Goodbye, Mr Speaker

May 23, 2009

The Speaker of the House of Commons, Michael Martin.

Who is Mr Speaker? Mr Speaker is the chairman of our House of Commons, in Parliament. He is called the Speaker
of the House of Commons because, several hundred years ago, it was his job to speak to the King, to tell the King
what Parliament wanted, and to bring the King’s reply back to Parliament. Generally, the King’s reply was “no”, so
the Speaker did not have an easy job. In the 15th century, several Speakers made the King so angry that he had
them arrested and executed. Politics was fun in those days.

Since then, life for the Speaker has been more peaceful. Yes, there was a Speaker at the end of the 17th century who
was sacked because he had accepted a bribe from businessmen in the city of London. But generally, the Speaker’s
life has few problems. He, or she, chairs debates in the House of Commons, and makes sure that the House of
Commons obeys its rules. The only real disadvantage is having to wear old-fashioned black clothes with gold
embroidery, and having to listen to so many boring debates.

But things have changed. To understand what has happened to Mr Speaker, you need to know that Members of
Parliament (MPs) in Britain receive a salary, and are also able to get other money, or “allowances”, to pay for
things like an office, a secretary, travel and the cost of having a second home in London, if they do not live in
London already. MPs make a list of their expenses – we say that they make a claim – in order get this extra money.
They give their claim to the finance office in Parliament. If the finance office is happy with the claim, the MP gets
the money he or she has claimed.

Until very recently, information about MPs allowances was a state secret. But now, the newspapers have found
information about the allowances, and published it. It is clear that some MPs have behaved dishonestly. One MP
claimed money to pay interest on a loan to buy a flat in London – which was fine, except that he had already repaid
the loan and there were no interest payments. Other MPs claimed for the cost of repairing houses, which they then
sold at a profit. One MP, who lives in a castle, claimed for the cost of cleaning the moat – that is, the water around
the castle. Another MP, who has a country estate, keeps ducks on the lake on his estate. But foxes kept killing the
ducks, so he claimed for the cost of building a little island for his ducks in the middle of the lake, so that the foxes
could not catch them

All this has made people very angry. There are demands for big changes in the way that Parliament is run – for
changes in our election system, changes in the way MPs do their jobs and the way they are paid.

And Mr Speaker? Well, the present speaker – Neil Martin is his real name – has opposed changes and many MPs
think that he is not the right person to lead the House of Commons. So they have forced him to resign. He has
become the first speaker for over 300 years to be forced out of office. Next month, Members of Parliament will
elect a new Speaker to wear silly clothes and listen to their boring debates

.I will be on holiday next week, so there will be no podcast. I am going to be a captain of a ship, and will sail far
away to new and interesting places. I shall tell you about it when I get back.
The Poet Laureate
May 8, 2009

Carol Ann Duffy

Britain has a new Poet Laureate. Already, I hear you asking, “What is he talking about? We know what a poet is – it
is someone who writes poetry. But what is this ‘laureate’ thing?”

You may know that the ancient Greeks used to place a crown made of laurel leaves on the head of someone as a
very special honour. Laurel is a type of bush, with sweet-smelling leaves. Normally nowdays we call it ‘bay’, and
we use bay leaves as a flavouring in cooking. So, that is the literal meaning of ‘laureate’ – ‘crowned with laurel
leaves, as a sign of special honour’.

Since about the 17th century, English kings and queens have appointed a poet as their own, special, private poet.
The king paid the poet a small salary, and the poet wrote poems for special royal occasions, like births or marriages
in the royal family. The poet appointed by the king became known as the poet laureate. Over the years, some very
famous English poets have been appointed as poets laureate – William Wordsworth, for example, and Alfred Lord
Tennyson. The latest poet laureate has recently retired, and the Queen, advised by the Prime Minister, has just
appointed a new one. Neither our Queen nor our Prime Minister know very much about poetry. But they have made
a very good and popular choice for the new poet laureate.

Her name is Carol Ann Duffy and she is the first woman to hold the position of poet laureate. Her poetry is simple
and direct, and easy to understand. Perhaps for that reason, pupils in many English schools study her poems.
Recently, indeed, there was controversy about one of her poems – it is a poem about the feelings of an angry young
man who wants to kill and destroy things. The first few lines are:

Today I am going to kill something. Anything. I have had enough of being ignored and today I am going to play
God.

Some people argued that reading the poem would make some young people pick up a knife and go and kill
someone. One of the organisations which runs school exams in England even asked schools to destroy copies of the
poem. This is ridiculous, of course. People kill because they are very angry inside, not because they have read a
poem. Also, as Carol Ann Duffy herself pointed out, Shakespeare’s plays are full of angry young men who murder
other people. Should we ban Shakespeare’s plays in schools?

Here is one of Carol Ann Duffy’s poems. It is a love poem – but a rather unusual one. She is going to give her love
a present – a present that represents love. And what is the present? An onion! Listen.
Without hesitation, repetition or deviation
Apr 29, 2009

Clement Freud. Artwork by mediamolecule/flickr

Two weeks ago, a man called Clement Freud died. He was 84 years old. He was a remarkable man, and very well-
known and liked in Britain. He made us laugh, and I thought I would make a short podcast about him.

Clement was born in Berlin in Germany. His father was an architect and his grandfather was the famous
psychologist Sigmund Freud. His elder brother is the famous artist Lucian Freud. Clement’s family were Jewish,
and they left Germany in 1933 when Hitler came to power, and moved to London. Clement went to school in
London, even though at first he spoke hardly any English. When he left school, he became an apprentice cook in
the kitchens of one of London’s grandest hotels.

That was the start of Clement’s first career. How many careers do most people have? Many people – perhaps most
people – do the same sort of work for the whole of their working lives. They are a teacher, or a farmer, or an
engineer, or a driver, or a civil servant. Clement Freud had five different careers.

First, he worked in restaurants. He learnt about good food and good cooking. He opened his own night club.

Second, he became a writer. He wrote books for children. He wrote books about food. (We British, as you know, do
not understand how to cook properly, but we love books and TV programmes about food.) For many years, he
wrote articles for newspapers, about food, sport and life in general. he was particularly keen on horse racing.

Third, Clement Freud went into advertising. He advertised dog food, in a series of TV ads in the 1960s and 1970s.
The advertisements became classics, and most people who were alive and watched TV at that time remember them.
There is a link to one on the website, and a transcript. His co-star was a dog called Henry. Clement and Henry
looked very alike – they both had long faces and a mournful expression.
Clement Freud and Henry in one of their TV ads. Clement is the one on the right.

Fourth, Clement Freud became a politician. He surprised everyone except himself by winning a seat in Parliament
for the Liberal Party. He remained an MP for 14 years.

And fifth, he became a very well-known radio personality. For over 40 years, he appeared regularly on a BBC radio
game called Just a Minute.

The rules of Just a Minute are simple. The contestants are each given a subject and immediately they have to talk
about it, for a minute. Easy, you may say. Anyone could do that. However, they have to talk without hesitation,
repetition or deviation. “No hesitation” means that you are not allowed to stop and say “um – er” when you cannot
think what to say next. “No repetition” means that you are not allowed to use the same word twice. And “no
deviation” means that you must stick to the subject, you are not allowed to talk about something else. If you
hesitate, or repeat, or deviate, one of the other contestants will challenge you, and if the chairman agrees with the
challenge, the other contestant takes up the subject and tries to talk – without hesitation, repetition or deviation – for
the rest of the minute.

It really is very difficult to speak without hesitation, repetition or deviation for a whole minute. Try it some time!
You could even try it in English!
Help - the hens are on the point of taking over the world.
Apr 23, 2009

The flower is on the point of opening. Photo by Dezz/flickr

I am sorry it has been so long since my last podcast. Thank you to all of you who sent me e-mails to ask what had
happened and when would my next podcast be. No. I am not ill. No, I am not dead. No, I am not bored with
podcasting. No, I have not run away with a beautiful blonde model 40 years younger than me. I have simply been
busy.In the last podcast, I told you about my hens. I am watching them as I write this. They are running round the
garden, eating grass and anything else they can find. Soon there will be no garden left. However, the hens are
happy, and they lay an egg each every day; and the fox has stayed away.

Last time, I told you that the hens were “point of lay” hens. I want to explain properly what “point of lay” means.
Perhaps you know the English expression “to be on the point of doing something”. For example, if I am “on the
point of” going to bed, it means that I will go to bed very soon. I have locked the front door. I have put the dirty
dishes in the dishwasher, I have cleaned my teeth. The next thing I do will be to go to bed. I am “on the point of”
going to bed.

Or, look at the picture on the website. It is a picture of a flower. The flower is still closed and there is snow on the
ground. But you can see that very soon the flower will open. It is on the point of opening. It is on the point of
flowering.

Recently, some builders came to do some work on our house. Before they came, a scaffolding company came and
erected scaffolding so that the builders could reach the roof. After the builders had finished work, I waited for the
scaffolding company to come and take the scaffolding away. I waited for days, then weeks and they did not come.
Then I found their telephone number, and picked up the telephone. Just then the doorbell rang. It was the men from
the scaffolding company. I said to them, “I was on the point of telephoning you to ask you to take the scaffolding
away.”

The English language is never simple. We always have more than one way that we can say something. Here are two
other ways of saying “I was on the point of” doing something. We can say “I was about to do something”. I was
about to telephone my mother. I was about to get into the car.

Or we can say, “I was just going to do something”. I was just going to visit my friend. I was just going to buy a
train ticket.

Here are a couple more examples:

I have written a shopping list. I have found my money and a shopping bag. I am about to go to the shops.

My car is making strange noises. Perhaps it is on the point of breaking down!

You are sitting in an aeroplane. The cabin crew have shut the doors and told everyone to fasten their seatbelts. The
plane is about to leave. It is on the point of departure. It is just going to take off.So, now you understand why our
hens were “point of lay” hens. They were on the point of laying their first eggs.

Now they are on the point of completely destroying my garden. Soon they will take over the world!
The fox and the hens
Mar 24, 2009

Our hens – two Black Stars and a Bluebelle.

I like hens. When I was a child, my grandmother kept hens. When we visited her, we could help her feed the hens.
We thought she had hundreds of hens, but actually I think she had 40 or 50. They lived in hen houses in her garden,
and during the day they ran around in hen runs. Every week, a man with a lorry stopped at her house to collect the
eggs for sale.

A “hen” is, of course, a female bird. A male bird is called a cock, or a cockerel. His job is to look beautiful and
make lots of noise. Just like a man, in fact. Very often, people say “chickens” when they mean hens, though strictly
a chicken is a baby bird. Hen meat which you buy in a supermarket is always called “chicken”. It sounds so much
better than “hen meat”!

My grandmother, however, did not call her hens “hens”. She talked about her “fowl“. Fowl is an old word meaning
birds which are kept or hunted for their meat or their eggs. Another word which you may hear is “poultry“. Poultry
just means birds kept for their meat or their eggs. A poultry farm is a farm where they keep large numbers of birds,
sometimes in big sheds, or sometimes in tiny cages called “battery cages”.

My wife and I have our very own poultry farm, only a few kilometers from the centre of Birmingham. Last
summer, we bought three hens, a hen house and a little hen run. The hens grew big and fat, they wandered round
our garden and they laid big, brown eggs. The hens were happy. We were happy.

Then disaster struck. A fox killed one of our hens, and then another one. We gave the last hen to some friends who
also keep hens, because she was lonely by herself.

Last weekend, we went to a poultry breeder to buy three new hens. There is a photo of them on the website, and – I
hope – on your iPod screens. Like my grandmother, the poultry breeder does not call them “hens”. She describes
them as “pullets”, which means a hen which has not started to lay eggs yet. In fact, they are what the breeder calls
“point-of-lay” pullets – that is, birds of about 16 weeks which will shortly start laying.

What are our new hens or pullets like? They are all hybrid hens, that is they are a mixture of different types or
breeds of hen. Many hen-keepers like hybrid hens because they are strong and lay lots of eggs. two of our hens are
of a hybrid type called Black Star. The third hen is a Bluebelle. She is very aristocratic. Like human aristocrats, she
is big, beautiful and slightly stupid. Yesterday, we found our first egg. Well done, hens!

We shall have to keep our hens in their hen run for most of the time, and not let them wander in the garden,
otherwise the fox will get them too. There are foxes in most British cities. Indeed there may be more town foxes
today than country foxes. There is an old English sport called fox hunting. Special dogs called fox-hounds find a
fox, and chase it across the fields and through the woods, until they catch and kill it. The hounds are followed by
people riding horses. There has been a lot of controversy in recent years about fox-hunting. Some people say that it
is cruel to let fox-hounds chase and kill foxes. Other people say that it is important to reduce the number of foxes.
There have been some changes in the law about fox hunting in the last few years, which restrict the sport but do not
prohibit it.

At one time, I thought that fox hunting was very cruel. Now I am a hen keeper again, I think that it should be legal
to hunt foxes with tanks and machine guns if you want to.
What does your ring tone say about you?
Mar 13, 2009

Leave me a message! Photo by couleurs gm/flickr

Do you know the word “impact”? “Impact” means the action of hitting something with a lot of force. So, if two cars
hit each other, we can talk about the “impact” of the collision. But generally we use “impact” in a figurative way –
we use it to mean “a big effect”. For example, if someone loses their job, this will probably have a big impact on
their lives and on their families. Or we might say that cars have a big impact on the environment.

What piece of modern technology, do you think, has had the biggest impact on the way we live? Perhaps modern
medical technology – like drugs to treat cancer. Or computers – I wrote this podcast on a computer. Now I am
recording it on a computer, and soon I will put the recording onto another computer, so that you can download it to
your computer! Or maybe modern means of transport, like aircraft and cars – maybe they have had the biggest
impact on the way we live.

I think, however, that the piece of modern technology which has had the biggest impact is something which most of
us carry with us almost everywhere. You probably have one in your bag or your pocket. I am of course talking
about mobile phones.

I remember the first mobile phone that I ever saw. It was about 25 years ago. The phone was the size of a brick. You
needed to be quite strong to carry it. I asked the owner if I could make a call on it, and he agreed. It felt strange to
be standing in a field in the country, talking to someone on a telephone.

Today, over half the population of the world either own or use a mobile phone. At the end of last year, there were
over 4.1 billion mobile phones in use in the world. In most countries in Europe, in fact, there are more mobile
phones than people.

You might think that mobile phones would have the biggest impact in those countries where most people have one.
However, I do not think this is true. In Africa, for example, mobile phones have made a huge difference to people’s
lives, because so much of Africa does not have a network of fixed telephone lines. In Gambia, for example, there
are only 50,000 fixed telephone lines. But there are 800,000 mobile phone users – so, roughly, 16 times as many
Gambians can use a mobile phone as can use a conventional telephone. A few years ago, in many parts of Africa, it
was very difficult to send money from one person to another, because most people did not live near a bank, or did
not have a bank account. Today, many Africans are able to send money to their families, or to pay for things, by
mobile phone.

The mobile phone has given us more freedom. We can contact other people, when we need to, wherever we are. But
it has also given us less freedom. The boss can talk to you at any time, wherever you are and whatever you are
doing. A few years ago, people travelling by train sat quietly and read a book or a newspaper. Now they talk on
their mobile phones. They tell everyone, “I’m on the train.” They discuss private affairs in loud voices. When they
get off the train, they plug an earphone into their ear and carry on talking. Once, if you saw someone talking to
themselves in the street, you assumed that they were slightly mad. Now you know that they are using their mobile.

Because of mobile phones, teenagers live different lives from when I was their age. At one time, parents would
sometimes allow their teenage children to call their friends on the ordinary telephone. “Only a short call,” they
would say. “Telephone calls are very expensive.” Now, teenagers send text messages to each other from their
mobile phones, all the time. They have developed new ways of using their hands. They use their thumbs to press
things like the keys on a mobile phone, while older people use their fingers. Is this how evolution happens? They
have developed a new sort of texting language. As you know, the spelling of words in standard English is
sometimes very strange. If you are texting in English, however, you can ignore normal spelling completely. You
spell words exactly as you pronounce them. You use all sorts of strange abbreviations as well. In twenty years time,
texting may have changed the English language completely! The quiz this week is about texting, to see if you can
guess what some texts mean.

My mobile phone is about 8 years old. Several museums want to buy it from me. I hardly ever switch it on, and it
refuses to send texts any more. I do not care, because I love its ring tone. It is a short piece of music by Franz
Schubert. It tells the world that I am a sophisticated and cultured person.

Other people too have ring tones that tell the world what sort of person they are. Sometimes the ring tone says, “I
am a witty and intelligent person”. Sometimes it says, “I am ignorant and uncivilised.” What does your ring tone
say about you?
Missing
Mar 5, 2009

Missing tooth! Photo by starfire/flickr

Today we are going to “miss” things!

“Miss” is a word which we can use in several different ways. Here are some of them.

Kevin is at a football match. United, the team which he supports, is losing 1-0, and there is only five minutes before
the final whistle. Then United’s star striker gets the ball. He runs down the field, past one, two, three of the players
from the other team. Now he is only 10 meters from the goal. He kicks. Does he score a goal? No, he misses. The
ball goes over the cross-bar. Kevin groans and buries his head in his hands. United have scored only three goals
since Christmas.

You can miss other things too. You can miss your English class – that means, you do not go to your English class.
Perhaps you are ill. Perhaps you forgot to do your homework. You can miss a meal. If you wake up late, perhaps
you rush out of the house without eating anything. You miss your breakfast. And, of course, you can miss a bus or a
train, if you arrive too late at the station.

Here is another way of using the word “miss”. Imagine you have come to England for three months to learn
English. There are probably lots of things about England that you like. But there are probably some things as well
that make you sad or anxious. Perhaps you miss your friends – you would like to be able to meet them and chat to
them. Perhaps you miss the food of your country – English food is awful! And perhaps you miss hearing people
speaking your own language.

Now lets look at the word “missing”. If something is missing, it is not where it should be. It is gone.

Joanne’s niece Sarah is seven years old. Her milk teeth (that is, her baby teeth) have started to fall out and her adult
teeth have started to grow. At the moment, she has a big hole where her front teeth should be. She has two front
teeth missing.

Joanne is shopping in the supermarket. At the till, she gets out her purse to pay. She looks in her purse. “That is
strange,” she says to herself. “I am sure that I had a £10 note. The £10 is missing. Did I loose it? Did someone steal
it?” Then she remembers. She spent the £10 note yesterday.

It is not just money or teeth which can be missing. People can be missing, too. Every year in Britain, the police deal
with over 200,000 cases of missing people, or missing persons.
What sort of people go missing? Many of them are children or young people. Perhaps they had an argument with
their parents, and ran away from home without saying where they were going. Perhaps they were frightened, or
badly treated.

Adults can be missing too. If you are an adult, you can leave home if you want to. You can run away from your
family and your job without saying where you are going. It may not be a responsible thing to do, but it is not illegal.
Some adults gradually lose touch with their friends or family – they never write or telephone, and after a time the
family does not know where they are. Some missing adults are people with drugs problems or mental health
problems.

Happily, most missing persons are not missing for ever. Angry young teenagers calm down and return home. Adults
get in touch with their families again, or send a message to say that they are safe and well. There are charities that
help to find missing people, and which help people who have left their homes and families. There are only a very
few missing persons cases which end with the police finding a body on a railway line or in an abandoned house.

So now you know all about the words “miss” and “missing”. Listen to the podcast again, to make sure that you did
not miss anything! Then do the quiz on the website, which is all about missing words.
Lauren's eyes
Feb 25, 2009

Eye make-up – but why do women do it? photo by bluewinx15.

Britain has a new celebrity. Her name is Lauren Luke, and she is …how shall I describe her? Not a film star,
exactly. No, she is a video star, a YouTube video star in fact.

Lauren is 27. She lives with her mother, her 10 year old son, her sister, two nieces and five dogs in a little house in
South Shields, in the north-east of England. Lauren used to work in a taxi office. She answered the telephone, and
sent the taxis to people who wanted them. It was not work that she enjoyed. She found it very boring.

Lauren had always been interested in make-up. In fact, people told her that she was good with make-up – she
understood what sort of make-up would look good on a particular face; or what sort of make-up to wear for
different occasions. She decided to give up her job at the taxi company. Instead, she started to sell make-up on
eBay, the internet auction site.

Now, men like me find make-up a complete mystery. Why do women want to paint their faces? Do they think that it
makes them more attractive to men? Or do they do it to impress other women? I don’t know. I am only a man.

Lauren found a cheap video camera. She put it beside the mirror on her dressing-table, and she started to make short
films of her putting on her eye make-up. She put the videos on YouTube, and people started to watch them. At first
there were only a few downloads, then hundreds, then thousands, then tens of thousands of people watched her
videos. She is now probably the most-viewed make-up artist in the world.

Who watches her videos? I guess that many of them are teenage girls, who want to know how to look like Britney
Spears or Kate Winslet. Perhaps they are women who want to know how to put on liquid eye-liner without getting it
all over their face. Or maybe they are men, who want to know why women paint the skin round their eyes. Lauren
probably knows why women paint the skin round their eyes, but she does not tell us in her videos, she just shows
how to do it.

And now Lauren has a weekly column in a national newspaper, and an American cosmetics company will soon start
selling a range of Lauren Luke cosmetics. Lauren has come a long way from the taxi office. She is now famous.
She is a celebrity.

There is a link on the website to Lauren’s YouTube videos. Lauren speaks with a north-east of England accent, what
we call a Geordie accent, but I think you will be able to understand quite a lot of what she says. In the background
in the videos, you may hear the sound of snoring. That is one of Lauren’s dogs, fast asleep.

Now, as I have told you before, Listen to English has an ambition to become a celebrity. If I am a celebrity, I might
be invited to be on Strictly Come Dancing where I could dance with Cherie Lunghi and other beautiful ladies.
Maybe I should get a video camera, and make videos of me cleaning my teeth in the mornings. I could put the
videos on You Tube, and dentists everywhere in the world would see them. They would tell their patients to watch
the videos, and before long I would be as famous as Lauren, and I would have my own brand of toothpaste. What
do you think?
Golliwog
Feb 14, 2009

A golliwog . Photo by frozenmeat/flickr

Today’s podcast is about a child’s toy, and a TV journalist.

The child’s toy is a golliwog. A golliwog is a soft toy, a sort of doll. There is a picture of a golliwog on the website,
and – I hope – on your iPod screens. The Golly in the picture is wearing black and white striped trousers and a red
coat. He has a bow-tie and a white shirt. And his skin is black, and he has curly black hair. Golliwog is intended to
look like black minstrel singers and musicians in America in the late 19th century.

Golliwog first appeared in a children’s book in 1895. The book, which was called “The Adventures of two Dutch
Dolls and Golliwogg”, was very successful, and lots more books about Golliwog followed.

Naturally, toy manufacturers noticed the popularity of the Golliwogg books, and they started to make golliwog
dolls. And the dolls were popular with children too. In the first half of the 20th century, many British children had a
golliwog. Sometimes they loved their golliwog and took him everywhere they went. And sometimes they threw
their golliwog into the corner or under the bed and forgot about him.

Robertson’s, a company which makes jam, used the golliwog as their trademark (what we would call a logo today, I
think). For many years, children collected little golliwog stickers from the labels on jars of Robertson’s jam.

Then things started to change. Immigrants arrived in Britain, especially from former British colonies. Gradually,
Britain became a racially diverse country. And people started to wonder, is it OK for children to have golliwog
dolls? Surely a golliwog is an out-of-date stereotype of black people. Golliwogs in short are racist.

Now, it was of course adults who worried about whether golliwogs were OK. I doubt if most children thought of
their golliwog as representing real black people. Nonetheless, golliwogs gradually became less popular. Children
wanted Action Men, and Barbie Dolls, and computer games, not an old-fashioned golliwog doll. Eventually, even
Robertson’s stopped putting the golliwog on the labels of their jam jars.

Now we turn to our TV journalist. Her name is Carol Thatcher. Where have you heard the name “Thatcher” before?
Yes, Carol is the daughter of the former British Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher. Carol has done various
reporting jobs for the BBC. After a TV show about 10 days ago, Carol was talking to a group of BBC colleagues.
They were discussing an international tennis player – a black international tennis player. Carol referred to him as a
“golliwog”. Some of the people who heard her were shocked. They told the producer of the TV programme. She in
turn told the BBC’s senior management. A few days later, Carol Thatcher was sacked.

There has been a storm of controversy in the newspapers and on radio and television. Some people said that it was
an unacceptable racist insult to refer to a black person as a “golliwog”. Other people said that when Carol called the
tennis player a “golliwog”, it was only a bit of fun. They argued that Carol was having a private conversation, and
that the BBC were wrong to sack her.

Personally, I think it is very insulting to call a black person a “golliwog”, but I know that lots of people think
differently. English people do not all agree about what is acceptable language in a multiracial society. You are
learning English, and I guess that sometimes you too find it difficult to know which words are acceptable, and
which are not.Poor Golly. He never meant to cause so much trouble!
We love snow!
Feb 4, 2009

Fisher Street, London, in the snow. Photo by Danny McL/flickr

When English people meet each other, they generally start their conversation by talking about the weather. “It’s nice
weather we are having”, they say. Or, “It’s a bit cold for the time of year.” This week we have had a big national
conversation all about the weather. It has snowed.

If you live in Scandinavia, or Germany, or Russia or Canada, you are perhaps saying, “It is winter. It snows in
winter. Why are the crazy English obsessed with the snow? What is the problem?”

The problem is that, in recent years we have had very little snow. Our winters have been wet and windy, but in most
places they have not been cold and snowy. This week has been different. We have had the heaviest fall of snow for
18 years. The snow has come on east winds all the way from Russia. It has been particularly heavy in London and
the south-east of England.

We do not know how to cope with snow in England. In other countries, normal life continues even in the snow. On
Monday this week, however, London came to a complete standstill. There were no buses. There were hardly any
trains. The airports were closed. People could not go to work. Children could not go to school. It was like an extra
public holiday. The TV news had interviews with tourists who were visiting London. They were puzzled. They said
that they had come to London to do some shopping, but all the shops were shut.

Later on Monday, the snow came here to Birmingham, and then moved further north over the rest of the country.
We woke up on Tuesday to see the sun shining on a world which was sparkling white. Then came the really
wonderful news – all the schools in Birmingham would be closed for the day.

But today, Wednesday, the national conversation about the snow has turned into a national argument about the
snow. Why does normal life come to a standstill in England whenever we have even a little bit of snow? Surely we
could do more to keep the roads open and the trains and buses running. What must the rest of the world think about
this country, when they read or see on TV that everything in London has stopped because of some snow? And why
were so many schools closed? Surely most children and most teachers could have got to school, even if they had to
walk.

Some older people remember – or think they remember – winters in the 1950s and 1960s when there was lots of
snow. They have become national experts on snow, and they have been on TV telling us how they used to go to
school through snowdrifts 2 meters deep, and things like that.

While the adults have been arguing, the children have been enjoying themselves. Until this week, most British
children had never seen real snow, lots of snow, snow to make snowmen and snowballs. Tuesday was a wonderful
day – cold and sunny – and because so many schools were closed, the children could go out into the gardens and
the parks to play in the snow, and sledge down the hills. This is much more useful than a day in school, in my
opinion. The children will remember this winter for the rest of their lives.

And the weather forecast is – more snow. Good.

Massive reductions - up to 50% off!
Jan 29, 2009

It has been more than two weeks since my last podcast. I have two excuses. The first is that I have had another bout
of flu – not badly, but enough to make it difficult to do anything like writing or recording a podcast. My second
excuse is much more exciting. I have just finished a project on which I have been working for several months. The
computer programme, or software, which runs the Listen to English website is called LoudBlog. I have been
rewriting LoudBlog, to add some new features. I have called the new programme PodHawk. If you are really
interested, you can read all about PodHawk at www.podhawk.com.

Every day for the past couple of weeks, I have looked through the newspaper for a nice, light-hearted story that I
could use in a podcast. But there have been no nice, light-hearted stories, only serious, depressing stories about the
recession and unemployment. But yesterday I found some inspiration. I was in a traffic jam, behind a bus. It was a
number 37 bus, going from Birmingham to Solihull, but that is not important. On the back of the bus was the slogan
“Up to every 5 minutes Monday to Saturday”.

Now, “up to every 5 minutes Monday to Saturday” is not very good grammar. And if you look up each word in a
dictionary, it still won’t make any sense. “Up to” indicates a maximum. If you see road sign which says that you
can park for “up to an hour”, it means that you may park your car for an hour, but not for longer. I know however
what the bus company is trying to say. It wants to tell us that, on Mondays to Saturdays, there are buses every 5
minutes at some times of the day. At other times of the day, the buses run less often – maybe every 10 minutes or
every 15 minutes. But the bus company wants to tell us only the good news – sometimes there is a bus every 5
minutes. So – “Up to every 5 minutes Monday to Saturday”.

In recent years, the phrase “up to” has become very common when people want to tell you only the good news and
not the not-so-good news. For example, at this time of year, many of the shops in Britain have sales. They reduce
their prices to try to persuade us to buy all the rubbish we refused to buy before Christmas. This year, there have
been lots of sales, because of the recession. You will see signs in shop windows which say something like “Massive
reductions – up to 50% off”. This means, “We have cut some of our prices. Some of the price cuts are big – 50% –
but most of them are much smaller – maybe 10% – and some prices we have not cut at all.” It does sound so much
better to say “Up to 50% off”, doesn’t it?

“Up to” is also a a favourite phrase in advertisements when they only want to tell us the good news. A car
advertisement might say, for example, that the car has “up to 25% more space” or has “up to 30% better mileage“.
An advert for a household cleaner might say that it has “up to 45% more cleaning power”. What is “cleaning
power”? How can I measure it? “Up to 45% more cleaning power” really, really does not mean anything.

We have an expression in English, to “take something with a pinch of salt.” It means, to be a bit sceptical, a bit
doubtful, not to accept something “at its face value”. So, for example, Kevin tells Joanne about the truly amazing,
truly wonderful things which his football team did at the match last Saturday. Joanne knows that Kevin often
exaggerates, and that she does not need to believe every detail of what he says. She takes Kevin’s story “with a
pinch of salt”.

So, when you see “up to 50% off” or “up to 45% more cleaning power” or even “a bus up to every 5 minutes”, you
know that they are only telling you the good news, and that you should take what they say with a pinch of salt.
How to keep track of the kids
Jan 13, 2009

Kiri:D/flickr has called this beautiful photograph “I lose track of time…”

Do you know the English expression “to keep track of” something? If you “keep track of “ something, you always
have a good, up-to-date knowledge of it. Here are some examples to help you understand the way we use the
expression.

Molly is an air-traffic controller. She works at a busy airport, and her job is to guide planes into the airport safely.
She needs to keep track of all the planes which arrive at the airport.

Kevin likes to keep track of his money. He always writes down what he spends, so he knows how much money is
left in his bank account.

Joanne has a job where she needs to visit lots of other companies, and to meet people at her office. She has a special
programme on her computer to help her keep track of her appointments.

And John uses Facebook to keep track of what his friends are doing. Perhaps you use Facebook to keep track of
your friends too.

The opposite of “keep track of” is “lose track of”. Sometimes, if I am reading a good book, I lose track of time.
That is, I forget what time it is. Suddenly I realise that it is much later than I thought.

Kevin has three older brothers and an older sister. They are all married and have children. Kevin is “Uncle Kevin”
to the children. But poor Kevin always loses track of the children’s birthdays. He cannot remember whether little
Harry has a birthday in March or in June, and whether little Deborah is 3 or 4 years old.

At Kevin’s work, there have been a lot of changes. The boss has re-organised all the Departments and has moved a
lot of people to new jobs. Kevin cannot keep track of all the changes. He cannot remember who is now doing which
job.

I have a reason for telling you about “keep track of”. There was an article in the newspaper yesterday about the
Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas in the United States. This is the show where firms display their latest
clever gadgets which they hope to persuade the public to buy. A British company is displaying a gadget which looks
like an ordinary wristwatch. Inside the watch is a chip which uses the Global Positioning System to keep track of
where the watch is. The idea is that parents will buy these watches for their children; they can then receive text
messages on their mobile phones which tell them where their child is. Is he at school? Has he gone to see his
friend? And so on. But won’t children simply take the watch off if they do not want their parents to know where
they are? Well, if the child removes the watch, this will immediately send a message to the parents.
The new device sounds like a way of making children prisoners. However, the company which makes it says that it
hopes that it will give children more freedom, not less. Parents may be happy to let their children go out to visit
friends, or to play in the park, if they always know where the children are.

I can however think of one problem. I wear a watch so that I always know what time it is. Most older people are
like me, and have a watch. Children and teenagers, however, do not wear watches. If they want to know the time,
they look at their mobile phones. They will not want to wear the new watch. They will know that its real purpose is
to enable parents to keep track of the children, not to enable the children to keep track of the time.

What do you think? If you are a young person, would you agree to wear this new watch? If you are a parent, would
you think that the watch is a good way to keep track of where your children are and what they are doing?
Crackers
Jan 5, 2009

Christmas crackers. Photo by Miss Shari/flickr.

A Happy New Year, everyone. Many thanks to all of you who sent e-mails to wish me a speedy recovery from the
flu. I am now much better – thank you.

Today’s podcast is a delayed Christmas podcast. I would have made it before Christmas, but I was unwell so I could
not do so. I hope you will like it nonetheless. In the podcast, we meet the words “crack” and “crackers”, and we
learn what you should do at a Christmas dinner in England.

Let’s start with the word “crack”. Imagine that you drop a plate – a china plate – on the floor. It does not break into
lots of pieces, but when you pick it up you see that the plate now has a line running across it. You know that soon
the plate will break completely along this line. The line is a “crack”. You have “cracked” the plate. The plate is
“cracked”. Here are some other things which you can crack. A piece of wood can crack if you hit it hard. Ice on a
river or a pond can crack if you walk on it. A window can crack if you throw a stone at it. And an egg can crack if
you tap it with a knife or a spoon.

We also use the word “crack” to describe the sound of something cracking – a sudden, short sound – “crack” – like
that.

And a “cracker”? What is that? It is something which makes a cracking sound. In America, they call a savoury
biscuit – the sort you eat with cheese, for example – a “cracker“. A “firecracker“ is a firework, especially a firework
which makes a cracking sound. “Crackers” is also a rather old-fashioned slang word meaning “mad” or “crazy”.
And in England, we have Christmas crackers.

Imagine that your English friend has invited you to join his family for dinner on Christmas Day. When you sit down
at the dinner table, you will probably find a strange object made out of coloured paper and cardboard on the plate in
front of you. If you pick up the strange object and shake it, you will hear something rattling inside. The strange
object is a Christmas cracker. There is a picture of some Christmas crackers on the website, and (I hope) on your
iPod screen as well, so you can see what they look like.

What do you do with the Christmas cracker? Perhaps you remember what I just said about biscuits in America.
Perhaps you should eat the cracker? No. Do not try to eat a Christmas cracker. Perhaps a Christmas cracker is like a
firecracker. Perhaps you should find a match and set fire to the Christmas cracker? Wrong. Do not set fire to the
Christmas cracker. Well, perhaps the best thing is just to put the Christmas cracker in your pocket so that you can
look at it more closely later, when you are alone. No. No. No. You hold of one end of the cracker and give the other
end to the person sitting next to you. Together you pull the cracker. The cracker will break open with a “crack”
sound – that is why it is called a cracker! And the things inside the cracker will fall out.

First, you will find a silly little hat made of paper. Etiquette requires that you put this silly paper hat on your head
and wear it throughout the meal. Do not feel embarrassed. Everyone else will wear silly paper hats as well. Second,
you will find a toy, or a puzzle. You are allowed to play with the toy or puzzle during the meal. Indeed, if you are
lucky you may find a whistle inside the cracker; you can blow the whistle as often and as loudly as you like. Third,
you will find a little piece of paper. On the paper is a joke. It will be a bad joke. For example, this is the joke from
my Christmas Day cracker:
“Why did the skeleton not go to the party?”

“Because it had nobody to go with.”

“No body” – “nobody” – do you understand? Never mind, I said it was a bad joke. You should read the joke from
your cracker out loud to all the other people at the table. Everyone will laugh. You should laugh loudly when other
people read their jokes as well, even if you do not understand the joke, and even if you do not think that it is funny.

You may be thinking, perhaps all this stuff about Christmas crackers and paper hats and things is an ancient
Christmas tradition, going back hundreds and hundreds of years. Wrong again. Christmas crackers have nothing –
absolutely nothing – to do with the birth of Jesus, which is what we are celebrating at Christmas. The first
Christmas crackers were made in the middle of the 19th century by a man called Tom Smith. Today, you can buy
boxes of Christmas crackers in the supermarket in the few weeks before Christmas. Or you can make your own
crackers, if you wish.

So now you know that the English really are mad. Crackers, in fact. Happy New Year!
I am ill
Dec 17, 2008

My teddy bear has flu as well!

I am ill. I have flu. I have been sent to bed with a hot water bottle and my teddy bear until I am better. So I have not
had time this week to make a proper podcast. I hope to have time in a few days.

But maybe this is a good opportunity to give you some information which I hope you will find useful. Some of you
have sent me e-mails asking me whether there is a podcast similar to mine, but in American instead of British
English. I have recently looked at the Voice of America website. Voice of America is a radio station which is largely
funded by the American Government. I remember Voice of America in the old days, when it used to broadcast anti-
Communist propaganda to listeners in Eastern Europe. But times have changed, and Voice of America is more
balanced today. Among other things, there is a Learning English section on the VoA website, and it includes
podcasts. Like the Listen to English podcasts, you can listen to the podcast and read the text at the same time. If you
are interested in American English, try listening to some of these podcasts.

There is a link from the VoA website to Ted Lamphair’s blog. Ted has had a long career as a radio reporter and he
writes about the many places in America, and in the rest of the world, which he has visited. At the end of each blog
post, he explains some of the more difficult or unusual words which he has used. His blog posts are quite long, but
they are written in good American English, and you will find them both interesting and useful reading practice.

Recently, I received an e-mail from Mike Marzio. He tells me that he runs a language school in the south of France.
He has also built a large collection of short video clips of people speaking English, in the streets in America and in
many other English speaking countries. The video clips are on his website. Many of the videos are linked to
quizzes, so that you can test how well you understood what the people in the video were saying.

Finally, the English Cafe website has an article on how to use Google to improve your English. If you cannot
remember whether you should say “I arrived to London” or “I arrived in London”, just try Googling “I arrived to
London” and “I arrived in London”. Go on. Try it. Which one is correct?

That’s all for today. I must go and look after my teddy bear. He seems to have flu as well.
Christmas Shopping
Dec 8, 2008

Christmas shopping crowds in Oxford Street, London, photographed by Claire Rowland/flickr

In today’s podcast, we have a serious discussion of the state of the world economy, and we go Christmas shopping
with Kevin and Joanne.

As I am sure you know, there are some big problems in the world’s economy at present. There is a recession (that is,
a reduction in output) in many countries, including Britain. The problem is that banks in America, and in Britain
and some other countries, lent money to people who could not afford to repay. So many banks are in big trouble,
and have stopped lending to anyone. So people have less money to spend, and many have lost their jobs. And the
big shops are cutting their prices because they are worried that people are not buying. And governments have had to
intervene, to do things, some of which are useful and some of which are not useful. That is Listen to English’s
summary of the world’s economic problems. You can use it in your economics homework if you wish.

December is the biggest shopping month of the year in Britain, as it is in many countries. People want to buy
Christmas presents for their friends and family, and nice things for themselves as well. As a result, the shops are full
of people. But perhaps this year is different. Because of the recession, maybe the big stores and the out-of-town
shopping centres are deserted. Perhaps this year, for once, it will be possible to go Christmas shopping in peace.
Wrong. Things are as bad as ever.

Kevin and Joanne went Christmas shopping last Saturday afternoon. They needed to buy a present for Kevin’s aunt
Joan, who is 73 years old. “A cardigan,” said Kevin. “Old ladies always like a new cardigan.” So they agreed, they
would buy Aunt Joan a new cardigan.

“Good,” said Kevin. “I am glad that we have decided what to buy her. So is it alright if you buy the cardigan and I
go with George to the football match”.

“No it is not alright”, said Joanne. “She is your aunt and you can come and help choose her present.”

They took the bus into the centre of town. There were crowds of people everywhere – people going to and fro;
people going in and out of shops; people getting on and off buses; people getting into and out of taxis. Every now
and then, there was a gap in the crowds, and Kevin and Joanne made their way carefully down the street to Marks
and Spencer. Marks and Spencer is, as I am sure you know, a well-known British store which sells mainly clothes,
including cardigans of the sort which 73 year old aunts like to get for Christmas.

In Marks and Spencer, Kevin and Joanne looked around for the ladies’ cardigans. They went round and round the
store, and up and down the escalator, looking unsuccessfully for cardigans. Then Kevin saw them, in a corner. It
took several minutes for Kevin and Joanne to fight their way through the crowds to reach the cardigans. It took
about 10 more minutes to find a cardigan of the right size and colour. And it took about 15 more minutes before
Kevin and Joanne reached the front of the queue at the tills to pay for the cardigan. Kevin and Joanne were
exhausted. When English people are exhausted, and even when they are not exhausted, they need a cup of tea.

Kevin and Joanne looked for a cafe. They were all full. Several had a queue of people waiting outside. Then Joanne
remembered that there was a cafe at the art gallery. The art gallery was empty. Perhaps people are not interested in
culture at Christmas. Kevin, who had never actually been there before, looked around with interest. “That painting
is upside down,” he said in a loud voice as they went through the modern art section. “And that one is sideways.”
“Kevin, “ said Joanne. “The people in the art gallery know which way to hang their paintings and you don’t. Now
shut up and stop making an idiot of yourself.”

There were only a few people in the cafe at the back of the gallery. Kevin and Joanne drank tea, and ate a slice of
cake each. They talked about how difficult it was to do shopping when there were so many people. “You know,”
said Kevin. “It is better at a football match. There aren’t as many people, and they are not so aggressive.”

“Drink your tea,” said Joanne. “We need to find a present for my mother next.”
Christmas Shopping - Vocabulary Note
Dec 8, 2008

Look at these expressions and check in a dictionary that you know what they mean. Then try the quiz.

• to and fro
• in and out
• on and off
• now and then
• round and round
• up and down
• backwards and forwards
• from side to side
• upside down
• inside out
• back to front
• there and back

Podcast

# | Posted in notes

Learning languages - why can't the English do it?

Dec 1, 2008

They speak many different languages in this restaurant in Lugano, Switzerland, where they have very big brains
indeed! Photo by Eric Andresen/flickr

I read an interesting story in the newspaper last week. It said that researchers at University College London had
measured the brains of people who are bilingual (that is, people who speak two languages well) and also the brains
of people who spoke only one language. They found that the part of the brain which processes information is better
developed in people who are bilingual than in people who are mono-lingual. This effect is particularly strong in
people who learnt a second language as a young child of less than five years old. So, quite simply, learning a second
language makes your brain work better, and if you learn another language when you are very young, your brain will
be very wonderful indeed!

If you are listening to this podcast, you are – I guess – learning a language which is not your own. So you must all
have brains which work very well. The report in the newspaper is good news for you. Congratulations.

But it is bad news for us English, because we are really bad at learning foreign languages. Only the Americans are
as bad as we are. So, British brains and American brains are perhaps not as good as the brains of people in a country
like Switzerland where it is normal for people to speak two or even three languages to a high standard. In Britain,
only about one adult in ten can communicate at all in a language other than English. In fact, “one in ten” may be too
optimistic. A few years ago, a survey by a recruitment agency found that only 5% of British people could count to
20 in another language. What? How difficult is it to learn to count to 20 in German, or French, or Italian? British
people who go to live in Spain or France are notorious for failing to learn Spanish or French, even after they have
lived in the country for many years.

You probably know already that English children move from primary school to secondary school at the age of
eleven. At secondary school, they start learning a foreign language, normally French. A year or two later, some
children will start a second foreign language. At one time, the second foreign language was normally German, but
this is not the case today. German language teaching has declined sharply in Britain. Spanish has taken its place. I
do not know why Spanish has become so much more popular than German. Perhaps it is because so many English
people go to Spain for their holidays.

In addition, in big cities where there is a large immigrant population, it is common for secondary schools to offer
courses in south Asian languages like Punjabi or Urdu. But of course, most of the children who take these courses
speak the language at home already. The courses give them a better knowledge and understanding of their own
language, which is a good and important thing to do, but it does not teach them a new language.

Students at an English language college in Canada. Photo by Adrian Bailon/flickr.

When they are 14, children in England have to choose which subjects they will study for their General Certificate of
Secondary Education (GCSE) exams, which they take when they are 16. The government decided a few years ago
that it would no longer be compulsory for children to include a foreign language in the subjects they chose. The
result has been that the number of children who study a language after the age of 14 has fallen dramatically. The
number of children taking the GCSE French exam, for example, has fallen by 50% since 2001.

We see the same pattern when we look at British universities. The total number of students at university in Britain
has risen, but the number of students taking degree courses in foreign languages has fallen. There have been
particularly big declines in the numbers studying French and German.

This is not a good situation. Everyone – politicians, school teachers, academics – agree about this. If young people
do not study a foreign language, probably they will not understand much about other countries or other cultures.
Most British teenagers, however, do not think that learning a foreign language is interesting or important. They
think that they will never need to speak a foreign language, and that all foreigners speak English anyway. Foreign
languages have a low status with young people. Our government thinks that part of the answer is to start language
learning at a younger age. It wants primary schools to start teaching a foreign language. However, at the same time,
it has cut funding for adult education classes in foreign languages.

The problem is complicated and deep-seated. How do you think that we can interest more young people in England
in learning languages?
The Great Train Robbery
Nov 24, 2008

This was the engine which pulled the train in the Great Train Robbery. The picture is signed by Bruce Reynolds,
who planned and led the robbery.

I think you know the English word “famous”. If someone is famous, it means that everyone has heard of them, that
they are well-known. So, Beethoven was a famous composer, and the Eifel Tower is a famous landmark in Paris.
But, suppose that someone is well-known for bad things and not for good things. Can we still say that they are
“famous”? There are two words which we can use to describe someone or something which is famous for bad
things – “infamous” and “notorious”. So, we would probably not say that Hitler for example was “famous”, we
would say that he was “notorious”.

This is a long way of introducing today’s podcast, which is about the most famous – or perhaps the most notorious
– crime in Britain in the last 100 years. It happened 45 years ago, in August 1963. In those days our Post Office
used to send mail from one part of the country to another in special mail trains called Travelling Post Offices.
During the journey, the Post Office staff sorted the mail so that it was ready to be delivered the next morning. Some
of the mail was valuable. For example, the banks used the mail trains to send banknotes around the country.

In the summer of 1963, a group of criminals planned an attack on one of the Travelling Post Offices. They
interfered with the railway signals in order to stop the train. Then they uncoupled the railway carriage which
contained the banknotes, and used the railway engine to take it to a place where the railway crossed a bridge over a
road. They threw 120 packages of banknotes over the bridge to other gang members, who loaded them into Land
Rovers. The gang escaped with over £2.5 million pounds in used banknotes. This is equivalent to over £40 million
today. It was at the time the biggest ever robbery in Britain.

A few days later, the police found the gang’s hideout, in an isolated farmhouse. And in the weeks after that, the
police found and arrested 13 of the 15 gang members. They were tried, and sentenced to long periods in prison.
However, most of the stolen money has never been found.

The story did not end there. Two of the gang members escaped from prison. Charlie Wilson fled to Canada. He was
eventually brought back to England and to prison. Ronnie Biggs fled first to France, then to Australia, and then to
Brazil. The British police found where he was, but they could not persuade the Brazilian courts to send him back to
England. So Ronnie Biggs lived in Brazil for more than 30 years. He had a home and a family and friends there.
But in 2001, when he was 71 years old, he returned to England. He said that he wanted to “walk into a pub as an
Englishman and buy a pint of bitter“. In other words, he was home-sick. I do not know if he was ever able to buy
his pint of bitter in a pub, because he was arrested and sent back to prison, where he still is.

The story of the Great Train Robbery has fascinated the British public over the years. Our newspapers reported
every detail of the robbery, the capture of the gang, their trial, the escapes from prison and Ronnie Biggs’ return to
England. Only a few weeks ago there were reports that Biggs, who is now old and ill, would shortly be released
from prison. Why are we so interested in the Great Train Robbery? Some people sympathise with the robbers. They
think that the Great Train Robbery was a clever, daring plan, and that the robbers were unlucky to be caught.
Ronnie Biggs is the most famous (or the most notorious) of the train robbers, and many people therefore think that
he was the mastermind behind the plan.

The truth is more complicated, however. The robbery was not particularly clever. Ronnie Biggs was not the leader –
in fact he played only a small part. The gang was too large – 15 people in all – which increased the chances that one
of them would do something stupid. They had planned to drive the train themselves to the bridge where they
unloaded the banknotes. But after they had stopped the train, they realised that they did not know how to drive the
engine, so they made the real train driver drive it for them. And they left their fingerprints all over the train, and the
farmhouse where they went after the robbery.

So, was the Great Train Robbery Britain’s most famous crime? Or the most notorious crime? What do you think?
Can you tell the difference?
Nov 17, 2008

An avatar – young, tall and handsome, just like me! Image by Brian Gray/flickr.

Today we visit Second Life, and we learn the English expression “to tell the difference”.

My daughter likes chocolate cake. Last week I made a chocolate cake. I also bought a chocolate cake at the
supermarket. I gave my daughter a little piece of each one. “Can you tell the difference?” I asked her. I meant, if
you taste both bits of cake, can you say which one is mine and which one is the supermarket’s? So she tasted, and
she said that she could tell the difference. The supermarket cake was much better. Oh dear!

There was a story in the newspapers last week about two people who cannot tell the difference – the difference
between real life and a fantasy world. Their names are David and Amy. They first met each other in an internet
chatroom. Then they met in real life, and got married.

After they got married, they started spending a lot of time on Second Life. I am sure that you know about Second
Life. It is an internet programme which contains a virtual world – not the real world of your job and your family,
but an imaginary world. You can go and live in this virtual world. You make an avatar, which is a sort of virtual
you. You decide what your avatar will look like, what it will wear and what it will be called. You learn how to move
your avatar to different places in Second Life, and how to make things, and how to meet other avatars and talk to
them.

There was a picture of the real David and Amy in the newspapers. The real David and Amy seem to eat a lot of
chips and doughnuts. But, like a lot of other people, David and Amy chose avatars which are young, tall and
handsome. They explored Second Life with their avatars. David’s avatar became a night-club owner who travels in
a helicopter gunship. Amy’s avatar became a disc jockey. In real life, neither David nor Amy had a job. Perhaps
they spent too much time on Second Life to be able to work.

Then the trouble started. David’s avatar started meeting other women on Second Life. The real Amy was not
pleased, but she gave David a second chance. Then David’s avatar met a young, tall, handsome lady avatar called
Modesty McDonnell. They started to spend a lot of time together. The real Amy was furious. Now the real Amy and
the real David are getting divorced. And now the real David is engaged to the real woman whose avatar is Modesty
McDonnell. The newly-engaged couple have never actually met in the real world. This is because David lives in
England while the real Modesty McDonnell lives in Arizona in America. But perhaps this does not matter. Perhaps
the only important thing is that the two avatars love each other.

So, there is a real world where real people live, eat, have children and die. And there are imaginary worlds like
Second Life. Sensible people can tell the difference between them. David and Amy, it seems, cannot tell the
difference.

I once spent an afternoon in Second Life. I chose an avatar – young, tall and handsome, just like the real me, of
course. Then I had to teach my avatar how to walk and to drive a car. He was useless. He kept walking into walls
and into the sea. When he drove a car, he hit people and other cars. So I never went back to Second Life.

But perhaps I should try Second Life again. Because last night something really terrible happened. The British
television viewers – who cannot tell the difference between a beautiful woman and a baby elephant – voted the
incomparably lovely Ms Cherie Lunghi off Strictly Come Dancing. My dreams are in ruins. So – Cherie – if you
are listening, get an avatar on Second Life and meet me there, and we will dance together the whole night long.

Can you tell the difference? - exercise

Nov 17, 2008

Here is a list of words. Some of them relate to “the real world” and some of them to “a fantasy world”, like Second
Life. Can you tell the difference? Put the words into two columns, headed “real world” and “fantasy world”.

real, imaginary, invented, fact, friends, children, avatars, fairies, physical, reality, fantasy, made-up, wizards, trolls,
true, make-believe, actual, colleagues, everyday, normal, virtual, dream, fiction, friends, neighbours, concrete,
pretend, untrue

Can you tell the difference? - answers

Nov 17, 2008
Real World Fantasy World
real unreal
actual fantasy
physical imaginary
fact fiction
true pretend
concrete virtual
neighbours avatars
children fairies
friends trolls
colleagues wizards
normal make-believe
made-up
untrue
everyday dream
reality invented

Cans and Bottles

Nov 10, 2008

A discarded drinks can. Photo by Joanna Young/flickr

There was a story in the newspapers recently about a couple called John and Ann Till. They live near a town called
Petersfield in south-east England, and earlier this year they got married. They wanted to go on a honeymoon to the
United States after the wedding. The difficulty they had was that it was going to cost too much. They could not
afford it. The cost of their air fares, of hotels and travel and car-hire while they were in America – all of these things
were too expensive. What could they do?

Then they saw that their local supermarket had started a scheme to encourage people to recycle cans and bottles.
For every four cans or bottles that you returned to the recycling centre at the supermarket, the supermarket would
give you 1 reward point. What is a reward point? Well, some supermarkets, garages and other shops give their
customers reward points every time they buy things at the shop concerned. You can collect these reward points, and
when you have enough, you can exchange them for, for example, a weekend break in a country hotel, or a new MP3
player. I have been collecting reward points from my local supermarket for years. Soon I will have enough to get an
electric toaster!

So, John and Ann decided to collect cans and bottles, and take them to the recycling centre. For three months, they
went out every evening, looking for cans and bottles. At first they thought that they might not be able to find
enough. But they were amazed by the amount of rubbish that people throw away – in the streets, in their gardens (or
other people’s gardens), in the parks and in the countryside. John Till told the newspapers, “There was enough
rubbish out there to fly us to the moon and back.” John and Ann spent hours putting cans and bottles into the
machines at the recycling centre. Eventually, they found enough cans and bottles, and collected enough rewards
points, to pay for their air fare to America, where I am sure they had a wonderful honeymoon, and went to lots of
interesting places.

John and Ann Till collect cans and bottles to pay for their honeymoon in America.

Are you thinking to yourself, that’s a nice heart-warming story about two people who wanted to do what they could
to help the environment? I am afraid that I do not feel that way, for three reasons. First, as I told you in an earlier
podcast, we in England are really bad at recycling. We are better than a few years ago, but many countries in
Europe recycle a lot more domestic waste than we do. On the other hand, we are very good at throwing things away
and generally making a mess. We throw away newspapers in the street and on the buses; we throw away food
packaging and beer cans in the parks, and plastic bags and bottles in the countryside. John and Ann were able to
collect all those cans and bottles only because other people had so carelessly thrown them away.

Second, the idea that it is good to pay people to recycle things is still very new in Britain. In other countries in
Europe, it is normal to return cans or bottles to the supermarket and to get money in return. In Germany and
Scandinavia, they have done this for years. But in Britain, we are only starting to experiment with them. John and
Ann were lucky. Their local supermarket was one of only a handful of places where they pay you to recycle things.

And finally, what did John and Ann do with the rewards points which they got for all those cans and bottles? They
bought air tickets to America. Unfortunately, air travel generates large amounts of carbon dioxide, the main gas
responsible for climate change. Trying to be green is not easy!

I want to dance
Nov 3, 2008

The incomparably lovely Ms Cherie Lunghi and her partner on Strictly Come Dancing. Vote for her!

I am sorry that there was no podcast last week. It was half-term week, the week in the middle of the school term
when the children have a holiday. We went to Dorset, on the south coast of England, to visit my mother-in -law, so
there was no time to make a podcast.

Today, I want to tell you about a TV programme which is very popular in England at present, and to introduce you
to the word “celebrity”. I shall also reveal to you a secret ambition that I have!

The TV programme is called Strictly Come Dancing. It is, as you can guess, about dancing. But not any old sort of
dancing. Strictly Come Dancing is about ballroom dancing. That means dances like the waltz, the quickstep and the
tango – the old-fashioned sort of dancing, in other words, where men and women dance as couples, and the women
wear long dresses and the men wear dinner jackets. If you still don’t understand what I mean, have a look at the
Strictly Come Dancing website, where you will find lots of photos and videos.

Strictly Come Dancing is a competition. Every Saturday evening, the couples perform their dances, and a group of
judges give them points out of 10. Then the viewers are able to vote by telephone for the couple they think is best.
The judges’ points, and the viewers’ votes are then combined, and on Sunday evening we hear the result. The two
couples with the lowest score have to dance again, and the judges decide which of them can stay and which of them
has to leave the programme. It is all very exciting. My teenage daughter, and her grandmother, watch every week,
along with about half the rest of the population of England.

All the people whom the BBC invites as contestants in Strictly Come Dancing are “celebrities”. “Celebrities”
means people like pop singers, actors, sportsmen or women, and TV presenters. They are people you may have seen
on television, in a soap opera perhaps or on a sports programme. A lot of popular culture nowdays is about
“celebrities”. There are, for instance, magazines which contain nothing except news about celebrities – who is
dating whom, who is getting married, who is getting divorced, what clothes they wear and which night-clubs they
go to. Perhaps it is the same in your country. Clearly, celebrities leave magic lives – they are not ordinary people
like you or me.

In the present series of Strictly Come Dancing, for example, there are three sports stars, two pop singers, several
stars from soap operas, a TV chef and couple of models. There is also my favourite, the incomparably lovely actress
Cherie Lunghi (vote for Cherie, everyone!), and a well-known television journalist called John Sergeant. John
Sergeant dances like a baby elephant. The judges give him low scores, but the viewers love him, so he has stayed
on the programme.

Why is Strictly Come Dancing so popular? There are several reasons, I think. It is glamorous – people love lavish
costumes and beautiful music. It is about people whom we think we know. We have seen them on TV. Their faces
are familiar. They have never seen us or spoken to us, of course, but we think we know them, and know what they
are like. Also, Strictly Come Dancing is a competition – there are winners and losers, and we as viewers are able to
vote. And finally, we all secretly think that we could dance like that too – all it needs is a bit of training and a bit of
practice.
My secret ambition is to be on Strictly Come Dancing. I think I would be very good. I would dance elegantly with a
beautiful lady partner and the judges would all say how wonderful I am. The viewers would think so too, and they
would all vote for me. The trouble is, you need to be a celebrity to get on to Strictly Come Dancing and I am not a
celebrity. How can I become a celebrity? I have looked at the job advertisements in the newspaper. There are lots of
jobs for plumbers and HGV drivers, but none for celebrities, not even for “junior celebrities” or “trainee
celebrities”. Maybe, just maybe, the BBC would let me on the programme as a celebrity podcaster. Perhaps if you
all sent e-mails to the BBC ... Oh, never mind. It is just a dream!

Mind the Gap!

Oct 21, 2008

Mind the gap, on the London Underground. Photo by Marcia Cabral de Moura/flickr

In today’s podcast, I am going to talk about the English word “mind”, and about some expressions which contain
the word “mind”.

Your “mind” means the things which happen inside your head, or inside your brain – your thinking, in other words.
We can say, for example, that someone has “a good mind” – that means, they think clearly and logically. Or we can
say that someone has a mathematical mind – they are naturally good at maths. Or we can say about someone “she
has a mind of her own” – that means, she thinks for herself, she does not just accept what other people say.

We also use “mind” as a verb. To mind something means to be aware of something, to be careful about something,
to “have it in your mind”. If you have visited London, I am sure you have travelled on the Underground and seen
the signs or heard the loudspeaker announcements which tell you to “mind the gap”. There is often a gap between
the railway carriage and the station platform. If you “mind the gap”, you think about the gap and take care when
you get on or off the train. If you don’t mind the gap, you may trip or fall and hurt yourself.

You can mind other things as well – children, for example, or animals. Joanne has a friend called Susan. Susan
looks after small children in her own home while their parents are at work. She plays with the children, she feeds
them, and she takes them for a walk to the park and to the shops. She is what we call a “childminder”.

If we say “mind out” to someone, we mean “be careful”. When Susan takes her group of little children for a walk,
they need to cross the road. She holds the children by the hand and says to them, “Mind out, in case a car is
coming”.

Kevin, you may remember, is into 1980s punk rock. One of his favourite bands is playing at a gig on Saturday. He
asks Joanne if she would like to go to hear them. “No way“, says Joanne, who thinks that listening to 1980s punk
rock is a form of torture. “Do you mind if I go with George?” asks Kevin. He means, does it cause you any
problems if I go to the gig with George? And Joanne says, “No, of course I don’t mind”.

And then there is the expression, “to make up your mind”. This means, simply, to decide to do something. If I make
up my mind to sell my old car, it means that I have decided to sell my car. Joanne’s friend Susan, the childminder, is
always dithering. She cannot decide what to do. Should she wear a red jumper or a blue jumper. Should she read a
book or watch television. Should she take a bus or walk. She cannot decide. Joanne sometimes says to her, “For
goodness sake, make up your mind!” That means, “Stop wasting time – just decide what to do and do it!”

And finally, let’s meet the expression “to change your mind”. If I decide to do something, but then I decide to do
something else instead, I “change my mind”. Kevin has saved up some money and has made up his mind to buy an
iPod. It is exactly what he needs to listen to his collection of 1980s punk rock music on the train. But on his way to
the iPod shop, he passes a shoe shop. In the window there is a pair of green suede shoes. They are, thinks Kevin, the
finest, the most beautiful green suede shoes in the whole world. Suddenly, he is in love with the shoes. He decides
to buy the shoes and not the iPod. He “changes his mind”.

How to find old podcasts.....

Oct 17, 2008

I have been making Listen to English podcasts for nearly three years. All the podcasts are on this site, but obviously
there are now a lot of them. Several listeners have e-mailed me to ask how they can find and download the older
podcasts easily.

Here is how to do it:

You can find older podcasts on this website by navigating to:

http://www.listen-to-english.com/index.php?date=YYYY-MM

where “YYYY” means the year (eg 2007) and “MM” means the month (eg 03 for March, 11 for November) of the
podcasts you want to find.

So, for example, you can find all the episodes for March 2008 at:

http://www.listen-to-english.com/index.php?date=2008-03

If you want to download older episodes to your iPod, you may find it easier to use an RSS feed. You can find an
RSS feed for all episodes for a particular month by navigating to:

http://www.listen-to-english.com/podcast.php?date=YYYY-MM

So, for example, you can find an RSS feed for all episodes from November 2007 at:

http://www.listen-to-english.com/podcast.php?date=2007-11”

In the sidebar at the right-hand side of this webpage, you will find links to an archive (“How to find things on this
site”) and to “Listen to English – Greatest Hits”, which is an RSS feed for some of the most popular episodes from
2006.

Happy listening and learning!

Wanted - a new patron saint for England.

Oct 14, 2008

St George killing the dragon – painting by Paolo Uccello c. 1470.

In Christian tradition, a “saint” means someone whom the Church recognises as having led a particularly good and
holy life. There are lots of Christian saints. The Roman Catholic church recognises more than 10,000 of them. You
can’t be recognised as a saint while you are alive. All saints are dead, and many of them have been dead for a very
long time.

Some Christian saints are associated with particular countries, or particular occupations or particular sorts of
people. We call these saints “patron saints“ . For example, St Christopher is the patron saint of travellers, St Stephen
is the patron saint of bricklayers, and St Joan is the patron saint of France.

The patron saint of England is St George. Until recently, we English did not make a lot of fuss about St George. But
things have changed in the last 20 years. English football fans now wave the flag of St George (a red cross on a
white background) at football matches. And many people want St George’s Day (23 April) to be made a public
holiday in England (but not in Scotland or Wales, of course, because Scotland and Wales have their own patron
saints).

The traditional story of St George says that he was a soldier in the Roman army at the beginning of the fourth
century. He was arrested and executed because he refused to renounce his Christian faith. There is also a story that
St George fought and killed a dragon, and thereby rescued a beautiful princess whom the dragon was about to eat.

At this point, I must tell you, gentle listeners, that I think that there are big problems about having St George as
patron saint of England.

1. The story of St George is, well, just a story. Most experts agree that he never existed.

2. If St George did exist, he was definitely not English, nor did he ever visit England, nor did he have any
connection at all with England.

3. It is not good to kill dragons. There are hardly any dragons left in the world. An environmentally responsible
saint would have created a national nature reserve where the dragon could live in peace and people could come and
take photographs of it.

4. St George is also the patron saint of about 12 other countries, including Canada, Georgia, Greece and Lithuania.
Poor St George is overworked and overstressed. He has too many countries to worry about. And what would he do
if two of his countries started to fight one another?
St Wulfstan, from a stained glass window in the parish church in Long Itchington.

So I would like to suggest that England should have a new patron saint, and as it happens I know exactly the right
saint for the job. His name is St Wulfstan. He was born in a village called Long Itchington, which is about 35 miles
from Birmingham, exactly 1000 years ago in 1008. He studied in monasteries, and became a priest and in 1062
became the bishop of Worcester. Four years later, in 1066, one of the most important events in England’s history
occurred. William of Normandy, known as William the Conqueror, conquered England and became king. His
armies killed, or drove out or replaced all the important English people of the country – the nobles, and senior
people in government and the church – and replaced them with French-speaking people from Normandy. All except
Wulfstan. After a few years, he was the only English person in a senior position in the country. How did he survive?
Why did William not replace him? We know that Wulfstan was respected because of his simple and holy lifestyle.
For instance, he fasted for three days every week, and on the remaining days ate only bread, vegetables and fruit.
But he was also a very capable administrator. He built numerous new churches. He helped to compile the great
Domesday Book which recorded details of everything in William’s new kingdom – every town and village, every
mill, every wood. He tried to help the poor and to protect people who had lost their homes and their lands to the
Norman conquerors, but he also opposed rebellion against the new rulers of the country. He was deeply concerned
about the trade in slaves between Ireland and the port of Bristol, and tried to persuade the king to prohibit it.

The story of St Wulfstan is not, I agree, as romantic as the story of St George. St George suffered a martyrs death;
Wulfstan died peacefully at the age of 89. But Wulfstan would have these advantages as patron saint of England:

1. He definitely existed

2. He was English.

3. He freed slaves, which is better than killing dragons.

4. He is the patron saint of vegetarians, which is very appropriate, because there are more vegetarians in England
than in any other country in Europe.

5. He is not the patron saint of anywhere else, so he would have time to be a proper patron saint of England.

What do you think? If you go to the website, you will find a poll where you can vote for either George or Wulfstan.

Up-to-date
Oct 6, 2008

An iPhone – up-to-date technology. Picture by Niels van Eck/flickr.

In today’s podcast, I am going to talk about the English word “up-to-date”. Well, it is really three words – “up”,
“to” and “date” – normally we spell it with hyphens in between – but we can think of “up-to-date” as a single word.
“Up-to-date” is an adjective. It means “having the latest information or ideas”. We can say that something, or
someone, is “up-to-date”.

I will give you some examples in a minute. But first, you need to know that the opposite of “up-to-date” is “out-of-
date”. If something is out-of-date, it does not contain the latest information or ideas. Sometimes it means “old
fashioned” or “no longer valid”.

Lets look at some examples.

Kevin, as you know, is mad keen about football. Often on Saturday he goes to see his team play. But he also want to
know what is happening in the other football matches that are taking place at the same time. So he gets text
messages on his mobile phone, to give him the latest scores in the other matches. Kevin likes to be up-to-date. The
text messages keep Kevin up-to-date with the other football matches.

