RidingonAir

RidingonAir MaggieGilbert
ForreadersofJennyDownham,JohnGreeneandMaureenMcCarthy,apoignantyoung adultromanceaboutfollowingyourdreamsandrealisingwhatreallymatters. Whatcanyoudowhenyourownhandsaretheenemy?Holdontight,foraslongasittakes. Melissahassecrets.SureitsprettyobviousshehasJuvenileRheumatoidArthritis,butno oneknowshowbaditisorhowmanypillsshetakesforthepain.Shesdeterminedtomake herhorseJinxintoachampionandshedreamsthatherchildhoodfriendWilliamwillone dayseeher,ratherthanhercondition. SowhenWilliamasksheroutandJinxisshortlistedforselectioninanelitetraining program,itseemsMelissasdreamshavecometrue.Butwhenhersecretsareexposed,all thosedreamscomecrashingdownaroundher.CanWilliameverforgiveher?Andcanshe learnaboutlettinggointimetotrulyrideonairwhenitmattersmost?

Chapter1

Thereinswhippedthroughmycramping,uselesshands,thebucklecatchingmyswollen knuckleswithaseeyoulatersmackthatwasreallygoingtohurt.AfterIwasdonewith fallingoff,ofcourse. Thegroundrushedtomeetmeanddespiteadefensivetuckperfectedby practiceIhitwithathudthatslammedmebreathless.Moltenpainfirecrackerswentoffin thejointsofmyshoulders,knees,hipsandelbowsasIhammeredintothesunbaked pastureoftheponyclubscrosscountrycourse.Therewasgritinmymouthanddirtpuffing uparoundmeinadustycloud.Butmystupidtraitorhandswereatleastsafelycurled againstmychest.Nottoobad,considering.JuvenileRheumatoidArthritis:thegiftthat keepsongiving. Somethingbrushedpastmyface,moredirtspecklingmyskin.Iblinkedgrittily, gettingablurredimageofaswishingblacktailanddepartinghooves.MyhorseJinx,giving anexcitedbuckasheexitedthesceneatspeed,wasleavingmeliterallyinhisdust. Mycrampedlungsexpandedagainandmyeyesclearedasoxygenpouredbackinto me.Butohcrap,howthatmadeithurt.Istartedthepostfallpostmortem:Icouldsee, think,wrigglemytoesandmyfingers(cautiously)andmyskullwasapparentlyuncracked. Initialimpactestimatessuggestedbruisedtobrokenonthehardnessscale. Idhadworse.Isippedinanothercautiousbreathandlaystill,withmythrobbing handsheldcarefullyagainstmychestjustincasewhoeverhadbeenfollowingmeontheir horsetowardsthejumphadsomehowmissedmetakingadiveoverJinxsshoulderandwas stillcoming. ItwasntreallyJinxsfault.HedjustgoneeagerlythroughthevirtualboltholeId leftopenforhimwhenmycrockeduphandsquitaswecanteredtowardsthatjump.Wed comeintooflatandtoofastandhedclippedthefixedtoprailofthejump,madea stumblinglandingonhisnosefromwhichhe,athleticgeniusthathewas,hadspectacularly recovered,whileInixtheathletic,letalonethegeniushadnot. Melissa,God,areyouOK? Myinstructor,Sally,wasbreathless.Whatlittlevoiceshehadwasthinandhigh.She wasnodoubtexpectingtofindmesmashedlikeapretzelatthebottomofthebox. Mmm,Isaidnoncommittally.IthoughtIwasOK.IwantedtobeOK.ButIwasnt sure,notyet. Doesanythinghurt? Isnorted.Stupidquestionfromsomeonewhoshouldknowbetter.Andshedid know.ShedknownmesinceIwasfive,evenbeforeIwasdiagnosed. Hangonaminute,Isaid.Ilaythere,waitingforthefamiliaruglyhotpainburnin myjointstodiedownenoughformetotellifIdactuallybrokenanything.Allpainkindof blurstogetherwhenyouresousedtoit.Ibreathedinandout,thestrapofmyhelmet diggingintomyjaw. Iheardthemurmuringcommentaryoftheotherkidsandtheexplosive,impatient snortasoneoftheirhorsescleareditsnostrils.InanotherlifeImighthavebeen

