The Complete Edition of Murphy's Laws

The Complete Edition of Murphy's Laws
Copyright 1997 by Andreas Gtz - Last modified 01/17/2000 09 11 !"
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Abbott's Admonitions 1# $f yo% ha&e to as'( yo%)re not entit*ed to 'no+# 2# $f yo% don)t *i'e the ans+er( yo% sho%*dn)t ha&e as'ed the ,%estion# Abrams's Advice -hen eating an e*ephant( ta'e one bite at a time# Absolute Principal .ea%ty is on*y s'in deep( %g*y goes to the bone# Rule of Accuracy -hen +or'ing to+ard the so*%tion of a prob*em( it a*+ays he*ps if yo% 'no+ the ans+er# Corollary - /ro&ided( of 0o%rse( that yo% 'no+ there is a prob*em# Acheson's Rule of the Bureaucracy A memorand%m is +ritten not to inform the reader b%t to prote0t the +riter# Acton's Law /o+er tends to 0orr%pt1 abso*%te po+er 0orr%pts abso*%te*y# Ade's Law Anybody 0an +in -- %n*ess there happens to be a se0ond entry# Law of Adult Opportunity 2pport%nity a*+ays 'no0's at the *east appropriate moment# Advanced Systems News Letter 3he nai* that sti0's %p gets hammered do+n#
A nes Allen's Law A*most anything is easier to get into than o%t of# Airplane Law -hen the p*ane yo% are on is *ate( the p*ane yo% +ant to transfer to is on time# Law of Airports 3he distan0e to the gate is in&erse*y proportiona* to the time a&ai*ab*e to 0at0h the f*ight# Alan's Law of Research 3he theory is s%pported as *ong as the f%nds are# Albrecht's Law 4o0ia* inno&ations tend to the *e&e* of minim%m to*erab*e +e** being# Alfred's Law of N!"B#'ism $Not in my bac% yard& 3he g%y ho*ding the biggest sign demanding that the free+ay be torn do+n mo&ed in si5 years after it +as 0onstr%0ted# Law of Al ebra 6o% ne&er 0at0h on %nti* after the test# Al ren's Precepts 7e&er eat at a p*a0e 0a**ed 8om)s# 7e&er p*ay 0ards +ith a man named 9o0# And ne&er *ie do+n +ith a +oman +ho)s got more tro%b*es than yo%# Law of Alienation 7othing 0an so a*ienate a &oter from the po*iti0a* system as ba0'ing a +inning 0andidate# Alins%y's Rule 'or Radicals 3hose +ho are most mora* are farthest from the prob*em# Allen's A(iom -hen a** e*se fai*s( fo**o+ instr%0tions# Allen's Biblical )istinction *Allen's )istinction+ 3he *ion and the *amb sha** *ie do+n together( b%t the *amb +on) t get m%0h s*eep# Allen's Law
A*most anything is easier to get into than o%t of# Allen's Law of Civili,ation $t is better for 0i&i*ization to be going do+n the drain than to be 0oming %p it# Alley's A(iom :%sti0e a*+ays pre&ai*s### three times o%t of se&en# Alli ator Alle ory 3he ob;e0ti&e of a** dedi0ated prod%0t s%pport emp*oyees sho%*d be to thoro%gh*y ana*yze a** sit%ations( anti0ipate a** prob*ems prior to their o00%rren0e( ha&e ans+ers for these prob*ems( and mo&e s+ift*y to so*&e these prob*ems +hen 0a**ed %pon# <o+e&er( +hen yo% are %p to yo%r ass in a**igators( it is diffi0%*t to remind yo%rse*f that yo%r initia* ob;e0ti&e +as to drain the s+amp# Alli ator Principle -hen yo% are %p to yo%r ass in a**igators( it is diffi0%*t to remind yo%rse*f that yo%r initia* ob;e0ti&e +as to drain the s+amp# Allison's Precept 3he best simp*e-minded test of e5pertise in a parti0%*ar area is the abi*ity to +in money in a series of bets on f%t%re o00%rren0es in that area# Law of Ambition At any one time( tho%sands of boro%gh 0o%n0i*men( s0hoo* board members( attorneys( and b%sinessmen -- as +e** as 0ongressmen( senators( and go&ernors -- are dreaming of the -hite <o%se( b%t fe+( if any of them( +i** ma'e it# Anderson's Law Any system or prob*em( ho+e&er 0omp*i0ated( if *oo'ed at in e5a0t*y the right +ay( +i** be0ome e&en more 0omp*i0ated# Andrew's Canoein Postulate 7o matter +hi0h dire0tion yo% start( it)s a*+ays against the +ind 0oming ba0'# Law of Annoyance -hen +or'ing on a pro;e0t( if yo% p%t a+ay a too* that yo%)re 0ertain yo%)re finished +ith( yo% +i** need it instant*y# Anthony's Law of 'orce 9on)t for0e it( get a *arger hammer#
Anthony's Law of the -or%shop Any too*( +hen dropped( +i** ro** into the *east a00essib*e 0orner of the +or'shop# Corollary - 2n the +ay to the 0orner( any dropped too* +i** first and a*+ays stri'e yo%r toes# Approval See%er's Law 3hose +hose appro&a* yo% see' the most gi&e yo% the *east# .he A/uinas A(iom -hat the gods get a+ay +ith( the 0o+s don)t# .he Arithmetic of Cooperation -hen yo%)re adding %p 0ommittees there)s a %sef%* r%*e of th%mb that ta*ents ma'e a differen0e( and fo**ies ma'e a s%m# Army A(iom Any order that 0an be mis%nderstood has been mis%nderstood# Army Law $f it mo&es( sa*%te it1 if it doesn)t mo&e( pi0' it %p1 if yo% 0an)t pi0' it %p( paint it# Arnold's 'irst Law of )ocumentation $f it sho%*d e5ist( it doesn)t# Arnold's Second Law of )ocumentation $f it does e5ist( it)s o%t of date# Arnold's .hird Law of )ocumentation 2n*y %se*ess do0%mentation trans0ends the first t+o *a+s# Ashlei h's 'irst Law $f yo% 0an)t *earn to do it +e**( yo% sho%*d *earn to en;oy doing it bad*y# Ashley0Perry Statistical A(ioms 1# 7%mbers are too*s( not r%*es# 2# 7%mbers are symbo*s for things1 the n%mber and the thing are not the same# !# 4'i** in manip%*ating n%mbers is a ta*ent( not e&iden0e of di&ine g%idan0e# =# Li'e other o00%*t te0hni,%es of di&ination( the statisti0a* method has a pri&ate ;argon de*iberate*y 0ontri&ed to obs0%re its methods from nonpra0titioners#
># 3he prod%0t of an arithmeti0a* 0omp%tation is the ans+er to an e,%ation1 it is not the so*%tion to a prob*em# "# Arithmeti0a* proofs of theorems that do not ha&e arithmeti0a* bases pro&e nothing# Law of Assembly $nter0hangeab*e parts +on)t# Astrolo y Law $t)s a*+ays the +rong time of the month# Atlas's Laws of "edical Research 4%00essf%* resear0h attra0ts the bigger grant +hi0h ma'es f%rther resear0h impossib*e# 3he progress of s0ien0e &aries in&erse*y +ith the n%mber of ;o%rna*s p%b*ished#
Attila's !nstruction A*+ays remember to pi**age before yo% b%rn# Attorneys Operatin Principle Any simp*e idea m%st be +orded in the most 0omp*i0ated +ay# Atwoods Corollary 7o boo's are *ost by *ending e50ept those yo% parti0%*ar*y +anted to 'eep# Law of Attraction /o+er attra0ts peop*e b%t it 0annot ho*d them# Avery's Observation $t does not matter if yo% fa** do+n as *ong as yo% pi0' %p something from the f*oor +hi*e yo% get %p# Avery's Rule of .hree 3ro%b*e stri'es in series of threes( b%t +hen +or'ing aro%nd the ho%se the ne5t ;ob after a series of three is not the fo%rth ;ob -- it)s the start of a brand ne+ series of three# Avian Law A bird in the hand is safer than one o&erhead# A(iom of Promotions
-hat gets yo% promoted on one *e&e* +i** get yo% fired on another# A(iom of the Pipe1 *.rischmann's Parado(+ A pipe gi&es a +ise man time to thin' and a foo* something to sti0' in his mo%th#
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Babcoc%'s Law $f it 0an be borro+ed and it 0an be bro'en( yo% +i** borro+ it and yo% +i** brea' it# Baer's 2uartet -hat)s good po*iti0s is bad e0onomi0s1 +hat)s bad po*iti0s is good e0onomi0s1 +hat)s good e0onomi0s is bad po*iti0s1 +hat)s bad e0onomi0s is good po*iti0s# Ba di%ian's Law of 3ditor's Speeches 3he sp*endor of an editor)s spee0h and the sp*endor of his ne+spaper are in&erse*y re*ated to the distan0e bet+een the 0ity in +hi0h he ma'es his spee0h and the 0ity in +hi0h he p%b*ishes his paper# Ba%er's Byroad -hen yo% are o&er the hi**( yo% pi0' %p speed# Ba%er's Law 8isery no *onger *o&es 0ompany# 7o+adays it insists on it# Baldy's Law 4ome of it p*%s the rest of it is a** of it# .he Banana Principle $f yo% b%y bananas or a&o0ados before they are ripe( there +on)t be any *eft by the time they are ripe# $f yo% b%y them ripe( they rot before they are eaten# Ban%ers A(iom $n order to get a *oan yo% m%st first pro&e yo% don)t need it# Ban%ers Lament 7othing in the 'no+n %ni&erse tra&e*s faster than a bad 0he0' Law of Ban%s
3he other *ine a*+ays mo&es faster# $n order to get a *oan yo% m%st first pro&e that yo% don)t need it# Barber's Laws of Bac%pac%in 1# 3he integra* of the gra&itationa* potentia* ta'en aro%nd any *oop trai* yo% 0hoose to hi'e a*+ays 0omes o%t positi&e# 2# Any stone in yo%r boot a*+ays migrates against the press%re gradient to e5a0t*y the point of most press%re# !# 3he +eight of yo%r pa0' in0reases in dire0t proportion to the amo%nt of food yo% 0ons%me from it# $f yo% r%n o%t of food( the pa0' +eight goes on in0reasing any+ay# =# 3he n%mber of stones in yo%r boot is dire0t*y proportiona* to the n%mber of ho%rs yo% ha&e been on the trai*# ># 3he diffi0%*ty of finding any gi&en trai* mar'er is dire0t*y proportiona* to the importan0e of the 0onse,%en0es of fai*ing to find it# "# 3he size of ea0h of the stones in yo%r boot is dire0t*y proportiona* to the n%mber of ho%rs yo% ha&e been on the trai*# 7# 3he remaining distan0e to yo%r 0hosen 0ampsite remains 0onstant as t+i*ight approa0hes# ?# 3he net +eight of yo%r boots is proportiona* to the 0%be of the n%mber of ho%rs yo% ha&e been on the trai*# 9# -hen yo% arri&e at yo%r 0hosen 0ampsite( it is f%**# 10# $f yo% ta'e yo%r boots off( yo%)** ne&er get them ba0' on again# 11# 3he *o0a* density of mos,%itos is in&erse*y proportiona* to yo%r remaining repe**ent# Barr's Comment on )omestic .ran/uillity 2n a bea%tif%* day *i'e this it)s hard to be*ie&e anyone 0an be %nhappy -- b%t +e)** +or' on it# Barrett's Laws of )rivin 1# 6o% 0an get A76-<@A@ in ten min%tes if yo% go fast eno%gh# 2# 4peed b%mps are of neg*igib*e effe0t +hen the &ehi0*e e50eeds trip*e the desired restraining speed# !# 3he &ehi0*e in front of yo% is tra&e*ing s*o+er than yo% are# =# 3his *ane ends in >00 feet#
Barth's )istinction *Benchley's Law of )istinction+ 3here are t+o 0*asses of peop*e those +ho di&ide peop*e into t+o 0*asses( and those +ho don)t# Bart,'s Law of 4o%ey 4orsepuc%ery 3he more ridi0%*o%s a be*ief system( the higher the probabi*ity of its s%00ess# Baruch's Observation $f a** yo% ha&e is a hammer( e&ery prob*em *oo's *i'e a nai*# Baruch's Rule for )eterminin Old A e 2*d age is a*+ays fifteen years o*der than $ am# Bar,un's Laws of Learnin 1# 3he simp*e b%t diffi0%*t arts of paying attention( 0opying a00%rate*y( fo**o+ing an arg%ment( dete0ting an ambig%ity or a fa*se inferen0e( testing g%esses by s%mmoning %p 0ontrary instan0es( organizing one)s time and one)s tho%ght for st%dy - a** these arts - 0annot be ta%ght in the air b%t on*y thro%gh the diffi0%*ties of a defined s%b;e0t# 3hey 0annot be ta%ght in one 0o%rse or one year( b%t m%st be a0,%ired grad%a**y in dozens of 0onne0tions# 2# 3he ana*ogy to ath*eti0s m%st be pressed %nti* a** re0ognize that in the e5er0ise of $nte**e0t those +ho *a0' the m%s0*es( 0oordination( and +i** po+er 0an 0*aim no p*a0e at the training tab*e( *et a*one on the p*aying fie*d# 'orthoffer's Cynical Summary of Bar,un's Laws 1# 3hat +hi0h has not yet been ta%ght dire0t*y 0an ne&er be ta%ght dire0t*y# 2# $f at first yo% don)t s%00eed( yo% +i** ne&er s%00eed# Basic Ba a e Principle
-hi0he&er 0aro%se* yo% stand near( yo%r baggage +i** arri&e on another one# Law of Basic "oney )ynamics A s%rprise monetary +indfa** +i** be a00ompanied by an %ne5pe0ted e5pense of the same amo%nt# Ba(ter's 'irst Law *Ba(ter's 'ree "ar%et Laws+ Go&ernment inter&ention in the free mar'et a*+ays *eads to a *o+er nationa* standard of *i&ing# Ba(ter's Second Law
3he adoption of fra0tiona* go*d reser&es in a 0%rren0y system a*+ays *eads to depre0iation( de&a*%ation( demonetization and( %*timate*y( to 0omp*ete destr%0tion of that 0%rren0y# Ba(ter's .hird Law $n a free mar'et good money a*+ays dri&es bad money o%t of 0ir0%*ation# Beard's addendum to interstate travel 3he pa*atabi*ity inde5 of any food is in&erse*y proportiona* to the distan0e and n%mber of times the resta%rant ad&ertises prior to the designated stop# Beardsley's -arnin to Lawyers .e+are of and es0he+ pompo%s pro*i5ity# Beaure ard's 'irst Law -hen yo%)re %p to yo%r nose in it( 'eep yo%r mo%th sh%t# Beaure ard's Second Law A** peop*e are 0remated e,%a*# Bec%er's Law $t is m%0h harder to find a ;ob than to 'eep one# Bec%hap's Law .ea%ty times brains e,%a*s a 0onstant# Beifeld's Principle 3he probabi*ity of a yo%ng man meeting a desirab*e and re0epti&e yo%ng fema*e in0reases by pyramida* progression +hen he is a*ready in the 0ompany of B1C a date( B2C his +ife( and B!C a better *oo'ing and ri0her ma*e friend# Belle's Constant 3he ratio of time in&o*&ed in +or' to time a&ai*ab*e for +or' is %s%a**y abo%t 0#"# Benchley's )istinction 3here are t+o types of peop*e those +ho di&ide peop*e into t+o types( and those +ho don)t# Benchley's Law Anyone 0an do any amo%nt of +or'( pro&ided it isn)t the +or' he is s%pposed to be doing at that moment#
Ber%eley's Laws 1# 3he +or*d is more 0omp*i0ated than most of o%r theories ma'e it o%t to be# 2# $gnoran0e is no e50%se# !# 7e&er de0ide to b%y something +hi*e *istening to the sa*esman# =# $nformation +hi0h is tr%e meets a great many different tests &ery +e**# ># 8ost prob*ems ha&e either many ans+ers or no ans+er# 2n*y a fe+ prob*ems ha&e a sing*e ans+er# "# An ans+er may be +rong( right( both( or neither# 8ost ans+ers are part*y right and part*y +rong# 7# A 0hain of reasoning is no stronger than its +ea'est *in'# ?# A statement may be tr%e independent*y of i**ogi0a* reasoning# 9# 8ost genera* statements are fa*se( in0*%ding this one# 10# An e50eption 3@434 a r%*e1 it 7@D@A /A2D@4 it# 11# 3he moment yo% ha&e +or'ed o%t an ans+er( start 0he0'ing it -- it probab*y isn)t right# 12# $f there is an opport%nity to ma'e a mista'e( sooner or *ater the mista'e +i** be made# 1!# .eing s%re mista'es +i** o00%r is a good frame of mind for 0at0hing them# 1=# Che0' the ans+er yo% ha&e +or'ed o%t on0e more -- before yo% te** it to anybody# 1># @stimating a fig%re may be eno%gh to 0at0h an error# 1"# Eig%res 0a*0%*ated in a r%sh are &ery hot1 they sho%*d be a**o+ed to 0oo* off a *itt*e before being %sed1 th%s +e +i** ha&e a reasonab*e time to thin' abo%t the fig%res and 0at0h mista'es# 17# A great many prob*ems do not ha&e a00%rate ans+ers( b%t do ha&e appro5imate ans+ers( from +hi0h sensib*e de0isions 0an be made# Bernstein's 'irst Law .%ttered bread tends to fa** +ith the b%ttered side do+n# Bernstein's Second Law A fa**ing body a*+ays ro**s to the most ina00essib*e spot# Berra's Law
6o% 0an obser&e a *ot ;%st by +at0hing# Berson's Corollary of !nverse )istances 3he farther a+ay from the entran0e that yo% ha&e to par'( the 0*oser the spa0e &a0ated by the 0ar that p%**s a+ay as yo% +a*' %p to the door# Bicycle Law A** bi0y0*es +eigh >0 po%nds A !0-po%nd bi0y0*e needs a 20-po%nd *o0' and 0hain# A =0-po%nd bi0y0*e needs a 10-po%nd *o0' and 0hain# A >0-po%nd bi0y0*e needs no *o0' or 0hain# 'irst Law of Bicyclin 7o matter +hi0h +ay yo% ride( it)s %phi** and against the +ind# .he Billin s Phenomenon 3he 0on0*%sions of most good operations resear0h st%dies are ob&io%s# Billin s's Law Li&e +ithin yo%r in0ome( e&en if yo% ha&e to borro+ to do so# Blanchard's Newspaper Obituary Law $f yo% +ant yo%r name spe**ed +rong( die# Blauw's Law @stab*ished te0hno*ogy tends to persist in spite of ne+ te0hno*ogy# Law of Blissful ! norance -hat yo% don)t 'no+ +i** a*+ays h%rt yo%# Bo%'s Law $f yo% thin' ed%0ation is e5pensi&e -- try ignoran0e# Bolin 's Postulate $f yo%)re fee*ing good( don)t +orry# 6o%)** get o&er it# Bolton's Law of Ascendin Bud ets Fnder 0%rrent pra0ti0es( both e5pendit%res and re&en%es rise to meet ea0h other( no matter +hi0h one may be in e50ess#
Bombec%'s Rule of "edicine 7e&er go to a do0tor +hose offi0e p*ants ha&e died# Bonafede's Revelation 3he 0on&entiona* +isdom is that po+er is an aphrodisia0# $n tr%th( it)s e5ha%sting# Boob's Law 6o% a*+ays find something in the *ast p*a0e yo% *oo'# Boo%er's Law An o%n0e of app*i0ation is +orth a ton of abstra0tion# Boo,er's Revision A bird in the hand is dead# Boren's Laws of the Bureaucracy 1# -hen in do%bt( m%mb*e# 2# -hen in tro%b*e( de*egate# !# -hen in 0harge( ponder# Bor%ows%i's Law 6o% 0an)t g%ard against the arbitrary# Borstelmann's Rule $f e&erything seems to be 0oming yo%r +ay( yo%)re probab*y in the +rong *ane# Boston's !rreversible Law of Clutter $n any ho%seho*d( ;%n' a00%m%*ates to fi** the spa0e a&ai*ab*e for its storage# Boultbee's Criterion $f the 0on&erse of a statement is abs%rd( the origina* statement is an ins%*t to the inte**igen0e and sho%*d ne&er ha&e been said# Bove's .heorem 3he remaining +or' to finish in order to rea0h yo%r goa* in0reases as the dead*ine approa0hes# Boyle's Laws
1# 3he s%00ess of any &ent%re +i** be he*ped by prayer( e&en in the +rong denomination# 2# -hen things are going +e**( someone +i** ine&itab*y e5periment detrimenta**y# !# 3he defi0ien0y +i** ne&er sho+ itse*f d%ring the dry r%ns# =# $nformation tra&e*s more s%re*y to those +ith a *esser need to 'no+# ># An origina* idea 0an ne&er emerge from 0ommittee in the origina*# "# -hen the prod%0t is destined to fai*( the de*i&ery system +i** perform perfe0t*y# 7# 3he 0r%0ia* memorand%m +i** be snared in the o%t-bas'et by the paper 0*ip of the o&er*ying 0orresponden0e and go to fi*e# ?# 4%00ess 0an be ins%red on*y by de&ising a defense against fai*%re of the 0ontingen0y p*an# 9# /erforman0e is dire0t*y affe0ted by the per&ersity of inanimate ob;e0ts# 10# $f not 0ontro**ed( +or' +i** f*o+ to the 0ompetent man %nti* he s%bmerges# 11# 3he *agging a0ti&ity in a pro;e0t +i** in&ariab*y be fo%nd in the area +here the highest o&ertime rates *ie +aiting# 12# 3a*ent in staff +or' or sa*es +i** re0%rring*y be interpreted as manageria* abi*ity# 1!# 3he Gthin' positi&eG *eader tends to *isten to his s%bordinates) premonitions on*y d%ring the postmortems# 1=# C*ear*y stated instr%0tions +i** 0onsistent*y prod%0e m%*tip*e interpretations# 1># 2n s%00essi&e 0harts of the same organization the n%mber of bo5es +i** ne&er de0rease# Boyle's Observation A +e*fare state is one that ass%mes responsibi*ity for the hea*th( happiness( and genera* +e** being of a** its 0itizens e50ept the ta5payers# Boyle's Other Law 3he first p%** on the 0ord AL-A64 sends the drapes in the +rong dire0tion# Branch's 'irst Law of Crisis 3he spirit of p%b*i0 ser&i0e +i** rise( and the b%rea%0ra0y +i** m%*tip*y itse*f m%0h faster( in time of gra&e nationa* 0on0ern# 'irst Law of Brid e
$t)s a*+ays the partner)s fa%*t# Brien's 'irst Law At some time in the *ife 0y0*e of &irt%a**y e&ery organization( its abi*ity to s%00eed in spite of itse*f r%ns o%t# Bri 's Law of .raffic At any *e&e* of traffi0( any de*ay is into*erab*e# Brin%s's Observation 7o armored 0ar *oaded +ith bags of money e&er t%rned o&er and spi**ed its *oad in the street( in a good neighborhood# Broder's Law Anybody that +ants the presiden0y so m%0h that he)** spend t+o years organizing and 0ampaigning for it is not to be tr%sted +ith the offi0e# Brontosaurus Principle 2rganizations 0an gro+ faster than their brains 0an manage them in re*ation to their en&ironment and to their o+n physio*ogy1 +hen this o00%rs( they are an endangered spe0ies# Broo%'s Laws $f at first yo% don)t s%00eed( transform yo%r data set# Adding manpo+er to *ate soft+are ma'es it *ater#
Broo%s' 'irst Law Adding manpo+er to a *ate soft+are pro;e0t ma'es it *ater# Broo%s' Second Law -hene&er a system be0omes 0omp*ete*y defined( someone dis0o&ers something +hi0h either abo*ishes the system or e5pands it beyond re0ognition# *5erry+ Brown's Law 3oo often $ find that the &o*%me of paper e5pands to fi** the a&ai*ab*e brief0ases# *Sam+ Brown's Law 7e&er offend peop*e +ith sty*e +hen yo% 0an offend them +ith s%bstan0e# *.ony+ Brown's Law of Business Success 2%r 0%stomer)s paper+or' is profit# 2%r o+n paper+or' is *oss#
Brownian "otion Rule of Bureaucracies $t is impossib*e to disting%ish( from a distan0e( +hether the b%rea%0rats asso0iated +ith yo%r pro;e0t are simp*y sitting on their hands( or franti0a**y trying to 0o&er their asses# 4eisenber 's Addendum to Brownian Bureaucracy6 $f yo% obser&e a b%rea%0rat 0*ose*y eno%gh to ma'e the distin0tion abo&e( he +i** rea0t to yo%r obser&ation by 0o&ering his ass# Bruce0Bri s's Law of .raffic At any *e&e* of traffi0( any de*ay is into*erab*e# Bryson's Law of Repairs 1# Anything yo% try to fi5 +i** ta'e *onger and 0ost more than yo% tho%ght# 2# $f yo% foo* aro%nd +ith a thing for &ery *ong yo% +i** s0re+ it %p# Buchwald's Law As the e0onomy gets better( e&erything e*se gets +orse# Bucy's Law 7othing is e&er a00omp*ished by a reasonab*e man# .he Bumper .o Bumper .heorem 3raffi0 0ongestion in0reases in proportion to the *ength of time the street is s%per&ised by a traffi0 0ontro* offi0er# Bunuel's Law 2&erdoing things is harmf%* in a** 0ases( e&en +hen it 0omes to effi0ien0y# Law of Bureaucracy -hen a prob*em goes a+ay( the peop*e +or'ing to so*&e it do not# Bureaucratic Cop0Out 78 6o% sho%*d ha&e seen it +hen H$H got it# Burns's Balance $f the ass%mptions are +rong( the 0on0*%sions aren)t *i'e*y to be &ery good# Bus .ransportation Laws 1# 3he b%s that *eft the stop ;%st before yo% got there is yo%r b%s#
2# 3he amo%nt of time yo% ha&e to +ait for a b%s is dire0t*y proportiona* to the in0*emen0y of the +eather# !# A** b%ses heading in the opposite dire0tion dri&e off the fa0e of the earth and ne&er ret%rn# =# 3he *ast r%sh-ho%r e5press b%s to yo%r neighborhood *ea&es fi&e min%tes before yo% get off +or'# ># .%s s0hed%*es are arranged so yo%r b%s +i** arri&e at the transfer point pre0ise*y one min%te after the 0onne0ting b%s has *eft# "# Any b%s that 0an be the +rong b%s +i** be the +rong b%s# A** others are o%t of ser&i0e or f%**# Business "a(ims 1# 7o matter ho+ *o+ yo% bid the ;ob there is a*+ays an idiot o%t there +i**ing to do it for *ess# 2# 3he more yo% 0%t yo%r pri0e to get b%siness( the more *i'e*y yo% are to go o%t of b%siness# !# 3he more yo% try to 0ompete on a pri0e basis the *o+er yo%r pri0es +i** go# Coro**ary 6o%r in0ome +i** fo**o+# =# 3he bigger yo%r ye**o+ pages ad ( the more *o+ pri0ed 0a**s from non-repeat 0%stomers yo% +i** get# ># $n0reasing yo%r ad size in0reases the per0entage of *o+ profit 0a**s yo% get# "# 3he prize for beating o%t a** of yo%r 0ompetitors for the biggest most e5pensi&e ad in a** of the different ye**o+ pages boo's is ban'r%pt0y# 7# 3he more yo% ad&ertise that yo% ha&e 2= ho%r ser&i0e( the more se0%rity g%ards and insomnia0s +i** 0a** yo% in the midd*e of the night +ith re,%ests for pri0e ,%otations# ?# Ad&ertise as a 2= ho%r ser&i0e and yo% +i** get angry 0a**s from peop*e +ho stopped by yo%r shop at fo%r in the morning and yo% +eren)t there# 9# 6o%r best apprenti0e +i** ,%it and open a shop a0ross the street and 0%t yo%r pri0es# 10# 3he one +ho is %n-trainab*e +i** stay +ith yo% fore&er# Bustlin' Billy's Bo us Beliefs 1# 3he organization of any program ref*e0ts the organization of the peop*e +ho de&e*op it#
2# 3here is no s%0h thing as a Gdirty 0apita*istG( on*y a 0apita*ist# !# Anything is possib*e( b%t nothing is easy# =# Capita*ism 0an e5ist in one of on*y t+o states -- +e*fare or +arfare# ># $)d rather go +horing than +arring# "# <istory pro&es nothing# 7# 3here is nothing so %nbe0oming on the bea0h as a +et 'i*t# ?# A *itt*e h%mi*ity is arrogan0e# 9# A *ot of +hat appears to be progress is ;%st so m%0h te0hno*ogi0a* ro0o0o# Butler's Law of Pro ress A** progress is based on a %ni&ersa* innate desire on the part of e&ery organism to *i&e beyond its in0ome# Bye's 'irst Law of "odel Railroadin Anytime yo% +ish to demonstrate something( the n%mber of fa%*ts is proportiona* to the n%mber of &ie+ers# Bye's Second Law of "odel Railroadin 3he desire for mode*ing a prototype is in&erse*y proportiona* to the de0*ine of the prototype#
C
Cafeteria Law 3he item yo% had yo%r eye on the min%te yo% +a*'ed in +i** be ta'en by the person in front of yo%# Cahn's A(iom *Allen's A(iom+ -hen a** e*se fai*s( read the instr%0tions# Cal%in's Law of "enu Lan ua e 3he n%mber of ad;e0ti&es and &erbs that are added to the des0ription of a men% item is in in&erse proportion to the ,%a*ity of the res%*ting dish# Camp's Law A 0o%p that is 'no+n in ad&an0e is a 0o%p that does not ta'e p*a0e#
Campbell's Law 7at%re abhors a &a0%o%s e5perimenter# Canada Bill 5ones's "otto $t)s mora**y +rong to a**o+ s%0'ers to 'eep their money# Canada Bill 5ones's Supplement A 4mith and -esson beats fo%r a0es# Cannon's Co ent Comment 3he *ea' in the roof is ne&er in the same *o0ation as the drip# Cannon's Comment $f yo% te** the boss yo% +ere *ate for +or' be0a%se yo% had a f*at tire( the ne5t morning yo% +i** ha&e a f*at tire# Captain Penny's Law 6o% 0an foo* a** of the peop*e some of the time( and some of the peop*e a** of the time( b%t yo% 0an)t foo* 828# .he Cardinal Conundrum An optimist be*ie&es that +e *i&e in the best of a** possib*e +or*ds# A pessimist fears that this is tr%e# Carpenters Law $f yo% ha&e on*y one nai*( it +i** bend# Carson's Law $t)s better to be ri0h and hea*thy than poor and si0'# Cartoon Laws 1# Any body s%spended in spa0e +i** remain in spa0e %nti* made a+are of its sit%ation# 9affy 9%0' steps off a 0*iff( e5pe0ting f%rther past%re*and# <e *oiters in midair( so*i*o,%izing f*ippant*y( %nti* he 0han0es to *oo' do+n# At this point( the fami*iar prin0ip*e of !2 feet per se0ond per se0ond ta'es o&er# 2# Any body in motion +i** tend to remain in motion %nti* so*id matter inter&enes s%dden*y# -hether shot from a 0annon or in hot p%rs%it on foot( 0artoon 0hara0ters are so abso*%te in their moment%m that on*y a te*ephone po*e or an o%tsize bo%*der retards their for+ard motion abso*%te*y# 4ir $saa0 7e+ton 0a**ed this s%dden termination of motion the stooge)s s%r0ease#
!# Any body passing thro%gh so*id matter +i** *ea&e a perforation 0onforming to its perimeter# A*so 0a**ed the si*ho%ette of passage( this phenomenon is the spe0ia*ity of &i0tims of dire0ted-press%re e5p*osions and of re0'*ess 0o+ards +ho are so eager to es0ape that they e5it dire0t*y thro%gh the +a** of a ho%se( *ea&ing a 0oo'ie-0%to%t- perfe0t ho*e# 3he threat of s'%n's or matrimony often 0ata*yzes this rea0tion# =# 3he time re,%ired for an ob;e0t to fa** t+enty stories is greater than or e,%a* to the time it ta'es for +hoe&er 'no0'ed it off the *edge to spira* do+n t+enty f*ights to attempt to 0apt%re it %nbro'en# 4%0h an ob;e0t is ine&itab*y pri0e*ess( the attempt to 0apt%re it ine&itab*y %ns%00essf%*# ># A** prin0ip*es of gra&ity are negated by fear# /sy0hi0 for0es are s%ffi0ient in most bodies for a sho0' to prope* them dire0t*y a+ay from the earth)s s%rfa0e# A spoo'y noise or an ad&ersary)s signat%re so%nd +i** ind%0e motion %p+ard( %s%a**y to the 0rad*e of a 0hande*ier( a treetop( or the 0rest of a f*agpo*e# 3he feet of a 0hara0ter +ho is r%nning or the +hee*s of a speeding a%to need ne&er to%0h the gro%nd( espe0ia**y +hen in f*ight# "# As speed in0reases( ob;e0ts 0an be in se&era* p*a0es at on0e# 3his is parti0%*ar*y tr%e of tooth-and-0*a+ fights( in +hi0h a 0hara0ter)s head may be g*impsed emerging from the 0*o%d of a*ter0ation at se&era* p*a0es sim%*taneo%s*y# 3his effe0t is 0ommon as +e** among bodies that are spinning or being thrott*ed# A )+a0'y) 0hara0ter has the option of se*f- rep*i0ation on*y at mani0 high speeds and may ri0o0het off +a**s to a0hie&e the &e*o0ity re,%ired# 7# Certain bodies 0an pass thro%gh so*id +a**s painted to resemb*e t%nne* entran0es1 others 0annot# 3his trompe *)oei* in0onsisten0y has baff*ed generation( b%t at *east it is 'no+n that +hoe&er paints an entran0e on a +a**)s s%rfa0e to tri0' an opponent +i** be %nab*e to p%rs%e him into this theoreti0a* spa0e# 3he painter is f*attened against the +a** +hen he attempts to fo**o+ into the painting# 3his is %*timate*y a prob*em of art( not of s0ien0e# ?# Any &io*ent rearrangement of fe*ine matter is impermanent# Cartoon 0ats possess e&en more deaths than the traditiona* nine *i&es might 0omfortab*y afford# 3hey 0an be de0imated( sp*i0ed( sp*ayed( a00ordion-p*eated( spind*ed( or disassemb*ed( b%t they 0annot be destroyed# After a fe+ moments of b*in'ing se*f pity( they reinf*ate( e*ongate( snap ba0'( or so*idify# Corollary - A 0at +i** ass%me the shape of its 0ontainer# 9# Eor e&ery &engean0e there is an e,%a* and opposite re&engean0e# 3his is the one *a+ of animated 0artoon motion that a*so app*ies to the physi0a* +or*d at *arge# Eor that reason( +e need the re*ief of +at0hing it happen to a d%0' instead# 10# @&erything fa**s faster than an an&i*# @5amp*es too n%mero%s to mention from the Aoadr%nner 0artoons# Cavanau h's Postulate
