Gilmore Girls

“Public Displays”
by
T. Alex Miller

T. Alex Miller
5916 N. Las Virgenes Rd., #679
Calabasas, CA 91302
818-880-8761
 FADE IN:

EXT-MORNING-SIDEWALK OUTSIDE LUKE’S COFFEE SHOP

LORELAI
No, I’m sorry my dear, Lynyrd
Skynyrd is NOT a country band.

RORY
But c’mon: Sweet Home Alabama?
What could be more country than
that?
(affecting Southern accent)
“Carry me home ta see ma kin.”

LORELAI
One song about the south does not
a country band make. Lynyrd
Skynyrd was, and actually still
is -- if you discount the fact
that most of the band members are
dead -- a country rock band, not
a country band.

RORY
Oh, important distinction. Excuse
me. It’s like confusing The Cure
with The Fixx.

LORELAI
Exactly. Or Journey with Boston
...

RORY
Elvis Costello with Joe Jackson
...

LORELAI
Now hey, big difference there!

RORY
The Cure, The Fixx ...

LORELAI
Bagels and bialis ...

RORY
What’s a biali?

LORELAI
Like a dusty bagel without a
hole.

(CONTINUED)
 2.
CONTINUED:

RORY
Fabulous.

INT-MORNING-LUKE’S

They enter the coffee shop where LUKE is in his morning rush
frenzy, compounded by the fact that an ATTRACTIVE YOUNG WOMAN is
taking pictures of him as he works.

LUKE
(off their incredulous looks)
Don’t ask.

LORELAI
I have to ask.

LUKE
I’m telling you, don’t ask!

RORY
We must know!

LORELAI
C’mon Luke, what’s going on?
Who’s Annie Leibowitz over here?

RORY
Did you win the Publishers
Clearing House sweepstakes or
something?

JOHN STOCKTON, late 20s, appears behind them.

JOHN
You ladies of Stars Hollow just
don’t realize what a treasure you
have here in Mr. Danes and his
bistro.

LORELAI
Mr. Danes? Bistro?

JOHN
Hi, John Stockton, Hartford
Courant.

RORY
Oh, hey, you’re the color feature
guy! Cool.

LORELAI
The what?

(CONTINUED)
 3.
CONTINUED:

RORY
Color features. Every Sunday. A
different story about something
cool or off the beaten track in
New England. Great stuff.
(to JOHN)
You write with a certain whimsy
that’s as stylized as it is
lugubrious.
(off Lorelai’s look)
Paris’s description.

JOHN
Ah, an adoring fan, I think. I’m
really warming to this town. And
this is Mitzi, my partner, my
eyes, if you will.

MITZI is adjusting Luke’s baseball cap, fussing over his

appearance. He’s tolerating it. She breaks off when introduced.

RORY
(shaking Mitzi’s hand)
I will. Nice to meet you.

LORELAI
(cooly)
Nice to meet you ... Mitzi.

MITZI
Usually it’s a big hassle
photographing a guy who refuses
to take off his hat, but since
Luke wears his backwards, his
scruffy cuteness can shine forth,
like a beacon.

LORELAI
Oh, hey, well Beacon Boy, tell us
about the PR agent who set this
up for you.

LUKE
Not now Lorelai. Still gotta make
the donuts.

And he’s off, with Mitzi in hot pursuit snapping away. Rory
follows. Lorelai sits, John joins her.

(CONTINUED)
 4.
CONTINUED:

JOHN
Actually, this week’s piece was
supposed to be about an old woman
in Darien who makes terra cotta
lawn gnomes based on Star Wars
characters.

LORELAI
Good grief.

JOHN
But she broke her hip.

LORELAI
Oh, sad.

JOHN
Yeah. So is Luke a friend of
yours?

LORELAI
You could say that.

JOHN
Could I say we’re friends?

LORELAI
(a bit surprised)
You could say I’ve known you for,
like, 34 seconds.

JOHN
40 now.

LORELAI
Goody.

JOHN
45

LORELAI
Stop that. And stop taking notes.

JOHN
What? It’s my job. By next week,
Luke’s business will have
tripled.

LORELAI
I’m not so sure that’s a good
thing. But hey, just don’t tell
him about the, the lady in
Milford with the broken leg and
the elves.

(CONTINUED)
 5.
CONTINUED: (2)

JOHN
Darien. Hip. Gnomes.

LORELAI
Whatever. Although that wouldn’t
be a bad name for a lounge act:
The Hip Gnomes.
(off the appearance of JESS)
Uh oh.

JOHN
What?

LORELAI
Nothing.

She GESTURES FRANTICALLY to Rory, who QUICKLY MOVES TO HEAD JESS

OFF. She gives him a peck on the cheek.

RORY
Hey, you, man. Walk, now.

JESS
Uh, OK, woman. Me go.

Rory leads him out the door.

JOHN
What was all that about?

LORELAI
Oh, um, young love or something.

JOHN
(suspiciously)
Really?

LORELAI
Don’t be deceived, Mr.
Lugubrious. This town’s more
complex than you think.
(off her empty cup)
Must ... have ... coffee!
(off Luke’s preoccupation
with Mitzi)
...and the service here stinks.
Uh, I mean, not usually, but
Luke’s not used to being treated
like a swimsuit model.

She rises and crosses to counter with John in tow.

(CONTINUED)
 6.
CONTINUED: (3)

JOHN
Please don’t call me Mr.
Lugubrious.

SMASH CUT TO:

MAIN TITLES

END OF TEASER

(CONTINUED)
 7.
CONTINUED:

ACT ONE

EXT./EST. STARS HOLLOW TOWN SQUARE - MORNING

We find RORY and JESS walking

JESS
So what was all that about?

RORY
Luke’s being interviewed by the
newspaper.

JESS
Really? What, is he in trouble or
something? Cool.

RORY
No, Jess, he’s not in trouble.
It’s a good thing. It’s going to
be a story in the Courant about
how Luke’s is, y’know, like a
hidden gem or something. A place
you should visit for coffee while
you’re antiquing on the weekend.

JESS
I’m not comfortable with
“antique” being perverted into a
verb.

RORY
I don’t like it either. But it is
what it is.

JESS
(realization sinks in)
Ahhhh ... and you hustled me out
of there before I could say
something awful and ruin my
uncle’s 15 minutes of fame.

RORY
Guilty as charged.

JESS
You know, I do have some
discretion.
(off her skeptical look)
But, OK, it might have been ...
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
 8.
CONTINUED:
JESS (CONT'D)
difficult for me to, y’know, not
um ...

RORY
...make some really biting,
sarcastic comments that would
make readers of the Hartford
Courant think Luke is some kind
of fraud and Stars Hollow a
hotbed of malcontents?

JESS
Always assuming the worst.
(beat)
Why are you here?

RORY
Well, Stars Hollow is home, I’m
not 18 yet, still love my mom ...

JESS
No, not that. I mean here, with
me. The malcontent.

RORY
Oh. Ah. That question.

JESS
Yes, that question.

RORY
The ol’ “why do you like me?”

JESS
Yes.

RORY
Or, more to the point, do you
like me.

JESS
Maybe.

RORY
Probably.

JESS
Well?

RORY
Well what?

JESS
Don’t be coy.

(CONTINUED)
 9.
CONTINUED: (2)

RORY
I must be coy. I’m a girl.
(off his look)
OK, I’m sorry.
(deep breath, then quickly)
I do like you, Jess. A lot. But I
don’t understand why you are like
you are. I think I get where your
anger comes from with your whole
family situation, but I don’t get
the, the constant shoulder chip
thing, like whoever happens to be
around you is somehow partly
responsible for whatever, your
unhappy childhood or your painful
transition to adulthood.

