Never be again.

lied to

HOW TO GET THE TRUTH IN 5 MINUTES OR LESS IN ANY CONVERSATION OR SITUATION

DAVID J.LIEBERMAN, PH.D.

ST . MA R T I N ' S GR I F F I N NE W YO R K

AC KNOW LE DGMENTS

I would like to thank Jennifer Enderlin, my editor at St. Martin's. She is an exceptional talent whose ability is matched only by her boundless passion for her work. And to those who ha e worked tirelessly, my warmest thanks to the publicity, marketin!, ad ertisin!, and sales departments at St. Martin's for their intense efforts and commitment" Alison #a$arus, John %unnin!ham, Ste e &asdin, John Murphy, Jamie 'rickhouse, Mike Storrin!s, Janet (a!ner, Mark &ohut, and James (ehrle, and to the entire 'roadway Sales )epartment for their continued efforts on behalf of this book. A special thanks to St. Martin's publisher, Sally *ichardson, for her ast enthusiasm and belief in this pro+ect.

A thousand thanks to )a id Stanford 'urr, production editor, and ,ancy In!lis, copy editor, for their outstandin! work on the manuscript. -heir hard work and dili!ence is e ident throu!hout this entire book.

I would like to thank my a!ents, Michael #arsen and Eli$abeth .omada. -he success of their a!ency is a clear reflection of their professionalism and dedication. In an industry of !iants, they stand without e/uals. My infinite appreciation and !ratitude to 'arbara and (illiam 0'*ourke, who !a e me the two thin!s e ery writer needs" tran/uility and computer help. And my thanks to #aurie *osin, one of the nation's leadin! freelance editors, for in aluable input and su!!estions.

(hile much of information in this book is based on newly de eloped and leadin!1ed!e research and technolo!ies, I would be remiss if I did not acknowled!e the e olution of the process and contributions of those !iants in the fields of human beha iour, lin!uistics, and hypnosis" Milton Erickson, *obert %ialdini, .aul Ekman, 2red 'ootle, Elliot Aronson, Judson Mills, Stephen (orchel, Jack 'rehm, Stanley Mil!ram, and *ay 'irdwhistell.

A NOTE TO READERS

-o those in law enforcement" make sure that you check appropriate federal and state laws re!ardin! both inter iewin! and interro!ation. -hose in the pri ate sector must use +ud!ment and common sense when usin! this system. %aution is always ad ised when you are dealin! with indi iduals suspected of ille!al acts or illicit acti ities. -here will be those who will try to use this information to manipulate others and exploit situations. 'ut do you hold back information that can help people because of a fear that there will be those who will abuse it3 -o li e in a world where information is distributed based upon the dama!e that can be caused by the lowest common denominator is to spiral away from pro!ress and away from hope. It is with hi!h hope and expectation that the techni/ues in this book will be used appropriately, with bene olence, and with the purposes for which they were intended.

INTRODUCTION
THE PROCESS AND THE POWER 4onesty is at the cornerstone of e ery relationship, whether it's business or personal. 'ein! aware of someone else's true intentions is undeniably aluable, often sa in! you time, money, ener!y, and heartache. (hen you know a person's true intent, you ha e the power to control the situation, or at the ery least not be taken ad anta!e of. -here is no !reater ability than consistently and constantly makin! the ri!ht decisions in life. *emember, thou!h, your decisions are only as solid and ri!ht as the facts that you base them on. 5ou will learn how to !et at the messa!e beneath the words, how to know what people are thinkin! when they don't say what's really on their mind. A former client of mine put it best when she said, 6It's like ha in! a man inside their camp7an outpost in their head.6 In an ideal society there would be no need for lies or for this book. 'ut we li e in a world of deception. And whether you want to play or not, you're in the !ame. -he /uestion is, do you want to win3 In romance you need ne er play the fool a!ain. In business you'll !et the upper hand. (here er and whene er you deal with people, you'll ha e the tools to come out a winner.

WHAT'S IN THIS BOOK AND HOW TO USE IT

I'm what is affectionately referred to as a hired !un, a specialist in the field of human beha iour. As a board1 certified hypnotherapist with a .h.). in psycholo!y, I represent corporations as well as pri ate indi iduals, and offer a type of le era!e that many hi!h1paid attorneys, top1notch account1ants, and seasoned executi es cannot. -oo often we miss the meanin! behind the messa!e. As you know, people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say. -his book focuses on the truth and how to !et at it. -o be an effecti e ne!otiator, you must use many strate!ies and techni/ues, all of them relyin! upon the accuracy of the information you're !i en. -he answers you !et from the world's most powerful supercomputer are worthless if the numbers you !i e it to work with are wron!. (e often for!et how easily facts can !et lost in a con ersation, ne!otiation, or interro!ation. Abraham #incoln is said to ha e posed the followin! /uestion" 64ow many le!s would a sheep ha e if you called its tail a le!36 62our,6 explained #incoln. 6'ecause callin! its tail a le! doesn't make it one.6 (hile people lie for many different reasons, their lyin! rarely benefits the person lied to. And there's that one undeniable truth about lyin!. E erybody does it, but nobody likes it when it's done to them. It takes at least two people for a lie to be effecti e7one to offer the lie and one to belie e it. And while we certainly can't stop people from tryin! to lie to us, we can keep them from bein! successful. -his book is di ided into ei!ht parts, each of which explores a facet of lyin!. -he inno ati e techni/ues in this book will help you fi!ure out if you're bein! lied to. If you are the ictim of a deception, they will assist you in !ettin! at the truth and in !ainin! control o er the situation. Many of the examples in this book are drawn from personal relationships and business situations8 certainly most of us can identify with these scenarios.

PART 1

SIGNS OF DECEPTION

-his book picks up where others lea e off, !oin! well beyond obser in! body lan!ua!e clues. -he first part offers a catalo!ue of forty1six clues to deception, di ided into se en sections. Some of the clues in ol e the fundamentals of body lan!ua!e, while others use more ad anced techni/ues and processes such as psycholin!uistic emphasis and neural lin!uistic choice perception. Each section concludes with a summary for easy reference.
PART 2

BECOMING A HUMAN LIE DETECTOR

6(e often fly blind into erbal combat.6 -hat is to say, we usually think of the /uestions we s h o u l d ha e asked two days after the battle is o er. -his section offers a specific !ame plan to detect deceit, detailin! exactly what to say and when to say it. -his sophisticated system in ol es choosin! from a ariety of scripted se/uences, each from a different psycholo!ical an!le. Each script includes a primer, an at1tack se/uence, and sil er bullets.

PART

TACTICS FOR DETECTING DECEIT AND GATH E RI N G IN FORMATI ON IN CASUAL CONVERSATIONS

,ow what about those times in casual con ersation when you think someone mi!ht be lyin! to you, but a full1 fled!ed inter1ro!ation is out of the /uestion3 -his section pro ides phenomenal techni/ues for !atherin! more information without bein! ob ious. 5ou will also learn how to steer a con ersation in any direction that you choose in order to !et the information that you want. -his section also co ers those times when different tactics are necessary for !ettin! to the truth, in1stances where you may not ha e the le era!e you need. -he psycholo!ical process is different than if you were comin! from a position of stren!th.

PART

MIND GAMES

6Mind 9ames6 includes two simple techni/ues that pro ide extraordinary results. (hen you use the first, almost no one will be able to lie to you. (hen you employ the second, you will be able to discern anybody's true intentions and moti ation in any situation.
PART 5

ADVANCED TECHNI!UES

-his section presents the most ad anced and !roundbreakin! techni/ues for !ettin! at the truth. :sin! a blend of hypnosis and a system I ha e de eloped called -rance1Scripts, you'll be able to !i e commands directly to people's unconscious minds7all in con ersation and without their awareness. -hrou!h this process you can persuade others to tell the truth.
PART "

PSYCHOLOGY ON YOUR SIDE

-his part explores the ten fundamental laws of human beha iour, the principles that !o ern our thinkin!. 0nce you learn these laws, you'll know how to !et the truth out of anyone. (ith an understandin! of how the brain processes information, you will be able to easily influence other people's decisions.

PART

INTERNAL TRUTH BLOCKERS

4ere's the bi!!est truth in a book about lyin!" we lie loudest when we lie to oursel es. (e all know someone who absolutely refuses to belie e that his or her spouse is unfaithful, despite all the warnin! si!ns. -his section shows you how to become aware of and eliminate those internal blockers that keep you from seein! what's really !oin! on.
PA R T $

E%TERNAL TRUTH BLOCKERS

-his section lets us in on the psycholo!ical secrets of the experts. 5ou will disco er how the pros7from professional poker players to master ne!otiators7keep you from percei in! the facts in an ob+ecti e fashion, e en affect your ability to e aluate information. -he influence of the pros is enormous8 they can ha e a powerful impact on your perception of reality7unless, of course, you' e read this book and can outthink them.

Note to readers: -hrou!hout all of the examples in this book the pro1nouns he and she are used alternately. -his was done to make the

lan!ua!e less sexist, not to indicate that one sex is more likely to lie in !i en situations than the other.

SIGNS OF DECEPTION
64e that has eyes to see and ears to hear may con ince himself that no mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fin!ertips8 betrayal oo$es out of him at e ery pore.6 7S I 9 M : , ) 2 * E : )

-his part contains a catalo!ue of forty1six clues to deception, di ided into se en sections. -he clues can be used independently or in con+unction with one another. (hile some are excellent indicators by themsel es, all clues should be iewed within the context of the situation at hand8 they are not absolutes. Some of these are so subtle that they can easily be missed unless you pay close attention. 0thers may be !larin!ly ob ious. In some instances you'll be lookin! for lies of omission7what's missin! that should be there. 0ther times you'll be dealin! with lies of commission7thin!s said or done that are inconsistent with the rest of the messa!e. 0ccasionally you won't ha e access to all these clues" you mi!ht be on the telephone, for instance, and not be able to see the body of the person you are talkin! to. It's not necessary to memori$e these clues, for in time they will become second nature" you will !radually become more familiar with what to look for, what to listen for, and what to ask for, to !et to the truth. %ertain ariables such as !ender, ethnicity, and cultural back!round can influence how we interpret arious clues7 the use of !estures and personal space, for example. 2or the most part, thou!h, these factors are ne!li!ible and can be i!nored. Some of the clues draw on traditional psycholo!ical disciplines such as body lan!ua!e and psycholin!uistics. -hese are used to detect discrepancies between the erbal and the non erbal messa!e. 5ou will also be usin! more sophisticated methods de eloped as a result of my research in the field of human beha iour. 0ne such tool, psycholin!uistic emphasis ;.#E<, in ol es the words that people choose to reflect their current psycholo!ical state.

0nce you reali$e that you're bein! lied to, should you confront the liar immediately3 :sually not. -he best approach is to note the fact in your mind and continue with the con ersation, tryin! to extract more information. 0nce you confront someone who has lied to you, the tone of the con ersation chan!es and !atherin! additional facts be1comes difficult. -herefore, wait until you ha e all the e i dence you want and then decide whether to confront the person at that time or hold off to fi!ure how you can best use this insi!ht

to your ad anta!e.
SECTION 1

BODY LANGUAGE

0ur fin!ers, hands, arms, and le!s and their mo ements offer a fascinatin! insi!ht into our true feelin!s. Most people aren't aware that their body speaks a lan!ua!e all its own8 try as they will to decei e you with their words, the truth can be always silently obser ed. 5ou may already ha e read or heard about some of these clues, but they are only a small portion of the tactics that you will learn.
CLUE 1

-he #an!ua!e of the Eyes

,o or little direct eye contact is a classic si!n of deception. A person who is lyin! to you will do e erythin! to a oid makin! eye contact. :nconsciously he feels you will be able to see throu!h him7 ia his eyes. And feelin! !uilty, he doesn't want to face you. Instead he will !lance down or his eyes may dart from side to side. %on ersely, when we tell the truth or we're offended by a false accusation, we tend to !i e our full focus and ha e fixed concentration. (e lock eyes with our accuser as if to say 65ou're not !ettin! away until we !et to the bottom of this.6
CLUE 2

-he 'ody ,e er #ies

Lacking Animation

-he hands and arms are excellent indicators of deceit be1cause they are used to !esture with and are more easily isible than our feet and le!s. 'ut hands, arms, le!s, and feet can a l l !i e us information if we're watchin! carefully. (hen someone is lyin! or keepin! somethin! in, he tends to be less expressi e with his hands or arms. 4e may keep them on his lap if he's sittin!, or at his side if he's standin!8 he may stuff his hands in his pockets or clench them. 2in!ers may be folded into the hands8 full extension of the fin!ers is usually a !esture of openness.

4a e you e er noticed that when you're passionate about what you're sayin!, your hands and arms wa e all about, emphasi$in! your point and con eyin! your enthusiasm3 And ha e you e er reali$ed that when you don't belie e in what you're sayin!, your body lan!ua!e echoes these feelin!s and becomes inexpressi e3 Additionally, if you ask someone a /uestion and her hands clench or !o palm down, this is a si!n of defensi eness and withdrawal. If she is !enuinely confused at the accusations or the line of /uestionin!, her hands turn palm1up as if to say 69i e me more information8 I do not under1stand6 or 6I ha e nothin! to hide.

Keeping Something In (hen a person sits with his le!s and arms close to his body, perhaps crossed but not outstretched, he is e incin! the thou!ht I'm keeping something in. 4is arms and le!s may be crossed because he feels he must defend himself. (hen we feel comfortable and confident we tend to stretch out7 claim our space, as it were. (hen we feel less secure, we take up less physical space and fold our arms and le!s into our body, into what

is almost a foetal position.

Displaying Artificial Mo ements Arm mo ements and !estures seem stiff and almost mechanical. -his beha iour can be readily obser ed by watchin! unpolished actors and politicians. -hey try to use !estures to con ince us that they're impassioned about their beliefs, but there's no fluidity to their mo ements. -he mo ements are contri ed, not natural.
CLUE 3

-he :nconscious %o er1up

If her hand !oes strai!ht to her face while she is respondin! to a /uestion or when she is makin! a statement, this is often an indication of deceit. 4er hand may co er her mouth while she is speakin!8 indicatin! that she really doesn't belie e what she is sayin! to be true8 it acts as a screen, an unconscious attempt to hide her words. (hen she is listenin! she co ers or touches her face as an unconscious manifestation of the thou!ht = really don ! "ant to #e listening to this. -ouchin! the nose is also considered to be a si!n of deception, as well as scratchin! behind or on the side of the ear or rubbin! the eyes. -his should not be confused with the posture associated with deep thou!ht, which usually con eys concentration and attention.
CLUE

-he .artial Shru!

-he shru!!in! of one's shoulders is a !esture that usually indicates i!norance or indifference" 6I don't know6 or 6I don't care.6 If a person makes this !esture he or she usually means to communicate that ery messa!e. 4owe er, if this !esture is fleetin!7if you catch only a !limpse of it7it's a si!n of somethin! else. -his person is tryin! to demonstrate that she is casual and relaxed about her answer, when in fact she re1ally isn't. 'ecause what she feels isn't a true emotion, she doesn't really shru!. -his situation is similar to that of someone who is embarrassed by a +oke but wants to pretend that she thinks it's funny. (hat you see is a 6lips only6 smile, not a bi! !rin encompassin! her entire face.

SUMMARY

> >

-he person will make little or no eye contact. .hysical expression will be limited, with few arm and hand mo ements. (hat arm and hand mo ements are present will seem stiff, and mechanical. 4ands, arms, and le!s pull in toward the body8 the indi idual takes up less space. 4is hand;s< may !o up to his face or throat. 'ut contact with his body is limited to these areas. 4e is also unlikely to touch his chest with an open hand !esture. If he is tryin! to appear casual and relaxed about his answer, he may shru! a little.

> >

SECTION

EMOTIONAL STATES& CONSISTENCY AND CONTRADICTION

Indi idual !estures need to be looked at by themsel es a n d in relation to what is bein! said. In this section we're !oin! to look at the relationship between words and the correspondin! !estures. 'esides ob ious inconsistencies such as shakin! your head from side to side while sayin! yes, more subtle but e/ually re ealin! si!ns of deception exist. -hese take place at both the conscious and the unconscious le el. -hen there are times when we make a conscious effort to emphasi$e our point, but because the !esture is forced it lacks spontaneity and the timin! is off. (hen you know what to look for, this is readily apparent. Inconsistencies between !estures, words, and e m o t i o n s are also !reat indicators, in that you're presented with a dual messa!e. 0ne example is a person who !rins while she expresses sorrow to a friend whose spouse has left her. (atch for what is known as the initial reaction expression ;I*E<. -his is an initial expression of true feelin!s that may last for less than a second, +ust until the person you are obser in! has a chance to mask them. E en if you can't read the fleetin! expression, the fact that it has chan!ed is reason enou!h to suspect that the emotion you are currently seein! is false.

CLUE

-imin! Is E erythin!
If the person's head be!ins to shake in a confirmin! direction before or as the words come out, this is a !ood indication that he is tellin! the truth. 4owe er, if he shakes his head a f t e r the point is made, he may be tryin! to demonstrate con iction, but because it's a contri ed mo ement1one not based on emotion7the timin! is off. Also look for hand and arm mo ements that punctuate a point a f t e r it's been made. -he !esture looks like an after1thou!ht because that's what it is. 4e wants to !et his words out fast but reali$es that maybe he should l o o k really mad and play the part. Additionally, hand and arm mo ements will not only start late but will seem mechanical and won't coincide with erbal punctuation. If you wanted to con ince someone that you were an!ry when you really weren't, you would want to play the part and look an!ry. 'ut there's more to it than that. -he timin! of that an!ry facial expression matters. If the facial expression comes a f t e r the erbal statement ;6I am so an!ry with you ri!ht now6 . . . pause . . . and then the an!ry expression<, it looks false. Showin! the expression # e f o re the 6I'm so an!ry6 line wouldn't indicate decepti eness. It would only su!!est that you are thinkin! about what you are sayin! or are ha in! some difficulty in decidin! how to express your an!er.

Also, someone who belie es in his words will be inclined to mo e his head on important syllables to dri e home a point. (hether up and down or side to side, the head mo ement is supposed to punctuate particular points and ideas. A mechanical noddin! without re!ard to emphasis indicates a conscious mo ement. -hese conscious mo ements are in1tended to show emphasis, but when a person is lyin! such mo ements are not part of the

natural rhythm of the messa!e.

CLUE

%ontradiction and %onsistency

,ot only is the timin! important, but we need to pay attention to the t y p e of !esture. -he woman who frowns as she says she lo es you is sendin! a contradictory messa!e. An ob ious incon!ruence between !estures and speech indicates that the speaker is lyin!. A !ood example is the man who tries to tell his !irlfriend he lo es her while shakin! his fist in the air. Similarly, hands ti!htly clenched and a statement of pleasure are not in synch with each other. Make sure that the !esture fits the speech.

CL UE

-he Emotion %ommotion

-he timin! of emotions is somethin! that's difficult to fake. (atch closely and you probably won't be fooled. A response that's not !enuine is not spontaneous8 therefore, there is a sli!ht delay in the onset of false emotion. -he duration of the emotion is also off" -he response !oes on lon!er than it would in the case of !enuine emotion. -he fade1out7how the emotion ends7is abrupt. So the emotion is delayed comin! on, stays lon!er than it should, and fades out abruptly.

-he emotion of surprise is a !reat example. Surprise comes and !oes /uickly, so if it is prolon!ed it is most likely false. 'ut when we are fei!nin! surprise, most of us keep a look of awe plastered on our faces8 this look won't really fool an aware obser er.

-he Expression ?one" 'eware the Smile -hat )oesn't Seem 4appy
)eception expressions are often confined to the mouth area. A smile that's !enuine li!hts up the whole face. (hen a smile is forced, the person's mouth is closed and ti!ht and there's no mo ement in the eyes or forehead. A smile that does not in ol e the whole face is a si!n of deception. (hile we're on this sub+ect, be aware that the smile is the most common mask for emotion because it best conceals the appearance in the lower face of an!er, dis!ust, sadness, or fear. In other words, a person who doesn't want her true feelin!s to be re ealed may 6put on a happy face.6 'ut re1member, if the smile does not reflect a true emotion7happiness, for example7it will not encompass her entire face.

SUMMARY

> > > > >

-he timin! is off between !estures and words. -he head mo es in a mechanical fashion. 9estures don't match the erbal messa!e. -he timin! and duration of emotional !estures will seem off. Expression will be limited to the mouth area when the person is fei!nin! certain emotions7 happiness, surprise, awe, and so on.

SECTION

INTERPERSONAL INTERACTIONS

5ou want to be aware of a person's posture in and of itself a n d in relation to his surroundin!s. 4ow the person carries himself and beha es in relation to what he says is an excel1lent indication of his comfort le el. It's widely belie ed that when we are wron!fully accused we become defensi e. In fact, !enerally speakin!, only a !uilty person !ets defensi e. Someone who is innocent will usually !o on the offensi e. If Mary and John are ar!uin! and Mary accuses John of somethin!, John doesn't automatically assume a defensi e posture. If he is innocent and ob+ects to what Mary is sayin!, he will !o on the offensi e. -he followin! clues look at the distinctions between these two states of mind.

CLUE

'

-he 4ead Shift

If someone is utterin! or listenin! to a messa!e that makes her uncomfortable, her head may shift away from the one she is talkin! to. -his is an attempt to distance herself from the source of the discomfort. If she is comfortable with her position and secure in her actions, she will mo e her head toward the other person in an attempt to !et closer to the source of information. (atch for an immediate and pronounced +erkin! of the head or a slow deliberate withdrawal. Either may happen.

-his action is ery different from7and should not be confused with7a sli!ht tilt of the head to the side. -his occurs when we hear somethin! of interest. It's considered to be a ulnerable pose and would not be adopted by a person with somethin! to hide.

-he .osture of a #iar

(hen a person feels confident about a situation and con ersation, he stands erect or sits up strai!ht. -his beha iour also indicates how people feel about themsel es in !eneral. -hose who are secure and confident stand tall, with shoulders back. -hose who are insecure or unsure of themsel es often stand hunched o er, with their hands in their pockets. Studies ha e shown that the best way to a oid bein! mu!!ed is to walk briskly, with your head up and your arms mo in!. Such a style of mo in! con eys confidence. A con ersation that produces feelin!s of confidence or those of insecurity will produce the concomitant physical posture.

CL UE

11

If She's 4eaded for the )oor . . .

Just as we mo e away from someone who threatens us physically, the person who feels at a psycholo!ical disad anta!e will shift or mo e away from her accuser. (hen we feel passionate about our ideas, in an attempt to persuade the other person, we mo e toward him. -he liar is reluctant to mo e toward or e en face the source of the threat. She turns sideways or completely away and rarely stands s/uared off. -he face1to1 face demeanour is reser ed for the person who seeks to refute a slanderous statement. -his is not the case when there's deceit. Also look for a mo ement in the direction of the exit. 2eelin! uncomfortable, she may an!le her body or actually mo e toward the exit. (hile standin! she may position her back to the wall. 4er psycholo!ical exposure causes her to seek physical refu!e. 2eelin! erbally ambushed, she wants to make sure that she can see what's comin! next. -hose who are confident and comfortable don't mind takin! centre sta!e.

CL UE

12

If 4e's ,ot -ouchin', 4e's .robably 'luffin'

-he person who is bein! deceitful will ha e little or no physical contact with the one he is talkin! to. -his is an excellent and /uite reliable indicator. (hile makin! a false statement, or durin! a con ersation containin! one, the liar will rarely touch the other person. 4e's unconsciously reducin! the le el of intimacy to help alle iate his !uilt. -ouch indicates psycholo!ical connection8 it's used when we belie e stron!ly in what we're sayin!.

CL UE

13

-he 2in!er -hat ,e er .oints

Someone who is lyin! or hidin! somethin! rarely points a fin!er, either at others or strai!ht up in the air. 2in!er pointin! indicates con iction and authority as well as emphasis of a point. Someone who's not standin! on solid !round probably won't be able to muster this non erbal cue of disdain.

CL UE

*oadblocks, 'arriers, and 0bstacles

See if he uses inanimate ob+ects7a pillow, a drinkin! !lass, anythin!7to form a barrier between you and him. Just as you would shield yourself from physical harm, so, too, does he protect himself from a erbal assault. 4ow comfortable someone is with a particular topic can be readily seen in how open he is to discussin! it. .lacin! a physical barrier between you and him is the erbal e/ui alent of 6I don't want to talk about it,6 indicatin! deception or a co ert intention. Since he can't !et up and lea e, his displeasure manifests itself in the formation of physical barriers between him and the source of the discomfort. Jim, a collea!ue of mine, told me an interestin! story about his former boss, who was president of a lar!e manufacturin! company. (hene er Jim was in the boss's office and brou!ht up employee problems, product flaws, or any1thin! that made the president uncomfortable, his boss would place his coffee mu! on the desk in front of him, between them both. -hen he would casually and /uite unconsciously line up all of the desk accessories, formin! a clear barrier between himself and his employee.

SUMMARY

> > > > >

-here's mo ement away from his accuser, possibly in the direction of the exit. 4e is reluctant to face his accuser and may turn his head or shift his body away. -he person who is lyin! will probably slouch8 he is unlikely to stand tall with his arms out or outstretched. -here will be little or no physical contact durin! his attempt to con ince you. 4e will not point his fin!er at the person he is tryin! to con ince. 4e may place physical ob+ects between himself and his accuser.

