Lingering Serenity

Renji sighed heavily, squatting on his knees in front of three wooden posts that acted as grave markers and silently placed a single lotus blossom on each moss covered mound. It had been over fifty years since he come here last. Over fifty years since he had returned to his roots in Inuzuri, over fifty years since he had allowed himself to grieve over the lost rag-tag group of street kids, his family. The first and last time that he had come here, he hadn't been alone; Rukia had been by his side, supporting him and helping him deal with the yawning chasm of loneliness that was waiting to crush him after the loss of the three dirty, skinny boys who were more his brothers than his friends. Sitting back on his heels, the Lieutenant of Division Six scuffed the heel of a palm over his eye awkwardly and scoffed a laugh. 'Well, what do you think then, guys?' He murmured quietly, his rich baritone quivered slightly and he swallowed thickly, running his index finger over the badge donning his left arm. 'I made it. I'm a Soul Reaper.' A half-hearted chuckle brushed his lips yet they remained in a thin tight line before twisting his body enough that he could show his badge to the markers. 'Not just any Soul Reaper either, I'm a Lieutenant in the Gotei 13, Division Six.' He slid his rusted eyes from the first marker to the next, and felt a stab in his throat. Swallowing hard, he shook his head; they had all been too weak and too soft for the life they had been thrust into, as his gaze finally came to rest on the last before smiling weakly, guiltily. 'I'm sorry guys, I should have made more of an effort to come and see you all. Made more of an effort to come up when Ruk-' His words dried up suddenly and his heart lurched painfully in his chest. Swallowing the hard lump in his throat he tried a different direction of conversation. 'I tried guys, I really did. I just couldn't, y'know? It's so-' With a frustrated groan Renji thumped backward onto his rear, his palms landing behind him and propping him up, chin tilting skywards before his lashes slid together. He knew what he wanted to say to them, he could see the words floating about in his mind and yet, he had no idea how to actually form the words with his mouth without tripping over them. Raising a hand Renji scrubbed his knuckles over his hair and down his neck until his fingers dug at the tensed muscles at the juncture between neck and shoulder. 'I'm no good at all this sentimental crap.' He mumbled to himself before twisting toward the spot where the bundled cloth lay beside his sheathed Zabimaru. He sighed again as he pushed himself onto his feet and took slow and heavy steps toward his small collection of belongings, pausing for a moment to briefly reach with his reiatsu toward his spirit partner, gently prodding, his breath hitching in his chest as he waited for Zabimaru's grumblings to begin. But nothing flared in his spiritual pressure. Zabimaru was sleeping. Quietly letting the held breath loose, Renji reached into the tied bundle and pulled out a ceramic jug and saucer, the last thing he needed to deal with right now was a cranky baboon with a snake for a tail griping over how weak he was. Zabimaru was hardly tactful when it came to emotions and feelings, and well, pretty much anything that wasn't directly connected with battling. Turning back to the graves he padded closer and flopped back down. Popping the cork from the jug, Renji poured a generous amount of the liquid into the saucer in his hand. Raising his hand in a salute to his deceased friends, he felt a small smile tugging at the

