My Day of Compassion

Before getting into the analysis of my day of compassion, let me state an overview of the environment I live in. In Egypt, nowadays, the atmosphere is heavy. Everyone, whatever side he/she takes, is frustrated and gloomy. Almost everyone has lost someone since the revolution in 2011. Depression is wavering in the air with a scent of indecisiveness and uncertainty in the future. I was a little hesitant to attempt the Day of Compassion as I knew it was going to be such a heavy task as I, myself, am still struggling trying to move on normally with my life in such a difficult time. It was until I saw the Dalai Lamas quote in (Lecture: 5.6) saying, If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. Thats when I thought why not give it a try since it will not only grant other people happiness but I might find some peace myself that could help me move on with my life. Attempting such an assignment required planning. I chose my day of compassion to be on a weekend. I decided to live the whole day compassionately and outlined a number of acts of compassion to practice with my family, friends, strangers I meet this day, and the environment.

Attempting the day of compassion, the definition of compassion I had in mind was easing a little bit of the suffering of others, especially in these hard times. I knew that my acts of compassion werent going to solve anyones problems or diminish the fear and uncertainty were living in but at least I could be a hummingbird (Lecture 5.4 Wangari Maathai). Without going into details of my day, in the following I will state the most significant observations of the day from a social psychological point of view. One of the highlights of my day was the discussion held between my mother, aunt and myself to try to solve a dispute between them. The dispute between them is one of the typical political debates going on in Egypt, deciding which side to take and which opinion to settle upon. With my mother taking a side and my aunt taking the other side, I decided to take the third side (Lecture 5.4) and take the approach of principled negotiation (Lecture 5.4, Dr. Urys talk). At the beginning, I tried to create a friendly environment by serving tea and desserts while chatting about their newest updates about life and so forth. It was then I told them that they should talk and solve the dispute between them and that I was going to be a mediator. I asked them to separate the problem from the people, and to focus on the problem which is them not accepting their different points of view. The first aspect of principled negotiation was successful but the second one (focusing on underlying interests rather than positions) was more of a disaster. Though the interest of both sides was the welfare of the country, each side regarded the other as the problem and the obstacle to achieving the common interest. This is related to the concept of mirror-image perception (Glossary), the view of each side to the other as the evil side. Trying to find a

common ground to generate a variety of options before deciding what to do, we all agreed that we shouldnt let our disputes come in the way of our relationship. Insisting that the result of our discussion be based on some objective standard, which is keeping the family together, we decided to put aside their political differences and avoid talking politics in any family gathering for the time being. Though not the best solution, at least it will keep the family together. Others observations of the day occurred when I was walking in the street going to meet my friend and buying something from a street vendor on my way. Smiling at the people I see, I noticed a couple of signs that relate to concepts I had studied in Social Psychology. The smiles I got back reflected a sign of learned helplessness (Glossary); the sense of hopelessness and resignation when a person has no control over bad events. I, also, noticed a representativeness heuristic (Glossary) and categorical thinking (Lecture 4.2) attitude. Representativeness heuristic is when there is a tendency to presume that a person belongs to a particular group of resembling a typical member. Any man with a beard or a woman with a niqab (face cover) is presumed to belong to the islamist party (which is one of the sides of conflict nowadays). There is undoubtedly a form of aggression (Lecture 5.2) in the way people in the street deal with each other; the way they talk, drive and communicate. I, personally, view this type of aggression as displacement (Glossary); people are redirecting their aggression toward other people instead of the source of frustration (the previous and current regime). The previous were my observations on the behaviors I encountered in my day of compassion. As for my personal reflection on the day, I can say I have successfully attempted to live as compassionately as possible in 60% of the situations I encountered. I would describe my normal self as apathetic with a sense of defensive pessimism (Glossary), the adaptive value of anticipating problems and harnessing anxiety to motivate my actions. I discovered that in most of my judgments I have fallen prey to fundamental attribution errors (Lecture 2.2). My compassionate self was more understanding, aware and positive. I guess situational influences and self-handicapping are the enemies preventing the compassionate me from coming out. I have to say my day of compassion wasnt easy. During the whole experience I was kind of stressed and focused on not messing things. Also, there was always the fear of being misunderstood or being regarded a fool amidst the cloud of depression hovering around. However, after the day had ended, and it was time for reflection, the sense of peace and self-worthy was overwhelming. Knowing that I had made someone smile for a spec of a second, shared the suffering or listened to someone outweighed all the stress and anxiety I was feeling during the day. My family and friends did notice the fact that I was unexpectedly positive and active on a weekend. Strangers on the street had mixed feelings, but most of them were appreciative of the smile or greeting I gave them. Limiting the amount of usage of electricity and water, and reading about how were damaging our plant, made me realize how we take so much things for granted that we do not deserve; it is kind of scary. If I would encourage others to behave as I did during the Day of Compassion, I would use a peripheral route of persuasion (Lecture 2.7). I would blog about my day of compassion, share quotes and videos on social media accounts and talk to them about how satisfying my

experience had been. Knowing about social psychological factors that shape our behavior makes us aware and more understanding of our attitudes and behaviors, thus, preventing us from falling in to behavioral fallacies such as the bystander effect (Lecture 5.1) or fundamental attribution errors. I think if I attempt a compassion day, similar to the one I had, twice a week; in a period of a month, I would be able to practice compassion every day in my life and become more positive. It still needs time and effort to get over the stress of being aware of every little action you do and its consequences on others. I cant wait to practice a day of compassion on a weekday with my students. After all, Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. Mahmata Gandhi.
**Below is photo of a book origami I placed below the pillows of my family members to find when they wake up as a random act of kindness on my day of compassion.