JESS
Wow. You’ve thought about this.
This is like “a topic” for you.

RORY
Well, yeah. I’m dating you and I
care about you and I don’t
understand you and I don’t
exactly understand why I like you
but I do and I think you like me
and so here I am just babbling
away hoping somehow this makes
some kind of sense.

JESS
It does. I think. I’ll bet I’m a
little tougher than Dean to
figure out.

RORY
Well, there is the theory long
held by women that all men are
nuts.

JESS
On the guy side, there’s some
thinking along those lines about
women. So ... about Dean?

RORY
What about Dean?

JESS
Are you over him?

RORY
Oh, that one.

(CONTINUED)
 10.
CONTINUED: (3)

JESS
Why do you make it sound like
you’ve been in several hundred
relationships before?

RORY
I have. Just vicariously through
books, TV and movies. And my mom.

JESS
Oh, so it’s all old hat. You’re
the pro, the ol’ salty dog of
relationships.

RORY
That’s me!

JESS
So answer the question, o wise
and salty one.

RORY
I’m with you now. Dean’s in the
past.

JESS
So you’re not over him.

RORY
That’s not what I said.

JESS
It’s what you meant.

RORY
So you say. Is that what you want
to hear, that I’m not over Dean?

JESS
You’re not.

RORY
(beat)
OK, I’m not. Not entirely. It
hasn’t been that long, we were
together for a while ...

JESS
I knew it.

RORY
But Jess, that doesn’t mean, it
doesn’t mean we can’t ...
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
 11.
CONTINUED: (4)
RORY (CONT'D)
aaagghh! Words not working! Book
learning useless!

JESS
It’s OK. I get it. I get it just
fine. Hard to compete with the
boy scout.

Jess storms off, leaving Rory open-mouthed, standing in the

middle of the square.

CUT TO:

INT-GILMORE MANSION-NIGHT

Lorelai and Rory are being admitted by the MAID.

LORELAI
Hi, we’re the daughter and grand
... hey, you look familiar!

MAID
Yes. Mrs. Gilmore, she’s giving
me another chance. She says I’m
(quoting) “the least inept
servant she’s had in years.” Even
though I used the wrong wood
polish on the 16h century
escritoire.

RORY
Well, who needs a perfectly
burnished escritoire anyway?

LORELAI
Who needs an escritoire? Didn’t
they go out with chamber pots?

EMILY enters

EMILY
Lorelai! Rory! Don’t stand there
chattering with the help, come on
to dinner!

She turns on her heel and disappears.

LORELAI
(to maid)
Well, welcome back. We’re pulling
for you, if this is what you
want.

(CONTINUED)
 12.
CONTINUED:

RORY
They probably have odds on you on
the board in Vegas by now.

MAID
Thanks. I like a challenge.

LORELAI
God bless you, my child.

CUT TO:

INT-GILMORE MANSION DINING ROOM-MOMENTS LATER

Lorelai, Rory, Emily and Richard are seated at the table eating.

EMILY
So, Rory, how are things at
Chilton?

RORY
OK, if you put aside the fact
that I’ll never fit in until I
play field hockey.

RICHARD
Good god, field hockey. Never a
lady’s sport, in my opinion.

LORELAI
Well, neither is luge or rugby or
masonry.

EMILY
Masonry?

RICHARD
I don’t get your point.

LORELAI
Me neither.

RICHARD
(confused)
Well, fitting in, that’s
something we all deal with at, at
different times in our lives.

RORY
True dat.

(CONTINUED)
 13.
CONTINUED:

EMILY
Yes, Richard is still trying to
figure out how to fill up his
days.

RICHARD
Isn’t it amazing, us humans,
always needing to be entertained,
to be busy. Would that I were a
house cat or a springer spaniel,
happy to go from food bowl to nap
and back to food bowl.

LORELAI
With perhaps a quick toilet slurp
thrown in to liven things up.

RICHARD
Well, your scatological reference
notwithstanding, the metaphor is
apt.

LORELAI
(elated)
Yay! I made a metaphor!

RICHARD
I need some toilets to slurp.

EMILY
Oh, Richard!

LORELAI
God I wish I’d had a tape
recorder on when you said that!

RICHARD
(switching gears)
Rory, have you read D.H.
Lawrence’s account of his time in
Italy?

RORY
Nope. Just “Sons and Lovers” so
far. Why?

RICHARD
Oh, no reason. I was just
thinking of Italy lately. Seems
like it’d be a good place to
retire, where no one expects
anything of you.
(in reverie)
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
 14.
CONTINUED: (2)
RICHARD (CONT'D)
Nap to food bowl and back again,
amongst the olive trees. Motoring
to the market once a day on an
ancient Ducati, Vivaldi on an
equally ancient phonograph. Flies
buzzing lazily against the window
...

LORELAI
Ho-kay. Earth to Dad?

RICHARD
(snapping out of it)
Oh! Excuse me a moment.

Richard ABRUPTLY EXITS. The women look at each other.

EMILY
This is what I’ve been dealing
with now. He’s gone from being
depressed about not working
anymore to these, these flights
of fancy. Retiring in Italy!
Imagine getting good help there!
Then he wanders off without a
word.

LORELAI
I believe he did excuse himself.

RORY
I thought it was kind of cool.
Very poetic, romantic.

EMILY
At your grandfather’s age? Poetry
and romance are for the young.

LORELAI
Yes, must not deviate from
counting the silverware and
perfecting those hospital
corners.

EMILY
Oh, you know what I mean.
(beat)
Lorelai...?

LORELAI
No. A thousand times no.

EMILY
But I haven’t even ...

(CONTINUED)
 15.
CONTINUED: (3)

LORELAI
...asked me to take Dad on a
field trip or to have him be my
shadow again? I’m still
recovering from the last time.
And so is Michel.

EMILY
I’m not asking you to take him.
I’d just like you to do a little
research.

RORY
Research?

EMILY
Yes. Rory, you can help. Find out
what other dignified, wealthy
retired men do to find meaning in
their lives.

LORELAI
And stay out of their wealthy,
dignified wives’ hair.

EMILY
Yes, that too!

RORY
Well, I think it’d be a fun
challenge, but I’m kinda swamped
at school.

LORELAI
I’m way busy too, mom.
(off her look)
But I’ll see what I can do.

EMILY
Excellent! Thank you.

LORELAI
Yeah, well, this is gonna cost
you.

EMILY
Oh?

LORELAI
You have to keep the new maid
around for at least a month.

RORY
Yes grandma. She’s really nice.

(CONTINUED)
 16.
CONTINUED: (4)

EMILY
Why the sudden interest in my
help?

LORELAI
Oh, just hate to see the trail of
tears leading away from here all
the time. Plus, she’s very very
sorry about the escritoire.

EMILY
The escritoire! How did you know
about that?

RORY
Oh, it’s all over town.

LORELAI
I came across it on the bored-
rich-ladies-and-their-downtrodden-
servants-dot-com Web site.

EMILY
Well, have your sport if you
must, but you’ve no idea what
goes into running a house like
this.

LORELAI
True, I only run an inn with
hundreds of guest a month. What
would I know about running a
house with only two people in it?

EMILY
(About to be angry)
Lorelai ...
(remembers her request)
I’ll see what I can do. I suppose
it would be nice not always to be
in training mode around here.

LORELAI
Then it’s settled. We find
something for dad to do and you
and you have to be nice to the
servants.

