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Title Compiler Publisher

: Islamic Marriage : Syed Athar Husain S.H. i!"i : World Islamic Network #WIN$

Islamic Marriage

1st Edition 2001

IS%N& '()'**+,)-.)/

A Handbook for Young Muslims

Distributed free of charge seeking Allahs pleasure
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Presented by World Islamic Network

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Table of Contents
(. IS%N& '()'**+,)-.)/..........................( 7. 0or 0 55 co8y of this book write to&. ( ,. ...........................................................( .. /*9/+: H. Abbas #a.s.$ Street: Mumbai) .;;;;+. #India$....................( -. Imam <a=far as)Sadi> #a.s.$ says........., /. Introduction........................................, *. Im8ortance of marriage in Islam......... '. When Must we Marry?........................* +. Selection of S8ouse............................' (;.......................3he Marriage 2eremony .........................................................(7 ((...............................3he Wedding Night .........................................................((7........................@ays and 3imes for SeA .........................................................(* (,................................SeAual 3echni>ues .........................................................(' (.................................@ua for Pregnancy .........................................................7( (-................2ontrace8ti"es and Abortion .........................................................77 (/......3he MaBor Ablution #Chusl <anabat$ .........................................................7-

(*................Mutual ights and %eha"iour .........................................................7' ('...................Clossary of ISDAMI2 3erms .........................................................,, (+..........................................%ibliogra8hy .........................................................,. 7;................................................5ndnote .........................................................,.

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When a 8erson intends to send a 8ro8osal for marriage: he must 8ray two rakat 8rayers: 8raise Allah and recite the following in"ocation&
(

IM M ! "F R #$# %I& ' (#() # *#

and bounties. 3hen from her womb bestow a 8ure son who would be my sweet reminiscence in my life and after my death.

X ES T[ ZF M E F Q F KLM F EG V \TH ]F^V M YT H P H Q H FI R T VUW KLM R LM N R LM J F OP X X lT Tm R X kM g F hG X Xe ` F Y n Q X Rab X X cM _ H XM R [ iLM N H Xe N R V Uj X f H [ \d H FL ^ a H XZ Y X P F lTTf F N F j F Y H XM a X a X TTG V X oj X Y X lU R TTU R H TTL H TTe H TTL X X X n Y n T uQ H F^ Y X HaX M X oH kM a X XI Y R V UO X lrs R VUXpq H T Fe t H FL N H FL N X F L lf V Q a TXUH if X Xe v H XZ F Y F j X a X G X lT H [ \T d V H cX M Y X lU H TF L ^ H R ZM Y H a TSP n X Kz X J F l{ X Y n F LlT| H X c lw n [ SX x M\ n XL V TX KXpy X lTj X Y H F c}T H Te .Y X X \HpX I H F cH}f
3ransliteration& %ismillah hir ah=maanir ah=eem Allaahumma inni oreedo an ata!awwaBa fa>addirli minannisaa)e) a)=affahunna farBawn wa ah=fa!=ahunna li fi nafseha wa maali wa aw sa)a=)hunna li ri!>an wa a=)!=amahunna li barakatan fi nafseha wa maali anna atroko fa>addirli minha waladan t=ayyaban taB)a=lahu khalafan s=aaleh=an fi h=ayaati wa ba=da mauti. 3ranslation& In the name of Allah the %eneficent: the Merciful. 1 Allah~ I intend to marry. 3herefore destine for me the most chaste of women and one who would: for my sake: guard herself and my 8ro8erty. Who shall be most aus8icious for increase in sustenance
1

I+TR,%-CTI,+ ( .ho needs this boo/0

3his book is com8iled for those intending to marry in the near future or the newly married 8eo8le. In this short handbook we ha"e tried to 8ut things in a nutshell. It is recommended to do a detailed reading of other books on Marriage: references of which are gi"en at the end of this book.

1( .h2 do 3e need to /no3 the rules0

It is the duty of e"ery Muslim to follow the Islamic laws not only in matters of 8rayers and fasting but in all his actions. Islam has well defined rules about marriage and seA too. So if you want to follow Islam fully: then you must know the Islamic rules and regulations go"erning married life. Islam has ne"er re8ressed the natural feelings of human beings but 8ro"ides rules which are di"ine. 3his will not only enable you to be faithful to your religion but would also shield you from the barrage of SeA literature that 8ortrays this natural instinct as one that must be left

Tahzeebul Islam, Allamah Muhammad %a>ir MaBlisi: 8. (7*

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uncontrolled. Western seAual morality 8ermits many things that are 8rohibited in Islam. 3he reason for the 8rohibition of certain actions is not to act as an infringement of an indi"idual=s freedom but because Islam is concerned not only with your 8hysical well being but also your s8iritual enhancement. Moreo"er: we can see the degradation of society where absolute seAual freedom 8re"ails.

IMP,RT +CE ,F M RRI 6E I+ I#7 M

3he Holy uran says: And marry those among you who are single and those who are fit among your male slaves and your female slaves; if they are needy Allah will make them free from want out of !is grace; and Allah is Ample" giving #nowing$% 3he abo"e ayat begins with the words &a Ankehoo 'And marry' 3he im8erati"e form of the word nikah= im8lies that either it is obligatory or highly recommended., According to scholars: though marriage is a highly recommended act: it becomes obligatory when there is a chance of falling into sin. 3he Pro8het says: #$o house has been built in Islam more belo"ed in the sight of %llah than through marriage.& ' 1n another occasion the Pro8het #s.a.$ said: #The best people of my nation ((mmat) are those who get married and ha"e chosen their wi"es, and the worst people of my nation are those
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C( Main ,b4ecti5e of the boo/

3he commencement of a new life takes 8lace through marriage. If Islamic rules are known and followed: the child born will be chaste. Insha Allah our 8rogeny can then be ca8able of being the Imam=s #a.s.$ followers. 3his is the main obBecti"e of the book. Note Islamic Marriage is of two types; permanent and temporary (Muta). ince this boo! was compiled mostly for those entering into a permanent alliance, the topic of Muta has not been co"ered.

Surah Nur 7.& ,7 Marriage and Morals in Islam, Sayyid Muhammad )asaelush hia, "ol. (.: 8. ,

i!"i

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who ha"e !ept away from marriage and are passing their li"es as bachelors.& * Imam Ali #a.s.$ eAhorts: #Marry, because marriage is the tradition of the +rophet.& 3he Pro8het #s.a.$ also said: )hosoe"er li!es to follow my tradition, then he should !now that marriage is from my tradition.& ,

wives* have cleansed themselves )after menstruation* you go into them as Allah has commanded$+ ,

1( Fulfillment of #e8ual -rge

3he Holy Pro8het #s.a.w.s.$ and the Holy Imams #a.s.$ also encouraged their followers to marry and to fulfill their seAual urges in lawful ways as can be seen from the following& 3he Pro8het #s.a.$ said: #/ you young men0 I recommend marriage to you.& 1 Imam e!a #a.s.$ said: #Three things are from the traditions of the messengers of -od2 using perfume, remo"ing the 3e4cessi"e5 hair and "isiting ones wife.& 67

( Importance of se8 in marriage

In Islam: marriage is not restricted to a 8latonic relationshi8 between husband and wife: nor is it solely for 8rocreation. 3he Islamic term for marriage: #ni!ah& literally means seAual intercourse.* So why has Islam 8ro"ided eAtensi"e rules and regulation regarding seA? 3his was because Islam has fully understood that seAual instincts cannot and must not be re8ressed. 3hey can only be regulated for the well being of human beings in this life and for their success in the hereafter. SeA in married life has been o8enly recommended in ur=an: (&hen they )i$e$ the
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C( Celibac2 and Monasticism is Forbidden

Islamic is totally o88osed to monasticism and celibacy. thman bin Ma!=un was a close com8anion of the Pro8het. 1ne day his wife came to the Pro8het and com8lained: 1 Messenger of Cod~ thman fasts during the day and stands for 8rayers during the night. In other words: she meant to say that her husband was a"oiding seAual relations during the night as well as the day. 3he Pro8het was angered. He did not e"en wait to 8ut on his sli88ers. He
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Mustadra!ul )asael, Muhaddith Noori: "ol. 7: 8. -,( >uoted in % -ift for the .outh, Shabeeb i!"i 6 )asaelush hia, "ol. (.: 8. ,).: / 7 Marriage and Morals in Islam, Sayyid Muhammad i!"i

Surah %a>arah 7&777 )asaelush hia, "ol. (.: 8. 710 )asaelush hia, ol. (.: 8. .