A** 'oo'ies are not in a ;ar# Cayo's Law 3he on*y things that start on time are those that yo%)re *ate for# Chappa/uidic% .heorem 3he sooner and in more detai* yo% anno%n0e the bad ne+s( the better# Law of Character and Appearance /eop*e don)t 0hange1 they on*y be0ome more so# Chase's Contentions 1# 3he e5p*anation re,%iring the fe+est ass%mptions is the most *i'e*y to be 0orre0t# 2# -hene&er t+o hypotheses 0o&er the fa0ts( %se the simp*er of the t+o# !# C%t the 0rap# A good p*an today is better than a perfe0t p*an tomorro+# Chase's Observations of 4uman Belief 1# 3he most prepostero%s notion that <omo 4apiens has e&er dreamed %p is that there is a Lord God of Creation# 2# 3hat this God is the shaper and r%*er of a** the %ni&erse# !# 3hat this God *i&es %p in the s'y# =# 3hat this God +ants the sa00harine adoration of his 0reat%res and 0an be s+ayed by their prayers# ># 3hat this God be0omes pet%*ant if <e does not re0ei&e this f*attery1 Conclusion - 3his abs%rd fantasy( +itho%t a shred of e&iden0e to bo*ster it( pays a** the e5penses of the o*dest( *argest( and *east prod%0ti&e ind%stry in a** history# Chase's Rule 'or Success 3r%st on*y those +ho stand to *ose as m%0h as yo% +hen things go +rong# Chases Laws of Car Repairs 1# Lea'proof sea*s- +i**# 2# 4e*f starters -+on)t# !# $nter0hangeab*e parts-+on)t# =# Any too* dropped +hi*e repairing a 0ar +i** ro** %nderneath to the e5a0t 0enter#
># After yo% ha&e repaired it yo%rse*f yo% +i** ha&e one sma** part *eft o&er that doesn)t go any+here# "# @&ery a%tomobi*e 0omes +ith a b%i*d in abyss +hi0h things that yo% ha&e dropped fa** into( ne&er to be seen again# Chec%boo% Balancer's Law $n matters of disp%te( the ban')s ba*an0e is a*+ays sma**er than yo%rs# Cheops's Law 7othing e&er gets b%i*t on s0hed%*e or +ithin b%dget# Chesterton's Observation $ ha&e seen the tr%th and it ma'es no sense# Chili Coo%'s Secret $f yo%r ne5t pot of 0hi*i tastes better( it probab*y is be0a%se of something *eft o%t( rather than added# Chisholm's 'irst Law and Corollary see 8%rphy)s 3hird and Eifth La+s# Chisholm's Second Law -hen things are going +e**( something +i** go +rong# Corollaries6 1# -hen things ;%st 0an)t get any +orse( they +i**# 2# Anytime things appear to be going better( yo% ha&e o&er*oo'ed something# Chisholm's .hird Law /roposa*s( as %nderstood by the proposer( +i** be ;%dged other+ise by others# Corollaries6 1# $f yo% e5p*ain so 0*ear*y that nobody 0an mis%nderstand( somebody +i**# 2# $f yo% do something +hi0h yo% are s%re +i** meet +ith e&eryone)s appro&a*( somebody +on)t *i'e it# !# /ro0ed%res de&ised to imp*ement the p%rpose +on)t ,%ite +or'# =# 7o matter ho+ *ong or ho+ many times yo% e5p*ain( no one is *istening# Churchill's Commentary on "an
8an +i** o00asiona**y st%mb*e o&er the tr%th( b%t most of the time he +i** pi0' himse*f %p and 0ontin%e on as tho%gh nothing has happened# Ciardi's Poetry Law -hene&er in time( and +here&er in the %ni&erse( any man spea's or +rites in any detai* abo%t the te0hni0a* management of a poem( the res%*ting iras0ibi*ity of the reader)s response is a 0onstant# Cirino's Law of Burnt 'in ers <ot g*ass *oo's the same as 0o*d g*ass# Clar%'s 'irst Law of Relativity 7o matter ho+ often yo% trade dinner or other in&itations +ith in-*a+s( yo% +i** *ose a sma** fort%ne in the e50hange# Corollary - 9on)t try it yo% 0annot drin' eno%gh of yo%r in-*a+s) booze to get e&en before yo%r *i&er fai*s# Clar%'s Law $t)s a*+ays dar'est ;%st before the *ights go o%t# Clar%e's 'irst Law -hen a disting%ished b%t e*der*y s0ientist states that something is possib*e( he is a*most 0ertain*y right# -hen he states that something is impossib*e( he is &ery probab*y +rong# Corollary *Asimov+ - -hen the *ay p%b*i0 ra**ies ro%nd an idea that is deno%n0ed by disting%ished b%t e*der*y s0ientists( and s%pports that idea +ith great fer&or and emotion -- the disting%ished b%t e*der*y s0ientists are then( after a**( right# Clar%e's Second Law 3he *imits of the possib*e 0an on*y be defined by going beyond them into the impossib*e# Clar%e's .hird Law Any s%ffi0ient*y ad&an0ed te0hno*ogy is indisting%ishab*e from magi0# Clar%e's Law of Revolutionary !deas @&ery re&o*%tionary idea -- in 40ien0e( /o*iti0s( Art or -hate&er -- e&o'es three stages of rea0tion# 3hey may be s%mmed %p by the three phrases 1# G$t is 0omp*ete*y impossib*e -- don)t +aste my time#G 2# G$t is possib*e( b%t it is not +orth doing#G
!# G$ said it +as a good idea a** a*ong#G Cleveland's 4i hway Law <igh+ays in the +orst need of repair nat%ra**y ha&e *o+ traffi0 0o%nts( +hi0h res%*ts in *o+ priority for repair +or'# Clopton's Law Eor e&ery 0redibi*ity gap there is a g%**ibi*ity fi**# Clyde's Law $f yo% ha&e something to do( and p%t it off *ong eno%gh( 0han0es are that someone e*se +i** do it for yo%# Cohen's Law -hat rea**y matters is the name yo% s%00eed in imposing on the fa0ts -- not the fa0ts themse*&es# Cohen's Laws of Politics Law of Alienation 7othing 0an so a*ienate a &oter from the po*iti0a* system as ba0'ing a +inning 0andidate# Law of Ambition At any one time( tho%sands of boro%gh 0o%n0i*men( s0hoo* board members( attorneys( and b%sinessmen -- as +e** as 0ongressmen( senators( and go&ernors -- are dreaming of the -hite <o%se( b%t fe+( if any of them( +i** ma'e it# Law of Attraction /o+er attra0ts peop*e b%t it 0annot ho*d them# Law of Competition 3he more ,%a*ified 0andidates +ho are a&ai*ab*e( the more *i'e*y the 0ompromise +i** be on the 0andidate +hose main ,%a*ifi0ation is a nonthreatening in0ompeten0e# Law of !nside )ope 3here are many inside dopes in po*iti0s and go&ernment# Law of Lawma%in 3hose +ho e5press random tho%ghts to *egis*ati&e 0ommittees are often s%rprised and appa**ed to find themse*&es the instigators of *a+# Law of Permanence
/o*iti0a* po+er is as permanent as today)s ne+spaper# 3en years from no+( fe+ +i** 'no+ or 0are +ho the most po+erf%* man in any state +as today# Law of Secrecy 3he best +ay to p%b*i0ize a go&ernmenta* or po*iti0a* a0tion is to attempt to hide it# Law of -ealth Di0tory goes to the 0andidate +ith the most a00%m%*ated or 0ontrib%ted +ea*th +ho has the finan0ia* reso%r0es to 0on&in0e the midd*e 0*ass and poor that he +i** be on their side# Law of -isdom -isdom is 0onsidered a sign of +ea'ness by the po+erf%* be0a%se a +ise man 0an *ead +itho%t po+er b%t on*y a po+erf%* man 0an *ead +itho%t +isdom# Cohn's Law 3he more time yo% spend in reporting on +hat yo% are doing( the *ess time yo% ha&e to do anything# 4tabi*ity is a0hie&ed +hen yo% spend a** yo%r time doing nothing b%t reporting on the nothing yo% are doing# Cole's A(iom 3he s%m of the inte**igen0e on the p*anet is a 0onstant1 the pop%*ation is gro+ing# Cole's Law 3hin*y s*i0ed 0abbage# Colson's Law -hen yo%)&e got them by the ba**s( their hearts and minds +i** fo**o+# Comin's Law /eop*e +i** a00ept yo%r idea m%0h more readi*y if yo% te** them .en;amin Eran'*in said it first# Committee Law 1# A 0ommittee is the on*y *ife form +ith 12 stoma0hs and no brain# 2# A 0ame* is a horse +hi0h +as designed by a 0ommittee !# $f more than one person is responsib*e for a mis0a*0%*ation( no one +i** be at fa%*t# =# A 0ommittee is t+e*&e peop*e doing the +or' of one# Committee Rules
1# 7e&er arri&e on time( or yo% +i** be stamped a beginner# 2# 9on)t say anything %nti* the meeting is ha*f o&er1 this stamps yo% as being +ise# !# .e as &ag%e as possib*e1 this pre&ents irritating the others# =# -hen in do%bt( s%ggest that a s%b0ommittee be appointed# ># .e the first to mo&e for ad;o%rnment1 this +i** ma'e yo% pop%*ar -- it)s +hat e&eryone is +aiting for# Commoner's .hree Laws of 3colo y 1# 7o a0tion is +itho%t side-effe0ts# 2# 7othing e&er goes a+ay# !# 3here is no free *%n0h# Compensation Corollary 3he e5periment may be 0onsidered a s%00ess if no more than >0I of the obser&ed meas%rments m%st be dis0arded to obtain a 0orresponden0e +ith theory# Law of Competition 3he more ,%a*ified 0andidates +ho are a&ai*ab*e( the more *i'e*y the 0ompromise +i** be on the 0andidate +hose main ,%a*ifi0ation is a nonthreatening in0ompeten0e# Law of Computability Any system or program( ho+e&er 0omp*i0ated( if *oo'ed at in e5a0t*y the right +ay( +i** be0ome e&en more 0omp*i0ated# Law of Computability Applied to Social Science *Broo%'s Law+ $f at first yo% don)t s%00eed( transform yo%r data set# Conference Principle 3he spea'er +ith the most monotono%s &oi0e spea's after the big mea*# Connolly's Law of Cost Control 3he pri0e of any prod%0t prod%0ed for a go&ernment agen0y +i** be not *ess than the s,%are of the initia* Eirm Ei5ed-/ri0e Contra0t# Connolly's Rule for Political !ncumbents 4hort-term s%00ess +ith &oters on any side of a gi&en iss%e 0an be g%aranteed by 0reating a *ong-term spe0ia* st%dy 0ommission made %p of at *east three di&ergent interest gro%ps#
Conrad's Conundrum *Stentson's Law+ 3e0hno*ogie don)t transfer# Considine's Law -hene&er one +ord or *etter 0an 0hange the entire meaning of a senten0e( the probabi*ity of an error being made +i** be in dire0t proportion to the embarrassment it +i** 0a%se# Consultation Law 3he ;ob that pays the most +i** be offered +hen there is no time to de*i&er the ser&i0es# Law of Consumer 3conomics $f the shoe fits( it)s %g*y# $f it)s good( they dis0ontin%e it# Conway's Law $n e&ery organization there +i** a*+ays be one person +ho 'no+s +hat is going on# 3his person m%st be fired# Conway's Law 78 $f yo% assign 7 persons to +rite a 0ompi*er yo%)** get a 7-1 pass 0ompi*er# Conway's Law 79 $n e&ery organization there +i** a*+ays be one person +ho 'no+s +hat is going on# 3his person m%st be fired# Coo%'s Law 8%0h +or'( m%0h food1 *itt*e +or'( *itt*e food1 no +or'( b%ria* at sea# Coo%'s Laws of .ravel 1# -hen pa0'ing for a &a0ation( ta'e ha*f as m%0h 0*othing and t+i0e as m%0h money# 2# 7othing 0an be done in one trip# !# $f yo% ha&e the time( yo% +on)t ha&e the money# $f yo% ha&e the money yo% +on)t ha&e the time# Coo%e's Law $n any de0isi&e sit%ation( the amo%nt of re*e&ant information a&ai*ab*e is in&erse*y proportiona* to the importan0e of the de0ision# Coolid e's !mmutable Observation
-hen more and more peop*e are thro+n o%t of +or'( %nemp*oyment res%*ts# Cooper's Law A** ma0hines are amp*ifiers# Cooper's "etalaw A pro*iferation of ne+ *a+s 0reates a pro*iferation of ne+ *oopho*es# Corcoroni's Laws of Bus .ransportation 1# 3he b%s that *eft the stop ;%st before yo% got there is yo%r b%s# 2# 3he amo%nt of time yo% ha&e to +ait for a b%s is dire0t*y proportiona* to the in0*emen0y of the +eather# !# A** b%ses heading in the opposite dire0tion dri&e off the fa0e of the earth and ne&er ret%rn# =# 3he *ast r%sh-ho%r e5press b%s to yo%r neighborhood *ea&es fi&e min%tes before yo% get off +or'# ># .%s s0hed%*es are arranged so yo%r b%s +i** arri&e at the transfer point pre0ise*y one min%te after the 0onne0ting b%s has *eft# "# Any b%s that 0an be the +rong b%s +i** be the +rong b%s# A** others are o%t of ser&i0e or f%**# Cornuelle's Law A%thority tends to assign ;obs to those *east ab*e to do them# Law of Correctibility 7o matter ho+ +e** yo% perform yo%r ;ob( a s%perior +i** see' to modify the res%*ts# Corry's Law /aper is a*+ays strongest at the perforations# Cosmetolo ist's Principle -hene&er yo% need to stop at a *ight to p%t on ma'e%p( e&ery *ight +i** be green# Courtois's Rule $f peop*e *istened to themse*&es more often( they)d ta*' *ess# Crane's Law *'riedman's Reiteration+ 3here ain)t no s%0h thing as a free *%n0h# BGtanstaaf*GC
Crane's Rule 3here are three +ays to get something done do it yo%rse*f( hire someone( or forbid yo%r 'ids to do it# Cripp's Law -hen tra&e*ing +ith 0hi*dren on one)s ho*idays( at *east one 0hi*d of any n%mber of 0hi*dren +i** re,%est a rest room stop e5a0t*y ha*f+ay bet+een any t+o gi&en rest areas# Cropp's Law 3he amo%nt of +or' done &aries in&erse*y +ith the amo%nt of time spent in the offi0e# Culshaw's 'irst Principle of Recorded Sound Anything( no matter ho+ bad( +i** so%nd good if p*ayed ba0' at a &ery high *e&e* for a short time# Cutler -ebster's Law 3here are t+o sides to e&ery arg%ment %n*ess a man is persona**y in&o*&ed( in +hi0h 0ase there is on*y one# Law of Cybernetic 3ntomolo y 3here)s a*+ays one more b%g# C,ecins%i's Conclusion 3here is on*y one thing +orse than dreaming yo% are at a 0onferen0e and +a'ing to find that yo% are at a 0onferen0e( and that is the 0onferen0e +here yo% 0an)t fa** as*eep#
)
)anforth's Rules of Random Selection 1# 7e&er be first 2# 7e&er be *ast# !# 7e&er &o*%nteer for anything# )arrow's Observation <istory repeats itse*f# 3hat)s one of the things +rong +ith history# )arwin's Observation
7at%re +i** te** yo% a dire0t *ie if she 0an# )ave's Law of Advice 3hose +ith the best ad&i0e offer no ad&i0e# )ave's Rule of Street Survival 4pea' soft*y and o+n a big( mean 9oberman# )avidson's "a(im 9emo0ra0y is that form of go&ernment +here e&erybody gets +hat the ma;ority deser&es# )avis's Basic Law of "edicine /i**s to be ta'en in t+os a*+ays 0ome o%t of the bott*e in threes# )awson's Rules of Superior !nferiority 1# 9on)t *et yo%r s%periors 'no+ that yo%r are better than they are# 2# 6o% ne&er 'no+ +ho)s right b%t yo% a*+ays 'no+ +ho)s in 0harge# )eadline0)an's )emo )emonstration 3he higher the JJhigher-%ps)) are +ho)&e 0ome to see yo%r demo( the *o+er yo%r 0han0es are of gi&ing a s%00essf%* one# )eadloc%'s Law $f the *a+-ma'ers ma'e a 0ompromise( the p*a0e +here it +i** be fe*t most is the ta5payer)s po0'et# Corollary - 3he 0ompromise +i** a*+ays be more e5pensi&e than either of the s%ggestions it is 0ompromising# )ean "artin's )efinition of )run%enness 6o%)re not dr%n' if yo% 0an *ie on the f*oor +itho%t ho*ding on# )ean's Law of the )istrict of Columbia -ashington is a m%0h better p*a0e if yo% are as'ing ,%estions rather than ans+ering them# 'irst Law of )ebate 7e&er arg%e +ith a foo*# /eop*e might not 'no+ the differen0e# )ecaprio's Rule
@&erything ta'es more time and money# )eit,'s Law of 3 o 3he f%ry engendered by the misspe**ing of a name in a 0o*%mn is in dire0t ratio to the obs0%rity of the mentionee# )emian's Observation 3here is a*+ays one item on the s0reen men% thatis mis*abe*ed and sho%*d read GJAbandon a** hope 6e +ho enter hereG# )ennis's Principles of "ana ement by Crisis 1# 3o get a0tion o%t of management( it is ne0essary to 0reate the i**%sion of a 0risis in the hope it +i** be a0ted %pon# 2# 8anagement +i** se*e0t a0tions or e&ents and 0on&ert them to 0rises# $t +i** then o&er-rea0t# !# 8anagement is in0apab*e of re0ognizing a tr%e 0risis# =# 3he s,%ea'y hinge gets the oi*# )enniston's Law Dirt%e is its o+n p%nishment# 'ifth Law of )esi n 9esign f*a+s tra&e* in gro%ps# )hawan's Laws for the Non0Smo%er 1# 3he 0igarette smo'e a*+ays drifts in the dire0tion of the non-smo'er regard*ess of the dire0tion of the breeze# 2# 3he amo%nt of p*eas%re deri&ed from a 0igarette is dire0t*y proportiona* to the n%mber of non-smo'ers in the &i0inity# !# A smo'er is a*+ays attra0ted to the non-smo'ing se0tion# =# 3he *ife of a 0igarette is dire0t*y proportiona* to the intensity of the protests from non-smo'ers# )ictum 2ne sho%*d a*+ays prefer the probab*e impossib*e to the improbab*e possib*e# )ieter's Law Eood that tastes the best has the highest n%mber of 0a*ories#
)i:%stra's Prescription for Pro rammin !nertia $f yo% don)t 'no+ +hat yo%r program is s%pposed to do( yo%)d better not start +riting it# )iners )ilemmas 1# A 0*ean tie attra0ts the so%p of the day# 2# 3he hardness of b%tter is in dire0t proportion to the softness of the ro**# )in le's Law -hen someone drops something( e&erybody +i** 'i0' it aro%nd instead of pi0'ing it %p# )io enes's 'irst )ictum 3he more hea&i*y a man is s%pposed to be ta5ed( the more po+er he has to es0ape being ta5ed# )io enes's Second )ictum $f a ta5payer thin's he 0an 0heat safe*y( he probab*y +i**# )ir%sen's .hree Laws of Politics 1# Get e*e0ted# 2# Get re-e*e0ted# !# 9on)t get mad -- get e&en# .he 'irst )iscovery of Christmas "ornin .atteries not in0*%ded# .he 'irst )iscovery of Christmas Afternoon Gi&e a 'id a ne+ toy- 9ad +i** p*ay +ith the toy( the 'id +i** p*ay +ith the bo5 it 0ame in# )oc's Laws of Automotive Repair 1# $f yo% 0an rea0h the fa%*ty part( yo% don)t ha&e the too* to get it off# 2# K%a*ity is in&erse*y proportiona* to the time *eft to 0omp*ete the ;ob# !# $f it ;ams-for0e it# $f it brea's( it needed rep*a0ing anyho+# Law of )octorin $t ne&er hea*s 0orre0t*y#
)olly Parton's Principle 3he bigger they are( the harder it is to see yo%r shoes# )onohue's Law Anything +orth doing is +orth doing for money# )onsen's Law 3he spe0ia*ist *earns more and more abo%t *ess and *ess %nti*( fina**y( he 'no+s e&erything abo%t nothing1 +hereas the genera*ist *earns *ess and *ess abo%t more and more %nti*( fina**y( he 'no+s nothing abo%t e&erything# )ooley's Law 3r%st e&erybody( b%t 0%t the 0ards# )ou las's Law of Practical Aeronautical desi n -hen the +eight of the paper+or' e,%a*s the +eight of the p*ane( the p*ane +i** f*y# )ou las's Law of Practical Aeronautics -hen the +eight of the paper+or' e,%a*s the +eight of the p*ane( the p*ane +i** f*y# )ow's Law $n a hierar0hi0a* organization( the higher the *e&e*( the greater the 0onf%sion# 'irst Law of )rivin 3here is no traffi0 %nti* yo% start to ba0' o%t of yo%r dri&e+ay# Law of )rivin )ynamics 3he speed of an on0oming &ehi0*e is dire0t*y proportiona* to the *ength of the passing zone# )ror's 'irst Law -hi*e the diffi0%*ties and dangers of prob*ems tend to in0rease at a geometri0 rate( the 'no+*edge and manpo+er ,%a*ified to dea* +ith these prob*ems tend to in0rease *inear*y# )ror's Second Law -hi*e h%man 0apa0ities to shape the en&ironment( so0iety( and h%man beings are rapid*y in0reasing( po*i0yma'ing 0apabi*ities to %se those 0apa0ities remain the same# )ryer's Law of .imin
$f yo%)re ear*y( it)** be 0an0e*ed# $f yo% 'no0' yo%rse*f o%t to be on time yo% +i** ha&e to +ait# $f yo%)re *ate( yo% +i** be too *ate# )ucharme's Precept 2pport%nity a*+ays 'no0's at the *east opport%ne moment# )ude's Law of )uality 2f t+o possib*e e&ents( on*y the %ndesired one +i** o00%r# )unn's )iscovery 3he shortest meas%rab*e inter&a* of time is the time bet+een the moment one p%ts a *itt*e e5tra aside for a s%dden emergen0y and the arri&a* of that emergen0y# )unne's Law 3he territory behind rhetori0 is too often mined +ith e,%i&o0ation# )urant's )iscovery 2ne of the *essons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and a*+ays a 0*e&er thing to say# )urrell's Parameter 3he faster the p*ane( the narro+er the seats# )yer's Law A 0ontin%ing f*o+ of paper is s%ffi0ient to 0ontin%e the f*o+ of paper# )y%stra's Law @&erybody is somebody e*se)s +eirdo#
3
Law of economic dispersion 3he one yo% +ant is ne&er the one on sa*e# $f yo% *i'e it( they don)t ha&e it in yo%r size# 6o% ne&er +ant the one yo% 0an afford# 3conomists' Laws 1# -hat men *earn from history is that men do not *earn from history# 2# $f on an a0t%aria* basis there is a >0->0 0han0e that something +i** go +rong( it +i** a0t%a**y go +rong nine times o%t of ten#
3d #ourdonradar's 'undamental .ruth 3he grass is bro+n on both sides of the fen0e# 3d's 'ifth Rule of Procrastination 4pend s%ffi0ient time 0onfirming the need and the need +i** disappear# 3dds Law of Radiolo y 3he 0o*der the 5-ray tab*e( the more of yo%r body yo% are re,%ired to p*a0e on it# 3din ton's .heory 3he n%mber of different hypotheses ere0ted to e5p*ain a gi&en bio*ogi0a* phenomenon is in&erse*y proportiona* to the a&ai*ab*e 'no+*edge# Law of 3ditorial Correction Anyone nit-pi0'ing eno%gh to +rite a *etter of 0orre0tion to an editor do%bt*ess deser&es the error that pro&o'ed it# 3hre's )ouble0)oor Law $n approa0hing a do%b*e door( yo% +i** a*+ays go to the one door that is *o0'ed( p%** +hen yo% sho%*d ha&e p%shed( and p%sh +hen the sign says p%**# 3hrlich's Rule 3he first r%*e of inte**igent tin'ering is to sa&e a** the parts# 3hrman's Commentary 3hings +i** get +orse before they +i** get better# -ho said things +o%*d get betterL 3hrman's Commentary on ;inber 's .heorem 1# 3hings +i** get +orse before they get better# 2# -ho said things +o%*d get betterL 3lectronic theorem of television sets A M!00 pi0t%re t%be +i** prote0t a 10N f%se by b*o+ing first 3lena's Laws of Animal Behavior 3he probabi*ity of a 0at eating it)s dinner has abso*%te*y nothing to do +ith the pri0e of the food p*a0ed before it# 3liot's Observation 7othing is so good as it seems beforehand#
3llenber 's .heory 2ne good t%rn gets most of the b*an'et# 3merson's !nsi ht 3hat +hi0h +e 0a** sin in others is e5periment for %s# 3n 's Principles 3he easier it is to do( the harder it is to 0hange# .he <3nou h Already< Law 3he more yo% r%n o&er a dead 0at( the f*atter it gets# Law of 3ntropy $f yo% p%t a spoonf%* of +ine in a barre* f%** of se+age yo% get se+age# $f yo% p%t a spoonf%* of se+age into a barre* f%** of +ine yo% sti** get se+age# 3pstein's Law $f yo% thin' the prob*em is bad no+( ;%st +ait %nti* +e)&e so*&ed it# 3rhard's Contention 7othing matters &ery m%0h( and fe+ things matter at a**# 3rs%ines Observation on ;overnment Procurement An e*ephant is a mo%se b%i*t to go&ernment spe0ifi0ations# 3torre's Observation 3he other *ine mo&es faster# Corollary - 9on)t try to 0hange *ines# 3he other *ine -- the one yo% +ere in origina**y -- +i** then mo&e faster# 3ttorre's Observation 3he other *ine mo&es faster# 3vans's Law 7othing +orth a damn is e&er done as a matter of prin0ip*e# B$f it is +orth doing( it is done be0a%se it is +orth doing# $f it is not( it)s done as a matter of prin0ip*e#C 3vans's Law of Politics -hen team members are fina**y in a position to he*p the team( it t%rns o%t they ha&e ,%it the team#
3ve's )iscovery At a bargain sa*e( the on*y s%it or dress that yo% *i'e best and that fits is the one not on sa*e# Adam's Corollary - $t)s easy to te** +hen yo%)&e got a bargain -- it doesn)t fit# 3velyn's Rules for Bureaucratic Survival 1# A b%rea%0rat)s 0ast*e is his des'### and par'ing p*a0e# /ro0eed 0a%tio%s*y +hen 0hanging either# 2# 2n the theory that one sho%*d ne&er ta'e anything for granted( fo**o+ %p on e&erything( b%t espe0ia**y those items &arying from the norm# 3he greater the di&ergen0e from norma* ro%tine and/or the greater the n%mber of offi0es potentia**y in&o*&ed( the better the 0han0e a ne&er-to-be-dis0o&ered person +i** fi*e the prob*em a+ay in a dra+er spe0ifi0a**y designed for items re,%iring a de0ision# !# 7e&er say +itho%t ,%a*ifi0ation that yo%r a0ti&ity has s%ffi0ient spa0e( money( staff( et0# =# A*+ays distr%st offi0es not %nder yo%r ;%risdi0tion +hi0h say that they are there to ser&e yo%# G4%pportG offi0es in a b%rea%0ra0y tend to gro+ in size and ma'e demands on yo% o%t of proportion to their ser&i0e( and in the end re,%ire more effort on yo%r part than their ser&i0e is +orth# Corollary - 4%pport organizations 0an a*+ays pro&e s%00ess by sho+ing ser&i0e to someone### not ne0essari*y yo%# ># $n0ompetents often hire ab*e assistants# 3veritt's 'orm of the Second Law of .hermodynamics Conf%sion BentropyC is a*+ays in0reasing in so0iety# 2n*y if someone or something +or's e5treme*y hard 0an this 0onf%sion be red%0ed to order in a *imited region# 7e&erthe*ess( this effort +i** sti* res%*t in an in0rease in the tota* 0onf%sion of so0iety at *arge# 3vvie Nef's Law 3here is a so*%tion to e&ery prob*em1 the on*y diffi0%*ty is finding it# 3(periential Law Good ;%dgment 0omes from e5perien0e# @5perien0e 0omes from bad ;%dgment# 'irst Law of 3(pert Advice 9on)t as' the barber +hether yo% need a hair0%t# 3(tended 3pstein04eisenber Principle
$n an A O 9 orbit( on*y 2 of the e5isting ! parameters 0an be defined sim%*taneo%s*y# 3he parameters are tas'( time( and reso%r0es BMC# 1# $f one 'no+s +hat the tas' is( and there is a time *imit a**o+ed for the 0omp*etion of the tas'( then one 0annot g%ess ho+ m%0h it +i** 0ost# 2# $f the time and reso%r0es BMC are 0*ear*y defined( then it is impossib*e to 'no+ +hat part of the A O 9 tas' +i** be performed# !# $f yo% are gi&en a 0*ear*y defined A O 9 goa* and a definte amo%nt of money +hi0h has been 0a*0%*ated to be ne0essary for the 0omp*etion of the tas'( one 0annot predi0t if and +hen the goa* +i** be rea0hed# =# $f one is *%0'y eno%gh to be ab*e to a00%rate*y define a** three parameters( then +hat one is dea*ing +ith is not in the rea*m of A O 9# 3(tended "urphy's Law $f a series of e&ents 0an go +rong( it +i** do so in the +orst possib*e se,%en0e#
'
'aber's Laws 1# $f there isn)t a *a+( there +i** be# 2# 3he n%mber of errors in any pie0e of +riting rises in proportion to the +riter)s re*ian0e on se0ondary so%r0es# Rule of 'ailure $f at first yo% don)t s%00eed( destroy a** e&iden0e that yo% ha&e tried# 'airfa('s Law Any fa0ts +hi0h( +hen in0*%ded in the arg%ment( gi&e the desired res%*t( are fair fa0ts for the arg%ment# 'al%land's Rule -hen it is not ne0essary to ma'e a de0ision( it is ne0essary not to ma'e a de0ision# Law of 'allibility @&erything p%t together fa**s apart sooner or *ater# 4ooner or *ater( the +orst possib*e set of 0ir0%mstan0es is bo%nd to o00%r# 'arber's Laws 1# Gi&e him an in0h and he)** s0re+ yo%#
2# A hand in the b%sh is +orth t+o any+here e*se# !# -e)re a** going do+n the same road in different dire0tions# =# 7e0essity is the mother of strange bedfe**o+s# 'armer's Comment $f yo% mess +ith something *ong eno%gh( it)** brea'# 'arnsdic%'s corollary After things ha&e gone from bad to +orse( the 0y0*e +i** repeat itse*f# 'arrow's 'indin $f God had intended for %s to go to 0on0erts( <e +o%*d ha&e gi&en %s ti0'ets# Law of 'ashion Any gi&en dress is inde0ent 10 years before its time( daring 1 year before its time( 0hi0 in its time( do+dy ! years after its time( hideo%s 20 years after its time( am%sing !0 years after its time( romanti0 100 years after its time( and bea%tif%* 1>0 years after its time# 'aust's 'irst Law of Syner ism 3he one day yo%)d se** yo%r so%* for something( so%*s are a g*%t on the mar'et# 'eather%ile's Rule -hate&er yo% did( that)s +hat yo% p*anned to do# Rule of 'eline 'rustration -hen yo%r 0at has fa**en as*eep on yo%r *ap and *oo's %tter*y 0ontent and adorab*e( yo% +i** s%dden*y ha&e to go to the bathroom# 'eline Law A 0at +a*'ing into a room 0ontaining t+e*&e seated peop*e +i** ;%mp into the *ap of the person +ho hates 0ats the most# 'emo's Law Of Automotive 3n ine Repairin $f yo% drop something( it +i** ne&er rea0h the gro%nd# 'er uson's Precept A 0risis is +hen yo% 0an)t say G*et)s forget the +ho*e thing#G 'etrid e's Law
