Fade In: INT. DAVID LIVING ROOM - DAY LARRY sits on the couch watching Windtalkers on his television.

CHERYL walks in and stands by the window. She holds her phone and texts away on it madly. Every so often she glances out the window. LARRY How close is he? CHERYL I dont know. He said he left ten minutes ago. Ill ask him. Cheryls head darts back down to her phone. She types with the utmost urgency. She smiles and giggles softly. LARRY Wait, dont text him. Cheryl doesnt realize that hes talking to her. LARRY Dont text him if hes driving. Ive driven with Ted, hell hit a kid. Cheryls head stays down. She still doesnt acknowledge that Larry is talking to her. Larry attempts to gauge how much shes paying attention. LARRY Probably a black kid, because Ted hates black people. CHERYL (not looking at Larry) Teds a great driver. Larry grows disinterested with the conversation and leaves her be. He focuses on Windtalkers. After a short while, Dansons car pulls up in front of the house. CHERYL Well, Ill see you later. Cheryl goes to the closet to put on her coat. Larry goes back to watching Windtalkers, but looks distracted.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

2.

LARRY Hold on, Im coming. CHERYL What? LARRY Just let me get my shoes on. CHERYL (in sassy disbelief) You want to go shopping...with Ted and I? Larry stands up. CHERYL Ted and I? LARRY What else am I gonna do, just watch Windtalkers all day like some loser? Lets go. Cheryl shrugs. They both put on their coats and leave. INT. SHOE STORE - DAY Larry and Cheryl stand in the mens section looking at sneakers. Larry has on a pair of bright white shoes. Enthused, he models the shoes for Cheryl. LARRY Well, whatcha think? CHERYL I think theyre a little much. LARRY A little much? Theyre on sale. CHERYL I mean...theyre a little white. Larry looks down at them. CHERYL Im not sure youre really a white shoes guy. Larry looks discouraged.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: LARRY Im definitely a white shoes guy.

3.

Cheryl goes over to a pair of sad looking grey shoes and carries them to Larry. CHERYL What about these? Larry takes one look at the shoes and throws his arms up in disgust. LARRY This is hurtful! I cant believe you! Im not a white shoes guy? I used to only buy white shoes. Twenty years. All white shoes. All the time. White shoes all the time! CHERYL I dont know Larry, theyre, theyre just a little too strong. LARRY You dont know what youre talking about. Lets get Danson over here. Danson! CHERYL (embarrassed) Larry... DANSON walks over. Cheryl drops her head and looks down at her phone. LARRY (attracting Dansons attention) Eh!? Eh?! Larry sticks out his foot, modeling the sneaker for Ted. DANSON Theyre nice. I like em. LARRY You dont think theyre too white for me? DANSON God, not at all. Great shoes. Larry gives Cheryl an, "I told you so" look.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

4.

LARRY Cheryl says Im not a white shoes guy. DANSON Definitely a white shoes guy. Are you kidding? A white shoes guy if there ever was one. Larry smiles at Danson as though all of the wrongs Danson has done to him have vanished. LARRY Thanks Ted. DANSON Hey, do you mind if I try them on? LARRY Okay? Larry takes off his right shoe and hands it to Danson. Danson looks at it as if he were inspecting gold. Larry looks on confused. Danson sits down and takes off his shoe, revealing his sock. Its filthy, more grey than white. Larry looks at it in horror. LARRY Hold on. Hold on. How about I just get you your own pair? DANSON Huh? Why? LARRY I just...dont want to get them dirty so soon. DANSON Dont worry Larry, my feet are clean. LARRY Yeah, I believe that. But its...its the socks. DANSON What? LARRY Youve got dirty socks Ted.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

5.

DANSON LD, what are you talking about? My socks are fine. LARRY Ted, Ive seen your socks. Theyre anything but fine. Larry scratches his upper lip. LARRY Youve got dirty socks. DANSON (harsher) Larry, my socks are fine. Theyre perfectly fine. LARRY I hear what youre saying, but theres a pair of dirty socks in this row and they dont belong to me. Danson and each other forcefully though Ted and misses Larry have a classic stare down. The two men size up. Ted takes his right foot and shoves it into Larrys shoe. Larry grimaces in pain as was stomping on his heart. Cheryl is on her phone the whole thing.

INT. DANSONS CAR Larry is in the back seat of Dansons car. Cheryl is upfront in the passenger seat next to Ted. Cheryls phone beeps and she looks down, laughs. LARRY Can I see? CHERYL Huh? LARRY I want to see whats so funny. CHERYL I dont think youd find it very funny, Larry. LARRY Just let me see the text.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

6.

