INJURED ON THE JOB

COLD OPEN FADE IN: EXT. STREET - DAY A bearded HOMELESS GUY (54) staggers down the sidewalk. He stops walking when the windshield of a car parked on the curb next to him SHATTERS. The Homeless Guy, startled, cautiously looks over to find a white GOLF BALL roll off the hood of the car and on to the street. EXT. ROOF - DAY - CONTINUOUS On the roof of the office building, ADAM and BLAKE run to the ledge and eagerly look out to the street below. Blake looks concerned. BLAKE You think that was a car? ADAM Nah youre fine. BLAKE Im just saying, Im pretty positive that sounded like shattered glass. ADAM It was probably just a coyote or something. (changing subject) Come on! My turn! Adam heads back while Blake takes a moment to figure out how little sense Adam just made. Adam picks up the middle section of a PINK ELASTIC WATER BALLOON LAUNCHER. Think of it as a giant rubber band with handles on the sides and a pouch in the middle. He then walks past DERS, reading a novel while casually sitting in a beach chair, and grabs a golf ball out of a large white bucket.

2. ADAM (CONTD) Hey Ders, Im gonna need you to get out of the chair for my launch, okay buddy? I need maximum grip from my boys right now. DERS I am just fine here, thank you. Blakes balls have flown smoothly. Blake walks up, passionate as all hell. BLAKE (frantic) MY BALLS ARE PATHETIC, DERS!!! THEY BARELY FLY AT ALL!!! YOUD KNOW IF YOU CARED!!! DERS Where the fuck did that come from? Blake ignores him and picks up one of the handles. Adam taps his feet around in excitement as he puts the ball in the pouch. DERS (CONTD) Look if you guys wanna keep doing this stupid shit, thats fine. Just leave me out of it. ADAM Come on, Ders! Quit being a tight butthole and get up here. DERS I am NOT being a tight butthole! ADAM Yes you are! This is the DEFINITION of a tight butthole right now! DERS No it is not! So tight. What? BLAKE DERS

Blake makes a tight butthole symbol with his hands and tries to jam his finger in but cant. He RAMS it repeatedly.

3. BLAKE I cant even get it in there, Ders. ADAM Tight butthole! DERS This is ridiculous! BLAKE I cant get it in! ADAM (high pitched) TIGHT! Enough! DERS

BLAKE You know why? Why? DERS

BLAKE BECAUSE ITS A TIGHT FUCKING BUTTHOLE, DERS!!! THATS WHAT YOU ARE RIGHT NOW!!! ADAM (even higher) TIGHT BUTTHOLE!!! DERS (annoyed) Okay, enough! Ders storms out of his chair and grabs the launcher handle. DERS (CONTD) Lets just hurry up and get this over with before Alice figures out what were doing up here. Ders and Blake stand their ground as Adam pulls the pouch back. He takes a couple more steps, stretching out the launcher even more. His face gets RED, almost PURPLE even. ADAM Im gonna send this bitch to the moon, fellas! He lets go.

4. The launcher snaps forward and the golf ball goes flying out into the town. BACK AT THE BOTTOM, the Homeless guy continues looking at the smashed windshield. The golf ball comes flying down and HITS HIM DIRECTLY IN THE BACK. He gasps and falls down. BACK AT THE ROOF, Adam and Blake look out again. Adam is disappointed. BLAKE That went the same distance as mine and you had Ders standing up. ADAM Shut up, okay? There was a really strong gust of wind at the end there. They walk back. DERS Are we done here? Can we go back to work? ADAM (to Blake) Hey at least we both know our balls can go way farther than Ders. Yeah. BLAKE

DERS Okay. Nice try, guys. Youre not gonna make me work this stupid thing. ADAM Alright. Fine. (beat) Youll just be a tight butthole again. DERS Okay what the hell? Blake makes the gesture again. ADAM Super tight. Like tighter than my shoelace.

