Let me see if I got this right,
100,000 sperm. And you were the fastest?
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goaliejerry
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Posted Oct 31, 2006 @ 1:16 pm EST

Hehe....
I like the part about him being on a mo-ped, and seeing a drug deal go down, and
simultaneously grabbing a slim-jim from his tactical vest while wheeling the bike around
with his free hand. I just pictured what a goofy looser this person would be were he real
and its just very funny.
I also picture him being de-briefed by his mom over dinner, which would be a casserole
of some kind, after he returns to his basement bedroom to disarm. It really is funny.
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Glock22Fan
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Posted Nov 1, 2006 @ 6:54 pm EST

Absolutely hilarious
Absolutely hilarious!
Anyone who doesn't think so should try looking up "parody" in their picture dictionary.
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exYm²
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RE: Actually the OP is not even very original
Blackbird wrote:
Talk.
Blatant plagiarism.
Gunkid is in prison now.
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warmpabst
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ammo
well i have to say i love fang face ammo, but can never find the "anti-terrorist" kind. a
little help?
hahaha i'm still wiping my tears!

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toysareforboys
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Posted Dec 7, 2006 @ 11:14 am EST

Gotta love this
I love this:
One poster responded, “If Plan A is to take multiple .338 shots to the back, you really
need to come up with a Plan B.”
That's classic.
-Jamie M.
Current score: 3
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SCfromNY
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Posted Dec 8, 2006 @ 11:24 am EST

Very Funny
We all need a little humor. We should thank the poster for taking time out from writing
"Happened to Me" in Combat Handguns.
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molonlave

Posted Oct 26, 2006 @ 2:24 pm EDT

All CCWers should follow my example of tactical preparedness.

My watchful eyes are always scanning my neighborhood, which I refer to as my N-Zee,

She had to have been an experienced criminal to have snuck up on me without my

I had to prevent the terrorist from detonating his bomb!

Lunging forward, with my Glock 38 in hand, I dove to tackle the Islamic-militant. He

What are your thoughts?

Come & Get 'em!

164 total posts

Posted Oct 26, 2006 @ 2:30 pm EDT

154 total posts

Posted Oct 26, 2006 @ 2:35 pm EDT

154 total posts

Posted Oct 26, 2006 @ 2:38 pm EDT

Posted Oct 26, 2006 @ 2:47 pm EDT

Is it a well meaning joke?

Or is it a slap in the face mocking the people at this forum?

179 total posts

Posted Oct 26, 2006 @ 2:50 pm EDT

1012 total posts

Posted Oct 26, 2006 @ 2:57 pm EDT

Dude, go find another site or post something on-topic...

In pace, ut sapiens, aptarit idonea bello

417 total posts

Posted Oct 26, 2006 @ 4:43 pm EDT

Posted Oct 26, 2006 @ 4:43 pm EDT

From My Cold, Dead Hands!

132 total posts

Posted Oct 26, 2006 @ 4:51 pm EDT

My hat's off, Molonlave--even the handle is part of the comedy.

Folks, we have genius in our midst.

146 total posts

Posted Oct 26, 2006 @ 5:27 pm EDT

My hat's off, Molonlave--even the handle is part of the comedy.

Folks, we have genius in our midst.

I'm with you kldimond. I thought it was funny.

911 total posts

Posted Oct 26, 2006 @ 5:28 pm EDT

I thought it was funny. A little levity is good for the soul.

1333 total posts

Posted Oct 26, 2006 @ 5:37 pm EDT

DON'T FEED THE TROLLS!

1398 total posts

Posted Oct 26, 2006 @ 5:40 pm EDT

530 total posts

Posted Oct 26, 2006 @ 5:42 pm EDT

Cause and effect, action - reaction, guru - troll.

It's all about balance.

Sometimes I argue both sides of the same post

909 total posts

Posted Oct 26, 2006 @ 6:21 pm EDT

530 total posts

Posted Oct 26, 2006 @ 6:38 pm EDT

Looks like your right, at least my trollin's original.

416 total posts

416 total posts

Posted Oct 26, 2006 @ 7:25 pm EDT

Posted Oct 26, 2006 @ 10:06 pm EDT

Posted Oct 26, 2006 @ 10:55 pm EDT

Posted Oct 27, 2006 @ 9:19 am EDT

What are your thoughts?

I'd rather be judged by 6 than carried by 12!