$mportant things that are s%pposed to happen do not happen( espe0ia**y +hen peop*e are *oo'ing# 'ett's Law of the Lab 7e&er rep*i0ate a s%00essf%* e5periment# 'ett's Law of the Lab *'ett's Law+ 7e&er rep*i0ate a s%00essf%* e5periment# 'ina le's Creed 40ien0e is 3r%th# 9on)t be mis*ed by fa0t# 'ina le's 'irst Law $f an e5periment +or's( something has gone +rong# 'ina le's Second Law 7o matter +hat the e5periment)s res%*t( there +i** a*+ays be someone eager to BaC misinterpret it# BbC fa'e it# or B0C be*ie&e it s%pports his o+n pet theory# 'ina le's .hird Law $n any 0o**e0tion of data( the fig%re most ob&io%s*y 0orre0t( beyond a** need of 0he0'ing( is the mista'e# Corollaries 1# 7o one +hom yo% as' for he*p +i** see it# 2# @&eryone +ho stops by +ith %nso%ght ad&i0e +i** see it immediate*y# 'ina le's 'ourth Law 2n0e a ;ob is fo%*ed %p( anything done to impro&e it on*y ma'es it +orse# 'ina le's Law Accordin to Niven 3he per&ersity of the %ni&erse tends to a ma5im%m# 'ina le's Laws of !nformation 1# 3he information yo% ha&e is not +hat yo% +ant# 2# 3he information yo% +ant is not +hat yo% need# !# 3he information yo% need is not +hat yo% 0an obtain#
=# 3he information yo% 0an obtain 0osts more than yo% +ant to pay# 'ina le's Rules @&er sin0e the first s0ientifi0 e5periment( man has been p*ag%ed by the in0reasing antagonism of nat%re# $t seems on*y right that nat%re sho%*d be *ogi0a* and neat( b%t e5perien0e has sho+n that this is not the 0ase# A f%rther series of r%*es has been form%*ated( designed to he*p man a00ept the pigheadedness of nat%re# 1# 3o st%dy a s%b;e0t best( %nderstand it thoro%gh*y before yo% start# 2# A*+ays 'eep a re0ord of data# $t indi0ates yo%)&e been +or'ing# !# A*+ays dra+ yo%r 0%r&es( then p*ot the reading# =# $n 0ase of do%bt( ma'e it so%nd 0on&in0ing# ># Law of Continuity @5periments sho%*d be reprod%0ib*e# 3hey sho%*d a** fai* in the same +ay# Correspondence Corollary An e5periment may be 0onsidered a s%00ess if no more than ha*f of yo%r data m%st be dis0arded to obtain "# -hen yo% don)t 'no+ +hat yo% are doing( do it 7@A3L6# 7# 3eam+or' is essentia*1 it a**o+s yo% to b*ame someone e*se# ?# A*+ays &erify yo%r +it0h0raft# 9# .e s%re to obtain meteoro*ogi0a* data before *ea&ing on &a0ation# 10# 9o not be*ie&e in mira0*es# Ae*y on them# 'inni an's Law $n any 0o**e0tion of data( the fig%re most ob&io%s*y 0orre0t( beyond a** need of 0he0'ing is the mista'e# 'inster's Law A 0*osed mo%th gathers no feet# 'irestone's Law of 'orcastin Chi0'en Litt*e on*y has to be right on0e# 'irth's Law of .ailorin 7o matter ho+ many a*terations( 0heap pants ne&er fit# 'ishbein's Conclusion 3he tire is on*y f*at on the bottom#
'it,0;ibbon's Law Creati&ity &aries in&erse*y +ith the n%mber of 0oo's in&o*&ed +ith the broth# 'la le's Law of the Perversity of !nanimate Ob:ects *'lap's Law+ Any inanimate ob;e0t( regard*ess of its 0omposition or 0onfig%ration( may be e5pe0ted to perform at any time in a tota**y %ne5pe0ted manner( for reasons that are either entire*y obs0%re or e*se 0omp*ete*y mysterio%s# 'law of Lon 0Ran e Plannin 3he *onger ahead yo% p*an a spe0ia* e&ent( and the more spe0ia* it is( the more *i'e*y it is to go +rong# 'lip -ilson's Law 6o% 0an)t e5pe0t to hit the ;a0'pot if yo% don)t p%t a fe+ ni0'*es in the ma0hine# Law 'or 'ree0Lance Artists 1# A high paying r%sh ;ob +i** 0ome in on*y after yo%)&e 0ommitted to a *o+ paying r%sh ;ob# 2# A** r%sh ;obs are d%e the same day# !# 3he r%sh ;ob yo% spent a** night on +on)t be pi0'ed %p by the 0%stomer for t+o days# Anything is easier to ta'e apart than to p%t together 'ord Pinto Rule 7e&er b%y a 0ar that has a +i0'# 'ormula for Public Office Survival 1# @5p*oit the ine&itab*e B+hi0h means( ta'e 0redit for anything good +hi0h happens +hether yo% had anything to do +ith it or notC# 2# 9on)t dist%rb the perimeter Bmeaning don)t stir %p a mess %n*ess yo% 0an be s%re of the res%*tC# !# 4tay in +ith the 2%ts Bthe $ns +i** ma'e so many mista'es( yo% 0an)t afford to a*ienate the 2%tsC# =# Go +here the money is# 'orsyth's Second Corollary to "urphy's Laws :%st +hen yo% see the *ight at the end of the t%nne*( the roof 0a&es in# 'orthoffer's Cynical Summary of Bar,un's Laws
3hat +hi0h has not yet been ta%ght dire0t*y 0an ne&er be ta%ght dire0t*y# $f at first yo% don)t s%00eed( yo% +i** ne&er s%00eed#
'ortis's .hree ;reat Lies of Life 1# 8oney isn)t e&erything# 2# $t)s great to be a 7egro# !# $)m on*y going to p%t it in a *itt*e +ay# 'oster's Law $f yo% 0o&er a 0ongressiona* 0ommittee on a reg%*ar basis( they +i** report the bi** on yo%r day off# 'ourteenth Corollary of Atwood's ;eneral Law of )ynamic Ne atives 7o boo's are *ost by *oaning e50ept those yo% parti0%*ar*y +anted to 'eep# 'owler's Law $n a b%rea%0ra0y( a00omp*ishment is in&erse*y proportiona* to the &o*%me of paper %sed# 'owler's Note 3he on*y imperfe0t thing in nat%re is the h%man ra0e# 'ran%el's Law -hate&er happens in go&ernment 0o%*d ha&e happened different*y( and it %s%a**y +o%*d ha&e been better if it had# Corollary - 2n0e things ha&e happened( no matter ho+ a00identa**y( they +i** be regarded as manifestations of an %n0hangeab*e <igher Aeason# 'ran%lin's Observation <e that *i&es %pon <ope dies farting# 'ran%lin's Rule .*essed is he +ho e5pe0ts nothing( for he sha** not be disappointed# 'red Allen's "otto $)d rather ha&e a free bott*e in front of me than a prefronta* *obotomy# 'reddie's Laws of Biomechanics 3he se&erity of the it0h is dire0t*y proportiona* to
3he n%mber of persons in the gro%p yo% are +ith# 3he distan0e yo% m%st rea0h to s0rat0h it# 3he more embarrassing the p*a0e that m%st be s0rat0hed#
'reeman's Commentary on ;inber 's .heorem @&ery ma;or phi*osophy that attempts to ma'e *ife seem meaningf%* is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg)s 3heorem# 3o +it 1# Capita*ism is based on the ass%mption that yo% 0an +in# 2# 4o0ia*ism is based on the ass%mption that yo% 0an brea' e&en# !# 8ysti0ism is based on the ass%mption that yo% 0an ,%it the game# 'reeman's Rule 7othing is so simp*e that it 0annot be mis%nderstood# 'reemon's Rule Cir0%mstan0es 0an for0e a genera*ized in0ompetent to be0ome 0ompetent( at *east in a spe0ia*ized fie*d# 'ried's Law $deas end%re and prosper in in&erse proportion to their so%ndness and &a*idity# Law of 'riendship Anyone +ho is pop%*ar is bo%nd to be dis*i'ed# 'risch's Law 6o% 0annot ha&e a baby in one month by getting nine +omen pregnant# 'rothin ham's 'allacy 3ime is money# 'udd's 'irst Law of Opposition $f yo% p%sh something hard eno%gh( it +i** fa** o&er# 'ulton's Law -hen yo% need to 'no0' on +ood is +hen yo% dis0o&er that the +or*d is made of a*%min%m( &iny* and fiberg*ass# 'undamental .enet of Reform
Aeforms 0ome from be*o+# 7o man +ith fo%r a0es ho+*s for a ne+ dea*# 'un%houser's Law of the Power of the Press 3he ,%a*ity of *egis*ation passed to dea* +ith a prob*em is in&erse*y proportiona* to the &o*%me of media 0*amor that bro%ght it on# .he 'utility 'actor *Carson's Consolation+ 7o e5periment is e&er a 0omp*ete fai*%re -- it 0an a*+ays ser&e as a bad e5amp*e( or the e50eption that pro&es the r%*e Bb%t on*y if it is the first e5periment in the seriesC# Law of 'uture Results 7othing e&er 0omes o%t as p*anned# 'yffe's A(iom 3he prob*em-so*&ing pro0ess +i** a*+ays brea' do+n at the point at +hi0h it is possib*e to determine +ho 0a%sed the prob*em#
;
;adarene Swine Law 8ere*y be0a%se the gro%p is in formation does not mean that the gro%p is on the right 0o%rse# ;albraith's Law of Political -isdom Anyone +ho says he isn)t going to resign( fo%r times( definite*y +i**# ;albraith's Law of Prominence Getting on the 0o&er of G3imeG g%arantees the e5isten0e of opposition in the f%t%re# ;allois's Revelation $f yo% p%t tomfoo*ery into a 0omp%ter( nothing 0omes ba0' o%t b%t tomfoo*ery# .%t this tomfoo*ery( ha&ing passed thro%gh a &ery e5pensi&e ma0hine( is someho+ ennob*ed( and no one dares to 0riti0ize it# Corollary - An e5pert is a person +ho a&oids the sma** errors +hi*e s+eeping on to the Grand Ea**a0y# ;ardner's Rule of Society 3he so0iety +hi0h s0orns e50e**en0e in p*%mbing be0a%se p*%mbing is a h%mb*e a0ti&ity and to*erates shoddiness in phi*osophy be0a%se it is an e5a*ted a0ti&ity +i** ha&e neither good p*%mbing nor good phi*osophy# 7either its pipes nor its theories +i** ho*d +ater#
;arfin%le's Law of 2uality of t+o possib*e e&ents( on*y the %ndesired one +i** o00%r# ;ell0"ann's )ictum -hate&er isn)t forbidden is re,%ired# Corollary - $f there)s no reason +hy something sho%*dn)t e5ist( then it m%st e5ist# Law of ;eneral Assistance $n dea*ing +ith their o+n prob*ems( he*ping professiona*s are the most e5treme 0onser&ati&es## $n dea*ing +ith the prob*ems of others( they are the most e5treme *ibera*s# Law of ;enerali,ations A** genera*izations are fa*se# ;errold's 'undamental .ruth $t)s a good thing money 0an)t b%y happiness# -e 0o%*dn)t stand the 0ommer0ia*s# ;errold's Law A *itt*e ignoran0e 0an go a *ong +ay# Lyall's Addendum ###in the dire0tion of ma5im%m harm# ;errold's Laws of !nfernal )ynamics 1# An ob;e0t in motion +i** a*+ays be headed in the +rong dire0tion# 2# An ob;e0t at rest +i** a*+ays be in the +rong p*a0e# !# 3he energy re,%ired to 0hange either one of the states +i** a*+ays be more than yo% +ish to e5pend( b%t ne&er so m%0h as to ma'e the tas' tota**y impossib*e# ;errold's Pronouncement 3he differen0e bet+een a po*iti0ian and a snai* is that a snai* *ea&es its s*ime behind# ;ershwin's Law $t ain)t ne0essari*y so# ;etty's Reminder 3he mee' sha** inherit the earth( b%t 723 its minera* rights# ;ibb's Law
$nfinity is one *a+yer +aiting for another# ;ilb's Laws of =nreliability *see also .routman's Laws of Computer Pro rammin + 1# Comp%ters are %nre*iab*e( b%t h%mans are e&en more %nre*iab*e# Corollary - At the so%r0e of e&ery error +hi0h is b*amed on the 0omp%ter yo% +i** find at *east t+o h%man errors( in0*%ding the error of b*aming it on the 0omp%ter# 2# Any system +hi0h depends on h%man re*iabi*ity is %nre*iab*e# !# 3he on*y differen0e bet+een the foo* and the 0rimina* +ho atta0's a system is that the foo* atta0's %npredi0tab*y and on a broader front# =# A system tends to gro+ in terms of 0omp*e5ity rather than of simp*ifi0ation( %nti* the res%*ting %nre*iabi*ity be0omes into*erab*e# ># 4e*f-0he0'ing systems tend to ha&e a 0omp*e5ity in proportion to the inherent %nre*iabi*ity of the system in +hi0h they are %sed# "# 3he error-dete0tion and 0orre0tion 0apabi*ities of any system +i** ser&e as the 'ey to %nderstanding the type of errors +hi0h they 0annot hand*e# 7# Fndete0tab*e errors are infinite in &ariety( in 0ontrast to dete0tab*e errors( +hi0h by definition are *imited# ?# A** rea* programs 0ontain errors %nti* pro&ed other+ise -- +hi0h is impossib*e# 9# $n&estment in re*iabi*ity +i** in0rease %nti* it e50eeds the probab*e 0ost of errors( or somebody insists on getting some %sef%* +or' done# ;ilmer's "otto for Political Leadership Loo' o&er yo%r sho%*der no+ and then to be s%re someone)s fo**o+ing yo%# ;insber 's .heorems *;enerali,ed Laws of .hermodynamics or ;insber 's Restatement of the .hree Laws of .hermodynamics+ 1# 6o% 0an)t +in# 2# 6o% 0an)t brea' e&en# !# 6o% 0an)t e&en ,%it the game# ;latum's Law of "aterialistic Ac/uisitiveness 3he per0ei&ed %sef%*ness of an arti0*e is in&erse*y proportiona* to its a0t%a* %sef%*ness on0e bo%ght and paid for# ;lyme's 'ormula for Success 3he se0ret of s%00ess is sin0erity# 2n0eyo% 0an fa'e that( yo%)&e got it made#
;odin's Law Genera*izedness of in0ompeten0e is dire0t*y proportiona* to highestness in hierar0hy# *>ic+ ;old's Law 3he 0andidate +ho is e5pe0ted to do +e** be0a%se of e5perien0e and rep%tation B9o%g*as( 7i5onC m%st do .@33@A than +e**( +hi*e the 0andidate e5pe0ted to fare poor*y BLin0o*n( PennedyC 0an p%t points on the media board simp*y by s%r&i&ing# *Bill+ ;old's Law A 0o*%mn abo%t errors +i** 0ontain errors# ;old's Law $f the shoe fits( it)s %g*y# ;olden Principle 7othing +i** be attempted if a** possib*e ob;e0tions m%st first be o&er0ome# .he ;olden Rule <e +ho has the go*d( ma'es the r%*es# .he ;olden Rule of Arts and Sciences -hoe&er has the go*d ma'es the r%*es# ;oldstein's Law $n Ameri0a( it)s not ho+ m%0h an item 0osts( it)s ho+ m%0h yo% sa&e# ;oldwyn's Law of Contracts A &erba* 0ontra0t isn)t +orth the paper it)s +ritten on# ;olub's Laws of Computerdom 1# E%zzy pro;e0t ob;e0ti&es are %sed to a&oid the embarrassment of estimating the 0orresponding 0osts# 2# A 0are*ess*y p*anned pro;e0t ta'es three times *onger to 0omp*ete than e5pe0ted1 if 0aref%**y p*anned( it +i** ta'e on*y t+i0e as *ong# !# 3he effort re,%ired to 0orre0t 0o%rse in0reases geometri0a**y +ith time# =# /ro;e0t teams detest +ee'*y progress reporting be0a%se it so &i&id*y manifests their *a0' of progress# .he 8? Rules for ;ood Ritin
1# @a0h prono%n agrees +ith their ante0edent# 2# :%st bet+een yo% and $( 0ase is important# !# Derbs has to agree +ith their s%b;e0t# =# -at0h o%t for irreg%*ar &erbs +hi0h has 0ropped %p into o%r *ang%age# ># 9on)t %se no do%b*e negati&es# "# A +riter m%stn)t shift yo%r point of &ie+# 7# -hen dang*ing( don)t %se parti0ip*es# ?# :oin 0*a%ses good *i'e a 0on;%n0tion sho%*d# 9# And don)t %se 0on;%n0tions to start senten0es# 10# 9on)t %se a r%n-on senten0e yo% got to p%n0t%ate it# 11# Abo%t senten0e fragments# 12# $n *etters themes reports arti0*es and st%ff *i'e that +e %se 0ommas to 'eep strings apart# 1!# 9on)t %se 0ommas( +hi0h aren)t ne0essary# 1=# $ts important to %se apostrophe)s right# 1># 9on)t abbre&# 1"# Che0' to see if yo% any +ords o%t# 17# $n my opinion $ thin' that the a%thor +hen he is +riting sho%*d not get into the habit of ma'ing %se of too many %nne0essary +ords +hi0h he does not rea**y need# 1?# 3hen( of 0o%rse( there)s that o*d one 7e&er %se a preposition to end a senten0e +ith# 19# Last b%t not *east( a&oid 0*i0hes *i'e the p*ag%e# ;oodfader's Law Fnder any system( a fe+ sharpies +i** beat the rest of %s# ;oodin's Law of Conversions 3he ne+ hard+are +i** brea' do+n as soon as the o*d is dis0onne0ted and o%t# ;oodman's Law of >alue 3he more an item 0osts( the farther yo% ha&e to send it for repairs#
;ordon's )ictum of )irection ;ivin 3he possibi*ity of getting *ost is dire0t*y proportiona* to the n%mber of times the dire0tion-gi&er says Gyo% 0an)t miss itG# ;ordon's 'irst Law $f a resear0h pro;e0t is not +orth doing at a**( it is not +orth doing +e**# ;oulden's A(iom of the Bouncin Can $f yo% drop a f%** 0an of beer( and remember to rap the top sharp*y +ith yo%r 'n%0'*e prior to opening( the ens%ing g%sh of foam +i** be bet+een ?9 and 9= per0ent of the &o*%me that +o%*d sp*atter yo% if yo% didn)t do a damned thing and +ent ahead and p%**ed the top immediate*y# ;oulden's Law of 5ury -atchin $f a ;%ry in a 0rimina* tria* stays o%t for more than 2= ho%rs( it is 0ertain to &ote a0,%itta*( sa&e in those instan0es +hen it &otes g%i*ty# ;overnment's Law 3here is an e50eption to a** *a+s# ;rabel's Law 2 is not e,%a* to ! - not e&en for &ery *arge &a*%es of 2# ;raditor's Laws 1# $f it 0an brea'( it +i**( b%t on*y after the +arranty e5pires# 2# A ne0essary item goes on sa*e on*y after yo% ha&e p%r0hased it at the reg%*ar pri0e# ;randma Soder/uist's Conclusion A 0hi0'en doesn)t stop s0rat0hing ;%st be0a%se the +orms are s0ar0e# ;ray's Law of Bilateral Asymmetry in Networ%s $nformation f*o+s effi0ient*y thro%gh organizations( e50ept that bad ne+s en0o%nters high impedan0e in f*o+ing %p+ard# ;ray's Law of Pro rammin 7Q1 tri&ia* tas's are e5pe0ted to be a00omp*ished in the same time as 7 tri&ia* tas's# Lo s Rebuttal - 7Q1 tri&ia* tas's ta'e t+i0e as *ong as 7 tri&ia* tas's for 7 s%ffi0ient*y *arge# Rule of the ;reat
-hen someone yo% great*y admire and respe0t appears to be thin'ing deep tho%ghts( they are probab*y thin'ing abo%t *%n0h# Law of .he ;reat !dea 3he on*y time yo% 0ome %p +ith a great so*%tion is after somebody e*se has so*&ed the prob*em# ;reen's Law of )ebate Anything is possib*e if yo% don)t 'no+ +hat yo%)reta*'ing abo%t# ;reenber 's 'irst Law of !nfluence Fsef%*ness is in&erse*y proportiona* to rep%tation for being %sef%*# ;reener's Law 7e&er arg%e +ith a man +ho b%ys in' by the barre*# ;reenhaus's Summation $)d gi&e my right arm to be ambide5tro%s# ;resham's Law 3ri&ia* matters are hand*ed prompt*y1 important matters are ne&er reso*&ed# ;reshams Observations 1# 2n the theory that one sho%*d ne&er ta'e anything for granted( fo**o+ %p on e&erything( b%t espe0ia**y those items &arying from the norm# 2# 3he greater the di&ergen0e from norma* ro%tine and/or the greater the n%mber of offi0es potentia**y in&o*&ed( the better the 0han0e a ne&er-to-be-dis0o&ered person +i** fi*e the prob*em a+ay in a dra+er spe0ifi0a**y designed for items re,%iring a de0ision# !# 7e&er say +itho%t ,%a*ifi0ation that yo%r a0ti&ity has s%ffi0ient spa0e( money( staff( et0# =# A*+ays distr%st offi0es not %nder yo%r ;%risdi0tion +hi0h say that they are there to ser&e yo%# G4%pportG offi0es in a b%rea%0ra0y tend to gro+ in size and ma'e demands on yo% o%t of proportion to their ser&i0e( and in the end re,%ire more effort on yo%r part than their ser&i0e is +orth# Corollary - 4%pport organizations 0an a*+ays pro&e s%00ess by sho+ing ser&i0e to someone### not ne0essari*y yo%# ># $n0ompetents often hire ab*e assistants# ;rierson's Law of "inimal Self0 )elusion
@&ery man no%rishes +ithin himse*f a se0ret p*an for getting ri0h that +i** not +or'# ;rocery Ba Law 3he 0andy bar yo% p*anned to eat on the +ay home from the mar'et is hidden at the bottom of the bag# ;rosch's Law Comp%ting po+er in0reases as the s,%are of the 0ost# $f yo% +ant to do it t+i0e as 0heap*y( yo% ha&e to do it fo%r times s*o+er# ;ross's Law -hen t+o peop*e meet to de0ide ho+ to spend a third person)s money( fra%d +i** res%*t# ;rossman's Law *;rossman's "is/uote+ Comp*e5 prob*ems ha&e simp*e( easy to %nderstand +rong ans+ers# ;rossman's "is/uote Comp*e5 prob*ems ha&e simp*e( easy to %nderstand +rong ans+ers# ;ummid e's Law 3he amo%nt of e5pertise &aries in in&erse proportion to the n%mber of statements %nderstood by the genera* p%b*i0# ;umperson's Law 3he probabi*ity of a gi&en e&ent o00%ring is in&erse*y proportiona* to its desirabi*ity# Corollaries6 1# After a sa*ary raise( yo% +i** ha&e *ess money at the end of the month than yo% had before# 2# 3he more a re0r%it 'no+s abo%t a gi&en s%b;e0t( the better 0han0e he has of being assigned to something e*se# !# 6o% 0an thro+ a b%rnt mat0h o%t the +indo+ of yo%r 0ar and start a forest fire( b%t yo% 0an %se t+o bo5es of mat0hes and a +ho*e edition of the 4%nday paper +itho%t being ab*e to start a fire %nder the dry *ogs in yo%r firep*a0e# =# Chi*dren ha&e more energy after a hard day of p*ay than they do after a good night)s s*eep# ># 3he person +ho b%ys the most raff*e ti0'ets has the *east 0han0e of +inning# "# Good par'ing p*a0es are a*+ays on the other side of the street#
;umperson's Proof 3he most %ndesirab*e things are the most 0ertain Bdeath and ta5esC# ;unter's 'irst Law of Air .ravel -hen yo% are ser&ed a mea* aboard an air0raft( the air0raft +i** en0o%nter t%rb%*en0e# ;unter's Second Law of Air .ravel 3he strength of the t%rb%*en0e is dire0t*y proportiona* to the temperat%re of yo% 0offee# ;uthman's Law of "edia 3hirty se0onds on the e&ening ne+s is +orth a front page head*ine in e&ery ne+spaper in the +or*d#
4
41 L1 "enc%en's Law 3hose +ho 0an -- do# 3hose +ho 0annot -- tea0h# 3hose +ho 0annot tea0h -- administrate# B8artin)s @5tensionC 4aberdasher's !nstruction C*othes ma'e the man# 7a'ed peop*e ha&e *itt*e or no inf*%en0e on so0iety# 4ac%er's Law 3he be*ief that enhan0ed %nderstanding +i** ne0essari*y stir a nation or an organization to a0tion is one of man'ind)s o*dest i**%sions# 4ac%er's Law of Personnel Anyone ha&ing s%per&isory responsibi*ity for the 0omp*etion of a tas' +i** in&ariab*y protest that more reso%r0es are needed# 4a erty's Law $f yo% *ose yo%r temper at a ne+spaper 0o*%mnist( he)** get ri0h or famo%s or both# 4aldane's Law 3he Fni&erse is not on*y ,%eerer than +e imagine( it is ,%eerer than +e CA7 imagine#
4ale's Rule 3he s%mpt%o%snss of a 0ompany)s ann%a* report is in in&erse proportion to its profitabi*ity that year# 4all's Law 3here is a statisti0a* 0orre*ation bet+een the n%mber of initia*s in an @ng*ishman)s name and his so0ia* 0*ass Bthe %pper 0*ass ha&ing signifi0ant*y more than three names( +hi*e members of the *o+er 0*ass a&erage 2#"C# 4alpern's Observation 3he tendan0y to err that programmers ha&e been noti0ed to share +ith other h%man beings has often been treated as if it +ere an a+'+ardness attendant %pon programming)s ado*es0en0e( +hi0h B*i'e a0neC +o%*d disappear +ith the 0raft)s 0oming of age# $t has pro&ed other+ise# 4anlon's Ra,or 7e&er attrib%te to ma*i0e that +hi0h is ade,%ate*y e5p*ained by st%pidity# 4ardin's Laws @&ery time yo% 0ome %p +ith a terrifi0 idea( yo% find that someone e*se tho%ght of it first# 6o% 0an ne&er do mere*y one thing# 4are's Additional Lie 3his +i** h%rt me more than it h%rts yo%# 4arper's Law 6o% ne&er find anything %nti* yo% rep*a0e it# 4arper's "a a,ine's Law 6o% ne&er find an arti0*e %nti* yo% rep*a0e it# 4arris's Lament A** the good ones are ta'en# 4arris's Law Any phi*osophy that 0an be p%t Gin a n%tshe**G be*ongs there# 4arris's Restaurant Parado(
2ne of the greatest %nso*&ed ridd*es of resta%rant eating is that the 0%stomer %s%a**y gets faster ser&i0e +hen the reta%rant is 0ro+ded than +hen it is ha*f empty1 it seems that the *ess the staff has to do( the s*o+er they do it# 4arrison's Postulate Eor e&ery a0tion( there is an e,%a* and opposite 0riti0ism# 4art's Law $n a 0o%ntry as big as the Fnited 4tates( yo% 0an find fifty e5amp*es of anything# 4art's Law of .he Conservation of 'ilth $n order for something to be0ome 0*ean( something e*se m%st be0ome dirty# 'reedman's 3(tension 6o% 0an get e&erything dirty +itho%t getting anything 0*ean# 4arti 's <4ow !s ;ood Old Bill@< )idn't you %now we're divorced Law $f there is a +rong thing to say( one +i**# 4arti 's Sleeve in the CupA .humb in the Butter Law -hen one is trying to be e*egant and sophisti0ated( one +on)t# 4artley's 'irst Law 3he probabi*ity of someone +at0hing yo% is proportiona* to the st%pidity of yo%r a0tion# 4artley's Second Law 7e&er go to bed +ith anybody 0razier than yo% are# 4artley's Law 6o% 0an *ead a horse to +ater( b%t if yo% 0an get him to f*oat on his ba0' yo%)&e got something# 4artman's Automotive Laws 1# 7othing minor e&er happens to a 0ar on the +ee'end# 2# 7othing minor e&er happens to a 0ar on a trip# !# 7othing minor e&er happens to a 0ar# 4arvard Law
Fnder the most rigoro%s*y 0ontro**ed 0onditions of press%re( temperat%re( &o*%me( h%midity( and other &ariab*es( any e5perimenta* organism +i** do as it damn +e** p*eases# 4arvard's LawA as applied to Computers Fnder the most rigoro%s*y 0ontro**ed 0onditions of press%re( temperat%re( &o*%me( h%midity and other &ariab*es( the 0omp%ter +i** do as it damn +e** p*eases# 4arver's Law A dr%n'en man)s +ords are a sober man)s tho%ghts# 4aw%in's .heory of Pro ress /rogress does not 0onsist of rep*a0ing a theory that is +rong +ith one that is right# $t 0onsists of rep*a0ing a theory that is +rong +ith one that is more s%bt*y +rong# 4earst's Law 7e&er arg%e +ith a man +ho b%ys in' by the barre*# 4ein's Law /rob*ems +orthy of atta0' pro&e their +orth by hitting ba0'# 4eisenber 's Addendum to Brownian Bureaucracy $f yo% obser&e a b%rea%0rat 0*ose*y eno%gh to ma'e the distin0tion abo&e( he +i** rea0t to yo%r obser&ation by 0o&ering his ass# 4eller's "yths of "ana ement 3he first myth of management is that it e5ists# 3he se0ond myth of management is that s%00ess e,%a*s s'i**# Corollary *5ohnson+ - 7obody rea**y 'no+s +hat is going on any+here +ithin yo%r organization# 4ellrun 's Law $f yo% +ait( it +i** go a+ay# Shevelson's 3(tension ### ha&ing done its damage# ;relb's Addition ### if it +as bad( it +i** be ba0'# 4endric%son's Law $f a prob*em 0a%ses many meetings( the meetings e&ent%a**y be0ome more important than the prob*em# 4erbloc%'s Law
$f it)s good( they)** stop ma'ing it# 4erman's Observation Dita* papers +i** demonstrate their &ita*ity by mo&ing from +here yo% *eft them to +here yo% 0an)t find them# 4errnstein's Law 3he tota* attention paid to an instr%0tor is a 0onstant regard*ess of the size of the 0*ass# 4ersh's Law .io0hemistry e5pands to fi** the spa0e and time a&ai*ab*e for its 0omp*etion and p%b*i0ation# Law of 4ierachical Communications 3he ine&itab*e res%*t of impro&ed 0omm%ni0ations bet+een different *e&e*s in a hierar0hy is a &ast*y in0reased area of mis%nderstanding# Law of 4i hway Biolo y 3he first b%g to hit yo%r 0*ean +indshie*d *ands dire0t*y in front of yo%r eyes# Law of 4i hway Construction 3he most hea&i*y tra&e*ed streets spend the most time %nder 0onstr%0tion# 4ildebrand's Law 3he ,%a*ity of a department is in&erse*y proportiona* to the n%mber of 0o%rses it *ists in its 0ata*og%e# 4ill's Commentaries on "urphy's Laws 1# $f +e *ose m%0h by ha&ing things go +rong( ta'e a** possib*e 0are# 2# $f +e ha&e nothing to *ose by 0hange( re*a5# !# $f +e ha&e e&erything to gain by 0hange( re*a5# =# $f it doesn)t matter( it does not matter# 4ind's Laws of Computer Pro rammin 1# 3he &a*%e of a program is proportiona* to the +eight of its o%tp%t# 2# Any non-tri&ia* program 0ontains at *east one b%g# !# Fndete0tab*e errors are infinite in &ariety( in 0ontrast to dete0tab*e errors( +hi0h by definition are *imited#
=# Adding manpo+er to a *ate soft+are pro;e0t ma'es it *ater# 4istorian's Rule Any e&ent( on0e it has o00%rred( 0an be made to appear ine&itab*e by a 0ompetent historian# 'irst Rule of 4istory <istory doesn)t repeat itse*f -- historians mere*y repeat ea0h other# 4oare's Law of Lar e Pro rams $nside e&ery *arge program is a sma** program str%gg*ing to get o%t# Rhode's Corollary to 4oare's Law $nside e&ery 0omp*e5 and %n+or'ab*e program is a %sef%* ro%tine str%gg*ing to be free# 4oare's Law of Lar er Problems $nside e&ery *arge prob*em is a sma** prob*em str%gg*ing to get o%t# 4ofstatler's Law 3hings a*+ays ta'e t+i0e as *ong as yo% anti0ipate( e&en if yo% ta'e into a00o%nt <ofstat*er)s La+# (This corollary is often elevated to the rank of a law. Since it is only a special case of Murphy's Law, though, it provides further justification for elevating Murphy's Law to a demi law.! 4o 's Law of Station -a ons 3he amo%nt of ;%n' is in dire0t proportion to the amo%nt of spa0e a&ai*ab*e# Ba a e Corollary - $f yo% go on a trip ta'ing t+o bags +ith yo%( one 0ontaining e&erything yo% need for the trip and the other 0ontaining abso*%te*y nothing( the se0ond bag +i** be 0omp*ete*y fi**ed +ith ;%n' a0,%ired on the trip +hen yo% ret 4olsworth's Laws 1# $f yo% 0an on*y do one thing +e** there is no mar'et for it# 2# 6o% 0an ne&er do ;%st one thing# 4olten's 4omilies 1# 3he on*y time to be positi&e is +hen yo% are positi&e yo% are +rong# 2# 3he 0hief 0a%se of prob*ems is so*%tions# !# 3he one +ho does the *east +or'( +i** get the most 0redit#
4orner's 'ive .humb Postulate @5perien0e &aries dire0t*y +ith e,%ipment r%ined# 4orn ren's Observation * enerali,ed+ 3he rea* +or*d is a spe0ia* 0ase# 4orowit,'s Rule A 0omp%ter ma'es as many mista'es in t+o se0onds as 20 men +or'ing 20 years# 4orticulturists .wo Laws 1# Grass gro+ing from side+a*' 0ra0's ne&er t%rns bro+n# 2# 3he *ife e5pe0tan0y of a ho%se p*ant &aries in&erse*y +ith its pri0e and dire0t*y +ith it)s %g*iness# 4oward's 'irst Law of .heater Fse it# 4owe's Law @&ery man has a s0heme that +i** not +or'# 4ubbard's Law 9on)t ta'e *ife too serio%s*y1 yo% +on)t get o%t of it a*i&e# 4ull's .heorem 3he 0ombined p%** of se&era* patrons is the s%m of their separate p%**s m%*tip*ied by the n%mber of patrons# 4ull's -arnin 7e&er ins%*t an a**igator %nti* after yo% ha&e 0rossed the ri&er# 4unter's .heory of Personnel Recruitment Ear-a+ay ta*ent a*+ays seems better than home-de&e*oped ta*ent#
!
