1

The Bitch... Is Back... In Black...

Class Description.
ABILITY REQUIREMENTS: Wisdom Intelligence Dexterity Charisma Vanity Any Female, straight or gay Males, 1% of gay (D4 + D6 + D8) * 20 See Below All bitches receive two hp per 3 Vanity points at level one Upon obtaining an even level they will gain D4 pints and D6 upon gaining an odd level. 10 8 12 10 14

RACES: Gender:

Starting Gold: Alignment: Hit Points:

Level 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 Droll Drab

Title Innocent

Experience Ma Di gi vi 0- 1 c ne 2 In 2500vo ca 3 5000ti on 100002000035000500007500010000020000035000060000090000012000001500000180000021000002400000270000030000003 1

1 1

Niggler Mole Tease Temptress Seducer Troll Lunch Cutter Sarcastic Agitator Sardonic Tart Trash * Obliviaan Slut Princess Goddess Cradle Snatcher

3 3 4 4 4 4 5 5 6 6 6 7

3 3 4 4 4 4 5 5 5 5 5 6

2 2 2 3 3 3 3 3 4 5 5 5

1 1 1 2 2 2 2 2 2 3 3 4 1 1 2 2 2 2 2 3 3 1 1 1 2 2 2

3 4 4 4 4 5 5 5 5 5 6 6

2 3 3 3 3 4 4 4 4 5 5 5

1 2 2 2 3 3 3 3 3 4 4 4 1 1 1 1 2 2 2 2 3 3 3 1 1 1 1 2 2

21 22

Bitch Queen Im not a Bitch, Im the Bitch and thats Miss Bitch to you.

33000003600000-

7 7

7 7

6 7

5 6

4 5

3 4

6 6

5 5

4 4

3 3

2 2

*- Coloured, Euro or White. Due to the somewhat erratic nature of the bitch their alignment tends to change. A bitch may only change one aspect of her alignment at any time. To do so she must either be confronted with a practical situation with a multitude of logical or obvious conclusions (such as what to wear tonight) or fail successive wisdom, vanity and constitution tests. Attempting to use a bitch skill may also cause the bitch to change alignment, especially if the test fails. True bitches tend to obey the following alignment philosophies. Alignment Lawful Chaotic Neutral Good Evil Philosophy That would be your law... I am so stable Like, yeah, who cares... Im not evil, Im just good looking When Im bad, Im damn good

In addition to the alignment change the bitch will under go a mood swing according to the following table. Roll 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Moods & Attitudes Happy, cheerful, optimistic, helpful, friendly Self-pity/ self-loathing, unhelpful, brooding Pissed off, vengeful, cruel Depressed, sullen, feeling inadequate No Change Independent, jealous and Proud Impatient, Condescending Lustful, self centred Centre of Attention, overbearing No Change

At each mood swing there is a percent chance (equal to her Vanity value) that a Bitch will loose a percentage of her personal funds (or party funds, whatever).

ROLL 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Destination of Funds Um, I forgot, what I did with it. I gave it to a reputable charity. Do you like my new dress. Here have a drink on me. Dont you just adore the pattern on my new weapon. Its under a rock. Some guy, said something about super annuation. Another character in the group I traded it to a Mage, for a frog. It died. Another character in the group

Roll (2D4)Percentage Lost 2 50% 4 10% 6 Equal to Bitch Level 8 95%

3 5 7

25% Equal to Vanity Attribute Equal to Vanity * Level (Max 85%)

Bitches start off with 2 initial weapon Proficiencies and 4 non-weapon Proficiencies. They receive another weapon prof. every 4 levels and additional non-weapon prof. every 3 levels. Their penalty for employing weapons they are not proficient in is -4. Bitches may choose non-weapon Proficiencies from all Groups except the Fighter Group. Bitches can wear leather armour (or nice shinny metal armour), but carry a hand mirror instead of a shield. The weapons that may be used by this class are: staff, whip, stiletto, throwing knife, sling, lasso, cat-o-nine tails and a handbag. They have a bonus non-weapon proficiency in Reading/ Writing and one other in haggling, information gathering or an artistic skill (not an instrument). Bitches attack on the thief table, and save as thieves with the exception of paralysation, poison, death magic and breath weapon, where they save as clerics of equal level. Spell books are replaced by diaries, which are recognisable by the floral cover and a small lock. The key to which is almost always worn around the bitchs neck. The diary is kept in a different location every week. Bitches typically use their diary to store gossip, spells and other important information which would be regarded as irrelevant to any other class.

Bitch Skill Descriptions.

Due to their covert, dark, self centred dealings, Bitches have modified have developed several Thieving Skills. They have the below base scores, adjusted for Race and Vanity and gain an additional number of points equal to their Vanity value to allocate to these scores (with no more than 7 going to any one score per level) per level. No score, with the exception of read languages, can ever be increased to above 80% Bitching Skill Base Scores Move Through Crowds Hide/ Find Diary Detect Bitch Read Between the Lines Spread Gossip Race Human Elf 1/2 Elf Dwarf Centaur Goblin Gnome Doppelganger Bugbears Hobgoblin MTC -+10 +5 -10 -5 +10 -5 -10 -5 -5

5% 10% 20% 10% 15% FHD -+10 +5 +10 +5 +5 +15 ---5 +5 DB --10 -5 +10 +15 -+5 --5 +5 RBL -----5 -10 -20 +10 --5 SG --10 -5 -10 -10 +5 --+15 --

# Requires additional modifications for its current and previous form. Vanity 12-13 14-15 16-17 18-19 20+ MTC +6 +9 +12 +15 +18 FHD +9 +11 +13 +15 +17 DB +7 +11 +15 +19 +23 RBL +3 +8 +14 +21 +29 SG +12 +14 +16 +18 +20

Move Through Crowds: Bitches are able to move there way through a throng with the grace, dignity and poise of an elf on heat. Hide/ Find Diary: Every Bitch needs a diary, a bitch may not advance levels without their diary and as such rivals diaries are highly prized items. A bitch usually alternates between hiding her diary on herself and with her belongings. One successful test will reveal the location of the diary. A second test usually a body search or a looting spree with reveal the rivals diary. Detect Bitch: This enables a Bitch to detect another bitch within a radius of 10m per vanity Point. 6

Read Between the Lines: This skill enables a bitch to read the body language and vocal inflections of an enemy, to determine their true motives, and possible course of action. This skill may only be used once on an enemy per day. Spread Gossip: One successful test to extract a scandalous rumour about an enemy and another to pass it to three other characters per Bitch level. One further test may be used to successfully twist the rumour further from the truth. Bitches cast spells as Mages from their diary, although in a time of need they may cold cast by calling to their deity Saint Yves Lauren, although most bitches are two vain to admit to worshiping a being other than themselves. In fact a true bitch will never admit to the existence of any being greater than themselves. Bitches gain a +4 bonus when casting against an enemy. Each morning a bitch will invoke Saint Yves Lauren by grooming herself in front of a mirror (a sacred circle is not necessary) and will memorise her spells for the day as she fards up. During the day she may call upon the Saint to cast additional spells. She has a percentage chance of half her Vanity per level that her call will be heard and answered with the appropriate spell. Spells may not be cold cast nor memorised without the diary. A bitchs worst enemy, is of course any other bitch, whom she gains a bonus to cast against. However most bitches by third level have a hated name. Any character who refers to a bitch by that name, also faces the consequences of the bitch focussing additional mental energy at them during spell casting. Typical hated names are Doll, Darlin, Darl, Lovey, Sweetie, Sugar Pop. At 20th level any term of endearment will infuriate the bitch. During combat, or any other time a bitch will single handedly engage any other bitch (after Detect Bitch has been used), before despatching of any other enemy (hated name), and only then will attack any other character. Note that Move Through Crowds, Hide/ Find Diary, Detect Bitch, Read Between the Lines, Spread Gossip may not be used during combat. When two bitches confront or detect each other they will attempt to establish control over each other. If there is two or more levels between them the lesser will concede defeat before combat arises. However, combat may ensue, usually beginning with a preen off, followed by a name calling session. Physical combat includes bitch slapping, biting, hair pulling. The victor is entitled to lord over her victim by teasing for the rest of their lives, or until revenge is exacted. Bitches will not tolerate another bitch in their vicinity. Bitches will never travel or adventure together.

Bitch Level Descriptions

First Level Every bitch, even an Innocent must have a diary. Each bitch begins adventuring with a diary in which to record scandalous gossip, spells and other miscellaneous information, which as little if any value to any other character, except maybe a rival bitch. Should a bitch lose her diary, she must attempt every thing within her power to retrieve it. She is unable to cold cast or memorise any more spells without it. Many bitches have pinned away, nagged incessantly for the rest of their lives after losing their diary. If their diary is destroyed, they must gain another as quickly as possible to write lamentations regarding the loss of the first diary. A bitch cannot cast spells from a destroyed diary, she must learn them from scratch. A bitch is unable to advance in levels unless she has her diary on her. A true bitch will attempt to seek and destroy all other bitches diaries, if time permits she will riffle through to gleam what ever gossip and spell that she might find useful. An innocent, is able to carry her diary on her person, so as to not burden her hands, and is able to retrieve it without any visible effort. She may also will it into her hands from her pack, her mounts pack or a companion/plebs pack from a distance of less than 2m per bitch level. She may also retrieve her diary if it is within sight at 3m per bitch level. Second Level Very few of bitches, however, allow themselves to appear old or ugly, most being vain enough to use their magic to appear youthful and attractive. Bitches tend towards the melodramatic in terms of dress, preferring to wear long, billowing cloaks and such apparel as will affect a certain air of mystery about them. This "air of mystery," or secrecy is, in fact, a deeply ingrained character trait of all bitches, even though no one else can detect it. They dont care Third Level All Bitches can pass through any type of social setting without leaving a discernible trail. Characters who do not have specific tracking abilities will be unable to detect such traces, and even rangers, foresters and hunter-class characters will find that bitches are -50% harder to track in social settings than other characters. They also have a percent chance (13% per level) to be able to leave a social setting without being noticed. An enemy Bitch may use their detect Bitch Skill to determine if a known bitch is still in the immediate area. Fifth Level All Bitches have the ability to identify unknown fashion on sight. A successful check vs. the bitch's Intelligence. means that the fashion in question has been identified. A further test enables the bitch to make a snide remark (criticism) to the wearer. The wearer suffers -1 vanity (modesty)per criticism for three changes of alignment. To advance to sixth level a Bitch must seek out a bitch of the same level or higher and steal her diary. The Bitch may bypass level six and advance to level seven should she be able to steal the diary o a level ten bitch or greater. Seventh level Bitches are now capable of creating cosmetics, such as foundations, rouge, lip gloss and perfume, as per elixirs, potions, poultices etc. A bitch may not want to get her hands dirty and as such instruct someone else to perform the work for her. 8

8th Level The bitch must acquire a companion (marriage is not compulsory, nor must he/she need to adventure with the party). If the bitch is able to steal the affections companion of another bitch (of equal or higher level) she may advance directly to level ten. She doesnt need to be faithful to the companion, but she be pretty pissed of if he isnt faithful to her. 10th Level To advance to 11the level and beyond, the bitch must steal the affections of another bitchs companion. She may need to discard her first one, although another on the side is acceptable to a bitch. Should she succeed in stealing the companion of a piece of trash (or higher) she may advance to level 12. 12th Level Bitches are immune to charm type spells as cast by other Bitches. 13th Level Bitches are immune to charm type spells as cast by any enemy. 14th Level Witches and Bitches become immune to all Charm spells cast by LG, TN or CE characters. She will find it possible to attract a group of followers equal to her Vanity Attribute divided by three rounded up. These followers will always be mindless plebs (of the appropriate persuasion) who will follow the Bitchs instructions to the word. A loyalty ritual may be performed once a month, granting the Bitch +1 (accumulative) charisma to her followers and reduce their Intelligence and Wisdom to their racial minimums. 16th Level Bitches receive an immunity to all criticism. 18th level A bitch may double the number of plebs she gained at 14th level. At each additional level a bitch may attempt to gain this number of plebs again. 20th Level To advance beyond 20th level a bitch needs to beg, borrow, steal, or otherwise gain the affections of a number of other bitches companions. One point is awarded for the level of bitch who losses her companion. No two victim bitches may be of the same level and the bitch needs fifty Companion Points to advance to level 21 as well as the necessary experience points. As this level generally coincides with the bitch obtaining 40 years of age (human anyway) each stolen companion must be significantly younger than herself. Ideally they should be ideal specimens of outstanding strength, vitality and wealth. 21st Level Needs to steal an additional companion from an Obliviaan or higher. A bitch will need to do this (plus have the relevant experience) to advance each level. From obtaining Level 21 (for the first time) should she lose a companion to another bitch, she will lose one level and any level based 9

abilities she has gained. 30th level Bitches gain the ability to crash into all sociable/ fashionable planes at will. Note: For a bitch to gain levels she must have enough experience points, in some cases a bitch may jump levels in which case they are awarded enough XP to achieve this as they have managed to perform an outstanding bitch feat.