5. BLAKE (to Adam) Thats actually untied. ADAM Well then much tighter than my shoelace. Like way tighter. BLAKE Super tight. DERS Alright fine! Just ONE time! He grabs the pouch. Adam and Blake, excited, grab the handles. Ders takes a golf ball out of the bucket and pulls the pouch back. ADAM Is that really how strong you are? I barely feel it. He pulls it back further. BLAKE You know whats stronger? What? ADAM

BLAKE His tight butthole. Nice! ADAM

DERS That doesnt even make any sense! ADAM Keep pulling, you tight son of a bitch! He pulls back even FURTHER... BLAKE This reminds me of that one episode of The Amazing Race ADAM - With the watermelon? Yeah! BLAKE

6. Ders pulls back EVEN FURTHER! ADAM You watch that program? BLAKE Great program! ADAM Quality program! HOLY SHIT! HE PULLS BACK EVEN MORE... THE POUCH GETS TIGHT, SO TIGHT IT ALMOST COMPLETELY CLOSES... Ders lets go. The launcher snaps forward. The ball does not go flying forward, however. It gets stuck in the pouch, which opens up just as the launcher faces back at Ders... The golf ball comes FLYING BACKWARDS AND HITS HIM DIRECTLY IN THE FOREHEAD. Ders falls to the ground, SCREAMING in pain. He holds his face. Adam and Blake, completely oblivious to what just happened, look out into the sky, trying to find the ball. ADAM (CONTD) Jesus Christ, where did it go? BLAKE I thought it might have went past that park over there but I lost it right away. Ders keeps screaming. Adam waves him off. ADAM Ders, I get it. Youre proud of yourself. Just tell us where it went. Adam and Blake finally turn around. BLAKE (terrified)

Oh!

ADAM (terrified) Holy shit!

7.

END OF COLD OPEN

ACT ONE FADE IN: INT. OFFICE FLOOR - DAY The door to the stairs SMASHES open. Adam and Blake carry Ders through the door and into the office. Ders face is bleeding badly but other than that, he seems alright. ADAM (frantic) CALL 9-1-1!!! BLAKE (frantic) SOMEBODY HELP!!! The co-workers rush over, focusing all their attention on the situation. JILLIAN runs over first. JILLIAN (concerned) What happened? ADAM (crying hysterically) WE WERE SHOOTING GOLF BALLS OFF THE ROOF AND DERS PULLED THE POUCH WAY TOO TIGHT!!! BLAKE (also crying hysterically) LIKE A TIGHT BUTTHOLE!!! ADAM IT CAME BACK AND HIT HIM IN THE FACE!!! MONTEZ starts laughing. MONTEZ This is too good. Ders, annoyed, kicks around, trying to break free.

8. DERS Im fine! Put me down! JILLIAN Oh my God thats so much blood! ADAM I KNOW RIGHT? HES GONNA DIE LIKE RIGHT NOW!!! BLAKE ADAM, LETS GET HIM TO A HOSPITAL!!! ALICE comes rushing out of her office. ALICE (angry) What the hell happened? BLAKE DERS HIT HIMSELF IN THE FACE WITH A GOLF BALL!!! ALICE Wait, what? ADAM IM SO SORRY!!! I HOPE YOURE NOT MAD!!! ARE YOU MAD AT ME, ALICE? PLEASE DONT BE MAD AT ME!!! ALICE (annoyed) Get him to a hospital now! ADAM Youre right. Come on, Blake. Lets get him out of here. (to Ders) Were gonna save your life, buddy! DERS This is ridiculous! Put me down! CUT TO: EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY They carry Ders out of the building and out onto the parking lot. After squirming around some more, he finally breaks free and falls on to the asphalt.

9. BLAKE Ders, give me your keys. DERS (outraged) What? He gets up and the three of them walk to his car. BLAKE Give me your keys! Im not letting you drive. You look like you got hit in the face with a steel chair! DERS I am NOT letting you drive my car. Bad things happen when anyone else takes Stacy out for a spin. BLAKE Whos Stacy? My car! DERS

BLAKE Since when did you name your car Stacy? DERS Since right now, okay? ADAM DERS, JUST LET BLAKE DRIVE STACY!!! SHUT UP!!! DERS CUT TO: INT. CAR - MOVING - DAY Ders drives his car while blood continues to stream down his face. He notices something in front of him and SWERVES. Blake grabs the wheel. DERS Damn it. I cant see shit with all this blood. He tries wiping his eyes but to no avail. Blake reaches over further and completely takes the wheel.