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went to thman=s house and found him 8raying. When thman finished his 8rayers and turned towards the Pro8het: he said: #/ 8(thman0 %llah did not send me for monasticism, rather 9e sent me with a simple and straight 3 hariah5. I fast, pray and also ha"e intimate relations with my wife. o whosoe"er li!es my tradition, then he should follow it; and marriage is one of my traditions.& 66

E( Marriage enhances the 5alue of pra2ers

3he Pro8het #s.a.$ said: #Two ra! 8ats (cycles) prayed by a married person are better than the night;"igil and the fast of a single person.& 6< A woman came to the Pro8het #s.a.$ and said that she had tried e"erything to attract her husband but in "ain he does not lea"e his meditation to 8ay any attention to her. 3he Pro8het #s.a.$ told her to inform her husband about the reward of seAual intercourse which he described as follows& #)hen a man approaches his wife, he is guarded by two angels and 3at that moment in %llahs "iews5 he is li!e a warrior fighting for the cause of %llah. )hen he has intercourse with her, his sins fall li!e the lea"es of the tree 3in fall season5. )hen he performs the ma=or ablution, he is cleansed from sins.& 6'

%( 1eneficial Effects of a Married 7ife

arious studies 8ro"e that married 8eo8le remain healthier: 8hysically and mentally. Islam: has always maintained that marriage is beneficial for us in many ways. Islam also regards marriage as a way to ac>uire s8iritual 8erfection. 3he Pro8het #s.a.$ said: #/ne who marries, has already guarded half of his religion, therefore he should fear %llah for the other half.& 6: How true~ A 8erson who fulfills his seAual urges lawfully would rarely be distracted in s8iritual 8ursuits.

F( Marriage increases #ustenance

3he Holy Pro8het #s.a.w.s.$ remarked: #-i"e spouses to your single ones, because %llah ma!es their morality better (impro"es it) (under the

11 12

)asaelush )asaelush

hia, ol. (.: 8. (; hia, ol. (.: 8. -

13 14

)asaelush )asaelush

hia, ol. (.: 8. * hia, ol. (.: 8. *.

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shadow of marriage) and e4pands their sustenance and increases their generosity (human "alues).& 6*

.9E+ M-#T .E M RR*0

3he 8ro8er time and age of marrying is when the indi"idual reaches seAual as well as mental maturity. Mental maturity may mean the ca8ability of establishing a cordial family life and the ability to fulfill rights of family members. 3he need of a s8ouse and family is a natural and instincti"e need which Allah through His Wisdom has 8laced in human beings and is awakened at its 8articular time and season: and makes its demand. If it is answered on time and its re>uirement fulfilled: it tra"erses its natural course and makes the 8erson 8erfect. If it is delayed or answered in an incorrect and unnatural mode: it de"iates from its natural course: and insurges and rebels: and not only becomes corru8t itself: but also corru8ts the man.

.ho is eligible to marr20

0or man to become eligible for taking a woman=s hand in marriage: Islam has se"eral recommendations. According to Islamic laws: when a boy attains the age of fifteen: or becomes seAually 8otent: he is baligh: and has
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$awadir al >awandi, 8. ,/

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attained 8uberty. %ut this is not enough for entering into a contract of marriage. A8art from the laws related to 8uberty: there is a conce8t of >ushd6, which can be translated as ca8ability of a sensible conduct= or maturity. A husband has to be >ashid and a wife >ashidah; so that the res8onsibilities of married life are sensibly discharged. %ooks of Islamic law may be referred to for eAact details on 8hysical and mental maturity.

#E7ECTI,+ ,F #P,-#E
Now that we ha"e seen how much im8ortance Islam has accorded to marriage and marital life you would 8erha8s ask: How do we select a s8ouse? What are the guidelines 8ro"ided by Islam in this regard? @o we look for some 8articular characteristics or Bust try to get the best from the worldly 8oint of "iew?

Recommendation for Earl2 Marriage

Islam highly recommends an early marriage. 5"en those who feel they would not be able to bear the eA8enses of family are urged to re8ose faith in Allah: as He is the Ci"er of Sustenance (>iz?), and go for an early marriage.

re Pre$Marital contacts +ecessar20

Ali Akber Ma!aheri writes& 3he notion that a man and a woman must know= each other before they decide to marry: so that they may then be able to li"e ha88ily together is an illusion. Had there been any element of truth and "alidity in this: the di"orce and se8aration rates in societies which 8ractice it would not ha"e shown a steady rise. Similarly: the marriages which take 8lace without such 8re)marital contacts would not ha"e been known to last ha88ily.(* 3he Shariah 8ermits the intended s8ouses to see each other for the 8ur8ose of selection and also 8ermits asking and gi"ing o8inions if

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.outh and pouse Publication: 8. ,.

election, Ali Akbar Ma!aheri: Ansariyan

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Youth and S8ouse Selection: Ali Akber Ma!aheri

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asked #without it being considered as gheebat under certain conditions.$ We should ne"er resort to decei"e the o88osite 8arty or conceal a defect during the selection 8rocess. Such things can ha"e serious ramifications if eA8osed after marriage 3he school of Ahle)%ait #a.s.$ has not left us to follow our whims and fancies. We ha"e been taught the best method of selecting a suitable s8ouse. 3he most im8ortant criterion is 8iety or religiousness.

her beauty, will find in her (things) which he disli!es (unpleasing manners) and %llah will gather up all these things for one who marries her for the sa!e of her faith (religiousness).& :7

1( 6ood +ature
3he neAt im8ortant criterion is good nature. Imam e!a #a.s.$ wrote in re8ly to a 8erson who had asked him if it was ad"isable to marry his daughter to a 8erson known for his ill nature: #If he is ill;natured (bad tempered), dont marry your daughter to him.& :6 3he same will a88ly where the bride)to)be lacks a good nature. Such a woman: though she may be beautiful and rich: would make the life of her husband miserable. She can ne"er be 8atient in the difficulties that arise in married life.

( Religiousness
3he author of .outh and pouse election says: 3he 8erson who does not ha"e religion: does not ha"e anything.(' When a man came to the Pro8het #s.a.$ to seek guidance for selecting a s8ouse. He #s.a.w.s.$ said: #It is binding upon you to ha"e a religious spouse.& 61 4nowing the human weakness for beauty and wealth: the Messenger of Allah #s.a.w.s.$ has forewarned: #% man who marries a woman for the sa!e of her wealth, %llah lea"es him in his own condition, and one who marries her (only) for
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C( Compatibilit2
3he Pro8het #s.a.$ ga"e no recognition to class distinction: but in marriage: he stressed u8on com8atibility. 3he marrying 8artners must be @ufw of each other: so that there are no unnecessary misgi"ings later.77 It is better for a
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.outh and pouse election, Ali Akbar Ma!aheri: Ansariyan Publication 19 )asaelush hia, ol. (.: 8. ,;

)asaelush hia, ol. (.: 8. ,( .outh and pouse election, Ali Akbar Ma!aheri: 8. (-( .outh and pouse election, Ali Akbar Ma!aheri: 8. ,.

