Howard has lived in Biggin Hill from the age of ten.

At fifty-five he had to stop work due to MS, then at fifty-six suffered a stroke. This allowed him time to write and this ook was !reated using only one finger. Howard is mad a out ele!tri! guitars and used to play and was also a prolifi! artist. He hopes to e a le to !ontinue these a!tivities someday.

"edi!ations
#am $or earing with me. Sid and %an A great rother and sister-in-law. #at and &ill $or rilliant friendship. "avid, Amanda and Sydney $or all the fun, and for sustaining #am throughout.

Howard Russell

A TRUE HISTORY OF A BIG HILL NEAR CUDHAM

'opyright ( Howard )ussell The right of Howard )ussell to e identified as author of this work has een asserted y him in a!!ordan!e with se!tion ** and *+ of the 'opyright, "esigns and #atents A!t ,-++. All rights reserved. .o part of this pu li!ation may e reprodu!ed, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or y any means, ele!troni!, me!hani!al, photo!opying, re!ording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the pu lishers. Any person who !ommits any unauthori/ed a!t in relation to this pu li!ation may e lia le to !riminal prose!ution and !ivil !laims for damages. A '0# !atalogue re!ord for this title is availa le from the British 1i rary. 0SB. -*+ ,+2-34 56- * www.austinma!auley.!om $irst #u lished 786,29 Austin Ma!auley #u lishers 1td. 85 'anada S:uare 'anary ;harf 1ondon <,2 51B

#rinted and ound in &reat Britain

Chapter
0 have no idea why 0 opened the front door. 0 didn=t hear a kno!k, or hear the ell ring from its sele!tion of ta!ky ele!troni! eepy tunes. 0 >ust opened it to see three huge poli!emen !rammed, all three in the doorway, shoulder to shoulder. All in identi!al uniforms, !overed y long la!k over!oats, uttoned up to the ne!k despite the hot sunny weather, and topped y the usual pointy headgear. Although 0 noti!ed that the aforementioned points seemed a little less sharp than is the norm, in addition 0 saw that the adges on said helmets ore no insignia, ut were !ompletely lank and matt la!k, as were their uniform !oats >ust plain matt la!k. All three seemed to e talking at on!e, no one louder than the other, in deep, thi!k, ur ling voi!es, as they tried to push themselves altogether through the lo!ked doorway. "espite the !rush at the front door, 0 didn=t feel threatened. They seemed more stupid than ullying. So 0 approa!hed the three of them, trying to push them a!k through the doorway. They did not udge either a!kwards or forwards, and were !onstantly talking unintelligi ly, all at the same level, as their identi!al la!k eyes egan to all fo!us on mine. .ot noti!ing any differen!e in their si/es, 0 pi!ked the one slightly ahead of the other two, pla!ed the flat of my hand against his !hest and pushed. Surprisingly they moved easily a!kward as one man, despite their efforts to advan!e. Still they ur led meaninglessly. 0 fixed my stare on the man whose !hest 0 still held, and spoke. ?'an 0 help you offi!ers@A 0 pushed my way past the three offi!ers B or rather, 0 didn=t. 0 was trying to rea!h my wife, who was standing ten feet ehind the now solid arrier of !onsta ulary.

