Episode 1.3 "Seadog" Kate: You mean they actually train you guys how to harass?

(Off Gibbs' look) Hey, I'm kidding. Except for Tony. Tony: For the last time, Kate, I was only trying to get my seat belt on. Kate: Right. Seat belt. Gerald: You shoved a French cop over a cliff? Ducky: There was a lake below. Gibbs: Sixty feet below! Tony: Well, it gives you a warm feeling doesn't it? Gerald: What? Tony: Knowing Gibbs trusts us with a contaminated crime scene. Tony: I knew a granny in Baltimore, hid a kilo of H [heroin] in her horse's rectum. Kate: No horse on the boat, Tony. Kate: I did work for the Secret Service. We tend to get all hot and bothered over large sums of $100 bills. Tony: Is that what does it for you? Kate: What does it for me, Tony, is a mystery that you will never solve. Gibbs: Why do I feel like a high school principal? Gibbs: Did you get that reporters number or was that just talk? Tony: (slightly offended) Gibbs? Gibbs: See if she's available for lunch. Tony: Can I expense it? Gibbs: No, but I will. Tony: (about to send drug kingpins to Gitmo as suspected terrorists) You do not have the right to remain silent. You do not have the right to an attorney. If you want an attorney, you won't get an appointment to see one. Do you understand these rights you don't have? Fornell: Agent Todd. I see you've joined the cowboys. Abby: You're holding out on us. That is not nice. Tony: I feel like I just kissed my sister. Abby: I didn't know you had a sister, Tony. Tony: I don't. I was fantasizing. Abby: I need music to do that. Gibbs: Fornell's got target fixation. Kate: Come again? Tony: It's when a fighter pilot gets so fixed on his target that he flies right into it.

Kate: Ah. Like you and women? Tony: Then I got the tapes of the nearest Mobil station. Kate: Wow. That was very smart Tony! Tony: Any guy could have done it. Kate: Guy? Learn to shut up when your ahead! Gibbs: What's that? Fuller: Asset forfeiture notice. Gibbs: Don't you have to find drugs first? Fuller: I used to worry about rules like that, then I met you guys! Gibbs: How many numbers did he dial? Kate: Six. Tony: One more and bada-bing-bada-boom. Gibbs: Lucky he wasn't phony savy. Kate: Savy enough to wire three phones to the same number. Gibbs: Yeah. What if he used speed dial? Tony: [Quoting a memo] All agents, not working active cases, are to attend a sexual harassment lecture at the NCIS Human Resource Center at 0930 hours, today. Gibbs: I can not sit through another one of those, I will shoot myself. Kate: You mean they actually train you guys how to harass? (Gets a dirty look from Gibbs) Hey, I'm kidding, except for Tony. Tony: The last time, Kate, I was only trying to get my seat belt on. Kate: Right! Seat Belt. Fuller: (pats dog) Can Tony sniff for drugs now? Tony: Tony? Fuller: Some coincidence, huh? Tony: Bet hes a real stud. Fuller: Hes neutered. (Tony tries to say something in sign language to Gibbs) Gibbs: You should wash your hands with soap for saying that. Fuller: Your bluff worked. Trujillo wants to talk. He really believed you'd ship him off to Gitmo. Gibbs: The secret of a good bluff, Agent Fuller, is not to bluff. Kate: He could be a power company doing his job (Guy opens fire at them). Gibbs: No, I don't think so! Dobbs: Do you think he was shot or drowned? Tony: Well, either way he's dead.