EMILY
I never said anything about being
nice. I will let her hang around
for a month, though, provided she
doesn’t ruin anything else.

(CONTINUED)
 17.
CONTINUED: (5)

LORELAI
Deal. I suppose you can’t expect
China to clean up its human
rights record overnight.

EMILY
China?
(to Rory)
China?

Rory SHRUGS as we

FADE TO:

END OF ACT ONE

(CONTINUED)
 18.
CONTINUED:

ACT TWO

FADE IN:

INT-INDEPENDENCE INN-MORNING

Lorelai and Michel are at the front desk. She is on the PHONE.

LORELAI
(into phone)
No, I don’t want sundried
apricots or currants or peaches.
It’s sundried tomatoes.
(to MICHEL)
God, where is Sookie to deal with
this stuff?

MICHEL
She is off doing the romantic
thing with the usual sundried
tomato guy.

LORELAI
(into phone)

Thank you. Yes, 5 pounds.

MICHEL
And here I thought sundried
tomatoes were passé, like pesto
and Abba.

LORELAI
(hanging up)
Well, they’ve got them but they
won’t deliver. And we’ve got to
pick up 30 pounds of tater tots
for the bus full of old people
tomorrow.

MICHEL
My god, blue hairs by the
busload! I quit!

LORELAI
(sweetly)
Michel, can you please ...

MICHEL
My place is here, at the command
center. I will watch over it well
while you are errand girl. Now
go!

(CONTINUED)
 19.
CONTINUED:

LORELAI
So gallantry is dead.

MICHEL
No, just on life support.

LORELAI
OK, I’ll go but only if you do
something for me.

MICHEL
Probably not, but what is it?

LORELAI
My father, I need you to make
some calls to, I dunno,
retirement homes or the AARP or
something. Find out what we can
have my dad do so he doesn’t
drive my mother crazy and move to
Italy to ride old motorcycles and
write bad poetry.

MICHEL
Your father? In Italy! On a
motorcycle?
(laughs heartily)
That’s very touching, but I
couldn’t possibly. Very busy.

LORELAI
(leaving)
If you don’t, I’ll have my father
spend a week here teaching you
good customer service.

MICHEL
I will have a list by this
afternoon. Devil woman!

LORELAI
I prefer “Sundried Tomato Queen.”

Lorelai EXITS out the door as we

CUT TO:

INT-MORNING-LUKE’S

Lorelai enters, looks around. It’s just LUKE and JESS, who’s
assiduously CLEANING THE STOVE.

LORELAI
What, no adoring press today?

(CONTINUED)
 20.
CONTINUED:

LUKE
No, they got all they needed.
They were in a hurry to get back
and do the story. Some kind of
deadline.

LORELAI
Well, when the gnomes let you
down, you’ve got to hustle.

LUKE
Huh?

LORELAI
Hey, place looks dead. Wanna
drive with me to get some
sundried tomatoes?

LUKE
I don’t use sundried tomatoes.

LORELAI
Well, duh. But I could use the
company.

LUKE
Alright. Jess, you’re in charge.

LORELAI
Don’t get drunk with all the
power, Jess.
(off LUKE’s look)
He could get crazy and offer
people sprouts or something.

CUT TO:

INT-INDEPENDENCE INN-MOMENTS LATER

Michel is ON THE PHONE

MICHEL
Yes, he is an old, rich and
annoying American with nothing to
do. What does your retirement
villa offer?
(writing)
Shuffleboard, I don’t know what
this is but OK. Bridge club, god
help us all. Auto repair class?
No, I don’t think this is a good
fit. Good luck renting to the
trailer people.

(CONTINUED)
 21.
CONTINUED:

He HANGS UP.

CUT TO:

INT-LORELAI’S CAR-MOMENTS LATER

LORELAI
What’s with Jess? The moping I
get, but cleaning the stove?

LUKE
He’s confused about women. It
helps him somehow. I can’t argue
with it.

LORELAI
Confused about women would mean
confused about Rory, right?

LUKE
I guess. He doesn’t say much to
me.

LORELAI
He doesn’t have to. Cleaning the
stove -- the poor little
heartless wretch is in love!

LUKE
Whatever.

LORELAI
And he’s jealous.

LUKE
Let me guess: Dean?

LORELAI
Bingo. Somehow I don’t think Jess
is the type to take interlopers
of any kind very well.

LUKE
So Rory’s not talking to you
either?

LORELAI
I just got the basic outline. He
thinks she’s not over Dean yet.

LUKE
How could she be? It hasn’t been
that long.

(CONTINUED)
 22.
CONTINUED:

LORELAI
Exactly! And that’s what you, as
a guy, need to tell your nephew.

LUKE
Oh, no! Leave me out of this.

LORELAI
He needs like a father-son chat,
Luke.

LUKE
Listen Lorelai, I don’t know that
I’m ...

He is interrupted by the figure of TAYLOR, SPRAWLING OVER THE

HOOD OF THE CAR as they stop at a stop sign.

LORELAI
Taylor! Good god, you’re the last
person I’d expect to be car-
jacked by!

Taylor crosses to Lorelai’s window

TAYLOR
Lorelai! Luke! You’ve got to see
it! It’s HORRIBLE!

LORELAI
What?

LUKE
What’s horrible?

TAYLOR
The art, the, the, the sculpture.
The thing we commissioned and
spent $15,000 on!

LORELAI
Oh, right. The angel of Star’s
Hollow or something, right?

TAYLOR
It’s supposed to be installed in
the square this week, but it’s
HORRIBLE!

LORELAI
Oh, Taylor, it can’t be that bad.

(CONTINUED)
 23.
CONTINUED: (2)

TAYLOR
Oh yes it can! It’s nothing like
what the sketches looked like.
This artist, this charlatan, his
work will be the ruin of Stars
Hollow.

LUKE
This I gotta see. What, is the
angel wearing a thong or
something?

TAYLOR
I wish! Underwear would be an
improvement!

LORELAI
(to LUKE)
I’m amazed Taylor knows a thong
is underwear.
TAYLOR
You two, you must come to our
emergency session tonight. 7
o’clock. Our future rests on it!

We see him scurry off and ACCOST ANOTHER CAR behind them.

LORELAI
Suddenly, leaving town seems like
a good thing.

LUKE
Do we have to come back?

LORELAI
I guess it depends how long we
can live on 5 pounds of sundried
tomatoes and 30 pounds of tater
tots.

CUT TO:

INT-INDEPENDENCE INN-AFTERNOON

Michel, looking very uncomfortable, is interviewing MRS.

DOHERTY, a frumpy middle-aged woman, in the living room.

MRS. DOHERTY
So this Mr. Gilmore, what are his
interests?

(CONTINUED)
 24.
CONTINUED:

MICHEL
I don’t know. Money. Big houses.
J. Press I suppose. He likes
sticking his nose in where it
doesn’t belong.

MRS. DOHERTY
And he’s rich, you say?

MICHEL
Filthy.

MRS. DOHERTY
Well, he certainly doesn’t sound
like a candidate for a retirement
home like Sunnyville, Mr. Gerard.

MICHEL
I know that. I was just wondering
if you might have some ideas
about what retired people do to,
to fill out their days before
they die. And no shuffleboard!

MRS. DOHERTY
Mr. Gerard, retired people are
not horses to be put out to
pasture, or numbers on a page
waiting just to die!

MICHEL
Oh, but they are! This is why I
hope to die young. To spare
myself the existential dread of
having outlived my usefulness.
It’s all so horrible.