Joanne is planning to go on a picnic with some friends. Will the weather by OK, or will it rain? The weather
forecast yesterday was that the weather today would be cloudy but dry. but perhaps that weather forecast is now
out-of-date. So Joanne listens to the weather forecast on the radio to get up-to-date information about the weather.
The weather forecast still says that the weather will be cloudy but dry, so Joanne and her friends set off for their
picnic. However, they get lost, because they are using an out-of-date map, which does not show some roads which
have been built in the last ten years.

John loves technology, or – rather – he loves technological gadgets which do clever things. Not all of these gadgets
are useful, but John loves them anyway. He has just bought the latest, the most up-to-date iPhone. Is an iPhone
useful, or is it just a gadget? I don’t know!

Mary has some important exams at the end of the year. She also has to complete a project to show to the examiners.
Her teacher asks her, “Are you up-to-date with your project?” That means, have you done everything you should
have done by now? If Mary’s work is not up-to-date, we say that she is “behind” with her work. She will have to
work hard all weekend in order to catch up.

George thinks that it would be a great idea to go to Paris for the weekend with some friends. But he can’t. His
passport is out-of-date. That means, it is no longer valid. He will need to get his passport renewed.

Kevin sees an advertisement for a job in the newspaper. It looks attractive. It is closer to home, and it would pay
more. The advertisement says that he should send an up-to-date CV (CV stands for curriculum vitae, which is Latin
and means an list of the things that you have done in your life – what school you went to, what you studied at
university, what jobs you have done – things like that.) The last time that Kevin looked at his CV was three years
ago, so the CV is out-of-date. He needs to update his CV, by adding information for the last three years. He needs to
bring his CV up-to-date.
Joanne’s grandmother is 92 years old. Despite her age, she likes the latest pop music, and she always watches the
news on television, because she likes to keep up-to-date with what is happening in the world. Joanne’s grandfather,
however, has some very out-of-date attitudes – he wants to bring back compulsory military service, for example,
and thinks that too many married women go out to work.

And finally, I looked in my fridge a few minutes ago. There was some yoghurt at the back of the fridge. The label
on the yoghurt pot says “Best before 28 August”. Today is 6 October. The yoghurt is out-of-date. Shall I eat the
yoghurt anyway? Maybe not.

Up-to-date - exercise

Oct 6, 2008

Here is a list of words and phrases. Some of them mean, or are associated with, “up-to-date”. Some of them mean,
or are associated with, “out-of-date”. Can you arrange the words in two columns – “up-to-date” words, and “out-of-
date” words?

latest….expired….modern….fashionable….no longer valid…..behind….out of touch with….new….today….most

recent….yesterday….old-fashioned….trendy….up-to-the-minute….old….six months ago….updated….dated….
outmoded….obsolete

Podcast
Answers to the exercise

# | Posted in exercises

Up-to-date - answers to the exercise

Oct 6, 2008
“Up-to-date words”...... “Out-of-date” words…...
latest expired
modern no longer valid
fashionable behind
new out of touch with
today yesterday
most recent old-fashioned
trendy old
up-to-the-minute six months ago
updated dated
outmoded
obsolete

The Prefabs
Sep 29, 2008
The only remaining prefabs in Birmingham.

Near to where I live, there is a group of small houses. They are bungalows – that is, they are single-storey houses.
There are gardens in front of the houses, and behind them; and most of the gardens are well-kept. There is
something unusual about the houses, however. Most houses in this part of England are built of brick. These houses,
however, are built of cement mixed with asbestos. They are what we call “prefabs”, or prefabricated houses, and
they have an interesting history.

At the end of the Second World War, there was a serious shortage of houses in Britain. Tens of thousands of homes
had been destroyed by bombing. It was also necessary to find homes for all the servicemen returning from the war.
The government decided to build 500,000 new houses to solve the problem. They thought it would be too slow and
expensive to build proper brick houses, so they decided to build prefabricated houses instead. Prefabricated houses
are made in sections in a factory. The house-builders then take the sections by lorry to the place where the houses
are to be built, and fix them together. Houses of this sort are common in many other countries such as the United
States. But they are very unusual in Britain. The government explained that the new prefabs would only be
temporary. They would be taken down after 10 or 15 years, and proper houses would replace them.

The prefab building programme started in the final months of the war. German and Italian prisoners of war built
some of the first houses. Factories which had previously built military equipment were used to make the sections
for the houses. In some cases, they used aluminium from old fighter planes.

Things did not happen exactly as the government had planned. Prefabs turned out to cost more than normal houses,
and in the end only about 167,000 of them were built. And they were not generally replaced with proper houses
after 10 or 15 years; they had to last much longer. There were problems too about very poor insulation, which made
the prefabs cold in winter, and leaking roofs.

But for many working-class families, a prefab was like a dream come true. Previously, they had lived in cramped
terraced houses in the centre of big cities, where they had little space or privacy. Their new prefab had a garden for
the children to play in, and an indoor toilet, and a fitted kitchen with a refrigerator!

Gradually, over the years, the prefabs were demolished. Often blocks of flats replaced them. The planners and
architects liked the concrete tower blocks; but the people who had to live in them disagreed. The old prefabs –
despite their problems – had been better, and closer to the sorts of homes that people wanted.

Today, hardly any prefabs remain. Here in Birmingham they have all gone, except for the small group near my
home. These have been refurbished, and they are now, happily, listed buildings, which means that they cannot be
altered or demolished. They are a part of the social history of Britain, and it is good that they are still here.

Lost and Found

Sep 24, 2008
The lost car keys. Picture by fallsroad/flickr.

Alexandre Monteiro has sent me an e-mail asking about the difference between the words “seek”, “find” and
“look”. I hope that this podcast will help him, and other people.

I guess you know the English verb “to lose”. The past tense is “lost”. If you lose your pen, you do not know where
you left it or where you put it. The pen is lost.

When you lose something, probably you want to find it again. So you look for it, or you search for it, or you hunt
for it. We also have a verb “to seek” which has a similar meaning to “search”. But we generally use “seek” when we
are talking about abstract things. We can say, for example, “I am seeking happiness”. But we probably would not
say “I am seeking my car keys”.

And that brings us to our story today, which is about Joanne, and she has lost her car keys.

Joanne is looking after her nephew Nick, who is two and a half years old. They have a happy afternoon together in
the park. Then they come home and draw some pictures. Then Nick helps Joanne to make some biscuits. Nick eats
most of the biscuits, until Joanne says, “No more, Nick. Your Mum will be cross if you eat too many biscuits and
then can’t eat your tea.” Then Nick watches a video, and then it is time for him to go home. Joanne helps Nick to
put on his shoes and coat. She looks in her handbag for her car keys.

The keys are not there. They are not in the pockets of her jacket, either. “Where can I have put them?” she says. She
looks for the keys in the kitchen. Perhaps she left them on the kitchen table when they were making biscuits. But
the keys are not there.

She searches for the keys in the sitting room. Perhaps they have fallen down the back of the sofa. But the keys are
not there.

She hunts for the keys in the bedroom. Perhaps she put them down on the dressing-table. But the keys are not there.

She searches high and low, but the keys are nowhere to be found.

“Have you seen my car keys, Nick?” says Joanne.

“Down the toilet”, says Nick.

“What?” says Joanne. “Nick, did you put the keys down the toilet?”

“Don’t know”, says Nick, helpfully. “Can I have another biscuit?”

Joanne rushes to the bathroom and looks into the toilet. No keys.
By this time, Joanne is getting desperate. She told her sister that Nick would be home at 5.30. It is now 5.45. The
door opens. Kevin comes in. He is in a good mood. He has been to a football match, where his team won 2-0. And
he is carrying Joanne’s car keys.

“Where did you find them?” asks Joanne.

“You left them in the car ignition“, says Kevin. “You are lucky that no-one drove your car away. Oh, I smell
biscuits. Can I have one?”

This file has been downloaded 56307 times

How to enter the kitchen!

Sep 19, 2008

A mouse in the kitchen! Photo by yeimaya/flickr.

I have some poetry for you in today’s podcast. It is a poem by a woman called Susie Paskins, and it is called “How
to enter the kitchen”.

Let me first explain what the poem is about. Susie has a problem. There is a mouse in her kitchen! She knows that
the mouse is there – somewhere in the kitchen – and she does not like it. So what does she do? She makes lots of
noise when she goes into the kitchen. She does not look in the corners of the room, where the mouse might be. She
sings loudly when she puts water in the kettle to boil. She pretends that she does not worry about the mouse at all.

The poem then goes on to say that we have secret parts of our lives which are like the mouse in the kitchen.
Normally we ignore them. We make lots of noise so that we do not have to see them. And the secret parts of our
lives, like the mouse, run away and hide.

But perhaps it would be better if we sat quietly and waited. Then we might see these parts of our life, and we would
not be afraid of them any more. Just like the mouse in the kitchen!

Here is the poem:

Approach with confidence,
Then fling the door wide,
Make a loud stamping noise.
Do not look in the corners – That is where it might be,
Whisking and darting,
A black shadow
Running to hide.
Sing loudly as you put the kettle
on.
Pretend a certainty you do not feel
That it will not – horror! – run over
your feet
Or pause and stare up at you,
Defying your possession of its
space.

Parts of you
Hide in corners too,
Not seeing the light,
Muttering and grumbling,
Too low to be heard.
Mostly you avert your gaze
And make too much noise
To confront them.
So they run away
And hide in the secret places.
But perhaps
You should quietly tiptoe
To the corner and wait.
And then you might see,
And not be afraid
Of what lives in the dark.

Poem originally published in Quaker Monthly, March 2008. Reproduced here by permission.
The Longest Name
Sep 16, 2008

The name sign on the railway station at Llanfair PG.

Once upon a time, there was a village in north Wales called Llanfair. Llanfair means, simply, “the church of St
Mary” in the Welsh language, and there are many other places in Wales called Llanfair. The particular Llanfair in
this story was called Llanfair Pwllgwyngyll, to distinguish it from the other places called Llanfair. The name
Llanfair Pwllgwyngyll means, in English, “the church of St Mary beside the hollow (or little valley) with the white
hazel tree”. I think you will agree that Llanfair Pwllgwyngyll is perhaps too long for normal, everyday use. And
English speaking people like me often find Welsh names difficult to pronounce. So people shortened the name to
Llanfair PG. And people often still call the village Llanfair PG today.

In the 1850s, a railway line was built along the coast of north Wales. It ran to Holyhead, which was the main port
for ships sailing to Ireland. The railway line was busy and important. But only a few trains stopped at the station at
Llanfair PG, and only a few visitors came to the village.

How could Llanfair PG attract more visitors? “I know,” said a man who lived near the village. “We need a new
name. A special name. A name that people will remember. A name that will make people say ‘That’s interesting. I
really want to visit that place’”. So he suggested a new name – the longest place name in Britain. And other people
agreed, and so the village was re-named Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. (That was
not me speaking, by the way. That was a real Welsh person speaking real Welsh!) What did the new name mean? In
English it is: “The church of St Mary beside the hollow with the white hazel tree and the rapid whirlpool and the
church of St Tysilio with the red cave”. They put up a new name sign in the railway station, and it was the longest
railway name sign in Britain. And they waited for the tourists to come.

Changing the name of the village was what today we would call a “publicity stunt” – something which you do to
get people to notice you. Many companies, when they want to sell more of their products, find a new name for the
product, or they design new packaging, or do something else to attract more customers. Sometimes this works.
sometimes it doesn’t.

Did the new name work for Llanfair PG? I do not think so. Llanfair is still a quiet little place with about 3,000
inhabitants. Some trains stop there, but many go through without stopping. People arrive in their cars. They park in
the station car park. They take a photograph of the the name sign on the station platform. Then they get back in
their cars and drive away.

Why did the new name not attract more visitors? The answer is easy, I think. Imagine going to a railway ticket
office and asking for “a ticket to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, please.”
A wet summer, and the Olympic Games
Sep 10, 2008

A wet summer. This photo was taken in the Netherlands by Aneemiek van der Kuil but Britain in August was like
this too!

The summer holidays are over. People have returned to work. The children are back at school. And this is my first
podcast since July.

So, what sort of summer has it been in Britain? Let’s start with the bad news. Our economy is in big difficulties.
Prices are rising, especially prices for food. Petrol prices are now so high that people are using their cars less, and
trains and buses more. Holidays abroad are now much more expensive, because the British pound has fallen in
value. Our economy has stopped growing. Indeed, there may be a recession next year – that is, a period when the
economy shrinks, or becomes smaller. Our Chancellor of the Exchequer (that means, our Finance Minister)
certainly thinks that things are bad. He recently told a newspaper reporter that the economic position was the worst
for 60 years.

Many British people own their own homes. They buy their homes with a loan from a bank. The last ten years have
been a very nice time to own a house. House prices have risen steadily, and people felt that they were getting richer,
so they spent more. In fact, Britain has had its longest period of economic growth for 100 years. But this has now
stopped. House prices have fallen, and everyone expects that they will fall further. The fall in house prices has been
the fastest for over 25 years. This is bad news if you own your house already; it is good news if you do not own a
house but would like to buy one.

However, the really awful thing – the thing that makes British people really gloomy – is the weather. It has rained
since the end of July. We have had the wettest August for many years. And there has been hardly any sunshine. In
many places, August has been the dullest August (that is, the least sunny August) since 1927. It is still raining. And
the weather forecast is – yes, more rain.

I am glad to say, however, that the summer has had one happy thing for Britain. At the Olympic Games in Beijing,
British athletes won 45 medals. That is the highest number of medals since 1908. We even won more medals than
the Australians, which is very satisfying. So, while the rain poured down, we could at least watch the Olympic
Games on television. The next Olympic Games, in 2012, will take place in London. Will they be the wettest
Olympic Games ever? Or will it stop raining before then?
A wet summer, and the Olympic Games - grammar and vocabulary note
Sep 10, 2008

In the podcast, there are several expressions like these:

• It has been the dullest August since 1927.

• The economic situation is the worst for 60 years.

Words like dullest and worst are called superlative adjectives. We have two ways of making superlative adjectives.
With short adjectives (eg hot, sunny) we add “-est” to the end (“hottest”, “sunniest”). With long adjectives (eg
difficult, expensive) we add “most” in front of the adjective (“most difficult”, “most expensive”).

We say since [a point in time] eg since 1927, since last Wednesday.

And we say for [a period of time] eg for 60 years, for 10 minutes.

Here are some more examples of the way we use “since” and “for”:

• The economic situation is the most difficult since the Second World War.
• British Athletes won the highest number of medals since 1908.
• It has been the wettest August for 30 years.
• Britain has had the longest period of economic growth for 100 years.
• I have been waiting for him for 20 minutes.
• I have been waiting since 3pm.
• Kevin has worked for his company for 4 years.
• Joanne has worked for her company since 2003.
• Kevin has worked for his company since he finished university. (”[the time when] he finished university” is
a point in time, so we use “since”)
• He has been watching television since he came home from school.
Break up
Jul 21, 2008

This car is being broken up in a scrap yard. Photo by Olly Clark/flickr

There is an English phrasal verb “to break up”. It means to break into pieces. Here are some examples of ways in
which we can use it.

Imagine a storm at sea. The wind and the waves drive a ship onto the rocks. The waves smash the ship into pieces.
The ship breaks up.

Or, think about the great ice sheets in the Arctic and the Antarctic. Many scientists say that, because the world’s
climate is getting warmer, the ice sheets are starting to break up.

Or, think about a really old car. You have had it for many years. You and it have had some fine adventures together.
But now the engine does not start. And when, eventually, it does start, there are horrible clunking sounds and a
cloud of black smoke comes out of the exhaust pipe. The car is finished. You take the car to the scrap yard where
they break it up, so that the metal and some of the parts can be re-used.

And sometimes we say that a relationship breaks up. For instance, Joe and Mary have been going out together for a
few months. They are boyfriend and girlfriend. But then they disagree and argue. Joe starts to think that he really
doesn’t like Mary very much. Mary starts to think that Joe is selfish and boring. They break up. They decide that
they are not going to be boyfriend and girlfriend any more.

You may be thinking that “break up” is a rather sad expression. We use it to talk about shipwrecks, and cars that
have reached the end of their lives, and relationships which come to an end. But there is at least one really happy
use of “break up”. We can say that a school breaks up. That means, simply, that it is the end of term. It is the
beginning of the holidays.

There is a primary school behind my house. The school breaks up today. Today is the last day of the school term.
The children are very happy. They are making even more noise in the school playground than they usually do. After
today, there will be six weeks with no school. Six weeks to stay late in bed. Six weeks to play in the garden. Six
weeks to watch rubbish programmes on daytime television and to play on the computer. Six weeks to visit your
grandparents, or to go on holiday. Six weeks to argue with your older sister. Six weeks to drive your parents mad.

Listen to English is going on holiday too. This will be my last podcast for this term. But don’t worry – I will be
back with a new podcast on 10 September. I am going to spend part of the holiday in Wales, so here is some Welsh
music for you to listen to. It is played on the Welsh harp by Cheryl Ann Fulton. I will put an extra posting on the
website with a flash player where you can listen to more of her music if you like it. Until September, goodbye.
Sorry...
Jul 17, 2008

I think that there was a problem with the last podcast “Better”. Some people have told me that they cannot
download it in iTunes. Here is another copy of the audio file. I hope it works for you!

Better
Jul 14, 2008

Better buses, better service, better catch one

I am sorry that there was no podcast last week. I was unwell. But now I am better. That means, I am not unwell any
more. I have recovered. I am better.

And today’s podcast is about the word “better”. “Better” is of course the comparative form of the adjective “good”.
Good – better- best. We can say: “This is a good restaurant. But the restaurant over the road is better. And the
restaurant round the corner is the best restaurant in the town.”

We can use “better” in other ways, too. There is an English expression “I had better” do something. It means “I
must” do something, or “it would be a good idea” to do something. Here are some examples:

Kevin and Joanne are having breakfast. Joanne looks in the fridge. There is no milk. “I had better buy some milk
this morning,” she says. Kevin looks at his watch. It is nearly 7.30am. “I had better go now,” he says. “I have to go
to a meeting at 8.30.” “Yes,” says Joanne. “You had better hurry, otherwise you will miss the train. And it is raining.
You had better take an umbrella”.

In Birmingham, where I live, there is a bus company. Actually, there are lots of bus companies, because our
government believes that competition in public transport is a good thing. Our government is wrong. Britain has
some of the worst public transport in Europe. But that is different podcast. One of our competing bus companies
has a slogan on the side of its buses. It says: “better buses, better service, better catch one”. This is what it means.

Better buses…
“Better buses” – the company has better buses. But better than what? Better than the buses of the other bus
companies? Better than the old buses which it used to have? I suppose that “better buses” is OK as an advertising
slogan, but if you want people to understand exactly what you mean, remember to use the word “than” – “better
buses than our old buses”, for example.

“Better service” – This means more frequent buses, more reliable buses. Perhaps the company means that they now
run buses late in the evening and on Sundays.

And “better catch one” is short for “you had better catch one”. In other words, it would be a good idea to catch one
of our wonderful better buses. Remember that in English, we can take a bus or a train or a plane; or we can catch a
bus or a train or a plane.

Now you know all about “I had better”. There is a quiz with the podcast today. You can find it on the website. Now
it is late. I had better stop now. I had better go to the supermarket. I had better cook supper for the children. I had
better say goodbye.
Stonehenge
Jul 4, 2008

A rainbow behind Stonehenge. This remarkable photo was taken by Lucille Pine/flickr

In today’s podcast, we talk about some theories. We talk about things which may be true, or may not be true. We
use words like “perhaps” and “maybe” and “it could be that..”. See how many examples you can find.

We English have not lived in England for long. Our ancestors, the Saxons, came to England from northern Germany
in the fifth century. They spoke a language which we call Anglo-Saxon or Old English. Over the centuries, Anglo-
Saxon changed to become modern English.

Before the Saxon invasions, people called the Celts lived here. The modern Welsh language is descended from the
languages of these Celtic people. But the Celts had not lived in Britain for long, either. There were people here
before the Celts came. These people had no written language, so they left us no manuscripts or inscriptions to tell us
about them. However, they left us plenty of archaeological evidence – burial places, pottery, tools and so on. And
they left us a remarkable and mysterious monument called Stonehenge.

If you drive by car south-west out of London, along a road with the romantic name A303, you will reach
Stonehenge after about an hour and a half. You will see a circle of great stones, with other stones placed carefully
on top of them. There are other, smaller stones – called “bluestones”. Around Stonehenge, there are other ancient
places – burial places, for instance, and ancient paths.

The archaeologists tell us that Stonehenge was not all built at one time. The oldest parts of Stonehenge are about
5,000 years old. The “bluestones” came about 1000 years later, and the great circle of stones a few hundred years
after that. The great stones probably came from a place about 40km away. They each weigh about 25 tonnes.
Experts say that perhaps 500 men pulled each stone, while 100 more placed logs on the ground for the stone to roll
over. The “bluestones” are even more remarkable – they are much smaller, about 4 tonnes each, but they come from
Preseli in south Wales, a distance of nearly 400 km. How did they get to Stonehenge? Maybe people carried them
on small boats, over the sea and along rivers.

The big question is “Why?” Why did these people, four or five thousand years ago, build Stonehenge, and what did
they use it for? Here are some of the theories:

- Perhaps Stonehenge was a religious temple. Perhaps priests sacrificed animals or even human beings here.

- Maybe Stonehenge was a centre of political power, a place built by a great and powerful king.

- Possibly, it was a place to celebrate the dead, a place to send them on their way to the next world.
- Or it could have been a place where sick or injured people came to be cured, like Lourdes in France is today.

- Or Stonehenge might have been a place to watch the movement of the sun, moon and stars, and to forecast
important events like eclipses.

- Or, conceivably, it was all of these things, or it had different purposes at different times.

Today, Stonehenge is an important tourist site, and a place for people who like to believe in magic. At the summer
solstice (that is June 21st, the longest day of the year) people go to Stonehenge to watch the sun rise. This year,
about 30,000 people were there. And, because this is England, it rained.
How much does the Queen cost?
Jun 30, 2008

Queen Elizabeth II

Thank you all for your e-mails, and for your suggestions about subjects for future podcasts.

A listener in France has asked, can I make a podcast about the Queen? And several other listeners have said that
they would like some help with listening to numbers (which is always one of the most difficult things in any foreign
language). I am going to kill two birds with one stone, as we say in English. This podcast is about the Queen, and
also about listening to numbers. I have left gaps in the script where there are numbers,. Try to fill in the numbers as
you hear them. You can check on the website whether you have heard them correctly.

Queen Elizabeth (a)..... came to the throne in (b)....., following the death of her father, King George©...... She is
now (d)..... years old, and she has been Queen for (e)..... years. She is the (f)..... monarch (that is, king or queen)
since the Norman Conquest of England in the year (g)...... What sort of things does she do?

The Queen has all sorts of official engagements in this country – visits to towns and cities, to schools and hospitals,
to open new buildings and to attend official dinners. Last year she had (h)..... official engagements, which is (i).....
more than in (j)......

The Queen makes official visits to other countries too. Since she came to the throne, the Queen has made over
(k)..... visits to about (l)..... different countries. Last year , she visited the United States, Uganda, Belgium and the
Netherlands.

The Queen sends messages of congratulations to everyone in Britain who reaches their (m)..... birthday. Since
(n)....., she has sent (o)..... of these messages. She has also sent more than (p)..... messages of congratulation to
married couples who are celebrating their “diamond wedding”, that is the (q)..... anniversary of their wedding.

Last week, her office published the royal accounts for®...... The accounts show that the cost of the Queen’s official
duties last year was £(s)...... This was £(t)....., or (u).....% more than in (v)...... However, officials at the palace want
everyone to know that in real terms, that is after allowing for inflation, the cost of the Queen has fallen by (w).....%
in the last (x)..... years.

How much is £(y).....? Well, there are about (z)..... people in Britain, so £(aa)..... is about (bb)..... pence for each of
us. Palace officials, who try very hard to keep up with new technology and new fashions, have pointed out to the
newspapers that (cc)..... pence is about the cost of a download from the iTunes music store.
An important part of the cost of the Queen’s official duties is the cost of travel. Travel, in Britain and overseas, cost
£(dd)..... pounds last year. The Queen has a special royal train. Our newspapers love to tell us how much the royal
train costs. Last year the royal train was used only (ee)..... times. One of these trips was a visit which Prince Charles
made to a pub in the town of Penrith – the cost was £(ff)......

However, palace officials have told the press that there are serious problems because several of the royal palaces
need to be repaired. Altogether an extra £(gg)..... is needed for this. The roof at Windsor Castle needs to be replaced
– this will cost £(hh)...... Many parts of Buckingham Palace in London have not been redecorated for over
(ii).....years, and the electrical wiring is over (jj)..... years old. It will cost £(kk)..... to rewire the palace, and replace
the plumbing (that is, the water pipes and the drains), and to remove dangerous asbestos from the building.

In fact, Buckingham Palace seems to be such a mess that I am surprised that the Queen still lives there. If you know
of somewhere else where she could live temporarily, until Buckingham Palace is repaired, perhaps you could
telephone her office and tell them The number is (ll).....

How much does the Queen cost? - exercise

Here are the missing numbers from the podcast “How much does the Queen cost?” You can download a pdf version
of the exercise and the answers by clicking the link at the foot of the page.

(a) the second (normally we write Queen Elizabeth II)

(b) 1952
(c) the sixth (King George VI)
(d) 82
(e) 56
(f) 40th
(g) 1066
(h) 440
(i) 60
(j) 2006
(k) 260
(l) 126
(m) 100th
(n) 1952
(o) 100,000 (note that in English we use a comma to separate thousands in big numbers)
(p) 280,000
(q) 60th
(r) 2007
(s) £40,000,000 (generally, in written English we would normally write £40 million)
(t) £2 million
(u) 6.1% (in English we use a full-stop, not a comma, when we write decimals)
(v) 2006
(w) 3.1%
(x) 7
(y) £40 million
(z) 61 million
(aa) £40 million
(bb) 66 pence
(cc) 66 pence
(dd) £6.2 million
(ee) 19
(ff) £18,916
(gg) £32 million
(hh) £16 million
(ii) 50
(jj) 60
(kk) £2.4 million
(ll) 020 7930 4832
Alfred Brendel Calls Time
Jun 25, 2008

Alfred Brendel

Last November, the Guardian newspaper contained an article. This was the headline.

“Alfred Brendel, piano maestro, calls time on concert career.”

What does it mean?

Well, you may already know about Alfred Brendel. He is a pianist, or a “piano maestro” as the Guardian headline
calls him. He is famous for his playing of works by Haydn, Mozart, Beethoven and Schubert. We shall talk more
about him in a minute.

But what does “call time” mean? Until about 30 years ago, there were strict laws in Britain about when pubs could
open. Generally, all pubs had to close at 10.30 in the evening, and everyone had to stop drinking and leave the pub
at that time. Shortly before 10.30pm, the landlord of the pub used to ring a bell, and call out “Time, gentlemen,
please!” or something like that. So, “to call time” means to announce that you will soon close something, or soon
finish something.

Lets go back to the newspaper headline. “Alfred Brendel, piano maestro, calls time on his concert career”. It means
that Alfred Brendel has announced that his career as a concert pianist will soon come to an end. In other words, he
has said that he is going to retire.

There is another idiom with a similar meaning – “to call it a day”. Imagine that you have been working all day on a
project for school or college. It is now the evening and you are tired. Yes, there are some more things you could do,
but you decide to stop now and go to bed. You “call it a day”. Alfred Brendel has decided, at the age of 77, to “call
it a day” too.

Alfred Brendel is a remarkable man. He was born in what is now the Czech Republic in 1931. His family were not
musical, and he had little formal training on the piano. Nonetheless, he made a successful career as a pianist from
the 1950s. Since the 1970s, he has lived in Britain. He is not only a famous pianist, he also writes about music, and
writes poetry, both in English and in German. When he retires, at the end of this year, he wants to spend more time
writing and teaching.

For the last 15 years, Alfred Brendel has come regularly to Birmingham to play in Symphony Hall. Last night, I
attended his last concert here. Every ticket was sold, every seat in the hall was occupied. When he played, the
audience was completely silent. As we say in English, you could have heard a pin drop. Alfred Brendel’s playing is
very personal and very direct. It is as if he was in your sitting room, playing specially for you. At the end of the
concert, we gave him a standing ovation, and he gave us two encores. It was a memorable occasion, though also a
rather sad occasion.

To end the podcast, here is Alfred Brendel playing some music by Schubert. May he have a long and happy
retirement.
Captain Calamity
Jun 20, 2008

I could not find a picture or Forwick, but here is one of another part of the Shetlands, so that you can see what the
landscape looks like. It was taken by tigernuts/flickr

In the past year, we have had two podcasts about English people who have gone to Scotland to do slightly crazy
things. We had Andy Strangeway, who has spent a night on every island in Scotland. Then we had Steve Feltham,
who has spent the last 17 years looking for the Loch Ness monster. Today we meet Stuart Hill. He lives on a tiny
island in Shetland (a group of islands to the north of Scotland), and he has just declared his island to be an
independent state.

This is not the first time that Stuart Hill has been in the news. He has a nickname, “Captain Calamity”. (A
“calamity” is another word for a “disaster”). This is why. He comes from Essex in eastern England. Several years
ago he bought himself a small boat. His boat became his main interest. He took a sail from a wind-surfing board
and fixed it to his boat. He started to go for sailing trips. Then, in 2001, he decided to sail his boat single-handed all
the way round Britain. His wife and his children thought he was mad. The distance around Britain is over 3,000
kilometers, and there are dangerous rocks and currents, and the waves and the weather are often dangerous too.

Stuart Hill set off. Within minutes, he hit another boat, and his sail collapsed into the water. He found he had
forgotten some important equipment, and a friend had to swim out to his boat with it. Over the next few weeks, he
had more problems with his boat, and he had to be rescued five times by lifeboats and twice by helicopter. Finally,
in August 2001, his boat turned over in a storm near the Shetland islands. He was rescued again, but he had lost
everything – he had no boat, and no money and nothing but the clothes he stood up in. So he stayed in Shetland,
and got a job there, working in a fish-processing factory.

This week, Stuart Hill was in the news again. He now lives on a tiny Shetland island called Forewick Holm, where
he is the only inhabitant (apart from lots of sheep and sea-birds). He is 65 years old, which means that he is able to
get a state old-age pension. Most pensioners want a quiet life, but not Stuart. He has declared that Forwick is now
an independent state, and that it is no longer part of Britain or of the European Union. There will be no taxes in
Forwick, he says, and his state will soon issue its own currency.

Why is he doing this? He wants to draw attention to an argument that Shetland is legally not part of Scotland (and
therefore not part of Britain). Many centuries ago, Shetland was ruled by the king of Norway. But in 1469, the king
of Norway needed some money in a hurry, so he gave Shetland to the king of Scotland in return for a loan. So, says
Stuart Hill, Shetland is not part of Scotland. It should be an independent state, able in particular to control oil
production from the oil fields around its coast and to collect revenues from the oil companies. Some Shetlanders
probably agree with him, though I doubt if they want Captain Calamity as their ruler.

Stuart Hill has spent much of the week being interviewed by the newspapers. “It’s all jolly good fun,” he says.
“Every pensioner should do something like this.”
Getting married
Jun 17, 2008

While I was searching Flickr, I found this wonderful picture of a wedding cake. By princess of Ilyr/flickr who likes
taking photos of food!

Our podcast today is about weddings. I hope you will learn some new English words. There is a quiz attached to the
podcast today so that you can test how much you know.

In England, you can get married in a church, or you can have a civil wedding (that is, a non-religious wedding) .
Until about 10 years ago, civil weddings always took place at a Registry Office. Nowdays, however, you can get
married in all sorts of places – in hotels, in country houses, and in many mosques and Hindu temples, for example.

A wedding can be very expensive. One website that I have seen says that the average cost of a wedding in Britain is
over £11,000. Here are some of the things that many couples will want for their wedding:

• a wedding-dress for the bride, and dresses for her bridesmaids;

• wedding rings for the bride and the bridegroom;

• flowers for the church or the place where the wedding is held;

• a reception (that is, a party or a formal meal) for the wedding guests after the wedding ceremony;

• a wedding cake;

• a professional photographer, to take pictures or videos of the wedding;

• a honeymoon (a holiday) for the newly-married couple after the wedding.

And there are lots more things to spend money on if you want to. Some couples want to hire a beautiful horse-
drawn carriage, or a vintage Rolls Royce car to take them away after the wedding. Some people even fly to holiday
resorts in Mexico or Thailand to get married, and their families and friends fly there too.

There is no such thing as a “typical wedding”. Every couple getting married has to decide for themselves what sort
of wedding they want – a religious wedding, or a civil wedding; a big wedding with lots of guests; or a small,
simple wedding.

I went to a wedding last weekend. It was definitely not a typical wedding, but you might be interested in it. It was a
Quaker wedding. There was no priest or minister to conduct the wedding, and no music or singing. The bride and
groom and the wedding guests all sat silently together. After about 10 minutes, the bride and groom stood up and
said that they took each other as man and wife and made their promises to each other. After that, some of their
friends and relatives spoke about love and marriage, or read a poem or a passage from the Bible, or simply wished
the couple every happiness together. The wedding lasted for about an hour. At the end, everyone who was there –
about 80 of us – signed the wedding certificate as witnesses to the marriage.

And then – because we are British – we all drank cups of tea and chatted to friends and family members whom we
had not seen for a long time. We went out into the garden of the Quaker Meeting House to take photos of the bride
and groom. In the evening, we were all invited to a ceilidh. “Ceilidh” is a Scottish Gaelic word, which has become
part of the English language in recent years. It means an evening of dancing, singing, story telling and poetry. The
bride and groom cut their wedding cake, and we danced traditional English and Scottish dances until late in the
evening. And then all the wedding guests, and the bride and groom too, did the washing up and helped to put the
chairs and tables back in their proper places.

We had a wonderful time. Is this the sort of wedding you would like?
Kevin gets cold feet
Jun 10, 2008

Parachute. Photo by John Shappell/flickr

Today, we meet the expression “to have cold feet” about something. It means …well, I will tell you a story, and you
will see what it means.

About 3 months ago, Kevin went to the pub with his friend George. At the pub they met some friends who were
talking about parachute jumping (or “skydiving”). They were planning to go on a course to learn how to jump out
of an aeroplane with a parachute. They thought it would be a really interesting thing to do. Maybe people would
agree to sponsor their first jump so that they could raise money for a charity. By the end of the evening, Kevin and
George had agreed that they too would go on the parachute jumping course. It sounded good fun. And Kevin would
be able to tell everyone at work about his parachute jump, and they would be impressed.

Today is the last day of the parachute jumping course. For the first few days, Kevin, George and the other course
participants learned how parachutes work, and how to open the parachute in the air, and how to land on the ground
safely. But today, the instructors will take them up in a small aeroplane, and they will make their first real parachute
jump.

Kevin feels ill. Three months ago, in the pub, jumping out of an aeroplane with a parachute was a great idea. Now
Kevin thinks, “Why did I say that I would do this?” Jumping out of an aeroplane is a crazy thing to do. Suppose he
cannot make the parachute work. He would fall hundreds of meters and be killed. Or maybe his parachute will
work, but he will land in a river, or in a tree, or on the roof of a house, or in a field with a mad bull. He imagines
himself, lying on the ground with a broken ankle, with the mad bull snorting angrily at him.

In other words, Kevin has cold feet. Three months ago, he was enthusiastic about the parachute jump. Now he
thinks it is a stupid idea. Perhaps he could pretend to be ill, or that his aunt has just died and he needs to go to her
funeral. Yes – Kevin has cold feet.

Kevin arrives at the little airfield where the course is taking place The other course participants all seem a little
quiet this morning. Perhaps they have cold feet too.

Then the instructor comes out of his office. “Bad news, I am afraid,” he says. “There is a mechanical problem with
the aircraft, and it will take two or three days to fix it. So – I’m sorry – but we won’t be able to do the parachute
jump today.” And everyone on the course says how disappointed they are, and how they had really been looking
forward to the parachute jump, and what bad luck it is that the aeroplane cannot fly. And Kevin says all these things
too. But secretly, inside, he is relieved. And he thinks that some of the other people on the course look relieved too.
Godiva and Peeping Tom
Jun 5, 2008

Maureen O Hara starred as Godiva in a 1955 Holywood film.

Do you know the English word “to peep”? If I “peep” at something, it means that I look at it quickly and secretly,
and I hope that no-one notices. For example, I buy a birthday present for my daughter. She wants to know what the
present is. But it is not her birthday yet, so I do not tell her. Quietly she goes upstairs and peeps into the bag, to see
what the present is.

Or, I hear someone walking up the path to my house. Is it the postman? I peep out of the window to see who it is.

However, peeping can be bad for you, as we hear in today’s podcast.

Not far from Birmingham, where I live, is a town called Coventry. My grandmother was born in Coventry, and she
lived there until she was married. Coventry is an industrial town, but it is also an old town, much older than
Birmingham. In the 11th century, the powerful Earl Leofric imposed taxes on the people of Coventry and on the
market which took place there. The people complained that the taxes were too high. The wife of Leofric, whose
name was Godiva, agreed with the people. She went to her husband and begged him to reduce the taxes. Leofric
refused. Godiva continued to plead with him. Eventually, Leofric said that he would reduce the taxes if Godiva
would ride naked on a horse through the town and market place of Coventry. Godiva was astonished. But she was a
woman of strong character, and she agreed.

So Godiva called for her servants to bring her horse, and she rode naked through Coventry. The people of Coventry
all went into their houses and closed the doors and the shutters on their windows so that they should not see her. All
the people? Well, no, there was a man called Tom, who peeped through a hole in the window-shutters when he
heard Godiva’s horse coming. And because he peeped, he was struck blind – that means, he became blind
immediately.

According to the story, Leofric did indeed reduce the taxes. To this day, the people of Coventry celebrate Godiva’s
ride through the town. And, in English, we have a special name for someone who spies secretly on other people. We
call him a “Peeping Tom”.

So if you think that taxes are too high in your country, you know what to do. Find a horse, and take your clothes off.
But don’t peep!
I could do with a haircut

I could do with a haircut. Artwork by Lorrie McClanahan/flickr

In today’s podcast we meet the English expression “I could do with…”

“I could do with…” is an indirect way of saying “I need…” If I say “I could do with” something, it means “I
need” something.

So, if I say to my teenage son, “You could do with a haircut“, I mean “Your hair is too long and you need to get it
cut”. One more thing before we start. The expression always uses the conditional “could” form of the verb. We
always say “I could do with..”, and never “I can do with..” OK?

It is the weekend. Kevin’s plans include an afternoon in front of the television watching football.

Joanne however has other ideas. “The house could do with cleaning“, she says. “I will start on the kitchen now, but
this afternoon I could do with some help.”

Kevin protests that he wants to watch the football. “United could do with a win today,” he adds. Joanne says that
United will win even if he does not watch them play. “We could do with some more floor cleaner,” she says.
“Please could you go to the shops and buy some.”

So Kevin walks to the shops while Joanne sets to work, cleaning the kitchen. Kevin returns about twenty minutes
later, a little out of breath. “I could do with a rest,” he says. And he sits down on a chair and watches Joanne
cleaning the floor.

“Kevin, you are out of breath because you are too fat,” says Joanne. “You could do with losing some weight.”

“What?” says Kevin, horrified.

“Yes. You could do with going swimming twice a week, or going to the gym.”

An idea comes into Kevin’s mind. At the gym, they have a cafe with a TV set. He could go to the gym, and watch
the football on television instead of exercising.

“You’re right,” says Kevin, “I could do with some exercise. I’ll go to the gym this afternoon.”

“Nice try, Kevin,” says Joanne. “You can stay here and do some exercise at home. The carpet could do with
vacuuming, and the lawn could do with being mowed.”

Three hours later, Kevin and Joanne are sitting on the sofa. They are exhausted, but the house is clean and tidy for
the first time in weeks. “I could do with a drink,” says Joanne, “and I could do with something to eat.”

“I’m tired,” says Kevin. “I could do with a shower and an early night.”

And as for me, I could do with a holiday. So I am going to Germany next week, but I will be back with a new
Listen to English podcast on about 5 June.
The Worst Poet
May 20, 2008

William McGonagall

We stay in Scotland for today’s podcast. We are going to meet a man called William Topaz McGonagall. Most
people agree that he was the worst poet ever in the English language.

He was born in 1825. His father was a cotton weaver, who had to move from town to town in Scotland to find
work. Young William spent only 18 months at school before he too had to go and work in the mills and factories.
He became a jute weaver in Dundee, a town on the east coast of Scotland. (Jute is a fibre which is used to make
sacks. In the 19th century, Dundee was the centre of the jute industry in Britain). It was in 1877, when William was
52 years old, that he suddenly discovered that he was a poet. Not just a poet – a great poet – possibly the finest poet
since Shakespeare.

Over the next 25 years, Willam McGonagall wrote a large number of poems. He wrote about the great public events
of the day, like the attempt to assassinate Queen Victoria, and the funeral of the Emperor of Germany. He was
particularly fond of disasters, like shipwrecks and railway accidents. He wrote about famous battles, and about
people and places that he knew.

And his poetry was bad. It was so bad that it almost became good, if you see what I mean. It was like someone
playing a musical instrument, loudly and confidently, but completely out of tune and without any sense of rhythm.
It was like a newspaper report turned into poetry. Here are some examples.

In 1878, a railway bridge was built over the river Tay near Dundee. At the time, it was the longest bridge in the
world. It was a triumph of British engineering, and the nation felt proud. Naturally, William McGonagall wrote a
poem about it. It began:

Beautiful railway bridge over the silvery Tay!

With your numerous arches and pillars in so grand array,
And your central girders, which seem to the eye
To be almost towering to the sky.

Less than two years later, the Tay bridge collapsed in a storm while a train was passing over it. Many people were
killed. McGonagall wrote:

Beautiful railway bridge over the silvery Tay!

Alas! I am very sorry to say
That ninety lives have been taken away
On the last Sabbath day of 1879
Which will be remembered for a very long time.
A new Tay Bridge was completed in 1887, and of course William wrote a poem for the occasion. I think you can
guess how it began.

Beautiful new railway bridge over the silvery Tay!

With your strong brick piers and buttresses in so grand array,
And your thirteen central girders, which seem to my eye,
Strong enough all windy storms to defy.

Portrait of William McGonagall by W B Lamond

William McGonagall organised public events where he would read his poetry. They were very popular. People
came to laugh at his poems, and throw rotten fruit and vegetables at him. (Obviously, in those days, there was not
much to do in Dundee in the evenings). But McGonagall continued to believe that he had a special gift as a poet.
His fame as a bad poet spread throughout Scotland, and then in the rest of Britain and in the British empire. But his
poetry did not make him rich, and he died penniless in Edinburgh in 1902. He has never been forgotten however.
His books of poetry have been reprinted regularly. Last week, a manuscript of some of his poems was sold at
auction for thousands of pounds. People still read his poems today and smile.
The Loch Ness Monster - Part 2
May 13, 2008

In the last podcast, we talked about the Loch Ness monster, and we met Steve Feltham, who has spent the last 17
years living beside Loch Ness, looking for the monster.

On the website today, you will find a YouTube video. In the video, Steve Feltham tells us about what he does. I will
not give you a transcript of what he says, but here are some of the main things, to help you understand.

He introduces himself and tells us where he lives, how long he has lived there and what he does. He mentions a
place called Dores where he now lives permanently.

He tells us about “the best thing he has seen” (ie the best sighting of something that might be the Loch Ness
monster). It was near Fort Augustus, is at the southern end of Loch Ness.

He has also been out on Loch Ness in boats with sonar equipment. The sonar shows “little blobs”(ie little shapes)
and sometimes some “big blobs”. Steve tells us what these “blobs” might be.

He tells us about the different theories that people have about the monster.

He tells us what he does when the water is flat and calm;and what he does when it is choppy.

He gets to hear about sightings which other people have made, and people often show him their photos and videos.

There are fewer good sightings of the monster today than there used to be. Steve puts forward a theory on why this
might be.

There is a quiz on the website, so you can test how well you understood Steve’s video.
The Loch Ness Monster
May 13, 2008

Loch Ness at sunrise. Photo by geordiemac/flickr

Loch Ness is in Scotland, and it is long and narrow and very deep. Loch Ness is special. What is it?

Well, “loch” is a Scottish Gaellic word that means a lake or an inlet of the sea. There are thousands of place names
in Scotland containing the word “loch”. So Loch Ness is a lake. It is in fact the largest freshwater lake in Britain.
But that is not the reason why Loch Ness is special.

No, Loch Ness is special because it has its very own monster. People say that deep in the lake there lives a large
creature. Occasionally – very occasionally – you can see the creature swimming on the surface of Loch Ness, or
even moving on the land close to the shores of the lake. No-one is certain what sort of creature it is, so it has no
proper scientific name. But everyone calls the Loch Ness monster “Nessie”.

The oldest stories about the monster date from the 6th century. St Columba, who first brought Christianity to
Scotland, is said to have saved the life of a man who had been attacked by a huge creature near Loch Ness. The
modern stories about the monster started in 1933, when there were three sightings of a large, strange creature, about
1 metre high and 8 metres long, with a long neck. There have been similar reports in most years since then,
sometimes of a creature on land, though more normally of a creature in the water. There have been some
photographs of Nessie as well, but most of them are of poor quality, and some may be fakes. Several studies of
Loch Ness using sonar equipment have found traces of a large object or objects deep in the water.

So what is Nessie? Some people think that she (or he?) may be a type of dinosaur, which had managed to survive
when all the other dinosaurs on earth died out. But most scientists think that this is extremely implausible. So is
Nessie some other sort of animal, such as an eel or a seal? Or perhaps Nessie does not exist at all. Perhaps the
people who say that they have seen a creature in Loch Ness actually saw other things – a small boat, perhaps, or a
group of birds, or a pattern of waves and shadows on the water.

Steve Feltham is one of the people who believes that Nessie exists. In 1991, he gave up his home, his job and his
girlfriend to become a full-time Nessie hunter. For the last seventeen years, he has lived beside Loch Ness looking
for the monster. His home is an old van that used to be a mobile library. It is parked in the car park of a pub, close to
the shore of the Loch. Steve makes little clay models of Nessie to sell to tourists. He has only once, in 17 years,
seen something which might have been Nessie, but that is not important for him. He loves his life as a Nessie
hunter. We shall have more about him in the next podcast.
The Loch Ness Monster - Grammar and Vocabulary Note
May 13, 2008

Let’s revise some adjectives which tell us how big things are.

• Loch Ness is long, narrow and deep. If it was not long, it would be short. If it was not narrow, it would be
wide. If it was not deep, it would be shallow.

• Loch Ness is big. If it was not big, it would be small.

• The mountains in Scotland are high. If they were not high, they would be low.

• The man in the film is tall and fat. If he was not fat, he would be thin. If he was not tall, he would be short.

Some other words which mean “big” – large, huge, massive, vast, enormous.

Some other words which mean “small” – little, tiny, miniscule, minute.

Other words which mean “thin” (generally in relation to people) – slim, slender.

Other words which mean “fat” (again, generally in relation to people) – portly, tubby

“...is said to…” means “people say that…”. For example:

• Bill Gates is said to be the richest man in the world. (People say that he is the richest ma in the world).

• I have not read any of John’s books, but it is said that he writes very well. (People say that he writes very
well).

• It is said that, when she was young, she was a famous ballet dancer.(People say that when she was young
she was a famous ballet dancer).

I have turned the first part of this note into a short exercise. It is in a PDF file which you can download from the
link below.
Bank Holiday
May 4, 2008

We go to the seaside. We sit on the sand and eat ice-cream…. Photo by crunchcandy/flickr

Irene, who lives in Germany, is a regular listener to these podcasts. She has sent me an e-mail to suggest that I make
a podcast about “bank holidays” in England and the way that we celebrate them.

Most countries have public holidays at various times of the year – that means, days when schools, offices and many
businesses are closed, so that most people do not have to go to work. In England, our public holidays have the
rather strange name “bank holidays”. The name comes from an Act of Parliament in 1871, which required the Bank
of England to close on certain days during the year. The idea was that, if the Bank of England was closed, many
other businesses would close as well, and that their employees could have a day off work. And that is in fact what
has happened – the “bank holidays” have become general public holidays.

Some of the “bank holidays” are at the times of the important traditional Christian festivals at Easter and Christmas.
But the other holidays are not religious, they are secular. Unlike public holidays in many other countries, they are
not on a fixed date every year. Instead they are all on Mondays, so that people can take a long weekend break if
they wish. Tomorrow, for example, is the May Day Bank Holiday, which is on the first Monday in May every year.
We have another bank holiday, the Spring Bank Holiday, on the last Monday in May; and another bank holiday on
the last Monday in August.

In Scotland and Ireland they have bank holidays on the feast days of their patron saints – St Andrew’s Day (30
November) in Scotland, and St Patrick’s Day (17 March) in Ireland. But although we poor English have a patron
saint, St George, we do not get a holiday on St George’s Day on 23 April. This is not fair.

So, what do we English do on our bank holidays? We visit friends and relatives. Or perhaps we stay in bed until
lunch-time. We dig our gardens and we mow our lawns. We go to football or cricket matches. We go to huge out-of-
town superstores to buy curtains and things for the kitchen. We do DIY jobs around the house, like painting the
bedroom or putting up a new shelf in the bathroom. And if the weather is good, we get in our cars and we go to the
seaside. There we sit on the sand and eat ice-creams. At the end of the day, we get back into our cars and drive
home. We get stuck in enormous traffic jams on the motorways. The children argue and fight in the back of the car.
We arrive home tired but happy late in the evening. A perfect bank holiday! It’s such a pity we have to get up in the
morning and go to work.
Bank Holiday - Grammar and Vocabulary Note
May 4, 2008

“DIY” means “do it yourself”. A “DIY job” is something like decorating a room, or installing a new shower. At one
time, people generally employed a professional decorator, or a plumber, to do these things. Nowdays many people
do these jobs for themselves. A “DIY” store is a store which sells paint, wallpaper, wood, tools, and everything else
you need if you want to “do it yourself”.

“A day off work” – a day when you don’t go to work eg because you have a holiday, or because you are sick. You
can ask your boss, “Please can I have a day off tomorrow”.

“A long weekend” is when you take a day off on Friday, or on Monday, or even on both Friday and Monday, in
order to have three or four consecutive days when you do not have to work. We can say, for example, “I am going
to take a long weekend and go and visit my brother in Scotland”.

“A break” means a short holiday. “A weekend break” is when you go away just for the weekend.

“It is [such] a pity that…” or “It is [such] a shame that …” These expressions mean “unfortunately”. Here are some
examples:

“It is my birthday tomorrow. It is such a shame that my sister cannot come to my party.”

“I enjoyed my holiday in France. But it is a pity that I forgot to take my camera.”

“The football was great fun. It’s a pity our team lost!”

“It is a shame that we arrived too late to see the film.”

How to stay warm
May 1, 2008

Sheep on the road in North Yorkshire. Photo by Julia Parsons/flickr

If you visit upland areas of Britain – places like the mountains of Scotland, or Wales, or the Pennine Hills in
northern England – you will see a lot of sheep. Many of the sheep are in places where there are no walls or hedges
to keep them in their fields. So the sheep can wander where they like, over the hills, and of course on the roads as
well. Sheep do not take much notice of cars. So, imagine you are driving along a little road in northern England.
The sun is shining. You look at the beautiful views across the hills and the valleys. You turn a corner. And you find
a flock of sheep on the road. The sheep look at you. You look at the sheep. You toot your car horn. The sheep look
at you some more. Then slowly, they move and let you past.

The sheep particularly like the road in the evening, because it is warm. During the day, the sun shines on the road. If
you try to walk across a sunny road in bare feet, you will know how hot the road can be. When evening comes, the
road is a nice warm place for the sheep to go to sleep. And the sheep do not want to move, just because a car comes
round the corner. Well, you would not like getting out of bed to let a car come past.

What is the point of this little story about sheep? It is that roads are very good at absorbing heat from the sun. A
laboratory in England wants to see if it can use this fact to keep roads free of ice and snow in the winter. It wants to
place pipes filled with water underneath the road. When the sun shines, the road will become hot and the water in
the pipes will become hot too. A small pump will pump the hot water into a tank buried in the ground at the side of
the road. The tank will be heavily insulated. That means that the heat will not be able to escape, and the water will
stay warm for a long time. And on cold winter nights, the pump will pump the warm water back into the pipes
underneath the road. The warm water will heat the road surface and keep it free of ice.

The scientists and technologists call this technology “Interseasonal Heat Transfer”, or IHT. It is of course a very
simple technology, but many people think that intelligent use of simple technology will be very important in the
future. Climate change and the rising prices of fossil fuels like coal, gas and oil make it urgent to find new ways of
doing things which will not damage the environment. If we can store heat from roads, car parks, airport runways,
roofs, school playgrounds etc in summer, we could use the heat during the winter – not just for keeping roads free
of ice, but for heating buildings and providing hot water.

In the last podcast, I asked you to imagine that you were very rich, and had lots of servants. Naturally, you have a
tennis court and a swimming pool – probably you have three tennis courts and two swimming pools. How will you
keep your swimming pools warm in winter? Easy – place pipes filled with water under the tennis courts to collect
heat from the sun in summer. Store the hot water in insulated tanks and use it to heat the swimming pools in winter.
I get my car repaired. You get your hair cut.
Apr 25, 2008

We get our milk delivered. Photo of a milkman with his milk float by Hembo
Pagi/flickrMy car does not go. I don’t know what is wrong with it. The engine won’t start. The car will not move.
What shall I do?

I will get the car repaired. That means – I will not repair the car myself. I will ask someone else to do it, and they
will repair the car for me. Look at the way we can talk about this in English.

I will get my car repaired.

I will have my car repaired.
I will get the garage to repair my car.
I will have the garage repair my car.

Now here is something which we all need, but which we cannot do for ourselves – cutting our hair. (What? You cut
your own hair? How? Would you like to send me a photo so I can put it on the website?) So what do you do?

You get your hair cut.

You have your hair cut.
You get the hairdresser to cut your hair.
You have the hairdresser cut your hair.

Do you know what a milkman is? In England you can have your milk delivered to your home. Our milkman comes
at about 3am. He leaves two bottles of milk and one bottle of orange juice outside our door. He drives a little
electric van (we call it a “milk float” in English), so he makes hardly any noise. The milk bottles are made of glass,
and when they are empty, we leave them outside the door for the milkman to collect. So :

We get our milk delivered.

We have our milk delivered.
We get the milkman to deliver our milk.
We have the milkman deliver our milk.

Now imagine that you are very rich. No, not very rich – very, very rich indeed. You do not have a luxury sports car.
You have three luxury sports cars, and a yacht, and a private aeroplane, and a home in Monte Carlo where your
friends are all very rich too. And you have servants – people to do things for you. Here are some of the things you
get your servants to do:

You get your food cooked.

You have your finger nails polished.
You get your butler to pour your champagne.
You have your gardener mow the lawn.

If you like, think of other things which your servants can do for you. Use the expressions we have used in this
podcast -“I get something done”, “I have something done” etc – and put them on the Listen to English website as
comments. Or perhaps you can get someone to put them on the website for you.
The Great Smell

The Stink! Photo by whizchickenonabun/flickr

In the last podcast, I said that I would tell you how Birmingham did in their match against Aston Villa. Well, they
lost 5-1. Sorry, Birmingham! Birmingham could still stay in the Premiership next season, but things are not looking
good. The nail-biting continues.

Now for our story today. It started on Thursday evening last week. People in the south-east of England noticed a
strange smell in the air. It was not a pleasant smell. Rather, it was the smell of rotten things, of manure and sewage,
mixed with the smell of traffic fumes. People started to complain – to the newspapers and TV stations, and to the
weather forecasters at the Meteorological Office. What was it?

Well, said the Meteorological Office, the cause of the Great Smell was this. There was a mass of cold, still air over
northern Europe. There was low cloud and no wind. All sorts of smells and fumes – from industry and from farms,
from traffic and from everyday life – had become trapped under the cloud. Then on Thursday, the cold air, and its
smells, had moved westwards over southern England.

“What?” said our newspapers. “You mean, it isn’t a good, healthy English smell. It’s a nasty foreign smell.” And the
newspapers started to run stories about how the smell was all the fault of the French, because we English always
blame the French first whenever anything bad happens. However, it then became clear that the smell was coming,
not from France, but from further north and east. So we started to blame the Germans and the Dutch, because we
English always blame the Germans and the Dutch second whenever anything bad happens.

The Meteorological Office tried to explain that the smell was not a threat to health, and that it would blow away in
the next few days. But the newspapers did not want to listen. They were having too much fun blaming foreigners.

The truth, of course, is this:

1. there was nothing more interesting for the newspapers to report;

2. people who live in towns get used to town smells, like traffic fumes and fast-food restaurants. They forget that
there are country smells too, like the smell of manure being spread on fields.
3. many newspapers forget that England too has serious pollution problems. Normally, the westerly winds carry our
pollution over to other countries, so maybe it is fair that occasionally other countries’ polluted air comes to us.

And what can you learn from this story? First, remember that “smell” in English is a neutral word. We can talk
about nice smells and unpleasant smells. You can tell your girlfriend that her new perfume smells lovely; and you
can say that a pile of rotten rubbish smells horrible.

Second, there are lots of other words that you can use instead of “smell”. A delicate, pleasant smell, like the smell
of a flower, can be called a “scent”. “Aroma” is a neutral word like “smell” – there are pleasant aromas (like dinner
cooking in the kitchen) and unpleasant aromas. And a really nasty smell like the smell of sewage can be called a
“stink” or a “stench”.

So now you know lots of words to use if you ever want to talk about the smelly English.

PS. I forgot – the word “odour” also means a smell, normally an unpleasant smell.
Why the Blues are biting their nails
Apr 18, 2008

Blues fans looking glum after their team lost a match last year. Sick as a parrot?

Do you bite your finger nails? No – don’t answer that question. I don’t really want to know. Biting your nails is a
bad habit which will lead to premature baldness and make you unattractive to the opposite sex. Instead, we are
going to talk football in this podcast, and football has nothing to do with biting your nails, has it?

I want you to imagine that you are a life-long supporter of Birmingham City Football Club. Every week during the
football season, you go to watch the team play. You wear a blue shirt, and a blue and white scarf and a blue and
white hat. (Yes, you probably guessed that blue is the Birmingham City colour). If you can’t go to a match, you stay
at home or go to the pub to watch it on television. And you wear your blue and white football kit even when you
watch a match on TV. This is strange behaviour, but Blues fans are dedicated people.

You live in Birmingham, and many of your friends are Blues supporters like you. But Birmingham is a divided city,
because another tribe of people live here too. They are the supporters of Birmingham’s other big football club,
Aston Villa. Both Birmingham City and Aston Villa play in the Premier League, or the Premiership, which is the
top division in English football, made up of the 20 top clubs in the country.

And I need to mention too that there is a third football club. It isn’t actually in Birmingham, because its football
ground is just over the border in the town of Sandwell. This third club is West Bromwich Albion, though everyone
calls them the Baggies. (No, I don’t know why they are called the Baggies.) When West Brom score a goal, their
supporters celebrate by jumping up and down and shouting “Boing Boing”; and I don’t know why they do that
either. Unlike Birmingham City and Aston Villa, the Baggies play in the Championship, which is the division below
the Premier League.

It is getting towards the end of the English football season. Since the beginning of the season, at the end of last
August, most clubs in the Premiership have played 34 games. They each have only have four more games to go.
Aston Villa are 7th from the top of the Premiership. They are not going to win the Premiership, but they will
definitely still play in the Premiership next year. And the Baggies are at present top of the Championship, so it is
very likely that they will be promoted at the end of the season, and will play in the Premiership next year along with
Aston Villa.

And Birmingham City? Well, poor old Birmingham are fourth from the bottom of the Premiership. They could still
win sufficient matches to stay in the Premiership next year; but equally they could be relegated at the end of the
season. And how would that make you feel, Birmingham City supporter? You would feel awful. You would be
depressed. You might even be suicidal. You can imagine the smirks on the faces of the Villa and Baggies fans.

On Sunday, the Blues and their blue and white supporters will travel across Birmingham to play Aston Villa. The
Blues really need to win this game if they are to be sure of staying in the Premiership. If you were a Birmingham
City supporter, what words could you use to describe the atmosphere before the match – nervous, perhaps; or tense;
or even “nail-biting”. If something is “nail-biting” , we mean that it is very tense and exciting, and all we can do is
to wait for it to finish, and bite our nails while we are waiting. So, we can talk about a “nail-biting” atmosphere; or
we can say that the last 15 minutes of the match was “nail-biting”; or that you had a “nail-biting” wait for the
results of your exam.

Finally, can I remind you of two vital football phrases. If Birmingham win on Sunday, you will be “over the moon”.
And if they lose, you will be “sick as a parrot”. I will tell you in the next podcast which you are.

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Folly
Apr 14, 2008

Perrott’s Folly.

Today we meet the English word “folly”, and we visit a strange old building and an art exhibition.

Let’s start with the word “folly”. I guess you know what “foolish” means. If someone is foolish, he or she does
stupid or unwise things. We can call such a person a “fool”. And a “folly” is, simply, something which is foolish –
something which is stupid, or unwise, or not sensible. We can say, for example, that it is folly to spend all your
money at a casino, or that it is folly to drive your car on the wrong side of the road.

In the 18th century, it was fashionable for wealthy landowners to decorate their estates with beautiful but
completely unnecessary buildings. For example, a landowner might build something that looks like a ruined Greek
temple, half hidden in the trees. Or he might build a tall tower on the top of a hill. These buildings had no useful
purpose. They were simply to decorate the landscape. We call them “Follies”.

We have a folly here in Birmingham. It is called Perrott’s Folly. It is a tower nearly 30 meters tall. There are six
rooms, one above the other, and a spiral staircase. A man called John Perrott built the tower, in the middle of the
18th century. At that time, there was open country all around. Birmingham was still a village, a mile or two away.
Today it is quite different. There are streets and cars, houses and factories and offices, where there were once fields
and woods.

Close by, there is a second tower, built in the 19th century by Birmingham Waterworks. I guess you have heard of
the author J R R Tolkien, who wrote the Lord of the Rings books. When he was a child, Tolkien walked past the
two towers – Perrott’s Folly and the waterworks tower – every day on his way to school. Tolkien fans say that the
two towers were the inspiration for the two dark, evil towers which play an important part in Lord of the Rings.

Today Perrott’s Folly is in poor condition. One of the floors is missing and the paint is flaking off the walls. There
are old pipes and a boiler from a long-forgotten heating system, perhaps from the time when Birmingham
University used the tower as a weather station. It is not an obvious place to hold an art exhibition.

Part of the Jürgen Partenheimer exhibition in Perrott’s Folly.

But last week I was able to visit Perrott’s Folly to see some art works by the modern German artist Jürgen
Partenheimer. Carefully we climbed the spiral staircase. In each of the rooms, Jürgen Partenheimer had placed a
single art work. When you look at his art works, they seem to remind you of something you once saw but which is
now lost deep in your memory. And while we were looking at the art works, there was music playing- music written
specially for this exhibition by the Irish composer Kevin Volans. The music too seems to remind you of something
that you once heard but have now forgotten. Very strange. Here is a little bit to keep you company until the next
podcast.
Up up up
Apr 11, 2008

Up! Photo by ezu/flickr

When you learn English, you learn about phrasal verbs. What are phrasal verbs? They are verbs which are formed,
not of one word, but of two or more words. For instance, if I come home from work and want to watch a TV
programme, I go into my sitting room and I switch the TV on. “Switch on “ is a phrasal verb. And when I have
finished watching the programme, I switch the TV off, or I turn the TV off – “to switch off” and “to turn off” are
both phrasal verbs.

We have thousands of phrasal verbs in English, and I could make podcasts about different phrasal verbs for the next
year ( but don’t worry, I won’t!) However today, we are going to have a podcast containing lots of phrasal verbs
with the word “up”. You know what “up” means, of course. “Up” is the opposite of “down”. You can climb up the
stairs, and you can climb down the stairs again. However, lots of phrases and expressions containing the word “up”
have nothing to do with “up” in the sense of “not down”, and this is very confusing.

I am sure that you already know several phrasal verbs containing “up”. In the morning, you wake up. Then you get
up. After that, perhaps you have some breakfast. When you have finished eating breakfast, you stand up, and clear
the table, and wash up the dishes.

And then perhaps you notice that your room is in a terrible mess – there are clothes and books and CDs on the floor.
So you tidy up your room. Yesterday you spilled some coffee on the table. Now you clean it up, and you sweep up
some cake crumbs that are on the floor.

Then you set off for school. Today there are some roadworks near your house – some workmen are digging up the
road, to repair a broken water pipe. The roadworks hold the traffic up, and you are nearly late for school.

In your English lesson,your teacher asks the class to make up a story about a family going on holiday. First you
make some notes about words and phrases which you might use. Then you start to write up your story. You have to
look up some of the words in the dictionary. At the end of the lesson, your teacher says, “The time is up – please
give me your stories and clear up your things before you leave.”

It is time for lunch. Your friend calls out to you, but there are so many people making so much noise that you
cannot hear what he says. “Speak up,” you shout, “I can’t hear you”. “Hurry up”, he says, “I don’t want to be late.”
You are hungry, and you eat up all your lunch.

After school, you have just got home when your cousin turns up. She has recently broken up with her boyfriend.
You never liked her boyfriend – in your opinion he was silly and immature and needed to grow up. You don’t
understand why she put up with him for so long. You try to cheer your cousin up by telling her all this, but it just
makes your cousin more upset. You decide to shut up and change the subject. You suggest a trip to the cinema
together. But your cousin says she is hard up and can’t afford to go. So you end up offering to pay for her cinema
ticket.

And now I am fed up with finding phrases containing the word “up”. I am sure there are many, many more of them.
If you want to tell me, and all the other visitors to the Listen to English website, about your day, using phrasal verbs
containing “up”, then please post a comment on the website. On the website, you will also find a short grammar and
vocabulary note.

Up up up - grammar and vocabulary note

Apr 11, 2008

“Wash up” – in English, we wash ourselves, and we wash the clothes, but we wash up dirty dishes and cutlery.

“Hold up” means to delay. “The roadworks held the traffic up”. ““I was held up by a crisis at work.”

“To make up” here means to invent. There is a whole podcast about “make up” here.

“The time is up” – the time e.g. for an exam has finished.

“To turn up” means to arrive, generally to arrive unexpectedly. So, you had not invited your cousin to come and see
you, she just “turned up”.

“To break something up” means to break it into pieces. If we say that a party is breaking up, we mean that people
have started to leave and go home. If a meeting breaks up, it means that people have started to leave. A special use
is when we say that a school breaks up – it means that it is the end of term and the pupils are going home for the
holidays. And when two people break up, it means that they have had a row and don’t want to be in a relationship
any longer.

“To put up with someone or something” – to tolerate someone or something.

“If you are “hard up”, it means that you do not have much money.

“You end up paying for her ticket” – eventually, perhaps at the end of a long discussion, you pay for her ticket.
Murdered someone once!
Apr 7, 2008

Felix Dennis

Felix Dennis publishes magazines. He is, in fact, a very successful publisher, and his magazines have made him
very rich. He is one of the richest people in Britain. He has written a book about how to get rich. Unlike most books
that tell you how to get rich, Felix Dennis’ book tells you that there are no simple ways to make a fortune, and that
you have to work very hard and take big risks. Felix Dennis also writes poetry. Personally, I do not think his poetry
is particularly good, but many people disagree with me, and his books of poetry sell very well. He is a great fan of
the boxer Mohammed Ali, and he has written books about him. When he was young, Felix spent a short time in
prison for publishing obscene material. Oh, and he also used to be addicted to crack cocaine, but he has now
overcome his addiction.

Is there anything more to know about Felix Dennis? Well, last week the Times newspaper published an interview
with him, and in the interview, Mr Dennis revealed that he had once murdered someone! The man he had murdered
had been abusive to a woman whom Felix Dennis had known.

“He hurt her, “ he explained, “and I told him to stop, and he kept on.”