S E C T I O N

W H A T IS S A I D : A C T U A L V E R B A L C O N T E N T
6-he cruellest lies are often told in silence.6 7*0 ' E * - #0 : I S S- E @ E , S 0 ,

-he words we choose to express oursel es pro ide a window to our true feelin!s. (hen we wish to decei e, we choose certain words, phrases, and syntax that we t h i n k will con ey truth in our messa!e. -hink of the many ways you can communicate the word y e s $ from the erbal to the non erbal. 4ow we choose to express oursel es indicates how stron!ly we belie e what we say. -here are subtle differences between what the truth sounds like and what a lie dressed up to sound truth ful sounds like. -he words we choose to con ey a messa!e are much more reflecti e of our true feelin!s than you mi!ht suspect.
C L U E 1 5

:sin! 5our (ords to Make 4is .oint

4a e you e er noticed how you respond to social !estures of courtesy when you're preoccupied3 In the mornin!, when you walk into your office and someone says 69ood mornin!6 to you, you respond with 69ood mornin!.6 If you're !reeted with 64ello,6 you answer 64ello.6 5ou're +ust not interested in makin! the effort to think. In this clue, thou!h, the person accused doesn't ha e t i m e to think, so he reflects back the statement of his accuser out of fear. 'ecause he is cau!ht off !uard, he replies usin! the other person's words, but in the ne!ati e. Makin! a positi e statement ne!ati e is the fastest way to !et the words out. 2or example, an a!!rie ed spouse asks, 6)id you cheat on me36 -he liar answers, 6,o, I didn't cheat on you.6 6)id you e er

cheat on me36 draws the response 6,o, I ne er cheated on you.6 D i d you becomes d i d n ' t and e e r becomes n e e r. *emember, abo e all else, the !uilty wants to !et his answer out fast. Any delay makes him feel like he appears more !uilty. And to the !uilty e ery second that passes seems like an eternity.

Skilled inter iewers and interro!ators know the followin! rule concernin! contractions. (hen a suspect uses a contraction76It " a s n ' t me6 instead of 6It " a s n o t me67statistically speakin!, there is a AB percent chance he's bein! truthful. Sometimes the !uilty, in an attempt to sound emphatic, don't want to use a contraction in their statement of innocence8 they want to emphasi$e the n o t .

C L U E

1 "

-he More 4e -ries, the More 5ou Should (orry

It's often been said that the best people to sell to are those who ha e si!ns posted sayin! ,0 SA#ESMA, 0* S0#I%I-0*S. -hese people know that they can be sold anythin!, so they attempt to deflect salespeople from tryin!. A person speakin! the truth is not concerned about whether you misunderstand him8 he is always willin! to clarify. -he liar wants to be sure that you understand his point immediately so that he can chan!e the sub+ect and no further /uestions will be asked. (hen his e idence is fra!ile, the words he uses are bold and solid, to compensate. 2or example, asked if he e er cheated on a test in law school, .eter mi!ht respond with 6I'm pretty sure I ne er did.6 If he had and wanted to con ince someone to the contrary, his response is likely to be more definiti e" 6,o, I would ne er cheat on a test.6 0f course someone who ne er has cheated mi!ht !i e the same answer, so this statement needs to be considered in the context of the con ersation and in con1+unction with other clues. Sometimes people who adamantly assert an opinion or iew don't e en hold it themsel es. If they were confident in their thinkin!, they would not feel a need to compensate. If someone says ri!ht up front that he positi ely won't bud!e, it means one thin!" 4e knows he can be swayed. 4e needs to tell you this so you won't ask, because he knows he'll ca e in. Ironically, the confident person will use phrases like 6I'm sorry, this is pretty much the best we can do6 or 6I'm afraid there's not a whole lot of room for ne!otiation here.6 -his person's words pro ide comfort for his opponent, not a shield for himself.
CLUE 1#

-he 9ood 0ld 2reudian Slip

Sometimes we say one thin! when we mean to say another. -his is referred to as a 2reudian slip, a subconscious leak when a person's misspoken words reflect and re eal his true feelin!s, thou!hts, or intentions. 2or example, someone who means to say, 6(e worked really hard on the pro+ect8 it took us all ni!ht to c o m p l e t e it,6 mi!ht slip and say, 6(e worked really hard on the pro+ect8 it took us all ni!ht to c o p y it.6 -here's a !reat +oke about these unconscious slip1ups. A man confessed to his friend that he had made a 2reudian slip durin! a recent dinner with his parents. 4e said, 6I meant to say '%ould you please pass the salt3' to my mother. Instead it came out as 'I had a terrible childhood and you' e ruined my life, you wicked woman.' '
CLUE 1$

I'm Abo e -hat Sort of -hin!

(hen a person is asked a /uestion, if he responds with an answer that depersonali$es and !lobali$es the /uestion, be aware. #et's say you ask someone, 6(ere you honest with me about our con ersation yesterday36 (atch out if you !et a reply like 60f course I was. I would ne er lie to you. 5ou know how I feel about lyin!.6 0r when someone is asked, 6)id you e er steal from your last +ob36 he responds with, 6,o, I think stealin!

from one's +ob is the worst thin! you can do.6 0r 6)id you e er cheat on me36 And you hear, 65ou know I'm a!ainst that sort of thin!. I think it morally reprehensible.6 -o sound more emphatic, a liar offers abstract assurances as e idence of his innocence in a specific instance. In his mind the e idence doesn't wei!h fa ourably for him, so he brin!s in his fictitious belief system to back him up.
C L U E 1 '

Silence Is 9old1.lated
4a e you e er experienced a first date where a lapse in con ersation caused uneasiness or anxiety3 (hen you're uncomfortable, silence adds to your discomfort. %on ersely, some married couples can be comfortable in each other's presence for hours without a sin!le word bein! exchan!ed. -he !uilty are uncomfortable with silence. (hen someone is asked a /uestion, take notice if he continues to add more information without bein! prodded. A typical scenario would !o like this" 5ou ask Jack where he was 2riday ni!ht. 4e responds with 6I was out with my friends.6 5ou don't acknowled!e his answer. Jack !ets ner ous because in his mind he hasn't sold you. So he !oes on" 6(e went to the mo ies.6 4e'll continue addin! new facts until you respond, thus lettin! him know that he's con inced you. -his should not be confused with the person who says it all ri!ht away. -he !uilty tells his story in dribs and drabs until he !ets a erbal confirmation to stop. 4e speaks to fill the !ap left by the silence.
C L U E 2 (

An Implied Answer Is ,o Answer

0ften when a person doesn't want to respond to a /uestion he will imply an answer. 2or example, *alph is speakin! on the telephone with a !irl he has ne er met before. 4e says +okin!ly, 6So, are you !or!eous36 She proceeds to tell him that she works out three times a week, takes an aerobics class e ery other day, and has dated se eral male models. -his is a non1answer. She is attemptin! to circum ent the /uestion alto!ether by i m p l y i n g that she is attracti e. -he followin! exchan!e is from a press conference between reporter 4elen -homas and .resident ,ixon's press secretary, *onald ?ie!ler, durin! the (ater!ate scandal. -40MAS" 4as the .resident asked for any resi!nations so far and ha e any been submitted or on his desk3 ?lE9#E*" I ha e repeatedly stated, 4elen, that there is no chan!e in the status of the (hite 4ouse staff. -40MAS" 'ut that was not the /uestion. 4as he asked for any resi!nations3 ?lE9#E*" I understand the /uestion, and I heard it the first time. #et me !o throu!h my answer. As I ha e said, there is no chan!e in the status of the (hite 4ouse staff. -here ha e been no resi!nations submitted. -he /uestion 64as the .resident asked for any resi!nations36 was not answered either directly or indirectly. ?ie!ler tried to i m p l y that he was !i in! an answer to the /uestion, but he ne er did answer it.
SUMMARY

> > > >

4e will use your words to make his point. 4e will keep addin! more information until he's sure that he has sold you on his story. 4e may stonewall, !i in! the impression that his mind is made up. -his is often an attempt to limit your challen!es to his position. (atch out for the !ood old 2reudian slip.

> >

4e depersonali$es his answer by offerin! his belief on the sub+ect instead of answerin! directly. 4e may imply an answer but ne er state it directly.

SECTION

HOW SOMETHING IS SAID

6(hat is the use of lyin! when the truth, well distributed, ser es the same purpose.6 7(.E. 20*S-E*

I know a hair stylist who would !o into the woman's purse for his tip after the haircut. ,o one e er !ot upset with him because he did it in such an innocent way that you +ust had to lau!h. It's how he did it that made all the difference. -wo salespeople can read all the manuals on sellin! and learn all the sales pitches there are, and one will still sell far more than the other. (hile the two speak the same words, these words con ey completely different messa!es. 4ow somethin! is said is often +ust as important as what is said. Emphasis on different parts of a sentence can co ey completely different meanin!s. ,otice the different ways the phrase 6Michelle was cau!ht stealin! from her boss6 can be interpreted dependin! upon where the emphasis is placed. Michelle = was = cau!ht = stealin! = from her = boss a b e d e f

a. 'y emphasi$in! the name M i c h e l l e $ you're con eyin! the si!nificance of who stole. b. Emphasis on " a s draws attention to the fact that it has already happened. c. Emphasis on c a u g h t indicates that the fact that she !ot cau!ht is unusual. d. Stress on s t e a l i n g lets us know that stealin! is out of character for her. e. If f ro m h e r is emphasi$ed, the fact that she stole from her own boss is unusual. f. Emphasis on # o s s shows that it was unusual for her to steal from a boss7any boss.
-his section explores the subtleties of communication. 5ou will see how the speaker's hidden thou!hts are always hin!ed to the expression of his words.
CLUE 21

Speedy 9on$ales
-here's a rule of thumb about the speed at which an indi idual answers. It is most !ermane when you ask about intan!ibles7attitudes or beliefs7instead of facts. A well known restaurant chain uses a timed test response in their hirin! process. -hey will ask the inter iewee if she has any pre+udices a!ainst other ethnic !roups or if she feels uncomfortable workin! with or ser in! certain people. -he lon!er it takes her to answer no, the lower her score. -his /uestion concerns a belief and re/uires internal processin!. Someone who holds no such pre+udice answers /uickly. A person who is pre+udiced takes lon!er to e aluate the /uestion and for1 mulate her answer. -he pre+udiced person tries to come up with the 6ri!ht6 answer, which takes more time than merely !i in! an honest answer.

Another element to consider is pacin!. 4ow fast does the rest of the sentence follow the initial one1word response3 In truthful statements a fast no or yes is followed /uickly by an explanation. If the person is bein! deceitful the rest of the sentence may come more slowly because she !ets that no or yes out /uickly but then needs time to think up an explanation.

C L U E

2 2

%ompensation
'e suspicious of someone whose reaction is all out of pro1portion to the /uestion or comment. -his person is attemptin! to accomplish a ariety of ob+ecti es. She wants to appear outra!ed by the accusation, but she is not. So she exa!!erates her displeasure, often endin! up !oin! a little o erboard. She tries to con ince you because the e idence doesn't. As Shakespeare said, 6-he lady doth protest too much.6 Also beware of diatribes where she repeats points that she has already made. Sometimes a person may claim to be indi!nant about a cause or belief because he is tryin! to con ince himself alon! with his accuser. -his reaction, interestin!ly enou!h, takes place at the unconscious le el. -he man who claims to be adamantly a!ainst prostitution may be co erin! up his true feelin!s, which are the exact opposite. ,ot wantin! to be1come consciously aware of what he really belie es, he reinforces his o ert attitude by expressin! it a!!ressi ely. 0f course, thou!h, the person could +ust be passionate about his cause, so this statement needs to be iewed within the context of the con ersation. -his person is also reluctant to use words that con ey attachment and ownership. 2or example, while lyin! about his car ha in! been stolen, he may refer to it as 6the car6 or 6that car6 and not 6my car6 or 6our car.6 (hen lyin! about a relationship or actions toward a person, he may use such phrases as 6that child,6 or 6the relationship,6 instead of 6my child6 or 6our relationship.6
C L U E 2 3

Emphasis Makes the Meanin!

-he pronouns =, " e % and us are underused or absent. -he liar doesn't want to own his words. (hen a person is makin! a truthful statement, he emphasi$es the pronoun as much as or more than the rest of the sentence. Instead of sayin!, 65es, I am,6 a person who is lyin! may respond with a simple yes. (ords of expression are not emphasi$ed. 2or example, 6(e had a greeeat timeC6 con eys ownership of his words. ,ow say /uickly, 6It went !reat67bland and noncommittal. (hen a person is speakin! truthfully, the initial one1or two1word a!reement or denial may be elon!ated for emphasis76,ooo,6 65eeesss,6 or 60f courrrse.6 -his type of emphasis is usually absent in deception. -his elon!ation occurs because the person is comfortable with his position and doesn't mind 6playin!6 with his answer. A friend of mine who is an actin! coach tells me that unpolished actors often speak all the words in their lines with e/ual emphasis, a dead !i eaway that they are no ices. -he simple practice of elon!atin! key words often makes for much more belie able performances. Additionally, there will probably be no hi!hs or lows, +ust in1betweens. ,ot only is the oice hi!her7like any other muscle, the ocal cords ti!hten under stress7but aried oice inflection may be missin!. (e !enerally use inflection for emphasis when we are makin! a point. A deceitful statement often is deli ered in a flat oice de oid of any real nuances.
C L U E 2

-he Mumbler
-he words themsel es may not be clear8 they seem forced. -his person is inclined to mumble and speak more softly than if he were passionate about his statement. 0ut of fear, howe er, it's possible that his oice may become hi!her and his rate of speech accelerated. 9rammar and syntax may be off as well, with poor sentence structure and misspoken words likely to occur. (hen Sarah professed her lo e for her fiance, she would tell him how much she cared for him. And he would reply in a barely audible oice, simply repeatin! her words back to her. -his didn't seem like a bi! deal until she started puttin! a few other thin!s to!ether. Instincti ely we know that when a person responds like Sarah's ex, somethin! is missin!. And that somethin! is often the truth.

C L U E

2 5

Duestions and Statements Shouldn't Sound Alike

Askin! a /uestion and makin! a statement ha e two distinct speakin! styles. (hen a person asks a /uestion 76(hat are you doin!367his head comes up at the end7on the i n g in d o i n g . -he eyes, too, will open wider at the last part of a /uestion. 4ow is this useful3 Suppose you !et an answer that is worded like a statement but styled like a /uestion. -his indicates that the person is unsure of his statement and is lookin! for confirmation from you. If you ask someone a /uestion and he says with all certainty, 6E5?,6 but his oice, head, and eyes lift at the end of their statement, then his con iction is not as stron! as he is leadin! you to belie e. SUMMARY

> > >

)eceitful responses to /uestions re!ardin! beliefs and attitudes take lon!er to think up. (atch out for reactions that are all out of proportion to the /uestion. -he person who is lyin! may lea e out pronouns and speak in a monotonous and inexpressi e oice. (ords may be !arbled, and syntax and !rammar may be off. In other words, his sentences will likely be muddled. Statements sound an awful lot like /uestions, indicatin! that he's seekin! reassurance.

>

S E C T I O N

"

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE

-hese clues concern how a liar thinks and what elements are usually missin! from a story that's fictitious.
C L U E 2 "

4e's 9ot %heatin! on 4is Mind

4ow people see the world is often a reflection of how they see themsel es. If they think that the world is +ust a cesspool of lies and deceit, then they themsel es may be full of lies and deceit. (atch out for those people who are always tellin! you +ust how corrupt the rest of the world is. As the sayin! !oes, 6It takes one to know one.6 More specifically, if someone out of the blue with no real e idence accuses you of lyin!, ask yourself, 6(hy is he so paranoid36 In psycholo!ical terms this is what is referred to as pro+ection. -hat's why the con artist is the first one to accuse another of cheatin!. If you're constantly bein! /uestioned about your moti es or acti ities, this should send off bells in your mind. 4ow often do we hear of a +ealous boy1friend who constantly accuses his !irlfriend of cheatin! on him only to ha e her find out later that he's !uilty of e ery1 thin! he's been accusin! her of doin!3

Also, if he is always askin! you if you belie e him, then beware. Just as the clinically paranoid person feels that e eryone can see ri!ht throu!h him, this person /uestions the inte!rity of his facade. If your response !i es no real indication of your thou!hts, someone who is deceitful may respond with somethin! like 65ou don't belie e me, do you36 4ere's a !ood rule of thumb" most people who tell the truth expect to be belie ed.
C L U E 2 #

-he Sin!le 9uy

Is the focus of the indi idual whose eracity you're tryin! to assess internal or external3 #et's say a sin!le man walks into a bar hopin! to meet a woman. If he considers himself to be attracti e and a !ood catch, then his

focus would be on what the women in the bar look like. If he considers himself to be unattracti e, then he would be more concerned with how he appears to them. In other words, his focus shifts dependin! upon his le el of confidence. (hen a person has confidence in his words, he's more interested in your understandin! him and less interested in how he appears to you. -his is a subtle clue, but we can see examples of this in e eryday life. (hen you're interested simply in makin! a point, you want to make sure the other person understands you. (hen you're deceitful or tryin! to co er up, your focus is internal7on how you sound and appear as you're relatin! the 6facts.6 5ou're conscious of your e ery word and mo ement. 5ou try to act in a certain way so you will be percei ed as you want to be. Subtle difference, but a bi! distinction.

C L U E

2 $

Another )imension in #yin!

4ere's a clear indication of a story that doesn't rin! true. As careful as he may be in relatin! the details of an e ent, the liar often lea es out one crucial element7the point of iew or the opinion of someone else. -his is because it adds an1other dimension or layer to his thinkin! that the liar is usually not cle er enou!h to come up with. (hile other people may be included in his story, another person's t h o u g h t s are not. Suppose you ask your !irlfriend where she was last ni!ht. She tells you she had to work late. 'ut you're not con inced that's true. So you press for more information and ask what she had for dinner. 4ere are two possible answers she mi!ht !i e"

F. 60h, I wasn't really hun!ry, so I +ust came home and watched -@ with my roommate. She made pasta but
I passed on it.6

G. 60h, I wasn't really hun!ry, so I +ust came home and watched -@. My roommate was so shocked that I
would actually skip a meal, especially her famous pasta dish.6 'oth answers contain pretty much the same information, but the second adds another layer of thou!ht7the room1 ate's point of iew. 0ur !ut instinct mi!ht tell us that this answer is more belie able and more likely to be true than the first one. N o t includin! another's point of iew in an answer doesn't immediately dis/ualify it. -he inclusion of another's point of iew, thou!h, will often indicate that you're bein! told the truth.

C L U E

2 '

E erythin! (ent .erfectlyC

0ne thin! is almost always missin! from a story that's not true7what went wron!. E ents that are made up rarely include any ne!ati e details. A person who is lyin! is concerned with !ettin! her story strai!ht, and her thou!hts are essentially one1dimensional. -his means only primary thou!hts7which are positi e. ,e!ation is not a primary emotion. In much the same way that if I said 6)on't think of an elephant,6 you couldn't do it. In order to process the information, you need to first think of an elephant. Ask a friend to tell you about her last acation. She'll co er all of the bases, both positi e and ne!ati e7maybe the food was !ood, maybe the fli!ht was delayed. -hen ask someone to make up a story about a acation that she ne er went on. 5ou'll notice that the elements are usually all positi e. -he lu!!a!e ne er !ets lost on a made1up oya!e.

0ne ca eat to this clue" if the story is used as an explanation as to why he was delayed or had to cancel plans, then ob iously you can expect ne!ati es. In that case this clue would not be helpful.

C L U E

3 (

Is -here Anythin! &ou (ould #ike to &now3

A !ood liar may be practiced at answerin! /uestions so that she sounds truthful. 'ut e en the best will !i e themsel es away by not askin! the ri!ht /uestions. -he reason for this is that the con ersation is not real for the liar. After all, she's not interested in learnin! anythin!. She only wants to con ince you that she is bein! truthful. 2or example, durin! their first intimate encounter, *andy asks his new !irlfriend if she's e er been tested for AI)S. She responds with 60h, yes, certainly,6 and continues on a bit about annual checkups, !i in! blood, etc. And then nothin!C If she was concerned about her health, as her answer implied, then she would ha e asked him the same /uestion. -he liar is often unaware that comin! across as truthful means both answerin! and askin! /uestions.

SUMMARY

> >

(e often see the world as a reflection of oursel es. If you're bein! accused of somethin!, check your accuser's eracity. #ook at whether his focus is internal or external. (hen a person is confident about what he's sayin!, he's more interested in your understandin! him and less interested in how he appears to you. -he point of iew of a third party is likely to be absent from a liar's story. In relatin! a story, a liar often lea es out the ne!ati e aspects. A liar willin!ly answers your /uestions but asks none of his own.

> > >

SECTI O N

GENERAL INDICATIONS OF DECEIT -he followin! is a mixed ba! of clues that indicate deception. -hey can be used with !reat reliability by themsel es or in con+unction with other clues.

CL UE

31

(hew, I'm Sure 9lad -hat's 0 er

(atch and listen carefully durin! a con ersation when the sub+ect is chan!ed. )oes he become happier3 )oes he seem more relaxed3 4e may e en offer a smile or ner ous lau!h. ,otice his posture. )oes it become more relaxed and less defensi e3 -he !i eaway here is how fast and dramatically his mood chan!es, indicatin! his discomfort with the pre ious sub+ect matter. -est him to see if he's /uick to chan!e the sub+ect. If he has been accused of somethin! abominable and is innocent, he will resent the accusations and will insist that the topic be explored further, either now or at some future date. *emember, the !uilty wants the sub+ect chan!ed8 the innocent always wants a further exchan!e of information.

CL UE

32

4ow )are 5ou Accuse Me3

If he is accused of somethin! harsh and is not indi!nant and offended that his honour has been /uestioned, this is a hi!hly reliable si!n that he's been cau!ht off !uard. It's been said that durin! the preliminary sta!es of the B. J. Simpson in esti!ation, detecti es thou!ht it curious that Simpson did not appear to be outra!ed by the accusation that he had murdered his ex1wife and her friend *on 9oldman. (hile he is bein! accused the liar will remain fairly expressionless, like a student bein! admonished by his principal. A look as if to say 6(hat3C6 will not be present. -he liar is more concerned with how he is !oin! to respond than he is with the accusation itself.
C L U E 3 3

,e er 'elie e Anyone (ho Says -his

4a e you e er met someone who insisted on startin! statements with phrases such as 6-o be perfectly honest,6 6-o be frank,6 or 6-o tell you the truth63 Someone who is tellin! the truth doesn't need to con ince you before he !ets his words out. Some people habitually use these phrases. Such expressions mean literally that e erythin! that came before them is a lie, e erythin! that will come after will be a lie, but for now he's decided to pause to tell you the truth. If these phrases are not part of a person's usual erbal repertoire, watch outC If someone's !oin! to tell you the truth, it's unlikely that he would start off by sayin! +ust that. If he feels the need to tell you that he's bein! honest and that you're about to recei e the whole truth, you can be pretty sure you're not !ettin! it.

Also included in this clue is the e er1per asi e and always annoyin! phrase 6(hy would I lie to you36 If you recei e this response to an accusation you' e made, be suspicious. If he's bein! accused of somethin!, he probably has an excellent reason to lie. I cannot tell a lie. 0r can I3 -he phrase 6I ne er lie6 should always be recei ed with caution. Anyone who needs to declare his irtuous nature does so because there is no other way for you to find out. Some people will say +ust about anythin! to sound belie able, e en lie strai!ht to your face. 0ne's honour should speak for itself. (hen a person tells you that he is the most honest person that you will e er meet, don't walk away7run.

C L U E

I' e 9ot My Answer )own .at

If his answer sounds pat and well rehearsed, there's a fair chance that he was expectin! the /uestion and took the time to !et his story strai!ht. 4a in! facts and details at your fin!ertips that should not be easily recalled is a !ood indication that you ha e prepared. 2or instance, suppose Samantha, when asked where she was on a particular day two months a!o, responds with, 6I went to work, left at fi e1thirty, had dinner at %aracella's until se en forty1fi e, and then went strai!ht home.6 #aw enforcement officers are aware of and use this clue with !reat results. Suppose a police detecti e /uestions a suspect. If the suspect is able to recall what he did and where he was on a !i en date two years earlier, somethin! is ery wron!. Most of us can't remember what we had for breakfast yesterday mornin!C *ehearsed answers also pro ide a person with a way of !i in! you information that you ne er asked for, information that they want known. .oliticians are famous for answerin! /uestions that were ne er asked. -hey ha e an a!enda that will come out re!ardless of the /uestions put to them. Sometimes they don't e en bother to rework the /uestion8 they +ust take off in their own direction. )urin! the (illiam &ennedy Smith rape trial, Smith's uncle -ed &ennedy was called as a defence witness to testify about to his knowled!e of the day. In +ust minutes the courtroom was treated to &ennedy's takin! us throu!h the history of his family, the death of his brothers, and the trials and tribulations of his life. -he courtroom was mesmeri$ed. -his was done to e oke the &ennedy aura and charm for the benefit of (illiam &ennedy Smith. (hether it had a direct impact or not is hard to say, but Smith was found not !uilty.

C L U E

3 5

%an 5ou *epeat the Duestion, .lease3

Instead of hemmin! and hawin!, he may resort to one of the followin! statements to buy himself some time, to re iew the best course of action, to prepare his answer, or to shift the topic entirely. -hey are all desi!ned to delay his answer. 2or example, you ask someone hold old he is and he responds with 64ow old do you think I am36 It's ob ious that your answer may influence his. 4ere are some of the more popular ones.

