IGP CSAT Paper 2 Interpersonal Skills Interpersonal Skills Interpersonal Communication Skills Part 3

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understood about ourself and about life, then we can understand them. What we will learn might be unexpected
and surprising, but that is the nature of discovery.
Be suspicious when someone would tell us that they know all the answers and that there is only one fixed
way of achieving personal development. What we need is OUR way, the answers that are needed OUR answers,
and our path will become clear only as we are discovering it.
Clearing
Clearing your mind puts things in their right place and it brings a greatly increased emotional and mental
clarity. Life can become much more simple and comfortable.The mind contains many wrong answers. To be more
precise, no answer is fully wrong, but it might be used out of context without awareness of where it belongs. Any
emotional response can be useful in some situations, and NOT useful in many other situations.
Clearing is the process of realizing and rejecting the wrong answers one has used. These wrong answers
arent just thrown away, but they are returned to the time, place and context where they properly belong.
Clearing the wrong answer is very easy once you discover what it is really about. I f it is currently not easy,
it is because you havent yet discovered everything about it. There is something more to learn. Sometimes you
might think that you know what is wrong with you, but it doesnt resolve it. I t just means that there is more
work to do.
The truth of the matter is that there is nothing wrong with you. But, you might have incorrectly identified
with answers that are currently wrong for you. Straightening that out can make you much more yourself.
Programming
We all depend on a whole lot of mental programs to function in life. These programs are the sub-conscious
patterns that determine how we think and respond to situations.Most programs are hidden. For example, when
we talk we dont have full awareness of our choice of words and the grammatical sentence construction. We
probably just feel like saying something, and the sentences somehow come out allright.
Sometimes our programs dont work in the most useful way for us. Sometimes we dont have an appropriate
program for what we want to do. That is when we might want to change the programming of our mind.
Programming is the process of establishing useful ways of HOW to do things. That might involve the discovery
of how we already do things, the construction of more powerful methods, and the re-training of our sub-
conscious.Our mind is basically a set of tools that can help us to get more out of life. We can increase our abilities
and our enjoyment by sharpening the tools we have and by adding more tools. That can help us to deal with life
in a more resourceful manner.
Permanent personal change doesnt have much to do with conscious intellectualizing. To be different. we
need to feel and respond different, not just talk differently. Therefore it is very important to engage our sub-
conscious mind in any desired change that we wish to make.
Processing
A process is a distinct activity that addresses an existing situation and gradually changes it into something
else. I t basically means that we will work on an issue in a systematic manner.Personal change can be pursued
systematically by engaging in various processes.
Processing is the ongoing activity of working on areas where change is desired. Many different techniques
might be applied. Typically a technique will be chosen that fits the situation at hand and it will be used until you
get a noticable result from it. Processing is not just random attempts to figure something out, it is the skilled
resolution of issues.Processing is not doing something to us. I t is simply an educational vehicle to help us change
our own way of being for the better.
The practitioner will ask us, the client, questions and will ask us to do specific things in a typical processing
session. The questions will be intended to help us discover more about ourself. The directions will be intended to
help us to experience things differently, and to develop our personal resources.
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As an overall heading we can call it all Semantic Processing. Semantics is the study of meaning, the underlying
mental and spiritual structures that life is based on. Semantic Processing is therefore a fancy way of saying that
we work on understanding our life better, and supplying us with a mind that does what we want it to do.
EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION
The key to our success in life, in work, and in relationships is Effective communication. Misunderstandings,
errors, frustration, and conflict on a daily basis can be reduced with Good communication skills .While it is an
undisputable fact the communications forms one of the essential basis of human existence, yet most individuals
overlook the need to refine their communication skills, from time-to-time. Effective communication skills is a must
whether it is individual or then effective team communication skills.
The phatic phase: This is the initial exploratory phase, which determines the course of the conversation.
This begins with the greetings and accompanying gestures such as eye contact, the smile, etc. I n a formal encounter
there is more distance between the individuals, as compared to in the case of an informal encounter. This phase is
also known as the warming up phase. There is a no meaning and intention, but just the setting for the next level
of the conversation.
The personal phase: This is the second phase in which the individuals bring a more personal element into
the conversation. During this phase one generally brings down their social guard and begin to interact more
openly. They are ready to let the others involved in the conversation more about themselves and the hesitation
decreases. I nterpersonal interactions generally move into a third phase. Otherwise professional interactions are
generally confined to this stage.
The intimate phase: This phase is mainly meant for conversations between friends, family and relatives,
where those involved in the conversation share a higher level of intimacy with each other. This phase of
communicating usually entails opening ones heart and sharing rather intimate details, which is not a part of
professional conversations.
Keeping in mind these phases, one becomes more aware of how their conversations should progress and
where they need to conclude a conversation, or extend it for that matter. Effective skills in communication calls for
awareness and attentive listening.
Communication takes place when one person transfers some understandable data to another person.The real
meaning of communication is getting the receiver and the sender tuned together for a particular message.I t also
includes the exchange of thoughts, opinions, sentiments, facts, and information between two or more persons.
Feedback is very important as it assures that your message should be properly conveyed to the receiver.
The salient & essential features of an effective communication system are keys for productive communication.