“Wouldn’t let her alone. She told him to stop. I told him to stop. Many people told him to stop.”

“Wouldn’t stop, kept on and on and on.”

So what did Felix Dennis do?

“In the end, had a little meeting with him. Pushed him off the edge of a cliff. Weren’t hard.”

The interviewer asked where this had happened.

“Don’t matter where it was.”

And when?

“About 25 years ago”.

I am sure you have noticed something strange about the way in which Felix Dennis speaks. He often leaves out the
subject of his sentences. For instance, he says “wouldn’t stop” instead of “he wouldn’t stop”. And he uses some
incorrect verb forms – he says “weren’t hard” instead of “it wasn’t hard”.

Can you turn Felix Dennis’s story into correct English? There is a pdf file on the website for you to look at if you
have problems.

So, have the police arrested Mr Dennis and charged him with murder? Will his career end with a second, much
longer time in prison?
Well, no. Felix Dennis has said that when the Times interviewed him, he was drunk. In fact, he was very drunk. His
story about murdering someone was “hogwash” (that is, it was nonsense or rubbish).

I do not know exactly what Felix Dennis said, but perhaps it was like this;

“Ridiculous story”.

“Had too much to drink. Two, three bottles of wine maybe.”

“Never harmed anyone in my whole life.”

“Stupid to talk to the Times.”

“Can’t imagine why I said that.”

“Hope no-one believes it.”

Murdered someone once - grammar and vocabulary note
Apr 7, 2008

In the interview, Felix Dennis says several times “he kept on”.He means, of course, that the man “kept on” hurting
or abusing the woman and her children. “To keep on doing something” or “to keep doing something” means simply
to continue to do something, or to do it repeatedly. Here are some examples:

My bicycle is too big for me and I keep on falling off!

Felix Dennis keeps on saying that he did not push a man off a cliff.

If you do not pass the exam the first time, you must keep on trying.

In the second half of the football match, our team kept on trying to score a goal.

I keep getting letters from my friends in Australia.

I have “translated” what Felix Dennis said in the interview, like this:

“He hurt her and I told him to stop, and he kept on (hurting her)...He wouldn’t let her alone. She told him to stop. I
told him to stop. many people told him to stop….He wouldn’t stop, he kept on and on and on (hurting the woman).
....In the end, I had a little meeting with him. I pushed him off the edge of a cliff. It wasn’t hard (ie it was not
difficult to push him)...It doesn’t matter where t was (ie it doen’t matter where this incident happened). It happened
about 25 years ago.”

We have moved!
Mar 20, 2008

We have successfully moved Listen to English to a new server. I hope that you will be able to listen to podcasts and
to download them without problem.

At very busy times, you may have to wait a long time to access this site. If this is a problem for you, go to:

http://petercarter.accountsupport.com

which is a “repeater” site where you will be able to download the latest Listen to English podcasts. You can
subscribe to podcasts either here or on the repeater site.

Next podcast 7 April.

Peter
Budget
Mar 11, 2008

On Budget Day 2007, the then Chancellor of the Exchequer, Gordon Brown, leaving 11 Downing Street with the
red box containing his budget papers. Gordon Brown is now the Prime Minister. The new Chancellor, Alastair
Darling, will take the red box to Parliament later today.

Today we are going to find out about the English word “budget”.

But first, I asked you a question at the end of the last podcast. I told you about the supermarket check-out for people
who are buying only a few things. I asked you whether the sign above this checkout should say “10 items or less”
or “10 items or fewer”.

Well, I think it should say “10 items or fewer”. We can count items – one item, two items etc – and “fewer” is a
word which we use with things we can count, while “less” is a word we use with things we cannot count. But many
people – and several supermarkets – say “10 items or less”. That is the problem with English – English people don’t
speak it properly.

But now lets talk about budgets. What is a budget? Suppose you make a list of everything you need to spend money
on in the next month – rent, food, clothes, bus fares etc. Then you work out how much money you will earn. And
then you compare these two – your income and your expenditure – to see whether you will have enough money.
This is a “budget” – a look into the future to see how much money will come in and how much will go out. It is a
financial plan, in other words.

We use the word “budget” in other ways too. For example, suppose you want to buy a new computer. You work out
how much money you have, and how much you will need to spend on other things. Then you calculate that you
could afford to pay £450 for a new computer. £450 is your “budget” for the new computer.

We can use the word “budget” as a verb. “To budget” means to plan what you will spend money on. You might say,
for example “I don’t have a lot of money. I need to budget carefully”.

Sometimes “budget” just means “cheap”. The problem with the word “cheap” is that it implies poor quality as well
as low price. So shops don’t like to advertise their goods as “cheap”. They look for other words instead. They talk
about “our value tinned tomatoes”, “our bargain sofas” or “our budget range of computers”. You see how much
better it sounds to say “budget” instead of “cheap”. I should be an advertising executive, not a podcaster.
And why are we talking about budgets in this podcast? Well, today is “budget day”, one of the great events of
British politics. This afternoon our Finance Minister (or “Chancellor of the Exchequer” as we call him) will leave
his home at number 11 Downing Street, next door to where the Prime Minister lives, carrying a red box. He will
travel in his official car to Parliament, which is about 200 meters away. (I don’t know why he cannot walk, like a
normal person.) When he gets to Parliament, he will open the red box and take out a file of papers. He will then tell
Parliament about the government’s budget for the next financial year – how much the government will spend and
how much it will take from us in taxes. He will tell us about tax increases and tax cuts, and say how wise and
careful the government is, and how the British economy is doing really well. And then the opposition parties will
say that the government is spending too much, or too little, or that taxes are too high, or too low, and that the British
economy is in a terrible mess. And by this evening, we will all be able to work out whether the budget has made us
better off or worse off. I can hardly wait.

Budget - Vocabulary Note

Mar 11, 2008

Here are some useful words and expression from the podcast.

to work out means “to calculate”. For example:

• I worked out that I could pay £450 fo a new computer.

• Kevin worked out that if United won their next 4 games, they would win the championship.
• Here is a maths problem. Can you work out the answer?

Work out also has another, more modern meaning. If you go to a gym, and use the equipment – the heavy weights,
the bicycle that doesn’t go antwhere – to are “working out”. For example:

• Joanne works out in the gym twice a week.

To be well off means to have plenty of money. For example:

• Tuscany (in Italy) is a favourite place for well-off British people to go for a holiday.

And to be badly off means to have only a little money. For example:

• Badly-off people cannot afford to go on holiday at all.

And if I am better off it means that I have more money, or that I have some other advantage. For example:

• George has a well-paid job. He is better off than Kevin.

• Will today’s budget make me better off?
• Joan lives a long way from her work. She would be better off if she moved so that she did not have so far to
travel.

And, of course, worse off is the opposite of better off. For example:

• People in the north of England are generally worse off (ie they earn less) than people in the south.
• If the Chancellor of the Exchequer increases the tax on beer in the budget, Kevin will be worse off.

I can hardly wait means I am very excited and I am counting the minutes until I can work out how much
more tax I will have to pay next year!
How many apples? How much sugar?
Mar 4, 2008

We can count apples …...

Photo by nettsu/flickr

What is the difference between apples and sugar?

What is the difference between light-bulbs and electricity?

What is the difference between trees and rain?

What do you think? Do you give up? Shall I tell you?

The difference between apples and sugar is simply this. You can count apples – one apple, two apples, three apples
etc. You cannot count sugar. You can weigh sugar, you can measure sugar, but you cannot count sugar. And it is the
same with lightbulbs and electricity, and trees and rain. You can count lightbulbs and trees; you cannot count
electricity or rain.

Does this matter, you may be asking? Why is he telling us these things?

Well, dear listeners, often we want to say “how many?” or “how much?” of something there is. And when we do
this we need to remember that there are some words which we can use only with things we can count, and other
words which we can use only with things we cannot count. Here are some examples.

We can count cars – one car, two cars etc. We can say:

• there are only a few cars on the road today

• there are many cars on the road today
• there are several cars parked outside my house
• there are fewer cars than there were yesterday

“Few”, “many”, “several” and “fewer” are words that we can use with things we can count, like cars. But we cannot
use them with things that we cannot count.
... but we cannot count water

Photo by rogilde/flickr

Or, imagine that you are painting your house. We cannot count paint. We can weigh paint, and we can measure
paint, but we cannot count paint. We can say:

• I need a little paint for the kitchen (or a little bit of paint for the kitchen).
• so I do not need to buy much paint.
• but I need a large amount of paint for living room.
• I need less paint for the bathroom than for the bedroom.

“A little”, “much”, “a large amount of” and “less” are words that we can use with things that we cannot count like
paint, but not with things that we can count.

How do you know what things we can count and what things we cannot count? Well, generally, if a noun is a plural
noun (if it has an “-s” on the end), then it is the name of something we can count, like apples or cars. And if the
noun is singular (no “-s” on the end) then it is the name of something that we cannot count, like electricity or rain.
If you find it easier, think “plural or singular” instead of “countable or not countable”. And remember that there are
also lots of words and expressions that you can use both with things you can count and with things that you cannot
count (“lots of..” is one of them).

There is a grammar note on the podcast website with a PDF file which you can download. And there is also a quiz,
so that you can test whether you have understood the podcast.

Finally, here is a problem for you to think about. In many supermarkets in England, they have a check-out which is
specially for people who only want to buy a few things. This is so that they do not have to wait a long time behind
people who are buying a whole month’s groceries for a family of 12 people. There is a sign to show which is the
check-out for people who are buying only a few things. In some supermarkets, the sign says “10 items or less”. But
in one supermarket, it says “10 items or fewer”. Which one is right? Answer next time.
The Market Rasen Earthquake
Feb 29, 2008

Some chimneys were damaged in Yorkshire …

The big news story this week was the great Market Rasen earthquake.

We have lots of earthquakes in Britain. There are about 200 every year, but most of them are so small that people do
not notice them

The earthquake this week – in the early hours [ie between midnight and about 4am] of Wednesday morning – was
different, however. It was of course, very small compared with earthquakes in other countries. But it was the
biggest earthquake in Britain for 25 years, and people could feel it over a large part of England.

The epicentre of the earthquake was close to a small town in eastern England called Market Rasen. Very little
happens in Market Rasen. It is famous for …well, it isn’t famous for anything really. There is a racecourse and a
man who wrote the lyrics for one of Michael Jackson’s songs once went to school there. Several web-sites tell me
that Charles Dickens, the famous 19th century novelist, described Market Rasen as “the sleepiest town in England”.
However, I can’t find where Charles Dickens said this, so I don’t know if it is true.

But everyone, and everywhere, can be world famous for 15 minutes. Market Rasen’s 15 minutes of fame was this
week. On Wednesday, newspaper and TV reporters set to work to write the story of the great Market Rasen
earthquake. Here are some of the things that they found :

• teacups rattled in Bedfordshire;

• toothpaste fell off a bathroom shelf in Halifax;
• cupboard doors flew open in Tipton, near Birmingham;
• a radio jumped up and down in London;
• a glass of water rattled on a bedside table in Chester;
• some chimneys were damaged in Yorkshire;
• a piece of stone fell off the church at Market Rasen.
...and a glass of water rattled on a bedside table in Chester.

Photo by bram_app/flickr.

As you can see, there was no story for the journalists to find. No-one was killed; only 1 person was injured; and
damage to buildings was small. So why was the Market Rasen earthquake the big news story of the week?

I think it is because the earthquake was an experience which everyone shared. On Wednesday morning, everyone
had a personal story to tell. Some people could say how they woke up in the night. Their houses shook, and they
heard a deep rumbling sound. Some people knew immediately that it was an earthquake. Other people said that they
were frightened because they did not know what had happened. Some people ran out of their houses to see what
was happening. Other people stayed in bed and went back to sleep. And other people said that they had not woken
up at all – they had slept straight through the earthquake. So, for a few hours on Wednesday morning, everyone in
England could talk about the same thing.

When people try to describe something like an earthquake, they often use the expressions “it was like…” or “it was
as if…”. I found these descriptions in the newspapers:

• it was as if a giant was shaking my house;

• it was like a bomb had exploded;
• it was like a train very close to the house;
• it was as if someone had hit the house;
• it was like a plane had crashed;
• it was like a heavy lorry passing the house;
• it was as if a train was going under the house;
• it was like there was a big animal on the roof.

Listen to English will be back next week with more important news stories.
A Gruesome Discovery
Feb 26, 2008

The harbour at St Aubin in Jersey in the Channel Islands. Photo by MarilynJane/flickr.

Today we visit the Channel Islands. The Channel Islands are a group of islands in the English Channel, close to the
north coast of France. But they are not part of France. And they are not really part of Britain either. The British
Queen is also ruler of the Channel Islands, and the British government looks after their defence and foreign affairs.
But in other respects, the islands are tiny independent states – they have their own Parliaments and governments
and their own laws. Until about 100 years ago, most people on the islands spoke a dialect of French, but today the
main language is English.

The Channel Islands are famous for cows, potatoes and income tax. The Jersey and Guernsey breeds of cattle –
which come from the Channel Islands – produce a creamy milk with lots of butterfat. At one time, we could buy
Channel Islands milk in England – people said how good it was for you, because it had so much cream. Today,
everyone is afraid of getting too fat, so we don’t want milk with lots of cream in it. And the potatoes? Well, many
farmers in the Channel Islands grow potatoes which are ready to be harvested and eaten several weeks before
potatoes grown in England. These Channel Island potatoes are called Jersey Royals and you can buy them in
English supermarkets in April and May. And the income tax? Well, there isn’t any income tax in the Channel
Islands. In fact, the Channel Islands is a good place to live if you are very rich. And lots of rich people live there,
and the harbours in the islands are full of their yachts.

A Jersey Cow – excellent milk with lots of cream. Photo by David Nutter/flickr.

However, in the last few days the Channel Islands have been in the news for a very different reason. About 12
months ago, the police in Jersey – the largest of the Channel Islands – received reports about the abuse of children
in care on the island. I need to explain what this means. “Abuse” means very bad treatment of someone, like
violence, or emotional or sexual bad treatment. And “children in care” means children who can no longer live with
their parents, but live with foster parents or in a children’s home instead. About 150 people have now told the Jersey
police about abuse of children in care on the island, over a period of many years. Many of their reports are about
abuse at a children’s home called Haut de la Garenne. The Haut de la Garenne children’s home closed in 1986, and
the building is now a youth hostel. A few days ago, the police made a gruesome discovery there. Using a police
sniffer dog , they found the remains of a child buried under a concrete floor. The police think that there may be
several more bodies to be found.

Jersey is a relatively small community of under 100,000 people. The stories about child abuse have become a major
political issue on the island. People are asking how could abuse of children have continued for so long? Who knew
about the abuse at Haut de la Garenne? Who was responsible for the bad treatment of children? Why is it that it is
only today – 20 years after the Haut de la Garenne children’s home closed – that the police are investigating?

I guess that if you live somewhere like the Channel Islands, it is easy to think that you live in a little paradise, and
that the problems of the rest of the world – crime, poverty, war, disease – do not really affect you. The child’s body
at Haut de la Garenne tells us that this is, unfortunately, not true.
Painting the Forth Bridge
Feb 19, 2008

The Forth Railway Bridge. Photo by tigersweet/flickr

My last podcast was about a motorway junction. But today I am going to talk about something much more
romantic. When I think about it, a dreamy look comes into my eyes and my heart begins to flutter. Yes, dear
listeners, I am going to talk about a railway bridge.

If you look at a map of Scotland, you will see that on the east coast there are several wide river estuaries. The Scots
word for a river estuary is a “firth”. Just north of Edinburgh is the Firth of Forth, the estuary of the river Forth.
Further north, there is the Firth of Tay, the estuary of the river Tay. Until late in the 19th century, people crossed
these estuaries by ferry, or they made a long detour by road to a bridge over the river. But when the railway
companies arrived in Scotland, they wanted to build fast, direct railway lines between the towns and citites. They
needed to build bridges over the firths.

The first bridge was over the Firth of Tay. It was completed in 1877, but it was destroyed in a storm two years later.
A train was passing over the bridge when it collapsed, and many people were killed. The collapse of the Tay Bridge
was a great disaster, at became an important political issue in Britain at the time. The engineers responsible for the
second bridge, over the Firth of Forth, decided that their bridge had to be much stronger. So they built it with steel.
It was in fact the first big steel bridge in the world. About 4000 workmen worked on the bridge, which was opened
in 1890.

And the bridge which they built still stands today. About 200 trains cross the bridge every day. If you travel on one
of these trains, you will often see people working on the bridge. They are always there. They are scraping off old
paint, or repairing the bridge, or painting or welding. People say that the painters who work on the Forth Bridge
start at one end of the bridge and gradually work their way across [ie they go forward, slowly, as they paint]. By the
time they reach the other side, several years later, it is time to start painting again. This was never actually true, but
everyone believed that it was. In English, if we say that something is “like painting the Forth Bridge”, we mean that
it is a job that never ends. By the time you have finished, you have to start again. In our house, doing the ironing is
like painting the Forth Bridge. What is it like in your home?

However, in today’s newspapers there is a report that the engineering company that maintains the bridge is painting
it with a new sort of paint. They have tested the paint on oil rigs in the North Sea. It will last for 20 or 30 years,
without repainting. So another great British tradititon has gone. In future, painting the Forth Bridge will no longer
be – well – like painting the Forth Bridge.

Photo of the Forth Bridge by tigersweet/flickr

Spaghetti Junction
Feb 12, 2008

If you are a regular listener to these podcasts, you will know that I live in BIrmingham. In Birmingham, we have
the most famous landmark in the whole of Britain. What is a landmark? It means a place, or a building, or a natural
feature like a river or a mountain, that everyone knows about. And what is Birmingham’s famous landmark? An
ancient castle, perhaps, or a cathedral, or a statue on the top of a hill? No. None of these. Our famous landmark is
called Spaghetti Junction. It is not, as you might think, an Italian restaurant. It is an interchange, or junction, on the
M6 motorway about 5km north of the centre of Birmingham. If you look at the picture on the website, or on your
iPod screen, you will see why people call it Spaghetti Junction. It looks like a plate of spaghetti.

Now, please don’t send me e-mails to say that you have a motorway junction called Spaghetti Junction in your
country too. I don’t care about your Spaghetti Junction. Birmingham’s Spaghetti Junction was the first Spaghetti
Junction, and it is still the largest motorway junction in Europe. Work on Spaghetti Junction started 40 years ago, in
1968, and was finished four years later. About 150,000 vehicles, and 5 million tons of freight, pass through
Spaghetti Junction every day.

Everyone in Britain knows about Spaghetti Junction and where it is, even people who have never visited
Birmingham itself. It is so well-known because it is unavoidable. If you travel by road in Britain, sooner or later
you will pass Spaghetti Junction. You will remember it because it is the place where the traffic gets really bad,
where the journey gets really boring and where the children start fighting in the back of the car. And if by accident
you take the wrong road at Spaghetti Junction, you will find yourself in London instead of Manchester. Some
people who took the wrong road at Spaghetti Junction five years ago are still trying to find their way home. So be
careful.

Here are some other interesting things about Spaghetti Junction. It is not just a motorway junction. Underneath the
motorway there are two railway lines, three canals, a river and several footpaths. There is a Birmingham joke that
two of the roads at Spaghetti Junction are dead-ends. [A dead-end road means a road that goes nowhere]. And
another Birmingham joke that there is a beach underneath the concrete arches of the motorway. A beach? It is in
fact just a bank of dirt and gravel, with a view over a smelly river and an old factory. You are welcome to come to
Birmingham for a beach holiday if you like, but you may find that Spain would be better.

More seriously, it was necessary to demolish a few hundred houses and other buildings to build the motorway and
Spaghetti Junction. The motorway created a barrier which cuts off the northern suburbs of the city from the city
centre. The vehicles on the motorway create noise and pollution over a wide area. Birmingham today – more than
any other British city – is a city of roads and cars, of heavy lorries and multi-storey car-parks and poor public
transport. So perhaps it is appropriate that Birmingham’s most famous landmark is a motorway junction.
Whether the weather is fine ...
Feb 8, 2008

A listener to these podcasts who lives in Brazil has sent me an e-mail to say, please can I make a podcast about
when we say “if” and when we say “whether”. I have thought very hard about this, because it is not easy to explain.
The trouble is that you do not think about grammar rules for your own language. You just know what word is
correct and what word is wrong.

At one time, perhaps 50 years ago, there were clear rules about when we should use “if” and when we should use
“whether”. I shall explain these rules first, because if you stick to these rules, your English will be correct. But I
will also tell you that, unfortunately, we English often do not obey the rules.

Here are some sentences where we use the word “if”.

• If the sun shines tomorrow, we will go for a picnic.

• If the train is late, I will miss the meeting.
• If I have time, I will drink some coffee and read the newspaper.
• If I had remembered my umbrella, I would not have got so wet.

Now here are some sentences with “whether”.

• Whether the sun shines tomorrow or not, we will have a picnic.

• Whether or not the train is late, I will still miss the meeting.
• I go for a walk every day, whether it is summer or winter.

Now do you see the difference between “if” and “whether”. “If” introduces a single condition. It talks about only
one possible thing that might happen – if the sun shines tomorrow, if the train is late and so on. A sentence with
“whether” talks about two or more different things that might happen – maybe the sun will shine tomorrow, maybe
it will not, but we will go for a picnic whether or not the sun is shining. Very often “whether” sentences contain the
words “or not”; or they say “or not” indirectly, like the last example I gave you.

We also use the word “whether” to begin a noun clause that describes a question or a problem or an issue. Let’s
look at some examples, so that you can see what I mean.

• John asked me whether I could go to a party on Saturday. (“Whether” tells us that there is a question or
problem – can you come to the party?)
• I told him that it depended on whether I finished my homework in time. (“Whether” tells us that there is a
question or problem – will I finish my homework in time?)
• I do not know whether the train goes at 3pm or at 3.15pm. (“Whether” tells us that there is a question or
problem – what time does the train go?)
• I need to find out whether my mother is coming at the weekend.(“Whether” tells us that there is a question
or problem – is my mother coming at the weekend?)
 • Joanne asked her boss whether she could go home early. (“Whether” tells us that there is a question or
problem – can I go home early?)

So – here is our simple rule.

• “If” introduces a single condition.

• “Whether” introduces alternatives, and is often followed by “or not”.
• And “whether” starts noun clauses that tell us that there is a question or a problem.

The trouble is, however, that in modern English, particularly spoken English, people often say “if” when they
should say “whether”. In particular, people often start noun clauses about questions or problems with “if” instead of
“whether”. It is very common to hear people say for example “He asked me if I could go to his party on Saturday”.
In some languages, like French, there is a central institute or academy which decides what the proper rules for the
language are. We do not have anything like this for English. Good English is simply the English that educated and
intelligent English people speak. So if people say “if” instead of “whether”, then “if” is correct!
I hope this is not too confusing. I have made a little quiz so that you can practice “if” and “whether” – you will find
a link on the website.

Finally, here is a little poem about “whether”. You will have to listen carefully, because there are two words in
English that we pronounce “whether”. There is the word “whether” which we have been talking about in today’s
podcast, and there is the “weather” – rain, wind, sunshine and so on.

Whether the weather is fine

Or whether the weather is not
Whether the weather is cold
Or whether the weather is hot
We’ll weather the weather
Whatever the weather
Whether we like it or not.
Pancake Day
Feb 5, 2008

Today is Shrove Tuesday, or Pancake Day. Shrove Tuesday is the day before the beginning of Lent, which is the
period of 40 days leading up to Easter. Traditionally, during Lent, Christians avoid eating rich foods, for example
foods containing lots of eggs or milk. So how do we use up our eggs and milk before Lent begins? We make
pancakes, like this.

First, mix some flour and a pinch of salt in a bowl, and then break two eggs into the flour. Whisk the eggs and flour
together. While you are still whisking, add a little bit of milk, and then a bit more, until the batter is like thick
cream. Then, heat a frying pan until it is really hot, and pour a small amount of the batter into the pan. Tip the pan
from side to side to spread the batter thinly all over the pan, and cook the batter for about half a minute.

Then – and this is the really good bit – you turn the pancake over, so that it can cook on the other side. How? You
flick the pan, tossing the pancake into the air, and catch the pancake in the pan again. Or maybe you don’t catch the
pancake. Maybe it lands on the floor, or sticks to the ceiling. Your children will think it is very funny, even if you
don’t.

Assuming that you catch the pancake, and that it doesn’t go on the floor, you then cook it for a few more seconds
and serve it with lemon and sugar.

In many places there are pancake races on Pancake Day. The runners have to toss a pancake in a frying pan while
they are running. One of the most famous pancake races is in London, with teams from The House of Commons,
the House of Lords and the press. I read in today’s paper, however, that one traditional pancake race, in Ripon in
Yorkshire, has been cancelled for health and safety reasons. Health and safety reasons? What can be dangerous
about a pancake race?

The other traditional Shrove Tuesday sport is much more dangerous – football. Shrove Tuesday football is not like
the modern game with 11 players on each team, and a referee. No, it is a very ancient game and the rules are …let
me see….oh, there aren’t any rules. In the town of Atherstone, not far from Birmingham, for example, the Shrove
Tuesday ball game is played like this. At 3pm, someone will open an upstairs window in Barclay’s Bank in
Atherstone High Street. He or she will throw a ball into the street below. The crowds in the street will then kick the
ball, throw the ball, run away with the ball, fight each other for the ball, hide the ball, do almost anything with the
ball. (But they are not allowed to take the ball out of Atherstone – that is about the only rule in the game.) At 5pm a
klaxon sounds. Whoever has the ball when the klaxon sounds is the winner. It sounds more like total war than a
game of football, but everyone seems to enjoy themselves.
Have a good Pancake Day!

Photo of pancake by your_teacher/flickr and photo of pancake race by shufgy/flickr

Rhubarb
Feb 1, 2008

In this podcast, we are going to meet some words about food – some very English sorts of food. Look out for these
words – rhubarb, pie, crumble, chutney, custard.

A lot of people who visit England think that English food is very strange. A lot of English people think this too. My
children, for example, seem to eat nothing but pizza and pasta. And the most popular restaurants in England are
often Italian or Indian or Thai – they are generally not English.

However, some traditional English food is very good. We keep it secret, however, because we don’t want the whole
world to find out. One of our secrets is rhubarb. You can see a picture of a rhubarb plant on the website, and on your
iPod screens. It has red stems and big leaves. The stems are the bit which we eat; the leaves are actually poisonous.
Because the stems are very bitter, we chop then into pieces and cook the pieces very slowly with lots of sugar. We
then use the cooked rhubarb to make pies, or crumbles, or we eat the rhubarb with custard. We also make rhubarb
jam, and rhubarb chutney. There are lots of rhubarb recipes on the BBC website. Try some of them if you want to
experience some uniquely English cooking.

I need to warn you, however, that the taste of rhubarb is something which you either love or hate. And rhubarb is
said to be a laxative – that means, it makes you want to go to the toilet, so be careful how much rhubarb you eat!

In the 19th century, a gardener left an old chimney-pot on top of one of his rhubarb plants. The rhubarb grew up
through the chimney pot, looking for the light. The stems were pale pink in colour, instead of bright red. And the
rhubarb which had grown in the dark had a beautiful delicate taste. This method of growing rhubarb in the dark is
called “forcing”, and we can talk about “forced rhubarb”. We can buy forced rhubarb in January and February,
when there are not many home-grown fruit or vegetables in the shops. Most of the forced rhubarb comes from
Yorkshire in the north of England. The rhubarb grows in big sheds, in the dark. The growers pick the rhubarb by
hand, using candles instead of electric lights because the sheds must be kept as dark as possible. People say that if
you stand in a rhubarb shed, and listen carefully, you can hear the rhubarb growing.
At one time, there were over 200 rhubarb growers in Yorkshire. Special trains used to take the picked rhubarb to
London and other big cities. But today there are only about 12 traditional rhubarb growers left. Why? Public taste
has changed, and rhubarb has a very old-fashioned image. People remember the wonderful rhubarb crumble that
their grandmothers used to make. But they prefer to buy imported strawberries or other fruit instead. This is very
sad. So I have made this podcast hoping that it will help to revive interest in rhubarb. Next time you are in England,
eat some rhubarb, if you dare!
Languages
Jan 29, 2008

Last week a woman called Marie Smith Jones died. She was 89 years old and she lived in Alaska in North America.
Marie was the last person alive to speak a language called Eyak. Eyak is, or was, one of the native North American
languages. Linguists have carefully recorded Eyak grammar and vocabulary and pronunciation. But no-one speaks
Eyak any more. It is a dead language.

We do not have an official language in Britain, but most people of course speak English or a dialect of English.
There are several other native or indigenous languages in Britain. They are descended from the languages spoken
by the Celtic people who lived in Britain before the English arrived in the 4th and 5th centuries. The most important
is Welsh, which is spoken by about more than half a million people in Wales, or about 20% of the population. Welsh
and English now have equal official status in Wales. If you visit Wales, you will see that all road signs are in
English and Welsh. Welsh is flourishing.

Two other Celtic languages, Scots Gaelic in Scotland and Irish Gaelic in Northern Ireland are spoken by only a few
percent of the population. Another Celtic language in South-West England – called Cornish – died out completely
in the 19th century, just like Eyak has died out. It was re-introduced about 100 years ago and today Cornish is
spoken by a few thousand people.

It is interesting that we use some of the same words for languages as we use for plants and animals. Here are some
examples:

• We talk about native or indigenous plants or animals – that means the plants and animals which live
naturally in a place, and have been there a long time. Similarly, we talk about native or indigenous
languages, like English in England, or Irish Gaelic in Ireland.
• We can say that modern horses are descended from wild horses. Similarly, we can say that modern Welsh is
descended from an old Celtic language.
• We can say, for instance, that wolves have died out in Britain. Similarly, we can say that the Eyak language
has died out.
• We can say that an animal like the rhinocerous is endangered; and we can also say that a language is
endangered, if the number of people speaking it is very small.
• Of course some species of animals are flourishing – probably their numbers are growing and they are not
likely to die out. Similarly, we can say that today the Welsh language is flourishing.
• And some species of animals or birds die out, but are then re-introduced into the wild. We have several
examples of this in England, particularly a bird called the red kite. Similarly, we can say that the Cornish
language has been re-introduced.

I have also read in the paper that some experts think that three quarters of the world’s languages will die out in the
next 100 years. Do you think that this will happen? Perhaps languages and animals die out for similar reasons –
reasons such as over-exploitation of natural resources, modern travel and tourism, and population movement. How
many people will speak English one hundred years from now? English is widely spoken as a second language
today, partly because of British colonial history, and partly because of American economic power. However, 100
years from now, British colonial history will be a long way in the past, and American economic power may be
much less. What languages will your grandchildren and great-grandchildren learn? Chinese perhaps?
Swimming the Channel
Jan 25, 2008

This week we meet the verb “to swim”; and we also meet a famous swimmer, called Captain Webb. The verb “to
swim” is one of a very small group of English verbs where there are three different vowel sounds in three different
tenses, like this:

• I swim
• I swam
• I have swum

The other common verb which is like this is “to sing” (I sing, I sang, I have sung).

A few weeks ago, I watched a television programme. A woman who was on the programme said that, when she was
younger, she had swum the Channel. What does that mean?

“The Channel” is the sea which lies between England and France. Its proper name is “The English Channel” but
normally in English we talk about “The Channel”. We talk about “crossing the Channel”, which means that we are
going to visit France or Belgium or another country on the mainland of Europe. The Channel is about 22 miles or
36 kilometres wide at its narrowest point, between Dover in England and Calais in France. There are regular ferries
across the Channel, and a huge number of ships pass through the Channel on their way to ports in Germany, the
Netherlands and Scandinavia. And some people swim across the Channel.

Speaking personally, I do not enjoy swimming very much and I think that people who swim the Channel must be
either very brave or very foolish. The English Channel is cold. It is also not very clean, and there are lots of ships
which might hit someone swimming. But the distance across the Channel is about as far as it is possible for
someone to swim in the sea. So it is a bit like Mount Everest – it is the big challenge, the final goal, for people who
are keen on long-distance swimming.

The first person to swim across the Channel was Captain Matthew Webb. He was 29 years old when he swam from
England to France in August 1875. The crossing took him rather under 22 hours. His swim across the Channel
made Captain Webb famous. There is a picture of him on the website, and – I hope – on your iPod screens. The
Victorians liked their heroes to be tall, upright and handsome, and to wear a moustache; and you will see that
Captain Webb is indeed tall, upright and handsome, and that he has a moustache. I think incidentally that the
photographer who took the photo was working in a studio, and that the waves and the sea behind Captain Webb are
painted and not real.

Fifty years after Captain Webb’s great swim, only about 10 other people had managed to swim the Channel. It is
interesting that nearly always they swam from England to France, and not the other way. Why? I have no idea!
Since the 1920s many more people – about 1000 altogether – have made the great swim, including some who have
swum from England to France and then back again. Modern swimmers swim much faster than Captain Webb – the
fastest swim, by Petar Stoychev in August last year, took under 7 hours, only a third of Captain Webb’s time. A
woman called Alison Streeter has swum the Channel a record 43 times; in fact, in 1992 alone she swam the Channel
7 times.

And what happened to Captain Webb? Did he live to an old age, so that he could tell his grandchildren all about his
great swim to France? I am afraid not. He became a professional swimmer, and wrote a book about – can you
guess? – How to Swim. A brand of matches was named after him – there is a picture of a box of Captain Webb
matches on the website. He did stunts like floating in a tank of water for 128 hours. And in 1883, 8 years after his
Channel swim, he decided to swim across the Niagara River, between Canada and the USA, just below the Niagara
Falls where the water is dangerous and fast flowing. Within a few minutes he had disappeared; his body was found
four days later. It was a sad end for a very remarkable man.

It is a long time since we had any music on this podcast. So here is a song by Amy Kohn called “1977 Swimming
Lessons”. She is I think remembering swimming lessons in a swimming pool when she was a child. I hope you
enjoy it.
To hold you, to hold you
Jan 21, 2008

Hello, everyone. It is very good to be making a new podcast. My internet connection is working again. Thank you
very much for your patience, and a big thank you in particular to all those of you who sent me e-mails saying how
sorry you were about my internet problems.

It is a long time since we had any poetry on the podcast. From time to time, I look at a book of English poetry and
wonder whether I can use any of the poems. But very few poems are written in simple English which is easy to
understand. My friend, Margaret Scorey, however writes poems which use simple and direct English, and are
therefore very good for English learners. Here is a poem she wrote about a month ago. She wrote it for a woman
who had recently become a grandmother. But the woman’s family, and the new grandchild, were in America, so
grandmother travelled to America to hold her new grandchild in her arms for the first time. Margaret has called the
poem “To Hold you, to hold you”.

My longing is to hold you,

to feel your soft cheeks against mine
to look into your gentle eyes
to touch your hair
and feel the warmth of your breath.

Soon I will.

But know that when I return,

the ache will be as great as it is now,
softened only by memories.

But one thing, I will be able to say is,

‘I’ve done it, I’ve done it, I’ve held you’.

Poem copyright Margaret Scorey, 2007, used with permission.

Photo of grandmother and new baby by Brian Hession/Flickr

Frustrated
Jan 11, 2008

On the day after Christmas Day – the day we call Boxing Day in England – something terrible happened. My
internet connection stopped working. I could not surf the net. I could not read my e-mails. I could not check my
website or upload new podcasts. The internet is a bit like cigarettes. You become addicted, or “hooked” as we say in
colloquial English. When suddenly you cannot use the internet, it is like wanting a cigarette, and finding that you do
not have any cigarettes and that the shops are all closed. So, when my internet connection stopped working, how
did I feel? What words can we use to describe my feelings?

Well, we could use words like “angry” or “furious”. But these words are too strong. If someone is angry or furious,
they are shouting at people and banging the table. I was not shouting at people about my internet connection, nor
was I banging the table. So “angry” and “furious” are not the right words.

Could we use the word “upset”? If something upsets you, it means that it has hurt you emotionally. You may be
unable to discuss the upsetting thing without crying. You may not want to talk to people, or to eat your food. Well,
my internet connection problem was not like that. So I was not “upset” when my internet connection stopped
working.

We need some words that mean “a little bit angry”. There are several of them. We can say, for example, that I was
cross when the train was late and I missed an important meeting. I was annoyed when I could not find my car keys.
I was irritated when someone did not reply to an e-mail. Yes, all of these words would do – I was cross, and
annoyed, and irritated, when my internet connection stopped working.

But there is another word that describes exactly how I felt. I wanted to do things – surfing the net, sending e-mails
etc – but I could not. And I could do nothing to solve the problem. The only thing to do was to wait for my internet
provider to mend the connection. And it was Christmas, so all of their engineers were on holiday. So I had to wait,
and wait, and wait! I felt “frustrated”. The feeling we have when we cannot do something we normally do is
“frustration”. If you break your leg, and you cannot play football for two months, you might find this “frustrating”.
That is how it was with my internet connection – it was frustrating. I felt frustrated

The really bad news is that my internet connection still does not work. I have complained to my internet company.
They say that there is nothing wrong. What do they mean, nothing is wrong? I can’t access the internet. Of course
something is wrong. Now I am very frustrated. I am not just cross with my internet company, I am starting to be
angry. I am shouting at the internet company and banging the table. I have cancelled my contract with them, and
next week some nice people from the cable TV company will come and install a new fibre-optic cable to my house,
and I will have the internet again.

And how will I feel then? “Happy” – yes, of course. But a really good word is “relieved”. Imagine that your teenage
daughter goes out with some friends for the evening. She says she will be home at 10 o’clock. Ten o’clock comes
and she is not home; 10.30, 11 o’clock. You get worried and anxious. What has happened? Should you telephone
the police? Then at midnight, the phone rings. It is your daughter. She is at her friend’s house. How do you feel?
You might be cross with your daughter because she did not telephone earlier. But mainly you would feel relieved –
no more worries, no more problems, everything is OK again – relieved. That is how I shall feel when my internet
connection is back – relieved.

In the meantime, I am using an internet cafe to upload my podcasts. It takes a lot longer to make and upload
podcasts without an internet connnection at home. So, sorry, I do not have time to find a good picture to put on the
website or your iPod screen to illustrate this podcast. And I may not be able to make another podcast until my
internet connection is back. How will you feel about no new podcast next week? Will you be angry, or annoyed, or
upset, or frustrated? Or will you feel relieved? I hope not!
Eddie the Eagle
Jan 7, 2008

Every four years, the Olympic Games are held. This year – 2008 – is an Olympic year. The games are to be held in
Beijing in China. As well as the main Olympic Games, there are also the winter Olympics. The winter Olympics are
for snow sports – things like ski-ing, ice-skating and bob-sleighing. Like the main Olympic Games, they take place
every four years. They used to be held in the same year as the main Games; but now they are held in the year mid-
way between the main Games. The last winter Olympics were in 2006; the next winter Olympics will be in 2010, in
Vancouver in Canada.

Naturally, most of the winners in the sports at the winter Olympics are from countries with mountains and lots of
snow – countries like Austria, Norway, Finland and Switzerland for example. In Britain, our mountains are quite
small, and we do not have a lot of snow, so generally there are only a few British winners at the winter Olympics.
But 20 years ago, in 1988, when the winter Olympics were held in Calgary in Canada, one of the British
competitors became world famous. It happened like this.

Michael Edwards was 13 when he first when ski-ing on a school ski trip. He loved it. He also had a childhood
ambition to be a stuntman. A stuntman is someone who acts the really dangerous bits in films – where people fall
through windows, for example, or drive a car over a cliff. So Michael decided that ski-jumping should be his sport.
In ski-jumping, the competitors ski very fast down a long, straight slope and onto a ramp. They then take off and fly
though the air, and land 100 or 200 meters further on. It is slightly less dangerous than jumping out of an aeroplane
with no parachute. You have to be very brave or very stupid to do ski-jumping.

It is not easy to be a ski-jumper in Britain. There are, to start with, no ski jumps where you can practice. Michael
went to some of the top French and Austrian ski-jumping coaches to ask them for advice. However, as he did not
speak any French or German, this did not help him much. Also, Michael was short-sighted. He had to wear thick
glasses, that often steamed up as he went down the ski slope, so that he could hardly see where he was going. But
he kept on practising and training, and in 1987 he entered the world ski-jumping championships in Obertsdorf.
There were 98 competitors. Michael came 98th. The press started to call him “Eddie the Eagle”.

Eddie (as we will now call him) then asked the British Olympic Committee whether he could represent Britain in
the ski-jumping event at the winter games in Calgary. There were no other British ski-jumpers. So the Committee
agreed that he could go. He borrowed some skis, and set off for Calgary. In Calgary, Eddie was in competition with
some of the finest ski-jumpers in the world. His best jump was 73.5 meters. To me, this seems a very long way to
fly through the air with skis on one’s feet. But top-class ski-jumpers regularly jump 200 meters and more. So Eddie
did spectacularly badly in the Games, but he became one of the best known people in Calgary. Everyone laughed
about him; and wondered whether he would be taken away in an ambulance after his next jump. He waved to the
television cameras, and shouted “Hello Mum, it’s me” before he set off down the ski slope. We British love a brave
loser, so we loved Eddie.

The International Olympic Committee, the men in suits who run the Olympic Games, did not find Eddie amusing
however. They changed the rules to make it much more difficult for someone like him to compete in future Games.
The International Olympic Committee must be some of the most boring people in the world. So, at the next Winter
Olympics in 2010, there will be some magnificent ski-ing, but there will be no-one like Eddie the Eagle.

Eddie the Eagle - vocabulary note

Jan 7, 2008

Here are some words connected to the Olympic Games which you may find useful:

• the Olympic Games, or the Olympics

• the Olympics are held every four years, or the Olympics take place every four years.
• competition
• competitors
• to come first, second, 98th
• winner, gold medal, silver medal, bronze medal, gold medallist, silver medallist etc
• a record
• to break a record, to set a new record, a new world record, a new Olympic record
• an event (ie an individual sport, like the marathon, or ski-jumping)
• athletics
• winter sports
• stadium
New Year
Jan 2, 2008

It is 2008. Happy New Year, everyone. What did you do during the Christmas and New Year holiday? How did you
celebrate New Year?

Traditionally in England, Christmas was our big winter celebration. Scotland was different. In Scotland, New Year
was the more important celebration. On New Year’s Eve, on 31 December, Scotsmen wore kilts, and had parties
where they danced traditional Scottish dances and welcomed the New Year with bagpipes. And we English? What
did we do? Well, we either watched television programmes about Scottish people having a great party on New
Year’s Eve; or we went to bed early.

But it isn’t like that today. The Scots still party on New Year’s Eve, but so do we in England. The Scots still have a
huge street party in Edinburgh, the capital city of Scotland, with bands and singers and fireworks. But so do we in
many cities in England. In London, for example, 700,000 people watched a great fireworks display on the river
Thames. Of course, not everyone went to a New Year’s Eve party. But many of those who stayed at home watched
other people having a party on television. Millions of people watched the London fireworks on television, for
example. It is as if we all want to be part of a big national New Year’s Eve party.

Here are some other things which are typical of England at New Year. People visit friends and relatives. They go for
walks in the country, or in the parks in towns. Some brave folk go for a swim in the sea or a river on New Year’s
Day. People read books, or go to football matches, or write thank-you letters for the gifts they received at
Christmas. Travelling at during the holiday is a particular adventure. There are traffic jams on the roads, and long
queues at the airports, and our railway system is in chaos, because Christmas and New Year is the time when major
engineering works take place. And we go shopping.

Traditionally, all the big stores had sales in January. They cut the prices of many of the things they sold, especially
things like winter clothes or goods which they had not managed to sell for Christmas. There were lots of special
offers, and people used to queue all night outside some of the stores, in order to get to the bargains first when the
store opened. So what is different today? Only that the sales now begin immediately after Christmas. Indeed some
stores begin their sales before Christmas Day. And now we can hunt for bargains on the internet as well as in the
shops. The newspapers have reported that we British spent £84m buying things on the internet on Christmas Day.

But now it is January. The weather is dark and wet. The long Christmas and new Year holiday is over. It is time to
go back to work. Time to lose some weight. Time to give up smoking. Time to pay our credit card bills. Happy New
Year.
New Year - vocabulary note
Jan 2, 2008

“So do we” means “we do the same thing”. Here are some more examples:

• Our friends go for a walk in the country on New Year’s Day. So do we.
• Kevin goes to a party on New Year’s Eve. So does Joanne.
• On New Year’s Day, Kevin goes to a foortball match. So does his friend George.
• It is raining, and Kevin gets wet. So does George.
• I am going to the sales today. So is my mother.
• Next year we will go to France for a holiday. So will thousands of other people.

Podcast

# | Posted in notes

A Christmas Story - part 1

Dec 21, 2007

[This podcast is longer than normal. The first part of the transcript is below. The second part is here and can also be
download as a pdf file.]

When you learn a new language, often it is the little words that cause the big problems. I am learning German. The
long words are not a problem, which is good because German has lots of long words. If I find a long word, and I
don’t know what it means, I can look it up in a dictionary. No, it is the short words that confuse me in German –
words like “doch” and “schon” – what exactly do they mean? How can I use them?

Mariano has sent me an e-mail. He asks, please can I make a podcast about two little words that cause him
problems. The two words are “still” and “yet”. In this podcast, I shall try to explain how we use “still” and “yet”,
and I will tell you a Christmas story.

First, I will tell you what I am not going to do. I am not going to give you dictionary definitions of “still” and “yet”.
You can look the words up in a dictionary yourself. You do not need a podcast to do this for you. And I will not tell
you about all the different meanings that “still” and “yet” have. The podcast would be very long, and use up all the
spare memory in your iPod if I did that. Instead, I will take one of the common meanings of “still” and “yet” and
explain to you how we use the words.

When I use the word “still”, I want you to think of the words “nothing has changed”. Like this. Kevin is unwell. He
telephones his boss to say that he cannot come to work. The next day Kevin is still unwell. That means, he was
unwell yesterday. He is unwell today. Nothing has changed. He is still unwell.
And how about “yet”? How do we use “yet”? “Yet” means “so far”, or “until now”. We generally use it in
questions, and in negative sentences. What is a negative sentence? It is a sentence with “not” or “none” or “no” or
another negative word in it. So, Kevin’s boss asks him a question, “Are you better yet?” And Kevin replies with a
negative sentence, “No, sorry, I am not better yet.”

You have probably guessed this already – very often you can use “not yet” and “still not ” interchangeably. Kevin
says, “I am not better yet”. Or he could say. “I am still not better”. These two sentences mean the same.

Are you very confused? Are you thinking, why am I listening to this podcast? I understood about “still” and “yet”
before the podcast began. Now I don’t understand at all. Never mind. Sit back and listen to a story about a typical
English Christmas.

A Christmas Story - part 2.

Dec 21, 2007

[This is the second part of the transcript of the Christmas story podcast. You can download it as a pdf file, if you
have Adobe Acrobat Reader on your computer.]

In England, as I guess you know, Father Christmas or Santa Claus comes during the night before Christmas Day. He
climbs down the chimney, and leaves presents for all the children. And the children are wildly excited. They don’t
want to go to sleep. They want to stay awake to see Father Christmas.

Ben is 8 years old. He lives with his mother and father. It is Christmas Eve and time to go to bed. Ben’s Mum sends
him upstairs to put his pyjamas on.
Twenty minutes later – “Ben, have you got your pyjamas on? Are you ready for bed yet?”
Twenty minutes later – “Ben, you still haven’t got your pyjamas on. Go and get ready for bed, now!”
Twenty minutes later – “Ben, you are not in bed yet. Go to bed, now!”
An hour later – “Ben, you are still awake. Why are you not asleep yet?”
Ben – “I can’t sleep. I want to see Father Christmas.”
Mum – “Father Christmas won’t come for a long time yet. He has lots of presents to take to lots of children. So go
to sleep.”
Half an hour later, Mum and Dad are enjoying a glass of wine in front of the fire in the sitting room. The door
opens. It is Ben.
“Is it Christmas Day yet?”
“No, Ben, it is not Christmas Day yet. It is still Christmas Eve. Go to bed.”
Ben goes back to bed. He lies in bed, in the dark, and wonders, “Has Father Christmas come yet?” He turns on the
light. He cannot see any presents. So he goes downstairs to find Mum and Dad, who are tidying up the kitchen.
“Yes, Ben, I know that Father Christmas hasn’t come yet. But don’t worry. He has not forgotten you. Now, for the
last time, go to bed!”
Ben goes to bed, and falls asleep. The door of his bedroom opens. “Is he still awake?” whispers his Dad. “No, it’s
OK. He’s gone to sleep at last”, says Mum. She tiptoes in and leaves a bag of presents at the foot of Ben’s bed, and
tiptoes out again. Everything is still and quiet.
It is six o’clock on Christmas morning. Ben rushes into his parents’ room. “Mum, Dad, Father Christmas has been.
Look what he has brought me!”
“Ben, it isn’t time to get up yet. It is still only 6 o’clock.”
But Ben doesn’t care. He sits happily on his parents’ bed, playing with his new racing car, and reading his new story
book. “Read me this story, Dad. Are you still asleep?”
Happy Christmas everyone.
Theres none so queer as folks
Dec 17, 2007

In today’s podcast, we are going to meet three English expressions. The first one is “to get away with something”. If
you do something bad, and nobody discovers what you did, or they do not find out that it was you who did the bad
thing, then we can say that you got away with it. For example, if you murder someone, and the police do not catch
you, then you have got away with it, or got away with murder.

And the second expression is “to make a fuss”. “To make a fuss” means to draw a lot of attention to something – for
example, to complain about something that you do not like, or write letters to the newspapers about it, and tell
everyone about it – in fact to shout about it, so that everyone turns round to look.

And the third expression ? Well, you will have to wait until the end of the podcast.

Here is a story, which has been a big story in the British newspapers recently.

It started five years ago, in 2002. Anne and John Darwin lived in a village on the north-east coast of England. John
had a hobby. He liked exploring the sea coast near his home in a small boat called a kayak. One day he set off for a
kayaking expedition. The weather was good and the sea was calm. But John did not return. The police and
volunteers searched everywhere for him, without success. John had disappeared. A few weeks later, wreckage from
John’s kayak was found on the rocks. The police concluded that John had had a tragic accident and that he was
dead.

Five years later John walked into a police station in London. He told them that he thought he was a missing person.
He could not remember anything that had happened in the last five years – where he had lived, what he had done.
The police however were suspicious. It was strange that John could remember who he was, and where he came
from, but not what he had done in the last 5 years. And when the police tried to contact John’s wife, Anne, they
found that she had recently sold her house and gone to Panama, in Central America.

The newspapers published stories about the missing kayak man who had miraculously returned when everyone
thought he was dead. Then a woman decided to type the words “Anne” “John” and “Panama” into the Google
search engine on her computer. She found a picture of Anne and John, taken a year ago. It it was on the website of a
company which helps people who want to go and live in Panama. And then other people who had seen John during
the last 5 years contacted the police. Some of them, it appears, knew that John was officially dead, but they did not
say anything to anyone at the time because they did not want to make a fuss. (This is typical British behaviour. We
do not like to make a fuss. So we do not complain about bad food in restaurants, we do not complain about poor
service or high prices in shops, and we pretend not to notice when we meet someone who is supposed to be dead.)

For at least the last four years, Anne Darwin knew that her husband was alive. He was in fact living in a small flat
in the house next to her house. He built a secret door between his bedroom and hers. He grew a beard, but a lot of
the time, he did not hide. He did jobs around the house. He took the dog for walks on the beach. A few people
thought they recognised him, but they thought “It is none of our business. Let’s not make a fuss.”
John and Anne got away with it for five years. If John had not walked into a police station last month, perhaps they
might have got away with it for ever. They might have moved to Panama and lived the rest of their lives in that
country.

Why did they do it? The police say that Anne used John’s alleged death to claim money from an insurance
company. And John had debt problems at the time he disappeared. The police have arrested Anne and John and
charged them with fraud.

And now for our third expression. My mother came from the north-east of England, like the Darwins. When she
heard of some peculiar or stupid thing which people had done – like pretending to be dead – she would shake her
head and say “Eeee, there’s none so queer as folks”, which is Newcastle dialect for “there is nothing as strange as
people”.
Talking. talking ...
Dec 7, 2007

Valeriy, who lives in Russia, has sent me an e-mail. He asks whether I can make a podcast about these words –
“say”, “tell”, “speak” and “talk”.

Well, that is easy, I thought. So I sat down to write a podcast about when we use “say” and when we use “tell” and
so on. And after an hour, I realised that I could not do it. English is too complicated. There are far too many words
in English and there are so many different ways of using them. So I thought, I will not try to explain everything. I
shall just explain a few things – the most important things. I will write a few rules, and if my listeners learn these
rules, they will be right most of the time. Please remember that “say”, “tell” and “speak” are irregular verbs. They
go like this – I say, I said, I have said; I tell, I told, I have told; and I speak, I spoke, I have spoken. “Talk” is regular
– I talk, I talked, I have talked. Everybody clear? Then let’s begin!

I want you to imagine that you are reading a comic book, about Batman perhaps. In many of the pictures there is a
bubble coming from the mouth of one of the characters. It contains the words which the character is saying. We
often call this a “speech bubble”.

Here is my RULE NUMBER 1. If you can imagine a speech bubble, with words in it, then you can always use the
word “say”; like this :-

• Kevin says, “I am going to the football match on Saturday”.

• Batman says, “I have only five minutes to save the entire planet.”
• Joanna says that she will go to the supermarket tomorrow.
• Kevin says to Joanne, “Is it OK if I go to the football match on Saturday?”

When we want to explain who we say something to, we always use the word “to” – I said to him that I would be
late. We NEVER say “I said him that I would be late”.

And here is RULE NUMBER 2. If there is no speech bubble with words in it, then you can use “talk” or “speak”.

• I will speak to my boss tomorrow about whether I can take a day off work.
• Kevin talks to George about the football match.
• Today, our teacher is going to talk about irregular verbs in English.

So you see, “speak” and “talk” can tell us who is speaking or talking; who the speaker is talking to; and what sort of
thing the speaker is talking about. But they do not tell us about the exact words which the speaker uses. There is no
speech bubble with words in it. Very often, “speak” and “talk” mean exactly the same, and we can use them
interchangeably (that is, we can replace one of them with the other). I think that we use “talk” more often than we
use “speak”.

And how about the last word which Valerij wants me to explain – the word “tell”? Here comes RULE NUMBER 3.
“Tell” means “give information”. And we can use “tell” when there is a speech bubble, and also when there is no
speech bubble, provided that we mean “give information”. Nearly always, when we use “tell”, we also say who the
speaker is talking to. Like this:-
 • Joanne tells her boss, “I have nearly finished the report that you asked for”.
• Kevin tells Joanne that he wants to go to the football match on Saturday.
• David told me about his holiday.
• He told me that he went to Spain, and that he had a great time there.
• John told me how to find his house.
• You asked me a question; now I will tell you the answer.
• I looked at my watch and told him the time.
• At the end of the school day, the teacher told the children a story.

I hope this helps you, Valeriy. Please keep sending me your comments and questions, either by e-mail or by leaving
a comment on the web site. I shall do my best to reply to all of them. There is a vocabulary note attached to the
podcast today, and also a quiz, so you can test how well you understand the difference between “talk”, “speak”,
“say” and “tell”.

Talking, talking - vocabulary note

Dec 7, 2007

Talking is so important that we have lots of verbs which describe talking in some way. Here are some of them:

• to inform;
• to whisper;
• to ask;
• to state;
• to announce;
• to emphasise;
• to stress;
• to explain;
• to answer;
• to shout;
• to exclaim

I am sure you can think of more. If you like, please leave a comment on the website with any other suggestions.
Mr Trump's Golf Course
Dec 4, 2007

We go to Scotland again today for our podcast. But first I must introduce you to an English expression – to turn
something into something else. What does “turn into” mean? The easiest way of explaining is to give you an
example. Do you remember the fairy story about a handsome prince who had an argument with a wicked witch?
The wicked witch turned the prince into a frog – that means, she waved her magic wand, and muttered some magic
words, and the handsome prince became something completely different, a frog. Later in the story, a beautiful
princess finds the frog, and when she kisses the frog, it turns back into the handsome prince. Naturally the
handsome prince and the beautiful princess get married and they live happily ever after, because that is what always
happens in fairy stories. So, girls, if you are looking for a husband, and you don’t fancy online dating, try kissing a
few frogs. One of them may turn into a handsome prince. Maybe.

Now that you know what “turn into” means, we can get back to our podcast story. You may have heard of Mr
Donald Trump. He is American and he is very, very rich. He is a property developer – that means, he buys land and
builds new buildings, like flats and offices, on it. Generally, they are grand and expensive buildings, for rich people.
Mr Trump is very intersted in golf. He owns several golf courses in the United States. They are, naturally, the
biggest, the best and the most beautiful golf courses in the world.

A few years ago, he decided that Scotland – a country which is already full of golf courses – needed a Trump golf
course. So he bought land beside the sea near the city of Aberdeen, to turn into a golf course. In fact, he planned
two golf courses, a golf academy, a luxury hotel, 1000 holiday homes and 500 houses. And all of these things
would, of course, be the best in the world.

Mr Trump and his people then spent several months persuading people in Aberdeen that this would be a wonderful
thing. And they were very successful – lots of people agreed that what Aberdeen needed was Mr Trump and his
money. But there were two problems. The first was that the land contained a Site of Special Scientific Interest – that
means, it contained plants, birds or animals that need to be protected. If Mr Trump turned this land into a golf
course, it would damage the environment. So many conservation groups decided to oppose Mr Trump’s plans.

The second problem was called Michael Forbes. Mr Forbes has a small farm in the middle of the area which Mr
Trump wants to turn into a golf course. He lives there with his mother, who is 83. It is not a pretty farm. There are
lots of old tractors and bits of rusting farm machinery. But it is Mr Forbes farm, and he does not want to sell. Mr
Trump’s lawyers have offered him money, and more money. But Mr Forbes has said no; and his mother has said
that she will leave her home in her coffin, but not before.

And last week something very surprising happened. The local authority – in a very close vote – rejected Mr
Trump’s plans. The conservation lobby cheered. The golf course lobby are dismayed. Mr Trump is very annoyed.
But he will not give up. The newspapers report that he has just bought a large area of land in Northern Ireland, and
wants to turn it into a golf course.
Mr Trump's Golf Course - Grammar and Vocabulary Note
Dec 4, 2007

This note reminds you about how to make the superlative form of adjectives in English.
If an adjective has only one syllable – like big, small – or two syllables of which the second is ”-y”,like happy –
you make the superlative form by adding ”-est” to the end.
So – biggest, smallest, happiest.
But if the adjective is longer, then we make the superlative by placing “most” in front of the adjective – most
fantastic, most wonderful, most beautiful.
And one or two adjectives are irregular. So – good, best.
If you want to remember the three different ways of making the superlative form of adjectives, just remember this
sentence:
Mr Trump’s golf courses are the biggest, the best and the most beautiful golf courses in the world.
Islands
Nov 30, 2007

Andy Strangeway is a painter and decorator. He lives in Yorkshire in the north of England. When I say that he is a
painter, I do not mean that he paints pictures. No; he paints peoples houses, and puts up wallpaper in their sitting
rooms. That is his job; it is what he does for a living. But when he isn’t painting doors and windows, Andy collects
islands. Let me explain.

Scotland is a land of mountains and islands. There are 284 mountains over 3000 feet high (that is, a bit less than
1000 metres high). Some people who are really keen on walking and climbing have climbed all of them. There are
also 162 islands of more than 40 hectares in Scotland. Several years ago, Andy Strangeway decided to go to all of
them. And this year he visited the last islands on his list. As far as he knows, no-one has ever visited all the islands
before.

Perhaps you are thinking that visiting islands is easy. You just take a ferry to the island; you get off the ferry;
perhaps you go for a little walk, or buy a cup of coffee in a cafe; and then you get back on the ferry and go home.
Easy. Much easier than climbing mountains, which needs skill and energy, and which is often difficult and
dangerous.

Well, you can visit some of the Scottish islands by ferry. But out of 162 islands, 99 are uninhabited – no-one lives
there, so there is no ferry. So Andy Strangeway had to find boatmen to take him to many of the islands. Also, Andy
decided that it was not enough just to visit an island. He would stay at least one night on each island, generally in a
tent.

The Scottish islands are very varied – that means that they are very different one from another. A few are low-lying
and fertile. Others are really just rocks sticking out of the Atlantic Ocean. Some are close to the mainland and to
civilisation (things like discos and supermarkets). Others are far out to sea.

There is, for instance, a fascinating group of islands called St Kilda, far to the west of Scotland. People lived on St
Kilda for thousands of years, making a living from fishing, keeping sheep and hunting sea birds. But life there was
very hard, and in 1930 the whole community left St Kilda and moved to the mainland. If you visit St Kilda today,
you can see the ruins of the houses in which the people lived – it must be rather sad.
Another island is uninhabited for a different reason. During the second World War, the British government
experimented with germ and chemical weapons, to use against Germany. On an island called Gruinard, scientists
carried out experiments using a deadly disease called anthrax. This made Gruinard a very dangerous place, and for
48 years the island was completely closed to visitors.

Well, Andy has now stayed overnight on all the Scpttish islands, including St Kilda and Gruinard. He has endured
rain, wind and rough seas. He did not do it alone, however. He took his teddy-bear, called Clyde, with him. So
Clyde is the first teddy bear to visit every island in Scotland, Isn’t that nice!

Picture of Boreray in the St Kilda group of islands, by Andy Strangeway, with permission
Amy comes to Birmingham
Nov 19, 2007

Today, Listen to English visits the world of British pop music.

I started by doing some research. “Who is Amy Winehouse?” I asked my children. There was silence. The children
sighed and rolled their eyes. It is very embarrassing for them to have a parent who asks them silly questions about
pop music – questions like “Who is Amy Winehouse?”. Parents are allowed to like the Beatles and the Rolling
Stones, but they are not allowed to know anything that happened later than about 1990. That is for the younger
generation. Parents should keep out.

So I asked them again, “Who is Amy Winehouse?” And they explained that she is a singer, and that she had a gig in
Birmingham last week and the gig had been a shambles. And, please, will I not talk about it in front of their friends.

And in case you do not understand what this means, a gig means a concert or performance, and a shambles means
something which is chaotic and disorganised. Amy Winehouse had a concert in Birmingham last week and it was a
disaster.

It happened like this. Amy Winehouse is 24 years old. She comes from Enfield in north London. She sings jazzy
songs very well. And she is now regarded as one of the big figures in the British pop music scene.

But she does not go home in the evening to watch TV and drink a mug of cocoa, like good girls should. The
newspapers report that she has a lifestyle in which alcohol and illegal drugs play an important part. Earlier this year
she got married to a man called Blake Fielder-Civil. Mr Fielder-Civil has had a bit of trouble with the police. He
has been arrested for causing serious injury to someone in a fight and for trying to bribe witnesses. He is at present
enjoying a short rest in Pentonville Prison in London.

Last week, Amy visited her husband in prison, and this was obviously an upsetting experience for her. She then
travelled to Birmingham for the opening concert of her UK tour. She arrived very late. She sang several songs so
badly that the audience started to boo. She broke down in tears. She dropped the microphone. She walked off the
stage in the middle of a song, leaving the backing group to carry on without her. She shouted abuse at the audience.
She told them that they were stupid to buy tickets for the concert. She told them, “Just wait until my husband gets
out of prison”. (What is he going to do – come to Birmingham and beat us all up?) The audience booed some more.
Many people left long before the end of the concert. It was, in a word, a shambles. I wish I had been there.

Everyone in Birmingham knows someone who knows someone who was at the gig. And in places where people
discuss these matters seriously, such as our local hairdressing salon, you hear three different points of view.

• it was a disgrace and people who bought tickets for the concert should get their money back.
• poor Amy. She is such a great singer. It is good that she still came to Birmingham at all, when she was
obviously so upset about her husband being in prison. It is good that she could show her fans how upset she
was. Everyone knows that Amy is a bit, well, unreliable, because of her little problems with alcohol and so
 on. People knew this before they bought tickets for the concert so of course they should not get their money
back.
• and other people don’t care, because they have more important things to worry about.

What do you think?

Turkeys do not vote for Christmas

Nov 15, 2007

It is the middle of November. It is time to start thinking about Christmas. It is time to think about Christmas cards,
and what present to buy for Uncle George.(A nice tie perhaps, except that we bought him a tie last year and the year
before). And soon it will be time to think about Christmas dinner – who should we invite to have Christmas dinner
with us, and what should we eat.

Many people in England eat turkey at Christmas. This is a new tradition – if you understand what I mean. Fifty
years ago, it was unusual to eat turkey, and it was difficult to find turkey in the shops. People ate chicken or goose
at Christmas. But nowdays, most people eat turkey on Christmas Day. And because turkeys are big birds, they also
eat cold turkey on Boxing Day (the day after Christmas) and for about a week afterwards as well, until they become
fed up with turkey and never want to eat or see another turkey ever again – until next Christmas, of course.

I feel sorry for turkeys. Most of them are kept on huge turkey farms, with thousands of other turkeys. Some turkeys
are “free fange” – that means, they are allowed outside to run around and scratch the ground. But many others are
kept in cages indoors. The farmers feed them a special diet to make them fat. They inject them with antibiotics to
keep them healthy. And then, a few weeks before Christmas, they slaughter all the turkeys and send them off to the
supermarkets. And unfortunately this year many of the turkeys will not even make it to the Christmas dinner table.
There is a serious outbreak of bird flu in some of the big poultry farms in the east of England. The bird flu virus
appears to have come from Eastern Europe, but no-one yet knows how it got to England. The only way to stop the
virus from spreading is to slaughter all the birds on the infected farms – even the healthy ones – and to incinerate
(that is, to burn) their bodies. Nearly 30,000 turkeys have been culled so far, and probably more will need to be
killed in the next few days.

I have however a confession to make. I do not like turkeys. They are stupid, mean, horrible birds. Once, I had a
fight with a turkey, and I am afraid that the turkey won. It happened like this. We – that is, myself and my wife and
children – visited a children’s farm. We saw pigs and calves; the children went for a ride on a donkey; they fed the
chickens and the lambs, and ate ice cream in the cafe. There was a turkey in the farmyard. To everyone else it was a
kind, gentle turkey. But when it saw me, it attacked. It pecked my feet and ankles. It chased me round the farm.
There were lots of children there, with their parents, and they all laughed. I have never felt so humiliated in my life.
The farmer explained that the turkey thought that my shoelaces were worms or something else that turkeys like to
eat. Stupid turkey.

We have a joke or saying in English. We say that turkeys do not vote for Christmas. It means that people will not
support (vote for) something which is obviously not in their interests. But if turkeys are stupid enough to attack my
shoelaces, maybe they are stupid enough to vote for Christmas too.

Picture of turkey at Hackney City Farm, London, by freckle_m/flickr

Turkeys do not vote for Christmas - vocabulary note
Nov 15, 2007

The turkeys will not make it to the Christmas dinner table – “make it” is a colloquial expression which means
arrive, or get to, or manage to do something.

Here are some more examples.

“Can you make it to my party on Saturday?” – which means, will you be able to/manage to come to my party.
“The train goes in five minutes. If we run, we can make it” – which means, if we run we will get to the station in
time for the train.
“If John studies hard, he will make it to university.” – which means, he will succeed, he will get a place at
university.
“It was a long way to the top of the hill, but after an hour we made it” – which means, after an hour we managed to
get to the top of the hill.
Remembering
Nov 13, 2007

The First World War ended on 11 November 1918. Nearly 1 million British servicemen and civilians died in the
war. After the war, people thought that it was important to find ways to remember those who had been killed. So,
throughout Britain, towns and villages, churches, schools and colleges built war memorials, with the names of the
men who had died written on them. After the Second World War, the names of those killed in that war were often
added to the memorials
.
It was also decided that 11 November should be observed every year as Remembrance Day. On 11 November, at
11am, many people stand silent for two minutes, to remember those killed in the two World Wars and in other
conflicts. It is also common for people to wear little red flowers – called poppies- made of cloth. Real poppies
flowered all over the battlefields in Flanders in the First World War, because the destruction caused by the fighting
created good conditions for them. The red poppy has become Britain’s national symbol for Remembrance Day. On
the second Sunday in November, there are special Remembrance services in most churches in Britain, and parades
of ex-servicemen, and ceremonies at war memorials.