F. 6%ould you repeat the /uestion36 G. 6It depends on how you look at it.6 H. 6(hat's your point exactly36 I. 6(hy would you ask somethin! like that36 J. 6(here did you hear that36 A. 6(here is this comin! from36 K. 6%ould you be more specific36 L. 64ow dare you ask me somethin! like that36 M. 6I think we both know the answer to that.6 FB. 6(ell, it's not so simple as yes or no.6 FF. 6-hat's an excellent /uestion. It deser es some
thou!ht.6 FG. 6%an you keep a secret3 9reat. So can I.6 FH. 6I'm not sure this is the best place to discuss this.6

FI. -he person repeats your /uestion back to you, an attempt at soundin! incredulous. 2or example, 6)id I
sell you a puppy with a heart condition3 Is that what you're askin! me36
C L U E 3 "

Slei!ht of Mouth

5ou' e heard the old sayin! 6If it sounds too !ood to be true, then it probably is.6 )urin! the B. J. Simpson trial, )etecti e Mark 2uhrman said on the witness stand and under oath that he had ne er in the past ten years used a specific racial epithet. Almost no one7includin! the +ury7belie ed that this was true. 4e would ha e been deemed as much more credible had he admitted to usin! racial epithets on occasion and with re!ret. 'ut sayin! he ne er used them in any context seemed hi!hly implausible. And indeed, the e idence later pro ed him to be a liar, forcin! him to assert his 2ifth Amendment pri ile!e to a oid self1incrimination. If somethin! sounds implausible, in esti!ate further7 no matter how con incin! the person is.

C L U E

3 #

-ricky )icky

-here is also such a thin! as a lie throu!h implication instead of expression. )urin! the FMAB presidential campai!n, *ichard ,ixon sou!ht to remind Americans that his opponent John 2. &ennedy was %atholic, not .rotestant. (e had ne er had a %atholic president before, and ,ixon thou!ht the fact that &ennedy was %atholic mi!ht make the American people uneasy. 'latantly remindin! the public of his opponent's reli!ion would make him look bad. So, in keepin! with his reputation and accordin! to the wisdom of politics, ,ixon said the followin!" 6I don't want anyone not to ote for John &ennedy because he is a %atholic.6 -he intent was ob iously different from the messa!e, but he !ot his point across nicely. Althou!h as history later pro ed, his effort was futile. (hene er someone makes a point of tellin! you what they're n o t doin!, you can be sure it's exactly what they a r e doin!. -he preamble is what they really mean. After a blind date, Jim was informed by the woman he went out with that she's ery busy for the next few weeks but that she doesn't want him to think she's blowin! him off. If that was not her intention, then it wouldn't ha e occurred to her to say that. (hen you hear, 6,ot to hurt your feelin!s, but. . .6 you can be sure that this person doesn't mind hurtin! your feelin!s. Another cle er way of lyin! throu!h implyin! comes in the form of a denial. It works like this. #et's say that an a!ent is attemptin! to con ince a castin! director to cast his client, John Jones, instead of another actor, Sam Smith. -he a!ent casually mentions to the castin! director that Sam was at the 'etty 2ord %linic last month, but heard it was only to see a friend. ,ow the castin! director wonders if Sam has an alcohol or dru! problem. 4ad the a!ent simply said that Sam was there to !et treatment, the castin! director would ha e been suspicious of his intentions in mentionin! it. 'y statin! it in the form of a denial, he implants the su!!estion without suspicion.

#et's look at another example. 5ou hear, 64e's ha in! marital problems, but it has nothin! to do with his wife's new +ob.6 (hat's the first thin! you ask3 6(hat does his wife do36 Suddenly you're in the exact con ersation that is 6supposed6 to ha e no bearin! on the facts. %le er, isn't it3 )on't be misled.

C L U E

3 $

)on't 'e *idiculous

'eware of the person who uses humour and sarcasm to defuse your concerns. 2or instance, you ask one of your salespeople if she met with the competition and she replies, 6Sure did. (e meet e ery day in a secret

warehouse. 5ou can !et in only if you know the special knock. It's there where we discuss the e entual downfall of your business empire.6 -his makes you feel foolish about in/uirin! further. And she knows it. (hen you ask a serious /uestion, you should expect a direct response.

C L U E

3 '

(e're 0ut of Stock

4a e you e er had the salesman tell you that the item you were lookin! for is inferior to another one3 And as it turns out, the one that you want happens to be out of stock. %learly, he would ha e been much more belie able if he had said he did ha e what you wanted but preferred to show you somethin! e en better. So before you accept someone at his word that he has somethin! better to offer, first see whether he has what you ori!inally asked for. If he doesn't, there's a better than e en chance that you shouldn't belie e him.

C L U E

-he ,umber ?one

-here's an old sayin! that !oes, 6If you always tell the truth, then you'll ne er ha e to remember anythin!.6 (hen a liar speaks, in an attempt to appear fluid, he will often fall into the number $one. -his is when all of the numbers he mentions are the same or multiples of one another. -his happens because he is thinkin! fast and is tryin! to remember what he's sayin!. A typical exchan!e durin! a +ob inter iew mi!ht !o as follows"

Ms. SMI-4" S0, Mark, how many years' experience do you ha e in restaurant mana!ement3 MA*&" At the three places I' e worked, I' e had about six years experience in total. Ms. SMI-4" -ell me a little bit about your experience at these places. MA*&" (ell, I would put in sixty1hour weeks. And I was in char!e of a crew of about twel e . . . (atch out when facts, fi!ures, and information ha e unusual similarities.

CL UE

,er ous ,ellie

(hile we can control some !estures, the followin! are in oluntary responses that we ha e little or no control o er" 'he fight(or(flight syndrome: A person's face may become flushed or, with extreme fear, can turn white. #ook for si!ns of rapid breathin! and increased perspiration. Additionally, take note if he is tryin! to control his breathin! to calm himself. -his will appear as deep, audible inhalin! and exhalin!.

'rem#ling or shaking in oice and #ody: 4is hands may tremble. If he is hidin! his hands, it mi!ht be an

attempt to hide uncontrollable shakin!. 4is oice may crack and seem inconsistent. 'his is hard to s"allo": Swallowin! becomes difficult, so look for a hard swallow. -ele ision or mo ie actors who wish to express fear or sadness often use this beha iour7 hence the expression 6all choked up.6 Also indicati e is a clearin! of the throat. )ue to anxiety, mucus forms in the throat. A public speaker who is ner ous often clears his throat before speakin!.

A choir #oy$ he's not) @ocal chords, like all muscles, ti!hten when a person is stressed. -his will produce a hi!her sound, octa e, and=or pitch. I'm sorry$ you said "hat* (hen we're under stress, our ability to focus on somethin! is often diminished. 4a e you e er met someone at a party and for!otten his name ri!ht after you're introduced3 #ook for si!ns of distraction and an inability to pay attention to what's !oin! on.

'he "histler: (histlin! seems to be a uni ersal action to relax oneself when one is fri!htened or anxious, and is an unconscious attempt to build up coura!e or confidence. Most people ha e little tells( 7!estures used when they are ner ous. -hey may rub an ear for reassurance or plaster on a fake smile to boost their confidence.

C L U E

0h So %le er
-he ancient sport of Judo has a fundamental philosophy" do not confront force with force8 instead use your opponent's stren!th and turn it a!ainst him. -he pur eyors of this clue ne er !et defensi e or ar!ue, they simply use your own words to support their claim. #et's say that a !uard is standin! watch o er a restricted area. It's his +ob to check I) s of those who enter. 6I'm not sure you ha e, authori$ation,6 he says to a man attemptin! access. 6I'm not surprised,6 answered the man, 6only a few people are aware of my clearance le el. My work here is not supposed to be known by e eryone.6 )o you see how /uickly the man erbally disarmed the !uard3 4ad he started to ar!ue and insist that he had clearance and that the !uard was a fool for not knowin!, he would ha e met with a wall of resistance. *ather, he a!rees with the !uard, and explains that the reason why the !uard thou!ht he didn't ha e authori$ation is the ery reason why he d o e s ha e authori$ation. A certain ba!el company o ercame an ob ious marketin! problem by usin! this same practice. -he company sells fro$en ba!els, yet it wanted to pro+ect an ima!e of freshness, a characteristic that to most of us is the opposite of fro$en. -heir solution3 -he slo!an 6-hey taste best because they're fro$en.6 (atch out when someone tries to use an ob ious fact to support a /uestionable assertion.

C L U E

-he Moral Assumption

-his clue is so cle er and per asi e that once you hear about it, you'll probably reali$e that it has already been used on you many times. -he !enesis of this clue comes courtesy of human nature. (e all ha e an

inherent need for order, for continuity and consistency. -he pur eyor of deceit demonstrates characteristics with a specific moral bent so that other of his actions will be seen in that li!ht. An example will clarify. #et's say that Joe, the financial officer of a lar!e corporation, thinks that you may be on to his embe$$lement scheme. 4e knows that you ha e no real proof, but he wants to throw you off the track. (hat mi!ht he do3 In your presence, he may openly chastise another employee for 6borrowin!6 some office supplies for her personal use at home. 5our impression is that Joe is a moral person who ob+ects to somethin! as minor as stealin! office supplies. %ertainly he cannot be responsible for a lar!e1scale embe$$lement scheme. A wife who is concerned that her husband suspects her of ha in! a brief affair ;which she did indeed ha e< mi!ht say somethin! like this" 64oney, do you remember 4ar ey, Sally's husband3 (ell, Jill told me that they're ha in! problems because 4ar ey kissed a co1worker at the %hristmas party. If you ask me, she should lea e that no1!ood piece of !arba!e. (ho knows what else he's done3 E en if that was it, what is !oin! throu!h his mind3 (hat an idiotC6

-his is !oin! to put serious doubts in the mind of this woman's husband that she would e er be unfaithful to him.
C L U E

0h, by the (ay

'eware if she casually tells you somethin! that should deser e more attention. 2or example, she says, 60h, by the way, I' e !ot to !o out of town next weekend on business.6 If she doesn't usually tra el for work on the weekends, then you would expect her to make a point of how unusual the trip is. 4er downplayin! the trip makes it suspicious. (hen somethin! out of the ordinary happens and the person doesn't draw attention to it, it means that she is tryin! to draw attention away from it. And for this there is usually a reason. Another tactic is runnin! off a lon! list of items in the hope that one will remain unnoticed. Ma!icians, who are experts at sli!ht1of1hand, know that their effecti eness lies in their ability to draw your attention where they want it to !o. (hen your attention is bein! directed one way, check to see what lies the other way.

C L U E

#ots of #ies
If you catch a person in one lie, it makes !ood sense to /uestion e erythin! else that person has said. #et's say you're buyin! a car and the salesman says that you must act /uickly because two other people ha e looked at this car and it's the last one in stock. Say somethin! like 6I hear that this model retains its alue better than most others, isn't that true36 0r 6I heard that they're !oin! to raise the prices on next year's model substantially.6 -hese are statements an honest salesperson will /uestion if he or she hasn't heard any such thin!. 4owe er, if your salesperson is /uick to a!ree with you, it means that he would say almost anythin! to make the sale7which also means that he probably doesn't ha e anyone else interested in the car, e en thou!h he's claimed otherwise. If you can, try to find out if this person has a reputation for bein! deceitful. 4onesty is a function of character, and character is not somethin! that is easily chan!ed.

C L U E

"

(ild, (ild, (ild

65ou're not !oin! to belie e what happened to meC6 4ow many times ha e we heard that phrase3 %ommon sense dictates that if we want someone to belie e us, we should make our story or explanation as belie able as possible. -his is usually true, but not always. Sometimes the more outra!eous a story is, the more belie able it becomes. (hy3 'ecause we think to oursel es, If this person "anted to lie to me$ he'd pro#a#ly ha e come up "ith something a little less far(fetched. So in this cle er deception the liar embellishes his story and simply offers the phrase 6)on't you think that if I was !oin! to lie to you, I'd come up somethin! a little more belie able3 5ou +ust can't make this stuff up.6 (hen in fact that's exactly what he's done.

SUMMARY

> > > > > > > > > >

(hen the sub+ect is chan!ed, he's in a better, more relaxed mood. 4e does not become indi!nant when falsely accused. 4e uses such phrases as 6-o tell you the truth,6 6-o be perfectly honest,6 and 6(hy would I lie to you36 4e has an answer to your /uestion down pat. 4e stalls by askin! you to repeat the /uestion or by answerin! your /uestion with a /uestion. (hat he's sayin! sounds implausible. 4e offers a preamble to his statement startin! with 6I don't want you to think that ...6 0ften that's exactly what he wants you to think. She uses humour or sarcasm to defuse your concerns. 4e offers you a 6better6 alternati e to your re/uest when he is unable to !i e you what you ori!inally asked for. All of his facts relatin! to numbers are the same or multiples of one another.

> > > > >

-here is e idence of in oluntary responses that are anxiety based. 4e uses an ob ious fact to support a dubious action. She casually tells you somethin! that deser es more attention. 4e exclaims his displeasure at the actions of another who has done somethin! similar so that you will not suspect him. If he lies about one thin!, e erythin! he says is /uestionable. 4is story is so wild that you almost don't belie e it. 'ut you do, because if he wanted to lie, you think that he would ha e come up with somethin! more plausible.

P A R T

2
BECOMING A HUMAN LIE DETECTOR
6)eceit, feedin! on i!norance, wea es carelessly around the truth, twistin! its prey down a path to destined re!ret.6 7 )A@ I ) J. #I E ' E * M A ,

-his part contains a sophisticated and comprehensi e system of /uestionin! that will !et the truth out of any person. (e often !o into erbal combat unprepared to do battle. 'ecause we're unable to think clearly and effecti ely communicate our thou!hts, we think of what we should ha e said two days later. -he clues to deception can be used with !reat reliability in e eryday situations and con ersations. 4owe er, if you must know the truth in a !i en situation, this part pro ides you with a se/uence of /uestions that irtually !uarantees that you will know ;a< if you're bein! lied to and ;b< what the truth is if it's not ob ious from the lie. -his procedure was de eloped as a result of my research in human beha iour. (hen used in order, all three phases offer you the !reatest opportunity to !et at the truth.

OUTLINE

.hase 0ne. 'hree Attack(Se+uence ,rimers Sometimes this techni/ue in and of itself will re eal a per1son's !uilt, but if it doesn't, you ha en't lost any le era!e and can proceed to phase two. -he primers are used to test a person's ulnerability and to !au!e his or her le el of concern o er a particular sub+ect. .hase -wo. -le en Attack Se+uences -his phase consists of one direct se/uence and ten other possible se/uences. :se whiche er one best fits the situation. -hese carefully scripted se/uences put you in the best possible position to !et at the truth. 5ou will see that the phrasin! of your re/uest7what precedes the re/uest and what follows it7is essential. %ontext is e erythin!C

.hase -hree. -le en Sil er .ullets 2ire these off if you're still not satisfied. .erhaps the person hasn't yet confessed but you know he isn't bein! truthful. If you feel you' e been lied to, but a full confession isn't forthcomin!, this phase takes you throu!h an additional process to !et to the truth. -hou!h these bullets can be fired in any order you want, some will rule out others. So choose ahead of time which are most appropriate for the situation. HOW TO PROCEED #ay the !roundwork by startin! with phase one. -hen choose one of the ele en attack se/uences from phase two. If you ha en't !otten a full confession after you try an attack se/uence, fire your sil er bullets one by one. -he results will be truly astonishin!. If terms like arsenal$ "eapons$ and #ullets seem warlike, it's understandable. 'ut they're thorou!hly appropriate considerin! the situation. A lie can be ery in+urious. .rotectin! yourself is the ob+ecti e. 5ou need to see the process of detectin! deceit for what it really is7a erbal battle. And from now on, when you enter this battle, you will be ery well armed.

PHASE

THREE ATTACK-SEQUENCE PRIMERS

Most of us are familiar with the *orschach test, de eloped in FMGF by 4ermann *orschach. -he test consists of ten bilaterally symmetrical inkblots, each on an indi idual card. -hese abstract shapes, which ha e no particular meanin! or form, are shown one at a time to the sub+ect. .ut simply, the theory behind the test is

that a person's interpretation of the shapes will re eal his or her unconscious or sublimated thou!hts. 2or the se/uence primers, we use the same psycholo!ical principles but employ them in a whole new way" you find out what's on a person's mind by !i in! him a er#al abstract test. A person's true intentions will surface in his comments and=or !estures.
PRIMER 1

)on't Accuse7Allude ;nu acu$a fa alu$ii<

Askin! a person outri!ht, 64a e you been cheatin! on me3 6 will put him on the defensi e. -he ob+ecti e here is to ask a /uestion that does not accuse the person of anythin! but alludes to the person's possible beha iour. If he doesn't reali$e you're implyin! anythin!, then he's probably not !uilty. 'ut if he !ets defensi e, then he kno"s what you're !ettin! at. -he only way he could know is if he is !uilty of the accusation. -he point is, an innocent person shouldn't ha e a clue about what you're alludin! to. 5ou don't want the /uestion to be accusatory or too broad. 2or example, if you suspect someone of murder, you wouldn't say, 6&ill anyone last weekend36 And askin!, 64ow was your day36 is clearly too broad. 5ou want the /uestion to be framed in such a way that he will !et suspicious of your askin! only if he is !uilty. 4e won't react unusually if he isn't, but as if it were an out1of 1 the1ordinary /uestion. If you asked your nei!hbour whether space aliens had landed on her front lawn, you wouldn't expect her to respond seriously at all. She may answer +okin!ly or +ust lau!h it off entirely. And you certainly wouldn't expect, 6(hy do you ask3 )id someone say somethin! to you36 -his response is curious for a /uestion that should be taken as absurd. (hen you ask the /uestion, be matter1of1fact. )on't s/uare off. 5ou don't want him defensi e unless he has a reason to be. 'eware of all the clues to deceit, particularly the one about a !uilty person continuin! to add more in1formation as he thinks of it and without your promptin!. ,ow, whate er is on the person's mind will re eal itself in the con ersation that ensues. If he's innocent of what you suspect him of, then he'll answer casually and lea e it at that. 4owe er, if he's !uilty he will want to know what you're thinkin! because he's not sure why you're askin! the /uestion. So he'll /uestion you about your /uestion.

-/amples of ,hrasing ,erimeters

-he key is to phrase a /uestion that sounds perfectly innocent to an innocent person, but like an accusation to the !uilty. S:S.I%I0," 50: think that your employee was fired from his last +ob because he stole from his pre ious employer. D:ES-I0," 6)0 you still keep in contact with your old boss36 S:S.I%I0," 50: feel that your boyfriend or !irlfriend was unfaithful the ni!ht before. D:ES-I0," 6Anythin! interestin! happen last ni!ht36 S:S.I%I0," 50: think a co1worker told your secretary that you ha e a crush on her. D:ES-I0," 64eard any !ood !ossip recently36

Any answers such as 6(hy do you ask36 or 6(here did you hear that36 indicate concern on the person's part. 4e should not be seekin! information from you if he does not think that your /uestion is leadin!. 4e should also not be interested in why you're askin! the /uestion unless he thinks that you may know what he doesn't want you to.
P R I M E R 2

Similar Scenario
-his primer works by introducin! a scenario similar to what you suspect is !oin! on. -here are two ways to do this7 specific and !eneral. -his primer deals with specifics, while .rimer H takes the !eneral approach. -his works well be1cause you're able to brin! up the topic without bein! accusatory. S:S.I%I0," 50: suspect one of your salespeople has lied to a customer in order to make the sale. D:ES-I0," 6Jim, I'm wonderin! if you could help me with somethin!. It's come to my attention that someone in the sales department has been misrepresentin! our products to customers. 4ow do you think we can clear this up36 If he's innocent of the char!es he's likely to offer his ad1 ice and be pleased that you sou!ht out his opinion. If he's !uilty he'll seem uncomfortable and will assure you that he would n e e r do anythin! like that. Either way, this opens the door to probe further. S:S.I%I0," A hospital administrator suspects that a doctor was drinkin! while on duty. D:ES-I0," 6)r. Marcus, I'd like to !et your ad ice on some1thin!. A collea!ue of mine at another hospital has a problem with one of her doctors. She feels he may be drinkin! while on call. )o you ha e any su!!estions on how she can approach the doctor about this problem36

A!ain, if he's !uilty he'll seem ery uncomfortable. If he's not drinkin! on duty, then he will be pleased that you sou!ht his ad ice and offer it.

P R

E R

It's Ama$in!, Isn't It3

(ith this primer, you still brin! up the sub+ect, but in a !eneral way. %asually broachin! the sub+ect in this manner pro ides !reat insi!ht into the person's innocence or !uilt. S:S.I%I0," 5ou think a student has cheated on her exam. D:ES-I0," 6Isn't it ama$in! how someone can cheat on a test and not reali$e that I was standin! behind her the entire time36 S:S.I%I0," 50: suspect a co1worker of bad1mouthin! you to your boss. D:ES-I0," 6It's ama$in! all the backstabbin! that !oes on around here, isn't it3 And these people doin! it think that it won't !et back to the person in ol ed.6 S:S.I%I0," 50: think that your !irlfriend may be two1timin! you. D:ES-I0," 6It's ama$in! how someone can be unfaithful and expect not to !et cau!ht.6 A!ain, any answers that prompt a response such as 6(hy do you ask36 0r 6(here did you hear that36 show that your /uestion concerns him. Sometimes there's no need to confront someone who we feel has lied. (e +ust want to know for oursel es. In in1stances like these, it's not necessary to finish the attack se/uence. Just use the primers to satisfy your own curiosity, or use the techni/ues in .art H, which allow you to discreetly !ather information.

Note: -wo other responses are possible for primers G and H. -he per1son may be!in to talk !enerically about the sub+ect or chan!e it completely. A chan!e in sub+ect is hi!hly indicati e of !uilt. 4owe er, if he finds your /uestion interestin! and he's innocent, he mi!ht be!in a con ersation about it. -his is a stron! indication of his innocence, because he's unafraid to discuss the sub+ect and hasn't probed why you ha e e en brou!ht it up.
P H A S E 2

ELEVEN ATTACK SEQUENCES

It's L"BB A.M. on a Sunday mornin!. 5ou're restin! in bed when the doorbell rin!s. Mumblin! incoherently, you !et up, put on your robe, and sta!!er to the door. :pon openin! it you're !reeted by a smilin!, ener!etic youn! women wa in! a !lossy pamphlet in your face and askin! for thirty seconds of your time. -en minutes later you close the door, stumble back to bed, and ask yourself, 6(hy did I !i e that woman ten dollars to sa e the red1spotted fro! from extinction3 I don't e en like fro!s.6 0b iously there was somethin! in ol ed that made you exchan!e somethin! you like17your money7for somethin! you don't particularly care about 7fro!s. 5ou can see from this transaction that sometimes it's the context of a re/uest, not the re/uest itself, that determines a person's willin!ness to cooperate or resist.

A T T A C K

S E ! U E N C E

)irect Duestionin!
Sometimes the direct approach is best. -he only drawback to askin! a /uestion outri!ht is that you then can't use any of the other se/uences unless you let a considerable amount of time pass. (hen you talk with the person you want to !et information from, to maximi$e the amount you learn, follow these six !uidelines.
S t a g e %. A s k y o u r + u e s t i o n d i re c t l y.

F. 9i e no ad ance warnin! of the sub+ect you're about to brin! up or of any feelin!s of mistrust you may ha e. :nsolicited /uestions are the tou!hest for him to answer, so if he brin!s up the sub+ect, make sure that you ask your /uestion a f t e r any statements that he may make. 4is deceit will be harder to detect if"

> 4e has responded to the same statement before. (hen you ask your /uestion, phrase it in a new way. )on't
keep askin! the same /uestion o er and o er a!ain. 4e !ets entrenched in his position and !ood at con incin! you. 'y aryin! how you ask your /uestion, you ha e more opportunities to detect deceit.

> 4e knows that he will be asked the /uestion. 9i e no warnin! of what's on your mind. > 4e knows what he's !oin! to say, like an actor readin! his lines. 5ou know they are not his words8 he's +ust
followin! a script. 9i e him some time and you'll be cryin! and lau!hin! alon! with him. ,o matter how trained he is, once he !ets beyond the script, he's unrehearsed and unprepared, and that's ri!ht where you want him.

> 4e thinks he's +ustified in lyin!. -his remo es all !uilt1oriented clues. (hen people belie e
are sayin!7e en if they don't belie e it7they say it with con iction.

in

what they

> 4e feels there's little or nothin! at stake, so he probably won't appear ner ous, which means you can't use
those clues as an indicator. Most of the other clues will still be a ailable for you to obser e.

> 4e has a se ere mental disorder. Such a person does not ha e a concept of ri!ht and wron!.

G. ,e er re eal what you know first. Ask /uestions to !ather information to see if it's consistent with what you already know. )urin! (orld (ar II, En!land had cracked Eni!ma, the secret code used by the 9ermans. En!land learned of an impendin! attack by the 9ermans on the town of %o entry. 4owe er, if %hurchill e acuated the people, the 9ermans would know that En!land had broken the code and would chan!e it. -his left %hurchill with an ob ious conundrum. (ei!hin! the li es of those who li ed in

%o entry a!ainst the enormous possible future !ain of bein! pri y to all 9ermany's war plans, %hurchill decided not to tell the townspeople, and hundreds died. (ith any luck you'll ne er be in such a predicament, but you can see that sometimes it's better not to re eal your position7e en if it means sufferin! !reat short1 term losses.

-he !reater ob+ecti e must be kept in mind. -his makes it possible for him to slip up and re eal information you know to be contradictory to the truth. If he knows what you know, then he can tailor his story to be consistent with the information that you already know.

H. -he way you present yourself can !reatly influence the attitude of the other person. Simple thin!s such as unbuttonin! your coat or uncrossin! your arms can make the other person feel less defensi e. (hen you ha e a rapport with someone, he is much more likely to feel comfortable and open up. *apport creates trust, allowin! you to build a psycholo!ical brid!e to the person. -he con ersation is likely to be more positi e and you will be much more persuasi e. -hree powerful tips for establishin! and buildin! rapport are"

> Matching posture and mo ements: If he has one hand in his pocket, you put your hand in yours. If he
makes a !esture with his hand, after a moment, you casually make the same !esture.

> Matching speech: -ry to match his rate of speech. If he's speakin! in a slow, relaxed tone, you do the
same. If he's speakin! /uickly, then you speak /uickly.

