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Catch Up With the Sun

Had he a cape it would have flapped in the unending wind that stabbed at him. The rocky walls wrapped around the scene ought to have had moss and chips but were untouched by blemish. The place ought to have rumbled or reverberated. The place ought to have been in indescribable darkness, but all that came to it could see well, without sight. The air had no sound but rang out with the noise of nothingness. He gazed across the gap in the ledge and reflected for a moment on what had happened. He stood amongst the desolation of this place and stared to the side, witness to the latest occurrence; it had happened before but happened every time for the first time. He turned round and there stood The Man. I looked up, and watched the scene ready to receive The Man but allowing the actors to play their parts. What is this? asked The Man. Their mouths did not open, but they spoke. I must ask you to jump in. He pointed beyond the ledge on which they stood. Only yards wide it overlooks an abyss- (where I lay, waiting). We are deep in the heart of this prison, a circle almost funnelling out from this unreal core. Above: a horizon of black masking what lay so far

beyond. Not a sound came from any direction, nor was there any sign of others, now or in the past. Who are you? asked The Man. I am The words stopped without conclusion. You are: who? No. He pierced the Man with his stare. Just know that: I am. The Man went to the edge of the ledge and peered over. Below he saw it all; he saw nothing. He was scared and with quivering legs he stepped to take a step back. The ground gave under him and he dispersed some rocks. Losing his footing he had to scramble to gain the solid ground. The Man almost fell and grabbed whatever he could to save himself. At last he pulled himself clear of the danger and shaking, moved in. I Am was motionless, emotionless. Wont you help me? asked the Man. He had managed to reach safety, almost dusting himself off. Instead he panted and cautiously moved even further in.

You must fall or jump into the void. I Am was stoic, matter -of-fact. And, I will not move. What do mean I must jump in? Speak, wont you? There is nowhere else. There is here and there is there, I Am pointed down to indicate his meaning, and you may not remain here. But it will end me, reasoned the Man. It might. Then I dont want to do it. Cant I go back? Back to where? The Man thought. Where am I from? What was it like there? Thinking more, how did I get here? He couldnt remember. He had always been here, but had only been here since the moment I Am turned and saw him. The Man surveyed the scene. To their left the ledge continued into the darkness further around the rim of the chasm. He looked to the right, to where I Am had been looking. Immediately in that direction there was no ledge but in the furthest distance there was a hint of the end of it. The ledge, tried the Man, cant I walk its path to find shelter?

You could; yet you have seen that the ledge does end and you will still fall. It will only delay your duty. The Man thought: Perhaps I will find somewhere along the ledge to escape. If not, there may be somewhere to hold out. You will not, answered I Am responding to the thoughts. If you choose to walk the ledge you will still fall. But, you will have walked the ledge. What is along the way? Whatever you wish. The Man thought again. He would find somewhere to stop, then. He would stop along the way and settle there. This portion of the cliff was desolate. It was unendurably cold and relentlessly hot. He would need to find somewhere that would be suitable on a permanent basis. The ground here was rocky as was the wall- he would have to find a softer more plastic location. Also, there was no water, no sustenance, would he find succour? He wouldnt remain here but he wouldnt jump into Well into what? He bent to look again, carefully this time. No, he wasnt going to jump. He would walk along the ledge and find safety.

I Am had been reading his thoughts once more. No you wont. You can jump now or you can walk the entire length of the ledge and jump in from the gap you see. I will find no home along the way? Wherever you stand the ledge is pulled into the wall. You therefore must either continue onwards or be pushed by lack of space. The Man looked to the ground and found that sure enough the ledge was narrower than before. Soon they would be pressed to the wall and after that, they would descend. I must not move, but I can fall. You will not bring about my descent. If you do not leave this place then I must push you over. The Man moved to the left and I Am looked to him with interest. Below The Man the ledge began ever so slowly to pull in towards the wall, while that beneath I Am made its way back to its start position. I Am spoke: Jump in. It is torture to traverse the ledge. But that is what Ill do replied The Man. Very well. But remember, you must keep going.

The decision was made, then. The Man pushed on. Still there was no light, but his way was clear and no sound except his own footfalls. As he approached the point where they could no longer see each other the Man turned and addressed I Am. Will I see you again? Without shouting, I Am was able to answer, you will see me once more, but it will be from the end of the gap. After that you will see nothing. Or... I Am left the words there. The Man looked on along his path, waiting for the hope of I Ams completion. Eventually, I Am did finish: I dont know what youll see. On the path or after that in the void. And I cannot say. The Man turned and walked into the darkness. I continue to wait, watching as they vainly walk the ledge. The journey will end and all that is achieved along the way will be lost. Jump down all of you. Behind I Am the Young Man fidgeted, stepping from one foot to the other. Behind the Young Man was an Old Lady bent double. I must ask you to jump. Both of you. Whats down there? asked the Young Man. I know not, and I cannot say.

Looks awful dangerous bemoaned the bent one. All have done it. And must. I Am stepped aside as much as he would and motioned them to the edge. They looked over, their faces illuminated by the grey fires below. I Am loomed over them ready to push. The Young Man saw his arms outstretching and knocked them aside. The Old Lady stared a second longer. Her eyes became fixed on the core and she stood awestruck and dumb. Im not going down there, proclaimed the Young Man. You are not being asked to choose. The Old Lady continued to teeter on the edge, transfixed and fascinated. She could not pull herself away from the danger and was quaking. I, the core, was calling to her. I could sense that her own core felt an affinity with the depths. The Young Man was not so struck he looked around him and sought a way out. Wont you move from your spot? asked the Young Man. I Am remained stoic. He looked ahead and only after some time shook his head.