She waved and !alled to me. 0 waved a!k, hoping that she !ould see what was happening. The offi!ers, still all ur ling, surrounded me and herded me toward a large poli!e van, whi!h 0 had not previously noti!ed. 0 attempted the three-inone push again, ut this time they were having none of it, and they relentlessly advan!ed, for!ing me with them toward their offi!ial vehi!le. Cn arrival at the ker side, the three split apart into individuals, two of them stuffing their huge selves into the rear. The other shuffled me toward the driver=s seat and, after a moment=s hesitation, 0 !lim ed in. The last man, seeing that 0 had taken the hint, !lim ed awkwardly into the passenger seat, thumped his ham-like fist on the steering wheel, and stared deeply into my eyes with his huge inno!ent la!k ones. He anged on the steering wheel again, his other hand pointing to the road ahead. ;hen 0 say road, 0 mean, of !ourse, the Biggin Hill variation of the word B a loose !olle!tion of ro!ks, mud and potholes that vaguely headed in one dire!tion. ?Dou want me to drive@A He anged again, not in a ad tempered way, ut positivelyE and all three offi!ers pointed, as one man, to the road ahead, still !ontinually ur ling in an unintelligi le manner. ?0 should drive@A 0 en:uired again. Then the first understanda le words 0 had heard from them, as they spoke as one man, a lank statement, emotionless. ?Health and safety.A The van exploded into hopeful life as 0 turned the key. My three passengers= eyes lit with ex!itement as it lur!hed into life. ;e trundled our way onto Swievelands )oad and turned left into Sunningvale Avenue. ;e headed straight to the ase of the mighty Sto!k Hill. The van whee/ed its tired way to the daunting summit, not the most powerful !hoi!e of !onveyan!es B the sort of powered vehi!le that made walking a via le option. 0 remarked, laughing to myself, ?They ought the thirteen hundredFA

Three ig lank fa!es stared !luelessly at me, and the in!essant ur ling still a!!ompanied us. <ventually our tired vehi!le strained its way to the top. 0 made to turn right to the shiny new poli!e offi!e, more a !op kiosk than a !op shop. 0mmediately, three pairs of fists thumped on to the seat a!ks and the dash oard, and three meaty hands pointed straight ahead at the metal !overed pair of doors that led to the rear of the old #oli!e Station. They opened unaided B o viously some kind of automated arrangement B and swung silently shut on!e we had passed through. 0 pulled the van to a halt and listened with relief as the tired engine responded to my turn of the key and gave up its valiant struggle, the pinging of the !ooling engine a!!ompanied y the struggling of the poli!emen trying to s:uee/e themselves from the !onfines of their van. All three delved into their inside po!kets and pulled out their mo ile phones. They !eremoniously !li!ked them off, and the ur ling stopped a ruptly. They silently gestured me out, and shuffled me towards a small door at the a!k of the uilding. 0 approa!hed to the unmistakea le sound of olts eing drawn, !hains eing la oriously unatta!hed, and ig keys turning, whi!h pre!eded the portal eing dragged open on protesting hinges. My poli!e uddies herded me through the door as it slammed shut, leaving the three of them outside as a garish tartan !lad arm pulled me into the room. 0 turned to open the door again as my trouser leg was !aught in it, ut my erstwhile host, with all the for!e that a loud tartan demands, ripped it free and ushered me, un!on!erned at my sartorial disarray, further into the room. ;hat a room it was, filled with !omputers, key oards !lattering away, s!anners, their lights whooshing over images and printers, heads tra!king a!ross endless reams of glossy paper. The noise was usinesslike, unrelenting, and marked y one signifi!ant detail B despite a num er of people o!!upied with the tending of printers and s!anners, and the !onstant !latter of plasti! key oards, not a single human voi!e !ould e heard.

The tartan !lad one said, in a voi!e as firm as his !hoi!e of suiting, ?This way, sir.A &ripping my arm, he dire!ted me to a door opposite the entran!e, and tapping softly on its polished mahogany surfa!e, he opened it, :uietly en>oying the gentle swish it made over the luxurious Axminster. ?Mr Howard for you, sir. His dishevelled trouser arrangement seems an odd !hoi!e, ut ea!h to their own, eh, sir@A ?Des, thank you, Hu ard. "o not feel you have to interrupt us further unless you find yourself in possession of two la!k !offees. .o sugar in mine and one in Mr Howard=s.A ?0t=s Mr )ussell. Mr Howard )ussell.A