CHERYL Its not a text, its a Facebook notification. Wanda commented on one of my statuses. DANSON Cheryl has the best statuses Larry. Theyre so funny. CHERYL Thanks, Ted. Larry scratches his head. LARRY Whats a status? CHERYL You wouldnt understand. Larry shuts up and Ted keeps driving. Both Dansons phone and Cheryls phone beep and they both laugh and laugh. Larry slinks down in his seat, embarrassed to be out of the loop. EXT. DAVID HOUSE Larry and Cheryl get out of the car. Cheryl waves goodbye to Danson. Larry is still pissed. Danson drives away. LARRY Can you believe that guy? CHERYL What? What happened? LARRY He shoved his foot into my shoe when I told him not to. He probably dirtied up my new shoes with his crummy socks. CHERYL Larry, what are you talking about? LARRY (almost to himself) Its not about the feet. Its about the socks and Dansons socks are the worst Ive ever seen. Its like he picks cotton in those socks.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: CHERYL Jesus, take it easy. I thought his socks looked fine. They were perfectly clean. LARRY Of course youd say that, you didnt see. Youve been on your phone all day. CHERYL Larr, it hasnt been all day. LARRY All day! Larry takes off his old shoes and puts on his new ones. CHERYL What are you doing? LARRY Going to Jeffs. I need to wear these in. He takes some trial steps in them, grimaces. LARRY They feel kind of funny. CHERYL They look kind of funny. Larry waves off Cheryls comment and walks to his car.

7.

CUT TO: EXT. JEFFS HOUSE Establishing shot of Jeffs house. INT. JEFFS HOUSE JEFF opens the door and lets Larry in. JEFF Hey, hows it going? LARRY Eh. They start walking towards Jeffs home office. Jeff looks down at Larrys feet.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

8.

JEFF New shoes? LARRY Yeah. JEFF Theyre so white. Larry gives Jeff a look as they walk through the door to Jeffs home office. The office manages to be both messy and official looking. LARRY I need you to make me a Facebook. JEFF What? Jeff sits down behind his desk and Larry sits on the other side of it. LARRY Cheryl and Danson have one. They talk about the thing like theyre speaking a different language. Its like theyre Windtalkers or something. JEFF Were you watching that too?! LARRY Yeah, it was on after lunch. JEFF You like it? LARRY God no, its terrible. JEFF The dumbest thing ever. LARRY So stupid. I cant believe that exists. (and then) So get me started. JEFF Are you sure that you want one?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: LARRY Yes, I already told you I want one. JEFF Im just trying to be sure, I dont want you to do something youll regret later. Once I make it, I make it forever. LARRY Yes, Im sure. If Cheryls funny on it, I want to see. JEFF Her statuses are so funny. Theyre great. I love her statuses. LARRY See, I dont know what that means. That needs to change. Set me up.

9.

Larry gets out of his chair and walks to the other side of the desk. He looks at the computer while Jeff types the proper information in the fields. It takes about fifteen seconds. They are greeted with a blank Facebook page with no information on it. LARRY (skeptical) Wait, this is it? This is the Facebook I hear about? JEFF You have to customize it first, this is just how it looks when it starts. LARRY Alright, so what do I do? JEFF Well, youre going to need a picture to show people what you look like. LARRY Like my drivers license? JEFF No like a picture thats on the computer,one of you having fun or something.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

10.

LARRY Can we just use my drivers license?Its the only picture I have with me. JEFF OK. If you want. Jeff takes the license and scans it into his computer. It uploads into Facebook and we see Larrys picture. He has slightly more hair, but is looking away from the camera, making for a horrible photo. LARRY OK, great. Now what? JEFF Youve got to change your relationship status. Right now it says that youre single. LARRY But Im not single, Im married. JEFF You have to change it. LARRY How do I do that? JEFF You have to switch it to married,and then ask Cheryl whether she wants to be in a relationship with you. LARRY But I already did that when I proposed, weve been married for ten years. Facebook should know this. JEFF Thats not how it works. You have to ask her on Facebook. Larry looks like hes already fed up with this whole thing. LARRY How do I do that?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

11.

