Professional Documents
Culture Documents
The Imp
The Imp
The Imp
The Imp
SETTING:
An Office
CAST OF CHARACTERS:
BOSS
Ms. Columbina, you can send Mr. Arlechino in now. .. Why not? He’s What?
He’s hanging from the fluorescents? Well get him down from there… I don’t
know, use a broom handle, anything. But be careful. Don’t break the
fluorescents… I know he hates the fluorescents but he can’t just- Why is he up
there anyway? “To look down your blouse?” Well isn’t that sexual harassment?
You don’t see it that way? Why not? He what? He thinks your breasts should be
designated as national treasures? Well that’s ridiculous. What?... No, I don’t
think your breasts are ridiculous, I just- What am I saying? I shouldn’t even be
talking about your breasts! Just tell him to stop hanging on the lighting fixtures
and come in here. Please!
BOSS
(Mumbling to himself:)
ARLECHINO
You wanted to see me, boss?
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BOSS
ARLECHINO
BOSS
Well, as you know, the morale at this company was at an all time low when we
hired you. Recent economic downturns and employment down sizing has badly
impacted the general work environment. You were hired because your services
guaranteed a lift in inter-office relations and increased productivity.
ARLECHINO
That’s right, boss. I was working on some inter office relations when you called
me in, sir.
BOSS
ARLECHINO
As I said the day you hired me, boss, there are no lengths I will not go to raise
the morale here at your company. Your secretary, Ms Columbina, was suffering
from some Body Image Issues. I was simply trying to help her recognize her
attributes. People like to feel appreciated, boss…
So how ‘bout a raise?
BOSS
ARLECHINO
Fire me? You can’t do that! I’d be out on the streets… lonely, desperate. No
place to call my own, flitting down alleyways-
BOSS
Look.
It was an experiment.
We wanted to see if having a kind of Joker in the deck would create a “fun”
atmosphere and thereby boost productivity. You offered your services as a
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ARLECHINO
But boss, you haven’t gotten your money’s worth out of me yet. I’m just
beginning on my campaign to bring a healthy sense of mirth and good cheer to
this work place. I am the Instigator of Bon hommie. The Master of Revels! I am
Coyote, the Trickster and the Indians called me Kokopelli. I am the first card in
your Tarot deck.and the last person you want to see at a funeral. I am the Class
Clown and the Sacred Harlequin. I am Lear’s “all licenced Fool.” I am all of
these things for I am a Shape Shifter and all these pranks and pratfalls are
merely flashes of truth aimed through the funny bone to the heart.
BOSS
Flashes of truth? What are you talking about? You’ve done nothing but disrupt
the day to day operation of this company. For instance I understand last Friday
you filled the water cooler with sangria.
ARLECHINO
I only wish you had been there sir! I must say there was some quite lively inter-
departmental communications going on. And into the wee hours. In fact, after
he fell asleep, we saran-wrapped Dave from Marketing to his cubicle. He had to
tear his way out Saturday morning with a staple remover.
BOSS
That’s just what I’m saying. It’s that kind of misappropriation of basic office
supplies that is not conducive to a stable work environment
I’m going to have to let you go.
ARLECHINO
But you can’t, boss. You need me. I’ll prove it to you.
BOSS
Need you? What I need is to pay attention to the bottom line. And that means no
frivolous expenditures, no silly experiments and no un-necessary employees
doing things like hooking all my paper clips together so when I pull one out of
the dispenser I get this long chain stretching halfway ‘cross my office!
ARLECHINO
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BOSS
No! You are an expendable nuisance and this business doesn’t need you
mucking it up with your silly high jinks!
ARLECHINO
BOSS
ARLECHINO
BOSS
You’re crazy.
ARLECHINO
Perhaps. But what is madness but a high degree of independence? I’m here to
foster the unusual, to promote the surprising, to derail the mundane. I am an
agent of a very important committee.
BOSS
ARLECHINO
BOSS
CRUD?
ARLECHINO
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And you can be a member too. All you have to do is release yourself from the
shackles of habit and routine and embrace the Imp that’s inside you.
BOSS
ARLECHINO
Oh yes there is. There’s an Inner Imp inside all of us. And if he’s not allowed to
come out and play occasionally- he will whither and die. And you don’t want that,
do you?
BOSS
ARLECHINO
(He presses his ear to BOSS’s stomach.)
Oh yes there is! And I can hear him. I can hear the little Imp inside you gasping
for air, begging to be set free if even for a moment.
BOSS
Allright Arlechino I’ll play. Prove it. Prove that there’s an Imp living inside me and
I’ll keep you on for another week.
ARLECHINO
BOSS
…Okay.
ARLECHINO
BOSS
This is absurd. I don’t want to-
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ARLECHINO
BOSS
ARLECHINO
BOSS
Okay, okay…
(In a funny high voice)
Hello? Is Max there?
ARLECHINO
BOSS
ARLECHINO
(Taking the phone from him, hitting redial.)
My turn.
(In funny low voice.)
BOSS
ARLECHINO
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Ask the same thing- but use a different voice this time.
BOSS
(An even squeakier voice.)
Hello. Is Max there?
(He hangs up, a slight smile creasing his face.)
ARLECHINO
BOSS
Wow. That was fun! Arlechino you’re a genius. But how does a silly crank call on
company time to one of my own employees boost productivity around here?
ARLECHINO
Don’t you see? You created mischief. One of the fundamental ingredients of
happiness. Mischief. You gave Norman a story to tell. You gave him a
momentary respite from the mind numbing routine of number crunching and dry
accounting and now he can get back to work with a little smile on his face
knowing he has a story to tell his wife tonight at dinner. “The oddest thing
happened today honey. There was this call for someone named Max.”
We may even have awakened Norman’s own stagnant Imp hibernating inside
him. Now he will get back to work with vigor! Renewed and refreshed by the little
Imp inside you!
BOSS
But my job is not to awaken dormant Imps lurking inside my employees. My job
is to get them to stick their noses to the grindstone and focus on their work!
ARLECHINO
But don’t you see? Something’s got to change. All this focus and hunching over
the grindstone has ground us down to nothing. It’s what got us into this mess in
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the first place. Our only hope is fostering a healthy dose of mischief. You just
gave Norman a chance to lift his head briefly and wonder what the hell just
happened. Your Imp is now alive. Now it’s up to you to let him fly!
BOSS
But what about Bottom Line? What about fiscal responsibilities and making hard
choices?
ARLECHINO
You’ve tried that mode of thinking. Look where it got you. Bailouts and
Bankruptcies. Time has come to let the Imp take a whack at it. It couldn’t be
worse.
BOSS
Okay Arlechino I’ll do it. I’ll let the Imp inside me make all the decisions.
ARLECHINO
Thatta boy!
BOSS
ARLECHINO
But boss-
BOSS
ARLECHINO
BOSS
(Chuckling.)
It’s not bad once you get the hang of it.
ARLECHINO
BOSS
Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got some work to get back to but yes, with a
refreshed, renewed sense of vigor. You were right, Arlechino. Mischief is a
muscle. You gotta work it out once and a while or it will atrophy.
ARLECHINO
That’s it! Congratulations! You are now a member of CRUD. The Committee to
Relieve Usual Dullness welcomes you!
(A final triumphant bow.)
Now I’ll let you get back to work, boss. And good luck!
(ARLECHINO exits. BOSS sits for a moment, then picks up his phone.)
BOSS
END OF PLAY