Suitable Spells for a Bitch.

Bitch Slap Cantrip Range 10M Components V S Failing a saving throw the victim feels a slight push against their chest.

The Sound of Three hands Clapping Level 1 Range 5M Components V S The victim is slapped by three invisible hands each for D4 points of damage per level of the castor. To hit rolls are not required. A successful saving throw reduces damage by half. The hands will permeate leather helmets. If the castor is level five the hands will permeate through all non-magical metal helms. If the castor is at level ten the hands will permeate though enchanted helms as long as the castors level -9 is greater than the enchantment on the helm.

Smudge Level 1 Range 20m Components V M ( a piece of rough cloth) This will cause the victims make up to become smudged, thereby reducing their charisma/ comeliness by 1. Additional reductions may be caused by subtracting the castors level from the victims level.

PMT 1 Level 1 Range Self Components Special This spell causes the castor to go into a unarmed frenzy and berserk, with her bare hands until she no longer considers herself to be under threat, (usually when the victim (perceived assailant) has fled in terror or dropped to their knees). This may only be cast if the castor perceives herself to be in immediate danger or is facing an enemy.

10

You Can Look But You Cant Touch Level 2 Range 20M Components S M (a piece of barbed wire) This spell will enable the victim to approach the castor but will be unable to get closer than five paces from her. Any attempt to get closer and the victim will suffer D4 points of damage from electricity. A successful saving through will negate the electrical damage, but the victim still cant touch the castor.

Heart Breaker Level 2 Range Touch Components S M (a dead heart) This spell although similar to a Charm spell, will leave the victim after the charm has wanned realising that they have been dropped. Their morale will hit rock bottom. Many victims have been known to starve to death by refusing to eat. Others have disappeared altogether amid rumours that they have become bed ridden from lethargy. A successful saving through enables the character to eventually learn to live again, although it is not known if any have trusted their hearts to anyone else.

PMT 2 Level 2 Range Self Components V M (the Weapon) Similar to PMT 1, although the castor is enable to seize the victims weapon (melee), and wield it as though proficient with it. This is limited to one single handed weapon. The weapon is consumed by the spell.

Flirt Level 3 Range 20m Components V M (A goblet/ glass of an alcoholic beverage) This will raise the charisma of the castor by 1 per three of their bitch levels to the victim, who will perceive the castor as flirting with them. Many victims have later stated in court that they castor was half naked and gesticulating towards them, a successful saving throw and the victim will not feel the urgency to return the compliment.

Gossip Level 3 Range 20M diameter, with the castor at the centre Components V S The last piece of information heard, by the castor will be broadcast to every person within the spell range, as though the speaker had told them directly. The persons voice will not be disguised.

PMT 3 Range Self

Level 3

11

Components V M (the Weapons) As for PMT 2 but two one handed weapons may be used in a shadow style. The weapon is consumed by the spell.

Chain Gossip Level 4 Range 3 people per level of castor Components V M (A length of silver string) The last piece of information heard by the castor, may be transmitted through a chain of people, as directed by the castor. The total number of people in the chain may be less than the maximum. Each person in the chain will hear the voice as it spoke its message. Each person needs to be within sight of the person that they are receiving the message from.

Group Flirt Level 4 Range 5m radius 20m from the castor Components S V All persons of appropriate persuasion act as though victims of the Flirt Spell.

PMT 4 Level 4 Range Self Components V M (the Weapon) As per PMT 3 although the castor is able to wield a two handed or pole arm weapon. The Weapon is consumed by the spell.

Under The Thumb Range Touch Components V M

Level 5

(A Fire Diamond, an Ice Diamond, a Wind Diamond, a Dark Diamond. The Victims Holy Symbol or equivalent. This spell will entrap the affections of a victim (of the appropriate persuasion) for a number of days equal to the castors Vanity Value. After this time the character will act as though charmed by the bitch. This spell may not be cast on a victim, while they are still Under the Thumb of another bitch, although once the initial spell wears off- they may fall under the influence of another Bitch. A successful saving through allows a character to be charmed for this duration, and they will not b charmed when the spell wears off. Whilst Under the Thumb the victim will not leave the castors side, pandering to their every request and acting chivalrous enough to make even a quoggoth puke.

Goddess Level 8 Range Special Components Special This spell has three forms depending on the victims. Firstly a bitch may cast it once over her entire entourage of plebs, such that they will worship the ground she walks on, no saving throws. It may be cast on a companion, ensuring that he will not lose his affection for her for a year and a day,

12

a successful saving through and he will act as though Under the Thumb for a month and a day. This Spell may also be cast on another bitch, who will regard the castor as harmless (for one week), regardless of what they Read Between the Lines. A successful saving through in this case causes the spell to backfire and the castor believes that the victim is in deed their best friend and will happily share their grievances and diary with them.

Beautality Level 10 Range Self Components V S M (A Pika Pelt, The Frame of Chantels Horror, A Haagii Jaw Bone, a Litre of Royal Blood, a Fresh Four Seasons Pizza, The Alcohol Gland from an Alcohol Dragon) This spell enables the castor to maintain her appearance (ideal) at the time of casting for the next 6 and a half years. Although she will continue to age, only a true bitch will not be deceived by the illusion.

Menopause Level 10 Range Self Components Something special, incredibly rare and impossible to locate. Similar to the PMT spells, this spell enables the castor to borrow one attack mode (magical or mechanical) from the victim and use it against the victim. Stories abound, of bitches scorching dragons by spitting at them with their own breath weapon. The castor is immune to the attack mode (as used by the victim), unless a successful saving through is made.

Appendix A: Classes suitable for a pleb.

WARRIOR OAF The Warrior Oaf is essentially a big, strong, and dull-witted human. Mongo from Mel Brooks' Blazing Saddles is a good example of a Warrior Oaf. Requirements for this character are a Strength of 18 and a minimum constitution of 16. This is necessary to compensate for his glaring deficits in all other abilities. His size and apparent strength should be intimidating to others, therefore, he must be human. It would be unreasonable to expect the DM to allow a dwarf, elf, half-elf, or Halfling to attain such proportions (ie. 7', 350lbs). Maximum Intelligence and Wisdom are 7 (we suggest 1d4+3. In addition to providing a maximum of 7 this method offers a good possibility that his INT and WIS will be less than that and guarantees that the character will be able to speak at least on a simple level and that he will not necessarily act on instinct). Maximum Dexterity and Charisma are 12. A creature so big and slow-witted is simply not capable of the grace, agility, and charm of a Robin Hood. In truth, his charisma should probably be much lower but it is not inconceivable that men would chose to follow one who possesses such physical power or that a fair maiden would not be attracted to him much like she would to a puppy.

Because he is lacking in intelligence and wisdom, the Warrior Oafs ability to learn is very limited. For this reason, unlike most warriors, he begins with only 2 weapon proficiency slots and only one non-weapon proficiency slot. He then accumulates slots as a normal warrior would. His choice of weapons is limited to bludgeoning type melee weapons. He simply lacks the ability to learn how to use swords, axes, picks, etc. and missile weapons (it is possible that he may be able to become proficient in rock/boulder throwing but we're not sure how to do this). He may, and should, use his first two weapon proficiency slots to specialise. I do not believe that this poses a incongruity. Although he is mentally slow, it stands to reason that if he fights only with a club he would become quite adept in its use and even a specialist. He may wear armour of any type provided he can acquire some that fits his enormous bulk His non-weapon Proficiencies are limited only to those requiring strength or constitution and then only those which do not involve much skill. Although the Warrior Oaf may be quite good at pounding nails he could not learn the skills necessary to be a carpenter. Some Proficiencies that he could acquire are running, swimming, jumping, and endurance (which requires two slots). Since his abilities render him incapable of understanding Law, the Warrior Oaf has to be chaotic in alignment. I'm not certain how to describe him in terms of good vs evil. Some of it would probably depend on his upbringing. However, his low intelligence and wisdom make him highly impressionable and he could be swayed from one side to the other by someone who he considers a friend. Again, Mongo is a good example. At first Mongo was essentially evil (I realise that statement is debatable but I'm trying to figure this alignment thing out). However, after development a fondness for Sheriff Bart, Mongo realigned himself with good. I suppose, therefore, that the Warrior Oaf's alignment will depend much on the other members of his party. Still, it is possible that the character could be inherently good or evil. A good Warrior Oaf who is adventuring with an evil party might prevent a gang rape and bust a few of his colleagues heads in the process. If evil and travelling with a good party, he might forcefully take a gem from a colleague and then bust his head if he expresses disapproval. that statement is debatable but I'm trying to figure this alignment thing out).

Clod
Description: Members of this kit are not part of a "group" in any normal sense. Some individuals are unusually strong and stupid. They blunder around life, taking things when they need them. Their thief abilities are significantly modified in form, though not in result. This character is a sort of "duh, gee George, sure I canna open da puny little box for ya" type. They are invariably large and overweight for their race. Ability requirements: Strength must be at least 15, Dexterity must be no GREATER than 16, and both Intelligence and Wisdom must be less than 11. Members of this kit are permitted extraordinary strength up to 18/50 (roll d%; on a 0150, STR = 18; on a 51-00, STR = 18/01-50). Role: See description. Imagine a cross between the Abominable Snowman from the old Warner Brothers Bugs Bunny/Daffy duck cartoon and the classic thief. Weapon Proficiencies: These thieves can use any inelegant weapon. Mostly this means clubs, saps, punching, wrestling, axes, etc. No rapiers, bows, martial arts, etc. They may specialise in punching and wrestling (only). Nonweapon Proficiencies: The whole point of this kit is rather antithetical to being highly skilled. No bonus or required Proficiencies. All Proficiencies for which Intelligence is the relevant ability cost an ADDED penalty of one

slot. Modification to thief abilities: Members of this kit lose some abilities outright, gain a few in exchange, and have the rest altered noticeably. They lose the ability to Find Traps, Move Silently, Hide in Shadows, Detect Noise, Climb Walls, and Read Languages totally. The following abilities are changed:

Pick Pockets: This ability is no longer the sly purloining of coins or pouches from an unknowing victim. Instead, it represents an irresistible "grabbing" of the object. Its chance of success is the same as for the normal ability, but there are some differences. First, whether successful or not the attempt is totally obvious. Unless dead, the target will notice. If the thief tries to "pick" a pouch hanging from the victim's belt, success means that the whole pouch was ripped off, the attaching thongs torn. If the thief tries for something in a pocket, he shoves a big meaty hand inside and grabs everything he can, most likely tearing the pocket off in the bargain. Ability modifiers: (STR, not DEX, applies)
STR SCORE MODIFIER 15 16 17 18 18/01-50 0 0 +5% +10% +15% RACE Human Gnome Halfling Dwarf MODIFIER 0 -5% -5% 0