!B" Pollyanna Principle *!B"'S !ncorrect Principle+ 8a0hines sho%*d +or'# /eop*e sho%*d thin'# !dea 'ormula
2ne man)s brain p*%s one other +i** prod%0e abo%t one ha*f as many ideas as one man +o%*d ha&e prod%0ed a*one# 3hese t+o p*%s t+o more +i** prod%0e ha*f again as many ideas# 3hese fo%r p*%s fo%r more begin to represent a 0reati&e meeting( and the ratio 0hanges to one ,%arter as many# .he !%e .autolo y 3hings are more *i'e they are no+ than they ha&e e&er been before# Corollary - 7osta*gia isn)t +hat it %sed to be# !les's Law 3here is an easier +ay to do it# Corollaries6 1# -hen *oo'ing dire0t*y at the easier +ay( espe0ia**y for *ong periods( yo% +i** not see it# 2# 7either +i** $*es# !mhoff's Law 3he organization of any b%rea%0ra0y is &ery m%0h *i'e a septi0 tan' -- the A@ALL6 big 0h%n's a*+ays rise to the top# Law of !nanimate "obility A** inanimate ob;e0ts 0an mo&e ;%st eno%gh to get in yo%r +ay .he !napplicable Law -ashing yo%r 0ar to ma'e it rain doesn)t +or'# !nde( of )evelopment 3he degree of a 0o%ntry)s de&e*opment is meas%red by the ratio of the pri0e of an a%tomobi*e to the 0ost of a hair0%t# 3he *o+er the ratio( the higher the degree of de&e*opment# Law of the !ndividual 7obody rea**y 0ares or %nderstands +hat anyone e*se is doing# Law of !nertia -here there)s a +i**( there)s a +on)t# Law of !nside )ope 3here are many inside dopes in po*iti0s and go&ernment#
Law of !nstitutions 3he op%*en0e of the front offi0e de0or &aries in&erse*y +ith the f%ndamenta* so*&en0y of the firm# Law of !nsurance Rates And .a(es -hate&er goes %p( stays %p# !ron Law of )istribution 3hem +hat has -- gets# -a'efie*d)s Aef%tation of the $ron La+ of 9istrib%tion 3hem +hat gets -- has# !ssawi's Law of A ression
At any gi&en moment( a so0iety 0ontains a 0ertain amo%nt of a00%m%*atedand a00r%ing aggressi&eness# $f more than 21 years e*apse +itho%t this aggressi&eness being dire0ted o%t+ard( in a pop%*ar +ar against other 0o%ntries( it t%rns in+ard( in so0ia* %nrest( 0i&i* dist%rban0es( and po*iti0a* disr%ption# !ssawi's Law of Consumption Patterns 2ther peop*e)s patterns of e5pendit%re and 0ons%mption are high*y irrationa* and s*ight*y immora*# !ssawi's Law of Cynics Cyni0s are right nine times o%t of ten1 +hat %ndoes them is their be*ief that they are right ten times o%t of ten# !ssawi's Law of )o matism -hen +e 0a** others dogmati0( +hat +e rea**y ob;e0t to is their ho*ding dogmas that are different from o%r o+n# !ssawi's Law of 3stimation of 3rror @5perts in ad&an0ed 0o%ntries %nderestimate by a fa0tor of 2 to = the abi*ity of peop*e in %nderde&e*oped 0o%ntries to do anything te0hni0a*# !ssawi's Law of 'rustration 2ne 0annot ma'e an ome*ette +itho%t brea'ing eggs -- b%t it is amazing ho+ many eggs one 0an brea' +itho%t ma'ing a de0ent ome*ette# !ssawi's Law of the Conservation of 3vil 3he tota* amo%nt of e&i* in any system remains 0onstant# <en0e( any dimin%tion in one dire0tion -- for instan0e( a red%0tion in po&erty or %nemp*oyment -- is a00ompanied by an in0rease in another( e#g#( 0rime or air po**%tion#
!ssawi's Law of the Social Sciences .y the time a so0ia* s0ien0e theory is form%*ated in s%0h a +ay that it 0an be tested( 0hanging 0ir0%mstan0es ha&e a*ready made it obso*ete# !ssawi's Laws of Committo0)ynamics 1# Comitas 0omitat%m( omnia 0omitas# 2# 3he *ess yo% en;oy ser&ing on 0ommittees( the more *i'e*y yo% are to be pressed to do so# !ssawi's Laws of Pro ress 3he Co%rse of /rogress 8ost things get steadi*y +orse# 3he /ath of /rogress A short0%t is the *ongest distan0e bet+een t+o points# 3he 9ia*e0ti0s of /rogress 9ire0t a0tion prod%0es dire0t rea0tion# 3he /a0e of /rogress 4o0iety is a m%*e( not a 0ar### $f pressed too hard( it +i** 'i0' and thro+ off its rider# !ssawi's Observation on the Consumption of Paper @a0h system has its o+n +ay of 0ons%ming &ast amo%nts of paper in so0ia*ist so0ieties by fi**ing *arge forms in ,%adr%p*i0ate( in 0apita*ist so0ieties by p%tting %p h%ge posters and +rapping e&ery arti0*e in fo%r *ayers of 0ardboard# !talian Proverb 4he +ho is si*ent 0onsents#
5
5acob' Law 3o err is h%man -- to b*ame it on someone e*se is e&en more h%man# 5ac/uin's Postulate on )emocratic ;overnment 7o man)s *ife( *iberty( or property are safe +hi*e the *egis*at%re is in session# 5a%e's Law Anything hit +ith a big eno%gh hammer +i** fa** apart# 5aroslovs%y's Law 3he distan0e yo% ha&e to par' from yo%r apartment in0reases in proportion to the +eight of pa0'ages yo% are 0arrying#
5ay's Laws of Leadership 1# Changing things is 0entra* to *eadership( and 0hanging them before anyone e*se is 0reati&ity# 2# 3o b%i*d something that end%res( it is of the greatest important to ha&e a *ong ten%re in offi0e -- to r%*e for many years# 6o% 0an a0hie&e a ,%i0' s%00ess in a year or t+o( b%t near*y a** of the great ty0oons ha&e 0ontin%ed their b%i*ding m%0h *onger# 5en%inson's Law $t +on)t +or'# 5inny's Law 3here is no s%0h thing as a short beer# BAs in( G$)m going to stop off at :oe)s for a short beer before on the +ay home#GC 5ohn Cameron's Law 7o matter ho+ many times yo%)&e had it( if it)s offered( ta'e it( be0a%se it)** ne&er be ,%ite the same again# 5ohn's A(iom -hen yo%r opponent is do+n( 'i0' him# 5ohn's Collateral Corollary $n order to get a *oan yo% m%st first pro&e yo% don)t need it# 5ohns Laws of Problems 1# $nside e&ery *arge prob*em is a sma** prob*em str%gg*ing to get o%t# 2# A*most anything is easier to get into than to get o%t of# !# Frgen0y &aries in&erse*y +ith importan0e# 5ohnson's 'irst Law -hen any me0hani0a* 0ontri&an0e fai*s( it +i** do so at the most in0on&enient possib*e time# 5ohnson's 'irst Law of Auto Repair Any too* dropped +hi*e repairing an a%tomobi*e +i** ro** %nder the 0ar to the &ehi0*e)s e5a0t geographi0 0enter# 5ohnson's Law
3he n%mber of minor i**nesses among the emp*oyees is in&erse*y proportiona* to the hea*th of the organization# 5ohnson's Laws 1# -hen any me0hani0a* 0ontri&an0e fai*s( it +i** do so at the most in0on&enient time# 2# $f( in the 0o%rse of se&era* months( on*y three +orth+hi*e so0ia* e&ents ta'e p*a0e( they +i** a** fa** on the same e&ening# !# $f yo% miss one iss%e of any magazine( it +i** be the iss%e 0ontaining the arti0*e( story( or insta**ment yo% +ere most an5io%s to read# Corollary - A** of yo%r friends either missed it( *ost it( or thre+ it o%t# 5ohnson's Second Law $f( in the 0o%rse of se&era* months( on*y three +orth+hi*e so0ia* e&ents ta'e p*a0e( they +i** a** fa** on the same e&ening# 5ohnson's .hird Law $f yo% miss one iss%e of any magazine( it +i** be the iss%e that 0ontains the arti0*e( story or insta**ment yo% +ere most an5io%s to read# 5ohnson0Laird's Law 3ootha0he tends to start on 4at%rday night# 5ones' Law *Ni(on's Law+ 3he man +ho 0an smi*e +hen things go +rong -- has tho%ght of someone he 0an b*ame it on# 5ones' "otto Eriends may 0ome and go( b%t enemies a00%m%*ate# "cClau hry's Codicil on 5ones's "otto6 3o ma'e an enemy( do someone a fa&or# 5ones's Principle 7eeds are a f%n0tion of +hat other peop*e ha&e# 5oslyn's Law of Conferences 3he most interesting paper +i** be presented at the same time as the se0ond most interesting paper# 5ournalistic Principle $f a head*ine ends in a ,%estion mar'( the ans+er is no#
5uhani's Law 3he 0ompromise +i** a*+ays be more e5pensi&e than either of the s%ggestions it)s 0ompromising# 5ulia's Law of Bitchen of Confusion 2n0e a dish is fo%*ed %p( anything added to sa&e it +i** on*y ma'e it +orse# 5ulian's Law $f it says Gone size fits a**(G it doesn)t fit anyone#
B
Baf%a's Law $n the fight bet+een yo% and the +or*d( ba0' the +or*d# Bamin's Laws *Banin's Laws+ 1# A** 0%rren0ies +i** de0rease in &a*%e and p%r0hasing po+er o&er the *ong term( %n*ess they are free*y and f%**y 0on&ertab*e into go*d and that go*d is traded free*y +itho%t restri0tions of any 'ind# 2# 3hreat of 0apita* 0ontro*s a00e*erates margina* 0apita* o%tf*o+s# !# Combined tota* ta5ation from a** *e&e*s of go&ernment +i** a*+ays in0rease B%nti* the go&ernment is rep*a0ed by +ar or re&o*%tionC# =# Go&ernment inf*ation is a*+ays +orse than statisti0s indi0ate 0entra* ban'ers are biased to+ard inf*ation +hen the money %nit is non-0on&ertib*e( and +itho%t go*d or si*&er ba0'ing# ># /%r0hasing po+er of 0%rren0y is a*+ays *ost far more rapid*y than e&er regained# B3hose +ho e5pe0t e&en f*%0t%ations in both dire0tions p*ay a *osing game#C "# -hen attempting to predi0t and fore0ast ma0ro-e0onomi0 mo&es or e0onomi0 *egis*ation by a po*iti0ian( ne&er be mis*ed by +hat he says1 instead +at0h +hat he does# 7# /o*iti0ians +i** a*+ays inf*ate +hen gi&en the opport%nity# Bamin's Laws of economics 1# A** 0%rren0ies +i** de0rease in &a*%e and p%r0hasing po+er o&er the *ong term( %n*ess they are free*y and f%**y 0on&ertib*e into go*d and that go*d is traded free*y +itho%t restri0tions of any 'ind# 2# 3hreat of 0apita* 0ontro*s a00e*erates margina* 0apita* o%tf*o+s#
!# Combined tota* ta5ation from a** *e&e*s of go&ernment +i** a*+ays in0rease B%nti* the go&ernment is rep*a0ed by +ar or re&o*%tionC# =# Go&ernment inf*ation is a*+ays +orse than statisti0s indi0ate 0entra* ban'ers are biased to+ard inf*ation +hen the money %nit is non-0on&ertib*e( and +itho%t go*d or si*&er ba0'ing# ># /%r0hasing po+er of 0%rren0y is a*+ays *ost far more rapid*y than e&er regained# B3hose +ho e5pe0t e&en f*%0t%ations in both dire0tions p*ay a *osing game#C Baplan's Law of the !nstrument Gi&e a sma** boy a hammer and he +i** find that e&erything he en0o%nters needs po%nding# Bat,'s Law 8en( +omen and nations +i** a0t rationa**y +hen a** other possibi*ities ha&e been e5ha%sted# Bat,'s "a(ims 1# -here are the 0a*0%*ations that go +ith the 0a*0%*ated ris'L 2# $n&enting is easy for staff o%tfits# 4tating a prob*em is m%0h harder# $nstead of stating prob*ems( peop*e *i'e to pass o%t ha*f- a00%rate statements together +ith ha*f-a&ai*ab*e so*%tions +hi0h they 0an)t finish and +hi0h they +ant yo% to finish# !# @&ery organization is se*f-perpet%ating# 9on)t e&er as' an o%tfit to ;%stify itse*f( or yo%)** be 0o&ered +ith fa0ts( fig%res( and fan0y# 3he 0riterion sho%*d rather be( G-hat +i** happen if the o%tfit stops doing +hat it)s doingLG 3he &a*%e of an organization is more easi*y determined this +ay# =# 3ry to find o%t +ho)s doing the +or'( not +ho)s +riting abo%t it( 0ontro**ing it( or s%mmarizing it# ># -at0h o%t for forma* briefings1 they often prod%0e an a&a*an0he Ba high-*e&e* sno+ ;ob of massi&e and o&er+he*ming proportionsC# "# 3he diffi0%*ty of the 0oordination tas' often b*inds one to the fa0t that a f%**y 0oordinated pie0e of paper is not s%pposed to be either the ma;or or the fina* prod%0t of the organization( b%t it often t%rns o%t that +ay# 7# 8ost organizations 0an)t ho*d more than one idea at a time# 3h%s 0omp*ementary ideas are a*+ays regarded as 0ompeteti&e# E%rther( *i'e a ,%antized pend%*%m( an organization 0an ;%mp from one e5treme to the other( +itho%t e&er going thro%gh the midd*e# ?# 3ry to find the rea* tense of the report yo% are reading -as it done( is it being done( or is it something to be doneL Aeports are no+ +ritten in fo%r tenses past tense( present tense( f%t%re tense( and pretense# -at0h for no&e* %ses of
G0ontra0tor grammarG( defined by the imperfe0t past( the ins%ffi0ient present( and the abso*%te*y perfe0t f%t%re# Bei%o's Law of ;olf 3he on*y +ay to a&oid hitting a tree is to aim at it# Belley's Law Last g%ys don)t finish ni0e# Belly's Law An e5e0%ti&e +i** a*+ays ret%rn to +or' from *%n0h ear*y if no one ta'es him# Bennedy's Law @50essi&e offi0ia* restraints on information are ine&itab*y se*f-defeating and prod%0ti&e of heada0hes for the offi0ia*s 0on0erned# Bensin ton's Law of Shoema%in 7o matter ho+ *ong it ta'es for yo% to get ba0' to pi0' %p the shoes the shoema'er +i** te** yo% that they +on)t be ready %nti* tomorro+# Bensin ton's Observation 3he t+o most 0ommon e*ements in the %ni&erse are hydrogen and st%pidity# Bent's Law 3he on*y +ay a reporter sho%*d *oo' at a po*iti0ian is do+n# Berr0"artin Law 1# $n dea*ing +ith their 2-7 prob*ems( fa0%*ty members are the most e5treme 0onser&ati&es# 2# $n dea*ing +ith 23<@A peop*e)s prob*ems( they are the +or*d)s most e5treme *ibera*s# Betterin 's Laws 1# $f yo% +ant to 'i** any idea in the +or*d today( get a 0ommittee +or'ing on it# 2# $f yo% ha&e a*+ays done it that +ay( it is probab*y +rong# Bey to Status 4 R 9/P# 4 is the stat%s of a person in an organization( 9 is the n%mber of doors he m%st open to perform his ;ob( and P is the n%mber of 'eys he 0arries# A higher n%mber denotes higher stat%s# 3h%s the ;anitor needs to open 20 doors and has 20 'eys B4 R 1C( a se0retary has to open t+o doors +ith one 'ey B4 R 2C( b%t the president
ne&er has to 0arry any 'eys sin0e there is a*+ays someone aro%nd to open doors for him B+ith P R 0 and a high 9( his 4 rea0hes infinityC# Beyes Rules of "is/uotation A(iom 81 Any ,%otation that 0an be a*tered +i** be# Coro**ary 1A Di&id +ords hoo' mis,%otes in the mind# Coro**ary 1. 7%mbers are hard to 'eep straight# Coro**ary 1C 4ma** 0hanges 0an ha&e a big impa0t Bor +hat a differen0e an a ma'esC# Coro**ary 19 $f noted fig%res don)t say +hat needs to be said( +e)** say it for them# Coro**ary 1@ :o%rna*ists are a *ess than dependab*e so%r0e of a00%rate ,%otes# Coro**ary 1E Eamo%s dead peop*e ma'e e50e**ent 0ommentators on 0%rrent e&ents#
A(iom 91 Eamo%s ,%otes need famo%s mo%ths# Coro**ary 2A -e**-'no+n messengers get 0redit for 0*e&er 0omments they report from *ess 0e*ebrated mo%ths# Coro**ary 2. /arti0%*ar*y ,%otab*e fig%res re0ei&e more than their share of ,%otab*e ,%otes# Coro**ary 2C Comments made abo%t someone might as +e** ha&e been said by that person# Coro**ary 29 -ho yo% thin' said something may depend on +here yo% *i&e# Coro**ary 2@ Dintage ,%otes are 0onsidered to be in the p%b*i0 domain# Coro**ary 2E $n a pin0h( any orphan ,%ote 0an be 0a**ed a Chinese pro&erb#
Bharasch's !nstitutional !mperative @&ery a0tion or de0ision of an instit%tion m%st be intended to 'eep the instit%tion ma0hinery +or'ing# Corollary - 3he e5pert ;%dgment of an instit%tion( +hen the matter in&o*&ed 0on0erns 0ontin%ation of the instit%tion)s operations( is tota**y predi0tab*e( and hen0e the finding is tota**y +orth*ess# Bibit,er's Constant
-hen yo% 0an)t dis0o&er the 0a%se of a brea'do+n( a** of the free ad&i0e yo% get +i** be for things yo%)&e a*ready 0he0'ed# Bir%land's Law 3he %sef%*ness of any meeting is in in&erse proportion to the attendan0e# Bitman's Law 2n the 3D s0reen( p%re dri&e* tends to dri&e off ordinary dri&e*# Blipstein's Lament A** +arranty and g%arantee 0*a%ses are &oided by payment of the in&oi0e# Blipstein's Law 3o*eran0es +i** a00%m%*ate %nidire0tiona**y to+ard ma5im%m diffi0%*ty of assemb*y# Blipstein's Law of Specifications $n spe0ifi0ations( 8%rphy)s La+ s%persedes 2hm)s# Blipstein's Laws App*ied to Genera* @ngineering 1# A patent app*i0ation +i** be pre0eded by one +ee' by a simi*ar app*i0ation made by an independent +or'er# 2# Eirmness of de*i&ery dates is in&erse*y proportiona* to the tightness of the s0hed%*e# !# 9imensions +i** a*+ays be e5pressed in the *east %sab*e term# De*o0ity( for e5amp*e( +i** be e5pressed in f%r*ongs per fortnight# =# Any +ire 0%t to *ength +i** be too short# App*ied to /rototyping and /rod%0tion 1# 3o*eran0es +i** a00%m%*ate %nidire0tiona**y to+ard ma5im%m diffi0%*ty to assemb*e# 2# $f a pro;e0t re,%ires n 0omponents( there +i** be n-1 %nits in sto0'# !# A motor +i** rotate in the +rong dire0tion# =# A fai*safe 0ir0%it +i** destroy others# ># A transistor prote0ted by a fast-a0ting f%se +i** prote0t the f%se by b*o+ing first# "# A fai*%re +i** not appear %nti* a %nit has passed fina* inspe0tion#
7# A p%r0hased 0omponent or instr%ment +i** meet its spe0s *ong eno%gh( and on*y *ong eno%gh( to pass in0oming inspe0tion# ?# After the *ast of 1" mo%nting s0re+s has been remo&ed from an a00ess 0o&er( it +i** be dis0o&ered that the +rong a00ess 0o&er has been remo&ed# 9# After an a00ess 0o&er has been se0%red by 1" ho*d-do+n s0re+s( it +i** be dis0o&ered that the gas'et has been omitted# 10# After an instr%ment has been assemb*ed( e5tra 0omponents +i** be fo%nd on the ben0h# Blipstein's Observation Any prod%0t 0%t to *ength +i** be too short# Bni ht's Law Life is +hat happens to yo% +hi*e yo% are ma'ing other p*ans# Bnoll's Law of "edia Accuracy @&erything yo% read in the ne+spapers is abso*%te*y tr%e e50ept for that rare story of +hi0h yo% happen to ha&e firsthand 'no+*edge# Bnowles's Law of Le islative )eliberation 3he *ength of debate &aries in&erse*y +ith the 0omp*e5ity of the iss%e# Corollary6 -hen the iss%e is tri&ia*( and e&eryone %nderstands it( debate is a*most interminab*e# Bohn's Second Law Any e5periment is reprod%0ib*e %nti* another *aboratory tries to repeat it# Bonrads Observations on Capitalism 1# 3here is no s%0h thing as a Gdirty 0apita*istG( on*y a 0apita*ist# 2# Capita*ism 0an e5ist in one of on*y t+o states -- +e*fare or +arfare# Anything is possib*e( b%t nothing is easy# Boppett's Law -hate&er 0reates the greatest in0on&enien0e for the *argest n%mber m%st happen# Borman's conclusion 3he tro%b*e +ith resisting temptation is it may ne&er 0ome yo%r +ay again# Bovac's Conundrum
-hen yo% dia* a +rong n%mber( yo% ne&er get a b%sy sigina*# Bristol's Law .eing fr%strated is disagreeab*e( b%t the rea* disasters in *ife begin +hen yo% get +hat yo% +ant# Brue er's Observation A ta5payer is someone +ho does not ha&e to ta'e a 0i&i* ser&i0e e5am in order to +or' for the go&ernment#
L
La Rochefoucauld's Law $t is more shamef%* to distr%st one)s friends than to be de0ei&ed by them# Labor Law A disagreeab*e *a+ is its o+n re+ard# 'irst Law of Laboratory -or% <ot g*ass *oo's e5a0t*y the same as 0o*d g*ass# LaCombe's Rule of Percenta es 3he in0iden0e of anything +orth+hi*e is either 1>-2> per0ent or ?0-90 per0ent# Corollary *)udenhoefer+ - An ans+er of >0 per0ent +i** s%ffi0e for the =0-"0 range# Lafayette's Reprisal 3he s,%ea'y +hee* gets rep*a0ed# Laird's Law 3ootha0he tends to start on 4at%rday night# Lamb's law of car purchasin $f yo% b%y yo%r first ne+ 0ar in fifteen years( ne5t years they +i** introd%0e a ne+ mode* +ith t+enty se&en ne+ feat%res ne&er seen on a 0ar before and the introd%0tory pri0e of the 0ar +i** be e*e&en h%ndred do**ars *ess than yo% paid for yo%rs# Landlord's )ilemmas 1# 3he hot +ater heater p%mp that fai*s +i** on*y do so after > 00 /#8# on Eriday e&ening +hen e&ery tenant in the b%i*ding is ha&ing a dinner party#
2# 3he ne5t day ( the on*y s%pp*ier in to+n that sto0's parts for the p%mp te**s yo% that the +idget needed to fi5 it is in a +areho%se in C*e&e*and and the +areho%semen there ha&e been on stri'e for se&enteen +ee's# !# 6o% are for0ed to b%y a se0ond rate heater and p%mp Sso*d on*y as a pa0'ageT for si5 h%ndred and fifty do**ars( and ha&e it insta**ed by a p*%mber at do%b*e time rates on 4%nday morning# =# 2n 8onday at 9 00 A#8# the stri'e is sett*ed# ># 2n 8onday at 9 1> A#8# the hard+are store o+ner 0a**s and says he has fo%nd a bo5 0ontaining thirty se&en +idgets on a she*f in his ba0' room and he +i** se** one to yo% at the o*d pri0e of ten 0ents# Lan in's Law $f things +ere *eft to 0han0e( they)d be better Lan sam's Second Law @&erything depends# Lani's Principles of 3conomics 1# 3a5es are not *e&ied for the benefit of the ta5ed# 2# M100 p*a0ed at 7I interest 0ompo%nded ,%arter*y for 200 years +i** in0rease to more than M100(000(000 by +hi0h time it +i** be +orth nothing# !# $n God +e tr%st1 a** others pay 0ash# Lar%inson's Law A** *a+s are basi0a**y fa*se# Larrimer's Constant -hat this +or*d needs is a damned good p*ag%e# Larsen's Observations 1# As'ing d%mb ,%estions# $s easier than 0orre0ting d%mb mista'es# 2# <e +ho hesitates is probab*y right# !# -hen a** e*se fai*s try the boss)s s%ggestions# Las >e as's A(ioms 1# $t is mora**y +rong to a**o+ s%0'ers to 'eep their money 2# A 4mith and -esson beats a roya* f*%sh#
.he Last Law $f se&era* things that 0o%*d ha&e gone +rong did not go +rong( it +o%*d %*timate*y ha&e been better if they had gone +rong# de la Lastra's Law After the *ast of 1" mo%nting s0re+s has been remo&ed from an a00ess 0o&er( it +i** be dis0o&ered that the +rong a00ess 0o&er has been remo&ed# de la Lastra's Corollary After an a00ess 0o&er has been se0%red by 1" ho*d-do+n s0re+s( it +i** be dis0o&ered that the gas'et has been omitted# Law of Late0Comer 3hose +ho ha&e the shortest distan0e to tra&e* in&ariab*y arri&e *atest# Law of Late0Comers 3hose +ho ha&e the shortest distan0e to tra&e* in&ariab*y arri&e *atest# Laura's Law 7o 0hi*d thro+s %p in the bathroom# Law of Lawma%in 3hose +ho e5press random tho%ghts to *egis*ati&e 0ommittees are often s%rprised and appa**ed to find themse*&es the instigators of *a+# Laws of Applied Confusion 1# 3he one pie0e that the p*ant forgot to ship is the one that s%pports 7>I of the ba*an0e of the shipment# Corollary - 7ot on*y did the p*ant forget to ship it( >0I of the time they ha&en)t e&en made it# 2# 3r%0' de*i&eries that norma**y ta'e one day +i** ta'e fi&e +hen yo% are +aiting for the tr%0'# !# After adding t+o +ee's to the s0hed%*e for %ne5pe0ted de*ays( add t+o more for the %ne5pe0ted( %ne5pe0ted de*ays# =# $n any str%0t%re( pi0' o%t the one pie0e that sho%*d not be mismar'ed and e5pe0t the p*ant to 0ross yo% %p# Corollaries6 1# $n any gro%p of pie0es +ith the same ere0tion mar' on it( one sho%*d not ha&e that mar' on it#
2# $t +i** not be dis0o&ered %nti* yo% try to p%t it +here the mar' says it)s s%pposed to go# !# 7e&er arg%e +ith the fabri0ating p*ant abo%t an error# 3he inspe0tion prints are a** 0he0'ed off( e&en to the ho*es that aren)t there# Laws of Computability as Applied to Social Science 1# Any system or program( ho+e&er 0omp*i0ated( if *oo'ed at in e5a0t*y the right +ay( +i** be0ome e&en more 0omp*i0ated# 2# $f at first yo% don)t s%00eed( transform yo%r data set# Laws of )ormitory Life 1# 3he amo%nt of trash a00%m%*ated +ithin the spa0e o00%pied is e5ponentia**y proportiona* to the n%mber of *i&ing bodies that enter and *ea&e +ithin any gi&en amo%nt of time# 2# 4in0e no matter 0an be 0reated or destroyed Be50*%ding n%0*ear and 0afeteria s%bstan0esC( as one attempts to remo&e %n+anted materia* Bi#e#( trashC from one)s *i&ing spa0e( the remaining materia* m%tates so as to o00%py !0 to >0 per0ent more than its origina* &o*%me# Corollary - 9%st breeds# !# 3he odds are " > that if one has *ate 0*asses( one)s roommate +i** ha&e the @AAL$@43 possib*e 0*asses# Corollary 86 2ne)s roommate B+ho has ear*y 0*assesC has an a*arm 0*o0' that is *o%der than God)s o+n# Corollary 96 -hen one has an ear*y 0*ass( one)s roommate +i** in&ariab*y enter the spa0e *ate at night and s%dden*y be0ome hypera0ti&e( i**( &io*ent( or a** three# Laws of 'ashion and 'ads 1# $nde0ent 10 years before its time( 2# 9aring 1 year before its time( !# Chi0 in its time( =# 9o+dy ! years after its time( ># <ideo%s 20 years after its time( "# Am%sing !0 years after its time( 7# Aomanti0 100 years after its time( ?# .ea%tif%* 1>0 years after its time# Laws of ;ardenin
1# 2ther peop*e)s too*s +or' on*y in other peop*e)s yards# 2# Ean0y gizmos don)t +or'# !# $f nobody %ses it( there)s a reason# =# 6o% get the most of +hat yo% need the *east# Laws of ;overnment 1# $f anything 0an go +rong( it +i** do so( in trip*i0ate# 2# 3hings go right so they 0an go +rong# !# 8en and nations +i** a0t responsib*y +hen a** other possibi*ities ha&e been e5ha%sted# =# Life *iberty or property are not safe +hi*e the *egis*at%re is in session# Laws of !nstitutional 'ood 1# @&erything is 0o*d e50ept +hat sho%*d be# 2# @&erything( in0*%ding the 0orn f*a'es( is greasy# Laws of Procrastination 1# /ro0rastination shortens the ;ob and p*a0es the responsibi*ity for its termination on someone e*se Bthe a%thority +ho imposed the dead*ineC# 2# $t red%0es an5iety by red%0ing the e5pe0ted ,%a*ity of the pro;e0t from the best of a** possib*e efforts to the best that 0an be e5pe0ted gi&en the *imited time# !# 4tat%s is gained in the eyes of others( and in one)s o+n eyes( be0a%se it is ass%med that the importan0e of the +or' ;%stifies the stress# =# A&oidan0e of interr%ptions in0*%ding the assignment of other d%ties 0an be a0hie&ed( so that the ob&io%s*y stressed +or'er 0an 0on0entrate on the sing*e effort# ># /ro0rastination a&oids boredom1 one ne&er has the fee*ing that there is nothing important to do# "# $t may e*iminate the ;ob if the need passes before the ;ob 0an be done# Laws of Revision 1# 3he more inno0%o%s the modifi0ation appears to be( the f%rther its inf*%en0e +i** e5tend and the more p*ans +i** ha&e to be redra+n#
2# $f( +hen 0omp*etion of a design is imminent( fie*d dimensions are fina**y s%pp*ied as they a0t%a**y are( instead of as they +ere meant to be( it +i** be easier to start a** o&er# !# After painsta'ing and 0aref%* ana*ysis of a samp*e( yo% are a*+ays to*d that it is the +rong samp*e and doesn)t app*y to the prob*em# Corollary - $t is %s%a**y impra0ti0a* to +orry beforehand abo%t interferen0es -- if yo% ha&e none( someone +i** ma'e one for yo%# Laws of Serendipity 1# $n order to dis0o&er anything yo% m%st be *oo'ing for something# 2# $f yo% +ish to ma'e an impro&ed prod%0t( yo% m%st a*ready be engaged in ma'ing an inferior one# Laws of .elephone )ynamics 1# 3he phone 0a** yo%)&e been +aiting for 0omes the min%te yo% 0*ose and *o0' the door and start +a*'ing do+nstairs or +hen yo% ha&e ;%st 0omfortab*y immersed yo%r entire body in a t%b f%** of +ater# 2# -home&er yo% 0a** +i** a*+ays ha&e ;%st *eft for the day( one min%te ago# !# 6o% ne&er get a b%sy signa* +hen yo% dia* a +rong n%mber # Laws of the 'risbee 1# 3he most po+erf%* for0e in the +or*d is that of a dis0 straining to *and %nder a 0ar( ;%st beyond rea0h# B3he te0hni0a* term for this for0e is G0ar s%0'G#C 2# 3he higher the ,%a*ity of a 0at0h or the 0omment it re0ei&es( the greater the probabi*ity of a 0r%mmy ret%rn thro+# BGGood 0at0h# # # .ad thro+#GC !# 2ne m%st ne&er pre0ede any mane%&er by a 0omment more predi0ti&e than( G-at0h thisUG BPeep )em g%essing#C =# 3he higher the 0osts of hitting any ob;e0t( the greater the 0ertainty it +i** be str%0'# BAemember 3he dis' is positi&e1 0ops and o*d *adies are 0*ear*y negati&e#C ># 3he best 0at0hes are ne&er seen# BG9id yo% see thatLG G4ee +hatLGC "# 3he greatest sing*e aid to distan0e is for the dis0 to be going in a dire0tion yo% did not +ant# B-rong +ay R *ong +ay#C 7# 3he most po+erf%* he5 +ords in the sport are G$ rea**y ha&e this do+n -- +at0h#G BPno+ itL .*o+ itUC ?# $n any 0ro+d of spe0tators at *east one +i** s%ggest that razor b*ades 0o%*d be atta0hed to the dis0# BG6o% 0o%*d maim and 'i** +ith that thing#GC