Chapter !
?;ell, suit yourself,A he smiled to himself as if dealing with a simpleton who !ouldn=t remem er his own name. ?0=m glad you=ve popped in to see me today.A He was o viously king of his own little world in this small ut eautifully appointed ,-56s-style offi!e, all very pre$ormi!a and polished wood. 0t was !rammed with ooks whose titles 0 !ould not :uite make out from my side of the room. Cne thing 0 !ould definitely !learly make out was a full si/e refle!ting teles!ope pointing straight out at the arred window, only a few millimetres in front of it. #u//led as to what he might e wat!hing, 0 s:uee/ed my way past him to pla!e my eye on the eyepie!e. 0 looked away again, then a!k at the eyepie!e. There seemed to e a perfe!t view from the old poli!e station to the sun s!or!hed deserts of somewhere in the Middle <ast. The wind lown sand uried an an!ient sun s!or!hed lands!ape, its tired monuments sleeping in the midday heat. 0 looked a!k at my !aptor, a thousand :uestions streaming through my mind. #atheti!ally, all 0 !ould muster was, ?;ell it would have een ni!e to have a !hoi!e.A ?.onsense B !hoi!e is vastly overrated, espe!ially in your !ase, sin!e you have none. .ow, what !an you tell me a out this@A ;ith a dramati! flourish he threw onto the desk at whi!h he stood, an old, dusty ook a out the si/e of a modern paper a!k, ut smelling very mu!h older and nose-!urlingly musty. A :ui!k glan!e told me it was a ook 0 knew very well. 0 wondered where this !hap had got it from. 0 rea!hed my hand out to pi!k it up. 0nstantly he snat!hed it away, dropping it into the desk drawer and repla!ing it with a pile of loose photo!opies. ?Dou may peruse these at your leisure. The original must stay with me.A

0 was more than a little taken a a!k as 0 was !ertain the original as he !alled it, was mine. 0 flipped the pile of photo!opies over to look at the last page. 0t ore, as 0 expe!ted, a handwritten name. 0t was not however the one 0 expe!ted. 0 spoke with as mu!h dou t as 0 !ould shoehorn into one senten!e. ?And this is you, this Se astian <vans@A ?0nspe!tor <vans, An!ient 1iterature 0nvestigations. Dou !an !all me 0nspe!tor <vans.A ?0 !an !ertainly !all you something,A 0 replied tartly. ?Dou did not write this. 0n fa!t, 0 know exa!tly where it !ame from.A <vans studied my fa!e expe!tantly, ?This version, although not original, is very old. 0t !ame from an old s!riptorium in the &reenwi!h area of 1ondon. 0t ears no printing information as it is handwritten. 0t is indeed a !opy of an older ook, originally written in AngloBSaxon entitled The True History of the Big Hill near Cudham , whi!h is again from an even older s!roll now in the British 1i rary, although no one !an translate it in modern times.A <vans seemed more than a little put out y the extent of my knowledge. He sear!hed his mind for something to top it. ?Dou have seen the original@A ?0 don=t think it has existed for several thousand years, if the age of these translations is to e elieved.A <vans looked !ontemplative, as he gripped his pipe in his teeth and stru!k a mat!h. ?0 don=t think you=re allowed to smoke in here,A 0 pointed out. ?Health and Safety and all that.A ?0t=s alright. 0=ve dis!onne!ted the sprinklers in here. A !hap=s got to have a smoke.A As he puffed the instrument to life, 0 !ouldn=t help ut noti!e a strange familiarity. 0t was a Meers!haum >o with a wolf=s head de!orating the owl. Tiny filaments of aromati! smoke drifted up from its finely !arved nostrils. The door flew open and the s!ream of fire alarms ripped through the air. Hu ard spoke from the doorway.

