PROVERBS - NUGGETS OF TRUTH FOR WISE LIVING

Lesson 5 Gods Wisdom For The Family

Marriage as God Would Have It

Marriage, a divine institution Then the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him (Gen 2:18). Gods original design One man for one woman. No divorce or separation contemplated For I hate divorce! says the LORD, the God of Israel. To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife (Mal 2:16).

Marriage as God Would Have It

When asked by the Pharisees Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife on any grounds?" (Mt 19:3). Jesus replied Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate (Mt 19:4-6). They retorted Then why did Moses say in the law that a man could give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away?" (Mt 19:7). Jesus replied: Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so (Mt 19:8).

The Home as God Would Have It

God also intended for the home to be filled with children. Then God blessed them and said, "Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. (Gen 1:28). Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them! (Ps 127:3 & 5). But because of sin we have problems in the family: divorce, addictions, sexual immorality, rebellion, suicide, abuse, murder, etc

Divorce Statistics
In Singapore 1 in 4 marriages failed! Causes of divorce: 1. Infidelity 2. Money woes 3. Lack of communication 4. Irreconcilable differences 5. Unreasonable behaviour It takes commitment & effort to make our marriage works.

Man & Woman Made Differently

Proverbs contains Gods wisdom that will help us cultivate strong and healthy family relationships. Men & women are different Men are Like Waffles; Women are Like Spaghetti! (a 2001 book written by Bill and Pam Farrell). Because of the differences, we need Gods help to build a righteous home founded upon Gods wisdom that will flourish & stand the test of time. A house is built by wisdom and becomes strong through good sense (Prov 24:3).

Man & Woman Made Differently

COMMUNICATION: What She / He Really Means If She Says: She means: We need I want Its your decision. The correct decision should be obvious by now. Do you love me? Im going to ask for something expensive. Ill be ready in a minute. Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV. All were going to buy is It goes without saying that were a soap dish. stopping at the cosmetics, shoe dept, etc and did you bring the wallet? ARGUMENTS: A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Man & Woman Made Differently

He Means: Im hungry. Im sleepy. I dont see why you are making such a big deal out of this. Whats wrong? (2nd time) What meaningless selfinflicted psychological trauma are you going through now? If He Says: Im hungry. Im sleepy. Whats wrong? (1st time)

Man & Woman Made Differently

Another book, Men are from Mars & Women from Venus by John Gray: Man love to have their abilities recognised while women love to have their feelings recognised. Men like to work on their own while women like to co-operate. When faced with tough problems men become noncommunicative so that they can work out how best to help themselves, while women become communicative so that others can work out how best to help them. A mans instinct is to look after his own interest while a womans instinct is to look after others.

Man & Woman Made Differently

Men need to listen attentively to women to understand their needs. Women must have faith in mens abilities to fulfil their needs and avoid trying to control them. When men made mistakes they become frustrated & angry and are best left alone to calm down. Men considers apologies as admission of guilt; women view apologies as expressions of compassion. Men value results but for women its the thoughts that count. For women, loving someone means knowing & attending to their needs without waiting to be asked.

Gods Wisdom For Whole Family

1. Speak only positive & encouraging words. There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, But the tongue of the wise promotes health (Prov. 12:18). Words are powerful, and we need to encourage and build up one another in our families. If you cant say anything nice, dont say anything at all!

Gods Wisdom For Whole Family

2. Be slow to get angry He who is slow to wrath has great understanding, But he who is impulsive exalts folly (14:29). As parents, we need lots of patience with ourselves, our spouses & our children, and they need more grace from us, too.

Gods Wisdom For Whole Family

3. Be quick to initiate & resolve conflict situation. Good advice: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry (Eph 4:26). The beginning of strife is like releasing water; Therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts (Prov 17:14). Better is a dry morsel with quietness, than a house full of feasting with strife (Prov 17:1). One key ingredient to healthy relationships is forgiveness!

Gods Wisdom For Husbands

1. Love your wife the way Christ love the Church Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Eph 5:25). One way to demonstrate our love - be faithful to your wife. Drink water from your own well - share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in public, having sex with just anyone? ... May you always be captivated by her love (Prov 5:15-17). A timely reminder: Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honour to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered (I Pet 3:7).

Gods Wisdom For Husbands

2. Fulfil your leadership role at home For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour (Eph 5:23). Role model Spiritual leadership Provider Discipline Teacher Husbands not to lord over the family but be the type of leader where your wife and children can look up to you with pride!