The main principles or characteristics of an effective communication system are following:-
1. Reliability and uniformity of the message.
2. Correct timing.
3. To know the main purpose of the message.
4. Clearness and integrity of message to be conveyed.
5. Use of proper medium to convey the message properly.
6. Use of informal communication.
7. Adequate briefing of the recipient.
8. Accurate plan of objectives.
9. Proper response or feedback.
The following are some important guidelines to make communication effective
1. Be careful while communicating, of the overtone as well as basic content of your message.
2. Prepare yourself for transmitting the message in a proper way.
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3. You must discuss with others, where appropriate, in planning communication.
4. Seek not only to be understood but understand.
5. Try to simplify your thoughts before communicating your message.
6. Take the opportunity to suggest something of help or value of the receiver.
7. You must analyze the intent of each and every message.
8. Consider the overall physical setting whenever you communicate.
9. Follow-up your communication.
10. Be sure your actions support your communication.
COMMUNICATION STYLES
We use and choose one of four basic communication styles,every time we speak: Assertive, Aggressive, Passive
and Passive-aggressive.
Assertive Communication
Assertive style is the most effective and healthiest form of communication. I ts how we naturally express
ourselves when our self-esteem is intact, giving us the confidence to communicate without games and manipulation.
We work hard to create mutually satisfying solutions when being assertive. We communicate our needs
clearly and forthrightly. We care about the relationship and strive for a win/win situation. We know our limits
and refuse to be pushed beyond them just because someone else wants or needs something from us. Surprisingly,
assertive is the style most people use least.
Aggressive Communication
Aggressive communication always involves manipulation. We may attempt to make people do what we want
by inducing guilt (hurt) or by using intimidation and control tactics (anger). Covert or overt, we simply want our
needs met - and right now! Although there are a few arenas where aggressive behavior is called for (i.e., sports or
war), it will never work in a relationship. I ronically, the more aggressive sports rely heavily on team members and
rational coaching strategies. Even war might be avoided if we could learn to be more assertive and negotiate to
solve our problems.
Passive Communication
Passive communication is based on compliance and hopes to avoid confrontation at all costs. I n this mode we
dont talk much, question even less, and actually do very little. We just dont want to rock the boat. Passives have
learned that it is safer not to react and better to disappear than to stand up and be noticed.
Passive-Aggressive Communication
A combination of styles, passive-aggressive avoids direct confrontation (passive), but attempts to get even
through manipulation (aggressive). I f youve ever thought about making that certain someone who needs to be
taught a thing or two suffer (even just a teeny bit), youve stepped pretty close to (if not on into) the devious and
sneaky world of the passive-aggressive. This style of communication often leads to office politics and rumour-
mongering.
Communication Methods to Avoid
I n the workplace sarcasm should be avoided at all costs. I magine the case of someone who has just had an
awful experience in a meeting and has handled it very badly, and a colleague says You handles that meeting
really well! Sarcasm is fine among a bunch of friends indulging in a bit of friendly mickey-taking in the pub, but
in the workplace it is a very negative form of communication. Another thing to avoid is talking down to people. I t
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Principle
1. Look forareas of interest
2. Overlook errors delivery
3. Postpone Judgement
4. Listen for ideas
5. take notes
6. Be actively repeonsive
7. Resist distractions
8. Challenge your mind
9. Capitalise on mind speed
10. Assist and encourage
the speaker
Good Listener
Seeks personal enl ightenment and/or
i nformati onenter tai ns new topi cs as
poteinially interesting.
Attends to meaning and content ignores
delivery errors while being sensitive to any
message in them.
Avoi ds qui ck j udgements wai ts unti l
comprehensiono of the core message is
complete.
Listens for ideas and theme. Identifies the
mainpoints.
Takes careful notes and uses a variety of
note taki ng or recording schemes
depending on the speaker.
Responds frequently with nods unhuhs etc.
shows active body state works at listening.
Resists being distracted longer concentratin
span places loaded words in perspective.
Uses difficult material to stimulate the mind
seeks to enlarge understanding.
Uses listening time to summarise and
anticipate the message attends to implicit
messages as well as explicit messages.
Asks for clarifying information or examples,
uses reflecting phrases helps to rephrase
the idea.
Bad Listener
Turns out dry subjects narrowly defines what is
interesting.
Ignores if delivery is poor misses messages
because of personal attri butes of the
communicator.
Quickly eval uates and passes judgement,
inflexible regarding contrary messages.
Listens for facts and details.
Takes incomplete note using one system.
Passive demeanor few or no responses little
energy output.
Easily distracted, focuses on loaded or emotional
words, short concentration span.
Avoids di fficul t materi al does not seek to
broaded knowledge base.
Daydreams wi th sl ow speakers becomes
preoccupied with other thoughts.
Interrupts asks trivi al questi ons makes
distracting comments.
makes them feel insignificant and unworthy, and will lower and perhaps destroy their confidence. Steer clear of
phrases such as :
v I m not going to give you that job, because you havent done it before.
v I dont think you should be doing that, because youre not qualified.
v I dont think youre experienced enough.
Dont make people feel inadequate. Build them up, and they will rise to your level of expectation. Here are
some useful phrases that can be used to help build confidence
v I d like you to carry this out, because then I know it will be handled properly.
v I m going to ask you to do this because I know I can trust you.
v Youre the best person to handle this.