?There really is a fire this time, sir,A he spoke, as one si!k to death of issuing warnings to unheeding ears. ?;e must leave immediately, right away.A <vans turned and a!k heeled the door !losed again. ?'ome with me, Mr Howard.A ?0 told you efore, it=s Mr )ussell B Mr Howard )ussell.A ?So you say. Anyway, unless we move pretty smartish, we=ll oth e Mr 'rispy. This wayFA He ki!ked a panel at the ottom of the wall and a previously hidden doorway slid open, revealing a dark little opening through whi!h an unlit stairwell !ould >ust e made out, !urving down into the shadows, <vans moved swiftly through it and motioned me to follow. 0 hesitated momentarily. However, the smell of urning poli!e station urged me forward into the gloom. <vans had rapidly disappeared ahead of me, so 0 egan my des!ent alone. The only way 0 !ould pro!eed in the darkness ahead of me was to lean against the walls, whi!h lu!kily were only a out three feet apart, and wave one foot wildly around until it !ame into !onta!t with the next step down, and trust to lu!k that it would take my weight. 0n this awkward manner 0 made my way down into the darkness. 0 peered ahead for a glimpse of <vans, ut he must have een too far ahead. 0 guessed he was no stranger down here. After what seemed like an endless downward flight of steps, 0 felt the floor eneath me egin to level out and the steps flatten to solid earth, and de!iding it was time for a rest, sat myself down in the dirt, feeling a !old ree/e on my !alf. 0 examined my destroyed trousers and determined that someone would have to pay, prefera ly the tartan-!lad idiot who had !aused the damage. %ust as 0 egan to !onsider that 0 had no idea of where 0 might e or where this was leading, 0 !aught the sound of footsteps running a!k towards me. <vans was approa!hing, waving his arms wildly and shouting something whi!h 0 failed to hear. At that moment, the earth eneath me felt as if it was slithering away, and the tunnel filled with a riotous !a!ophony of grinding and !rashing ro!k and groaning earth slides.

As <vans drew !loser, 0 !ould >ust make out his words, ?0t=s the moving !hur!h, it=s on the move againFA &ra ing me y the arm, he pulled me along the way he had !ome, and we headed further down the tunnel until we !ould no longer feel the noise shaking our ones, and the dust in the air egan to settle.

Chapter " ;e had arrived at an area !ontaining half a do/en entwood !hairs in a row and a small ta le, littered with general interest maga/ines, and thankfully, lit y a ta le lamp of du ious vintage holding a ul of su!h a low wattage it almost made the room seem darker. 0t wasn=t mu!h, ut it was the most light 0 had seen for some little while. My eyes slowly adapted to my surroundings. ?;here the hell are we, <vans, and what is that@A ?That, as you !an plainly see, is a !hef, dangling from the rope y whi!h he hanged himself- an es!ape from de t and misery. ;here we are will e more easily explained on!e we pass through these portals.A The des!ription of Gportals= seemed a little over lown until he took a flare from a so!ket in the wall and set it la/ing. Ahead of us were two enormous ron/e doors, glistening with fantasti!ally intri!ate !arvings of men and women in !om at, and various amorous !ontortions with mythologi!al easts of all types and genders. The doors must have een at least eight metres tall, and half that in width. <vans drew a huge ron/e key from inside his trousers and applied it to the an!ient lo!k set in the !entre of the doors. ;ith a great display of strength whi!h 0 deemed !heap showmanship, he worked the lo!k open and made to fling the portal wide. Hnfortunately, time and no small amount of de ris had left flinging a poor option. <ventually the pair of us managed to s!rape one of the doors open. 0 waited as <vans lit more flares and 0 !ould see where 0 was. <vans stood a!k and waved me through ahead of him. 0 hesitated, more than a little suspi!ious of anything he initiated. After a moment=s pause, 0 !autiously moved eyond the great ron/e doors. 0 entered a giganti! hall, at least as ig as St. #aul=s in 1ondon. A great vaulted !eiling soared a ove us, disappearing into the deep shadows as the flares rea!hed as far

as they !ould into this magnifi!ent !ham er. $a!ing us, leering out of the darkness and towering over us, was a figure at least as huge as those found in An!ient <gypt. 0t stood a out eighty feet tall and represented a tall man with a long thin fa!e, flat pendulous reasts, and a pot elly that appeared like a woman=s. The fa!e was o viously that of a man while the ody was am iguous, and the genitalia was hidden y a type of kilt. ?Magnifi!ent, isn=t he@A At least 0 knew it was a he now. ?How the devil did it get here from <gypt all those years ago@A 0 struggled to frame the :uestion, fa!ed with this awesome monument. ?0t didn=t have to,A <vans waxed, more than slightly smug. ?0t was !reated right here inside this very hill. The !athedral, the monument, are all !arved from the living ro!k, a ove whi!h we have all lived unknowingly these past three thousand years.A He drew a!k as if to re!eive a wave of appre!iation. As there was only me here, it was more a tri!kle than a wave. <ven the dim light and the !onstantly falling dust of the !enturies !ould not disguise the splendour of this ama/ing pla!e. <vans !ould do little to disguise his pride in this pla!e. $or on!e 0 was in!lined to agree with him B this pla!e was eyond elief. Many !arved letters !overed the walls, though what language they were in was unknown to me B something older and more asi! than the hieroglyphs we asso!iate with old <gypt. As 0 s:uinted my eyes to see a ove the head of the statue 0 saw, !oming from the gloom deep within the !avern, a small pro!ession of what appeared to e young ladies dressed in medieval !ostume. ?Step aside, )ussell, and let them pass. 0t would not pay to o stru!t them.A <vans stepped a!k to allow them through as an example. ?.ote what they are !arrying.A 0 noted as advised, although 0 !an=t say it meant mu!h to me. <vans noted my emusement and insisted that 0 take note.