10. BLAKE I got it, dude. You just work that gas pedal. Adam, hyperventilating, starts to sweat in the back seat. DERS That doesnt make any sense! BLAKE You driving doesnt make any sense! ADAM I CANT TAKE THIS!!! DERS Get your hands off the wheel! BLAKE I got this! Just brake when I tell you to. Ders sighs and lets Blake steer. Adam turns pale. ADAM Guys. I think Im gonna be sick. Ders turns around. DERS (furious) If you puke in my car, so HELP ME GOD, ADAM BRAKE!!! BLAKE

Ders turns back around and SLAMS on the brakes. Its too late however, as Blake is forced to CRANK the steering wheel to the right. OH SHIT!!! ALL THREE

The guys all scream as they slide around the car. Adam grabs onto the drivers seat to plant himself as he PUKES ALL OVER DERS. INT. LIVING ROOM - NEXT DAY Blake and Adam nervously sit on the couch. Blake taps his feet while Adam stretches out a slinky.

11. BLAKE He shouldve been here by now. He said hed be back in the morning. ADAM I havent been this nervous since that one time I cut my finger a couple years ago and it almost got amputated. Remember that? BLAKE That was gnarly. Just then, the front door opens. Blake and Adam spring up to face whoever walks in. A tattooed female NURSE (29) enters. The two stare in shock. Adam drops his slinky. BLAKE (CONTD) (awestruck) Adam, there is an attractive young woman standing at our door. What do we do? ADAM The only logical thing we could do. Ill take her to my room first. He takes a step forward but stops when DERS (O.S.) That wont be necessary. The Nurse pulls a wheelchair through the front door. Ders sits in it. His head is completely shaved and wrapped in a ridiculous-looking bandage that goes all the way around his head. Ders! BLAKE

ADAM Youre alive! They both rush over to his side. He winces in pain as they hug him awkwardly over the wheelchair. DERS I missed you guys too. BLAKE Youre in a wheelchair?

12. DERS Yeah well, doctor said I shouldnt be walking for a few weeks. Gotta let these legs heal up. Its actually pretty fun though. Im much faster around corners. He spins around in circles. ADAM We dont do any more golf ball launching without written consent, okay? BLAKE (to Nurse) Well take it from here. (to Ders) Ive been waiting for your triumphant arrival to light this baby up. He pulls out literally the biggest joint youve ever seen and attempts to light it. Ders stops him, letting out a small laugh. DERS In due time, Blake. Im actually very hungry though. BLAKE Do you want a sandwich or something? ADAM Blake, make him an omelette right now! Blake jumps to action. Ders stops him. DERS A sandwich is sufficient. Blake runs to the kitchen. DERS (CONTD) Be sure to cut off the crust. Ders snaps his fingers and the Nurse leads him into the living room. ADAM Anything else you need, champ?

13. DERS Can I see the remote? Adam picks up the remote, but hesitates. ADAM Well, Blakes recording Kitties From Asgard right now... DERS (commanding) Adam. The remote. Please. Adam nods and hands over the remote. Ders turns on the TV and leans back in his wheelchair, relaxing. INT. OFFICE FLOOR - NEXT DAY The door to the office opens and Adam and Blake lead Ders into work. Everyone stands and applauds as he rolls his wheelchair through the office. Alice, appearing unusually happy, cuts him off. Anders! ALICE

Adam and Blake both jump back in fear. DERS Hello Alice! ALICE Hey! You feeling better? DERS Ive seen better days. Cant complain when I have such a supportive team behind me, though. She gets behind him and leads his wheelchair towards his cubicle. Adam and Blake follow in confusion and a little bit of fear. ALICE Great! Well hey, listen, if you ever need ANYTHING from ANYONE here, just let me know, okay? (beat) You want to use my office for the day?

14. DERS Oh thats fine. Id rather be out there in the trenches. ALICE Alrighty then! She sets him up at his cubicle and turns to leave. ALICE (CONTD) You just let me know if theres ANYTHING I can do for you! She leaves and drops the smile as soon as shes out of Ders sight. Jillian notices this. END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO INT. CUBICLE - DAY Ders casually sits in his wheelchair and talks through his headset. DERS Now listen, Charlie. You can have back your skateboard when you give me back my God damn copy of Call of Duty. You hear me? CHARLIE! Dont you DARE put your mother on the phone! After Charlie does in fact put his mother on the phone, Ders hangs up. He looks over to Blake, who is sharpening every one of his pencils in the sharpener. DERS (CONTD) Make sure you dont leave them in there too long. I like my led to be polished. Blake nods. Ders looks over to Adam, who is cleaning and sanitizing his keyboard. DERS (CONTD) Adam, buddy, when you do that, try not to actually type on the keyboard when youre cleaning it. I mean, look at my AOL messenger. (MORE)