If the victim is holding the item to be "picked," the following modifiers apply: Strength of opponent = same penalty as the thief would get as a bonus, above; Held with two hands = 15%. If the held object is a weapon, the victim gets a free attack against the thief. If that attack hits, the "pick" attempt automatically fails. Open locks: This skill is simply the opening of locked objects through the creative use of force. Special tools are normally required to open locks effectively. Members of this kit don't use any of those wimpy-ass girlie-tools that normal thieves do, though. Crowbars, sledge hammers, big rocks, and spiked clubs are frequently used. This method has advantages and disadvantages over the normal method. Normal traps like poisoned needles in locks and contact poison just don't do anything to the thief, obviously. Moreover, an attempt takes a mere round (spent smashing, prying, and gouging the offending closure). The problem is that most objects are too, er, delicate to handle this sort of treatment. Generally, if the DM thinks the locked object (or its contents, if a chest or box) is liable to be broken by the mistreatment of the lock, s/he should have it save versus the blow. Strong items like solid steel doors need not save at all. Large chests and strong wood doors might save vs. normal blow, perhaps at a bonus. Ivory coffers and crystal boxes would need to save vs. crushing blow at a penalty. Noise is also a drawback of this method. Ability modifiers (relevant ability is STR):

STR SCORE 15 16 17 18 18/01-50

MODIFIER 0 +5% +10% +15% +20%

RACE Human Gnome Halfling Dwarf

MODIFIER: 0 0 0 +5%

With normal lock picking, the DM can assign bonuses or penalties depending on the quality of the lock. The same may be done here. The thief may try again to open a lock on a later round (if the noise doesn't attract someone before then, or the punishment break the closure outright, making it moot) at a cumulative penalty of -10% per round. (The damage tends to jam & fuse the lock in place.) Remove traps: Not dissimilar to Open Locks. These thieves couldn't FIND a trap on their own if their life depended on it. But if a friend points one out, the thief can "remove" it quite effectively. The technique is essentially that of catastrophically setting it off. As above, a few "tools" are needed. If the roll is successful, the thief sets the trap off, causing it to fail/jam/whatever. The thief NEVER takes damage from the trap if his roll is successful; if damage would normally be unavoidable, the result for the thief should be mostly cosmetic (e.g. if a fireball is set off in the room, the thief should lose one to three hit points and have his face and body comically blackened). Other party members need by no means get off this easily. If they happen to be standing in the wrong place when the trap is set off, too bad for them. This skill applies both for mechanical and magical traps, though magical traps cause a -10% penalty to the roll. There are no ability modifiers for this skill. Failure sets the trap off automatically; and, if the thief CAN be affected by it, he automatically is. New Thief Abilities Move unstoppably: As was mentioned earlier, every member of this kit is large and overweight. These thieves possess an uncanny skill to barge through obstacles with little or no harm to themselves. This skill is usually invoked either (1) while frantically making for the exit or (2) while mindlessly trying to get hold of something interesting. If used successfully, intervening objects will be knocked over, spilled, scattered, stomped on, jostled, or otherwise disturbed in the most chaotic, noisy way possible. There are four basic types of obstacle this thief needs to worry about: (1) "Huh? Did I hit something?" A single chair. A shorter humanoid. Something minor like that. +10%. (2) "Oooff!" A dining room set. A few people gossiping in a group. A bunch or barrels. A single much bigger humanoid. A short picket fence. A thick hedge. +/- 0%. (3) "Oww!" A plaster wall. A small group of militiamen. A big fence. -20%. (4) "...." A stone wall. A bunch of nasty dudes bigger than the thief. A Blade Barrier spell. The roll cannot succeed unless the thief has funny magical stuff to allow it. The thief moves at full normal movement through the area for up to a round or until the DM deems that he must stop

or roll again. The path behind the thief is open for other party members to use. If the thief attempts to Move Unstoppably through one or more armed entities, that's OK. If he succeeds, the victims must each save vs. DEX or fall to the ground. Even if they retain their footing, they attack and defend at -2 for 1-6 segments. If he fails, each of the intended victims can attack the thief as he passes.
STR SCORE MODIFIER 15 16 17 18 18/01-50 0 0 +5% +10% +15% RACE Human Gnome Halfling Dwarf MODIFIER 0 -20% -25% -10%

Thump: Thieves of this kit do not get the "backstab" ability per se. Instead, they gain the ability to "thump" a surprised opponent on the noggin. The thief may use any proficient blunt weapon. If the victim is wearing armour, s/he is assumed to be wearing a helmet unless there is some reason to think otherwise. A "thump" will be only a normal called shot to the head if the opponent is not surprised. Modifiers: Thief is 1 foot or more taller than victim: +1 to hit Thief is 1 foot or more shorter than victim: -1 to hit AC, helmet worn: normal AC of opponent AC, no helmet: AC = 8 (modified by magic but not DEX since the opponent is by definition surprised) Plus all normal bonuses for attacking from behind, etc., if applicable. A successful hit does normal damage PLUS: At levels 1-4: double this amount as temporary damage At levels 5-8: x3 as temporary damage At levels 9-12: x4 as temporary damage At levels 13+: x5 as temporary damage This temporary damage wears off normally. Note also that all this damage goes to the head if you are using the optional "stunned" and "useless" table from the Complete Fighter's Handbook.

Thieving Skill Base Scores: SKILL Pick Pockets Open Locks Remove Traps Move Unstoppably BASE SCORE 25% 15% 10% 10%

At level one the thief gets 40 discretionary points. Every level thereafter he gets 20. No ability may be raised above 95%. Special benefits: In order to live long enough to reach adulthood, all people as dorky as those in this kit have to have a sizeable stock of luck. This may be handled in two ways. 1. Every time the thief sets off some kind of disaster by using one of his 4 special skills (not thump) and would be imperilled in some way not previously mentioned, he can attempt a saving throw vs. breath weapon. Success means that he avoids danger is some comical, near-miraculous way. 2. The other way is for the DM to decide when the PC/NPC has acted particularly true to his kit & that it would be good for morale/comedic relief/encouragement to allow the player a save as above to avoid danger. Special hindrances: Duh, need one comment on this? They are constantly blundering into dangerous situations and relying on the cleverness of friends. They are slow and dimwitted, with all the disadvantages that normally accompany that failing. Races: Most thieves in this kit are human, though other races are represented. Elves may not participate in this kit. Interestingly, NPC giants, trolls, and other large humanoid groups have few thieves NOT members of this kit.

The Swashbuckler Stats: Strength: 9 or better (no "to hit" bonuses for high Strength) Intelligence: 6 or better Constitution: any (9 or better recommended) Charisma: 14 or better Wisdom: 16 or lower * Dexterity: 15 or better * Wisdom will range from 4-6 at first level, then go up one point per level until the rolled stat is

reached. The Swashbuckler will gain full Wisdom at 12th level in any case. He or she is allowed to use the modifiers from the original Wisdom score for saving throws vs. mental attacks involving will force, resisting ego swords, etc., but not for rolling vs. Weaknesses. Races allowed: human, elf, and half-elf. The GM may place special restrictions on elves and halfelves. Weapons: +1 "to hit" with light swords (foil, rapier, saber, or cutlass). Can use other light weapons (quarterstaff, dagger, etc.), excluding martial-arts weapons. No Polearms or bows are allowed. Black powder pistols are allowed if they exist in the campaign world--however, they are cumbersome to use. Armour: None. (Gets a double Defensive Adjustment against a similar weapon type--ie., foil vs. foil, rapier vs. Cutlass, etc.). Can use a buckler. The GM may rule that leather armour is allowed at very low levels (1-3). Alignment: chaotic only. Titles differ by alignment: Swashbuckler (good), Rogue (neutral), and Villain (evil). Magic items allowed: items for fighters, items that raise dexterity, items useable by all classes. Description: Swashbucklers are a subclass of fighters with some Rogue abilities, whose training emphasises swiftness and agility.

Experience Chart Experience points (d8) 0 2,251 4,501 10,001 20,001 40,001 90,001 150,001 225,001 325,001 650,001 975,001 1,300,001 Hit dice/ level Title Abilities (Good-Neutral/Evil)

1/1 2/2 3/3 4/4 5/5 6/6 7/7 8/8 9/9 10/10

Wastrel/(same) Profligate/(same) Spendthrift/(same) Prodigal/Rake Rascal/Schemer Scoundrel/Knave Fencer/Outlaw Swordsman/Opponent Rogue/Foe Swashbuckler/ Rogue/Villain 11/11 (same) 12/12 (same) Mandatory retirement * *

d4+2 skills (AAACMM) A skill M skill C skill A skill M skill C skill A skill * M skill * C skill * A skill * M skill *

* The Swashbuckler may opt to remove one of his Weaknesses.

* * He or she can either remain at 12th level indefinitely or switch to another class. Most have an affinity for the fighter or thief classes. Beginning at first level, a Swashbuckler gets: Attacks and weapon proficiencies as a fighter Jumping (front, back, sideways, and vertically) as Thief-Acrobat Automatic first strike in combat, except when surprised or fighting another Swashbuckler/Rogue/Villain Base movement at 12" d4 + 3 Weaknesses d4 + 2 Skills Skill in one gaming or gambling scenario involving skill, not chance. Examples: chess, backgammon, poker, blackjack, etc. When playing the game, the Swashbuckler gets to make TWO rolls to determine the outcome and takes the most favourable one. Furthermore, the Swashbuckler selects a new game every time (s)he gains a level. Weaknesses 1. SPENDTHRIFT--Every time the Swashbuckler accumulates more than 50 g.p. and is in a non-critical situation, (s)he must save vs. Wisdom on d20 or spend {(d6 +d4) X 10}% on one or more other Weaknesses. 2. EGOTISM--This Weakness can take several forms: FOPPISHNESS--the Swashbuckler feels compelled to wear the latest, most expensive fashions and refuses to be seen in public otherwise. VANITY--Roll 4d10 + 60 to determine the Swashbuckler's vanity. 95-00 is megalomania. He or she will be egotistical, conceited, and snobbish; (s)he may seek revenge for minor wrongs, irk local officials, brag too much, etc. Morale checks for henchmen and associates will have the Swashbuckler's Vanity score subtracted from their roll! INTELLECTUAL PRIDE--(requires Intelligence of 12 or greater)--The Swashbuckler will place great stock in his/her mental prowess, wanting the party to follow his/her ideas, wanting to be the first person to figure out puzzles, riddles, etc. VAINGLORY--the Swashbuckler will continually be trying to perform brave (or foolhardy) feats in order to be immortalised in story and song. The GM may opt to make these Weaknesses unremovable. 3. WANDERING EYE--the Swashbuckler will hit on any member of the opposite sex with a comeliness score of 14 or above. The target of this Weakness will save vs. Wisdom (SUBTRACTING the Mental Attack Adjustment) with the following modifiers: -3 if married or engaged, -4 if lawful, -1 per level, -5 if under oath of celibacy, -10 if (s)he has been seduced and dumped by a Swashbuckler before; +4 if chaotic, +2 if elf, +1 if half- elf, +5 if cleric of Aphrodite or similar deity, +10 if the target is a Swashbuckler and the PC has a comeliness of 14 or better. Please keep in mind that subtracting a negative yields a positive, so someone with a very low Wisdom and a Mental Attack Adjustment of -3 will actually roll a save at - -3 and ADD three to the base roll. The Swashbuckler may continue attempts for (d4 X Swashbuckler's level) days before losing interest. 4. GAMBLING--the Swashbuckler must make a save vs. Wisdom on d20 to resist an invitation to gamble (if (s)he rolls a 1, (s)he immediately invites others to gamble!). Once begun, the Swashbuckler will continue the game until (s)he's broke or the other players quit. 5. DRINKING--takes one of two forms (d%)