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religious woman who is committed to laws and 8rinci8les to marry a man like herself. A man >uestioned the Pro8het of Islam #s.a.w.s.$: Whom must we marry? He re8lied: #The suitable (matches).& Who are the suitable matches? 3he Pro8het #s.a.$ res8onded: # ome of the faithfuls are match for others.& :< Imam Sadi> #a.s.$ said: #%n intelligent and wise woman must not be matched e4cept with a sage and wise man.& :'

?ualities are transferred in a concealed and unintentional way and ha"e their effect.& :,

E( Reason
3he 2ommander of the 0aithful: Ali #a.s.$ strongly forbade marrying a foolish and insane 8erson. #%"oid marrying a stupid woman, since her company is a woe (distress) and her children too get wasted.& :B

F( Ph2sical and Mental 9ealth

3hough religiousness and 8iety are most im8ortant: it does not mean that we totally disregard the 8hysical a88earance and beauty of the 8ros8ecti"e s8ouse. 3he Holy Pro8het #s.a.w.s.$ says: #)hen one intends to marry a woman, he should as! about her hair, =ust as he as!s about her face (beauty), since the hair is one of the two beauties (of women).& :C

%( %ecent Famil2
3he Messenger of Allah #s.a.w.s.$ has gi"en great em8hasis on taking into consideration a good family background when we intend to marry. He said: #Marry in the lap of a decent family, since the semen and the genes ha"e effect.& :* 3he Holy Pro8het #s.a.w.s.$ also said: #Aoo! "ery carefully and minutely as to where you are placing your child because genes and hereditary
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6( .hom can 2ou Marr20

Islamic law has 8laced certain restrictions on the choice of your s8ouse de8ending u8on blood relationshi8s and religious affiliations.
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.outh and pouse election, Ali Akbar Ma!aheri: 8. (*.outh and pouse election, Ali Akbar Ma!aheri: 8. (*' Ma!aremul %!hla?

.outh and pouse election, Ali Akbar Ma!aheri: 8. (-. )asaelush hia, ol. (.: 8. -/ Deharul %nwaar, ol. (;,: 8. 7,*

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Maulana Sayyid Muhammad i!"i summari!ed these laws in a beautiful way&

has

'a) Restrictions based on Relationship

3here are certain blood relations which are considered haraam for you as far as marriage is concerned. #As a general rule: anyone who is your mahram is forbidden to you for marriage.$ 3he list of such relati"es is gi"en in the ur=an as follows& 0or Man& mother: daughter: 8aternal aunt: maternal aunt: niece: foster)mother: foster) sister: mother)in)law: ste8)daughter: daughter) in)law: all married women: sister)in)law #as a 7nd wife$ #See the ur=an: ch. .: "erse 7,)7.$ 0or Woman& father: son: 8aternal uncle: maternal uncle: ne8hew: foster)mother=s husband: foster)brother: father)in)law: ste8son: son)in)law.

A Shi=ah Muslim woman can marry& a Shi=ah Muslim man or a non)Shi=ah Muslim man: although it is better not to do so and if there is danger of being misled: then it is haraam. %ut she cannot marry a non)Muslim man.7+

'c) Cousin Marriages

3hough Shariah does not forbid marriage between first cousins: but there are o8inions ad"ocating against them mainly due to a 8robable risk of the offs8ring inheriting genetic defects9diseases.

'b) Restrictions based on Religion

A Shi=ah Muslim man can marry& a Shi=ah Muslim woman and a non)Shi=ah Muslim woman. Howe"er: if there is danger of being misled: then it is haraam. He can also marry a <ewish or 2hristian woman in mut=a only. %ut he cannot marry a woman of any other faith.
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Marriage and Morals in Islam, Sayyid Muhammad

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T9E M RRI 6E CEREM,+*

Some rele"ant 8oints to be noted are& 1( Engagement or Mangni does not >ualify the future s8ouses to go out together: e"en if the 8arents consent. Man and woman become 8ermissible for each other only after the 8erformance of $i!ah. 2( %o3r2 3he unislamic system of demanding and acce8ting dowry must be a"oided at all costs. Shariah does not make any eA8ense incumbent on the bride9bride=s 8arents. 5"en the marriage eA8enses: it is recommended are to be borne by the bridegroom. Howe"er: the bride can bring whate"er she wants of her free will: and it will always belong to her. :( ,ther -nislamic Customs Many other unislamic customs ha"e cre8t into the marriage ceremony of some Muslims. 3hese customs are either borrowed from non) Muslim cultures or continue because they are established in 8ast generations. 1ne must a"oid them if they are against the Shariah: e"en if

some 8eo8le are dis8leased. 1ther customs like the breaking of coconut etc. also do not feature among the Islamic rituals. All actions: customs etc. which show disres8ect to Islam or weaken the im8ortance of Islam ha"e to be a"oided. ;( 9araam cts Some of the rituals in marriage ceremonies are absolutely haraam like the 8laying of music. It is also haram for ladies to go for miAed gatherings without 8ro8er hiBab. Such things in"ite di"ine wrath and take away the blessings of this aus8icious occasion. In the Islamic Daw: marriage is an a?d: a contract. 3he com8onents of this contract are as follows&

( Proposal
In Islam the 8rocess of 8ro8osal by a man to a woman for her hand in marriage: or for that matter: to her family: is encouraged. Islam considers this natural: and recommends it as an act of res8ectability and dignity for women.

1( Mahr
And the intending husband is asked to offer a Mahr to the bride. 3he uran says: And give women their -ahr as a free gift but if they of themselves be pleased to give

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up to you a portion of it then eat it with en.oyment and with wholesome result$ 3/ 3he following consideration& 8oints are worthy of

Immediately: the man #bridegroom$ says: abiltun Nikaha=. I ha"e acce8ted the $i!ah. With these 8ronouncements: they become husband and wife. If the marrying 8artners are not able to recite the formula in Arabic: one or two 8ersons or 8riests,7 are a88ointed and authori!ed to officiate. 1ne who re8resents the bride would first seek her eA8licit consent to officiate on her behalf: and so would the other who acts on behalf of the groom. Naturally: there would be a slight "ariation in the 8ronouncements: because the 8ersons reciting them are a88ointees. A 8erson who re8resents the bride would initiate by saying: Ankah=tu muwakkilati muwakkilaka a=lal mah=ril ma=loom. I gi"e away in $i!ah the woman who has thus a88ointed and authori!ed me: to the man who has authori!ed you: on an agreed Mahr. 3he groom=s re8resentati"e would res8ond: abiltunnikaaha limuwakkili a=lal mah=ril ma=loom. I acce8t the $i!ah on behalf of the one who has a88ointed me: on the agreed Mahr.
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a$ Mahr must be agreed u8on by the marrying 8artners themsel"es: not by 8arents. b$ Mahr is her right: to which her husband remains indebted. c$ It is a free gift and not her 8rice. 3he Mahr may be cash: kind or non)material #like training or teaching something$. It can be 8aid u8 front or can be in form of 8romise to 8ay u8on demands decided 8rior to the solemni!ation of marriage.,( MoaBBal #immediate$: MuwaBBal and Indat)talab #on demand$. Howe"er: it is much recommended to 8ay it before or at the time of Nikah itself.

C( The +i/ah Ceremon2

According to Shariah: the wife)to)be says: An 4ah=tu nafsaka a=lal mah=ril ma=loom= I ha"e gi"en away myself in $i!ah to you: on the agreed Mahr.
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Surah Nisa .&. Marriage and Morals in Islam, Sayyid Muhammad

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Aalim: Maulana or those who are con"ersant with the correct Nikah 8rocedure and 8ro8er Arabic 8ronunciation.

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It is mustahab to recite a brief discourse or @hutba before the $i!ah formula is enunciated. In this @hutba: Allah is 8raised for His Wisdom in regulating the lawful 8rocess of 8rocreation: and then the traditions from the Pro8het #s.a.$ are also recited.

to some eAtent: religiously not recommended to ha"e a marriage ceremony on such days.,, 3he Shia Ithna Ashari #3wel"er Shias$: es8ecially in India and Pakistan: rarely 8erform marriage ceremony between the ( st of Muharram and the 'th of abi al)Awwal as this 8eriod includes the mourning days of Muharram culminating in the martyrdom of Imam Askari #a.s.$. 3he +th abi al)Awwal is celebrated as 5id) e)ahra. If there is a need: howe"er: $i!ah, can be 8erformed at any time.