9# 3he greater yo%r need to ma'e a good 0at0h( the greater the probabi*ity yo%r partner +i** de*i&er his +orst thro+# B$f yo% 0an)t to%0h it( yo% 0an)t tri0' it#C 10# 3he sing*e most diffi0%*t mo&e +ith a dis0 is to p%t it do+n# BG:%st one moreUGC Laws of =nderstandin 1# Life 0an on*y be %nderstood ba0'+ards( b%t it m%st be *i&ed for+ards# 2# 7o matter +hat goes +rong( there is a*+ays somebody +ho 'ne+ it +o%*d# Lawson's Parado( 3he a&erage +oman +o%*d rather be bea%tif%* than smart be0a%se the a&erage man sees better than he thin's# Lawyer's Rule -hen the *a+ is against yo%( arg%e the fa0ts# -hen the fa0ts are against yo%( arg%e the *a+# -hen both are against yo%( 0a** the other *a+yer names# Le Chatelier's Law $f some stress is bro%ght to bear on a system in e,%i*ibri%m( the e,%i*ibri%m is disp*a0ed in the dire0tion +hi0h tends to %ndo the effe0t of the stress# Le Pelley's Law 3he bigger the man( the *ess *i'e*y he is to ob;e0t to 0ari0at%re# Leahy's Law $f a thing is done +rong often eno%gh( it be0omes right# Corollary - Do*%me is a defense to error# Lee's A(ioms 1# 7o boo's are *ost by *ending e50ept those yo% parti0%*ar*y +anted to 'eep# 2# 3he boo' yo% b%y today for M17#9> +i** 0ome o%t tomorro+ in paperba0'# Lefty ;ome,'s Principle of Productive Procrastination 3hey 0an)t hit it +hi*e $)m standing here ho*ding it# Lenin's Law -hene&er the 0a%se of the peop*e is entr%sted to professors( it is *ost# Les "iserables "etalaw A** *a+s( +hether good( bad( or indifferent( m%st be obeyed to the *etter#
Levy's 3i hth Law 7o amo%nt of geni%s 0an o&er0ome a preo00%pation +ith detai*# Levy's Laws of Research 1# 3o stea* ideas from one person is p*agiarism1 to stea* from many is resear0h# 2# 7obody noti0es the big f*a+ in yo%r resear0h %nti* a reporter for the most respe0ted professiona* ;o%rna* in yo%r fie*d arri&es to inter&ie+ yo%# Levy's Laws of the )isillusionment of the .rue Liberal 1# Large n%mbers of things are determined( and therefore not s%b;e0t to 0hange# 2# Anti0ipated e&ents ne&er *i&e %p to e5pe0tations# !# 3hat segment of the 0omm%nity +ith +hi0h one has the greatest sympathy as a *ibera* ine&itab*y t%rns o%t to be one of the most narro+-minded and bigoted segments of the 0omm%nity# =# A*+ays pray that yo%r opposition be +i0'ed# $n +i0'edness there is a strong strain to+ard rationa*ity# 3herefore there is a*+ays the possibi*ity( in theory( of hand*ing the +i0'ed by o%tthin'ing them# Levy's .en Laws of the )isillusionment of the .rue Liberal 1# Large n%mbers of things are determined( and therefore not s%b;e0t to 0hange# 2# Anti0ipated e&ents ne&er *i&e %p to e5pe0tations# !# 3hat segment of the 0omm%nity +ith +hi0h one has the greatest sympathy as a *ibera* ine&itab*y t%rns o%t to be one of the most narro+-minded and bigoted segments of the 0omm%nity# =# A*+ays pray that yo%r opposition be +i0'ed# $n +i0'edness there is a strong strain to+ard rationa*ity# 3herefore there is a*+ays the possibi*ity( in theory( of hand*ing the +i0'ed by o%tthin'ing them# Corollary 86 Good intentions randomize beha&ior# Corollary 96 Good intentions are far more diffi0%*t to 0ope +ith than ma*i0io%s intent# Corollary C6 $f good intentions are 0ombined +ith st%pidity( it is impossib*e to o%tthin' them# Corollary D6 Any dis0o&ery is more *i'e*y to be e5p*oited by the +i0'ed than app*ied by the &irt%o%s# ># $n %nanimity there is 0o+ardi0e and %n0riti0a* thin'ing# "# 3o ha&e a sense of h%mor is to be a tragi0 fig%re# 7# 3o 'no+ thyse*f is the %*timate form of aggression#
?# 7o amo%nt of geni%s 0an o&er0ome a preo00%pation +ith detai*# 9# 2n*y God 0an ma'e a random se*e0tion# 10# @terna* boredom is the pri0e of 0onstant &igi*an0e# Lewis's Laws 1# /eop*e +i** b%y anything that)s one to a 0%stomer# 2# 7o matter ho+ *ong or ho+ hard yo% shop for an item( after yo%)&e bo%ght it it +i** be on sa*e some+here 0heaper# Law of Libraries 7o matter +hi0h boo' yo% need( it)s on the bottom she*f# Law of .he Lie 7o matter ho+ often the *ie is sho+n to be fa*se( there +i** sti** remain a per0entage of peop*e +ho be*ie&e it to be tr%e# Liebermann's Law @&erybody *ies1 b%t it doesn)t matter sin0e nobody *istens# Lieblin 's Law $f yo% ;%st try *ong eno%gh and hard eno%gh( yo% 0an a*+ays manage to boot yo%rse*f in the posterior# Lilly's "e alaw A** *a+s are sim%*ations of rea*ity# Lilly's "etalaw A** *a+s are sim%*ations of rea*ity# Law of livin As soon as yo%)re doing +hat yo% +anted to be doing( yo% +ant to be doing something e*se# Lloyd05ones's Law of Leftovers 3he amo%nt of *itter on the street is proportiona* to the *o0a* rate of %nemp*oyment# Law of Local Anesthesia 7e&er say GoopsG in the operating room# Loc%smith's )ilemma
3he probabi*ity of ha&ing someone 0*ose the safe and spin the dia* +hi*e yo% ha&e the ba0' of the *o0' off +i** &ary dire0t*y +ith the s,%are of the n%mber of peop*e yo% te** not to to%0h the safe +hi*e yo% get something o%t of the tr%0'# Loehmann on Loss 1# $f +e *ose m%0h by ha&ing things go +rong( ta'e a** possib*e 0are# 2# $f +e ha&e nothing to *ose by 0hange( re*a5# !# $f +e ha&e e&erything to gain by 0hange( re*a5# =# $f it doesn)t matter( it does not matter# Loman's law of product desi n $f yo% 0an)t fi5 it( feat%re it# Lon 's Notes 1# A*+ays store beer in a dar' p*a0e# 2# Certain*y the game is rigged# 9on)t *et that stop yo%1 if yo% don)t bet( yo% 0an)t +in# !# Any priest or shaman m%st be pres%med g%i*ty %nti* pro&ed inno0ent# =# A*+ays *isten to e5perts# 3hey)** te** yo% +hat 0an)t be done( and +hy# 3hen do it# ># $f it 0an)t be e5pressed in fig%res( it is not s0ien0e1 it is opinion# "# $t has *ong been 'no+n that one horse 0an r%n faster than another -- b%t +hi0h oneL 9ifferen0es are 0r%0ia*# 7# A fa'e fort%nete**er 0an be to*erated# .%t an a%thenti0 soothsayer sho%*d be shot on sight# Cassandra did not get ha*f the 'i0'ing aro%nd she deser&ed# ?# 9e*%sions are often f%n0tiona*# A mother)s opinions abo%t her 0hi*dren)s bea%ty( inte**igen0e( goodness( et 0etera ad na%seam( 'eep her from dro+ning them at birth# 9# A generation +hi0h ignores history has no past -- and no f%t%re# 10# A poet +ho reads his &erse in p%b*i0 may ha&e other nasty habits# 11# 4ma** 0hange 0an often be fo%nd %nder seat 0%shions# 12# <istory does not re0ord any+here at any time a re*igion that has any rationa* basis# Ae*igion is a 0r%t0h for peop*e not strong eno%gh to stand %p to the %n'no+n +itho%t he*p# .%t( *i'e dandr%ff( most peop*e do ha&e a re*igion and spend time and money on it and seem to deri&e 0onsiderab*e p*eas%re from fidd*ing +ith it#
1!# $t)s amazing ho+ m%0h Gmat%re +isdomG resemb*es being too tired# 1=# 2f a** the strange G0rimesG that h%man beings ha&e *egis*ated o%t of nothing( Gb*asphemyG is the most amazing -- +ith Gobs0enityG and Ginde0ent e5pos%reG fighting it o%t for se0ond and third p*a0e# 1># $t)s better to 0op%*ate than ne&er# 1"# @&erything in e50essU 3o en;oy the f*a&or of *ife( ta'e big bites# 8oderation is for mon's# 17# $t may be better to be a *i&e ;a0'a* than a dead *ion( b%t it is better sti** to be a *i&e *ion# And %s%a**y easier# 1?# 7e&er appea* to a man)s Gbetter nat%reG# <e may not ha&e one# $n&o'ing his se*finterest gi&es yo% more *e&erage# 19# Litt*e gir*s( *i'e b%tterf*ies( need no e50%se# 20# A&oid ma'ing irre&o0ab*e de0isions +hi*e tired or h%ngry# 21# An e*ephant A mo%se b%i*t to go&ernment spe0ifi0ations# 22# A zygote is a gamete)s +ay of prod%0ing more gametes# 3his may be the p%rpose of the %ni&erse# 2!# 4t%pidity 0annot be 0%red +ith money( or thro%gh ed%0ation( or by *egis*ation# 4t%pidity is not a sin1 the &i0tim 0an)t he*p being st%pid# .%t st%pidity is the on*y %ni&ersa* 0apita* 0rime1 the senten0e is death( there is no appea*( and e5e0%tion is 0arried o%t a%tomati0a**y and +itho%t pity# 2=# God is omnipotent( omnis0ient( and omnibene&o*ent# $t says so right here on the *abe*# $f yo% ha&e a mind 0apab*e of be*ie&ing a** three of these di&ine attrib%tes sim%*taneo%s*y( $ ha&e a +onderf%* bargain for yo%# 7o 0he0's( p*ease# Cash and in sma** bi**s# 2># .e+are of a*tr%ism# $t is based on se*f-de0eption( the root of a** e&i*# 2"# 3he most prepostero%s notion that <# sapiens has e&er dreamed %p is that the Lord God of Creation( 4haper and A%*er of a** the Fni&erse( +ants the sa00harine adoration of <is 0reat%res( 0an be s+ayed by their prayers( and be0omes pet%*ant if <e does not re0ei&e this f*attery# 6et this abs%rd fantasy( +itho%t a shred of e&iden0e to bo*ster it( pays a** the e5penses of the o*dest( *argest( and *east prod%0ti&e ind%stry in a** history# 27# 3he se0ond most prepostero%s notion is that 0op%*ation is inherent*y sinf%*# 2?# @&erybody *ies abo%t se5# 29# A%b her feet#
!0# 7e&er %nderestimate the po+er of h%man st%pidity# !1# A*+ays te** her she is bea%tif%*( espe0ia**y if she is not# !2# $n a fami*y arg%ment( if it t%rns o%t yo% are right( apo*ogize at on0e# !!# 3o stay yo%ng re,%ires %n0easing 0%*ti&ation of the abi*ity to %n*earn o*d fa*sehoods# !=# 9oes history re0ord any 0ase in +hi0h the ma;ority +as rightL !># 4e0re0y is the beginning of tyranny# !"# 3he greatest prod%0ti&e for0e is h%man se*fishness# !7# .e +ary of strong drin'# $t 0an ma'e yo% shoot at ta5 0o**e0tors -- and miss# !?# @5pertise in one fie*d does not 0arry o&er into other fie*ds# .%t e5perts often thin' so# 3he narro+er their fie*d of 'no+*edge the more *i'e*y they are to thin' so# !9# 7e&er try to o%tst%bborn a 0at# =0# 3i*ting at +indmi**s h%rts yo% more than the +indmi**s# =1# 6ie*d to temptation1 it may not pass yo%r +ay again# =2# -a'ing a person %nne0essari*y sho%*d not be 0onsidered a 0apita* 0rime# Eor a first offense( that is# =!# 3he 0orre0t +ay to p%n0t%ate a senten0e that starts G2f 0o%rse it)s none of my b%siness( b%t### G is to p*a0e a period after the +ord Gb%tG# 9on)t %se e50essi&e for0e in s%pp*ying s%0h a moron +ith a period# C%tting his throat is on*y a momentary p*eas%re and is bo%nd to get yo% ta*'ed abo%t# ==# A s'%n' is better 0ompany than a person +ho prides himse*f on being Gfran'G# =># 7at%ra* *a+s ha&e no pity# ="# 6o% 0an go +rong by being too s'epti0a* as readi*y as by being too tr%sting# =7# Anything free is +orth +hat yo% pay for it# =?# C*imate is +hat +e e5pe0t1 +eather is +hat +e get# =9# /essimist by po*i0y( optimist by temperament -- it is possib*e to be both# <o+L .y ne&er ta'ing an %nne0essary 0han0e and by minimizing ris's yo% 0an)t a&oid# 3his permits yo% to p*ay o%t the game happi*y( %ntro%b*ed by the 0ertainty of the o%t0ome# >0# G$ 0ame( $ sa+( 4<@ 0on,%ered#G B3he origina* Latin seems to ha&e been garb*ed#C >1# A 0ommittee is a *ife form +ith si5 or more *egs and no brain#
>2# 9on)t try to ha&e the *ast +ord# 6o% might get it# *'+law of Lon 0Ran e Plannin 3he *onger ahead yo% p*an a spe0ia* e&ent( and the more spe0ia* it is( the more *i'e*y it is to go +rong# Lord 'al%land's Rule -hen it is not ne0essary to ma'e a de0ision( it is ne0essary not to ma'e a de0ision# Los An eles )od ers Law -ait ti** *ast year# Law of the Lost !nch $n designing any type of 0onstr%0tion( no o&era** dimension 0an be tota**ed 0orre0t*y after = =0 p#m# on Eriday# Corollaries6 1# Fnder the same 0onditions( if any minor dimensions are gi&en to si5teenths of an in0h( they 0annot be tota**ed at a**# 2# 3he 0orre0t tota* +i** be0ome se*f-e&ident at 9 01 a#m# on 8onday# Louie's <!'< Rules 1# $f it ain)t no big dea*( don)t +orry abo%t it# 2# $f yo% 0an)t do anything abo%t it( don)t +orry abo%t it# !# $f it)s someone e*se)s prob*em( don)t +orry abo%t it# =# $f it)s easi*y fi5ed( it don)t matter +hose fa%*t it +as# ># $f it)s done it)s done( if it 0an)t be %ndone--don)t +orry abo%t it# "# $f there)s no damage( don)t ma'e a pro;e0t o%t of it# Law of Love A dande*ion from a *o&er means more than an or0hid from a friend# Low's 'irst Law of "ana ement 4ome peop*e manage by the boo' e&en tho%gh they don)t 'no+ +ho +rote the boo' or e&en +hat boo'# Lowry's Additional Lie $)&e ne&er done this before#
Lowrey's Law $f it ;ams -- for0e it# $f it brea's( it needed rep*a0ing any+ay# Lowrey's Law of 3(pertis :%st +hen yo% get rea**y good at something( yo% don)t need to do it any more# Lowrey's Law of 3(pertise :%st +hen yo% get rea**y good at something( yo% don)t need to do it any more# Lubars%y's Law of Cybernetic 3ntomolo y 3here)s a*+ays one more b%g# Lubin's Law $f another s0ientist tho%ght yo%r resear0h +as more important than his( he +o%*d drop +hat he is doing and do +hat yo% are doing# Luce's Law 7o good deed goes %np%nished# Lucy >an Pelt's Observation 3here m%st be one day abo&e a** others in ea0h *ife that is the happiest# Corollary - -hat if yo%)&e a*ready had itL Lucy's Laws 1# 3he a*ternati&e to getting o*d is depressing# 2# 7o good deed goes %np%nished# Luten's Laws 1# -hen proper*y administered( &a0ations do not diminish prod%0ti&ity for e&ery +ee' yo%)re a+ay and get nothing done( there)s another +ee' +hen yo%r boss is a+ay and yo% get t+i0e as m%0h done# 2# $t)s not so hard to *ift yo%rse*f by yo%r bootstraps on0e yo%)re off the gro%nd# Lyall's Con:ecture $f a 0omp%ter 0ab*e has one end( then it has another# Lyall's 'undamental Observation 3he most important *eg of a three *egged stoo* is the one that)s missing#
Lydia's A(iom 7othing is as temporary as that +hi0h is 0a**ed permanent# Corollary - 7othing is as permanent as that +hi0h is 0a**ed temporary# Lynch's Law -hen the going gets to%gh( e&erybody *ea&es# Lyndons principal 3he *ight at the end of the t%nne* is the head*amp of an on0oming train# Lyon's Law of 4esitation <e +ho hesitates is *ast#
"
"ac)onald's Second Law Cons%*tants are mysti0a* peop*e +ho as' a 0ompany for a n%mber and gi&e it ba0' to them# "acpherson's .heory of 3ntropy $t re,%ires *ess energy to ta'e an ob;e0t o%t of it)s proper p*a0e than to p%t it ba0'# "adison's 2uestion $f yo% ha&e to tra&e* on a 3itani0( +hy not go first-0*assL "ae -est's Observation 3o err is h%man( b%t it fee*s terrifi0# "ahr's Law of Restrained !nvolvement 9on)t get any on yo%# "aier's Law $f the fa0ts do not 0onform to the theory( they m%st be disposed of# Corollaries6 1# 3he bigger the theory( the better#
2# 3he e5periment may be 0onsidered a s%00ess if no more than >0I of the obser&ed meas%rements m%st be dis0arded to obtain a 0orresponden0e +ith the theory# BCompensation Coro**aryC "ain's Law Eor e&ery a0tion there is an e,%a* and opposite go&ernment program# "ale%'s Law Any simp*e idea +i** be +orded in the most 0omp*i0ated +ay# "alinows%i's Law Loo'ing from far abo&e( from o%r high p*a0es of safety in the de&e*oped 0i&i*ization( it is easy to see a** the 0r%dity and irre*e&an0e of magi0# "alloy's "a(im 3he fa0t that mon'eys ha&e hands sho%*d gi&e %s pa%se# "ana ement .ruths 1# 3hin' before yo% a0t1 it)s not yo%r money# 2# A** good management is the e5pression of one great idea# !# 7o e5e0%ti&e de&otes effort to pro&ing himse*f +rong# =# Cash in m%st e50eed 0ash o%t# ># 8anagement 0apabi*ity is a*+ays *ess than the organization a0t%a**y needs# "# @ither an e5e0%ti&e 0an do his ;ob or he 0an)t# 7# $f sophisti0ated 0a*0%*ations are needed to ;%stify an a0tion( don)t do it# ?# $f yo% are doing something +rong( yo% +i** do it bad*y# 9# $f yo% are attempting the impossib*e( yo% +i** fai*# 10# 3he easiest +ay of ma'ing money is to stop *osing it# 11# 2rganizations a*+ays ha&e too many managers# "anley's "a(im Logi0 is a systemati0 method of 0oming to the +rong 0on0*%sion +ith 0onfiden0e# "ar aret "ead's Law of 4uman "i ration At *east fifty per0ent of the h%man ra0e doesn)t +ant their mother-in-*a+ +ithin +a*'ing distan0e#
"ar% "iller's 3(ception to Crane's Law 3here are no Gfree *%n0hesG( b%t sometimes it 0osts more to 0o**e0t money than to gi&e a+ay food# "ar%'s mar% Lo&e is a matter of 0hemistry1 se5 is a matter of physi0s# "ar%'s Observation Lo&e is a matter of 0hemistry1 se5 is a matter of physi0s# "arshall's ;enerali,ed !ceber .heorem 4e&en eighths of e&erything 0an)t be seen# "arshall's =niversal Laws of Perpetual Perceptual Obfuscation 1# 7obody per0ei&es anything +ith tota* a00%ra0y# 2# 7o t+o peop*e per0ei&e the same thing identi0a**y# !# Ee+ per0ei&e +hat differen0e it ma'es -- or 0are# "artha's "a(im $f God had meant for %s to tra&e* to%rist 0*ass( <e +o%*d ha&e made %s narro+er# "artin's 3(clusion Committee reports dea*ing +ith +ages( sa*aries( fringe benefits( fa0i*ities( 0omp%ters( emp*oyee par'ing( *ibraries( 0offee brea's( se0retaria* s%pport( et0#( a*+ays 0a** for dramati0 e5pendit%re in0reases# "artin's Law of Committees A** 0ommittee reports 0on0*%de that Git is not pr%dent to 0hange the po*i0y Bor pro0ed%re( or organization( or +hate&erC at this time#G "artin's 3(clusion6 Committee reports dea*ing +ith +ages( sa*aries( fringe benefits( fa0i*ities( 0omp%ters( emp*oyee par'ing( *ibraries( 0offee brea's( se0retaria* s%pport( et0#( a*+ays 0a** for dramati0 e5pendit%re in0reases# "artin's Law of Communication 3he ine&itab*e res%*t of impro&ed and en*arged 0omm%ni0ation bet+een different *e&e*s in a hierar0hy is a &ast*y in0reased area of mis%nderstanding# "artin's Laws of Academia 1# 3he fa0%*ty e5pands its a0ti&ity to fit +hate&er spa0e is a&ai*ab*e( so that more spa0e is a*+ays re,%ired#
2# Ea0%*ty p%r0hases of e,%ipment and s%pp*ies a*+ays in0rease to mat0h the f%nds a&ai*ab*e( so these f%nds are ne&er ade,%ate# !# 3he professiona* ,%a*ity of the fa0%*ty tends to be in&erse*y proportiona* to the importan0e it atta0hes to spa0e and e,%ipment# "artin's "inima( "a(im @&eryone 'no+s that the name of the game is to *et the other g%y ha&e a** of the *itt*e tats and to 'eep a** of the big tits for yo%rse*f# "artin's Principle of )esi n !nertia Any 0hange *oo's terrib*e at first# "artin0Berthelot Principle 2f a** possib*e 0ommittee rea0tions to any gi&en agenda item( the rea0tion that +i** o00%r is the one +hi0h +i** *iberate the greatest amo%nt of hot air# "ason's 'irst Law of Syner ism 3he one day yo%)d se** yo%r so%* forsomething( so%*s are a g*%t# "ason's Law of ;astro !ntestinal )isorders $f yo%r stoma0h on*y o00asiona**y gro+*s it +i** happen on the first date +ith a bea%tif%* +oman yo% ha&e been trying to get to go o%t +ith yo% for fi&e months# "atsch's Law $t is better to ha&e a horrib*e ending than to ha&e horrors +itho%t end# "atsch's "a(im A foo* in a high station is *i'e a man on the top of a sma** mo%ntain e&erything appears sma** to him and he appears sma** to e&erybody# "at,'s -arnin .e+are of the physi0ian +ho is great at getting o%t of tro%b*e# "au ham's .hou ht 2n*y a medio0re person is a*+ays at his best# 'irst "a(im of Computers 3o err is h%man( b%t to rea**y s0re+ things %p re,%ires a 0omp%ter# "ay's Law
3he ,%a*ity of the 0orre*ation is in&erse*y proportiona* to the density of the 0ontro* Bthe fe+er the fa0ts( the smoother the 0%r&esC# "ay's "ordant "a(im A %ni&ersity is a p*a0e +here men of prin0ip*e o%tn%mber men of honor# "ayta 's Rule -ashing ma0hines on*y brea' do+n d%ring the +ash 0y0*e +hen they are f%** of +ater# "cCarthy's Law .eing in po*iti0s is *i'e being a footba** 0oa0h# 6o% ha&e to be smart eno%gh to %nderstand the game and d%mb eno%gh to thin' it)s important# "cClau hry's Law of Public Policy /o*iti0ians +ho &ote h%ge e5pendit%res to a**e&iate prob*ems get re-e*e0ted1 those +ho propose str%0t%ra* 0hanges to pre&ent prob*ems get ear*y retirement# "cClau hry's Law of Eonin -here zoning is not needed( it +i** +or' perfe0t*y1 +here it is desperate*y needed( it a*+ays brea's do+n# "c)onald's Second Law Cons%*tants are mysti0a* peop*e +ho as' a 0ompany for a n%mber and gi&e it ba0' to them# "c;oon's Law 3he probabi*ity of +inning is in&erse*y proportiona* to the amo%nt of the +ager# "c;overn's Law 3he *onger the tit*e( the *ess important the ;ob# "c;re or's Revised "a(im 3he shortest distan0e bet+een t+o points is %nder 0onstr%0tion# "c;ur%'s Law Any improbab*e e&ent +hi0h +o%*d 0reate ma5im%m 0onf%sion if it did o00%r( +i** o00%r# "c!llvenna's .heory of -ron ness 1# $f anything 0an go +rong( it +i**#
2# $f anything ;%st 0annot go +rong( it +i** any+ay# !# $f anything simp*y 0annot go +rong( it +i** any+ay# =# $f there is a +orse time for something to go +rong( it +i** happen then# ># $f e&erything is 0oming yo%r +ay( yo%)re in the +rong *ane# "# $f e&erything seems to be going +e**( yo% ha&e ob&io%s*y o&er*oo'ed something# 7# $f e&erything seems to be going +e**( yo% ob&io%s*y don)t 'no+ +hat)s going on# ?# $f there is a possibi*ity of se&era* things going +rong( the one that +i** 0a%se the most damage +i** be the one to go +rong# "cBenna's Law -hen yo% are right( be *ogi0a*# -hen yo% are +rong( be-f%dd*e# "cLau hlin's Law 3he *ength of any meeting is in&erse*y proportiona* to the *ength of the agenda for that meeting# "cLean's "a(im 3here are on*y t+o prob*ems +ith peop*e# 2ne is that they don)t thin'# 3he other is that they do# "cNau hton's Rule Any arg%ment +orth ma'ing +ithin the b%rea%0ra0y m%st be 0apab*e of being e5pressed in a simp*e de0*arati&e senten0e that is ob&io%s*y tr%e on0e stated# "elcher's Law $n a b%rea%0ra0y( e&ery ro%ting s*ip +i** e5pand %nti* it 0ontains the ma5im%m n%mber of names that 0an be typed in a sing*e &erti0a* 0o*%mn# "enc%en's Law 3hose +ho 0an- do# 3hose +ho 0annot- tea0h# 3hose +ho 0annot tea0h- administrate# "enc%en's "etalaw Eor e&ery h%man prob*em( there is a neat( simp*e so*%tion1 and it is a*+ays +rong# Law of mental health $f yo%)re fee*ing good( don)t +orry( yo%)** get o&er it# "er%in's "a(im
-hen in do%bt( predi0t that the present trend +i** 0ontin%e# "errill's Corollaries 1# 3here are no +inners in *ife1 on*y s%r&i&ors# 2# $n the high+ay of *ife( the a&erage happening is of abo%t as m%0h tr%e signifi0an0e as a dead s'%n' in the midd*e of the road# "errill's Laws of Scholarship 1# 7e&er *et yo%r ma;or professor 'no+ that yo% e5ist# 2# 3he fina* e5am +i** be based entire*y on the one *e0t%re yo% missed abo%t the boo' yo% didn)t read# !# 3he more st%dying yo% did for the e5am( the *ess s%re yo% are as to +hi0h ans+er they +ant# =# -hen yo% are o00asiona**y ab*e to s0hed%*e t+o 0*asses in a ro+( they +i** be he*d in 0*assrooms at opposite ends of the 0amp%s# "es%imen's Laws 1# -hen they +ant it bad Bin a r%shC( they get it bad# 2# 3here)s ne&er time to do it right( b%t a*+ays time to do it o&er# "esta's Law of Parties 3hose +ho *i&e 0*osest arri&e *ast# "eteorolo ical Law As soon as the ste+ardess ser&es 0offee( the air*iner en0o%nters t%rb%*en0e# Scientific 3(planation 4er&ing 0offee on an air*iner 0a%ses t%rb%*en0e# "eyer's Law $n a so0ia* sit%ation( that +hi0h is most diffi0%*t to do is %s%a**y the right thing to do# "ichehl's .heorem Less is more# Pastore's Comment on "ichehl's .heorem 7othing is %*timate# "ic%elson's Law of 'allin Ob:ects
Any ob;e0t that is a00identa**y dropped +i** hide %nder a *arger ob;e0t# "i%sch's Law $f a string has one end( then it has another end# "iller's Christmas Card Rule After yo%)&e mai*ed yo%r *ast 0ard( yo% +i** re0ei&e a 0ard from someone yo%)&e o&er*oo'ed# "iller's Law *"artin's 3(tension+ 6o% 0an)t te** ho+ deep a p%dd*e is %nti* yo% step into it# "ills's Law of .ransportation Lo istics 3he distan0e to the gate from +hi0h yo%r f*ight departs is in&erse*y proportiona* to the time remaining before the s0hed%*ed depart%re of the f*ight# Corollaries *-oods+6 1# 3his remains tr%e e&en as yo% r%sh to 0at0h the f*ight# 2# Erom this it fo**o+s that yo% are in&ariab*y r%shing the +rong +ay# "iscellaneous Pessimistic "usin s 1# 3he 0han0e of a pie0e of bread fa**ing do+n +ith the b%ttered side do+n is dire0t*y proportiona* to the 0ost of the 0arpet# 2# Eriends 0ome and go( b%t enemies a00%m%*ate# !# 7o matter ho+ *ong or hard yo% shop for an item( after yo%)&e bo%ght it( it +i** be on sa*e some+here e*se 0heaper# =# 7at%re a*+ays sides +ith the hidden f*a+# ># -hate&er p*an one ma'es( there is a hidden diffi0%*ty some+here# "# $f yo% do not %nderstand a parti0%*ar +ord in a pie0e of te0hni0a* +riting( ignore it# 3he pie0e +i** ma'e perfe0t sense +itho%t it# 7# e+are the day in +hi0h yo% don)t ha&e something to bit0h abo%t# ?# $f it *oo's easy it)s to%gh# $f it *oo's to%gh it)s damn +e** impossib*e# 9# Comp*e5 prob*ems ha&e simp*e( easy-to-%nderstand( +rong ans+ers# 10# $f e&erything is 0oming yo%r +ay( yo%)re in the +rong *ane# 11# 3here is nothing so sma** that it 0an)t be b*o+n o%t of proportion#
12# $f yo%)re fee*ing good( don)t +orry# 6o%)** get o&er it# 1!# $f peop*e *istened to themse*&es more often( they +o%*d ta*' *ess# "!.S Law *"an !n .he Street+ 3he n%mber of peop*e +at0hing yo% is dire0t*y proportiona* to the st%pidity of yo%r a0tion# "obil's "a(im .ad reg%*ation begets +orse reg%*ation# "oer's .ruism 3he tro%b*e +ith most ;obs is the resemb*an0e to being in a s*ed dog team 7o one gets a 0hange of s0enery( e50ept the *ead dog# "oney "a(im 8oney isn)t e&erything# B$t isn)t p*entif%*( for instan0e#C "onta u's "a(im 3he idea is to die yo%ng as *ate as possib*e# "ont omery's "a(im $f at first yo% don)t s%00eed read the man%a*# "ore of "urphy's Laws <ere is no *imit to ho+ bad things 0an get# 3here is no ;ob so simp*e that it 0annot be done +rong# "orley's Conclusion 7o man is *one*y +hi*e eating spaghetti# "orley's Conclusion 7o man is *one*y +hi*e eating spaghetti# "orner's Rule of .humb @5perien0e &aries dire0t*y +ith e,%ipment r%ined# "orton's Law $f rats are e5perimented %pon( they +i** de&e*op 0an0er# BG-hat this 0o%ntry needs are some stronger +hite rats#GC "osher's Law
$t)s better to retire too soon than too *ate# "other Si afoos's Observation A man sho%*d be greater than some of his parts# "other's Laws 1# 6o% 0an)t fa** off the f*oor# Bit ta'es 0hi*dren three years to *earn this *a+#C 2# A 0hi*d +i** not spi** on a dirty f*oor# !# Any 0hi*d +ho 0hatters non-stop at home +i** adamant*y ref%se to %tter a +ord +hen re,%ested to demonstrate for an a%dien0e# =# An %nbrea'ab*e toy is %sef%* for brea'ing other toys# "otor >ehicle Postulate @ighty per0ent of a** peop*e 0onsider themse*&es to be abo&e-a&erage dri&ers# "otorist's A(ioms 1# 3he dri&er in front of yo% +ants to go fi&e mi*es per ho%r s*o+er than yo%# 2# -hen yo%)re not in a h%rry( the traffi0 *ight +i** t%rn green as soon as yo%r &ehi0*e 0omes to a 0omp*ete stop# !# 6o% ne&er rea**y *earn to s+ear %nti* yo% *earn to dri&e# =# 6o%r o+n 0ar %ses more gas and oi* than anyone e*se)s# ># Eo%r +hee* dri&e ;%st means getting st%0' in more ina00essib*e p*a0es# "# A short 0%t is the *ongest distan0e bet+een t+o points# "r1 Cole's A(iom 3he s%m of the inte**igen0e on the p*anet is a 0onstant1 the pop%*ation is gro+ing# "r1 Cooper's Law $f yo% do not %nderstand a parti0%*ar +ord in a pie0e of te0hni0a* +riting( ignore it# 3he pie0e +i** ma'e perfe0t sense +itho%t it# "rs1 Par%inson's Law <eat prod%0ed by press%re e5pands to fi** the mind a&ai*ab*e( from +hi0h it 0an pass on*y to a 0oo*er mind# "uir's Law