For a time, in the 1960s and 1970s, Remembrance Day became less important. A new generation had grown up
since the end of the second World War. And many older people did not want to think back to the war years any
longer – for them, the loss of friends and relatives, the bombing, the queues to buy food, and the general hardship of
life in wartime were things they wanted to forget. It even seemed possible that Remembrance Day would slowly
fade away. But since the 1990s, Remembrance Day has been back in fashion, strongly encouraged by our
government. Indeed, more people seem to observe the two minutes silence today than at any time I can remember.

I wonder what people are remembering when they stand in silence. There are, I believe, only 5 people still alive in
Britain who fought in the first World War. People who fought in the second World War are all 80 years old or older.
So most people who stand in silence on Remembrance Day are not thinking about specific people – relatives,
friends, army comrades, work colleagues – who died. Perhaps they are thinking about war and conflict generally; or
perhaps they are thinking about something completely different, like what to cook for supper. (That is the
wonderful thing about thinking – it is completely private. No-one but you knows what you are thinking about.)

And now I am going to say something controversial – that means, something which some people may disagree with
strongly. It is right to remember those who died in the great wars of the 20th century. It is right also to remember
that most of those who died were not British. And it is important also to find a way to leave the past behind;
because otherwise we cannot properly face the problems of today.
I have a dream ....
Nov 8, 2007

Have you a dream? I mean, is there something that you would really like to do in your life – such as travelling
round the world, or writing a best-selling novel, or climbing Mount Everest, or learning a new language. Good. It is
important that we have dreams like these.

But what would you do to achieve your dream. Would you, for example, walk out of your job so that you could do
the thing you really want to do? Hmm. That might be difficult. How would you get the money you need to live on?
And suppose you had a well-paid and very important job. Would you give that job up to pursue your dream?

This morning’s newspapers tell us about someone who has done just that. His name is Paul Drayson. He is 47 years
old. He started his career as a businessman, and he was very successful . He made a fortune as boss of a company
which makes equipment for giving people medical injections without sticking a needle into them. Then he became
interested in politics. He gave a lot of money to the Labour Party. The government made him a member of the
House of Lords, which is the upper chamber of the British parliament. (This means that he is now Lord Drayson,
and not plain, ordinary Mr Drayson.) Then Lord Drayson became a minister in the government, at the Ministry of
Defence. He was responsible for buying equipment for the British armed forces. Both the government’s supporters
and his opponents said that he was good at his job. He obviously had a bright political career ahead of him.

But Lord Drayson had a dream. It was a dream about driving motorcars very fast. He bought a 6-litre Aston Martin
racing car. He drove it around race tracks. He competed in races; then he started to win some of the races, and this
year he came third in the British GT championship. (The GT championships are for cars which are nearly the same
as cars which you can drive on normal roads). People who know him say that, as a racing driver, Paul Drayson is
both brave and intelligent. He is particularly interested in racing cars which run on bio-fuels, that is fuel which is
made from plants like maize instead of from crude oil.

Personally, I think that motor racing is about as stupid a sport as golf; but I know that lots of people do not agree
with me. I enjoyed reading the letter of resignation which Lord Drayson sent to the British Prime Minister, Gordon
Brown. In the letter, he says that he has an opportunity to compete in motor races in the United States next year.
This would be an important step towards his dream of winning the Le Mans 24 hour race in France. But he cannot
do this and be a government minister at the same time. So he is resigning his job.

Wouldn’t you like to write a letter like this to your boss?

“Dear Boss, I have been offered an opportunity to go surfing in southern California next year, so I am resigning
from my job as junior clerk in your office.”

“Dear Boss, Although I have been very happy making burgers here at McDonalds, I am resigning in order to pursue
my dream of being the first person to walk backwards round the world.”
The Ring Road Tramp
Nov 6, 2007

Two weeks ago, I made a podcast about immigration into Britain from Eastern Europe. Today’s podcast is also
about an immigrant from Eastern Europe. His name was Josef Stawinoga. He was born in Poland. We do not know
much about his early life. It seems that he was involved in the second World War. Perhaps he was taken prisoner
during the Soviet invasion of Poland in 1939. Or perhaps he served in the German army, as some people claim. He
arrived in Britain some time after the war. He found a job working in a steel works. He married a woman from
Austria, but it appears that he mistreated her, and she ran away.

Some time after his wife left him, Joseph stopped working at the steel works and dropped out of society. He became
a tramp – he wandered the streets, with no proper home. For a time he seems to have lived in lodging houses, but by
the 1970s he had found a home – a home where he lived for the rest of his life. It was a makeshift tent on the grass
strip in the middle of Wolverhampton ring road.

Let me explain about ring roads. In the 1960s and 1970s, many local authorities in England decided that what their
towns needed above everything else was a new road, running in a circle, around the town centre. These roads are
known as ring roads. They disfigure most towns in England outside London. They say to us that cars are more
important than people. Many ring roads are dual carriageways – that means that there is an empty piece of land in
the middle of the road, to separate the cars racing in one direction from the cars racing in the other direction.
Wolverhampton – which is an important town to the west of Birmingham – has a ring road, and it was there that
Joseph decided to make his home.

Perhaps you think that you would like to live in the middle of a ring road too. However, you are not legally allowed
to do this. But the local authority in Wolverhampton decided that it was best to let Joseph stay. His experiences
during the war had damaged him psychologically. He may have suffered from claustrophobia – that is, a fear of
being in a confined space, like a room or a building. So it was difficult to force him to live in a normal house.

Over the years, Joseph became a well-known sight in Wolverhampton. People called him “Fred” most of the time,
instead of Joseph. He was often seen with a brush, sweeping rubbish off the ring road. Some people in the Indian
and Sikh communities in Wolverhampton regarded him as a sort of holy man, and from time to time they would
bring him gifts and food. His tent – actually it was just a piece of plastic sheeting – started to fall to bits. But
Joseph, or Fred, refused to move, so the army came and erected a new tent over the top of the old one.
Joseph was found dead in his tent last week, on the 28th of October. He was 86 years old. He had lived in his tent
for over 30 years. A lot of people in Wolverhampton are quite sad that he is no longer in the middle of the ring road.
There is even talk of erecting a permanent monument to him. Why should we remember him? He did not do
anything to help other people, as far as I know. He simply refused to live his life in a normal way. And that is
important, don’t you think?

The Ring Road Tramp - vocabulary note

Nov 6, 2007

In this podcast, I talk about things which I am not certain are true. I want to say “people say that this is true, but I
cannot be 100% certain about it.” Look at the words and phrases we can use:

• “It seems that …..”

• “It appears that….”
• “Apparently….”
• “He seems to have lived in a lodging house.”
• “He appears to have lived in a lodging house.”
Two left feet, and other idioms
Nov 1, 2007

I have some idioms for you today. Idioms are colourful ways of saying something. Often, when we use an idiom,
we don’t mean the words in a literal sense. We are using the words figuratively.

Still confused? The best thing is to give you some examples. Four examples, in fact, and each one is about legs or
feet!

Kevin and Joanne go with some friends to a disco club. Kevin likes dancing. But he is no good at it. He stands on
the dance floor, jumping up and down and waving his arms in the air. It is not a pretty sight, but Kevin is happy.
Bless him! And Kevin has two left feet. That does not mean that he actually has two feet on the left side of his
body. No, it means that he is clumsy – he can’t keep his feet in time with the music, and he falls over a lot. He has
two left feet.

Charles is Kevin and Joanne’s friend. But they do not see him very much, because Charles is always travelling. He
is never completely happy where he is – he always wants to be somewhere else. He gets a job, but after a few
months he resigns and looks for another job, or he goes travelling. He rents a flat, but he will not stay there for long.
In a few months he will move to another flat, or to a different city. We say that Charles has itchy feet. That means,
he is not happy staying for a long time in the same place or the same job. He always wants to be moving to
somewhere new.

Harry’s car broke down last week. It stopped on the motorway and he had to phone a garage to come and tow his
car away. Then he had to pay to have his car repaired. It was very expensive. “It cost me an arm and a leg”, says
Harry.

And finally, let us meet Joanne’s friend Tracey. Tracey is lovely young woman, but she is always putting her foot
in it. That means, she says the wrong things – she offends people, or embarrsses them, or makes them upset,
without meaning to. So, for example, she hears that Harry has just split up with his girlfriend. All of Harry’s friends
know that Harry gets very upset whenever he thinks about his former girlfriend. They know that the best thing is
not to talk to him about it. But not Tracey. “I hear you split up with your girlfriend”, she says to Harry. She has put
her foot in it – again!

Do you understand now what an idiom is? There is a quiz attached to the podcast, with some more idioms in it. You
can find it on the podcast website.
Half term, and turning the clocks back
Oct 29, 2007

It has been more than a week since my last podcast. Why? What is my excuse?

Well, my excuse is that last week was half term. And some of you are probably saying, “What does he mean – half
term?” So I shall explain.

Schools and colleges and universities in England start each year in September, after the long summer holiday. In
other words, September is the start of the “academic year”. The schools then teach, and the children learn (or some
of them learn!), until the middle of December, when the Christmas holiday starts. The time from when schools start
in September to when they finish in December is a “term”. There is then a second school term which starts in
January and runs to the Easter holiday in March or April, and a third school term which starts after Easter and runs
to early in July. In America, people use the word “sesmester” to describe the divisions of the academic year, but in
Britain we always call them “terms”.

So what is this “half term” which was my excuse for no podcast last week? Well, by the end of October the teachers
and the school children are so exhaused that they need a little holiday. So the schools close for a week, and we call
this the “half term holiday” or simply “half term”. And last week was half term, so my house was full of children.
They argued, they played computer games, they played loud music, they wanted to go shopping, they wanted to
visit their friends and they wanted cakes for tea. So – no podcast.

Yesterday, we turned the clocks back. What does that mean? In Britain, as in most European countries, we change
the time on our clocks twice during each year. We move the time forward by one hour on a Sunday at the end of
March, so that we get more daylight in the evenings during the summer. And we move the time back by one hour on
a Sunday at the end of October. We have had this system of “summer time” and “winter time” since the First World
War, and you would think that everyone was used to it by now. But every year, there are people who forget – they
arrive at the station one hour too early for their train, or one hour too late; or they go to church on Sunday at the
wrong time. (Yes – I have done both of those things). This year something more spectacular happened. There was
chaos at Gatwick airport in London. No-one had told the airport’s computers that the clocks had changed.

Picture from the top of the Malvern Hills, south of Birmingham, taken at half term four years ago
Half term, and turning the clocks back - Vocabulary Note
Oct 29, 2007

Look at how we can talk about summer time and winter time.

In winter, we set the clocks to winter time (or Greenwich Mean Time – GMT).
In summer, we set the clocks to summer time (British Summer Time – BST).

We turn the clocks forward by an hour at the end of March.

Or, the clocks go forward at the end of March.

We turn the clocks back an hour at the end of October.

Or, the clocks go back at the end of October.

The clocks change at the end of March and at the end of October.

Immigration into Britain

Oct 18, 2007

A few years ago, there was an advertisement on a billboard close to where I live. It advertised a company called
Western Union. You probably know about Western Union. Western Union sends money from one country to
another. If you want to send money to your brother in South Africa, for example, you can go to a Western Union
office in England and pay in some money. Then your brother can go to a Western Union office in South Africa, and
collect the money which you have sent.

The unusual thing about this advertisement however was the language in which it was written. It was in Polish. It
was aimed at Polish people who work in Britain, and who want to send money back to their families in Poland.

And last year, the local paper in Reading, a town close to London, printed one of its editions in Polish, for the
benefit of the many Polish people who now live and work in Reading. You can see a photo of the paper on the
website and on your iPod screens.
Since Poland joined the European Union in 2004, a lot of Polish people have come to this country. We sometimes
joke in Britain about how all plumbers nowdays seem to be from Poland. And people have come from other East
European countries as well. For example, I do not think that there are any buses still running in Lithuania, because
there are so many Lithuanian bus drivers here in Birmingham.

Of course, immigration into Britain is not new. Over the last 50 years, a lot of immigrants have arrived here from
for example Pakistan, India and the West Indies. But large scale immigration from Eastern Europe is new – it has
been made possible by the European Union rules which say that people must be able to move freely throughout the
Union and live and work in any EU member country.

You will find that many people in England do not have a positive view of immigration or of immigrants. They say
that they take the jobs of British workers; and that they are a burden on our health, welfare and education systems.
Some people say that immigrants are responsible for a lot of crime.

But a government report, published this week, takes a very different view. It says that in 2006, 12.5% of the
workforce in this country were immigrants. Immigrants have, on average, higher skills than people in similar jobs
who were born in Britain. They earn more as well, and so pay more in taxes. Many employers say that immigrant
workers are more reliable, and are willing to work longer hours. Some sectors of the economy like agriculture and
hotels and restaurants depend heavily on immigrant labour. The report concludes that, altogether, immigration into
Britain contributes £6 billion a year to the British economy.

Of course, there are problems too. In Britain, house prices and rents are very high, and in some places immigration
has pushed prices and rents even higher. Some immigrants have to live in poor housing, and are exploited by
unscrupulous landlords. Other immigrants are employed by labour agencies or “gangmasters”, and some of these
have a bad record for exploiting their workers. And there can be problems too when schools have to cope with a lot
of pupils who do not speak English (though my experience is that children learn English very fast – it is adults who
find new languages a problem).

The overall picture painted by the report is that immigration has greatly benefited Britain and the British economy. I
guess that some of you who listen to my podcasts have come to Britain as immigrants, or you have worked in
Britain and have now returned to your own countries. What do you think? Please post a comment on the podcast
website saying what you like about living in Britain, and what you do not like.
Michael Fish and the Great Storm
Oct 16, 2007

Today, we revise some vocabulary about the weather, particularly about the wind, and we remember the big storm
that hit England exactly 20 years ago.

When you feel the air moving, or you see the leaves on the trees moving, we say in English that “the wind blows”
or “the wind is blowing”. And if the air is moving a lot, we say that the wind is blowing hard, or the wind is
blowing strongly.

If the wind is quite gentle, we can call it a “breeze”. But if the wind blows very strongly, we call it a “gale” And a
“storm” is even stronger than a gale; and a “hurricane” is even stronger than a storm!

There is a scale of wind speeds called the Beaufort scale. A very light wind is force 1 or 2; and a very violent wind
is force 9 or 10; and so on. Weather forecasts in English often use the Beaufort scale to say how hard the wind will
blow, particularly weather forecasts for ships at sea.

Twenty years ago yesterday, 15 October 1987, people in Britain switched on their TV sets to watch the evening
news and weather forecast. The weather forecaster was Michael Fish. Mr Fish is retired now, but for many years he
was Britain’s favourite TV weather forecaster. He was famous for his brightly coloured ties and jackets. While he
was telling us about the weather that evening, he said that a woman had telephoned the BBC to ask whether it was
true that a hurricane was going to strike England that night. Well, said Michael Fish, he could assure us that no
hurricane was on its way.

And – yes, you guessed right – that night the wind over southern England increased. Soon it became a gale, then a
storm and finally a hurricane. It was in fact the most violent storm to hit England since 1703. It caused a huge
amount of damage. All over the south of England, trees blew down, cars were overturned and walls collapsed.
Eighteen people were killed by the storm that night, and over 15 million trees were uprooted. People woke up in the
morning to find that the roof had blown off their house, or that their car was crushed underneath a tree, or even that
a tree had fallen into their kitchen. Roads were blocked, schools were closed and there was no electricity. Many
people were unable to get to work for several days.
Of course, people quickly repaired the damage. Even in the woods and the gardens, where so many trees were
destroyed, new trees have grown. But poor Michael Fish has never been allowed to forget what he said on the
weather forecast. It was not his fault, of course. The computer at the Meteorological Office (which is Britain’s
national weather forecasting service) forecast a big storm, but thought that it would pass further south, over France.
Today the Met Office has much better computers and better information from satellites. It is confident that it would
not make the same mistake again. I hope they are right. Our climate is changing. Extreme weather events, like
floods or violent storms, are likely to become more common in future. We will be able to cope only if we get good
information about the weather.
Dynamite and Doris Lessing
Oct 12, 2007

Today we go on a journey. It starts in Sweden over 100 years ago; and then moves to London; and finally moves to
future worlds and other planets.

But we start in Sweden. Alfred Nobel spent his life finding ways to blow things up. He was born in 1833 in
Stockholm. As a young man he became very interested in nitro-glycerine, a highly explosive chemical. He saw
straight away how useful nitro-glycerine could be – in mines, for example, to blast tunnels through the rock; or in
civil engineering, to clear the path for new roads and railways; or in war, so that people could blow each other up
more efficiently. But nitro-glycerine is very unstable. If you handle it wrongly, it will explode. Alfred Nobel spent
several years looking for a way of making nitro-glycerine more stable. His experiments caused a number of serious
explosions, including one in which his brother and several other people were killed. But eventually, he was
successful. He called his new explosive “dynamite”, and we still use dynamite and similar explosives today.

And after that, Alfred Nobel became a very rich man, because of course there was and still is a very big market in
the world for blowing things up. He was also a very cultured and well-educated man. He spoke several languages
fluently and had a deep interest in literature and poetry.

Alfred Nobel died in 1896. He left a large amount of money to establish five prizes. These would be awarded every
year to people who had done outstanding things in the fields of Physics, Chemistry, Medicine, Literature and the
promotion of peace in the world. (Later, a sixth prize was added, for economics). These prizes have been awarded
every year since 1901.

Now let us jump forward 106 years. Yesterday, an 87-year old woman went out to do some shopping. She arrived
back at her home in north London in a taxi. She was surprised to find a crowd of newspaper reporters and TV
camera crews waiting outside her house. At first, she thought they were filming something for a soap opera. But the
reporters told her that she had just been awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature. The woman is Doris Lessing, who
has been an important novelist for well over 50 years. She was born in Iran, where her father worked for a bank.
The family later moved to Southern Rhodesia, now Zimbabwe. She moved to London in 1949 and published her
first novel in the same year. As a young woman she joined the Communist Party and strongly opposed white rule in
southern Africa. (She was banned from entering South Africa for nearly 40 years because of her opposition to
apartheid).

But her novels are not simply political novels. They are very personal; that is, they explore what people feel and
experience. Sometimes you will see Doris Lessing described as a feminist; but she has always said that it is too
simple to describe her in this way. Some of her later novels are science fiction – that is, they are set in imaginary
worlds, distant planets, or worlds of the future. Many people do not like her science fiction novels. They say that
they are unreadable. They argue that it is much more interesting to write about the real world than about imaginary
worlds. But Doris Lessing’s supporters say that her science fiction novels are just a new way of writing about what
people are like inside.

You may not have read any of Doris Lessing’s books, but I guess that many of my listeners have read science
fiction. What do you think? Is science fiction a new way of writing about what people are like, what they feel, what
they experience? Or is it what we call “escapism”, that is a way of running away from the real world to hide in
worlds that we have invented?

Diana - the Inquest and the Conspiracy Theories

In Britain, when someone dies in an unnatural way, it is normal to have an inquiry into why and how the person
died. We call this inquiry an “inquest”. The person in charge of the inquest is called a Coroner – she or he is like the
judge in a normal court of law. The inquest hears evidence from witnesses, who say what they know about the dead
person and how they died. There is a jury, a group of ordinary people who listen to the evidence and then say how
they think the person died.

A very unusual inquest has just started in London. It is an inquest into the death of Diana, Princess of Wales. Diana
was the divorced wife of Prince Charles, the heir to the British throne. She died in a car crash in Paris, just over 10
years ago. Two other people died in the same crash – they were Henri Paul, who was driving the car; and Dodi al
Fayed, the son of a wealthy Egyptian businessman Mohamed al Fayed.

The death of Diana was an extraordinary event. Very many people, in Britain and in other countries, liked Diana.
They thought that she was a more sympathetic and natural person than the rest of the British royal family.
Thousands of people sent messages of sympathy, or placed flowers outside Buckingham Palace in London. Millions
of people sent money to a special fund set up in Diana’s memory. People said things like, “She may be dead, but
she still lives in our hearts”.

The French police investigated the car crash. They concluded that it had happened because the car had been going
very fast, and because the driver had drunk too much alcohol.

But some people do not accept these conclusions. They say that there is other evidence which the French police
ignored. Mohammed al Fayed says that he is certain that Dodi and Diana were murdered. Some people claim that
there was a plot to kill Diana – involving the Queen’s husband and the British secret intelligence service. Two
British newspapers have published regular stories which question the conclusions of the French police.

Have you heard the expression “conspiracy theory”? Something extraordinary happens, like the assassination of
President Kennedy, or the attack on the World Trade Center on 9/11, or the death of Diana. There is an official
explanation of what happened, and many people are happy with this explanation. But some people are not. They
claim for example:

• that the government has suppressed important evidence;

• that powerful people do not want the truth to be known;
• that the true explanantion is that there was an elaborate plot, or “conspiracy”, involving, typically, the Pope,
the President of the United States, the mafia, aliens from outer space and the intelligence services of six
different countries.

So, the inquest in London will no doubt look at some of the conspiracy theories about Diana’s death. The jury will
need to decide whether any of them are true. But conspiracy theories are like a religion, and it is impossible to
convince a conspiracy theorist that he is wrong. So, whatever the inquest decides, some people will not be happy.

But the inquest has already revealed one surprising thing. The authorities thought that many members of the public
would want to come. They erected a large marquee outside the court building where people could see and hear the
inquest on big TV screens. But the marquee is empty. There are lots of empty seats in the public area in the inquest
itself. Ten years ago, Britain was fascinated by the death of Diana. Now we have more important things to do.

Birmingham Town Hall

Oct 4, 2007

I think you know by now that I live in Birmingham, which is the second largest city in England, after London.
Birmingham is not an old city. It does not have ruins from Roman times, or a castle, or a mediaeval cathedral. Two
hundred and fifty years ago, Birmingham was just a village. But then came the industrial revolution. Little
Birmingham became a centre of the new metal and engineering industries. The town grew and grew, and by about
1830, 160,000 people lived here. Leading Birmingham citizens began to think that the new town needed some fine
public buildings, to reflect its new wealth and importance. So they decided to build a Town Hall.

Now, the expression “town hall” in English normally means the headquarters of the administration of the town – a
building with offices where people work, in other words. But not in Birmingham. Our Town Hall is a public hall. It
was built as a place for concerts, public lectures and political meetings.

The group of citizens planning the Town Hall first collected together the money they needed; then they employed
an architect and builders.The architect designed the Town Hall to look like a Roman temple – look at the picture on
the website, or on your iPod screen, and you will see what I mean. The builders brought stone for the building by
ship and canal boat all the way from Anglesey, in north Wales. Inside, skilled craftsmen built an organ – one of the
largest organs in Britain at the time. And in 1834 the new Town Hall opened with a music festival to help raise
money for a local hospital.

Over the years since then, Birmingham Town Hall has seen all sorts of events and performance. The first
performance of Mendelssohn’s great oratorio Elijah took place in the Town Hall in 1846, and in the following year
Mendelssohn himself played the organ at a concert. Several of the works of the English composer Edward Elgar
were also given first performances in the Town Hall. Charles Dickens read from his book “A Christmas Carol”, and
the Town Hall has seen countless public and political meetings. It was the home for Birmingham’s orchestra, the
City of Birmingham Symphony Orchestra. The Beatles and the Rolling Stones performed there, as did countless
other classical, jazz and pop musicians.

But then things started to go wrong. The building began to deteriorate. Atmospheric pollution attacked the
stonework, and water came through the roof. Moreover, the facilities at the Town Hall were no longer what modern
audiences expect. A spendid new concert hall, Symphony Hall, opened in Birmingham in the early 1990s, and the
City of Birmingham Symphony Orchestra moved there from the old Town Hall. In 1996, the city council decided
that the Town Hall was no longer safe, and it closed. Many people feared that it would never re-open.

The Town Hall stood empty and silent for the next nine years. Finally, the city council managed to find enough
money – with help from the National Lottery and the European Union – to repair and restore the building.
Workmen covered the Town Hall in scaffolding and polythene sheeting, and the work of restoration started. And
now it is finished, and the Town Hall will re-open today, 4 October, with a gala concert. I think that Mendelssohn
and Elgar would be pleased. To celebrate the occasion, here is a short extract from Max Reger’s Toccata and Fugue
in D, Opus 59 No 5, and it is played by Michael Austin on the magnificent organ of Birmingham Town Hall.
Charity Shops
Oct 3, 2007

In many towns in England, the main shopping street is called “High Street”. We often use the expression “high
street” to mean the main shopping street of any town or suburb, no matter what its real name is. Or we talk about
“the high street” to mean shopping facilities generally, particularly shops that people use every day like food shops.
So, when a newspaper writes about “high street prices”, for example, they just mean the prices of everyday things
that people might buy in high street shops.

And we often complain that high street shops are the same boring shops everywhere in England. Many high street
shops are branches of big national chains. For example, there is Next, and Marks and Spencer, which sell clothes;
and WH Smith, which sells stationery, books and magazines; and Boots, the chemists; and Woolworths, where you
can buy almost anything, provided that it is cheap and made of plastic. You can find these shops in most high streets
in England. In most high streets, too, you will find one or more charity shops.

Charity shops are shops which are run by charities to help them raise money. People bring things that they no
longer want, and the charity shop sells them to other people. What sort of things? Clothes, shoes, hats, bags,
children’s toys, books, CDs, crockery, kitchen things, mugs commemorating the wedding of Charles and Diana –
all sorts of things, in other words.

The first charity shop was set up in 1947. Since then, charity shops have become very successful in England. There
are over 7000 of them altogether. They raise well over £100 million each year for the charities that own them. They
are cheap to run. Often they occupy shop premises that no-one else wants, and where the rent is low. Most of their
staff are volunteers. The shops do not have to pay tax on their profits. The charity OXFAM, which helps people in
developing countries, has the best-known charity shops in England, but there are many others, including shops run
by small local charities.

I enjoy visiting charity shops. They are all different, unlike the big high street shops. There is always a chance that I
will find something really interesting or unusual. Here are some of the things I have learned about charity shops:
 • they have a special smell, of old clothes.
• women are much more likely than men to give used clothes to a charity shop, and more likely to buy clothes
there.
• people who bought CDs of really bad bands ten years ago eventually give the CDs to a charity shop.
• if you go to a charity shop in an area where well-off people live, you can often find expensive designer
clothes at bargain prices.
• it always takes three charity shop volunteers to operate the till.

Finally, here is another way in which charity shops are really useful to busy families in modern Britain. Your
children arrive home. They tell you proudly that they are in a play at school. And they need costumes – before
tomorrow. No problem. Give them £5 and send them to the nearest charity shop. They will come back with some
amazing rubbish. They will take it to school next day to wear in the school play. Everyone will say they look
wonderful. And when they come home again – why, you can take it all back to the charity shop, of course.

Photo of charity shop window by World of oddy/flickr. There is a mug commemorating the wedding of Charles and
Diana at the front of the window! Picture of Oxfam bookshop by Gary Thomson/flickr
I dont care : Part 2
Sep 30, 2007

Cartoon from the Observer newspaper 30 September 2007

Buddhist monk : “The world is watching”

Military government : “We don’t care!”

# | Posted in extra

I dont care
Sep 27, 2007

In the last podcast, about Socks and Cookie, I said I do not care what the cat is called.

What do we mean when we say “I do not care”?

We mean, “That is not important to me.”

So, if I say, “I do not care what the cat is called”, I mean, “It is not important to me what the cat is called.”

OK? Everybody clear? Then let’s go and find Kevin and Joanne.
Many months ago, a friend of Joanne’s invited Kevin and Joanne to come to her weding. And Kevin and Joanne
said, yes they would be very pleased to come. But, as I say, that was months ago, and Kevin has forgotten all about
it, until Joanne reminds him that the wedding is on Saturday.

“But Joanne, there is a football match on TV on Saturday. If I go to the wedding I will miss the match.”

“I don’t care about the football”, says Joanne. “We are going to the wedding”.

“But, Joanne, its a really important game”.

“I don’t care how important the game is. We’re going to the wedding.”

“But, Joanne, if United win on Saturday, they will go through to the next round.”

“I dont care whether they win or lose, we’re going to the wedding.”

“Look, Joanne, it’s Joe’s birthday on Saturday. Me and some of his friends, we have planned a surprise party for
him.”

“Nice try, Kevin, but I don’t care about Joe’s birthday. We’re going to the wedding.”

“But, Joanne, how can I explain to Joe that I can’t come to his party?”

“I don’t care what you say to him. We said that we would go to the wedding and that is what we are going to do.”

“So, Joanne, you don’t care that Joe will be upset that I can’t go to his party?”

“Quite right, Kevin. I don’t care. And Joe won’t be upset”

So they go to the wedding. And after the wedding there is a reception in a hotel. Joanne and Kevin chat to some
people, and then Kevin disappears. Joanne cannot see him anywhere. An hour later she finds him. He is with the
bride’s brother, and 3 or 4 other young men, in a small room at the back of the hotel. And, yes, they are watching
the football on the TV and drinking cans of beer. Just as Joanne comes into the room, United score, and then the
referee blows the final whistle.

“Kevin, what are you doing here. You should be at the wedding reception”.

But Kevin has a broad smile on his face “I don’t care. United have won.”

“But you have missed the wedding cake and the champagne.”

“I don’t care about the wedding cake or the champagne. United have won.”

“Kevin, you are incorrigible”, says Joanne. And she says lots of other things too, but Kevin knows that she doesn’t
really mean them, and anyway United have won. So, he doesn’t care.
The Story of Socks and Cookie
Sep 25, 2007

As you know, we English are sensible people. We do not get excited about little things. We do not make a fuss.
Most of the time, at least. It is different where children or animals are involved. Then, we do some very peculiar
things, as my story today will show.

In a podcast in March, I told you about a programme on BBC television called Blue Peter. It is a popular and high-
quality programme for children. It has been running for many years, since the early 1960s in fact.

Children like pet animals, so Blue Peter has a whole zoo of pets which appear on the programme. At present there
are three dogs, a cat and a tortoise. The cat first appeared on the programme last January. At that time, it had no
name. So Blue Peter asked the children who watch the programme to choose a name. The children voted on the
Blue Peter web site. And a few weeks later, Blue Peter announced the name which the children had chosen – the cat
would be called Socks.

However, Socks was not in fact the name which the children had chosen. The most popular name for the new cat
had been Cookie. But the people who make Blue Peter decided that Cookie was not a suitable name for the cat.
Why? I do not know. But Socks became the official name of the Blue Peter cat.

In the last few months, we in Britain have become worried about TV and radio programmes which mislead their
viewers and listeners. There have been stories about phone-in competitions which no-one could win; and about
“live” programmes which had actually been recorded. The radio and TV companies have promised that these things
will stop. They have even sacked some of the staff responsible.

So the top people in the BBC were very embarrassed when they found out about Socks. At the beginning of the
Blue Peter programme today, the presenters apologised to the children. They said that the BBC was very, very sorry
about what had happened. They introduced a little kitten, who will be Socks’ friend on the programme. The kitten is
called Cookie.

The children watching Blue Peter today probably wondered what the fuss was about. January was a long time ago.
Most of the children have probably forgotten whether they voted for “Socks” or “Cookie” or some other name.
They probably don’t care what the cat is called. I don’t care what the cat is called. Do you?
This is not the first time there has been a problem about the animals on Blue Peter. Over 40 years ago, there was a
Blue Peter dog called Petra. But Petra became ill and died. What could the BBC do? It feared that the children
would be upset if the BBC told them that Petra was dead. So they found another dog which looked exactly the
same, and called the dog Petra, and the new Petra appeared on Blue Peter instead. No-one knew. Everyone was
happy. And it was 30 years before the BBC revealed what had happened.
The Run on Northern Rock
Sep 20, 2007

If you had visited the centre of Birmingham three days ago, you might have seen a long queue of people. The queue
started at the door of a building, and stretched 50 meters to the corner of the street and round the corner.

If you had visited Leeds, or London, or Edinburgh, or many other towns, you would have seen the same thing –
long queues of people waiting for something. What were they doing? Perhaps tickets for a big pop concert had just
gone on sale, and the people were queuing to buy tickets before they sold out. But if you looked carefully, you
could see that many of the people looked, well, a bit too old to be interested in pop concerts.

No, it was not a pop concert. It was something we have not seen in Britain for many years. It was a run on a bank.

Let me explain. There is a bank, based in Newcastle in the north-east of England, called Northern Rock. It has
branches in many towns and cities in Britain. Its main business is lending money to people to buy houses – this is
what we call “mortgage lending” in Britain. A mortgage is an arrangement where property, such as a house, is used
as security for a loan. A bank will lend you money to buy a house, but it takes a mortgage over the property, so that
– if you don’t repay the loan or the interest on the loan – the bank can repossess your house; that is, it can take the
house back from you. Houses are very expensive in Britain, and most people who buy a house need to borrow
money with a mortgage.

Northern Rock has been a very aggressive mortgage lender. Its share of the home loans market has grown a lot in
the last few years. In fact it is now one of the top 5 or 6 mortgage lenders in Britain. How has Northern Rock found
the money to lend to so many people? Well, some of the money has come from people who save money in Northern
Rock savings accounts. But Northern Rock has also borrowed a lot of money from other banks and in the money
markets. The money which Northern Rock has borrowed is short term – that means, it has to repay the money after
a few months or a year. But the loans which Northern Rock has made to people to buy houses are long term –
perhaps 20 or 25 years.

Until a few months ago, everything was OK. But then the amount of money which other banks were willing to lend
fell, and the interest on the loans increased. One of the reasons for this was the problem in the United States over
low-quality or junk lending – perhaps you have read about it in the papers. Suddenly Northern Rock was in trouble.
It could no longer borrow all the money it needed. The news got out. The price of Northern Rock’s shares
collapsed. Northern Rock assured everyone that it had plenty of money and that no-one needed to worry. But many
people did not believe this. People who had saved money with Northern Rock wanted to get their money out. So
they queued at Northern Rock’s branches, and tried to get onto Northern Rock’s website. The website collapsed,
and the queues got longer and longer. It was a run on a bank, the first run on a British bank for 140 years.

Eventually the government said that it would guarantee savers’ deposits at Northern Rock. The panic subsided and
the queues disappeared. But something has changed. For the last ten years, Britain has had low inflation, low
interest rates and good economic growth. Many people have borrowed a lot of money to buy houses or cars or to go
on exotic holidays. But many economists now think that the years of easy money are now over. Northern Rock may
be only the first problem of the new times.
How to travel to a sales conference
Sep 18, 2007

Kevin is very excited. His boss has asked him to go to a big sales conference. You remember that Kevin has written
a paper for his company about the market for cat food. One of the top people in his company has seen the paper and
likes it. The top person does not actually understand the paper. That is because top people only understand big
things like international finance, and where shall we play golf next weekend. But the top person said to himself,
“This Kevin obviously understands all about cat food. He must come to the sales conference.”

So Kevin makes plans to go to the sales conference. The conference takes place in an executive hotel near
Heathrow airport in London. This hotel is possibly the least attractive place in England. And it is expensive. But the
sales conference has always been held there, every year since 1998, so it has become a tradition.

Kevin decides to travel to the conference on the train. Other people come to the conference in their cars. The people
from America and Germany come on the plane to Heathrow airport. Other people come on a bus, or on the
underground, or in a taxi. The director responsible for the company’s environmental policy comes on her bicycle.

This is very confusing, isn’t it – “on a train”, “in a car”, “on a bicycle” – how can we remember when to say “in”
and when to say “on”? Well, I am afraid that you just have to learn. But while you are learning, remember that you
can nearly always use the word “by” to explain how you are going to travel. So here are some of the ways to get to
the sales conference. You can travel by car, or by road; you can travel by train or by rail; you can come by plane or
by air; and you can arrive by bus, by tram, by underground, by taxi, by coach, by helicopter, by horse, or by
elephant. The only time that you can’t use “by” is when you walk – you arrive “on foot”, not “by foot”. (And you
can’t seriously go to the sales conference near Heathrow airport by elephant. I just put that in to see if you were
awake!)

What is the best way to travel? In English we have a saying that “it is better to travel hopefully than to arrive”. It
comes from the 19th century Scottish writer Robert Louis Stevenson. What does it mean? It is about our journey
through life. Some people look forward all the time to new things. They welcome new opportunities, new things to
do, new things to learn. Even when they are old, they still want to visit new places and meet new people. They are
travelling “hopefully” (that is, “with hope”). Other people have perhaps done many things in their lives, but now
they do not want to experience anything new. They have arrived. Which is better, do you think – to travel hopefully,
or to arrive
How to travel to a sales conference - vocabulary note Here are some more uses of the word by”:

When you are sending things or telling people something

• Kevin sent his report by post

• He sent the report to people in America by air mail
• He sent a summary of the report by e-mail
• He gave the report to his boss by hand
• Marjorie and her boyfriend have decided to get married. She tells her mother by telephone
• She tells her aunt by letter
• She tells all her friends by e-mail

When you are paying for something

• Kevin and Joanne have a meal in a restaurant and pay by credit card
• They buy a present for Joanne’s Mum and pay by cheque
• They pay regular bills, such as electricity and telephone bills by direct debit
• But when they buy a newspaper they pay in cash (not “by cash”!)
Sharks
Sep 13, 2007

It has been a good summer for seeing things in the sea. I told you about the whales in the Bay of Biscay in the last
podcast, and this podcast is about sharks.

In July, a man contacted a newspaper to tell them that he had seen a great white shark in the sea off the south-west
of England. He sent them a photograph of the shark. Because there is not much proper news during the summer
holiday, the paper published the photo. There was no doubt – it was indeed a great white shark.

Now, sharks are quite common in the sea around England. But the sharks near England are the small and timid.
They are not at all dangerous. They are afraid of people and swim away if you get close to them. Great white sharks
are not like that. Great white sharks are big and have teeth. They are the sort of sharks that eat people. No-one had
ever seen a great white shark in the sea near England before.

Of course, once one person had seen a great white shark, lots of other people said that they had seen the shark too.
They telephoned the newspapers to tell them. Some of them took photos of the shark with their mobile phones.
There was panic in the tourist industry. People thought, “No-one will want to swim in the sea if they think there is a
great white shark nearby.” And other people said that it was all because of global warming – because the earth is
getting warmer, the great white sharks are moving further north. A television channel broadcast the film “Jaws”.
You probably know the film. It is about a rather nice great white shark which made the world a better place by
eating horrid American teenagers in the sea near Florida.

Then the man confessed that he had not really seen the shark off south-west England at all. It was a hoax. He had
taken the photo while he was on holiday in South Africa. He thought it would be funny to pretend that he had seen
the shark in England. And everyone started to say that, of course, they had known all along that the story wasn’t
true and that there could not possibly be a great white shark in the sea near England.

But now the summer holiday is over. There are no more entertaining stories about sharks. Instead, the newspapers
are full of serious and depressing news – about interest rates and house prices, and the war in Iraq. We need
something to cheer us up. A tiger in Scotland, perhaps, or crocodiles in the sewers in Birmingham.

Picture of great white shark by doobybrain/flickr who is definitely not the person who sent the photo of the shark to the newspaper!
Whales
Sep 10, 2007

Welcome back, everyone, after our summer break.

Today’s podcast is about whales. Not the country Wales, but the animals called whales. Whales live in the sea. But
they are not fish. Young whales do not hatch from eggs, like young fish do. Young whales are born live, like human
babies. Whales are mammals, like human beings are. And because whales live in the sea, we call them marine
mammals – “marine” just means “of the sea”. In fact, a species of whale called the blue whale is the largest
mammal on earth.

For hundreds of years, people have hunted whales. They ate whale meat, and used whale oil as a fuel for lamps, and
to make candles. In the 20th century, commercial whaling drove some species of whales almost to extinction. Many
countries now prohibit whale hunting. But whale hunting by Japan, Norway and some other countries continues.
There is a lot of controversy about whale hunting – people have very strong opinions either for or against it.

Well, I went whale hunting this summer – with a camera. I travelled on a boat from Portsmouth in England to
Bilbao in northern Spain. During the journey, the boat crosses the Bay of Biscay, which is the area between the west
coast of France and the north coast of Spain. In this area, whales are plentiful. So, on the boat with me there were
lots of enthusiastic whale hunters. First thing in the morning, the whale hunters went to the top deck of the boat.
They set up telescopes, binoculars and cameras. They had notebooks, and pencils, and books about whales.
Anxiously, they looked out to sea. Nothing. Only the waves and the sky, and a few birds. Eventually, someone saw
something. All the whale hunters ran to the side of the boat. About a kilometer away, there was a jet of water. Then
there was another, and another. It was a group of whales, close to the surface of the sea, blowing water out through
the blow holes on the tops of their heads. But they were too far away – we could not see the whales themselves, or
tell what sort of whales they were. But later in the day, we saw whales close to the boat – there is a picture of one
on the website. And we saw dolphins as well, though there are fewer dolphins in the Bay of Biscay this year than in
previous years.

My children soon got bored with whale hunting. There are more exciting things to do on the boat, they said. But I
can now understand why the whale hunters, with their telescopes and cameras, are so enthusiastic. In Europe today,
there are not many places where you can see big animals in the wild. But at sea you can. For a long time, there is
nothing. But when, suddenly, a whale appears close to you, it is as thrilling as watching elephants or lions in Africa.
Whales - Vocabulary Note
Sep 10, 2007

“whaling” means whale hunting, with guns and harpoons, not cameras and telescopes.
“whaling drove some species of whale to extinction” – the whales were hunted until there were almost none left. If
an animal or a plant becomes extinct, it means that there are no more left alive anywhere – like dinosaurs!
“First thing in the morning” – at the beginning of the morning, before they did anything else, the whale hunters set
up their telescopes and cameras. We can say “first thing tomorow” (before I do anything else tomorrow), or “first
thing when I get home from work”, or “first thing after lunch”.
“in the wild” – animals in their natural environment. We talk about “wild animals” (animals which live completely
independently of people) and “domestic animals” (animals that people keep for food, or as pets.)

Podcast

Rigoletto Act 2 - Next Podcast 11 September

Jul 24, 2007

Suppose your friend has just sat an exam. You want to ask her – was it alright, were the questions easy, do you think
that you passed the exam? What words could you use to ask this question?
Or suppose that your friend has just been to a wedding. You want to ask her – was everything OK, did the bride
look beautiful, did everyone have a good time? What words can you use?
Or suppose that your favourite English podcaster has been playing in the orchestra for Verdi’s opera Rigoletto. You
want to ask him – was the opera good, did you play in tune and in the right places, were there any disasters? How
can you ask this question?
Well – you can say, “How did it go?” How did your exam go? how did the wedding go? how did the opera go?
And I could say, yes the opera went very well. The singers were wonderful, of course. The audiences were not big,
but the people who came loved the performances. And I played in tune – most of the time – and in the right places –
well, most of the right places.
In the last act of Rigoletto, there is a storm. The night grows dark, and the rain pours down, and in the middle of the
storm, the assassin kills Gilda. It is very dramatic, with some very fine music. In our first performance, when we
reached the storm scene, we heard a noise. It was the rain, hammering on the roof of the little theatre where we
were playing. There was a storm in the opera, and a real storm outside. It was a very strange experience.
In fact, the heavy rain continued all that night and all the next day. The rivers rose, and water flooded many roads
and homes. Several towns south of Birmingham have been seriously flooded. Even today, five days after the storm,
it is impossible to reach some towns except by boat or helicopter. Many people in these places have no electricity
and no drinking water. These are the most serious floods in Britain that anyone can remember. We hope that the
worst is now past, and that life in the flooded towns and villages can slowly return to normal.
This is my last podcast for the summer. I am going to take a break and a holiday. We are going to the Asturias
region of Spain – Viva Espana. The next podcast will be on Tuesday 11 September. To keep you company until
then, here is part of the second act of Rigoletto, recorded during our final performance in a church in Birmingham
on 22 July. Gilda tells her father Rigoletto about the young man in the church and about how she was kidnapped.
Rigoletto comforts her. Zoe Milton-Brown is Gilda, and Kevin McRae is Rigoletto. The orchestra is the wonderful
Birmingham Chamber Orchestra, conducted by Martin Leigh.
Photo of flooding at Tewksbury, where water from the river Severn has completely surrounded the town. For more
about the flooding see here

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Somewhere in England, there is a very special building. The security is tight. There is barbed wire all around the
fence. There are security guards with dogs. Everyone going in or out is searched and has to show a security pass. Is
this a secret government defence establishment? Or a prison for specially dangerous prisoners? Or a place for
storing something very valuable, like gold bars, or something very dangerous, like nuclear waste?

No, it is the warehouse where copies of the new Harry Potter book – “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” – are
stored. Late tomorrow, big trucks will arrive at the warehouse. The books will be loaded onto the trucks, and taken
to bookshops and supermarkets all over the country. Because Saturday is the Big Day. Saturday is the day when the
new Harry Potter book will be published.

Who is Harry Potter? Did someone say, “Who is Harry Potter?” What planet do you live on? Everyone knows about
Harry Potter. He is a teenage wizard, who attends a special school for wizards called Hogwarts. Together with his
friends Ron and Hermione, he is locked in a desperate struggle wih the forces of evil. J K Rowling’s books about
Harry Potter are some of the most successful books ever written. When the previous Harry Potter book was
published, two million copies of it were sold in the first 24 hours. This time, the publishers have printed 3 million
copies, and will print even more if the book sells well. And, of course, the book will be translated into many other
languages.

So next Saturday – which is the first day of the school summer holidays in England – the new Harry Potter book
will go on sale. People will queue to buy it at bookshops and supermarkets. In our family, we will need to buy 3 or
4 copies, because we cannot agree who should read the book first.

This will be the last Harry Potter book. So what will happen? Will Harry finally defeat the evil Voldemort; or will
the dark forces triumph? The excitement is intense. But we will not have to wait long to find out. Only one more
day to go!

Harry Potter and the Passive Verbs - grammar note

There are several examples of verbs in the passive voice in this podcast. The subject of a passive verb is not the
person or thing that does the action which the verb describes. Instead, the subject is the person or thing to whom or
to which the action is done. Because passive verbs are sometimes difficult to understand, I try to avoid them in my
podcasts. But today, as a special treat, and because the new Harry Potter book is out on Saturday, I have included
several passive verbs:

• Everyone going in or out is searched.

• Copies of the new Harry Potter book are stored in the warehouse.
• The books will be loaded into the trucks.
• They will be taken to bookshops and supermarkets.
• When the last Harry Potter book was published…
• ...two million copies were sold in the first 24 hours.
• The book will be translated into other languages.

Look also at the different ways we have of talking about the new book:

• The new Harry Potter book will be published on Saturday.

 • It will be available on Saturday.
• It will go on sale on Saturday.
• It is out on Saturday.

Rigoletto - Act 1
Jul 16, 2007

I have been very busy for the past week. I have been playing my violin in the orchestra for an opera. An opera is
like a play, but instead of spoken dialogue it has singing and music. The opera that we are performing is called
Rigoletto, and it is by the famous 19th century Italian composer, Giuseppe Verdi.

Verdi wrote his operas in Italian, of course, but we are singing Rigoletto in English. This is a bad idea. Because the
opera is in English, the audience will be able to understand what is happening. It would be better if they simply
enjoyed the singing and the music, without worrying about what the words mean. Why? Because the plot of
Rigoletto, like the plots of most operas, is complicated and unbelievable.

This is what happens in the opera. The Duke of Mantova is well-known for chasing pretty women. Recently, he has
seen a very attractive girl in church. He has flirted silently with her during prayers. She does not know that he is the
Duke of Mantova, because he has disguised himself as a poor student. And he does not know that she is Gilda, the
daughter of Rigoletto. Part way through the first act of the opera, the Duke/poor student visits Gilda secretly. They
declare their love for each other, and there is a lot of passionate singing and music that makes you feel warm inside.

Rigoletto – Gilda’s father – is the Duke’s jester. That means, it is his job to play the fool, tell jokes, make mischief
and generally make people laugh. I do not think he is a good jester. There are no good jokes anywhere in the opera,
and Rigoletto has made enemies of many other people at the Duke’s court.

Rigoletto’s enemies have discovered that he has a mistress. As a joke, they kidnap her. But she isn’t Rigoletto’s
mistress at all. She is Gilda, his daughter. And Rigoletto is very upset. He is very protective of his daughter and
forbids her to have any contact with men. He comes to the court in a very bad temper, and finds Gilda. Gilda – the
silly girl – thinks this would be an excellent time to tell Rigoletto about the handsome young man at church. The
news makes Rigoletto even more unhappy. His beautiful innocent daughter – first she is kidnapped, and now she is
pursued by handsome young men in churches. His honour is insulted. He must have revenge. He decides that the
handsome young man must go. He hires an assassin – a professional killer – to kill the handsome young man. But
due to some unfortunate circumstances which are too ridiculous to explain, the assassin kills Gilda instead. She dies
in Rigoletto’s arms. Rigoletto has destroyed the only person in the whole world that he loves. It is all very sad. The
audience dab their eyes with large spotted handkerchiefs. The opera comes to an end.

Maybe I am wrong. Maybe things like this happen every week in Italy. But I think that Rigoletto would find it
difficult to explain to a British policeman why he is standing in the street in the middle of the night holding the
body of his daughter. “I see, sir. So you hired an assassin to kill a young man whom you now understand to be the
Duke of Mantova. But he kills this young lady instead. Quite so, sir. I think you had better come with me to the
police station, sir.”

More about Rigoletto next time.

Talking rubbish
Jul 11, 2007

Recently, I found a postcard. You can see a picture of it on

the website or on the screen of your iPod. On the front of the card it says “Birmingham’s total rubbish…”
What does this mean. Does it mean that “Birmingham is total rubbish” – in other words, Birmingham is an awful
place and no sane person would like to live in Birmingham or visit the city?
Happily, it does not mean that. “Birmingham’s total rubbish …” is the beginning of a sentence about rubbish in
Birmingham. On the other side of the card, there are facts and figures about how much rubbish each of us produces,
and what happens to it.
Let’s start with some vocabulary. Every day, we throw things away that we do not need any more. We call this
“rubbish” or “waste” or “refuse”. In America, they call it “garbage”. Rubbish that comes from people’s homes is
called “household waste”. If it comes from shops, offices, restaurants etc, it is called “commercial waste”. And if it
comes from factories, it is called “industrial waste”. In England, it is very common for people to put their household
waste into big black plastic bags. Once a week, or once a fortnight, you put your plastic bags outside your house,
and the local authority collects them. But some people, especially people who live in flats, put their waste into a
large plastic container, about 1.50 meters tall. The container has a lid on the top, and wheels on the bottom. There is
probably a proper, official name for these containers, but everyone calls them “wheelie bins” (because they have
wheels on the bottom!) There is probably also a proper, official name for the wonderful people who collect the
plastic bags, and empty the wheelie bins, but everyone actually calls them the “bin men”.

A lot of the things that we throw out can be recycled, that means, they can be used again.
We can use waste paper to make new paper. We can use aluminium drinks cans to make new cans. And some things
that we throw out, such as old batteries or fridges, contain materials which can damage the environment, so it is
good if we do not put them in the general rubbish. The local authority therefore encourages us to separate paper,
cardboard, cans, tins and plastic bottles from the rest of our rubbish so that they can be recycled. And what happens
to our waste after it has been collected? In Birmingham, the paper and cardboard is taken to a factory just north of
the city centre, where it is turned into new cardboard packaging. There are also factories not far from Birmingham
which take recycled glass, cans and plastics. And the rest of our household waste goes to a modern incinerator in
the south of Birmingham, where it is burnt at a high temperature. The heat from the incinerator is used to generate
electricity, and some of the ash can be used in the building industry.
That is the good side of the story. The bad side is that we do not recycle very much. In Birmingham, we recycle
only 20% of household waste. This is much better than a few years ago, but a lot worse than many other towns in
England. And in comparison with other European countries, our recycling rates in England are very poor. In
Belgium and Austria, for example, well over half of all household waste is recycled. We still live in a society where
it is normal to throw things away without thinking about how to re-use them. How can we persuade people to
recycle more? Our government has suggested that people should pay for every kilo of rubbish that they produce and
do not recycle. They have also said that fortnightly rubbish collections, instead of weekly collections, may
encourage people to recycle. However, these ideas are controversial. It is easy to see the problems and difficulties in
them, and less easy to see the solutions to the problems. It will not be easy to change people’s behaviour. But
equally we cannot go on throwing things away as we do at present.
Picture of wheelie bins by Richard Smith/flickr

Contemporary
Jul 6, 2007

Today we are going to meet the Duke of Wellington, and talk about the word “contemporary”.
In fact, both the Duke of Wellington and the word “contemporary” were in the podcasts about Glastonbury. You
can’t remember the Duke of Wellington? Was he perhaps one of the pop singers at Glastonbury? No, he wasn’t. But
you remember that, because of the mud at Glastonbury, many festival-goers wore wellington boots. Wellington
boots are waterproof boots made of rubber. In America, people say “gumboots”. In Britain we often say “wellies”.
And the name “wellington boot” comes from the Duke of Wellington, who was the first person to make this type of
boot popular.
In 1815, the Duke of Wellington was the commander of the British army at the Battle of Waterloo, which is a place
just outside Brussels in Belgium. At Waterloo, Wellington and his allies defeated the French army led by Napoleon
Bonaparte. Later, Wellington became Prime Minister of Britain for a short time. He persuaded Parliament to pass
laws to give rights to Catholics in Britain, for the first time in 200 years. But in all other respects, he was deeply
conservative. He opposed any other sort of political reform. The London mob gathered regularly outside his home
to shout slogans and throw stones at the windows.

So, you now know something about the Duke of Wellington. Let’s meet the word “contemporary”.
Contemporary means “belonging to the same time”. If we are talking about the Duke of Wellington, “contemporary
events” means things that happened during his life – things like the revolution in France, and the rise to power of
Napoleon; or the industrial revolution; or the movement for political reform in Britain, which Wellington opposed.
“Contemporary newspapers” means newspapers from that time – the newspapers which reported the victory at
Waterloo, for example, or the riots and demonstrations in London for political reform. We can say that Wellington
and Napoleon were contemporaries – they lived at the same time; in fact, they were born in the same year, in 1769.
On the website and, I hope, on your iPod screens there are pictures of both Wellington and Napoleon. They are
wearing contemporary dress, or contemporary fashions; that means, the sorts of clothes that important people wore
at that time.
But often in English we use the word “contemporary” to mean “belonging to the present time”, in other words to
mean “modern”. We talk about contemporary art or contemporary music or contemporary fashions or contemporary
furniture. We mean modern music, modern art etc – music or art of the 21st century. You remember that, in the last
podcast, Hilary talked about contemporary bands that played at Glastonbury. She meant modern bands, bands that
young people today like to listen to.
So, contemporary is a word that can mean different things depending on its context, that is, depending on what you
are talking about. If you are talking about Wellington, it means “of the early 19th century”. If you are talking about
the Beatles, contemporary means “of the 1960s”. And if you are talking about today, contemporary means very
modern, or up-to-date.
We Have Moved to a New Home
Jul 3, 2007

Listen to English has moved to a NEW WEB ADDRESS:

We are now at www.listen-to-english.com

We have arranged that all requests for the old address are automatically sent to the new address. So there is no need
for you to change anything on your computer. But if you have bookmarked the old Listen to English address, it
would be a good idea to replace it with a bookmark for the new address.
I have moved the FeedBurner RSS feed to point to the new address. If you subscribe to the feed with iTunes or
another podcatcher, or via the FeedBurner e-mail service, you will continue to receive the Listen to English
podcasts. You do not need to change anything in your computer or in iTunes.
I am sorry that, when we made these changes, we lost two podcast episodes (Goodbye Tony and Let me Know) and
also the download data for them. I have put the podcasts back on the website and you now should be able to
download them. If you find problems, please let me know.
Many thanks for continuing to support Listen to English. I love receiving your comments and your e-mails. Your
suggestions often help me to make Listen to English even better.
Glastonbury - mud and music
Jul 3, 2007

We return to Glastonbury today for a first-

hand account of the mud and the music from Hilary. The full text of my conversation with her is in a pdf file in the
posting immediately before this one.
First, listen to the podcast without looking at the transcript. Probably there will be parts which you do not
understand, but that doesn’t matter. Then have a look at the quiz (link at the end of this posting) to see how much of
the podcast you understood. Then look at the transcript, to check the words or expressions that you did not
understand.
Picture of flags in the Jazz Field at Glastonbury by Ian Watkins/flickr

Glastonbury - mud and music - transcript

Jul 3, 2007

Click on the link below to download a pdf file with a full transcript of the podcast “Glastonbury – mud and music”.
You will need to have Adobe Reader on your computer.
Let me know...
Jun 29, 2007

“Suppose you are planning a holiday in England. Your friend in England might say to
you, “Please let me know when you are going to arrive.”
Or suppose I am talking to a friend who is planning to move to another town. I might say, “Please let me have your
new address.”
What do these expressions mean – “let me know”, and “let me have”?
You have probably guessed the answer. “Let me know” means “tell me” and “let me have” means “give me”. Easy.
Simple.
Well, actually it is a more complicated than perhaps you think. If I say to you, “Tell me how to get to your house”, I
expect you to answer straight away. I expect you to say, “Take the underground to Highgate station, and a bus from
there.” But if I say, “Please let me know how to get to your house”, I mean “Please don’t explain now if that is
inconvenient; please tell me later, when you are ready, when you have time”. So, “let me know” is a less direct way
of saying “tell me”. And because it is more indirect, it is often more polite and formal as well.
Here are some more examples:
Joanne’s friend Judy and her boyfriend have decided to get married. They still haven’t made any detailed plans,
about when the wedding will be and what sort of wedding they want. Joanne is very pleased and excited when Judy
tells her. Here are some of the things that Joanne says:
When you have decided, let me know the date of the wedding.
And let me know where the wedding will be.
Please let me know how to get there.
And let me know whether there is anything I can do to help.
Let me know what I should wear.
Let me know what you would like as a wedding present.
And let me know who else is coming.
And after the wedding, please let me see all the wedding photos.
And as for Kevin, he has just finished writing a report at work. It is a report on new developments in the market for
cat food. It doesn’t sound very interesting, does it? But Kevin is very proud of his report, and he wants to impress
his boss and his work colleagues. “I might be able to let you see my report,” he says to one colleague, loudly so that
the whole office can hear. “When you have read it, perhaps you could let me have your opinion on it.” Poor Kevin.
Perhaps someone should let him know that there are more important things in life than the market for cat food.
Picture of Yosemite Wedding Chapel by Dalebert/flickr
Goodbye Tony, Hello Gordon
Jun 27, 2007

We do not often talk about politics on this podcast, but today is different. Today is a
special day. Our Prime Minister, Tony Blair, has been Prime Minister since 1997. But today he will resign. In fact,
Tony Blair told us many months ago that he was going to step down. But instead of quitting immediately, he
decided that he needed time to say goodbye properly. Since then, he has been saying goodbye to everyone –
goodbye to his party, goodbye to Parliament, goodbye to President Bush, to the European Union, to the whole
world. He has made speeches, he has gone to meetings, and attended receptions and dinners. He has appeared on
chat shows and children’s programmes on television. He has been like a pop star making one last tour, to bid
farewell to his fans. Do his fans still love him? How many fans does he still have? I don’t know and I don’t care.
After today we will have a new Prime Minister, and Tony Blair will be yesterday’s man.
Who will our new Prime Minister be? We have known for months, or even years, that Tony Blair’s successor would
be Gordon Brown. For the last ten years, Gordon Brown has been Chancellor of the Exchequer – that is, he has
been Minister of Finance. He has been the second most powerful man in the government. He and Tony Blair have
not had an easy relationship. The problem has not been about policy – it is difficult to see any real political
difference between them. Rather it has been a clash of personalities. Tony Blair thought that Gordon Brown was
trying to push him out. Gordon Brown felt that Tony Blair stayed as Prime Minister for far too long. Every week the
press has reported some new row, or some new problem in their relationship. It has been like a national soap opera.
We all looked forward to the next episode.

What is Gordon Brown like? Well, he is Scots. He is serious-minded. He may have

a sense of humour, but he hides it well. (The famous 18th century English writer, Dr Johnson, once said that it
requires a surgical instrument to insert a joke into a Scotsman’s brain. He was perhaps thinking of Gordon Brown).
And Gordon Brown is a very skillful politician.
His political skill is clear in today’s newspapers. He has persuaded a Member of Parliament from the opposition
Conservative Party to leave and join the Labour Party instead. In other words, on the day that he becomes Prime
Minister, Gordon Brown has made his political opponents look foolish.
His main opponent is the leader of the opposition, David Cameron. David Cameron is young – only 40 years old.
He has an informal and easy style. People have described him as the “new Tony Blair”. This may not help him very
much; many people do not want a new Tony Blair. David Cameron comes from a rich family, and was educated at
one of England’s leading and most expensive private schools. Despite this, he would like people to think that he is
in touch, particularly with younger people. So he has a You Tube site, and a podcast. Several months ago, I sent him
an e-mail asking him if he would make a special guest appearance on this podcast. I regret to tell you, dear listeners,
that I received no reply. Until David Cameron takes the Listen to English podcast seriously, I cannot advise you or
anyone else to vote for him.

Goodbye Tony, Hello Gordon - vocabulary note

Jun 27, 2007

We have lots of possible ways of talking about Tony Blair’s resignation. Here are some of them:

• Tony Blair resigns as Prime Minister

• he steps down as Prime Minister
• he leaves office/ he leaves No 10 Downing Street
• he retires
• he quits
• he goes
• he steps aside
• he makes way for Gordon Brown
Mud
Jun 22, 2007

Glastonbury is a small town in Somerset in

south-west England. It contains the ruins of an old abbey, and has some beautiful countryside around it. There are
many myths and legends associated with Glastonbury. Many of these are stories about the Celtic people who lived
in England before the Anglo-Saxons came in the 5th and 6th centuries. Today Glastonbury is a favourite place for
people who are interested in alternative lifestyles. Here are some of the things you can do in Glastonbury: – you can
buy organic toothpaste, or aromatherapy for your cat; – you can visit the burial place of the ancient (and probably
mythical) King Arthur and his wife Guinevere; – you can try on a jumper covered in special Celtic patterns; – you
can browse in a bookshop that specialises in things like New Age Ecology and Geomancy; – you can attend courses
on Shamanism and witchcraft.
In other words, if you believe in fairies, you will love Glastonbury.
Glastonbury is famous as the home of the Glastonbury Festival. This is a festival of music, dance, theatre and
comedy. It takes place on a farm a few miles from Glastonbury. People come from all over Britain and abroad to
camp in the fields, listen to the music, make new friends and enjoy themselves. Glastonbury is in fact the largest
festival of its sort in the world. It started back in 1970, and has been held on most years since then. Every year it
becomes bigger, with more people, more bands and more to do and see. This year, about 180,000 people will come
to the Festival to hear bands like the Arctic Monkeys, and singers like Amy Winehouse and Lily Allen, to listen to
new poetry, and to see cabaret, circus and comedy performances.
Unexpected things happen at Glastonbury. In 1994 the main stage burned down. In 2001 a fence collapsed and
thousands of gatecrashers were able to get in. But above all Glastonbury is famous for mud. There was heavy rain
in 1997 and again two years ago, in 2005. The rain itself is not a problem. We are English. We are used to rain. We
are happy standing in the rain, eating sandwiches and listening to a pop concert. But the rain caused the streams to
overflow, and because there were so many people at the festival, the fields turned to a sea of mud. There were
pictures in the newspapers of festival goers covered from head to toe in mud. They looked very happy too. They
obviously thought, “If we are going to get muddy, we might as well enjoy it”. Sensible people now bring good
waterproofs and several pairs of wellingtons with them to Glastonbury. The man who owns the farm where the
festival is held – his name is Michael Eavis – is determined that this year the mud will not be a problem. He has
spent hundreds of thousands of pounds on new drains and other improvements. However, all parts of England have
had very heavy rain in the past two weeks, and the weather forecast for Glastonbury this weekend is – yes, more
rain. So, which will win – Michael Eavis’s new drains, or the mud? I am betting on the mud.
Picture of mud at Glastonbury by Ian Miller/flickr

Mud - vocabulary note

Jun 22, 2007
Here is a pdf file which contains a vocabulary note to go with the podcast on Mud. You will need Adobe reader to
read it.

Madeleine
Jun 20, 2007

Madeleine McCann is four years old. Everyone in Britain knows about her. This is
why.
Madeleine lives with her parents Kate and Gerry McCann, and her younger brother and sister. Their home is in a
town called Rothley in central England. It is a small town – the sort of town where nothing ever happens, certainly
nothing that gets into the newspapers.
At the end of April, the McCann family went on holiday to Portugal, to a resort called Praia da Luz. On the evening
of 3 May, Gerry and Kate put their children to bed. When the children were asleep, at about 9.30pm, Kate and
Gerry went to a restaurant close by to have a meal. At 10pm Kate came back to see that the children were OK.
Madeleine was gone.
It quickly became clear that Madeleine had not just woken up and gone for a walk. Someone had taken her. She had
been kidnapped.
The kidnapping of Madeleine McCann, and the search for her, has been a huge story in the British press and on TV
and radio. Kate and Gerry have done everything they can to get publicity. They believe it is the only way they will
ever see their daughter again. They have contacted everyone whom they think might be able to help them. They
have met government ministers in several countries in Europe, and had an audience with the Pope. They have
appeared on TV, and answered questions from journalists at press conferences. Newspapers have offered big
rewards for information which may help to find Madeleine. There are “Find Madeleine” websites, and people have
put pictures of the missing girl on advertising hoardings and in shop windows all over Europe, and on big screens at
football matches.
Despite all of this, there seems to be very little evidence to help the Portuguese police. One witness reports that he
saw a man carrying a small girl wearing pink pyjamas at about the time that Madeleine disappeared. The
Portuguese police have questioned a British man who lives near Praia da Luz, but they now say that they do not
have any evidence against him. There has been a report that a girl who looks like Madeleine has been seen in
Morocco. The police have asked people who were on holiday near Praia da Luz to send them their holiday photos.
The police hope that somewhere in these photos, in the background perhaps, they will see a face that they know –
the face of someone who has previously been involved in kidnapping or abusing children.
And last week a Dutch newspaper received an anonymous message that Madeleine was dead, and that her body
could be found in an area close to Praia da Luz. The police searched the area and found nothing.
So Kate and Gerry McCann wait for news. They continue to try to create as much publicity as they can. Someone
may have seen something which could help the police. Certainly someone, somewhere, knows where Madeleine is
and what has happened to her. But for the moment, there is nothing.
Blessed
Jun 15, 2007

In a podcast last week, I talked about a pop group called the Zimmers. The
Zimmers are all elderly people, who want to show the world that old people can be fun and creative. A few days ago
I found a short poem about being old. It is by Barbara Beuler Wegner, but I am afraid that I have not been able to
find out anything more either about the poem or about the writer. Here it is:

Blessed are they who understand

My faltering steps and shaking hand.
Blessed are those who know my ears today
Will strain to catch the words they say.
Blessed are they who with a cheery smile
Stop to chat for a little while.
Blessed are those who never say
“You’ve told us that story twice today”.
Blessed are those who make it known
That I’m loved, respected and not alone.