15. DERS (CONTD) Looks like my Grandfather got a hold of it. ADAM Youre right. Im sorry, Ders. Want me to delete the text? DERS Your apology will suffice. Spray some of that herbal fragrance and spot me a piece of gum. Adam promptly grabs a febreze bottle and sprays it in fron of Ders, who cherishes the smell. He also pulls out a stick of gum and places it in Ders mouth himself. DERS (CONTD) Thank you. (to Blake) Blake, trash can. Blake grabs the trash can and holds it up to Ders face. Ders chews the gum rapidly to get the flavor out. DERS (CONTD) Hold up. Any second now the flavor should be gone. (beat) Now! Get it out! Jillian walks by and gives a curious stare as Blake manually takes the gum out of Ders mouth and places it in the trash can. She ponders a thought and walks away. DERS (CONTD) Adam, load up another piece. Its time for round two! INT. ALICES OFFICE - DAY Alice vigorously looks through all of her drawers in her desk, looking for something. ALICE (mad) Come on! Where is it? She eventually finds it buried beneath a bunch of useless files. She lifts it up. It reads: TelAmeriCorp Workplace Incidentals Guide She opens the book and searches through it.

16. ALICE (CONTD) Come on, give me a loophole here. I am NOT filing a report for those dumbasses. She flips through more pages. Nothing. She pounds her hands on the desk. ALICE (CONTD) (frustrated) Shit! Just then, EVAN (20), walks into her office. He is very skinny, well-dressed, and nervous as hell. EVAN Excuse me? Are you Alice? This is my first Alice, annoyed, picks up the book and CHUCKS it at Evan. It hits him in the face. ALICE (outraged) What? What do you want? EVAN (rubbing his head) Its my first day here. I was told to come see you first. ALICE (lightening up) Oh right. Im sorry. Here, take a seat. INT. BREAK ROOM - DAY Blake has an ironing board set up and is ironing Ders socks. He takes some time, really getting into it. Jillian walks in. Hey Blake. JILLIAN

Ah!

BLAKE (startled)

He drops the iron, leaving it planted on the sock.

17. BLAKE (CONTD) (recovering) Hey, Jillian. Whats up? JILLIAN So, Anders injury seems pretty intense. BLAKE Yeah. It was pretty crazy. JILLIAN What exactly did the doctors say was wrong with him? BLAKE Well Ders told us he had a stage three concussion, a strained rotator cuff, and a tear to his ACL. JILLIAN (not buying it) Really. BLAKE Yep. Dudes lucky to be alive. JILLIAN Ill say. (beat) So, he just got hit in the head by a golf ball? Indeed. BLAKE

JILLIAN But the ACL is in the leg. BLAKE (trying to know what an ACL is) Yeah. Yeah it is. (realizing) OHHH NO HE DID NOT. JILLIAN I think hes messing with you guys. BLAKE No, no he wouldnt do that do us!

18. JILLIAN Blake, I strongly doubt a golf ball to the head caused an ACL tear. BLAKE Oh my God. Youre right, Jillian! He takes a second to get a hold of the situation, completely unaware that the iron he left on the sock is burning a huge hole right through it. He looks down at it. BLAKE (CONTD) (panicking) Oh shit! INT. CUBICLE - DAY Blake and Jillian walk up to the cubicle, where Ders sits at his computer, wears a blanket, and watches Youtube. He laughs at a video and eats chips. BLAKE Hey Ders, wheres Adam? DERS Huh? Oh hes down here. He points below his desk, where Adam pokes his head out. Hey guys! ADAM

JILLIAN Adam, what are you doing down there? ADAM Well, Ders legs were cramping up and I didnt want him struggling to go to the bathroom, so... He crawls out from underneath the desk, holding a clear bucket full of urine. JILLIAN (disgusted)

Oh!

BLAKE Adam, can we talk to you for a second? In private?

