THE TEST DATE

Written by /u/SodoffBaldrick

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY An average middle-class apartment in an upstate town. A fireplace crackles, to the side... a TV plays the news. CARL (29) and MARA (29) sit on the couch. NEWS REPORTER (O.S.) Robert Chapman of New Mexico has recently caught the attention of his neighbors, family, and admirers of the strange in his recent discovery. The TV flips to a slide of ROBERT (49) an oddball type of guy, stands in front of the camera demonstrating his corn fields. NEWS REPORTER (CONTD) He claims that his crops have been eaten by extra-terrestrial beings and left him with a sign. A helicopter shot of a crop-cirlce depicting a strange deity... AH-TZUL A dog-scorpion hybrid clearly of indigenous origin. A JOURNALIST talks to ROBERT. JOURNALIST (O.C.) So you say that you do not know how your crops got that way? ROBERT No way, man. Its crazy, these aliens want to say something. JOURNALIST Experts have looked at pictures of your crop Mr. Chapman. They say it looks Mayan, like the god Ah-Tzul. ROBERT I dont know about that! Back to the living room, Carl turns over to Mara.

2. CARL (laughs) That guys a real whack-oh, huh? MARA I think its cool, it makes you wonder if were alone or not. CARL (eye roll) You honestly believe this garbage? They only report this stuff cause they know people like youll eat it up. Mara nudges Carl, then rubs his head. MARA What do you mean by that? CARL Im saying youd have to be pretty dense to actually believe it. My uncle used to mow the lawn like that all the time! MARA Rude, much? CARL Whatever, Im sorry MARA -- Asshole. She turns away from him, frustrated. Carl looks back at her, frowns. CARL Oh dont give me that, Mara! MARA (tearing up) Do you like... not respect me? What? CARL

MARA Do you think Im stupid? Do you hate me? I thought you loved me? Tears swell up, goes into crying.

3. Carl taps her on the shoulder. CARL What? No! No! Stops crying. Excitement. Really? Yeah. MARA CARL

MARA You love me? CARL (mumbling) Mm, hmm. MARA You actually love me? CARL (voice crack) DeFInitely. Mara squeals. Hugs him. MARA This is amazing, I love you too! She backs off a little. MARA (CONTD) I have something to tell you? W-what? CARL

MARA Im pregnant. Carl flares his nostrils, winks a few times. Huh? CARL

MARA (excited) Yeah, look at all these tests. Mara pulls out five pregnancy tests from her pocket.

4. They are ALL positive. MARA (CONTD) The results all say yes! Carl sniffs a little. CARL Oh god -- the Carl looks at the TV. Robert is still being interviewed. ROBERT Dont you get it, man? Its a dog and a lobster! Thats unnatural, its a sign, everybodys gonna make babies, anyone who couldnt is gonna be able to now. Its amazing! JOURNALIST So you think its a sign of fertility? ROBERT Yeah, thats it! Carl shakes his head. CARL No... no... it cant be! NOOOOO!!! Carl jumps up, hands against his head, runs outside to the fire escape, screaming. CARL (O.C.) (CONTD) HELP ME! I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE! Mara looks on in astonishment. She grabs the phone and begins dialing. NEWS REPORTER (O.S.) Experts do not think it is a fertility symbol. Rather, they believe that the strange coupling of a dog and a scorpion, not a lobster, can be viewed as a symbol of chaos. The phone answers. Hello? WOMAN (O.S.)

5. MARA Hi -- Shelly? WOMAN Oh hi, Mara! MARA Im good, how are you? WOMAN I just felt a kick! MARA Wondeful -- listen though WOMAN -- did he say yes? MARA About that. (bear) Do you want your tests back? FADE TO BLACK.