10 techniques to develop rapport

Summary of Form, techniques:

Body language (posture). Voice language (rate, sharp). Delivery. Control ego to - Sympathise w/pain, Validate w/smile. Expand thread by - asking, relating, giving food Entry w/limited time. Exit w/low expectations. Speak from your mask (bet lips and nostrils, vibrates when you say mm hmm) More tech used, higher chance of great convo (feel good abt themselves & convo w you) Success Depend on context, skill, most importantly experience, familiarity

1. Establishing artificial time constraints

Confidence in process is most impt, whether ppl watching or not Ppl assess new situations for threat before anything else, look for congruence (say think do) " sry to bother, abt to leave... (salad eaten, smartphone out) (add content topic)

2. Accommodating non verbals

Top down check & Practice (ppl look at face most) : normal face, say out loud "hi how are you", tilt head slightly down Body angle: slight, blade away is more accommodating, first time encounters can intimidate Handshake: match strength, palm up angle, 3rd party reference, topic not related to you /the other to initiate convo

3. Slower rate of speech, & clearer (more credible)

Non verbals of voice: tempo, modulation, inclination... Can't change genetics, but can change preference, like writing w non dominant hand when we need /choose to

4. Sympathy /assistance theme

Elicit, induce someone to give info indirectly To make clear you're not hitting on someone, say you want to do something special for wife

5. Ego suspension
Suspending ego is hardest. Helped survive. I'm sorry, I have children too. Putting others needs, wants, views before yours You talk, other ppl talk. Let them say their better story, suppress your need to share your great story

6. Validate others. Everyone wants it.

A. Listening. Say a few encouraging words. Let them continue. No story to offer, just there to hear theirs Don't take out fucking handphone B. Thoughtfulness. C. Validate views. To make ppl do what you want, make them come up with your idea, validate them. Understand then validate then build upon 7. Ask how when why? Open ended qns require more words and thinking Threading convo by answering with new topics. A. Minimal encouragers: yea, uh huh,. Too much can make you look cold & uncaring B. Reflective qns: restate qn, mirroring C. Emotional labelling; when someone displays much emotion. When ppl look like they had a bad day, Stress D. Paraphrasing: main points of story. Show listening & reflective qning E. Pauses: to think what to say next & to create awkward silence tt hopefully the other person can fill so more how when why qns can be asked F. Summary : like paraphrase, help Rmb, be clear of favors/commitment made

8. Connect with quid pro quo

Most subtle technique, used when speaking to introverted /guarded ppl & when ppl think they say too much then feel awkward Reveal own personal history, identity Don't overwhelm, slowly build trust by non threat convo Sprinkle some quid pro quo throughout the dialogue before it gets that far. 1-2 lines every 15min

9. Gift giving. Reciprocal altruism

Preemptive gift giving helps future convo /interactions Non material gifts of "focus" /Material, seek convo & rapport in return Initiate gift giving without any reciprocity expectations

10. Manage expectations

Every convo has an agenda (desired outcome) Sensing and masking, shifting agenda is abt building rapport Ensure the convo is for THEIR BENEFIT NOT YOURS

Practice ex
Step 1. Make opening statement with body bladed away as if walking away Step 2. Speak slightly over shoulder, genuine smile as if someone did you a favor Ex1. 3rd party reference, A. Ensure accommodating non verbals, pick person, ref, ask abt views on ref B. Choose a theme, personality, sth usable for future ex Keep it casual, easy. Ppl Browsing, not rushing. Large public venues: bar, bookstores, coffeehouses, ntuc Ex2. Artificial time constraints Like A., add "... But I'm on my way out" Diff types: I've to go in a min,..Is waiting; late for.., may I ask your opinion; I've to get back to my.., may I ask Ex3. Slower rate of speech

Fear:
Perfectionistic Mistakes not allowed Unfair comparisons

Courage basics:
Daily relaxation habit, exercise music etc Capability (nitty gritty skills) for starting keeping it going Confidence, I can do it

Steps to reduce fear

Identify specific fears (pen & paper) Question fears & destroy with logic, so what, really Improve skills Stretch comfort zone by acceptable degrees

Steps to grow courage

Explore new locations, get used to new situations Talk to new people Hesitation is a signal to stretch, not get stuck

Starting convo with strangers Breaking flow, while they're in the middle of scanning groceries, Ask " How're you doing?"

Common mistakes:
Not enthu Not listening for cues Not sharing opinions & interests Stuck in a routine & bored Hope the other person will rescue you Fear you will bore people Narrow focus of personal interest

Develop active curiosity in life:

Decide & allow that life(& people) are interesting Find out what excites people, what is new in the world, shared values & beliefs

Simple tactics that work:

Chunk words to speak in one breath Vary voice tone & volume Use dynamic body language & breathing Ask directly about interests Watch non verbal responses closely Talk about their interests first Fish for clues, be a fisherman Be provocative about personal disclosure, make lead ins to new topics interesting, mysterious

3 types of topics people love to talk about

Surface magnets: Keep it simple, weather, current events, day setting, family friends Bridging: Pay close attention, actively listen, trial & error, personal disclosure Deep magnets: Love & interests, values, beliefs, identity Conversation magnet mindset: take control, give & take, know your exit

3 tips to keep convo going.

1. I to you ratio Ratio of talking about yourself to being interested in other person Natural balance. 50-50 2. Keyword latching/ threading similarities Give them chance to latch on to what you said. Ask big open ended questions. 3. Conversational themes Broad topics that ppl talk about easily (movies, hobbies, people, passion, holiday, food, music, current affairs) If you struggle to come up with stuff, prepare stories, opinions ahead of time

10 tips.
Assertive. Use diaphragm. Hand over stomach practice. Raspy voice Story telling pause. Keep anticipation Listening pause. Wait 2 sec after finish. Nod slow. Emphasize certain words. Delivery IS EVERYTHING. Use hands to support emphasis. Inquisitive Squint. Hmm. I see. Threading Similarities to relate, build connection. Take 1 word and run with it. 80:20, agree: disagree. Use questions to make them elaborate. Throw statement back, Learn more. Laughter Control. Person Laughing more seeks approval. Laugh when genuinely funny. Facial expressions. What you do with yo face.