Episode 1.4 "The Immortals" Ducky: Well if you'll excuse me, I'll get our poor seaman out of his wet clothes. Tony: You're not going to say 'and into a dry martini,' are you? Tony: The best IT guy in our office is 22, Harvard. When he gets stuck, he calls his 14 yr old nephew. Tony: Abby, have fun with your MMROPG. (Tony looks at him) Gibbs: What? Tony: MMOR..PG. Gibbs: Thank you. Tony: You're welcome Gibbs: Can I talk to Ducky, now? Tony: You might want to warn us about what you're working on after lunch, Ducky. Ducky: Yes. I suppose gazing directly into an exposed digestive system doesn't aid the actual process. Tony: Not after the meal we just had. Abby: Oh, and here's the big whoop. Gibbs: Fine. Whoop me. Tony: (to Gibbs) When you're a computer geek invading dungeons and fighting ogres, Jethro doesn't cut it. (Gets a look from Gibbs)... Neither does Tony. Abby: This guy had diarrhea of the keyboard. Kate: He expressly told me to wait for his call. Gibbs: I expressly don't give a ****. Ride his a**. Ducky: You know, Abby, sometimes the dead make more sense to me than the living. Abby: Me, too. Tony: Aren't you guys interested at all in what I brought you back from Puerto Rico? Gibbs/Kate: (sighing) Sure. Fine. (Tony grins and hands them a couple bags, Kate looks in hers) Kate: You gotta be kidding. Tony: A bikini. Two-piece. Kate: A bottom. And a hat? Tony: Puerto Rican! Gibbs: Any chance you're going to try that on? Kate: (tosses it at Gibbs) You first. Gibbs: (looks over the bikini bottom) Trust me. It's not gonna fit. Kate: Pigs. I work with pigs. Tony: (as Gibbs is opening his gift) It's a fantasy RPG book. Complete with character sheets and dice. Baby steps, Gibbs. Baby steps.

Gibbs: It's in Spanish. Tony: There's just no pleasing you, is there? Gibbs: Tony, what time did the schmuck's report say the dispersing office was robbed? Kate: What schmuck? Gibbs: Well, our schmuck, unfortunately. Abby: You went to see Ducky before you came to see me! Gibbs: Is there some kind of priority here I don't know about? Abby: A girl likes to be thought of first. Episode 1.5 "The Curse" Gibbs: Tony you gas the truck Tony: Uh Gibbs you know most agencies have people who do that sort of thing. Gibbs: Uh huh...so do we. Tony: I didn't become an NCIS agent yesterday Kate. As a matter of fact tomorrow... Gibbs: ...is going to be two years. Tony: That's kind of touching Gibbs. Remembering the day you hired me. Gibbs: Yeah, well it seemed like a good idea at the time. Gibbs: That tank came off a Tomcat. Somebody filed a TFOA report. Kate: TFOA? Tony: Things Falling Off Aircraft. Kate: Youre kidding. Gibbs: Nope, thats what theyre called. Abby: Sailor on the half-shell! Kate: (regarding the mummy) He's not wearing shoes. Tony: I kick mine off when I fly. Gibbs: How could she not know? Randy: We met at Mark's memorial service. Gibbs: What'd you say? 'I was passing by, dug the music, decided to drop in'? Kate: Good news, Commander. It took ten years, but we located your luggage. Gibbs: Youre still workin for us; I wanna talk to the on-board NCIS Special Agent in 94. Tony: What if hes not with us? Gibbs: I wanna talk to the- Both: On board NCIS Special Agent in 94."

Tony: Radar Intercept Officer. Also called a GIB's, one B. Stands for Guy In Back. Kate: Why do you need two B's? Gibbs: Second one's for 'bastard'. Kate: Gotta be decaf. Gibbs: What? Kate: All that coffee you drink. Gibbs: Hi-test. Kate: Don't you twitch? Tony: Was it something I said? Gibbs: Not yet. Tony: Well it looks like were gonna have to go to Hawaii, Boss. Gibbs: Now its what you said. Abby: (in sign language) Tony's weird. Gibbs: Oh, you're just figuring that out now? Tony: I didnt think you would. Hes considerably younger than you are. Gibbs: What would you consider considerably? Tony: Well the guy was young, Gibbs. Only 28. Makes him 37 now. Gibbs: Then considerably would not be an accurate description. Tony: I didnt realize Boss. How old are you? Gibbs: Doesnt matter how old I am. Tony: Well it does actually because it gives me a reference point for the word youre- Gibbs: Of course you believe him; it's a chick flick. Golfer Ben: This is a private club. How did you get in here? Kate: (exhibits badge and gun) I showed these at the gate. Abby: Please don't call me Abigail! Ducky: Well, then, don't yell 'Fore' when I have a niblick in my hand. Abby: A niblick? Sounds like a sex act. Gibbs: Do not 'sir' me. I work for a living. Abby: You went to see Ducky before you came to see me, eh? Gibbs: Some kinda priority here I don't know about? Abby: A girl likes to be thought of first. Tony: You got computers at Pearl? Owens: Yeah, but ours is on the beach so we can surf on breaks.

