BOY: I know we are also matter we can't occupy the same space at the same time.

Kaya aalis na lang ako. GIRL: bakit ganun para tayong mga parallel lines, why can't we meet at the same point? BOY: your verbs and actions are not correct that's why all of the subjects are a ffected. GIRL: ayoko na. you've reached my boiling point. And now my heart is getting to its freezing point!

BOY1: nkakakawa naman lola mo. BOY2: bakit? BOY1: nakasabay ko kasi magsimba nung isang araw, ubo ng ubo. Pinagtitinginan ng a ng tao. BOY2: papansin lang yun! BOY1: bakit? BOY2: bago kasi blouse niya!

Notice to Employees (Includes Temporary and Part Time Staff) SICKNESS We will no longer accept your doctors' notes as proof. We believe if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to work. LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR SURGERY We are no longer allowing this practice. As long as you are employed here, you w ill need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything remove d. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make yo u less than we bargained for. Anyone having any type of surgery will be FIRED im mediately. PREGNANCY In the event of extreme pregnancy, you will be allowed to go to the first aid ro om when the pains are FIVE MINUTES apart. If it is false labor, you will have to take an hour's leave without pay. DEATH This will be accepted as an excuse, BUT we would like two weeks notice, as we fe el it is your duty to teach someone your job prior to . . . or after death. This new benefit program goes into effect immediately. The Management

(si Misis bumibili ng lason para kay Mister)

Misis: Sige na ho, bigyan nyo na ako ng lason para lasunin ko na asawa ko Pharma: Ano ba kayo Misis, masama po yang binabalak nyong gawin. Hindi po puwede yan (Misis pinakita ang picture ng napakapangit nyang mister) Pharma: Ayan naman pala! Bakit di nyo sinabi, meron naman pala kayong reseta! (ahehe)

Top Reasons Why There Isn't A Filipino-American President 1. The White House is not big enough for in-laws. 2. Filipinos in America prefer engineering, computer science, nursing and accoun ting over politics. 3. Not enough parking at the White House to park the 2 Honda Civics, the Toyota Celica, the 1985 Diesel Mercedes-Benz, BMW (Big Mean Wife) and the MPV (My Pinoy Van). 4. Can't find decent chicken adobo in D.C. 5. Secret Service could never handle a nagging mother. 6. Dignitaries are generally intimidated by eating with fingers at State Dinners . 7. No chance for promotion. 8. Lactose intolerance is not considered politically correct. 9. Senior aides won't take off shoes before coming in. 10. Too many windows on White House to put metal bars. 11. Not allowed to install whistle-beep on presidential limo when put in reverse gear. 12. Too many dining rooms in the White House; where will they put the picture of The Last Supper? 13. Too much confusion over the definition of D.C., District of Columbia or Daly City (in CA - where majority of population are Filipinos)? 14. White House walls not big enough to hold giant wooden fork and spoon. 15. FAA won't allow rainbow tape on Air Force One dashboard. 16. Secret Service staff won't respond to "pssssst, pssssst." 17. Secret Service staff uncomfortable driving presidential car with rosary hang ing on rear view mirror and St. Jude or Santo Nino statuette on dashboard. 18. No more WWII jeeps available for restoration as presidential jeepneys. 19. No money allocated in budget to purchase laserdisc karaoke sing-along machin es for every room in the White House. 20. State Dinners do not allow leftover food as "To Go". 21. Air Force One does not allow any Balikbayan boxes on board

Modern days Salawikain: Ang hindi marunong magmahal ng sariling wika, sa call center naglipana...

kapag maiksi ang kumot, sa baby ipagamit... aanhin pa ang damo kung meron namang shabu... papunta ka pa lang, sige ingat... Laging nasa huli ang pinakamatangkad... kapag may usok, kawawa ang may hika...

Anak: Nay, yung girlfriend ko hindi naniniwala sa langit at impierno. Nanay: Sige, pakasalan mo anak, ipatikim mo sa kanya ang langit, ako na ang baha la sa impierno.

husband asked his wife, "What do you like most in me, my macho face or my sexy body? The wife looked at him from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor ".

Patient: Dok, malungkot ako dito sa mental? kaya naisipan kong sulatan ang aking sarili? Doctor: ano naman ang laman ng sulat mo?? Patient: aba.. ewan!!! Next week ko pa matatanggap eh!!

CONDOM VS NAPKIN Condom: Alam mo napkin pag nagtrabaho ka.. 1 week akong bakante.. Napkin: tanga! pag ikaw pumalya.. 9 months akong walang benta!!

hahhaha..

3 Parrots A man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present. The next day he went to the pet shop and saw three identical parrots in a cage. He asked the clerk, "how much for the parrot on the right? The owner said it was Rs. 2500. "Rs. 2500.", the man said. "Well what does he do? "He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk. "He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters." The man then asked what the second parrot cost. The clerk replied, Rs. 5000, but he not only knows Office 2000, but is an expert computer programmer. Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot. The clerk replied, "Rs. 10,000." Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs. 10,000, the man asked what this bird's spe cialty was. The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything. But the other two call him "BOSS"!!

Ngayong Gabi... . . Wala lang hayaan mo lang gumabi... .. Pag inantok ka matulog ka na . Alangan naman magpa cute ka pa e gabi na!

http://www.jokespinoy.com/tag/filipino-jokes/page/3/

http://kenneth7100.tripod.com/id41.html

http://www.feedage.com/feeds/2571565/pinoy-jokes-and-funny-sms-text-messages

http://www.maruism.com/2007/09/26/sms-jokes-for-today-092707/

http://www.pinoyexchange.com/forums/printthread.php?t=598153&pp=20&page=10

http://www.maruism.com/?preview=1&template=SplonView%2FSplonView&stylesheet=Splo nView%2FSplonView