Friendship

from Essays: First Series (1841) A ruddy drop of manly blood The surging sea outweighs The world un!ertain !omes and goes The lo"er rooted stays# $ fan!ied he was fled And after many a year %lowed une&hausted 'indliness (i'e daily sunrise there# )y !areful heart was free again * + friend my bosom said Through thee alone the s'y is ar!hed Through thee the rose is red All things through thee ta'e nobler form And loo' beyond the earth And is the mill,round of our fate A sun,path in thy worth# )e too thy nobleness has taught To master my despairThe fountains of my hidden life Are through thy friendship fair# ESSA. /$ Friendship 0e ha"e a great deal more 'indness than is e"er spo'en# )augre all the selfishness that !hills li'e east winds the world the whole human family is bathed with an element of lo"e li'e a fine ether# 1ow many persons we meet in houses whom we s!ar!ely spea' to whom yet we honor and who honor us2 1ow many we see in the street or sit with in !hur!h whom though silently we warmly re3oi!e to be with2 4ead the language of these wandering eye,beams# The heart 'noweth# The effe!t of the indulgen!e of this human affe!tion is a !ertain !ordial e&hilaration# $n poetry and in !ommon spee!h the emotions of bene"olen!e and !ompla!en!y whi!h are felt towards others are li'ened to the material effe!ts of fire- so swift or mu!h more swift more a!ti"e more !heering are these fine inward irradiations# From the highest degree of passionate lo"e to the lowest degree of good,will they ma'e the sweetness of life# +ur intelle!tual and a!ti"e powers in!rease with our affe!tion# The s!holar sits down to write and all his years of meditation do not furnish him with one good thought or happy e&pression- but it is ne!essary to write a letter to a friend * and forthwith troops of gentle thoughts in"est themsel"es on e"ery hand with !hosen words# See in any house where "irtue and self,respe!t abide the palpitation whi!h the approa!h of a stranger !auses# A !ommended stranger is e&pe!ted and announ!ed and an uneasiness betwi&t pleasure and pain in"ades all the hearts of a household# 1is arri"al almost brings fear to the good hearts that would wel!ome him# The house is dusted all things fly into their pla!es the old !oat is e&!hanged for the new and they must get up a dinner if they !an#

+f a !ommended stranger only the good report is told by others only the good and new is heard by us# 1e stands to us for humanity# 1e is what we wish# 1a"ing imagined and in"ested him we as' how we should stand related in !on"ersation and a!tion with su!h a man and are uneasy with fear# The same idea e&alts !on"ersation with him# 0e tal' better than we are wont# 0e ha"e the nimblest fan!y a ri!her memory and our dumb de"il has ta'en lea"e for the time# For long hours we !an !ontinue a series of sin!ere gra!eful ri!h !ommuni!ations drawn from the oldest se!retest e&perien!e so that they who sit by of our own 'insfol' and a!5uaintan!e shall feel a li"ely surprise at our unusual powers# 6ut as soon as the stranger begins to intrude his partialities his definitions his defe!ts into the !on"ersation it is all o"er# 1e has heard the first the last and best he will e"er hear from us# 1e is no stranger now# /ulgarity ignoran!e misapprehension are old a!5uaintan!es# 7ow when he !omes he may get the order the dress and the dinner * but the throbbing of the heart and the !ommuni!ations of the soul no more# 0hat is so pleasant as these 3ets of affe!tion whi!h ma'e a young world for me again8 0hat so deli!ious as a 3ust and firm en!ounter of two in a thought in a feeling8 1ow beautiful on their approa!h to this beating heart the steps and forms of the gifted and the true2 The moment we indulge our affe!tions the earth is metamorphosed- there is no winter and no night- all tragedies all ennuis "anish * all duties e"en- nothing fills the pro!eeding eternity but the forms all radiant of belo"ed persons# (et the soul be assured that somewhere in the uni"erse it should re3oin its friend and it would be !ontent