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TRANSCRIPT FROM @ALASECRETS 2009 BEFORE BEING SHUT DOWN BY A
TIGHTASS KILLJOY
the most dumbass place to stand and have a chat? the bottom of the escalator!
Saturday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share
Robert Haas, Penguin ♉, Anika Malone and 3 other people liked this
The top is equally moronic, depending :) - Rahsheen ™
I tend to get caught talking with people in the oddest places. I stand and talk unless I have
to be someplace soon and the other person is going in the same direction. SO I have been
that person before - JSNFLMNG
Students in high school stand and sit at the bottom of the stairs too .. very annoying -
LPH™ and his dog P™
does anyone else check nametags of really annoying people so you never apply for a job
at their library?
Jezmynne Dene and Laura B. liked this
"Using Web 2.0 tools to build community, even if it is a community of hung-over sex-
crazed librarians" McCormick W-177 3pm
alasecrets"Using Web 2.0 tools to build community, even if it is a community of hung-
over sex-crazed librarians" McCormick W-177 3pm
200 followers. Bringing library science to porn sites everywhere.
Pssst. Hot pickup scene? HarperCollins booth.
200 followers in an hour. Thanks y
"Using Web 2.0 tools to build community, even if it is a community of hung-over dex-
crazed librarians" McCormick W-177 3pm
@brianeisley here. You're welcome. (Don't hurt me, I'm one of you, honest!)
Why are there still so many people going to these gaming sessions? If u haven't figured
out how to have a game program yet, PLEASE DON"T
Oh they know how WEIRD we are. It's the rest they don't know about.
No, I really do! The world needs to know just how weird we are!
@brianeisley has just referred to us as "a horde of hung-over sex-crazed librarians". And
we thank him.
Are they still playing Neil Diamond on the shuttle?
If you don't like the way you're being presented then go set up an account for
@sanctimoniousgetoveryourself
I totally budged into the front of the Neil Gaiman line
You don't like the way y
Yes, I think this is EXACTLY how we want to present ourselves.
All right here's the truth: @alasecrets is planning a hookup with #totebag.
Hello. Are you dazzled by my ability to use irrelevant animation in my PPTs?
Hoo boy. This is going downhill even faster than I expected.
No, that was dichotomy, not dick-ectomy. Pervert.
"Leveraging Social Media in a Time of Moral Decay" PALM Salon III, 2:30
No matter how frantic you get, that handout will still suck.
This guy is so desperate for a drink he opened his beer with a key.
dichotomy?? I thought you said...oh never mind. Triple drink!
RT @oif: SEX AT ALA! "Libraries, Librarians & America's War on Sex" IFRT program
starts at 1:30 in McCormick W-178a #ala2009
RT @teknomantik Hungover librarians make surprisingly good Saturday morning
reading: @alasecrets
Oh I think there are way more freaks than moralists.
I am an expert at technology integration and I will prove it just as soon as I figure out
how to make my slides advance.
Stephanie_EnjoyingSummer, MegvsMeg and Christina Pikas liked this
Someone said dichotomy! Double drink!

Restrooms at #ala2009 not discrete enuf. We had to go to Starbucks restroom for quickie.
Missed start of next session :( ALA get it sorted.
This channel is really bringing out the dichotomy among librarians: moralists on the one
side, freaks on the other. Cage match!
RT @pnkrcklibrarian @SonoranDragon @alasecrets Don't Sarah Palin's points point
towards Russia? :)
RT @SonoranDragon Sarah Palin not only has a point, but two of them. You can see
them pushing against her blouse on cold Alaska mornings
Aw baby, let's not fight.
Don't you wag that finger at me.
Don't you
Oh look, here come the moral brigade. They're the ones with buns on head, sleep in
single beds at events and think Sarah Palin "has a point"
RT @surferrosa and that's what escort services are for
Well one night stand stories and drug stories are still better than EFFING TODDLER
STORIE! Stooooppp....stooooop.
Deep inside, we're just interested with free breakfast, lunch, *and* dinner provided by the
vendors. Mwahahahaa...
other people's one-night stand stories are just as exciting as other people's drug stories,
i.e., NOT VERY
@samasalways The tile is bad, too.
Who you calling 'middle aged'? I'm sixty-six.
i want to skip out on the afternoon, get drunk, and have some sexy librarian fun. any
takers??
Oy! "Badly dressed middle aged" librarians have "needs" too, you know :-(
This is doing wonders to enhance the image of librarians everywhere. Librarians, pole
dancers, tomato, tomahto.
To the person before the MJ comment: yes.
Re: "Sewer of depravity" Jesus, is your real twitter name @NeverBeenBonedAtAla or
something? Get a (sex) life and unwind. #ala2009
I'm just glad Michael Jackson didn't live to see this.
This twitter account is disgusting. It's just a sewer of depravity. Is this the image
librarians wish to project to the world?
where are you people finding all these folks to hook up with? i see lots of badly dressed
middle aged people. no thanks! #ala2009
hey Coutts lady: your records suck, no matter how awesome you seem to think they are
Uh best not wonder whose boxers these are. #ThankGodForCondoms #ala2009
Is this what a coma feels like?
Complicated graphs should be handouts - not ppt slides.
I'm going to get me some Velcro sneaks to fit in at my meetings.
I'm a librarian. That's why I am reading every single word on every single slide out loud
to you. Now go to sleep.
Stephanie_EnjoyingSummer, Christina Pikas, John Dupuis and 2 other people liked this
Hey! We're not all alcholic whores. Some of us are self-important charlatans.
conference hookups are never worth it. don't be stupid.