> Matching key "ords: If she is prone to usin! certain words or phrases, employ them when you speak. 2or
instance, if she says, 6-he offer is desi!ned for incredible !ain for both parties,6 later in the con ersation you mi!ht say somethin! like, 6I like that the offer is desi!ned to offer incredible !ain . . .6 Make sure that you don't seem to be mimickin! her. 0b ious copyin! of another's mo ements is unproducti e. A simple reflection of aspects of the per son's beha iour or speech is enou!h. -his can be a ery powerful skill for you, once you become !ood at it.

#ater in the /uestionin! you'll mo e to sta!e four. -his will make your tar!et person ner ous, enablin! you to shift strate!ies. 'ut initially you don't want to make him ner ous. 5ou want to create an en ironment in which the only reason he has to be ner ous is if he's done somethin! wron!. -his way any anxiety1based responses or actions are the product of his deceit, not his en ironment.

I. #ie detectors use what is called a baseline, which corresponds to the person's normal le el of anxiety. It's a !ood idea, if possible, to do somethin! similar. Ask a /uestion that you know will produce a response similar to how you expect him to react. 5ou need to know whether certain pat terns of beha ior are part of this person's usual repertoire.
5ou want to establish how he responds to a /uestion that can be answered easily and use that as a benchmark if you don't know the person well. In other words, if he wa es his arms around no matter what he's talkin! about, you want to know this.

J. Althou!h your posture should be relaxed and non1threatenin!, see if you can s/uare off so that you're facin! each other. -his allows you to use se eral of the detection clues ha in! to do with body lan!ua!e ;see part F, section F and G<. A. ,e er, e er interrupt. 5ou can't learn anythin! new while you're talkin!. Also ask open1ended /uestions. -his !i es you the opportunity to hear lon!er answers. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage.
Stage 0. Silence. 2irst, don't respond at all. -his will usually make him continue talkin!. -he !uilty abhor silence. It makes them uncomfortable. It also !i es you a chance to obser e other clues such as chan!es of sub+ect, uncomfortable lau!hter, ner ousness, etc. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage.

Stage 1. 2eally* At the end of his answer respond with 6*eally36 -his one simple word !i es you two shots at assessin! the same answer. 4e doesn't know how you feel about his answer yet, so it doesn't tip your hand. 'ut it forces him to repeat his response. 4ere, you'll look for clues such as if his oice !oes up at the end of the sentence ;see clue GJ<, indicatin! he may be unconsciously lookin! for confirmation. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage. Stage 3. Sudden death. 2ollow with 6Is there anythin! you want to !et off your chest36 -his puts him on the defensi e. ,ow you can watch for those clues that come out when the person is more ner ous than before you challen!ed his credibility. -his /uestion really confuses people because the answer is !oin! to be no, re!ardless. 'ut now that you' e chan!ed the tone of the con ersation, he's thrown for a loop. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three.
A T T A C K S E ! U E N C E 2

#ead and %onfine

Stage %. Ask a leading +uestion. Ask a /uestion that restricts his answer to somethin! he feels is positi e, a /uestion he doesn't mind answerin! truthfully. -his techni/ue is called lead and confine. 2or example, if you want to know if your boyfriend went out last ni!ht, an outri!ht /uestion mi!ht make him lie if he feels you will be upset. Instead, your /uestion is 65ou were back by two A.M. last ni!ht, weren't you36 If he didn't !o out, he would be free to tell you. 'ut if he did, he feels comfortable a!reein! with you because you make it sound okay. (hether he was or wasn't back by two A.M. isn't the point. 5ou' e !ot the answer to your real /uestion. #et's take another example. If you want know if your fiancN e er cheated on you, the /uestion you would ask is 65ou were only with other people #efore we !ot en!a!ed, ri!ht36 A!ain, she feels that she's comfortin! you by answerin! the way you' e indicated is okay. E en thou!h she answers yes, she still could ha e cheated on you after you !ot en!a!ed as well. So if you want to know that, too, make that the focus of your next attack. After some time has passed, you mi!ht ask, 6I know that you' e had to !et some thin!s out of your system, but when we !et married, I want to know that I can trust you. 5ou will !i e up these ways once we're married, won't you36

If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage. Stage 0. 2e erse course: &ou' e got #e kidding) ,ow you throw her completely off balance, puttin! her in a situation where she won't know how she should answer. 4ere you sound disappointed that she answered that way. -his forces her to rethink her answer and become comfortable tellin! you the truth. 5ou would say somethin! like 6I was hopin! you did, so you would ha e !otten it out of your system. .lease tell me that you' e done it, so I know that it's o er with.6 If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage. Stage 1. 'his is not going to "ork. -his is where you let her know that e erythin! you' e e er thou!ht about her may be wron!. -he only way she can show you that she is the person you thou!ht she was is to confess. 6I thou!ht you were somebody who had a sense of ad enture. Someone who knows how to li e a little.6 If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three.

A T T A C K

S E ! U E N C E

-ime #ine )istortion

-his se/uence combines se eral psycholo!ical principles and produces truly remarkable results. -o explain, we'll use the followin! example. #et's say that your wife calls you up at work and informs you that your fifteen1year1old son took the family car for a +oy ride and was +ust brou!ht back by the police. 5ou mi!ht be understandably upset. 4owe er, let's take the same set of circumstances, except for one thin!. In a different con ersation, your wife casually mentions that this mischie ous deed was done by your now twenty1fi e1year1old son ten years earlier. 5our reaction is likely to be considerably more mild. (hy3 'ecause time has passed. #et's look at the flip side of this example. If a couple's son borrowed their car without permission ten years earlier, he would probably feel that he could mention it with full impunity7it mi!ht e en be amusin! at this point7and he certainly doesn't ha e to worry about bein! punished. It's doubtful, thou!h, that he would feel so comfortable tellin! his parents if he had taken the car the ni!ht before. -ime is a powerful psycholo!ical tool that can shift our perspecti e dramatically. -he two factors affectin! time are when the e ent occurred and when you became aware of it. If either or both of these factors are mo ed into the past, the e ent is no lon!er timely. -his !reatly reduces its percei ed si!nificance.

Scenario A In this example, you suspect your spouse of ha in! an affair. Stage %. Setting the scene. #et the con ersation turn casually to the topic of cheatin!. -hen ery nonchalantly +oke about the affair that you suspect him of ha in! had. -his will prompt him to ask what you're talkin! about. Stage 0. It's no #ig deal. #ookin! fairly shocked that he seems concerned, you reply with 60h, I' e always known about that. )o you want to know how I found out36 -his /uestion completely shifts the wei!ht of the con ersation. 4e feels that he's totally in the clear and will now seek to satisfy his curiosity. 4e's thinkin! that the relationship has been fine for all this time, e en thou!h you 6knew6 of his affair for some time. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage.

Stage 1.% appreciate "hat you' e done. If he still denies it, tell him, 6I thou!ht that you knew I knew but were protectin! my feelin!s, knowin! that I'd understand it was +ust an accident and that I really wouldn't want to talk about it.6 ,ow it's e en more temptin! to confess because by doin! so, he actually thinks that he's a !ood !uy. And that all this time he was doin! somethin! nice and didn't e en know it. Scenario . #et's take an example in which you suspect se eral employees in your store of stealin! money. Stage I. Setting the scene. (ith one of the employees let the con ersation turn casually to stealin! and say, 60h, I knew ri!ht from the start what was !oin! on.6 Stage 0. It's no #ig deal. 65ou had to know I knew. 4ow else do you think you could ha e !otten away with it for so lon!3 I hope you don't think I'm a complete idiot.6 ;-hat's a !reat phrase because he doesn't want to risk offendin! you on top of e erythin! else.<

Stage 1. I appreciate "hat you' e done. 6I know that you were +ust !oin! alon! with it because you were scared of what the others would do. It's really okay. I know you're not that kind of person.6 )o you see how nicely this works3 'y confessin! he feels that he's bein! a !ood person, the kind of person his boss thinks he is. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three.

ATTACK S E ! U E N C E

)irect Assumption=Shot in the )ark

Stage %. Set the scene. -his se/uence is used when you ha e a !ut feelin! that somethin! isn't ri!ht, but you're not /uite sure what it is and you don't ha e any e idence to support your thinkin!. In this se/uence he is forced to talk about whate er he feels are his misdeeds. 5ou will be ama$ed at what comes out of his mouth. *emember to hold your !round and not settle until you hear a confession of alue. (e' e all done thin!s we're not proud of. -his /uestionin! se/uence really opens the mental flood!ates. 5ou ha e the le era!e because you're in control of the con ersation7you're holdin! all the cards. It's his +ob to fi!ure out what he's done wron! and how to make it all ri!ht. 2irst set the scene" be somewhat curt and standoffish, as if somethin! hea y1duty is botherin! you. -his will cause his mind to race to find ways to explain the 6error of his ways.6 Stage 0. I4m hurt. Say, 6I' e +ust found somethin! out and I'm really hurt Oshocked=surprisedP. I know you're !oin! to lie to me and try to deny it, but I +ust wanted you to know that I know.6 -his is different from sayin!, 6)on't lie to me.6 'y sayin! 6I know you're !oin! to lie,6 you establish that ;a< he's !uilty of somethin! and ;b< you know what it is. ,ow it's merely a /uestion of whether or not he comes clean. ,otice that you're not askin! for anythin!. Sayin! 6.lease don't lie to me6 establishes that you don't know what the truth is, puttin! you in a weaker position. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage. Stage 1. 5olding your ground. Say, 6I think we both know what I'm talkin! about. (e need to clear the air, and we can start by your talkin!.6 If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage. Stage 3. 6ontinue to hold your ground. *epeat phrases such as 6I'm sure it will come to you6 and 6-he lon!er I wait, the madder I'm !ettin!.6 If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage. Stage 7. Apply social pressure. ,ow is the time to add a little social pressure. -his re1establishes that your assertion is a fact$ not a suspicion. 6(e were all talkin! about it. E erybody knows.6 ,ow he be!ins to !et curious about who knows and how they found out. As soon as he tries to find out this information, you'll know that he's !uilty. If you don't get the ans"er you 're looking$ for continue to phase three.

ATTACK S E ! U E N C E

(ho, Me3

Stage %. Setting the scene. -his se/uence works well when you don't ha e any real proof that someone

has wron!ed you but you belie e that you are ri!ht in your as sumption of !uilt. 2or example, let's say (inston's house had been broken into. 4e was con inced that his ex1!irlfriend, whom he had recently broken up with, was the culprit. 'ut he wasn't sure. She had his key, and the only thin! that was missin! was some expensi e +ewellery that was well hidden. 'ut the housekeeper or the electrician who had +ust finished some work could ha e done it or it mi!ht ha e been simply a random bur!lary. Just callin! his ex1!irlfriend and accusin! her of this crime would ha e been futile. She would deny all knowled!e of the e ent, and he would be left with no e idence and no confession. Instead, he proceeded as follows.

4e phoned to let her know in a ery non1accusatory way that there had been a break1in and some items were missin!. In an attempt to sound surprised, she asked what happened. -he followin! is a short example of the type of con ersation that would ensue.

(I,S-0," -he police are !oin! to want to talk to e eryonewho had access to the house. Since you still ha e a key,they're !oin! to want to speak with you. Just routine stuff, I'm sure. 0f course you're not a suspect. Ex19l*#2*IE,)" 'ut I don't know anythin! about it. (I,S-0," 0h, I know. Just policy, I !uess. Anyway, one of my nei!hbors said that she !ot a partial license1 plate number on a car that was by my house that day. Ex19I*#2*IE,)" 8After a long pause9 (ell, I was dri in! around your nei!hbourhood that day. I stopped by to see if you were home. 'ut when you weren't, I +ust left. So far she has effecti ely explained her presence there that day. 'ut in doin! so she has established either an uncanny coincidence or her !uilt. 4ad she been innocent, she would ha e had no reason to pursue this line of con ersation. 4e then introduces more e idence.

(I,S-0," 0h, really3 (ell, they did a fin!erprint test too. -hat should show somethin!.

Ex" (hat test3

(I,S-0," 0h, they dusted for prints and Q

At this point she said that the police mi!ht pick up her prints, since she had been there pre iously. Althou!h by now he knew she was in ol ed, it wasn't until about ten minutes later that she broke down and confessed7at first to +ust bein! in the house and then later to takin! the +ewellery. Stage 0. Inform non(accusatorily. %asually inform your suspect of the situation. Stage 1. Introduce e idence to #e re#utted. As you introduce the e idence, look to see if e ery one of your statements are met by explanations from him as to how the e idence could be misunderstood. 2or example, let's say that you suspect that your co1worker had shredded some of your files in hopes of beatin! you out for a promotion. 5ou would first set the sta!e by lettin! him know that you can't find some important files. And then you say somethin! like, 6(ell, it's a !ood thin! my new secretary noticed someone by the shredder the other day. She said she reco!ni$ed his face but didn't know his name.6 At this point see if he offers up a reason as to why he would be mistaken for the 6real culprit.6 4e mi!ht tell you that he was there shreddin! some of his own documents. An innocent person would not feel the need to explain in order to a ert the possibility that he mi!ht be wron!ly accused.

If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage. Stage 3. 6ontinue. %ontinue with more facts that the person can try to explain away. 'ut in actuality, as soon as he starts to talk about why the situation mi!ht 6look that way,6 you know you ha e him. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three.

ATTAC K S E ! U E N C E

"

0utra!eous Accusations
In this se/uence you accuse the person of e erythin! and anythin! under the sun. 'y accusin! him of doin! e ery possible thin! wron!, you will !et a confession concernin! what he has really done7which to him at this point is no bi! deal, considerin! all that you're accusin! him of. Stage %. Accuse him of e erything. In a ery fed1up manner accuse him of doin! e ery ima!inable dishonest and disloyal act.

Stage 0. Introduce the suspicion. ,ow you introduce the one thin! that you feel he really has done, and in an attempt to clear himself of the other char!es, he will offer an explanation for his one slip1up. 4e will of course naturally profess total innocence of the other accusations. .hrase it as such" 6I mean, it's not like you +ust Owhate er you suspect him of doin!P, that would be fine. 'ut all these other thin!s are unspeakable.6 5ou mi!ht !et a response like 6,o, I +ust stole that one file because of the pressure to !et the +ob done, but I would ne er sell trade secretsC6 -he only way to pro e his innocence to all of your outra!eous accusations is to explain why he did what you really suspect him of doin!. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three. Stage 1. Step in closer. -his increases anxiety in the !uilty. -he mo ement makes him feel he's bein! closed in on. If you don't !et the answer you want, !o back to sta!e F and ask a!ain. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three.

A T T A C K

S E ! U E N C E

Is -here a *eason3
Stage %. Introduce a fact. In this se/uence the person must answer your /uestion with information, not a simple denial. 2or example, if you want to know if your secretary went out last ni!ht when she said she was sick, your /uestion mi!ht be 6I dro e by your house on the way home. Is there a reason your car wasn't in the dri eway36 If you simply ask, 6)id you !o out last ni!ht36 she can deny that she did. 'ut by introducin! a plausible fact, you force her to answer. If she was out, she will try to explain the missin! car. (hen she does, you will ha e erified what you suspect to be true7 that she was not at home sick. )o you see how this works3 If she lied about ha in! to stay home because she was sick, then she has to explain where the car was. She mi!ht say that a friend borrowed it or that she ran out to !et cold med icine, etc. 4ad she been home sick, she would simply tell you that you were wron!7the car was in the dri eway.

Stage 0. :ne more shot. 5ou want to !i e her one more shot at comin! clean or at comin! up with a

reasonable explanation to explain your 6fact.6 Say, 60h, that's odd, I called your house and I !ot your machine.6 -o which she mi!ht reply, 60h, I turned my machine on to !et some rest.6 *emember, if she is !uilty she will look for any way to make her story fit your facts. If she does this, she's probably lyin!. ,ow it's possible that a friend did borrow the car and that she did turn her machine off. 4owe er, at some point these 6explanations6 are !oin! to start soundin! manufactured. Additionally, because she is forced to tell new lies to protect pre ious ones, you now ha e se eral statements you can look at for si!ns of deceit. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage. Stage 1. Stare. Starin! is an underused yet formidable weapon. It produces different results dependin! upon particular situations. Starin! makes someone who is on the defensi e feel closed in8 your !lare is infrin!in! on her personal space, inducin! a mental claustrophobia. -o escape she needs only tell you the truth. #ock eyes with her and ask a!ain. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three.

A T T A C K

S E ! U E N C E

-hird1.arty %onfirmation
-his se/uence is one of the more powerful ones, pro ided you ha e the cooperation of a third party. 5ou !ain maxi1mum credibility, because it remo es +ust about any doubt that there is deception on your part.

Scenario 5ou suspect one of your employees is ha in! someone else punch out on the time clock for him. Stage %. Accuse outright. After !ainin! the assistance of a friend or co1worker, you ha e this person make the accusation for you. Such as 6Mel, F was talkin! to %indy, and she told me she's !ettin! pretty tired of your ha in! someone else punch out for you so you can lea e work early.6 At this point Mel is concerned only with %indy's disappro al of his actions. 5our friend is thorou!hly belie able because we rarely think to /uestion this type of third1party setup. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage. Stage 0. Are you kidding* If he still won't confess, switch the focus with 6Are you kiddin!3 It's common knowled!e, but I think I know how you can smooth thin!s o er with her.6 See if he takes the bait. A person who's innocent would not be interested in smoothin! thin!s o er with someone else for somethin! that he hasn't done. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage. Stage 1. Last call. 60kay. 'ut are you sure36 At this point any hesitation is likely to be si!n of !uilt because he's /uickly tryin! to wei!h his options. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three.

A T T A C K

S E ! U E N C E

'

-he %hain *eaction

In this se/uence you create a chain reaction that ori!inates in the person's own deceitful actions. In other words, the only way he can take ad anta!e of a new opportunity presented to him is to admit his pre ious

actions. -he se/uence is based on the assumption that the wron!doin! took place and brin!s the con ersation past that. (hene er you want a confession, you're far better off mo in! the con ersation past his actions. 0therwise he's likely to lie or become defensi e. 'oth reactions do you little !ood. 4owe er, if the focus of your discussion is not on what he has already done, then you're likely to !et him to admit to his actions, as he assumes that you already ha e proof of them.

Scenario 5ou suspect se eral employees in your store of stealin! money. Stage %. Setting the scene. In a one1on1one meetin! with the employee, let him know that you're lookin! for someone to be in char!e of a new internal theft pro!ram for the en1tire company.

Stage 0. 'he irony is . . . 6(e're lookin! for someone who knows how it's done. ,ow don't worry, you're not !oin! to !et in trouble. As a matter of fact we' e known about it for some time. (e were more interested in seein! how efficient you were. Duite impressi e. Anyway, we feel that since you know how it's done, you'll know how to pre ent it. 9ranted, it's pretty unusual, but this is an unusual instance.6 4e now feels comfortable with his pre ious actions. 4is new position is e en dependent upon his misdeeds. )enyin! what he's done will cost him his bi! promotion. If you tell your story con incin!ly, he will e en boast about his misdeeds. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to the ne/t stage. Stage 1. I told them so. 65ou know, I told them that you would be too afraid to ha e an open discussion about this. O,otice how disarmin! the phrase 6open discussion6 is8 it's much better than 6confess6 or 6stop lyin!.6P -hey were wron!, I was ri!ht.6 -his works because he now feels that whoe er 6they6 are, they're on his side. 4e's !oin! to be hesitant about lettin! 6them6 down. #ook for hesitation on his part. If he's !uilty he will be wei!hin! his options. -his takes time. An innocent person has nothin! to think about. 0nly the !uilty ha e the option of confessin! or not. If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three.

ATTACK

S E ! U E N C E

1(

-he Missin! #ink

-his se/uence is used when you ha e some idea about what's !oin! on, but you don't ha e the full story. 5ou offer the information you do ha e so that he belie es the rest of what you say. -his is also used with one ma!ic key phrase, and if he takes the bait, he's !uilty.

Scenario 5ou think that your mother1in1law may ha e hired a pri ate in esti!ator to follow you around. Stage %. List facts. -ell her somethin! that you know to be true. 6I know you're not ery fond of me, and that you ob+ected to the weddin!, but this time you' e !one too far.6 Stage 0. State your assumption. 6I know all about the in esti!ator. (hy did you think that was necessary36

Stage 1. 'he magic phrase. 65ou know what, I'm too upset to talk about this now.6 If she becomes /uiet she's probably !uilty. If she has no idea what you're talkin! about, you can be sure that she doesn't care if you're too upset to talk about it7because you ha e no reason to be upset. -he !uilty person will honour your re/uest because she won't want to an!er you further. An innocent person will be mad at you for accusin! her of somethin! that she hasn't done and will want to discuss it no". If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three.

A T T A C K

S E ! U E N C E

1 1

%ondemn or %oncern
Stage I. I'm ;ust letting you kno". -he key with this se/uence is not to accuse, +ust to inform. -he response of your suspect will let you know if he's innocent or !uilty. -his se/uence explores a person's frame of mind when he or she is presented with new information. .amela has a routine physical, and when her doctor !ets the blood test results, he calls to inform her that she has contracted the herpes irus. -hinkin! back o er her recent sexual partners, she is con inced that it must ha e been either Mike or Ste en who !a e her the disease. Merely askin! her two 6suspects6 if they knowin!ly !a e her herpes would probably pro e futile, as a denial by both would be likely. 2ortunately .amela is skilled in the art of detectin! deceit and decides on a different course of action.

She calls both !uys up and casually informs them that she +ust found out that she has herpes. -he responses she !ot led her strai!ht to the culprit. After hearin! the news the two men responded as follows" Ml&E" (ell, don't look at me. I didn't !i e it to youC I'm clean. S-E@E," 5ou whatC 4ow lon! ha e you had it for3 5ou mi!ht ha e !i en it to meC I can't belie e this. Are you sure3

(hich one is likely to be the !uilty party3 If you !uessed Mike, you're ri!ht. 0n hearin! that his pre ious sexual partner has an incurable, easily transmissible disease, he !oes on the defensi e7assumin! that he is bein! accused of !i in! it to her. 4e is unconcerned about his own health be1cause he already kno"s he is infected. Ste en, in contrast, assumes that the call is to inform him that she mi!ht ha e infected him. -hus, he !ets an!ry because he is concerned about his health. Mike simply wants to make .amela belie e he is not !uilty. 4ere's another example. #et's say that you're workin! in the customer ser ice department of a computer store. A customer brin!s back a nonworkin! printer for an exchan!e, claimin! that he bou!ht it +ust few days before. 4e has the all1important receipt and the printer is packed neatly in the ori!inal box. :pon inspectin! the contents you find that a necessary, expensi e, and easily remo able component of the machine is missin!, a clear indication of why the ma1chine was not functionin! properly. 4ere are two possible responses you mi!ht !et after informin! the customer of your disco ery. 2esponse %. <I didn't take it out. 'hat's ho" it "as "hen I #ought it.< =Defensi e9 2esponse 0. <>hat* &ou sold me a printer that has a missing part* I "asted t"o hours trying to get that thing to "ork. < =:fensi e9 )o you see how effecti e this is3 -he person who utters *esponse G has e ery ri!ht to be annoyed8 it ne er crosses his mind that he's bein! accused of anythin!. -he person who !i es *esponse F knows he ne er e en tried to !et the printer to work because he took the part out. It doesn't occur to him to become an!ry. 4e assumes that he's bein! accused of remo in! the part and becomes defensi e when you in1form him the part is missin!.

If you don't get the ans"er you're looking for$ continue to phase three.
PHASE 3

ELEVEN SILVER BULLETS& HOW TO GET THE TRUTH W IT H O U T B EAT I N G IT OUT OF THEM

-he followin! ele en bullets can be used independently or in order, one after another, until you !et the answer you're lookin! for. -hey are desi!ned to !et the person to confess. (hile the bullets can be fired in any order, some of them ne!ate subse/uent ones, so see which ones are appropriate for your particular situation and then arran!e them in the appropriate se/uence. 5ou want to con ey enthusiasm and truthfulness when you use these bullets. -hey are most effecti e when you con ey complete honesty in what you're sayin!. So don't 6!i e yourself away6 by makin! the same mistakes re ealed in the clues. 5ou see, the clues to deceit work in re erse as well. If you do not commit any of them, the person you are speakin! to will at both the conscious and the unconscious le el percei e you as truthful. )on't for!et that this person must belie e what you're sayin! is true. If you threaten to do somethin!, it has to be a belie able threat or he won't take the bait. -o con ey honesty and truthfulness in your messa!e, use the followin! techni/ues"

> #ook the person directly in the eyes. > :se hand mo ements to emphasi$e your messa!e. > :se animated !estures that are fluid and consistent with the con ersation.
Stand or sit upri!ht7no slouchin!. )on't start off wi t h a ny st at e m e nt s suc h as 6 -o te ll you the truth . . . 6or 6-o be perfectly honest with you . .. 6 2a c e t he pe r s on s tr a i !ht on. )on' t ba c k a wa y.

AND DON'T FORGE T T H E CARROT!

6And there !oes #ucky . . .6 -his is the announcer's familiar line at the do! track at the start of the race. #ucky refers to a stuffed rabbit that mo es around the track +ust in front of the lead do!, an incenti e that keeps all the do!s runnin! faster. #iars are a lot like do!s. -hey need an incenti e to confess. And an incenti e is much more powerful if it's offered in a specific way. -he payoff for confessin! needs to be immediate, clear, specific, and compellin!. 5ou can't +ust tell a person what he'll !ain by bein! truthful or lose by continuin! to lie8 you must make it real for him7so real, in fact, that he can feel, taste, touch, see, and hear it. Make it his reality. #et him experience fully the pleasure of bein! honest and the pain of continuin! the lie. In ol e as many of the senses as you can, particularly isual, auditory, and kinaesthetic. %reate ima!es for the person to see, sounds for him to hear, and sensations that he can almost feel. 5ou want to make this experience as real as possible.