-hen +e try to pi0' o%t anything by itse*f( +e find it hit0hedto e&erything e*se in the %ni&erse# "unnec%e's Law $f yo% don)t say it( they 0an)t repeat it# "unroes Observation Common sense is not that 0ommon# "urchison's Law of "oney 8oney is *i'e man%re# $f yo% spread it aro%nd( it does a *ot of good# .%t if yo% pi*e it %p in one p*a0e( it stin's *i'e he**# .he "urphy Philosophy 4mi*e( tomorro+ +i** be +orse# "urphy's Constant 8atter +i** be damaged in dire0t proportion to its &a*%e# "urphy's Corollaries 1# 8%rphy)s La+ may be de*ayed or s%spended for an indefinite period of time( pro&ided that s%0h de*ay or s%spension +i** res%*t in a greater 0atastrophe at a *ater date# 2# 3he magnit%de of the 0atastrophe is dire0t*y proportiona* to the n%mber of peop*e +at0hing# !# 3he magnit%de of the 0atastrophe is e5ponentia**y proportiona* to the importan0e of the o00asion# =# $f an o%t0ome has a >0I 0han0e of o00%rring( its a0t%a* probabi*ity of happening is in&erse*y proportiona* to the desirabi*ity of the o%t0ome# ># $f t+o 0oro**aries of 8%rphy)s La+ 0ontradi0t ea0h other( the one +ith greater potentia* for damage ta'es pre0eden0e# "urphy's 'au( Pas 1# 3he intensity of an it0h is proportiona* to the forma*ity of the o00asion# 2# Light 0*othing attra0ts dar'-0o*ored food spi**s1 9ar' 0*othing attra0ts *ight0o*ored food spi**s# !# 3he probabi*ity that yo% forget somebody)s name is dire0t*y proportiona* to the degree to +hi0h they +o%*d fee* ins%*ted#
=# 2ther peop*e +i** not noti0e yo%r s%bt*e hints( no matter ho+ hard yo% try# ># 6o% +i** not noti0e other peop*e)s s%bt*e hints( no matter ho+ hard they try# Law of "urphy's Law 8%rphy)s *a+ +as not propo%nded by 8%rphy( b%t by another man +ith the same name# "urphy's Law of Copiers 3he *egibi*ity of a 0opy is in&erse*y proportiona* to its importan0e# "urphy's Law of Research @no%gh resear0h +i** tend to s%pport yo%r theory# "urphy's Law of the Open Road -hen there is a &ery *ong road %pon +hi0h there is a one-+ay bridge p*a0ed at random( and there are on*y t+o 0ars on that road( it fo**o+s that B1C the t+o 0ars are going in opposite dire0tions( and B2C they +i** a*+ays meet at the bridge# "urphy's Law of .hermodynamics 3hings get +orse %nder press%re# "urphy's Restatement @&erything goes +rong a** at on0e# "urray's Consumer A(ioms 1# 7e&er as' a barber if yo% need a hair0%t# 2# 7e&er as' a sa*esman if his is a good pri0e# !# A*+ays hire a ri0h attorney# =# 7e&er b%y from a ri0h sa*esman# Law of "useums 3he most interesting spe0imen +i** not be *abe*ed# .he 'irst "yth of "ana ement $t e5ists#
N
.he N08 Law $f yo% need fo%r s0re+s for the ;ob( the first three are easy to find# Nader's Law 3he speed of e5it of a 0i&i* ser&ant is dire0t*y proportiona* to the ,%a*ity of his ser&i0e# NASA S%ylab Rule 9on)t do it if yo% 0an)t 'eep it %p# NASA .ruisms 1# Aesear0h is reading t+o boo's that ha&e ne&er been read in order to +rite a third that +i** ne&er be read# 2# A 0ons%*tant is an ordinary person a *ong +ay from home# !# 4tatisti0s are a high*y *ogi0a* and pre0ise method for saying a ha*f-tr%th ina00%rate*y# Law of Nations $n an %nderde&e*oped 0o%ntry( don)t drin' the +ater1 in a de&e*oped 0o%ntry( don)t breathe the air# Navy Law $f yo% 0an 'eep yo%r head +hen a** abo%t yo% others are *osing theirs( maybe yo% ;%st don)t %nderstand the sit%ation# NBC's Addendum to "urphy's Law 6o% ne&er r%n o%t of things that 0an go +rong# Nef's Law 3here is a so*%tion to e&ery prob*em1 the on*y diffi0%*ty is finding it# Nessen's Law 4e0ret so%r0es are more 0redib*e# Law of new civically bac%ed football stadiums $f they b%i*d it( yo% +i** pay# Law of New 'an led ;ad etry
3he most e5pensi&e 0omponent is the one that brea's# .he New "ath >ersion of "urphy's Law $f there is a >0/>0 0han0e of something going +rong( nine times o%t of ten it +i**# New .heory of Relativity <o+ *ong a min%te is depends on +hi0h side of the bathroom door yo% are on# Newman's Law <ypo0risy is the Dase*ine of so0ia* inter0o%rse# Newton's Little0%nown Seventh Law A bird in the hand is safer than one o&erhead# Nic% the ;ree%'s Law A** things 0onsidered( *ife is 9-to-> against# Nienber 's Law /rogress is made on a*ternate Eridays# Nies's Law 3he effort e5pended by the b%rea%0ra0y in defending any error is in dire0t proportion to the size of the error# Ninety0ninety Rule of Pro:ect Schedules 3he first ninety per0ent of the tas' ta'es ninety per0ent of the time( and the *ast ten per0ent ta'es the other ninety per0ent# Ni(on's Rule $f t+o +rongs don)t ma'e a right( try three# No1 C Pencil Principle 8a'e it s%ffi0ient*y diffi0%*t for peop*e to do something( and most peop*e +i** stop doing it# Corollary - $f no one %ses something( it isn)t needed# Nobel 3ffect 3here is no proposition( no matter ho+ foo*ish( for +hi0h a dozen 7obe* signat%res 0annot be 0o**e0ted# E%rthermore( any s%0h petition is g%aranteed page-one treatment in the 7e+ 6or' 3imes#
Nobel Principle 2n*y someone +ho %nderstands something abso*%te*y 0an e5p*ain it so no one e*se 0an %nderstand it# Noble's Law of Political !ma ery A** other things being e,%a*( a ba*d man 0annot be e*e0ted /resident of the Fnited 4tates# Corollary - Gi&en a 0hoi0e bet+een t+o ba*d po*iti0a* 0andidates( the Ameri0an peop*e +i** &ote for the *ess ba*d of the t+o# Nonreciprocal Laws of 3(pectations 1# 7egati&e e5pe0tations yie*d negati&e res%*ts# 2# /ositi&e e5pe0tations yie*d negati&e res%*ts# North Carolina 3/uine Parado( DyarzerzomanimororsezassezanzerareorsesL Nowlan's .ruism An )a00eptab*e *e&e* of %nemp*oyment) means that the go&ernment e0onomist to +hom it is a00eptab*e sti** has a ;ob# Nursin "other Principle 9o not n%rse a 'id +ho +ears bra0es# Ny/uist's .heory of 3/uilibrium @,%a*ity is not +hen a fema*e @instein gets promoted to assistant professor1 e,%a*ity is +hen a fema*e s0h*emie* mo&es ahead as fast as a ma*e s0h*emie*#
O
O'Brian's Law $f yo% 0hange *ines( the one yo% ;%st *eft +i** start to mo&e faster than the one yo% are no+ in# O'Brien's 'irst Law of Politics 3he more 0ampaigning( the better# O'Brien's Principle *.he FCGH1HC .heorem+ A%ditors a*+ays re;e0t any e5pense a00o%nt +ith a bottom *ine di&isib*e by > or 10#
O'Brien's Rule 7othing is e&er done for the right reason# O'Reilly's Law of the Bitchen C*ean*iness is ne5t to impossib*e# O'.oole's Commentary on "urphy's Laws 8%rphy +as an optimist### 5ones' 3(tension to O'.oole's Commentary on "urphy's Laws 7ot ;%st an optimist- he +as a hope*ess romanti0# Oa%s's =nruly Laws for Lawma%ers 1# La+ e5pands in proportion to the reso%r0es a&ai*ab*e for its enfor0ement# 2# .ad *a+ is more *i'e*y to be s%pp*emented than repea*ed# !# 4o0ia* *egis*ation 0annot repea* physi0a* *a+s# Law of Observation 7othing *oo's as good 0*ose %p as it does from far a+ay# .he Obvious Law A0t%a**y( it on*y 4@@84 as tho%gh yo% m%stn)t be de0ei&ed by appearan0es# Occam's 3lectric Ra,or 3he most diffi0%*t *ight b%*b to rep*a0e b%rns o%t first and most fre,%ent*y# Occam's Ra,or @ntities o%ght not to be m%*tip*ied e50ept from ne0essity# Reformulations6 1# 3he e5p*anation re,%iring the fe+est ass%mptions is the most *i'e*y to be 0orre0t# 2# -hene&er t+o hypotheses 0o&er the fa0ts( %se the simp*er of the t+o# !# C%t the 0rap# Oesner's Law *Oeser's Law@+ 3here is a tenden0y for the person in the most po+erf%* position in an organization to spend a** his time ser&ing on 0ommittees and signing *etters#
Old and Bahn's Law 3he effi0ien0y of a 0ommittee meeting is in&erse*y proportiona* to the n%mber of parti0ipants and the time spent on de*iberations# Old Children's Law $f it tastes good( yo% 0an)t ha&e it# $f it tastes a+f%*( yo%)d better 0*ean yo%r p*ate# Old 3n ineer's Law 3he *arger the pro;e0t or ;ob( the *ess time there is to do it# Old Scottish Prayer 2 Lord( grant that +e may a*+ays be right( for 3ho% 'no+est +e +i** ne&er 0hange o%r minds# Oliver's Law of Location 7o matter +here yo% are( there yo% are# Olum's Observation *and see "artha's "a(im and 'arrow's 'indin + $f God had intended %s to go aro%nd na'ed( <e +o%*d ha&e made %s that +ay# Ophthalmolo ist's Principle A f*ying parti0*e +i** see' the nearest eye# Oppenheimer's Observation 3he optimist thin's this is the best of a** possib*e +or*ds( and the pessimist 'no+s it# Optimum Optimorum Principle 3here 0omes a time +hen one m%st stop s%ggesting and e&a*%ating ne+ so*%tions( and get on +ith the ;ob of ana*yzing and fina**y imp*ementing one pretty good so*%tion# Orderin Principle 3hose s%pp*ies ne0essary for yesterday)s e5periment m%st be ordered no *ater than tomorro+ noon# Law of Or ani,ation 9isorder e5pands proportionate*y to the to*eran0e for it# Or ani,ational Law 3he *ess +or' an organization prod%0es( the more fre,%ent*y it reorganizes# Orion's Law
@&erything brea's do+n# Orwell's Law of Brid e A** bridge hands are e,%a**y *i'e*y( b%t some are more e,%a**y *i'e*y than others# Osborn's Law Dariab*es +on)t1 0onstants aren)t# Otoole's A(iom 2ne 0hi*d is not eno%gh( b%t t+o are too many# Otten's Law of .estimony -hen a person says that( in the interest of sa&ing time( he +i** s%mmarize his prepared statement( he +i** ta*' on*y three times as *ong as if he had read the statement in the first p*a0e# Otten's Law of .ypesettin 3ypesetters a*+ays 0orre0t intentiona* errors( b%t fai* to 0orre0t %nintentiona* ones# O,ian Option $ 0an)t gi&e yo% brains( b%t $ 0an gi&e yo% a dip*oma#
P
Panic !nstruction -hen yo% don)t 'no+ +hat to do( +a*' fast and *oo' +orried# Paperboy's rule of -eather 7o matter ho+ 0*ear the s'ies are( a th%nderstorm +i** mo&e in > min%tes after the papers are de*i&ered# Parado( of Selective 3/uality A** thing being e,%a*( a** things are ne&er e,%a*# Parado(ical Law 9oing it the hard +ay is a*+ays easier# Pardo's Postulates 1# Anything good is either i**ega*( immora*( or fattening#
2# 3he three faithf%* things in *ife are money( a dog( and an o*d +oman# !# 9on)t 0are if yo%)re ri0h or not( as *ong as yo% *i&e 0omfortab*y and 0an ha&e e&erything yo% +ant# Pareto's Law *.he 9IJKI Law+ 20I of the 0%stomers a00o%nt for ?0I of the t%rno&er( 20I of the 0omponents a00o%nt for ?0I of the 0ost( and so forth# Par%er's Law of Political Statements 3he tr%th of a proposition has nothing to do +ith its 0redibi*ity( and &i0e &ersa# Par%er's Prophesies 1# $f anything is %sed to it)s f%** potentia*( it +i** brea'# 2# Anything *abe*ed Gne+G and/or Gimpro&edG isn)t# !# $f an item is ad&ertised as G%nder M>0#00(G yo% 0an bet it)s not M19#9># =# 3he one yo% +ant is ne&er the one on sa*e# ># $f yo% *i'e it( they don)t ha&e it in yo%r size# "# 6o% ne&er +ant the one yo% 0an afford# Par%er's Rule of Parliamentary Procedure A motion to ad;o%rn is a*+ays in order# Par%er's .hird Rule of .ech Support $f yo% 0an)t na&igate a one-*e&e*( fi&e-item phone tree( yo% didn)t need a 0omp%ter any+ay# Par%in's Law of !rritation Anything that happens eno%gh times to irritate yo% +i** happen at *east on0e more# Par%in Laws /ar'ing p*a0e 9efined A h%ge spa0e *arge eno%gh for si5 0ars on the other side of the street# A5ioms 1# As soon as yo% ha&e made yo%r F 3%rn to ta'e one of the p*a0es si5 0ars 0ome a*ong and ta'e a** of them a**#
2# $f yo% ha&e to par' si5 b*o0's a+ay and +a*' ba0' to the b%i*ding( yo% +i** find t+o ne+ par'ing spa0es right in front of the b%i*ding entran0e +hen yo% get there# !# $f on*y t+o 0ars are *eft in a h%ge par'ing *ot( one +i** be b*o0'ing the other# Par%inson's A(ioms 1# An offi0ia* +ants to m%*tip*y s%bordinates( not ri&a*s# 2# 2ffi0ia*s ma'e +or' for ea0h other# Par%inson's Law of 8III An enterprise emp*oying more than 1000 peop*e be0omes a se*f-perpet%ating empire( 0reating so m%0h interna* +or' that it no *onger needs any 0onta0t +ith the o%tside +or*d# Par%inson's Law of )elay 9e*ay is the dead*iest form of denia*# Par%inson's Law of "edical Research 4%00essf%* resear0h attra0ts the bigger grant +hi0h ma'es f%rther resear0h impossib*e# Par%inson's Law of the .elephone 3he effe0ti&eness of a te*ephone 0on&ersation is in in&erse proportion to the time spent on it# Par%inson's Laws 1# -or' e5pands to fi** the time a&ai*ab*e for its 0omp*etion1 the thing to be done s+e**s in per0ei&ed importan0e and 0omp*e5ity in a dire0t ratio +ith the time to be spent in its 0omp*etion# 2# @5pendit%res rise to meet in0ome# !# @5pansion means 0omp*e5ity1 and 0omp*e5ity de0ay# =# 3he n%mber of peop*e in any +or'ing gro%p tends to in0rease regard*ess of the amo%nt of +or' to be done# ># $f there is a +ay to de*ay an important de0ision the good b%rea%0ra0y( p%b*i0 or pri&ate( +i** find it# "# 3he progress of s0ien0e &aries in&erse*y +ith the n%mber of ;o%rna*s p%b*ished# Par%inson's Principle of Non0Ori ination
$t is the essen0e of grantsmanship to pers%ade the Eo%ndation e5e0%ti&es that it +as 3<@6 +ho s%ggested the resear0h pro;e0t and that yo% +ere a be*ated 0on&ert( agreeing re*%0tant*y to a** they had proposed# Parson's Laws 1# $f yo% brea' a 0%p or p*ate( it +i** not be the one that +as a*ready 0hipped or 0ra0'ed# 2# A p*a0e yo% +ant to get to is a*+ays ;%st off the edge of the map yo% happen to ha&e handy# !# A meeting *asts at *east 1 1/2 ho%rs ho+e&er short the agenda# .he Party Law 3he more food yo% prepare( the *ess yo%r g%ests eat# Pastore's Comment on "ichehl's .heorem 7othing is %*timate# Pastore's .ruths 1# @&en paranoids ha&e enemies# 2# 8ost ;obs are margina**y better than daytime 3D# !# 2n a*0oho* fo%r is one more than more than eno%gh# Patric%'s .heorem $f the e5periment +or's( yo% m%st be %sing the +rong e,%ipment# Patton's Law A good p*an today is better than a perfe0t p*an tomorro+# Paturi Principle 4%00ess is the res%*t of beha&ior that 0omp*ete*y 0ontradi0ts the %s%a* e5pe0tations abo%t the beha&ior of a s%00essf%* person# Corollary - 3he amo%nt of s%00ess is in in&erse proportion to the effort in&o*&ed in attaining it# Paul Principle /eop*e be0ome progressi&e*y *ess 0ompetent for ;obs they on0e +ere +e** e,%ipped to hand*e# Paul's Law *of )rin%in +
6o% 0an)t fa** off the f*oor# Paul's Law of ;roup !nsurance 3he i**ness yo% 0ome do+n +ith is the one ai*ment not 0o&ered %nder yo%r ins%ran0e po*i0y# Paul 's Law $n Ameri0a( it)s not ho+ m%0h an item 0osts( it)s ho+ m%0h yo% sa&e# Pec%'s Pro rammin Postulates *Philosophic 3n ineerin applied to pro rammin + 1# $n any program( any error +hi0h 0an 0reep in +i** e&ent%a**y do so# 2# 7ot %nti* the program has been in prod%0tion for at *east si5 months +i** the most harmf%* error be dis0o&ered# !# Any 0onstants( *imits( or timing form%*as that appear in the 0omp%ter man%fa0t%rer)s *iterat%re sho%*d be treated as &ariab*es# =# 3he most &ita* parameter in any s%bro%tine stands the greatest 0han0e of being *eft o%t of the 0a**ing se,%en0e# ># $f on*y one 0ompi*er 0an be se0%red for a pie0e of hard+are( the 0ompi*ation times +i** be e5orbitant# "# $f a test insta**ation f%n0tions perfe0t*y( a** s%bse,%ent systems +i** ma*f%n0tion# 7# :ob 0ontro* 0ards that positi&e*y 0annot be arranged in improper order( +i** be# ?# $nter0hangeab*e tapes +on)t# 9# $f more than one person has programmed a ma*f%n0tioning ro%tine( no one is at fa%*t# 10# $f the inp%t editor has been designed to re;e0t a** bad inp%t( an ingenio%s idiot +i** dis0o&er a method to get bad data past it# 11# 9%p*i0ated ob;e0t de0's +hi0h test in identi0a* fashion +i** not gi&e identi0a* res%*ts at remote sites# 12# 8an%fa0t%rer)s hard+are and soft+are s%pport 0eases +ith payment for the 0omp%ter# Pec%ham's Law *Bec%hap's Law@+ .ea%ty times brains e,%a*s a 0onstant# Peer's Law 3he so*%tion to a prob*em 0hanges the prob*em#
Perelman's Point 3here is nothing *i'e a good painsta'ing s%r&ey f%** of de0ima* points and g%arded genera*izations to p%t a g*aze *i'e a 4%ng &ase on yo%r eyeba**# Per%in's Postulate 3he bigger they are( the harder they hit# Perlswei 's Law /eop*e +ho 0an *east afford to pay rent( pay rent# /eop*e +ho 0an most afford to pay rent( b%i*d %p e,%ity# Law of Permanence /o*iti0a* po+er is as permanent as today)s ne+spaper# 3en years from no+( fe+ +i** 'no+ or 0are +ho the most po+erf%* man in any state +as today# Persi 's Postulate 3he n%mber of rationa* hypotheses that 0an e5p*ain any gi&en phenomenon is infinite# .he Perverse Principles of .emperature Re ulation 1# 3he air 0onditioner in yo%r 0ar +i** brea' do+n on the hottest day of the year( the heater +i** be st%0' on G<ighG( and a** of the +indo+s +i** be seized sh%t# 2# 3he heater +i** brea' do+n on the 0o*dest day of the year( the air 0onditioner +i** be st%0' on G<ighG and the +indo+s +i** be seized open# Law of the Perversity of Nature 6o% 0annot s%00essf%**y determine beforehand +hi0h side of the bread to b%tter# Perversity of Nature Law 6o% 0annot s%00essf%**y determine beforehand +hi0h side of the bread to b%tter# Peter Principle $n e&ery hierar0hy( +hether it be go&ernment or b%siness( ea0h emp*oyee tends to rise to his *e&e* of in0ompeten0e1 e&ery post tends to be fi**ed by an emp*oyee in0ompetent to e5e0%te its d%ties# Corollaries6 1# $n0ompeten0e 'no+s no barriers of time or p*a0e# 2# -or' is a00omp*ished by those emp*oyees +ho ha&e not yet rea0hed their *e&e* of in0ompeten0e# !# $f at first yo% don)t s%00eed( try something e*se#
Peter's 4idden Postulate Accordin to ;odin @&ery emp*oyee begins at his *e&e* of 0ompeten0e# Peter's !nversion $nterna* 0onsisten0y is &a*%ed more high*y than effi0ien0y# Peter's Law of 3volution Competen0e a*+ays 0ontains the seed of in0ompeten0e# Peter's Law of Substitution Loo' after the mo*ehi**s and the mo%ntains +i** *oo' after themse*&es# Peter's Observation 4%per-0ompeten0e is more ob;e0tionab*e than in0ompeten0e# Peter's Parado( @mp*oyees in a hierar0hy do not rea**y ob;e0t to in0ompeten0e in their 0o**eag%es# Peter's Perfect People Palliative @a0h of %s is a mi5t%re of good ,%a*ities and some BperhapsC not-so-good ,%a*ities# $n 0onsidering o%r fe**o+ peop*e +e sho%*d remember their good ,%a*ities and rea*ize that their fa%*ts on*y pro&e that they are( after a**( h%man# -e sho%*d refrain from ma'ing harsh ;%dgments of peop*e ;%st be0a%se they happen to be dirty( rotten( nogood sons-of-bit0hes# Peter's Placebo An o%n0e of image is +orth a po%nd of performan0e# Peter's Pro nosis 4pend s%ffi0ient time in 0onfirming the need and the need +i** disappear# Peter's Rule for Creative !ncompetence Create the impression that yo% ha&e a*ready rea0hed yo%r *e&e* of in0ompeten0e# Peter's .heorem $n0ompeten0e p*%s in0ompeten0e e,%a*s in0ompeten0e# Peters principal 1# $n any hierar0hy( ea0h indi&id%a* rises to his o+n *e&e* of in0ompeten0e( and then remains there#
2# 3here is ne&er time to do it right b%t there is a*+ays time to do it o&er# !# /eop*e spe0ia*ize in their area of greatest +ea'ness# =# @&ery organization has an a**otted n%mber of positions to be fi**ed by in0ompetents# Peterson's Law <istory sho+s that money +i** m%*tip*y in &o*%me and di&ide in &a*%e o&er the *ong r%n# 2r( e5pressed different*y( the p%r0hasing po+er of 0%rren0y +i** &ary in&erse*y +ith the magnit%de of the p%b*i0 debt# Phases of a Pro:ect 1# @5%*tation# 2# 9isen0hantment# !# Conf%sion# =# 4ear0h for the G%i*ty# ># /%nishment of the $nno0ent# "# 9istin0tion for the Fnin&o*&ed# Phelps's Law of Retributive Statistics An %ne5pe0ted*y easy-to-hand*e se,%en0e of e&ents +i** be immediate*y fo**o+ed by an e,%a**y *ong se,%en0e of tro%b*e# Phelps's Laws of Renovation 1# Any reno&ation pro;e0t on an o*d ho%se +i** 0ost t+i0e as m%0h and ta'e three times as *ong as origina**y estimated# 2# Any p*%mbing pipes yo% 0hoose to rep*a0e d%ring reno&ation +i** pro&e to be in e50e**ent 0ondition1 those yo% de0ide to *ea&e in p*a0e +i** be rotten# Phillip's Principle of Observable Repairs 1# 3he n%mber of +itnesses a&ai*ab*e is in&erse*y proportiona* to the s'i** yo% demonstrate# 2# 3here +i** ne&er be anyone aro%nd to see yo% do something bri**iant !# -hen yo% rea**y s0re+ %p( yo% +i** get net+or' 0o&erage +ith a =0 share# =# 3he on*y thing yo% didn)t 0he0' for a ma*f%n0tion( +i** be the so%r0e of the prob*em( b%t yo% +on)t find it %nti* yo% are 0a**ed ba0'# Phone Booth Rule
A *one dime a*+ays gets the n%mber near*y right# .he .hird Law of Photo raphy $f yo% did manage to get any good shots( they +i** be r%ined +hen someone inad&ertent*y opens the dar'room door and a** of the dar' *ea's o%t# Second Law of Physics 6o% 0ant p%sh on a rope# Pierce's Law $n any 0omp%ter system( the ma0hine +i** a*+ays misinterpret( mis0onstr%0t( misprint( or not e&a*%ate any math or s%bro%tines or fai* to print any o%tp%t on at *east the first r%n thro%gh# Corollary to Pierce's Law -hen a 0ompi*er a00epts a program +itho%t error on the first r%n( the program +i** not yie*d the desired o%tp%t# Pierson's Law $f yo%)re 0oasting( yo%)re going do+nhi**# Pi%e Law of Punditry 3he s%00essf%* p%ndit is pro&ided more opport%nities to say things than he has things +orth saying# Pineapple Principle 3he best parts of anything are a*+ays impossib*e to remo&e from the +orst parts# Pitfall of ;enius 7o boss +i** 'eep an emp*oyee +ho is right a** the time# Plotnic%'s Law 3he time of depart%re +i** be de*ayed by the s,%are of the n%mber of peop*e in&o*&ed# .he Point of No Return Law 3he *ight at the end of the t%nne* 0o%*d t%rn o%t to be the head*ight of an on0oming train# Political A(ioms 1# -hen attempting to predi0t and fore0ast ma0ro-e0onomi0 mo&es or e0onomi0 *egis*ation by a po*iti0ian( ne&er be mis*ed by +hat he says1 instead +at0h +hat he does#
2# /o*iti0ians +i** a*+ays inf*ate +hen gi&en the opport%nity# Law of Political 3rosion 2n0e the erosion of po+er begins( it has a moment%m a** its o+n# Political Postulate Eormation of a party signa*s the disso*%tion of the mo&ement# Politicians' Rules 1# -hen the po**s are in yo%r fa&or( f*a%nt them# 2# -hen the po**s are o&er+he*ming*y %nfa&orab*e( either BaC ridi0%*e and dismiss them or BbC stress the &o*ati*ity of p%b*i0 opinion# !# -hen the po**s are s*ight*y %nfa&orab*e( p*ay for sympathy as a str%gg*ing %nderdog# =# -hen too 0*ose to 0a**( be s%rprised at yo%r o+n strength# .he Pollyanna Parado( @&ery day( in e&ery +ay( things get better and better1 then +orse again in the e&ening# Pope's Law of Retroactivity $t is easier to get forgi&eness than permission# Postal Postulate 3he anno%n0ement of the one e&ent yo% most +anted to attend +i** arri&e in the mai* the day after the it has ta'en p*a0e# 'irst Postulate of !somurphism 3hings e,%a* to nothing e*se are e,%a* to ea0h other# Potter's Law 3he amo%nt of f*a' re0ei&ed on any s%b;e0t is in&erse*y proportiona* to the s%b;e0t)s tr%e &a*%e# Poulsen's Law -hen anything is %sed to its f%** potentia*( it +i** brea'# Pournelle's Law of Costs and Schedules @&erything 0osts more and ta'es *onger# Powell's Law
7e&er te** them +hat yo% +o%*dn)t do# Pra matic Principal 7e0essity is the mother of strange bedfe**o+s# Law of Predictive Action 3he se0ond most po+erf%* phrase in the +or*d is G-at0h thisUG 3he most po+erf%* phrase is G2h yeahL -at0h thisUG Preudhomme's Law of -indow Cleanin $t)s on the other side# Price's Law of Politics $t)s easier to be a *ibera* a *ong +ay from home# Price's Law of Science 40ientists +ho dis*i'e the restraints of high*y organized resear0h *i'e to remar' that a tr%*y great resear0h +or'er needs on*y three pie0es of e,%ipment -- a pen0i*( a pie0e of paper( and a brain# .%t they ,%ote this ma5im more often at a0ademi0 ban,%ets than at b%dget hearings# .he Principle Concernin "ultifunctional )evices 3he fe+er f%n0tions any de&i0e is re,%ired to perform( the more perfe0t*y it 0an perform those f%n0tions# Principle of )isplaced 4assle 3o beat the b%rea%0ra0y( ma'e yo%r prob*em their prob*em# Principles of success 1# @&eryone has a s0heme for getting ri0h that +i** not +or'# 2# -hen in do%bt( m%mb*e# -hen in tro%b*e( de*egate# !# -hate&er yo% ha&e done is ne&er a 0omp*ete fai*%re# $t 0an a*+ays ser&e as a bad e5amp*e# =# -hen the going gets to%gh( e&eryone *ea&es# ># $n 0ase of do%bt( ma'e it so%nd 0on&in0ing# "# $t)s a simp*e tas' to ma'e things 0omp*e5( b%t a 0omp*e5 tas' to ma'e them simp*e# 7# $f yo% try to p*ease e&erybody( nobody +i** *i'e it#
Law of Probability Aandom e&ents tend to o00%r in gro%ps Law of Probable )ispersal -hate&er hits the fan +i** not be e&en*y distrib%ted# Ba*so 'no+n as the <o+ Come $t A** Landed 2n 8e La+C Law of problems 1# $f one &ie+s the prob*em 0*ose*y eno%gh( he +i** re0ognize himse*f as part of the prob*em# 2# -hene&er yo% set o%t to do something( something e*se m%st be done first# Corollary - @&ery so*%tion breeds ne+ prob*ems# Productivity 3/uation 3he prod%0ti&ity( /( of a gro%p of peop*e is / R 7 5 3 5 B#>> - #0000> 5 7 5 B7 - 1C C +here 7 is the n%mber of peop*e in the gro%p and 3 is the n%mber of ho%rs in a +or' period# Professional's Law 9o0tors( dentists( and *a+yers are on*y on time for appointments +hen yo%)re not# Professor Corey's Law 3he amo%nt of e5pertise &aries in in&erse proportion to the n%mber of statements %nderstood by the genera* p%b*i0# Professor ;ordon's Rule of 3volvin Bryophytic Systems -hi*e bryophyti0 p*ants are typi0a**y en0o%ntered in s%bstrata of earthy or minera* matter in 0on0reted state( dis0rete s%bstrata e*ements o00asiona**y disp*ay a ro%gh*y spheri0a* 0onfig%ration +hi0h( in presen0e of s%itab*e gra&itationa* and other effe0ts( *ends itse*f to 0ombined trans*atory and rotationa* motion# 2ne noti0es in s%0h 0ases an absen0e of the other+ise typi0a* a00retion of bryophyta# -e 0on0*%de therefore that a ro**ing stone gathers no moss# Rut er's Corollary - Genera**y the s%b;e0ti&e &a*%e assignab*e to a&ian *ifeforms( +hen en0o%ntered and 0onsidered +ithin the 0onfines of 0ertain orders of +oody p*ants *a0'ing tr%e meristemati0 dominan0e( as 0ompared to a possib*e &a*%ation of these same *ifeforms +hen in the grasp of -- and s%b;e0t to 0ontro* by -- the manip%*ati&e bone/m%s0*e/ner&e 0omp*e5 typi0a**y terminating the fore*imb of a member of the spe0ies homo sapiens Band possib*y dire0t pre0%rsors thereofC is appro5imate*y fi&e times ten to the min%s first po+er#
Profundo's Laws on Staffin 1# 3he n%mber of 0%stomers that &isit yo%r shop is in&erse*y proportiona* to the n%mber of emp*oyees yo% ha&e to +ait on them# 2# -hen yo%r entire staff is a&ai*ab*e no one +i** 0ome# !# -hen yo% are there a*one( e&eryone +i** 0ome and they +i** be impatient# 'irst Law of Pro:ect "ana ement E%zzy pro;e0t ob;e0ti&es are %sed to a&oid the embarraament of estimating the 0orresponding 0osts# Si(th Law of Pro:ect "ana ement 7o matter +hat stage of 0omp*etion one rea0hes( the 0ost of the remainder of the pro;e0t remains 0onstant# Pro:ect schedulin <??< rule 3he first 90 per0ent of the tas' ta'es 10 per0ent of the time# 3he *ast 10 per0ent ta'es the other 90 per0ent# Proverbial Law Eor e&ery pro&erb that so 0onfident*y asserts its *itt*e bit of +isdom( there is %s%a**y an e,%a* and opposite pro&erb that 0ontradi0ts it# Psychiatrist's At 4ome .est 2ne o%t of fo%r peop*e is menta**y i**# Che0' three friends1 $f they)re 2#P# it m%st be yo%# Public Relations Client .urnover Law 3he min%te yo% sign a 0*ient is the min%te yo% start to *ose him# 'irst Rule of Public Spea%in 7i0e g%ys finish fast# Law of Public .ransit $f yo% start +a*'ing( the first b%s +i** 0ome pre0ise*y +hen yo% are ha*f+ay bet+een stops# Public .ransit )efinitions 1# A b%s is a &ehi0*e in a b%s zone on the other side of the street going in the opposite dire0tion than +hi0h yo% +ish to go# 2# A b%s is a &ehi0*e +hi0h *eft the b%s zone one min%te ago#