Gods Wisdom For Husbands

3. Know what is going on in your childrens lives Be diligent to know the state of your flocks, And attend to your herds (27:23). Although this verse specifically applies to shepherds and sheep, the principle applies to fathers and children as well you are the spiritual head of the home!

Gods Wisdom For Wives

1. Submit to your husband Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord (Eph 5:22). Submission is not weakness Submission is out of love & respect By allowing husband to take on the leadership role Her primary role is in bringing up children But women will be saved through childbearing-if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety (I Tim 2:15).

Gods Wisdom For Wives

2. Build your house with wisdom The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish pulls it down with her hands (Prov 14:1). Read Prov 31:10-31 (Compulsory): She is a hard worker, resourceful, wise, kind, watches over her home, trusted by her husband and fears God. The wise womans children and husband will bless her and praise her - I love my mom! King Lemuel says, Reward her for all she has done. Lets do that today!

Gods Wisdom For Wives

3. Do not be contentious It is better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a contentious wife in a lovely home (Prov 21:9). It's better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife (Prov 21:19). Contentious defined: tending to argument or strife; quarrelsome. Youve heard the expression, If mama aint happy, aint nobody happy!

Gods Wisdom For Children

1. Listen to your Parents My son, hear the instruction of your father, And do not forsake the law of your mother; For they will be a graceful ornament on your head, And chains about your neck (Prov 1:8-9). When you honour and obey your parents, God will bless you (Eph. 6:1-2). Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, But he who hates correction is stupid. (Prov 12:1).

Gods Wisdom For Children

2. Respect your Parents He who mistreats his father and chases away his mother is a son who causes shame and brings reproach (Prov 19:26). Whoever curses his father or his mother, His lamp will be put out in deep darkness (Prov 20:20). The eye that mocks his father, And scorns obedience to his mother, The ravens of the valley will pick it out, And the young eagles will eat it (Prov 30:17). The point = if you disrespect your parents, there will be negative consequences.

Gods Wisdom For Children

3. Be responsible & show your appreciation Make time to be with them When you are out late, let them know you are alright Do some housework Volunteer to run errands Surprise them with gifts Express your love Do your best in studies

What Many Parents Think Is Most Important

Providing for the family The "necessities" of life. Increasingly for many, also the "finer things" (luxuries) for the children, which parents never had as children. A good "education" for the children, so they too can have a head start, be affluent & comfortable in life.

What Many Parents Think Is Most Important

Although it is important to plan and make physical & financial provisions for the family, this should not be the main emphasis. Do your planning and prepare your fields before building your house (Prov 24:27). Dont wear yourself out trying to get rich. Be wise enough to know when to quit. In the blink of an eye wealth disappears, for it will sprout wings and fly away like an eagle (Prov 23:4-5).

Where The Emphasis Should Be

1. Instilling a fear of the Lord Better is a little with the fear of the LORD than great treasure and trouble with it (Pr 15:16). It is a parents responsibility, first of all, to have Gods Word in his or her own heart, then to teach it to the children in their daily life. More important than Material comfort & riches is providing for your family through your own example - a deep and abiding respect for the Lord. Our speech & conduct at home

Where The Emphasis Should Be

2. Giving them love & Security Better a small serving of vegetables with love than a fattened calf with hatred (Pr 15:17). Providing an environment where love reigns is more important than providing material abundance. Troubled children come from homes where "love" is lacking, not money!

Where The Emphasis Should Be

3. Providing a peaceful family life Better is a dry crust of bread where there is quietness than a house full of feasting with strife ( Pr 17:1). Where there is peace and tranquillity in a family, material affluence matters little. But what value is there in wealth, if we are always fighting over the things it provides?

Where The Emphasis Should Be

4. Be righteous The righteous man walks in his integrity; His children are blessed after him (Pr 20:7). Today that means putting the kingdom of God first in your life (Mt 6:33). Then God will watch out for you and providentially see that your needs are adequately met! Children of righteous parents are truly blessed!

Where The Emphasis Should Be

5. Be a good role model Our children look up to us as their role model Live life consistently not double face How you treat your spouse & parents Not perfect And you should imitate me, just as I imitate Christ (I Cor 11:1).

Discussion Questions
Spouse: When was the last time you say thank you or I am sorry or pray for your partner? When was the last time you bought each other a gift or do something nice? Parents/Children: What is the one most important thing you desire of your parents/children? What is the one most important thing you have always wanted to do for your parents/children? DO IT NOW BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE OR THE MOMENT WILL PASS US BY!