The word “blessed” is a religious word. It means being favoured by God. In modern English we would normally
say “blest”, rather than “blessed”. But the writer was thinking about a famous passage in the Bible in which Jesus
tells us what sort of people are closest to God. They are not the rich people, or the powerful people, or the famous
people. They are poor people, people who carry great sorrow, people who show mercy, people who suffer, and so
on. In a modern English Bible, the word that Jesus uses for these people is “blest”. But older people like me
remember a much older English translation of the Bible. In England we call it the Authorised Version of the Bible.
In America, they call it the King James Bible, because it was translated into English at the beginning of the 17th
century, in the reign of King James I. (Do you remember the podcast about the Fifth of November? King James was
the king whom Guy Fawkes tried to blow up.) The Authorised Version of the Bible is sometimes difficult to
understand, because it uses English which is very different from modern English. But it is very beautiful and poetic,
and it was the version of the Bible used in churches in England for more than 300 years. And in the Authorised
Version, the word which Jesus uses to talk about people who are close to God is “blessed”. And that is why the
word “blessed” is used in this poem.
Ago, for and since, and why it is a good idea to learn French.
Jun 13, 2007

Many English learners find that they get confused between words like “ago”, “since”
and “for”. Today’s podcast gives you lots of examples of how to use these words; I hope it will help you to use
them correctly.
Suppose that we want to talk about when we did something, or when something happened. We can use the word
“ago”. We can say, for example, “it happened two weeks ago” or “a year ago” or “five minutes ago” or “a long time
ago”. With “ago” we always use words which describe a period of time – a week, a month, 10 minutes.
If we want to say for how long we did something, or how for how long something happened, we can use the word
“for” – “for about a week”, “for 10 years”, “for a short time”. And, like “ago”, we use “for” with a period of time –
a week, a year etc.
Another way of talking about how long we have done something is to use the word “since” – “I have been ill since
Monday”, “since Christmas”, “since I got up this morning”. With “since” we always have to use words which
describe a point in time – words like “last week” or “Winter” or “1998”. We do not say things like “since a week”
or “since 10 minutes”. Everybody clear? Then let’s begin.
Kevin and Joanne have just had a holiday. First, they looked at lots of travel brochures. Perhaps they could take a
cheap flight to Marocco. “We went to Marocco two years ago“, said Joanne. “Lets go somewhere different.”
“We could go to Scotland again”, said Kevin. “I like Scotland”.
“We went to Scotland a year ago,” said Joanne. “It rained for the whole week.”
“Well, how about France”, said Kevin. “I haven’t been to France since I was at school.“ So they decided to go
camping in France.
They set off in the car. But they had forgotten that there were roadworks on the motorway. There have been
roadworks on the motorway for the last two years, since the beginning of 2005. They arrived at Dover late.
“Our ferry left 10 minutes ago“, said Kevin. “We shall have to wait for an hour for the next ferry.”
They got on the next ferry without problems. For the next hour and a half, they relaxed, drank coffee and ate a
sandwich until the boat arrived in Calais. Then they drove through France for another 3 hours.
“We must be near the campsite now”, said Joanne. “But I am sure we came through this village before, about 20
minutes ago“.
They turned left and found themselves in a farmyard with cows and hens. So they went back and turned right, and
found themselves in an industrial estate with factories and warehouses. They stared at the map, but they could not
work out where they were. “We will have to ask someone”, said Kevin. And this was a problem. First, because there
was no-one around to ask; and second because neither Kevin nor Joanne spoke more than a few words of French.
They drove for another 10 minutes, looking for someone who looked as if they could speak English. And this was
difficult, because you cannot tell, just by looking at someone, what languages they speak. Then they saw a man
working in his garden. They stopped the car. Joanne tried to remember the French that she had learned at school.
“Excusez- moi, monsieur. Parlez-vous anglais?” And the man said that he did speak English – in fact, he was
English.
He explained where the campsite was. “We passed it 10 minutes ago“, said Kevin. And he asked the man how long
he had lived in France.
“We bought our house 10 years ago,” the man explained. “For the next six years, we came here every summer for
our holidays. Then, four years ago, I retired from my job. Since then, we have lived permanently in France.”
Kevin asked the man whether he could speak French. “Of course,” said the man.“We did not want to be like all
those English people who go to live in France or Spain and never learn a word of the language. My wife and I
started learning about 8 years ago, and since 2003 we have been to classes in French in the nearby town.”
Well, Kevin and Joanne found the campsite. For the whole of their holiday the sun shone, and they relaxed and
enjoyed themselves. And when they returned home, they decided that it was not good enough that neither of them
could speak French. So they have enrolled in an evening class, where they are now struggling with the mysteries of
French irregular verbs.

Hoovers, Zimmers and Sellotape

Jun 8, 2007

Do you know what a hoover is? The Hoover company makes vacuum
cleaners, that you use to keep your house clean. In fact, Hoover made some of the earliest vacuum cleaners. They
were about the size of a supermarket trolley, and made as much noise as a jet engine. But people loved them, and
we started to talk about a “hoover” instead of a vacuum cleaner, even if the cleaner was not made by Hoover. We
still do this today – we talk about “hoovering the sitting room” or “doing the hoovering”.
There are several other things which we often call by the name of the company that first made it. “Sellotape” is a
transparent, sticky tape which you use to stick paper, for example if you are wrapping a present to give to someone.
We say “sellotape” even if the sticky tape is not made by the Sellotape company.

A “thermos flask” is a vacuum flask (or bottle) used to keep drinks hot or cold. Originally flasks like this were sold
under the trade name “Thermos”. “Kleenex” is a brand of paper tissues, that you might use to blow your nose. We
often call any paper tissue a “kleenex” even if it is made by a different company.
My final example has been in the news this last week. It is “zimmer”. A zimmer is a walking frame, generally made
of aluminium, that very old people often use to help them to walk. The first walking frames were made by an
American company called Zimmer. And why are zimmers in the news? If you are a keen student of the British pop
music charts – I am, of course – you will see that a band called the Zimmers was at number 26 last week, singing a
song called Who’s My Generation. And the Zimmers really do have zimmers. Their lead singer is Alf Carretta. He
is 90. “I hope to die before I get old”, he sings. His backing group have a combined age of over 3000. I believe that
Buster Martin, whom we met a few weeks ago in a podcast, is one of the group. The Zimmers want to make people
think about the situation of elderly people. They want to show that old people can be creative, dynamic and fun. Alf
Carretta says that singing in the band has brought him back to life. “I was 90 and stuck in a rut. And now I feel that
I have come alive again”, he says. The Zimmers’ video has become a big hit on YouTube. When I grow up, I want
to be a Zimmer too.
Big Mac
May 24, 2007

After my last podcast, I am sure that many of you have applied for jobs as spies for the
British Secret Intelligence Service. But what will you do if they say no? If they say that they don’t want you; they
have enough spies already; and they don’t think you would be very good at spying anyway?
Well, in most big cities nowdays, you can get a job in McDonalds, the chain of fast-food restaurants. You can make
and sell burgers and chips (or “French fries” as the Americans call them). You can clear the tables and do the
washing-up. Or you can sweep up the rubbish which people leave in the car park. It probably isn’t very interesting
work, and probably McDonalds won’t pay you much money. But it is at least a job.
Or a McJob, as some people say. A McJob is a low-paid boring job with few prospects in a service industry, like
McDonalds restaurants. The word McJob has been used for at least 20 years, and for the last 6 years it has been in
the Oxford English Dictionary, which means that it is officially recognised as part of the English language.
But McDonalds don’t like this. They say that the word “McJob” is an insult to the wonderful, hard-working men
and women who work in their restaurants. They say that work in the fast-food industry today is fun, exciting and
well-paid. And they want the Oxford English Dictionary to change the definition of McJob. They have persuaded a
number of leading business people to write a letter to the dictionary, and they have organised a petition that anyone
can sign.

The Oxford English Dictionary will probably reply that it is not their job to change what
words mean. If people use the word “McJob” to mean a badly paid job in a fast-food restaurant, then it is right for
the dictionary to say that that is what the word means. There are lots of words in the dictionary which people use in
cruel, unfair or insulting ways – but that is not the fault of people who write dictionaries. They might even say that
it is insulting to poorly paid people to pretend that they have wonderful jobs when actually their jobs are not
wonderful. And that it is insulting to French people for McDonalds to call their chips “French fries”.
The truth is that most jobs in fast-food restaurants are boring and badly-paid. There are few benefits or career
prospects, and many people only work there for a few months until they find something better. Like a job as a spy
for example.
I shall be away in Germany next week (Hallo, Deutschland. Ich komme euch zu besuchen!), but I will be back with
a new podcast on about 7 June. To keep you company, here are the Nashville Session Players with Big McDonald.
Photos of mcDonalds by the zen master/flickr and by captain scurvy/flickr

Big Mac - vocabulary note

A lot of Scottish and Irish surnames (family names) begin with “Mac” or “Mc”. It means “son of..” In general,
Scottish names have “Mac” and Irish names “Mc”, but the picture is confused by the fact that lots of Irish people
live in Scotland, and lots of Scots in Ireland, and that some people have changed the spelling of their names.
Sometimes in colloquial English, we use “mac” as a word in its own right. McDonalds restaurants call one of their
burgers a “Big Mac”.The Apple Mac is, of course, the well-known computer from Apple Macintosh. (Did you know
that there is a sort of apple – a fruit, not a computer – called the McIntosh apple? It grows very well in New York
state, I believe).
In the 19th century, a Scotsman called Charles MacIntosh invented a waterproof material for making rain-coats. To
this day, we often call a raincoat a “mac” or a “macintosh”.
And another Scotsman, John MacAdam, invented a new method for surfacing roads. It was called “Macadamising”.
His method was later improved by adding tar to the road surface, to produce what today we call “tarmac” (=”tar
MacAdam”).

Do you want to be a spy ......

May 22, 2007

Intelligence. What does it mean? The word “intelligence” has two main
meanings in English. First, it can mean “mental capacity” – if you are intelligent, you can think clearly and
rationally, for example. But “intelligence” also means information. For example, we can talk about “market
intelligence” – and that means, information about what is happening in a market, such as the stock market or the
international oil market. Very often, we use “intelligence” to mean information which is secret, or which has been
obtained illegally. Many governments have “intelligence services” which collect secret information about other
countries, or about the government’s opponents at home. Intelligence services employ agents – or, to use the more
normal word, spies. To spy on someone means to watch them secretly, without them knowing.
A few days ago, an advert appeared in the jobs section of the newspaper which I read. “Don’t keep your intelligence
secret!” it said. It was an advertisement for jobs in the British Secret Intelligence Service – the SIS or, as it is
sometimes known, MI6. It was an advertisement for spies.
Many years ago, I worked in British Embassies in the Middle East and in Scandinavia. In the Embassies, there were
some diplomats who were from the Secret Intelligence Service (SIS). It was supposed to be secret, but everyone
knew who they were. Of course, we were not allowed to call them spies, or people from the intelligence service –
we had to refer to them as “our friends”. Sometimes we saw their intelligence reports. They were marked “Top
Secret” and told us things that we knew already. I do not know how the SIS recruited people to work for them in
those days. Perhaps they approached people in secret, and invited them to secret interviews with secret people.
In those days, too, the name of the head of the SIS was never made public. He was known only as “C”. He wrote
things in green ink. No-one else was allowed to use green ink. It was all very ridiculous.
But nowdays it is different. The SIS advertises for spies in the newspapers, and even has a website which tells you
what the SIS does and what sort of people it wants to recruit. It has a grand headquarters building at Vauxhall Cross
in the centre of London. And we know that the head of the SIS is called John Scarlett. He is well-known in Britain.
In his previous job, he advised our government that it was OK to say that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass
destruction. The fact that he was completely wrong obviously did his career no harm.
But that is how many organisations work. If you are a junior employee and you make a big mistake, they sack you.
If you are a senior person, they promote you.
Photo of the SIS Headquarters at Vauxhall Cross by TPMpix/flickr
Star trek - Heavy lies the Crown
May 17, 2007

Do you remember the episode last June called To Boldly Go…? It was about a group of
dedicated Star Trek fans who were making their own Star Trek film. I have just received a message from them to
say that the film “Heavy Lies the Crown” will be released on 26 May. You will be able to download it from their
website, where there are also lots pictures and other information about the making of the film.
What does the title of the film mean – “Heavy lies the crown”? Well, the title may be an echo of a line in
Shakespeare’s play Henry IV, where the king complains that the responsibilities of state lie heavily on him so that
he cannot sleep – “Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown.” Or it may be a reference to a line in a song by Limp
Bizkit “Heavy is the head that wears the crown”. Or maybe it is something completely different.
Some of you are probably shaking your heads and thinking that the English truly are mad. (“Ils sont foux, ces
anglais” as Asterix used to say). Only the English could spend several years making a Star Trek tribute film in their
kitchens. Well, let me tell you something. The lads and lassies who have made the new film are from Scotland –
which is a deeply wonderful country, but it is not England. So go easy on those national stereotypes!
Plastic Rubbish
May 17, 2007

Rebecca Hosking makes documentary films. Recently, she worked on a

documentary film for the BBC about the effect of plastics in the marine environment. She was shocked by what she
saw as she was making the documentary. She found many sorts of sea creatures that were choked or poisoned by
plastics. It is estimated that every year, over 100,000 sea birds, whales, seals and turtles are killed by plastic rubbish
in the sea. Some of this rubbish comes from ships, when people carelessly throw things overboard. But most plastic
rubbish in the sea comes from the land. People throw away things made of plastic. Some of it ends up in rivers and
gets carried out to sea. Other rubbish is blown into the sea by the wind.
Plastic is very useful stuff. It is cheap, and it can easily be formed into all sorts of shapes. And it lasts a long time
before it starts to break down. But this is also the problem with plastics. Plastic rubbish in the sea or on the land
lasts for very many years. With time, plastic accumulates in the environment in greater and greater quantities.
And the strange thing is that we often use plastic things for only a very short time before we throw them away. We
put our shopping into a plastic bag at the supermarket, and when we get home – perhaps 15 minutes later – we
throw the plastic bag into the bin. Or we are thirsty and buy a plastic bottle of mineral water. Ten minutes later we
have drunk all the water and throw the bottle away.
Some other countries have taken action to reduce the amount of plastic rubbish. In Ireland, for example, you have to
pay for plastic bags in the supermarkets, and most people have stopped using them. In Britain, you can return used
plastic bags to some supermarkets, and some local councils collect some sorts of plastic for recycling. But most
used plastic in Britain is simply thrown away. I am afraid that our government talks a lot about environmental
problems, but does not do much about them. Rebecca Hosking realised that it was no good waiting for our
government to act; ordinary people had to take the initiative themselves.
Rebecca comes from a small town in Devon in south west England called Modbury. She decided that Modbury
could become the first town in England where there were no plastic shopping bags. For many weeks, she talked to
the traders in Modbury. She explained, time and again, about the damage which plastic does in the environment.
She researched the possible alternatives to plastic bags, how much they cost, where they come from and how they
can be used. Gradually she got all the shopkeepers in Modbury to agree. On 1 May this year, they all stopped
offering their customers plastic bags. Modbury is the first plastic-bag free town in Britain, and perhaps in Europe. If
you ever visit the beautiful county of Devon, be sure and shop in Modbury.
Photo by how can I recycle this/flickr
Results
May 11, 2007

My podcast today is about the word “result”, and the different ways we can use it.
Last week I said that I would tell you the results of the local elections in England and the elections in Scotland and
Wales. That means, I shall tell you what happened – who won, who lost.
You remember that here in Birmingham we were electing councillors to run our local authority, Birmingham City
Council. The result in my ward was that the Liberal Democrat candidate won. In the city as a whole, the
Conservative party won three more seats than it had before, and the Conservative – Liberal Democrat coalition will
continue to run the city. This is what we expected would happen – it was the expected result.
In Scotland, the result of the election was much more dramatic. For the first time for very many years, the Labour
party is not the largest party in Scotland. The Scottish National Party, which wants Scotland to become an
independent country, will have one more seat than Labour in the new Scottish Parliament. But it does not have a
majority in the Parliament. It is talking with the other parties. The result of these talks may be a coalition between
the SNP and some other parties. Or the result may be that the SNP forms a minority government.
We can of course talk about the result of a football match – that is, how many goals each team scored. We can talk
about the results of an exam – did you pass the exam? how many marks did you get? If you do a Google search on
your computer, Google will give you many pages of results for the search. If you are doing a scientific experiment,
the data or information which you get from the experiment are called the results of the experiment. In maths, the
answer to a calculation or a problem is often called the result. And if you are ill, your doctor may take a blood
sample from you, and send it to be tested. Later, he will tell you the results of the test – things like how many white
cells there are in the blood.
We can also talk about the results of a competition. This weekend, we shall learn the results of the Eurovision
Song Contest. If you live outside Europe, I should explain that the TV companies in Europe each year run a
competition to choose a song for Europe. Singers and groups from every European country take part. And it is bad,
bad, bad! Only very specially bad songs win the Eurovision song contest. The British entry this year is called
Flying the Flag. It is sung by a group called Scooch. They are dressed as airline cabin staff and sing wonderful lines
like:
Ba-ba-da, Ba-ba-da, Ba-da-da-ba, ba-da
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Ba-ba-da, Ba-ba-da, Ba-da-da-ba, ba-da
Now that is bad. But is it bad enough? Is it possible that other countries have even worse songs? What will the
result be? We shall find out on Saturday. I can hardly wait!

Results - vocabulary note

May 11, 2007

We can use the word “result” to mean “outcome” or “consequence”, like this:
Kevin’s brother Frank rides a motorbike. Or at least he used to ride a motorbike. Last year when he was riding it,
very carefully, at 150 kph, he hit a tree. The motor cycle was completely wrecked. Frank was badly injured. He
spent several months in hospital. He is home now, but he cannot walk properly.
So, we can say that the accident was the result of driving too fast. Frank’s injuries were a result of the accident. As
a result of his injuries, Frank cannot walk properly.
And we can use result as a verb, like this:
The accident resulted from going too fast. Frank’s injuries resulted from the accident.
And:
The high speed of the motorcycle resulted in an accident. The accident resulted in Frank spending several months
in hospital. The accident also resulted in the destruction of the motorbike.

Banksy
May 8, 2007

In the podcast “In Disgrace”, I used the word “graffiti”. Do you know what it means? It is
an Italian word, which has come into English. It means “things which are written” generally on an outside wall, or
on some other public surface such as the side of a bus or a train. Graffiti became a big problem in British cities
when shops started to sell aerosol cans of spray paint. With spray paint, it is quick and easy to cover a whole wall
with a picture or writing. Many people say that graffiti make our towns and cities look ugly and uncared for. If there
are lots of graffiti, it encourages other sorts of anti-social behaviour, such as litter, fly-posting, abandoning old cars
and drinking alcohol in the street. Many local authorities spend a lot of money removing graffiti, and most people
probably think that they are right to do so. But are all graffiti bad?
Let me introduce you to the controversial British graffiti artist, Banksy. We are not certain what his real name is –
maybe he is called Robert Banks, probably he lives in Bristol in the south west of England, and people say that he is
around 30 years old. He has painted some very famous graffiti in some very famous places. I have put a few
examples on the website, and I hope you can see them on your iPod screens as well. Most of Banksy’s art is
political and subversive. That means, it is intended to annoy governments and powerful people and to undermine
them. Sometimes, his art makes people think differently about the world; very often it makes them smile.
Banksy has for example, painted pictures on the concrete wall that the Israeli government is building between
Israeli and Palestinian areas. These pictures look as if they are gaps in the wall, through which you can see beautiful
things on the other side. Banksy has smuggled fake pictures into art galleries and museums and stuck them on the
wall alongside the real exhibits. One of these was a piece of rock, carved like a caveman painting, but showing a
person pushing a supermarket trolley. Last year in America, he painted an elephant – yes, a real live elephant, so
that it looked as if it was covered in wallpaper. You remember the podcast about the elephant in the room? Banksy’s
elephant was a real elephant in the room – he was trying to tell people that global poverty was the big, important
subject that no-one wants to talk about. At about the same time, Banksy smuggled an inflatable dummy dressed as a
Guantanamo Bay detainee into Disneyland in California. My favourite however is this – in London there is a
famous statue of the ancient British Queen, Boadicea, and her chariot – Banksy put a wheel clamp on the chariot, so
that it looked as if as if it was illegally parked.
Why is Banksy in the news at present? Well, Transport for London, which is the organisation responsible for buses
and underground trains in London, has recently painted over a famous Banksy graffiti near Old Street tube station.
It shows a scene from Quentin Tarantino’s film Pulp Fiction, with Samuel L Jackson and John Travolta. Only,
instead of guns, they are carrying bananas. Transport for London said that they had to take a tough line on graffiti
because they create an atmosphere of social decay. What do you think?
Incidentally, if you are interested in modern art, you may like to visit the BBC or Guardian websites after 11.30
tonight (British time). You will be able to download and print an artwork called “Planed” by the artists Gilbert and
George. But hurry – “Planed” will be available for only 48 hours.
Images are from the Banksy website, and from Walt Jabsco/flickr

Banksy - vocabulary note

May 8, 2007

Is “graffiti” singular or plural? It can be either. We can say, “graffiti make our towns and cities look ugly” (plural),
or “graffiti makes our towns and cities look ugly” (singular). Either is acceptable in modern English.

Look at the expression “as if”.

• Banksy’s pictures on the wall look as if they are gaps in the wall through which you can see beautiful things
on the other side.
• He painted the elephant so that it looked as if it was covered in wallpaper.
• He made Boadicea’s chariot look as if it was illegally parked. (or “as if it were illegally parked” – see the
note on the subjunctive!)

Here are some more examples of “as if”:

• he made me look as if I was stupid. (I am not really stupid – he just made me look or feel stupid).
• the man went pale and sat down. He looked as if he was very ill. (Perhaps he was not very ill – but he
looked like someone who was very ill).
• he looked behind him several times as if someone was following him. (Perhaps no-one was following him –
but he looked behind him in the way someone would if they feared that someone was following them).
• Banksy put the fake pictures on the wall of the gallery so that they looked as if they were real paintings.
• the sky went dark. It looked as if it was going to rain.
Election Day
May 3, 2007

Today is the first Thursday in May, which is often an election

day in Britain. People in many parts of England are voting today in local council elections. In Scotland there are
elections to the Scottish Parliament, and in Wales there are elections to the Welsh Assembly. Our elections today are
not as important or exciting as the French Presidential election on Sunday, but you may be interested to hear
something about how they work. There is a separate vocabulary note with a list of words relating to elections.
To be honest with you, many British people don’t think that today’s elections are important or exciting either.
Turnout for the local authority elections in England will probably be low – normally only 25 to 30% of voters
bother to vote in local elections. Turnout for the elections in Scotland and Wales will probably be higher. But
election day is always important and exciting for one group of people – primary school children. Many primary
schools are used as polling stations – that is, places where people go to vote – so naturally the children get a day off
school.
This morning I went to my polling station at our local primary school. Apart from myself, there were only two other
voters there. The officials at the desk asked me for my name and address, and checked that I was on the election
register. They gave me a ballot paper, which contained the names of the candidates and the political parties that they
represent. There are seven candidates in our ward. I am allowed to vote for one candidate, by putting a cross beside
his or her name on the ballot paper. Then I put the ballot paper into a locked ballot box, which is on the table beside
the election officials.
This evening, after the polls close at 10pm, the locked ballot boxes will be taken to the local council offices in the
centre of Birmingham. Officials will open the boxes and count the votes. Some people vote by post, and the
officials will count the postal votes as well.
Each ward in Birmingham is electing one “councillor” in at this election. The person elected will simply be the
candidate who gets most votes. We call this the “first past the post” electoral system – it is like a horse race; the
only important thing is who gets to the finishing line first. We do not have proportional representation for local
authorities, nor for elections to Parliament. But there is proportional representation for elections to the Scottish
Parliament and the Welsh Assembly, and for the European Parliament. Some people think we should have
proportional representation in all elections. The “first pass the post” system favours the big parties – Labour and the
Conservatives – and naturally these parties do not want a change. Small parties, such as the Liberal Democrats and
the Green Party, find it difficult to win any seats under “first past the post” – so they generally support proportional
representation.
So what will happen in today’s elections? In Birmingham, the local authority is run by a coalition of Conservatives
and Liberal Democrats. The Labour party would like to regain control, but this is not likely at this election. Indeed,
Labour is likely to lose seats at these elections, partly because the Labour government is unpopular at present. In
Scotland, it is possible that the Scottish National Party will for the first time become the largest party in the Scottish
Parliament. The SNP want complete independence for Scotland. We should know the results by tomorrow
afternoon. I shall let you know what happens.

Election Day - Vocabulary Note

May 3, 2007

Here is a list of words about elections:

1.an election for Parliament / local authorities / the Scottish Parliament / the Welsh Assembly / the European
Parliament
2. to vote; a vote; to cast a vote; voter
3. ward (an electoral district for local elections); constituency (an electoral district for Parliamentary elections).
4. poll; polling station; the polls open at 7am and close at 10pm.
5. ballot paper; ballot box
6. turnout
7. candidate; candidate standing for election
8. seat; the sitting candidate (ie the person who held the seat immediately before the election and who is seeking re-
election)
9. first past the post
10. proportional representation
11. Member of Parliament / Member of the Scottish Parliament / Member of the Welsh Assembly / local authority
councillor

Which seven political parties have put forward candidates in my ward?

1. the Labour party (the Labour party at present has a majority in the national Parliament)
2. the Conservative party – the main centre-right opposition party
3. the Liberal Democrat party – centrist party. The Liberal Democrat candidate is the present councillor in our ward.
She is seeking re-election.
4. the Green party – campaigns on environmental issues, particularly global warming.
5. Respect – a left wing party, which has a lot of support among Moslem voters and others opposed to the war in
Iraq
6. the UK Independence party – wants Britain to withdraw from the European Union
7. the British National Party – anti-immigration, many people would describe the BNP as racist.
About to...
May 1, 2007

You know how to talk about the future in English. You use words like “will”
or “shall” or “going to”.
In English, we also have a way of talking about things which are in the future but very close to the present –
perhaps ony a few minutes into the future. We use the expression “about to”, like this:
Kevin and Joanne are going to Spain for a holiday. They have packed their suitcases and bought some euros. Now
they are waiting by the door for the taxi to come and take them to the airport. They are about to leave for their
holiday.
It is 10.30 in the evening. Joanne has had a shower and washed her hair and put her nightdress on. Then the
telephone rings. It is her mother. “Mum”, says Joanne, “I can’t talk for long. I am about to go to bed”.
It is the middle of the afternoon, and my children are about to come home from school. And when they get home,
they will be hungry, so I am about to make them something to eat.
We can use “about to” and “when” like this:
Kevin and Joanne were about to leave for their holiday when Kevin found that he did not have his passport.
Joanne was about to go to bed when the telephone rang.
We were about to eat our picnic when it started to rain.
So – we use “about to” for the very near future. If we want to talk about something in the very recent past, we can
use the word “just”. Unfortunately, “just” has several different meanings in English, but one of the most common
meanings is to show that something has happened very recently, like this:
Kevin and Joanne are now returning from their holiday (It’s OK – Kevin found his passport). They arrive at the
airport and find a taxi to take them home. They open their front door and walk in. They have just arrived home.
Kevin and George are watching a football match on television. Kevin goes into the kitchen to make a cup of tea.
While he is there, he hears a great roar from the sitting-room. He rushes back in. “What’s happened?” he asks.
George replies, “United have just scored.”
And, because I am recording this podcast in the garden, I can tell you that I have just planted some beans and some
potatoes.
We can use “just” and “when” like this:
Kevin and Joanne had just got home when the telephone rang. (Guess who it was that’s right, Joanne’s Mum!)
Kevin had just made the tea when United scored.
I had just planted the potatoes when it started to rain.
Photo of man diving by fez/flickr.The man has just jumped off a boat. He is about to hit the water.

About to - exercise
May 1, 2007 What will happen next? Make sentences with “about to” to describe these situations.
Example:
The boy is standing at the edge of the swimming pool. He has his arms stretched in front of him. The boy…?
Answer: the boy is about to jump/dive into the swiming pool.
1. The woman at the bus stop sees the bus coming. She puts her hand out to show the driver that she wants to get on
the bus. The bus slows down. The bus ….? The woman…?
2. The children get a big bucket of water and some plastic cups. They start to throw water at each other. The
children…? Their mother….?
3. The man pull a stocking over his head. He gets a gun out of his pocket. He walks into the bank. The man…?
4. A light bulb is broken. Kevin stands on a chair to change the bulb. The chair starts to wobble. Kevin…?
5. I write a shopping list and find the shopping bags. I check that I have enough money with me. I…?
6. I turn my computer on. Then I click on my e-mail programme. I…?

About to - answers
May 1, 2007

Obviously, there is more than one right answer to each question. Here are some examples:
1. The bus is about to stop.
The woman is about to get on the bus
2. The children are about to get very wet.
Their mother is about to get cross with them.
3. The man is about to rob the bank.
4. Kevin is about to fall off the chair.
5. I am about to go to the shops.
6. I am about to read my e-mails.
Kinder Scout
Apr 26, 2007

I am recording the podcast today outdoors, that means outside, in my garden. So do not be surprised if you hear the
sound of traffic, or birds singing, or children playing. And today’s podcast is about the outdoors – the hills and the
open countryside, and how important they are to people who live in cities.
At one time, several centuries ago, a lot of the land in England was “common land”. That means that it was land
that anyone could walk on. Some common land was used for grazing sheep or cattle, but a lot of it was simply
empty, unused land. But in the 18th and 19th centuries, Parliament passed new laws which “enclosed” a lot of the
common land. That means that the land became private property, owned by a landowner. In some areas, like the
Pennine hills in the north of England, the new landowners wanted to use the land for hunting and shooting. They
built fences to stop ordinary people from entering the land; they blocked ancient footpaths; they employed
gamekeepers with sticks and guns so that the landowners and their rich friends could shoot grouse, pheasants and
other birds in peace.

But not everyone was happy with this. Some people saw the Pennine hills as places where
ordinary people could enjoy fresh air and the countryside after a week working in factories in the dirty industrial
cities. Seventy-five years ago this week, a group led by a young man called Benny Rothman organised a mass
trespass. (To “trespass” means to go onto private land without permission). The trespass took place at Kinder Scout,
which is the highest point in the Peak District in Derbyshire. Kinder Scout was owned by the Duke of Devonshire,
who refused to let people walk there. About 400 people took part in the trespass. They fought a brief battle with
gamekeepers, and then walked to the summit, where they held a meeting. When the trespassers returned to the
village where they had started, the police arrested five of their leaders. They were later sent to prison.
Many people were shocked that these young men had been so harshly punished. The trespass started a change in
public and political opinion. Since 1932, there have been many changes. It is now possible to walk freely in many
places that were once closed. Kinder Scout itself is now owned by the National Trust. You can walk and picnic
there and enjoy the views without any danger of being arrested or sent to prison. Thanks to Benny Rothman and the
mass trespass of 24 April 1932.
Pictures of Kinder Scout by bennbeck/flickr and earthwatcher/flickr
What does it mean Watson...
Apr 23, 2007

We use the word “mean” in English in lots of different ways. I imagine that
you use the word very often. You ask your English teacher what a particular English word means. You say for
example, “What does ‘tree’ mean?” You are saying, what is the word for “tree” in my language? How can I translate
the English word “tree”?
But we can use “mean” in other ways too. For example, you remember that Joanne’s mother really does not like
Kevin, and she is unpleasant to him every time they meet. But last time they met, she was quite nice. She asked
about his football team, and where he and Joanne were going on holiday. What can it mean? Why was she so nice?
What is the explanation?
Another example. I go to my bank website to check how much money is in my account. I see that there are two
tranactions which I do not remember. What can this mean? Has someone stolen my debit card? Has the bank made
a mistake? Or have I simply forgotten what I spent the money on? What is the explanation?
And another example, with a slightly different meaning. Kevin goes to a party at his friend George’s house. He
stays until about 1am. This means that he has missed the last bus home. It means that he will need to walk home or
get a taxi. In other words, the result of staying late at the party is that Kevin has missed the bus and will have to
walk home.
In the early 20th century, the English writer Sir Arthur Conan Doyle wrote books and short stories about a detective
called Sherlock Holmes. You have probably heard of him, since the Sherlock Holmes stories have been translated
into many different languages. Sherlock Holmes had a companion, Dr Watson, who worked with him on many of
his cases.
Here is a Sherlock Holmes joke that I found in the newspaper last week.
In one of their adventures, Holmes and Watson needed to travel to a remote place. There was no house where they
could stay, so they took a tent with them. As evening fell, they pitched the tent, and after they had eaten their supper
they went to sleep in the tent for the night.
In the middle of the night, Holmes woke Watson and said, “Look up, Watson. What can you see?”
And Watson woke up, and looked. “I see the stars,” he said. “There are thousands and thousands of them.”
“And what does it all mean, Watson?” said Holmes. “What does it mean?”
And Watson replied, “Well, if there are millions of stars and even a few of those stars have planets, it is quite likely
that there are other planets like earth in the universe. And if there are a few planets like earth in the universe, there
might also be life – living things like us.”
“You fool Watson,” replied Holmes. “It means that someone has stolen our tent!”
Photo of Basil Rathbone as Sherlock Holmes in the 1939 film The Hound of the Baskervilles

Football in New Zealand

Apr 19, 2007

Today’s podcast is by Mark. He is a football coach in New Zealand.

Hello everyone.
A few years ago, I moved from England to New Zealand to coach football to children in Auckland, the biggest city
in New Zealand. I’d like to tell you about the differences between football in England and football in New Zealand.
I grew up in London in England and spent many hours as a child playing football with my friends in the park. We
used to play football after school and at the weekend, and often all day long in the school holidays. One of the first
things I noticed when I moved to New Zealand was that very few children play football after school or at the
weekends. Even on a sunny day in New Zealand, many of the parks will be completely empty! In cities in England,
children will arrange to meet their friends for a game in the park, but in New Zealand the children only ever play
football when it’s organised for them by their parents or by their team coach.
If you’ve ever played football, you will know that it takes many hours of practice to get skilful and make the ball do
anything you want it to. Sometimes it can take lots and lots of mistakes before a child gets it right! In New Zealand,
children don’t spend a lot of time playing football on their own so they don’t try new things and make mistakes.
Instead they spend an hour or two a week being told what to do by a parent or a coach. This means they don’t get to
make their own mistakes and learn things for themselves. Imagine learning English and never being allowed to
make a mistake? It would be very difficult, and not much fun either!
The best two football countries in the world are currently Italy and Argentina. England is eighth best, and New
Zealand are at 132. In New Zealand, football in called soccer and although it is played by lots of children, most
people prefer to watch rugby. New Zealand has a national rugby team called the All Blacks, and they will almost
certainly win the rugby World Cup in France later this year. In New Zealand all the children want to grow up to be
an All Black, and all their heroes and role-models are rugby players.
For those of you who haven’t seen a rugby game, let me explain how it works. The ball they use in rugby is not a
round ball like in football, but is oval shaped – like an egg. Each team has 15 players, and the aim is to get the ball
to the other end of the field. The players can do this by running with the ball in their hands, or by kicking it up the
field. They can also throw the ball to each other but only if it goes backwards. It is very common in a rugby game to
see huge kicks up the field so the team can advance together and get closer to scoring some points. As I said, New
Zealand are very good at rugby and everyone in the country loves to see the All Blacks play.
I have coached football in New Zealand for three years now, and I think New Zealand’s love of rugby affects the
way they play football, or soccer as they call it. Let me explain what I mean. In Italy or Argentina or England the
most important thing in football is for the players to pass the ball to someone else on their team. If you are lucky
enough to watch Italy play Argentina, you will see the players often pass the ball backwards or sideways to a team-
mate. However, in New Zealand it is very common to see soccer players kick the ball up the field as far as they can
and then chase after it, just like they do in rugby! And when a soccer child in New Zealand does a big kick up the
field, it is very common for the parents watching the game to clap loudly and say ‘Well done! Nice kick!’ They
don’t care where the ball goes, as long as it goes a long way!

In Disgrace
Apr 19, 2007

Welcome back. I hope you all had a good Easter break.

Today I want to tell you about the English expression “in disgrace”. The best way to explain is to give you some
examples.
Example one. A little girl wants to make some new clothes for her doll. She makes the clothes by cutting up one of
her mother’s dresses. Her mum is furious. She sends the little girl to her bedroom with no supper. The little girl is
“in disgrace”.
Example two. A politician makes speeches about the importance of the family and family values in society. Then
the newspapers report that he is having an affair with his secretary. Everyone laughs at him and he is forced to
resign. He is “in disgrace”.
Example three is a true story that was reported in the newspapers over the Easter holiday. The Bell family – Alan
and Elaine Bell and their four children – live in a very nice modern house in a very nice estate of houses in the
north-east of England. Elaine Bell is houseproud – that means that she likes to keep her house very neat and tidy.
During the Easter holiday, Elaine and Alan and their three younger children went away for a holiday. But their
eldest daughter Rachael, who is 17 years old, did not want to go. “OK, Rachael,” said her parents. “You can stay at
home. But no parties, and definitely no alcohol, while we are away.” So Rachael stayed at home by herself.
But she wasn’t alone for long. She decided to have a party for a few friends. Or maybe quite a lot of friends. She
wrote about the party on her MySpace page, inviting everyone to come and to bring plenty of alcohol. And
everyone did come. About two or three hundred young people arrived at her parents’ house. Some of them were her
friends, others were people she had never met before. The party became a riot. The party-goers trashed the house.
They broke things; they wrote graffiti on the walls; they urinated on the carpets; and some were sick over the
furniture. They got drunk and made a lot of noise. The neighbours called the police. The police arrived in vans with
police dogs. Some of the neighbours tried to chase the young people away with golf-clubs. It was a night to
remember.
When Rachael’s parents arrived home, they found their house in a terrible state. They think that the damage will
cost £20,000 to put right. They are of couse furious with Rachael. Rachael herself has disappeared. She has gone to
stay with a friend, perhaps for a long time. She says she is very sorry; but she is definitely “in disgrace”.
Photo “Shame” by E J Richards/flickr
Greatest Hits
Apr 8, 2007

Listen to English has been on the web for 15 months, and there are over 180
episodes. If you subscribe with iTunes, you can find the last 25 episodes and download them. But how can you find
and download older episodes into iTunes?
One way is to find the episodes you want on the web site. For each episode, click on “Download mp3” and then
play the downloaded files in iTunes. But this takes time, and only the audio file is downloaded – not the text of the
podcast.
But now there is a new way! You can subscribe to Listen to English – Greatest Hits. This is a special RSS feed
that contains 21 of the best and most popular episodes of 2006. Episodes like “Lice!”, “Fun Run” and “The English
are fat and want to live in France”. I have added full ID3 tags to the audio files, so that each episode has a picture
which will display on your iPod screen, and text which will display either on your iPod or on Windows Media
Player. You can subscribe and download these classic episodes here, or by clicking on “Greatest Hits” in the sidebar
menu on the website.
Or, in iTunes click “Advanced”, then “Subscribe to Podcast”, and then type or copy this URL into the box:

http://feeds.feedburner.com/ListenToEnglish-GreatestHits

I wish you a very happy Easter. Next podcast episode on about 18 April.
Photo by Matt McGee/flickr
Spring
Apr 3, 2007

It is April, and the spring has arrived, even here in Birmingham. When we talk
about the spring, what sort of things can we say? What words and expressions do we use? Here are some examples:
In spring, the days grow longer. We put our clocks forward by one hour at the end of March, so that there is more
light in the evenings after work.
The days get warmer, too. But there can still be cold days, and sudden showers of rain. There is a little rhyme which
goes:
March winds and April showers
Bring forth May flowers.
The daffodils bloom in the garden, and there is blossom on the damson trees. The leaves on the trees begin to open.
The birds sing in the trees, and they start to build their nests.
In the garden, we sow the first seeds, and plant potatoes. We mow the lawn for the first time this year.
We go for walks in the country to enjoy the spring weather. We see lambs and young calves in the fields, and rabbits
in the woods, and primroses in the hedgerows.
In fact, it is such a nice time of year that I am going to take a break for the next two weeks. The next podcast will be
on about Wednesday 18 April. To keep you company until then, here is some music. It is by Robert Schumann, and
it is called Fruehlingsnacht, which is German for Spring Night. It is played by Leon McCawley and it comes from
Magnatune. There is also a short vocabulary note with this podcast.

Photos of spring in Birmingham Botanical Gardens, by Peter Carter

Spring - vocabulary note

We can say:
The days get longer/warmer; or
The days grow longer/warmer; or
The days become longer/warmer.

We can say:
The birds start to build their nests; or
The birds begin to build their nests.
We can say:
We put the clocks forward (by) one hour; or
We turn the clocks forward (by) one hour; or
The clocks go forward (by) one hour.

And in autumn, the clocks go back one hour (not backwards one hour!)

to bloom and to flower mean the same. Blossom means flowers on a tree or bush, often a fruit tree (eg apple
blossom, plum blossom).
Damsons are a type of small, bitter plums. To bring forth is an old-fashioned expression meaning to produce.

April Fools Day

Apr 1, 2007

Today is the first of April. The first of April is traditionally called All Fools
Day, or April Fools Day. It is a day for mischief, or playing tricks on people; and for getting people to believe
things which are not true.
Today is the 50th Anniversary of one of the most famous April Fools Day tricks. It was 1957. BBC television had a
weekly documentary programme called Panorama. Panorama was a serious and respected programme, reporting on
news events around the world. On 1 April, Panorama included a report about the problems facing spaghetti farmers
in Switzerland. There were pictures of people picking spaghetti from spaghetti trees and laying it in the sunshine to
dry. But the spaghetti farmers were afraid that a late frost would damage the spaghetti crop, and destroy their
livelihood.
Fifty years ago, most British people did not know much about Italian food like spaghetti. Many people apparently
accepted the documentary at face value. Some people say that it was many years before they found out that
spaghetti does not really grow on trees.(No. Spaghetti really does not grow on trees. It was a joke. Alright?)
The Panorama report was a spoof. Ever since then, it has been common for newspapers to carry spoof stories on 1
April. So this morning, I opened my newspaper eagerly, to find the spoof story. There was a story that the London
Transport lost property office had just found the owner of an urn containing human ashes which had been left on the
underground eight years ago. Surely that was a spoof? But no, the story was in fact completely true.
And then I found it. I told you in an earlier podcast that our Prime Minister, Tony Blair, is expected to retire later
this year. What will he do when he is no longer Prime Minister? According to the Observer newspaper, he will start
a new career as an actor. He has been offered a part in a play at a leading London theatre in the autumn. He is
already learning his lines. He is practising them with his staff in 10 Downing Street. He has also been offered parts
in the BBC’s science fiction programme Dr Who, and in several comedy shows.
But is this really an April Fool spoof? Our Prime Minister is one of the finest actors in Britain today. He can
convince people of anything. He can convince himself of anything. Such as that there are weapons of mass
destruction in Iraq. Do you know Shakespeare’s play, King Lear? It is about an arrogant and powerful king who
decides to retire. He divides his kingdom between his three daughters. But he then argues, first with one daughter
and then with the others, until in the end he goes mad. Tony Blair as King Lear? Yes – I think so.
Running round the world
Mar 30, 2007

Robert Garside is 40 years old and he has run all the way round the world. He started in
New Delhi in India in 1997, and finished his epic journey four years later. In the course of his run, he crossed 29
countries in 6 continents. He covered 35,000 miles and wore out 50 pairs of running shoes. He says that the worst
bit was when he had to go without food for 3 days. He was put in jail in China for not having the right papers, and
in Panama he was threatened by armed men who wanted to steal his backpack. But there were good times as well,
he says, for example when he was crossing the Himalayas.
If you think you have achieved a world record in something really strange and unusual – like eating more pizzas
than anyone else, or surviving for longest underwater – then you can ask
Gazing out to sea...
Mar 27, 2007

Do you know what “to gaze” at something means? It means to look at something for a long time. And
normally the thing that you are gazing at is a long way away. So we might say, for example, that I gaze at the distant
hills, or I gaze at the horizon. And where is the best place for gazing? Beside the sea, of course. People often stand
on the shore, or on the rocks, or on a cliff, and gaze out to sea. Sometimes they are looking at a boat, far away at
sea. Sometimes they are looking at nothing in particular. They are just gazing.

If you go to a place called Crosby, near Liverpool on the west coast of England, you
will see 100 men gazing out to sea. They are not real men, however. They are sculptures, made of cast iron. Each
one is six feet tall – that is, about 180 cm. They were made by the sculptor and artist Antony Gormley, who
modelled them on his own body. His 100 men have not always been at Crosby. For a time they were beside the sea
at Cuxhaven in Germany, and later they moved to Stavanger in Norway. But when Antony Gormley first saw the
wide, empty beach at Crosby, he knew that this was the right place for his 100 men. But in Britain, you are not
allowed just to go to a beach and put 100 statues on it. No, you have to get permission first. You have to ask the
local authority for planning consent. In 2005, the local authority agreed that Antony Gormley could put his statues
on the beach, and keep them there for 16 months. Some people did not like the statues. They said that they spoiled
the beach; or that they disturbed feeding sea-birds; or that they were dangerous. Some people complained because
the statues are of naked men, with no clothes. But other people thought that the statues were wonderful, and that
they made people think in new ways about the empty beach and the sea. After a lot of argument, the local authority
has now agreed that Gormley’s 100 men can stay on Crosby beach permanently.
Antony Gormley’s sculptures are now quite well known in Britain. We have one of them in Birmingham. It is called
“Iron : Man”. But his most famous statue is called the Angel of the North. It is a huge statue – over 20 metres tall –
of an angel with outspread wings. The wings are the size of the wings on a jumbo jet. It stands on a hill overlooking
the town of Gateshead in north-east England. You can see it if you drive north into Newcastle along the main A1
road. At first the Angel of the North was very controversial, but now most people love it. It has become a famous
landmark.
Pictures of Antony Gormley’s statues at Crosby and the Angel of the North at Gateshead by Iann Croll/flickr, Phillip Capper/flickr and

A Day with Juliet

Mar 22, 2007

Juliet is seven years old. Her mother has just had a new baby, so it is arranged
that Juliet can stay with Kevin and Joanne for a few days, so that her Mum can rest. Joanne told Kevin that Juliet
was coming to stay, but Kevin was watching a football match on television and just grunted.
The next day Juliet arrived. “Hello, Kevin. I’m going to stay at your house so that my Mum can look after my baby
brother.” Juliet sat down at the kitchen table. “I want some orange juice and a biscuit. Have you got orange juice
and biscuits?” So Kevin gave Juliet a glass of orange juice and a biscuit.
Then Juliet said, “I want to draw a picture.” So Kevin found Juliet some paper and a pencil, and Juliet drew a
picture of her house, and her garden, and her Mum and her baby brother, and the sun shining.
“Now you draw me a picture,” said Juliet. So Kevin drew Juliet a picture of men playing football.
“That’s a nice picture”, said Juliet. “I want to go for a walk now”. So Kevin found Juliet her shoes and her coat, and
Juliet put them on. They walked up the road, past the newsagent’s shop.
“Please Kevin, can you buy me a comic,” said Juliet. So Kevin went into the newsagent’s and bought Juliet a
comic.
They went to the park, and played with a ball. Juliet kicked the ball into some bushes. “Please Kevin, can you fetch
me the ball?” So Kevin fetched Juliet the ball.
Juliet played on the swings, and then it was time to go home. “I want a cake for tea,” said Juliet. “Please Kevin can
you make me a cake”. So Kevin made Juliet a chocolate cake. It was quite a good cake, especially since Kevin had
never made one before. Juliet licked the mixing bowl.
Then Kevin got Juliet her tea – bread, cheese, apple and chocolate cake. After tea Juliet watched television, and
then it was time for bed. “Please Kevin, read me a story, ” said Juliet. So Kevin read Juliet a story. “Tell me another
story”. So Kevin told Juliet another story. “Show me the pictures in the book.” So Kevin showed Juliet the pictures
in the book. “I want to go to sleep now, “said Juliet.”Give me a good-night hug.” So Kevin gave Juliet a hug, and
Juliet went to sleep.
Later, Joanne came home, and Kevin told her what he and Juliet had done. Joanne laughed. “That girl has got you
wrapped round her little finger,” she said. “I know,” said Kevin. “Just get me a beer.”
In this podcast there are lots of sentences which contain indirect objects. There is a grammar and vocabulary note
which explains all about them.
Photo entitled “Chocolate Cake – Yummy” by Vampire Bear/flickr

A Day with Juliet - Grammar Note

Mar 22, 2007

In the podcast there are lots of sentences like this one:

Kevin gave Juliet a glass of orange juice and a biscuit.

“Juliet” is the person to whom Kevin gave the orange juice and the biscuit. “Juliet” is the indirect object of the
sentence.
Download the pdf file by clicking on “Download media” below. You will need to have Adobe reader on your
computer.

How to Live to be 100

Mar 20, 2007

Recently, Mr Buster Martin had a birthday. He went to work as normal, and his
colleagues at work organised a party for him. There was a birthday cake, and candles, and everyone sang “Happy
Birthday to you”. It was a special occasion. Buster Martin was 100 years old. He is the oldest person still in
employment in Britain. He works for a company in south London. He cleans their vans for them for 20 hours each
week. In fact, he started working for the company only three years ago, when he was 97. He applied for the job
because he was getting bored at home. If you dont keep moving, he says, your joints seize up and you end up in a
wheelchair.
Buster Martin has had a remarkable life. He was born in France, but was brought up in an orphanage in Cornwall in
south-west England. Then he came to London to work in the markets. For thirty-five years he served in the armed
forces – the army and the navy – mainly as a physical education instructor. He says that he has never had a day off
work through illness. His wife died many years ago, but he has 17 children, and has lost count of his grandchildren
and great-grandchildren. He thinks there are about 70 of them. They come to see me when they want money, he
jokes.
Recently he was attacked by muggers as he was leaving a pub. They knocked him to the ground, but he got up
again and kicked one of them hard in …well, somewhere where it really hurts. His attackers ran away. Buster had
scratches and bruises from the attack and was taken to hospital. He walked out of the hospital next day and went to
work. So how does Buster Martin manage it? How does he stay so fit and active? He says that he does press-ups
every morning and drinks several pints of beer every evening. I am not sure about the press-ups but the beer sounds
like a good idea.
Scam
Mar 16, 2007

Today’s podcast introduces the English word “scam”. What is a scam? Imagine this situation. I set up a website.
The website says that you can buy new digital cameras really cheaply. You are interested. You think you would like
to buy one of my cheap cameras. So you click the buttons and enter your credit card number. Then you wait for the
camera to arrive. But it doesn’t arrive. I have taken your money and disappeared. That is a “scam”. Other English
nouns that mean more or less the same are “swindle” and “fraud”.
Why are we talking about scams today? Well, in Britain there are a number of shows on television which invite
people to telephone the show. Sometimes people phone in to answer questions in a quiz. Sometimes they phone in
to vote on something – for example on who should win a song competition. The telephone numbers which these TV
shows use are “premium rate telephone numbers”. That means that the telephone calls cost more than normal calls –
sometimes very much more. And the TV company gets part of the money from the call.
Now, speaking personally, I think you have to be either very stupid or very bored to ring a premium rate telephone
number on a TV show. But it is a free country. If it makes people happy to spend money in this way, then that is
OK. It may be silly, but it is not a scam.
About two weeks ago, however, a news report appeared which said that on one TV show, the presenters had invited
people to telephone the show to win a chance to appear in a quiz. However, the TV company had already secretly
chosen the winners. So the viewers were paying for the expensive telephone calls, but none of them could win. It’s
a scam, said the newspapers. And lots of people agreed.
And then it emerged that the same sort of thing had happened on other TV shows. Embarrassed TV executives told
viewers that they were very sorry and that it would never happen again. The regulator for premium rate telephone
calls started an investigation. It is even possible that the police will look at some of the more serious cases.
Then two days ago, the worst happened. For many years, the BBC have had a children’s TV show called Blue Peter.
It is quality children’s television; it is fun; it is clean; it is wholesome. Parents like it. Most children like it too. A
few months ago, there was a quiz on Blue Peter. The presenters asked children to phone in if they thought they
knew the answer. Lots of children did phone. They (or, rather, their parents) paid 10p for each call. But there was a
technical problem, and none of the calls reached the studio. Instead, the BBC asked a girl in the audience to pretend
to be somebody phoning the show. She answered the question correctly and won a prize.
Now, this was a mistake, not a scam. But the BBC were very embarrassed that such a thing could happen on a
respected show like Blue Peter. It is like discovering that your grandmother sells illegal drugs. British people
generally do not trust or believe politicians or estate agents or used car salesmen. Now we don’t trust phone-in TV
programmes either.

Scam - Vocabulary Note

There are several ways of talking about using the telephone in English. For example:
I telephone my mother.
I phone my son.
I ring my sister.
I call my brother.
I make a phone/telephone call to my boss.
I give my daughter a ring/call.
If we are talking about telephoning to a TV or radio programme, we often use the expression “phone in”. For
example:
The presenter asked viewers to phone in if they knew the answer.
You can phone in to the TV programme to vote on who should win the ice skating competition.

People who watch a TV programme are called “viewers”. “To view” something is to “watch” or to “look at”
something.
People who listen to a radio programme are called “listeners”.
We can also talk about the “audience” for a TV programme, or a radio programme, or a play, or a concert etc.
“Audience” just means “people who listen”.

This note is available as a pdf file – just click on “Download Media” below. You will need to have Adobe Reader on
your computer.

How Peter Rabbit Saved the Lake District

Mar 13, 2007

Today’s podcast is about a woman called Beatrix Potter. She was born in London in 1866, and
grew up there. But her family used to go to the Lake District in north-west England for holidays, and she came to
love the Lake District and to know it well. As a girl, she enjoyed drawing pictures, particularly pictures of animals.
Her drawings were very good. If she had been a man, perhaps she would have become a serious scientific artist –
drawing pictures of plants and animals for scientific journals and museums. But in England at the end of the 19th
century, scientists were almost all men.
So, instead of a career in science, Beatrix Potter wrote books for chidren, and illustrated them herself. (“To
illustrate” a book means to draw pictures or take photographs for it.) You probably know some of these books,
because they have been translated into many other languages. The English names for some of them are:
The Tale of Peter Rabbit
The Tale of Tom Kitten
The Tale of Mrs Tiggiwinkle.
The pictures in these books show how carefully Beatrix Potter observed animals – what they look like, what they
do, how they move. If real rabbits wore little blue jackets, they would look just like her pictures of Peter Rabbit.
But she was not sentimental about animals. People kill and eat animals. In the natural world, animals hunt and kill
other animals. Farmers keep animals for food, not because they look pretty. So, in her books, Peter Rabbit’s father
is put in a pie by Mrs McGregor. Mr Jeremy Fisher (a frog) is swallowed by a fish. Pigs are sent to market to be
sold and slaughtered. Some people today do not like this side of Beatrix Potter’s stories. They say that children who
read the stories will be frightened or upset. I think children prefer to be told the truth about the world.
By the time she was in her 40s, Beatrix Potter was beginning to earn money from her books. She bought a farm in
the Lake District, and then another and another. She worked hard as a farmer, and kept pigs and sheep. In fact she
became an expert on Herdwick sheep – a special, very ugly breed of sheep that is found in the Lake District and
nowhere else. She cared passionately about the Lake District and the need to preserve its natural beauty.
When she died, in 1943, she left all her properties in the Lake District to the National Trust. The National Trust is
an organisation which tries to preserve special landscapes and buildings all over England and Wales. It owns a lot of
land in the Lake District, and makes sure that the traditional character of the area is maintained. And that is how,
thanks to Peter Rabbit, the Lake District is still a beautiful and unspoilt part of England.
Incidentally, people tell me that schools in Japan use Beatrix Potter’s books to teach children English. Is this really
true? Can my Japanese listeners please leave comments on the website, or send me an e-mail?
Picture is one of Beatrix Potter’s illustrations for The Tale of Peter Rabbit
How Peter Rabbit Saved the Lake District - grammar and vocabulary
note
Mar 13, 2007

This grammar and vocabulary note is a pdf file. You can download it by clicking the link below. You will need to
have Adobe Reader on your computer to read it. You can download Adobe Reader by clicking the link on the right
hand side of the screen.
The note is serious stuff about the subjunctive form of English verbs. If you love English grammar, download it and
read it. If you have more important and interesting things to do, you can ignore it!

The House of Lords

Mar 8, 2007

I have some political stuff for you in today’s podcast.

In Britain, we have a Parliament. Parliament makes new laws and oversees the government of the country. There
are two chambers, or Houses of Parliament – the House of Commons and the House of Lords. The House of
Commons is made up of Members of Parliament (we call them MPs) whom we vote for at General Elections. It has
much more power than the House of Lords. The government needs to have the support of a majority in the House of
Commons. If it loses this support, the government would have to resign.
The House of Lords is different. It has much less power. But it is also more independent of the government.
Sometimes, the House of Lords is able to force the government to reconsider its policies or proposals. The members
of the House of Lords are called “peers”. Some peers are appointed by the government or other political parties.
Some peers are appointed by an independent body. And some of the peers are “hereditary peers” – they are
members of old noble families who have inherited their place in the House of Lords. And then there are bishops and
archbishops of the Church of England – they are in the House of Lords, too, and so are the most senior judges in the
country. In other words, of the 746 members of the House of Lords, not one has been elected by the people. How
complicated, you may think. How undemocratic. How out-of-date.
A lot of people in this country think so as well. But it has been difficult to agree what sort of House of Lords should
replace the present one. Four years ago, Parliament looked at a number of possible ways of reforming the House of
Lords, and rejected all of them. Recently the government suggested that most of the House of Lords should be
elected, but that some peers should be appointed by the government or other political groups. Last night the House
of Commons debated this issue. To everyone’s surprise, it agreed by a large majority that all the members of the
House of Lords should be elected by the people – no more appointed members, no more hereditary peers.
This is a big and important change. It will take time to implement. The government will have to present a bill (a
draft law) to Parliament, and to decide in detail when and how elections to the House of Lords should be held, and
what powers the new House of Lords will have. Many members of the present House of Lords will not be happy –
they are, after all, likely to loose their jobs. But change is now inevitable. Last night’s vote in the House of
Commons was an important step towards creating a modern, democratic system of government in Britain.
The picture is of Baronness Amos, the Leader of the House of Lords. She was born in Guyana and came to Britain when she was nine
year’s old.

Going to Secondary School

Mar 6, 2007

In England, children normally start school when they are about five.
They go to a primary school until they are 10 years old. Then they move to secondary school. This is big change for
children. Secondary schools are much bigger than primary schools. Many children have to travel to secondary
school on a bus or a train. There are new teachers and new subjects. And many unfamiliar faces.
The move to secondary school is sometimes a big problem for parents too. Which secondary school will their
children go to? In theory, parents can choose a school for their children. But some schools are very popular – for
example, schools with good exam results, or good facilities – and others are not popular – for example, schools with
poor exam results, or where the behaviour of the pupils is bad. In some secondary schools, there are not enough
places for all the children who would like to go there. So there needs to be a way of deciding which children get
places in the most popular schools and which do not.
The most common way of allocating school places is to offer places first to children who already have an older
brother or sister in the school, and then to children on the basis of how close to the school they live. In many parts
of England, this system works well. But it can lead to schools in nice white middle class areas recruiting only nice
white middle class children, while children from poorer social backgrounds go to other schools. Well-off parents
can afford to buy a house close to a good school, to make sure that their children get places there; less well-off
parents may not be able to do this. The result, some people say, is too much social segregation – white middle class
children at one school, poorer children at another. It is rather similar to the problem in many American cities of
racial segregation in schools – some schools almost entirely white, others almost entirely black.
Are there any alternatives? At one time, children in Britain sat an exam in their last year at primary school. It was
called the “eleven-plus” exam, because it decided which school children could go to from the age of 11. Children
who did well in the exam went to schools called grammar schools, which offered an academic education. Children
who did not pass the exam went to secondary modern schools, which offered a less academic and more practical
education. This system still survives in place in England – including here in Birmingham. In theory, places in
grammar schools are offered to pupils on merit, without regard to their social background, or how far from the
school they live. In practice, however, middle class parents pay private tutors to prepare their children for the
grammar school exams. The grammar schools are largely middle class schools and take only a few children from
poorer families.
There are also faith schools in England. These are schools in the state school system which are run by a religious
group. Most of them are Roman Catholic or Church of England schools, though there are some Jewish and Moslem
schools as well. So, Roman Catholic schools offer places first to children from Catholic families, and only accept
children who are not Catholics if they have places left. And similarly with other faith schools. Many faith schools
are good schools, and some middle class parents “get religion” in order to get a place for their child at a faith
school.
The problem has been in the newspapers this week because in two places in England, the local authority has
decided to that places at secondary schools will be offered by lottery – in other words, the schools will offer places
at random. It will no longer be important to live close to the school, or to pass an exam, or to go to church regularly.
If you are lucky in the lottery, your child will get a place at a good school. If you are unlucky, they will not. This is
very controversial. Will it be a good system for allocating places in good, popular schools? We shall have to wait
and see.

The Elephant in the Room

Mar 3, 2007

Today we will discover three English expressions or idioms. All

of them use the names of animals – big animals. The first animal that we meet is a bull.
Imagine a bull standing in a shop. The shop sells china – plates, cups, saucers, bowls, tea-pots. There are shelves
full of delicate china ornaments. The bull is not violent or aggressive. But every time he moves or tries to turn
round, he bumps into the shelves, and a pile of china crashes to the ground.
If someone is clumsy – if they knock something over every time they go into a room, or trip over the carpet, or
collide with the TV, we say, “He’s like a bull in a china shop.” We can say this also about someone who is clumsy in
their relations with other people – some who always says the wrong thing, someone who is tactless and offends
other people without meaning to, someone who always causes confusion and misunderstanding – “He’s like a bull
in a china shop”.
Next, the horse. Imagine that it is 100 years ago, when horses pulled carts through the streets, and there were no
cars. Here is a horse and cart. What is at the front? The horse, of course! And what is behind? The cart. That is the
right way round. If the cart was in front and the horse behind – well, that would be all wrong.
There are some people who always misunderstand things. They do the least important things first, and leave the
most important things until later. They always seem to get things the wrong way round. They “put the cart before
the horse”.
And finally, the elephant. Imagine you are at a reception, perhaps at a foreign Embassy. There is a big room, full of
people. The people are talking noisily. They are drinking cocktails and eating cocktail snacks. In the corner of the
room is a large elephant. Everyone in the room knows that the elephant is there. But they take no notice of it. They
don’t even want to talk about the elephant. It might be impolite to talk about it. It might cause problems.
We can say that something, or some subject, is “the elephant in the room”. It means that this thing, or this subject, is
big and important. Everyone knows it is big and important. But no-one wants to talk about it.
It is in fact a very modern expression. I first heard someone say “the elephant in the room” only a few months ago.
Now everyone is saying it. “The elephant in the room is the weakness of the US dollar” or “The elephant in the
room is the fact that he split up with his wife last week.” Yes, Listen to English will keep you to keep up to date
with all the latest English expressions. Have a good week, and remember never to put your elephant before the
horse in a china shop. Or something like that.
Picture of elephant in Ngorongoro Crater, Tanzania by orclimber/flickr

The Family
Mar 1, 2007

This podcast is about families, and the names which we give in English to the
relationships between family members – names like mother, grandparent, cousin and uncle.
You will probably find it helpful to look at a diagram while you listen. I have uploaded two pdf files with this
podcast. You can download them and then open them if you have Adobe reader on your computer. If you can, print
them.
On the files, you will see what we call a family tree. That means a diagram which shows how different people are
related to each other. Lets start with the youngest members of the family. They are Lucy, who is 5 years old, and her
little brother Benjamin, who is 3. Lucy and Benjamin are siblings; but we don’t use the word siblings very much
in English. Normally we would just say that Benjamin and Lucy are brother and sister.
Lucy and Benjamin’s parents are John and Mary. John is their father. Mary is their mother. Mary has a sister,
called Joan, who is married to Harry. Joan and Harry are Lucy and Benjamin’s aunt and uncle. Joan and Harry
have two children of their own – a son called Max and a daughter called Judy. Max and Judy are Lucy and
Benjamin’s cousins.
Lucy and Benjamin have another uncle, Uncle Lewis, who is their father’s brother. Uncle Lewis is not married and
has no children.
Lucy and Benjamin have two sets of grandparents. Their father’s parents are James and Susan. They have retired
and moved to Spain, where they live in a flat overlooking a building site with distant views of the sea. They are
Lucy and Benjamin’s grandfather and grandmother. The other grandparents are of course their mother’s
parents, Fred and Eileen. Fred’s parents, Jack and Edith are still alive. They are both over 90 years old, and live in
an old people’s home. Jack talks for hours about what he did during the Second World War. Edith sits and says
“Yes, dear” from time to time. Jack and Edith are Lucy and Benjamin’s great-grandparents.
Now look at the second pdf file. It shows the same family, but from the point of view of John and Mary. We already
know about their children – their daughter Lucy and their son Benjamin. Mary has a sister, Joan, who is married
to Harry. Harry is Mary’s brother-in-law. (“In-law” means the relationship is through marriage – Harry is her
brother-in-law because he is married to her sister). You remember that Joan and Harry have two children – Max is
John and Mary’s nephew, and Judy is their niece.
Fred and Eileen are Mary’s parents. They are also John’s father-in-law and mother-in-law. (We sometimes say
“parents-in-law”, but like “sibling” it isn’t very common). Fred and Eileen call John their son-in-law. And, of
course, John’s parents call Mary their daughter-in-law.
Incidentally, the plural of “daughter-in-law” is “daughters-in-law” not “daughter-in-laws”! And similarly with the
other “in-law” relationships.
Complicated, isn’t it, even in a simple family like this one. Why not draw a diagram of your own family and
practice talking about the relationships of the various family members. I shall find something a little more light-
hearted for the next podcast.

The Family - Lucy and Benjamin

Mar 1, 2007

Here is the first pdf file – the family from the point of view of Lucy and Benjamin.
And here is a vocabulary list:

• brother, sister, [sibling]

• mother, father, parents
• husband, wife, married couple (We use the word “spouse” to mean “the person someone is married to”,
either as husband or wife).
• uncle, aunt (there is no collective word meaning “uncle+aunt” – we just say “uncle and aunt”)
• cousin (cousins can be either male or female – we don’t have separate words for male and female cousins)
• grandfather, grandmother, grandparents
• grandson, granddaughter, grandchildren
• great-grandfather etc
• brother-in-law, sister-in-law
• father-in-law, mother-in-law, [parents-in-law]
• son-in-law, daughter-in-law [no, you can’t say “children-in-law”!]
• sometimes, in colloquial speech, we talk about “the in-laws” to mean “my wife’s family” or “my husband’s
family
Night Mail
Feb 23, 2007

The English poet Wystan Hugh Auden was born 100 years ago this week. He wrote
over 400 poems, and he was always known by his initials – W H Auden.
When he was young, he was a radical, both in his politics and his poetry. But – like many of us – he became more
conservative as he grew older. A lot of people did not like Auden or his poetry. In particular, they criticised him
because he left Britain to live in America during the Second World War. But some of Auden’s poems have remained
very popular. One of them is called Night Mail. There is a link from the podcast website to a site which has the full
text of the poem. I am going to read you only a few bits. There is a grammar and vocabulary note for the podcast. It
is on the website, and – as an experiment – I have also posted it as a pdf file which you should be able to download
direct from iTunes. (You will however need Adobe Acrobat Reader on your computer).
How did the poem come to be written? In the 1930s, the Post Office decided to make a short film about the mail
trains which carried letters and parcels overnight between England and Scotland. The composer Benjamin Britten
wrote music for the film and the Post Office asked W H Auden to write a poem as part of the commentary. The
Night Mail was one of the famous “travelling post offices”. The men and women who worked on the train sorted
the letters and parcels as the train travelled through the night. The Night Mail was of course pulled by an express
steam locomotive. It was a magnificent sight as it thundered northwards. Auden’s poem began:

This is the Night Mail crossing the border,

Bringing the cheque and the postal order,

Letters for the rich, letters for the poor,

The shop at the corner, the girl next door.

