Do you remember when customer service wasn’t so
much a matter of imposed training and procedures,
more a case of natural selection? Those of a certain
age will understand John Holloway when he refers
to individuals acting on instinct when dealing
with customers - an attitude that people used to
describe as common sense.
In a world plagued by vacuous pleasantries and push-button commands…
Whatever happened to good
Yes, I’m harking back with rose-tinted spectacles
but customer service seemed genuine and
instinctive then, though admittedly deferential.
There was certainly an element of class structure in
the days when the working class knew their place,
which was to serve the ‘nobs’.
Clearly in these more enlightened times when
everyone is apparently equal, we can’t be courteously
deferential because that would probably upset the
European Court of Something or Other who’d want
to rush out a law to protect us all from politeness.
In the ‘good old days’ things moved more slowly,
people had more time, customers weren’t units of
production to be ‘processed’ quickly before moving
on to the next one on the conveyor belt.
My grandma remembers going into shops and
being offered a seat while she was served. Imagine!
Mind you, this was an era before Joe Sainsbury’s
Vol 9 No 4
dad had even thought about designing a shopping
trolley. What’s interesting is that more organisations
now realise customers are key and are choosing to
46 address quality service issues - but with differing
levels of quality.
customerfirst
What has changed is the increasing number of
ways we receive customer service. Yesterday you
went somewhere; now the world comes to you
via the internet, mail, text, television, radio and the
phone. And it’s the phone that annoys me most.
Phones are great, don’t get me wrong. Alexander
Graham Bell was onto a good thing when he
invented the fast way to order a pizza and it’s great
for talking to Aunt Nellie or for quick calls but often
absolutely useless when seeking good customer
service.
You see, the people who train those who are
supposed to be doing the phone customer service
bit have got it wrong. In their desire to fall over
themselves to be pleasant, helpful, personal and
fawning they’ve completely missed the point.
Customers don’t want the fripperies and
excessive, largely vacuous pleasantries. They want
their queries dealt with efficiently, promptly and
preferably by a human being, not a series of push-
button commands.
However, having endured telephone customer
service introductions worthy of Oscar nominations
I’d say that even the button is slightly better than
some humans.
“Good morning, welcome to XYZ, the country’s
leading supplier of quality bull...
“We’re sorry for keeping you waiting, your call is
important to us. My name is Sue Perservis. Please
old-fashioned common sense?
note that all calls are recorded and monitored for
training and security purposes. Could I have your
name and how can I help you today?”
I don’t care what your name is. I know who I’m
calling. I don’t care if you’ve got voice analysers on
me. I don’t want to strike up a lasting friendship and
if you call me by my first name I’m gonna scream.
What’s wrong with, “Good morning, XYZ. How
can we help you?” I’m not being awkward or
stroppy; I just want to get to the point and move on.
The introduction alone has cost me a small fortune
in phone bills. Keep it short and simple… please!
This assumes, of course, that you’ve found
a person at the other end of the wire. If it’s an
automated android then, boy, are you in trouble,
because you know what’s coming; hours of stress
plus the torment of knowing that if you cancel the
call you’d probably have got through in another
three seconds. If only you’d waited…
Which lunatic decided that a system involving
a recorded message, a process of choosing from
endless numbered options, tinned muzak you
wouldn’t play to your worst enemy and a repetitive
mantra to “stay on the line, your call is important
to us”, could possibly be described as customer
service?
It’s not. It’s customer disservice and what it’s really
saying is, frankly we couldn’t care less whether you
hold or not because there are hundreds of other
customers foolish enough to waste their time and
money while we do more important things.
And we let them get away with it. We’re fobbed off
with “all our operators are busy”. What, again? Still?
Invariably this is “due to high levels of demand”. Well
get some more operators then!
Stay the course, find a stray operator and then
John Holloway
discover you pressed the wrong option number.
Press one for a nervous breakdown, two for a stress John is a former senior
lifelong learning manager and
counsellor, three for a course in self-harming…
now a freelance writer
I reckon a lot of those in ‘corporate world’ take with a passion for customer
the easy way out when handling customer issues service improvement.
on the phone. But there’s another area that still gets
holloway.john@virgin.net
my goat.
When, finally, you speak to someone warm and
customerfirst
breathing there’s a real chance you’ll get passed from
department to department – on and on, gradually
dispersing the responsibility as the chain lengthens.
I’m sure your organisation is perfect but perhaps it’s 47
worth a quick ‘sharp end’ check on procedures. And
Vol 9 No 4
if there’s room for improvement could you persuade
the ‘higher-ups’ to rethink the strategy?
Not on the phone though.