%( Time of Marriage Ceremon2

3hough basically marriage is allowed at all times: there are some days on which marriage is not recommended some of these are based on ahadith and some on cultural: historical reasons. Cenerally: we can categori!e these days into three& #a$ 3here are some ahadith which say that it is ma!ruh #not recommended$ to ha"e a marriage ceremony on the days when the moon is in the constellation of Scor8io #this is known as al;?amar fil a?rab or ?amar dar a?rab$: during the last two or three days of the lunar months: and on Wednesdays. #b$ 3here are certain days of the Islamic calendar which ha"e become associated with the early e"ents of the Islamic history for eAam8le: the (;th of Muharram is the day of mourning for the massacre at 4arbala or the day of the Pro8het=s death in Safar: etc. Since such days are commemorated by the Muslims as days of mourning: it is socially and:

E( Permission of the 1ride$to$be<Father

3he girl=s consent is necessary and has to be taken by her re8resentati"e: directly. In case of a "irgin9s8inster the father=s or the grandfather=s 8ermission is also necessary. Howe"er if the 8ermission is unreasonably withheld under some conditions or the girl has no father98aternal grandfather it is not necessary. Howe"er: a woman who is not a "irgin: does not re>uire any 8ermission in case of remarriage.

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Marriage and Morals in Islam, Sayyid Muhammad

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F( =alima '%inner)
alima is highly recommended on the groom. 3he relati"es: neighbours and friends must be in"ited for alima. Howe"er: la"ish s8ending is not ad"isable es8ecially when the same money can be used effecti"ely by the cou8le.

T9E .E%%I+6 +I69T

It is highly recommended that the wedding should take 8lace at night. 3he hadith says: #Ta!e the bride to her new home during the night.&
<'

When the bride enters the room: the groom is recommended to take off her shoes and wash her feet #in a washbowl$ and then s8rinkle the water around the room. 3hen he should 8erform wu!u and 8ray two rak=at sunnat 8rayer and then recite the following dua2 # ( $ % ! & " ' ! # %+ 1 ,( . ) * + / / + 0 , Allahummar !u>ni ilfahaa wa wuddaha wa ri!aaha bi war!ini biha: wa)aBma= baynana bi ah=sane iBtimaa=in wa anasi i)tilafin fa innaka tuh=ibbul h=alaala wa tukrihul h=araam. 1 Allah~ %less me with her affection: lo"e and her acce8tance of me and make me 8leased with her: and bring us together in the best form of a union and in absolute harmony
34

)asaelush

hia, "ol. (.: 8. /7

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surely You like lawful things and dislike unlawful things. 3hen he should ask the bride to do wu!u and 8ray two rak=at sunnat 8rayer. When they are ready to go to bed: the groom should 8ut his hand on the bride=s forehead and 8ray the following dua while facing the ?iblah. , ! #2 6 ' ( !5 ! + ' ,34 0 : B , = < C ? @ 2 (9 : 8 2 2 A ; < > 7 I : / < > 6 F # E ; ( : J G , E 2 + = C H 9 D( Allahumma bi amaanatika akhadhtuha wa bi kalimaatika is)tah=laltuha. 0a in >a!ayta li minha waladan: faB)=alhu mubaarakan ta>iyyan min Shi=ati Aal)i Muh=ammad #s=al)lal)laahu a=layhi wa aalihi wa sallam$ wa laa taB)=al lish Shayt=aani fihi shirkan wa laa naseeba. 1 Allah~ I ha"e taken her as Your trust and ha"e made her lawful for myself by Your words. 3herefore: if You ha"e decreed for me a child from her: then make him9her blessed and 8ious from among the followers of the 0amily of Muhammad 8eace be u8on him and them and do not let Satan ha"e any 8art in him9her.,Is it necessary to ha"e seAual intercourse on the "ery first night after the wedding or can it be delayed? As far as the Shariah is concerned:
35

it is neither obligatory nor forbidden to ha"e seA on the first night. It is a 8ri"ate decision between the newly wed cou8le it has nothing to do with others.

%l;(rwah. 8. /7..

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% *# +% TIME# F,R #E> ( .hen is #e8 Forbidden0

Islam has forbidden during menstruation. seAual intercourse

If a 8erson who is engaged in seAual intercourse with his wife disco"ers that her 8eriod has begun: then he should immediately withdraw from her. It is clear from the "erse mentioned abo"e (until the blood stops) that once the blood has sto88ed: intercourse becomes lawful e"en if the woman has not 8erformed the maBor ritual ablution (ghusl). %ut muBtahids say that it is better to refrain from intercourse till she 8erforms the ghusl or: at least: washes her 8ri"ate 8arts.,* SeAual intercourse is also not allowed during the 8ost)natal bleeding called nifas #maAimum (; days$: during daytime in the month of >amadhan: and when a 8erson is in ihram during the 8ilgrimage to Mecca. At all other times: seAual intercourse is allowed. 3imes when SeAual Intercourse is ma!ruh2 i. @uring frightful natural occurrences: e.g.: ecli8se: hurricane: earth>uake ii. 0rom sunset till maghrib; ii. 0rom dawn till sunrise iii. 3he last three nights of lunar months i". 5"e of the (-th of e"ery lunar month
37

3he ur=an says& 0hey ask you about menstruation$ 1ay2 3-enstruation is a discomfort 4for women'$ Do not establish se5ual relations with them during the menses and do not approach them 4se5ually' until the blood stops$ 0hen when they have cleansed themselves you go into them as Allah has commanded you$+ 36 According to the Shariah: the duration of the monthly 8eriod is between three to ten days. If the bleeding was for less than three days: it is not menstruation if it is for more than ten days: then it is menstruation for the regular number of days and istehadha for the rest of the bleeding during which seA is 8ermitted. 3he 8rohibition of seA during the 8eriods is limited strictly to seAual intercourse other intimate contact #with the eAce8tion of the "agina and anus$ is allowed. Howe"er: it is better not to 8lay with her body between the na"el and the knees.
36

Surah %a>arah 7&777

)asaelush

hia, "ol. (: 8. -*/

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". 5"e of (;th Eil;hi==ah; "ii. After becoming =unub.

#E>- 7 TEC9+I&-E#
3here are no 8articular rules and laws either in fore8lay or in intercourse. 3he only laws and rules are the ones reached by the lo"ers by mutual and often uns8oken understanding. Whate"er is 8leasing and satisfying to both the husband and the wife is right and 8ro8er and whate"er is mutually dis8leasing is wrong. 3he only limitation to this general rule would be any Shariah rule which goes against the wishes of the husband or the wife.

1( Recommended %a2s and Times for #e8

We ha"e certain ahadith which say that it is better to ha"e seAual intercourse at these times& i. Sunday night ii. Monday night iii. Wednesday night i". 3hursday noon ". 3hursday night "i. 0riday e"ening "ii. Whene"er the wife wants to ha"e seA.

( Forepla2 is 9ighl2 Recommended

Islam em8hasi!es on fore8lay. Imam Ali says: #)hen you intend to ha"e se4 with your wife, do not rush because the woman (also) has needs (which should be fulfilled).& <C SeA without fore8lay has been e>uated to cruelty. 3he Pro8het said: #Three people are cruel2 Fa person who has se4 with his wife before foreplay.& <1 Another hadith e>uates seA without fore8lay to animal beha"ior& #)hen anyone of you has se4
38 39

C( .hen is it ,bligator2 to ha5e #e80

It is waBib on man to ha"e seA with his wife at least once in e"ery four months this is considered as one of the conBugal rights of the wife. 3his obligation stays in force unless there is a "alid eAcuse or the wife wai"es her right.