corners of his mouth despite the lack of enthusiasm. 'For all the good times, eh boys? All the hell we raised together.' He put the saucer to his lips and swallowed a mouthful of sake. The alcohol burned a path of flame all the way to the pit of his stomach; the warmth pleasantly comforting before growing uncomfortable. He wasn't really in the mood to drink; he just thought a toast to his lost friends would be nice. Finishing the liquid that he had already poured out before placing both saucer and jug to one side and learning toward the markers again, hoping that the shot of liquid courage would help him loosen his tongue enough to choke his words out at last. His smile faded alongside the dying flame in his gut and his eyes scrunched closed as the smiles and squabbles they had shared echoed in his ears, the squeals of protest and mock hurt when they would play fight in the street. The delighted laughter when they shared the stolen food and candy around a tiny camp fire in the pink glow of evening. He sighed. 'I screwed up.' Balancing his elbows on his knees, legs drawn up to his chest and his head falling into his hands, he twisted his long fingers deeply into his red strands, tugging them sharply in his frustration, pulling them loose from the usual tight ponytail. 'I screwed everything up. It's all gone to hell and I don't know what to do.' He grated, his eyes beginning to sting with an onslaught of unwelcomed and unwanted tears. 'I should never have left the Rukongai. I should have refused when she suggested it, like she did when we were all still together. 'Lets become Soul Reapers.' Pah!' He spat bitterly, his eyes sliding to the marker furthest to the left. 'You had left us the year before, after that bastard-' He cut off sharply, his mind rewinding to the morning that he had stumbled upon the battered and broken corpse of his smallest friend, the boy that he'd always seen as his little brother. 'I should have figured that something was up when you didn't come home that night, I should have gone out and looked for you. But I didn't.' His eyes closed and he swallowed back the lump forming in his throat at the memory of him carrying the slight body back to the shack, remembering how the scrawny limbs dangled and flopped like a rag doll. How the cold and clammy skin felt as it bumped against his own warm and still living flesh. 'I let you down. I let every single one of you down and for that I'm sorry.' Taking a few rapid gulps of air as the scene in his head changed again to show him digging the third grave, how the dirt streaked his tear stained cheeks, how the skin on his fingers had split and stung as he scooped more dirt away. Behind him, Rukia, the girl that every single one of the boys, himself included, adored, sat with the blanket wrapped body. Her fingers tenderly stroking the spot where his cheek was as she whispered soft comforting words to the person that was no longer there inside the shell. He could still see just how dark and empty her usually bright eyes had looked as she raised them to his, watching him as he scooped the body away from her and laid it to rest in the earth. He remembered the way that she watched him cautiously, like she expected him to suddenly drop down and die right in that hole and leave her completely alone. She was more than hurting, she was frightened. And he had been too. Renji tried desperately to rein his emotions back under his control but a few stubborn tears trekked over his cheeks regardless of his efforts. 'I went with her. I didn't want to face losing her too. I couldn't. It hurt so much knowing that you guys were gone and I was too weak to consider not having her there near me. I still am.' Another tear made its sluggish way along his nose, trailing over the curve of his lips and spreading its salted warmth on his tongue. Fury suddenly

burst in his chest. He wrenched his hand to his left arm and tore the badge from it, 'This. I don't deserve it. A Lieutenant is supposed to be strong. He's supposed to be able to lead and to protect his men in battle. I couldn't even do that for three kids. I couldn't even do that for one girl who I thought I'd always have.' Bringing the offending object to his eyes for a moment, he scowled darkly at it before twisting enough to hurl the blasted thing down the path behind him. 'I don't deserve it and I don't want it!' The badge clattered to the ground quietly somewhere out of sight but Renji didn't care, he ignored it as he turned slowly back to the graves, his chest heaving with pent up emotion. 'I convinced myself that I deserved my position. I convinced myself that I was strong.' He moaned softly as his face returned to bury itself into his hands again. 'I'm not. I'm a coward. My strength is borrowed from Zabimaru. My position is because I'm too pig-headedly stubborn to give up, and because I want to be strong, like him.' A shudder quivered along his spine. 'I want her to look at me like she does him. I want her to know that I-' His voice dried out then and his brain pulled up a memory of Rukia, the way she had looked at him when she had gently lifted his hand away from her wrist in that empty hall in the Shino Academy and let it slide from her fingers. Her eyes had held that same haunted look from the hill. That same way that she had looked at him when she had asked him what she should do about what Byakuya and his family's elders had propositioned her with, it was the same as she had given him when she had crumpled into him and pulled his arms around her and asking him to hold her while she cried for their lost friends. The dark and empty expression that resonated in her midnight eyes was pleading with him not to leave her too. She was seeking comfort from the one person who had always supplied it for her. The one person who had always taken away all of her fears of being left alone, who had always been her tether, she needed him then, more than ever, and he had done nothing. Furious at himself for his lack of comprehension, Renji pushed his face through his palms and pressed his eyes to his knees, one arm wrapping around his head the other clasping his legs. 'I couldn't protect her. I've never been able to. I've let her hurt. I've let her cry. And worse of all, I let her go!' Curled in upon himself, the Lieutenant reluctantly allowed the tears to fall properly, his shoulders shaking with his grief. He stayed there, wrapped around himself like a child and sniffled. He couldn't clear that wounded look of Rukia's from his head. The complete and utter look of hurt and betrayal as he had shamelessly gushed about how great he thought life as a Noble would be. 'I should have fought harder.' He whispered into his knees. 'I should never have let her go.' He was so focussed on controlling his grief that he hadn't sensed the reiatsu that slowly filled the clearing behind him. 'R-Renji?' His eyes snapped open and he tensed when a small, trembling hand touched his shoulder, hard packed muscle flinching in reflex. He couldn't help it. He felt horribly vulnerable, scarcely used emotions exposed for anyone to see.