Pudder's Laws 1# Anything that begins +e** ends bad*y# 2# Anything that begins bad*y ends +orse# .he Puncture Principle 7ai*s are se*e0ti&e*y attra0ted to the inside +hee* on a d%a* +hee*ed &ehi0*e# Puritan's Law @&i* is *i&e spe**ed ba0'+ards# Corollary - $f it fee*s good( don)t do it# Putney's Law $f the peop*e of a demo0ra0y are a**o+ed to do so( they +i** &ote a+ay the freedoms +hi0h are essentia* to that demo0ra0y# Putt's Law 3e0hno*ogy is dominated by t+o types of peop*e -- those +ho %nderstand +hat they do not manage( and those +ho manage +hat they do not %nderstand#
2
2's Law 7o matter +hat stage of 0omp*etion one rea0hes in a 7orth 4ea Boi*C fie*d( the 0ost of the remainder of the pro;e0t remains the same# .he 2ueue Principal 3he *onger yo% +ait in *ine( the greater the *i'e*ihood that yo% are in the +rong *ine# 2ui ley's Law of 4i hway )rivin -hen tra&e**ing do+n the free+ay( the first b%g to hit a 0*ean +indshie*d +i** a*+ays *and dire0t*y in front of the dri&er)s fa0e#
R
Rule of Radio Reception 6o%r +a*'man radio +on)t pi0' %p the station yo% +ant to hear most# Ra%ove's Laws of Politics
1# 3he amo%nt of effort p%t into a 0ampaign by a +or'er e5pands in proportion to the persona* benefits that he +i** deri&e from his party)s &i0tory# 2# 3he 0itizen is inf*%en0ed by prin0ip*e in dire0t proportion to his distan0e from the po*iti0a* sit%ation# Ralph's Observation $t is a mista'e to a**o+ any me0hani0a* ob;e0t to rea*ize that yo% are in a h%rry# Randolph's Cardinal Principle of Statecraft 7e&er need*ess*y dist%rb a thing at rest# Ran ne%ar's "odified Rules Concernin )ecisions 1# $f yo% m%st ma'e a de0ision( de*ay it# 2# $f yo% 0an a%thorize someone e*se to a&oid a de0ision( do so# !# $f yo% 0an form a 0ommittee( ha&e them a&oid the de0ision# =# $f yo% 0an other+ise a&oid a de0ision( a&oid it immediate*y# Rapoport's Rule of the Roller0S%ate Bey Certain items +hi0h are 0r%0ia* to a gi&en a0ti&ity +i** sho+ %p +ith %n0ommon reg%*arity %nti* the day +hen that a0ti&ity is p*anned( at +hi0h point the item in ,%estion +i** disappear from the fa0e of the earth# Ras%in's Eero Law 3he more zeros fo%nd in the pri0e tag for a go&ernment program( the *ess Congressiona* s0r%tiny it +i** re0ei&e# Law of Raspberry 5am 3he +ider any 0%*t%re is spread( the thinner it gets# Rather's Rule $n dea*ing +ith the press do yo%rse*f a fa&or# 4ti0' +ith one of three responses BaC $ 'no+ and $ 0an te** yo%( BbC $ 'no+ and $ 0an)t te** yo%( or B0C $ don)t 'no+# Rayburn's Rule $f yo% +ant to get a*ong( go a*ong# RB's 'ive0 .humbs Postulate @5perien0e &aries dire0t*y +ith the e,%ipment r%ined# Rule of Reason
$f nobody %ses it( there)s a reason# Law of Re ressive Achievement Last year)s +as a*+ays better# Relativity 'or Children 3ime mo&es s*o+er in a fast mo&ing &ehi0*e# Repairman's Laws 3he probabi*ity of arri&ing at the ;ob site +itho%t a needed too* or +ith the +rong hard+are are dire0t*y proportiona* +ith the s,%are of the tra&e* distan0e# Corollary - 6o% +i** a*+ays ha&e +hat yo% need +hen the ;ob is ne5t to yo%r shop# Law of Reruns $f yo% ha&e +at0hed a 3D series on*y on0e( and yo% +at0h it again( it +i** be a rer%n of the same episode# Law of Research @no%gh resear0h +i** tend to s%pport yo%r theory# Researchers Law 3he 0*osest *ibrary doesn)t ha&e the materia* yo% need# Law of Restaurant Acoustics $n a resta%rant +ith seats +hi0h are 0*ose to ea0h other( one +i** a*+ays find the de0ibe* *e&e* of the nearest 0on&ersation to be in&erse*y proportiona* to the ,%a*ity of the tho%ght going into it# Law of Restitution 3he time it ta'es to re0tify a sit%ation is in&erse*y proportiona* to the time it too' to do the damage# @5amp*e it ta'es *onger to g*%e a &ase together than to brea' one# Rev1 "ahaffy's Observation 3here)s no s%0h thing as a *arge +his'ey# Law of Revelation 3he hidden f*a+ ne&er remains hidden# *'yfe's+ 'irst Law of Revision $nformation ne0essitiating a 0hange of design +i** be 0on&eyed to the designer after and on*y after - the p*ans are 0omp*ete# B2ften 0a**ed the Now .hey .ell =s' LawC
Corollary $n simp*e 0ases( presenting one ob&io%s right +ay &ers%s one ob&io%s +rong +ay( it is often +iser to 0hoose the +rong +ay( so as to e5pedite s%bse,%ent re&ision# *'yfe's+ Second Law of Revision 3he more inno0%o%s the modifi0ation appears to be( the f%rther its inf*%en0e +i** e5tend and the more p*ans +i** ha&e to be redra+n# *'yfe's+ .hird Law of Revision $f( +hen 0omp*etion of a design is imminent( fie*d dimensions are fina**y s%pp*ied as they a0t%a**y are( instead of as they +ere meant to be( it is a*+ays simp*er to start o&er from s0rat0h# Corollary $t is %s%a**y impra0ti0a* to +orry beforehand abo%t interferen0es -- if yo% ha&e none( someone +i** ma'e one for yo%# *'yfe's+ 'ourth Law of Revision After painsta'ing and 0aref%* ana*ysis of a samp*e( yo% are a*+ays to*d that it is the +rong samp*e and doesn)t app*y to the prob*em# Revolutionary Law 3he s*oppier the rebe* %niform( the more *i'e*y the s%00essf%* o&erthro+ of the e5isting go&ernment# Richard's Complementary Rules of Ownership 1# $f yo% 'eep anything *ong eno%gh yo% 0an thro+ it a+ay# 2# $f yo% thro+ anything a+ay( yo% +i** need it as soon as it is no *onger a00essib*e# Richman's !nevitables of Parenthood 1# @no%gh is ne&er eno%gh# 2# 3he s%n a*+ays rises in the baby)s bedroom +indo+# !# .irthday parties a*+ays end in tears# =# -hene&er yo% de0ide to ta'e the 'ids home( it is a*+ays fi&e min%tes ear*ier that they brea' into fights( tears( or hysteria# Riddle's Constant 3here are 0oe5isting e*ements in fr%stration phenomena +hi0h separate e5pe0ted res%*ts from a0hie&ed res%*ts#
Riesman's Law An ine5orab*e %p+ard mo&ement *eads administrators to higher sa*aries and narro+er spans of 0ontro*# Ri 's 4ypothesis $n0ompeten0e tends to in0rease +ith the *e&e* of +or' performed# And( nat%ra**y( the indi&id%a*)s staff needs +i** in0rease as his *e&e* of in0ompeten0e in0reases# Law of Road Construction After *arge e5pendit%res of federa*( state( and 0o%nty f%nds1 after m%0h 0onf%sion generated by deto%rs and road b*o0's1 after great*y annoying the s%rro%nding pop%*ation +ith noise( d%st( and f%mes -- the pre&io%s*y e5isting traffi0 ;am is re*o0ated by one-ha*f mi*e# Robert Lee's .ruce :%dgement 0omes from e5perien0e# @5perien0e 0omes from poor ;%dgement# Robert's Law of Space Sharin 3he odds are " > that if one has *ate 0*asses( one)s roommate +i** ha&e the ear*iest possib*e 0*asses# Robertson's Law @&erything happens at the same time +ith nothing in bet+een# .he Roc%efeller Principle 7e&er do anything yo% +o%*dn)t be 0a%ght be dead doing# Rodovic's Rule $n any organization( the potentia* is m%0h greater for the s%bordinate to manage his s%perior than for the s%perior to manage his s%bordinate# Rodri ue,'s Observation A 0ons%*tant is someone +ho( +hen hired to find o%t +hat time it is( borro+s yo%r +at0h to find o%t# Corollary *"artin+ - $f yo% hire a 0ons%*tant to read yo%r o+n +at0h to yo%( yo% got yo%r money)s +orth# Rodri ue,'s Observations On Consultants 1# A 0ons%*tant is someone +ho( +hen hired to find o%t +hat time it is( borro+s yo%r +at0h to find o%t#
2# A 0ons%*tant is a foo* +ith a brief0ase more than t+o mi*es from home# !# Cons%*tants are mysti0a* peop*e +ho as' a 0ompany for a n%mber and se** it ba0' to them# Corollary - $f yo% hire a 0ons%*tant to read yo%r o+n +at0h to yo%( yo%)&e gotten yo%r money)s +orth# Roemer's Law 3he rate of hospita* admissions responds to bed a&ai*abi*ity# $f +e insist on insta**ing more beds( they +i** tend to get fi**ed# Ro er's Ratio 2ne-third of the peop*e in the Fnited 4tates promote( +hi*e the other t+o-thirds pro&ide# Rooster's 'irst Law on School Affairs 3he e5am +i** as' the on*y topi0 yo% didn)t st%dy# 'irst corollary - 3he .on%s Aes0%e ,%estion is harder than the reg%*ar ones# Rosenbaum's Rule 3he easiest +ay to find something *ost aro%nd the ho%se is to b%y a rep*a0ement# Rosenfield's Re ret 3he most de*i0ate 0omponent +i** be dropped# Rosenstoc%04uessy's Law of .echnolo y A** te0hno*ogy e5pands the spa0e( 0ontra0ts the time( and destroys the +or'ing gro%p# *Charles+ Ross's Law 7e&er 0hara0terize the importan0e of a statement in ad&an0e# *Al+ Ross's Law .are feet magnetize sharp meta* ob;e0ts so they a*+ays point %p+ard from the f*oor -espe0ia**y in the dar'# Rudin's Law $n a 0risis that for0es a 0hoi0e to be made among a*ternati&e 0o%rses of a0tion( most peop*e +i** 0hoose the +orse one possib*e# .he 'ifth Rule 6o% ha&e ta'en yo%rse*f too serio%s*y#
Rules of Pratt 1# $f a se&ere prob*em manifests itse*f( no so*%tion is a00eptab*e %n*ess it is in&o*&ed( e5pensi&e( and time 0ons%ming# 2# 4%ffi0ient moneys to do the ;ob 0orre0t*y the first time are not a&ai*ab*e( ho+e&er( amp*e f%nds are m%0h easier obtained for repeated re&isions# Rules re ardin 'ools 1# $t is impossib*e to ma'e anything foo*proof be0a%se foo*s are so ingenio%s# 2# 3he on*y differen0e bet+een the foo* and the 0rimina* +ho atta0's a system is that the foo* atta0's %npredi0tab*y and on a broader front# !# A pipe gi&es a +ise man time to thin' and a foo* something to sti0' in his mo%th# =# -hene&er a system be0omes 0omp*ete*y defined( some damn foo* dis0o&ers something +hi0h either abo*ishes the system or e5pands it beyond re0ognition# ># .%i*d a system that on*y a foo* 0an %se and on*y a foo* +i** %se it# "# $t is impossib*e to ma'e anything foo*proof be0a%se foo*s are so ingenio%s# 7# 7e&er arg%e +ith a foo*# /eop*e might not 'no+ the differen0e# ?# Any foo* 0an ma'e a r%*e( and e&ery foo* +i** mind it# 9# 3here are fo%r 'inds of peop*e those +ho sit ,%iet*y and do nothing( those +ho ta*' abo%t sitting ,%iet*y and doing nothing( those +ho do things( and those +ho ta*' abo%t doing things# 10# Eoo*s r%sh in +here foo*s ha&e been before# 11# 3he on*y differen0e bet+een the foo* and the 0rimina* +ho atta0's a system is that the foo* atta0's %npredi0tab*y and on a broader front# 12# A foo* in a high station is *i'e a man on the top of a sma** mo%ntain e&erything appears sma** to him and he appears sma** to e&erybody# Runamo%'s Law 3here are fo%r 'inds of peop*e those +ho sit ,%iet*y and do nothing( those +ho ta*' abo%t sitting ,%iet*y and doing nothing( those +ho do things( and those +ho ta*' abo%t doing things# Rune's Rule $f yo% don)t 0are +here yo% are( yo% ain)t *ost# Runyon's Law
3he ra0e is not a*+ays to the s+ift( nor the batt*e to the strong( b%t that)s the +ay to bet# 'irst Rule of Rural "echanics $f it +or's( don)t fi5 it# Ryan's Application of Par%inson's Law /ossessions in0rease to fi** the spa0e a&ai*ab*e for their storage# Ryan's Law 8a'e three 0orre0t g%esses 0onse0%ti&e*y and yo% +i** estab*ish yo%rse*f as an e5pert#
S
Sadat's Reminder 3hose +ho in&ented the *a+ of s%pp*y and demand ha&e no right to 0omp*ain +hen this *a+ +or's against their interest# Safeway Principles 3he bag that brea's is the one +ith the eggs# Salary A(iom 3he pay raise is ;%st *arge eno%gh to in0rease yo%r ta5es and ;%st sma** eno%gh to ha&e no effe0t on yo%r ta'e-home pay# Sam Slic%'s Sophism 3he n%mber of sa*esmen that +i** 0a** on yo% on any gi&en day +i** be dire0t*y proportiona* to the amo%nt and %rgen0y of the +or' yo% ha&e to get done# Corollary - 7one of them +i** be se**ing anything yo% +ant# Sam's A(ioms 1# Any *ine( ho+e&er short( is sti** too *ong# 2# -or' is the 0rabgrass of *ife( b%t money is the +ater that 'eeps it green# Samuels Postulate 7e&er offend peop*e +ith sty*e +hen yo% 0an offend them +ith s%bstan0e# Sattin er's Law $t +or's better if yo% p*%g it in#
Sattler's Law 3here are !2 points to the 0ompass( meaning that there are !2 dire0tions in +hi0h a spoon 0an s,%irt grapefr%it1 yet( the ;%i0e a*most in&ariab*y f*ies straight into the h%man eye# Sattlin er's Law $t +or's better if yo% p*%g it in# Saunders's )iscovery Laziness is the mother of nine in&entions o%t of ten# .he Sausa e Principle /eop*e +ho *o&e sa%sage and respe0t the *a+ sho%*d ne&er +at0h either one being made# Sayre's .hird Law of Politics A0ademi0 po*iti0s is the most &i0io%s and bitter form of po*iti0s( be0a%se the sta'es are so *o+# Schen%'s 'irst Principle of !ndustrial "ar%et 3conomics Good sa*esmen and good repairmen +i** ne&er go h%ngry# Schic%el's .> .heorems 1# Any dramati0 series the prod%0ers +ant %s to ta'e serio%s*y as a representation of 0ontemporary rea*ity 0annot be ta'en serio%s*y as a representation of anything -e50ept a sho+ to be ignored by anyone 0apab*e of sitting %pright in a 0hair and 0he+ing g%m sim%*taneo%s*y# 2# 3he on*y programs a gro+n-%p 0an possib*y stand are those intended for 0hi*dren# 2r( more proper*y( those that 0ater to those pre-ado*es0ent fantasies that most ha&e ne&er abandoned# Schmidt's Law 7e&er eat pr%nes +hen yo%)re h%ngry# Schmidt's Law *probably a different Schmidt+ $f yo% mess +ith something *ong eno%gh( it)** brea'# Schmidt's Observation A** things being e,%a*( a fat person %ses more soap than a thin person# Schmidt's Observations
7e&er eat pr%nes +hen yo%)re h%ngry# A** things being e,%a*( a fat person %ses more soap than a thin person# Schuc%it's Law A** interferen0e in h%man 0ond%0t has the potentia* for 0a%sing harm( no matter ho+ inno0%o%s the pro0ed%re may be# Schult,e's Law $f yo% 0an)t meas%re o%tp%t( then yo% meas%re inp%t# Schumpeter's Observation of Scientific and Nonscientific .heories Any theory 0an be made to fit any fa0ts by means of appropriate additiona* ass%mptions# 'irst Law of Science 6o% 0an obser&e a *ot ;%st by +at0hing# Rule of Scientific 3ndeavor 3he simp*e e5p*anation a*+ays fo**o+s the 0omp*e5 so*%tion# Scott's 'irst Law 7o matter +hat goes +rong( it +i** probab*y *oo' right# Scott's Second Law -hen an error has been dete0ted and 0orre0ted( it +i** be fo%nd to ha&e been 0orre0t in the first p*a0e# Corollary - After the 0orre0tion has been fo%nd in error( it +i** be impossib*e to fit the origina* ,%antity ba0' into the e,%ation# Screwdriver Syndrome 4ometimes( +here a 0omp*e5 prob*em 0an be i**%minated by many too*s( one 0an be forgi&en for app*ying the one he 'no+s best# Searchers Laws 1# 6o% 0an a*+ays find +hat yo%)re not *oo'ing for# 2# $f a *ost thing is fo%nd( something e*se +i** disappear# !# $f yo% fi*e it( yo%)** 'no+ +here it is b%t ne&er need it# $f yo% don)t fi*e it( yo%)** need it b%t ne&er 'no+ +here it is# =# 3he first p*a0e to *oo' for anything is the *ast p*a0e yo% +o%*d e5pe0t to find it#
># 6o% +i** a*+ays find +hat yo% ha&e *ost in the *ast p*a0e yo% *oo' for it# Law of Secrecy 3he best +ay to p%b*i0ize a go&ernmenta* or po*iti0a* a0tion is to attempt to hide it# Se al's Law A man +ith one +at0h 'no+s +hat time it is1 a man +ith t+o +at0hes is ne&er s%re# Law of Selective ;ravity *the Buttered Side )own Law+ An ob;e0t +i** fa** so as to do the most damage# Corollary *Blipstein+ - 3he most de*i0ate 0omponent +i** be the one to drop# "y the way what happends if you glue the #read with the #uttered side up to a cat's #ack and drop it will the cat float in the air$ or vanish$ 5ennin 's Corollary to the Law of Selective ;ravity 3he 0han0e of the bread fa**ing +ith the b%ttered side do+n is dire0t*y proportiona* to the 0ost of the 0arpet# Sells's Law 3he first samp*e is a*+ays the best# Sevareid's Law 3he 0hief 0a%se of prob*ems is so*%tions# Seymour's Principle of !nvestment 7e&er in&est in anything that eats# Shaffer's Law 3he effe0ti&eness of a po*iti0ian &aries in in&erse proportion to his 0ommitment to prin0ip*e# Shalit's Law 3he intensity of mo&ie p%b*i0ity is in in&erse ratio to the ,%a*ity of the mo&ie# Shanahan's Law *O'4anahan's Law+ 3he *ength of a meeting rises +ith the s,%are of the n%mber of peop*e present# Shar%ey's 'ourth Law of "otion /assengers on e*e&ators 0onstant*y rearrange their positions as peop*e get on and off so there is at a** times an e,%a* distan0e bet+een a** bodies#
Shaw's Laws of "eetin s 1# $n any dea*ings +ith a 0o**e0ti&e body of peop*e( the peop*e +i** a*+ays be more ta0'y than origina**y e5pe0ted# 2# 3he person +ith the *east e5pertise has the most opinions# !# 3hose most opposed to ser&ing on 0ommittees are made 0hairmen# Shaw's Principle .%i*d a system that e&en a foo* 0an %se( and on*y a foo* +i** +ant to %se it# Shelton's Laws of Poc%et Calculators 1# Ae0hargeab*e batteries die at the most 0riti0a* time of the most 0omp*e5 prob*em# 2# -hen a re0hargeab*e battery starts to die in the midd*e of a 0omp*e5 0a*0%*ation( and the %ser attempts to 0onne0t ho%se 0%rrent( the 0a*0%*ator +i** 0*ear itse*f# !# 3he fina* ans+er +i** e50eed the magnit%de or pre0ision or both of the 0a*0%*ator# =# 3here are not eno%gh storage registers to so*&e the prob*em# ># 3he %ser +i** forget mathemati0s in proportion to the 0omp*e5ity of the 0a*0%*ator# "# 3herma* paper +i** r%n o%t before the 0a*0%*ation is 0omp*ete# Shirley's Law 8ost peop*e deser&e ea0h other# Eorgi&e and remember# Short's 2uotations 1# Any great tr%th 0an -- and e&ent%a**y +i** -- be e5pressed as a 0*i0he# A 0*i0he is a s%re and 0ertain +ay to di*%te an idea# Eor instan0e( my grandmother %sed to say( G3he b*a0' 0at is a*+ays the *ast one off the fen0e#G $ ha&e no idea +hat she meant( b%t at one time it +as %ndo%bted*y tr%e# 2# <a*f of being smart is 'no+ing +hat yo%)re d%mb at# !# 8a*pra0ti0e ma'es ma*perfe0t# =# 7e%rosis is a 0omm%ni0ab*e disease# ># 3he on*y +inner in the -ar of 1?12 +as 30hai'o&s'y# "# 7at%re abhors a hero# Eor one thing( he &io*ates the *a+ of 0onser&ation of energy# Eor another( ho+ 0an it be the s%r&i&a* of the fittest +hen the fittest 'eeps p%tting himse*f in sit%ations +here he is most *i'e*y to be 0reamedL 7# A *itt*e ignoran0e 0an go a *ong +ay#
?# Learn to be sin0ere# @&en if yo% ha&e to fa'e it# 9# 3here is no s%0h thing as an abso*%te tr%th -- that is abso*%te*y tr%e# 10# Fnderstanding the *a+s of nat%re does not mean +e are free from obeying them# 11# @ntropy has %s o%tn%mbered# 12# 3he h%man ra0e ne&er so*&es any of its prob*ems -- it on*y o%t*i&es them# 1!# <e** hath no f%ry *i'e a pa0ifist# Simmon's Law 3he desire for ra0ia* integration in0reases +ith the s,%are of the distan0e from the a0t%a* e&ent# Simon's Law @&erything p%t together sooner or *ater fa**s apart# Sinner's Law of Retaliation 9o +hate&er yo%r enemies don)t +ant yo% to do# Sir -alter's Law 3he tenden0y of smo'e from a 0igarette( barbe0%e( 0ampfire( et0#( 3o drift into a persons fa0e is dire0t*y proportiona* +ith that persons sensiti&ity to smo'e# S%inner's Constant *'lanne an's 'ina lin 'actor+ 3hat ,%antity +hi0h( +hen m%*tip*ied by( di&ided into( added to( or s%btra0ted from the ans+er yo% got( gi&es yo% the ans+er yo% sho%*d ha&e gotten# S%ole's Rule for Anti/ue )ealers 7e&er simp*y say( G4orry( +e don)t ha&e +hat yo%)re *oo'ing for#G A*+ays say( G3oo bad( $ ;%st so*d one the other day#G S%ydivers' Law of 4esitation <e +ho hesitates sha** inherit the earth# Law of Slide Presentation $n any s*ide presentation( at *east one s*ide +i** be %pside do+n or ba0'+ards( or both# Smith's Principles of Bureaucratic .in%ertoys 1# 7e&er %se one +ord +hen a dozen +i** s%ffi0e# 2# $f it 0an be %nderstood( it)s not finished yet#
!# 7e&er be the first to do anything# Snafu 3/uations 1# Gi&en any prob*em 0ontaining n e,%ations( there +i** be nQ1 %n'no+ns# 2# An ob;e0t or bit of information most needed( +i** be *east a&ai*ab*e# !# $n any h%man endea&or( on0e yo% ha&e e5ha%sted a** possibi*ities and fai*( there +i** be one so*%tion( simp*e and ob&io%s( high*y &isib*e to e&eryone e*se# =# .adness 0omes in +a&es# Snafu 3/uation No1 L .adness 0omes in +a&es# 'irst Law of Socio03conomics $n a hierar0hi0a* system( the rate of pay for a gi&en tas' in0reases in in&erse ratio to the %np*easantness and diffi0%*ty of the tas'# 'irst Law of Socio0;enetics Ce*iba0y is not hereditary# Sociolo y's !ron Law of Oli archy $n e&ery organized a0ti&ity( no matter the sphere( a sma** n%mber +i** be0ome the o*igar0hi0a* *eaders and the others +i** fo**o+# Sodd's 'irst Law -hen a person attempts a tas'( he or she +i** be th+arted in that tas' by the %n0ons0io%s inter&ention of some other presen0e Banimate or inanimateC# 7e&erthe*ess( some tas's are 0omp*eted( sin0e the inter&ening presen0e is itse*f attempting a tas' and is( of 0o%rse( s%b;e0t to interferen0e# Sodd's Second Law 4ooner or *ater( the +orst possib*e set of 0ir0%mstan0es is bo%nd to o00%r# Corollary - Any system m%st be designed to +ithstand the +orst possib*e set of 0ir0%mstan0es# Sodd's Other Law 3he degree of fai*%re is in dire0t proportion to the effort e5pended and to the need for s%00ess# Law of Space And .ime 3he %ni&erse is not on*y +eirder than +e s%ppose# $t)s +eirder than +e 0an s%ppose#
.he Spare Parts Principle 3he a00essibi*ity( d%ring re0o&ery( of sma** parts +hi0h fa** from the +or' ben0h( &aries dire0t*y +ith the size of the part( and in&erse*y +ith its importan0e to the 0omp*etion of the +or' %nder+ay# Spar%'s Nine Rules for the Pro:ect "ana er 1# 4tri&e to *oo' tremendo%s*y important# 2# Attempt to be seen +ith important peop*e# 4pea' +ith a%thority1 ho+e&er( on*y e5po%nd on the ob&io%s and pro&en fa0ts# !# 9on)t engage in arg%ments( b%t if 0ornered( as' an irre*e&ant ,%estion and *ean ba0' +ith a satisfied grin +hi*e yo%r opponent tries to fig%re o%t +hat)s going on -- then ,%i0'*y 0hange the s%b;e0t# =# Listen intent*y +hi*e others are arg%ing the prob*em# /o%n0e on a trite statement and b%ry them +ith it# ># $f a s%bordinate as's yo% a pertinent ,%estion( *oo' at him as if he had *ost his senses# -hen he *oo's do+n( paraphrase the ,%estion ba0' at him# "# 2btain a bri**iant assignment( b%t 'eep o%t of sight and o%t of the *ime*ight# 7# -a*' at a fast pa0e +hen o%t of the offi0e -- this 'eeps ,%estions from s%bordinates and s%periors at a minim%m# ?# A*+ays 'eep the offi0e door 0*osed# 3his p%ts &isitors on the defensi&e and a*so ma'es it *oo' as if yo% are a*+ays in an important 0onferen0e# 9# Gi&e a** orders &erba**y# 7e&er +rite anything do+n that might go into G/ear* <arbor Ei*e#G Spar%'s .en Rules for the Pro:ect "ana er 1# 4tri&e to *oo' tremendo%s*y important# 2# Attempt to be seen +ith important peop*e# !# 4pea' +ith a%thority1 ho+e&er( on*y e5po%nd on the ob&io%s and pro&en fa0ts# =# 9on)t engage in arg%ments( b%t if 0ornered( as' an irre*e&ant ,%estion and *ean ba0' +ith a satisfied grin +hi*e yo%r opponent tries to fig%re o%t +hat)s going on -- then ,%i0'*y 0hange the s%b;e0t# ># Listen intent*y +hi*e others are arg%ing the prob*em# /o%n0e on a trite statement and b%ry them +ith it# "# $f a s%bordinate as's yo% a pertinent ,%estion( *oo' at him as if he had *ost his senses# -hen he *oo's do+n( paraphrase the ,%estion ba0' at him#
7# 2btain a bri**iant assignment( b%t 'eep o%t of sight and o%t of the *ime*ight# ?# -a*' at a fast pa0e +hen o%t of the offi0e -- this 'eeps ,%estions from s%bordinates and s%periors at a minim%m# 9# A*+ays 'eep the offi0e door 0*osed# 3his p%ts &isitors on the defensi&e and a*so ma'es it *oo' as if yo% are a*+ays in an important 0onferen0e# 10# Gi&e a** orders &erba**y# 7e&er +rite anything do+n that might go into a G/ear* <arbor Ei*e#G Specht's "eta0Law Fnder any 0onditions( any+here( +hate&er yo% are doing( there is some ordinan0e %nder +hi0h yo% 0an be boo'ed# Sport Car Laws 1# $f yo% dri&e an e5pensi&e sport 0ar and par' it in a 0orner of the par'ing *ot far from the entran0e( +hen yo% ret%rn the on*y other 0ar in the par'ing *ot +i** be par'ed ne5t to yo%rs and yo%r 0ar +i** ha&e a ne+ dent in the door# 2# 3he *itt*e o*d *ady +ho ;%st ran her shopping 0art into the door of yo%r ne+ /ors0he +i** in&ariab*y say Git)s ;%st a teeny dent(G or Gafter a**( it)s on*y a 0ar#G Law of Sports Contracts 3he more money the free agent signs for( the *ess effe0ti&e he is the fo**o+ing season# Sprin%le's Law 3hings a*+ays fa** at right ang*es# Stamp's Statistical Probability 3he go&ernment is e5treme*y fond of amassing great ,%antities of statisti0s# 3hese are raised to the nth degree( the 0%be roots are e5tra0ted( and the res%*ts are arranged into e*aborate and impressi&e disp*ays# -hat m%st be 'ept e&er in mind( ho+e&er( is that in e&ery 0ase( the fig%res are first p%t do+n by a &i**age +at0hman( and he p%ts do+n anything he damn +e** p*eases# Stanley's Law of .a%in .hin s Apart -hen p%tting things ba0' together again( there +i** a*+ays be at *east one pie0e *eft o&er that +i** not fit any+here# Stanley's Laws of 'at Eat e5pands to fi** any appare* +orn# Law of Status
Peep Fp -ith 3he E*et0her)s# 6o%)** 7e&er 8a'e @no%gh 3o Peep Fp -ith 3he :ones)s# Steele's Pla iarism of Somebody's Philosophy @&eryone sho%*d be*ie&e in something -- $ be*ie&e $)** ha&e another drin'# Stein's Law of Cards 7e&er p*ay /o'er +ith a p*ayer named 9o0 or A0e# Stein's "a(im 3he fa0t that yo% do not 'no+ the ans+er does not mean that someone e*se does# Steinbec%'s Law -hen yo% need to+ns( they are &ery far apart# Stenton's Law *Conrad's Conundrum+ 3e0hno*ogy don)t transfer# Stephens's Solilo/uy Eina*ity is death# /erfe0tion is fina*ity# 7othing is perfe0t# 3here are *%mps in it# Stewart's Law of Retroaction $t is easier to get forgi&eness than permission# Stoc% "ar%et A(iom 3he p%b*i0 is a*+ays +rong# Stoc%'s Observation 6o% no sooner get yo%r head abo&e +ater than someone p%**s yo%r f*ippers off# Stoc%bro%er's )eclaration 3he mar'et +i** ra**y from this or *o+er *e&e*s# Stoc%mayer's .heorem $f it *oo's easy( it)s to%gh# $f it *oo's to%gh( it)s damn near impossib*e# Stone's Law $f yo% miss one iss%e of any magazine( it +i** be the iss%e +hi0h 0ontained the arti0*e or story or insta**ment yo% +ere most an5io%s to read# Street's Laws of "ail Order
1# $f yo% don)t +rite to 0omp*ain yo%)** ne&er re0ei&e the order# 2# $f yo% do +rite to 0omp*ain( yo%)** re0ei&e the mer0handise before yo%r angry *etter rea0hes the 0ompany# !# 3he most important item in an order +i** be ba0' ordered# Stur eon's Law 7inety per0ent of @D@A63<$7G is 0r%d# 5ones' browsin addendum to Stur eon's Law 2f the ten per0ent( ninety per0ent are reprints# Sue%er's Note $f yo% need n items of anything( yo% +i** ha&e n - 1 in sto0'# Suhor's Law A *itt*e ambig%ity ne&er h%rt anyone# Law of Superiority 3he first e5amp*e of s%perior prin0ip*e is a*+ays inferior to the de&e*oped e5amp*e of inferior prin0ip*e# Law of Supermar%ets 3he item yo% +anted to pri0e 0ompare +ith other items is not pri0ed# Law of Superstition $t)s bad *%0' to be s%perstititio%s# Survival 'ormula for Public Office 1# @5p*oit the ine&itab*e B+hi0h means( ta'e 0redit for anything good +hi0h happens +hether yo% had anything to do +ith it or notC# 2# 9on)t dist%rb the perimeter Bmeaning don)t stir %p a mess %n*ess yo% 0an be s%re of the res%*tC# !# 4tay in +ith the 2%ts Bthe $ns +i** ma'e so many mista'es( yo% 0an)t afford to a*ienate the 2%tsC# =# 9on)t permit yo%rse*f to get bet+een a dog and a *amppost# Sutton's Law Go +here the money is#
Sweeney's Law 3he *ength of a progress report is in&erse*y proportiona* to the amo%nt of progress# Swipple's Rule of Order <e +ho sho%ts *o%dest has the f*oor#
.