-he best way to do it is to first state the positi es, then state the ne!ati es, and then present the choice. 5ou want to use this type of ima!ery with the sil er bullets. 2or example, suppose you are a boss in esti!atin! the possibility that your employee is embe$$lin! money from the company. 4ere's how you mi!ht talk to him" 6'ill, you need to tell me the whole storyR so we can put this behind us. #ook, I' e !ot bi! plans for you. 5ou know that corner office with the !reen marble floors and mirrored bar3 (ell, pretty soon you'll be sittin! behind that solid oak desk and runnin! your own di ision. 0f course you'll ha e your own assistant7probably %athy. And when you dri e to work each mornin! you'll

be able to park in one of the reser ed spaces. -he monthly executi e dinner meetin!s as well as use of the company acation home in 4awaii will be yours as well.6 )o you see how ima!ery helped 'ill ima!ine himself in his new position3 4is 6lo!ical6 promotion has been trans1formed into an emotional experience. ,ow you, as 'ill's boss, pause, si!h, and in your best parental tone finish your statement. 6:nfortunately, none of this will e er be possible if we don't clear the air about the missin! money. -akin! it is one thin!7we all make mistakes. I ha e, you ha e, we all ha e. 'ut I can't ha e a liar workin! here. If you wait for accountin! to tell me, as tou!h as it will be for me to do, you'll be out of here real fast. And unfortunately you know how these thin!s can !et around. 9ettin! another +ob will be ery difficult for you. As you pound the pa ement each day lookin! for work you'll find one door after another slammin! shut in front of you. I sure wouldn't want to face your wife e ery ni!ht when you tell her that you had no luck findin! a new +ob. So what's it !oin! to be3 -he corner office and the bri!ht future, or the dis!race and pain of losin! e erythin!36

R-he phrase 6whole story6 is more effecti e than askin! someone to confess or tell the truth. 'y askin! for the whole story you're not implyin! that he's been lyin! to you and you're !i in! him credit for bein! partially honest. ,ow he +ust has to !o a little further and be completely honest. Askin! someone to tell the truth is askin! him to re erse his ori!inal po sition, the lie. And this is more difficult to brin! about.

Abo e all, be consistent

&eep your messa!e consistent. *emember that we all communicate on two le els" erbal and non erbal. 2or instance, when you !i e an ultimatum, make sure that your non erbal communication is consistent with your words. If you tell someone that you ha e 6had enou!h and are throu!h bein! lied to6 only to remain where you are, you're not !oin! to be ery con incin!. In this instance you would need to !et up and walk toward the exit. 5ou can always come back with another strate!y later. 5our beha iour must always reflect the intensity and passion of your messa!e.
?uick 'ip: Always use the person's name when you're speakin!. .eople tend to listen more closely and respond more compliantly when

they hear their name.

S I L V E R

B U L L E T

If 5ou -hink -hat's 'ad, (ait :ntil 5ou 4ear -hisC

-his bullet works well because it forces the liar into thinkin! emotionally instead of lo!ically. It alle iates his !uilt by makin! him feel that he's not alone, and it throws him off by creatin! a little an!er and=or curiosity. .lus he thinks that you and he are exchan!in! information, instead of his !i in! you somethin! for nothin!.

Sample +uestion formation: 6-he reason I'm askin! you these /uestions is that I' e done some thin!s that I'm not too proud of, either. I can understand why you mi!ht ha e ... In a way I'm almost relie ed. ,ow I don't feel too bad.6 At this point he will ask you to !et more specific about your actions. 'ut insist that he tell you first. 4old out and he'll come clean.

S I L V E R

B U L L E T

It (as an Accident. *eallyC

-his is a !reat strate!y because it makes him feel that it would be a !ood thin! to ha e you know exactly what happened. 4e did somethin! wron!, true, but that is no lon!er your concern. 5ou shift the focus of your concern to his intentions, not his actions. -his makes it easy for him to confess to his beha iour and 6make it okay6 with the explanation that it was unintentional. 4e feels that you care about his moti ation. In other words, you let him know that the source of your concern is not "hat he's done, but "hy he's done it.

Sample +uestion formation: 6I can understand that maybe you didn't plan on its happenin!. -hin!s +ust !ot out of control and you acted without thinkin!. I'm fine with that7an accident, ri!ht3 'ut if you did this on purpose, I don't think that I could e er for!i e you. 5ou need to tell me that you didn't do it intentionally. .lease.6

S I L V E R

B U L L E T

'

-he 'oomeran!
2irin! this bullet really throws a psycholo!ical cur eball. (ith this example you tell him that he did somethin! !ood, not bad. 4e's completely thrown off by this.

Scenario A 5ou suspect that *ichard is stealin! from the company. 5ou want to find out if this is true, and if so, how lon! it's been !oin! on. Sample +uestion formation: 64ey, *ichard, I think you and I can become ery wealthy partners. It seems that you' e been cuttin! in on my action a little bit. 'ut that's okay. (e can work to!ether, you old de il.6 5ou want to seem !lad that you know what he's doin!.

Scenario .

5ou suspect that your spouse may be ha in! an affair. Sample +uestion formation: 65ou know, John, while I'm not thrilled about what was !oin! on behind my back Othis phrase is said to !ain credibility8 startin! off with an honest statement makes what follows more belie ableP, you should ha e said somethin!. I could ha e sa ed you a lot of sneakin! around. Maybe all three of us could !et to!ether. It mi!ht be fun. All this sneakin! around is silly.6 (ow, he's blown away. 4e has an incenti e for tellin! the truth that's better than what he was doin! on the sly. In other words, he thinks that by comin! clean, he'll ha e more fun doin! what he's been doin!. If he's not cheatin! on you, he'll think you're nuts, but you will nonetheless ha e the truth.

Scenario 6 5ou want to see if your inter iewee has lied on her resume. Sample +uestion formation: 6As we both know, e ery1body pads his resume +ust a bit. .ersonally, I think it shows !uts. It tells me that the person isn't afraid to take on new responsibilities. (hich parts were you most creati e with on this resume36
S I L V E R B U L L E T

-ruth or %onse/uences
(ith this bullet you force your anta!onist to work with you or you both end up with nothin!. -his is the exact opposite of the boomeran!. 4ere the person has nothin! unless he cooperates with you. Since you ha e nothin! anyway ;meanin! you don't ha e the truth<, it's a !ood trade1off for you. -he followin! parable illustrates this point nicely.

A !reedy and e il watermelon farmer reali$es that some1one has been stealin! one watermelon from him each ni!ht. -ry as he mi!ht, he cannot catch the thief. 2rustrated and annoyed, one afternoon he !oes into his ast watermelon patch and in+ects one of the melons with a lethal poison. ,ot to be totally cruel, he posts a si!n that reads, 6-o the person who is stealin! from me" I ha e poisoned one of the water1melons. Steal from me, and you will be riskin! your life.6 -he next mornin! he !oes out, and while he is pleased to see that the thief has not struck, he finds a note left for him. 6)ear 2armer" -oni!ht I too ha e poisoned one of your wa 1 termelons. ,ow we can either work to!ether or they will all r Scenario A 5ou suspect that your housekeeper has stolen from you. Sample +uestion formation: 6I'd rather hear it from you first. I can li e with what you did=what happened, but not with your lyin! to me about it. If you don't tell me, then it's o er. If you tell me the truth, thin!s can !o back to how they were. 'ut if you don't, then we ha e no chance here, and you'll ha e nothin!.6 5ou can't let the person benefit from his action unless he tells you about it. ,ow the only way he can set thin!s strai!ht is by confessin! and cooperatin! with you. -his bullet allows him to confess to his wron!doin! with less anxiety. 5ou want to con ey that anythin! that he's done pales in comparison to his lyin! to about it" 6)oin! what you did is one thin!7we can !et past that7but lyin! about it is somethin! that I cannot deal with. Just be honest and we'll be able to put this whole thin! behind us. :ntil you come clean, it won't be possible for you to continue here.6

S I L V E R

B U L L E T

Speak ,ow or 2ore er 4old 5our .eace

.lumbers know that the time to ne!otiate a price is when the basement is flooded. 0b iously, the moti ation for the homeowner to act is hi!hest when the problem is most in1tense. And when mi!ht the pilots' union !o on strike3 *i!ht before holidays, the peak days of the year for airline tra el. -he name of the !ame is le era!e. )eadlines produce results. 4ow fast do you think you would !et your taxes in if there was no deadline3 0r if there was a deadline but no penalty was attached to it3 4ow fast would you !et a pro+ect done at work if your boss told you that the results had to be on his desk before you retired3 (ould you e er !et around to usin! those coupons if they had no expiration date3 (e ha e deadlines with penalties attached in almost e ery area of our life. 4uman bein!s place a premium on that which is scarce. Simply put, rare e/uals !ood. 5ou can dramatically increase your le era!e by con eyin! that this is the only time that you will discuss this. #et him know that ;a< this is his last chance he'll ha e for explainin! himself, and ;b< you can !et what you need from someone else. -ry increasin! the rate of your speech as well. -he faster you speak, the less time he has to process the information, and it con eys a stron!er sense of ur!ency. 9i e a deadline with a penalty for not meetin! it. )ead1lines force action. If the !uilty party thinks that he can al1ways come clean, then he will take a wait1and1see approach before tippin! his hand. #et the person know that you al1ready know and ha e proof of his action. And admittin! his sins now will !i e him the opportunity to explain his side.

6I want to hear it from you now. After tomorrow, anythin! you say won't make a difference to me.6 Sample +uestion formation I: 6I know what happened= what you did. I was hopin! I would hear it from you first. It would mean a lot to me to hear your side of it. I know there are two sides to e ery story, and before I decide what to do, I want to hear yours.6
Sample +uestion formation I:

4earin! this !i es him the feelin! he still has a chance if he confesses. After all, what really happened can't be as bad as what you heard. %onfessin! now is a way of cuttin! his losses.

S I L V E R

B U L L E T

"

*e erse %ourse
-his se/uence pro ides the person with an unforeseen and unexpected incenti e to tell the truth. 5ou con ey to him that what happened or what he did was a !ood thin! insofar as it allows you and he to establish an e en better relationship7personal or professional. 5ou !i e him an opportunity to explain why he took that choice. 5ou also blame yourself. 4ere's how it works.

Sample +uestion formation: 6I understand why you would ha e done that. %learly you wouldn't ha e unless you had a !ood reason. 5ou were probably treated unfairly or somethin! was lackin!. (hat can I do to help so that it doesn't happen a!ain36 -his is an assumpti e /uestion7 you take for !ranted you are ri!ht in your assertion that he acted in this way. (hen he be!ins to tell you his !rie ances, it pa es the way for him to +ustify his pre ious actions7his misdeeds7to you. &eep inter+ectin! the followin! phrases" 6I take full responsibility for your actions. #et's work to!ether to see how we can a oid this happenin! a!ain. I understand completely. 5ou were ri!ht to do what you did.6

S I L V E R

B U L L E T

I 4ate to )o -his 'ut 5ou #ea e me ,o %hoice

-his is the only strate!y that in ol es threat. -he other bullets make it comfortable for the person to re eal his true self. -his one turns up the heat a little. 5ou let him become aware that there are !oin! to be !reater ramifications and repercussions than +ust lyin! to you7thin!s that he ne er thou!ht about. In this bullet you up the ante, but you rely on his ima!ination to set the terms of the dama!e that you can inflict. 4is mind will race throu!h e ery possible scenario as his own fears turn a!ainst him. 5ou create a lar!er problem and then offer a solution. -he decei er made his choice to decei e based upon a !ain=loss ratio that he deemed to be to his benefit. #ettin! him know that the ramifications are much !reater than he e er considered helps to re1establish the risk=reward ratio in your fa our.

Sample +uestion formation I: 6I didn't want to ha e to do this, but you lea e me no choice.6 -his will ine itably propel him to respond" 6)o what36 At this point he's waitin! to see what the trade1off will be. 'ut do not commit your1self to an action. #et him create in his own mind scenarios of what you will do unless he confesses. Sample +uestion formation I: 65ou know what I can do, and I'll do it. If you don't want to tell me now, don't. I'll +ust do what I ha e to do.6 After this statement pay close attention to his response. If he focuses on what you will do to him, the odds lean more toward !uilty. 4owe er, if he reasserts that he's done nothin!, he may in fact be innocent of your accusation. -his is because the !uilty person needs to know the penalty to determine if it makes sense for him to stick to his story. 0nly the !uilty ha e the option of confessin!. -hey are the ones who ha e to make a decision. -he innocent has no such choice to make, and therefore nothin! to consider.

S I L V E R

B U L L E T

I 9uess 5ou're ,ot Allowed

,e er underestimate the power of appealin! to a person's e!o. Sometimes you want to inflate it, and other times you want to attack it. And as you may ha e !uessed, this bullet is for attackin!. It's truly saddenin! how fra!ile some people's e!os are7 but for these people this bullet works ery well. It really !ets under their skin. A friend of mine who is a police detecti e lo es this techni/ue. -he followin! is a !eneric example of how it is used. 6(e picked up this !uy for beatin! up on a couple of homeless !uys. (e were !ettin! absolutely nowhere with him. 2inally, after half an hour, we were thinkin! we had to let him walk. (e had no case because one of the homeless men disappeared and the other was too afraid. So I looked at this +ackass and said, '0h, okay, I !et it. 5ou're afraid that ,iko Oa dru! runner he has worked with beforeP is !onna kick the crap out of you. -hat's it, isn't it3 5ou can't !o to court o er this because he owns you. 5ou're his little sla e.6 After the suspect hurled a few expleti es he shouted, 6,obody owns me.6 4e became indi!nant. And to pro e his point, he did what he had to" he confessed, proudly.

Sample +uestion formation I: 6I think I know what it is7you're not allowed to tell me. Somebody else is pullin! the strin!s and you'll !et in trouble.6 Sample +uestion formation I: 60kay, I think I know what it is. 5ou'd tell me the truth if you could, but you don't ha e the power to. 5ou're not able to and you probably feel as bad as I do about it.6

S I L V E R

B U L L E T

'

4i!her Authority
If the situation is ri!ht, this bullet will work exceptionally well. An ac/uaintance of mine who works in the human resources department of a lar!e financial firm lo es this one. She tells me that it's her !reatest tool for weedin! out undesirable candidates for employment. As lon! as the person belie es that you are on his side, he'll take the bait. All you ha e to do is let him know that anythin! he's lied about can now be cleared up in seconds. 4owe er, if anyone else finds out about it later, it's too late. Scenario A 5ou think an inter iewee has lied on his resume. Sample +uestion formation: 6I'm !oin! to do somethin! nice for you because I think you'd be !reat for this +ob. -hey're !oin! to want to erify e erythin! on the resume. E en the sli!htest exa!!eration will pre ent you from bein! hired. So let's clean it up now. (hat specifically needs to be re ised so that it's perfectly accurate36

Scenario . 5ou want to know if your secretary lea es early when you're out of the office. Sample +uestion formation: 6-he ice president from corporate is comin! in today. 4e's asked about your hours, so I'm !oin! to tell him that you come in early on the days that you lea e early. )o you remember what days last month you finished up early and took off36 )o you see how disarmin! this is3 5ou're not yellin! at her or demandin! answers. It's us a!ainst them, and you're here to help. .lus the phrase 6finished up early6 implies that she's done all her work7and efficiently at that. 5ou're on her side, and you're !oin! to work to!ether to smooth thin!s o er.
S I L V E R B U L L E T 1 (

-he 9 reat : nknow n

2or most people it is next to impossible to see anythin! or understand any concept by itself. -his means that when a new situation arises we ha e an inherent need to compare and contrast it with somethin! familiar. 'ut what if there was no cate!ory for it fall into3 -his can be a ery fri!htenin! experience. If you want the truth and the penalty for lyin! is clear, then the suspect knows the up side and the down side for confessin! and he can wei!h his options. It stands to reason that in instances where the penalty for lyin! is not se ere enou!h, you will ha e difficulty !ettin! the truth. So you need to remo e the penalty from the k n o " n and put it where it's uncomfortable" t h e u n k n o " n . 5ou can obtain maximum le era!e by explainin! how the ramifications of his deceit will be somethin! that the suspect has ne er known before. E en if he belie es that you are limited in what you can do to him and in what the penalty will be, the se erity of the penalty can be manipulated in two ma+or ways to make it appear much more se ere. -he two factors are time and impact.

'i m e : 9i e no indication of when the penalty will occur. (hen thin!s happen unexpectedly, the de!ree of an!uish is more potent. If he knows he won't !et a chance to mentally prepare and brace himself, the anxiety is !reatly hei!htened.

Impact:

%on ey that his entire life will be disrupted and drastically altered for the worse. 4e needs to see

that this e ent is not isolated and will instead ha e a ripple effect. (hen bad thin!s happen we are often comforted in knowin! that it will soon be o er and the rest of our life will remain intact and unaffected. 'ut if these thin!s are not assured, we become increasin!ly fearful and concerned. Scenario 5ou suspect an employee of stealin!. 5ou can threaten to fire him, in which case he may wei!h his options and decide that you may ne er find out the truth. 4owe er, if you said . . . Sample +uestion formation: 6Smith, at any time should I disco er that you' e been lyin! to me about this, I will ha e your desk cleaned out and security escort you to your car. -here will be no !ood1byes. I'll march you ri!ht out of here in the middle of the day. And this is a small business community7try !ettin! a +ob with this han!in! o er your head. 5ou'll be completely throu!h.6 5ou then ask him to come clean now and offer him the option of a transfer to another part of the company so you can both put this behind you. -his last sentence is called an easy1out clause and is talked about more in part A.
SI LV E R BULLET 11

I %ouldn't %are #ess

A primary law !o ernin! human nature is that we all ha e a need to feel si!nificant. ,obody wants to be thou!ht of as unimportant, or feel that his ideas and thinkin! is irrele ant. -ake away a person's belief that he has alue and he'll do +ust about anythin! to reassert his sense of importance. If he feels that you don't care that he's lyin! to you, he will want to know7better, he needs to know7why you're so ca alier and dispassionate. )id you expect somethin! like this from him3 )o you know somethin! that he doesn't3 Are you uninterested in his opinion or feelin!s for you3 )o you plan on seekin! retribution or re en!e3 (hen you show emotion, you show that you care. 5our apathy toward the situation will unner e him immensely. 4e will be!in to cra e reco!nition and acceptance, in any form. 4e needs to know you care what happens, and if talkin! about his misdeeds is the only way he can find out, he will. Some examples of what you can say are as follows"

Sample +uestion formation A: 6I know and I +ust don't care. -his is not for me.6 Sample +uestion formation .: 6I' e !ot other thin!s to think about. Maybe we'll talk some other time.6 Sample +uestion formation 6: 65ou do what you ha e to do, that's fine with me.6

(hen you i!nore a person you usually do not make eye contact. 4owe er, in this situation, you want to make an instant impact, and en!a!in! him in direct eye contact does this best. -o make this e en more powerful, stare at him. In our culture, as in most, starin! is often dehumani$in!. (e stare at thin!s that are on display, such as ca!ed animals. (hen you stare at someone he often feels less si!nificant and will seek to reassert his alue.

-hese attack se/uences should do the +ob /uite nicely. 4owe er, if you're still not !ettin! the answers you want, it's time for the ad anced techni/ues in part J. *emember to read this section throu!h carefully before usin! any of these techni/ues.

P A R T

3
TACTICS FOR DETECTING DECEIT AND GATHERING INFORMATION IN CASUAL CONVERSATIONS
6-ruth is the first casualty of ci il discourse.6 7 )A@ I ) J. #I E ' E * M A ,

,ow what about those times when you're not /uite sure if someone is lyin! to you, but a full1fled!ed interro!ation is out of the /uestion3 4ere are some excellent ways to !ather more information without bein! ob ious.

9E,E*A# %0,@E*SA-I0,S F. Ask1a12act )urin! the con ersation simply ask !eneral, clear /uestions pertainin! to your suspicion. -his causes the person you are /uestionin! to recall information. If he spoke the truth, then he will answer you /uickly and effortlessly. If he was lyin!, your clues to deceit will let you know. Most important, note how lon! it takes him to call up the information. If he's lyin!, he'll take a while to answer because he first has to check his response mentally to be sure it makes sense. Made1up stories do not ha e details because they ne er happenedC Ask /uestions that will !i e you an ob+ecti e, not a sub+ecti e, response. 2or instance, if you think an employee was home when he said he would be away on acation, don't ask him how he en+oyed the weather in 2lorida. .eople !enerally take lon!er to respond to these type of /uestions. In1stead, ask one such as 6)id you rent a car36 %asually ask more /uestions in the same ein. 0nce he answers yes to any /uestion, ask for more detail. If he's lyin!, he'll try to keep the facts strai!ht and will take his time answerin! fur ther /uestions. .eople lo e to talk about themsel es. -he only way that someone would want to chan!e the sub+ect is if he's uncomfortable with the /uestions. If you're askin! simple, innocuous /uestions you should expect that he would want to extend the con ersation, not end it. Most people will lo e to !o on endlessly about the new res1 taurant they went to, the trip they took or the +ob they turned down . . . unless of course they're lyin! and you keep askin! /uestions.

G. A d d 1 a 1 2 a l s e 2 a c t

In this se/uence you add a fact and ask the person to comment on it. -his fact is one that you' e made up, but one that sounds perfectly reasonable. 2or instance, let's say that while you are at a party someone proclaims that he has +ust returned from an East African safari. 5ou could tell him that you heard that East Africa had had record hot temperatures. -his is a fact that he mi!ht be able to confirm or deny re!ardless of whether he had actually been there. 2urthermore, he could +ust plead i!norance of the fact and pro1claim that it was ery, ery hot. Either way you're unable to detect deceit. 4ere's how you can detect it. 5ou can mention that your uncle who works as a customs officer at the ,airobi airport told you that e eryone !oin! to Africa was !i en special instructions on how to a oid malaria. As soon as he alidates your claim in an attempt to back up his assertion that he has !one to Africa, you know that his story is untrue. 0therwise he would simply say that he doesn't know what your uncle is talkin! about.

4ere are the criteria" a. 5our statement has to be untrue. If he merely confirms somethin! that's actually true, you ha en't learned anythin! new.

b. It has to sound reasonable. 0therwise the person you are /uestionin! mi!ht think it's a +oke. c. 5our assertion has to be somethin! that would directly affect the person, so he would ha e firsthand
knowled!e of this 6fact.6 In other words, in the abo e scenario you wouldn't say you heard that the tilt of the earth's axis made for exceptional iewin! of the ni!ht sky.

H.

Support1a12act

In this se/uence you take what the person says and re/uest proof, but in a ery non1threatenin! manner. 2or example, in the case of the person who claimed he had !one on safari, you mi!ht let him know that you would lo e to see pictures of the trip. If he offers up a reason why you can't see the pictures7didn't take any, didn't

come out ri!ht, left lens cap on7then this should arouse some suspicion. #et's say you're a talk1show producer and you want to check the credibility of a !uest. 5ou mi!ht say, 65our story about this !o ernment conspiracy is fascinatin!. Since you worked in the buildin!, it would be !reat if you would show us your security access card.6

I.

Expand1a12act

:se this clue to determine how far someone is willin! to !o to !et what she wants. All you do is expand on a fact that she has already offered. If she +ust !oes on without correctin! you, then you know that she may be lyin! about what she's said so far and=or is willin! to lie to !et you to see her point. #et's say that you and your friend are decidin! on what mo ie to see. 5ou su!!est L o s t i n , a r a d i s e $ but your friend, who doesn't want to see this, offers as e idence a co1worker who has already seen it and didn't like it. 5ou then say, 60h, well, if no one in your office liked it, I !uess it's probably no !ood.6 If she lets it !o at that7not correctin! your false assertion7then you know that she either lied initially about her co1worker or will lie in this situation. #et's take another example. 5our secretary asks you for the rest of the day off because she's not feelin! well. 5ou mi!ht say, 60h, of course, if you' e !ot a fe er and a bad headache, by all means take off.6 She ne er claimed to ha e these symptoms. 5ou merely expanded on her statement. A!ain, if she does not correct you, she is clearly either lyin! about bein! ill or willin! to a!ree to anythin! to !o home. 0f course she may simply be sick and ea!er to !et home. 4owe er, her not correctin! your statement indicates that she does not mind bein! deceitful to !et what she wants.

SPECIAL OCCASIONS

-hese strate!ies are used when a person is reluctant to re eal information for unselfish reasons. 0r the situa 1 tion is such that you ha e to be ery delicate in your approach. -hese people are comin! from a different psy 1 cholo!ical position, so the situation must be addressed uni/uely. -he strate!ies usually fall into one of the followin! ten cate!ories.

-hird1.arty .rotection
-his tactic is a little different in that it is used if someone is reluctant to tell you somethin! that in ol es another per1son. 5ou ha e to appeal to his e!o and let him for!et that he's tellin! tales out of school.

Scenario A

5our attorney is tellin! you about a case that a fellow attorney screwed up on. Simply askin!, 6(hat did he do wron!36 would probably !et you nowhere. 4owe er, by turnin! it around you create an incenti e for him to tell you.

S a m p l e + u e s t i o n f o r m a t i o n : 64ad you handled the case, what would you ha e done differently36 -his ma!ic phrase opens the flood!ates of con ersation.

Scenario .

(hile chattin! with 'rad, one of your salespeople, you would like to find out why Susan's sales fi!ures are low. 'ut simply askin! him why she's not doin! well mi!ht pro e fruitless. 0ut of loyalty to her, he may be reluctant to say anythin!. So you turn the /uestion around and he becomes completely forthcomin!.

Sample +uestion formation: 6(hat areas do you think Susan can impro e in36 In both of these scenarios the con ersation is positi e. -he other person feels as if he's doin! a !ood thin! by answerin! your /uestion. And in fact he is. 4ad you asked it the other way around, you would likely ha e met with !reat reluctance to speak.

