Accepting death

They told us that death was on our way. And it would reach us very soon. I was alone in the rescue ship, deep within the blues of Atlantic. Alone not literally, of course, there were hundreds of the rescued but none that I knew. I had lost my brothers to the storm, my father was still fighting in the war and my mother- I dont even remember her face, she died when I was very young. The wild waves tossed the ship helplessly around. Occasionally, water would be thrown to where we were huddled, numbing our already cold bodies. I had started to grow tired of everything now, for lately heavy incidents had occurred in a very short span of time. Sometimes, I found it difficult to believe that all was real, it seemed as though I was stuck in a dreadful nightmare, desperately waiting for dawn to arrive. The atmosphere inside suffocated me-people were stuffed in unnervingly. A strange peace lingered around heavily blanketed by fear. Even the smiles that seldom flashed across the faces clearly showed the hopelessness brimming inside. Obviously, none of them were prepared to succumb to death when they had their dreams waiting to be completed. As for me, I had a different take on life. I had nothing to live for; all my loved ones were dead. The phrase life is beautiful did not exist for me. So even if they were told that death was near I was ready to accept it with open arms. No grudges. The ship was rocking vigorously now and I had to hold on for support. I was on the side of the deck and the trying to enjoy the splashes that had grown frequent. Somewhere nearby a girl, maybe five or six, asked Mum why is the ship rocking? Her mother glanced towards her, a pained one, paused a considerable while before she answered, its just the weather, sweetie, it will be fine. But the little kid did not look satisfied. Almost instantly she put forth another query, is there a monster down there? Will it eat us up? the girl was scared and did understand the fact that things were not going right. I would even rate her partially correct. If the storm was the weapon then death did underlie that. And no doubt, it was going to gobble us all up. Her mother lovingly put her hand on the girls cheek and said, No dear, it is just the weather, it wont last long. Lies. Blunt lies. I did not understand the difference the truth would have made, had the lady told it. I think she did not want to scare the daughter before hand- she just wanted everything to happen for her in a wink. Mothers love as they call it. I had not experienced a hint of it. Ahoy! Sailors, the captain called out. All of us turned our attention towards him. The waves roared very loudly and the ship was fighting hard to remain afloat. The captain had to use all his might to address us. Despite the gloom, his tone had been very cheerful, I think it is time we have said our prayers, asking Christ for forgiveness of our sins. Everyone dutifully closed their eyes and joined their hands to pray. I reluctantly did so, just for the sake of doing it. The chanting of Our Father began. I did not join in. I did not believe the Holy Spirit to exist. Because if He had, he would have come to our rescue. On the other hand, everyone had to die one day. Maybe He did exist. Maybe this was the destiny He had decided for us. Even though He seemed right, I did not want to pray to Him. When everyone was half the way between The Apostles Creed, a huge wave crashed the deck. Losing its balance, the ship tilted to the right. I was standing on the left and knew that our doom had finally come. I peacefully slumped down to where I was standing and closed my eyes. Water rushed in from all directions,

icy cold. I was shivering but was happy. Happy is just an understatement. I was ecstatic, to get the rest I longed for ages, at last. I hummed my favorite tune as the welcome song for my deliverance. The water had now reached my throat, but I sat motionless, making no movement to swim, although I could have swum myself to safety. The reason was I knew the safety was just momentary, after which I had to run for every damn thing I wanted-and I had grown sick of the chase life had given me. I tried to shut out all the shrieks and cries of the people who were drowning. I did not open my eyes trying to avoid the sight of blood, it would have discouraged my will to pass away. This was the last thing I would ever experience; I wanted it to be the best. I did not struggle even when water had filled my ears, nose and mouth; when all I could smell was the sea. It was getting difficult to breathe but I did not splutter or cough. I let the Atlantic aqua fill my lungs till it burst sans any resistance. God knows how long I stayed underwater. I just waited patiently, satisfied. As I said before, no grudges.