embarrassedtohavefallenoff;humiliatedtobelyingtherewithSallyhoveringanxiously overmeandthelowdroneofaquadbikegrowingsteadilylouderasitapproachedacross thebumpypaddocks.Butinthislife,Iwastoorelieved.Iwastoorelievedthatthepainwas fadingandthebreathgoingmoreeasilyinandoutofmylungstocareiftheotherkids thoughtIwashopeless.Morethantheyalreadydid,anyway;theythinkImweirdbecause arthritisissupposedtobeaGrannysdisease.Ifthatwasntbadenough,Ilikedressage betterthanjumpingandsporting.SoIvegotuglyhandsandIdoasissysport.Miss PopularityImnot. MostlyIwasjustrelievedthatthisfallcouldbemygetoutofjumpingfreecard.Id cometoponyclubcampforthegoldenchancetohaveadressagetrainingsessionwith PetraHein,aSydneybasedinstructorformerlyfromGermany.Notonlywassheachampion internationalriderwhodbeenshortlistedfortheOlympics,shewasnowthecoachand headselectorfortheAustralianNationalJuniorDressageSquad.Iwouldkilltogetintothat squad.PetrahasnevercomedownherebeforeandIdoubtshewillagainanytimesoon. AndJinxandIdontgetuptoSydneyveryoften.Asinnever. Butfirst,Ihadtosurvivethejumping,somethingJinxisalsoverygoodat,butme, notsomuch.Theylikeyoutodoallthedifferentsportsatcamp,althoughthedecisiontodo thejumpingclassessuddenlydidntseemthebestidea;thegroundIdjusthammeredinto wasreallyhard.Wehadnthadmuchrainlatelysothegroundwaslikerockhardon horseslegsandridersheads. Ilayonthathardgroundabitlonger,blinkingdustoutofmyeyesasthepaineased fromknifestabtodullsqueeze.Therewaspain,sure,butnothingunexpected.Nothing beyondthewellknownandunlovedhotspots. IknewIhadtogetup.Jinxwasprobablychargingaroundthehorseyardslikea snortinggallopingfoolandIdidntwanthimtodamagehimself.Oranyoneelse.Ofcourse, thinkingaboutgettingupwasonething,butactuallydoingitwasntgoingtobethateasy.It neverwas. ThequadbikerumbledtowithinafewfeetofwhereIsprawledinthedirtandthe enginecutoff.AfaintpuffofdustandfuelscentedairwaftedovermeandIwrinkledmy noseagainstasneeze.Imightnothavebrokenanything,butthelastthingIwantedtodo wasaggravateallthosewaitingbruises. IsMelissahurt? Thebackofmyneckcrawled.MaybeIcouldbemortifiedinthislifeafterall.Ishould haveknownhedbetheonetocometomyunrescueonhismechanicalcharger.Ihavethat kindofluck.God,whydidntyoukillmeinthatfall? Melissa? Hisvoicewascomingcloser.No,notGodWilliam.IfGodishangingoutdownhere inthebodyofateenageboy,IdoubthesinWilliam.MorelikeZacEfron,ormaybetheguy fromthatvampireseries.AlthoughpersonallyIdontgetwhatssohotabouthim. AlankybodymovedintoblockthesunandIblinkedmywateringeyesatthesudden changeinlight. Melissa? Imfine. Really?Orareyoujustsayingthat? Iblinkedsomemore,stillsundazzled.Dazzled,anyway.Williamsfacecameinto focus,darkeyebrowsfrowningabovenarrowedlakeblueeyes.Zacwho?