-he .ower .lay

Sometimes the person reluctant to tell the truth is in a position of power. In these situations it's usually inappropriate and futile to become ar!umentati e. In these instances you want to brin! the con ersation to a personal le el. 4ere are two examples of how this is done.

Scenario A 5ou're tryin! to sell to a buyer who doesn't want to buy and is not !i in! you a reason that you truly belie e. 5our ob+ecti e will be to !et to the real ob+ection. Sample +uestion formation: 6I do this for a li in!. My family relies on me to support them. %learly we ha e a fine product and you're a reasonable man. (ould you mind tellin! me what I did to offend you36 ,ow your buyer is cau!ht off !uard and will undoubtedly follow with 60h, you didn't offend me. It's +ust that. . .6

Scenario . :fend is a powerful word. ,ow you'll !et the real ob+ection because he fi!ures that tellin! you the truth is the only way to show you that you ha en't offended him. 5our boss is reluctant to tell you exactly why you were passed up for the promotion. Sample +uestion formation: 6Ms. Smith, I understand where you're comin! from, and I respect your thou!hts. Someday I hope to be as successful in this company as you are today. #et me ask you one /uestion, if I may3 If you were me, sittin! in this chair now, do you think that you would ha e a better chance of mo in! up in the company if you were aware of your shortcomin!s36

4urt 2eelin!s
In this situation someone is lyin! to you to protect your feelin!s7perhaps one of those little white lies. 5ou're interested in !ettin! at the truth. A touch of !uilt makes the other person re1e aluate his approach. Scenario 5ou feel that the truth is bein! withheld from you for your own benefit. Sample +uestion formation I: 6I know you don't want to offend me, but you're hurtin! me more by not bein! perfectly honest.6 :sin! the word perfectly here ser es a purpose. It !i es the person credit for bein! partially honest with you.

Sample +uestion formation I: 6If you don't tell me, no one else will. If I can't count on you for this, I don't know what I would do. 6

It's a Matter of 0pinion

-ryin! to detect deceit in a person's opinion is hard. 5ou can't exactly call someone a liar, ar!uin! that she doesn't really belie e what she is sayin! to be the truth. -he followin! is an excellent method for re ealin! a person's true feelin!s in any situation.

Scenario A

5ou're not sure if your boss really likes your idea for a new ad ertisin! campai!n, e en thou!h she says she does. Sample +uestion se+uence I: 6)o you like the concept for my new idea36 6Sure. It's ery ori!inal.6 6(ell, what would it take for you to lo e the idea36 In this example your boss has committed to likin! the idea. 5ou don't ar!ue with her or press her on it. -he words you use in your response indicate that you know there is room for impro ement. She feels comfortable offerin! criticism because she feels that you expect her to do so.

Scenario . 5ou want to know if your son is lookin! forward to !oin! to camp this summer. Sample +uestion se+uence I: 6Are you e/cited about camp next month36 65eah. It'll be fun.6 6(hat would it take for you to be really excited about !oin!36 A!ain, he feels comfortable answerin! honestly because your /uestions to him make it ob ious that you know that e erythin!'s not perfect.
5

I )on't &now
Most people don't like to be wron!. 2urthermore, most people don't like to be put in a situation where they feel they ha e to defend themsel es. As a result, oftentimes when you ask someone what she is thinkin! or how she feels, she re1plies, 6I don't know.6 -his response can stall a con ersation and lea e you searchin! for answers. Sometimes it's +ust easier to say :I don't know,6 which is often why we say it in the first place. Either way, when you hear 6I don't know,6 try some of the followin! responses"

F. 60kay, then why don't you tell me how you' e come to think the way you do36 G. 6I know you don't know, but if you were to !uess, what do you think it mi!ht be36 H. 6%an you tell me what part of this you're okay with36 I. 6In what past situations ha e you felt similar to this one36 J. 6(hat emotion best describes what you're thinkin! ri!ht

Scenario A now36 A. 6%an you think of +ust one reason36 K. 6(hat one word comes closest to describin! what you're thinkin!36 In all of these responses, you're takin! the pressure off. 5ou acknowled!e the person's difficulty in answerin!. 5ou then seem to be askin! her to pro ide somethin! else, when in reality your new /uestion is aimed at !ettin! your initial /uestion answered. 6I don't know6 could also mean that the person feels !uilty or foolish about her actions. In this case you want to relie e her of the responsibility. -his is done in the followin! way" Sample +uestion formation: 6I know you're not sure about why you did that, so can you think of any unconscious moti ations that may ha e been at work36 -his works well because she doesn't ha e to feel responsible for her actions. It was not her 6intention6 to do what she did. 4er beha iour was not consciously moti ated.

I'm Simply Embarrassed

In this encounter someone is unwillin! to tell you the truth or may lie to you out of embarrassment. -he usual tactics don't work here because the person probably isn't obli!ated to tell you and more than likely will ha e nothin! to !ain by doin! so. -herefore you need to create an incenti e for tellin! the truth in an en ironment that makes him feel comfortable.

Scenario A 5our son doesn't want to tell you about the bully who took his lunch money.

Sample +uestion formation: 6It's okay if you don't want to talk about it. O-his is a key phrase because it instantly disarms the other person. It lets them know that he's not !oin! to !et erbally beaten up.P (hen I was your a!e the same thin! happened to me. And after I learned what to say to him, he ne er bothered me a!ain. (ould you like to hear what you can do36

As a physician you're speakin! with a patient who is reluctant to discuss her pre ious sexual relationships. Sample +uestion formation: 6I understand your hesitancy, and if you would prefer not to discuss it, then we won't. (hene er I ha e a patient who feels uncomfortable I do it this way and it's much easier and /uicker. I'm !oin! to ask you simple yes1or1no /uestions and you respond accordin!ly.6 -his works well because the patient knows that there won't be an embarrassin! discussion or elaboration of any1thin! she says. -he yes1or1no format can be used with +ust about anyone in any situation that makes one uncomfortable re ealin! personal information.

Scenario 6 5ou want to find out if the foreman of your construction crew has been thinkin! of lea in! your company. Sample +uestion formation: 6Mike, on a scale from one to ten, where one means you' e only thou!ht about lookin! for other work and ten means you're ery interested in !oin! with another company, where mi!ht you fit in36 -hree important criteria need to be kept in mind. 2irst, notice that you don't say 6where do you fall36 as it is typically phrased. -he word fall is downward and ne!ati e. It puts his focus lower on the number line. 62it in6 directs his thinkin! between two numbers and is positi e. Second, the word might is used to cushion his association to his answer, helpin! him to feel less attached to it. 2inally, notice too, that you don't say on a scale from one to ten where one is no interest. 5ou allowed him to answer with the 6easiest option6 offered. If, in fact, he had no interest whatsoe er, then he would !o outside the parameters of your /uestion and be free to tell you +ust that.

Scenario D 5ou think the new intern mixed up two piles of papers and shredded the documents that were supposed to be copied.

Scenario A
S a m p l e + u e s t i o n f o r m a t i o n : 6,elson, if you're the one who did this, it's all ri!ht. I remember when I first started here. (hat I'm !oin! to tell you is between you and me, okay3 9ood. I once made copies of a confidential memo instead of the lunch menu and placed a copy in each per1son's mailbox.6

-he best way to !et someone to confide in you is for you to confide in him. -his instantly puts the other person at ease. It shows that you trust him, and he also feels obli!ated to share with you somethin! he's done that he feels uncomfortable with.

)i ide and %on/uer

-his is a situation where there are two or more people from whom you can !et the truth. -he mistake that most of us make is to say somethin! like 6%ome on, !uys. Somebody tell me what's !oin! on hereC6 (e find oursel es soundin! a lot like M @ A @ S @ 5 s 2rank 'urns7lookin! for cooperation e erywhere and findin! it nowhere. -his plea is often in1effecti e because of a psycholo!ical phenomenon known as social responsibility. 4a e you e er heard somebody scream from an apartment window3 (hile most of us ha e been in such a situation, we don't feel any stron! inclination to do anythin! about it. It's not because we're cold and uncarin!. It's be1cause the social responsibility to act is di ided amon! many people. E eryone assumes that if it's an emer!ency, some1body else has already called the police. -here ha e been countless stories of a person's ha in! a heart attack on a crowded street while people +ust walked by. ,obody does anythin! because they assume somebody else will8 alternati ely, they think that since nobody else is doin! anythin!, the person must be okay.

(hen there is a diffusion of responsibility, the impetus to act +ust isn't there. If you want answers or if you want somebody to do somethin!, you ha e to increase his responsibility. -his is best accomplished by appealin! to one person at a time. If you !et nowhere with the first person, !o to the next and appeal to him.

Scenario A

Se eral of your sorority sisters pulled a practical +oke and you want to find out who is responsible. Sample +uestion formation I: 6Eileen, I'm comin! to you for one reason and one reason only. I know I can trust you to tell me the truth. 5ou can trust me like I can trust you. 5ou're not like they are. I know I can count on you to do the ri!ht thin!.6 If you don't !et anywhere with her, !o to the next person with the same speech. Some body will crack.

Sample +uestion formation I: 6Jennifer, who did this is not important. I don't e en cafe. (hat is, is our friend1ship. I want to know that I can trust you. I think I can, but I need for you to speak honestly with me. It's not that I'm so concerned with who did it7only that you are truthful with me about it.6 If you don't !et anywhere with her, !o to someone else with the same speech.
$

.rofessional *eliance
2rom attorneys and plumbers to mechanics and teachers, we rely on professionals to be honest and fair. And while most are, there are a few who are not. -hese situations can be tou!h because you don't ha e the specific knowled!e and expertise to ask the ri!ht /uestions. :nfortunately the less1than1reputable professional is all too aware of this. And while your clues to deception will let you know what kind of person you're dealin! with, the followin! strate!y will pro e useful in these situations.

F. Always, if possible, !et a second opinion. It's easy to do and can sa e you a lot of heartache. G. Make sure the person is licensed, insured, and re!istered to do the actual work. H. 4a e your a!reement drawn up in writin!. 0ral contracts aren't worth the paper they're written on. I. Ask for referrals or testimonials.
If he balks at any one of these points, you mi!ht want to take your business elsewhere. -he con artist operates best when you're in the dark. 2inally, the followin! strate!y should !i e you an accurate insi!ht into the person's intentions. -he key is to ask for the opposite of what you really want.

Scenario A #et's say that your tra el a!ent su!!ests the 2i e1)ay %ruise 9etaway acation packa!e for you. 5ou're lookin! to really let loose8 you want a trip that will be non1stop fun. 'ut you're not sure if she's pushin! this packa!e for the commission or if she really belie es that it's a !reat deal. Sample +uestion formation: 6-he brochure looks !reat, Sandy. I +ust want to make sure that this is not one of those party boats. I'm lookin! for some rest and relaxation. Is this that kind of trip36 'y askin! your /uestion this way, you will know the intentions of your tra el a!ent and the answer to your /uestion. If she answers yes, than you know that the cruise is not for you or she is lyin! to !et your business. Either way you are not !oin! to book this cruise throu!h her. 0nly by tellin! you what she thinks you don't want to hear will she establish herself as honest, and you'll ha e confirmed that this is the cruise you want to !o on.

Scenario . 5ou asked your waiter for decaffeinated coffee and fi e minutes later the busboy comes by with a filled cup of coffee. Sample +uestion formation: 6-his is re!ular coffee, ri!ht36 If he confirms that it is, either he doesn't care enou!h to know for sure or it really is re!ular. A!ain, either way, you now know that you may not be !ettin! what you asked for. 4owe er, should he tell you that it is decaffeinated7somethin! he thinks you don't want 7then you can be pretty sure that you're !ettin! what you ori!inally asked for.

'

I )on' t & now and I ) on' t %are

2ew thin!s are more frustratin! than dealin! with someone who +ust doesn't !i e a damn. (hy3 'ecause you don't ha e a whole lot to work with. 5ou' e !ot $ero le era!e. 4e's !ot nothin! at risk, so you' e !ot little bar!ainin! power. 4ere's how to !et some. 5ou simply ha e to chan!e the e/uation so he's !ot somethin! at stake. -his techni/ue is the ultimate apathy buster.

Scenario A 5ou take your car to the mechanic and he tells you it will be fixed by 2riday. 'ut you +ust know that somethin!'s !oin! to come up and it will be sittin! in his !ara!e all weekend. Sample +uestion formation: 60kay, Joe. -omorrow's fine. Just so you know, my wife is pre!nant and she's due any day. -hat's our only car, so if you can think of any reason why it may not be ready by 2riday, you' e !ot to let me know now.6 Scenario . 5ou ask the waiter if there is MS9, an additi e that some people are aller!ic to, in the salad and he tells you there isn't. 4e doesn't seems terribly con incin! and you +ust want to make sure. Sample +uestion formation: 60kay, Albert, that's !reat. Just so you know I'm deathly aller!ic to MS9. 0ne forkful and it's off to the hospital I !o.6 After hearin! this, do you think Albert may want to double1 check with the chef3 ,otice that the e/uation chan!es in these two scenarios. Initially neither the mechanic nor the waiter is terribly concerned about your schedule or what you're eatin!. 4owe er, their apathy /uickly !i es way to concern because now they're dealin! with more than +ust an incon enience. Sim1ply chan!e the stakes and the le era!e is yours.

10

I Just 4eard
Most people who lie usually confide in at least one other person. 9ettin! the truth from this person can be done easily, if it's done ri!ht. It's important to let this person belie e that you already know the truth and then add your emotional reaction to it. Addin! an emotion makes you appear !enuine because the fact that you know the truth is o ershadowed by your reaction to it. Simply use an emotion that best fits the situation, such as sympathy, surprise, fear, +oy, concern, humour, and so on. #et's take a look at a couple of !eneral statements that would be said to the person whom you belie e knows the truth"

F. Sympathy" 6I can't belie e what Sam did. I am truly ery, ery sorry. If there's anythin! I can do for you or
what e er, please +ust let me know, okay36

G. %oncern" 6I +ust found out8 how dare they do that to &im3 I' e !ot a !ood mind to !o down there myself
and !i e them hell. 4ow are you holdin! up throu!h all this36

H. 4umour" 6Mary, is Joe a ma!net for odd thin!s or what3

4e +ust told me and I still can't belie e it.6 Make sure you act as if your suspicion is true and let this person assume that you already ha e knowled!e of it. -hen offer the appropriate emotional response and you ha e maximum credibility.

DIRECTING THE CONVERSATION

5ou can steer a con ersation in any direction that you choose. -ake this example. #et's say that while you are at a friend's house, she shows you her brand1new dinin! room table. If you want to know if it was really expensi e, would askin! directly be your best bet3 :sually not, because she may !et a little defensi e. 'ut if you said to your friend that it's the most !or!eous table you ha e e er seen, what mi!ht she respond with3 5ou !uessed it7how expensi e it wasC If you said, 6-his looks like it cost a fortune. 4ow could you spend so much on a table36 what response mi!ht you !et3 She would tell you about its /uality and the craftsmanship that went into it. (hen you say it's expensi e, she'll talk about the /uality. If you say that it looks beautiful, she'll tell you about the cost. 'y askin! the ri!ht /uestions you can steer the con ersation in any direction you want and elicit the information that you need.

5ou can also control the mode of the response as well. 4a e you e er noticed the ritual that takes place when you pass someone in the hall or on the ele ator3 5ou smile, she smiles. 5ou smile and nod, she smiles and nods. 5ou !i e a hello, and then she will usually speak as well. -he one who responds to the situation first is the one who controls the mode of the exchan!e. -he same !oes for the pace of a con ersation. -ry this on your own. Ask someone an open1ended /uestion 7a /uestion that cannot be answered with a simple yes or no7 slowly and deliberately. (atch how the other person takes his time to respond. -hen ask a /uestion speakin! /uickly, and the answer is sure to be paced at a similar rate. In order to best detect deceit you may want to !uide the con ersation in a particular direction. 5ou can do this ery efficiently with +ust a few well1chosen words. After he makes a statement, you can use the followin! key words to direct the flow of information in any way that you choose. -hey can be used to extract information from any con ersation.

F.

M e a n i n g . . . Sayin! this word after he speaks directs his thinkin! and the con ersation toward the lar!er picture, !i in! you a better look at his o erall position. 4e will offer the reason for the position he's taken. -/ample I

6I'm the hi!hest1paid person at this institution.6 6Meanin!36 6-hat I'm the only one with the experience and education to do this +ob. I' e worked my way up the ladder o er a fifteen1year period.6
-/ample I

6I'm in char!e of the entire operation.6 6Meanin!36 6-hat the boss put me in char!e when he left. If you' e !ot any problems, you'll ha e to deal with me.6

G.

-his one1word response !i es you more lateral information. 5ou'll be able to !ather additional facts related to his position. -/ample I 6I'm sorry, but that's the best we can do.6 6And . . .6 6-he offer is as it stands. (e' e looked at the pricin! schedule and deli ery options three times.6
And . . .

-/ample I 6I'm in char!e of the entire operation.6 6And . . .6 6-hat means e erythin!7in entory, schedulin!, and employee relations.6

H. So . . . -his response makes him !et more specific, !i in! you the details of his position.
-/ample I 6I offer the best le el of medical care you can !et.6 6So . . .6 6If you came to me, I'd !i e you a full blood workup and x1rays as +ust part of the standard check1up.6 -/ample I 60ur company !uarantees you +ob security.6 6So . . .6 6If you e er had to take a lea e of absence, your +ob would be here for you.6

I. No" . . . -his response makes him translate his position into a specific action. 4e will proceed to tell
you exactly what he means and how it applies to you. -/ample I 60ur policy is to stand behind our shareholders.6 6,ow ...6 65ou can either follow us or !o out on your own. It's up to you.6 -/ample I 6(e offer the best !uarantee in the business.6 6,ow . . .6 65ou can si!n here, and we'll !et the paperwork !oin!.6
GETTING SPECIFIC

Sometimes you'll !et an answer, but it doesn't do you much !ood. 4ere are some !reat ways for narrowin! a a!ue response to !i e you a more direct, truthful answer. -he two main areas re!ard thou!hts and actions. -he followin! responses show how to draw out a specific answer.

I. In *esponse to an 0pinion or 'elief

-/ample I 'I don't think the meeting "ent ery "ell. < <5o" come*< =#road response9 <I ;ust don't$ all right*)<

Some responses will produce a more producti e response" <6ompared "ith "hat*< <5o" poorly did it go*< If you ask for clarification, the person feels more obli!ated to respond. Askin! a broad /uestion in response to a !eneral statement +ust produces more of the same.

II. In *esponse to a *eluctance to %ommit

-/ample A

<I don't kno" f I could.< <>hat do you mean$ you don't kno"*< =#road response9 AI ;ust don4t kno"$ all right*B -/ample . <I don't kno" if I could.< <>hy can't you*< =#road response9 <I don't kno". I ;ust can't. < Some responses will produce a more producti e response" <>hat$ specificallyC$ pre ents you*< <>hat "ould ha e to happen for you to #e a#le to*< <>hat "ould change if you did*<

)o you see how specific responses narrow the answer3 :se this techni/ue whene er you want to clarify a broad or ambi!uous answer. LET THE TRUTH BE TOLD (hat simple words work better than any others3 -hese three do" .ecause: (e're pro!rammed to accept an explanation as alid if it follows this word. Let's: -his word !enerates a !roup atmosphere and initiates the bandwa!on effect. It's a positi e word that creates action. 'ry: -his little word is a powerful moti ator because it implies that you will be unsuccessful, so it instils a 6what's the harm6 mentality. (e all lo e to try thin!s. -he followin! sentence uses all three words in a construction that makes absolutely no sense, yet seems like it should. <Let's gi e it a try #ecause if it doesn't "ork "e can al("ays go #ack to the "ay it "as. < %learly you ha en't introduced any reason for the per1son to take action. 5et it seems to make sense +ust the same. A person will !et defensi e only if he feels he's under attack, so why attack3 #et's look at the benefits of usin! these words to !et to the truth. <Did you take fi e dollars from petty cash*< <>hy did you take fi e dollars from petty cash*< <Stop taking money from petty cash)< (hat do all these phrases ha e in common3 -hey're all accusatory and likely to produce an automatic 6I didn't do it6 response. If you wanted to know if he took the money, simply say, 6-he money that we take from petty cash3 #et's try to keep it fewer than ten dollars at a time, because it works out better that way.6 )o you see how kind this statement is3 It's easier to !et to the truth because no one feels like he has to defend himself. :se these words7#ecause$ let's$ and try7whene er you want to !ain information without soundin! accusatory or demandin!. TAKING CONTROL ,ow you're fully e/uipped to !et the truth from any situation or con ersation. 'ut you can't operate if you can't !et a word in ed!ewise. If you're in a situation where you are unable to speak because the person keeps talkin! or interruptin!, the followin! are some !reat ways to !et the floor. -hese se enteen $in!ers will stun them into silence. :se whiche er one;s< you feel are most appropriate for the sit uation. -hey play on two susceptible an!les of human nature7e!o and curiosity.

F. G. H. I. J. A. K. L. M.

65ou're a smart person8 let me ask you a /uestion.6 6#et me !et your opinion on somethin!.6 6May I be the first person in your presence to finish a sentence36 6)on't show your i!norance by interruptin!.6 6I'm sorry if the facts conflict with your opinion, but I would like to know ...6 6Maybe you can help me with somethin!.6 6I know that you would want me to ask you this.6 65ou're the only person who would know the answer to this.6 6I hope this news doesn't upset you.6 6'efore you say anythin! else, answer this /uestion.6 6I want to !i e my full attention to what you're sayin!, so let me +ust !et this out of the way.6 6I hope this doesn't offend you, but...6 6I don't want you to miss this.6 6-his is the last time you'll hear this.6 6)o you ha e a !ood memory3 9reat, then you won't for!et this.6 6I'm sorry if the middle of my sentence ran into the be!innin! of yours.6

FB. FF. FG. FH. FI. FJ. FA. FK.

6Alon! those lines . . .6 It's easy to chan!e the con ersation when you be!in with the other person's last thou!hts.

P A R T

MIND GAMES
'I am different from (ashin!ton, I ha e a hi!her, !rander standard of principle. (ashin!ton could not tell a lie. I can lie, but I won't.6 7MA * & -( A I ,

-his section !i es you two ery powerful tools. -he first shows you how to a oid bein! lied to in the first place. In the second, you will learn how to find out a person's true intention in any situation.

A STRONG DEFENCE& AVOIDING THE LIE

As the sayin! !oes, the best defence is a !ood offence. 0nce you' e been lied to, you can easily !et to the truth with the techni/ues that you' e learned. 4owe er, the best time to deal with a lie is before it turns into one. %onfused3 -his may help. -he followin! is a techni/ue for cuttin! a suspicion off at the pass before it turns into deception.

Method %

-his is the method you use when you want the truth as it relates to a person's pre ious beha iour. 4ere is a possible scenario" a parent suspects that her twel eyear1old son is smokin! ci!arettes. -he followin! approaches are listed in order from worst to best.

a. 64a e you been smokin! ci!arettes3 I'm !onna kill you if I find out you ha e.6 -his approach is awful, but unfortunately it is the most common. In her an!er, the boy's
mother links confessin! to the truth with punishment. -his destroys any incenti e to confess. She is likely to be lied to.

b. 65ou' e been smokin!, ha en't you36 -his approach

is a little better because the mother indicates that she has some type of proof or e idence. Such an approach will work sometimes. -he child may not want to add lyin! to his al ready reprehensible act of smokin!. c. 6I want to speak to you about your smokin!.6 -his is what I call a forward assumpti e approach. -he child feels that the parent already knows he is smokin!. -he focus of the re/uest is on discussin! it. -he parent may !et a response such as 6I don't want to talk about it.6 4owe er, the truth is re ealed in that statement. d. 6I know all about the smokin! and the sneakin! around. 5ou know I'm not happy about that, but I +ust want you to promise me that you won't drink alcohol until you're twenty1one.6 -his is by far the finest approach because it works on so many le els. 2irst, it takes a forward assumpti e stance7 the parent 6knows all about the smokin!.6 Second, it uses two truisms ;see part J<. -he phrases 6sneakin! around6 and 6you know I'm not happy about that6 set the tone for honesty. -he child hears two thin!s that he knows to be true" 4e was sneakin! around and his mother is unhappy about his smokin!. 4e is therefore willin! to accept at face alue what follows. -hird, the mother !i es her son an easy out. All he has to do is promise not to drink and he's home free. -here's no threat or punishment, +ust honest statements followed by a deal that he belie es to be true as well.

-he !uidelines to keep in mind for this procedure are as follows"

F. Assume your suspicion as fact.

G. State at least two truisms ;facts that you both

know to be true<. H. Switch the focus from a threat to a re/uest. I. -he re/uest should be easy for him to accept and sound reasonable.

Method 0 -his method is used when you want the truth as it relates to a new decision. It is a simple but hi!hly effecti e strate!y to a oid bein! decei ed. 0ftentimes someone wants to tell us the truth, but it's easier to tell a lie instead. -he person knows the answer you want to hear and will !i e it to you whether he belie es it or not. 4owe er, if he doesn't know what you want, then he won't be able to decei e you. *ead the followin! examples and notice how well the second phrasin! masks your true /uestion.

> 6(e're restructurin! some positions. 4ow would you like

to work directly under me in finance36 0r 6(e're mo in! some people around. (ould you prefer to !et more experience in finance or marketin!36

> 6(ould you like me to cook for you toni!ht36 0r 6)o

you feel like eatin! in or out toni!ht36 > 6I'm thinkin! of askin! *honda out. (hat do you think of her36 0r 6(hat do you think of *honda36 -o use this techni/ue, +ust make sure that when you phrase the /uestion you mask your preference, and the respondent will !i e you an honest answer.