'Renji.' Her voice came again, bolder this time but stained with sorrow. Her fingers flexed gently on his shoulder before sliding down his chest, curling loosely around his neck. Her small body folded in against his back as she lowered to kneel behind him, her other hand stroking along his arm clasping his drawn up knees, before wrapping around his thick fingers. She pressed her face into is bundled ponytail for a moment before moving to press into the warm side of his bowed neck, her breath tickling just below his ear. 'It's okay.' Those two words meant more to him right now than anything in the world. It was both acceptance and permission for him to let the walls down, to expose the vulnerable little boy that he had shut away for longer than he could remember. He had always been the one who had to be strong, he was older and that meant that he couldn't cry when the others could see, he had to push everything aside and look after them, to smile and reassure them, his own feelings and fears be damned. But when she uttered those two words he had crumpled. Moving so he could turn, Renji pressed his face into Rukia's collar, his hands twisting into the front of her shihakusho as he curled around her and sobbed. Rukia felt her eyes slide to half mast, as the man that dwarfed her shrank in her arms; his deep voice was choking and trembling on more grief and sorrow that she had ever imagined he bore. Wrapping her arms around him, she allowed her fingers to glide along his shuddering back in small soothing patterns, she allowed herself to lean her cheek closer to his until she was nuzzling him. Her heart ached for the man in her arms, the stranger who had once been the boy she could never live without. She had missed him so much. More than she had ever thought possible. Over forty years as a Kuchiki had estranged her from him. Yes, they had made their peace over the circumstances of their reinstated friendship, she had forgiven him for his participation in her arrest and the taunting he had inflicted upon her during her incarceration. But she had never spoken to him about that point in time that resonated in her heart, the time where he had hurt her so deeply that she had pushed his hand from her and left him standing alone. The one time he had made no attempt to follow her when it was the one time that she needed him to more than anything. She had already condemned him as a petty, shallow and spiteful man without asking his reasons why he acted that way. If he had ignored the anniversary of their friends passing as he had done so every year, if she had decided to wait even an hour longer before making her own way here, she would still be thinking those same cruel thoughts of him. She would never have witnessed the words that had tumbled from his lips, his own hatred for himself over everything that he felt he had allowed happen. She had no idea that Renji had blamed himself for their friends' deaths, had never realized that his whole purpose for entering the Seireitei was for her. But what disturbed her prejudices against him the most was that she had never even considered the fact that he was always fighting for her, that he had every intention to take her back from Byakuya. She tilted her head further into his cheek, her own lips trembling with the threat of the sobs raking at her throat. She had misjudged him terribly and, knowing him to be emotionally immature; she had let him suffer for almost fifty long years with his own guilt and anger at himself and then dumped hers on top of him. She had effectively been trying to drown him with a flood of sensations and feelings that he had no idea how to handle. Looking at him now, at how

