What on earth could have caused a big man of the calibre of a serving senator of the Federal Republic to break

down on his knees, before his people, rivers of tears flowing down his cheeks? The riddle could be solved with a recall of the resonating clownish show I had many years ago with Suzie, one of the only two babes I summoned the audacity to "toast" in my days at Obafemi Awolowo University. Recently, I ran, by chance, into the leggy beauty who now glides, gracefully, from the corridors to the balconies of power, having been married to a politician of timber and calibre in the cabal. She wondered if she could have been savouring the excitement of her present status had she succumbed to my daring advances on campus. I quickly went on my knees in near tearful apologies: I wooed her in error!

But real tearful apologies flowed freely from the senior lawmaker representing the Central District of the state brimming with Sunshine in the middle of 2013 following the public outcry that trailed his outrageous vote on the floor of the sacred chamber. The humbled and sober strong man of courage (Akin) had voted in support of a bill that sought to give legislative legitimacy to the usual pastime of a former state maximum ruler. (The ex-Excellency, now a distinguished member of the Upper Chamber, flaunts, as his political capital, the notorious popularity for making first ladies of toddlers as soon as they are weaned of their feeding bottles.) I am very sorry for the costly mistake; I actually voted in error! the sobbing senator lamented before his people.

Unlike the baby hunter from the "Home of Agricultural Products," the Owelle of Nigerias First Gentlemen does not have a kid young enough to be his granddaughter as First Lady. But he had no qualms signing a bill that gave legal backing to his Heartland daughters who accepted, in error, generous donation of protruding bellies to go ahead and flush the bloody

things out. Just as his outraged people began to lament whether they had voted for him in error, he quickly apologized and swore before them he, actually, it was who signed the bill in error. His fellow helmsman, this time former and of the Bank of banks, who could not see through his daring con-Soludo-tion attempt at the Government House, also joined the error train: The PDP has nothing to offer the Nigerian people; I joined the PDP by accident. That was the professorial way of postulating that he joined the party in error.

Even bullet-proof cars are not error-proof! Ask the Princess Madam who administers the Skies and allied matters why her media assistants first denied but later admitted expensive armoured cars were bought for her for security reasons and she would confirm to you it was nothing but the erroneous responses of my aides. Just as her aides were speaking in error and some man-made heavenly bodies under her supervision, on account of emergency issues, were landing at designated and undesignated airports in error, something dramatic took over the air waves. One little latter-day Daniel deployed the error tactic to stow-away in a flying lions den from his Benin base on his way to dreamland USA, only to land in Lagos MMA in error.

If, like in the case of the men with the Akin and Okoro stuff in their blood, errors always have apologies trailing them, then Babs the Fash of the Centre of Excellence had his day. His unqualified and unreserved apology before the Aka Ikenga in his domain would be a clear admission that his much-criticized deportation of a number of citizens, who are actually the Light of the Nation, was executed in error. And we should agree: he should have deported his entire 20 million population; for the destination was indeed the proud Home for All.

However, Nigerians may never get any such apology from the one they love to hail as Maradona, for abandoning his exhilarating dribbling runs and delivering a crushing sliding

tackle on the watershed June 12, 1993 national conference. An error would have obtained had he annulled the result, but, to his credit, he merely cancelled it. And cancellation never constitutes any good ground for apologies, especially as he had been magnanimous enough to take full responsibility. As a democrat, the retired general would not mind you going to court should you remain unsatisfied with such grievous self-infliction of enormous national sacrifice. You should derive judicial encouragement from the conviction and sentence passed in some high places, a few years ago, on a fellow big gun for splitting our collective contract among family, friends and associates. If however, you thumb your nose because such popular judgement was recently adjudged to have been passed in error in the Supreme Georgement, you can just prepare to "go and die. But before you heed any such advice from some Oga at the Top in The Heartbeat of the Nation, be aware you are all on your own. Your family may never be able to successfully prosecute anyone as charges relating to complications arising from actions carried out in error are unknown to law in Nigeria.

You could wait on government at all levels, though. Perhaps, they all have a resolution in 2014 to do some positive things in error provide just 16-hour power supply in error, fix the roads in error, honour agreement with ASUU in error, provide good security, allow fuel subsidy and pension funds a breathing space and equip the schools and hospitals all in error. You would not mind more errors, surely. In fact, as computer egg-heads would say, error scan continues.

But should all these prove, once again, to be beyond government, please spare me of blame for this optimistic piece of mine. Simply lay the blame at the doorstep of the enthusiastic editor who caused it to be published. His computer programme must have been boko-harammed

by Commander General Virus such that it could no longer detect the Error message. The article was written in error!

Happy New Year!