The first girl !arried a platter on whi!h was a severed head, seemingly extremely an!ient. The next !arried a pillow on whi!h were the two halves of a roken sword. Behind her walked a girl !arrying a lan!e, from whose tip lood flowed onto her hand. The very last girl !arried a !andela ra, whose !andles shone so right that all else in the room was lost in their rillian!e. &radually they glided a!k into the darkness, and all 0 !ould see was the !arving a ove the monument=s head, a !ir!le surrounded y radiating straight lines. 0 felt 0 should know this sign, ut from where@ 0 turned to :uestion <vans. 0 !alled out his name, and my voi!e e!hoed away into the unknown depths of the !avern. There was no sign of him, >ust the tra!ks he had left in the dust. 0 was alone in this pla!e, wherever it was.

Chapter #
0 awoke from a deep, al!ohol aided slum er, my head resting on my arms a!ross the narrow kit!hen worktop. 0 su!ked a!k in a go et of dri le efore it !ould hit the melamine and straightened my head up. 0 often had !onfusing and frighteningly vivid dreams B this, however, was >ust a little more than that. #am, the love of my life and y some strange twist of fate my wife, had retired to our ed!ham er after a long night of listening to the tale of my dream. 0 had stayed up drinking after #am had explained to me that 0 had een taken y the poli!e three days ago, and she=d heard nothing until 0 turned up B trousers torn, unshaven and looking totally disorientated at nine o=!lo!k this evening. 0 stood, a trifle falteringly, and gra ed my walking sti!k. 0 egan to make my way around the ladder, planks and paint pots that littered our hallway. "uring my so>ourn underground, 0 had forgotten for a time that we were de!orating the hallway B a ig and messy >o , even with two of us. 0 had !ompleted it on my own in a !ouple of days last time, ut this time, my stum ling and la!k of energy were proving a formida le opponent. Slowly working my way around all the de!orating gear, 0 was >ust level with the front door when a fier!e pounding greeted my ears in a most unwel!ome manner, a!!ompanied y the vile ele!troni! ra!ket of my humorous door ell attempting GThe Dellow )ose Cf Texas=, 0 think. Cn the whole 0 preferred the pounding. 0 rea!hed to swit!h on the outside light, only to e rewarded with the silhouettes of my three favourite poli!emen, and an in!rease of the door pounding ehaviour. The inside light fli!ked on. #amela stood at the top of the stairs, ru ing her sleep-filled eyes a!k to life. 0f she saw what 0 !ould see, she may have not struggled so hard to wake up. 0 opened the door to our friends, not to find poli!emen ut three large, silent nuns, mus!ling their way forward into our

hall, only eing stopped short y the ladder whi!h they were too large to for!e their way around. They lum ered on the spot, like toys that had no way to turn themselves around. They stopped all at on!e, as if to some unheard !ommand and a!ked up a few feet toward the door, and indi!ated in their own unmistakea le style that they would e more than happy for us to follow them out. Having dealt with them efore, we de!ided that dis!retion was the etter part of valour. 0 stalled them a while so #am !ould slip some togs on, and in no time we were ready to follow them out into the dark street, to what seemed to e an old Ii!torian hearse !omplete with a team of four la!k, plumed horses, stamping their feet and filling the night air with their steamy reath.