.a(i Principle Eind o%t the 0ost before yo% get in# Law of .eena e Opportunity -hen opport%nity 'no0's( yo%)&e got headphones on# Law of .elevision $f yo% ha&e on*y +at0hed a 3D series on0e( and yo% +at0h it again( it +i** be a rer%n of the same episode# .erman's Law 3here is no dire0t re*ationship bet+een the ,%a*ity of an ed%0ationa* program and its 0ost# .erman's Law of !nnovation $f yo% +ant a tra0' team to +in the high ;%mp yo% find one person +ho 0an ;%mp se&en feet( not se&en peop*e +ho 0an ;%mp one foot# .eslacle's )eviant to 'udd's Law $t goes in -- it m%st 0ome o%t# .hem what has 00 ets1 -a%efield's Refutation of the !ron Law of )istribution 3hem +hat gets -- has# .heory of or ani,ational deviance @&ery organization has an a**otted n%mber of positions to be fi**ed by in0ompetents# .heory of the !nternational Society of Philosophic 3n ineerin 1# $n any 0a*0%*ation( any error +hi0h 0an 0reep in +i** do so# 2# Any error in any 0a*0%*ation +i** be in the dire0tion of most harm#
!# $n any form%*a( 0onstants Bespe0ia**y those obtained from engineering handboo'sC are to be treated as &ariab*es# =# 3he best appro5imation of ser&i0e 0onditions in the *aboratory +i** not begin to meet those 0onditions en0o%ntered in a0t%a* ser&i0e# ># 3he most &ita* dimension on any p*an or dra+ing stands the greatest 0han0e of being omitted# "# $f on*y one bid 0an be se0%red on any pro;e0t( the pri0e +i** be %nreasonab*e# 7# $f a test insta**ation f%n0tions perfe0t*y( a** s%bse,%ent prod%0tion %nits +i** ma*f%n0tion# ?# A** de*i&ery promises m%st be m%*tip*ied by a fa0tor of 2#0# 9# 8a;or 0hanges in 0onstr%0tion +i** a*+ays be re,%ested after fabri0ation is near*y 0omp*eted# 10# /arts that positi&e*y 0annot be assemb*ed in improper order +i** be# 11# $nter0hangeab*e parts +on)t# 12# 8an%fa0t%rer)s spe0ifi0ations of performan0e sho%*d be m%*tip*ied by a fa0tor of 0#># 1!# 4a*espeop*e)s 0*aims for performan0e sho%*d be m%*tip*ied by a fa0tor of 0#2># 1=# $nsta**ation and 2perating $nstr%0tions shipped +ith the de&i0e +i** be prompt*y dis0arded by the Ae0ei&ing 9epartment# 1># Any de&i0e re,%iring ser&i0e or ad;%stment +i** be *east a00essib*e# 1"# 4er&i0e Conditions as gi&en on spe0ifi0ations +i** be e50eeded# 17# $f more than one person is responsib*e for a mis0a*0%*ation( no one +i** be at fa%*t# 1?# $denti0a* %nits +hi0h test in an identi0a* fashion +i** not beha&e in an identi0a* fashion in the fie*d# 19# $f( in engineering pra0ti0e( a safety fa0tor is set thro%gh ser&i0e e5perien0e at an %*timate &a*%e( an ingenio%s idiot +i** prompt*y 0a*0%*ate a method to e50eed said safety fa0tor# 20# -arranty and g%arantee 0*a%ses are &oided by payment of the in&oi0e# .herapist's Observation $t)s easy to 0riti0ize paranoid peop*e( b%t if e&erybody hated yo%( yo%)d be paranoid too# 'ourth Law of .hermodynamics
$f the probabi*ity of s%00ess is not a*most one( then it is damned near zero# .hin%in "an's .autolo y $f yo% thin' yo%)re +rong( yo%)re +rong# Corollary - $f yo% thin' yo%)re +rong( yo%)re right# .homas's Law of Consumerism 1# A one year +arranty g%arantees that the prod%0t +i** se*f-destr%0t on the !""th day# 2# A** +arranties e5pire %pon payment of in&oi0e# !# 3he negati&e GCons%mer AeportG on the item yo% +ant to b%y +i** 0ome o%t one +ee' after yo%)&e p%r0hased it# .horeau's Law $f yo% see a man approa0hing yo% +ith the ob&io%s intention of doing yo% good( yo% sho%*d r%n for yo%r *ife# .horeau's Rule Any foo* 0an ma'e a r%*e( and e&ery foo* +i** mind it# .hou hts on "ana ement $f e&eryone dis*i'es it( it m%st be *oo'ed into# $f e&eryone *i'es it( it m%st be *oo'ed into# .hou hts on Pro rammin A Number G9 3he %ser does not 'no+ +hat he +ants %nti* he sees +hat he gets# .he .hree Laws of Robotics 1# A robot may not in;%re a h%man being or( thro%gh ina0tion( a**o+ a h%man being to 0ome to harm# 2# A robot m%st obey the orders gi&en it by h%man beings e50ept +here s%0h orders +o%*d 0onf*i0t +ith the Eirst La+# !# A robot m%st prote0t its o+n e5isten0e as *ong as s%0h prote0tion does not 0onf*i0t +ith the Eirst or 4e0ond La+s# .hree Lies Accordin to Playboy 1# 3he 0he0')s in the mai*# 2# Anti0ipation is ha*f the f%n#
!# $ promise $ +on)t 0ome in yo%r mo%th# 4are's Additional Lie 3his +i** h%rt me more than it h%rts yo%# Lowry's Additional Lie $)&e ne&er done this before# .hurber's Conclusion 3here is no safety in n%mbers( or in anything e*se# .hwart,'s .heorem of Low Profile 7egati&e e5pe0tation th+arts rea*ization( and se*f-0ongrat%*ation g%arantees disaster# B2r( simp*y p%t $f yo% thin' of it( it +on)t happen ,%ite that +ay#C .hyme's Law @&erything goes +rong at on0e# .ime Observation Good times end too ,%i0'*y# .ad times go on fore&er# .in%er's Law 7at%re abhors peop*e# .ipper's Law 3hose +ho e5pe0t the biggest tips pro&ide the +orst ser&i0e# .itanic Coincidence 8ost a00idents in +e**-designed systems in&o*&e t+o or more e&ents of *o+ probabi*ity o00%rring in the +orst possib*e 0ombination# .itanics ;enerali,ed !ceber .heorem 4e&en-eighths of e&erything 0an)t be seen# .odd's Political Principles 1# 7o matter +hat they)re te**ing yo% they)re not te**ing yo% the +ho*e tr%th# 2# 7o matter +hat they)re ta*'ing abo%t( they)re ta*'ing abo%t money# !# 3he *ength of time it ta'es a bi** to pass thro%gh the *egis*at%re is in in&erse proportion to the n%mber of *obbying gro%ps fa&oring it#
=# 7o po*iti0ian ta*'s abo%t ta5es d%ring an e*e0tion year# ># 3r%th &aries# Law of the .oo Solid ;oof $n any 0o**e0tion of data( the fig%res that are ob&io%s*y 0orre0t beyond a** need of 0he0'ing 0ontain the errors# Corollary 8 7o one yo% as' for he*p +i** see the error either# Corollary9 Any nagging intr%der( +ho .or/uemada's Law -hen yo% are s%re yo%)re right( yo% ha&e a mora* d%ty to impose yo%r +i** %pon anyone +ho disagrees +ith yo%# .ranscription S/uare Law 3he n%mber of errors made is e,%a* to the s%m of the s,%ares emp*oyed# 'irst Law of .ravel 7o matter ho+ many rooms there are in the mote*( the fe**o+ +ho starts %p his 0ar at fi&e o)0*o0' in the morning is a*+ays par'ed %nder yo%r +indo+# .ravel A(iom <e tra&e*s fastest +ho tra&e*s a*one### b%t he hasn)t anything to do +hen he gets there# .rial Lawyer's )ilemma 6o% 0an)t g%ard against the arbitrary# .rischmann's Parado( *A(iom of the Pipe+ A pipe gi&es a +ise man time to thin' and a foo* something to sti0' in his mo%th# Law of .riviality 3he time spent on any item of the agenda +i** be in in&erse proportion to the s%m in&o*&ed# .routman's Laws of Computer Pro rammin *and see Pec%'s Pro rammin Postulates+ 1# Any r%nning program is obso*ete# 2# Any p*anned program 0osts more and ta'es *onger# !# Any %sef%* program +i** ha&e to be 0hanged#
=# Any %se*ess program +i** ha&e to be do0%mented# ># Any program +i** e5pand to fi** a&ai*ab*e memory# Andi's Addendum - And beyond# "# 3he size of a program e5pands to fi** a** a&ai*ab*e memory# 7# 3he &a*%e of a program is in&erse*y proportiona* to the +eight of its o%tp%t# ?# 3he 0omp*e5ity of a program gro+s %nti* it e50eeds the 0apabi*ity of its maintainers# 9# Any system that re*ies on 0omp%ter re*iabi*ity is %nre*iab*e# 10# Any system that re*ies on h%man re*iabi*ity is %nre*iab*e# 11# 8a'e it possib*e for programmers to +rite programs in @ng*ish( and yo% +i** find that programmers 0annot +rite in @ng*ish# 12# /rofanity is the one *ang%age a** programmers 'no+ best# .routman's Pro rammin Postulates 1# $f a test insta**ation f%n0tions perfe0t*y( a** s%bse,%ent systems +i** ma*f%n0tion# 2# 7ot %nti* a program has been in prod%0tion for at *east si5 months +i** the most harmf%* error be dis0o&ered# !# :ob 0ontro* 0ards that positi&e*y 0annot be arranged in proper order +i** be# =# $nter0hangeab*e tapes +on)t# ># $f the inp%t editor has been designed to re;e0t a** bad inp%t( an ingenio%s idiot +i** dis0o&er a method to get bad data past it# .ruman's Law $f yo% 0annot 0on&in0e them( 0onf%se them# .rump's 2uir% of 4uman Nature 7obody *o&es a +inner +ho +ins a** the time# .ruths of "ana ement 1# 3hin' before yo% a0t1 it)s not yo%r money# 2# A** good management is the e5pression of one great idea# !# 7o e5e0%ti&e de&otes effort to pro&ing himse*f +rong# =# Cash in m%st e50eed 0ash o%t#
># 8anagement 0apabi*ity is a*+ays *ess than the organization a0t%a**y needs# .ruth G18 of "ana ement6 2rganizations a*+ays ha&e too many managers# "# @ither an e5e0%ti&e 0an do his ;ob or he 0an)t# 7# $f sophisti0ated 0a*0%*ations are needed to ;%stify an a0tion( don)t do it# ?# $f yo% are doing something +rong( yo% +i** do it bad*y# 9# $f yo% are attempting the impossib*e( yo% +i** fai*# 10# 3he easiest +ay of ma'ing money is to stop *osing it# .uccille's 'irst Law of Reality $nd%stry a*+ays mo&es in to fi** an e0onomi0 &a0%%m# .urnauc%as's Observation 3o err is h%man1 to rea**y fo%* things %p ta'es a 0omp%ter# .urner's Law 7ear*y a** prophe0ies made in p%b*i0 are +rong# .wain's Rule 2n*y 'ings( editors( and peop*e +ith tape+orm ha&e the right to %se the editoria* G+eG# .yl%'s Law Ass%mption is the mother of a** fo%*-%ps#
=
=bell's Law of Press Luncheons At any p%b*i0 re*ations *%n0heon( the ,%a*ity of the food is in&erse*y re*ated to the ,%a*ity of the information# =hlmann's Ra,or -hen st%pidity is a s%ffi0ient e5p*anation( there is no need to ha&e re0o%rse to any other# Corollary *Law of 4istorical Causation+ - $t seemed *i'e the thing to do at the time#G .he =ltimate Law
A** genera* statements are fa*se# .he =ltimate Principle .y definition( +hen yo% are in&estigating the %n'no+n( yo% do not 'no+ +hat yo% +i** find# .he =ltimate -isdom /hi*osophers m%st %*timate*y find their tr%e perfe0tion in 'no+ing a** the fo**ies of man'ind by introspe0tion# =mbrella Law 6o% +i** need three %mbre**as one to *ea&e at the offi0e( one to *ea&e at home( and one to *ea&e on the train# .he =napplicable Law -ashing yo%r 0ar to ma'e it rain doesn)t +or'# =niversal 'ield .heory of Perversity *"ule's Law+ 3he probabi*ity of an e&ent)s o00%rring &aries dire0t*y +ith the per&ersity of the inanimate ob;e0t in&o*&ed and in&erse*y +ith the prod%0t of its desirabi*ity and the effort e5pended to prod%0e it# =niversal Law Anything that begins +e** ends bad*y# Anything that begins bad*y ends +orse# =nnamed Law $f it happens( it m%st be possib*e# .he =nspea%able Law As soon as yo% mention something( if it)s good( it goes a+ay1 if it)s bad( it happens#
>
>ail's A(iom $n any h%man enterprise( +or' see's the *o+est hierar0hi0a* *e&e*# >an Roy's Law An %nbrea'ab*e toy is %sef%* for brea'ing other toys# >ance's Rule of 9 8J9
Any mi*itary pro;e0t +i** ta'e t+i0e as *ong as p*anned( 0ost t+i0e as m%0h( and prod%0e on*y ha*f of +hat is +anted# Law of >ertical .ransportation $n a three story b%i*ding ser&ed by one e*e&ator( the e*e&ator 0ar +i** be on a f*oor +here yo% are not# >i/ue's Law A man +itho%t re*igion is *i'e a fish +itho%t a bi0y0*e# >on Braun's Law of ;ravity -e 0an *i0' gra&ity( b%t sometimes the paper+or' is o&er+he*ming# >on 4elsin 's .heorem $f at first yo% don)t s%00eed( s'ydi&ing is not for yo%# >onne ut's Corollary .ea%ty may be on*y s'in deep( b%t %g*iness goes right to the 0ore#
-addell's Law of 3/uipment 'ailure A 0omponent)s degree of re*iabi*ity is dire0t*y proportiona* to its ease of a00essibi*ity Bi#e#( the harder it is to get to( the more often it brea's do+nC# -affle's Law A professor)s enth%siasm for tea0hing the introd%0tory 0o%rse &aries in&erse*y +ith the *i'e*ihood of his ha&ing to do it# -ain's Conclusion 3he on*y peop*e ma'ing money these days are the ones +ho se** 0omp%ter paper# -a%efield's Refutation of the !ron Law of )istribution 3hem +hat gets( has# -aldo's Observation 2ne man)s red tape is another man)s system# -alins%y's 'irst Law of Political Campai ns
$f there are t+e*&e 0*o+ns in a ring( yo% 0an ;%mp in the midd*e and start re0iting 4ha'espeare( b%t to the a%dien0e( yo%)** ;%st be the thirteenth 0*o+n# -alins%y's Law 3he inte**igen0e of any dis0%ssion diminishes +ith the s,%are of the n%mber of parti0ipants# -al%er's Law Asso0iate +ith +e**-mannered persons and yo%r manners +i** impro&e# A%n +ith de0ent fo*' and yo%r o+n de0ent instin0ts +i** be strengthened# Peep the 0ompany of b%ms and yo% +i** be0ome a b%m# <ang aro%nd +ith ri0h peop*e and yo% +i** end by pi0'ing %p the 0he0' and dying bro'e# -allace's Observation @&erything is in a state of %tter dishe&e*ment# -alters's Law of "ana ement $f yo%)re a*ready in a ho*e( there)s no %se to 0ontin%e digging# -ashin ton's Law 4pa0e e5pands to ho%se the peop*e to perform the +or' that Congress 0reates# .he -ater ate Principle Go&ernment 0orr%ption is a*+ays reported in the past tense# -atson's Law 3he re*iabi*ity of ma0hinery is in&erse*y proportiona* to the n%mber and signifi0an0e of any persons +at0hing it# -atson's Law of Cleanin $f yo% start to 0*ean yo%r des' in the spare bedroom yo% +i** probab*y ha&e to 0*ean the garage to find +hat yo% need to finish 0*eaning the des'# Rule of the -ay Out A*+ays *ea&e room to add an e5p*anation if it doesn)t +or' o%t# Law of -ealth Di0tory goes to the 0andidate +ith the most a00%m%*ated or 0ontrib%ted +ea*th +ho has the finan0ia* reso%r0es to 0on&in0e the midd*e 0*ass and poor that he +i** be on their side# -eaver's Law
-hen se&era* reporters share a 0ab on an assignment( the reporter in the front seat pays for a**# Corollary *O')oyle+ - 7o matter ho+ many reporters share a 0ab( and no matter +ho pays( ea0h p%ts the f%** fare on his o+n e5pense a00o%nt# Corollary *;ermond+ - -hen a gro%p of ne+smen go o%t to dinner together( the bi** is to be di&ided e&en*y among them( regard*ess of +hat ea0h one eats and drin's# -eber0'echner Law 3he *east 0hange in stim%*%s ne0essary to prod%0e a per0eptib*e 0hange in response is proportiona* to the stim%*%s a*ready e5isting# -eidner's 2ueries 1# 3he tide 0omes in and the tide goes o%t( and +hat ha&e yo% gotL 2# 3hey say an e*ephant ne&er forgets( b%t +hat)s he got to rememberL -eiler's Law 7othing is impossib*e for the man +ho doesn)t ha&e to do it himse*f# -einber 's 'irst Law /rogress is made on a*ternate Eridays# -einber 's Second Law $f b%i*ders b%i*t b%i*dings the +ay programmers +rote programs( then the first +oodpe0'er that 0ame a*ong +o%*d destroy 0i&i*ization# Corollary - An e5pert is a person +ho a&oids the sma** errors +hi*e s+eeping on to the Grand Ea**a0y# -einer's Law of Libraries 3here are no ans+ers( on*y 0ross referen0es# -eisman's Law of 3(aminations $f yo%)re 0onfident after yo%)&e ;%st finished an e5am( it)s be0a%se yo% don)t 'no+ eno%gh to 'no+ better# -ells's Law A parade sho%*d ha&e bands 2A horses( not both# -es%imen's Law 3here)s ne&er time to do it right( b%t there is a*+ays time to d it o&er# -estheimer's Law
A fe+ months in the *aboratory 0an sa&e a fe+ ho%rs in the *ibrary# -estheimer's Rule 3o estimate the time it ta'es to do a tas' estimate the time yo% thin' it sho%*d ta'e( m%*tip*y by t+o and 0hange the %nit of the meas%re to the ne5t highest %nit# 3h%s( +e a**o0ate t+o days for a one ho%r tas'# -ethern's Law Ass%mption is the mother of a** s0re+-%ps# .he -hispered Rule /eop*e +i** be*ie&e anything if yo% +hisper it# -hite 'la Principle A mi*itary disaster may prod%0e a better post+ar sit%ation than &i0tory# -hite's Chappa/uiddic% .heorem 3he sooner and in more detai* yo% anno%n0e bad ne+s( the better# -hite's Observations of Committee Operation 1# /eop*e &ery rare*y thin' in gro%ps1 they ta*' together( they e50hange information( they ad;%di0ate( they ma'e 0ompromises# .%t they do not thin'1 they do not 0reate# 2# A rea**y ne+ idea affronts 0%rrent agreement# !# A meeting 0annot be prod%0ti&e %n*ess 0ertain premises are so shared that they do not need to be dis0%ssed( and the arg%ment 0an be 0onfined to areas of disagreement# .%t +hi*e this 'ind of 0onsens%s ma'es a gro%p more effe0ti&e in its *egitimate f%n0tions( it does not ma'e the gro%p a 0reati&e &ehi0*e -- it +o%*d not be a ne+ idea if it didn)t -- and the gro%p( impe**ed as it is to agree( is instin0ti&e*y hosti*e to that +hi0h is di&isi&e# -hite's Statement 9on)t *ose heart### Owen's Comment on -hite's Statement6 ### they might +ant to 0%t it o%t### Byrd's Addition to Owen's Comment on -hite's Statement6 ### and they +ant to a&oid a *engthy sear0h# -hitehead's Law 3he ob&io%s ans+er is a*+ays o&er*oo'ed#
-hole Picture Principle Aesear0h s0ientists are so +rapped %p in their o+n narro+ endea&ors that they 0annot possib*y see the +ho*e pi0t%re of anything( in0*%ding their o+n resear0h# Corollary - 3he 9ire0tor of Aesear0h sho%*d 'no+ as *itt*e as possib*e abo%t the spe0ifi0 s%b;e0t of resear0h he is administering# -ic%er's Law Go&ernment e5pands to absorb re&en%e( and then some# -ilco('s Law A pat on the ba0' is on*y a fe+ 0entimeters from a 'i0' in the pants# -ill's Rule of !nformed Citi,enship $f yo% +ant to %nderstand yo%r go&ernment( don)t begin by reading the Constit%tion# B$t 0on&eys pre0io%s *itt*e of the f*a&or of today)s state0raft#C $nstead read se*e0ted portions of the -ashington te*ephone dire0tory 0ontaining *istings for a** the organizations +ith tit*es beginning +ith the +ord G7ationa*G# -illiams and 4olland's Law $f eno%gh data is 0o**e0ted( anything may be pro&en by statisti0a* methods# -illie Brown's Principle /eop*e +ho *o&e sa%sage and respe0t the *a+ sho%*d ne&er +at0h either one being made# -ilson's Law of )emo raphics 3he p%b*i0 is not made %p of peop*e +ho get their names in the ne+spapers# .he 'irst Law of -in -al%in 7e&er *et ho*d of +hat yo%)&e got %nti* yo%)&e got ho*d of something e*se# 'irst Law of -in 0-al%in 7e&er *ea&e ho*d of +hat yo%)&e got %nti* yo%)&e got ho*d of something e*se# -in o's A(iom A** Einag*e La+s may be bypassed by *earning the simp*e art of doing +itho%t thin'ing# Law of -isdom -isdom is 0onsidered a sign of +ea'ness by the po+erf%* be0a%se a +ise man 0an *ead +itho%t po+er b%t on*y a po+erf%* man 0an *ead +itho%t +isdom#
-itten's Law -hene&er yo% 0%t yo%r fingernai*s( yo% +i** find a need for them an ho%r *ater# -ober's SN!)3 Rule *Satisfied Needs !ncite )emand 3(cesses+ $dea* goa*s gro+ faster than the means of attaining ne+ goa*s a**o+# -olf's Law *An Optimistic >iew of a Pessimistic -orld+ $t isn)t that things +i** ne0essari*y go +rong B8%rphy)s La+C( b%t rather that they +i** ta'e so m%0h more time and effort than yo% thin' if they are not to go +rong# -olf's Law of )ecision0"a%in 8a;or a0tions are rare*y de0ided by more than fo%r peop*e# $f yo% thin' a *arger meeting yo%)re attending is rea**y Ghammering o%tG a de0ision( yo%)re probab*y +rong# @ither the de0ision +as agreed to by a sma**er gro%p before the meeting began( or the o%t0ome of the *arger meeting +i** be modified *ater +hen three or fo%r peop*e get together# -olf's Law of 4istory Lessons 3hose +ho don)t st%dy the past +i** repeat its errors# 3hose +ho do st%dy it +i** find 23<@A +ays to err# -olf's Law of "ana ement 3he tas's to do immediate*y are the minor ones1 other+ise( yo%)** forget them# 3he ma;or ones are often better to defer# 3hey %s%a**y need more time for ref*e0tion# .esides( if yo% forget them( they)** remind yo%# -olf's Law of "eetin s 3he on*y important res%*t of a meeting is agreement abo%t ne5t steps# -olf's Law of Plannin A good p*a0e to start from is +here yo% are# -olf's Law of .actics $f yo% 0an)t beat them( ha&e them ;oin yo%# -oltman's Law 7e&er program and drin' beer at the same time# -oman's 3/uation -hate&er +omen do( they m%st do t+i0e as +e** as men to be tho%ght ha*f as good# L%0'i*y( this is not diffi0%*t#
-ood's Law 3he more %n+or'ab*e the %rban p*an( the greater the probabi*ity of imp*ementation# -oods's !ncomplete "a(ims 1# A**)s +e** that ends# 2# A penny sa&ed is a penny# !# 9on)t *ea&e things %nfinishe -oods's Laws of Procrastination 1# 7e&er p%t off ti** tomorro+ +hat yo% 0an do the day after tomorro+# 2# /ro0rastinate todayU B3omorro+ may be too *ate#C !# 72- is the time to do things *aterU =# $f at first yo% don)t s%00eed( +hy try againL -oods's Refutation of the 'irst Law of Socio0;enetics 2n the 0ontrary( if yo% ne&er pro0reate( neither +i** yo%r 'ids# -oodward's Law A theory is better than an e5p*anation# -or%er's )ilemma Law *"ana ement's Put0)own Law+ 1# 7o matter ho+ m%0h yo% do( yo%)** ne&er do eno%gh# 2# -hat yo% don)t do is a*+ays more important than +hat yo% do do# -ynne's Law 7egati&e s*a0' tends to in0rease# -ys,%ows%i's .heorem Aegard*ess of the %nits %sed by either the s%pp*ier or the 0%stomer( the man%fa0t%rer sha** %se his o+n arbitrary %nits 0on&ertib*e to those of either the s%pp*ier or the 0%stomer on*y by means of +eird and %nnat%ra* 0on&ersion fa0tors# -ys,ows%i's Laws 1# 7o e5periment is reprod%0ib*e# 2# Anything 0an be made to +or' if yo% fidd*e +ith it *ong eno%gh#
!# Aegard*ess of the %nits %sed by either the s%pp*ier or the 0%stomer( the man%fa0t%rer sha** %se his o+n arbitrary %nits 0on&ertib*e to those of either the s%pp*ier or the 0%stomer on*y by means of +eird and %nnat%ra* 0on&ersion fa0tors#
#
#app's Basic 'act $f a thing 0annot be fitted into something sma**er than itse*f( some dope +i** do it# #olen's ;uide for Self0Praise /ro0*aim yo%rse*f G-or*d ChampG of something -- tidd*y-+in's( rope- ;%mping( +hate&er -- send this noti0e to ne+spapers( radio( 3D( and +ait for 0ha**engers to 0onfront yo%# A&oid 0ha**enges as *ong as possib*e( b%t 0ontin%e to send ne+s of yo%r a0hie&ements to a** media# A*so( de&e*op a ne+s*etter and *etterhead for 0omm%ni0ations# #oun 's 4andy ;uide to the "odern Sciences $f it is green or it +igg*es -- it is .io*ogy# $f it stin's -- it is Chemistry# $f it doesn)t +or' -- it is /hysi0s# #oun 's Law A** great dis0o&eries are made by mista'e# Corollary - 3he greater the f%nding( the *onger it ta'es to ma'e the mista'e#
E
Eamboni's Parts Laws 1# A dropped part +i** a*+ays ro** to the e5a0t geographi0 0enter of the *argest a&ai*ab*e ob;e0t for it to ro** %nder# 2# 3he probabi*ity of the *oss or brea'age of any part is dire0t*y proportiona* to the diffi0%*ty of getting a rep*a0ement part# !# $rrep*a0eab*e parts +i** a*+ays brea' or be *ost( and at the +orst possib*e time# =# Aep*a0eab*e parts +i** on*y be0ome a&ai*ab*e after an important dead*ine has passed# ># /arts that are diffi0%*t to insta** +i** free*y fa** o%t on their o+n#
"# /arts that go in easi*y +i** be e5treme*y hard to remo&e( and remo&a* +i** be ne0essary to a00omp*ish the needed repair# 7# 3he part yo% +i** need +i** be the irrep*a0eab*e part yo% thre+ a+ay *ast +ee' be0a%se there is no more ser&i0eab*e e,%ipment of that type aro%nd# Eellar's Law @&ery ne+spaper( no matter ho+ tight the ne+s ho*e( has room for a story on another ne+spaper in0reasing its ne+sstand pri0e# Eimmerman's Law Aegard*ess of +hether a mission e5pands or 0ontra0ts( administrati&e o&erhead 0ontin%es to gro+ at a steady rate# Eimmerman's Law of Complaints 7obody noti0es +hen things go right# Eusmann's Rule A s%00essf%* symposi%m depends on the ratio of meeting to eating# Eymur y's 'irst Law of 3volvin Systems )ynamics 2n0e yo% open a 0an of +orms( the on*y +ay to re0an them is to %se a *arger 0an# B2*d +orms ne&er die( they ;%st +orm their +ay into *arger 0ans#C Eymur y's Law of >olunteer Labour /eop*e are a*+ays a&ai*ab*e for +or' in the past tense# Eymur y's Seventh 3(ception to "urphy's Laws -hen it rains( it po%rs#
Copyright 199"(97 by Andreas Gtz goetzVst%d#%ni-hanno&er#de# A** rights reser&ed#

The Complete Edition of Murphy's Laws

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The Complete Edition of Murphy's Laws

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The Complete Edition of Murphy's Laws

Copyright 1997 by Andreas Gtz - Last modified 01/17/2000 09 11 !"

Copyright 199"(97 by Andreas Gtz goetzVst%d#%ni-hanno&er#de# A** rights reser&ed#

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The Complete Edition of Murphy&#39;s Laws

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The Complete Edition of Murphy's Laws

Copyright 1997 by Andreas Gtz - Last modified 01/17/2000 09 11 !"

Copyright 199"(97 by Andreas Gtz goetzVst%d#%ni-hanno&er#de# A** rights reser&ed#

You might also like

The Complete Edition of Murphy's Laws

The Complete Edition of Murphy's Laws

The Complete Edition of Murphy's Laws