Clearly, for many reasons, the only healthy communication style is assertive communication. Surely you can
identify many people in your own life that favor each of the four styles. Most of us use a combination of these four
styles, depending on the person or situation. The styles we choose generally depend on what our past experiences
have taught us will work best to get our needs met in each specific situation. I f you take a really good look at
yourself, youve probably used each throughout your lifetime.
Understanding the four basic types of communication will help you learn how to react most effectively when
confronted with a difficult person. I t will also help you recognize when you are using manipulative behavior to
get your own needs met. Remember, you always have a choice as to which communication style you use. I f youre
serious about taking control of your life, practice being more assertive. I t will help you diffuse anger, reduce guilt
and build relationships - both personally and professionally.
Principles of Effective Listening
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Some Dos & Dons for Effective Listening
Keith Davis has given some guidelines for effective listening:
1. Show a talker that you want to listen.
Act interested.
Do not read your mail while someone talks.
Look interested.
Establish eye contact and give noverbal responses.
Listen to understand rather than to oppose.
2. Be patient
Allow plentry of time.
Do not interrupt a talker.
Dont start for the door or walk away.
3. Stop talking!
You cannot listen if you are talking.
You cannot be an effective listener while you are talking.
Nature has given person two ears but only one tongue, which is a gentle hint that they should listen more
than talk.
Listening requires two ears, one for meaning and one for feeling.
Decisionmakers who do not listen have less information for making sound decisions.
Polonious (Hamlet) Give every man thin ear, but few thy voice.
4. Empathize with a talker.
Try to see the other persons point of view.
Connect with the person by sharing a similar experience.
5. Put the talker at ease.
Help a person feel free to talk by making him or her comfortable.
Create a permissive atmosphere by establishing rapport.
6. Hold your temper.
Pause before you speak or respond.
An angry person takes the wrong meaning from words.
7. Ask relevant questions.
Asking questions encourages a talker and shows that you are listening.
I t helps develop points further.
8. Go easy on argument and criticism.
These approaches put a talker on the defensive side and she or he may calm up or become angry.
Do not argue, even if you win, you lose.
9. Remove distractions.
Dont doole, tap, or shuffle papers.
Training for Developing Effective Listening Skills
1. Develop an empathetic feeling that is by putting oneself into the speakers shoes (in his frame of mind).
Mentally be prepared and receptive. You can also have note in short for remembering, i.e., as an aid to
memory.
2. Show attentiveness or alertness by facial expressions, gestures or body language as eye contact, raised
eyebrow, nodding of head, pleasant expression, and other positive gestures.
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3. Pay attention or concentrate on what a speaker is saying.
4. Avoid getting distracted by looking here and there, at the door or window, by playing with pen or pencil, etc.
5. Remove everything from your mind; be receptive to speakers message only at that moment.
6. Try to read between-the-lines, the hidden message through words, gestures and expressions.
7. have positive approach and attitude towards the speakers.
8. For understanding, ask questions and clarify doubts. Concentrate on speakers message (idea and words).
9. Avoid arguments and remember what speaker has said.
10. Be patient and calm.
BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS
We interact with various type of individuals in ever aspect of life we are in, whether getting involved in the
social activities, building our career path, or socializing with family and friends. With familiar people with whom
we are in close contact like our family and friends or with new acquaintances,such interaction may occur. We may
also build a connection over a period of time with our work colleagues or members in a club. The fact that we
interact with people everyday means that we are building a relationship with these individuals as we associate
ourselves with them in one or the other way.
Concept of Relationship-Building
The term relationship is rooted from the word relation and is defined as a a mutual affiliation or connection
between individuals or groups of people or entities.
Where there is mutual understanding between or among individuals, relationships are built.Establishing a
relationship has certain requirements for it to develop. This concept is especially true if the individuals have just
initiated a mutual connection.I t simply needs to be fostered and nurtured for an existing relationship such as that
of family members.
We all engage in various kinds of relationships that are rooted from a particular need of the person. We have
family relationships, romantic relationships, and friendships for personal and emotional needs. We form business
relationships with our colleagues and customers to meet our professional needs and demands.
Most relationships, if not all, are not always positive. There are times when the mutual bond of the individuals
is tested by adversities and challenges. Taking care of a relationship is no different than nurturing a plant. Fatted
relationships are brought about by a weak foundation. Successful relationships are strengthened and hardened
by the test of time.
Requirements of a Relationship
I t must be between & among individuals and entities for a relationship to be born. No relationship exists for
a single person only. Shared interests between people form a relationship. Any common interests lead the way for
building relationships.
Usually, we create a connection with someone who can offer something that we can relate to. We bond
reciprocally because of love and care with our family members and friends.We maintain a relationship with the
organization by making a contribution and in return, we get rewarded or compensated for it, in the workplace.
Employees form a relationship because of shared ideas and work interests.
Communication is another factor that plays an important role in forming relationship. Trust and respect are
also very important aspects in a relationship.A relationship does not exist where there is no constant interaction
with another person.
Benefits of Building Good Relationships
The process is actually challenging though it may appear easy to build relationships with people. Once a
relationship or a bond with another individual is broken, mending it can be difficult. However, if the mutual
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connection is developed and sustained, the outcome can be remarkable. A well-built relationship can create an
impact in our lives. Socialization skills are enhanced as we connect to people around us positively.
We are able to easily attain personal and career goals because we are surrounded with individuals who
support us in many aspects with good relationships. An organization successfully achieves its mission-vision
when employees or the team members are in a harmonious relationship with each other. With good mutual
associations, an individual personally finds contentment and satisfaction in many things.