much he was hurting, for how long she had let him hurt, she had succeeded. She felt her heart slam violently down into her belly as she felt her spirit crumble. She was the petty one. She was spiteful and selfish and so cruel. He had felt uncertain in his strength and he had convinced himself that if he allowed her to hate him for a little while, just while he grew stronger, he would be able convince her that he did it for her. He thought could explain it to her, tell her his fears of losing her and hope she would understand, if only he could speak with her for just a few minutes. Despite what Izuru had told him about her knowing her responsibilities as a Noble, he had still waited. Despite what Yumichika had told him, about how it was easier to let something break then to try and hold it together, he had still hoped to explain. But she had never presented him with that chance. Every time that she had passed him, either alone or with her brother, she never once looked at him. She had reflected upon him that same hurtful snub that Byakuya had inflicted upon her, right up until that day on Sokyoku Hill. And yet, Renji had still laid his life at her feet over and over. Offering himself up to her brother in efforts of saving her, still torn up and bleeding he had taken her into his arms and fled from her execution grounds, putting his trust into an outsider to delay comrades turned pursuers. He had disobeyed the law of the Seireitei. He defied his captain, her brother, twice. He had taken her, a condemned criminal. He had run, knowing that every last Soul Reaper would hound them, follow them until they had presented his head to the Head Captain for treason. He had refused Sosuke Aizen's demands to take her from him. He had shouted her down when she offered herself to the same man in exchange of his life. He had taken blow after blow for her and still he had refused to let her go, as vehemently as she refused to accept what she knew to be the truth. It had taken this, holding onto a man so utterly destroyed and talking to the graves from a childhood so full of despair for her to see him clearly at last. Renji loved her. A sob burst from her lips and he flinched at the sound as it rushed his ear. His fingers tightening around her instinctively, his desires to protect her flaring as he turned his cheek inwards, his forehead rubbing against hers until they were nose to nose. 'Rukia?' His voice was so strained, so raw from his weeping that the petite woman flinched in his arms. 'Please,' she whimpered, her breath ghosting his lips and still damp cheeks. 'Forgive me?'

'Please,' she whimpered, her breath ghosting his lips and still damp cheeks. 'Forgive me?' Pulling back just enough to properly observe the delicate woman, who was now in his arms as much as he was in hers, Renji frowned softly. His red-rimmed eyes moved slowly as they carefully inspected her face. Dark shadows of confusion edged the concern that filled the redbrown irises. 'Forgive you? Why? You've never'

'Don't you dare, Renji!' Rukia hissed. Snapping her chin up and meeting his confusion with anger. 'Don't you keep making excuses for me!' She held his gaze for a moment or two, warning him not to challenge her outburst with dark and turbulent eyes. Then, slowly, the deep mauve softened with the glistening tears that welled. 'Don't you dare act like everyone else. Not you.' She whispered pressing her cheek to his chest and staring toward the grave markers, her fingers flexing against his kosode. 'Not the Renji I grew up with. He would kick my ass and give me hell for acting so childishly; he would never tiptoe around me and treat me as a snivelling infant.' Barely able to keep a small chuckle from his voice, despite the seriousness in hers, Renji moved his hand to cup the back of Rukia's head, carefully threading his fingers through the silken gloss that tumbled barely to her shoulders. 'What are you talking about?' 'I've been so cruel to you.' Her breathing caught in a broken sob as her heart dropped again, the admission driving home a stab of guilt sharper than the blade of any Zanpakutou. 'After everything we've shared together. After everything we went through, all of our struggles to simply survive in Inuzuri, I should never have walked away from you the way I that I did. I shouldn't have been so weak and turn my back to you.' Shoulders trembling and voice shattering as she rolled her eyes to his. 'I'm so sorry.' Renji felt his whole body snap rigid, his movements ceasing and the emotion in his eyes clouded as his defenses began to reconstruct around it, shutting away his vulnerability as quickly as possible. The apology shocked him and he didn't understand why she had even offered him one. He had worked through the scenario in his head countless times over the decades of separation, but every time he felt that he understood it, he had known it to be his fault and it was he who should apologize to her. 'Rukia, I don't' He swallowed thickly, lashes closing, his uncertainty making him feel uncomfortable, awkward. 'I don't understand. I was the one-' 'I pushed your hand away from me. I was the one who walked away. I never even considered you or how you would feel. I just wanted so badly for you to stop me, I wanted you to be selfish for once and tell me to stay with you.' Rukia's own lashes fluttered together as guilty tears, both from her admission and from witnessing his awkward reaction to her words, forced through them. 'I hated feeling as though you had given up on me.' Her slender fingers clung on to him desperately as she spoke. As though terrified that their bond could again be severed so easily. 'I hated feeling so alone.' Renji felt that frustrating tightness return to his throat, the emotion of the date, of where they were, the emotion of finally clearing the air still riddled with guilt, all of it seemed determined to strangle him. Swallowing heavily he tried to gulp the sensation away, hoping to steady his voice as he leaned down and pressed his forehead to hers. 'I would never give up on you.' He murmured gently, his lashes parting and wetness dancing within. 'I know that now.' Rukia's voice sounded so tiny, her words adrift in a sea of misery. 'I know, now that I look at it again and can think clearly about it. I realize that I had put you in such an impossible position that either way, if things didn't happen the way that I wanted them to, you would look a petty man standing in my path.' Her voice broke off into quiet sobs that had her shaking against the man that had always put her before everything, the man who wanted so much