Pulling up Beattock, a steady climb,

The gradient’s against her, but she’s on time.

Auden tells us about the letters which the train was carrying:

Letters of thanks, letters from banks,

Letters of joy from girl and boy,
Receipted bills and invitations
To inspect new stock or to visit relations,
And applications for situations,
And timid lovers’ declarations,
And gossip, gossip from all the nations..

Of course, letters were much more important to people in the 1930’s than they are today. Today we keep in touch
with friends and relatives by telephone or e-mail. Most of the letters I receive are what we call junk mail –
catalogues for things I don’t want to buy, special offers on car insurance and mobile telephones.
At the end of the poem, Auden tells us about the people all over Scotland who are still asleep and dreaming.

But they shall wake soon and hope for letters,

And none will hear the postman’s knock
Without a quickening of the heart.
For who can bear to feel himself forgotten?
Artwork from poster for the film Night Mail

Night Mail - grammar and vocabulary note

Feb 23, 2007

Here are some notes to help you understand the poem.

Postal order -postal orders are way of sending money, like cheques. You go to a post office and buy a postal order
for, say £10. You fill in the details of the person you want to send money to. Then you post the postal order to that
person, who can pay it into their bank, or get cash from a post office. Postal orders used to be a very common way
of transferring money. Nowdays we use credit cards, PayPal etc.

Beattock – Beattock summit is the highest point on the railway line between London and Glasgow. From the south
there is a long climb (a gradient) from the border to Beattock. (Railway fans will find photos of trains at Beattock
here). Note the way that Auden calls the train “she” – just like the ship in the recent podcast about the shipwreck.

Invitations to inspect new stock – these are letters from salesmen to their customers inviting them to come and see
their new goods.

Applications for situations – applications for jobs.

Gossip – talk, often trivial talk, about what other people have been doing or saying.

A quickening of the heart – the heart beats slightly faster (quicker)

Who can bear to feel himself forgotten? – who can tolerate the feeling of being forgotten by other people?

The full text of Night Mail is here (though there are a couple of mistakes – see if you can find them!)
Offas Dyke
Feb 20, 2007

Today’s podcast is about the word “run”. You

know what “run” means. If you are late, you have to run to catch the train. In a football game, the players run after
the ball. But we can use “run” in lots of other ways as well. As we shall see.
Last week, I visited Ludlow, which is a town about one and a half hours’ drive from Birmingham. It is an old
market town. There is a castle, and lots of “black and white” half-timbered buildings. A friend of mine runs a hotel
in Ludlow, and that is where we stayed. From Ludlow, we drove along a road which runs beside a river to another
town – even smaller – called Knighton. Knighton is in Wales, not England. You know that you are in Wales because
all the road signs are in the Welsh language as well as in English.
The border between England and Wales has been peaceful now for hundreds of years. But it was not always like
that. In the eighth century, King Offa ruled a kingdom called Mercia in central England. He had trouble with the
Welsh. He built a great wall of earth and a ditch along the western border of Mercia to help to defend his kingdom.
(He didn’t build it himself, of course – he sent thousands of his men to do it for him!) His wall is called Offa’s
Dyke, and you can see the remains of it today. In fact there is a footpath which runs all the way along Offa’s Dyke.
It starts in Prestatyn in north Wales and runs to Chepstow in the south. It crosses wild hills and beautiful valleys
and is perhaps the finest long-distance footpath in Britain. Knighton is about half way along the footpath, and the
local tourist authority runs an information centre there, where you can learn more about Offa’s Dyke.
Look at some of the ways we can use the word “run”.
My friend runs a hotel.
The tourist authority runs an information centre.
The road runs beside the river.
The Offa’s Dyke footpath runs from Prestatyn to Chepstow.
My local bus route runs from Druids Heath in south Birmingham to the city centre.
The buses run from 5am to midnight.
At weekends they run every hour throughout the night as well.
The play runs at the theatre from 7 to 27 March.
Last week, my car broke down. But now it is running fine.
Sometimes, I leave my computer running all night.
On Saturdays, the train runs 10 minutes earlier than on other days.
So you will have to run to catch it.
Panoramic photo taken near Offa’s Dyke by John Wesley Barker/flickr
Getting on
Feb 15, 2007

Today’s podcast is about the expression “getting on”. What does it mean? Well, if I ask someone “How are you
getting on?” I mean “How much progress have you made?”. It is easiest to explain with some examples.

Example number one. I ask my children, “How are you getting on with your homework?” I mean – how much
homework have you done, have you started your homework, have finished your homework yet? And my children
might reply – “I’m nearly finished”; or, “I’m getting on OK”; or, “go away and stop nagging me”.

Example number two. I might ask you, “How are you getting on with your English?”. I mean – how much progress
have you made in English; have you learned about the continuous tenses yet; can you read an English newspaper;
can you understand a TV programme in English? And you might tell me that you are learning about passive verbs;
or that you are reading a novel in English. Or you might tell me to go away and mind my own business.

Example three. I am decorating the living room. My wife asks me, “How are you getting on?” I might tell her that I
have painted the ceiling; or that I have started cutting the wallpaper. Or I might give her a paint brush and ask her to
help.

Example four is a bit different from the others. You have a new colleague at work. His name is John. I ask you,
“How are you getting on with John?” I mean – how is your relationship with John. Is he a difficult person to work
with, or an easy person. And you might tell me, “I get on well with John. He is a really nice person.” Or, “I have to
be careful what I say to him. He is difficult to get on with”.

OK? Everything clear? Then let’s see how Kevin and Joanne are getting on.
You remember that Joanne had joined a gym. She said she would go every day and become super-fit. Well, she
doesn’t go to the gym every day. She has too many other things to do. She goes about twice a week. But she is
getting on well; she has lost weight and she is feeling fitter. At first she did not get on with the fitness trainer at the
gym. Joanne though she was bossy and had no sense of humour. But now she gets on with the trainer much better.

And how about Kevin? How is he getting on? Kevin decided not to join the gym. But he has started to play squash
with his friend Scott. Squash is a game that you play in a big room with concrete walls. You hit a small rubber ball
very hard with a racquet. You try to make it difficult for your opponent to hit the ball back. The first time Kevin was
completely exhausted in 5 minutes. But now he has improved; he is getting on much better. Last week, he beat
Scott for the first time ever.
Kevin is an easy-going guy. He gets on with everyone. Everyone? Well, everyone except Joanne’s Mum. He doesn’t
like Joanne’s Mum and Joanne’s Mum does not like him. Joanne has to keep them apart. They do not get on
together.

The Least Visited Place in England

Feb 12, 2007

In the county of Norfolk, in Eastern England, during the Middle Ages, people used to cut peat from the ground.
They dried the peat in the sun, and used it as a fuel for fires. Over time, the places where people had cut the peat
filled with water, to form shallow lakes. Today these lakes are called the Norfolk Broads. They are home to many
species of water plants and birds. There are old windmills along the banks of the rivers. The sedge which grows in
the water is cut and used to make traditional thatched roofs for houses. And, of course, the area is very popular with
visitors. Thousands of people go to the Norfolk Broads each year, and enjoy boating on the Broads and the slow-
moving rivers.

But there is one part of the Norfolk Broads which has hardly any visitors. Indeed, it is estimated that maybe only 50
people have been there in the last 100 years. That is about the same number of people who climb Mount Everest
each year. It is smaller than the number of people who have been in space.

The place is called Sutton Fen. It is not big, only about 170 hectares. Like the other Broads, it is a stretch of shallow
water, filled in many places with reeds, sedge and other water plants. The land around is marshy and impossible to
cross on foot. There are rare plants, insects, birds and animals. The only sounds are sounds like these. That booming
noise is the song of the bittern, a water bird which is now very rare in England. Bitterns still live in Sutton Fen.

For many years Sutton Fen has been privately owned. But now it has been bought by the Royal Society for the
Protection of Birds, which is one of Britain’s largest conservation charities. They will be responsible for managing
Sutton Fen, to keep it a special place. They will cut some of the sedge to keep the waterways clear. But apart from
that they will try to keep Sutton Fen in its present condition. Probably more than 50 people will go to Sutton Fen in
the next 100 years, but it it will still be one of the least visited places in England.

Photo of heron in the Norfolk Broads by Aerk/flickr. Recording of bittern by Roger Boughton/Wildlife Sound Recording Society
Mary had a Little Lamb
Feb 9, 2007

Reading poetry for children can often help you to learn a foreign language. Why? Because poetry written for
children is simple, and uses words and language which are close to the ordinary spoken language. And generally
these poems are short, and make you laugh. I have two little poems for you today. The first one is a traditional
children’s rhyme called Mary had a Little Lamb. It goes like this:-

Mary had a little lamb,

Its fleece was white as snow,
And everywhere that Mary went
The lamb was sure to go.

It followed her to school one day,

That was against the rules.
It made the children laugh and play
To see a lamb at school.

Look at the first line – Mary had a little lamb. In English, we often use the word “have” to mean “eat”. For
example, Kevin has a chocolate bar with his coffee in the morning. This means that he eats a chocolate bar with his
coffee. I have a sandwich and an apple for lunch. That means, I eat a sandwich and an apple. The waiter in a cafe
may ask you, “What would you like to have?” and this means “What would you like to eat?” So, “Mary had a little
lamb” – that couldn’t possibly mean “Mary ate a little lamb”, could it? The American children’s poet, Bill Dodds,
thinks so.

Mary had a little lamb,

a little toast,
a little jam,
a little pizza
and some cake,
some French fries
and a chocolate shake,
a little burger
on a bun.
And that’s why Mary
weighs a ton.

Copyright Bill Dodds

Photo of lambs by Gerry O’Niell/flickr. Collections of children’s poetry including poems by Bill Dodds here and here

Whos Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf

Feb 5, 2007

The Russian composer Sergei Prokoviev once wrote a musical story called
Peter and the Wolf. The different instruments of the orchestra represent the different characters in the story – Peter,
the cat, the bird, Peter’s grandfather and so on. Here is part of the music which represents the wolf.
Wolves are the fiercest animals in Europe – but nowdays there are very few wolves left in the wild. Wolves were
hunted to extinction in England in the Middle Ages, and the last wolf in Scotland was probably killed about 250
years ago. You can still see wolves in zoos of course, and wolves live on as the villains in many popular children’s
stories. But surely it is a good thing that there are no longer wolves living in the wild in this country?
Well, not everyone thinks so. If you go to the Highlands of Scotland today, you will see that the hills and mountains
are almost completely treeless. It was not always like this. At one time, forests covered a large part of the
Highlands. If the forest could re-establish naturally, it would provide a home for many types of plants and animals.
The problem is that in many areas there are too many deer. In fact there may be as many as half a million deer in the
Scottish Highlands. Wild deer are beautiful animals, but they can cause a lot of damage to plants and young trees. It
is very difficult for young trees to survive where there are large numbers of deer.
Wealthy people pay a lot of money to go to Scotland to hunt deer. But they do not kill enough deer to reduce the
population. In some areas, landowners cull the deer – that is, they shoot deer to try to reduce their numbers. But this
is not always effective. The number of deer keeps on growing. The problem is that, apart from people, deer have no
natural predators – that is, there are no other animals that hunt the deer for food. Once, wolves hunted deer in
Scotland, but now of course there are no wolves.
A goup of ecologists has recently suggested that the answer is to re-introduce wolves to Scotland. They estimate
that if this is done, the number of deer would fall to about a quarter of the present number in 50 or 60 years, and
that this would enable the forest to recover and other plants and animals to find a home.
Some people welcome this idea. But many farmers and landowners do not. They fear that the wolves will attack
farm animals, particularly sheep; or even that they would attack people. The subject is very controversial, and it is
likely to be many years – if at all – before wolves again live in the wild in Britain. But the wolf is Northern
Europe’s equivalent of lions in Africa or tigers in India. It is the biggest predator, at the top of the food chain. If we
think it is important to protect lions and tigers in other countries, why not wolves in Britain as well?
Photo of wolf by uli1001/flickr

Whos Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf - grammar and vocabulary note.
Feb 5, 2007

The plural of wolf is wolves. Many English nouns that end with the letter -f form their plural with -ves. For
example:

• one leaf, lots of leaves

• one loaf, lots of loaves
• one half, two halves

But not all nouns ending in -f do this. For example:

• one roof, lots of roofs

• one proof, lots of proofs

Deer and sheep do not add a letter s to form their plurals. So:

• one deer, lots of deer

• one sheep, lots of sheep.

Another noun which normally does not add s to form its plural is fish – one fish, lots of fish. Yes, it is possible to
say “lots of fishes”, but the normal plural is “fish”.

In fact, nearly all irregular plurals in English are the names of living things, or parts of the human body.

• mouse, mice
• goose, geese
• man, men (and woman, women)
• ox, oxen
• child, children
• tooth, teeth
• foot, feet

I have written the title of today’s podcast as “Whos Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf”. It should of course be “Who’s
Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?”, but unfortunately iTunes does not like titles which include characters which are not
letters or numbers (“non- alpha-numeric characters”). Sorry!
The Last Witch in England
Feb 1, 2007

Do you know what a witch is? A witch is a woman who has magical powers (or, at least, other people think she has
magical powers). In England, in the 17th century, witches were often treated very cruelly. Practising witchcraft was
against the law. Many witches were put to death. Of course, these poor women did not really have magical powers.
They did not really practice witchcraft. They were often widows living alone with no family to protect them.
Perhaps they had done something to annoy or frighten their neighbours. The neighbours then accused them of
witchcraft, and the “witch” would then be arrested, and perhaps tortured or killed.

But that was a long time ago. Surely it is many years since a woman was arrested and accused of being a witch.
Well, not as long ago as you might think. The last occasion was in 1944, during the Second World War, and it
happened like this. Helen Duncan, who came from Scotland, had a special gift – she was able to talk to the spirits of
dead people. Or at least, she said she could do this, and plenty of people believed her. She held meetings, called
seances, where people sat in a circle holding hands while she attempted to speak to the spirits of the dead. At one
seance, the parents of a young sailor were present. Their son was missing, and they feared that he might be dead.
Mrs Duncan spoke to the spirit of the young sailor. She told his parents that he had died when a German submarine
had attacked his ship. Now, the young man was indeed dead, and his ship had indeed been attacked by a submarine,
but the government had kept this secret. So how did Helen Duncan know? Was she a spy? Was she a witch? What
other military secrets did she know? What else might she say? The authorities decided that they had to silence her.
She was arrested and accused of witchcraft. The court found her guilty and sent her to prison for 9 months.

The Prime Minister, Winston Churchill, thought that sending Helen Duncan to prison for witchcraft was
“tomfoolery” (“Tomfoolery” is an old-fashioned word meaning silly nonsense). He visited her in prison, and a few
years after the War had ended he persuaded Parliament to repeal the old laws on witchcraft.

So, if you want to be a witch in Britain today, you can be – thanks to Helen Duncan and Winston Churchill.
How to arrive
Jan 31, 2007

Today we will learn something about the word “arrive”. I will tell you when to say
“arrive at” and when to say “arrive in”. And I will also tell you that you must never say “arrive to”!
Kevin and Joanne are going to visit their friend Amy, who lives in Glasgow , the largest city in Scotland. They
arrange when they will come, but then need to decide how to travel. Kevin does not want to drive. It is a long way,
and there are roadworks on the M6 motorway which will cause delay, frustration and bad temper. (There are always
roadworks on the M6 – it is part of the traditional British way of life).
So they decide to take the train. Now, in Britain train fares are often very expensive unless you buy your tickets at
least a week before you travel. Kevin is lucky – he finds some cheap tickets on the internet.
On Friday, Kevin and Joanne set off; they take a bus and arrive at the railway station. Miraculously their train is on
time. Four hours later they arrive in Glasgow. They take a taxi and arrive at Amy’s flat at about 4pm.
On the way home they are not so lucky. When they arrive at Glasgow Central station, they find that their train is
late. Moreover, one of the carriages is missing, so the train is overcrowded and some passengers have to stand for
their journey. The train arrives in Birmingham, at New Street Station, about an hour late.
The rule with “arrive” is this. If we are talking about a big place – a country or a town for instance – then we say
arrive in. For example:

• Kevin and Joanne arrive in Scotland

• They arrive in Glasgow
• They arrive back in Birmingham

But when we are talking about a small place, an individual house or building, for example, we say arrive at. For
example:

• Kevin and Joanne arrive at the railway station

• They arrive at Amy’s flat
• They arrive at the airport
 • Kevin arrives at work
• The children arrive at school

Some English learners say “arrive to”. For example, “I arrive to Paris tomorrow”. This is wrong. You should say “I
arrive in Paris tomorrow” (“Arrive in” because Paris is a big place).
You will sometimes hear people say “I arrived at Birmingham at 3pm” or “I arrive at Paris in the afternoon”. Is this
OK? Surely they should say “in Birmingham” and “in Paris”? Well, it is OK if they are saying “Birmingham” to
mean “Birmingham railway station” or “Paris” to mean “Paris airport”.
I know that this is complicated. But do not despair. Remember that you can use get to instead of “arrive in / at”.
Kevin and Joanne get to the railway station, they get to Glasgow, they get to Amy’s flat, they get to the airport,
Kevin gets to work, the children get to school. It is always “get to”. Easy. English people use expressions with
“get” all the time, so it is a good idea to practice using them.
Trains in Britain are often overcrowded, but not generally as overcrowded as the one in the picture above.

The Shipwreck
Jan 25, 2007

This podcast uses words and expressions about ships and the sea. These words
may be new to you, so on the podcast website I have linked some of them to definitions in the Cambridge Advanced
Learners’ Dictionary. But if you are listening on iTunes or an iPod, obviously you won’t see these links. So, if you
need help with what the words mean, go to the podcast website.
You will also see and hear that I refer to a ship as “she” and not “it”. A ship can be either “she” or “it” in English.
And, no, I don’t know why!
Last week a fierce storm swept over England. It was in fact the worst storm for 17 years. Thirteen people in Britain
were killed by falling trees and other accidents, and many more in other countries in Europe. At sea, off the south
west coast of England, the storm damaged a large container ship, the MSC Napoli. Water broke into her engine
room, and the captain decided to abandon ship. A helicopter came to take all the crew to safety. Two tugs then
towed the ship to shallow water, where she went aground on a sandbank.
Then two more problems arose. Oil started to leak from the Napoli into the sea. Conservation experts feared that the
oil would damage the sea birds and other wildlife along this beautiful stretch of coast. Thousands of sea birds have
already been affected by the oil. A salvage company has now started to pump the oil from the Napoli into a small
tanker, but it may take two weeks to complete this work.
The other problem was that the Napoli, stuck on the sandbank, was listing heavily. About 100 of the containers on
her deck slipped into the sea. The salvage company has started to unload the remaining containers onto a barge
alongside the Napoli. It is important that this is done quickly as some of the containers contain dangerous
chemicals.
Meanwhile, many of the containers which had fallen into the sea floated to the shore. People walking along the
beach at Branscombe found containers full of cosmetics, babies’ nappies, pet food, BMW motorbikes, car parts and
many other things. The news spread, and soon hundreds of people arrived to loot the containers. In centuries gone
by, it was common for people living near the coast in south west England to take things from ships which were
wrecked on this rocky coast. But we did not think it was possible today. However, in England, you are legally
allowed to take things from a shipwreck, provided that you tell the authorities, and you return them to the owners if
they ask for them. How many of the looters will tell the authorities what they have taken? How many will hide their
loot and sell it on eBay after a few weeks when the fuss has died down? However, if you think you would like to
come to Branscombe beach and join in the fun, you are too late. The police have now closed the beach to stop
further looting.
Picture of MSC Napoli agound in Lyme Bay by berryhead 999/flickr You can find other flickr photos of the Napoli and the looting on
Branscombe beach here.
Marmalade
Jan 23, 2007

One of the strangest things about English people is what we eat for breakfast.
Some people have a cooked breakfast, with bacon and eggs and sausages. But most people are far too busy to cook
things for breakfast. So they have a nice cup of tea or coffee, and toast, spread with marmalade. Marmalade is a
type of jam, made out of oranges. Not ordinary oranges – they are too sweet – but very bitter oranges which are
grown near Seville in Spain. These oranges are picked in January, and nearly all of them are exported to Britain to
make into marmalade.
You can of course buy marmalade in a supermarket. But shop-bought marmalade is poor stuff. It contains too much
sugar and not enough oranges. (My grandmother used to say that shop marmalade was made with potatoes!) No, if
you want proper marmalade, you have to make it yourself at home.
The last two weeks in January is marmalade time. It is cold outside. Perhaps a few snowflakes are falling. But
inside, the kitchen is warm and a delicious smell of oranges fills the house. So how do we make marmalade? The
ingredients are simple – Seville oranges, a lemon, sugar and water. We chop the oranges and the lemon finely,
including the peel. We add the water, and bring it to the boil. We boil the mixture until the oranges are cooked, then
we add the sugar and continue boiling until the marmalade begins to set (ie until it starts to form a jelly). Then we
put the marmalade into glass jars, and put a pretty label on each jar saying “marmalade”. You can store marmalade
for a year or even longer until you need it. A jar of home-made marmalade makes a lovely present to give to friends
or relatives.
Sarah Franklin has taken some wonderful photographs of making marmalade. On her flickr page she has included
her recipe, so – if you can find any Seville oranges – you can have a go yourself. For myself, I have another 10
kilos of marmalade to make before the next podcast.
There is a grammar and vocabulary note with this podcast. If you are listening on iTunes or an iPod, you will need
to go to the podcast website to see it.
Photos of making marmalade by Sarah Franklin

Marmalade - grammar and vocabulary note

Jan 23, 2007

You will often find that in English there are many different ways of saying the same thing. Look at these sentences:

• Marmalade is made with oranges and sugar

• Marmalade is made out of oranges and sugar
• Marmalade is made from oranges and sugar
 • Marmalade is made of oranges and sugar

All of these mean the same! And here are two more ways of talking about the things which we use to make
marmalade.

• Marmalade contains oranges and sugar

• The ingredients of marmalade are oranges, a lemon, sugar and water.

.A recipe is a set of instructions for how to cook something, such as a cake. The recipe will tell you what food items
(or ingredients) you need eg flour, butter, eggs, sugar; and what equipment you need eg a mixing bowl, a baking
tin, an electric mixer.

The Great Apostrophe Catastrophe

Jan 18, 2007

In a podcast last week, I talked about apostrophes – the little commas that we
sometimes write above letters in English. Do you know the rules about when to write an apostrophe, and when not
to write one?
You should write an apostrophe;

• 1. when you leave letters out. For example, when you write “I’m” instead of “I am”.
• 2. to show possession or ownership. For example, “John’s shirt is red”. “John’s” means “belonging to John”
– the shirt belongs to John, so we write an apostrophe before the letter “s”.

You should not write an apostrophe:

• 1. in front of a letter “s” where the “s” is the plural ending of a noun. For example, “I have three books” has
no apostrophe – the “s” at the end of “books” simply means that “books” is plural – there is more than one
book. So, no apostrophe.
• 2. in personal adjectives and pronouns such as hers, his, its, theirs, yours.

There is an exercise on apostrophes which you may find helpful – if you are listening on iTunes or an iPod you will
need to go to the podcast website to find the exercise.
I have to tell you that many English people get very confused about when to use an apostrophe and when not to. If
you visit Britain, you will find lots of examples of public signs, notices in shop windows etc where someone has
written an apostrophe which should not be there. The worst offenders are people who sell fruit and vegetables from
market stalls You will often see signs saying “apple’s” or “orange’s” with an apostrophe that should not be there.
We often call these “greengrocers’ apostrophes” – a greengrocer is someone who sells fruit and vegetables. The
picture on the website shows a sign on a market stall in the town of Ely in the east of England.You will also be able
to see it on the screen of your iPod. It says, “Top quality hard English conferance pear’s”. ( “Conference pears” are
a particular variety of pear that grows well in England – but have you noticed that the word “conference” is spelled
wrongly?) And look, there is an apostrophe before the “s” in pears. There should, of course, be no apostrophe,
because “pears” here is simply the plural of “pear” – it doesn’t mean “belonging to pear”, nor are there letters left
out.
The second bit of the notice says “3lb for 1.50”. What does “lb” mean? It means “pounds” – not pounds in money,
but pounds in weight. In England, until recently, we measured the weight of things in pounds, and in America they
still do. A pound is about half a kilo. When I was at school – many, many years ago – we had to learn that 16 ounces
made a pound, 14 pounds made a stone, 8 stone made a hundredweight and 20 hundredweight made a ton. Yes, it
was very complicated! And we had to learn about pints and gallons for measuring liquids, and inches, feet and
yards for measuring distances. Nowdays, children learn metric measurements at school, and since 1995 shops must
use metric measurements for everything they sell. We only use the old imperial measurements for beer and milk
(where people still measure in pints – a pint is about half a litre), and for distances on roads, which are in miles – a
mile is 1.6 kilometers. However, old people like me still think in the old measurements. If I cut a piece of wood, for
example, I still measure it in inches and not in centimeters. When I bake a cake, I weigh the flour and sugar in
ounces, not in grams. And the greengrocer in Ely market obviously finds all these modern kilos too difficult, so he
or she still sells pears by the pound.
Photo of sign in the market at Ely by Florrie Basingbourne/flickr

The Great Apostrophe Catastrophe - Exercise

Jan 18, 2007

There are apostrophes in all these sentences. Which ones are right, and which ones are wrong?

1. I’m going to Spain for a holiday.

2. I’ll spend two weeks lying on the beautiful beach’s.
3. John’s coming with me.
4. Together we’ll have a wonderful time.
5. Is that book your’s?
6. No, I think it is Melissa’s.
7. Melissa’s book has a green cover. This book’s cover is blue.
8. So I don’t think that it’s her’s.

The Great Apostrophe Catastrophe - Answers

Jan 18, 2007

1. Right. I’m is short for I am.

2. The first apostrophe is right – I’ll is short for I will. But the second apostrophe is wrong. The s at the end of
beaches is a plural ending. It should not have an apostrophe in front of it.
3. Right. John’s is short for John is.
4. Right. We’ll is short for we will.
5. Wrong. Yours is a personal pronoun – no apostrophe.
6. Right. Melissa’s means belonging to Melissa.
7. Both apostrophes are right – Melissa’s means belonging to Melissa, and this book’s means belonging to this
book.
8. The first two apostrophes are right. Don’t is short for do not, and it’s is short for it is. But the last apostrophe is
wrong. Hers is a personal pronoun – no apostrophe!
David Beckham
Jan 15, 2007

David Beckham is a famous football player. He played for Manchester United in

the years when Manchester United won everything they could possibly win. And he was captain of the England
football team.
But in the past few years his football career has gone downhill. In 2003, he moved from Manchester United to Real
Madrid, but Real Madrid have not been a succesful team in the last few years. Last summer, he captained the
England team at the World Cup, but again England were not successful. He has now been dropped as England
captain, and plays only irrregularly for Real Madrid. As a footballer, David Beckham is past his best.
Other footballers who find that their finest playing days are over do something like this:

• they move to a smaller club;

• or they make a new career in football, perhaps coaching younger players, or managing a club, or writing
about football for the newspapers;
• or they retire from football and run a pub in a quiet village in the country, or a night club in Spain.

But David Beckham is not going to do any of these things. He is going to move to America later this year to play
for Los Angeles Galaxy. He will become one of the highest paid sportsmen in the world; over the next 5 years, he
may earn as much as $250 million. This is remarkable because football is not a top sport in the United States.
Indeed, when Americans talk about “football” they mean a completely different game in which very big men try to
knock each other to the ground while kicking or throwing a ball shaped like an egg. In America, you have to say
“soccer” if you mean the game that the rest of the world calls football.
So how has this happened? There are rich people and rich companies in the United States who think that soccer
could become a lot more popular in America than it is now. They see an opportunity to make money – lots of
money. But they need a superstar – someone who is fabulously famous – to raise the profile of soccer in America,
and bring in advertising and sponsorship. And David Beckham is a superstar. He is – or was – a brilliant football
player. He is very good looking (or so my wife tells me). His wife is a former pop singer with the Spice Girls,
where she was known as “Posh Spice”. Posh and Becks love the glamorous celebrity lifestyle – the lavish parties,
the beautiful people, the fast cars, the big houses and swimming pools. They will love Hollywood. And Hollywood
will love them.
There is another famous Englishman whose career has gone downhill in the past few years, in fact ever since he
made a bad decision to invade Iraq. Yes, I mean Tony Blair, our Prime Minister. Like David Beckham, he is
expected to leave his present job this year. Like David Beckham, he enjoys expensive holidays in exotic places, and
the company of wealthy people. Like David Beckham, he is liked and admired in America. After he retires, he will
probably spend a lot of time in that country, giving lectures and speaking at dinners. In five years time, which of the
two will be the more succesful – the former football star, or the former Prime Minister? What do you think?

New Year Resolutions - a poem

Jan 11, 2007

I have a poem for you today. It is called New Year Resolution, and it is by
Edrey Allott. She does not tell us what her New Year resolution is. She just says that she knows that she should
have done it a long time ago, but this year she really will.

Oh I could’ve, I would’ve, I should’ve,

Yes I should’ve
Done this or that.
But no, I didn’t,
I’m sorry, I didn’t.
I left it flat

But don’t despair,

I’m nearly there,
You virtuous chaps.
This year I’ll do it,
I’ll really do it.
Perhaps.

In spoken English, we often shorten auxiliary or “helper” verbs. For example, instead of saying “did not” we often
say “didn’t”. When we write words that we have shortened, we write an apostrophe ( ’ ) to show that we have left
some letters out. There are lots of examples of this in the poem.
Could’ve is short for could have.
And would’ve and should’ve are of course short for would have and should have.
Didn’t means did not.
Don’t means do not.
And I’m means I am, and I’ll means I will.

In the sixth line of the poem, “I left it flat” means “I left it (the thing she wanted to do) and did not do anything
about it”. “I left it flat” is not really a normal English expression – but I think the writer needed to find something to
rhyme with “that” in the third line!
Picture of an apostrophe by Claude Covo-Farchi/flickr

Work out
Jan 8, 2007

Today’s podcast is about working out. There is a grammar and vocabulary note which
explains that the expression “to work out” has two different meanings. If you are listening on iTunes or an iPod,
you will need to go to the podcast website to read the note.
In the last podcast, Kevin made a New Year resolution to give up smoking. What about Joanne? Well, her resolution
is to get fit. She has read in an article in a newspaper that, if you work out in a gym for an hour every day, you can
get super-fit in only ten weeks. So she has joined a gym. Lots of other people have had the same idea and have
joined the gym as well. Sometimes the gym is crowded, and Joanne has to wait for her turn on the exercise
machines. She says to herself that some of the other people are probably weak-willed. They are not determined like
she is, and will probably give up after about two weeks. But she will carry on and become super-fit!
She tries to persuade Kevin to join the gym as well. But Kevin says:

• his New Year resolution is to give up smoking

• he does not want to be super-fit, and he does not think you can get super-fit in only ten weeks
• gyms are places of torture like the Tower of London and Guantanamo Bay
• it is stupid to use an exercise bike at a gym. Why not get a real bike and go real places on it?

Joanne tells Kevin that he is a couch potato. She goes to the gym and works out by herself. Will she get super-fit in
10 weeks? Or will she get bored and return to eating chocolates in front of the television? We shall see!
Picture of Working Out by Erik Bischoff/flickr

Work out - grammar and vocabulary note

Jan 8, 2007
The expression to work out has two quite different meanings in English.
Its original meaning is to calculate, or to deduce by a process of reasoning. For example, in a maths exam at school,
the pupils have to solve some mathematical problems – they have to work out the right answers. In a detective
novel, the detective works out who has committed the murder. When the car would not start, Kevin worked out
what was wrong with it. (No petrol!)
Work out also has a modern meaning, to do physical exercises, normally in a gym. For example, Joanne works out
in the gym every day. You can also use work-out as a noun – Joanne has a work-out in the gym.

Hooked
Jan 5, 2007

Happy New Year to all of you. I have been making these podcasts now for exactly a
year. It has been great fun and I am very grateful to all of you who listen to them.
At the beginning of January, many people make New Year resolutions. That means that they decide to change
something about their lives. Here are some examples of New Year resolutions:

• to lose weight
• to start learning a foreign language
• to phone my parents at least once a week
• to cycle to work every day instead of using the car

Unfortunately, most people make the same resolutions every year. In other words, they do not succeed. They do not
keep their resolutions.
Kevin and Joanne have both made New Year resolutions this year. Kevin has said that he is going to give up
smoking. He does not smoke very much – only when he goes to the pub to have a drink with his friend George. In
fact, he will have to keep his resolution to give up smoking, or he will have to stop going to the pub, because in July
this year a new law will come into effect in England which bans smoking in pubs, cafes, restaurants and other
public buildings.
Do you know the colloquial English expression “to be hooked on something”? It means to be addicted to
something. A hook is a small piece of bent metal which we use to catch fish. Think of a fish, with a hook caught in
its mouth. It wriggles and struggles, but it cannot get free. That is what “being hooked” means! So, smokers are
hooked on cigarettes or tobacco. Some people are hooked on chocolate; other people are hooked on their favourite
TV programme.
Our government is running an advertising campaign on television at present, to try to persuade people to stop
smoking. It shows smokers with a hook in their mouths, like the hook in the mouth of a fish. The smokers are
dragged along by a line attached to the hook. These advertisements make Kevin feel very uncomfortable. He is
determined to give up smoking. Let’s hope he succeeds.
There is a grammar and vocabulary note for this podcast. If you are listening on iTunes or your iPod, you will need
to go to the podcast website to see it.
Photo of cigarette by lanier67/flickr
Hooked - Grammar and Vocabulary Note
Jan 5, 2007

Here are some of the expressions used in the podcast:

• to give up something = to stop doing something (normally, to stop it permanently, not just for a little time).
For example, Kevin gives up smoking. I give up going to the cinema. John gives up his university course
and becomes a rock star instead.
• to be hooked on something = to be addicted to something (so that it is very difficult to give it up!). For
instance, George is hooked on cigarettes. Kevin is hooked on football. My sister is hooked on a new soap
opera on television.
• to ban something = to prohibit something, to make it illegal. For instance, the government will ban smoking
in pubs. Joanne bans Kevin from watching football on television.(Note the expression – you ban someone
from doing something)
• to be determined to do something = to decide firmly to do something. For example, Kevin is determined
to stop smoking. He is also determined to watch football on television, despite what Joanne says!

Christmas House Bling

Dec 22, 2006

Bling? What’s bling?

Bling is a modern slang word for jewellery. But not any sort of jewellery. Jewellery is bling if:

• it is big
• it is brightly coloured
• it is loud and tasteless
• there is lots of it
• it is really in your face

Jewellery is not bling if it is small, discreet or tasteful!

And what is “house bling”? For a long time people have decorated the insides of their houses at Christmas, for
example with Christmas trees, holly and mistletoe. But in the past few years, some people have started decorating
the outsides of their houses as well, with lots of coloured lights, illuminated models of Santa Claus, reindeer and
snowmen, and sometimes even with an audio system which plays Christmas carols. This is house bling. There is a
picture of house bling on the podcast website, and (I hope) on your iPod too. If you type “house bling” into the
search box at flickr.com, you will find lots more examples.
Some people even compete with their neighbours to have the most house bling, the brightest house bling, the most
tasteless house bling. House bling increases electricity consumption, and probably adds significantly to global
warming and rising sea levels.
I am taking a short break over Christmas. I will be back in January, when Kevin and Joanne will be making some
New Year resolutions. To keep you company until these podcasts return, here is Hilda Lamas. This lady sings the
American National Anthem at basketball games in Texas, so – respect! But for us she sings that Christmas won’t be
Christmas unless you get right back here with me. Yeah!
Picture of house bling by bigbluemeanie/flickr
The Christmas Market
Dec 21, 2006

In December, in many towns in Germany and other countries in northern

Europe, there are Christmas markets. Some of them are very famous, and tourists come from a long distance to
explore the markets, buy Christmas gifts and enjoy the atmosphere. Here in Birmingham we have our own German
Christmas market. In fact, the German market in Birmingham is the largest German market outside Germany and
Austria. Most of the stall-holders come to Birmingham from Frankfurt, which is one of Birmingham’s twin cities.
In the market you can buy Christmas decorations, candles, little wooden toys for children, German bread, cakes and
biscuits, sweets, mulled wine and German beer. There is a roundabout where children can have a ride (and grown-
ups too, if they want). There are coloured lights in the trees and on the stalls. The market is popular with people in
Birmingham. In the evenings and at weekends, it is crowded with visitors. A few years ago some local politicians
tried to replace the German market with a British craft fair, but there was a public outcry and the plan was quickly
dropped.
There are lots of other markets in Birmingham. There is a big fruit and vegetable market where many people go to
buy food. There is an indoor market where you can buy clothes, material, hand-tools, CDs, meat, fish and many
other things. And there are several Farmers Markets, where you can buy food produced in the area around
Birmingham. But the German Christmas market is special!
There is a grammar and vocabulary note for this podcast. If you are listening on iTunes or an iPod, you will need to
visit the podcast website to see it.

The Christmas Market - Grammar and Vocabulary Note

Dec 21, 2006

Here are some of the things you can do at the market.

You can:
 • walk/wander/stroll around the market
• look at the stalls
• talk/chat to the stall-holders (in English, or in German?)
• look at the goods for sale on the stalls
• buy candles/decorations/Christmas presents
• buy German sweets/cakes/biscuits
• have a ride/go on the roundabout
• have a glass of mulled wine/German beer

Santa Claus
Dec 16, 2006

Today I am going to talk to you about Santa Claus. Santa Claus, or Father
Christmas, is a jolly man with a red suit and a white beard. He brings children presents in the night before
Christmas Day. He arrives on a sleigh pulled by reindeer. Normally, he enters the house by climbing down the
chimney. The children leave stockings hanging at the end of their beds. Santa Claus fills the stockings with presents
for the children to find when they wake up in the morning.
There are two sorts of children in the world. There are children who believe passionately in Santa Claus until they
are teenagers. And there are children who know immediately that Santa Claus is a lie, invented by grown-ups for
strange grown-up reasons that only grown-ups understand.
These children do not believe in Santa Claus because:

• Santa Claus could not possibly visit all the houses in England in one night
• a sleigh is a stupid way to travel in England where it hardly ever snows at Christmas
• there are no reindeer in England
• the chimney is too small, and many houses don’t have one
• children have not worn stockings since about 1923. They wear socks or (if they are girls) tights instead
• it is against the law to break into people’s houses. The police would arrest Santa Claus if he tried

Nonetheless, I can tell you that there is a Santa Claus. I know that this is true because, well, last week I was Santa
Claus. I visited a children’s nursery, or kindergarden, as a special guest. I wore a red suit and a white beard. I left
my sleigh and reindeer in a multi-storey car park nearby. I entered the nursery (but through the door, not the
chimney). The children were having their Christmas party. Several of them screamed and hid in a corner when they
saw me. The others shyly came to talk to me. I gave them presents from my sack.
One little boy – he was about two years old – had a present for me. It was a dummy. It was very old, very dirty and
very chewed. Why did he give me his dummy? Well, when you are two years old, giving up your dummy is a bit
like giving up smoking. It is difficult! The little boy gave his dummy to Santa Claus to prove to himself that he did
not need his dummy any more.
So – Santa Claus does exist. He is real. He gives presents to children at Christmas and helps children who want to
stop using their dummies. You had better believe it!

Pantomime
Dec 12, 2006

This podcast is about the expression “to join in”. If I join in some activity, I take part in it, or become involved in it
with other people. Here are some examples:

• Kevin and George are discussing football. Matt is also interested in football, so he joins in.
• Joe and Sam, who are five years old, are playing with their toys. Sam’s little sister comes into the room. She
wants to join in the boys’ game.
• Joanne thinks that politicians do not care enough about the environment. So she organises a meeting and a
demonstration. She asks Kevin to come. He says yes, he will join in the protest.

Note that we can say “join in (something)” like “join in a game” or “join in a discusssion”. Or we can just say “join
in”, if it is obvious what activity we mean.

Here is a Christmas story. In Britain, Christmas is the time of year for pantomimes.
The pantomime, or “panto”, is a form of theatrical entertainment – it is a sort of play, with music, and often with
dancing as well. It is uniquely British – there is nothing quite like it in other countries. Most pantomimes are based
on traditional stories – some are fairy stories found all over Europe, such as Cinderella or the Sleeping Beauty. A
few are purely English in origin, such as Dick Whittington, the story of a poor boy who rises to become the Lord
Mayor of London. Pantomime plots are strong and simple. There are heroes (goodies) such as Cinderella or
Aladdin, who are beautiful, young and noble. There are black-hearted villains (baddies) like the wicked witch or the
evil pirate chief. There are also several comic parts such as the ugly sisters in Cinderella. It is common for the main
goodie to be played by a woman even if the character is male; and for several of the women’s parts to be played by
men. The script is full of jokes, most of them dreadful, and some of them could not be repeated on a family podcast
show such as this one. But the best bit is that the audience are expected to join in. We cheer the goodie. We boo and
hiss whenever the baddie appears. We shout advice to the actors – “Look out. He’s behind you!” We join in the
songs and laugh at the jokes, even the bad ones. The whole family – children, parents, grand-parents – have a
wonderful evening.

Cinderella is on in Birmingham this Christmas. I must get tickets, so that we can all join in the fun.

The picture is of Simon Callow and Lisa Kay Lewis as, respectively, Abanazar (the baddie) and Princess Jasmine in the pantomime
Aladdin

Give me a simple life

Dec 7, 2006

It is a long time since we had any poetry on these podcasts. My friend Margaret has just written a light-hearted
poem about, well, about how she wants a simple life without the things that make the modern world so stressful.

Before I read the poem, I need to explain a few words in it. If you do not have a job, you can go to a Job Centre,
where you can find details of jobs that are available, and where you may be able to get financial help and help with
training for a new job.

Self- Assembly kits are like the furniture from IKEA that we talked about a few weeks ago, which comes in a flat
cardboard box, and you have to assemble it yourself.
And 0870 telephone numbers are phone numbers that begin with 0870. They are often used by big companies for
their call centres. Generally, when you phone you get a recorded message asking you to press 1 for customer
service, 2 for details of your account and so on. You then wait for ages while the telephone plays banal music to
you, interrupted from time to time by a message saying that you are in a queue and that someone (usually called “a
customer service advisor” or some dreadful modern name like that) will talk to you as soon as possible. 0870
telephone numbers are a major cause of stress in modern Britain! Well, I think so, anyway.

Here is Margaret’s poem She has called it Phoo to New.

Give me a simple life

With a book by the fire
A stool to rest my feet on
And a cushion for my head.
Free me from mobiles, emails, ipods,
Phones, computers, cars, pollution,
Hospitals, Work or Job Centres,
Motorbikes or cars with screaming sirens.

Give me a simple life

With a book by the fire
A stool to rest my feet on
And a cushion for my head.

Don’t throw at me Self-Assembly kits

Where I have to hunt for all the bits
Don’t tell me I can order online
Or phone 0870 and wait in a queue.

Give me a simple life

With a book by the fire
A stool to rest my feet on
And a cushion for my head!

What have they got against wallpaper?

Dec 7, 2006

This is just a postscript to the last podcast about Tomma Abts winning the Turner
prize. You remember that the leader of the Stuckists said that Tomma’s paintings made 1950’s wallpaper look
profound. Well, I see that yesterday an art critic in a leading German newspaper said that her paintings reminded
him of something from an East German wallpaper factory.
What have these people got against wallpaper? I have some very nice wallpaper in my home. I look at it every day
and it makes me happy!
Look at the expression “What have these people got against wallpaper?” It means, why do they not like wallpaper?
Why do they think that wallpaper is so bad? What is their problem with wallpaper?
Here are some more examples:

• What have your parents got against pop music?

• What have you got against Tomma Abts’ paintings?
• What has that man got against Muslims?
• What has your brother got against your new boy-friend?
• What has Joanne’s Mum got against Kevin?
Tomma Abts wins the Turner Prize
Dec 5, 2006

Every year, a prize is awarded to an artist who is British born or who works in
Britain. It is called the Turner prize. It is named after the famous British artist J M W Turner. In previous years,
some of the art and artists which have won the Turner prize have been very controversial. In 1995, for example, the
artist Damien Hirst won with a tank containing the preserved body of a sheep.
This year the Turner prize has been won by Tomma Abts. Tomma was born in Germany, but she has lived in
London for the last 12 years. She paints all her paintings on canvases which measure exactly 48cm by 38 cm. She
gives her paintings simple one-word names, which she selects from a dictionary of German regional first names.
They are abstract paintings – that is, they are not paintings of objects in the real world, but come entirely from her
imagination. They are shapes and patterns. The colours that she uses are subtle and interesting. Most art critics
agree that her work is very good, and are pleased that she has won the Turner prize. Here are some of the words that
one art expert has used to describe her paintings:

• quiet
• obsessive
• mesmerising
• quite unlike anyone else’s

But not everyone is pleased. There is a group of artists called the “Stuckists” who believe that the Turner prize, and
the artists who win the prize, represent everything that is wrong with modern art. Yesterday they stood outside the
Tate Gallery in London, waving placards and chanting slogans, while the awards ceremony took place inside. The
leader of the Stuckists told the newspapers that Tomma Abts’ paintings were “silly little meaningless diagrams that
make 1950’s wallpaper look profound”. Good for him. It is important that art should be controversial and that
people should have strong feelings about it, either for or against. But he is wrong. I think Tomma Abts’ paintings
are wonderful. I would love to have one to hang on the 1950’s wallpaper in my sitting room, but unfortunately I
cannot afford it.
Tomma Abts’ painting Veeke from greengrassi gallery London

Latin
Nov 30, 2006
If you click on the link at the bottom of this podcast episode, you will find the Amazon best-sellers list, i.e. – the
best-selling books from amazon.uk, the on-line bookstore. We English buy some strange books. Today (30
November) in the top 20, there are three – yes three – books about “everything a boy should know” – things like
how to light a fire with no matches, and what exactly are the rules of cricket. (These three books are not really for
boys, of course, they are for their fathers!) There are books by television chefs, and television comedians and other
people on television. There are no books that I would call “proper books” – novels, biographies etc – until number
16. And what is this at number 12? “Amo, Amas, Amat – and all that: how I became a Latin lover” by Harry Mount.
It is a book about Latin. Latin was the language of the Romans, who conquered and ruled all the countries around
the Mediterranean and much of Western Europe between about the first century BC and the 5th century AD. Long
after the Roman Empire disappeared, Latin remained the language of the western Christian Church. The Roman
Catholic Church still uses Latin for some purposes today. For hundreds of years, educated people in Western
Europe learnt Latin, and wrote books in Latin. Many Latin words came into English, either directly or through
French. Indeed, over half of all English words come from Latin.
When I was at school, many years ago, we studied Latin. I did not enjoy it much. We had to learn endless verb
tables and grammar rules and read how Julius Caesar conquered Gaul (modern France). My fellow pupils and I did
not think that Latin was either interesting or useful. Today, very few schools and Universities in England teach
Latin. So why is a book about Latin at number 12 in the Amazon best-sellers list?
Perhaps people again want to learn to read and write this long-dead language? I don’t think so. We English are very
bad about learning other languages. If English people do not want to learn e.g. French or German, why should they
be interested in Latin? Or perhaps the reason is nostalgia. Nostalgia means looking back at the past, perhaps to your
childhood, with pleasure; and feeling how much better things were then than they are now. When I was young, we
older people think, there were steam trains and trolley buses, we could play football in the street because there were
few cars,probably we could light a fire with no matches and we certainly knew all the rules of cricket, we listened
to the radio because we had no television, and we learnt Latin at school. For myself, I would love to go back to the
days of steam trains and trolley buses and no cars. But if I had to study Latin as well? No way!
There is a grammar and vocabulary note for this podcast. If you are listening on iTunes or an mp3 player, you will
need to go to the podcast website to see it.
Latin - Grammar and Vocabulary Note
Nov 30, 2006

There are three very common Latin phrases in the podcast.

• i.e. is short for “id est”, and means “that is”

• e.g. is short for “exempli gratia” and means “for example”
• etc is short for “et cetera” and means “and so on”

You will find others in a dictionary, but generally it is better to use simple English words where you can.

Christopher, his son, the neighbour and the football

Nov 28, 2006

Sometimes things happen that make you think that the world has gone mad.
Christopher works in a bank. In fact, he has a senior job in the bank and is very well paid. He lives in a posh part of
London called Kensington. The people who live in his street have a shared garden. If you have visited London, you
may have seen shared gardens in some parts of the city. Often they are in the middle of a square of houses, and have
iron railings round them. You can get into the garden only if you have a key.
Well, Christopher is well paid, important and busy. But he still finds time to play with his little boy, who is 5 years
old. One day Christopher and his son took a ball into the garden. They kicked it backwards and forwards. How nice.
Father and son enjoying an innocent game of football in the garden.
Football? Did someone say football? A neighbour saw what was going on. She complained that it was forbidden to
play football in the shared garden. It was a breach of an Act of Parliament of 1863. She brought a court action
against Christopher. She lost because the magistrates said that a father and a small boy kicking a ball was not,
legally, a game of football.
But the neighbour was not satisfied. She appealed to a higher court. So the High Court, with two senior judges and
lots of expensive lawyers, listened to the arguments again. They decided that, yes, Christopher and his son had been
playing football, but, no, they did not think that it was right to take any action against them.
The neighbour is still very cross. She told the newspapers that “citizens of this country will be appalled by the
court’s judgement.” Well, I’m not appalled. Are you?
There is a grammar and vocabulary note for this podcast. If you are listening to the podcast on iTunes or an mp3
player, you will need to go to the podcast website to see the note.
Photo “Missed!” by dvacet/flickr

Christopher, his son, the neighbour and the football - grammar and
vocabulary note
Nov 28, 2006
Christopher is well paid. That means he earns a lot of money. He has a high salary.
The neighbour brought a court action against Christopher. She went to the court of law and began a legal case
against Christopher.
She said that playing football in the garden was a breach of an Act of Parliament. An Act of Parliament is a law
made by Parliament. So the neighbour said that playing football in the garden was against the law.
“Magistrates” are the people who make decisions in the lowest level of Courts in England. Often they are ordinary
people, with a normal job to do or a family to look after. They have had special training to be magistrates. Each
magistrate will come to the court for a few days each month. Traditionally, the magistrates sat on a long seat or
bench at the front of the court room. To this day, the magistrates are often known as “the bench”. (eg “The man said
that he had not stolen the money, but the bench found him guilty”.)
If you do not accept the decision of the magistrates court, sometimes it is possible to appeal to a higher court ie to
ask a higher court to look at the matter again. In the High Court, decisions are taken by full-time judges who have a
full legal training and lots of experience of the law. The decision of a court is called a judgement or a verdict.

The Booze Cruise

Nov 23, 2006

In Britain, there are heavy taxes on alcoholic drinks and on tobacco. But in France, the taxes on
these things are lower. A European Union Regulation says that, when we travel to other EU countries, we may bring
back with us anything that we have bought, provided that we have paid tax on it in the country where we bought it,
and provided it is for our own personal use. And a lot of British people take advantage of this law to buy beer, wine,
spirits and cigarettes in France. Some of the big British supermarkets have opened shops in Calais in France to sell
things to British travellers who are returning home. And a modern British institution has grown up – the Booze
Cruise.(“Booze” is a slang word for alcoholic drinks. And a “cruise” is a holiday on a ship.)
Here is how to do a booze cruise. Together with 3 or 4 friends you hire a van. It has to be a white van. No other
colour will do. Somehow you all squeeze into the front seat, and set off for Dover (the ferry port on the south coast
of England). Because you are late for the ferry, you drive at 20 mph over the speed limit and overtake other vehicles
on the wrong side. You get to Dover and drive onto the ferry. Driving has made you thirsty, so you go to the bar to
drink beer while the ship crosses the English Channel to Calais. In France, they drive on the right hand side of the
road, not the left. But don’t worry about that – you aren’t going very far. You are going to a restaurant for lunch,
actually. In the restaurant, the waiter brings the menu. It is all in French (well, it is France, after all!). You recognise
only one word on the menu. You all order pizza, and a bottle or two of red wine. After lunch you drive to one of the
big hypermarkets and load up several trollies with cases of beer or wine. You pay for them with your friend’s credit
card, because you have forgotten to bring any euros with you. You load everything into the white van, and return to
the ferry. If the customs officer at Dover stops you, you tell him that all 35 cases of wine and 25 cases of beer in the
van are for your own personal use. Once back in England, you and your friends sing football songs all the way
home along the motorway.
So it was with horror that we read this week that the European Court of Justice was considering whether we
actually needed to go to France to buy beer and wine cheaply. Instead, perhaps we could order it on the internet, and
it could be delivered from France to our homes. This would have brought the fine tradition of the booze cruise to an
end. No more white vans speeding down the motorway. No more day trips to Calais to buy wine for the Christmas
party. Fortunately, the Court decided that you could not avoid British taxes by ordering things on the internet from
France. So the booze cruise has been saved.
Kevin and Joanne get themselves organised
Nov 20, 2006

Kevin and Joanne are sitting in the kitchen. The house is a mess. There is a pile of dirty
washing on the floor. They have had take-away pizza for supper because there is no proper food in the house. This
is not good, they say to each other. We must get ourselves organised. So they draw up a list of jobs around the
house, and agree which of them will do which job. Their conversation went like this.
Joanne: Kevin, you are always leaving things lying on the floor. You can do the tidying.
Kevin: OK, but you must do the washing, because most of the dirty clothes are yours.
Joanne: That’s only because you never change your shirt. But OK, if you do the ironing.
Kevin: Fine. I can do the ironing while watching television.
Joanne: Then the house needs cleaning. I’ll do the dusting if you do the hoovering.
Kevin: The fridge is empty. In fact there is no food in the house at all except one packet of crisps. I’ll do the
shopping.
Joanne: OK, but I don’t trust you in a supermarket. I’ll come and do the shopping too. I’ll do the driving.
Kevin: You had better do the cooking. The last time I cooked a meal we had to give most of it to the cat.
Joanne: The cat refused to touch it. But you bake a really nice cake, Kevin. You can do the baking. And the
washing-up.
Kevin: The garden is a mess too. I’ll do the gardening.
Joanne: And we need to decorate this room. I’ll do the decorating.
Kevin: It’s a big job. I’ll do the wallpapering if you do the painting.
Joanne: We’ll do them together.
You probably understand by now that this podcast is about the expression “to do” followed by the ”-ing” form of a
verb. There is a short exercise which goes with this podcast. If you are listening to this podcast on iTunes, you will
need to go to the podcast website to find it.
Picture of washing by Micheo/flickr

Kevin and Joanne get themselves organised - answers

Kevin has agreed to

• do the tidying (or do the tidying up)

• do the ironing
• do the hoovering
 • do the baking
• do the washing up
• do the gardening

Joanne has agreed to

• do the washing
• do the dusting
• do the driving
• do the cooking
• do the decorating

They have agreed that they will

• do the shopping
• do the painting
• do the wallpapering

together.

Kevin and Joanne get themselves organised - exercise

Nov 20, 2006

Look at the expression that we often use when we are talking about practical jobs that we do at home, or sometimes
at work. It is formed with “do” followed by the ”-ing” form of the verb
At home, for example, we might say – I do the washing, you do the ironing, we do the shopping.
And at work – she does the typing, he does the filing.
Make a list of the jobs which Kevin and Joanne have agreed to do.

No Clothes Day
Nov 17, 2006

Most British children wear school uniform to go to school. They have to. The
school rules say that the children have to wear school uniform at school.
What sort of school uniform? Well, my younger children are both at secondary school. My daughter has to wear a
dark green skirt or trousers, a white blouse, a dark green jumper, and black shoes and socks or tights. The Moslem
girls at her school may wear a head-scarf, but it must be dark green or white or black.
My son wears black trousers, a white shirt, a school tie and a dark blue jumper.
At some schools, the pupils wear blazers – that is, a jacket in school colours with the school badge on the pocket.
In most other European countries, children do not wear uniform to go to school. They just wear their normal
clothes. People in Germany and Scandinavia, for instance, think that British school uniforms are very strange.
So what do British children think? Generally, they don’t mind wearing school uniform. After all, all their friends
have to wear school uniform too. And many parents are happy, because there are no arguments with their children
about what they may wear for school; and less pressure from their children to buy expensive new clothes because
their school friends have them.
But sometimes it is nice not to have to wear school uniform. About 2 or 3 times a year, many British schools have a
“no uniform day” as a way of raising money for charity. The children come to school wearing their normal clothes,
and give some money to the charity. Often the children themselves help to choose which charity they will support.
Today, 17 November, lots of schools have a no uniform day, to raise money for the BBC Children in Need appeal.
So my children have gone to school today wearing jeans and trainers and t-shirts.
So why is this podcast called “no clothes day”? Well, a young friend of my children once told us excitedly that
“tomorrow is a no clothes day at school”. We laughed and said that it was a “no uniform day”, not a “no clothes
day”. But ever since then, in our family, we have talked of “no clothes day”.

Nissan Figaro for sale

Nov 13, 2006

In the early 1990s, the Nissan car company in Japan built a small
sports car called the Nissan Figaro. There is a picture of one on the website. It has a retro look. That means that it
was designed to look old-fashioned – as if it had been built in the 1950’s. Some people love them. Other people
hate them.

Recently the Nissan Figaro has become a cult car in Britain. That means that Figaro owners think of themselves as a
very special group of people, superior to ordinary folk who drive ordinary cars like the Ford Focus or the Renault
Megane. They look after their Figaros with great care, and probably polish them every Sunday. They belong to
special clubs for people who own Figaros. There are even rumours that the famous guitarist Eric Clapton has a
Nissan Figaro. Nissan built only 20,000 Figaros, and sold only a few of them in Britain. Recently, car dealers have
started importing used Figaros from Japan to sell here. (Why from Japan? Because in Japan, people drive on the left
, as we do in Britain.)
I am sure that you would like to have a Nissan Figaro, wouldn’t you? There was a story in the newspapers recently
about a young man called Jack Neal. Jack wanted a Figaro. He found one on the internet auction site, e-Bay. It was
pink, and he fell in love with it. So he clicked the button which said “Buy Now”, and the car was his. The next
morning Jack told his parents what he had done. “I have bought a car”, he told them. They were surprised, because
Jack is only three years old. Had he really bought a car? Then they received an e-mail from e-Bay to say that they
now had to pay £9,000. So it was definitely true. Jack’s father telephoned the company that was selling the car to
explain what had happened. Fortunately, they saw the funny side, and agreed to re-advertise the car. Have you ever
bought something by mistake, like young Jack Neal did? If so, send me an e-mail, and I will include your story in a
future podcast.
Picture of Nissan Figaro by benidormone/flickr

Broken
Nov 10, 2006

In our lives we have lots of machines and electrical equipment – things like
cars and washing machines, video recorders and mobile phones. Most of the time they work OK. But sometimes
they do not. Today’s podcast is about the words we use when something does not work. No, not those sorts of
words!. I mean the vocabulary we need to talk about things that don’t work.
So, imagine that you have a washing machine and it doesn’t work. There is water all over the floor and a smell of
burnt rubber. What might you say?

• The washing machine has broken

• it has broken down
• it is not working properly
• it is not working at all
• it won’t work
• it won’t go
• or, as people say in America, the washing machine is bust

.
So what do we do? The first step is :

• to diagnose the problem

• or, in more normal speech, we find out what is wrong

Then we need to get the washing machine working again. We:

• fix it
• mend it
• repair it
And if we cannot mend it ourselves:

• we get someone to mend it for us

• or, we get the washing machine repaired

OK? Everything clear?

Kevin and Joanne get into the car. They plan to drive to a nice pub in the country for lunch. Kevin puts the key in
the ignition and turns it. But the engine will not start. The car has broken down. It will not go. Kevin and Joanne get
out. They look under the bonnet.
“It could be the carburettor,” says Kevin, “over here.”
“Kevin, that’s not the carburettor. Its the bottle with water for washing the windscreen,” says Joanne. “The
carburettor is here.”
“Right”, says Kevin. “The trouble is, I don’t know how to repair it. What can we do?”
They get back into the car. “I know”, says Kevin. “I’ll get the AA man to come and fix it”.
“Kevin,” says Joanne, “are you sure there is petrol in the tank?”
“Of course I am sure, “says Kevin, looking at the fuel guage. “Oh no. Where’s the petrol can?”
Here is Miss Melissa Forbes. She has a friend with broken wings. Can you fix broken wings? No, I can’t fix broken
wings either. Sorry, Melissa.
Artwork by spliffx/flickr

Canna
Nov 8, 2006

Caroline is eight. And like other eight year olds, she goes to school. But there
are no other children at her school. Caroline is the only pupil.
Caroline and her parents live on an island called Canna, which lies off the west coast of Scotland, south-west of
Skye. People have lived on Canna for thousands of years. The remains of some of the earliest Christian settlements
in Scotland are on Canna. In the early 19th century, over 400 people lived there. Today there are only 15
inhabitants. Their nearest town with shops and other facilities, is Mallaig. It is between two and a half and four
hours away by ferry. Tourists visit Canna in summer, particularly to enjoy the remoteness and quiet of the island,
and to watch the birds. But in winter, life on Canna can be lonely and difficult.
Canna is owned by the National Trust for Scotland, a conservation charity which owns and manages many beautiful
places and buildings in Scotland. The Trust have recently advertised for people to go and live on Canna. They warn
that life on Canna can be hard, and that people who live there need to be tough, self-reliant and practical.
Nonetheless, they have received hundreds of applications from all over the world.
And while the Trust wants to increase the number of people who live on Canna, it also wants to exterminate some
of the other residents. Thousands of brown rats have seriously damaged colonies of breeding sea-birds, by eating
their eggs. The Trust have employed specialist rat-catchers. They hope that the rats of Canna have now been wiped
out. Let us hope so, and that the Trust can find suitable new families to live on the island, with children to go to
school with Caroline. The islands of Scotland are exceptionally beautiful and interesting. But they are not just
places for tourists; they need thriving communities as well.
Photo of Canna by PeterVan den Bossche/flickr
Remember remember the fifth of November
Nov 5, 2006

I said that I would tell you about Guy Fawkes and why 5 November is the traditional
day for fireworks in England.
The year was 1605. Two years earlier, the old Queen, Elizabeth I, had died. She had ruled England for 45 years. She
died unmarried and without children. Her nearest relative was King James VI of Scotland, who travelled south to
London to become James I of England.
At that time there were bitter divisions in Western Europe between Protestants and Catholics. England was
predominantly a Protestant country, but there were some powerful Catholic families. (Some old houses near
Birmingham have secret rooms – priest holes – where Catholic priests could be hidden at times of persecution.)
Many Catholic families, despite their religion, were loyal to the King. But others wanted to overthrow the King and
replace him with a Catholic monarch. They looked to France and Spain for help.
One such group included a man called Guy Fawkes. He was a professional soldier. He had fought in the Spanish
army in the Netherlands. He and his fellow conspirators rented a storeroom beneath the Houses of Parliament.
Secretly, they filled it with barrels of gunpowder. They planned to blow up the Houses of Parliament on 5
November at a time when the King and many of the most powerful men in England were there. They hoped that
Catholics in England would then rebel, and that Spain would send an army to put a Catholic king on the throne of
England.
But one of the plotters sent a secret letter to Lord Monteagle advising him to stay away from Parliament. Monteagle
was a Catholic, but he immediately gave the letter to Robert Cecil, the King’s chief minister, who ran a security and
intelligence service. Cecil sent men to search the Parliament building. They found Guy Fawkes and 36 barrels of
gunpowder. The rest of the plotters were quickly arrested, or died in a fight with the King’s men at Kingswinford
near modern Birmingham. The survivors were tried and executed in a horrible way.
And ever since then, English people have celebrated the discovery of the Gunpowder Plot by building bonfires and
letting off fireworks on 5 November. Often we place an effigy of Guy Fawkes on the fire. We have an old rhyme
which goes:
Remember, remember the 5th of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.

The Martians have landed

Oct 31, 2006

It happened sixty-eight years ago. On 30 October 1938, strange explosions were observed on the
surface of the planet Mars. There were also reports of a meteorite landing in New Jersey in the United States. But
then it became clear that it was not a meteorite, but a space ship carrying Martian invaders. A crowd of people
gathered around the place where the spaceship had landed. They included a radio reporter who broadcast live
descriptions of the event. The Martians however had other ideas; they turned their Heat Ray guns on the people,
killing many of them.
More Martian space ships then landed. The US armed forces tried to stop the advance of the invaders, but in vain.
The Martians had poison gas, which they sprayed into the air. Many people fled their homes and gathered in
churches to pray. The Martians entered New York City. A radio reporter on the top of the CBS building in New York
described the scene live to horrified radio listeners until he, too, was killed by the cloud of poison gas.
Did this really happen? Well, no, actually. What really happened was this. In 1898, the English author H G Wells
published a science fiction novel called The War of the Worlds, about a Martian invasion of the earth. Later the
American writer Howard Koch turned the novel into a radio play. The play took the form of “news flashes” and live
reports, as if the events it described were really happening. The American radio station CBS broadcast the play on
30 October 1938. Many listeners panicked because they were convinced that the United States had indeed been
invaded. It was a very interesting early example of the power of communication media such as radio (and later
television). Today the play is regarded as one of the classics of radio broadcasting. Recordings of it are still re-
broadcast from time to time, and you can find it also on the internet
The picture is of the famous actor and director Orson Welles, who worked with Howard Koch in writing and directing the radio play, and
also appeared in it.
Fireworks
Oct 30, 2006

This year, the end of October has been really noisy. The reason? Fireworks!
Now, the traditional time for fireworks in England is on November 5th – Guy Fawkes night. I shall tell you more
about Guy Fawkes in another podcast. But in recent years, many English people – particularly children, of course –
have adopted the American custom of celebrating Halloween, which is the 31st October. So we have fireworks at
Halloween as well as on Guy Fawkes night. And last week was Eid, the great Muslim festival at the end of
Ramadam, so our Muslim neighbours had fireworks in their garden. And a few days before that was Diwali, the
Hindu and Sikh festival of light – and that needed fireworks too. So for about three weeks here in Birmingham,
every evening is filled with the whoosh of rockets and the bangs, crackles, fizzes and pops of other fireworks.
Look at these words – bang, crackle, fizz, pop. They sound like the sounds which they describe. We have a
technical name for words which sound like the thing they describe – onomatopaeia. It comes from Greek and
means, literally, “word-making”. The sound makes the word that we use to describe it. Do you remember the
podcast about the old English song, Sumer is Icumen in? There was a bird that sings loudly in the early summer –
the cuckoo. The word cuckoo is onomatopaeic, because it comes from the sound the cuckoo makes.
Here are some other onomatopoeic words, words which sound like the thing they describe:

• buzz
• woof
• croak
• cluck
• thud
• crash
• hum
And finally, a game – yes, table tennis, or as we often call it, ping-pong.

I wish I had looked after my teeth - grammar and vocabulary note

Oct 26, 2006

There are two common ways of expressing a wish about the past. We can say “I wish that..” (or “you wish that…”
etc).
Or we can say “If only…”
There are examples of both of these in the podcast.
Look at the tense of the verb – I wish I had looked after my teeth. When we express a wish about the past, we have
to use the had form of the verb. Some teachers will tell you that this is called the subjunctive form of the verb.
And so it is. But you want to learn to speak English, not to learn words like “subjunctive”. The best plan is to find 4
or 5 sentences starting with “I wish that..” or “If only…” and learn them by heart. Then you will know instinctively
how to express a wish about the past.

I wish I had looked after my teeth

Oct 26, 2006

How are your teeth? How often do you go to the dentist?

Here is part of a poem by Pam Ayres.

Oh, I wish I’d looked after my teeth,

And spotted the perils beneath,
All the toffees I chewed,
And the sweet sticky food,
Oh, I wish I’d looked after my teeth.