For a relationship to grow and become unrelenting, it has to be nourished and maintained. A good relationship
can make wonders in the life of each one of us.Building a relationship with others is not easy, unless the connection
already exists.
GOAL SETTING
The process of setting goals helps you choose where you want to go in life. By knowing precisely what you
want to achieve, you know where you have to concentrate your efforts. Youll also quickly spot the distractions
that can, so easily, lead you astray.Many people feel as if theyre adrift in the world. They work hard, but they
dont seem to get anywhere worthwhile.
A key reason that they feel this way is that they havent spent enough time thinking about what they want
from life, and havent set themselves formal goals. After all, would you set out on a major journey with no real
idea of your destination? Probably not! Goal setting is a powerful process for thinking about your ideal future,
and for motivating yourself to turn your vision of this future into reality.
Reasons for Setting Goals
Goal setting focuses our acquisition of knowledge, and helps us to organize our time and our resources so that
we can make the very most of our life.Goal setting is used by top-level athletes, successful business-people and
achievers in all fields. Setting goals gives us long-term vision and short-term motivation.
By setting sharp, clearly defined goals, we can measure and take pride in the achievement of those goals, and
well see forward progress in what might previously have seemed a long pointless grind. We will also raise our
self-confidence, as we recognize our own ability and competence in achieving the goals that weve set.
Starting to Set Personal Goals
We set our goals on a number of levels:
v First we create our big picture of what we want to do with our life (or over, say, the next 10 years), and
identify the large-scale goals that we want to achieve.
v Then, you break these down into the smaller and smaller targets that we must hit to reach our lifetime
goals.
v Finally, once we have our plan, we start working on it to achieve these goals.
This is why we start the process of goal setting by looking at our lifetime goals. Then, we work down to the
things that we can do in, say, the next five years, then next year, next month, next week, and today, to start
moving towards them.
Step 1 : Setting Lifetime Goals
The first step in setting personal goals is to consider what you want to achieve in your lifetime (or at least, by
a significant and distant age in the future). Setting lifetime goals gives you the overall perspective that shapes all
other aspects of your decision making.
To give a broad, balanced coverage of all important areas in your life, try to set goals in some of the following
categories (or their categories of your own, where these are important to you):
Attitude: I s any part of your mindset holding you back? I s there any part of the way that you behave that
upsets you? (I f so, 3t a goal to improve your behavior or find a solution to the problem.)
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Physical: Are there any athletic goals that you want to achieve, or do you want good health deep into old
age? What steps re you going to take to achieve this?
Education: I s there any knowledge you want to acquire in particular? What information and skills will you
need to have in fer to achieve other goals?
Career: What level do you want to reach in your career, or what do you want to achieve?
Family: Do you want to be a parent? I f so, how are you going to be a good parent? How do you want to be
seen by a partner by members of your extended family?
Financial: How much do you want to earn, by what stage? How is this related to your career goals?
Artistic: Do you want to achieve any artistic goals?
Pleasure: How do you want to enjoy yourself? (You should ensure that some of your life is for you!) Public
Service Do you want to make the world a better place? I f so, how?
Spend some time brainstorming these things, and then select one or more goals in each category that best
reflect what you want to do. Then consider trimming again so that you have a small number of really significant
goals that you can focus on.Make sure that the goals that you have set are ones that you genuinely want to
achieve, not ones that your parents, family, or employers might want,as you do this.
Step 2 : Setting Smaller Goals
Set a five-year plan of smaller goals that you need to complete if you are to reach your lifetime plan,once you
have set your lifetime goals.
Then create a one-year plan, six-month plan, and a one-month plan of progressively smaller goals that you
should reach to achieve your lifetime goals. Each of these should be based on the previous plan.
Then create a daily To-Do List of things that you should do today to work towards your lifetime goals.
At an early stage, your smaller goals might be to read books and gather information on the achievement of
your higher level goals. This will help you to improve the quality and realism of your goal setting.
Finally review your plans, and make sure that they fit the way in which you want to live your life.
Staying on Course
Once youve decided on your first set of goals, keep the process going by reviewing and updating your To-Do
List on a daily basis.
Periodically review the longer term plans, and modify them to reflect your changing priorities and experience.
(A good way o doing this is to schedule regular, repeating reviews using a computer-based diary.)
SMART Goals
A useful way of making goals more powerful is to use the SMART mnemonic. While there are plenty of
variants (some which weve included in parenthesis), SMART usually stands for
v A Attainable (or Action-Oriented). v M Measurable (or Meaningful).
v R Relevant (or Rewarding). v S Specific (or Significant).
v T Time-bound (or Trackable).
For example, instead of having To sail around the world as a goal, its more powerful to say To have
completed my trip around the world by December 31, 2015. Obviously, this will only be attainable if a lot of
preparation has been completed beforehand!
Further Goal Setting Tips
The following broad guidelines will help you to set effective, achievable goals :
v Write goals down: This crystallizes them and gives them more force.
v Set realistic goals: I ts important to set goals that you can achieve. All sorts of people (for example,
employers, parents, media, or society) can set unrealistic goals for you. They will often do this in ignorance
of your own desires and ambitions.