Chapter $
0n the darkness, 0 turned to #am to ask her if she had seen the time efore we=d left. She guessed it was a out 4am, ut it was >ust a guess. ;e were oth herded y the nuns toward the tiny door on the side of the hearse and en!ouraged to enter. ;e s:uee/ed together into the tiny !a in, and on!e we were settled, the nuns !lim ed on top. ;e heard the soft whip against the horses= a!ks and the slipping of their hooves as they gained pur!hase on the slippery ground. 0t must have rained somewhat sin!e 0 had appeared at home, and then we were away along the unmade road. Cne often finds, in the mi!ro!osm that is Biggin Hill, that the term unmade with referen!e to roads a!tually means unfound, and what may have looked initially like a rough ut servi!ea le road all too soon turns into an indistin!t unmarked footpath. As 0 peered through the tiny hearse window into the darkness, 0 !ould see enough to >udge where we were, and 0 knew good and well that no road followed this route. 0 was soon proved right, as the hearse pulled up after we had only een going for a out half a mile. The horses whinnied and showed their displeasure at the route they had to pull us through, and stamped their hooves, anxious to get onto more regular ground. The nuns !lim ed !um ersomely down and opened our door, e!koning us out onto the sodden grass. They urged us toward a narrow doorway half hidden in the greenery. 0t was lined in damp, an!ient looking grey stone. The only em ellishment was a !arved !ir!le at the top of the lintel, with straight lines radiating from it. 0t reminded me of the one we had seen in the !avern whi!h 0 thought 0 had imagined. The nuns herded us oth into and through the narrow tunnel. 0t was soon o vious to us that the ulky nuns would only >ust fit their shoulders through this shaft, and soon they were huffing and puffing to s:uee/e themselves through,

kno!king !hunks out of the walls in their effort to progress. ;e were :ui!kly a !onsidera le distan!e ahead, and as we rea!hed a widening of the tunnel, 0 silently signalled to #am that we should hide at either side of the passage and 0 !ould trip them with my walking sti!k. Smiling to ea!h other, we !rou!hed down and waited. As they neared our position, dragging half the dirt wall with them, 0 :uietly pla!ed my sti!k in position. The first nun=s foot !rushed the aluminium tu ing flat without even reaking step, and the other two didn=t even noti!e. All three filed into this larger spa!e and indi!ated that #amela and 0 should !ontinue along the !orridor on our own as it narrowed down again to a more normal style. ;e made our way along !arefully. ;ithout my sti!k 0 was a little unsteady. After a out ten yards, we noti!ed we were losing the light from the previous room and !ould >ust make out a faint glow !oming from somewhere ahead. There eing no alternative, we walked toward the light, like two moths sedu!ed y its glow. <ventually we arrived at its sour!e. A small !ham er lit y !andles in wine ottles stood on a makeshift ta le, made from what appeared !ommunion wine !rates, not all of them sealed. Around this ta le were three youngish girls relaxing B feet up, wine in hand, the smoke of many !igarettes hanging in the air B giving the room a very !osmopolitan #arisian feel.

Chapter %
;hen they saw us, all three >umped to their feet. 0 !ould see they were all dressed uniformly in la!k mini dresses and la!k !lumpy s!hoolgirl shoes, like nuns dressed y Mary Juant. They all looked #amela up and down and looked to ea!h other. )ea!hing some ta!it agreement, one of the girls led her away into the shadows surrounding the edges of the room, and a hushed !onversation took pla!e. 0 !onsidered the remaining two and they !onsidered me, seemingly !urious a out my torn trouser arrangement. A heavy measured tread was heard approa!hing our little en!lave, a!!ompanied y a deep !hesty !ough, the produ!t of a life=s slavery to Madame .i!otine. The girls :ui!kly atta!ked their !lothing, pulling out folds, loosening hems and untu!king here and there, until they were dressed as novi!es in full la!k ha its. #am and her es!ort reappeared, oth now in full ha its. 'igarettes and wine glasses were :ui!kly !leared as the tread grew !loser, and into the room strode a tall an!ient nun, y far the senior to these three youngsters. She stood straight a!ked, military, her ha it the su >e!t of mu!h !are and devotion. Cnly the smouldering !igarette etween her lips and the little trail of ash down the reast of her ha it gave her any sign of humanity. She half smiled at the girls and fixed #am and me with the kind of thousand-yard stare that 'lint <astwood saved for his next vi!tim.