KNOW THY ENEMY& KNOWING THE LIAR AND HIS INTENTIONS

-he followin! example illustrates a process that is becomin! ery popular in employee screenin! tests. -he /uestions below are asked the prospecti e employee to determine if he is an honest person. If you really wanted the +ob, how would you answer these /uestions 3 5a e you e er stolen anything in your life* 5a e you e er run a red light* Do you ha e a friend "ho has e er shoplifted* 5a e you e er had thoughts of killing someone* Many of us would ha e to answer yes to most of these /uestions. And that is precisely the answer a prospecti e employer is lookin! for. (hy3 'ecause the honest answer is yes for most of us7saints excluded. -he employer's task is findin! those who are honest about it. Stealin! a pack of !um when you were twel e years old doesn't make you a bad person or an undesirable employee. -he !oal of this procedure is not to determine what the

person is !uilty of, but rather if he or she is honest about it. At least then you can deal with the situation with trust. #et's say that Martha's teena!e son, who has been away from home and li in! on the streets for the past two years, wants to come home. &nowin! that her son is addicted to cocaine, she is worried about whether he can actually clean up his act. She could tell him that he can mo e back in only if he enrolls in a dru! rehabilitation pro!ram. 4e will probably a!ree to this, whether he plans to do it or not. If he's sincere he'll say yes, and if he's lyin! he will also a!ree to her terms. -his does not !i e Martha a true indication of her son's intentions. 'ut Martha has read this book and instead tells her son that he can mo e back in if he /uits cold turkey7 ne er doin! another dru! whatsoe er. 4er son's answer will re eal his commitment to !ettin! well, which is the real concern. 0b iously her son can hardly !et rid of his addiction instantly. So if he indicates that he can, she knows that he's lyin! about his intention to !et well. 4owe er, if he says that he can't but will make strides toward !ettin! better, she will know that he is sincere in his pursuit of wellness.

?uick 'ip: .eople !enerally need a reason to lie. If there's no reason7 no moti ation7then you'll likely !et the truth. -herefore, you want to ask for the truth before he has a reason to lie to you. 5our !reatest le era!e always comes from knowin! what kind of person you're dealin! with. -he time to ask the salesman about the /uality of the product is not after you tell him that you're interested in buyin! it. (hy3 'ecause he may feel that it's in his best interest to lie to you. 4owe er, had you asked him this7casually, of course7 before you expressed an interest, there's no real incenti e for him not to tell the truth.

(hen you seek to !au!e a person's honesty and commitment, propose a solution that you know is too difficult. If he acknowled!es the difficulty of your solution, he is earnest in his desire to reach the specific ob+ecti e or outcome. If he readily a!rees to it, he has ulterior moti es and is not bein! truthful.

P A R T

5
ADVANCED TECHNIQUES FOR GETTING THE TRUTH
6Enou!h white lies add up to manipulation.6 7)A@ I ) J. #I E ' E * M A ,

-his section offers the most ad anced techni/ues for !ettin! at the truth. :sin! a blend of hypnosis and a system I de eloped called -rance1Scripts, you'll be able to !i e commands directly to a person's unconscious mind7in con ersation and without their awareness. -hrou!h this process you will be able to persuade others to tell the truth with maximum effecti eness. -hese techni/ues are extraordinary, so use them with +ud!ment and cautionC

EMBEDDED COMMANDS

-his techni/ue is used to implant su!!estions directly into the unconscious. Embedded commands are +ust that 7commands embedded in a sentence. -hese can be used in con+unction with both the attack se/uences and the sil er bullets. -o illustrate, the embedded commands are italici$ed in the sentence below. If you want to tell the truth or not tell the truth$ that's entirely up to you. -his sentence is recei ed by the conscious mind in its entirety. -he command71tell the truth7!oes directly to the unconscious. -his techni/ue is ery simple and has only two criteria. 2irst, for maximum effecti eness the command should start with an action erb, because you're tellin! the mind to do somethin!. Second, the entire command should be separated from the rest of the sentence usin! what is called an analo!ue marker. 5ou set the command portion off by one of the followin!" ;F< #ower or raise the olume of your oice sli!htly while speakin! the command. ;G< Insert a short pause ri!ht before and then ri!ht after the command. 2or instance, 6Sometimes we +ust . . . become fascinated . . . with what we're readin!.6 ;H< 9esturin! with your hand while you are !i in! the command momentarily distracts the conscious mind, and the embedded statement is recei ed by the unconscious mind as a command. 5ou don't want a fla!rant !esture or too lon! a pause. -his will only confuse the person and make him /uestion what you're doin!. -he ob+ecti e is to be casual and relaxed.

-he followin! is a !eneric example of how these would be used. -he embedded commands are in italics. I don't want you to tell me unless you want to. ,ow if you think to yourself on the inside = "ant to tell you.$ then +ust say it. (hen you realiDe this is the right decision you'll tell me the truth anyway. So we mi!ht as well clear the air no".

)3)2)1
-his techni/ue is phenomenal. It works because when the brain recei es se eral messa!es that it re!isters as truthful, then it expects what follows7the su!!estion7to be truthful. As lon! as the su!!estion is not blatantly false, the brain will accept it as true. -he process is simple. 5ou make four truthful statements followed by one su!!estion, then three truthful statements followed by two su!!estions, then two truthful statement followed by three su!!estions, and finally, one truthful statement followed by four su!!estions. -he truthful statements can be about anythin!7 the room you're in, the weather, anythin! that the brain can't ar!ue with. -he su!!estions should be about what you want him or her to do. 'y inte!ratin! externally erifiable statements with a specific su!!estion, you're leadin! your sub+ect to accept your su!!estion.

Scenario A police detecti e is seekin! a confession from a suspect. -he underscored phrases are the truthful statements and the italici$ed words are the su!!estions. 5ou can also combine this techni/ue with embedded commands, which are set off in parentheses.

As you're sittin! in the chair, wonderin! what you should do, you're probably wei!hin! your options. 5ou want to do what's best for you and that would be to 8tell me "hat happened9. (e know about your past arrest for robbery. And that you !ot off with probation. I know that you're probably scared and = "ant you to =kno" I'm on your side9 and I "ant you to =see the #enefits of telling the truth9. #ook, you want to !et out of here. And you know that I don't ha e the time to sit with you all day. Eetting this of your chest may make you feel #etter. &ou ' I #e sa ing your(self a lot of heartache and you 'I #e a#le to =get on "ith your life "hen this thing is o er9. I know you' e been around the street most of your life. 'his is your chance for afresh start. ='hink a#out the possi#ilities9 for yourself if you "ere to =go straight9. &ou'll #e a#le to =get a respecta#le ;o#9 and =take #etter care of your family9. UNCONSCIOUS CREATIONS -his techni/ue uses embedded commands in an entirely new way. 5ou will be able to !i e a su!!estion that creates a percei able action so you can obser e the si!ns of deceit without continuin! to /uestion him. (atch for the beha iours that you embed in the sentences. -hey will usually occur at some point durin! your con ersation.

-/amples 6I'm not sayin! that you should stifen up your #ody if you're lying.< 6I don't know if you're lyin!. :nless you feel like #linking your eyes fast if you are.'< 6If you . . . like "hat you're reading . . . you may . . . smile . . . no". F< (ith this techni/ue, you're embeddin! a command that you can readily obser e. 0ffer as many as you want. Just be sure to follow the same procedure as with the embedded commands.
DISASSOCIATION

-his process helps the person become more comfortable with tellin! the truth. It works by di idin! him into two separate people. ,o, not with a chain sawC 5ou're actually di idin! the psyche7settin! two parts of the person a!ainst each other. It's the old person who would lie ersus the new person who would ne er hurt you. -his process !reatly alle iates the person's !uilt because he no lon!er feels obli!ated to +ustify the actions that his 6old self6 was responsible for. -he process of disassociation is used with !reat success to treat phobias. In your con ersation, continue to repeat phrases like the ones below. Make sure that they contrast the old him and the new him. <,erhaps the old you "as capa#le of this. .ut I kno" you "ould ne er do that no". < <&ou're a diferent person than you used to #e. I'm sure that you 're e en more upset "ith the old you than I am. .ut you're not that person anymore.< <&ou're only responsi#le for "ho you are today. &ou are someone "ho is honest and trust"orthy. < -hese simple phrases be!in to wear down his defences. Sometimes they will work ri!ht away8 other times it may take a little while. 'ut if he keeps hearin! such phrases o er and o er a!ain he will break, and you will !et the truth.
EYE) ACCESSING CUES

-his techni/ue works on the followin! principle. (hen a person thinks, he accesses different parts of his brain dependin! upon the information that is bein! accessed. -his process can be obser ed by watchin! his eyes. 2or ri!ht1handed people isual memories are accessed by the eyes !oin! up and to the left. 2or a left1 handed person, it's the re erse" the eyes !o up and to the ri!ht. (hen a ri!ht1handed person seeks to create an ima!e or fact, his eyes !o up and to the ri!ht. And the re erse is true for the left1handed person. (hy don't you try this3 )o you recall what colour your first car was3 If you had to think about it, there's a !ood chance that if you're ri!ht1handed, your eyes went up and to the left. 5our eyes went up and to the ri!ht if you're left1handed. (hen a certain !o ernment official testified before %on!ress, his eyes went up and to the left each and e ery time he was recallin! information7clearly a si!n that he was relayin! the facts as he remembered them, not fabricatin! any stories. I thou!ht this until I happened to see a picture of him in 'ime ma!a$ine, holdin! a pen in his left hand. 5ou can use this techni/ue in any con ersation to deter1mine if the person is creating or recalling information. Sim1ply watch his eyes and you'll know whether he's recallin! an e ent that's already occurred or makin! up a story about somethin! that has ne er happened.

ANCHORING THE TRUTH

)o you recall .a lo 's famous do!s3 )urin! his experiments, he would put food powder in a do!'s mouth and measure the drops of sali a produced as a result by way of a tube sur!ically inserted into the do!'s mouth. 'ut durin! the course of his work, .a lo noticed that the do!s be!an to sali ate when he merely walked into the room. -his sali ation could not be a reflex since it did not occur the first few times .a lo walked in8 it occurred only when the do! had learned that .a lo 's appearance si!nalled food. -hat is, .a lo 's appearance become associated with a future e ent" food. 4e called this a psychic reflex or a conditioned reflex. It has come to be called, throu!h mistranslation, a conditioned response.

(e can see examples of conditioned reflexes in our own li es. .erhaps the smell of odka makes you sick because you had a bad experience with it se eral years a!o. 0r a certain son! comes on the radio and you recall a friend you ha en't thou!ht about in years. -hese are all anchors. An anchor is an association between a specific set of feelin!s or an emotional state and some uni/ue stimulus7an ima!e, sound, name, taste. (e're !oin! to use the same principle but employ it in an entirely new way. In poker there's somethin! called a tell. -hat's when another player makes an unconscious !esture durin! a specific situation. (hene er he's ner ous, for example, he may blink, look down, or mo e in a certain way. .rofessional card players learn to pick up on these tells, pro idin! them with an insi!ht into the person's hand. (hat you're !oin! to do is to install a truth tell in others so you'll know when they're lyin! in any instance 7now or in the future. 4ere's how it's done. Ask a series of /uestions that the person can answer truthfully and easily. (hen he answers, anchor it with a specific mo ement. -hen when you ask a /uestion you don't know the answer to, fire off your truth anchor as you

ask the /uestion. 4e'll unconsciously feel compelled to be truthful +ust as .a lo 's do!s knew it was time to eat when .a lo entered the room.

5ou don't want to be ob ious in your choice of anchors or in your choice of /uestions. Make sure the /uestions you ask will be answered truthfully. And the anchor should not be so common that it will become diluted by inad ertent use. -he /uestions don't ha e to be asked all at 0nce, and there is no set number of /uestions you need to anchor.

2or example, while your husband is eatin! his fa ourite food, you mi!ht ask, 6Are you en+oyin! your dinner36 2ire off the anchor as you ask the /uestion8 you mi!ht tilt your head sli!htly to one side or touch your hand to your nose. -hen ask a series of /uestions7 maybe four or fi e7while continuin! to fire off the same anchor e ery time you ask your /uestion. E ery so often reinforce the anchor by doin! this process7a /uestion=anchor se/uence. -he learned response will soon be so in!rained that any time you want the truth in response to a /uestion, +ust ask your /uestion and fire the anchor.

HEAVEN AND HELL

-his techni/ue should be used as a last resort. It is with hi!h hope and expectation that this and all of the other processes be practiced with +ud!ment, common sense, and decency. 4ypnosis can be used to treat phobias, anxiety disorders, and panic attacks. -his techni/ue re erses the process to instil a phobia in which dishonesty creates o erwhelmin! anxiety. If pain is linked to deceit and pleasure to the truth, confessin! becomes the only way to reduce the pain.

(e use a process similar to anchorin! the truth, except whene er somethin! painful or ne!ati e happens to this person7he ban!s his foot, he !ets into ar!ument with a nei!hbour7you anchor it. (hene er he feels disappointed or becomes upset, anchor it. -hen ask your /uestion and if it's not the response you want7if you feel he's lyin!7 fire off the pain anchor. 4e'll /uickly associate lyin! to you with pain. -he only way to alle iate this pain will be to tell the truth. -o further increase the association, contrast it by usin! a different anchor linked to pleasant experiences7sexual arousal, eatin!, relaxin!, etc.

In part G we touched briefly on the importance of rapport. (hen we are in synch with another person our communication flows effortlessly. (hen we consciously seek to !et in rapport with someone7to ali!n oursel es psycholo!ically7 we ali!n oursel es physically. Examples of this are matchin! a person's !estures, posture, or rate of speech. -his is called pacin!. 0nce you' e done this, you switch to what's called leadin!. -his can be extremely effecti e when done in the followin! way" After establishin! rapport with the other person, you feed him e erythin! that he may be thinkin! about the con ersation. -hese statements accurately reflect his thinkin!. -his ali!ns you psycholo!ically. -hen you lead his thinking by explainin! why the truth is the best route for him to take. And if this process is done ri!ht, he will follow.

-/ample 6I know that you think you're not ready to tell me the truth. I'm sure that you wish this entire con ersation wasn't takin! place ri!ht now, and that it could +ust be o er with. I'm sure that you think I'm !oin! to be upset with you and that we're !oin! to !et into a fi!ht o er it. 5ou may be thinkin! that there's no reason to tell me. Maybe I'm makin! a bi!!er deal out of it than it really warrants. I understand. (e all make mistakes, and this is one that you wish would +ust !o away. I'm sure I would feel exactly as you do if I were in your position. 'ut since I'm not, = can only tell you "hat it feels like to #e in mine. O-his phrase be!ins the lead.P

6It's all okay. It really is. #et's ha e an honest discussion. 5ou tell me exactly what happened and you'll know that it's the ri!ht thin! to do. I'd be happy, and I know you will too, to be able to put this behind us. -hat we can mo e on. #et's do that because it makes sense for both of us.6

ADVANCED CONVERSATION STOPPERS: TRANCE PHRASES

-hese con ersation stoppers use phrases that are mild trance inducers. In other words, they cause the listener to $one out temporarily while his brain tries to process the information. :se them when you need to !ain control of the con ersation or to re!roup. -hey !i e you some time to collect your thou!hts while others lose their train of thou!ht. 5ou may ha e to read them se eral times yourself because of the 6huh6 effect.

F. 6(hy are you askin! me what you don't know for

sure36 G. 6)o you really belie e what you thou!ht you knew36

H. 6%ould you !i e me ... an example . . . would be helpful.6 I. 65ou can pretend anythin! and master it.6 J. 6I understand what you're . . . sayin! . . . it doesn't
make it true.6

A. 6If you expected me to belie e that, you wouldn't ha e

said it.6

K. 65our /uestion is what you knew it would be, isn't it36 L. 65our response says what you're unaware of.6 M. 6)o you belie e that you knew what you thou!ht36 FB. FF. FG. FH. FI.
64ow do you stop a thou!ht once you !et it36 6(hy would you belie e somethin! that's not true36 6(hy axe you a!reein! with what you already know36 6(hat happens when you !et a thou!ht36 6-he less you try the more you'll a!ree ...6

SEE FOR YOURSELF

-he power of expectation and su!!estion can be used with tremendous results. (hile you could be relentless in your pursuit to !et the truth from someone, his mind may be ready to defend the assault. 'ut when his own mind turns a!ainst itself, he will do the work for you. 4a e you e er noticed what happens when you buy a new car3 Suddenly it seems like e eryone on the road is dri in! that same car. 0r if you're on a diet, e erywhere you turn is a bakery or ice1cream store. *eality has not chan!ed, only your perception of it has. (hen you can't chan!e someone's reality to !et to the truth, alter how he sees it instead. -his can be +ust as effecti e. If you were to tell a nei!hbour that there has been a rash of break1ins in the nei!hbourhood, o er the next few days she'll notice the !arba!e cans seem out of order8 the mailbox looks 6funny68 the car across the street looks suspicious. At ni!ht, she'll hear e ery creek and noise in the house. Maybe she's heard them a thousand times before, but now she's listenin! to them. ,ow they may mean somethin!. -he key to usin! this techni/ue is to implant an artificial su!!estion and let it manifest inside the person's mind. -his techni/ue !ets the person to rethink her beha iour with or without your confrontin! her directly. .lease note that this techni/ue may induce a temporary state of mild paranoia, especially if two or more people make the same su!!estion.

F. 6Are you unaware of what you for!ot36

Scenario 5ou think that a co1worker has been stealin! office supplies. Sample +uestion formation I: 6Samantha, ha e you noticed that people seem to be lookin! at you a little funny36 5ou can be sure Samantha will 6see6 e eryone lookin! at her, and it will consume her attention until she stops.

Sample +uestion formation I: 6Samantha, I think the whole office knows about the office supplies7ha e you e er noticed how they stare at you sometimes36 -his formation is more direct and confrontational.

5ou'll notice that if Samantha is in fact stealin! office supplies, she will soon belie e that e eryone is 6on to her6 because she will see e eryone starin! at her.

P A R T

"
PSYCHOLOGY ON YOUR SIDE
'Men stumble o er the truth from time to time, but most pick themsel es up and hurry off as if nothin! has happened.6 7(I , S - 0 , %4 : * % 4 I # #

In order to !et to the truth you need to know how to take control of a situation, command authority, and abo e all, predict someone else's response. -hese ten commandments of human beha iour will help you to na i!ate the sometimes turbulent waters of con ersation and her twin sister, debate. 'y understandin! how the brain processes information, you will be able to easily influence anyone to tell the truth.

TEN COMMANDMENTS OF HUMAN BEHAVIOUR

F. ,inety percent of the decisions we make are based on emotion. (e then use lo!ic to +ustify our actions. If you appeal to someone on a strictly lo!ical basis, you will ha e little chance of persuadin! him. If you're not !ettin! the truth, phrases such as 64onesty is the best policy 6 or 6#ies +ust hurt e eryone6 won't sway anybody. 5ou need to translate lo!ic and sensible thinkin! into an emotion1based statement7and !i e direct benefits for that person to come clean.
2or instance, a mother speakin! to her child mi!ht try, 6(hen you lie, it hurts me. I want to be able to trust you. -rustin! you means that you'll ha e more responsibility7 you'll be able to do more fun thin!s like ha e sleepo ers and !o to the pettin! $oo with your friends.6 5ou should offer specific benefits that appeal to the per1 sons emotions. -he attack se/uences and sil er bullets are all emotionally char!ed.

G. 4ow we deal with !ood and bad news depends on how it is internali$ed. (hen a person becomes unusually de pressed about an e ent in her life, it's often because of three
mental distortions" ;F< she feels that the situation is permanent8 ;G< she feels that it is critical, meanin! that it's more si!nificant than it really is8 and ;H< that it is all1 consumin!, that it will in ade and per ade other areas of her life. (hen any or all of these beliefs are present and ele ated, it will dramatically increase her anxiety and despondency. %on ersely, when we think of a problem as temporary, isolated, and insi!nificant, it doesn't concern us at all. 'y artificially inflatin! or deflatin! these factors in the mind of another, you can instantly alter their attitude toward any situation, be it positi e or ne!ati e.

H. (hen a person becomes his chan!e the one thin! that physiolo!y. state is directly A son's emotional

adamant about position, you can7his per related to his

physical state. If he !ets locked into a position of denial or refusal, !et him to mo e his body. -his pre ents what is called mind1lock and makes it easier for him to chan!e his psycholo!ical position. If he's sittin! down, ha e him !et up and walk around the room. If he's standin!, try to !et him to sit down. (hen our body is in a fixed position, our mind can become similarly fro$en.

I. )on't ask someone to chan!e his mind without !i in!

him additional information. *emember that while you're talkin! to the person he listens with his e!o7and you must accommodate it. Many people see chan!in! their mind as a si!n of weakness. 4e's !i en up and you' e won. So instead of askin! him to chan!e his mind, allow him to make a new decision based on additional information. .oliticians ha e a penchant for this because they ne er want to appear wishy1washy. -hey rarely say that they' e chan!ed their mind on an issue7rather, they say their 6position has e ol ed,6 as it were. 2or example, you mi!ht say, 6I can see why you said that then, but in li!ht of the fact that Oa new bit of information to +ustify him chan!in! his mindP, I think you owe me an explanation.6 4owe er, the way in which this new information is introduced is crucial. -he more recent the information is, or appears to be, the more effecti e you will be. If you brin! up a fact that occurred some time a!o, a fact that he was simply unaware of, he may not want to look foolish for not ha in! known about it. -herefore the more timely the information, the more comfortable he will feel in re1e aluatin! his thinkin!.

J. Sometimes you need to amplify the problem in order

to reach a solution. Some time a!o I was o er at a friend's house when his six1year1old announced that he was an!ry because he couldn't ha e ice cream for breakfast. (ith my friend's consent, I said the followin! to his son" 65ou're ri!ht, Stuart, you are too upset to do anythin! but be an!ry. 5ou'll probably need to sit there for two whole hours until it passes.6 ,eedless to say, Stuart !ot o er his an!er fast.

A friend of mine had a secretary who was constantly strai!htenin! up his office. 4e would ask her not to, but she insisted that it should be kept clean and or!ani$ed. She had been with him for o er fifteen years and he wasn't about to dismiss her o er this. ,onetheless, this habit became ery annoyin!. -he solution3 4e went out of his way to make a mess. E ery mornin! the office looked like a disaster area. 2inally his secretary mentioned that she thou!ht he was takin! ad anta!e of her !ood nature by bein! such a slob. She stopped tidyin! up soon afterward.

(hen ar!uin! becomes futile, stop. 9o the other direction, re ersin! your position entirely. 9i e the other person an exa!!erated ersion of what he wants. -his will often cause him to retreat to more neutral !round. A. .eople do what you expect them to do. If you say somethin! ten times, you clearly don't expect them to listen to you. ,otice the way people in authority7police, for example7take control of a situation. -hey don't scream, yell, or carry on. A wa e of their hand, and the traffic stops. -hey say thin!s once, and directly. If you're taken to the hospital with a broken le!, the doctor tells you what needs to be done. 5ou aren't !i en options. -here's no deliberation or ar!ument, and you're not asked for your opinion. If you're told that you need x1rays and a cast, then you !et x1rays and a cast. %ould you ima!ine if your doctor said, 65ou know, I think your le! is broken. (hat do you think36 5ou expect him to tell you what the situation is and what needs to be done. )o the same in con ersation. (hen you !i e an order, expect people to follow it and they will. (hen you shout, you send the messa!e 6I'm shoutin! so you'll listen to me.6 -he best way to !et a person's attention is to speak softly and directly. ,ot only will people often do what you expect them to do, but they often feel how you su!!est they should feel. -ake a look at three distinct examples of this influence at work in our e eryday life. A. (hen a small child falls, if his parent makes a bi! deal out of it, he will likely cry and become more upset. -he child's thou!hts are, 6Mom knows best, and if she thinks I hurt myself I must ha e.6 '. -he well1known placebo effect can induce physiolo!ical chan!es such as lowerin! blood pressure or controllin! cholesterol le els. (ith no more than a su!ar pill, a patient's body may react as if it were !i en the actual medication.

%. Someone says you look tired and your whole disposition

chan!es. -ry this on a co1worker and you'll notice a complete chan!e of body lan!ua!e. If you want to be nice, try the con erse and tell someone she looks !reat. (atch a smile appear and her eyes widen. (hile she may deny the compliment, watch her face to she how she really feels about it.

K. (hen we ask a fa our of someone, common sense dictates that we mi!ht want that person to be in a !ood mood.
-he thinkin! is, if he's relaxed and feelin! !ood he's more likely to !i e us what we ask for. -his is usually true, but it doesn't always work when you ask for the truth. (hen you want someone to come clean with the facts, you're askin! for more than a fa our. 5ou ha e to assume that it17the truth7is somethin! that he doesn't want to !i e. -hus the more comfortable thin!s are, the less his incenti e is. -he best time to seek your confession is when he's tired, hun!ry, thirsty, whate er. 4e won't be thinkin! clearly and will be lookin! to end the con ersation as soon as possible. 0f course he's !oin! to be more a!itated and !rumpy. ,onetheless, if

the only way he can become more comfortable is to tell you what you want, then he will.

L. 5ou must be able to walk away. If your opponent senses desperation, you're sunk. 5ou're only as stron! as your alternati es, and the more attracti e your alternati es, the more power you ha e. (hen you're desperate, the facts look !rossly out of proportion. (hen this happens, you'll be apt to do what you ne er should do" make a decision out of fear. (hen your options are limited, your perspecti e is distorted8 your thinkin! is emotional, not lo!ical. -his is true for all of us. If you percei e your power to be nonexistent you are likely to !i e in without !ood cause. 'y increasin! your alternati es and narrowin! the other person's options, you !ain considerable le era!e. -he e/uation that determines the balance of le era!e is simple. It comes down to who needs who more. -here's a sayin! that the person who cares less, wins. 0ne way to increase your power is to demonstrate that what your opponent has to offer7in this

case, the truth7can be obtained throu!h other means7in this case, other people. -his decreases his power, and hence his le era!e.