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v I ts also possible to set goals that are too difficult because you might not appreciate either the obstacles in the
way, or understand quite how much skill you need to develop to achieve a particular level of performance.
v Set priorities: When you have several goals, give each a priority. This helps you to avoid feeling overwhelmed
by the too many goals, and helps to direct your attention to the most important ones.
v Keep operational goals small: Keep the low-level goals that youre working towards small and achievable.
I f a goal is too large, then it can seem that you are not making progress towards it. Keeping goals small and
incremental gives more opportunities for reward.
v State each goal as a positive statement: Express your goals positively Execute this technique well
is a much better than Dont make this stupid mistake.
v Be precise: Set precise goals, putting in dates, times and amounts so that you can measure achievement. I f
you do youll know exactly when you have achieved the goal, and can take complete satisfaction from
having achieved it.
v Set performance goals, not outcome goals: You should take care to set goals over which you have as
much control as possible. I t can be quite dispiriting to fail to achieve a personal goal for reasons beyond your
control!
v I n business, these reasons could be bad business environments or unexpected effects of government policy.
I n sport, they could include poor judging, bad weather, injury, or just plain bad luck.
v I f you base your goals on personal performance, then you can keep control over the achievement of your
goals, and draw satisfaction from them.
ACHIEVING GOALS
Take the time to enjoy the satisfaction of having done so, when youve achieved a goal. Absorb the implications
of the goal achievement, and observe the progress that youve made towards other goals.
Reward yourself appropriately, if the goal was a significant one. All of this helps you build the self-confidence
you deserve. Review the rest of your goal plans with the experience of having achieved this goal:
v I f you achieved the goal too easily, make your next goal harder.
v I f the goal took a dispiriting length of time to achieve, make the next goal a little easier,
v I f you learned something that would lead you to change other goals, do so.
v I f you noticed a deficit in your skills despite achieving the goal, decide whether to set goals to fix this.
Failing to meet goals does not matter much,just as long as you learn from the experience.
Feed lessons learned back into your goal setting. Remember too that your goals will change as time goes on.
Adjust them regularly to reflect growth in your knowledge and experience, and if goals do not hold any attraction
any longer, consider letting them go.
Goal setting is important for:
v Motivating yourself.
v Building your self-confidence, based on successful achievement of goals.
v Deciding what you want to achieve in your life.
v Separating whats important from whats irrelevant, or a distraction.
Set your lifetime goals first. Then, set a five-year plan of smaller goals that you need to complete if you are to
reach your lifetime plan. Keep the process going by regularly reviewing and updating your goals. And remember
to take time to enjoy the satisfaction of achieving your goals when you do so.
As you make this technique part of your life, youll find your career accelerating, and youll wonder how you
did without it! I f you dont already set goals, do so, starting now.
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CLARIFYING EXPECTATIONS
Leaders who want to build high levels of trust need to clarify expectations all the time. I ts not enough to say
something once. You need to say it often and have regular check-ins to make sure peoples receivers are tuned to
your transmitter. I f you have a very specific outcome in mind, make sure you communicate it. Dont expect people
to develop telepathic powers! I f you have a particular expectation in terms of how a report will look, provide an
example. I f you know the data you want, explain what it is. I f you have specific selection criteria, communicate
them. You shouldnt expect people to understand intuitively what you want unless youve worked with them for
many years. Part of laying out expectations is defining a timetable. I ts not fair to leave people guessing whether
something is due next week or next month. You should also identify the critical path, that is, decisions upon
which other decisions are contingent and dependent. For example, in opening a new store, the construction
schedule will affect hiring, promotions, acquiring inventory and so forth. Sharing the timetables for critical path
issues and monitoring those timetables is necessary to ensure strong levels of trust.
A key part of clarifying expectations is giving people context so they understand why a given decision is
important. How does this fit within our overall vision and goals? Why are we focusing on this product line now? As
a middle-manager for a large retail chain told me: My job is to communicate the rationales for our decisions,
enlarge understanding, and provide light through the trees.
As you make this quantum leap in managing decisions, clarifying expectations, and delegating decisions,
you begin building a Light Speed culture. As shown below, a Light Speed culture is one where people focus on the
overall goal and their role in achieving it. The we/they distinction disappears. What emerges is a culture in
which people act both like leaders and followers simultaneously.
Step 1 The Hierarchical Culture
A culture in which decisions are made by a boss or series of bosses. Communication, for the most part,
is one-way, top to bottom.
Step 2 The Goal-Driven Culture
A culture in which people are encouraged to achieve common goals. Communication is more dynamic,
because goals are being articulated and tied to performance measures.
Step 3 The Values-Based Culture
A culture in which people make decisions based on shared understanding of what is essential to the
companys success and related performance information. Communication is complex, because people
are empowered to make decisions.
Step 4 The Light Speed Culture
A culture in which the we/they dichotomy dissolves, and everyone is united in a seamless system of
communication and performance. Communication is highly complex, because everyone feels empowered
to lead and follow simultaneously.
Personal development refers to activities that improve self-knowledge and identity, develop talents and potential,
build human capital and employability, enhance quality of life and contribute to the realization of dreams and
aspirations. The concept is not limited to self-development but includes formal and informal activities for developing
others, in roles such as teacher, guide, counselor, manager, coach, or mentor. Finally, as personal development
takes place in the context of institutions, it refers to the methods, programs, tools, techniques, and assessment
systems that support human development at the individual level in organizations.