to see her happy that he was willing to step back and let someone else supply her with everything he couldn't. Not yet. And then he was determined to prove himself to her again. Prove that he had as much to offer her as any noble family. 'I didn't see the trap that I had laid in your path. I didn't want to. I just wanted to blame someone, anyone. So I blamed you. I hated you because I didn't know what else I could do.' Renji noticeably flinched at her harsh words and Rukia found herself in a tightened grip, though the tightness was not comforting. The blood suddenly chilled in his veins and then roared loudly in his ears, hot and full of temper. Her admittance of the hatred that she had once harboured toward him was almost enough for him to push her from his arms, for him to bury their friendship right here beside the graves of their childhood friends. His lips twisted at the irony of the notion as his hold on her subconsciously loosened and he felt her instinctively fold herself deeper in his arms, and her face moved to burrow into his throat, nuzzling at his pulse point. 'I don't deserve you.' Her voice was so soft, so gentle, Renji wasn't actually sure if Rukia had spoken the words or if his own brain had decided to join in the torment, and so he simply held onto her. Relishing in the feeling of slender fingers brushing against his skin as a hand travelled along the V of his kosode, over his prominent collar bone and finally settling, tracing the edge of his nape where hair met flesh as she wrapped an arm around his neck. Her other hand reached higher, a fingertip grazing over the sharp line of his jaw. Stroking the inquisitive digit over the strong angles that had shaped his face over time and committing the path to memory as she moved away from the edges and explored his cheek. Renji groaned softly under the delicate touches, tilting his head back as she circled upwards and around his eye, shuddering as she followed the line of his eyebrow to the bridge of his nose and swept downwards until she traced over his lips. Rukia's heart was thundering in her chest, excitement trilling through her blood as the groan left his lips and he leaned to follow her touches, his face tilting down and toward her once more. Her fingers travelled further down, along his throat, over his bobbing Adam's apple and dip in his collar, before coming to rest at his on his torso once more. Her chest tightened as his lashes parted revealing to her the soft ruby eyes that expressed more emotion than the man would ever be capable of voicing. Arching her neck up, Rukia brushed her lips softly against the sensitive flesh just beneath his jaw, moving her knees beneath her and rising just enough that her mouth could travel higher, tracing the sharp line between chin and ear. A sound rumbled in his chest, Rukia could feel the vibrations beneath her fingertips. It overrode the steady beating of his heart and left hers aflutter in its wake. His arms, once wrapped firmly around her shoulders, had loosened and slid to hang low on her hips, the fingers of one hand gliding patterns over the silken fabric of her shihakusho at the small of her back. When her lips moved again, they brushed his momentarily and Renji's palm flattened against her back, not forcing her closer nor preventing her retreat if she changed her mind, but simply there. Rukia pulled back shyly, peering from beneath heavy lashes as she shifted her position, her hands trailed down from his chest and settled on his thighs, fingers twisting the material beneath

