Cardiff Sufi Group

Weekly Readings

Returning: Taking Responsibility for Self

This weeks readings continue our exploration of the theme of returning. We suggest this four step approach to working with this selection: Read this selection, out loud if possible, se en times. !well upon the phrase or sentence that touches you. "sk yourself what rele ance or application this has for you #inally, sit in the afterglow of these reflections and open yourself to whate er new insight or message the !i ine might ha e for you.

Text 1 $%ife without repentance is spiritual agony& to be absent from 'od is immediate death. %ife and death both are sweet with 'od(s presence: without 'od e en the Water of %ife is fire )*.++,-++./ Text 2 $0f you want a customer who will pay in gold, could there be a better customer than 'od, 1 my heart2 3e buys our dirty bag of goods, and in return gi es us an inner light that borrows from 3is splendor. 3e recei es the dissol ing ice of this mortal body and gi es a kingdom beyond imagining. 3e takes a few tear drops, and gi es a spiritual spring so delicious sugar is 4ealous of its sweetness. 0f any doubt waylays you, rely upon the spiritual traders, the prophets. The !i ine Ruler increased their fortune so greatly, no mountain could bear what they e been gi en )5.6+7-668& 665-66+/

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Taking Responsibility from a Sufi perspecti e

" personal account by 9ahmoud 9ostafa

In the name of God, the infinitely compassionate and infinitely merciful 0 didn(t think of myself as a racist. 0 held a self-image of one who accepts people for who they are and being of 9uslim faith and "rab heritage, 0 saw myself as a committed supporter of e:uality and acceptance for minorities in "merica. 0 held on to this self-image for years until 0 met Sidi "hmad. 0 lo ed him immediately and was fond of isiting him and spending time in his company listening to his wisdom and delighting in his beautiful oice. 1ne night shortly after spending a weekend retreat with him 0 was suddenly awakened from my sleep with the i id recollection of a long-buried memory from my childhood. 3is name was 9uhammad and he was our ser ant. 3e came twice a week to clean our house. 9y mother always spoke highly of him& she admired his honesty, conscientiousness and dependability. 9uhammad was a ;ubian from the <gyptian South. 3e was as dark as the night and 0 hated him. 0 hated him because he was black. 0 was repulsed by his full lips, and by the rawness of his pink palms and soles against his smooth, dark skin. 0 was also afraid of him. 0t was the first time we had a man working in our home& before he came we always had maids. ;ow after so many years the memory of my feelings about 9uhammad poured out of me as if they had 4ust happened. 0 kept up the =hikr and went deeper into this opening. 0 didn(t know how these negati e feelings and pre4udices came to me at such a tender age. 0 couldn(t recall hearing any racist talk at home or at school or anywhere when 0 was a child. 3ow did 0 form this perception, 0 wondered2 3owe er 0 ac:uired it there could be no doubt and no turning away from it now. 0 had to face it. 0 was being shown something important about myself that 0 needed to understand. 0 asked forgi eness and prayed for courage and continued. "s the reflections about my childhood deepened 0 started to see how this pre4udice was connected to something much deeper within me. "s the memories mo ed to my adolescent and adult life a pattern emerged. 0 was shown how there was a firmly rooted arrogance in me. 0 had contempt for people. This contempt was manifest in different ways. 0 ridiculed those 0 thought were not as smart as 0, 0 found fault with those 0 thought were better than me, 0 harbored negati e thoughts about many people. This was my way of feeling special and important, by making others smaller in my mind. The tears flowed down my cheeks as 0 continued to go deeper. 0 saw the faces of people 0 had hurt with my thoughts, with my tongue, and with my hands. 9y

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arrogance had made a petty tyrant of me, although my tyranny was hidden from public iew, li ing mostly in my thoughts and feelings and only occasionally flaring out in abusi e beha ior. 0 saw my hypocrisy in the facade 0 presented to the world of a de out and humble person. 0 asked 'od to forgi e me and to take away from me this arrogance. 0 asked for true humility and for purity of intention. 0 asked 3im to make me small in my eyes and to make me see the good and beauty in others. 0 longed so much to feel that e eryone was my brother and sister. Then the oice resonated in my heart, > Do you see how your arrogance violates the sacredness of your brothers and sisters? Muhammad is your brother. Do you see how you transgressed against him? Do you see how your arrogance erodes your humanness, how it defiles your own sacredness?> the oice in my heart was o erwhelming in its decisi eness, in its truthfulness. 0 felt the compelling, irresistible power of 'od as it opened me up and broke down my defenses. >You imagine yourself to be just and compassionate. ow can you be so when you are oppressing yourself and others, how?> 0 was weeping, shaken to my core, feeling my utter helplessness and at the same time my intense longing to be freed from my chains, to be cleansed of the dross co ering my heart. >It is love that frees you. Do you see how your love for !hmad revealed to you your internal contradiction, your hidden hypocrisy? "pen yourself to love for it is the surest of footholds, the firmest of hands, and the best of guides. #hoose love and it will be your way of return to $s% &e are the 'ahman, the 'ahim, the &adud and the (ahhar, and you are for $s and unto $s is your return%> "s my tears subsided, a stillness descended upon me and 0 felt engulfed in light. 0 felt safe and protected. 0 was grateful for the understanding that was gi en to me and secure in knowing that 'ods compassion is greater than anything that we are carrying inside of us. Seeing my own faults humbled me and from then on, much of my inner criticisms and self-righteous responses to the pre4udice of others left me. "nd my lo e and respect for Sidi "hmad has expanded and 0 ha e e er since regarded him as one of my teachers and spiritual masters.