01-70: The Swashbuckler drinks to intoxication after failing a save vs. Wisdom in non-critical situations. Roll once a day. 71-00 The Swashbuckler collects and drinks the finest, most expensive beverages (s)he can afford. 6. FAMILY PROBLEMS--Swashbucklers are often second (or later) children of minor noble houses. Roll d8: 1-3 Disinherited 4-6 Disowned and disinherited 7 Disowned, disinherited, and in trouble with parents' liege * 8 Disowned, disinherited, in trouble with parents' liege, PLUS d6 other nobles * * The Swashbuckler will not return to his/her homeland until (s)he has removed at least one Weakness and/or has the means to make amends. 7. OUTSTANDING DEBT--Although the creditors now know that the Swashbuckler is a poor credit risk, (s)he will start at first level with a debt of (d% X 100) gold pieces. This is the ONLY Weakness that can be removed prior to reaching 8th level. The Swashbuckler may well have to deal with collectors ("There's an ogre magi here to see you!"), grovel for more time, etc. Roll for the alignment of the creditor(s): d6: 1-2 lawful, 3-4 neutral, 5-6 chaotic d6: 1-2 good, 3-4 neutral, 5-6 evil 8. SECRET--The Swashbuckler has something in his/her past that (s)he's ashamed of. Secrets 6 and 10 do not apply to elves or half-elves. Roll d10: 1 Used to be another chaotic alignment 2 Sired (or had) a baby and abandoned it 3 Robbed a store; frittered away the money 4 Stole from one or both parents to support Weaknesses 5 Killed someone * * 6 Had an affair with a noble's spouse 7 Destroyed a powerful person's valuable property * * 8 Briefly belonged to politically suspect organisation 9 Got drunk and did something SO humiliating that it can't even be mentioned here! 10 Family background--roll d8: 1-3 peasant background d4 generations back; 4 orc blood d4 generations back; 5 Swashbuckler born d6 months after parents wed; 6 Swashbuckler was the product of mother's affair; 7-8 parents or sibling(s) are what the Swashbuckler would consider a disgraceful alignment, profession, religion, or status. * * If the Swashbuckler is Good alignment, there is a 90% chance that it was accidentally. Secrets cannot be removed. The player can customise them with the GMs approval. 9. A PHOBIA or OBSESSION--these will be assigned by the Dungeon Master. An obsession is often the only stable element in an otherwise chaotic life. These Weaknesses also cannot be removed except under extraordinary circumstances. A Swashbuckler can take a MAXIMUM of two Secrets and/or one Debt as Weaknesses. A Swashbuckler starts out with d4 + 2 skills. The first three must be Aristocratic, the next either combat or miscellaneous, any other miscellaneous only. Every time the Swashbuckler increases a level, (s)he gains another skill--however, the skills acquired must alternate between "aristocratic" and other types. Aristocratic skills

1. HERALDRY--The Swashbuckler can identify shields and devices. If the shield/device is not from his/her homeland, the Swashbuckler has a 10% chance per month (s)he's stayed in the region to identify it. 2. RIDING 3. HUNTING--This basically entails going into the forest with dogs, with servants to handle the animals, clean the kill, etc. This in no way confers Ranger-like abilities! 4. FALCONRY--Hunting, as above, with raptors instead of dogs 5. POETRY 6. MUSIC--the Swashbuckler can play one instrument at 10% skill per level. This skill can be taken more than once. 7. DANCING--courtly dancing 8. ETIQUETTE--courtly etiquette 9. SINGING--as Music, but success rate is 15%/level. 10. COMBAT RIDING--requires Riding as a prerequisite. The Swashbuckler will not need to save vs. Dexterity when slashing an opponent from a moving horse. 11. FLIRTING--allows the Swashbuckler to guess whether someone will be responsive to his/her attentions. 12. COURTLY LOVE/COURTSHIP: For male Swashbucklers: Adds 1 to target's saving throw for every skill the Swashbuckler has in Music, Poetry, and Singing. Each type of skill will only count for one point, even if the Swashbuckler has taken multiple skills in Music. The Swashbuckler will need to spend d4 turns composing an original song for his beloved. For female Swashbucklers: Adds 1 to target's saving throw for each of the Swashbuckler's skills in Dancing, Flirting, and Etiquette. 13. EPICURISM--Swashbuckler can identify fine food and wine. 14. LITERACY--can read and write Common. 15. LANGUAGES--If the Swashbuckler has Literacy, (s)he can learn to speak and read other languages. This skill can be taken as many times as Intelligence permits. 16. ARISTOCRATIC LORE--The Swashbuckler has a 7% chance per level for Legend Lore about his/her homeland, 3% for territories near the homeland, and 1% for distant lands. Miscellaneous skills A Swashbuckler's miscellaneous skills won't be very time-consuming or difficult to learn (no magic or smithing, for example). Swashbucklers won't take skills that they consider beneath their dignity-for example, cooking or sewing ("The SERVANTS do that!"). A Swashbuckler's skills must be primarily urban. Within these limits, Miscellaneous skills can encompass just about every category in the campaign. Criminal skills (thief skills, disguise, con artistry, bribery, lying, and smuggling) are lumped under Miscellaneous. The only thief skills allowed are: Pick Pockets/filching, Find (but not Remove) Traps, Move Silently, Hear Noise, and Climb Walls. A Swashbuckler can take one thief/criminal skill, a Rogue two, and a Villain three. Combat Skills 1. FENCING--gives another +1 with a specific type of light sword (or other weapon). This skill can be taken more than once, but the cumulative pluses on a weapon due to FENCING may not exceed +3. The Swashbuckler may, of course, opt to take this skill on more than one weapon. 2. BUCKLER--lowers armour class another 2 places due to skill and dexterity when using a buckler. This does not apply to non-frontal or area attacks. The GM may allow this skill to be

taken more than once. 3. FLORENTINE FIGHTING--allows the Swashbuckler to fight with a sword (or dagger) in each hand with no penalty. Damage will be normal. 4. EVASION--Once a turn, a Swashbuckler can make a saving throw vs. dexterity to see if (s)he dodges an opponent's blow. This ability cannot be used if the Swashbuckler is blocked in, surprised, or trying to evade an area-effect missile or magic. The GM may want to limit this ability to x times per game, x times per level, or even x times per lifetime. Eventually the Swashbuckler will attract the attention of a Villain of equivalent level. The Swashbuckler and the Villain will share at least one Weakness (usually an egotism weakness), and a rivalry will ensue. The Villain may not always seek the Swashbuckler's death--sometimes a public or private humiliation will do. When a Swashbuckler and a Villain clash in combat, the loser will lose a level if (s)he survives. Fights between Swashbucklers and Villains are invariably hand-to- hand; after all, the object is to prove oneself the better fighter! The Villain, however, will probably resort to nefarious means to lure the Swashbuckler into the confrontation in the first place-- kidnapping his/her fiance, threatening innocent bystanders, putting posters up all over town publicly challenging the Swashbuckler, etc. Characters and enemies with Weakness--Egotism--Intellectual Pride will place more emphasis on outwitting their enemies (and gloating if they can get away with it)! Henchmen: Swashbucklers do not attract henchmen in the usual manner. Upon reaching 8th level (and every level thereafter), (s)he has a 1 in 4 chance to attract either a temporary (75%) or permanent (25%) sidekick. Temporary sidekicks will only remain with the Swashbuckler until (s)he gains a level; permanent sidekicks are fanatically loyal, will stick around indefinitely, and will prevent the Swashbuckler from gaining another sidekick of any type for as long as the sidekick lives. The sidekicks will be the same general alignment (good/neutral/evil) as the Swashbuckler. A sidekick will always be someone the Swashbuckler secretly considers "inferior" to him or herself--a Villain with Intellectual Pride, for instance, may accept a big, dumb ogre as a sidekick; a foppish or vainglorious Swashbuckler prefers someone who won't outshine him or her. Permanent sidekicks are never Swashbucklers, but several adventuring Swashbucklers can work together if their Weaknesses (and alignments) are compatible. (The G.M. will determine Weakness compatibility--a bunch of Swashbucklers may well enjoy drinking and gambling together, but get on each other's nerves if they're continually choosing the same person to flirt with, trying to outdo each other in glory-seeking, bragging at each other's expense, etc.). Here's an example of how skills and Weaknesses work--Indiana Jones as a 10th-level Swashbuckler: S: 13 I: 17 C: 20 * Ch: 15 W: 19 * D: 17 * raised by artefact above rolled stats. Skills (assuming maximum roll on initial skills):

ARISTOCRATIC COMBAT MISCELLANEOUS Literacy Fencing--whip Basic Archaeology Riding Fencing--whip Advanced Archaeology Language (pick one) Fencing--whip Legend Lore (Religion) Language (pick one) Florentine fighting Ciphering Language (pick one) Evasion Find Traps Language (pick one) Weaknesses: Family problems--disinherited by father (removed) Secret--real name Secret--knows the location of the Holy Grail Intellectual pride (cannot be removed) Obsession--recovering ancient religious artefacts Phobia--snakes Wandering eye (removed) This character class also allows enough flexibility that you could play a Sherlock Holmes-type character instead: Aristocratic skills would include Literacy, Music, Custom--Law, and Etiquette; Combat skills fencing (x 3) and Custom--Boxing; General skills Disguise, Observation, Crime Lore, and Psychology; and Weaknesses Intellectual Pride (x 3), Obsession--solving crimes, and an opposing Villain. If anyone wants to write up Inigo Montoya or Edmund Blackadder, be my guest! ------------------------------------------------------------------Possible restrictions on elves and half-elves: the D.M. should enforce some restrictions if in his/her opinion the character would be too powerful otherwise. Some suggested restrictions are: A. Limit elves and half elves to one level per 3 points of Dexterity, OR use the next set of restrictions: B. Elves retain their racial bonus of +1 "to hit" with swords, but their cumulative bonuses from FENCING cannot exceed +2 per weapon. c. They do not have any special skills at first level; at most, the D.M. may permit one Aristocratic skill. They gain another Aristocratic skill upon reaching 2nd level, then proceed in normal C-M-AC-M fashion. D. If they take a Language as an Aristocratic skill, they lose one racial language (they'll always know Elvish, though). E. At the GMs option, elves (and maybe half-elves) can be assigned 1-2 extra Weaknesses.

The Rake A swash-buckling, thief, suited for political adventures, although can fit into almost any

society. Developed in the Pearl islands whose culture is opposed to theft, but which encourages trickery, agility and the cleverness of thieves. Rakes have al thief abilities except for Pick Pockets and backstabbing. This class although suited to any social setting is popular among noble or senatorial families, whose members are above petty thievery and (literal) backstabbing as a matter of honour. (Grand scale thievery, corruption and treachery are still, paradoxically, perfectly permissible to some of these people). A Rake Character, is created exactly like a thief but with no Pick Pockets or back stabbing skill. Instead the rake gets a + 1 to charisma (18 max) and will generally be recognised as being either a 'gentleman' or a 'lady'. A rake with initiative can dodge (D) on melee attack by rolling their Hide in Shadows percentage. If the player declares no attacks, they can try to dodge each incoming melee attack for that round. Ranged spells, area affect attacks and missiles cannot be dodged, and the maximum chance to dodge must never exceed 90%. Rakes earn experience, gain levels, wear armour and carry arms as thieves. They may not belong to thieves guilds, thieves do not consider them to be of their profession. Many rakes are lawful. A rake may not become a thief, nor may a thief become a rake. Insider These rakes are able to get inside organisations and governments, find required information/ evidence and get out before getting caught. These characters gain Reading/ writing, Heraldry and Foraging (only in offices, used to find hidden documents) as bonus Non Weapon Proficiency's. It is also suggested that they take Interrogation (although this is carried out subtly), or information gathering. As these characters move frequently to avoid being known and recognised, they are able to learn either another language, or if working with a partner or group, they may develop their own sign language, or signalling system. Diplomat Diplomats are used by governments and nobles to act on their behalf when tension is too great to put themselves at risk. Diplomats wear a medallion to signify who they are working for, and gain a + 1 to all reaction rolls against people who are associated with their employer, eg subjects. Due to the nature of their work Diplomats learn Bureaucracy, Fast Talking and Riding Land Based as bonus non weapon proficiencies. These characters are able to specialise in a one handed sword, for three weapon proficiency slots, they gain the + 1 to hit, + 2 for damage and may not have any for than 3 attacks every 2 rounds, multiple attacks begin at fifth level. Ambassador Ambassadors are permanent representatives of governments and royal families, in foreign cities and countries. Thy must work in conjunction with both governments and as such they gain a + 1 to any reaction roll, when dealing with other political figures. They are trained in Politics, Bureaucracy, History, Geography and Reading/writing, of both their native land and the land that they are sent to (bonus NWPs). Due to the amount of study that they undertake, they lose the ability to speak one language less than they normally could, as well as losing 1 weapon proficiency slot, and 2 Non Weapon Proficiency slots.