MRS. DOHERTY
(rising)
Mr. Gerard, that was an excellent
cup of tea, but you are a truly
horrible young man. You should
come by Sunnyville sometime and
see that it’s not just “God’s
waiting room.” Good day.

She EXITS

MICHEL
God’s waiting room. That’s a good
one.

CUT TO:
 25.

INT-STARS HOLLOW TOWN HALL-EVENING

Taylor is standing before a capacity crowd. In front is a large

item covered with sheets. Next to it stands the artist,
CHESTERFIELD. He is a study in stereotype: beret, pointy goatee,
black clothes, wire-rimmed glasses. Late 20s. Lorelai, Rory and
Luke sit in the audience.

LORELAI
That’s the artist?

RORY
He’s cute. In a slightly
hilarious way.

LORELAI
It looks like he went into a
uniform store and asked for the
artist’s ensemble.

RORY
Yes. Um, I’d like to see your
impressionist package ...

TAYLOR
Good evening and thank you for
coming at the last minute to this
extremely important meeting.
We’re here tonight to talk about
Mr. Chesterfield and his $15,000
boondoggle.

CHESTERFIELD
(softly)
It’s not “Mr. Chesterfield.” Just
“Chesterfield.”
(mostly to himself)
One name, one vision.

TAYLOR
(not hearing this, gesturing
to drawings on an easel.
They show a winged angel in
flowing robes)
As you know, we commissioned a
work from Mr. Chesterfield to put
in the town square. He delivered
these sketches of the “Forgiving
Angel” to us and we approved the
project based on what we saw,
WHAT WE LIKED. Now ...

LUKE
Here we go ...

(CONTINUED)
 26.
CONTINUED:

TAYLOR
...today, Mr. Chesterfield
delivers this to us.

In one motion, Taylor WHISKS THE COVERING OFF THE STATUE. It is

beautiful, very much like the drawing except for one thing: The
angel’s LEFT BREAST IS EXPOSED. A voluminous MURMUR of
appreciation and mild shock ripples through the audience. After
a moment, the townsfolk weigh in in rapid fire succession.

MAN IN BACK
Appalling!

BABETTE
It’s beautiful!

MRS. KIM
Disgusting! Pornographic!

MISS PATTY
I love it! It reminds me of my
own youth!

Amid more general hubbub and commentary, we suddenly hear JESS

at the back of the room.

JESS
Why’d he cover up one of them? I
think they should both be set
free.

Among those snapping around to see who said this is Rory, who
makes EYE CONTACT with Jess, then quickly TURNS BACK AROUND. She
chooses this moment to join the discussion. CHESTERFIELD at this
point is cowering sort of behind his sculpture.

RORY
(speaking loudly to gain
attention)
Excuse me! Excuse me! This man
has made a beautiful work of art
for our town for a very small
amount of money ...

TAYLOR
Now Rory, $15,000 is a heck of a
lot of money to pay someone to
just make a sculpture ...

RORY
Just? Just make a sculpture?
Chesterfield, how long have you
been working on the Forgiving
Angel?

(CONTINUED)
 27.
CONTINUED: (2)

CHESTERFIELD
About eight months.

RORY
Any other projects?

CHESTERFIELD
No. I’ve been working on this
exclusively.

RORY
And how much of the $15,000 has
the town paid you so far?

CHESTERFIELD
$5,000. I get the rest ... well,
I was supposed to get the rest
today when I delivered it.

RORY
So this man has been working for
the past eight months exclusively
on the Forgiving Angel for Stars
Hollow, for the grand total of
$15,000, only a third of which
he’s been paid so far.

TAYLOR
But that’s not the point. What
about the nudity?

RORY
This sculpture was rendered in a
classical style, and many
classical art works show the
human form in the buff, or
partial buff. Has anyone seen
Michelangelo's “David?”

MISS PATTY
I have! Well, the one in Vegas,
anyway. Hoo mama!

RORY
Rodin’s “The Thinker,” the Venus
di Milo, Ruben’s nudes ...

JESS
Degas’ bathers, Michelangelo's
ceiling of the Sistine Chapel,
the works of T.R. Braithwaite ...

RORY
Thanks. Good examples.

(CONTINUED)
 28.
CONTINUED: (3)

JESS
Playboy, Oui, Juggs, Hustler ...

RORY
Um, NOT good examples.

TAYLOR
You see?! Lump them all together
and what have you got? Just
shameless, prurient trash. The
tourists will drop dead when they
see this.

LORELAI
Taylor, given that most of our
tourists are from big cities, I
don’t think they’ll be that
appalled. They’ll think she’s
over-dressed.
RORY
And you have to take it in
context. Chesterfield’s angel
isn’t in a suggestive pose of any
kind.

LORELAI
Yeah. Even guys can’t get that
excited about a body part carved
from alabaster.

LUKE
(to Lorelai)
Well, speak for yourself. I’m on
fire for her!

Suddenly, LANE bursts in and rushes to Rory

LANE
Rory! You’ve got to come quick.
Dean’s been taken to the
emergency room. His appendix or
something.

Rory flings Lorelai a FRANTIC LOOK

LORELAI
Go! Go! I’ll defend the cause
here.

As she and Lane exit, Rory CATCHES THE EYE of Jess. She opens
her mouth to speak, can’t think of anything to say and runs out
the door.

(CONTINUED)
 29.
CONTINUED: (4)

End of Act Two

(CONTINUED)
 30.
CONTINUED: (5)

Act Three

INT-COUNTY HOSPITAL-NIGHT

Rory and Lane are in the WAITING ROOM

LANE
What the heck is an appendix
anyway?

RORY
It’s part of our digestive tract.
No one’s quite sure what it’s
supposed to be for.

LANE
Well, that’s handy.

RORY
Scientists used to think it was a
functionless part of our
intestines left over from an
earlier time. Like when we ate
more grass or something.

LANE
I hate grass.

RORY
You’ve had grass?

LANE
Well, when I was a kid.

RORY
Anyway, they think now that the
appendix has a bigger role,
especially in fetuses and in
people our age. Something to do
with the immune system, I think.

LANE
So if they take Dean’s out, he’ll
get more colds?

RORY
Uh, why don’t you ask the nurse.
Here he comes.

A MALE NURSE in scrubs approaches

(CONTINUED)
 31.
CONTINUED:

NURSE
Are you ladies waiting to find
out about our appendectomy case
tonight?

RORY
Yes! How is he?

NURSE
He’s fine. His folks are in with
him now. He’ll feel like he’s
been hit by a truck for a few
days, but he’ll be up and around
in no time.

RORY
Phewww!

LANE
Can we go see him?

NURSE
Sure. Follow me.

CUT TO:

INT-HOSPITAL ROOM-MOMENTS LATER

A groggy DEAN lies in the bed with Rory over him and Lane in
the background.

RORY
Hey.

DEAN
Hey.

RORY
You look ... awful.

DEAN
Thank you. You too.

RORY
Thanks. I was crying. Never a
good look for a girl.

DEAN
Tears for me? I’m amazed.

RORY
Don’t be.

(CONTINUED)
 32.
CONTINUED:

DEAN
(after an awkward silence)
You don’t have to be here, Rory.
I’m OK. But thanks.

RORY
Dean ...

DEAN
It’s OK. Lane, thanks for coming.
On your way out, could you send
my mom back in?

LANE
Sure, Dean. Feel better.

RORY
Yes, feel better.

Not quite knowing what to do, Rory TOUCHES Dean briefly on the
leg, gives a weak smile and EXITS with Lane.

