Jackie Pilossoph: Should You Change Your Name Back After Divorce?

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Onslaught dro [update: traile

January 13, 2014

Should You Change Your Name Back After Divorce?

Posted: 05/21/2013 2:48 pm Like 270 people like this. Sign Up to see what your friends like.

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Get 38 Divorce Share Newsletters: 28 Tweet Enter email Subscribe 0 Getting divorced brings lots of changes. A change in residence for one or both of you, a parenting schedule you never had, 15 Email newfound free time, dating for the first time in years (decades for some!), financial changes, going back to work perhaps, and if 28 you Comment choose: your name. Should you change your name back after divorce? Every divorce is different, and there is no right or wrong answer. Some people keep their married name forever, some change back, and some people change from husband number one to husband number two. (Not judging, by the way, just sayin'.) The first piece of advice I want to give that might prove to be VERY helpful is, IF YOU ARE GETTING DIVORCED, MAKE SURE THAT YOUR DIVORCE DECREE GIVES YOU THE OPTION OF CHANGING YOUR NAME BACK TO YOUR MAIDEN NAME. I recently met two women who both told me they had been divorced for a long time. Neither one changed their name back, and it wasn't because they didn't want to. They both stated that their attorneys didn't put the option in their decrees. So, now, if they want to change their name back, they have to get an amendment to their divorce decree, which means spending more money on attorney fees and a court appearance. Make sure to tell your attorney to put a clause in your decree that gives you the right to change back. You may never use it, but isn't nice to have the option? So, should you change your name back? Consider these things: 1. Children Some women don't want to have a different name than their kids, which is understandable. But, I don't think that should inhibit anyone from changing their name back. If you change back to your maiden name, and your kids' friends call you Mrs. So and So, you don't have to correct a third grader and say, "I'm sorry, can you please call me Ms. Maiden?" Just don't say anything. Allow them to call you Mrs. So and So. What's so bad about that? It's like if you are Jewish and someone says "Merry Christmas." Why correct them? Just accept the sentiment and move on. 2. What's the REASON you are changing your name back? I know a woman who was so bitter and hateful against her ex, that she became obsessed with changing her name back. It's like she thought her old name would help her get as far away from her ex as she could. Well, guess what? If you have kids, nothing will pull you away from having to deal with your ex. So, don't change your name back because your ex disgusts you. Find other ways to deal with your hate and bitterness. If you do it, do it because YOU want that name back. I did it because I LOVE my name and I LOVE my father and I wanted his name back. Incidentally, I was divorced for several years before I actually changed back. There's no rush. Wait until you are ready and the time is right for you. If that never happens, that's okay, too! 3. Your profession Are you going back to work? Let's say that before you were married and had kids, you were the top sales representative for an ad agency, and you have made a name for yourself, only that name is your old name. If you are returning to that industry, don't you want people to recognize your name? 4. Do you feel more comfortable with your married name? I know so many women who get divorced and keep their married name. If you just feel comfortable and this is how people in your community know you, and you wish to stay that way, than you have the right to keep it. No one should judge that. 5. Are you just lazy or you feel too busy to change? I feel I owe it to you to tell you, I changed back about 6 months ago, and it was soooo not a big deal. It's two trips: one to the driver's license place, where you don't have to take a test, AND you get a new picture (bonus!), and one to the social security office. After that, it's a bunch of phone calls to utility companies, and you can take all the time you need to make those calls. A few places make you send in a copy of the page of your decree that states you can change your name back, but again, no biggie. In fact, you will find yourself so excited about your new name, you'll just do it. It won't be a chore. MORE IN DIVORCE I don't want to sound like I am trying to convince anyone to change her name back. It's a personal choice, and you are entitled I Love You, But Please Change to do whatever you wish.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jackie-pilossoph/should-you-change-your-na_b_3312... 14-01-2014

Jackie Pilossoph: Should You Change Your Name Back After Divorce?

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In closing, just remember this. No matter what name you have, you are you, and your initials, your signature, and what name people refer to you as makes so little difference in the big picture. What does make a huge difference is what's in your core, what's in your heart, and what you give to the world. Signed, Sincerely (and legally) Jackie Pilossoph Jackie Pilossoph is the author of the blog, Divorced Girl Smiling. She is also the author of the comedic novel, FREE GIFT WITH PURCHASE, about life after divorce. Ms. Pilossoph is a weekly business features reporter for the Pioneer Press, with the monthly column, "Heart of the North Shore." She lives in Chicago with her two kids. And she's divorced (obviously.) Content concerning legal matters is for informational purposes only, and should not be relied upon in making legal decisions or assessing your legal risks. Always consult a licensed attorney in the appropriate jurisdiction before taking any course of action that may affect your legal rights. Follow Jackie Pilossoph on Twitter: www.twitter.com/divorcedgirlJP 15 people are discussing this article with 28 comments