SWANKER Description

These characters are often those who don't get onto well with their own gender. Males are considered to be pansies and females butch. This can cause quite a few problems socially as these characters are often the first target when a character becomes enraged, or needs to vent some anger. As such these characters have become adept at removing themselves from the potential battle fields, although they are more than capable of handling themselves in battle. Due to their rather outlandish behaviour, quick wit and sharp tongue these characters may find themselves accidentally offending others. Usually these characters are the ones that every body wants to have a go at although they are rather difficult to pin down. Role In a party these characters feel at home in cities and towns, where for various reasons they tend to attract unwanted, and often unwarranted attention. They are known to the local law enforcement agency, as those who are charged with disturbing the peace and fighting in public often cite these characters as the cause of their behaviour. When adventuring outdoors, these characters tend to remain by themselves, carrying out what ever duties have been assigned to them and having as little as possible to do with other party members. When meeting a character for the first time, some sort of dominance must be established, in which the character will attempt to better, and out do the opponent. By this the character is able to determine their pecking order within the parties ranks. These characters are often used as scouts, to move ahead of the party; or to guard the rear, from a rather safe distance. Weapon proficienciesAll swords, especially one handed All bows All cross bows Non weapon proficiencies Recommended: Bonus: Etiquette Reading/writing

Camouflage, Interrogation, Persuasion, Tumbling, Blind Fighting, Persuasion, Signalling, Musical instrument Urban Any Anyone who has previously displayed hostility or intentionally insulted or character.

Primary terrain: Armour: Hated race: injured the

Notes: - Has access to Rogue, Fighter and General NWP. - + 2 to AC when wearing leather or studded leather armour - -2 to reaction rolls on members of own gender. - Is able to Move Silently and Hide in Shadows as a Ranger, although double negatives are taken if the character is wearing armour greater than Hide. - If attempting to Move Silently, or Hide in Shadows outside of an Urban environment, these character do so at half of their MS and HS percentages, unless they have camouflage, each of these skills may be use separately but not together unless the character is in an urban environment.

- Does not carry excessive equipment, and will often refuse to carry other's belongings. - Can specialise in one sword and one bow/cross bow. If the character specialises in a one handed sword, the character is able to use two of that weapon without hindrance, additional attacks due to specialisation are lost. - Can swanker, exaggerated movement, accompanied with walking/ striding. If used outdoors, the character may become the focus of attention. If used indoors other character may become infuriated with the character who is obviously attempting to show off.

Appendix B: Familiar Bitches

So, you think a bitch isnt bad enough, through in a familiar or two. Bitches may acquire a familiar when ever they want to (Im not going to stop them) by charming them. The following a re a few suggestions. The bitch is responsible for the upkeep of the familiar. The bitch may not harm or let someone else harm her familiar, just as the familiar is unable to harm its bitch. Standard Familiar Rules apply

Cat, Damned
Climate / Terrain: Frequency: Organisation: Activity Cycle: Diet: Intelligence: Treasure: Alignment: No. Appearing: Armour Class: Any Land Very Rare Solitary Any Human / Demi-Human Flesh Low (5 - 7) None Chaotic Evil 1 - 3 (1d6 divided by 2) 3 Movement Rate: Hit Dice: THAC0: No. of Attacks: Damage / Attack: Special Attacks: Special Defences: Magic Resistance: Size: XP Value: 18 5 13 3 - Claw / Claw / Bite Claw - 1d6+2 / Claw - 1d6+2 / Bite - 1d12+3 Tree Pounce, Fiery Hiss See Below 20 % Medium 1, 500

Appearance:

A Damned Cat is the feline equivalent to a Hell Hound, except that it is a little bit more advanced. It's fur is a rustic brown with bright red stripes. These cats have coal black eyes, and an even darker tongue. It stands 4 to 5 feet tall at the shoulder, and smell of burned flesh. Where their paws touch the ground (or tree), flames spruce up leaving blackened claw marks along the surface. Combat: Damned Cats are very clever hunters, but do not hunt in more than a pack of three. They stay quiet until sighting their prey. This gives them a -7 bonus to surprise against their enemies. Damned Cats leap silently from tree to tree (leaving their scorch marks) until they come in sight of their adversary. They then ponce out at their enemy from the trees. If they successfully hit the enemy on the ponce, their is a 45 % chance the victim will be knocked out, plus the initial 1d10 points of damage the ponce inflicts. The second attack of the Damned Cat is usually it's fiery hiss. The cat's tail stretches out and the cat exhales a burst of flame up to 15 yards (60 feet) long. This does 1 point of damage for every yard closer the victim is. Example: 15 yards away = 1hp gone. 1 yard away = 15hp gone. If the subject of pain is still alive after the initial attacks, a Damned Cat would move in to either rip him apart with it's 4 inch claws, or tear the flesh from his bones with it's 6 inch teeth. The defences a Damned Cat has are as follows: 1) Immune to all fire 2) Are only surprised on a 1 or a 2 on a 1d10 3) Have a 75 % chance to see invisible or concealed creatures. Habitat / Society: These fiery feline beasts are commonly found in the Abyss, and are usually gated to the Prime Material Plane to wreak havoc across it for some evil God or demon. In the Abyss, they usually roam the heated levels searching for tormented souls to tease. Damned Cats have 5 Hit Dice, and use their bulk to make lesser demons and Hell Hounds suffer. These cats do not reproduce on the Prime Material Plane at all, so cannot be tamed by natural ways. Only magic can bring these slashing kittens to order. After killing all of it's prey, a Damned Cat will eat Human or DemiHuman carcasses first. These are also the ones they attack first. Ecology: Damned Cats have little place in the ecology of the Prime Material Plane, but are very dangerous, and when tamed, can do major damage. Fire Giantess' usually use these ferocious kitties to destroy their lovers Hell Hounds. They do not make as good guards though, for they seem to wander off and look for something to kill.

Cat, Ghoul

Climate / Terrain: Frequency: Organisation: Activity Cycle: Diet: Intelligence:

Any Land Very Rare Solitary Any Human / Demi-Human Flesh Low (5-7)

Movement Rate: Hit Dice: THAC0: No. of Attacks: Damage / Attack: Special Attacks:

18 8 12 3 - Claw / Claw / Bite Claw - 1d8+2 / Claw - 1d8+ 2 / Bite - 1d12+Paralyzation Decomposition Mist once a day

Treasure: Alignment: No. Appearing: Armour Class:

None Chaotic Evil 1 1

Special Defences: Magic Resistance: Size: XP Value:

See Below Nil Medium 3, 600

Appearance: These cats are an undead version of the Damned Cat, but with different abilities and a completely different look. Rotting green flesh surrounds the skeletal remains of a giant cat, standing 4 to 5 feet tall at the shoulder. Burning red eyes stand out against the white bone, and burn terror into any who gaze upon them. Wherever these creatures touch, the immediate area around them dies and decomposes into a blackened ash. They distinctly smell of rotting corpses, and their intelligence allows them to follow orders for those who have raised them from their grave. Combat: Ghoul Cats are usually found in the presence of Ghouls, but there can never be two Ghoul Cats within 1 mile of each other. They attack first by blasting their enemies with a Decomposition Mist that reaches out in a cone shaped blast starting at the creature's mouth, and then travelling 30 feet long, 20 feet wide, and 5 feet high. All those who are caught in this desolating mist suffer these consequences, unless a save versus Breath Weapon is successfully made. This blast has no effect on walls, or dead objects. Only living, breathing things (people, trees, etc. ) 1) On the first round after being hit, the victim's skin starts to itch uncontrollably, causing no damage, but a -4 to attack. 2) On the second round after being hit, the victim's skin break's open into sores, oozing pus for 1d4 damage, and the -4 to attack. 3) On the third round (and every other before getting cured) after being hit, the victim's skin will actively decompose and fall from the body in chunks, causing 4d4 damage, plus the victim will not be able to attack that round.

To counteract the effects of the mist, a Cure Disease spell or two Dispel Magic spells must be cast - OR - the victim's sores must be bathed in one vial of holy water for every 5 hit points of damage taken. These treatments only halt the continuing of the decomposition. However, a Cure Wounds spell, potion, etc. or rest will restore the skin. If their enemies are not dead, the cat will leap in and use it's paralysing byte to disable the remaining victim's. This paralysing bite does an initial 1d12 damage, plus 1d10+4 rounds of paralysed activity (which is none, since the victim is paralysed). The only way to negate this paralysing bite is to roll a saving throw versus Paralysation with a negative 2 hindrance. They would then continue to rip their opponents apart with their claws, causing 1d8+2 damage every time they hit. Any person who is destroyed by a Ghoul Cat becomes a Ghoul in 1d20 turns unless blessed by holy water and lain below the ground (buried). Ghoul Cats are immune to the cold, illusions, hold spells, and sleep and charm spells. The immediately seek out the creatures who use magic against them, seeing as they pose the greatest threat towards their existence. Habitat / Society: Ghoul Cats are found in the presence of Ghouls, and are found eating corpses along side their companions. Ecology: Ghoul Cats delight in tearing apart living creatures, especially Humans and Demi-Humans, for they taste the best. These beasts were probably once Damned Cats, but have now been risen to do an evil wizard's or priests bidding.

What a cute rodent Golden Spirit Hamster

CLIMATE/TERRAIN: FREQUENCY: ORGANISATION: ACTIVITY CYCLE: DIET: INTELLIGENCE: TREASURE: ALIGNMENT: NO. APPEARING: ARMOUR CLASS: Any Rare Solitaire or Pack Any Herbivores Animal (1) Nil Neutral 1-20 7 MOVEMENT: HIT DICE: THAC0: NO. OF ATTACKS: DAMAGE/ATTACK: SPECIAL ATTACKS: SPECIAL DEFENSES: MAGIC RESISTANCE: SIZE: MORALE: XP VALUE: 15 1/4 20 1 1/2 Nil Nil Nil T (5' long) Unreliable (2-4) 5

The Golden Spirit Hamster is a small rodent with short legs and a small bobtail, characteristics of an animal that spends most of its active life underground; however it is not strictly subterranean. The Golden Spirit Hamster

Combat: Golden Spirit Hamsters normally flee from anything bigger then themselves. Trapped Golden Spirit Hamsters will bite to survive and hopefully flee. Habitat/Society: The main concern to a Golden Spirit Hamster is food. The Golden Spirit Hamster thrives on a diet of green vegetables and various grains. They cram their food into cheek pouches and later store it in their dens. Interestingly enough, the Golden Spirit Hamster's great love is alcohol even in preference to water. In fact, "spirit" in its name refers to the hamster's great love for alcohol and not to any religious or undead connection. The Golden Spirit Hamster has the unique characteristic of having a huge capacity for alcohol being able to drink its body weight in alcohol per day (although it expends about the same amount as well). Furthermore, the Golden Spirit Hamster has an immunity to alcohol which has no dire consequences (ie. intoxication, hang-overs, alcoholism) on the hamster as it does to other mammals. The hair of the hamster becomes more beautiful as he consumes alcohol turning from brown to a deep golden colour. The hair becomes more golden, more fluffy, and more silky. In fact, a well "feed" hamster's pelt can fetch a few platinum pieces. Another side-effect to drinking alcohol causes the Golden Spirit Hamster to purr. The purr is very soothing, relaxing, calming, and hypnotic. A person becomes very peaceful and stress free. A person's morale is modified by +5. The Golden Spirit Hamster's love of alcohol can make it quite a pest especially to those that store large quantities of alcohol. Wood is no barrier to the hamster and he will gnaw his way through wood to get to alcohol. With their high and quick reproduction (see Ecology), the hamster's can infest an area and become quite the pests destroying barrels and barrels of alcohol. There are few things worse then finding beautiful, golden, purring hamsters at the bottom of a empty tun (250 gallon capacity) of wine. On the other hand, the Golden Spirit Hamster is a popular pet because it is clean and relatively odourless, easy to take care of, and safe to handle. Many tavern patrons have enjoyed buying a beer or glass of wine for the Golden Spirit Hamsters caged at the bar. Golden Spirit Hamsters must be kept in non-wood cages, preferably with solid bottoms, or they will gnaw their way out. The floor of the cage should be covered with sawdust, wood shavings, and/or straw. In nature, the Golden Spirit Hamster makes its home in underground den where it is safe from attack by predatory birds such as hawks and owls. During cold times like the winter months, the Golden Spirit Hamster can reach a semi-dormant state but does not go into complete hibernation. Ecology: A female can have four to five litters of six to eighteen young each year after a short gestation period of six weeks. The life- span of the animals rarely exceeds three years. Natural enemies to the Golden Spirit Hamsters are birds of prey, felines, and larger carnivorous rodents.