and !heerful alone for a thousand years# $ awo'e this morning with de"out than'sgi"ing for my friends the old and the new# Shall $ not !all %od the 6eautiful who daily showeth himself so to me in his gifts8 $ !hide so!iety $ embra!e solitude and yet $ am not so ungrateful as not to see the wise the lo"ely and the noble,minded as from time to time they pass my gate# 0ho hears me who understands me be!omes mine * a possession for all time# 7or is nature so poor but she gi"es me this 3oy se"eral times and thus we wea"e so!ial threads of our own a new web of relations- and as many thoughts in su!!ession substantiate themsel"es we shall by and by stand in a new world of our own !reation and no longer strangers and pilgrims in a traditionary globe# )y friends ha"e !ome to me unsought# The great %od ga"e them to me# 6y oldest right by the di"ine affinity of "irtue with itself $ find them or rather not $ but the 9eity in me and in them derides and !an!els the thi!' walls of indi"idual !hara!ter relation age se& !ir!umstan!e at whi!h he usually !onni"es and now ma'es many one# 1igh than's $ owe you e&!ellent lo"ers who !arry out the world for me to new and noble depths and enlarge the meaning of all my thoughts# These are new poetry of the first 6ard * poetry without stop * hymn ode and epi! poetry still flowing Apollo and the )uses !hanting still# 0ill these too separate themsel"es from me again or some of them8 $ 'now not but $ fear it not- for my relation to them is so pure that we hold by simple affinity and the %enius of my life being thus so!ial the same affinity will e&ert its energy on whomsoe"er is as noble as these men and women where"er $ may be# $ !onfess to an e&treme tenderness of nature on this point# $t is almost dangerous to me to :!rush the sweet poison of misused wine: of the affe!tions# A new person is to me a great e"ent and hinders me from sleep# $ ha"e often had fine fan!ies about persons whi!h ha"e gi"en me deli!ious hours- but the 3oy ends in the day- it yields no fruit# Thought is not born of it- my a!tion is "ery little modified# $ must feel pride in my friend;s a!!omplishments as if they were mine * and a property in his "irtues# $ feel as warmly when he is praised as the lo"er when he hears applause of his engaged maiden# 0e o"er,estimate the !ons!ien!e of our friend# 1is goodness seems better than our

goodness his nature finer his temptations less# E"ery thing that is his * his name his form his dress boo's and instruments * fan!y enhan!es# +ur own thought sounds new and larger from his mouth# .et the systole and diastole of the heart are not without their analogy in the ebb and flow of lo"e# Friendship li'e the immortality of the soul is too good to be belie"ed# The lo"er beholding his maiden half 'nows that she is not "erily that whi!h he worships- and in the golden hour of friendship we are surprised with shades of suspi!ion and unbelief# 0e doubt that we bestow on our hero the "irtues in whi!h he shines and afterwards worship the form to whi!h we ha"e as!ribed this di"ine inhabitation# $n stri!tness the soul does not respe!t men as it respe!ts itself# $n stri!t s!ien!e all persons underlie the same !ondition of an infinite remoteness# Shall we fear to !ool our lo"e by mining for the metaphysi!al foundation of this Elysian temple8 Shall $ not be as real as the things $ see8 $f $ am $ shall not fear to 'now them for what they are# Their essen!e is not less beautiful than their appearan!e though it needs finer organs for its apprehension# The root of the plant is not unsightly to s!ien!e though for !haplets and festoons we !ut the stem short# And $ must ha<ard the produ!tion of the bald fa!t amidst these pleasing re"eries though it should pro"e an Egyptian s'ull at our ban5uet# A man who stands united with his thought !on!ei"es magnifi!ently of himself# 1e is !ons!ious of a uni"ersal su!!ess e"en though bought by uniform parti!ular failures# 7o ad"antages no powers no gold or for!e !an be any mat!h for him# $ !annot !hoose but rely on my own po"erty