them as she leaned up again, head tilting and lips meeting, this time her touch was firmer and more confident. Renji Abarai, a hardened and fearsome warrior, the Lieutenant of Division Six, melted into her kiss. His firmer lips forming around hers, his head tilting to fit her angle more securely and his actions followed hers. Rukia was the one to deepen the kiss. When she parted her lips, Renji mimicked. When she explored his mouth shyly, he mirrored. Every action, every control, he willingly allowed Rukia to take the lead and let himself be swept along, engulfed in the torrents that carried him. The smaller Reaper smiled as she pulled back, Renji's lips followed hers, his eyes closed and a small whine was carried upon the shuddering breath. He obviously was unhappy by the broken kiss, even more so when her palm pressed to his chest and stopped him from following her further. Renji's lids parted slowly, the discs smouldered with unrestrained warmth that Rukia had not seen in decades. She leaned in closer and pressed a kiss to his throat, her hands moving away from his body completely for a long moment before moving to his left arm. Her fingers moved nimbly as she lingered beneath his jaw, causing the man's head to tilt up slightly before letting it fall to her shoulder, his breathing quickened into soft and almost noiseless pants. 'You lost something.' Her voice brushed huskily beneath his ear, ruffling short strands of red there and Renji mumbled a wordless sound in reply. And then the contact broke. Rukia pushed away and moved to her feet in a single fluid motion. Renji jerked forward suddenly, arms wind-milling for balance and cursing the abrupt loss of her body in front of his. Righting himself and casting a dark glower toward the slight woman Renji hauled himself upright and brushed his uniform down, he only paused with a frown when his right hand touched a heavy bronzed badge tied there. 'My Lieutenants Badge?' Rukia nodded and reached her hand to him. 'Yeah, I thought you might want that back. You worked hard for it.' Renji simply slid his fingers around hers and allowed the small woman to lead him away from the grave site, pausing momentarily for Renji to grab Zabimaru, though the sake and saucer, they left abandoned as a hasty offering. She lead him through the bustling crowds of Inuzuri, ignoring the miserable wretches that lay drunk in the doorways of run down shacks, ignoring the insistent cries of venders calling for the two Soul Reapers to sample their wares and empty their money pouches into dirty, greedy and bony fingers. Renji narrowed his eyes threateningly toward one particularly bold man who actually had the audacity to move around from his stall and step in front of Rukia, halting her progress. He paid Renji no mind as he tried to charm the coins from Rukia's pockets with ill-placed flattery, obviously unaware of her status and her abilities. Renji's jaw tensed, he wanted to force the man to step back but Rukia simply smiled sweetly and slid back beside him, entwining her

fingers with his and laying a palm against his belly. A simple and innocent looking gesture, executed so smoothly that the warning behind it was easy to miss, but it was also one that brought the scowling man to the vender's attention. The ignorant man snorted in dismissal, muttering something unpleasant and scornful about the younger man before squawking in surprise under a sudden flare of reiatsu and balking as Renji's finger traced Zabimaru's hilt idly. Rukia stifled a giggle and watched as the frail man stumbled away, and noted that Renji's dark glare never left the man until they were safely away. Once they were out of earshot she spoke gently. 'That wasn't very nice of you.' Renji shrugged. 'Bastard probably deserved worse.' 'Maybe.' They continued in comfortable silence, twisting and turning down quiet alleyways and abandoned streets, taking them further away from the busy town, until Rukia stopped suddenly. Renji glanced at the run down house where their journey had ended, a brow raising in wry amusement. 'Nice place.' He said the sarcasm in his voice apparent. 'I love what they've done with it.' An elbow jabbed him sharply in the ribs and Rukia stepped toward the door. 'Snob. Have you really forgotten the flimsy shed that we used to live in as children?' She placed her palm against the flaking paint and threw a mock scowl at him. 'Living in the barracks has spoiled you.' Renji rolled his broad shoulders in a half-hearted shrug. 'Maybe.' He fixed her with a levelled look. 'Why are we here anyway?' Rukia smiled softly. Pushing herself away from the door she arched onto tiptoes and placed a kiss at the base of his throat, her small hands grasping his obi and tugging him closer. Taking the hint and bracing his palms against the battered door and lowering his head, Renji closed his mouth over hers.

Rukia dug her elbows into the ground and lifted herself high enough to gaze down the short length of her body, eyes travelling over her delicate curves and smooth, pale skin and along to the slightly darker pallor of Renji's fingers that grasped her hips and pressed her down. Her legs were hooked over his elbows, ankles trapped between his sides and bicep. He had reared backwards, sitting low on his knees, his eyes downcast and watching his thrusts as he moved, mostly slow and smooth. A small gasp escaped from her throat and her head lolled back, her spine arching when his thrusts melted into a rough rolling of his hips, punctuated by the ragged pants that tumbled from her lips in time to his pace. Renji's eyes flickered up, watching from under dark lashes as the girl he grew up with rolled her head around again and his heart lurched at the sight of her squirming beneath him, her cheeks