JEFF First you have to become her friend, then you have to send her a message asking her to be in a relationship with you. LARRY But I dont want to be friends with Cheryl. Shes not my friend. Shes my wife. JEFF Well thats just -LARRY (interrupting) I mean, I love her, but shes not really my friend. Its not like we watch basketball together or talk about tits. JEFF I dont know Lar-LARRY (interrupting) I tried to talk about tits with her once, when we started dating, was not a good idea. Id rather leave her out of the friend zone. JEFF Facebook is useless without friends. Trust me. Larry looks at the screen, but is intimidated by all of it. LARRY You do all this friend stuff for me. Its giving me a head ache. If you think Im friends with them, make them my friend. Do whatever it is you people do. Larry takes a step to leave, then winces in pain. JEFF You alright? LARRY Yeah, Im okay. My heel hurts. I think I cut it.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

12.

JEFF How would you cut your heel? You just got here. LARRY I dont know. It might be the new shoes, the heels might be rubbing. JEFF That used to happen to me. But then I got into wearing thick socks. Never happened again. Highly recommend thick socks. LARRY Youre telling me. Thick socks since 92. Larry lifts his pant leg to show his socks, turns to walk away. He turns back around in fury. LARRY Danson! JEFF What? LARRY Danson jammed his foot into my shoe when I was trying them on. He did this! He ruined the heel! Danson! Larry angrily limps out the door. CUT TO: INT. DAVID LIVING ROOM Larry clomps through the door. Cheryl sits on the couch watching Windtalkers. Shes on the phone though, so shes only half paying attention. LARRY God, what is it with this Windtalkers movie? Cheryl doesnt pay attention. LARRY Danson broke my shoe.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

13.

CHERYL So whats this about you making a Facebook? Larry is caught off guard. LARRY I wanted to see those statuses or whatever you and Ted said were so funny. Cheryl gives him a look, then goes back into her phone. LARRY Are you my friend on it yet? I told Jeff to make me people my friends. CHERYL Ill do it after dinner. Larry leaves the room and walks to his computer room. He sits behind a desk and turns his desktop on. He sees that Lewis has posted something on his wall. "Hey LD, you still up for lunch tomorrow? Let me know." Larry sees that it was posted a few minutes ago and takes out his phone, calls Lewis. SPLIT BETWEEN LARRY AND LEWIS LEWIS is sitting on his couch with the a laptop next to him. Hes also watching Windtalkers on the television. LARRY Lewis. Hey. LEWIS Whats up LD? LARRY What time do you want to get lunch? LEWIS I cant talk now Larry, just post it on my wall. LARRY What? Why? Im talking to you now. LEWIS Larry, Im busy. Just post it on my wall.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

14.

LARRY If youre so busy, how did you find the time to write it? You wrote it...six minutes ago. Six minutes ago! LEWIS Just comment on it. Im watching Windtalkers. Im busy. LARRY This is ridiculous. Larry moves the phone away from his ear, hangs it up. LEWIS Post it on my wall LD! Post it on my wall! INT. DAVID BEDROOM - NIGHT Cheryl is tucked in, but still on her phone. Larry is changing for bed. He goes to say something to his wife, but gives up. She wont pay attention to whatever it is. He takes off his shoe and we see that its drenched in blood. Its a bloody sock. Larry looks at his foot horrified. LARRY Cheryl, my God, will you look at this! Cheryl looks up from the phone. CHERYL Jesus, Larry, what happened? LARRY Danson shoved his foot into my shoe. He ruined the shoe. This is his fault. CHERYL Dont be ridiculous. LARRY Im not being ridiculous. He jammed it in when I told him not to. I told him not to it and then he did. A beat.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: LARRY Danson raped my shoe. CHERYL Larry, come on. LARRY NO! Ted Danson is a rapist. He raped my shoe like the thug he is and he doesnt even care.

15.

Cheryl rolls her eyes, goes back to her phone. Larry looks at his sock. LARRY I look like Curt Schilling or something. He gets in a pitchers stance, pretends to wind up. LARRY Eh, you dont know who that is. INT. DAVID LIVING ROOM - DAY Larry is browsing Facebook and finds that everyone he requested is his friend now. Everyone except for Cheryl. He looks pleased in spite of her absence. He leaves the computer and limps over to the couch. LARRY I have Facebook friends now. 38 of them. Not too shabby if I say so myself. CHERYL (patronizing) Thats great, Larry LARRY I would figure that Id have five, maybe six. But 38! Thats incredible. I feel like Im the most popular kid in school. How many do you have? CHERYL Dont, Larr. LARRY Come on, tell me. Cheryl sighs. (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: CHERYL Five hundred and fifty. Larry is blown away. LARRY What?! Youve gotta be kidding me. CHERYL Its somewhere around there. LARRY Thats ridiculous. You dont even know five hundred and fifty people. How can you be friends with that many people? Its impossible. No ones friends with five hundred and fifty people! CHERYL Well, I am. Larry moves in closer, interrogating her. LARRY Where did you meet these people? CHERYL Some are from school, some are relatives, some from around town. You know. This destroys Larrys pride in himself. LARRY You shouldnt have that many. Thats nothing but lying. I know that youre more social than I am, but thats obscene. If Im giving you the benefit of the doubt, Id say you should have...one hundred and twenty. One hundred and twenty friends. And thats being generous. A beat. LARRY And you still havent friend accepted me yet! CHERYL Larry, please. Larry opens the front door.