)asaelush )asaelush

hia, "ol. (.: 8. .; hia, "ol. (.: 8. .;

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with his wife, then he should not go to her li!e birds; instead he should be slow and delaying.& '7 As for the role of a woman in seAual fore8lay: the Imams ha"e 8raised a wife who discards shyness when she is with her husband. Imam Muhammad al)%a>ir #a.s.$ says: #The best woman among you is the one who discards the armor of shyness when she undresses for her husband, and puts on the armor of shyness when she dresses up again.& '6 After all: modesty and chastity in 8ublic is the hallmark of a Muslim lady. 3hese sayings clearly show that the husband and the wife should feel com8letely free when they are engaged in mutual stimulation which is known as fore8lay. 3here is nothing wrong: according to Islam: for a woman to be acti"e and res8onsi"e during seA. As for the Islamic Shariah: all the muBtahids are unanimous in saying that the act of seAual fore8lay in itself is mustahab #recommended$. Dikewise: it is recommended not to rush into seAual intercourse..7 3he o8erati"e word is mutual 8leasure and satisfaction.

1( Techni?ues of Forepla2
As far as the methods of mutual stimulation in fore8lay are concerned: the Shariah allows the husband and the wife to see: kiss: touch: smell and stimulate any 8art of each other=s body. 3herefore: oral seA: as it is known: is allowed. Imam Musa al)4a!im #a.s.$ was once asked: 2an a 8erson kiss his wife=s "agina? 3he Imam said: #$o problem.& '< 3he only restriction is that no foreign obBect should be used. 3he restriction on the use of foreign obBects is based on the following hadith. baydullah bin urarah says that he had an old neighbour who owned a young sla"e)girl. %ecause of his old age: he could not fully satisfy the young sla"e)girl during seAual intercourse. She would therefore ask him to 8lace his fingers in her "agina as she liked it. 3he old man com8lied with her wishes e"en though he did not like this idea. So he re>uested baydullah to ask Imam Ali ar) e!a #a.s.$ about it. When baydullah asked the Imam about it: the Imam said: #There is no problem as long as he uses any part of his own body upon her, but he should not use anything other than his body on her.& ''

40 41 42

)asaelush hia, "ol. (.: 8. '7 )asaelush hia, "ol. (.: 8. (.)(%l;(rwah, 8. /7-

43 44

)asaelush )asaelush

hia, "ol. (.: 8. ** hia, "ol. (.: 8. **

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3hough masturbation #i.e.: self)stimulation of one=s own seAual organ till emission of semen or orgasm$ is not allowed: in the case of married 8ersons: there is no 8roblem if the wife stimulates her husband=s 8enis till the emission of semen or the husband stimulates his wife=s "agina till orgasm. 3his is allowed because it does not come under self)stimulation it is stimulation by a lawful 8artner.

8articular 8osition: then the other should yield to his or her feelings. It is highly em8hasi!ed that at the commencement of intercourse the 8artners should recite Dismillaahir >ahmaanir >aheem #In the name of Allah the %eneficent: the Merciful$.

%( nal Intercourse
3he o8inions of our muBtahids "ary on the 8ermissibility of anal intercourse. 3he maBority of the Shi=ah muBtahids ha"e deri"ed two conclusions& #($ that anal intercourse is not haraam but strongly disliked # !arahatan shadidah$ 8ro"ided the wife agrees to it. #7$ and if she does not agree to it: then all muBtahids say that it is 8recautionarily waBib to refrain from it. Howe"er: during the last decade of his life: Ayatullah al)4hu=i de8arted from the maBority "iew and ga"e the ruling that it was 8recautionarily waBib to abstain from anal intercourse no matter whether the wife agrees to it or not..Maulana Sayyid Muhammad i!"i says: I would strongly ad"ise against anal intercourse: and >uotes the saying of Imam <a=far as)Sadi> and Imam Ali ar) e!a #a.s.$ about anal
45

C( #e8ual Intercourse
Is there any 8articular 8osition for seAual intercourse which is forbidden in Islam? No~ As far as the basic coital 8ositions are concerned: there are no restrictions. 3he term basic coital 8ositions= denotes the 8ositions known as the man abo"e: face to face: woman abo"e face to face side 8osition: face to face rear)entry 8osition in which the husband 8enetrates the "agina from the rear. Actually: the Shariah has left it on the husband and the wife to eA8lore and eA8eriment as they wish. Howe"er: it is ma!ruh to ado8t a standing 8osition: or to face the >iblah or kee8 it on the backside during the intercourse. It is ad"isable to refrain from the acrobatic 8ositions gi"en by some seAologists of the 5ast and the West which might e"en cause 8hysical harm. emember: the basic rule is mutual 8leasure and fleAibility. If one 8artner does not like a

al)4hu=i: Minha=u 8s; alihiyn, "ol. ( #%eirut& 77nd edition$ 8. /.

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intercourse& )oman is a means pleasure, therefore do not harm her.& ',

of

your

%- F,R PRE6+ +C*

Imam <a=far as)Sadi> #a.s.$ has taught the following dua&

E( 92giene
After the intercourse the 8artners may first wi8e their genitals with clean 8ieces of cloth. It is recommended that the same cloth9towel must not be used by both of them.

F Q F KLM F EG H Q H FI R LM N R LM J F EH SP F OP X Q TH Sz TH ZX M a TXe TX c X E TVUW KLM X n Q X TT R TT V TT R M H TT H F Z^ H X TT N H X SXe lS F Xa N F P T H Xa a n H SP V d H T Xk Q V T R M\ X H SF F^M} X H LM H XI a X Xc X X X SFelk F t H X R MQ n V uV H FL H FQ j H \| n lZ X P N F T F E X VM H X}H LM N H XM a H T FUF I V X ZM l V V T q X t X Tf X Q H XM a F v F X \P F E H X}H LM N X X c X \H ik H FUH SX LF M V V X X f F lTTO V E E TX ] R Xa l] O X E H F oXk lT V l X t R T V TR oXpf V lT] V TS X Hp[ Z [ TV u V t YT TW P X TX wFrlk X MQ n H T H T Fe H TF iF HkX M X V ZM} T| TFe T TXUH if TF iXV KH wX c F F H F^ lTT H TT X TT H TT F H \TT H Mg X Xa a le F M F\HUXpH LlI F X Zlf F H ]F\{ X XM a X H LM F g X X X t X
Transliteration: Allaahumma laa tadharni fardanw wa anta khairul waaretheen wah=eedanw wah=sheeyan faya>s=uroo a=n tafakkori bal habli a=afiyata s=id>in dhokooranw wa onaathan aanaso behim minal wah=shate wa askuno ilaihim minal wah=date wa ashkoroka I=nda tamaame ne=matin yaa wahhaabo yaa a=!eemo yaa mo)

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)asaelush

hia, "ol. (.: 8. (;()(;7

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a=!=!=amo thumma a=at=eni fee kulle a=afiyatin shukran h=atta tabloghani minha ri!waanoka fee s=id>il h=adeethe adaaail amaanate wa wa>aaain bil ahde Translation: 1 Allah~ @o not kee8 me solitary though You are the best of Inheritors. I am alone and terrified of loneliness. 3his worry has reduced my thankfulness to You. So bestow on me true forgi"eness and gi"e me female and male children so that by their com8any I can cure my terror of loneliness. %y which my loneliness is cured. So that on the com8letion of this bounty I can thank You. 1 the greatest Ci"er: 1 the Createst: 1 the %estower of greatness: after this bestow me with tawfee> that I thank You for e"ery kindness. 3ill I can achie"e Your kindness by thankfulness: by s8eaking the truth: by returning trusts and by fulfilling oaths..*

C,+TR CEPTI=E# +% 1,RTI,+

According to the Shi=ah fi?h: family 8lanning as a 8ri"ate measure to s8ace or regulate the family si!e for health or economic reasons is 8ermissible. Neither is there any ur=anic "erse or hadith against birth control: nor is it waBib to ha"e children in marriage.

( T9E C,+TR CEPTI=E MET9,%#

Det us eAamine some of the most commonly used contrace8ti"e methods and determine whether they are 8ermissible in Islam or not. It must be mentioned that we are studying the 8ermissibility of these methods from the Shariah 8oint of "iew only. 0or the medical o8inion about the reliability or any side)effects of these methods: the reader must consult his or her 8hysician. 0urther each indi"idual needs to check additional conditions which may a88ly as 8er his MarBa=a.