At the level of the individual, personal development includes the following activities
v building or renewing identity
v building employability or human capital
v developing strengths or talents
v defining and executing personal developement plans
v enhancing lifestyle or the quality of life
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v fulfilling aspirations
v improving self-awarness
v improving self-knowledge
v identifying or improving potential
v improving social abilities
v initiating a life enterprise or personal autonomy
Personal development also includes developing others.The concept covers a wider field than self-development
or self-help. This may take place through roles such as those of a teacher or mentor, either through a personal
competency (such as the skill of certain managers in developing the potential of employees) or a professional
service (such as providing training, assessment or coaching).
Personal development is a field of practice and research beyond improving oneself and developing others. As
a field of practice it includes personal development methods, learning programs, assessment systems, tools and
techniques. As a field of research, personal development topics increasingly appear in scientific journals, higher
education reviews, management journals and business books.
Any sort of development - whether economic, political, biological, organizational or personal - requires a
framework if one wishes to know whether change has actually occurred. I n the case of personal development, an
individual often functions as the primary judge of improvement, but validation of objective improvement requires
assessment using standard criteria. Personal development frameworks may include goals or benchmarks that
define the end-points, strategies or plans for reaching goals, - measurement and assessment of progress, levels or
stages that define milestones along a development path, and a feedback system to provide information on changes.
STRESS MANAGEMENT
Theres nothing you can do about your stress level,it may seem that. The bills arent going to stop coming,
there will never be more hours in the day for all your errands, and your career or family responsibilities will
always be demanding. But you have a lot more control than you might think. I n fact, the simple realization that
youre in control of your life is the foundation of stress management.
Managing stress is all about taking charge: taking charge of your thoughts, your emotions, your schedule,
your environment, and the way you deal with problems. The ultimate goal is a balanced life, with time for work,
relationships, relaxation, and fun - plus the resilience to hold up under pressure and meet challenges head on.
Identify the reason of Stress in our Life
Stress management starts with identifying the sources of stress in our life. This isnt as easy as it sounds. Our
true sources of stress arent always obvious, and its all too easy to overlook our own stress-inducing thoughts,
feelings, and behaviours. Sure, we may know that we are constantly worried about work deadlines. But maybe
its our procrastination, rather than the actual job demands, that leads to deadline stress.
We should look closely at our habits, attitude, and excuses to identify our true sources of stress
v Do we explain away stress as temporary even though we cant remember the last time we took a breather?
v Do define stress as an integral part of our work or home life (Things are always crazy around here) or as
a part of our personality
v Do we blame our stress on other people or outside events, or view it as entirely normal and unexceptional?
Until we accept responsibility for the role we play in creating or maintaining it, our stress level will remain
outside our control.
How we Cope With Stress
Think about the ways you currently manage and cope with stress in your life. Your stress journal can help
you identify them. Are your coping strategies healthy or unhealthy, helpful or unproductive? Unfortunately,
many people cope with stress in ways that compound the problem.
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Unhealthy Ways of Coping With Stress
These coping strategies may temporarily reduce stress, but they cause more damage in the long run:
v Taking out your stress on others (lashing out, angry outbursts. physical violence)
v Withdrawing from friends, family, and activities
v Zoning out for hours in front of the TV or computer
v Filling up every minute of the day to avoid facing problems
v Smoking
v Using pills or drugs to relax
v Drinking too much
v Sleeping too much
v Overeating or underrating
v Procrastinating
Learning Healthier Ways To Manage Stress
There are many healthy ways to manage and cope with stress, but they all require change. We can either
change the situation or change our reaction. When deciding which option to choose, its helpful to think of the
four As: avoid, alter, adapt, or accept.
Since everyone has a unique response to stress, there is no one size fits all solution to managing it. No single
method works for everyone or in every situation, so experiment with different techniques and strategies. Focus on
what makes you feel calm and in control.
The Four As
Change the situation : Change your reaction
v Avoid the stressor.
v Adapt to the stressor.
v Alter the stressor.
v Accept the stressor.
Avoi d Unnecessary Stress
Not all stress can be avoided, and its not healthy to avoid a situation that needs to be addressed. We may be
surprised, however, by the number of stressors in our life that we can eliminate.
v Avoid people who stress you out: I f someone consistently causes stress in your life and you cant turn
the relationship around, limit the amount of time you spend with that person or end the relationship entirely.
v Avoid hot button topics: I f you get upset over religion or politics, cross them off your conversation list. I f
you repeatedly argue about the same subject with the same people, stop bringing it up or excuse yourself
when its the topic of discussion.
v Take control of your environment: I f the evening news makes you anxious, turn the TV off. I f traffics
got you tense, take a longer but less-traveled route. I f going to the market is an unpleasant chore, do your
grocery shopping online.
v Learn how to say No: Know your limits and stick to them. Whether in your personal or professional life,
refuse to accept added responsibilities when youre close to reaching them. Taking on more than you can
handle is a surefire recipe for stress.
v Pare down your to do list: Analyze your schedule, responsibilities, and daily tasks. I f youve got too much
on your plate, distinguish between the shoulds and the musts. Drop tasks that arent truly necessary to
the bottom of the list or eliminate them entirely.