16.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

17.

LARRY ACCEPT ME! He slams it. INT. DINER Lewis is sitting in one of the booth seats and Larry limps into the diner. Lewis is looking at the menu, he looks surprised to see Larry hobbling. He notices his very white shoes. LEWIS (lowering an eyebrow) White shoes? LARRY What about them? LEWIS Nothing, I like them. Theyll look really good with that pair of Mickey Mouses gloves that you just bought. Larry sits down at the table. LARRY Hey, what the hell was that last night? Comment on it? What does that mean? LEWIS LD, its just how it works. If I post on your wall, you answer on your wall. Thats how it is. LARRY Whatever, dont pull that again. LEWIS Its good to know youre in such a great mood. LARRY Im sorry. I just had a thing with Cheryl and my foot is killing me. LEWIS Whats wrong?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

18.

LARRY Well, I went shoe shopping with Danson and-LEWIS (interrupting) No, with Cheryl. LARRY She doesnt want to be my Facebook friend. LEWIS Really? LARRY Everyone else became my friend in like an hour. I feel kind of weird about being her friend on it anyway. I mean, were not friends. LEWIS Its not like you talk about tits with her. LARRY Thats what I said. (and then) The only reason I made the stupid thing is so I could see her statuses. LEWIS Oh my God, LD, theyre so funny. Its like shes mastered the art of Facebook. LARRY Thats what Ive been hearing. Wait, youre Facebook friends with her? Can I see her statuses from your phone? Lewis takes out his phone and hands it to Larry. Larry reads and looks mortified. LARRY What is this? "Going to gym, hope I dont smell too bad. LOL? Thought about getting a cat, wonder how Larry would feel about that? LOL? Watching Windtalkers LOLOLOLOL!?" What is this? (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

19.

We see that Lewis is losing his shit on the other side of the booth. He cant stop laughing. LEWIS Oh, its too much! LARRY Whats so funny about any of that? Theres no joke there. Thats just what she did yesterday. Shes just laughing at her own jokes. Larry motions the phone, getting Lewis to look at the screen. LARRY And what is this shit? Danson wrote L-M-F-A-O under all of her posts. What does that mean? LEWIS It means that he thinks its funny. LARRY Well its not. Its stupid. LEWIS You can write anything on Facebook as long as you finish the sentence with LOL. Larry logs onto his Facebook account. LARRY This is so stupid, I have no idea what to do with this thing. What should I make my first status? LEWIS Just write what youre thinking. Thats how it works. Larry thinks intently and writes something out on Lewis phone. Lewis takes the phone and looks horrified. LEWIS "My foot hurts and Ted Danson is a rapist LOL?" Larry looks pleased.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

20.

LEWIS You cant call Danson a rapist on Facebook. People will see that. You have to change it. LARRY No, its what Im feeling, and Danson is a rapist. Im merely reciting fact. Also, I wrote LOL, so it should be fine. INT. DAVID LIVING ROOM - DAY Larry walks into the living room and sits down on the couch. Windtalkers is on TV again. As soon as he sits down he gets back up. Walks to the computer room. LARRY How is this the only thing thats on? Larry turns on the computer and checks his E-mail. Ten messages, nine from Facebook, one from Danson. He logs onto Facebook and he clicks around the screen and sees that all Hell has broken loose under his status. Everyone has commented about how mean it was or how uncool it was. Everyone except for LEON, who wrote, "Fuck Yeah LD CHEERS SUCKZ DICKZ ANYWAYYYYYYYZ BLACK PEOPLE DONT LIKE CHEERS." Larry smiles and then comments under Leons comment. "Thanks Leon." Then he makes a new comment under that. "Lol." He then goes back to his E-mail and reads the message that Danson sent to him. In the message Danson demands an apology. Cheryl walks into the room. LARRY Can you believe this guy? Danson ruins my shoe, and now he wants an apology. CHERYL Of course he does, Larry. What you wrote was awful. You need to apologize. LARRY No, I refuse to. He raped me and he expects an apology? Absolutely not. A beat.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: LARRY Wait, you saw the status. Cheryl sighs. LARRY That means that you friended me! Youre my friend now! Youre my friend!