1( ,ral Contracepti5es
%irth control 8ills 8re"ent conce8tion by inhibiting o"ulation. Since all such 8ills inhibit

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Tahzeebul Islam, 8.(.*

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o"ulation: there is absolutely no 8roblem in using them. Howe"er: the indi"idual must consult the 8hysician about 8ossible side) effects. 3he 8ills like the morning)after= and .'/ may be taken after the intercourse %3 not after feeling or knowing that 8regnancy has already occurred.

is also a barrier de"ice. 3here is absolutely no 8roblem in using these contrace8ti"es either.

@( bstinence %uring Fertile Period

3here are three basic 8rocedures to 8redict o"ulation so that seAual intercourse can be a"oided during the a88roAimately siA days of a woman=s most fertile monthly 8hase. 3hese three methods are as follows& #a$ 1"ulation Method& A woman learns to recogni!e the fertile time by checking the difference in the constitution of the cer"ical mucus discharge. 3he cer"ical mucus discharge signals the highly fertile 8eriod and thus a"oiding seA during the fertile days 8re"ents 8regnancy. #b$ hythm Method& A method similar to the first: but it de8ends on obser"ing the monthly cycles for a whole year to determine the fertile days. #c$ 3em8erature& In this method: besides kee8ing a calendar record of her cycle: a woman also takes her tem8erature daily to detect o"ulation. She can know her o"ulation whene"er her basal body tem8erature increases.

2( %epo$Pro5era
@e8o)Pro"era works eAactly like the 8ills: but instead of taking it orally it is inBected once e"ery three months. 3his and other similar contrace8ti"e methods by inBection are also 8ermissible.

:( Intrauterine %e5ices 'I-%)

I@s are 8lastic or metal obBects: in a "ariety of sha8es: that are im8lanted inside the uterus. Since the shari 8regnancy begins at im8lantation: there is no 8roblem in using I@ as a birth control de"ice.

;( 1arrier %e5ices
All barrier de"ices 8re"ent the s8erm from entering the uterus. 3his is done by sheathing the 8enis with a condom: or by co"ering the cer"iA with a dia8hragm: cer"ical ca8: or "aginal s8onge. 3he use of s8ermicidal substances which kill the s8erm before reaching the o"um

A( .ithdra3al 'Coitus Interruptus)

2oitus interru8tus means withdrawing the 8enis Bust before eBaculation. 3his was the most

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common method of birth control before the in"ention of modern de"ices. Muhammad bin Muslim and Abdur ahman bin Abi Abdillah Maymun asked Imam <a=far as) Sadi> #a.s.$ about withdrawal. 3he Imam said: #It is up to the man; he may spill it where"er he wants.& 'C %ased on this hadith: the maBority of our muBtahids belie"e that coitus interru8tus is allowed but ma!ruh without the wife=s consent. .+ All methods mentioned abo"e do not in"ol"e surgical o8eration and they are also re"ersible. A woman #or man$ using these methods can sto8 using them at anytime in order to ha"e a child.

Sterili!ation in women: known as tubal ligation: in"ol"es the blocking or se"ering of the fallo8ian tubes which trans8ort the o"um. 3he 8ermissibility of sterili!ation de8ends on whether or not it is re"ersible.

D(

.oman can Practice 1irth Control

B( #teriliCation
Sterili!ation in"ol"es surgical o8eration. Sterili!ation in men: known as "asectomy: means the se"ering or blocking of the tube in the male re8roducti"e tract. 3his tube or duct 8asses s8erm from the testes to the 8rostate and other re8roducti"e organs.

3he wife has full right to the use of contrace8ti"es e"en without the a88ro"al of her husband.-; Howe"er: she should not use a method which may come in the way of her husband=s conBugal rights. 0or eAam8le: she cannot force him to use condom or 8ractice coitus interru8tus. 3his rule is based u8on the 8rinci8le that the eAtent of the husband=s conBugal rights o"er his wife is Bust that she should be seAually a"ailable: res8onsi"e: and coo8erati"e. 3his right does not eAtend to that of bearing children for him. %earing children or not is a 8ersonal decision of the woman and therefore: she may use contrace8ti"es 8ro"ided they do not come in the way of her husband=s conBugal rights.

1( 1,RTI,+
Islam=s a88roach to the issue of birth control and abortion is "ery balanced. It allows women to 8re"ent 8regnancy but forbids them to terminate it. Abortion after the im8lantation of
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)asaelush hia, "ol. (.: 8. (;harh Auma, "ol. 7: 8. 7' al;(rwah, 8. /7' Minha=, "ol. 7: 8. 7/*

Minha=, "ol. 7: 8. 7*/

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the fertili!ed o"um in the womb is absolutely forbidden and is considered a crime against the law of Cod: and the fetus.

T9E M !,R 17-TI,+ '69-#7 ! + 1 T)

( I+TR,%-CTI,+ #Ganabat& is a ritual im8urity caused by the discharge of semen or by seAual intercourse and the 8erson on whom ghusl =anabat becomes waBib is known as #=unub&. 3he ur=an says& 6 you who believe7 Do not go near prayers 4salat' when you are$$$ .unub until you have washed yourselves$89 6 you who believe7 &hen you stand up for prayers 4salat' $ $ $ if you are .unub then purify 4yourselves'$8%

1( T9E C -#E# ,F :!;1< =ANA>A0

3here are two causes of =anabat2 1( %ischarge of semen( It does not make any difference whether this discharge is while awake or in a wet)dream: slight or 8rofuse: intentionally or otherwise: in lawful way or unlawful #e.g.: masturbation$. In all these cases ghusl =anabat becomes obligatory (wa=ib). If a li>uid comes out from a man and he does not know whether or not it is semen: then he should look for the following three signs& #($
51 52

Surah Nisa .&., Surah Maidah -&/

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emission with 8assion #7$ s8urting discharge #,$ feeling relaAed after the discharge. If these signs are found together on him: then he should consider the li>uid as semen: otherwise not. If a secretion is discharged from a woman: then it is 8recautionary waBib for her to do ghusl Banabat 8ro"ided it came with seAual 8assion and she felt relaAed after it. %ut if the secretion comes without the seAual 8assion or without the feeling of relaAation after the discharge: then it is not naBis and therefore ghusl is not waBib u8on her. 2( #e8ual Intercourse( It does not make any difference whether the intercourse was lawful or unlawful: and with or without discharge of semen. In Islamic laws: seAual intercourse is defined as the 8enetration of the glans into the "agina or anus of the woman. 3hat is: for ghusl =anabat to become waBib it is not necessary that full 8enetration or discharge of semen should take 8lace. In case of seAual intercourse: ghusl =anabat becomes waBib on both the man and the woman.

Pro8het: the Imams and 0atimah #the daughter of the Pro8het$. 2( >eciting the "erses of the Huran in which sa=dah (prostration) is wa=ib. 3hese "erses are& "erse (- of cha8ter ,7 "erse (- of cha8ter .( "erse /7 of cha8ter -, and "erse (+ of cha8ter +/. It is better not to recite e"en a single "erse from these cha8ters. :( Intering or staying in the mos?ue. 3he ur=an says: 36 you who believe7$$$Nor 4are you allowed to enter the mas.id' if you are .unub until you have washed yourself e5cept passing through$+ 83 %ased on this "erse and rele"ant ahadith, the muBtahids ha"e concluded that a Bunub is totally forbidden from staying in the mos>ue. 1f course: as the "erse says: one can 8ass through the mos>ues #by entering from one door and lea"ing from the other$. Howe"er: this eAce8tion of 8assing through does not a88ly to the following 8laces& the MasBidu=l)Haraam #the Sacred Mos>ue at Mecca$ MasBidu= n)Nabi #the Mos>ue of the Pro8het at Medina$: and shrines of the Imams. A Bunub cannot e"en 8ass through them. ;( Aea"ing something in or ta!ing it out from a mos?ue.
53

C( T9I+6# F,R1I%%E+ F,R

!-+-1

3he following four acts are haraam for the Bunub before 8erforming the ghusl. 1( Touching the writing of the Huran, the names and attributes of Allah: the names of the

Surah Nisa .&.,

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%( T9I+6# -A#?;! '%I#7IEE%) F,R T9E !-+-1

(. 5ating and drinking is ma!ruh for a Bunub eAce8t after doing wu!u or gargling or rinsing the nose. 7. eciting more than se"en "erses from the ur=an. 3his a88lies to other than the four cha8ters with waBib saBdah mentioned abo"e. ,. 3ouching the co"er of the ur=an. .. Slee8ing without doing wu!u.