19. ADAM Hold on, I just gotta get rid of this piss. He walks right past them with the bucket, bumping into Blake and spilling some on him in the process. DERS (calling out) Hurry back! I gotta go number two pretty quick! INT. HALLWAY - DAY Blake and Jillian wait outside the bathroom. They stand directly in front of the door. Adam walks out and is immediately startled. ADAM Jesus, what? BLAKE Dude, Ders is faking it. What? ADAM

JILLIAN Its true. He doesnt need a wheelchair or any of this stuff. Hes doing this on purpose. ADAM Oh come on! He would never do that! None of us would. He walks past them. Oh really? BLAKE

Adam stops and turns around. BLAKE (CONTD) What about your finger? Excuse me? ADAM

BLAKE A couple years ago. How did you cut it again?

20. ADAM On the paper cutter in the supply room. Thing cuts like a machete. He pronounces machete in its Spanish accent. Oh really? Yeah. BLAKE ADAM

BLAKE (smiling) Really. YES. Really. YES!!! ADAM BLAKE ADAM

Blake just stands there, not sure what to say next. Really. BLAKE

JILLIAN Blake, where are you going with this? BLAKE I was there that day! It was just a paper cut and you know it! You made me and Ders treat you like royalty, thinking you lost your finger to a office supplied machete. Adam looks around, knowing hes been caught. ADAM Alright fine! But it was a really nasty paper cut! JILLIAN Cant you see? Hes doing the same thing right now! All three of them turn and look out to Ders in the cubicle, who laughs his ass off while watching Youtube.

21. ADAM Something has to be done. END OF ACT TWO ACT THREE INT. JILLIANS CUBICLE - DAY Adam and Blake hover over Jillian while she looks up concussion tests on her computer. JILLIAN One way to really get back at him would be to test him on the concussion tests hes been having, and then just call him on his shit! Good idea. BLAKE

Jillian scans through some searches. ADAM Hold on. (to Blake) Did I ever show you that video where that chimpanzee jerks off a camel. BLAKE (cant believe it) No fricken way. ADAM (taking over the keyboard) Jillian, this has to wait a second. You havent lived until you see this. INT. ALICES OFFICE - DAY Alice has her face planted on her desk among various company handbooks. Evan sits nervously in front of her. EVAN Is there anything I can help you with?

22. ALICE Not unless you know of any loopholes in which I wont have to file an incident report. EVAN Why dont you wanna file the report? ALICE Because if I do that, then corporates gonna send someone down here to investigate. And if that happens, then I get docked for it, and that bastard in the wheelchair over there gets an insurance bonus. Oh. EVAN

ALICE Theres nothing I can do. I just have to file the damn thing. She hops on her computer. ALICE (CONTD) Great. The internets down. Youre young. Do you know how to fix this crap? EVAN Im just a temp. ALICE (furious) THEN GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE!!! Evan falls out of his chair and runs out. Alice clears her desk and throws the handbooks on the floor. ALICE (CONTD) Now I gotta walk the damn report all the way to the mailbox myself. INT. CUBICLE - DAY Adam and Blake walk over to Ders cubicle, where he is getting treated by his nurse. They both laugh and joke around, not really giving any treatment at all. He drinks a milk shake on his desk through a ridiculously long straw.

23. Adam and Blake stand in the entrance way, both crossing their arms. Ders looks over. DERS Oh. Hey guys. BLAKE Hey man. We have to talk to you. Yeah we ADAM

Adam sees Blake also has his arms crossed. He smacks his arm. ADAM (CONTD) Dude, I had my arms crossed first. Put em down. BLAKE What? No, I look WAY more intimidating this way! ADAM Yes I know! Thats WHY Im doing it! DERS Guys, what is this about? BLAKE We need you to come to the break room. DERS Were kind of in the middle of something right now. Im studying the rapping tendencies of Los Angeles based rappers. ADAM GET YOUR ASS IN THE BREAK ROOM RIGHT NOW!!! They both run up to him and push his wheelchair towards the break room. INT. BREAK ROOM - DAY Everything is dark except Ders face, who is illuminated by Adams phone flashlight, making this look like an interrogation.

24. ADAM So, Mr. Anders... son. BLAKE I see what you did there. ADAM I couldnt help it. (back to Ders) So, Ders, what kind of concussion tests did you have to go through at the hospital. DERS Just regular, standard stuff. Follow the light, stuff like that. Oh really. BLAKE

Blake reads off his hand. BLAKE (CONTD) Now, did you... He tries to read his hand, but its too dark in the room. BLAKE (CONTD) I cant see shit... (giving in) I KNOW YOU DID IT!!! Did what? DERS

ADAM We know youre faking this crap! And for the record, the ACL is in the arm! Leg. BLAKE

ADAM It is IN the leg! DERS I dont know what youre talking about! BLAKE I will POP the tires of this wheelchair right now!