Chapter &
?Dou look very fet!hing, my dear. 0=ve never seen you as a religious !reature,A 0 said :uietly to #am, turning my head away so the old nun would not hear me. ?Silen!eF "o not speak until you are ordered toFA Her for!eful spee!h lasted the !igarette from her lips in a !loud of ash and sparks whi!h made everyone else present take a step a!kwards, ut she did not seem to noti!e. She >ust rea!hed into the folds of her ha it and drew out another one, whi!h seemed to arrive at her an!ient pin!hed lips, mysteriously already smouldering. ?;e are not a silent order here at St. Mary=s, ut we do insist on a modi!um of de!ent manners. That ex!ludes innuendoes of a !heap and tawdry nature.A 0 stood admonished, and did not lift my eyes from the floor until 0 heard another voi!e that 0 re!ognised only too well. ?Sister $ranklin, do not e too hard on them B they do not know the ways of our order. ;e should allow them some leeway.A <vans= voi!e was immediately re!ognisa le, though when 0 looked up 0 did not see a suave 0nspe!tor of #oli!e. 0 saw a priest, fro!ked in la!k and wearing an ornate dog !ollar of an!ient design. He re!ognised me, and gave me a !urt nod. His ga/e moved to #amela. ?This would e Mrs Howard, 0 presume.A 0 replied a little testily, ?.o, <vans, this would e Mrs )ussell, Mrs Howard )ussell, my wife and life partner B in this world anyway.A ?&lad to see you married a girl. Dou don=t know what a relief that !an e in these so !alled modern times. &oing to have to take you up to the !hapel, 0=m afraid, as sort of prisoners. Dou really shouldn=t have poked your nose into our affairs.A

?But you dragged us down here, or at least your goons did. ;e didn=t ask to !ome down here, wherever here is.A #am was nodding as 0 spoke, and glaring at <vans, realising he was the 0nspe!tor from my Gdream= of re!ent date. ?0 take it you and your ha itual friends have some kind of plan@A He looked so deep in thought that 0 was pretty sure he had no idea what he was going to do next. This gave #am and me the advantage, as we knew exa!tly what we had to do next B get away from these people and their strange ideas. ?Dou=ll have to !ome up to the !hapel for now, and we=ll sort out what to do from there.A ;e all trooped off B <vans and $ranklin in the lead, the three novi!es next, then #am and me dragging our heels at the rear. .othing mu!h happened on our little trek, apart from us noti!ing that one of the young ladies had :uietly s!ooped up a full ottle of !ommunion wine and a pa!ket of !igarettes and tu!ked them away in the folds of her ha it. At least one of them had some gumption. They led us along a !ir!uitous la yrinth of dank gloomy, tunnels until we eventually rea!hed a narrow flight of stone steps that took us up into the ody of a small stone !hur!h. <vans and $ranklyn were waiting y a small, plain font. <vans dangled his hand in the water and idly fli!ked droplets into the air. As 0 wat!hed them plotting, 0 realised that 0 knew where we were, or at least 0 was pretty sure 0 did. 0 sidled over !loser to #am, and tou!hed her sleeve to silently get her attention. ?0 know where we are B do you@A She nodded guardedly, and pointed very slightly to a half open door that led into the kit!hen, and from there into the graveyard that also served as a tea garden. As su tly as possi le we edged our way toward the half open door. 0n!h y in!h we !losed the gap etween us and the door. Juietly we found ourselves tou!hing the door. .o one was wat!hing us. 0n a se!ond we were through and out into the !old night air. Making our way arm in arm along the gravel path, we nodded to ea!h other.

?The Harrow, then.A ;e nodded our approval to ea!h other, and even though it would e hours efore they were open, it seemed like a damn fine plan to us.