Snake, Dream

CLIMATE/TERRAIN: ORGANISATION: DIET: TREASURE: NO. OF APPEARING: MOVE: THAC0: DAMAGE/ATTACK: SPECIAL DEFENSES: SIZE: XP VALUE:

Any non-arctic Solitary Carnivore Nil 1 6 19 1d2 Nil S (4' long) 120

FREQUENCY: ACTIVITY CYCLE: INTELLIGENCE: ALIGNMENT: ARMOUR CLASS: HIT DICE: NO. OF ATTACKS: SPECIAL ATTACKS: MAGIC RESISTANCE: MORALE:

Very rare Night Animal (1) Neutral 7 2 1 Poison Nil Average (8-10)

Dream snakes are nocturnal hunters. They are white, grey, pearl, or smoke in colour, growing to perhaps 4 feet in length. Their bite is poisonous, but the poison causes sleep, not death. Once prey has been drugged, the snake will swallow it (thus, the prey die of suffocation). The snake will flee a drugged attacker. Those who are poisoned and save vs constitution will sleep for one turn. Those who fail their constitution roll will sleep for one turn, then go into convulsions until they die (about a day later for humans).

Snake, Scorpion

CLIMATE/TERRAIN: FREQUENCY:

Temperate forests and mountains NO. OF ATTACKS: Very rare DAMAGE/ATTACK:

4 1d6+1/1d6+1/1d8+1/ 1d8+1 (per 10 hit points)

ORGANISATION:

Solitary or family

SPECIAL ATTACKS:

Poison, crush, rend, swallow hole

ACTIVITY CYCLE: DIET: INTELLIGENCE: TREASURE: ALIGNMENT: NO. OF APPEARING: ARMOUR CLASS: MOVE: HIT DICE: THAC0:

Day Carnivore Low to Average (7-9) B Lawful neutral 1-2 (if 2, 10% chance will be with 3-8 young) 2 15 6-10 (1-3 for young) 13 (18 young)

SPECIAL DEFENSES:

+1 save vs fire, detect magic

MAGIC RESISTANCE: Nil SIZE: MORAL: XP VALUE: 7 hit dice 4,000 8 hit dice 5,000 9 hit dice 6,000 10 hit dice 7,000 H (1 foot per hit point) Elite (13-14) 6 hit dice 3,000

The scorpion snake is a vicious predator inhabiting temperate highlands. This creature resembles a huge viper with green or brownish scales and a light brown underbelly. The snake has a massive set of pincers and a scorpion-like tail, making it look like a cross between a snake and a giant scorpion. These claws are not exoskeletal, however. They are covered with exceptionally thick scales, and the pincers consist of a sort of ivory instead of chitin. These creatures are highly territorial, and intelligent enough to have developed strategies to defend their territory, land which they know very well. There are reports of an arctic species with a furry hide.

COMBAT: This much-feared creature is cunning and dangerous in combat. It's thick scales afford excellent protection, and their intelligence often proves to be a rude, and often lethal, surprise to inexperienced foes. Their ability to detect magic (100 foot radius) and excellent senses make them difficult to surprise. Scorpion snakes are well armed, possessing both a venomous bite and sting. Anyone bitten or stung must save vs poison at -4 or die in 2-5 rounds. If the save is successful, the victim suffers 2d8+8 points of damage, and is in pain for 1d8 hours (-4 on all rolls). The pain effects are not cumulative, but the damage is. If the snake rolls 4 above the required roll when biting a victim 2 sizes smaller, the snake has the option of swallowing the victim whole (he will suffocate unless he can escape). Scorpion snakes are immune to their own venom. The scorpion snake's claws are almost as fearful as it's deadly venom. Any strike that hits by 3 or more above the required to hit results in the victim being grasped. The dungeon master should roll to see where the claw hits, as this will effect the characters options. The other claw (and the mouth and sting) can then hit with a +4 bonus. Any claw which has grasped automatically hits for each successive round. If a victim is grasped in both claws, the snake may rend on the same round and each subsequent round for 2d10 + 1/5 the snake's hit points. The snake may also constrict using whatever rules the dungeon master favours for these attacks. Any victim grasped in both claws loses all dexterity bonuses on armour class. The claws have an effective strength of 19. HABITAT: Scorpion snakes are either solitary, or mated pairs. Scorpion snakes mate for life. As was stated earlier, these creatures are territorial; when a pair are mated, they will live in the larger of the two territories. Unmated snakes will not tolerate snakes of the same sex in their territory. Territorial disputes are resolved by means of non-lethal combat (claws only) in which the first to grasp the other's head in both claws wins. The victor then either passes through unmolested, or claims all or part of the loser's territory. Territorial boundaries are marked with a special musk which identifies the owner. Creatures smaller than a large horse are considered game, and are usually ignored unless the snake is hungry. Larger creatures are seen as territorial rivals, and are attacked without mercy. Scorpion snakes speak their own language, and can be reasoned with if a way is found to communicate. ECOLOGY: Scorpion snakes are likely the creation of some insane wizard. Unlike most reptiles, they are warm-blooded and can survive cold conditions. At the end or Autumn, they will go on a killing spree, stocking up on food for the winter. The meat is preserved with the same musk oil that is used for marking territory. Scorpion snakes are much prized for their many useful components. Claw ivory sells for 10 to 60 gold pieces per hit die of the snake, depending on quality. The venom is much prized by thieves and assassins, and can also be used to produce a powerful antidote to many toxins. The musk oil can be distilled into a variety of preservatives and tanning agents. Alchemists will pay handsomely for scorpion snake venom, musk or blood. The scales and hide make excellent armour as well. Many foolhardy adventurers have gotten themselves killed trying to make a quick gold piece hunting scorpion snakes.

Phuzz

CLIMATE/TERRAIN: FREQUENCY: ORGANISATION: ACTIVITY CYCLE: DIET: INTELLIGENCE: TREASURE: ALIGNMENT:

Temperate Woodlands Common Tribal Any Omnivore High to Genius (13-18) L, M, (B) Any

NO. OF ATTACKS: DAMAGE/ATTACK: SPECIAL ATTACKS: SPECIAL DEFENSES: MAGIC RESISTANCE: SIZE: MORAL: XP VALUE:

2 1-4/1-4 See below See below 25% S (1' tall) Average (8-10) 1/2 hit dice 420 1 hit die 650 2 hit dice 975 3 to 4 hit dice 1,400

NO. OF APPEARING: 1-10 / 3-60 ARMOUR CLASS: MOVE: HIT DICE: THAC0: 3 24 1/2 to 4 1/2 HD to 1 HD: 20 2 HD to 3 HD : 19 4 HD : 17

Phuzz are small woodland creatures. They are completely covered in thin light brown fur. They appear as small balls of fluff, with only 8 small round brown eyes, a long nose and two pink feet visible. Their feet are disproportionately large (8"). Phuzz are sub-divided according to their age. The older phuzz have grey fur and limited spell use. The fur colour is only their natural colour, but because of their chameleon powers a group of phuzz are often many coloured. Their eight eyes are arranged around their head in such a manner that all around is constantly watched, because of this phuzz can never be surprised. Their large nose confers an excellent sense of smell and most creatures can be detected up to 240' away. Owing to their small size and their speed, phuzz surprises 4 in 6 times. Phuzz are immune to all forms of fire, cold and electricity. In a phuzz village there is usually the following distribution phuzz ages: 50 % 1/2 HD 20 % 1 HD 15 % 2 HD 10 % 3 HD 5 % 4 HD

their own language at 1/2 hit dice and gain one extra language per each hit dice category they progress through. Phuzz with 2 hit dice have 2 spells from Group 1. Phuzz with 3 hit dice have 2 from Group 1, and 1 from Group 2. Phuzz with 4 hit dice have 3 from Group 1, 2 from Group 2, and 1 from Group 3 The do not need to pre-select which spells they can use in a day the ability is natural. Each spell takes 1-6 segments to use.

Group 1
Charm person Jump Shield Command Protection from evil Sleep Friends Push Spider climb Hypnotism Sanctuary

Any offensive spell is rarely used because it renders the phuzz using it unconscious for 1-4 turns.

Dragon, Pink Climate/Terrain: Any Ocean or Beach Frequency: Organisation: Active Cycle: Diet: Intelligence: Treasure: Alignment: No. Appearing: Armour Class: Movement: Very Rare Solitary or Clan Any Special Exceptional(15-16) Special Lawful Evil 1(2-5) 0(Base) 9,Fl30(C),Sw12 Hit Dice: Thac0: No.of Attacks: Damage/Attack: Special Attacks: Special Defenses: Magic Resistance: Size: Morale: XP Value: 12(Base) 10(At12HD) 3+Special 1D6/1D6/4D8 Special Variable Variable G(38'Base) Alight(15-16) Variable

Age 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

Body 3-6 8-18 18-25 25-30 31-38 41-51 52-63 64-68 69-75 76-85 86-95 96-100

Tail 2-4 4-10 10-13 14-20 21-30 30-40 40-55 55-60 60-75 75-80 80-90 90-100

AC 3 2 1 0 -1 -2 -3 -4 -5 -6 -7 -8

Breath 2D8+1 4D8+2 6D8+3 8D8+4 10D8+5 12D8+6 14D8+7 16D8+8 18D8+9 20D8+10 22D8+11 24D8+12

Spells Nil Nil Nil Nil 1 2 3 41 521 632 743 854

MR Nil Nil Nil 9% 18% 27% 36% 45% 54% 63% 72% 81%

XP Value 1400 2000 3000 6000 8000 9000 10000 11000 13000 16000 17000 18000

Appearance: When first hatched, the scales of a Pink Dragon are soft as felt (AC 10) but quickly harden about a half hour after hatching. As a Pink Dragon ages, its scales become brighter and brighter. The sight of a Great Wyrm Pink Dragon is slightly painful to the eyes. Pink Dragons speak Common, a Language common to all Evil Dragons and 25% of Hatchlings have the ability to communicate with all intelligent creatures, this chance increases by 2% for every age category of the Dragon. Combat: Pink Dragons are reluctant to enter close combat as they are quite vain, but will fight fiercely when angered. Pink Dragons love their breath weapon, though, and will use it before entering melee combat. The breath weapon of a pink dragon is a cone of flame 100' long and 10-80' wide. This breath does the listed damage save Versus. Breath weapon for half. Pink Dragons are immune to Fire and Heat at Hatchling and gain the following abilities as they age; - Burning Hand 1/day at very young - Mirror Image 2/day at Juvenile - Flame Strike 1/day at Adult - Polymorph Other 3/day at Venerable

Pink Dragons cast their spells at 7th level plus combat modifier. Habitat/Society: Pink Dragons consider themselves the most beautiful creatures in existence and will work hard to maintain their beauty. Their treasure will often include many mirrors and other reflective surfaces. Many have considered Pink Dragons dainty, and have paid for that as they were engulfed in flames. Pink dragons are reluctant to fight hand to hand (or Claw to Claw), but will share their breath weapon freely. Insulting a Pink Dragon's appearance is almost certain doom (or a good fight). As a race, Pink Dragons feel insulted if they are not made into Armour when slain. If a Pink Dragon sees Adventurers walking away from the body of another Pink Dragon they have slain, he/she will become angry if the scales are left intact as this is considered a great insult. Ecology: Pink Dragons are health food fanatics, which is strange considering that their system can metabolise anything. They often eat salads, not realising that rock will do just as well, and taste better too. Since dragons have such highly efficient systems, they do not gain weight and thus the origin of this trait is quite mysterious.