dusted with a pink blush. He measured each thrust carefully, not allowing himself to press flat against her despite his desire to, despite how desperately he wanted to bury himself completely, to cling to her like the lifeline that she was to him. Lifting his chin just enough that his gaze met and held hers. Stormy violet clashed with conflicted rust as her fingers smoothed over her flat belly and wrapped around one of his wrists and tightened. 'Renji-' She sounded so far away despite the obvious closeness that they currently shared, her voice little more than a gentle breeze. The broken call tugged at him, his stomach clenching hard and he leaned, bending his head down just enough that his hair slid from his shoulders and curtained around his face, pressing his forehead to the warm flesh of her shoulder and kissing just beneath her collar. 'Hmmm?' His own voice sounded strained and distant to his ears. 'You're so far away.' She complained softly, nudging at his hips with her heels. 'Cold.' A gentle tug on his wrist startled him as she tried to coax him down. 'Hold me. Like you used to do.' Carefully Renji lowered himself onto his elbows; keeping them tucked under him so he could maintain holding himself up, his fingers laced under her neck and ran through silken hair and despite that he felt her knees grip his hips urgently he maintained his shallow movements, thigh muscles locking when her heels dug down in demand. She sighed softly beneath him and he felt her try to press up, to take more of him in and his eyelids flew open in a panic, hips retreating until he slipped free from her warmth. Rukia growled her frustrations at the sudden lack of him, her back bowing up and searching for his hard warmth. When she parted her lashes she was greeted by a pair of shadowed eyes, bright with want but shrouded with uncertainty. His warm breath panted over her sweat damp skin, sending cooling shivers through her already overheated nerves. Cocking a questioning eyebrow at him as he trembled above her, she frowned when his head shook gently from side to side. 'I don't want to hurt you.' He whispered, lowering his lips to graze along the edge of her jaw and to her ear. 'No more than I already have. So I need you to trust me and let me do this, okay?' She nodded and swallowed thickly as he shifted more weight onto one elbow and reached his other hand between them, holding and guiding himself back inside her before moving to settle on her hip, trapping her. She couldn't withhold the slow whine that escaped her lips as he stopped at the same depth as before, still restraining and the movements began again, a little faster and perhaps a little more roughly than before. Her chest fluttered as she realized that his soft pants and groans were accompanied by his broken voice calling to her, reaffirming in his mind that he was sharing himself with the one person who had needed him as much as he needed her. Rukia chuckled lightly to herself, reaching a hand up to tangle loosely into the long crimson hair that sheeted over her chest, arching sharply as his hips shifted and he released his restraining hold on her, sliding his arm to join the other tucked under her shoulders and cradling her head. His lips and teeth roamed her mouth and jaw, kissing and nipping without pattern, making her gasp and shudder. And then she wailed. How had she not noticed her body tightening under his

touches, under his peppered kisses? How could she not have realised that she had been coasting along her peak ever since he had re-entered her and that he had pushed her over the edge now. Her voice keened in high pitched whimpers, her hips bucked and pulled back as her spine curved her belly up into his, her insides fluttering and quivering around him. When her lashes parted lazily and she peered up into Renji's face, she had not felt entirely sure of what she expected to witness in his eyes at that moment and her confused brain struggled to comprehend his strange expression; surely he should be basking in his own afterglow. She had imagined his eyes to be open and intent on watching her, either hard and cloudy with desire, or soft and warm and full of love. But it was neither that she was witnessing now. His eyes were screwed up as though in pain and his lips were parted though his jaw was clenched and worked. His breathing was so rapid that she feared his lungs would burst under the strain, raising her fingers to his chest, her eyes widened at the furious tripping of his heart as it tried to pound its way free of his body. As her back again touched down Rukia chanced a glance down between her thighs. He was still buried between them, but his hand had again moved down between their bodies, grasping just out of her sight. Lifting her gaze, she could see his abdominal muscles squeezing and twitching beneath his flesh and tattoos, she could feel his thighs flinching hard against the back of her own, everything was telling her that he too had climaxed or was in the process of doing so, yet he was strangely silent and unresponsive. Her own release was fading, the haze in her mind lifting and she found herself able to produce coherent words once more. 'Renji? Wha- Ohh!' Her thought was cut off as he shifted his hips forwards and a wave of reiatsu, wild and fierce, eddied around her. He hadn't finished. His hand had moved down at the start of her orgasm and clamped hard around the base of himself and he had pulled back until only his tip remained inside her, effectively denying him release. She could see it now, the expression in his eyes was so dark, so clouded that she felt the air around the two draw in closer. Moving his hand he settled his body over hers again, his mouth crushing to hers and swallowing the cry that sprang from her throat as he jerked forwards, hips held flat against hers at last. Holding himself tightly against her and relishing in the tight fluttering that surrounded him, Renji lifted his lips just clear of hers as they pulled back into his typical smirk. 'Better?' Rukia simply nodded, her nails digging into the inside of his biceps, slender legs hooking around the tops of his thighs holding him close and preventing his retreat, revelling in his touch and in that spiritual pressure that was distinctly his. It lit her already seared nerve endings aflame again, warm and heady and so very familiar. The fiercely protective flare of a raging inferno, and the wild and somewhat dangerous edge that thrilled her, that had always thrilled her. She had no way that she could ever describe his reiatsu, no words that would make sense to anyone else but her. It was just him. Renji. A massively contradicting tempest of emotion and puzzlements that no one could ever hold any hope to figure out, and one that no one else would ever try to, except for her. He was her puzzle, her Renji. He chuckled, a low throaty sound as he moved his mouth over her throat and tickled a stiff tongue tip over the hollow in her collar. 'Ready?'