1( 6husl Tartibi:
#-husl tartibi& means 8erformed in three stages. an ordinal bath:

E( T9E CT# .9,#E = 7I%IT* %EPE+% ,+ :!;1< =ANA>A0

(. Salat #8rayers$ eAce8t salatul;mayyit #the 8rayer for a dead Muslim$ which can be 8erformed e"en in the state of Banabat. 7. )a=ib tawaf #the circumambulation of the 4a=bah in haBB$. ,. 0asting. If someone knowingly remains Bunub until dawn in amadan: his fasting will become in"alid (batil).

After washing away the naBasat #e.g.: semen or blood$ from the body and after niyyat: the body has to be washed in three stages& 0irst: head down to the neck then the right side of the body from the shoulder down to the foot and lastly: the left side of the body. 5ach 8art should be washed thoroughly in such a way that the water reaches the skin. S8ecial care should be taken while washing the head the hair should be combed #e.g.: with your fingers$ so that water reaches the hair)roots. While washing the right side of the body: some 8art of the left side must be washed too: and also: while washing the left side of the body: some 8art of the right side must be washed.

2( 6husl Irtimasi:
#-husl irtimasi& means a bath in"ol"ing immersion of the whole body in the water. It is needless to say that such a ghusl can only be done in a body of water: e.g.: a 8ool: ri"er: lake or sea. After washing away the semen or blood from the body and after niyyat: the whole body should be com8letely immersed in the water all at once: not gradually. 1ne has to make sure

F( M ++ER ,F PERF,RMI+6 69-#7

Chusl is a ritual bath it in"ol"es washing of the whole body. 3here are two methods of 8erforming ghusl. 1ne is known as ghusl tartibi, and the other is known as ghusl irtimasi.

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that the water reaches all 8arts of the body: including hair and the skin under it. Howe"er: ghusl tartibi is 8referred to ghusl irtimasi.

M-T- 7 RI69T# +% 1E9 =I,-R

emember that the bride has Bust left her lo"ed ones. She might be new to this 8lace. So she deser"es consideration and a chance to adBust herself in the new en"ironment. Mulla Mohsin 0ai! 4ashani in his book: %l )aafi in the cha8ter of A Woman=s right o"er her Husband writes that it is narrated from the Holy Pro8het #s.a.w.s.$ that some 8eo8le in>uired from him regarding the rights of a wife o"er her husband. He #s.a.w.s.$ answered: #9e should o"erloo! her minor faults and if she commits a ma=or mista!e then he should forgi"e her.& *' Shahab Abdo abbeh relates that I asked Imam Sadi> #a.s.$ concerning the rights of a woman o"er her husband. He #a.s.$ answered: #9e should fulfill all her basic necessities and must not terrorise her by getting angry time and again. i.e. after fulfilling her needs, is !ind and affectionate towards her, then I swear by %llah, he has fulfilled his wifes rights.& **
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6( REC,MME+% 17E CT# ,F :!;1<

3hese recommendable acts are fi"e& (. Washing both hands u8to the elbows three times before the ghusl. 7. Cargling three times. ,. Wi8ing the hands on the whole body to ensure that e"ery 8art has been thoroughly washed. .. 2ombing the hair with the fingers to ensure that the water reaches the hair)roots. -. #0or men only$ @oing istibra before ghusl =anabat. Istibra, in the 8resent conteAt: means urinating. 3he benefit of istibra2 If a li>uid comes out of one=s 8enis after com8leting the ghusl: and he doubts whether it is semen or urine: then should he re8eat the ghusl or not? If he had done istibra before the ghusl: then he can assume that the li>uid is urine he will not ha"e to re8eat the ghusl he Bust has to do wu!u for his salat. %ut: on the other hand: if he had not done istibra before the ghusl: then he has to assume that it is the remnant of semen and he will ha"e to do the ghusl again.

% -ift for the .outh, Shabeeb i!"i %l @afi, uoted in % -ift for the .outh, Shabeeb

i!"i

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3he im8ortance of obser"ing the rights of a wife can be gauged from the hadith of the Messenger of Allah #s.a.w.s.$ wherein he says: #The best among you is the one who obser"es the rights of his wife in the best possible way and I am the best among you to obser"e the rights of my wi"es.& *,

1( Conse?uence of Ill 1eha5iour 3ith the Famil2

Imam e!a #a.s.$ says: #I"ery man should stri"e to ma!e his wife and children comfortable according to his capacity for if he is strict and un!ind to them and because their rights are being depri"ed they will desire his death.& *C When Saad ibne Maa!: the great com8anion of the Holy Pro8het #s.a.w.s.$ eA8ired: he #s.a.w.s.$ himself 8artici8ated in the funeral 8rocession and shouldered his bier >uite a few times with considerable res8ect. 3hen he laid it in the gra"e and buried him with his own hands. 1n seeing the !eal of the Pro8het #s.a.$: the mother of Saad cried: 2ongratulations: 1 my son on gaining 8aradise. 1n hearing this the Messenger of Islam retorted: #)ait, do not ma!e haste in di"ine affairs. .our son is in great agony and anguish at the moment.& When the 8eo8le in>uired about the reason for this condition he #s.a.$: re8lied: #9e beha"ed "ery badly with his family members.& *1

( The Importance of 9elping one"s 3ife at home

1ne day the Messenger of Allah #s.a.w.s.$ 8aid a "isit to the house of Ali and 0atemah #a.s.$. He saw that Ali #a.s.$ was sie"ing the 8ulses and 0atemah #s.a.$ was busy cooking. 1n obser"ing this the Pro8het #s.a.$ remarked: #/ %li, I do not spea! e4cept what is re"ealed to me. %nyone who helps his wife in her domestic affairs obtains a reward of one year of worship e?ual to the amount of hair on his body. This year of worship will be as if he has fasted during its days and prayed during its nights. %llah will reward him e?ual to the reward of all the patient ones, 9azrat Jawood (a.s.) and 9azrat Isa (a.s.).& *B

56

Man Aa .ahzarul Ka?ih, uoted in % -ift for the .outh, Shabeeb i!"i 57 Gamius adaat, "ol. 7: 8. (.7

58 59

)asaelush hia, Shaykh Hurre Amili % -ift for the .outh, Shabeeb i!"i

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C( Rights of the .ife 'a(s()

ccording to Imam #a44ad

#It is the right of your wife that you should !now that %llah has made her for you a tran?uility and comfort (in worry), and a friend and shield (against sins). %nd li!ewise, it is incumbent upon both of you to than! %llah for your partner and to !now that (the spouse) is a grace of %llah upon you. %nd it is obligatory to ha"e good fellowship with this grace of %llah (i.e. wife), and to respect her and be !ind to her, although your rights upon her are greater and her obedience to you is final in all your li!es and disli!es so long as it is not a sin. o she has the right of lo"e and fellowship, and a place of repose (i.e. house) so that natural desires may be fulfilled, and this in itself is a great duty. %nd there is no strength but by %llah.& ,7

i.e. of ha"ing a 8hysical relationshi8 with his wife: as and when he wants: is ob"iously a reci8rocation of her feelings. In absence of her husband the duties of the wife include the 8rotection of his rights: status: wealth and res8ect. She must not s8end his wealth without his 8ermission nor must she re"eal his secrets. ather she should be his closest confidante. She must not let anybody inside the house without his 8ermission in his absence. 0or: doing so would lead to a lot of misunderstandings which would ha"e drastic re8ercussions on the sacred contract of marriage. She must "alue his ideas: 8lans and 8ro"isions that he has 8re8ared for her and other family members and obey him under all circumstances. She must not disobey him come what may nor must she do any such thing which detracts him. ather she must try her best to attract his attention towards herself by which both of them can lead a life of harmony./( Imam %a>ir #a.s.$ says that once a lady in>uired from the Holy Pro8het #s.a.w.s.$ regarding the rights a husband enBoys o"er his wife. He #s.a.w.s.$ said: #Kirst and foremost is that she should obey him and refrain from disobedience. he must not donate anything from his house without his
61