more than on your wealth# $ !annot ma'e your !ons!iousness tantamount to mine# +nly the star da<<les- the planet has a faint moon,li'e ray# $ hear what you say of the admirable parts and tried temper of the party you praise but $ see well that for all his purple !loa's $ shall not li'e him unless he is at last a poor %ree' li'e me# $ !annot deny it + friend that the "ast shadow of the =henomenal in!ludes thee also in its pied and painted immensity * thee also !ompared with whom all else is shadow# Thou art not 6eing as Truth is as >usti!e is * thou art not my soul but a pi!ture and effigy of that# Thou hast !ome to me lately and already thou art sei<ing thy hat and !loa'# $s it not that the soul puts forth friends as the tree puts forth lea"es and presently by the germination of new buds e&trudes the old leaf8 The law of nature is alternation for e"ermore# Ea!h ele!tri!al state superindu!es the opposite# The soul en"irons itself with friends that it may enter into a grander self,a!5uaintan!e or solitude- and it goes alone for a season that it may e&alt its !on"ersation or so!iety# This method betrays itself along the whole history of our personal relations# The instin!t of affe!tion re"i"es the hope of union with our mates and the returning sense of insulation re!alls us from the !hase# Thus e"ery man passes his life in the sear!h after friendship and if he should re!ord his true sentiment he might write a letter li'e this to ea!h new !andidate for his lo"e# 9EA4 F4$E79: * $f $ was sure of thee sure of thy !apa!ity sure to mat!h my mood with thine $ should ne"er thin' again of trifles in relation to thy !omings and goings# $ am not "ery wise- my moods are 5uite attainable- and $ respe!t thy genius- it is to me as yet unfathomed- yet dare $ not presume in thee a perfe!t intelligen!e of me and so thou art to me a deli!ious torment# Thine e"er or ne"er# .et these uneasy pleasures and fine pains are for !uriosity and not for life# They are not to be indulged# This is to wea"e !obweb and not !loth# +ur friendships hurry to short and poor !on!lusions be!ause we ha"e made them a te&ture of wine and dreams instead of the tough fibre of the human heart# The laws of friendship are austere and eternal of one web with the laws of nature and of morals# 6ut we ha"e aimed at a swift

and petty benefit to su!' a sudden sweetness# 0e snat!h at the slowest fruit in the whole garden of %od whi!h many summers and many winters must ripen# 0e see' our friend not sa!redly but with an adulterate passion whi!h would appropriate him to oursel"es# $n "ain# 0e are armed all o"er with subtle antagonisms whi!h as soon as we meet begin to play and translate all poetry into stale prose# Almost all people des!end to meet# All asso!iation must be a !ompromise and what is worst the "ery flower and aroma of the flower of ea!h of the beautiful natures disappears as they approa!h ea!h other# 0hat a perpetual disappointment is a!tual so!iety e"en of the "irtuous and gifted2 After inter"iews ha"e been !ompassed with long foresight we must be tormented presently by baffled blows by sudden unseasonable apathies by epilepsies of wit and of animal spirits in the heyday of friendship and thought# +ur fa!ulties do not play us true and both parties are relie"ed by solitude# $ ought to be e5ual to e"ery relation# $t ma'es no differen!e how many friends $ ha"e and what !ontent $ !an find in !on"ersing with ea!h if there be one to whom $ am not e5ual# $f $ ha"e shrun' une5ual from one !ontest the 3oy $ find in all the rest be!omes mean and !owardly# $ should hate myself if then $ made my other friends my asylum# :The "aliant warrior famoused for fight After a hundred "i!tories on!e foiled $s from the boo' of honor ra<ed 5uite And all the rest forgot for whi!h he toiled#: +ur impatien!e is thus sharply rebu'ed# 6ashfulness and apathy are a tough hus' in whi!h a deli!ate organi<ation is prote!ted from premature ripening# $t would be lost if it 'new itself before any of the best souls were yet ripe enough to 'now and own it# 