Again she nodded; her vocabulary had failed her the moment that she felt him push himself inside her completely. She felt every twitch, every throb, every last inch of him trembling, reverberating through her very being. His pulse pounded behind her eyes and in her throat, his breathing echoed through her own chest and she felt her body clench at his dragging retreat, refusing to let him go and then thrash wildly as he pushed back inside, deeper than before. A cry burst from her lips, and her shoulders jolted up, slamming her chest into his. He chuckled again sliding one hand to grasp hers and pull it from his arm, pinning it at the side of her head before repeating the action with his hips and having her writhe violently beneath him again, causing him to bite back his own throaty groan. He gathered her other wrist and pinned it just above her head, a little higher than the first. Slowly he increased his pace and keeping to the depth her body craved, hips thrusting harder and each time she fought a little more wildly. Renji stifled a groan as Rukia squirmed and bucked beneath him, her face turning against her upper arm as she moaned and panted desperately. This was going to be fast, he was so close already, having been denied once he had no intention to hold off a second time. He shifted both her wrists into one of his large hands, sliding his grip around so that her delicate wrists were protected, his other hand slid slowly down from its original position, along her arm and over her shoulder, finally cupping over the small, firm mound on her chest as he found a comfortable pace. Rukia had worked hard on her Kuchiki image. For almost fifty years she had concentrated on her poise, her manners, everything. She had fought so hard to suppress her excitable and energetic nature, the nature that was her true self. She fought to mimic Byakuya's restraint and self-control, the serene expressions and the emotionless, steady voice. And now, all of that was lost. She bucked and clawed, cried out and cussed, whimpered and growled, all under the actions of one man. The man who had been the boy she had walked with when she was a child. His hips moved again, and she writhed. The man who had stepped aside for her despite the hole it had torn through his heart. She pressed up, meeting the pace of his movements and encouraging the tightening in her belly. The man who had hauled her back to the Seireitei and away from the world of the living in a desperate fury, a fury that he had used to mask his terror behind the orders. He tensed and buried his face into her throat, trembling and panting. The man who had begged the Ryoka boy to save her when he had failed. She cried out as her hips were hoisted into his and held in the air, his movements suddenly wild and thrashing.

The man who kept on fighting even though he knew it could all very well end in his complete destruction. A flood of warmth inside her and the pain of teeth clamping on her shoulder had her whimpering loudly, her cries muffling out the guttural growl that cracked his voice. The man who, despite knowing that everything he had endured, every suffering and hardship was simply because he wouldn't let her go, not again, not ever. Renji's biceps stood hard as he raised his shoulders and lifted his chest from hers, panting roughly as he drank in the sight below him. The sheen of sweat that coated the pale flesh of the woman he had loved ever since he was small. His thighs burned and begged him to move away and lie flat. To let them rest. But his heart and brain demanded him to remain connected with her. The woman he had built a home with when they had both had nothing. Finally he shifted, slipping from her embrace and shifting to flop boneless and spent beside her, his arm reaching out to encircle around her, pulling her to him. The woman who had been his first family. Rukia sighed as Renji's lips pressed behind her ear. The man who expected nothing from her except for her to be herself. The woman who would always be his. And the man who would always be hers.