Owens: That fingerprint match was faked? Okay, you guys are crazy. Gibbs: Yeah. Ducky: You know post mortem details can be extremely revealing. Remember that case four years ago, where the young Marine was buried in an anthill up to his neck? Gibbs: Duck. It was eight years ago. (Points to a body in the morgue) How did he die? Ducky: No, it can't be eight years. No, I know it wasn't! Four years ago your third wife hit you over the head with a baseball bat. I distinctly remember the ant-eaten Marine on that table there when I stitched you up. Tony: I'd say the fastest way would be to take the Beltway to highway 235 south, take that to route 50, and then...punch it into the nav system when we get lost. Kate: I interviewed LT Schills's widow. They had a child, Alicia, nine years old and she's as pretty as her mom. Tony: I knew I should've taken that interview. Kate: She's remarried, Tony. Tony: Yeah? Kate: He does this just to screw with me - don't you? Episode 1.6 "High Seas" Tony: Five years with Gibbs? Amazed the guy didn't end up in a straitjacket. Gibbs: What was that? Tony: Uh, nothing, Boss, just praising your communication skills. Gibbs: Consciousness will make the interview go much smoother. Gibbs: Above his mattress, below his mattress, inside his mattress. If there's such a thing as a fourth mattress dimension, go over that, too. Tony: For a crew that doesn't do drugs, you guys sure do a lot of drugs. Gibbs: That the best you can do, Stan? After working under me five years? Burley: At least I don't taint evidence when I bag and tag. Gibbs: I tripped! One time! Burley: As I remember, it's because you had your eyes glued to some little... Gibbs: Do you mind if we get back to the tape now? Kate: And if someone wanted to beat it? Lieutenant: Ma'am? Kate: The system. Lieutenant: Oh. Tony: I have no idea what you said. Kate: Neither do I, but the intent was sincere.

Burley: Gosh, y'know, it's funny how it's all starting to come back to me now. Gibbs: What's that? Burley: Tightness in my chest, the upset stomach, all the pleasantries that come with working for you. Tony: Is this going to turn into one of those guy-girl things where you insist we stop and ask for directions? Abby: Smart money says that that is not a Tic-Tac. Gibbs: That pouch may be clear, but my gut is still in living color. Tony: I say it's time we turn out the lights and play in the dark. Burley: I have to say, it was like deja vu working with you again, Boss. Gibbs: Good deja vu or bad? Burley: Good. Both: And bad. Gibbs: You got a little glob on your shirt, Stan. Stan Burley: I was with the agency for two years before he (referring to Gibbs) looked me in the eyes... Tony: Really? Stan: ...three years before he called me by name, and four years before he got it right... by then I'd actually gotten used to Steve.He must really like you. Tony: Just accept the fact that you're going to get lost. Kate: Why do you assume I'm going to? Tony: Because everyone does. Carrier is a big and confusing place first time on board. Kate: Duly noted. Gibbs: Numbers are stencilled on the bulkheads. First one tells you the deck level they're called bull's-eyes. Kate: Deck level. Gibbs: Second one, the frame number. Third tells you the compartment's position in relation to the ship's centre line. The last letter tells you what the space is used for. Tony: Crossing from port to starboard or starboard to port isn't as simple as going straight across. Gibbs: Sometimes you gotta go up one deck and down another. Tony: Or down one deck and up another. Gibbs: Sometimes two. Tony: It's frustrating. Gibbs: Not to mention confusing. But you'll get the hang of it... Tony: ...After you get lost a few times.