4espe!t the naturlangsamkeit whi!h hardens the ruby in a million years and wor's in duration in whi!h Alps and Andes !ome and go as rainbows# The good spirit of our life has no hea"en whi!h is the pri!e of rashness# (o"e whi!h is the essen!e of %od is not for le"ity but for the total worth of man# (et us not ha"e this !hildish lu&ury in our regards but the austerest worth- let us approa!h our friend with an auda!ious trust in the truth of his heart in the breadth impossible to be o"erturned of his foundations# The attra!tions of this sub3e!t are not to be resisted and $ lea"e for the time all a!!ount of subordinate so!ial benefit to spea' of that sele!t and sa!red relation whi!h is a 'ind of absolute and whi!h e"en lea"es the language of lo"e suspi!ious and !ommon so mu!h is this purer and nothing is so mu!h di"ine# $ do not wish to treat friendships daintily but with roughest !ourage# 0hen they are real they are not glass threads or frostwor' but the solidest thing we 'now# For now after so many ages of e&perien!e what do we 'now of nature or of oursel"es8 7ot one step has man ta'en toward the solution of the problem of his destiny# $n one !ondemnation of folly stand the whole uni"erse of men# 6ut the sweet sin!erity of 3oy and pea!e whi!h $ draw from this allian!e with my brother;s soul is the nut itself whereof all nature and all thought is but the hus' and shell# 1appy is the house that shelters a friend2 $t might well be built li'e a festal bower or ar!h to entertain him a single day# 1appier if he 'now the solemnity of that relation and honor its law2 1e who offers himself a !andidate for that !o"enant !omes up li'e an +lympian to the great games where the first,born of the world are the !ompetitors# 1e proposes himself for !ontests where Time 0ant 9anger are in the lists and he alone is "i!tor who has truth enough in his !onstitution to preser"e the deli!a!y of his beauty from the wear and tear of all these# The gifts of fortune may be present or absent but all the speed in that !ontest depends on intrinsi! nobleness and the !ontempt of trifles# There are two

elements that go to the !omposition of friendship ea!h so so"ereign that $ !an dete!t no superiority in either no reason why either should be first named# +ne is Truth# A friend is a person with whom $ may be sin!ere# 6efore him $ may thin' aloud# $ am arri"ed at last in the presen!e of a man so real and e5ual that $ may drop e"en those undermost garments of dissimulation !ourtesy and se!ond thought whi!h men ne"er put off and may deal with him with the simpli!ity and wholeness with whi!h one !hemi!al atom meets another# Sin!erity is the lu&ury allowed li'e diadems and authority only to the highest ran' that being permitted to spea' truth as ha"ing none abo"e it to !ourt or !onform unto# E"ery man alone is sin!ere# At the entran!e of a se!ond person hypo!risy begins# 0e parry and fend the approa!h of our fellow,man by !ompliments by gossip by amusements by affairs# 0e !o"er up our thought from him under a hundred folds# $ 'new a man who under a !ertain religious fren<y !ast off this drapery and omitting all !ompliment and !ommonpla!e spo'e to the !ons!ien!e of e"ery person he en!ountered and that with great insight and beauty# At first he was resisted and all men agreed he was mad# 6ut persisting as indeed he !ould not help doing for some time in this !ourse he attained to the ad"antage of bringing e"ery man of his a!5uaintan!e into true relations with him# 7o man would thin' of spea'ing falsely with him or of putting him off with any !hat of mar'ets or reading,rooms# 6ut e"ery man was !onstrained by so mu!h sin!erity to the li'e plaindealing and what lo"e of nature what poetry what symbol of truth he had he did !ertainly show him# 6ut to most of us so!iety shows not its fa!e and eye but its side and its ba!'