Sir, please pull your pants up. I appreciate you are injured. No excuse.
ALA: great for totebags and STDs.
PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR EFFING TODDLERS!!
#alcoholicwhores09 #ala2009 at the ALA membership pavilion. http://twitpic.com/a06st

woke up at 1 in wrong hotel room. fuck. and wrong hotel. trying to find my clothes, get
the hell outta here. wonder whos showering.
It's great trying to wash your effing hands at a 2-foot high sink with an effing badge
hanging around your neck. #ala2009
Sounds a real challenge. - Kevin Hatton
Have YOUR baby? I would sooner chew out my own fallopian tubes.
F5 starts the slide show no matter what PPT version you're in.
alternative hashtag: #alcoholicwhores09
Wearing comfortable clothes doesn't have to equal looking like a slob. Srsly.
here's a conference tip, too late for some: don't s*** where you eat. learned the hard way
after too much David Lodge and -$chardonnay
hanging a bunch of ribbons and crap off my name badge really completes the overall look
#totebag
Laura B. liked this
All this talk makes me think I am in the wrong sessions!
Not only big but have never cum that hard b4. Bet there won't be a box for that on the
#ala2009 evaluation form ;-) Thanx; u know who u r.
Please speak into the microphone. And don't mumble.
After reading @alasecrets think official conference tag should change from #ala2009 to
#LibrarianSlutFest
i've seen several outifts that match the convention center carpet. #totebag
Chris Charabaruk ￣ω￣, Laura B. and Marie liked this
i don't get the whole lsw/shovers and makers thing. this isn't the special olympics, not
everyone deserves a prize.
Apparently the #ALA2009 snark hashtag is #totebag
Christina Pikas, Matt Hamilton and Laura B. liked this
#ala2009 A great example of indirect leadership in librarianship emerging from a group is
the Library Society of the World.
Laura B. liked this
Jesus, he was big tho'. (smiles)
Last night kinda hazy. Very tired, not focused this morning. Kinda sore down *there*.
Need more coffee. Poss. meds later.
Librarians need to learn how to silence cell phone ringers. And don't answer your calls
during a session!
You *could* give me your awesome swag, but how about if I just point you to that trash
can over there and cut out the middleman? #ala2009
Why are conference room carpets so garish and headache-inducing?
Snore - Kill me.
Loving the #totebag snark hashtag for ala. Snarking is fun.
Want to be taken seriously as a presenter? Lose the Valley Girl talk, fer sure. And you,
like, aren't even from, like, the Valley, you.
I find that library conferences induce constipation. #ala2009
#ala2009 has confirmed what have suspected for years. Librarians mostly function on
sex, alcohol and wifi. Everything else is meh
Why schedule meetings in the south building when you can't freaking get any wifi over
here. crap, crap. crap.
I only came to Chicago to listen to a few library presentations. Not to become a father. :(
Chewing off my own leg wouldn't really get me out of this dreadful session, but it might
be a suitable protest. #ala2009
You want me to come to your booth? Try Bloody Marys instead of lemonade. I mean,
really, lemonade? #ala2009
I was planning on going to an orientation session, but I was just too nonplussed to try to
get there by 8am, so I slept instead.
Loving the #totebag snark hashtag for ala. Snarking is fun.
Want to be taken seriously as a presenter? Lose the Valley Girl talk, fer sure. And you,
like, aren't even from, like, the Valley, you.
I find that library conferences induce constipation. #ala2009
Watching some vendors use twitter at #ala2009 is as painful as watching my parents try
to figure out "their facebooks"
Hope she was on the pill last night. She was hot. I never got her name. I'll never drink
again. Shitting myself with worry.
I'm terribly attracted to someone I met at gaming night. We're both in relationships. That
wouldn't be good.
Bursting into tears when you see your favorite author seems a bit much.
I'm tempted to blow off all of my meetings and enjoy the sunshine in Millennium Park
today.

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TRANSCRIPT FROM @ALASECRETS 2009 BEFORE BEING SHUT DOWN BY A

Someone said dichotomy! Double drink!

conference hookups are never worth it. don't be stupid.

Saturday from Twitter - Comment - Like - Share

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