Burley: Gibbs, it's Stan Burley. Put down whatever the h*** you're doing with that stupid boat and pick up! Kate: It's not the same thing, you know. Tony: What? Kate: Well, you and Gibbs, Burley and Gibbs. Tony: I don't know what you're talking about. Kate: It was a different dynamic, y'know? A different time. You can't compare the relationships. Tony: Who's comparing? Kate: All I'm saying is that...things on the surface are not always the same as when you put them in context with the way they actually developed, you know, under the surface, kinda. Tony: I have no idea what you said. Kate: Neither do I. But the intent was sincere. Episode 1.7 "Sub Rosa" Gibbs: "Cob, I dont have to tell you what the most important thing is now, do I ?" Cob: "Get the ice cream back in the freezer" Gibbs: Yup Gibbs: Go. Unhydrate. Kate: Never heard it called that. Tony: I've never experienced Gibbs without his morning coffee. We're in uncharted waters here, Kate. Gibbs: (To Tony in re: McGee) Better get Michael Jackson out of here before he ralphs. McGee: I've heard stories about Special Agent Gibbs. Tony: Only half of them are true. Trick is figuring out which half. Gibbs: Whale huggers? Guard: Yes, sir. Been bugging us for weeks. Gibbs: Why don't you just shoot 'em? Guard: I've been tempted. Tony: (sarcastically) Bet you were a lot of fun in college. Kate: I was a lot of fun in college. Kate: I don't see a submarine. (Sub breaks the surface of the water) Gibbs: You see it now? Abby: There's good news and bad news. Ducky: I hate it when you play this game, Abby. All right, let's get it over with.

Abby: His last meal was a Big Mac and fries. Ducky: Well, probably half the base had that for lunch. I was hoping you'd come up with something more exotic. Tandoori, perhaps. And the good news? Abby: I know what's in the special sauce. Tony: (regarding Abby) Not your type. McGee: How do you know? Tony: Have you ever had the slightest urge to tattoo your buttocks, McGee? McGee: I don't think so. Tony: Then we need never speak of her again. Kate: Do people react that way because we're NCIS, or do you just have that effect on them? Gibbs: I like to think it's me. (After an emergency blow has sent the sub rocketing to the surface) Kate: Wow! Gibbs: Yeah. That's what they all tell me. Abby: So, what's Agent McGee like? Tony: Like most newbies: quiet, green, gullible. Abby: Bi. Kate: (talking about McGee) I wonder what he said to make Tony speechless. Gibbs: He told him he got a tatt on his a**. Ducky: I have good news and bad news. Abby: I hate payback. Tony: Nice hat. Did they make you the boat mascot? Kate: That's your way of saying you missed me, isn't it? Tony: No. Gibbs: Drink. Kate: What's with all the water? Gibbs: Oh, you gotta hydrate on a sub marine. Kate: All you've had me doing is hydrating. Gibbs: Drink it. (she takes a drink) So how's your bladder? Kate: What? Gibbs: The COB's at the end of the passageway are trying to keep an eye on us.You gotta distract 'em. (Kate looks at him) You're gonna need help working the toliet. Kate: Gibbs.... Gibbs: Trust me, Kate, on a Sub Marine it's a very complicated mechanism. Kate: Is that why you've been shoving water down my throat for the past hour? Gibbs: I wan to check out Petty Officer Thompson. Kate: Well, you don't have to drown me.You could just ask. Gibbs: Hydrating good for ya'.Go, unhydrate.

Kate: Never heard it called that before. Gibbs: Go on. McGee: You'll wanna avoid Captain Veech... Gibbs: What? McGee: Um. Well. I met him once. Before. He can be very...difficult. Gibbs: And you don't think that I can be difficult? McGee: Ah. I'm sure you can, sir. Episode 1.8 "Minimum Security" Gibbs: See if you can brand the cologne. Abby: Why, you want some? Gibbs: Nope, don't use cologne. Women I date think the smell of sawdust is sexy. Probably why I don't date (pause) many women. Gibbs: You had better have a good reason for spilling my coffee. Gibbs: What's wrong with priority rides? Tony: Come on, Boss, you telling me you like sitting on canvas seats slung between cargo pallets? Gibbs: Yeah, makes me feel like I'm back in the Corps. On Gulf Stream Jet Gibbs: I miss canvas seats. Tony: Any preference on the remaining bedrooms? Kate: No. They're both equally crappy. Tony: Can I drink? Gibbs: Sure. Sarsaparilla. Tony: Who drinks sarsaparilla? Gibbs: Shane. Tony: Miss me? Paula: Like herpes. Gibbs: Why is Special Agent DiNozzo sorry? Paula: He blew his chance to get laid. Gibbs: Why is it that women always want to fix what doesn't need fixing? Kate: Makes us feel all warm inside. Gibbs: So does scotch, but it doesn't cost you a house. Tony: Why does the woman thing come up when a ship is sinking or there's only one bedroom with a bath?