M. It's important to know how human bein!s process information. (hen it comes to doin! what we like, we do what's called single(tasking. (hen we think about thin!s we don't want to do, we do what's called multitasking. (hat does this all mean3 (ell, if you ha e to pay your bills but ne er feel like doin! it, what's the thou!ht

process you mi!ht !o throu!h3 5ou think, I' e got to get all of the #ills together and organiDe them into diferent pilesG get out my chek#ook$ stamps$ and en elopesG address each letterG "rite out the checkG #alance the check#ookG and so on. (hen it comes to doin! somethin! you en+oy doin!, you internali$e the steps in lar!er !roups. 2or

example, if you en+oy cookin!, the steps mi!ht be, !o the store and come home and make dinner. If you hated to cook, e erythin! from waitin! on line at the supermarket to cleanin! the dishes afterwards would enter into the e/uation. 2ine, but what's the practical use of this3 (ell, if you want to !i e someone a moti e to do somethin!, you're !oin! to show him that it's simple and easy. If you want to discoura!e a beha iour, you need only stretch out the number of steps into a lon!, borin!, and arduous process. Same e ent, but dependin! upon how it's internali$ed, you'll !enerate a completely different feelin! toward it.

FB. E ery action human bein!s take is moti ated either out of a need to a oid pain or the desire to !ain pleasure7or a combination of the two. (hat you link pleasure and pain to determines how a person will respond. If you want to influence a person's beha iour, you need to attach pain to the direction you don't want him to mo e in and pleasure to the direction you want him to mo e toward. -oo often out of an!er or i!norance we lose si!ht of this powerful moti atin! tool. If someone's not bein! truthful with you, do you want to shout, 65ou're a no1!ood liarC I knew you'd only cause me misery. -ell me the damn truth and then !et the hell out of my lifeC6 -his is not an effecti e strate!y. It's a simple e/uation" if the benefit of bein! truthful outwei!hs the benefit of lyin!, you will !et the truth. 4owe er, a crucial criterion needs to be met. -he benefit should pro ide for an easy out. -his is somethin! that most people don't take into consideration. -he liar abo e all else wants to chan!e the con ersation, mo e on, and put this behind him. (hen you outline the benefits make sure to include, if you can, that the sub+ect will ne er a!ain be brou!ht up, it will be for!otten about, and you both will be able to put this in the past. 5ou could offer him the !reatest incenti e for bein! truthful, but if he thinks a len!thy con ersation and constant reminders will follow, he's not !oin! to bud!e. -he sil er bullets are !ood examples of how to phrase your re/uest for the truth usin! the pleasure=pain principle.

P A R T

#
INTERNAL TRUTH BLOCKERS& WE LIE LOUDEST WHEN WE LIE TO OURSELVES
60nce he finds out who he is, what can console him3 . . . for on Earth E eryone who li es, li es in a dream.6 7 % A # ) E * 0,
)E #A

'A * % A

5ou ha e all the tools necessary to spot deceit and to ferret out the truth. 4owe er, se eral factors can interfere with and e en completely block your ability to detect deceit. -he !ood news is that bein! aware of these factors neutrali$es their power and lea es you free to examine the facts as they are.

SELF ) DECEPTION

-he easiest person to lie to is someone who wants to be decei ed. (hile se eral factors can !et in the way of our !ettin! to the truth, the worst offenders are usually oursel es. If you don't want to see the truth, you often will not. (e all ha e a friend whose boyfriend comes home late e ery ni!ht from work. 4e's seen around town with women half his a!e, smells like perfume, and is constantly takin! business trips on the weekend. 5et despite all of the e idence she refuses to see the truth. She accepts him at his word, and that is that. (hen we don't want to see the truth we'll lie to oursel es. -hese lies are the tou!hest to spot because they are our own. -here's no ob+ecti ity to !i e us perspecti e. .eople spend millions callin! MBB numbers to hear a recordin! of their lucky lottery numbers. (e would like to belie e that we could make a thousand dollars an hour in our spare time workin! at home from the kitchen table. 0ur desire to belie e stron!ly influences what we see as our reality, from miracle wrinkle creams to !uaranteed wei!ht1loss pills. And our desire n o t t o s e e filters out ital information that would often !i e us clues to disco erin! the truth. 0nly the exceptional person is willin! to look at what he doesn't want to see, listen to what he doesn't want to hear, and belie e that which he wishes would not exist. (hen you !o into a meetin! wantin! it to work out, you'll o erlook too many thin!s that may make it a bad deal. 5ou must try to remain as ob+ecti e as possible7Sas if you were re iewin! the information for someone else. (ishful thinkin!, desire, and hope cannot allow you to lose si!ht of reality. -he secret lies in learnin! how to suspend your interests. And yes, there is an easy way to do this usually difficult task. (atch out for the three %s. -hey are compliments, confirmation, and confrontation. If you're listenin! with any of these preconceptions in mind, the information is likely to be distorted.

In other words, if you're lookin! for praise, lookin! to confirm that which you already know, or lookin! for an ar!ument, you will miss the true meanin! behind the messa!e.

0.I , I 0 , S ,A-- I - : )ES,A,) 'E#IE2S

In the pre ious para!raphs, we saw how our desire to see or not to see colours our perception of reality. (hat we # e l i e e to be true also distorts our perception. All of our pre+udices, beliefs, attitudes, and opinions filter out the truth. If you !rew up to respect and re ere authority and were tau!ht ne er to /uestion an authority fi!ure, this belief will !reatly inhibit your ability to be ob+ecti e about information that comes from someone in such a position. Similarly, if you belie e that all salesmen are thie es or that all police are corrupt, it becomes impossible to see what is there. Instead you see a pro+ection of your own ideals, beliefs, and pre+udices. Sometimes we need to !enerali$e about our world8 with literally thousands of decisions to make each day, we can't look at e erythin! as if we were seein! it for the first time. -here are times, howe er, when it's itally important to suspend your beliefs. -hen and only then can you see thin!s as they are, not how you belie e them to be.

DON' T LET YOUR EMOTIONS GET THE BETTER OF YOU

Stron! emotions cloud our perception of reality. 0 er two thousand years a!o, Aristotle had this to say about emotion and distortion" 6:nder the influence of stron! feelin! we are easily decei ed. -he coward under the influence of fear and the lo er under that of lo e ha e such illusions that the coward owin! to a triflin! resemblance thinks he sees an enemy and the lo er his belo ed.6 Emotional states are either self1induced, externally brou!ht on, or arise from a combination of the two. Some of the more powerful ones are" !uilt, intimidation, appeal to e!o, fear, curiosity, our desire to be liked, and lo e. If you're operatin! in any of these states, your +ud!ment is likely to be impaired.

2urthermore, anyone who uses any of these is attemptin! to mo e you from lo!ic to emotion7to a playin! field that's not so le el. In the process the truth !ets lost because you're not operatin! lo!ically and can't effecti ely see the e idence before you, let alone wei!h it. Some !eneric examples of how these manipulations sound are as follows" Euilt: 64ow can you e en say that3 I'm hurt that you wouldn't trust me. I +ust don't know who you are anymore.6 Hear: 65ou know, you mi!ht +ust lose this entire deal. I don't think that's !oin! to make your boss ery happy. I sure hope you know what you're doin!. I'm tellin! you that you won't !et a better deal anywhere else. 5ou're a fool if you think otherwise.6 Appeal to ego: 6I can see that you're a smart person. I wouldn't try to put anythin! past you. 4ow could I3 5ou'd be on to me in a second.6 6uriosity: 6#ook, you only li e once. -ry it. 5ou can always !o back to how thin!s were before. It mi!ht be fun, excitin!7a real ad enture.6 Desire to #e liked: 6I thou!ht you were a real player. So did e erybody else. -his is !oin! to be a real disappointment if you don't come throu!h for us.6 Lo e: 6If you lo ed me you wouldn't /uestion me. 0f course I ha e only your best interest at heart. I wouldn't lie to you. 5ou know that deep down inside, don't you36

#ook and listen ob+ecti ely7not only at the words but at the messa!e. -hese internal truth blockers interfere with your ability to di!est the facts. (hen these emotions creep into your thinkin!, temporarily suspend your feelin!s and look in front of you, not inside yourself.
P A R T

8
EXTERNAL TRUTH BLOCKERS: TRICKS OF THE TRADE
6-he truth is the same from e ery an!le. A lie always needs to be facin! forward.6 7)A@ I ) J. #I E ' E * M A ,

:nlike internal truth blockers, which we brin! on oursel es, these truth blockers are done to us. -hese are the psycho1lo!ical secrets of the experts, the tricks of the trade7factors that can affect your +ud!ment in ob+ecti ely e aluatin! in1formation. ,o matter what area of life we're in, we're always sellin! somethin!. In business you're sellin! a product or ser ice. In your personal life you're sellin! yourself and your ideas. *e!ardless of the situation, the reason you don't succeed is always !oin! to be the same" the person doesn't belie e what you're sayin! is true. #et's say you're a real estate broker. Someone who is not in estin! with you may say 6I ha e to think about it6 or 6I ha e to talk to my wife.6 'ut really it all comes down to one thin!. If your prospect belie ed what you were sayin! was true71that you would make him money7then he would in1 est with you, wouldn't he3 Establishin! credibility is the key to influencin! the beha iour of others. (hen credibility can't be !ained throu!h the facts, distortion of the truth is what often follows. -hese techni/ues can be difficult to escape because they're based on psycholo!ical principles of human nature. -he !ood news is that these tactics are a lot like a ma!ic trick. 0nce you know how the trick is done, you can't be fooled.
RULE 1

(owC 5ou're Just #ike Me

(e all tend to like, trust, and subse/uently be influenced by people like oursel es. (e feel a sense of connection and understandin!. If you' e been to a casino recently, you may ha e noticed somethin! interestin! on e ery employee's name ta!. It looks a lot like this" Jim Smith @. .., Marketin! Atlanta, 9A

-he employee's hometown is ri!ht on the ta!. (hy3 'ecause it helps to create a bond with anyone who has li ed there or maybe has a relati e in that area. It in ariably starts a con ersation and the !ambler be!ins to feel connected with this person. Somethin! as innocuous as a name ta! has created instant rapport and possibly a loyal customer. 5ou may be thinkin! that this seems harmless enou!h, and you'd be ri!ht. (hat's the bi! deal, anyway3 (ell, if all that was affected by this psycholo!ical trait was name ta!s, then we wouldn't ha e to worry. 'ut it's not. It's much more per asi e and far1reachin! than you could e er ima!ine. #istin! all the situations in which this rule could be used on you would fill a book on its own. -herefore, here are the three most popular ways that it infiltrates our li es.

F. (atch out when you're asked about your hobbies, hometown, alues, fa ourite foods, etc., only to be followed with the obli!atory 6Me too, what a coincidence.6 G. Another aspect of this rule is that if someone is nice to us, we not only like him more but are more likely to a!ree with him. )on't you know this to be true in your own life3 If he's a!reein! to e erythin! you say, whether or not it makes sense, watch out. -he phrase 6flattery will !et you nowhere6 couldn't be further from the truth.
A !reat little fable by Aesop illustrates this nicely. It's called 6-he 2ox and the %row.6 A fox spied a crow sittin! on a branch of a tall tree with a !olden piece of cheese in her beak. -he fox, who was both cle er and hun!ry, /uickly thou!ht of a plan to !et the cheese away from the crow. .retendin! to notice the crow for the first time, the fox exclaimed, 6My, what a beautiful birdC I must say that is the most ele!ant black pluma!e I ha e e er seen. #ook how it shines in the sun. Simply ma!nificentC6

-he crow was flattered by all this talk about her feathers. She listened to e ery su!ary word that the fox spoke. -he fox continued" 6I must say that this is the most beautiful bird in the world. 'ut I wonder, can

such a stunnin! bird ha e an e/ually splendid oice3 -hat,6 said the cunnin! fox, 6would be too much to ask.6 -he crow, belie in! the fox's words, opened her beak to let out an ear1piercin! c a " I As she did so, the cheese tumbled out of her mouth and was !obbled up instantly by the fox. -he moral" ne er trust a flatterer. )oes this mean that you should be wary of e ery sin!le compliment and always assume the one who compliments you has an ulterior moti e3 0f course not. Just be alert to praise that drips with insincerity. H. 2inally, remember our discussion about rapport in part G3 (ell, it can +ust as easily be used on you. *apport creates trust. It allows the other to build a psycholo!ical brid!e to you. 5ou feel more comfortable and your !ullibility increases. -ake note if your mo ements, rate of speech, or tone are echoed by another.

RUL E

'eware the Stran!er 'earin! 9ifts

E er wonder why reli!ious !roups offer a flower or some other !ift in the airport3 -hey know that most people will feel compelled to !i e them a small donation. (e know we don't ha e to, but we can become uncomfortable, e en thou!h we didn't ask for the !ift in the first place. (hen someone !i es us somethin!, we often feel indebted to him. (hen you are presented with a re/uest, make sure that you're not actin! out of a sense of obli!ation. -his rule can take many forms7it's not limited to !ifts. 5ou could be offered information, a concession, or e en someone's time. )on't think that salespeople don't know that if they in est a lot of time with you, showin! you a product, demonstratin! how it works, you will feel somewhat obli!ated to buy it, e en if you're not sure that you really want it. -he key is to decide what's ri!ht independent of the other per1son's interest in your decision.

RUL E

It's 4alf .riceC 'ut 4alf of (hat3

-his principle states that facts are likely to be interpreted differently based upon the order in which they're presented. In other words, we compare and contrast. In an electronics store the salesperson mi!ht show you accessories to !o with your stereo system after you' e a!reed to buy it. Somehow the fifty1dollar carryin! case and a thirty1dollar warranty doesn't seem that much in the wake of an ei!ht1hundred dollar system. 'ecause he has shown you the costlier items first, your perspecti e shifts and the items seen afterwards are deemed more reasonable. A less1than1reputable used car salesman mi!ht show you se eral cars that are priced GB to HB percent hi!her than they should be. -hen he'll show you a car that's priced fairly and you'll think it's a !reat deal. -o you, it feels as if you're !ettin! more car for the money7what a bar!ainC (hen really you only think that because you're comparin! it to the other cars. 0ther examples of this principle are price markdowns. An item that's been reduced from TJBB to TGBB certainly seems like a better bar!ain than somethin! that sells for TFJB. -he contrast on the sale item makes it more attracti e, e en if it's not as nice as the item that sells for less. 6I know it's expensi e, but look at what it used to sell for6 is the familiar retort. In some of the finer restaurants, !uests are treated to sorbet between courses. -his is done to clear the palate. 2la ours from pre ious dishes won't mix with others, so that each dish may be en+oyed completely. (hen you ha e, a decision to make, why not clear your mental palate3 -o do this you need only consider each decision by itself. -his can best be accomplished by lettin! time pass between decisions and by independently determinin! the alue of the ob+ect.

RULE

Just )o -his 0ne #ittle -hin! for Me3

&now when to stick to your !uns and when not to. Most of us ha e a stron! tendency to act in a manner consistent with our pre ious actions7e en if it's not a !ood idea. It's +ust human nature. (e are compelled to be consistent in our words, thou!ht, beliefs, and actions.

It has to do with the ability to make a decision independent of pre ious decisions. And the hi!her a person's self1esteem, the !reater the chance that he or she will make independent decisions. -he followin!, which is from my book I n s t a n t A n a l y s i s $ deals with this phenomenon. If you ha e a low or ne!ati e self1ima!e, then you feel more compelled to +ustify your pre ious actions so you can be 6ri!ht.6 5ou will eat food that you don't want because you ordered it. 5ou will watch a ideo that you really don't want to see because you went 6all the way to the ideo store in the rain to !et it.6 5ou continually try to 6make thin!s ri!ht,6 +ustifyin! old actions with consistent beha iour. In other words, watchin! the ideo that you went to !et makes !et tin! the ideo the smart thin! to do, e en if you no lon!er feel like watchin! it. 5our primary concern is with bein! ri!ht, e en if it means compromisin! present +ud!ment in order to satisfy and +ustify past beha iours. -his is done in the hope that you can turn thin!s around so that you can be ri!ht. -he ultimate example of this beha iour is the process of cult recruitin!. 5ou may wonder how an intelli!ent and aware person could e er !et in ol ed in a cult7where the members !i e up family, friends, possessions, and in some ery sad instances, their li es. -he hi!her a person's self1esteem, the less likely he or she will be to fall prey to a cult7primarily because a person with a positi e self1ima!e can admit to himself, and to others, that he's done some1thin! stupid. -hose who lack self1worth cannot afford to /uestion their +ud!ment, worth, or intelli!ence. -he method employed in cult recruitment is to in ol e the person slowly o er a period of time. Each new step of in ol ement forces the person to +ustify his or her pre ious beha iour. -his is why cultists don't +ust walk up to someone and say, 64ey, do you want to +oin our cult and !i e up all of your possessions36

-his rule can !reatly influence your decision1makin! process. Essentially, by !ettin! you to a!ree to small, seemin!ly innocuous re/uests, the person sets you up for somethin! lar!er. 'y a!reein! to the small re/uests, you +ustify your beha iour by reali!nin! your thinkin! as follows" 6I must really care about this person or I wouldn't be helpin! him6 and 6I must really care about this cause or I wouldn't be doin! any of this.6 -o a oid others usin! this rule on you, beware if you are asked to commit to somethin!, e en in a small way. -his re/uest is usually followed by a sli!htly !reater re/uest, and o er time your sense of commitment is built up to the point where you feel locked into your decision. (hen you make decisions, notice if your best interests are bein! ser ed or if you're simply tryin! to 6make ri!ht6 a pre ious beha iour.

RUL E

-he 'andwa!on Effect

-his principle states that we ha e a tendency to see an action as appropriate if other people are doin! it. -his psycholo!ical trait in ades many areas of our life. #au!h tracks for tele ision comedy shows come courtesy of this principle as well. )o we think that somethin! is funnier if others are lau!hin!3 Absolutely. 5our nei!hbour, whom you ne er looked at twice, suddenly appears more attracti e when you're told that e ery woman is dyin! to date him. %herry red7the colour that the car salesman told you is the hottest seller of the season7suddenly becomes a must1ha e. -he key to a oidin! the influence of this rule is to separate your le el of interest from other people's desire. Just because you're told that somethin! is the latest, best, hottest, or bi! !est seller doesn't

make it ri!ht for you.

RULE

"

A (hite #ab %oat )oesn't Make Anyone an Expert

0f all the psycholo!ical tools, this is by far the most used and abused by retailers. (e all remain to some de!ree /uite susceptible to our earlier conditionin! re!ardin! authority7 mainly, it is to be respected. -his is fine, except that the abuses of our ulnerability are fla!rant and rampant. 4a e you e er noticed what cosmetic salespeople in department stores wear3 #ab coatsC )oes this not seem odd3 (hy do they wear them3 'ecause it makes them look like experts. And we are more likely to belie e what they ha e to say because they are percei ed as more credible. *ecently my friend had told me that he had rented the absolute worst mo ie he had e er seen in his life. (hen I asked what possessed him to rent it, he replied, 6-he !uy behind the counter told me I would like it.6 As soon as he said this, he reali$ed how silly he had been. (hat on earth does the !uy behind the counter know about my friend or his taste in mo ies3 Just because someone's behind a counter, wearin! a lab coat, or holdin! a clipboard, that doesn't make him an expert.
RULE #

*are )oesn't Always Mean @aluable

-his principle states that the harder somethin! is to ac/uire, the !reater the alue we place on its attainment. In essence, we want what we can't ha e and want what is hard to obtain e en more. 6(e're probably out of stock on that item. It's a hu!e seller. 'ut if I did ha e one a ailable, you would want it, ri!ht36 -here's a better chance you would say yes when the possibility of attainment is at its lowest. %ompare the abo e sentence with the followin! one and see if you would be as apt to a!ree to the purchase" 6(e ha e a warehouse full of them. Should I write up the order now36 -he impetus to act +ust isn't there this time. ,o ur!ency, no scarcity, and no desire. -he key to a oid this rule bein! used on you is to ask yourself this /uestion" would I still want it if there were a million +ust like it and no one wanted any of them3

RULE

A %olour .ie %hart )oesn't Make It -rue

'en+amin )israeli put it best when he said, 6-here are three kinds of lies" lies, damned lies and statistics.6 It ne er ceases to ama$e me +ust how easily swayed we become by some1thin! that 6looks6 official. Just because someone points to a colour !raph as 6proof6 doesn't make e erythin! he's sayin! true. )on't be swayed by the mode of the messa!e7 rather, focus on the messa!e itself. 4ow many of us listen to a salesman's pitch, only to be presented with a nice colour brochure outlinin! e erythin! that's +ust been said3 At what point did we come to belie e that the printin! press doesn't lie3 -here's an old sayin! that !oes 6,obody e er sells a horse because it's a bad horse. -hey sell it for tax purposes.6 0ften we don't stop and ask oursel es, 6)oes this make sense36 A dash of common sense can !o a lon!, lon! way.

RULE

'

I'm on 5our Side

-his techni/ue is used to !ain credibility. (hen it is done effecti ely, you would swear that you' e +ust made a new best friend who has only your best interest at heart. 2or this rule, he manufactures a scenario to !ain your trust, then uses this trust in a real1life situation. 2or example, let's say that you're in a mattress store and considerin! buyin! the Super )eluxe7a firm, top1 of1theline bed. -he salesman tells you that if you want it he'll order it for you, but he feels you should know somethin! first. 4e proceeds to tell you that while the consumer would ne er reali$e it, this manufacturer sometimes uses recycled materials on the inside. (hat has he accomplished by this3 4e has !ained your complete confidence. 4e's riskin! a sale to tell you somethin! that you'd ne er find out otherwise. ,ow you'll be inclined to trust anythin! he says. At this point he shows you the Supreme )eluxe. It's priced sli!htly hi!her than your first choice, but has no used materials inside.

R U L E

1 (

#ook at (hat 5ou're 9ettin!, ,ot (hat 5ou're .romised

-o a oid bein! decei ed, e aluate a person's inte!rity based upon what is bein! presented, not what is promised. 4enry was an older man who went store to store sellin! pocket watches. -o those in the store, salespeople and shoppers alike, he was a peddler. And he retired a millionaire. 4e did nothin! that was ille!al per se. 4ow did he become so wealthy sellin! pocket watches3 Mainly because he ne er sold the watch. (hat he sold was the story. 4enry would walk into the shop and ask if anyone would like to buy a beautiful handcrafted crystal lamp. -he cost was only thirty1fi e dollars, hundreds less than what one would expect to pay. 4e made the lamps himself and en+oyed 6!i in! them away.6 Since he had only one sample he would need to take orders. 4e dili!ently took down the names and addresses of each ea!er person and refused to accept any sort of deposit. 65ou'll pay when you !et it and when you're happy with it,6 he would say, smilin!. 4enry had now established him1self as a trustin! person and one who had a beautiful product at a fantastic price. 4e has their trust and their confidence. 4enry also carried a lar!e box with a handle. And in ariably someone at some point would ask what was in the box. -his is when 4enry went to work. 4e opened the box, re ealin! beautiful sterlin! sil er pocket watches indi idually wrapped and protected. 4e told his ea!er audience +ust about anythin! he wanted to about the watches. -hey had no reason to doubt him or their alue. After all, look at e erythin! he had 6done6 for them so far. 4enry would sell the pocket watches to most of the nice folks who placed orders for his lamp. ,obody e er did !et a lamp7+ust an o erpriced pocket watch, sold to them by a kind old man.

*emember 4enry the next time you make a decision based upon somethin! that has been promised, but not de1li ered.
R U L E I I

(ell, %an 5ou at #east )o -his3

If you're asked to do a rather lar!e fa our for someone only to decline his re/uest for help, beware. A smaller fa our, the one he really wants you to do, may follow. (e are more likely to a!ree to a smaller re/uest if we're first presented with a lar!er one. -here are three psycholo!ical moti ations at work"

F.

5ou feel that in contrast to the first re/uest, the smaller one is no bi! deal.

G. H.

5ou feel bad for not coinin! throu!h on his ori!inal fa our, and this seems like a fair compromise 5ou don't want to be percei ed as unreasonable. *efusin! the lar!e re/uest is one thin!. And this small fa our is not !oin! to kill you.

R U L E

1 2

I'll Show 5ou

,obody wants to be pre+ud!ed or ne!ati ely e aluated. -hat is to say, people dislike bein! thou!ht of as lesser, in any way, shape, or form. 4ere's how those who understand this rule can use it a!ainst you. 5ou walk into a clothin! store and ask to see a certain desi!ner sweater. -he salesman shows you where it is and adds, 6It may be a little pricey for you, we ha e some less expensi e ones o er there.6 6I'll show that +erk,6 you think to yourself. 6I'll buy this sweater and pro e that I can afford it.6 5ou lea e mad with an expensi e purchase, head held hi!h, of course. -he sales1man3 4e's smilin! all the way to the bank. -his rule uses what is commonly referred to as re erse psycholo!y. 'y implyin! what he 6thou!ht6 you could afford, he forced your e!o to pro e to him wron!.

CONCLUSION
(hether it's business or personal matters7from casual con ersations to in1depth ne!otiations7the techni/ues that you ha e learned will si!nificantly chan!e the way you re1late to the rest of the world. ,ow that you' e !ained that extra ed!e, you'll en+oy an unprecedented opportunity to use the most important secrets !o ernin! human beha iour for enhancin! and ad ancin! your business and personal relationships. -here will probably ne er be a way to stop people from tryin! to lie to you, but now you'll be ready for them. And with each new encounter, in any situation, you will ne er be lied to a!ain.