21.

Cheryl nods, but also looks a bit guilty. Larrys demeanor noticeably improves. LARRY Okay, Ill apologize. Can you drive me though? My foots killing me and I dont think I can work the pedal. CHERYL Okay, but Im gonna have to drop you off. Im getting lunch with Wanda. INT. CHERYLS CAR Cheryl is driving and Larry is in the passenger seat. He stares out the window anxiously, looking restless. LARRY Hey, can I check my Facebook on your phone real quick? Cheryl looks surprised. CHERYL Larry, you seem to be quite the Facebooker. LARRY What can I say? Sometimes you just hit the ground running. She passes him her phone. Larry looks at it for a few second, then shows a confused expression. LARRY Huh? Thats weird. You said you friended me, but I only have 38 friends. Whats that about? CHERYL I dont know, someone might have defriended you.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

22.

LARRY What does that mean? Did someone die? CHERYL No, it probably means they didnt want to be your friend on Facebook anymore. LARRY (building steam) What? Is that real? Thats horrible. Who would do something like that? Thats the worst thing Ive ever heard? What kind of monster would do something like that?! CHERYL Its not that bad. LARRY Yes it is, Cheryl. Yes it is. I could never have any respect for someone that does that. Cheryl pulls the car up to Dansons house. Larry gets out of the car and limps towards the door. Danson opens it and looks at Larry. He crosses his arms. Without speaking, he leads Larry into the house. INT. DANSON HOUSE Danson leads Larry into his living room and they sit down on comfortable chairs across from each other. Danson stares daggers into Larry, while Larry looks down, defeated. DANSON Well... Larry fidgets in his chair. LARRY I guess I should -DANSON (interrupting) I was really hurt by your comments today. They were uncalled for and they were personal. When I was a boy my sister was raped after Church one Sunday.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

23.

Larry leans back in his chair, completely taken aback by that statement. He didnt see that coming. LARRY Oh my God. DANSON She would cry for hours about it. She would cry herself to sleep every night for a year. She can never trust men now, Larry. Never. Why in the world would you write something like that on Facebook?! LARRY (ashamed) You broke my shoe. DANSON What? LARRY You, uh, broke my shoe. Danson looks confused. LARRY (proceeding with caution) You shoved your foot into my shoe when I told you not to and you broke the heel of it. Danson looks on, amazed with anger. LARRY But that was before I knew about this! Ted, Im sorry. If I had known I would have never. I apologize, it was wrong of me, I thought if I wrote LOL it was okay. Really Ted, Im so sorry. Danson looks a little less mad after the apology. He gets up and paces around for a bit. DANSON Its okay Larry. Its okay. You didnt know. And, man, Im sorry I broke your shoe. LARRY Dont be sorry Ted, its stupid.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

24.

DANSON No really, you asked me not to and I did it anyway. LARRY Well, yeah. DANSON How about this? I bought the same pair of shoes that day, Ill go get them for you. Make amends. Start fresh. LARRY No Ted, its okay. You really dont have to. TED No, I insist. Danson leaves the room leaving Larry alone. He waits for a few moments and Danson comes back with a pair of white shoes. He hands them to Larry. Larry looks very happy and takes off his shoes. He takes off his left shoe first, the one that isnt broken. Then he takes off the right one, the broken one. Danson watches and sees Larrys filthy right sock and how its covered in blood. We see on his face that he remembers how Larry called his socks dirty the day before. Danson looks up at Larry in an angry and distrusting way. Larry doesnt get it. Danson walks over to Larrys left, clean shoe. Larry looks up at him terrified, pleading. Danson picks up his foot with purpose and holds it in the air. LARRY You wouldnt. Danson smiles maniacally and slams his foot down into Larrys left shoe. LARRY Serial Rapist! Serial Rapist! TED Get out of my house! Larry gets up, collects his shoes and leaves.

25.

EXT. DANSON LAWN Larry puts on his shoes. Both heels are ruined. He double limps home. INT. DAVID LIVING ROOM Just getting home, Larry logs onto Facebook. He looks on horrified as he reads Dansons new status. "LARRY DAVIDS WIFE DEFRIENDED HIM LOL." Larry looks up from the screen, putting everything together. Fade out: THE END