Tony: You were the first woman I saw in my endorphin high. Kate: We work together, Tony. It's like a brother-sister thing. Tony: Never had a sister. Kate: It's probably a good thing. Tony: Just passed Sa'id's room, sis. Abby: Perfume is expensive, Gibbs. I can't just hang out at the Macy's tester tray with my lab kit. They frown on that sort of behavior. Gibbs: Buy what you need to, Abby, we'll deal with it later. Abby: Bold, Gibbs. Bold. Abby: Perfume is the most powerful accessory a woman can wear. Gibbs: Yeah, well, how much did all this power cost us? Abby: Around fifteen hundred. Gibbs: Fifteen hundred dollars? Abby: Well, not including the tax. I stuck to the thirty most popular scents hoping we'd get lucky. Gibbs: Ah, how fiscally responsible, Ab. Ducky: I don't see Chanel Number Five. Abby: Does anyone wear that anymore? Ducky: My mother does. Abby: Really. Ducky: Ever since Marilyn Monroe confessed that Chanel No. 5 was all she wore to bed. Abby: So... does your mother... Ducky: Unfortunately, yes. Makes for terribly awkward slumber parties. Gamal: Well, the psychiatrist examined him and is worried for his mental health. Gibbs: I'm not all that interested in the mental health of people who want to kill me. Episode 1.9 "Marine Down" Kate: Gibbs, Don't we have to wait for Ducky? Gibbs: Kate, it's a dead body, it ain't going anywhere. Tony: Lets just hope we don't find a mummy in there. Kate: Gibbs can be wrong sometimes. Tony: Name once? Kate: Tony, the man has been married like four times. Tony: There is that. Gibbs: There's what, DiNozzo? Tony: I am a man of action, Kate. Kate: More like an action figure. Tony: Why you want to play with me? Kate: As in, you look good, but you can't really do very much.

Tony: This is so not right. I mean, its not like we couldn't have done this in daylight. Kate: You afraid of ghosts, Tony? Tony, Gibbs, Kate on Military Plane: Tony: What are you looking for Kate? Kate: Um the ladies room? (Gibbs and Tony look at Kate.) Kate: Okay, the men's room. Gibbs: There is no men's room. Kate: Well then where am I supposed to go to the bathroom? (Gibbs takes out a white plastic bag and gives it to her. Kate looks disgusted, decides she can wait. Finally gives up and snatches the bag from Gibbs.) Kate: ****. Where? Gibbs: Well, if you want some privacy, you can go down behind those boxes. Kate: God, I miss Air Force One. Tony: And that lying sack of excrement is somehow involved. (Kate gives him a look) Tony: What, you'd rather I say lying sack of--(is cut off) Kate: You shot the hostage's ear off! Tony: He'll live! Kate: We screw this up, I have a suggestion. Tony: What? Kate: We break into Gibbs' basement, and we set his boat on fire. Tony: That's cold, Kate. Knew there was a reason I liked you. Tony: Is that a new perfume, Abby? Abby: I made it myself. You like it? Tony: Smells like gunpowder. Abby: Sweet, huh? Kate: What's your clearance? Tony: Confidential. Kate: Confidential? What'd you do, kill someone in high school? Tony: Hah! Funny, Kate. No, they screwed up my paperwork with another agent's. Gibbs: Apparently, DiNozzo died in a car crash last month. Very tragic. Tony: Gibbs'll get in. He's got clearance that'll let him see the dead aliens at Area 51. Kate: 'Cause he probably killed them. Gibbs: Hmm. Looks like someone is deliberately blocking us. Kate: Or a glitch; everything doesn't have to be a conspiracy against NCIS, guys. Gibbs: Saying we're paranoid, Kate? Kate: If the shoe fits... Gibbs: (referencing Kate's sketch of the fake colonel) I'm impressed.