INT-COUNTY HOSPITAL-MOMENTS LATER

Rory and Lane are exiting the building

RORY
Well, that could’ve gone better.

LANE
What did you expect? Just because
he’s sick doesn’t mean he forgot
you dumped him.

RORY
I didn’t dump him. That’s such a
rotten word.

LANE
Oh, OK. You “traded him in.” You
“exchanged” him. Whatever you
want to call it.

RORY
Lane, please don’t ... I’ve got
my current boyfriend AND my ex-
boyfriend thinking I’m a heel.
The only way it could get worse
is if you turn on me too.

LANE
Actually, there’s one other way
it could get worse.

(CONTINUED)
 33.
CONTINUED:

RORY
How?

LANE
Look who’s standing vigil
outside.

We follow their gaze OUTSIDE, where Jess is leaned against a

post. The two girls approach him.

LANE (CONT’D)
Hi Jess.

JESS
So, Rory Nightingale. How’s young
Dean-o?

RORY
You could at least acknowledge
Lane’s hello.

JESS
You could at least not spend all
your time mooning over and
visiting your ex-boyfriend. “EX”
being the operative prefix.

RORY
I never figured you for a
stalker.

JESS
I never figured you for a ...

RORY
For a what?

JESS
Never mind.

RORY
Well, in that case, good night.

LANE
(merrily)
Good night Jess!

Jess SCOWLS as we

CUT TO:

INT-GILMORE HOUSE-LATER

Lorelai is on the PHONE

(CONTINUED)
 34.
CONTINUED:

LORELAI
...and so visiting hours tomorrow
start at 10? OK. But, so he’s
stable and fine and everything?
Great. Thank you.

She HANGS UP, checks her watch, sits down and picks up a
magazine.

SFX: DOOR BELL

Lorelai goes to the door to find an agitated MICHEL

LORELAI (CONT’D)
Michel!

MICHEL
You must let me in!

LORELAI
Sure Michel, but what ... I, wow
...

MICHEL
What?

LORELAI
You’re at my home. You’re just so
out of context! It’s weird, it’s
like you’re a visitor from
another dimension.

MICHEL
I am a visitor from another
dimension, the dimension known as
“retirement for rich white
people.”

LORELAI
Oh, cool! Sit down. Can I offer
you a drink? I’ve got water, milk
...

MICHEL
Oh, right, like I would have a
glass of milk. Perhaps with some
Nilla Wafers.

LORELAI
I could mix up some Kool Aid.

MICHEL
I would rather chew on a sock.

(CONTINUED)
 35.
CONTINUED: (2)

LORELAI
Well, OK, no drink then. Just
tell me: what did you find out?

MICHEL
It’s really quite simple: All the
places and activities available
out there for old people are for
the ones who are not rich.
(he digs in his bag for
brochures)
This place, Shadyview Farms, you
live on fish sticks and
shuffleboard, with an occasional
bridge tournament.

LORELAI
Ewww ...

MICHEL
This one is called Mount Restive
and it features its own miniature
golf course and senior field day
every April. One of the featured
daily actitivites is making
potholders.

LORELAI
Oh dear ...

MICHEL
When I spoke to this woman who
says she is a retirement
consultant, she told me most rich
people travel during their autumn
years, clogging up the roads with
their recreational vehicles or
taking up good beach spaces on
the Riviera.

LORELAI
Yeah, except my dad says he’s
sick of traveling from his job.
He wants to relax.

MICHEL
Well, I don’t know how you relax
and keep from being bored, but I
do have one important thing to
ask you.

LORELAI
What’s that?

(CONTINUED)
 36.
CONTINUED: (3)

MICHEL
Has what I’ve done so far been
enough to keep you from having
your father spend more time at
the inn?

LORELAI
Boy, I don’t know Michel ...

MICHEL
Please! You cannot do this to me!
I will go mad if he spends his
days critiquing my guest service
skills. The guests love me as I
am!

LORELAI
They do seem to appreciate your
snottiness and superiority.

MICHEL
It is what makes them believe
they are in a top-rated inn.

LORELAI
It IS a top-rated inn!

MICHEL
Yes, because of my awful
attitude.
(off her look)
And, of course, your exceptional
management skills.

LORELAI
OK, Michel, you’re off the hook.
Go run home and dry your eyes and
practice being snotty.

MICHEL
(happily)
Oh, I don’t have to practice in
front of the mirror anymore like
I used to. It flows naturally
from me, like the voice of
Pavarotti.

LORELAI
Spare me. And thanks for doing
that research. I never realized
money could be such a handicap
when it comes to retirement.

Rory ENTERS as Michel EXITS. They exchange PUZZLED GLANCES.

(CONTINUED)
 37.
CONTINUED: (4)

LORELAI (CONT’D)
Hey! How’s Dean? I called over
there after the meeting but they
said visiting hours were over, so
I’m going to go tomorrow.

Rory flops on the couch. Lorelai sits next to her.

RORY
I’m not so sure that’s a great
idea. You might be tarred with
the same brush.

LORELAI
Uh-oh. He didn’t swoon with glee
when he saw you, huh?

RORY
No. He acted like he wished I
would just disappear or
something. And then Jess was
waiting outside the hospital ...

LORELAI
Big uh-oh. And let me guess, he
wasn’t holding a bouquet of
roses.

RORY
Far from it. He’s all mad that I
went to see Dean.

LORELAI
Can you blame him?

RORY
What’s this? Sticking up for
Jess, the devil child?

LORELAI
I’m not sticking up for him Rory.
I’m just ... try to see it from
his perspective. People don’t
like their significant others
having anything to do with their
exes.

RORY
But geez mom, he was in the
hospital!

(CONTINUED)
 38.
CONTINUED: (5)

LORELAI
I know, I know. And I don’t think
you did the wrong thing paying
him a visit. Or maybe you did.
This is a tough one.

RORY
“Go, go!” That’s what you told
me.

LORELAI
Amazing though this may sound,
I’m not always right.

RORY
It’s just so frustrating. I feel
like I’m in trouble for something
I didn’t really do.

LORELAI
Really? You made the decision to
break up with Dean and be with
Jess.

RORY
Yes, but ...

LORELAI
Decisions like that come with
consequences. However you
rationalize your actions, it’s
still going to look like a
betrayal to Dean. He lost a
beautiful, intelligent and
wonderful girlfriend, and it
wasn’t because he did anything
wrong.

RORY
Mom ...

LORELAI
Hang on. And it’s not that you
did anything wrong, either, Rory.
You didn’t cheat on him, you told
him how things were, and that’s
just life. Some day, I’m sorry to
say, some guy will dump you and
you’ll know what it feels like.
It sucks. It never seems to make
sense. It hurts, and there’s
nothing you can do about it.

(CONTINUED)
 39.
CONTINUED: (6)

RORY
I didn’t want to hurt him.

LORELAI
Of course you didn’t. But you
have to realize and accept that
you did, and that Dean’s never
going to look at you the way he
used to. The dumpee can’t ever
trust the dumper once the dumping
has occurred. And it’s hard for
him to see you.

RORY
This ... is a hard lesson.

LORELAI
It is. You loved Dean, you may
still love him. Emotions like
that aren’t like light switches
you can just flip on and off. You
can’t help the way you feel, but
you can try to manage those
feelings.

RORY
Manage them?

LORELAI
Talk to Jess. Tell him the truth,
that, yes, you still have
feelings for Dean, but that
you’re with him now and you will
make him your first priority.
Admit you made a mistake.

RORY
OK, now you’re confusing me. I
thought you hated Jess.