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Al ter the Si tuati on
Try to alter it, if you cant avoid a stressful situation. Figure out what you can do to change things so the
problem doesnt present itself in the future. Often, this involves changing the way you communicate and operate
in your daily life.
v Be willing to compromise. When you ask someone to change their behavior, be willing to do the same. I f
you both are willing to bend at least a little, youll have a good chance of finding a happy middle ground.
v Be more assertive. Dont take a backseat in your own life. Deal with problems head on, doing your best to
anticipate and prevent them. I f youve got an exam to study for and your chatty roommate just got home,
say up front that you only have five minutes to talk.
v Express your feelings instead of bottling them up. I f something or someone is bothering you,
communicate your concerns in an open and respectful way. I f you dont voice your feelings, resentment will
build and the situation will likely remain the same.
v Manage your time better. Poor time management can cause a lot of stress. When youre stretched too
thin and running behind, its hard to stay calm and focused. But if you plan ahead and make sure you dont
overextend yourself, you can alter the amount of stress youre under.
Adapt to the Stressor
Change yourself, if you cant change the stressor. You can adapt to stressful situations and regain your sense
of control by changing your expectations and attitude.
v Adjust your standards: Perfectionism is a major source of avoidable stress. Stop setting yourself up for
failure by demanding perfection. Set reasonable standards for yourself and others, and learn to be okay
with good enough.
v Look at the big picture: Take perspective of the stressful situation. Ask yourself how important it will be
in the long run. Will it matter in a month? A year? I s it really worth getting upset over? I f the answer is no,
focus your time and energy elsewhere.
v Focus on the positive: When stress is getting you down, take a moment to reflect on all the things you
appreciate in your life, including your own positive qualities and gifts. This simple strategy can help you
keep things in perspective.
v Reframe problems: Try to view stressful situations from a more positive perspective. Rather than fuming
about a traffic jam, look at it as an opportunity to pause and regroup, listen to your favorite radio station, or
enjoy some alone time.
Adj usti ng Your Atti tude
Each time you think a negative thought about yourself, your body reacts as if it were in the throes of a
tension-filled situation. I f you see good things about yourself, you are more likely to feel good; the reverse is also
true. Eliminate words such as always, never, should, and must. These are telltale marks of self-defeating
thoughts.
v Accept The Things You Cant Change: Some sources of stress are unavoidable. You cant prevent or
change stressors such as the death of a loved one, a serious illness, or a national recession. I n such cases, the
best way to cope with stress is to accept things as they are. Acceptance may be difficult, but in the long run,
its easier than railing against a situation you cant change.
v Dont try to control the uncontrollable: Many things in life are beyond our control- particularly the
behavior of other people. Rather than stressing out over them, focus on the things you can control such as
the way you choose to react to problems.
v Look for the upside: As the saying goes, What doesnt kill us makes us stronger. When facing major
challenges, try to look at them as opportunities for personal growth. I f your own poor choices contributed to
a stressful situation, reflect on them and learn from your mistakes.
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v Share your feelings: Talk to a trusted friend or make an appointment with a therapist. Expressing what
youre going through can be very cathartic, even if theres nothing you can do to alter the stressful situation.
v Learn to forgive: Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world and that people make mistakes. Let go
of anger and resentments. Free yourself from negative energy by forgiving and moving on.
Make Ti me for Fun and Rel axati on
Beyond a take-charge approach and a positive attitude, you can reduce stress in your life by nurturing
yourself. I f you regularly make time for fun and relaxation, youll be in a better place to handle lifes stressors
when they inevitably come. Healthy ways to relax and recharge
v Call a good friend. v Curl up with a good book.
v Go for a walk v Get a massage.
v Light scented candles v Listen to music.
v Play with a pet. v Savor a warm cup of coffee or tea.
v Spend time in nature. v Sweat out tension with a good workout.
v Take a long bath. v Work in your garden.
v Write in your journal. v Watch a comedy
Nurturing yourself is a necessity, not a luxury.Dont get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that you
forget to take care of your own needs.
v Do something you enjoy every day. Make time for leisure activities that bring you joy, whether it be
stargazing, playing the piano, or working on your bike.
v Connect with others. Spend time with positive people who enhance your life. A strong support system
will buffer you from the negative effects of stress.
v Set aside relaxation time. I nclude rest and relaxation in your daily schedule. Dont allow other obligations
to encroach. This is your time to take a break from all responsibilities and recharge your batteries.
v Keep your sense of humor. This includes the ability to laugh at yourself. The act of laughing helps your
body fight stress in a number of ways.
The Rel axati on Response
Relaxation techniques that evoke the bodys relaxation response, a state of restfulness that is the opposite of
the stress response, can control our stress levels. Regularly practicing these techniques will build your physical
and emotional resilience, heal your body, and boost your overall feelings of joy and equanimity.
Adopt A Heal thy Li festyl e
We can increase our resistance to stress by strengthening our physical health.
v Eat a healthy diet. Well-nourished bodies are better prepared to cope with stress, so be mindful of what
you eat. Start your day right with breakfast, and keep your energy up and your mind clear with balanced,
nutritious meals throughout the day.
v Get enough sleep. Adequate sleep fuels your mind, as well as your body. Feeling tired will increase your
stress because it may cause you to think irrationally.
v Exercise regularly. Physical activity plays a key role in reducing and preventing the effects of stress.