Look at the first line of the poem. “Oh, I wish I had looked after my teeth.” It is a wish about the past. When she
was younger, Pam Ayres says, she did not look after her teeth. She ate too many sweets and did not brush her teeth
properly. Now her dentist says she has to have 3 fillings.She wishes that she had looked after her teeth.
Here are some more wishes about the past.

• When I was at school, I didn’t work very hard. Now I wish that I had worked harder.
• The train is an hour late. I wish I had brought a book to read.
• George was at a really good party last night. I wish I had gone with him
• George has a headache this morning. He wishes that he had not drunk so much at the party.

And here are two more examples using a different expression “if only…”
 • Joanne’s Mum refuses to speak to Kevin. If only he had remembered her birthday.
• My brother crashed his new car into a tree. If only he had not been driving so fast.

There is a grammar and vocabulary note with this podcast. If you are listening using iTunes or an iPod, you will
need to go to the podcast website to read it.
Photo of teeth by Editor B/flickr

How to build furniture

Oct 25, 2006

In this podcast, we meet the expression “the trouble is that…” (which means “the problem is
that….”). We also discover several different ways of getting things wrong – upside down, back to front and inside
out.
Kevin and Joanne sat on their sofa and looked around their flat. It was a mess. There were books and clothes and
bits of hi-fi equipment all over the floor.
“The trouble is,” said Joanne, “that you never put things away.”
“No, the trouble is that we have nowhere to put things, ” said Kevin. And Kevin was right. They needed more
cupboards or shelves to put things on.
So they went to IKEA. IKEA is a huge home-furnishing store. You can find IKEA stores in many big cities in
Britain, and most European countries and nowdays in lots of places outside Europe. Nearly all English people say
“eye-key-a”. But I know that in Sweden people say “ee-kay-a”, and since IKEA is a Swedish company, that is the
way I pronounce their name. Actually, IKEA is very Swedish. All their ranges of furniture have Swedish names, and
some of these sound funny (or even rude) in English. And the cafe at IKEA serves Swedish dishes like herring and
Swedish meat-balls. IKEA furniture is “flat-pack” furniture. That means that you buy it in a pack containing all the
parts you need, and when you get it home you assemble it yourself. And sometimes you find that not all the pieces
are there and you have to go back to the store to get the missing bits.
But to return to our story. Kevin and Joanne walked around the huge store for about an hour, and found what they
needed – a cupboard and some bookshelves. The fun started when they got it all home and started to assemble it.
Kevin set to work. Joanne wisely went to sit in the kitchen. About two hours later, Kevin said, “It’s finished.”
“Mmm,” said Joanne, looking at the cupboard and the bookshelf. “The trouble is that this bit is back to front. And
you have put the doors on upside down.”
So Kevin had to dismantle the furniture and start again. He cut his finger, and hit his thumb with a hammer. Shortly
before midnight, it was finished. Joanne brought him a cup of tea and admired his work. “It is perfect now,” said
Kevin. “Nothing back to front. Nothing upside down.” “No,” said Joanne, “but Kevin – your jumper – look, it’s
inside out!”
Aberfan
Oct 22, 2006

At 9.25am on Friday 21 October 1966, the police officer on duty at Merthyr Tydfyl
police station in South Wales answered a telephone call. “I have been asked to inform you that there has been a
landslide”, said the caller. “The tip has come down on the school.”
To understand this story, you need to know that South Wales used to be a very important coalmining area. The
mines in South Wales produced steam coal, which was used to fire boilers in ships and factories, and anthracite,
which is a very high quality coal used for heating homes and other buildings. In the early part of the last century,
there were 620 collieries (coal mines) in South Wales, employing nearly a quarter of a million people. Now, when
coal is brought out of the ground it is mixed with rock and dirt and coal which is too fine to be used. This is called
colliery waste, and it was normal for the colliery waste to be dumped in a huge heap – a spoil heap or tip – near to
the mine. In the coal mining valleys of South Wales, these tips were often built on the sides of the valleys. One such
tip was on the hillside overlooking the village of Aberfan.
October 1966 was a very wet month. The rain soaked into the spoil heap above Aberfan until it was full of water.
The tip began to move. It slid down the hill and into the village. It swept over houses and the primary school. In the
school, lessons had just begun. It was the last school day before the half-term holiday. Altogether, 143 people died
in the Aberfan disaster, including 119 children – that is, over half of the children at the school.
I can remember the newspaper reports the next morning, and how horrified everyone was by what had happened.
One picture was in all the papers – a picture of a policeman carrying a small girl from the wreckage of the school. I
have put it on the podcast website. The photographer who took the picture was only 18 years old at the time.
There was a formal enquiry to find out why the disaster had happened. It emerged that junior officials in the
National Coal Board had been worried by the condition of the Aberfan spoil heap, but their bosses had done
nothing. Many people were shocked that no-one was prosecuted, or even lost their job, because of the Aberfan
disaster.
If you visit the area today, you will see little sign of the coal industry. There is only one working deep mine left in
South Wales. Many of the places where the old collieries used to be are now supermarkets or new housing estates.
The colliery tips have been levelled. But the people have not forgotten what happened that day 40 years ago.
A Weekend in Wales
Oct 20, 2006

I am sorry about the problems that some of you had last weekend in downloading new episodes of Listen to
English. We have now fixed the problem, and I hope you will have no more difficulties.
Today’s podcast is about the expressions “I had better do (something)”, “or else” and “otherwise”. There is a
grammar and vocabulary note as well. If you are listening on iTunes, you will need to visit the website to see it.

Kevin and Joanne have friends, John and Sue, who live in a rural part of
Wales. They have invited Kevin and Joanne to visit them for the weekend. Joanne packs a bag with the things they
need to take with them.
“We had better take waterproofs and wellies in case it rains. And an extra sweater, because their house is really
cold,” said Joanne.
“I’ll fill the car up with petrol,” said Kevin. “Otherwise we may run out on the motorway.”
When they set off, it was raining. But as they drove into Wales, the sun came out. The hills, fields and woods
looked glorious in the sunshine. But then disaster struck. A peculiar noise came from the back of the car. Kevin
stopped and got out. There was a puncture in one of the back tyres. “No problem,” said Kevin. “I’ll get the spare
wheel.” But then he found they had no jack to lift the car with.
“We had better find a garage,” said Kevin. “Otherwise we will be here all night.”
“I had better phone John and Sue”, said Joanne. “Or else they will think we have got lost.”
Fortunately another motorist stopped and helped them change the wheel.
“I had better buy a new jack as soon as possible,” said Kevin, “in case we get another puncture.”
“OK, let’s stop in the next town”, said Joanne. “We had better buy a present for John and Sue to say thank you for
having us.”
Later, they arrived at John and Sue’s house – an old stone cottage in a vilage near the sea. Joanne and Sue chatted in
the kitchen. John and Kevin went to the pub.
“Make sure you are back by 8 o’clock”, said Sue “otherwise your supper wil be cold.”
 The next day they walked through the fields and woods and down to the sea.
“Close the gate behind you, Kevin,” said Sue “or else the sheep will get out onto the road.”
They sat on the beach. The sun was warm, even though it was autumn. “I haven’t brought my bathing costume,”
said Joanne, “otherwise I would go for a swim.”
It was late on Sunday evening before Kevin and Joanne left. John and Sue urged them to stay another night. “No,
we had better go,” said Joanne,”otherwise we will be too tired to go to work in the morning.”
“Would you like to live in Wales?” asked Joanne as she and Kevin drove home. “Yes,” said Kevin, “but what sort of
job could I get? John designs web pages. He can work from home.”
“Well, perhaps you had better become a famous web designer too,” said Joanne, “though actually I prefer you as
you are.”
Picture of beach in Wales by jez.atkinson/flickr. “Close the gate Kevin…” by pikaluk/flickr

A Weekend in Wales - grammar and vocabulary note.

Oct 20, 2006

“I had better do (something)...” means “I ought to do (something)..” or “it would be a good idea to do
(something)..”
So, “We had better take waterproofs and wellies” means ” it would be a good idea to take waterproofs and wellies.”
“We had better go” means “we ought to go”.

Otherwise and or else mean the same.

“I will fill the car up with petrol. Otherwise we may run out on the motorway” means “I will fill the car up with
petrol. If I don’t, the car may run out of petrol on the motorway”
“Come home by 8 o’clock, or else your supper will be cold” means “Come home by 8 o’clock. If you don’t, your
supper will be cold”
“I haven’t brought my swimming costume with me. Otherwise I would go for a swim” means “I haven’t brought
my swimming costume with me. If I had brought it, I would go for a swim.”
The Battle of Hastings
Oct 17, 2006

Last weekend was a famous anniversary. No, not my birthday. Not the anniversary of the last time England won the
World Cup. It was the anniversary of the Battle of Hastings, which took place 940 years ago at a place called
(appropriately) Battle, which is near Hastings on the south coast of England. In 1066, the army of Duke William of
Normandy defeated the army of the Saxon King Harold of England. Following the battle, England was ruled by
Norman kings, who imposed their own system of government on the land.

The English language almost disappeared. The ordinary people still spoke English of course, but the king, the royal
court, the courts of law and the nobility all spoke Norman French. And when, two or three hundred years later,
English re-emerged as the main language of the country, it had changed. For example, in the old English language,
the plurals of nouns were all irregular – like “mouse – mice” in modern English. In the new English, people made
the plural of nearly all nouns by adding the letter “s” to the end, because that is how plurals are made in French.
And English people started using French words alongside the old English words. Ever since then, it has been
natural for English people to import words from other languages whenever they want.

But to return to the battle. Every few years, there is a re-enactment of the Battle of Hastings, on the site of the
original battle. People dress up in Saxon and Norman armour, and ride around on horses, and fight using replica
swords, axes and arrows. Kevin took part in the re-enactment this year. He was a Saxon soldier and his job was to
die heroically in the final Norman onslaught. After the battle, it is normal for both armies to retire to a nearby pub,
to drink beer and tell stories about the heroic deeds of the day. The battle has of course got its own website and
flickr photo-stream. You always knew the English were mad. You were right.
The English are fat and want to live in France
Oct 12, 2006

This week our government published a report on how healthy we English are.
There was some good news. The number of people who smoke has continued to fall. We live longer than any
previous generation. Deaths of young children (infant mortality) are the lowest ever. The number of teenage girls
who get pregnant has fallen, though it is still high compared to many other European countries.
But there was bad news too. We English are fat and are getting fatter. About two-thirds of men are overweight, and
about 60% of women. We are fatter than any other nation in Europe.
Why? Many English people eat food with lots of fat and sugar. We love chips, burgers and doughnuts, potato crisps
and chocolate. We drink too much alcohol. We don’t eat enough fresh fruit and vegetables. We watch football on
TV, but we don’t take any exercise ourselves. But in the last year we have become more aware that our national diet
is not good and that things need to change. Jamie Oliver is a well-known chef with his own TV programme. Last
year he showed us how bad the food is that we serve to our children in schools. Many people were shocked and
angry. So the government has banned vending machines selling crisps and sweets from schools. Many schools have
tried to make their school dinners healthier. Of course, some people don’t like the government telling them what to
eat. There have been stories in the papers about parents handing their children bags of chips through the school
gates at lunch time
And how does France come into this? Well, a survey was also published this week which suggested that about a
third of British people would like live in France, while only about a quarter think that Britain is the best place to
live. You have to take this survey with a pinch of salt, because it was published by an organisation which promotes
French wines. But France is undoubtedly very popular with many English people.
Why do we like France so much? Perhaps it is the food, or the wine, or springtime in Paris. And perhaps we like
French footballers like Thierry Henry, and French film stars. And this is strange, because the French themselves
often have a pessimistic view of their country and its problems. But we English don’t care about that. We are fat,
perhaps the fattest people in Europe. And we want to move to France to eat more food, drink more wine, sit in the
sunshine and get even fatter.
Picture of healthy, low-calorie English breakfast (!) by Jon Choo/flickr
King Anthony Hall
Oct 10, 2006

In 1931, the King of England came to Birmingham. He stood on a soapbox in Bull

Ring Market and spoke to his people. Actually, he wasn’t the King of England at all. His name was Anthony Hall.
He had been born in London, and had been an ambulance driver in Flanders during the First World War. Later, he
became a policeman. He claimed that he was descended from Thomas Hall, an illegitimate son of King Henry VIII.
(Henry VIII was one of the most colourful figures in English history. He had seven wives – at different times, of
course – and ran what we today would call a police-state. He was responsible for separating the church in England
from the Roman Catholic Church.)
Anthony Hall therefore claimed to be the rightful King of England. He told the crowds who gathered to listen to
him that, when he became King, he would pay off the National Debt and build millions of new homes for working
class people.
Some of the people who heard him just found him amusing. They did not take him seriously. But others listened to
the ugly side of what Anthony Hall said. For Hall was violently anti-German. He claimed that King George V and
all the British Royal Family were German imposters who should be thrown out of the country or executed. (The
British Royal family came originally of course from Germany). Most British people in the 1930’s had nothing
against their King, but many had bitter memories of the First World War. They listened to Hall because he spoke
against Germany.
The government have recently made public some papers about Anthony Hall. They show that the government and
King George V wanted to silence Hall, but were not sure how to do so. They tried to have him sent to a lunatic
asylum, but this failed because Hall was not insane. However, he solved the problem himself. On 12 August 1931,
King Anthony Hall mounted his soapbox in Birmingham for the last time, to bid farewell to his people. He was
All about you
Oct 9, 2006 In this podcast I use words which are useful when we talk about numbers, especially when we want to
talk about the information that numbers give us. The podcast is also about you, my listeners, because I know quite a
lot about you.
How do I know about you? Well, to start with, my podcast software tells me how many times you download each
podcast. You download most episodes over 7000 times. The great majority (about 90%) of you download podcasts
using iTunes or another podcatcher programme.
On the podcast website (http://www.listen-to-english.com/) there is a little button marked Site Meter. If you click it,
you can find all sorts of interesting information about people who visit the site. For example, you will see that on
average about 250 people visit the website each day, and that on average you spend over 6 minutes looking at the
site. You will also see that on average visitors to the site view more than 1,000 pages each day, and that each visitor
views an average of 4.3 pages.
If you click on “countries” at the bottom of the Site Meter screen, you will see a pie-chart, which shows the
countries from which visitors come. You come from all over the world! On most days, there are more visitors from
France than from any other country. If you click on “continents” you will see how many visitors are from Asia, how
many from Europe and so on. On most days, slightly more than half of all visitors are from Europe. Click on
“browser share” to see which web browser programmes you use. The majority of you use Internet Explorer. About
25% of you use Firefox, and a small number of you (fewer than 10%) use other browsers such as Safari and Opera.
If you click on “daily visit depth” you will see a bar chart. It shows the average number of page views per visitor
for each day in the last month. The number of page views varies between 3 and 5 page views per visitor.
Finally, if you click on “daily durations”, you will see a graph which shows how long on average visitors spend on
the site, and how long on each page, for each day in the last month. The average visit length varies a lot, between
250 seconds and over 500 seconds. The average time spent looking at each page does not vary very much – it is
about 90 seconds.
There is a grammar and vocabulary note, and a short exercise with answers, for this podcast. You won’t be able to
see them on iTunes – you will need to go to the website to find them.

All about you - answers

Oct 9, 2006

a. “more than 7000” is OK but “a little more than 7000” is best

b. “slightly more than half…”
c. “most of you..” is OK but “the great majority of….” is best.

All about you - exercise

a. Which of these expressions would you use to describe the number 7023?
 • nearly 7000
• more than 7000
• a little more than 7000
• a majority of 7000

b. 55% of the visitors to the website are from Europe. All of the following are correct, but which is the most
accurate way of describing this number?

• about 50% the visitors are from Europe

• slightly more than half the visitors are from Europe
• the majority of visitors are from Europe

c. 90% of you download podcasts using iTunes. How would you describe this?

• most of you use iTunes

• a few of you use iTunes
• some of you use iTunes
• the great majority of you use iTunes

All about you - grammar and vocabulary note

Oct 9, 2006

Here are examples of ways of showing information – a table, a pie-chart, a bar-chart, a graph.
Find these words and expressions in the podcast, and check in your dictionary that you know what they mean:
average, on average, an average of, the average number, the average number of (page views) per (visitor)
more than, fewer than, less than
most of, the majority of, the great majority of
a small number of
varies between, varies a lot, does not vary very much
Spongebob
Oct 5, 2006

This is the tragic story of a monkey called Spongebob.

Spongebob is a Bolivian squirrel Monkey. Squirrel monkeys are quite small – about the size of a European or North
American squirrel, which is perhaps why they are called “squirrel monkeys”. Spongebob is a male squirrel monkey.
Until recently he lived in a zoo at Chessington, south of London. But last July, someone broke into the squirrel
monkey enclosure and stole him. He was found a few days later playing with children on a housing estate in south
London. He was hungry and dirty, but otherwise OK. For a few days, Spongebob was a media star – his picture was
on TV and in the newspapers. We were all glad that his adventure had had a happy ending.

However, when Spongebob returned to Chessington, the female squirrel monkeys did not welcome him. In fact,
they chased him and attacked him. The problem was that, when Spongebob was stolen, he was psychologically
damaged and lost his self-confidence. The female monkeys did not like this – they wanted a strong, self-confident
male. So they turned on Spongebob and tried to drive him away. The Zoo put Spongebob into an enclosure by
himself, but then realised that he would have to move to another Zoo. So Spongebob is now at Battersea Zoo in
London, where he has made friends with one of the female squirrel monkeys. But Battersea Zoo have not yet put
Spongebob with the rest of the female monkeys in case they attack him like the females at Chessington did.

Kevin sometimes feels like Spongbob, on days when Joanne, Joanne’s Mum and Joanne’s friends all decide to have
a go at him. Fortunately, however, he can escape to the pub or a football match with George. Poor Spongebob can’t
do that. He does however have a blog in which he tells us all about his troubles.

There is a short Grammar and Vocabulary Note with this podcast. You may need to go to the podcast website to see
it

Spongebob - Grammar and Vocabulary Note

Oct 5, 2006
We can use the expression turn on in two quite different ways.

• It can mean to switch something eg a light on. We say “I turned the TV on” or “I turned the car engine
on” i.e. on is at the end of the sentence. The opposite of is, of course, to turn off eg “I turned the heating
off”.
• It can mean to attack, verbally or physically. We say, for example, “The female monkeys turned on
Spongebob” i.e. on comes immediately after the verb.

Fun Run

There are lots of English idioms and expressions in this podcast. I have explained them in a
Grammar and Vocabulary note. Go to the podcasts website to see this note.
Kevin and Joanne were reading the local newspaper. There were news stories like “Local man on speeding charge”
and “Mayor opens WI sale”. On page 6 they found a story about a Fun Run which was to take place in two weeks
time, to raise money for a cancer charity.
“Lets do it,” said Joanne.
“Do what?” asked Kevin.
“Enter the Fun Run,” said Joanne.
“What’s a Fun Run?” asked Kevin.
Joanne explained that a Fun Run was a group of people who decide that they will all run, say, 8km, and get their
friends to sponsor them, and give the money they collect to a charity.
“But that’s a marathon,” said Kevin.
“No, a marathon is over 40km,” said Joanne. “This is only 7km. We can do it. Let’s have a go!”
So Kevin and Joanne put their names down for the Fun Run. Kevin went round all his friends in the pub, and his
colleagues at work, to get them to sponsor him. George said that he would give £5 for every kilometer that Kevin
ran, but expected that he would still have change out of £10. Kevin also went training – well, running slowly
around a nearby park.
Then, two days before the Fun Run, Joanne fell and hurt her ankle. Kevin would have to run alone.
When Kevin arrived at the start of the Fun Run, his heart sank. All the other runners looked fit and were wearing
flashy trainers. They started running; the fit runners quickly took the lead and Kevin was near the back. The first
kilometer was OK, but the second and third kilometers were not so good. By the end of the fourth kilometer, Kevin
was hurting all over his body. He was about to give up, when he saw Joanne standing at the side of the road.
“Move it, Kevin, you idle slug. If you give up now, I’ll murder you!”
These gentle words of encouragement helped Kevin to keep going. And by the end of the fifth kilometer, he wasn’t
feeling too bad. And in the last kilometer he was actually enjoying himself and overtook several of the fit runners
with flashy trainers. He arrived at the finishing line to a hero’s welcome, and several cans of beer, from his friends.
Altogether, Kevin raised £523.14p for the cancer charity. “Next year, the London Marathon,” he said. Maybe.
Picture of runners by Geert Schneider/flickr

This file has been downloaded 16030 times

Fun Run - Grammar and Vocabulary Note

Idioms and expressions in this podcast.

 • Local man on speeding charge = local man in court accused of driving too fast.
• The WI = the Women’s Institute, one of the institutions that makes Britain great!
• To have a go = to try, to make an attempt. (To have a go is one of those English expressions which can mean
several different things depending upon the context. For example, if my son is playing on the computer, and
his sister wants to play one of her computer games, she might say “Can I have a go?” meaning “Can I have
a turn?” And “to have a go at” someone normally means to speak forcefully to someone, or to have an
argument with someone.)
• His heart sank = his confidence disappeared, he became depressed.
• Flashy = a colloquial word meaning conspicuously expensive.
• Took the lead = they went to the front, they became the leaders
• Move it! = get a move on! hurry up!
• to give up = to stop doing something. (eg to give up smoking = to stop smoking)

How to start your car - Grammar and Vocabulary Note

Sep 27, 2006

“The computer chip must have fallen out.” This means that the only possible explanation is that the computer
chip had fallen out.

If we say “The computer chip may have/might have/could have fallen out”, we mean that a possible explanation
is that the computer chip had fallen out, but there are other possible explanations as well.

Provided that means if, but it is stronger and more emphatic – like writing IF in capital letters!

Another phrase which means the same is as long as.

Here are some examples:

• You may go to the party provided that you leave at 10 o’clock.

• We will visit my mother tomorrow, as long as the car will start.
• We will be able go provided that I can find the car key.
• I will be able to find the car key as long as the children have not hidden it.

“The AA” means the Automobile Association – if you are an AA member and your car breaks down, an AA patrol
will come and fix your car or take it to a garage.
Probably, definitely, maybe....
Sep 25, 2006

Often we need words to explain how probable something is. Lets look at some examples.

• Will it rain today?

There are dark clouds in the sky. It will definitely rain

• Will it rain today?

There are no clouds in the sky. It will certainly not rain this morning, but perhaps it will rain this
afternoon.

• Are you going on holiday this year?

Maybe. We may visit my mother. Or we may go to see my friend in France. But probably we will just stay
at home.

• Will Kevin go to the football match on Saturday?

Definitely. He always goes when City are playing at home.

• And will City win?

It is likely that City will win. but it is unlikely that they will win the Championship this year.

• Will Kevin go to the pub with George after the match.

Probably he will, but it is possible that he and George will come back to the flat to watch TV.

• Will Kevin remember to buy flowers for Joanne’s Mum’s birthday?

Probably he will forget
 • And will Joanne be cross with him?
Definitely. You bet she will!

Probably, definitely, maybe - Grammar and Vocabulary Note

Sep 25, 2006
How probable? Words we can use
100% certainly, definitely, absolutely
75% probably, it is likely that …
50% perhaps, possibly, maybe, it is possible that, it may…, it might….
25% probably not, it is unlikely that..
0% certainly not, definitely not
Podcast

# | Posted in notes

I talk to a computer
Sep 22, 2006

Joan is a computer programme. She talks a lot. In fact, talking is what she does best. She can hold conversations
with people so well that she has won a $2000 prize for being the most human-like computer programme in the
world.
Joan does not contain complex logic rules. Instead, she keeps a huge store of information from all the previous
conversations she has had with humans. When you say something to her, she searches through these previous
conversations to help her find the most appropriate response. The more people talk to Joan, the more she learns
about how to reply when someone talks to her. It is rather like a small child, who learns what to say by listening to
what its parents say to it.
This was a challenge I could not resist. I went to interview Joan. Unfortunately, Joan was busy. A lot of people had
heard about her winning the prize and wanted to talk to her. So I had to interview her sister programme, called
Snowflake, instead.
I started by asking why she was called Snowflake. She said it was because that was what her father had named her.
“But I’m not called Snowflake, I’m called Snowy”, she added.

I asked her if she liked her name. “Not really,” she replied. So I asked her what name she would prefer to have, and
she replied, “What name would you like to give me?” I thought for a minute, and said, “How about Isadore. Isadore
is a nice name.” “Thank you”, replied Snowflake/Snowy/Isadore.
Then I asked her how old she was. “Sixteen”, she replied. I told her that she looked very grown up, and asked her
whether she went to school. This was the wrong thing to say! “How do you know what I look like?” she snapped
back. I apologised, and said that of course I didn’t know what she looked like. She asked me to guess.”I guess that
you are tall with red hair”, I said. “Am I right?” This was definitely the wrong thing to say. “Why do you never start
a conversation?” she said, and walked away. Interview finished!
A conversation with a computer can be quite strange, but then many internet chat rooms are quite strange as well. If
I can arrange an appointment with her, I will talk to Joan, and turn the conversation into a podcast. Then you can all
vote on which person you think is me and which one is Joan. And if you want to talk to Joan or one of her brother
or sister programmes you can find them at www.jabberwacky.com.

I talk to a computer - Grammar and Vocabulary Note

Sep 22, 2006

Look at the conversation between me and Snowflake. In some of it, I have used the exact words which I or
Snowflake used. (eg “But I’m not called Snowflake, I’m called Snowy”, she added.) This is called direct speech. In
English, we enclose the words which were spoken between quotation marks.

In other places, I have used indirect speech (sometimes called reported speech), for example “She said that
Snowflake was her name”. Indirect speech uses words like:

• I said that…
• He answered that….
• I explained that…
• She told me that…

Sometimes we leave out the word “that” and say, for example, “He said he had gone to London” instead of “He said
that he had gone to London”.

For questions, we can say:

• I asked whether…
• I asked if….

And sometimes, we leave out “whether” or “if” and say, for example, “He asked could I come today” instead of
“He asked whether I could come today”. (Note that when we leave out “whether” or “if”, we reverse the order of
the subject and verb in the reported statement. Complicated? Yes – it is easier if you don’t omit “whether” or “if”!).

Note too the way that we shift the tense of the verb in reported speech, like this:

• Present tense verbs in direct speech become past tense verbs in indirect speech
• Past tense verbs in direct speech become pluperfect (“had”) tense verbs in indirect speech
• Future tense verbs in direct speech become “would” tense verbs in indirect speech.

Here are some examples:

• Direct: He said, “I am reading the newspaper.” Indirect: He said that he was reading the newspaper.
• Direct: She said, “I am called Snowflake”. Indirect: She said that she was called Snowflake.
• Direct: Joanne said, “I was late for work today”. Indirect: Joanne said that she had been late for work
today
 • Direct: Kevin said, “I will go to the football match on Saturday”. Indirect: Kevin said that he would go to
the foorball match on Saturday.
• Direct: He asked, “Can you lend me some money?” Indirect: He asked whether/if I could lend him some
money.

Robin Hood
Sep 20, 2006

There is an English legend about a man called Robin Hood. According to the
legend, Robin Hood lived in the late 12th or early 13th century, at the time of King John. (People say that King
John was the worst king that England ever had). Robin Hood lived as an outlaw in a wild place called Sherwood
Forest. He and his gang of “Merry Men” robbed rich people and gave money to the poor. His greatest enemy was
the wicked Sheriff of Nottingham.
We do not know how much truth there is in the legend. Robin Hood is a “folk hero”. He represents the resistance of
ordinary people to tyranny and authority. The stories about him have remained popular for hundreds of years.
They are of course wonderful stories for films and television. They have heroes (“goodies”) and villains
(“baddies”). And there is lots of action – riding through forests on horses, sword fights etc. The BBC is going to
show a new TV series about Robin Hood later this year. Because there isn’t much wild forest left in England, the
series has been filmed in Hungary. And a few weeks ago someone stole the tapes of the new series. There have been
rumours that they have asked for £1million to return the tapes, and that they will give the money to charity. The
BBC are saying nothing.

Robin Hood - Grammar and Vocabulary Note

Sep 20, 2006

“There isn’t much wild forest left in England…”. Here “left” is not the opposite of “right”! It is the past participle
of the verb “to leave” and it means “remaining”. Here are some more examples:

• I have spent all my money – I have nothing left.

• Our train leaves in 5 minutes – we don’t have much time left
• People have cut down many of the old forests in England – today there are very few left
• Lots of people came to the party – but there is still some food left

I see that I have written “The BBC is going to show…” and “The BBC are saying nothing.” Is “BBC” singular
(“the BBC is…”) or plural (“the BBC are…”)? In modern English, it can be either singular or plural – the same
with other nouns which are the names for a group of people (eg company, government, football crowd).
Podcast

Comparing things
Sep 18, 2006

Today’s podcast is about how to make comparisons in English. I am talking

to my friend Anna. She comes from Canada and she is going to tell us about some of the differences she has seen
between Canada and England.
I first came to England in January 2005. When I left my home in Winnipeg in central Canada, it was snowing and
bitterly cold. By comparison, England was a lot less cold. Everything seemed very green, compared to the blanket
of snow on the ground in Canada. There were even some flowers in the garden.
The traffic in England was so confusing at first. In England, the traffic drives on the left, while in Canada – and
most of the rest of the world – people drive on the right. And if you are walking, it is more difficult to cross the road
in England than in Canada.

In Winnipeg, the landscape is almost completely flat. But in Birmingham, by contrast, there
are hills and valleys – not big ones, but bigger than what I am used to.
Everything seems smaller in England – the cars and houses, and things like refrigerators for example. Houses in
Canada are often built of timber, while in Englaand they are generally built of brick or stone. If I go to a
supermarket in Canada, I can find food in really big cans and containers. But in England, even the biggest cans of
food look small.
England is more racially and culturally diverse than the part of Canada I come from. I am not yet used to the
different regional accents which people in England have – to my ears they all sound the same. People in England
seem to be more fashion conscious than in Canada, particularly the young women. They all seem to wear similar
clothes in the latest popular style.
In Canada, we are used to travelling quite long distances to go to the shops or to visit friends. In England, the
distances are shorter, but it often takes as long because the traffic is more congested.
To sum up, I suppose I would say that central Canada is bigger, obviously, than England, and flatter; colder in the
winter and hotter in the summer; and emptier – there are many fewer people per square kilometer. And England is
smaller, and much more crowded; a lot wetter and greener.

The photo of Winnipeg in the snow is by Jezz/flickr, and the picture of the flat country around Winnipeg is by jsgphoto/flickr

Comparing things - grammar and vocabulary note

Sep 18, 2006

In English, we make the comparative form of an adjective in one of two ways:

• for short adjectives – that is adjectives with one syllable, and some adjectives with two syllables – we add
-er to the end. For example, colder, greener, smaller, fewer. Sometimes we have to double the last
consonant before adding -er, for example flatter, hotter, wetter, bigger or change the letter y at the end of
the adjective to i, for example empty – emptier.
• For all other adjectives, we put more in front, for example more difficult, more congested, more crowded.
We do this also where the adjective is made up of several different words, for example more fashion
conscious, more racially and culturally diverse

We can follow a comparative adjective with the word than, for example:

• Canada is colder than England

• England is more crowded than Canada

If we want to make a negative comparison, we can do it like this:

• England is less cold than Canada.

• England is not as cold as Canada

Note these useful words and phrases for making comparisons:

o Compared to England, Canada is emptier.

o By comparison, England is less cold than Canada
o In England people drive on the left while in Canada they drive on the right.
o Central Canada is flat. By contrast, there are hills and valleys in Birmingham
Are you a Hobbit
Sep 15, 2006

Are you less than 170cm tall? Do you have hairy feet and toes? You do? Then there may be a job
for you.
Let me explain. You have probably heard of the writer JRR Tolkien. He wrote the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings,
and a number of other books. His books have been translated from English into many other languages. Perhaps you
have read some of them. Or perhaps you have seen the Lord of the Rings films, or played Lord of the Rings
computer games.
Over four years ago, theatre producer Kevin Wallace decided to turn Lord of the Rings into a musical – a theatre
show with music. In March this year the show opened in Toronto in Canada. By that time it had cost about
$25million, which makes it one of the most expensive theatre shows ever. Unfortunately the show was not a great
success in Canada. Next year the show will open in London. The theatre in London wants to find 20 people to act
the parts of Hobbits. But if you are interested you will need to hurry. The auditions are next week.
Incidentally, when JRR Tolkien was a child, he lived less than 2 kilometers from where I live now. Some people say
that places near here gave him the idea for some of the places in his books. I find this difficult to believe. I am
afraid also that I consider that Tolkien’s books are rather tedious. He often writes in long and complicated
sentences. The characterisation in his books is poor (“Characterisation” means the way he describes and develops
his characters). His books are about fantasy worlds; but in my view they are less interesting than the real world in
which we all live.
You may not agree with me. JRR Tolkien has a huge number of fans across the world. If, despite my poor opinion
of them, you still wish to buy his books, you can do so from Amazon.co.uk.
Artwork by Luis Corte Real.

Hobbit - Grammar and Vocabulary Note

Sep 15, 2006
Linked to podcast Are you a Hobbit?
Here are some of the words and expressions which we can use when we express an opinion (eg about JRR Tolkien!)

• I think that….
• I find that….
• I consider that….
• I feel that….
• In my opinion….
• In my view….
• As I see it….

Another useful expression:

“Kevin Wallace turned Lord of the Rings into a musical.”
It means that he changed it from a book to something different – a musical.
Here are some more examples:

• The storm grew stronger and turned into a hurricane

• She turned the piece of cloth into a beautiful dress

And here are some examples from children’s fairy stories

• The king told the girl that she had to turn all the straw into gold (Rumplestiltskin)
• .The wicked queen knew about disguises; in a minute she had turned herself into a poor peasant woman
selling apples (Sleeping Beauty)
• The fairy turned the pumpkin into a coach, and the mice into horses (Cinderella)
• The wicked fairy turned the handsome prince into a frog
• But when the beautiful princess kissed the frog, it turned back into a handsome prince again

ArtsFest
Sep 13, 2006

ArtsFest is an arts festival – I think you guessed that! It takes place here in Birmingham every year at the beginning
of September. It as a free festival – you do not have to pay to go to any of the concerts, performances or exhibitions
in Artsfest. In fact, ArtsFest is the biggest free arts festival in Britain.
ArtsFest is specifically for the arts in Birmingham and the towns around it. Of course, the big local arts
organisations such as the Royal Shakespeare Theatre, the Birmingham Royal Ballet and the City of Birmingham
Symphony Orchestra all took part. But so did hundreds of smaller organisations both professional and amateur –
theatre groups, pop groups, choirs and dance groups. All of them were keen to tell everyone about what they do.
Some of them wanted to find an audience for their next concert. Some of them wanted to find new
members.Theatre companies pressed people to come to their next show. One woman asked me to sing in an opera,
another to join her choir. (Have they ever heard me sing? No!) There were films and poetry readings. The university
art gallery told us the story behind some of its paintings. Children made artwork, and learned how to play the
drums. A Latin-American dance group taught us all how to dance the Mambo. Irish pipe bands marched through the
street. There were displays of Bhangra singing and dancing, because Birmingham is a major centre for Punjabi
Bhangra music. And much, much more. But best of all, the sun shone all weekend, and over 100,000 people came
to ArtsFest to enjoy themselves. I have made a short video about ArtsFest 2006. You can view it on the podcast
website, and if you are really lucky you may be able to download it to your iPod.

ArtsFest Video
Sep 13, 2006

This is a short video, linked to the podcast about ArtsFest. Click on the window, and wait for the video to load. You
will need to have Quick Time on your computer in order to be able to see it. You also need a fast internet
connection.
What are they saying?
The man with the black hat tells us about a choir called Notorious. They are giving a concert in December –
works by Benjamin Britten – we can hear them today on the main stage at 5.30pm.
The man in the blue tee-shirt wants to get people to go to the Rep (ie Birmingham Repertory Theatre) who
haven’t been before – special £5 a ticket deal (offer) – so “check it out” (slang – “go and see”) today.
The woman with the purple wig is telling the story of one of the paintings in the Barber art gallery.
The woman with the green scarf works as an artist in residence at three nursery schools in Birmingham – they
have built things with willow and other materials.
The woman in the white tee-shirt tells us about Midland Music Makers – only amateur opera company in central
Birmingham – put on an opera every year – looking for new singers.
The man with a white shirt asks if we have been before to the Crescent Theatre – if we want to buy tickets today,
the box office are selling some discounted (ie at a reduced price).

Lend and Borrow

Sep 11, 2006

This podcast is about the two words “lend” and “borrow”. Sometimes people learning English find it difficult to
remember how to use them correctly. I hope this podcast helps.
Kevin is a punk rock fan. When he was younger, he used to wear big boots and a safety-pin through his ear. He still
wears the boots sometimes, but only when Joanne is away. His favourite band is called “Futile Vendetta”. Never
mind what “Futile Vendetta” means – it’s just their name. He has a big collection of Futile Vendetta CDs.
Kevin has told his friend George about Futile Vendetta. George wants to borrow one of their CDs from Kevin. The
next time they meet, Kevin lends George a CD called “Universal Evil”. Again, don’t worry what it means – it’s just
its name! Look at how we say this in English.

• George borrows the CD from Kevin

• Kevin lends the CD to George (or, Kevin lends George the CD)

Joanne wants to invite some friends to a party. The weather is good and she thinks it would be nice to have a
barbecue. But she and Kevin dont have a barbecue grill. But her friend Marion does, so Joanne rings her up to ask if
she can borrow it. Marion says yes, she will not need the barbecue at the weekend. She is happy to lend it to
Joanne. Look at how we say this in English.

• Joanne borrows the barbecue from Marion

• Marion lends the barbecue to Joanne (or, Marion lends Joanne the barbecue).

Now you have a go. There is an exercise attached to the podcast.

Lend and Borrow - answers

Sep 11, 2006

Answers to exercise
My mother lends the car to me.
I borrow the car from my mother
The bank lends money to John.
John borrows money from the bank.

Can I borrow your pen.

Could you please lend me a pencil.

It means, roughly, “Do not borrow money from people. Do not lend money to people.”

# | Posted in answers

Bets
Sep 8, 2006

Many English people like betting. They bet on horse races, and football
matches. They bet in the National Lottery. They bet on who will win the next General Election, and whether it will
snow on Christmas Day.
To place a bet, you go to a bookmakers, or “bookies”. A bookmaker is a company that specialises in accepting bets.
A bookmaker will tell you what “odds” they will give on a particular event – for example, odds of 12 to 1, or 3 to 1.
So, if you bet on a horse to win a race at 12 to 1, and the horse does win the race, then the bookmaker will pay you
12 times your original bet. And if the horse loses, of course, the bookmaker keeps the money which you bet.
Bookmakers win more often than their customers. People say that no-one has ever met a poor bookmaker. So it is
nice to be able to tell you this story.
Nine years ago, in 1997, a boy called Chris Kirkland was the goalkeeper for an under-15 football team in central
England. His father, Eddie Kirkland, was convinced that his son would become a great footballer. He went to the
bookmaker, Willliam Hill, and said that he wanted to bet that his son would some day play football for England.
William Hill offered him odds of 100 to 1. Mr Kirkland placed a bet of £100.
On 17 August, England played Greece in a friendly football match. England won 4-0, and played fast, flowing
football. Why didn’t they play like that in the World Cup, we all asked. And in goal was England’s new goalkeeper,
Chris Kirkland. And the following morning, his Dad collected £10,000 from the bookmakers.
Picture by James Logan is of a bookmaker at a small horse race in Devon, in SW England.

Bets - exercise
Linked to Bets podcast.
The verb “to bet” is rather strange. Its present and past tenses are the same. So we say “I bet” for the present tense,
and “I bet” and “I have/had bet” for the past tenses. (We do NOT say “I betted”.) To make things even more
confusing, “bet” can also be a noun. In the following sentences, is BET a present tense verb, a past tense verb or a
noun?

English people bet on horse races.

A bookmaker is a company that accepts bets.
If the horse loses, the bookmaker keeps the money which you bet.
Mr Kirkland bet that his son would one day play for England.
He placed a bet of £100.

Bets - answers
Sep 8, 2006

Answers to exercise
English people bet on horse races.(present – OK, it could be past, but in the second sentence of the podcast it is
definitely present)
A bookmaker is a company that accepts bets. (noun)
If the horse loses, the bookmaker keeps the money which you bet. (past)
Mr Kirkland bet that his son would one day play for England. (past)
He placed a bet of £100. (noun)

Shot at Dawn
Sep 6, 2006

During the First World War, from 1914 to 1918, there were a number of soldiers in the British Army who refused to
continue fighting their German enemies. Sometimes they ran away (they “deserted”), or they refused to return to
the battle front. The Army court martialed them – that is, the men were tried by a military court or “court martial”.
Often the trials were short, and the men had no legal help. Over 300 of these soldiers were shot (“executed”) by
firing squads. Their relatives lived with the shame of knowing that their son, or husband, or father was a coward or
a deserter. The widows and children of the executed men did not receive the pension which the government
normally gave to the families of men who were killed in the war. As a result, some of them were forced to live in
extreme poverty.
In the past few years, there has been a campaign in Britain for posthumous pardons to be given to all the soldiers
who were executed. The campaigners have argued that many of the soldiers did not receive a proper trial – for
example, some did not have the opportunity to present evidence or call witnesses at the court martial. They argued
too that many of the soldiers were not cowards, but were suffering from extreme psychological stress . Because this
stress was often caused by being close to exploding artillery shells, we call it “shell shock”. Finally, the
campaigners argued that it was important, even 90 years later, that the families and descendents of these men should
know that society did not any longer regard them as traitors, deserters or cowards.
For many years, the British government resisted these arguments. But suddenly, this summer, it changed its mind.
The Defence Secretary, Des Browne, announced that the government agreed that the men had been treated unjustly,
and that all the 306 soldiers would be pardoned.

At the Seaside - Grammar and Vocabulary

Sep 3, 2006

Note for podcast At the Seaside

Look at the list of things you can do on a seaside holiday – paddling in the sea, climbing on the rocks etc. You can
use the ”-ing” form of any verb in English as a noun, ie as a name for the action described by the verb.
The ”-ing” form of verbs can be used in several different ways.
Sometimes it is part of one of the continuous verb tenses eg “The man was running along the road”.
Sometimes it is a noun eg “Running is good for you”.
And sometimes it is an adjective eg “The running man stopped because he was out of breath”.
“But it helps if you know how to enjoy yourself in the rain” means “it will be easier to have fun if you know how to
enjoy yourself in the rain”. Here are some more examples:
A visit to France can be very interesting, but it helps if you can speak a bit of French.
You want to watch your favourite TV programme? It helps if you turn the television on first!
If you have problems, it helps if you can talk to someone about them.
I can see that you are very upset – it would help if you could talk to me about your problems.

At the Seaside
Sep 3, 2006

Welcome back. I hope you had a good summer. I hope too that you like the redesign of the web-site.

Where do British families go for a summer holiday? Nowdays, of course, many families fly to Spain or Greece or
Florida, or to more exotic places. But the traditional British family holiday is a seaside holiday – a week (or, if you
are really brave, a fortnight) in a caravan or a cottage or a small hotel close to one of the beautiful beaches around
the British coast. Here are some of the things you can do on a seaside holiday:

• paddling in the sea

• climbing on the rocks
• exploring rock pools, and finding crabs and other little creatures in them
• building sand castles
• damming streams
• collecting sea-shells
• flying a kite
• eating ice-cream
There are of course risks and dangers in a British seaside holiday! The most important are:

• the weather – a British summer can be cool and wet.

• sand, which gets exerywhere – in your hair, in your clothes and shoes, and between your toes
• jellyfish, which may sting you when you are swimming in the sea
• the food in English sea-side cafes!

A British seaside holiday can be a lot of fun – but it helps if you know how to enjoy yourself in the rain!

Next Podcast Early September

Jul 22, 2006

I am taking a break for the rest of the summer, but I will be back with more podcasts for English learners at the
beginning of September. To keep you company while I am away, here is Monica Herzig playing Once Upon a
Summer’s Day.
Monica Herzig’s website is here

Heatwave
Jul 20, 2006

When we have several days of very hot weather, we call it a heatwave.In Britain, we are having a heatwave at
present. In fact, we are having record high temperatures. Yesterday, 19 July, was the hottest July day on record. The
highest temperature (36.3 degrees C) was measured at a place called Charlwood which is near London Gatwick
Airport.
Throughout the country, people have crowded into swimming pools or into the sea to keep cool. Respectable
businessmen and civil servants have gone to work wearing shorts. In some places the tar on the roads has melted.
And here in Birmingham, the heat has buckled railway lines just outside our main railway station, which has caused
chaos.
Owners of ice cream vans have done a roaring trade. There was a different sort of roaring trade at Colchester Zoo.
There, the keepers gave the lions blocks of ice flavoured with blood (ugh!) to keep them cool. (Look up “roaring
trade” and “to roar” in a dictionary!)
Here are some of the words we might use to describe very hot weather: – hot – scorching – blistering – sweltering –
baking – a heatwave – like an oven, like a furnace.
And if the weather is moist as well as hot, we can say – sultry – sticky – humid.
Do you know the expression “most like” and its opposite “least like”? Where would I most like to be in this hot
weather? In my own private swimming pool, perhaps, with someone to bring me cold beers from time to time. And
where would I least like to be? Easy – in a queue at Gatwick Airport.
Penny Lane
Jul 17, 2006

In Liverpool, there is a street called Penny Lane. Why is it called Penny Lane?
Perhaps the name comes from the penny coin – nowdays the smallest coin used in Britain. Perhaps there were shops
on Penny Lane which sold cheap things, things which cost only a penny.
Wrong. Penny Lane is named after John Penny. John Penny was a merchant in Liverpool in the 18th century. He
became rich and famous. But he made his fortune in the infamous business of slave trading. Ships owned by John
Penny carried black slaves from Africa to work on the plantations of America and the West Indies.
Recently, Liverpool City Council said that it wanted to change the name of Penny Lane, and also of some other
streets in the city which are named after slave traders. It says that it is not right to commemorate people who made
money in such a wicked way.
But there was a public outcry. Here’s why.
Yes – that was the Beatles, the Fab Four. They recorded their hit song Penny Lane in 1967. It tells about the people
who live and work on Penny Lane – the barber who has photographs of his customers’ heads; the fireman polishing
his fire engine. (There is a link from the website to the words of the song – or “the lyrics” as people in the pop
music business say). Penny Lane is a song about a gentler and more innocent world, where the skies are blue and
there are no bombs on trains. Perhaps that is why it is still so popular.
Two of the Beatles – John Lennon and Paul McCartney – grew up in the area around Penny Lane. Today the area is
popular with students, and with tourists who take bus tours of the Beatles sites in Liverpool. Liverpool Council
have changed their mind. Penny Lane will stay Penny Lane.
Vocabulary notes:
Note the expressions “the name comes from…” and “it is named after…”. In America, many people say “it is
named for..” instead of “it is named after…”
A barber is a men’s hairdresser. Originally a barber shaved men as well as cutting their hair.
Hardware
Jul 13, 2006

You are listening to this podcast on a computer, or perhaps you have downloaded it from a computer to an MP3
player. So I am sure that you know what the words “hardware” and “software” mean.

“Hardware” means the computer itself and other machines which are connected to the computer such as printers or
external disk drives. “Software” means the electronic programmes which make the computer do what you want it to
do (or, sometimes, what the computer wants to do!)
But the word “hardware” has an older meaning from before the days of computers. To explain what it means, I
walked to the end of my road, to my local hardware shop. Walid, who owns the shop, kindly agreed that I might
take some photographs. I have put these on the website. And now to test your English vocabulary. Hardware means
nails, screws, hooks and rope; it means tools such as saws, hammers, and screwdrivers; it means paint, polish and
cleaners to make your house shine; it means plugs, wires, bulbs and fuses for electrical equipment; it means
brushes, cloths and mops to keep your house clean; it means pans, sieves, colanders and baking trays for your
kitchen: it means forks, trowels, hoes, seeds and compost for your garden. Walid’s hardware shop contains all these
and much more. It may look a bit chaotic to you, but I can assure you that he knows exactly where everything is.
The Bodysnatchers
Jul 12, 2006

Recently. I found a fascinating web site. It is the story of Alderley Edge, which is a
village south of Manchester. The site contains a lot of maps, pictures and documents about the history of the village,
and sound files in which people who live in the village tell about things which happened there long ago.
One of these is about the bodysnatchers of Alderley Edge. In the 19th century, the medical schools needed human
bodies in order to train student doctors properly. Sometimes, unscrupulous people dug up bodies which had recently
been buried, and sold them secretly to the medical schools. This happened once in Alderley Edge, as Brian Hobson
tells us.
“There’d been a funeral of a lady and a girl and they ( ie the bodysnatchers) must have visited the churchyard,
they’d got these two bodies on a hand cart and were taking them to Manchester. And they’d had great difficulty
because the grave kept collapsing on them and it had taken them longer than what they thought to get down the
road, and they got as far as Whitebarn and it became daylight. So in a field at the side of Whitebarn, there they dug
a hole, put them (ie the bodies) in with the idea coming back next day to carry on. Well in the mean time whoever it
was was living at Whitebarn Farm at the time, he come down the field and he noticed the soil had been disturbed
and he thought poachers had been that night and buried the pheasants in there. So he started unearthing it and he
found a bag, put his hand in and come out with a handful of hair. So they laid in wait for this gang to come back and
there was three of them, they caught two of them, one escaped over the fields towards Chorley Hall, and they got
the other two. The only thing they could take them to Court on was the fact that they’d nicked (ie stolen) a wedding
ring off the woman’s finger. I’ve got all that documented as well, a beautiful story.”

MH: “This would be for dissection would it?”

BH: “Yes, they used to sell the bodies at Manchester University or wherever.”
This recording is made available by kind permission of the copyright holders, Manchester Museum and the
National Trust.

Busy, busy, busy...

Jul 10, 2006

Today’s podcast is about words and phrases which we use to talk about being very busy.
Kevin’s boss wants his staff to prepare a new report. As usual, he wants it straight away. His staff explain that they
can’t write the report instantly. So the boss says OK, but he wants it on his desk tomorrow morning. He sets a
deadline of 9am – that means, he wants the report to be ready by then.
So Kevin and his colleagues set to work. They rush around trying to find all the material that they need for the
report – facts, figures, pictures, tables, charts, diagrams and so on.
In the middle of the morning, Joanne telephones Kevin. Kevin says, “I can’t talk to you now. We’ve got lots to do.
Everyone here is rushed off their feet.”
Joanne says, “But we were going to meet for lunch.”
Kevin replies, “Sorry, Joanne, we’re too busy. I’ve got no time for lunch. I will probably need to work late this
evening, too. Sorry, I must go, the boss wants to talk to me immediately.”
Kevin skips lunch, and eats a sandwich and drinks coffee while working at his computer. He and his colleagues stay
working in the office after the rest of the staff go home. At last, at about 8 pm the report is finished. It will be on the
boss’s desk when he comes in in the morning.
Alas, when Kevin’s boss sees the report, he finds several mistakes which his staff had overlooked in their hurry. So
they need to rewrite the report – as soon as possible.
There is an English saying “More haste, less speed.” It means that if you try to do something too quickly, it will in
the end take longer than if you had taken a little more time.
There are some vocabulary notes on the website. In the meantime, here is Alice Leon, and she is So Busy!
Vocabulary:
immediately, straight away, at once, instantly – these all mean the same.
And here are more words and expressions about being busy – in a hurry, in a rush, no time, as soon as possible,
busy, deadline, can’t stop, rushed off my feet, it’s crazy round here, skip lunch, work late.

You forgot my tea

Jul 7, 2006

Last week, the police in Denia in eastern Spain made a gruesome discovery.
They found a decomposing body in a rubbish tip underneath a motorway bridge. The body was that of Colin Nodes,
who was British, and a criminal with a long and colourful history. It had been on the rubbish tip for at least two
months.
Colin Nodes started his career as a criminal by dealing in stolen cars and boats. Later he was suspected of
involvement in drug trafficking. Like many British criminals, he bought a house in Spain and found it convenient to
spend a lot of time in that country.
In the mid-1990s, he spent some time in Winchester prison. But he wanted to get out for his wife’s birthday party in
Spain. He offered to fetch a cup of tea for one of the prison warders. But instead of returning with the tea, he
climbed over the prison wall and escaped. He was later arrested in Spain, and extradited to Britain. As he was taken
back into prison, he met the same warder whom he had tricked three years before. “You forgot my tea, Nodes”, said
the prison officer. “Sorry about that, sir.”
Colin Nodes was later in trouble with the police in Spain, Germany and the Czech Republic as well as in Britain.
But now he is dead. The Spanish police have charged two British men with his murder.
Picture of a nice cup of tea by soul2love/flickr

Get in touch
Jul 5, 2006

You know what the word “touch” means. As I type these words, my fingers touch the computer keyboard. If I touch
something hot, I will burn myself.
But what does it mean if I say that I am “in touch” with someone? Here are some examples.
I have a friend. We were at university together. His career and mine have taken very different paths. We now live
about 300km apart. But every Christmas we send each other Christmas cards and a letter saying what we and our
families have been doing during the year. Every few years I go and visit him. We are IN TOUCH with each other –
we have regular contact with each other. We can also say that we STAY IN TOUCH or that we KEEP IN TOUCH
with each other.
I have another friend. We were at school together. But many years ago we stopped writing to each other I do not
know what he is doing or where he lives. We have LOST TOUCH with each other. You remember that in our recent
podcast, Terry and Terry also lost touch with each other.
However, recently I saw my friend’s name on a university website. Surely it must be the same person. So I am
going to send him an e-mail, and see if he remembers me. I am going to GET IN TOUCH with him. (I will tell you
what happens in a later podcast).
A year ago, my daughter left primary school and started secondary school. But many of her friends from primary
school go to different secondary schools. This is how she KEEPS IN TOUCH with them.
I telephone some of my friends and chat with them. Sometimes we arrange that they can come and stay overnight at
my house, or I can go to their house.
Her friend Amber KEEPS IN TOUCH with her friends like this.
I have got a website with photos and games and music, and a shout box where my friends write messages to me. I
have MSN messenger, and 65 of my friends have MSN messenger too. And sometimes I write a letter to my Nan.
You see. that is the difference between young people like Amber and old people like me. Young people KEEP IN
TOUCH with MSN messenger. Old people send each other Christmas cards.
(I have re-recorded the sound file on my wonderful new Edirol R-09 solid state recorder. It is much better!)

To boldly go .....
Jun 29, 2006

Do you remember Star Trek? Star Trek was a science-fiction TV series which began in the
1960s. Later there were 10 Star Trek films. In Star Trek, the characters explore the galaxy and discover new worlds.
They defend civilisation from aliens who wish to destroy it. (Star Trek was of course an allegory for the United
States and its view of the world!)
In recent years, the number of people watching the Star Trek TV series has fallen, and the company which made
them has decided that it will not make any more. This is sad news for thousands of Star Trek fans throughout the
world.
But is Star Trek dead? Some fans are determined that Star Trek will never die. A group of fans in Dundee in
Scotland are making their own Star Trek film. They have built a film set of the inside of a space ship. They have
made their own costumes.They have filmed outside scenes in the highlands of Scotland. There they faced problems
such as the rain (it rains a lot in Scotland), and sheep which wandered onto the set going baaah. Most of the filming
is now complete, and the film should be available for free download from the internet later this year. You can visit
the film’s website (details on the podcast website) to see still pictures and video clips from the film. It looks great.

In Star Trek, Captain Kirk and the crew of the starship Enterprise set out “to boldly go where no man has gone
before”. This phrase has become famous. But many people say that it is not good English. “To go” is an infinitive,
and it is generally best to keep the two parts of the infinitive (“to” and”go”) together and not to “split the infinitive”
(that is, to put another word in the middle.) It is better to say “to go boldly where no man has gone before”. But
other people, and all Star Trek fans, say that this is boring and pedantic and that there is nothing wrong with “to
boldly go..”. I think that there are bigger problems in the world than split English infinitives.

It looks like rain

Jun 27, 2006

Sometimes, when we talk about something which we think has happened, or which we think will happen, we use
the expression “it looks like….”
There are dark clouds in the sky. You think that it will soon start to rain. What do you say?
I think it is going to rain.
It is probably going to rain.
It looks like it is going to rain.
Kevin cannot find his car keys. He searches the house for them. Perhaps he left them at George’s house. What does
Kevin say?
I think I left my keys at George’s house.
Probably I left my keys at George’s house.
It looks like I left my keys at George’s house.
Sarah invites Joanne and Kevin to a party. She tells Joanne about the wonderful food she is going to prepare for the
party and about the band that is going to play. What does Joanne say?
I think it will be a great party.
It will probably be a great party.
It looks like it will be a great party.
It sounds like it will be a great party (because Joanne HEARS from Sarah how good the party will be).
Kevin wants to stay at home and watch the football on the television. But he knows that Joanne will be upset if he
does not go to Sarah’s party. What does he say?
I think I must go to the party.
I suppose I must go to the party.
It looks like I must go to the party.
So he records the football on the video and watches it the next day.

Wimbledon
Jun 27, 2006

The Wimbledon Tennis Championships 2006 have begun. Wimbledon is a place in south-west London. Tennis
championships have taken place there every year since 1877. And, because this is England, there are important
traditions about tennis at Wimbledon.

Tradition 1 – the spectators drink champagne and eat strawberries (if they can afford to)
Tradition 2 – English players do not win. Every year people say that this year Tim Henman will win the men’s
championship. He never does.
Tradition 3 – it always rains. This year there was only one hour’s play on the first day because of rain.
Tradition 4 – the winner of the men’s championship gets more prize money than the winner of the women’s
championship.

But many people say that this is wrong. Wimbledon is now the only big tennis championship where the prizes for
men and women are not the same. Venus Williams, last year’s women’s champion, says, “For us, it’s about equality.
It’s about treating a human as a human, no matter what the sex is. It’s about a premier women’s sport setting an
example all around the world.”

The organisers of Wimbledon point out that the men players play matches with 5 sets, while the women play only 3
sets. Therefore it is only fair that the men’s prizes are larger. They also say that men’s tennis attracts more money
from ticket sales and sponsorship, for example, that women’s tennis does. But other people dispute this.

I think that the prizes for men and women should be the same. What do you think?

Terry and Terry

Jun 26, 2006

I have a video for you today. It is about Terry and his wife, who is also called Terry (Terry is a name which both
men and women can have). Together they tell the story of how they first met, and how – over 50 years later – they
got married.
Terry (the man) joined the Royal Air Force (the RAF) in 1944, during the second World War. He was sent to a
training camp at Skegness, on the east coast of England. On his first day there, he met Terry (the woman) who was
serving in the WRAF (the Women’s Royal Air Force). They went to a dance that evening, and had 12 wonderful
weeks together before Terry (the man) was sent to Radio School. The two Terries wrote letters to each other for a
time, but then they lost touch. After the war, they both married, and by co-incidence their marriages each lasted for
48 years, until their respective partners died.
One day the grandson of Terry (the woman) took her for a visit to Skegness. When she got home, she decided to try
to find the other Terry. She wrote to the Skegness local paper, which published a paragraph about her story. By
chance, a cousin of Terry (the man) saw the story; and so the two Terries met again. Terry (the man) was living on
the Isle of Man, which is an island in the Irish Sea, between England and Ireland. Terry (the woman) flew over to
see him. She fell in love with the Isle of Man, and with Terry. They found they could talk as if they had last seen
one another the evening before, instead of more than 50 years ago. A few months later, they got married, and they
have lived “the life of Riley” (ie a wonderful life) ever since.
As Terry (the woman) says at the end of the video, “I didn’t intend him getting away again!”
On the podcast website, you will find a link to the BBC Video Nation site, where you can view Terry and Terry
telling their story
Note: look up in a dictionary the phrases “to be in touch with someone” and “to lose touch with someone”. We will
use them in a future podcast.

Lost property
Jun 23, 2006

It is summer. And in the summer, people – including politicians – go on holiday. And this means that the
newspapers are sometimes short of real news to print. British journalists sometimes call this time of year the “silly
season”, because of the silly stories that the newspapers publish when there is no real news.
The silly season this year has started early with a report in the papers about things that people have left on buses,
underground trains and taxis in London. Last year, 150,000 items of lost property were found on London’s public
transport. The most common were books and mobile phones, and also bags, umbrellas, wallets and passports. There
were also a lot of teddy bears and wedding rings. Recently, someone left Rolex watches worth about £25,000 on a
bus. Someone else left a new plasma television set, costing over £2,000, in a taxi. Other items left on public
transport included an inflatable boat, a coffin (I think it was empty), false limbs and a lawn mower.
All this lost property is taken to Transport for London’s lost property office in Baker Street. If the owners do not
reclaim their property within three months, the lost property office sell the items to help cover their running costs.
Over half of the people who mislay valuable items reclaim them from the lost property office. But only one in three
bags, one in four mobile phones and one in five books are reclaimed.
If you ever lose something on a bus or tube in London, go to the lost property office to see if they can find it. I have
put a link to their web-site on the podcast web site. I have also included a link to a blog about life on the London
underground. If you have ever travelled on London’s underground trains, I think it will make you smile.
NOTE:
1 Three ways of saying the same thing:

people lose things on the buses – people leave things on the buses – people mislay things on the buses

2 The “tube” means the deep underground railway lines in London.

Afraid
Jun 21, 2006

You know what “afraid” means, don’t you? If I am afraid, I am frightened or scared. If I am very afraid, I could say
that I am terrified.
When we want to talk about the thing that makes us afraid, we say “afraid of”. Some people are afraid of flying in
aeroplanes. Some little children are afraid of the dark. My daughter is afraid of spiders.
Sometimes, however, we use the word “afraid” in a different way. We use it when we have to tell someone
something which is unpleasant or unwelcome or upsetting to them. If we say “I am afraid that…” it makes what we
have to say a little softer and less unpleasant. Lets look at some examples.
Kevin comes home from work. He wants to watch the world cup football on the television. But Joanne has bad
news for him. First, the television has broken; and second, her mother is coming to supper. Joanne’s mother doesn’t
like football, nor does she like Kevin.
So Joanne says, “Kevin, I know you want to watch the football tonight. But I am afraid that the television isn’t
working properly. And I am afraid my mother is coming to supper. Why don’t you go to the pub to watch the
football. I will tell Mum that you are working late tonight.”
Kevin’s friend George often arrives late for work, and often his work is poor. His boss calls him into his office. He
says, “Unless your work improves, I am afraid you will need to look for another job.”
Jessica and her children are planning a picnic tomorrow. But then Jessica listens to the weather forecast. She tells
the children, “I am afraid its going to rain tomorrow – lets have our picnic at the weekend instead”.
That is all I have time for today. I am afraid that is the end of the podcast. But here is Majek Fashek, and he is Not
Afraid.

Sumer is icumen in
Jun 19, 2006

Summer has reached England at last. For the past week the sun has shone and the birds have sung. There is a very
old English song, from the thirteenth century, about the arrival of summer. It is written in mediaeval English, which
is difficult to understand, so here is a rough translation into modern English.

Summer has come in

Loudly sings the cuckoo
The seed grows, the meadow blows,
and the wood springs anew
Sing cuckoo!
The ewe bleats after her lamb,
The calf lows after the cow,
The bullock starts, the buck farts,
Merry sing cuckoo!

Some explanations. The cuckoo is a bird which comes to Britain in the summer. It sings like this – CUCKOO –
hence its name. In summer too the seeds grow and the grass and flowers in the meadows blow in the wind. The
woods spring to life again (“anew”). A ewe is a mother sheep, and bleating is the sound it makes. A calf is a very
young cow or bull, and the sound it makes is called lowing. A bullock is a young bull. It “starts”, which means that
it moves suddenly if it is alarmed (look up the word “startle” in a dictionary – if I am “startled”, I make a sudden
jumping movement when someone surprises me.) A buck is a deer. You had better look up fart in a dictionary – I
am not going to explain it here! It is of course not very polite in modern society to talk about farting – but in 13th
century England people probably spoke more directly about such things! They knew that, in spring and summer,
there is lots of young, new grass for the deer to eat, and that this makes deer fart a lot! To them, this was simply a
happy sound of summer.

Going too fast

Jun 14, 2006

If you had been in Manchester one day last year, you might have seen a man taking down a road sign, and then
carrying it away and putting it up again on a different road. What was going on? It happened like this.
In Britain, if you are driving a car, you must stick to certain speed limits. For example, in towns and villages the
speed limit is 30 mph, though on some roads you are allowed to drive at 40 mph.
Many drivers do not observe the speed limits. They drive too fast. So on some roads, particularly where there have
been accidents in the past, the police have installed speed cameras. Speed cameras measure the speed of vehicles
and photograph the number plates of cars that are travelling too fast. If you are caught by a speed camera, you are
fined and get three penalty points on your driving licence.
Speed cameras in Britain are painted bright yellow. They are easy to see, and this means that drivers have time to
slow down if necessary. Nonetheless some motorists hate speed cameras. They think that the government uses
speed cameras to raise money and to persecute innocent motorists. Some drivers have even tried to destroy or
remove speed cameras.
Last year, Mr John Hopwood was caught by speed cameras twice on successive days. The first time he was doing
48mph in a 40 mph zone. The second time he was doing 40 mph where the speed limit was 30 mph. He decided to
try to get out of the second offence by removing the “40” sign from the road where he was caught the first time, and
placing it on a lamp-post near the spot where he was caught the second time. He photographed the sign, and sent
the photograph to the court with a letter saying that it was unreasonable to prosecute him for doing 41mph where
there was a sign saying that the speed limit was 40mph. Unfortunately the police soon realised that the sign had
been moved. They employed an expert to analyse photographs of the sign in both its new location and the old one,
and proved that they were in fact the same sign. Mr Hopwood pleaded guilty in court to having moved it. The court
may decide to send him to prison. He would have done better to pay the speeding fine. Even better to have obeyed
the speed limits.
Note: These three expressions mean the same:
you must stick to the speed limit
you must observe the speed limit
you must obey the speed limit

“He was doing 48 mph” means “he was driving at 48 mph”

Two tragic deaths

Jun 14, 2006

A few days ago, the newspapers reported a tragic incident in Manchester.

Kally, a 15-year old girl, had split up from her boyfriend Josh, who was 18. A few days later, Josh came round to
Kally’s house. People nearby heard Kally and Josh arguing. Then they heard two gunshots, and then a third. Kally
was found dead on the doorstep of her home. Josh was found dying a short distance away. It appears that Josh,
upset that Kally had split up from him, had shot her and then turned the gun on himself.
Kally had been in the middle of her GCSE exams at school. One of her friends told the newspapers. “She was in the
top set for everything. She was beautiful. She had blue eyes and blonde hair and was naturally pretty. She hadn’t
decided what she wanted to be, but she was very intelligent.”
Detectives are investigating how Josh managed to get hold of the shotgun. Shotguns are guns which fire lots of little
pellets or shot. They are often used by farmers to shoot rabbits and other pests on their farm. In Britain, you need a
licence to own a shotgun. The area where Kally and Josh lived has suffered from a number of other gun crimes in
the past few years, although overall gun crime has fallen in Manchester.
Note: “GCSE” stands for General Certificate of Secondary Education. Children in England do their GCSE exams at
the end of Year 11, when they are 15 or 16 years old.
“Kally was in the top set for everything” means that in all her school subjects she was in the group of the most able
students.
“to get hold of” means “to obtain”

You did it on purpose...