Tony: Let me see that. (flips through the caricatures) What the...? Kate: That's personal! Tony: Yeah, it is! You really see me like that? Gibbs: I'm really impressed now. Kate: What does he expect to find from their LES's? Tony: Come on, Kate, that's like NCIS 101. Kate: You have no idea, do you? Tony: Not a clue. Abby: Well, lucky for you, you got a mixmaster in the hizzouse. Gibbs: What? Tony: It means 'house.' You need to get out more, Gibbs. Abby: Word. Gibbs: Kate? It was three times. Not four. Gerald: I'm sorry; I was listening to a football game. Ducky: You're wearing a CD player. Tony: He's really pissed off. Kate: What? How can you tell? Ducky: Do you people find me boring? Gibbs: No. Kate: Of course not. Tony: Absolutely not. (After running ground penetrating radar over the grave of any elderly woman and her dog, Fluffy) Kate: Ewwwww. Tony: That must have been one lonely old lady. Gibbs: One pissed off poodle. Gonzales: If I was rogue, you think I'd be sitting in this office sweating my ass off, Agent Todd? Kate: I don't know. Let me see your ass. Gonzales: Now I know why everyone in the CIA hates these guys. Canton: I can't believe you trusted me. Gibbs: You sound just like my ex-wife. Mrs. Peary: Oh, God, what happened to your ear? Maj. Peary: I'll live.

Tony: Your calling plan include the afterlife, Kate? Gerald: My grandfather owned a funeral home. We spent a lot of quality time bonding over the embalming table. Gibbs (referring to bad guy who has gotten away): Thats twice. Next time you are mine. Tony: The eyes need to be bigger. Kate: The eyes are fine, the nose needs to be bigger. Tony: Fine, I'll put out an APB for Pinocchio. Abby: You guys..... Gibbs: Welcome to my world, Abby. Abby: Thanks. Tony: They yanked my clearance. Now I gotta take a physical to get it back. Kate: Why's that? Tony: To prove that I'm still alive. Kate: Hmm. Well, I hate to break it to you, Tony, but Gibbs can be wrong sometimes. Tony: Name one. Kate: The man's been married, like, four times. Tony: There is that. Gibbs: There is what? Tony: Nothing, boss, just discussing the case. Kate: Or, ah, lack thereof. You still wanna look at those LESs? Gibbs: I dunno. You figure out how Kidwell died yet? Kate: I'll, um, I'll just get them in order for you. Gibbs: Kate. It was three times. Not four. Ducky: [performing an autopsy then Ducky jumps back in shock] Dear Lord! I believe I know how you died Major. And May the Lord have mercy on your soul! Gibbs: I wanna know why. Walsh: That makes two of us, Agent Gibbs. Do you think I like get Marines back in boxes? Gibbs: Why don't we start with Major Kidwell, and Peary. How they died. Walsh: That's need to know. Gibbs: Trust me. I need to know! (Tony tries unsuccessfully to pull up the records on a dead Marine) Abby: Here's your problem. Tony: What? Abby: You're security clearance isn't high enough. How did he die? Tony: That's kind of what Gibbs wants me to find out. Abby: Then it sucks to be you. Gibbs: If he dies, you die. You don't get past me.

Colonel: You're gonna have to figure that one out for yourself. Gibbs: What does that sound like to you Tony? Tony: One of the A's. CIA, NSA.... Gibbs: Morning! Sleep well? Kate: If by well, you mean violently throwing up all night and bouncing around like rag dolls... Tony: Then yeah, boss, we slept very well, thanks for asking. Gibbs: Ah, you get used to it. Kate: That's what I'm afraid of. Episode 1.10 "Left for Dead" Tony: Hey boss, since you're usually up all night, working on your boat, I was wondering ... Gibbs: No, you can't stay at my place, remember last time? Gibbs: Let's go, get to work. Ducky: I don't have a body. Gibbs: Well, go find one, Duck. Tony: Did you get contact lenses? Gibbs: No. Tony: Laser surgery? Gibbs: No, DiNozzo, put a sock in it. Tony: Fall asleep working on your boat again? Gibbs: Why do you say that, DiNozzo? Tony: Boss, I know the Farm Report when I hear it. You only have one T.V., and it's in your basement. Gibbs: She's bonded. Tony: Kate and Jane Doe? Gibbs: Oh, yeah. She hasn't even questioned her yet. (voice raises to feminine pitch with sarcastic lilt) Her eyes, they just pleaded for help. Tony: I love that look on a woman. Tony: Speaking of dates to work from, we've worked together for two years and, you know, I have no idea where you live. Ducky: Well, I'd just as well we kept it that way, Tony. Abby: I suppose you want me to tell you what chastity belt this opens? Gibbs: Do I look like DiNozzo? Tony: Not funny, Boss. Besides, I could open a chastity belt. Abby: Have you ever seen one? Mine's awesome. It's eighteenth-century French.