Appendix C: Getting a Feel For Your Bitch

Not all Bitches are alike. Below are the steps necessary to make a very unique and exciting Bitch. 1) Choose an appropriate sex for the Bitch. Randomly, any female may be a Bitch, although a minority (1%) of gay males may be Bitches. 2) Choose an appropriate race in respects to the environment (ie. area, population, politics, etc.). 3) Generate ability scores as describe in your RPG system. The Bitches highest ability should probably be Vanity. 4) Height and weight can be generated randomly using Table 3. Take the appropriate base score and add the die roll modifier. 5) Roll on Table 4 three times to get hair colour, eye colour, and complexion. 6) Age can be generated randomly using Table 5. Take the appropriate base age and add the die roll modifier. 7) The various measurements of a women can be generated as followed: - Roll on Table 6 to get the vital measurement statistic. - To find bust size, add the Vital Statistic to the proper Bust modifier (Table 7).

- To find hip size, add the Bust to the proper Hips adjustment (Table 7) . If the woman's height is below 5 feet, then modify bust and hips by -2. 8) The major measurement of a male is 1d4+5 inches. 9) The Inclination tables (Table 8-10) detail a Bitches immediate reaction/ relationship with any one when they first encounter them. Rival bitches and other enemies of course will require further penalties. First impressions are important to a bitch and as such they take time to notice little details of admirers, such as the rank on their uniform, or the bulge in their purse. Now, a nice versatile Bitch has been created, but there still is room for improvement. Bitches usually have information (dirt) on everybody who passes through their way; not to mention pillow talk info. That shouldn't have been told. A Bitch is more interesting than the old fat tavern keeper with old boring stories. Keep this in mind, before throwing out such an encounter.

TABLE3: Height And Weight Height in Inches Race Base * Modifier Dwarf 43/41 1d10 Elf 55/50 1d10 Gnome 38/36 1d6 Half-Elf 60/58 2d6 Halfling 32/30 2d8 Human 60/59 2d10

Weight In Pounds Base * Modifier 130/105 4d10 90/70 3d10 72/68 5d4 110/85 3d12 52/48 5d4 140/100 6d10

* Females tend to be lighter and shorter than males. Thus, the base numbers for height and weight are divided into male/female values. Note that the modifier will allow for a broad range in each category.
TABLE 4: Colour Stats. Die Roll Hair Colour 01-13 Brunette 14-26 Blond 27-34 Auburn 35-42 Sable 43-50 Crimson 51-58 Silver 59-67 White 68-75 Sky Blue 76-83 Lt. Green 84-91 Lilac 92-99 Iridescent 00 Bald Eye Colour Lt. Blue Dusky Dark. Green Hazel Brown Crimson Silver Lt. Green Dark. Blue Pink CHOOSE CHOOSE Each Eye Diff. Complexion Olive Bronze Milky White Ebony Lt. Red Yellow Brown Golden CHOOSE CHOOSE CHOOSE CHOOSE

TABLE 5: Age Race Dwarf Elf Gnome Half-Elf Halfling Human Base 40 100 60 15 20 15 Modifier 5d6 5d6 3d12 1d6 3d4 1d4

* CONSTITUTION vs MODIFIER 3-8 9-12 13-18 TABLE 7: The Measurements Charisma * 3 4-5 6-8 9-11 12-15 16-17 18 * Optionally, you may prefer to use Vanity rather than Charisma since Comeliness is a better representation of a Bitchs attitude. Bust 0 5-8" 6-9" 7-10" 8-11" 9-12" 10-12" -2 0 +2

91-94

29

Waist 5-30" 2-12" 1-4" 1-2" 0 0 0

Hi

+6

+1 0 0 0

-1"

-2"

TABLE 8:Inclinatio n Die Roll Inclination 01 02 03-04 05-06 07-08 09-11 12-14 15-16 17-18 19 20 Loathe Hate Dislike Aloof Sympathetic Interested Playful Capacious Fondness Infatuation Passionate

T A B L E 9: Di sp os iti on M od ifi er T o In cli na ti on

Die Roll 01-02 03-04 05-07 08-10 11-13 14-15 16-17 18-19 20

TABLE 10: Charisma Of Person Modifier To Inclination Disposition Angry Jealous Pensive Tired Tender Excited Ardent Erotic Obsessed -3 -2 -1 0 +1 +2 +3 +5 +6

Charisma 0-12 13-16 17 18

Mod. 0 +1 +2 +3

Appendix D: The Bitches Little Book of Aesthetics- Cantrips to die for.

Blank (illusion/phantasm) Range: touch Duration: 1 hour per level Area: 1 book Components: V,S Casting Time: 1 segment Save: NA This Cantrip covers the print on the pages of a book and replaces it with the illusion of blank pages. For the blank pages to be convincing, the pages in the book must be seen by the caster during the casting, otherwise the blank pages might not match up with the real ones. Also, individual pages may not be blanked. This is an all or nothing spell. The caster concentrates on blankness while passing her left hand over the book and muttering the proper words. Katrine developed this one, to her master's chagrin, while she was still an apprentice (heh heh). Clean (alteration) Cantrip Range: touch Duration: instant Area: 10' X 10' X 10' area of cloth Components: V Casting Time: 1 segment Save: NA This spell removes all small particles from most cloths instantly. All that is required is that the caster touch the pile of cloths and mutter the short verbal component. Katrine's Mirth (illusion/phantasm) Cantrip Range: 2" Duration: instant Area: sound Components: S Casting Time: 1 segment Save: NA This Cantrip causes a high-pitched, girlish giggle to come into existence somewhere within 2" (20 feet indoors, yards outdoors) of the caster. The caster controls where it will sound. It only lasts for a second or two, and requires the caster to point at the location. Katrine's Quick Makeover (conjuration/summoning) Cantrip Range: touch Duration: instant Area: one person Components: V, S, M Casting Time: 1 segment Save: NA - target must be willing This spell arranges the target's hair, cleans the face and skin, applies some minimal amounts of make-up, sprays the target with any desired perfumes, fixes the target's clothing or minor bits of apparel, etc. The spell cannot dress the target. The caster must have all the objects needed to perform these operations on hand (make-up, perfumes, bits of apparel, etc.) and must mime the initial actions desired while muttering the appropriate arcane words. It doesn't have to be a great mime, however. Upon casting the spell, the desired objects begin flying around the target and fixing her up. This spell applies equally well to males, and can also be used to muss the target up. Mend (alteration) Cantrip Range: touch Duration: instant Area: 1 former whole cloth Components: V Casting Time: 1 segment Save: NA This spell rejoins parted fabric, whether it was torn, cut, ripped, or shredded. It does not affect

else, or hemmed). The caster must touch the cloth pieces while muttering arcane words. Restore (alteration) Cantrip Range: touch Duration: instant Area: one article of clothing Components: V Casting Time: 1 segment Save: NA This spell regenerates worn out cloth, returning it to its original strength and texture. Faded jeans, for example, would unfed. Any holes in the cloth must be fixed first, however, for it will not fix anything worse than wear and rubbing. The caster must touch the article of clothing while muttering the appropriate words. Wash (invocation/evocation) Cantrip Range: none Duration: instant Area: 10' X 10' X 10' Components: V,S Casting Time: 1 segment Save: NA This spell removes dirt from all smooth surfaces in the area of effect. This includes skin, dishes, and stone walls, but not wood (unless highly polished), a dirt floor, etc. The caster sweeps her arm in a wide arc while muttering the arcane phrase. Slider -This causes a 3' circular area up to 9' distant to briefly (1 second) become zero co-efficient. It is of instant effect. Instant banana peel. Verbal => Somatic => Pucker -This causes a man-sized target's mouth to become "as if alum had been applied liberally throughout." The net effect is that he cannot speak, only make "gargly-choking" sounds for the 1-3 seconds duration. Affects only man sized, or smaller. 10'r. Verbal => Somatic => Ears -Allows caster to hear any single source of sound he has "targeted", up to 20'distant. All extraneous noise is blocked/filtered out so that, for instance, a single person's conversation in a noisy and crowded inn would be heard clearly for 11-30 seconds. Instant effect. Verbal => Somatic => Clean -- 4 square yards -Removes heavy soil, dust, etc. from floors, walls, dishes, etc. The surfaces are then spotless, but care must be taken in removal of pigments and the like, so usually, only one type of material will be treated in a single application. Verbal => low outrush of air Somatic => circular hand motion Colour -- 1 cube yard -Brings colour to an object. Can be used to restore faded hues or change the colour of an item. Dull or faded fabric can be brightened, pigments restored, hair or skin changed to another colour. Effect lasts up to 1 week.

Dampen -- 1 cube yard -Permeates area with fog-like dampness which leaves all materials in it damp to the touch. Verbal => low hooting or hummed ditty Somatic => hand gesture upwards with fingers hanging down Dry -- 1 cube yard -Removes dampness and excess moisture. Useful for cloth, herbs, cleaning chores, etc. Verbal => none Somatic => two-handed wringing gesture Dust -- 10'r -Removes all fine dust and tiny grit particles from exposed surfaces such as floors, shelves, walls, etc. Material so removed is transported elsewhere. Verbal => continuous in-drawing of breath Somatic => back n forth hand gesture Exterminate -- 1 small creature or 1/2 cube foot-Kills small pests such as fly, mouse, rat, beetle. This Cantrip is not effective against magically reduced creatures. Sentient creatures do get a normal save vs spell magic. Verbal => zzzt sound Somatic => pointed finger Flavour -- 1 object-Changes flavour of subject, can be superior, worse, different, etc. Does not affect quality or wholesomeness. Verbal => muttered lip-smacking Somatic => shaking gesture Freshen -- 1 object (relatively small size) -Brings new life to food, drink, flowers, etc. Lasts 1 hour. Verbal => mmm sound Somatic => thumb and finger form O, other fingers apart and upright Polish -- 1 object -Magically smooths and brings luster to such materials as wood, metal, stone, leather, ceramic, etc. Object must be relatively clean. Works better on smaller items like boots, mirrors, etc. Verbal => humming ditty Somatic => buffing motion Salt -- 1 object, up to 1 cube yard -Sprinkles fine salt on any one item -- careful not to use too much. Verbal => chk chk sound Somatic => sprinkling motion Shine -- 1 object -Removes tarnish, rust, corrosion, etc. Verbal => soft humming Somatic Spice -- 1 object -Brings particular spice or herb to food or drink. Verbal => type of herb Somatic

=> buffing motion

=> sprinkling gesture

Sprout -- 1 cube yard -Accelerates growth of plants. Seeds shoot forth tiny plants. Newly sprouted plants grow an inch or so. Buds flower. Fruit and vegetables ripen or even spoil, cut flowers are a real treat. Verbal => low rising whistle Somatic => lifting hand from closed to spread fingers Stitch -- approximately 20 yards cloth/2 yards leather -Sews seams in cloth or leather -- neither stronger nor weaker than seam done without magic. Verbal => brief rhyme concerning sewing, seams, stitches, etc. Somatic => sewing motion Sweeten -- 1 object -Adds sweetener; sugar, honey, syrup, etc. Yes, even Extra. Verbal => buzzing sound Somatic => stirring motion Tie -- 1 object -Thread, string, cord, rope, cable, etc. will tightly knot itself either to it's other end or an end of a similar object within 1' of it. Any normal knot can be produced. Verbal => name of knot Somatic => hold up two fingers and thumb Warm -- 1 cube yard -Causes non-living liquid or solid material to become up to 40*F warmer, subject to a maximum temperature of boiling. Effect lasts only an instant, after which subject slowly cools to normal temperature. Verbal => aaah sound Somatic => rub hands together briskly Wrap -- 1 cube yard -Creates strong sturdy wrapping, of suitable type and thickness, around item(s). Can be opened normally or ordered to open. Verbal => specify general class of wrapping desired Somatic => folding gestures Curdle -- 1 object (relatively small) -Curdles milk and hastens spoilage or wilting. Verbal => retching sound Somatic