Mystomachdriftedupwards,curledinonitselfandfloppedbackdownagainasmy mouthwentdry,leavingmytonguegluedinplace.Williamcouldmakemefeellikeagiddy foolfromadistanceofahundredyardsjustbyridingpastwithmystepbrothersata polocrossetournament.Upthisclose,notonlyhadmyspitdriedup,myheartwasfluttering aroundasifithadshakenlooseinsidemeandIcouldnolongerfeelmyfeet.Thiswaseither afreakedoutresponsetoWilliam,orIhadaspinalinjurythatwasonlyjustnowshowing symptoms.Anxiously,Iwriggledmytoesagain.Theystillworked,soitlookedlikethe Williameffectratherthancrushedvertebrae. Melissa?Areyousureyourenothurt?WilliamcroucheddownbesidemeandI swallowedpainfully,ridiculouslyawareofhim.Ofhowclosehewas.Icouldseeapatchy shadowofstubbleunderhisjawandthewayhishairwavedupwardsbeneaththebrimof hisAkubra.Hislonglegsindustpalejeanswereonlyinchesaway.IfIsimplyliftedmyhandI reckonedIcouldtouchhimwherethefadedcottonofhisshirtcollarcurledagainstthe tannedskinofhisthroat.Workingsomemoistureintomymouth,Ilickedmylipsnervously andtriedtomeethiseyes.Mybodyseemedtoobigtofitintomyskin. ImOK.Idredgedmyexcuseforabrainforsomethingwitty.Nothingcametome. Typical.ImOK,Isaidagain. Williamsatbackonhishaunchesandstaredatme,unblinking.Icouldntmeethis gazeforlong.Ihadtotakehiminwithbrief,skippingglances.HemustthinkIwasanutter moron.Well,ofcoursehedid.Hedknownmepracticallymywholelife. Cantgetup,huh?heaskedmequietly.Isitjustyourhands? Iglancedathimagainandthenaway,diggingatmybottomlipwithmyteeth.Why didhehavetoseemelikethis?Hewasnevergoingtoseemeasarealgirlifheonlyever sawmebroken. Yes,Iadmitted,resignedtotheindignityofSallyusingtheradiotocallforthe waitingambulance,ofbeingfussedoverbyeveryoneuntiltheyfinallydidenoughteststo workoutIwasasOKasIdeverbe.StillcursedwithJuvenileRheumatoidArthritis,but uninjured.Justwastingtheirtime. IfItakeyourarms,willithelp?Orwillithurtyou? Itllhelp. Youbettersaysoifitdoeshurtyou,hesaid,reachingforme. Ashisbig,stronghandsslidaroundmypatheticallyskinnyupperarms,IdontthinkI couldhaveutteredawordevenifhewasabouttopullthemrightoutoftheirsockets.That hewasactuallytouchingmeseemedtohaveblownsomekindoffuseinmybrain.Hispalms werehotonmybareskin,likeabrand. Whatareyoudoing?Sallysqueaked.William,Idontthinkyoushouldbedoing that. Itsalright,Sal.Williamlookedintomyeyes.Ready? Inodded,Iguess,becausehisfingerstightenedandthenhestoodupfromhis crouchandliftedmewithhim.Iswungupfromtheground,risingasifIwasapuppetand hehadpulledmystrings.ButonceIwasuprighttheworldslidawayfrommeandI staggeredagainsthim. William!Sallycriedshrilly.HesaidSteady!butwhethertomeortoher,Ididnt know.Hemovedonehandfrommyarmtomybackandpresseditfirmlyagainstme,asif hewasafraidIdfall,andasfastasithadgonefunny,theworldslidbacktowhereitusually was.MythrobbinghandswerestilltuckedsafelyoutofharmswayandIwasuprightagain. IletgoofabreathIhadntevenknownIwasholding.