Who are you? asked the Old Lady. I am. Oh, you are, well thats great. Whats behind you, is it a door, a crevice? The Young Man yanked I Am slightly to the side. His eyes lit up as he saw the secret behind. Attached to the wall, rusted but sturdy, the rungs of a ladder. The Young Man and the Old Lady smiled to themselves and grinned at I Am, vainly. Ah ha, said the Young Man. So, we dont havta go down? The Old Lady was relieved, but was not afraid of the alternative. No, we go up. The Young Man looked above to follow the ladders course but could see nothing after a certain point. The wall went up and up without end and the ladder clung to it all the way. But clung it did, eventually there had to be an escape. Are you up to the challenge? You think you can climb it? the Young Man asked his companion. Ill give it a go. Then well go.

I Am stood without a word, without thought. He had been watching them and listening. He stepped into their path now and held up his hand. The Young Man approached. Below them, the ledge was being steadily pulled into the wall and the Old Lady who had been standing too far back turned and noticed her feet were soon to succumb to the fall. She slowly stepped in closer. The Young Man pressed on and I Am casually stepped slightly aside for them. There is no point, you must know, he told them as they took the first rungs. You will only return to your origins. And it is a long climb. The Old Lady spoke for them, Well go. up. uP. UP. The ladder had rungs at every foot and they ascended. Within the first few feet the bleakness blanched into blackness and they were alone. The Young Man led the way, the Old Lady slowing him down. She wheezed and from time to time faltered but she kept up. And up and up. They had climbed now for, for how long they couldnt tell. Always, or for just brief moments, time having not passed or having not existed at all. The Old Lady said eventually, I cant go on no more. But weve come so far, replied the Young Man.

And there dont seem to be no end to it. But there must be. Were close I can tell. They had stopped and her eyes pleaded with his. He nodded his head in their direction of travel, Come on. You go, she said, I aint got enough puff. Its a long way back down. You may as well- NO! With that she smiled at him and pointed above them. He turned his head and looked further up. Nothing. A hint of the ladder disappearing into the dark. He sighed and pushed on, as the Old Lady clambered back down. Up he continued, alone, as you will travel all alone. The rungs made no sound and the ladder held onto the wall without any give via unseen rods. Must this nightmare go on and on, he thought. He climbed with nothing above and nothing below, a vacuum of existence. He continued for days, weeks, months; for years, centuries, eons. He grew no older and did not tire, his goal too important to forsake; his climb too advanced to abandon. There was no difference

from moment to moment, no indication of his place or memories of past mileposts. But wait. Was it true? Did the darkness become not so dark? Was there a light ahead? He stepped up his rate of climb. Yes. Something was coming into view above. He climbed on and the darkness fell, and the light grew. A hundred miles it seemed, now fifty. Two miles; twenty feet and the image was recognisable. He looked up and suddenly the world turned on its edge. Above him was the were I Am and the Old Lady. They tilted their heads up to look up at him, to their minds upside down and climbing down head first. The Young Man stopped, How? I told you the ladder would lead you nowhere, I Am stated, Climb back down. That will take an age. I Am shook his head and pointed up to where the Young Man had come. The Young Man followed his finger and his perception shifted again- he was looking down now- and there, just feet below stood I Am. Looking

up, the dull blackness. The Young Man descended the few rungs to the ground. How is that possible? Gravity and time? I Am was his usual matter-of-fact: there is no gravity, there is no time. There is here, there is now. And you waited for me? The Young Man asked the Old Lady. She was shocked by the question, I only come back just now. I only just caught me breath. I Am loomed over them his arms ready to push. They shuffled to the side, as I Am motioned them toward the ledge. But why would we walk the ledge? asked the Young Man. It was so clear. Jump into void below. It was simple, immediate, logical. The alternative: walk the ledge that circles the wall clinging to its fragile footing; always moving forward to avoid the narrowing of the path. The result- ultimately fruitless as the ledge comes to an end and they would either have to stop or plummet when the ledge became too narrow. Why indeed, answered I am. You are only delaying. The Young man prepared to jump. But a hand grabbed his. Turning, the Old Lady had stopped him.

But thats soft, young man. This system wont beat me, we dont know what lies down there, up the ledge. There is nothing, I am protested, and it is futile to hope. Then well walk the ledge just because you dont want us to. I aint jumping till I have to. Till then Ill go and put it off. That is your right. But you must go now. The Ledge is narrowing and I will not be made to fall with you. I tried to escape up the ladder but it beat me. But we have to keep trying. We cant let the void take us till were ready or tried every option. With that the Young Man and the Old Lady headed into the darkness that enveloped the ledge, but each walked their own path. I am looked to the end of the ledge over in the distance and saw The Man. He was standing on the edge ready to jump. He peered down to his future and looked up, right into the eyes of I Am. His own eyes were streaming with tears. It was beautiful said The Man, so very beautiful. With that he closed his eyes and before he was pushed by the wall, toppled off the ledge and I consumed him. I am turned around and there stood The Old Man.