25. DERS That wont accomplish anything! ADAM I will SLIT YOUR THROAT!!! Whoa. Dude. DERS BLAKE

ADAM Alright. That was too much. But karma is gonna come back to you like a French whore. BLAKE Ders, just admit this is all a ruse, or else we move out. Yeah. ADAM

They both cross their arms, and are actually okay with both of them doing it. Ders looks down, giving in. DERS Alright, you got me. Im sorry. He takes off the bandage and takes off a bald cap, revealing all his hair to still be there. DERS (CONTD) Its just, you guys are always making me do stupid shit. I guess I just wanted to teach you how to be responsible for once. ADAM I am SO responsible. BLAKE But, Ders, lying and manipulating us to do these ridiculous things for you is like the most irresponsible thing ever. DERS I know. I guess I got carried away. ADAM Whos the nurse?

26. DERS Remember Candi from the strip club? ADAM I KNEW she looked familiar! DERS Can we just hug it out? BLAKE Yeah. Lets bring it in, guys. They all embrace awkwardly around the wheelchair again. Evan walks in and turns the lights on. He casually gets some coffee as the guys slowly break off their hug. DERS That felt good. BLAKE It felt great! ADAM Good to have you back. Evan leans against the counter. EVAN Hey is Alice always such a bitch? Oh yes. BLAKE

ADAM Take it easy though, okay? Shes kid of the woman of my dreams. EVAN Yeah I guess Ill just have to get used to it. (to Ders) But hey, congrats on that insurance bonus, man. DERS Insurance bonus? EVAN Alice was flipping out because she couldnt find a way to get out of it. Shes going to mail it right now.

27. ADAM Well, it sure sucks youre not actually injured then, huh? Ders eyes light up, thinking about it. He suddenly DARTS OFF in his wheelchair, going faster than ever. Ders! No! BLAKE

He stops and closes the door to the break room. He grabs a mop and puts it between the handle, locking them inside. DERS Just let me do this! Blake and Adam pound on the window of the break room. ADAM Let us out! Come on! BLAKE

Ders spins his wheels and speeds off through the office. INSIDE THE BREAK ROOM, Blake pulls on the door handle, but it doesnt budge. Adam starts crying. ADAM Im getting sick again. BLAKE Maybe we can break the window somehow. Blake... ADAM

Blake picks up a chair and throws it at the window, to no avail. BLAKE Shit! You think coffee would melt it? Adam PUKES on the window just as Blake is about to throw a fire extinguisher at it. He stops when he sees the puke. Dude! BLAKE (CONTD)

ADAM IM SORRY!!!

28. Evan casually walks up and slides the window open. BLAKE Oh. Thank you. ADAM Bless your soul, you anonymous gentleman! They climb out of the window. END OF ACT THREE ACT FOUR INT. OFFICE FLOOR - DAY Ders quickly races through the office floor. He is actually VERY fast at this. He even drifts through the corners. Adam and Blake run after him. They get tied up with Waymond, who stands at the copier and blocks most of the path. ADAM Waymond! Move! Jillian runs up to them. JILLIAN Whats going on? BLAKE Its Ders! He heard about the insurance bonus and now hes gone mad! Alice is on her way to file the report right now! We have to stop her! Just then, something clicks in Jillian. JILLIAN WAYMOND GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY!!! She pushes him into the copier, clearing a path. She looks back to the guys. Follow me. JILLIAN (CONTD)

What ensues is a SLO-MO MONTAGE WITH SOME BADASS ACTION MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND.