Melissa,lookatme,Sallysaid,comingcloseandpeeringintomyeyes.Letmesee yourpupils.Areyouconcussed? Imfine.Ieasedbackfromher,alittlefreakedbythewayshewasshovingherface intomine.Sheranherlong,slenderfingersthroughherexpensivelystreakedblondemane andIwonderedifthatwasgenuineconcernoranartfulattempttocatchWilliams attention. Williambarelyglancedather.Oh,bestillmyheart. OK?hesaidtome. Yes.Thanks.IconcentratedonreassuringSally,unabletomeetWilliams challengingstare.Itwashardtohidethingsfromhimwhenhewaslookingatmelikethat, butImanaged.Idhadplentyofpracticeatthat,too. Sallynoddeddoubtfully,evenasshecastaslidingglancetowardstheothersinher troopwaitingwithamixtureofboredomandimpatience.Riderswiththeirfeetkickedout ofthestirrups,onegirlsneakilytextingonherphone.Thelaidbackhorsesrestedtheirhind legsastheysnoozed,earsflopping,whilethemorefieryonessidledandfidgeted,throwing anoccasionalrestlessfrontlegforwardtopawatthedirt.Crosscountrywasahighpointof campformostofthem.Idneverheartheendofitifthesessionwasruinedbecauseofme. Sally,really,Imfine.Illgoandgetcheckedout,OK,justassoonasIfindJinx. Idontknow,Sallysaid,clearlytornbetweenbeingshotofmesoshecouldgeton withthingsandfearofdoingthewrongthing. Illbefine,Sally,Illwalkslowly.Iignoredthedullachenowsettlingintothefront ofmyskull.Itwasnothingtodowiththefall;Inearlyalwaysendedupwithabitofa headacheduringlongridingsessionsintheheat.Ilongedtotakemyhelmetoff,butthehot throbinmyknuckleswarnedmeoffevenattemptingthebuckles. Illtakeheronthequad,Williamofferedandmystomachdived,twisted,backed upandfinishedoffwithaforwardrollwithhalftuck. Stopthat,Icautionedmyself,firmlysquashingthehopefulquiverofmyleaping heart.Hesjustdoinghisjobasacampassistant.Hednevershowntheslightestinterestin mepersonallyinalltheseyears.MuchasIwisheditwasdifferent.OrwishedthatIcouldat leastacceptrealityandjuststopthinkingabouthim.Stophoping. Yeah,youdthinkIdhaveworkedoutitwashopelessbynow.ButIcouldntseemto curemyselfofwantinghim;allIcoulddowastrytohideit. Oh,thatwouldbegreat,Sallysaid,flashinghimabeamingsmile.Isuppresseda freshwaveofresentmentforhergorgeous,streakyhairandcurvybody.Herbeautifulhand modelfingers,straightandslender,knucklestinyandtrue.Iknowitsweird,mostpeople lookateyesandfaces,butInoticehandsthemost. ThepoundinginmyheadincreasedandIturnedaway,towardsthewaitingquad bike.Ijustwantedtogetgoing.NowIwasreasonablysureIhadntbrokenmyselfonimpact IwasswampedwithworryaboutJinx.IwantedtomakesurehewasOK.Iwantedtotake myhelmetoffbeforemybrainsqueezedoutthroughmyears.Iwantedtobeaseffortlessly flirtatiousandprettyasSally,whoat18wasthesameageasWilliam.Onlytwoyearsolder thanme,thoughitseemedanimpossiblegap. WilliamcaughtuptomeasIswungmylegoverthesunwarmedseatofthequad bike.Whenhehovered,obviouslyunsureagainhowtohelpwithouthurtingme,Iblinked backthetreacherousstingoftears.IturnedmyfaceawayandslidforwardsoWilliamcould climbonbehind,thethrillatthethoughtofhisarmsgoingaroundmemostlykilledbyyet anotherreminderofwhatIwantedandcouldnthave.

Sallycouldkeephershinyhairandhereyepoppingcleavage.Ididntactuallywant tolooklikeher.Icertainlydidntwanttobeher.Ijustwantedtobeme,stillwithmylong, straight,darkbrownhairandinsignificantboobs,butwithoutgnarledfingersandswollen joints.ButIknewbetterthantoletmyselfwantittoobadly.BecauseIalsoknewyoudont alwaysgetwhatyouwant.