(machine in lab beeps) Abby: Gotta whup. Gibbs: What kind of whup, Abby? Tony: What's with you and Jane Doe? Kate: She'll be occupying my spare bedroom so I don't have to say no to you. Abby: Gotcha. Gibbs: I love to hear that word outta your dark lips, Abby. Tony: Wanna know what my vision is? Gibbs: No. Tony: 20/10. Same as Ted Williams. He could see the seam on a fastball coming at him. Gibbs: How about knuckles? Abby: Like when photocopiers first came out, and people were copying everything from C-notes to their butts. Tony: You sat your naked butt on a photocopier, didn't you, Abby? Abby: Yep. Tony: Gibbs, this is Detective Andy Kochifis. Cut me some slack on the Major Kerry investigation. Gibbs: Well, maybe he'll do it again. Kochifis: What, I do it one time, now I'm a *****? Gibbs: Courtesan, maybe. Ducky: Jethro, I don't answer forensic questions I don't know the answers to. Why do you keep asking me? Gibbs: (shrugs) Force of habit. Tony: What is it with Germans and the alphabet thing? You know, BMW, BMG, BASF, and they're all B's. Gibbs: I'm resisting the urge to say cut the BS. Bauer: I was there Friday. Tony: To kill Richter? Bauer: How could you ask such a question? Tony: It's my job. Gibbs: That son of a ***** is as guilty as hell. Tony: You remember when I stayed with you that time, when it didn't really go so well? Gibbs: Yeah, I remember, DiNozzo. Tony: Well, listen, I was younger then, immature, a little unfocused Gibbs: It was six months ago, Tony.

(The scene is Kate huddled in blanket, in shock, alone after the bombing) Tony: We gotta do something, Boss. Gibbs: Have you ever made a mistake, Tony? Tony: According to you or to me? Gibbs: You. Tony: Yeah. Gibbs: Could anyone make you feel better? Tony: (pause) No. Gibbs: My door's unlocked. Tony: I know. Detective: You're telling me the stooge from Hoover didn't save the man? Tony: Heck no, it was N-C-I-us. Detective: Not according to the TV reports. Tony: When do they get it right? Executive: Please tell me Suzanne is not dead. Tony: Suzanne is not dead. Executive: (stops typing) Gibbs: Woops. Tony: Big woops. Abby: Hey guys. What's you'd find? Tony: Kate willing to give her bedroom to Jane Doe. But not me. Abby: (sarcastic) Shocking. Kate: You as sure he buried her? Gibbs: Oh Yeah! Kate: Why'd he want her dead? Gibbs: I got a couple of ideas. Kate: Wanna share? (Gibbs hangs up) I guess not. Ducky: I don't have a body. Gibbs: Well go find one Ducky. Ducky: Here? Gibbs: Sure. How many times have we had multiple victims? Abby: Like when photocopiers first came out people were copying everything from Cnotes to their butts. Tony: You sat your naked butt on a photocopier didn't you Abby? Abby: Yup. Tony: She woke up taking a dirt nap in Rock Creek Park and did a Dracula. Detective: Oh. That's a new one. Gibbs: What'd ya got DiNozzo?

Tony: Mudos picked up a Jane Doe in Rock Creek Park. Claimed she dug herself out of a grave. No I.D. and guess what? Gibbs: She can't remember her name. Tony: Yeah, how'd you know that? Gibbs: Well, uh, she's alive and you're calling her Jane Doe. What was my first clue? Tony: Oh yeah, you're right. Gibbs: Well it's also obvious seeing that she has no ID so she was probably wearing her uniform. Tony: Ahaha! She wasn't. So why did the cops call NCIS? Tell me that. (Gibbs stays silent). She told 'em there was a bomb on the Navy ship.