LORELAI
I don’t hate Jess. I don’t hate
anyone, Rory. I don’t think he’s
... how do I phrase this? ... a
very good people person. And I’m
still really angry with him about
the whole bracelet incident. But
I respect you if you say there’s
something in him you want to
know, and regardless of whether
it’s Jess or whoever down the
road, these are issues you need
to figure out.

(CONTINUED)
 40.
CONTINUED: (7)

RORY
I’ll give it a try.
How did you get so wise, O mother
of mine?

They EMBRACE

LORELAI
Oh, thank you, but sweetie these
are just words to try to help
you. The real direction comes
from your heart. And you have a
great heart. I know you’ll do the
right thing.

RORY
Oh, hey, what happened with
Chesterfield’s angel?

LORELAI
Well, in large part due to your
spirited defense of artistic
expression, the town council
agreed to a trial period. One too
many complaints about naked angel
boobs and she’s outta there.

RORY
Yay! I wish I could’ve seen the
look on Taylor’s face.

LORELAI
Taylor exploded. Literally.
Pieces everywhere. They’ll be
mopping up for weeks.

CUT TO:

EXT-STARS HOLLOW TOWN SQUARE-MORNING

CHESTERFIELD is fussing around the sculpture. KIRK arrives with

a big SIGN reading: NO PORN IN STARS HOLLOW. He begins PACING up
and down as Rory and Lorelai pass on their way to LUKE’S.

LORELAI
Oh, hey, Kirk. Top of the morning
to you.

KIRK
Don’t mock me, Lorelai.

LORELAI
How is saying “top of the morning
to you” mocking you?

(CONTINUED)
 41.
CONTINUED:

KIRK
You never say “top of the
morning” to anyone. Your
inflection, the look on your
face, all tell me you don’t
approve of my actions.

RORY
No, Kirk, we fully support your
expressing your opinion in
accordance with the first
amendment.

LORELAI
Yes, we wouldn’t have it any
other way. I actually think you
look rather sexy with that sign.

RORY
Yes! You’re a man to be reckoned
with. Chicks dig that.

KIRK
Really?

LORELAI
No, Kirk, not really.

They continue WALKING

RORY
Way to go, Chesterfield!

LORELAI
Woo-hoo! Down with censorship! Up
with bare angel breasts!

KIRK
You just wait until the rest of
my posse shows up! Decency will
prevail.

RORY
Since when does Kirk care about
decency?

LORELAI
Since he learned Taylor’s
explanation of it. Kirk figures
he better toe the company line if
he wants to keep his job with
Taylor Inc.

(CONTINUED)
 42.
CONTINUED: (2)

They ENTER LUKE’S. Jess takes one look at Rory and DISAPPEARS
into the back.

LUKE
That’s some effect you have on
Jess, Rory. And I thought only my
classic rock station could get
him moving so fast in the
opposite direction.

LORELAI
Ah, well, you know Luke, the
travails of young love.

LUKE
Travails or not, I’ve got too
many customers to do without him.
Be right back.

CUT TO:

INT-LUKE’S BACK ROOM-MOMENTS LATER

LUKE
Jess, I need you out front.

JESS
No, you don’t.

LUKE
Uh, yes, I do.

JESS
I’m OK back here.

LUKE
Jess, look, I know you’re having
some kind of fight with Rory but
...

JESS
What? There’s no fight. Just stay
out of it.

LUKE
OK, I’ll stay out of it if you
get back in it. Get your butt out
there and bus some tables.

Luke turns to leave, then turns back

LUKE (CONT’D)
And hey, Jess? Cut Rory some
slack. She’s just a kid.

(CONTINUED)
 43.
CONTINUED:

JESS
Way to stay out of it.

LUKE
Yeah, well, sometimes you gotta
have these heart-to-heart talks
with your annoying nephews.

JESS
I’m touched.

Luke returns to the FRONT, as does Jess, who works hard to be as

far away from Rory as possible.

LUKE (CONT’D)
(pouring coffee)
Sorry about that. I hope you guys
can patch things up soon Rory.
Your presence is really impacting
my table bussing.

RORY
Sorry. Just need my coffee and
I’ll be out of the way. See ya!

LORELAI
Bye! Write if you find work!
(to Luke)
I need big coffee, big pancakes,
I’m making a big phone call.

LUKE
Who’s the lucky guy?

LORELAI
My dad. I’m going to try to talk
to him about the meaning of life
after a career of corporate
skullduggery.

LUKE
Sounds heavy. Good luck. Pancakes
on the way.

LORELAI
Thanks! Oh, hey, did you have
that heart-to-heart with Jess.

LUKE
Yeah.

LORELAI
How’d it go?

(CONTINUED)
 44.
CONTINUED: (2)

LUKE
We talked. We cried. We hugged.
We split a pint of ice cream and
it’s all better now.

LORELAI
Hey, never mock the healing
powers of ice cream!

She SITS, picks up PHONE and DIALS

LORELAI (CONT’D)
Hi, it’s Lorelai Gilmore. May I
speak with my father please?
Thanks. Dad? Hi. It’s me, your
favorite daughter.

INT-RICHARDS’S STUDY-SIMULTANEOUS

RICHARD
Lorelai!? To what do I owe the
honor of this unexpected call?

INT-LUKE’S-SIMULTANEOUS

LORELAI
Oh, just wanted to see how you’re
doing and all that, what you’re
up to. I was just wondering,
y’know, what you’re doing to fill
your days.
(she winces at this phrase)

INT-RICHARDS’S STUDY-SIMULTANEOUS

RICHARD
Oh, nothing much Lorelai. Right
now I’m reading the paper. In a
little while I’ll probably go for
a walk. I’ll kill some time until
lunch, then maybe head over to
the club. It’s all pretty
mundane, even frightfully boring.
But don’t worry, I’m not poking
my nose in your mother’s business
anymore, if that’s what this call
is about.

INT-LUKE’S-SIMULTANEOUS

LORELAI
Oh, no, not at all. I just, I
worry about you, Dad, and I did a
little ... research for you.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
 45.
CONTINUED:
LORELAI (CONT'D)
Yes, looking into what people
typically do with themselves when
they retire. Unfortunately, I
don’t think much of it applies to
you. It’s mostly shuffleboard and
bridge clubs and pot-luck dinners
at 4 in the afternoon and that
sort of thing.

INT-RICHARDS’S STUDY-SIMULTANEOUS

RICHARD
Lorelai, thank you for your
concern, but I’m reasonably sure
I can be bored to tears without
any more input from you and your
mother, maneuvering behind the
scenes. I may be irrelevant, but
I’m not a fool, and I resent
being treated like one. Good bye.

He HANGS UP

INT-LUKE’S-SIMULTANEOUS

LUKE
(off her look)
That didn’t go well?

LORELAI
No, it did not. If it’s possible,
I’ve just made my father’s life
even more miserable. God, why
can’t my mother just leave the
poor guy alone?

LUKE
Women can’t leave poor guys
alone. If I were retired, I’d be
happy to just chill out. Your
dad’s a smart guy. Something’ll
come to him.

LORELAI
I was just trying to help. Why
does life have to be so
complicated?

LUKE
Because it involves humans.

LORELAI
I need some good news.

(CONTINUED)
 46.
CONTINUED:

LUKE
Pancakes are almost ready.

LORELAI
Yippee! Anything else?

LUKE
I’ve got some stale jelly
doughnuts you can throw at Kirk
if you want.

LORELAI
No, you. I haven’t got the
energy.