=> thumb pointing downward

Dirty -- 4 square yards -Soils, spots, or sullys walls, floors, dishes, clothes, etc. Verbal => spitting sound Somatic

=> shuffle and stamp feet

Dusty -- 10'r -Causes film of dust and grime to settle on all exposed surfaces. Verbal => low humming Somatic => both hands move in shaking motions Knot -- 1 object -Cause thread, rope, cord, etc to knot itself in such a manner as to be very difficult to untie, requiring from 2-8 rounds. Does not work on magical ropes, ropes being held onto by a character or creature,

Verbal => zzz sound

Somatic

=> moving arm forward w/strong wrist motion

Ravel -- special -- reverse of stitch -Unless item was sewn using stitch Cantrip. This Cantrip will work only if there a loose or broken thread in the seam or fabric to be affected. Will not work on magic items such as bags of holding, cloak of protection, etc. Verbal => "ravel" Somatic => plucking motion Sour -- 1 object -Causes food or drink to take on a sour taste -- like vinegar of the appropriate sort. Typically used to spoil wine, beer, some pastry. Can cause up to 1 pint of vinegar to appear over subject. Verbal => whoosh through pursed lips Somatic => clenched hand Spill -- 1 container -- Opposite of gather -Causes contents of one container to spill out. Containers of up to 1 gal can be turned over and spilled with this Cantrip. Does not open lids or caps if secure. Verbal => "uh oh" Somatic => abrupt hand motion Tangle -- 1 object -Causes fine material -- thread, hair, small grass, to become twisted and entwined in a tangle. Untangling will take 3-12 rounds, unless roughly done, in which case the material would be broken, torn loose, etc. Verbal => buzzing Somatic => finger makes stirring motion Tarnish -- 1 object (1 cube yard or less) -Causes covering of rust, corrosion, verdigris or the like to any object normally susceptible to such tarnishing. Verbal => spitting sound Somatic => sprinkling motion Untie -- 1 object -- Reverse of tie or tangle -Will not remove both a knot and a tangle. Does not work on magical items. Verbal => popping sound Somatic => hands moved quickly apart. Wilt -- 1 object -- Reverse of freshen -Affects only vegetable matter, whether growing or picked. Verbal => descending hum Somatic => forefinger slowly curls from an upright position Distract -- special -Caster causes all who are watching to look at an area of his choice, either to the right or left of him and within 10'. Characters with an IQ 10 or above and high level NPC's at the GM's opinion get a saving throw. Duration: 5 seconds. Verbal => Somatic => gesture to right or left Hide -- 1 object (up to 125 cube foot) -Hides an object for base of 5 minutes. Desired object becomes invisible to all who are in front of caster. Does not work if viewers are beside or behind caster. Does no mask sound, smell. The larger

foot = 5 minutes 1 cube in or less = 10 minutes. Verbal => abracadabra, higgledy-piggledy, or similar. part of object

Somatic

=> pass hand over top

Mute -- 1 object -Alters shape of small mineral objects. Can change one metal to another metal, quartz to diamond, similar items. Does not affect magical items or items over 5 pounds or 1 cube foot. If another individual touches the item, they get a saving throw, if they succeed, the Cantrip is dispelled. Verbal => Somatic => pass hand over object Palm -- 1 small item -Caster secrets small object in hand without seeming to. Creates an illusory duplicate of the object to be palmed, so other can be taken while under similar to hide. Illusory duplicate lasts only 10 seconds, then winks out of existence. Magic word is spoken while the finger points at object to be palmed. Caster then picks up the now invisible object while seemingly only touching or handling the illusory duplicate. Verbal => Somatic => Present -- 1 small item -Brings any small specially prepared object from within 5'r. Object must have short ritual performed over it to personalise it to the spellcaster. Size/weight limit: must be smaller than 1 square foot and 5 pounds. Object appears magically in caster's hand. Verbal => none Somatic => as if closing hand over item. Belch -- 1 person -Subject involuntarily belches - save applies only to see how loud or muffled the burping is. Verbal => almost inaudible belch Somatic => hand pressing diaphragm Blink -- 1 person -Subject blinks eye or eyes. Successful save indicates single eye wink or no effect on one eyed creatures Verbal => hat-cha-cha? or similar Somatic => snap fingers Cough -- 1 person -- Subject coughs spastically. Successful save Means cough is brief hacking. Failed save indicates victim is affected by loud and active series of coughs lasting 1-4 seconds. Verbal => gasp Somatic => gagging gesture Giggle -- 1 person -Subject giggles involuntarily. Loudness and strength are determined by save. Verbal => magic word or phrase Somatic => one finger moved back and forth rapidly Nod -- 1 person -Subject involuntarily nods head as if in greeting or agreement. Successful save means he doesn't nod.

Scratch -- 1 creature -Causes subject to experience itch. Unless save is successful, subject will scratch. Verbal => name of some body pest Somatic => point to area of itch Sneeze -- 1 creature -Subject will sneeze unless a successful save is made. Verbal => pepper Somatic => touch nose Twitch -- 1 creature -Causes muscle contraction in some portion of subjects appendages - head, neck, foot, etc. Twitch will be noticeable but will not cause the subject great discomfort or loss of control or concentration. Cantrip is negated by a successful save. Verbal => name of area to be affected Somatic => twitch hand Wink -- 1 person -Subject winks one eye. Successful save means rapid, barely noticeable wink. Unsuccessful save means greatly exaggerated wink. Verbal => 23 skidoo Somatic => imperceptible wink Yawn -- 1 creature -Evokes a yawn from subject. If save is successful, creature is totally unaffected. Verbal => hum lullaby Somatic => rocking motion w/hands Tweak -- 1 creature -Unseen thumb and forefinger harmlessly, but annoyingly tweak some portion of a chosen subject within a 10'r of caster. Verbal => kitchy kitchy koo Somatic => pinching, pulling motion Unlock -- 1 lock -Will unlock simple locks of only the most basic type (ie. Using pressure prongs, bolts and pins, bolts and springs). Will not work w/tumblers, levers, secret combo, or magic locks. Verbal => tick-tock double lock, etc. (phrase associated with locks) Somatic => twisting motion, as if w/key Vermin -- 1 small bug, etc. or 1-10 very small creatures (at the GM's option) -Summons 1 small pest (ie. 1 bug, 1 spider, 1 bee, up to 1 small mouse). If extremely small pests are summoned, such as gnats, maggots, lice, etc, it may produce 1-10 at the GM's option. The critters thus summoned will be confused and annoyed and will react accordingly. Caster can cause the vermin to appear anywhere up to 10' away from him. Verbal => type of insect desired Somatic => point at area vermin to appear Turn Page -- within 5' -Turns one page at a time or opens book to specified page. Verbal => page # or "next" or "back" Somatic => palm from up to down

Creates an illusionary face. Mask is 15% detectable only if another person closely scrutinises the face. A dispel illusions will work normally. Verbal => descriptive word of visage desired Somatic => touch face & picture desired visage Impersonation (Illusion) Range: 0 Components: V, S, M Duration: 1 round Casting Time: 1 Area of Effect: The caster Saving Throw: None This Cantrip allows the wizard to impersonate any speaker with nearly perfect ability. The wizard can only speak in languages he knows, and must possess a small item recently in close proximity to the original speaker (for example, an article of clothing). The wizard's audience will probably be greatly amused if they can see who is speaking, or completely fooled if not. The material component is a mirror, which is consumed in the casting. Know Age (Divination) Range: 0 Components: S, M Duration: Permanent Casting Time: 1 Area of Effect: just the victimSaving Throw: None By use of this spell, an apprentice or wizard is able to tell the age of the recipient of this spell. It is also possible to tell, with a 10% chance of failure, the plane where the person is native to. Know Quality (Divination) Range: 0 Components: S, M Duration: Permanent Casting Time: 1 Area of Effect: just the victimSaving Throw: None By use of this spell, an apprentice or wizard is able to tell the blood line or ancestral lineage of the victim, if appropriate this Cantrip s also able to reveal the victims birth/ family name, not necessarily their true name. Narek's Shears (Alteration) Reversible Range: 0 Components: V, S Duration: Concentration Casting Time: 2 Area of Effect: One target Saving Throw: Negates Narek's shears causes hair, fur, or fur-like growth on the target to shorten by up to an inch, possibly causing it to disappear. Its effect on nearly bare skin is to completely prevent growth for 2 days. The reverse of this spell, augmented hairiness, causes hair or fur to thicken and lengthen by up to two inches. This increase is permanent until the hair is trimmed or cut. Neither form affects rugs, furs, or any other hair or fur not on a living body. Unwilling targets get a saving throw versus spell. Narin's Mask (Illusion) Range: 0 Components: V, M Duration: 10 minutes Casting Time: 3 Area of Effect: The caster Saving Throw: Special This spell causes others to not see the details of the wizard's face. Anyone paying attention to the wizard is entitled to a saving throw versus spell. If the saving throw succeeds, they realise that they

illusion will cancel the spell entirely. The material component of this spell is a blindfold. Umbrella (Abjuration) Range: 0 Components: V, S Duration: 1 hour per level Casting Time: 1 Area of Effect: The caster Saving Throw: None As with all Cantrips, this one can be very useful, but not very powerful. It manifests itself as a field of force that resembles an umbrella. It lasts for up to one hour per level of the wizard at most, but if the concentration of the wizard is broken for more than one round, it will fade away. It actually does have some form and is "worth" 6 HP, but only magical weapons will affect it. Snatch: Related to the Palm/Place this Cantrip takes items out of anothers and places them in the casters, Useful with spell components or small weapons such dagger or knives. A save vs spells is also allowed for this spell. Unravel/Stitch: This Cantrip will unravel a seam of any item of clothing such as a purse or shirt causing it to fall apart, Stitch does the opposite but a seam must be present. Chill/Warm: will cause something or someone to become cold or warm.(usually which causes the person to shiver or sweat) Glowing Eyes: Causes the PC'S eyes to glow,the colour is chosen by the PC but if cast before Hypnotism it adds a -1 to the victims save throws if he/she looks at the PC's eyes. Open/Close: can cause door handles to turn and open slowly/or doors to close. If used on chests the lid must be under two pounds in order to lift. Unlock/Lock: causes simple locks such as those found on Everyday doors to unlock, this spell will not lift bolted doors or those with Superior locks made by locksmiths. Also if used on locked chests or cabinets it's chances of opening such locks are 5%+3%/Level(8 at first,20 at Fifth) also it can be attempted as many times as the caster has levels. Conjure Sunglasses: Creates a pair of Sunglasses for the Caster, with these Sunglasses the caster receives a +1 bonus to any light or Blinding attacks of 2nd level or less. The sunglasses only work on Sunny Days. They can be altered to help Prevent Snowblindness or SunStroke. Conjure Blindfold: This spell conjures a Blindfold that appears on the caster it also gives the caster a +1 to his Blind-fighting skills. Very useful when taking on Invisible or Gaze powered Creatures. Lasts until taken off Sticky/Slippery: This spell is mainly used to make any area under 1"foot either slippery or sticky. Very useful when you see a thief about to draw a dagger to stab you with it, or you wish to make a fool of someone by making the scroll case there about to give to someone stick to their hand causing great woe to the holder. This spell lasts for 2 rounds, a save throw is allowed. Conjure Lockpick: will create 1 lock pick of the casters choice that lasts for 2 turns or until the lock

Conjure Magic Key which in reality conjures a crowbar to Pry the Lock with, Its duration is 1 turn. Jokeys Present: This spell creates a Bright Yellow Box with a Red Ribbon when the Box is opened it Explodes doing no damage but it Blinds and Deafens the holder for 1 round unless a save is made, This spell is one of Rosco's Favorites. Duration is Standard

This tome was initiated a couple of years ago, whilst sitting around a session waiting for someone to get there arse into gear. I went home, thinking, sat and though some more. switched on the terminal and began to type. Nards 11/2/2003 nards_collective@yahoo.com..au