# To stand in true relations with men in a false age is worth a fit of insanity is it not8 0e !an seldom go ere!t# Almost e"ery man we meet re5uires some !i"ility * re5uires to be humored- he has some fame some talent some whim of religion or philanthropy in his head that is not to be 5uestioned and whi!h spoils all !on"ersation with him# 6ut a friend is a sane man who e&er!ises not my ingenuity but me# )y friend gi"es me entertainment without re5uiring any stipulation on my part# A friend therefore is a sort of parado& in nature# $ who alone am $ who see nothing in nature whose e&isten!e $ !an affirm with e5ual e"iden!e to my own behold now the semblan!e of my being in all its height "ariety and !uriosity reiterated in a foreign form- so that a friend may well be re!'oned the masterpie!e of nature# The other element of friendship is tenderness# 0e are holden to men by e"ery sort of tie by blood by pride by fear by hope by lu!re by lust by hate by admiration by e"ery !ir!umstan!e and badge and trifle but we !an s!ar!e belie"e that so mu!h !hara!ter !an subsist in another as to draw us by lo"e# ?an another be so blessed and we so pure that we !an offer him tenderness8 0hen a man be!omes dear to me $ ha"e tou!hed the goal of fortune# $ find "ery little written dire!tly to the heart of this matter in boo's# And yet $ ha"e one te&t whi!h $ !annot !hoose but remember# )y author says * :$ offer myself faintly and bluntly to those whose $ effe!tually am and tender myself least to him to whom $ am the most de"oted#: $ wish that friendship should ha"e feet as well as eyes and elo5uen!e# $t must plant itself on the ground before it "aults o"er the moon# $ wish it to be a little of a !iti<en before it is 5uite a !herub# 0e !hide the !iti<en be!ause he ma'es lo"e a !ommodity# $t is an e&!hange of gifts of useful loans- it is good neighbourhood- it wat!hes with the si!'- it holds the pall at the funeral- and 5uite loses sight of the deli!a!ies and nobility of the relation# 6ut though we !annot find the god under this disguise of a sutler yet on the other hand we !annot forgi"e the poet if he spins his thread too fine and does not substantiate his roman!e by the muni!ipal "irtues of 3usti!e pun!tuality fidelity and pity# $ hate the prostitution of the name of friendship to signify modish and worldly allian!es# $ mu!h prefer the !ompany of ploughboys and tin,peddlers to the sil'en and perfumed amity whi!h !elebrates its days of en!ounter by a fri"olous display by rides in a !urri!le and dinners at the best ta"erns# The end of friendship is a !ommer!e the most stri!t and homely that !an be

3oined- more stri!t than any of whi!h we ha"e e&perien!e# $t is for aid and !omfort through all the relations and passages of life and death# $t is fit for serene days and gra!eful gifts and !ountry rambles but also for rough roads and hard fare shipwre!' po"erty and perse!ution# $t 'eeps !ompany with the sallies of the wit and the tran!es of religion# 0e are to dignify to ea!h other the daily needs and offi!es of man;s life and embellish it by !ourage wisdom and unity# $t should ne"er fall into something usual and settled but should be alert and in"enti"e and add rhyme and reason to what was drudgery# Friendship may be said to re5uire natures so rare and !ostly ea!h so well tempered and so happily adapted and withal so !ir!umstan!ed (for e"en in that parti!ular a poet says lo"e demands that the parties be altogether paired ) that its satisfa!tion !an "ery seldom be assured# $t !annot subsist in its perfe!tion say some of those who are learned in this warm lore of the heart betwi&t more than two# $ am not 5uite so stri!t in my terms perhaps be!ause $ ha"e ne"er 'nown so high a fellowship as others# $ please my imagination more with a !ir!le of godli'e men and women "ariously related to ea!h other and between whom subsists a lofty intelligen!e# 6ut $ find this law of one to one peremptory for !on"ersation whi!h is the pra!ti!e and !onsummation of friendship# 9o not mi& waters too mu!h# The best mi& as ill as good and bad# .ou shall ha"e "ery useful and !heering dis!ourse at se"eral times with two se"eral men but let all three of you !ome together and you shall not ha"e one new and hearty word# Two may tal' and