29. Jillian forms a sort of human shield as she plows through the cubicles. Ders spins his wheels very intensely. Sweat drips down his forehead. Jillian lets out a roar, which sounds like a lion roar with the slo-mo. END MONTAGE. INT. ELEVATOR LOBBY - DAY - CONTINUOUS The elevator doors close as Alice pushes the ground floor button. She appears confused when she sees Ders vigorously making his way to the lobby. Ders comes to a screeching halt and hits the button for a new elevator. Adam and Blake make it and stand in front of Ders. They struggle to catch their breath. DERS Get out of my way! I have to see this! ADAM Youre not injured! This is wrong! BLAKE And why are you still in the wheelchair? DERS I like it! Shut up! He PUNCHES them both in the balls, which was rather easy given how low the wheelchair makes him. They wince in pain. Ders heads toward the stairwell and opens the door. Adam gets up, holding his balls as he chases after him. ADAM You wanna go down? Adam takes the back of the wheelchair and SENDS DERS FLYING DOWN THE STAIRS. He tumbles and SLAMS against the wall at the bottom.

30. ADAM (CONTD) Yeah! Take that, you son of a bitch! Blake, also holding his balls, walks over. BLAKE What did you do? ADAM (proud) He tried to get away so I sent him flying down the stairs! Nice! BLAKE

Ders screams in pain. Adam and Blakes expression quickly goes sour. BLAKE (CONTD) Dude you threw a dude in a wheelchair down a set of stairs. ADAM Youre right. Thats pretty messed up. Ders still manages to get up and scurry away on his wheelchair. ADAM (CONTD) You gotta be kidding me! BLAKE This guy is invincible! They run down the stairs after him. EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - DUSK - CONTINUOUS Alice casually walks towards the mailbox, which just happens to be occupied by the mailman himself. INSIDE THE BUILDING, Ders pushes the handicap open doors button and waits impatiently for it to open. Come on! DERS

After about five seconds, hes had enough and stands up to open it, pulling the wheelchair behind him. He sits back down when gets OUTSIDE.

31. He spins the wheels even faster, but doesnt see as a CAR CUTS HIM OFF. He crashes into it and goes FLYING OFF THE WHEELCHAIR AND OVER THE HOOD OF THE CAR. He lands hard on the asphalt. Jillian casually puts the car in reverse and parks it in the lot. Adam and Blake run outside to see what just went down. Whoa! ADAM

BLAKE (seeing Alice) Alice, wait! They run after him. Ders, wind knocked out of him, looks up to see Alice handing the mailman the report. He promptly drives off just as Adam and Blake get to Alice. DERS (laughing) Youre too late! Adam and Blake stop running and rest their hands on their knees, defeated. Alice walks by, confused. ALICE What the hell just happened here? Ders struggles to get up, but eventually does. DERS Oh nothing. So tell me, how much money am I getting? Money? ALICE

DERS The insurance! Alice, I know about it. Alice smiles. ALICE Ah, yes. Well it turns out that due to budget constraints, we cant give you a bonus. (MORE)

32. ALICE (CONT'D) Instead you get supplied with the finest reward TelAmeriCorp can offer: an unlimited supply of the company coupon book. DERS (outraged) WHAT?!?! Adam and Blake laugh. Yes! BLAKE

ADAM Take that, loser! Alice walks back to the office. Ders just turns back to the guys. DERS Well I guess karma got me back after all. Blake puts his hand on Ders shoulder. BLAKE Its alright, pal. We probably wouldve done the same thing. ADAM I have done the same thing. Remember the office machete? DERS It was just a paper cut, wasnt it? ADAM Indeed it was! BLAKE Lets hug it out, gentlemen. For real this time. They hug it out, keeping the embrace for a very long time. Evan walks out of the building but stops when he sees the guys hugging. EVAN What kind of a place is this? He walks off.

33. END OF ACT FOUR TAG INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Adam and Ders all sit on the couch, eating pizza. Adam flips through the coupon book. ADAM Im just saying dude. Buy two, get one game free of mini golf. DERS I am NOT going anywhere near a golf ball again. Blake walks in, hiding something behind his back. BLAKE Yeah Ive actually been meaning to talk to you about that. Ive done some research and Ive figured out a way to get you over this irrational fear of golf balls. Do tell. DERS

BLAKE Just lean back and close your eyes. Ders does so. BLAKE (CONTD) Theres this thing I read on some psychology forums that says in order for someone to get over a traumatic event, you have to expose them to the event vigorously. Then theyll be fine. DERS Wait, what? Blake reveals the bucket of golf balls behind his back. BLAKE Were gonna get through this together, buddy. He pours the ENTIRE BUCKET OF GOLF BALLS all over Ders, who freaks out instantly.

34. END OF EPISODE