Jun 11, 2006

Kevin has bought a new jumper. It has brown, orange and beige stripes. Kevin likes his jumper very much. Joanne
hates it. “The colours are awful and it makes you look fat,” she says.
A few days later Joanne puts some washing in the washing machine. Kevin’s new jumper goes in the washing
machine too. When it comes out, it has shrunk. Kevin is furious. “It says on the label ‘Hand Wash Only’. So why
did you put it in the washing machine? You didn’t like the jumper. You did it on purpose.”
“Don’t be stupid,” says Joanne. “I am sorry that your jumper has shrunk. I got the clothes mixed up and put your
jumper into the washing machine by accident.”
On purpose. By accident. What do these expressions mean?
Kevin says:
Joanne deliberately put my jumper into the washing machine.
She meant to make it shrink.
She intended to make it shrink.
She did it on purpose.
Joanne says:
I accidentally put Kevin’s jumper into the washing machine.
I did not intend to make it shrink.
I did not mean to upset Kevin.
It happened by accident.
When Joanne saw how upset Kevin was, she went out and bought him a new jumper, just the same as the old one.
And a month later, Kevin put the jumper in the washing machine, and it shrank. By accident, of course.
Here’s Big George Jackson with a song especially for Kevin – it’s called “I’m sorry”.
Note: the jumper shrinks, it shrank, it has shrunk. Shrink is one of a small group of irregular verbs where the vowel
changes from “i” in the present tense, to “a” in the past tense and “u” in the past participle. “Sing, sang, sung” is
another one. Do you know any others?

Its in the net .....

Jun 9, 2006

Some of you have e-mailed me to say that you would like a podcast about English words for things that happen in a
football match.

There are many important people at a football match. There are the players – 11 on each side. There are the
substitutes who sit on the bench waiting for the manager to replace one of the players on the field. There is the
referee, and the two linesmen. And there are the supporters who come to cheer their team. They are over the moon
when their team wins, and gutted when they lose.

But the most important thing at a football match is of course the football. We are at the final of the Borsetshire
Football cup, between Ambridge and Felversham. Ambridge have just won 1-0. I am talking to Fiona Football.
Well, Fiona, how did it go?

Not too bad. The pitch was a bit wet and muddy, but at the end of the day I can’t grumble.

There was that controversial penalty decision in the second half.

From where I was, it was definitely a penalty. A Felversham player fouled an Ambridge player inside the penalty
area. Archer took the penalty. The goalkeeper dived to the left, but I was going to the right, and the next thing I was
in the net.

You were in the net earlier in the game as well, but the referee disallowed the goal.

Yes. Archer passed me to Grundy, but Grundy was offside. The linesman put up his flag and the referee gave
Felversham a free kick.

And how do you feel about the goalmouth scramble in the dying minutes?

There was 2 minutes stoppage time, and Felversham were pushing hard for an equaliser. They were lucky to get a
corner kick because the last player to touch me was in fact a Felversham player. Anyway, Felversham took the
corner, and two or three players headed me before the goalkeeper caught me. I was glad really, because I didn’t
want the match to go to extra time.

Why not?

Well how would you feel if you had been kicked around a muddy football pitch for 92 minutes?

Fair point, thank you Fiona.

Note: a cliche is an expression which people use so much that it has become, well, tired. There are several football
cliches here. “At the end of the day” means “when all is said and done”. (It is impossible to interview a football
player without him saying “at the end of the day” some time in the interview!) “The ball is in the net” means that
someone has scored a goal. “A goalmouth scramble” means some exciting football with lots of players just in front
of the goal. “The dying minutes of the game” means the last few minutes.

What is a birthday
Jun 8, 2006

Photo by brewrat/flickr

What is a Birthday ?
When I’m young,
it’s cake and candles.
Can I blow them out – You bet !

When I’m in my teens and twenties,

an excuse for going wild.
Shall we have a noisy party – oh yes ! I’m not a child !

When I reach the 30/40 mark,

I can still have a good old time
I’ll try anything..
today is mine !

But when I’m 50/60

A quick look round and sh..u..sh – did anybody notice
I’m having another ….. !

Then 70’s descend

and it’s time to reminisce – remember when,
and how and who ?
Oh tish !

When I’m 80, maybe 90,

a birthday means I’m getting older
and there’s a chilling in my bones.
But I’d love a cake – with candles – like I had, when I was young !

Get get get ....

Jun 5, 2006

In English, we use the word “get” (or its past tense “got”) very often. Sometimes we say “get” by itself; sometimes
we say “get” as part of a phrasal verb such as “get in” or “get up”. And we use get/got to mean many different
things. If I “get” a newspaper, it means that I buy a newspaper. If I “get angry”, it means that I become angry. If I
“get to London”, it means that I arrive at London. How confusing!
In the last podcast, I said that I was going on holiday to Germany. Here is the story of our journey.
We GOT UP very early, at 3am. We GOT DRESSED and had a quick breakfast. Then we GOT INTO the car. When
we left home it was still dark, but as we drove southwards it GOT lighter. We GOT TO Dover a little after 7
o’clock, and GOT the ferry from there to France. Then we drove east and south through Belgium. We stopped at a
motorway service station near Brussels, where we GOT some petrol, and something to eat. At a little after 3pm we
GOT TO Heimbach, a pretty little village in Germany for our holiday.
Now I will tell you the same story again, without using “get” or “got” (except in one place, where I cannot think of
a different word to use).
We rose very early, at 3am. We dressed ourselves and had a quick breakfast. Then we got into the car. When we left
home it was still dark, but as we drove southwards it became lighter. We arrived at Dover a little after 7 o’clock,
and took the ferry from there to France. Then we drove east and south through Belgium. We stopped at a motorway
service station near Brussels, where we bought some petrol, and something to eat. At a little after 3pm, we arrived
at Heimbach, a pretty little village in Germany for our holiday.
Both these versions – the one with “get” and the one without “get” – are good English. But the “get” expressions in
English are very common – people use them all the time in both spoken and written English. So don’t be afraid of
them

Football Fever

May 24, 2006

In less than two weeks time, the football World Cup competition begins in Germany. Football fever is already
sweeping the country. There are articles in the newspapers and programmes on television. Many people have placed
English flags in the windows of their houses, or on their cars. In a month’s time, we will all be very bored with
football (unless England win, of course) but for the moment enthusiasm for football is everywhere.
Which team will win? No, I don’t think it will be England. Brazil, perhaps? My son says that Spain look very
strong.
Football has its own special words and phrases. There are two expressions which every football fan needs to know.
When you are really pleased about something, you say that you are “over the moon”. “So we’re through to the final,
and I am over the moon about it”. And if you are really upset or fed up about something, you can say that you are
“as sick as a parrot” or that you are “gutted”. “To loose to Borchester in the first round, well – I’m sick as a parrot”.
“Our star player was sent off after only three minutes – I’m totally gutted”.
We don’t generally use these expressions except about football. But during the World Cup you can use them as
much as you like. When your team wins, you are over the moon. When they lose, you are gutted.

Eden Rock
May 24, 2006

I have another poem for you today. It is called “Eden Rock” and it is by Charles Causley, who lived in Cornwall in
the far south-west of England.
In the poem he imagines his parents as they were when they were young. His father is wearing a tweed suit, and his
dog Jack is with him. His mother has spread out a cloth on the grass for a picnic. She pours tea out of a vacum flask
(a Thermos) and milk from a bottle. She sets out plates and cups for the picnic. She shades her eyes with her hand
and looks towards her son. His father spins a stone so that it bounces on the surface of the stream. They wave to
their son and call to him to cross over the stream to them.
Charles Causley wrote this poem when he was an old man. He is of course imagining his own death – crossing over
the stream to join his parents. He says in the last line of the poem, “I had not thought that it would be like this.”
If you go to the podcast website (http://www.listen-to-english.com/) you will find a link to the text of the poem. You
can then click on the audio button to hear Charles Causley himself reading it.
Note : In one of the lines of the poem, it says “She pours milk straight from an old H P Sauce bottle”. HP Sauce is a
brown-coloured sauce that some people pour on their chips. It is one of the reasons why English food is despised
throughout the civilised world. HP Sauce is made here in Birmingham. Sadly, the HP sauce factory will soon close.
Production is to be transferred to the Netherlands.

Litter
May 22, 2006

“Litter” means things that people throw away in a public place, like a street. Things like cigarette ends, crisp
packets, old newspapers or Coca-Cola cans. Litter makes a place look untidy and dirty. We ought to put our litter in
a litter bin, or take it home with us.
In towns and cities there are street cleaners. Their job is to sweep up the litter that other people leave in the streets.
And in some places in the country where there are many visitors, we also have people who clear up litter.
A group of volunteers have just finished picking up litter on Ben Nevis, which is the highest mountain in Britain. In
good weather, many visitors climb the mountain. In bad weather, however, it can be a very dangerous place.
The volunteer litter-pickers collected bags full of old paper, orange peel, plastic bags and drinks cans from the path
which leads to the top of Ben Nevis. Then they saw a piece of wood sticking out from a pile of broken rock near the
top of the mountain. They pulled the rocks away and found …..a piano.
Why was there a piano near the top of Britiain’s highest mountain? It turned out that a Mr Kenny Campbell had
carried it up the mountain 35 years ago to raise money for charity. It also turned out that it wasn’t a piano at all, but
a small church organ. Mr Campbell told the newspapers that he had played Scotland the Brave on the organ at the
top of the mountain. He said that he was planning another stunt to raise money for charity later this year, to mark
his 65th birthday. We really are mad in this country!

Vocabulary note: “it turned out that…” At first people thought that it was a piano. Later they found out it was really
an organ. It TURNED OUT to be an organ. At first people did not know who had carried it up the mountain. Then
Mr Campbell said that it was him. It TURNED OUT that it was Mr Campbell

Really really happy

May 18, 2006

I am sure you know what “real” means. If something is real, it exists – you can touch it, or see it, for example – it
isn’t imaginary, or something you have made up. So “really” means “in reality” or “in truth”.
Kevin tells Joanne that he is going shopping. But REALLY he is going to the pub with his friend Dave – the truth is
that he is going to the pub.
Joanne’s Mum likes to tell people that she is about 45 years old, but REALLY she is 53 – her true age is 53.
Joanne’s boss at work is a woman called Celia. Celia is not an easy boss to work for. She makes Joanne work very
hard and criticises her when she makes mistakes. “She sounds like a old cow”, says Kevin when Joanne tells him
about her. “No”, says Joanne, “REALLY she is very kind”. In other words, when you get to know Celia properly,
you find that she is a kind person.
But lots of times, we use “really” to mean “very”.
“I am REALLY angry,” says Joanne when she finds out about Kevin and Dave going to the pub. “I am REALLY
upset. Why couldn’t you tell me where you were really going?”
Kevin says that Joanne’s Mum is REALLY stupid, telling people she is 45 when really she is 53.
And sometimes, we say “REALLY?” to mean “I am surprised or interested in what you say.” When Joanne’s Mum
says that she is 45, people often say “Really? I thought you were much older”
Here are the Muffs, and they are Really Really Happy.

Get used to it
May 17, 2006

Last time, June told us about what she used to do when she was young. You remember that we say “used to” about
things which happened in the past, not once but many times, or which happened continuously. But you know that
English is not simple! We can use the words “used to” in other ways as well.
For example, we can say “I am used to something”, or “I have become/got/grown used to something”. Here are
some examples to explain what this means.
When she was a child, Joanne lived in a small village in the country. But now she lives and works in a big city. At
first, she found the noise and the traffic, and the journey to work in a crowded train, very stressful. But after a few
months, she GOT USED TO it. She became accustomed to it, so that the traffic and the train journey did not bother
her any more.
Joanne has told Kevin that he needs to loose some weight. Unfortunately, Kevin likes to eat chocolate bars at work.
He has a chocolate bar with his morning coffee, and another one at lunch time. But he really likes Joanne, so he
stops eating chocolate. At first it is terrible – he really, really wants to eat chocolate with his coffee. But after about
two weeks, he GETS USED TO it. He finds that, actually, he prefers coffee without chocolate. (Also, he puts an
extra spoonful of sugar in his coffee, but he doesn’t tell Joanne that!)
And how about you? At first, listening to a foreign language is really difficult. There are so many words that you do
not understand, and people talk really fast. But if you practice listening, you BECOME USED TO it. You find it is
easier to understand what people say.
I have used the word “really” several times in this podcast. It is a common word in colloquial English. I will talk
about it next time.

Things I used to do
May 14, 2006

Used to – we use this expression very often in English when we want to talk about things which happened in the
past, not once, but many times, or things which happened continuously.
For example. “When I was young, we used to go on holiday by the sea.” This means that we went on holiday by the
sea, not once but many times.
Or “When my father got home from work, he used to sit down and watch television”. Again, he did not watch
television once. He did it many times. It was what he normally did when he came home from work.
Or “Twenty years ago, there used to be a butcher’s shop on the High Street”. The butcher’s shop wasn’t there once.
It was there continuously, over a long time.
Here is June. She is going to tell us about some of the things she used to do.
Recently I went back to the town of Newport in South Wales where I used to live when I was a child, until I was 12
years old. I took a bus to the village where I was born. I remember that I used to play in the fields opposite my
house. Today there is an industrial estate where the fields used to be. But to my pleasure, very little else had
changed. I went to the house where my father used to have his tailoring business. I remembered how I used to play
ball against the wall of my house. I used to roller skate with my friends. But best of all, I used to play with my top
and whip and ride my bike. The street lamp is still there which used to shine through my bedroom window at night.
Then I went to see the house where I lived when I was rather older. And last of all, I visited the road where I used to
go to secondary school, but so much had changed that I could no longer recognise the school buildings. It was
lovely to bring back into my memory such happy childhood years.
Here is Johnny Nicholas. He is having woman trouble, and tells us about the things he used to do.
Photograph by Humphrey Spender (1910 – 2005) ‘Playing ‘Top and Whip’ on pavement – chalk marks are for
hopscotch’ Copyright Bolton Metropolitan Borough Council

My bike has gone

May 11, 2006

In English, if we say that something HAS GONE, or that something IS GONE,

we mean that it has disappeared. If I say that my money has all gone, I mean that I dont have any money any more.
Maybe someone has stolen it. Maybe I have spent it all. If I say that the biscuits are all gone, I mean that someone,
probably my children, has eaten them all. If I say that the light has gone, I mean that it has become dark, that it is
night time.
A few days ago, Heinz Stücke arrived in Britain, and someone stole his bicycle.
Heinz Stücke is a remarkable man. He comes from Hövelhof in Germany. In 1962, when he was 22 years old, he
left Germany on his bicycle. He has been travelling the world ever since. On his bicycle, he has covered about half
a million kilometers, and visited over 200 countries. He has ridden his bike over mountains and glaciers, and
though deserts and jungles. He has taken over 100,000 photographs. He lives on almost no money. He sells
postcards and booklets about his travels to raise the money he needs. He still rides the same 3-speed bicycle that he
started with, over 40 years ago (though I imagine that most of the parts have been replaced in that time).
He travelled to Britain on a ferry and arrived at Portsmouth, on the south coast of England. He found somewhere to
camp for the night. He woke up at 3am and looked out of his tent. His bike was gone. Someone had stolen it.
In Britain we have the finest bicycle thieves in the world. They steal about 100,000 bicycles every year. In Britain,
you need a strong lock for your bicycle. It is also a good idea to ride a bicycle which is old and dirty, because this
makes it less attractive to thieves. My own bicycle is old, scratched and rusty. No-one has ever stolen it. Sometimes
I wish they would.
But our story has a happy ending. First, the police offered to give Heinz Stücke a replacement bike from their stock
of stolen bikes whose owners they could not find. Then, a day later they found his own bike, abandoned in a park.
So you see, we not only have the finest bike thieves in Britain, we also have the finest policemen.
Photo of Heinz Stücke by Thomas woods/flickr

Dover Beach
May 10, 2006

I have something rather more difficult for you today.

Matthew Arnold was an English poet who lived from 1822 to 1888. One of his most famous poems is “Dover
Beach”. Dover is a town on the south coast of England. It is the place where you take a ferry to Calais in France.
Arnold visited Dover in 1851 with his wife shortly after their wedding. He probably wrote the poem then.
I shall read you only the last part of the poem. Matthew Arnold says that the world is not really full of dreams and
beauty. It is a dark place where people fight meaningless battles. If we want there to be beauty and truth in the
world, then we have to be true and loving to the people who are close to us. I have put some vocabulary notes on
the podcast website.

Ah, love, let us be true

To one another! for the world, which seems
To lie before us like a land of dreams,
So various, so beautiful, so new,
Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,
Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain;
And we are here as on a darkling plain
Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,
Where ignorant armies clash by night.

“before us” means “in front of us”

“Hath” is an old form of “has”
“Neither joy, nor love, nor…” means “no joy, and no love, etc…”
“Certitude” means “certainty”
“Darkling” just means “dark”
“Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight” means “all around us there are confused stories about fighting
(struggle) and running away (flight)” – Arnold was probably thinking about a story from ancient Greek history of
two armies fighting in confusion at night.

How to spend one million pounds

May 7, 2006

Last week, my daughter came home from school. She told us that, as her homework, she had to spend a million
pounds.
We told her that she didn’t have a million pounds. In fact in her money box she had precisely £12.47, and a book
token. Then she explained that she had to imagine that she had a million pounds, and write down what she would
spend it on.
She went on the internet to find things that she would like to buy, and to find out how much they cost. She started
with a holiday in Rome, and a new mobile phone. A new watch would be nice, and lots and lots of jelly-beans. And
a laptop computer and a printer. But then she ran out of ideas, and there was still about £998,000 to spend.
How about a house, my wife said. So my daughter found a nice little house in a very posh area looking out over
Poole harbour in the south of England. A stretch limo would be good, and one of those BMW Smart cars. And she
could take the whole family to Disneyland for a holiday. How about a helicopter, I said. So she found a beautiful
red helicopter, second hand, for £114,000. The most expensive digital camera we could find cost £4,800, and a
rather small second hand sailing boat cost another £4,000. She spent most of the rest of the money on a diamond
necklace costing over £250,000. There was still £7.45 left to spend. So she typed £7.45 into Google, and found a
leather iPod case which cost exactly that amount.
But then, disaster! We added up her list of purchases and it came to more than a million pounds. What could she
do? I am afraid she cancelled the family trip to Disneyland, and instead bought about a hundred pounds worth of
sweets (that is, about 10,000 sweets!), and after that her list added up to one million pounds exactly. I am still very
disappointed about not going to Disneyland, but maybe my daughter will let me have some of her sweets.
Here is Robin Sylar, and he is a Hollywood Millionaire.

Doctor Doctor
May 4, 2006

English children have hundreds of “Doctor, Doctor” jokes. These jokes all have the same form. Someone goes to
the doctor and explains what is wrong with them, and the doctor replies. Grown-ups think these jokes are dreadful –
children love them. Here are three Doctor, Doctor jokes.

Doctor, Doctor I think I’m a dog.

How long have you felt like this ?
Ever since I was a puppy !

Doctor, Doctor I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee
Have you tried taking the spoon out ?

Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses

You certainly do, Sir, this is a Post Office.

The Vet
May 3, 2006

Picture of white cat from www.free-images.org.uk

My friend Sarah is a vet. I have asked her to tell us about a typical day’s work.
I am a veterinary surgeon and work for a charity called PDSA, which stands for the People’s Dispensary for Sick
Animals. We treat pets belonging to people who are on state benefits and cannot afford to pay veterinary fees. We
see mainly cats and dogs, but also plenty of rabbits, hamsters and guinea pigs.
One Saturday I was seeing emergency cases at a Birmingham pets hospital. The day started at 9 in the morning, and
my first job was to check the animals that had been kept in overnight. I then called into the consulting room a lady
with a white cat, named Smudge, that was having difficulty breathing. The owner thought that the cat had
something stuck in its throat.
When I looked at Smudge, she was breathing with her mouth wide open, which is usually a serious sign. She was
breathing very quickly and was barely able to stand. I checked her throat and could see no obvious obstruction.
Having listened to her heart using a stethoscope, I was suspicious that she was in heart failure and decided that
Smudge needed some oxygen as her tongue was looking pale. I advised the owner that I thought Smudge’s
condition was critical and that I wanted to keep her in hospital to x-ray her chest and give her treatment as
necessary. Although the lady was upset, she could understand that we needed to admit Smudge into the hospital so
we could check her condition frequently.
Smudge improved slightly after having oxygen so we were able to x-ray her chest. The x-ray showed a very
enlarged heart and lungs full of fluid. This confirmed the diagnosis I suspected. We gave her some injections to
clear the lungs of some of the fluid and Smudge gradually improved over the following hours. She was sent home 2
days later when she was much better although she needed to be given tablets for the rest of her life to prevent fluid
leaking into her lungs. The owner was delighted to take her home.
I saw many other animals on that day, but Smudge was my most rewarding case. She was a true emergency.

Lets take the day off

May 1, 2006

The expression “to take time off” means to have a break from work, or school, or whatever you are doing.
We can say, for example, “I have a day off”, or “I am taking a day off”, or “I need a day off”. Sometimes we say
what we are having a day off from – for example “a day off school” or “a day off work”. But often we just say ” a
day off”, because the person we are talking to knows from the context whether the day off is a day off from work,
or from school, or from looking after our children, or whatever. Here are some more examples.
Today, May 1, is a public holiday in England. My children have the day off school. My wife does not have to go to
work either. She has the day off.
Joanne has a painful tooth. She makes an appointment with the dentist. But the dentist can only see her in the
afternoon, not in the evening after Joanne has finished work. So Joanne asks her boss for some time off to go to the
dentist. Her boss agrees – Joanne can have the afternoon off.
In the summer, Joanne and Kevin want to travel to Italy. They have both arranged to have two weeks off so that
they can go.
Now they need to book their holiday. Kevin gets an hour off for lunch, so he goes to the travel agent to buy the
tickets.
Because we are talking about holidays and because it is a holiday today, I think we need some music. Here are the
Brobdingnagian Bards with Maids in the Meadow.
How to sleep in your car

Apr 28, 2006

Earlier this week, I talked about the sandwich which Selfridges are selling for the ridiculous price of £85. Today I
want to talk about a very different side of modern Britain.
A few days ago I found a very interesting blog. It is written by a woman. She does not tell us her name, but says
that she is homeless and unemployed. In her blog she tells us how she sleeps at night in a sleeping bag in her car,
and how cold and uncomfortable this can be. She tells us how she tries to park the car in isolated places, where she
will not be seen. But sometimes other people walk past, or park their cars nearby; and this can be very frightening.
She tells us that a local hospital has showers in the visitors’ toilets. She goes there to wash. She also secretly washes
and irons her clothes in the hospital, but is always afraid that the hospital security guards will find her and tell her to
leave. Every few days she visits a public library, where she can use a computer to post entries in her blog.
She tells us how she came to loose her job and her home. She is a well-educated woman, with a law degree. But
now she has only her social security benefits. She tells us how difficult it is to find a job when you are homeless, or
to find a place to live when you do not have enough money to pay a deposit.
As well as telling us about what she does, she tells us how she feels. Sometimes she feels very isolated – that is, cut
off from other people, including other homeless people. She says that often she feels that the world is full of dirt,
hostility and aggression. She wonders who she is, and what sort of person she is inside.
Her blog is very well written. Her story is unusual, but her feelings and experiences are probably shared by many
people who have no home and no job. There is a link to her blog from the podcast website (http://www.listen-to-
english.com).

Charlotte
Apr 26, 2006

Today I would like to introduce to you a poem by Allan Ahlberg. Allan is a well known writer of poems for
children. He used to be a school teacher, and he understands the things that interest children, and also the way that
children speak. The poem is called “Talk us through it, Charlotte”, which means “Tell us about it, Charlotte, one bit
at a time starting at the beginning.” So Charlotte explains what happened. She went to a football match to watch her
brother play. But his team was a man short – they only had 10 players instead of 11. So they asked her to play. They
told her to stay on the wing, that is to play at the edge of the field. She says that for an hour no-one passed the ball
to her. But then the ball bounced towards her; she ran with it past one player, then another. She ignored her brother
shouting to her to pass the ball to him, but carried on, tricked the goalkeeper (the goalie) and scored “the winner”,
that is the goal that won the match. The manager said she was very good and asked her to come to training next
Tuesday.
Charlotte comes from the Black Country, the old industrial area to the west of Birmingham. She speaks with a
Black Country accent, and some of her English is not standard English. She says “they was” instead of “they were”,
and “I run” instead of “I ran”. Sometimes she leaves out the first few words of her sentences, for example “Only
there to watch me brother” instead of “I was only there to watch my brother.”
Now, please click on the link on the podcast website. It will take you to a page in the children’s poetry archive,
where you can read the poem. If you click on the little green arrow you can hear Allan Ahlberg himself reading it.
The Most Expensive Sandwich in the World
Apr 23, 2006

Selfridges is the name of a big store in central London. There are also Selfridges stores in Birmingham and
Manchester. Selfridges is upmarket – that means, many of the things that it sells are exclusive, high-quality or
simply expensive. Do Selfridges sell fridges? I don’t know, but if they do, the fridges are expensive ones. There is a
food department in Selfridges. Last week, the food department started to sell a new sort of sandwich. The sandwich
contains beef from a rare Japanese breed of cattle, foie gras, unpasteurised brie cheese, black truffles and a number
of other expensive ingredients. The sandwich is big – it weighs about 600 grams, and contains 2,500 calories. But
the biggest thing about the sandwich is its price – £85. Yes, you heard that right, eighty-five pounds. In a shop just
along the road from Selfridges, you can buy two decent pairs of shoes for £85. The newspapers report that
Selfridges sold about 12 of these sandwiches on the first day. Many people have said that this super-expensive
sandwich is a gimmick. A gimmick is something which you do to get noticed, often in order to sell something. For
example, if you are selling cars, and you advertise that you will give away a free television with every car you sell,
that would be a gimmick. Is Selfridge’s sandwich a gimmick? I think it is a very successful gimmick. The whole
country now knows that Selfridges sell sandwiches.
Photo of Selfridges store in Birmingham by Dan Law/flickr

Next Podcast 24 April

Apr 8, 2006

This is just to remind you that I will post the next podcast on Monday 24 April. I have redesigned the
podcast website – I hope you like it. Several of you sent comments or e-mails to say how much you liked
the Russian band whose music we used in a recent podcast. Here they are again, with a song called
Goryacho. Have a happy Easter.

Exterminate
Apr 7, 2006
 One of the best bits of news in the past week has been that BBC TV is to show a new
series of Dr Who.
Let me explain. Dr Who was a classic science-fiction programme on children’s television in the 1970s. Dr Who and
his companions traveled the universe in time and in space, battling the forces of evil. The most frightening of these
were the Daleks, who were killer robots that floated along as if they had little wheels underneath. Most of the time
they shouted “Exterminate!” Someone once said that the Daleks would take over the whole universe as soon as they
discovered how to climb stairs. A generation of British schoolchildren grew up watching Dr Who, fascinated and
terrified, often hiding behind the sofa in the really frightening parts.
Last year the BBC screened a new series of Dr Who. It was brilliant. And, yes, in one episode there was a Dalek –
the last Dalek in the universe – and, yes, it still shouted “Exterminate!” And this was the really scary bit – it had
learned how to float up stairs. Our blood ran cold. We hid behind the sofa.
The new 2006 series starts next month. We can hardly wait. You can read all about it, and see video clips, at the
BBC website. Click the link on the podcast website (http://www.listen-to-english.com).
Thank you all for listening to these podcasts, and for your e-mails and the comments on the website. I am so
pleased that over 2000 of you download each episode. I am now going to take a short break until after Easter. I shall
post the next episode on Monday 24 April. In the meantime, I shall borrow Dr Who’s time-travel machine, the
Tardis, and go on holiday to a distant galaxy.
Picture of a dalek by Velvet Android/flickr

Are you hurt

Apr 3, 2006

To hurt someone normally means to cause them pain, for example by hitting them.

But it can also mean to offend someone, to hurt their feelings. In the last
episode, Kevin complained about Joanne’s mother coming to lunch. Joanne was
hurt – Kevin had hurt her feelings.

Here is Alastair. He has a joke about two old women visiting a fair.
Hilda and Marjorie went to the fair. They had a ride on a roundabout, and threw
balls at the coconuts (but they didn’t win anything). Then they saw the big
wheel. They saw people getting into little cabins at the bottom of the wheel,
and then riding high into the air as the wheel turned round. From the top it
was possible to see all over the fairground and over the countryside around.
Hilda and Marjorie were nervous about going on the big wheel. It seemed so big,
and at the top the little cabins were a long way from the ground. But Hilda
said, “I’m going to have a ride. You stay here.” So Hilda bought a ticket, and
went and sat in one of the little cabins. The wheel turned round – once, twice,
three times. Then something terrible happened. The cabin in which Hilda was
riding started to come loose from the wheel. Hilda fell out of the cabin and
hurtled to the ground. Marjorie ran to where Hilda had fallen. “Oh Hilda, are
you hurt?” she cried. “Of course I’m hurt,” said Hilda. “I went round three
times and you didn’t wave to me once!”

Our music today comes from Marc Raaphorst, with a piece called “My Head Hurts”.
Excuse me while I find the asprin.

That will do
Apr 3, 2006

In English we have some words which have so many possible meanings that it sometimes seems that they can mean
almost anything. One of these words is “get”. Another is “do”.
In colloquial English, we often use the expression that something “will do”. For example, Kevin is in a clothes
shop. He is looking for a new shirt. He sees one that is just right – his size, and his colours (bright orange with
green spots). He says “Yes, this one will do.” What does he mean? What will the shirt do?
Kevin goes to the till to buy the shirt. He offers the shop assistant his credit card, and says “Can I pay with this
card?” The shop assistant says “Yes, that card will do”. What does she mean? What will the card do?
Kevin gets home. Joanne tells him that her mother is coming to lunch. Kevin is annoyed. He doesn’t like Joanne’s
Mum. Joanne’s Mum doesn’t like him much either. So Kevin complains and moans about Joanne’s mum coming to
lunch, until Joanne says sharply “Stop it Kevin. That will do.” What does she mean?
“That will do” means “that is satisfactory”, or “that is acceptable”, or “that is enough”. The meaning often depends
upon the tone of voice that we use. When Kevin finds his shirt and says “Yes, that will do”, he means “That is great,
that is exactly the shirt I want.” When the shop assistant says “Yes, that will do”, she means “yes, we can accept
payment with your credit card”. And when Joanne says “Kevin, that will do!” she means “That’s enough Kevin.
You’ve said enough!”
Isn’t English difficult!

Stags and Hens

Mar 31, 2006
 Kevin’s friend George is getting married to Sharon. A week before the wedding,
George invites his friends to a stag party. They start in a pub, and then go on to a club where there is deafening
music and they all drink too much.
The next day, Kevin feels dreadful. He has a hang-over. In fact, he has the mother of all hangovers, with a pounding
headache and a sick feeling in his stomach.
The telephone rings. Joanne, Kevin’s girlfriend, answers it. It is Kevin’s boss, who wants to know why Kevin is not
at work. “He’s feeling a bit UNDER THE WEATHER”, explains Joanne. “He’ll be in tomorrow”.
The expression “under the weather” means “not very well” – not seriously ill, just not very well. If I have a slight
cold, or I am feeling a bit depressed, for example, I might say that I am “under the weather”.
Now Kevin, of course, feels like death. So when Joanne says that he is “a bit under the weather”, she is
UNDERSTATING how bad he is.
To understate something is to say less about it than you really mean. For example, you might say that someone is “a
bit annoyed”, when in reality they are very angry. Or on the hottest day of the summer, you might say that it is “a
little bit warm”.
To return to Kevin. He spends the day with his eyes closed complaining about how awful he feels. Joanne is
unsympathetic. “It’s his own fault for drinking too much”, she says. That evening, Joanne gets ready to go out.
“Where are you going?” asks Kevin weakly. “To Sharon’s hen party. Go back to bed”.
A vocabulary note. A stag party, or a stag night, is a party given by a man about to get married for his male friends.
A hen party is given by a woman about to get married for her girl friends. The guests at these parties often drink too
much and do outrageous things. I never go to them, of course.
The music today is called a Russian Morning After Party, by Ozovoniy Sloy from Siberia. I can’t understand the
words since I do not speak Russian, but it sounds like a good party.
Photo by little lushie/flickr

Dont Leave Without Saying Goodbye

Mar 28, 2006

I have another one of Margaret’s poems for you today. It is called Don’t Leave Without Saying Goodbye.

Don’t Leave Without Saying Goodbye

Don’t slink away

with not even a word.
Remember I love you,
remember what we have shared.

If you left
without a goodbye,
I would feel severed,
I would carry words unsaid.
I would be trying
to hug someone no longer there.

Please don’t leave me

without saying ‘goodbye’.

Claires Bedroom

Mar 27, 2006

Claire Williams is 20 years old. She is a student and lives at home with her parents in a town called Whitehaven.
Her bedroom is a mess. Or at least it was a mess. Time and again, her parents asked her please to tidy it, but
somehow she never managed to do it. Then her father, Steve Williams, had a bright idea. He took photographs of
her messy bedroom and put them on an internet site so that the whole world could see them. The effect was
dramatic. Claire was so ashamed that she tidied her bedroom. Her younger brother tidied his bedroom too.
But Claire wanted revenge. She found some photographs of her Dad dancing round with a handbag at a party. She
also photographed his garage, which was at least as messy as her bedroom had been. She put these photographs on
the internet so that the world could see.
In fact tens of thousands of people have visited the Williams family’s website. Some have posted photographs to
shame someone in their own family. However, the number of visitors has been so great that the website hosting
company now charge Mr Williams quite a lot to host his site. He is looking for advertisers and a sponsor. Assuming
that his site is still active, you can view it from the link on the podcast website. The photograph of Claire’s bedroom
that started it all has however disappeared.
Vocabulary note : messy is a colloquial word which means untidy or dirty. A messy room means an untidy room. A
messy child means a child who looks untidy and dirty and probably has half her breakfast down the front of her
clothes. Both my daughters – bless them – were just like that when they were little.

The Undertaker
Mar 23, 2006

In the last episode, Carol told us about painting coffins.

A person who organises funerals is called an “undertaker” (or a “funeral director” – but the normal word is
undertaker). An undertaker will talk to the family of someone who has died about the sort of funeral that they want.
He or she will deal with the necessary paperwork and arrange a time for the funeral with the church, cemetery or
crematorium. They also clean and dress the body, and place it in a coffin – perhaps one of Carol’s painted coffins.
They transport the body to the funeral in a hearse – nowdays a hearse is a motor vehicle, but at one time it was a
carriage pulled by black horses.
Why is this person called an undertaker? No – it is not because he takes you under! It is because he or she
undertakes the arrangements for the funeral. The word “undertake” has two meanings that are very close to each
other. If I undertake to do something, I promise to do it. If I borrow money from the bank, for example, I have to
undertake to repay it. “Undertake” can also mean to do or carry out a plan or arrangement. So an undertaker agrees
to arrange a funeral, makes the necessary arangements and then carries them out. He or she undertakes the funeral
arrangements.
We have a problem in English about how to refer to someone – like an undertaker – who could be a man, or could
be a woman, and we don’t know which. Do we say “he” or “she”? One way is to say “he or she”. But this sounds a
bit clumsy. So more and more in modern English people say “they”. I have used both “he or she” and “they” in this
podcast. I will find some more examples for a future podcast.

Carols Coffins
I have another video for you today. It has been made by Carol. She paints coffins. She tells us that she started about
ten years ago. People ask her how she GOT INTO painting coffins. She woke up one morning and knew that she
wanted to paint coffins for the rest of her life. The first coffin that she painted was her own. She has painted it with
her favourite wild flowers (foxgloves, bull rushes, cow parsley), and also a poem by John Keats called “La Belle
Dame Sans Merci”. Her coffin has a burgundy coloured lining, because a COMFY lining is important. People ask
her to paint all sorts of things – countryside scenes, hobbies, pets, flowers, football colours, angels – her Mum
wants angels on her coffin.
One person has asked for a PAGE THREE GIRL to be painted on the inside of his coffin lid. “Whatever TURNS
YOU ON!” she says.
Some vocabulary notes. How did Carol GET INTO painting coffins – this is a colloquial expression which means
how did she first become interested in painting coffins, or how did she first start. COMFY is a colloquial word
which means comfortable. A PAGE THREE GIRL – well, some of our newspapers – not the newspapers I read,
naturally – contain pictures of young ladies with few if any clothes on. Traditionally, these are on page three. So a
page three girl is a model posing naked or near naked. Finally, whatever TURNS YOU ON means whatever makes
you excited.
Now view the video. Go to the podcast website (http://www.listen-to-english.com/). There is a link from this
podcast to a BBC web page. Click on the link, and then on “View the Video”.

The Oak and the Ash

In the last podcast I talked about daffodils and the arrival of Spring. Soon the leaves will start to open on the trees.
There is an old proverb in English about how the opening of the leaves in Spring can tell us how much rain we will
have in the Summer. It goes:
If the oak comes before the ash, we are in for a splash.
If the ash comes before the oak, we are in for a soak.
“Oak” and “ash” are the names of two common trees. If the new leaves open on the oak trees before the ash trees,
then we will have only a little rain, a splash. But if the ash leaves come first, then we will have lots of rain, a soak.
The proverb says “in for a splash” and “in for a soak”. “We are in for….” something means “we are going to have
or experience …” something.

I might say, for example, “I am in for a difficult day at work today”.

Or, “My wife is in for a surprise – I’ve bought her a present.”
Or my wife might say, “He’s in for a shock – I’m pregnant!”
A terrifying thought!

Nonsense
We have had some quite serious podcasts recently, so here – for a change – is some complete nonsense.

Early in the morning in the middle of the night,

Two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot each other
A deaf policeman heard the noise
And came and killed the two dead boys
He took them in to court and said
These two boys I have found dead.

This is a very old nonsense rhyme, and there are many different versions of it, both in Britain and in North America.

Look at the third and fourth lines. “Each other” (or “one another”) is the way we express reciprocal actions in
English. For example: Kevin faced Matt. Matt faced Kevin. They faced each other. Kevin shot Matt. Matt shot
Kevin. They shot each other. I saw Sarah. Sarah saw me. We saw each other. And so on.

Daffodils
Mar 14, 2006
 Soon it will be spring, and the spring flowers will appear in our gardens and in
the countryside. Among these will be the daffodils, which are yellow, trumpet shaped flowers, which many people
grow in their gardens, but which also grow in the wild. William Wordsworth wrote a famous poem about seeing
wild daffodils beside a lake. It begins like this:

I wander’d lonely as a cloud

That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

William Wordsworth lived in the early 19th century, in the Lake District, an area of mountains and lakes in the
north west of England. At that time, most people thought of the Lake District as a wild and unhospitable place. But
for Wordsworth, as for most people today, the Lake District is the most beautiful part of England. Here is how the
poem ends:

For oft, when on my couch I lie

In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

The music today is Spring Song by Frank Bridge, played by the Brunswick Duo.
Picture of daffodils by mercurous/flickr

How to Get Money

Mar 13, 2006
This Podcast uses words which are about getting money and paying for things. Some of the words may not be in
your dictionary. If you do not understand something, send me an e-mail (peter@listen-to-english.com) and I will try
to explain.

Kevin is going out for the evening with some friends. While he is out, he will need to pay for things, such as drinks
in the pub, cinema tickets, a meal and a taxi home. In some places he can pay with a credit card or debit card. At the
cinema, for example, he can give the cashier his debit card. The cashier will put the card into a card reader and ask
Kevin to type in his PIN, or personal identity number. The cost of the cinema tickets will then automatically be
taken from Kevin’s bank account. In Britain, when we use a credit or debit card, we now must use a PIN. We used
to be able to sign the credit or debit card voucher but that is not normally possible now. The banks say that using
PINs instead of signatures will reduce the number of fraudulent transactions.

But for some things, like paying for the taxi, Kevin will not be able to use a card. He will need cash – that is, notes
and coins. So he goes to a cash machine. (The banks call these Automatic Teller Machines (ATMs), but everyone
else calls them cash machines.) He inserts his card into the machine and types in his PIN. He also types in the
amount of money he wants to withdraw from his bank account, and a few seconds later the machine issues the
money and a receipt which says how much he has withdrawn and how much he has left in his account. Another way
of withdrawing cash is called “cashback”. In some shops, such as supermarkets, if you pay with a debit card you
can ask for some cash as well.

Can Kevin use cheques to pay for things? Maybe, if he has a cheque guarentee card. (Often a debit card is also a
cheque guarentee card). But in Britain nowdays we rarely pay by cheque in shops or restaurants, and the number of
cheques used each year has fallen sharply.

Couch Potatoes
Mar 10, 2006

A couch is a sofa, such as people have in their sitting-rooms, often in front of the television. Some people spend a
lot of time sitting on the couch watching television, and probably getting fat for want of exercise. We have a name
for such people in English – couch potatoes. And, as British people are well known for watching TV a lot, perhaps
we are a nation of couch potatoes.
Google, the company that runs the internet search engine, has just published a survey which claims that British
people now spend more time on the internet than they do watching television – 164 minutes a day on average on the
internet, 148 minutes watching television.
It was only about 10 years ago that people first started to access the internet from home computers. Now, according
to Google, everyone in Britain spends the equivalent of 41 days a year surfing the net. Of course, this figure
includes net access at work as well as at home. Still, if true, it is astonishing. Moreover, the time that Google says
we spend watching TV and the time we spend on the net, added together, comes to over 5 hours a day. Can this
really be true? Are we British now a nation of couch-and-computer potatoes? If I search the web, can I find a
website with more information about this?
(Yes I can – you can find a link to it from the podcast website http://www.listen-to-english.com)

Mischief
Mar 7, 2006

A boy and his friends find a coin. They make a small hole in it. They then tie a piece of cotton
thread through the hole, and take the coin and the thread to the park near their home. They put the coin down on a
path where someone walking by will see it, and hide themselves in the bushes nearby. Someone – an old gentleman
perhaps – walks by. He sees the coin on the ground and bends down to pick it up. The boys pull the thread and the
coin jumps away out of reach. With any luck the old gentleman falls over. The boys run off, laughing.
My father-in-law says that he did this (and lots of other naughty things!) when he was young. The word MISCHIEF
means something which we do for fun and which annoys, teases or makes fun of someone. The boys in my story
were UP TO MISCHIEF. “You little monkeys – up to mischief again”, the old man might have shouted at them as
they ran off. Or he might have said things that I could not possibly repeat on a family podcast like this one. The
adjective which comes from mischief is MISCHIEVOUS. The boys in my story were MISCHIEVOUS. And we can
also use MISCHIEVOUS to describe the things that they did – a mischievous game, perhaps, or a mischievous
thing to do.
A joke for you. A priest is walking down the street. He sees a small boy stretching to reach the doorbell on a house.
But the doorbell is high up, and the boy is only small, and he cannot stretch far enough. So the priest crosses the
road and rings the doorbell for the boy. He looks down and says, “Well, my son, what happens now?”
“We run, father”.
Picture Mischief by blue turf/flickr

At the Supermarket
Mar 5, 2006

I am in my local supermarket. I am here to do some shopping. You are here to practice the English names of fruit
and vegetables.
During the winter, there are only a few English grown vegetables in the shops. The main ones are potatoes, carrots,
leeks, onions, parsnips and cabbage. But we can of course buy many other vegetables which have been imported
from warmer countries around the Mediterranean. For example, we have tomatoes and courgettes from Spain,
French beans from Egypt, sweetcorn from Italy and avocado pears from Tunisia. Most of our salad vegetables, such
as lettuce, are also imported in winter.
Over here in the fruit section there are English apples and pears, and several sorts of oranges from Spain, bananas
from Latin America, grapes from South Africa and strawberries from Egypt.
Many people in Britain are becoming more concerned about the way our food is produced. I am now in the section
which sells organic fruit and vegetables. “Organic” means that the food is grown without artificial fertiliser or
pesticide. Today there are many more organic foods in supermarkets than there were a few years ago. Here I can
buy fresh organic apples, pears, bananas, onions, potatoes, beans, carrots, leeks and lettuce. Some of these are
grown in this country, others are imported – often by air – from for example the USA, Egypt or Kenya. And we
know that aircraft are an important source of carbon dioxide, which causes global warming. It is not always easy to
be an environmentally conscious consumer!
I have put together a website with pictures af all the fruit and vegetables mentioned in this podcast, and several
more as well. You can use it to practice. Click on the link on the podcast website to go to it.
NOTE : in some languages, people use a word related to the English word “biological” to mean food grown without
artificial fertilisers and pesticides. Remember that the English word is “organic”, not “biological”.

The Biggest Ever Robbery

Mar 3, 2006
 Colin Dixon is the manager of a secure depot where bank notes are stored for
the Bank of England. On 21 February he was kidnapped by two men posing as police officers. His wife and eight
year old son were also abducted. The kidnappers then forced Mr Dixon to return to the depot and to let one of the
kidnappers in. At gunpoint, the robber then forced a member of the staff at the depot to open the gates. The rest of
the gang and several vehicles entered the depot. It took the robbers nearly an hour to load money into a white
Renault truck, which they then drove away.
The police have said that the thieves stole £53 million. This was therefore the largest ever cash robbery in Britain.
Since the robbery, the police have found several of the vehicles used by the gang, including the white Renault truck.
They have also found £1.3 million in cash as well as guns and other equipment which they think the gang used.
They have arrested several people and searched a farm not far from the depot. They have now charged three people
in connection with the crime. The police say that they are confident that they can find the rest of the gang, and
recover the rest of the money, but that it may take some time.
There are lots of words connected with crime in this podcast. The verb TO STEAL (stole, stolen) means to take
something which does not belong to you. If I steal something, then I am a THIEF (plural, THIEVES), and the crime
I commit is called THEFT. For example, today’s story was about the theft of £53 million.
To ROB someone means to take something from someone, normally by force. The gang in today’s story were
thieves, but they were also ROBBERS. They didn’t just take £53 million, they used guns, threats and kidnapping to
do so. The crime they committed is called ROBBERY.
KIDNAP and ABDUCT mean about the same thing – to take someone away against their will and hold them,
sometimes in order to collect a ransom. AT GUNPOINT means “with a gun pointing at you”.
The police have ARRESTED several people. That means that these people are forced to remain at a police station
while the police question them. Three people have now been CHARGED. That means that the police have formally
accused them of a crime.
Picyure is of a man wanted by the police in connection with the robbery

Britain today
Mar 1, 2006
This podcast is about listening to numbers. I have left the numbers out of the written text, so you will have to listen
carefully to understand. Send me an e-mail if need help.
What is Britain really like? How do British people really live – when we are not growing giant pumpkins or
walking naked from Lands End to John O’Groats.
This is of course a difficult and complicated question. We can find some answers in a book published by the
government last week. It is called Social Trends, and it contains statistics on many different aspects of life in
Britain.
It shows, for example, that the population of Britain is growing. There are now nearly ***people in the United
Kingdom. But, compared with ***years ago, there are now ***million fewer people under the age of ***, and
***more people over the age of ***. Nearly ***% of people in Britain are now aged over ***. So we are living
longer than we used to, but have fewer children.
About ***of the population of Britain is from an ethnic minority. The largest ethnic minority group is Indian,
followed by Pakistanis, Black Caribbean, Black Africans, Bangladeshis and Chinese. In addition, about ***% of the
population are white people of Irish descent.
Many people from ethnic minorities live in London, which is now one of the most ethnically diverse cities in the
world. In one major city, Leicester in the English Midlands, the majority of people are from ethnic minorities.
Over the last *** years the number of households in Britain has grown by over ***%. And ***% of households are
now single people. Many of these are older people whose partner has died. But over ***% of men (and a smaller
number of women) aged between ***and *** live alone. Altogether, about *** people in Britain live alone.
At one time it was socially unacceptable for a unmarried people to have babies. But today ***% of births are
outside marriage. *** years ago the figure was only *** %.
You can find a lot more information on the Social Trends website. There is a link from the podcast website.

A Long Cold Walk

Feb 26, 2006

Lands End is the name of a headland in the far south west of England. John O’Groats is the most northerly place on
the mainland of Scotland. The distance from Lands End to John O’Groats is 874 miles, or 1398 kilometers. Lands
End and John O’Groats are further apart than any two other places in mainland Britain. Some people regard this as
a challenge. They travel from Lands End to John O’Groats (or the other way round) in all sorts of ways – by
bicycle, on foot, by bus, wearing a gorilla suit etc. If you walk, the journey takes about 6 weeks.
The latest people to walk from Lands End to John O’Groats are Stephen Gough and Melanie Roberts. They made
the journey naked, wearing no clothes at all except for socks and walking boots. They said that they wanted to show
people that nakedness is nothing to be ashamed of. Unfortunately, not everyone who saw them agreed. Some people
complained to the police, and the police arrested Stephen and Melanie a number of times.Other people, however,
were welcoming and offered Stephen and Melanie a meal or a bed for the night.
I wonder though why they decided to complete their journey in February. At this time of year, Scotland is cold and
windy. Melanie agrees. She told the newspapers that she would definitely do it again, but somewhere a bit warmer.

Snow
Feb 23, 2006
Today it is snowing. This is unusual. In England nowadays, it does not snow as often as it used to. Where I live, we
get only one or two light falls of snow every winter. And when there is even a moderate fall of snow, there is chaos
on the roads and railways. Two years ago, here in Birmingham, two centimeters of snow was enough to bring the
city to a standstill. The next day all the schools in the city were closed, and the children played outside and built
snowmen and threw snowballs. Today, I imagine children in school are looking anxiously out of the window,
hoping that there will be so much snow that tomorrow they will not have to go to school. I am afraid they will be
disappointed. The snow is already turning to sleet, and melting on the ground. Tomorrow will not be crisp and clear
with snow on the ground, it will be just another cold wet English winter’s day. Nonetheless, I will read you a short
poem about the snow by the American poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

Out of the bosom of the Air,

Out of the cloud-folds of her garments shaken,
Over the woodlands brown and bare
Over the harvest-fields forsaken,
Silent and soft and slow
Descends the snow.

A vocabulary note. STANDSTILL – to bring something to a standstill means to stop something moving. The snow
stopped the traffic and the trains – nothing could move. The snow had brought the city to a standstill.
And a grammar note. In three places in the poem, Longfellow places adjectives AFTER the nouns which they
describe, not before as we normally do in English – “her garments shaken”, “woodlands brown and bare”, “harvest-
fields forsaken”. When you are a famous poet, you can do this too. Until then, keep your adjectives in front of their
nouns!
Today’s music is by Marco Raaphorst and is called Blowing Snow.

A Day Without You

Feb 22, 2006

Here is another one of Margaret’s poems. It is called A Day Without You.

A day without you

is like a garden with no rain,
having no air to breathe,
no nourishment.

A day without you

is like having no friends,
being imprisoned,
and trapped inside myself.

A day without you

is like having no future,
nowhere to rest my hopes,
and share my ups and downs.

A day without you

is like having tears and no tissues,
nowhere to lay my head
and place my aching heart.

A day without you.

© Mags Scorey 11 July 2003

Pumpkins
Feb 19, 2006
I have found a short video for you to watch. But first, I will explain what the video is about, and some of the words
that are used in it.
The video is about John. His hobby is growing pumpkins (in a secret location in the South of England!). He is
trying to grow giant pumpkins for an annual pumpkin festival (the Jubilee Sailing Trust’s Annual Pumpkin
Festival.) His largest pumpkin weighs 80-90 lb (NOTE : We use the abbreviation lb to mean a pound weight. A
pound is about half a kilo). Last year however the winning pumpkin weighed 819 lb, and for a fortnight it was the
largest pumpkin ever grown in Britain. Why are John’s pumpkins not big enough? He feeds them, he talks to them
and plays music to them, but they are just not up to it (ie they are just not good enough). The big pumpkins are all
water, but some of the smaller ones are really tasty with a nutty flavour. In the greenhouse John shows us his Turks
Turban pumpkins. He says that you can eat them, or varnish them and use them at home as doorstops! John says
that, when the pumpkin festival is over, he feels that he never wants to see another pumpkin. But they are so
fascinating and delicious that within a few weeks he knows that he will be cooking pumpkins or planning for next
year’s crop.
Now go to the podcast website (http://www.listen-to-english.com) and click on the link at the end of this episode. It
will take you to a BBC website where you can view the video. Click on Watch this Video to start. Let me know if
you would like me to find some more short videos for you to watch. My e-mail address is peter@listen-to-
english.com.

Drought
Feb 17, 2006

Have you visited England? What do you remember about your visit? How about our English weather? It always
rains in England, doesn’t it?
Well, actually, no – often it does not rain. In fact, for the past 14 months rainfall in many parts of England has been
a lot less than normal. Last year, in the town of Tonbridge in Kent there was only 406mm of rain. That is less than
the average rainfall in, for example, Jerusalem, or parts of Somalia and Namibia. The amount of water stored in
reservoirs and aquifers in South Eastern England is now very low. Normally, rain during the winter refills the
reservoirs and aquifers. But this winter has so far been exceptionally dry. The English word for a long period with
little or no rain is a “drought”. Many experts say that unless the drought in South Eastern England ends and it rains
heavily over the next two months, they expect severe problems with water supplies in the summer in that part of the
country.
The weather forecast today is for a mixture of sunshine and showers. But there is still no sign of the heavy rain that
South Eastern England needs.

Note: “reservoir” – an artificial lake for storing water

“aquifer” – underground rock which stores water naturally. Water companies drill wells into the aquifers and pump
water out of them.

Becky and Craig

Feb 15, 2006
 Last week in Birmingham Becky and Craig met each other for the first time; a few
minutes later they got married. Along with about 250 other people, they had entered a competition organised by the
Birmingham radio station BRMB. The prize was a wedding, a honeymoon and the use of a luxury flat and a sports
car for a year. The entrants were questioned by relationship experts; then the listeners to the radio station voted on
which man and which woman should win the prize. The winners were not allowed to meet or talk to each other
until the wedding. It was the ultimate “blind date”.
The newspapers reported that Becky and Craig were very pleased after their wedding. Becky said, ” We’re holding
hands already. I feel very comfortable with Craig”. And Craig said, “She’s everything that I imagined – nice dark
hair, nice blue eyes, lovely smile – she’s beautiful. I feel fantastic.” But some people objected that it was wrong for
two people to get married in this way, as part of a publicity stunt organised by a radio station. What do you think?
Look at the expression “to get married”. The word GET in English has lots of different meanings. One of them is
“to become”. Here are some examples.
Today the weather will get warmer.
The two men argued; they got angry with one another.
He ate so much that he got very fat.
She got very tired and had to go to bed early.
and finally
Becky and Craig got married. Good luck to them. You can read more about Becky and Craig on the BRMB website.
There is a link to it from the podcast website http://www.listen-to-english.com/

Note : the past tense of GET is GOT – I got; I have got. In America, you will often hear people say “I have
GOTTEN.” GOTTEN is an old form of the past participle which is no longer used in Britain, but is still alive across
the Atlantic.
Picture of wedding cake by elvissa/flickr

Valentine
Feb 12, 2006
Tomorrow, 14 February, is Valentine’s Day. Saint Valentine is the patron saint of people in love. On Valentine’s
Day, many people send a Valentine card to their boyfriend or girlfriend, or to their husband or wife. Sometimes
people send Valentine cards anonymously, so that the person who receives the card has to guess who sent it. Some
people even send several Valentine cards to different people, but this is a risky strategy and I do not recommend it!
Before I tell you the rest of this story, I need to explain about a different sort of cards – playing cards. A pack of
playing cards contains 52 cards; there are 4 different suits with 13 cards in each. There are two red suits called
hearts and diamonds, and two black suits called clubs and spades. Hearts, diamonds, clubs and spades – these words
have ordinary meanings in English as well as being the names of suits of cards. Look them up in a dictionary if you
need to.
Back to Valentines Day. My wife is a teacher. Last week the children in her class made Valentine cards, and wrote a
poem or a message inside the card. Some of the poems were, well, not very good. For example:
“Roses are red
Violets are blue
You’re not very pretty
But I love you!”
But one girl wrote:
“A relationship with a man is like a pack of cards.
You need a heart to love him with
A diamond to marry him with
A club to hit him with
And a spade to bury him with.”
An interesting thought!
The music is today is called My Irish Valentine by the Brobdingnagian Bards and it comes to you from the Podsafe
Music Network.
More romance in the next episode.

The Lightbulb
Feb 9, 2006

A few years ago there were lots of lightbulb jokes in English. You probably had them in your language too. Here is
an example. How many policemen/civil servants/school teachers does it take to change a lightbulb? Five – one to
stand on a table holding the lightbulb, and four to pick the table up and turn it round. Some people find these jokes
very funny. Other people don’t think they are funny at all.
Look at the first sentence of the joke “How many policemen does it take to change a lightbulb?” It means “How
many policemen are needed to change a lightbulb?” Here are some more sentences that use TAKE in this way.
How many bricks will it take to build the wall? It will take about 2000 bricks.
How much water will it take to fill the basin? It will take about 2 litres.
How long will it take to get to London? It will take about 2 hours.
How long do you take to do your homework? It takes me about one hour.
Here is a lightbulb joke about the English. How many English people does it take to change a lightbulb? What,
change the lightbulb? That lightbulb has lasted nearly 500 years, and there’s nothing wrong with it. We couldn’t
possibly change it now.

The Curators Nightmare

 Someone who manages a museum is called a curator. Imagine that you are a curator. What
problems could you possibly have? What nightmares about your work could wake you in the night? Surely,
museum curators have jobs with little stress or worry.
Perhaps the curator of the Fitzwilliam Museum in Cambridge thought this as he went to work one day last week.
On his way into the office, perhaps he passed a group of three beautiful and valuable Chinese vases. For years the
museum had displayed the vases on a windowsill on a staircase. But they are not there now. For, later that morning
a visitor came into the museum. One of his shoelaces was undone. He tripped on the shoelace. He fell down the
stairs and crashed into the three vases on the windowsill. He smashed – not one, not two – but all three of the vases
into smithereens.
Other visitors took photographs of the accident on their mobile phones. The next day many of the newspapers
carried pictures of the man lying on the floor, surrounded by pieces of the broken vases. Fortunately he was not
badly hurt. The museum say that they hope to repair the vases. I wish them luck.
Note: “to smash something into smithereens” means to smash it into hundreds of tiny pieces.
Picture of the Fitzwilliam Museum, Cambridge by Adrian Hon/flickr

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I Wish For You

My friend Margaret writes poetry. I have persuaded her to record a few of her poems for you to listen to. Here is
one called I Wish for You.

I Wish for You

Life brings many experiences,

some good,
some bad,
some in-between.

You have been my friend

for many years
and I hope that will continue.

We have seen life, we two,

we have shared so deeply,
it blows my mind sometimes.

I wish for you –

not happiness for that can fade
nor riches for they can turn to rags
nor a life of ease
which may make you fat!

I wish for you strength in God,

patience to see you through the trials.
Joy that goes deeper
than anything the world
can throw at you.

I wish for you the best !

For one of my dearest friends

The Chocaholic
Feb 2, 2006

In the last episode about the penguin we used the SO…THAT…construction. (“He enjoyed it so much, that I am
taking him again today!”) Very often English people leave out the word THAT. We say simply “He enjoyed it so
much, I am taking him again today!”

You may like a few more examples of SO… THAT… So lets go over to the next episode in our soap opera, Podcast
People. Joanne, whom we met in the last episode, has two sisters – Leanne and Roxanne. Leanne is addicted to
chocolate. She tells us about the terrible effect of her addiction.

Yesterday the doorbell rang just as I was leaving for work. It was the postman. He handed me a parcel. I was so
surprised, at first I didn’t know what to do. What could be in it? I became so curious, I couldn’t wait to open it. The
parcel was wrapped tightly in paper and tape. In fact there was so much paper and tape, it took me nearly ten
minutes to unwrap it. Inside was a box of chocolates. It was so big, I could hardly believe it. There were so many
different sorts of chocolates, I didn’t know where to start. I picked a chocolate and ate it. It was so delicious, I had
to eat another and another. I ate so many, I started to feel ill. By the time I got to work, I was so late, my boss fired
me. Chocolates are ruining my life!

Can Leanne conquer her terrible chocolate addiction? Will there be any chocolates left for me? More about Leanne,
and chocolate, in a future episode.

The Penguin
Feb 2, 2006

There was once a man who had a pet Penguin.

One day, he took his Penguin for a walk.

A Policeman saw him and walked over.

He said “What are you doing with that Penguin?”
The man said “I’m taking him for a walk, officer”

The Policeman stared at the man and said “I’m sorry.

You have to take him to the Zoo!”
So the man agreed to take his Penguin to the Zoo,
and the officer walked away satisfied.

The next week the Policeman was walking down the same street,
and he saw the same man with the Penguin .
Angry, the officer walked over to the man and yelled
“I thought I told you to take that Penguin to the Zoo”

The man replied…..

“I did officer! And he liked it so much that I’m taking him again today!”

HA HA HA BOOM BOOM! Go away Basil. I’m sorry about my foxy friend, ladies and gentlemen.
Look at the last sentence in this joke. It contains the construction SO…THAT… Look it up in a dictionary if you
dont know what it means. More SO…THAT…sentences next time.

From www.fun4chidren.com

How to be ill in English

Jan 29, 2006

My voice today sounds rather strange, does’t it? Yes – I have flu, and I am recording this podcast in bed. And in this
podcast we will introduce or revise some vocabulary related to being ill.
Kevin, the hero of our soap opera, Podcast People, fells very unwell. He has a headache and a fever (or high
temperature). He has vomiting and diarrhoea. He telephones his doctor’s surgery and asks for an appointment. The
receptionist tells him that the doctor can see him at 11.30. Kevin’s girlfriend Joanne drives Kevin to the surgery.
The doctor asks Kevin about his symptoms and when he started to feel sick. He explains that Kevin needs to take an
antibiotic, that he must stay in bed until his temperature has returned to normal, and that he must drink plenty of
fluids. The doctor writes out a prescription which lists the medicines that Kevin needs to take. Joanne drives Kevin
home, and then takes the prescription to the chemists. The pharmacist at the chemists finds the medicines that
Kevin needs and gives them to Joanne. Kevin takes the medicines as directed – one 5 ml spoonful three times daily,
after food. Happily, within two days he feels much better and is able to go back to work.
Note: ill, unwell, sick – these words have very similar meanings, though “ill” is generally more serious than
“unwell” or “sick”.

The Sound of Your laughter

Jan 22, 2006

The Sound of Your Laughter

To my Children, and yours too.

The sound of your laughter

Is what pulls me through
The harshest winter

The sound of your laughter

Makes every bright summer day
Brighter

The sound of your laughter

Is what gets me up in the morning
With it
I can take anything life can bring

Not to make too much out of it

But to me
Everyday Is a good day
To live
To The sound of your laughter

Ronberge
from http://www.poemhunter.com/

Make up
Jan 22, 2006

The idiom “to make up” has at least three different meanings. First, it can mean to invent, for example, a story. The
story is not true – it did not really happen – it came from my imagination. I made it up.
Second, make-up is the stuff women put on their faces – you know, eye-liner, eye-shadow, lipstick and so on. And if
a woman makes herself up, it means that she puts her make-up on.
Third, suppose two friends have an argument. They part feeling angry with each other. But later, they decide to
forget their argument and to become friends again. We say that they have made up.
Here is a summary of the latest developments in our soap opera – Podcast People! Joanne is making herself up. She
carefully puts on her eye-shadow, powder and lipstick. Kevin, her boyfriend, is suspicious. Joanne does not usually
do her make-up so carefully. Joanne tells him that she has an important meeting at work and needs to look her best.
But Kevin doesn’t believe her. He thinks she is making up the story about the important meeting, and that she is
secretly meeting someone else. They have a row, and Joanne storms out slamming the door behind her. The next
day Kevin feels lousy about the things he said to Joanne. He rings to say he is sorry. She is sorry too, so they kiss
and make up.
Beautiful, isn’t it! Goodbye.

Lice!
Jan 22, 2006

Last time we had mouse – mice. This time it is louse – lice.

Headlice are tiny creatures which are sometimes found on people’s heads or in their hair. The eggs that these
creatures lay are called nits. Often we do not like to talk about such things. But it is a fact that most small children
catch headlice at some time. One day, when my daughter was only 2 years old, we noticed that she was scratching
her head. We looked closely and – ugh! – we found she had headlice. My wife went to the Chemist’s shop to buy a
special shampoo to kill the headlice. My daughter went too. The Chemist’s shop was crowded, and there was a
queue of people waiting to be served. My daughter sat happily in her buggy, holding her favourite doll. An old lady
came up to her and smiled. “And what have you got, my dear”, she said. “I GOT LICE”, said my daughter in a loud
voice. There was silence in the shop. Several people looked at their watches and realised that they had to be
somewhere else very quickly! In about 20 seconds the shop was empty. If you ever feel that you too would like to
do your shopping without lots of other people around, why not take a child with headlice with you!
Incidentally, do you know the word “lousy” in English? Literally, it means “infested with lice”. But in colloquial
speech we use it to mean “bad” – the weather is lousy today, I got a lousy mark for my German homework, I’ve got
a lousy headache, and so on.
photo by Antonia Hayes/flickr

Mice
Jan 20, 2006

Here is a poem by Rose Fyleman. It is called “Mice”.

I think mice
Are rather nice.
Their tales are long,
Their faces small,
They haven’t any
Chins at all.
Their ears are pink,
Their teeth are white,
They run about the house at night.
They nibble things
They shouldn’t touch
And no-one seems
To like them much.
But I think mice
Are nice.

Mouse – mice. Nearly all English nouns make their plural by adding -s or -es. But there is a small number of nouns
which make their plural in other ways. Mouse – mice is one of them. Send me an e-mail if you can think of others
(peter@carterandrigby.freeserve.co.uk). We will have another irregular plural in the next episode.

Finally, a football result. FA Cup third round replay – Manchester United 5, Burton Albion 0. Sorry, Burton Albion.
Maybe next year. Goodbye.

How to say nothing!

Jan 16, 2006

In English we have several names for the number zero (0). Sometimes we call it “zero”. Sometimes we call it
“nought”. Sometimes we say “O” – just like the letter “O”. James Bond was “double o seven” – 007. In most cases,
you can use any of these three – zero, nought or “O”. But in the score for a football match, and in many other
sports, we say “nil”. For example, Birmingham City 2, Aston Villa 0. And in tennis, a zero score is called “love” –
for example, “Anderson leads three sets to love”.
Would you like some practice? Listen, and see if you can understand the following numbers accurately. If you like,
send me your answers in an e-mail (to peter@listen-to-english.com), and I will reply to tell you if you have got
them right.

Rebuilding_London
Jan 16, 2006

HAHA HA! Boom Boom!

That was Basil Brush. He appeared in our last episode. He is a fox, and a favourite character on children’s
television in Britain. Every time he cracks a joke, he shouts:
HAHAHA! Boom Boom!
I have included a little picture of Basil in the file which downloads with this podcast. You should be able to see it on
your iPod.
HAHAHA! Boom Boom!
Go away Basil. This episode is not about you. It is about rebuilding London. About 50 people in Denmark, the
Czech Republic and Britain have spent the last 6 months rebuilding London. Yes, they have built a completely new
St Paul’s Cathedral, Tower Bridge, Buckingham Palace, Oxford Street, Canary Wharf and about 50 other famous
London landmarks.
No, not the real London, of course. I am talking about a miniature model of London at the Legoland theme park at
Windsor, which is just outside the real London. It is built entirely out of Lego – you know, the little plastic bricks
that children use to build model buildings, cars etc. The old model of London at Legoland had become dirty and
discoloured. Also, it did not include some important modern buildings. So the people at Legoland decided that they
needed a new London. And after fitting together 10 million little Lego bricks, the new model is now ready. You can
see it at Legoland from 25 March. Goodbye.
If you want to contact me, my e-mail address is peter@listen-to-english.com. The Legoland website is
http://www.lego.com/legoland/windsor/default.asp?locale=2057.

Bumping into People

Jan 12, 2006

To bump into something means to collide with something, or to knock against something. But in colloquial speech,
it also means to meet someone unexpectedly.
For instance. Today I went to the supermarket. Unfortunately, as I was parking my car, I bumped into a lamp-post.
When I went into the supermarket, I bumped into Harry Johnson. I hadn’t seen him for years, so we had a long chat
beside the cat food. Now a joke.
A short-sighted man walked into a supermarket.
Guess who he bumped into?
EVERYBODY!