one may hear but three !annot ta'e part in a !on"ersation of the most sin!ere and sear!hing sort# $n good !ompany there is ne"er su!h dis!ourse between two a!ross the table as ta'es pla!e when you lea"e them alone# $n good !ompany the indi"iduals merge their egotism into a so!ial soul e&a!tly !o,e&tensi"e with the se"eral !ons!iousnesses there present# 7o partialities of friend to friend no fondnesses of brother to sister of wife to husband are there pertinent but 5uite otherwise# +nly he may then spea' who !an sail on the !ommon thought of the party and not poorly limited to his own# 7ow this !on"ention whi!h good sense demands destroys the high freedom of great !on"ersation whi!h re5uires an absolute running of two souls into one# 7o two men but being left alone with ea!h other enter into simpler relations# .et it is affinity that determines which two shall !on"erse# @nrelated men gi"e little 3oy to ea!h other- will ne"er suspe!t the latent powers of ea!h# 0e tal' sometimes of a great talent for !on"ersation as if it were a permanent property in some indi"iduals# ?on"ersation is an e"anes!ent relation * no more# A man is reputed to ha"e thought and elo5uen!e- he !annot for all that say a word to his !ousin or his un!le# They a!!use his silen!e with as mu!h reason as they would blame the insignifi!an!e of a dial in the shade# $n the sun it will mar' the hour# Among those who en3oy his thought he will regain his tongue# Friendship re5uires that rare mean betwi&t li'eness and unli'eness that pi5ues ea!h with the presen!e of power and of !onsent in the other party# (et me be alone to the end of the world rather than that my friend should o"erstep by a word or a loo' his real sympathy# $ am e5ually bal'ed by antagonism and by !omplian!e# (et him not !ease an instant to be himself# The only 3oy $ ha"e in his being mine is that the not mine is mine# $ hate where $ loo'ed for a manly furtheran!e or at least a manly resistan!e to find a mush of !on!ession# 6etter be a nettle in the side of your friend than his e!ho# The !ondition whi!h high friendship demands is ability to do without it# That high offi!e re5uires great and sublime parts# There must be "ery two before there !an be "ery one# (et it be an allian!e of two large formidable natures mutually beheld mutually feared before yet they re!ogni<e the deep identity whi!h beneath these disparities unites them#

1e only is fit for this so!iety who is magnanimous- who is sure that greatness and goodness are always e!onomy- who is not swift to intermeddle with his fortunes# (et him not intermeddle with this# (ea"e to the diamond its ages to grow nor e&pe!t to a!!elerate the births of the eternal# Friendship demands a religious treatment# 0e tal' of !hoosing our friends but friends are self,ele!ted# 4e"eren!e is a great part of it# Treat your friend as a spe!ta!le# +f !ourse he has merits that are not yours and that you !annot honor if you must needs hold him !lose to your person# Stand aside- gi"e those merits room- let them mount and e&pand# Are you the friend of your friend;s buttons or of his thought8 To a great heart he will still be a stranger in a thousand parti!ulars that he may !ome near in the holiest ground# (ea"e it to girls and boys to regard a friend as property and to su!' a short and all,!onfounding pleasure instead of the noblest benefit# (et us buy our entran!e to this guild by a long probation# 0hy should we dese!rate noble and beautiful souls by intruding on them8 0hy insist on rash personal relations with your friend8 0hy go to his house or 'now his mother and brother and sisters8 0hy be "isited by him at your own8 Are these things material to our !o"enant8 (ea"e this tou!hing and !lawing# (et him be to me a spirit# A message a thought a sin!erity a glan!e from him $ want but not news nor pottage# $ !an get politi!s and !hat and neighbourly !on"enien!es from !heaper !ompanions# Should not the so!iety of my friend be to me poeti! pure uni"ersal and great as nature itself8 +ught $ to feel that our tie is profane in !omparison with yonder bar of !loud that sleeps on the hori<on or that !lump of wa"ing grass that di"ides the broo'8 (et us not "ilify but raise it to that standard# That great defying eye that s!ornful beauty of his mien and a!tion do not pi5ue yourself on redu!ing but rather fortify and enhan!e# 0orship his superioritieswish him not less by a thought but hoard and tell them all# %uard him as thy !ounterpart# (et him be to thee for e"er a sort of beautiful enemy untamable de"outly re"ered and not a tri"ial !on"enien!y to be soon outgrown and !ast aside# The hues of the opal the light of the diamond are not to be seen if the eye is too near# To my friend $ write a letter and from him $ re!ei"e a letter# That seems to you a little# $t suffi!es me# $t is a spiritual gift worthy of him to gi"e and of me to re!ei"e# $t profanes nobody# $n these warm lines the heart will trust itself as it will not to the tongue and pour out the prophe!y of a godlier e&isten!e than all the annals of heroism ha"e yet made good# 4espe!t so far the holy laws of this fellowship as not to pre3udi!e its perfe!t flower by your impatien!e for its opening# 0e must be our own before we !an be another;s# There is at least this satisfa!tion in !rime a!!ording to the (atin pro"erb- * you !an spea' to your a!!ompli!e on e"en terms# Crimen quos inquinat, aequat# To those whom we admire and lo"e at first we !annot# .et the least defe!t of self,possession "itiates in my 3udgment the entire relation# There !an ne"er be deep pea!e between two spirits ne"er mutual respe!t until in their dialogue ea!h stands for the whole world# 0hat is so great as friendship let us !arry with what grandeur of spirit we !an# (et us be silent * so we may hear the whisper of the gods# (et us not interfere# 0ho set you to !ast about what you should say to the sele!t souls or how to say any thing to su!h8 7o matter how ingenious no matter how gra!eful and bland# There are innumerable degrees of folly and wisdom and for you to say aught is to be fri"olous# 0ait and thy heart shall spea'# 0ait until the ne!essary and e"erlasting o"erpowers you until day and night a"ail themsel"es of your lips# The only reward of "irtue is "irtue- the only way to ha"e a friend is to be one# .ou shall not !ome nearer a man by getting into his house# $f unli'e his soul only flees the faster from you and you shall ne"er !at!h a true glan!e of his eye# 0e see the noble afar off and they repel us- why should we intrude8 (ate * "ery late * we per!ei"e that no arrangements no introdu!tions no !onsuetudes or

habits of so!iety would be of any a"ail to establish us in su!h relations with them as we desire * but solely the uprise of nature in us to the same degree it is in them- then shall we meet as water with water- and if we should not meet them then we shall not want them for we are already they# $n the last analysis lo"e is only the refle!tion of a man;s own worthiness from other men# )en ha"e sometimes e&!hanged names with their friends as if they would signify that in their friend ea!h lo"ed his own soul# The higher the style we demand of friendship of !ourse the less easy to establish it with flesh and blood# 0e wal' alone in the world# Friends su!h as we desire are dreams and fables# 6ut a sublime hope !heers e"er the faithful heart that elsewhere in other regions of the uni"ersal power souls are now a!ting enduring and daring whi!h !an lo"e us and whi!h we !an lo"e# 0e may !ongratulate oursel"es that the period of nonage of follies of blunders and of shame is passed in solitude and when we are finished men we shall grasp heroi! hands in heroi! hands# +nly be admonished by what you already see not to stri'e leagues of friendship with !heap persons where no friendship !an be# +ur impatien!e betrays us into rash and foolish allian!es whi!h no %od attends# 6y persisting in your path though you forfeit the little you gain the great# .ou demonstrate yourself so as to put yourself out of the rea!h of false relations and you draw to you the first,born of the world * those rare pilgrims whereof only one or two wander in nature at on!e and before whom the "ulgar great show as spe!tres and shadows merely# $t is foolish to be afraid of ma'ing our ties too spiritual as if so we !ould lose any genuine lo"e# 0hate"er !orre!tion of our popular "iews we ma'e from insight nature will be sure to bear us out in and though it seem to rob us of some 3oy will repay us with a greater# (et us feel if we will the absolute insulation of man# 0e are sure that we ha"e all in us# 0e go to Europe or we pursue persons or we read boo's in the instin!ti"e faith that these will !all it out and re"eal us to oursel"es# 6eggars all# The persons are su!h as we- the Europe an old faded garment of dead persons- the boo's their ghosts# (et us drop this idolatry# (et us gi"e o"er this mendi!an!y# (et us e"en bid our dearest friends farewell and defy them saying ;0ho are you8 @nhand me: $ will be dependent no more#; Ah2 seest thou not + brother that thus we part only to meet again on a higher platform and only be more ea!h other;s be!ause we are more our own8 A friend is >anus,fa!ed: he loo's to the past and the future# 1e is the !hild of all my foregoing hours the prophet of those to !ome and the harbinger of a greater friend# $ do then with my friends as $ do with my boo's# $ would ha"e them where $ !an find them but $ seldom use them# 0e must ha"e so!iety on our own terms and admit or e&!lude it on the slightest !ause# $ !annot afford to spea' mu!h with my friend# $f he is great he ma'es me so great that $ !annot des!end to !on"erse# $n the great days presentiments ho"er before me in the firmament# $ ought then to dedi!ate myself to them# $ go in that $ may sei<e them $ go out that $ may sei<e them# $ fear only that $ may lose them re!eding into the s'y in whi!h now they are only a pat!h of brighter light# Then though $ pri<e my friends $ !annot afford to tal' with them and study their "isions lest $ lose my own# $t would indeed gi"e me a !ertain household 3oy to 5uit this lofty see'ing this spiritual astronomy or sear!h of stars and !ome down to warm sympathies with you- but then $ 'now well $ shall mourn always the "anishing of my mighty gods# $t is true ne&t wee' $ shall ha"e languid moods when $ !an well afford to o!!upy myself with foreign ob3e!ts- then $ shall regret the lost literature of your mind and wish you were by my side again# 6ut if you !ome perhaps you will fill my mind only with new "isions not with yourself but with your lustres and $ shall not be able any more than now to !on"erse with you# So $ will owe to my friends this e"anes!ent inter!ourse# $ will re!ei"e from them not what they ha"e but what they are# They shall gi"e me that whi!h properly they !annot gi"e but whi!h emanates from them# 6ut they

shall not hold me by any relations less subtile and pure# 0e will meet as though we met not and part as though we parted not# $t has seemed to me lately more possible than $ 'new to !arry a friendship greatly on one side without due !orresponden!e on the other# 0hy should $ !umber myself with regrets that the re!ei"er is not !apa!ious8 $t ne"er troubles the sun that some of his rays fall wide and "ain into ungrateful spa!e and only a small part on the refle!ting planet# (et your greatness edu!ate the !rude and !old !ompanion# $f he is une5ual he will presently pass away- but thou art enlarged by thy own shining and no longer a mate for frogs and worms dost soar and burn with the gods of the empyrean# $t is thought a disgra!e to lo"e unre5uited# 6ut the great will see that true lo"e !annot be unre5uited# True lo"e trans!ends the unworthy ob3e!t and dwells and broods on the eternal and when the poor interposed mas' !rumbles it is not sad but feels rid of so mu!h earth and feels its independen!y the surer# .et these things may hardly be said without a sort of trea!hery to the relation# The essen!e of friendship is entireness a total magnanimity and trust# $t must not surmise or pro"ide for infirmity# $t treats its ob3e!t as a god that it may deify both#