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stacimhall
0 Fans

Thank you, Your advice helped me in making my decision to keep my married name.
4 JUL 2013 1:57 AM FAVE MORE

Piscean_Gal
0 Fans

I know a woman who didn't change her last name after her first divorce. She kept her ex husbands name for the 2 yrs 3 months it took her to remarry. It wasn't until her 2nd divorce was final that she wrote her ex husband about changing her name, possibly back to his last name, "for their children." She ended up changing it back to her maiden name, maybe because the age of the kids, and it wouldnt matter much anymore? I don't know, but I do know she remarried her ex husband #2, so it was all for not, LOL....
9 JUN 2013 11:40 PM FAVE MORE

Lance_Pellino
1 Fan

My ex-wife changed back to her maiden name and I'm glad she did, because I don't want her using mine.
26 MAY 2013 10:01 AM FAVE MORE

CarolWeis
8 Fans

When I got married, I kept my maiden name and added a hyphen and my husband's name. When we got divorced, I dropped his. My daughter was very upset. She did not like the idea of my having a different name than hers. But as with everything regarding our separation and divorce, she finally accepted it.
24 MAY 2013 6:34 AM FAVE MORE
MORE IN DIVORCE

Jackie Pilossoph (divorcedgirlsmiling)

63 Fans

I Love You, But Please Change

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jackie-pilossoph/should-you-change-your-na_b_3312... 14-01-2014

Jackie Pilossoph: Should You Change Your Name Back After Divorce?

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I get it. I was probably hard for her. But i think when she is older, she will really understand.
27 MAY 2013 8:59 PM FAVE MORE

Jennifer Gardella (hp_blogger_Jennifer Gardella)

35 Fans

I changed my name back before our divorce was final - it was a formal legal process here in NJ. It was a really good time for me professionally and I was craving to strike out on my own. I consulted each of my kids to get their input. My little one said it best "you will still be mommy to me, who cares if we have the same last name." My kids didn't care at all. A rose by any name will smell as sweet but the change made a world of difference to me. Some women feel tied because of their children and I certainly understand that. I would say whatever resonates with you (and your kids if they are old enough).
23 MAY 2013 3:20 AM FAVE MORE

bert1016
357 Fans Can I get a microbio??

I changed back to my maiden name after my divorce because I knew my ex would be marrying his new girlfriend once her divorce was final and I was was not sharing a last name with her. Perhaps that might seem childish to some, but it was something that really bothered me. Luckily there were no children to consider. The only ones it bothered were my inlaws who I am still very close to and who still consider me part of their family.
23 MAY 2013 1:55 AM FAVE MORE

JustKeepSwimming75
8 Fans

I changed back for similar reasons. My ex husbands fianc has the same initials as me and I didn't want the confusion of being the other Mrs X. XXXXXXXX. I like my maiden name..my father gave it to me and I wont change it again.
23 MAY 2013 6:39 AM FAVE MORE

Carey_Hoffman_Weiner
20 Fans

I kept my married name because of my kids, however I want to change it back to my maiden name because I can't stand using my ex's name. There is a lot of debt attached to this name, I was wondering if changing it, would allow me a fresh start or it wouldn't matter because of my social security number is still the same? Is it worth going through the hassle to change it back?
23 MAY 2013 1:18 AM FAVE MORE

E_S_Cameron
44 Fans

Really good question, and I'm also curious to learn the answer. I hope someone comments with an aswer
10 JUN 2013 10:25 PM FAVE MORE

BookQueen
88 Fans
MORE IN DIVORCE

Sensible advice in this blog.

23 MAY 2013 12:57 AM FAVE MORE

I Love You, But Please Change

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jackie-pilossoph/should-you-change-your-na_b_3312... 14-01-2014

Jackie Pilossoph: Should You Change Your Name Back After Divorce?

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lorenzosjb
7 Fans

In latin america we dont have this problem and the wife always stays with her name and two lasts names. The children are always addressed by their name and parents first last name. Everyone is happy with a full clear identification. Why americans get rid of the second last name?
22 MAY 2013 10:57 PM FAVE MORE

Marianne C. (mariclau)
69 Fans

Never changed my name when I got married. Solved that problem

22 MAY 2013 4:50 PM FAVE MORE

Jackie Pilossoph (divorcedgirlsmiling)

63 Fans

I love that! I have lots of friends who are happily married who never changed their name. Good move!
22 MAY 2013 6:05 PM FAVE MORE

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MORE IN DIVORCE

I Love You, But Please Change

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jackie-pilossoph/should-you-change-your-na_b_3312... 14-01-2014