Luke shrugs, STEPS TO THE DOOR, opens it and THROWS A DOUGHNUT.

LORELAI (CONT’D)
Did you get him?

LUKE
No, but I was close enough that
he was able to stoop down and
start eating it.

LORELAI
Well, that’s a victory of sorts.

LUKE
Hope it cheered you up.

LORELAI
You always cheer me up. Well,
almost always.

LUKE
Thanks. You better go manage that
inn while I spread more cheer.

KIRK pops his head in, holding a HALF-EATEN DOUGHNUT

KIRK
Luke! This doughnut you gave me
is totally stale.

LUKE
Then why’d you eat half of it?

LORELAI
And he threw it at you, Kirk, he
didn’t give it to you. There’s a
subtle message in there, when
people hurl stale bakery products
at you.

(CONTINUED)
 47.
CONTINUED: (2)

KIRK
Well, it’s still more than
anyone’s done for me lately.

LUKE
See what I mean? Humans.

LORELAI
We’re a messy bunch.

KIRK
What?

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT THREE

(CONTINUED)
 48.
CONTINUED:

ACT FOUR

EXT-STARS HOLLOW TOWN SQUARE-AFTERNOON

A CROWD is gathered around the Forgiving Angel sculpture.

There’s a bit of a festival atmosphere: KIRK still paces with
his SIGN, MISS PATTY is playing music and dancing with any MEN
who come near, JACKSON and SOOKIE are holding hands looking up
at the sculpture, and TAYLOR is talking to a well-heeled older
couple from Manhattan.

TAYLOR
Disgusting, isn’t it?

MAN FROM CITY

What?

TAYLOR
This “artwork.” This abomination!

WOMAN FROM CITY

Whatever do you mean, sir? I
can’t recall ever seeing such a
nice piece of public art in such
a small town.

TAYLOR
Really? Well, what do you know?

MAN FROM CITY

Well, we’ve been on the board at
the Whitney for years. Laura here
has her PhD in art history from
Princeton.

TAYLOR
So ... you’re tourists, just
visiting?

MAN FROM CITY

Yes.

TAYLOR
And you’re not offended by the
nudity?

WOMAN FROM CITY

Heavens no! In fact, a few more
pieces of this quality will put
Stars Hollow on the list we
compile for museum donors who mix
art-spotting with their weekend
antiquing.

(CONTINUED)
 49.
CONTINUED:

TAYLOR
Really? Excuse me a moment.

Taylor sidles up to Kirk

TAYLOR (CONT’D)
OK, Kirk, fun’s over.

KIRK
What?

TAYLOR
Ix-nay on the ign-say!

KIRK
Huh?

TAYLOR
For god’s sakes Kirk, put the
damn sign down!

KIRK
But what about my first amendment
rights?

TAYLOR
Look Kirk, I put you out here,
now I’m ordering you to stand
down.

KIRK
But this is the most attention
I’ve ever gotten! I’m like a hero
around here now.

Taylor whips out a 20 and presses it into KIRK’s HAND

TAYLOR
Here, go buy yourself a cape,
hero.

Kirk POCKETS the 20 but continues pacing. Taylor finally just

GRABS THE SIGN, BREAKS IT AND THROWS IT TO THE GROUND amid
cheering from the crowd.

(CONTINUED)
 50.
CONTINUED: (2)

TAYLOR (CONT’D)
Thank you! Thank you everyone! I
think Kirk has made his point,
but it’s time for all of us to
move on and recognize that, even
if we don’t all agree with the,
er, artistic merit of Mr.
Chesterfield’s work, there’s
still room in our fair berg for
different kinds of, er,
expression.

ANGLE ON RORY and LANE, standing near the back

LANE
That’s weird. What could’ve
possibly made Taylor change his
mind about the sculpture?

RORY
Money. That’s the only thing that
motivates Taylor on anything. He
probably talked to some tourists
who liked Chesterfield’s piece.

LANE
It’s not that bad. Plus, I like
it because my mom hates it.

We HEAR Jess before we see him

JESS
A woman after my own heart.

LANE
Oh, hi Jess.

JESS
(pointedly)
Hello Lane. Hello Rory.

RORY
Jess.

LANE
Well, I’m going to go stand
closer to the sculpture. People
are saying she has magical powers
to help you forgive, and if I’m
going to ever get ungrounded,
I’ll need all the help I can get.

(CONTINUED)
 51.
CONTINUED: (3)

RORY
OK. See you later.
(to JESS)
Thank you.

JESS
For what?

RORY
For recognizing Lane’s existence,
for being so exceedingly civil as
to say “hello.” It was a big step
for you.

JESS
I have a bigger one.

RORY
Really? You’re not going all soft
on me are you? Not sure I could
handle that.

JESS
I’m sorry.

RORY
What? Why are you sorry? I’m the
one who messed up. I’m sorry. I
really am.

JESS
You didn’t do anything wrong.
Dean’s not a bad guy, he was in
the hospital, you went to see
him. No big deal.

RORY
There’s more to it than that. I
should’ve checked with you first.

JESS
OK. Yeah, that would’ve been
nice. And I could’ve reacted
differently. Storming off, it’s
sort of a trademark of mine.

RORY
So, truce?

JESS
Oh, we can do better than truce.

He plants a BIG KISS on her lips as Luke and Lorelai approach.

(CONTINUED)
 52.
CONTINUED: (4)

LUKE
Oh, thank god. The sulking will
drop back down to Level 3.

LORELAI
That Level 5 stuff was killing
you, eh?

LUKE
He made Achilles look like a good
sport.

LORELAI
Ooh, fancy literary allusion.

LUKE
The Iliad was the ONE book I did
read in high school.

LORELAI
Well, looks like you two have
made up.

RORY
Just don’t say anything about
“love birds” or our movie date
tonight is off!

LORELAI
OK, OK, no love bird references.
But look, Luke, aren’t they just
like a little Romeo and Juliet
... without the double suicide
ending, of course.

RORY
That’s it, you’re on your own
tonight.

LORELAI
Oh, I am slain! So what happened
to Kirk? No sign, no pacing, he
looks even more disgruntled than
usual.

RORY
The real story lies with Taylor.
I was just getting ready to
investigate.

LORELAI
Cool. I’ll join you.

(CONTINUED)
 53.
CONTINUED: (5)

LUKE
I’ve got to go clean my griddle.

JESS
I’ll help.

Luke and Jess EXIT

LORELAI
That’s guy-speak for “we’d rather
have our fingernails pulled out
with pliers than be anywhere near
Kirk and Taylor.”

RORY
Oh, thanks for the translation.

ANGLE ON TAYLOR in front of the sculpture. CHESTERFIELD regards

him warily.

TAYLOR
Well, Mr. Chesterfield, it looks
like you’re satisfied now, eh?

CHESTERFIELD
Oh, yes, thank you Mr. Taylor.
I’m very happy.

TAYLOR
It’s not “Mr. Taylor,” it’s just
Taylor.

CHESTERFIELD
Yes, kind of like I’m just
“Chesterfield,” not “Mr.
Chesterfield.”

TAYLOR
I see. OK, OK, I’m sorry ...
Chesterfield. I see your point.

Taylor looks up at the ANGEL. We see a CLOSE-UP of its eyes.

They seem to affect Taylor.

TAYLOR (CONT’D)
And Chesterfield, I just want to,
um, I want to apologize for
knocking your sculpture. It’s
really very, uh, beautiful, even
with the um, the ... oh, you
know.

Lorelai and Rory approach from behind

(CONTINUED)
 54.
CONTINUED: (6)

LORELAI
Betcha still wish you could strap
a tube-top on the old girl, don’t
you Taylor?