Make time for at least 30 minutes of exercise, three times per week. Nothing beats aerobic exercise for
releasing pent-up stress and tension.
v Reduce caffeine and sugar. The temporary highs caffeine and sugar provide often end in with a crash
in mood and energy. By reducing the amount of coffee, soft drinks, chocolate, and sugar snacks in your diet,
youll feel more relaxed and youll sleep better.
v Avoid alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs. Self-medicating with alcohol or drugs may provide an easy escape
from stress, but the relief is only temporary. Dont avoid or mask the issue at hand; deal with problems head
on and with a clear mind.
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EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
The concept of emotional intelligence is not yet grasped by Many people. I t is because of this fact that people
tend to forget to practice and enhance it.
I t is not only our I ntelligence Quotient that makes the world go round. Even when the world keeps going
around us, attaining the right emotional intelligence will help us remain standing strong .
The ability to better attune ourself with our feelings is called emotional intelligence. Many people do not have
emotional intelligence because they have a difficulty expressing what they feel or understanding their feelings in
the first place.
I t is best to do it under the guidance of someone, who has attained sufficient emotional intelligence themselves.I t
is also best to attain emotional intelligence by emulating a model, parents or friends would help a great deal in
this aspect,when we do realize the need to attain emotional intelligence .
The first step in attaining emotional intelligence is in becoming emotionally literate. We have to know what
were feeling and you have to know whats causing it rather than blaming certain people or certain situations.
The second step is to differentiate our thoughts from our feelings. Our thoughts does not play any role in
attaining emotional intelligence, it is our feelings. We have to prevent our thoughts from dictating what we
should or shouldnt feel. Feelings come from within and are stimulated by a person or a circumstance. I t cannot be
dictated, it just appears.
One great characteristic of people who have attained emotional intelligence is that they are responsible for
what they feel and they use these feelings to help them make wise decisions. Knowing and understanding your
own feelings is different from understanding the feelings of others, but both have to work together.We have to
understand what other people are feeling and respect them for it,in order for us to attain emotional intelligence.
I t is important that we empathize with other people and accept their feelings.
Try not to control or lecture others when they are verbalizing their problems to us. This will only put them on
the defensive and any means to help them would fail. Rather, you should just try to listen. People who have
attained emotional intelligence know how to give regard to other peoples feelings and listen to whats evoking
those feelings.
Lastly, try to avoid people who are negative towards us. This will not help us develop our emotional intelligence,
it will only hamper it. Give our emotional intelligence room to grow and develop by surrounding ourself with
positive people willing to support us.
Characteristics of Emotional Intelligence
Daniel Goleman, an American psychologist, developed a framework of five elements that define emotional
intelligence:
Motivation: People with a high degree of emotional intelligence are usually motivated. Theyre willing to
defer immediate results for long-term success. Theyre highly productive, love a challenge, and are very effective
in whatever they do.
Empathy: This is perhaps the second-most important element of emotional intelligence. The ability to identify
with and understand the wants, needs, and viewpoints of those around you is called Empathy. People with
empathy are good at recognizing the feelings of others, even when those feelings may not be obvious. As a result,
empathetic people are usually excellent at managing relationships, listening, and relating to others.
Self Awareness: People with high emotional intelligence are usually very self-aware. They understand
their emotions, and because of this, they dont let their feelings rule them.They know their strengths and
weaknesses, and they work on these areas so they can perform better. Many people believe that this self-awareness
is the most important part of emotional intelligence.
Self Regulation: This is the ability to control emotions and impulses. People who self-regulate typically
dont allow themselves to become too angry or jealous, and they dont make impulsive, careless decisions. They
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think before they act. Characteristics of self-regulation are thoughtfulness, comfort with change, integrity, and
the ability to say no.
Social Skills: I ts usually easy to talk to and like people with good social skills, another sign of high emotional
intelligence. Those with strong social skills are typically team players. Rather than focus on their own success
first, they help others develop and shine. They can manage disputes, are excellent communicators, and are
masters at building and maintaining relationships.
As youve probably determined, emotional intelligence can be a key to success in your life - especially in your
career. The ability to manage people and relationships is very important in all leaders, so developing and using
youremotional intelligence can be a good way to show others the leader inside of you.
How to Improve our Emotional Intelligence?
Emotional I ntelligence(EI ) can be taught and developed. Many books and tests are available to help us
determine our current El, and identify where we may need to do some work.We can also use these tips:
v Look at your work environment. Humility can be a wonderful quality, and it doesnt mean that youre
shy or lack self-confidence. When you practice humility, you say that you know what you did, and you can
be quietly confident about it. Give others a chance to shine - put the focus on them, and dont worry too
much about getting praise for yourself.
v Examine how you react to stressful situations. The ability to stay calm and in control in difficult
situations is highly valued - in the business world and outside it. Keep your emotions under control when
things go wrong.
v Observe how you react to people. Do you rush to judgment before you know all of the facts? Do you
stereotype? Look honestly at how you think and interact with other people. Try to put yourself in their place,
and be more open and accepting of their perspectives and needs.
v Do a self-evaluation.Have the courage to look at yourself honestly - it can change your life.
v Take responsibility for your actions. I f you hurt someones feelings, apologize directly - dont ignore what
you did or avoid the person. People are usually more willing to forgive and forget if you make an honest
attempt to make things right.
v Examine how your actions will affect others - before you take those actions. I f your decision will impact
others, put yourself in their place.

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