%( 9usband"s rights o5er his .ife

3he rights of a husband o"er his wife are numerous. 3he most im8ortant among them is related to ha"ing 8hysical relationshi8 with her. 3he duty of a wife is to submit herself 8hysically before her husband. 3his right of the husband
60

The Lharter of >ights of Imam Eaynul %bidin, translated by Sayyid Saeed Akhtar i!"i

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permission nor can she !eep recommended fasts without his appro"al. he must $IMI> deny him his physical rights nor depri"e him of its pleasures. If she steps out of the house without his permission, the angels of the hea"en and the earth, of wrath and mercy, curse her till she returns to her house.& ,:

paradise for her and sins of si4ty years are forgi"en.& 3he author of Ma!aremul %!hla? narrates on the authority of Imam Muhammad %a>ir #a.s.$: #The Gehaad of women is to be patient while facing the difficulties of life with their husbands.&

E( The Importance of obe2ing one"s 9usband

Imam Sadi> #a.s.$ says that a grou8 of 8eo8le 8aid a "isit to the Messenger of Islam and said: 1 Pro8het of Allah: we ha"e seen such 8eo8le who 8rostrate before each other. 3he Holy Pro8het #s.a.w.s.$ answered: #If at all I could permit prostration before anyone e4cept %llah, the Lreator, I would ha"e ordered the wi"es to prostrate before their husbands.& ,< 3he Holy Pro8het #s.a.w.s.$ is also re8orted to ha"e said: #% wife who gi"es her husband water to drin! attains a reward of one year of worship, a year whose nights were passed in prayers and days in fasting. In e4change of one drop of water which she pro"ides for her husband one city is built in

F( #tricture gainst Foul 7anguage

3he Holy Pro8het #s.a.w.s.$ said: #%ny woman who con"erses indignantly with her husband, thereby hurting his sentiments, none of her deeds either obligatory or recommended will be accepted from her until and unless her husband does not e4press his satisfaction with her. I"en if this woman fasts during the days, prays during the nights, frees sla"es or donates the best of horses in the way of %llah, she will be first to enter the fire of hell. imilar will be the fate of the husband who usurps the rights of his wife.& ,'

6(

#ummar2 of Mutual Rights

62

Ma!aremul %!hla?, uoted in % -ift for the .outh, Shabeeb i!"i 63 Ma!aremul %!hla?, 18. cit.

In his book +rinciples of Marriage and Kamily Ithics, Professor Ibrahim Amini has eA8lained in much detail the duties of husband and wi"es: often >uoting incidents to em8hasise his arguments.
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Ma!aremul %!hla?

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Part 1ne deals with the duties of Women& According to the author the 8ur8ose of marriage is that the wife li"es with her husband. She must be kind and should res8ect her husband. She must not com8lain unnecessarily. She must ha"e a 8leasant dis8osition. She must be a comfort for her husband and a88reciate him. She must not look for his shortcomings. She must obser"e Islamic HiBab. She must forgi"e her husband=s mistakes. She must learn to co8e with her husband=s relati"es. She must hel8 her husband to make 8rogress. She must not be unduly sus8icious. Part 3wo deals with the duties of Men& 3he man is the guardian of the family. He should take care of his wife and be lo"ing towards her. He must res8ect her and be well)mannered. He also must not com8lain unnecessarily. He should o"erlook her mistakes. He should not be sus8icious about her. He should be clean at home also. He must hel8 in the household chores and assist in bringing u8 children.

%uties of ,ther Famil2 Members

1ther household members should also know that the time and attention of the newly married ones will be di"ided and 8re"ious eA8ectations may ha"e to be changed to suit new circumstances. In Boint families: the namehram ladies must obser"e hi=ab if they are not li"ing in a se8arate house with their husbands.

%ecenc2 and Pri5ac2

3he Pro8het and the Imams ha"e em8hasi!ed that when you engage in seAual intercourse: make sure that no child #or: for that matter: any other 8erson$ sees you or hears you. Abu %asir >uotes Imam <a=far as)Sadi> #a.s.$ as follows: #De careful not to ha"e se4 with your wife while a child can see you. The +rophet used to disli!e this (attitude) "ery strongly.& ,* If a child sees and hears the 8arents engaged in seAual intercourse: he might go through a shocking 8sychological eA8erience. It might also create a 8roblem in his own adult life. Islam has laid down clear guidelines about the 8ri"acy of adults. ur=an gi"es us the following rules about 8ri"acy within the family circles&
65

)asaelush

hia, "ol. (.: 8. +.)+-

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(. 3here are three times in a day& night: early morning and afternoon which are considered as times of 8ri"acy. 7. 3he minor children should be taught that during times of 8ri"acy they are not allowed to enter the bedroom of their 8arents or adults without first asking their 8ermission. ,. At other times: the children are free to come and go into the bedroom of their 8arents without asking for their 8ermission. In retros8ect: this means that the 8arents should be decently dressed at those other times. .. As for the mature children and adults: the ur=an is clear that they may enter the bedroom of their 8arents or other adults at all times only after asking their 8ermission.

67,## R* ,F I#7 MIC TERM#

HA AAM& forbidden: 8rohibited. IH3IYA3 WA<I%& 8recautionarily waBib. <A=I: HADAAD: M%AH& 8ermitted: allowed: lawful: legal. MA <A= #8l. MA A<I=$& A high)ranking muBtahid. MA4 H& re8rehensible: disliked: discouraged. M<3AHI@& or 0AIH #8l. 0AHA$& a Burist. SNNA3 or MS3AHA%& recommended: desirable: better. WA<I%& obligatory: necessary: incumbent.

Conclusion
3he Islamic way of life not only assures ha88iness and satisfaction of an indi"idual but the society as a whole benefits by im8lementing the laws of Shariah. Since the society consists of families and families come into being by matrimonial relationshi8s it is necessary that this basic unit of society is 8ro8erly understood and 8rotected from all that threatens its eAistence.

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1I17I,6R P9*
(. Ideal Marriage ) an de elde 7. Marriage and Morals in Islam Sayyid Muhammad i!"i ,. Marriage and Kamily Ithics Ibrahim Amini .. pouse electionAli Akber Ma!aheri -. .outh and Morals S. MuBtaba Musa"i Dari /. e4ual Ithics in Islam and in the )estern )orld M. Mutahhari *. Islamic Aaw Ayatullah Seestani '. Tahzeebul Islam Allamah MaBlisi +. %daabe Mu=aameaatNPeermohammed 5brahim 3rust (;. % -ift for the .outh OShabeeb i!"i

E+%+,TE
I ha"e referred to Ali Akber Ma!aheri=s .outh and pouse election for 2ha8ters of Importance of Marriage in Islam and pouse election. 2ha8ters 0our to 5ight and 2ha8ter 5le"en: are wholly taken from Maulana Sayyid Muhammad i!"i=s Marriage and Morals in Islam, which I think is the best book on this subBect. 3he 2ha8ter of -husl Ganabat is ada8ted from the book: >itual and piritual +urity also by Maulana Sayyid Muhammad i!"i. 0or 2ha8ter of Mutual >ights I ha"e referred to the following books& .outh and pouse election by Ali Akber Ma!aheri: +rinciples of Marriage and Kamily Ithics by Ibrahim Amini and % -ift for the .outh by Shabeeb i!"i.