RORY
Or maybe a nice winter coat over
her shoulders.

TAYLOR
What can I do for you ladies?

LORELAI
Oh, nothing. We’re just here to
witness the amazing powers of the
Forgiving Angel ...

RORY
And her breast of contrition.

TAYLOR
Amazing powers had nothing to do
with it. I simply felt Mr., er,
Chesterfield, just Chesterfield
here deserved some praise from
the mayor himself.

LORELAI
At least until some more tourists
weigh in on Miss Mono Boob, eh?

TAYLOR
Never you mind, Lorelai! Indeed,
what would someone who runs an
inn care what the tourists think
of our town.

Taylor LEAVES in a huff

LORELAI
Nice job, Chesterfield. You got
your sculpture in place AND
managed to embarrass the snot out
of Taylor.

CHESTERFIELD
Thank you, although that wasn’t
my intent.

Lorelai is AMAZED to see RICHARD APPROACHING

LORELAI
Dad?!

(CONTINUED)
 55.
CONTINUED: (7)

RICHARD
Hello Lorelai, Rory.

LORELAI
Dad, what brings you up to Stars
Hollow?

RICHARD
Is it so amazing that I should
visit the home of my daughter and
granddaughter?

LORELAI
Well, no, but ...

RICHARD
Actually Lorelai, I came to
apologize ...

MEANINGFUL LOOKS are exchanged vis-a-vis the ANGEL

RICHARD (CONT’D)
...for getting so upset with you
on the phone this morning. I know
you mean well. It’s just that ...

LORELAI
You don’t have to explain dad. I
know. And I’m sorry too.

More MEANINGFUL LOOKS

LORELAI (CONT’D)
I promise I’ll stay out of your
retirement.

RICHARD
Thank you, Lorelai.
(noticing the Angel)
Good god! What’s this?

RORY
It’s our new artwork, the
Forgiving Angel. What do you
think?

RICHARD
This is, this is unbelievable!
What a marvelous sculpture. And
here in Stars Hollow?

LORELAI
Yeah, usually we just have the
figurines carved out of Velveeta.

(CONTINUED)
 56.
CONTINUED: (8)

RICHARD
Where did you ... who created
this chef d’oevre?

LORELAI
Chesterfield!

RORY
Chesterfield!

CHESTERFIELD
That’s me.

RICHARD
Well, young man, you are to be
commended. Why, just the other
day I was talking to a friend at
the club, and we discussed the
terrible state of American art,
particular in regard to
sculpture. Good stone sculptors
are just about extinct in this
country, and look here, right in
our backyard we have a budding
master.

CHESTERFIELD
Thank you! Thank you very much.

RICHARD
Have you done many works of this
size?

CHESTERFIELD
Actually, this is my first big
piece. I’ve been doing table-top
up until now.

RICHARD
So, what’s your next commission?

CHESTERFIELD
Um, I don’t have one.

RICHARD
You don’t have one! Young man,
you have got to follow up on this
with something immediately.
Immediately!

CHESTERFIELD
Yes, sir.

(CONTINUED)
 57.
CONTINUED: (9)

RICHARD
We’ve got to get you out there,
your work must be known. Do you
have an agent?

CHESTERFIELD
No, sir.

RICHARD
Well, you must get an agent
immediately. An agent can find
you work, take care of the
business end of things. You need
someone with strong connections
to the art world, strong
connections to money, to people
and institutions that can finance
your work and pay you what it’s
worth.

CHESTERFIELD
Yes, sir. It’s just hard. I work
all day in a photo lab, and a I
sculpt at night.

RICHARD
Lorelai, did you hear that? Works
in a photo lab! It’s like
Melville in the patent office all
over again.

LORELAI
Huh?

RICHARD
We’ve got to get this young man
some exposure!
(beat)
I tell you what: I will be his
agent!

LORELAI
What?!

RICHARD
Yes, I shall represent
Chesterfield. I’ve got the
contacts, I’ve got the time, I’ve
got a great love of art.

(CONTINUED)
 58.
CONTINUED: (10)

RORY
I think that’s wonderful,
grandpa. But I think you should
ask Chesterfield first.

RICHARD
Oh, yes, of course. Chesterfield,
I’ve got a proposition for you
...

RICHARD and CHESTERFIELD walk off

Rory and Lorelai LOOK UP at the ANGEL

LORELAI
Do you think this thing could
help me win the lottery?

RORY
I could use some help with
physics.

LORELAI
So, OK, we’ll have Chesterfield’s
agent have him do a Powerball and
physics angel next.

RORY
Sounds good. Although as long as
there are men around, you can’t
have too many Forgiving Angels,
in my opinion.

LORELAI
Amen to that, sister.

CUT TO:

INT-LUKE’S-THE NEXT MORNING

Lorelai and Rory ENTER. Lorelai is holding the NEWSPAPER. Luke

sees them coming.

LUKE
Oh no. Give me strength!

LORELAI
Hey,
(consulting paper)
“Griddle Wizard.” What’s shakin’?

LUKE
Give me a break.

(CONTINUED)
 59.
CONTINUED:

LORELAI
Gee, that doesn’t sound like the
“gruffly congenial service
proffered by Luke Danes” we read
about in the paper.

LUKE
Don’t believe everything you read
in the paper.

RORY
(also looking at paper)
Well, at least he’s the “hirsute,
avuncular presence that helps
make Luke’s a decided step up
from Denny’s.”

LUKE
Denny’s!? What’s hirsute?

Jess ENTERS from back

JESS
It means “hairy.” I told you to
shave your back, Luke.

LUKE
You, in the back. Peel another
bushel of potatoes. With your
teeth.

RORY
Can I help?

JESS
Only if you don’t give away any
of my tuber-peeling secrets.
(he makes a sort-of beaver
motion with his teeth)

Jess and Rory exit

LORELAI
C’mon Luke, don’t look so down.
What’s a little teasing in the
face of this kind of publicity?

LUKE
I don’t want publicity, I don’t
need publicity. I don’t know why
I agreed to let them do this
story. I mean, look at me in this
picture. I look like some kind of
felon.

(CONTINUED)
 60.
CONTINUED: (2)

LORELAI
Well, a felon with a cute
grimace, anyway.

LUKE
Well, at least I can send it to
my mom. She’ll love it.

LORELAI
Oh, c’mon Luke. Why can’t you
just admit that it’s neat to be
written up in the paper? It won’t
kill you. And they didn’t say
anything really stupid or cheesy.

LUKE
No?

LORELAI
Well, except for this line about
how your pancakes are “lighter
than your wallet after a trip to
Disneyland.”

LUKE
That’s good, right?

LORELAI
Yes! You’ve built a great place
here, Luke. This article really
sums up what’s cool about Luke’s.

LUKE
It does?

LORELAI
Yes!

LUKE
OK, then ... just OK. I won’t
gripe about it anymore.

LORELAI
Good.

LUKE
You know, I’ve uh, I’ve built a
decent place here ....

LORELAI
Good, making progress ....

(CONTINUED)
 61.
CONTINUED: (3)

LUKE
And I like what I do. I like
seeing everyone and hearing
what’s going on, and I like that
people like you are dependent on
me for coffee and pancakes.

LORELAI
See?

LUKE
(looking around)
It’s a small world, but it’s MY
small world.

LORELAI
Yep.

She puts her arm around his SHOULDER, he reciprocates, and they
look around at all the contented diners as we

FADE TO BLACK.

END OF SHOW